Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,456 --> 00:00:08,689
D'oh!
2
00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:22,637
There's nothing too short
that I can't cameo.
3
00:00:35,284 --> 00:00:36,817
Intramural softball,
4
00:00:36,852 --> 00:00:38,719
where even the most overweight tubbo
5
00:00:38,754 --> 00:00:40,321
can pretend to be an athlete.
6
00:00:53,935 --> 00:00:55,169
Play ball!
7
00:00:56,605 --> 00:00:57,738
You play ball!
8
00:00:57,773 --> 00:01:00,174
- Hey! Oh!
- Hey! Oh! This guy!
9
00:01:00,208 --> 00:01:01,909
Those Indian Point Nuclear jerks,
10
00:01:01,943 --> 00:01:04,011
they think they're so great
because their fallout radius
11
00:01:04,046 --> 00:01:05,479
includes Manhattan.
12
00:01:05,514 --> 00:01:07,782
How many Mets games can you postpone?
13
00:01:07,816 --> 00:01:09,183
Fuggettabowtit!
14
00:01:09,217 --> 00:01:10,818
- Hey! - Oh!
- Pizza!
15
00:01:10,852 --> 00:01:12,987
- Tattoos!
- Verrazano Bridge!
16
00:01:15,057 --> 00:01:16,657
Everyone is so out of shape.
17
00:01:16,692 --> 00:01:19,126
It's like watching maple
syrup play softball.
18
00:01:19,161 --> 00:01:22,196
Yeah, Dad hit a home
run five minutes ago
19
00:01:22,230 --> 00:01:24,265
and he's still rounding second.
20
00:01:30,072 --> 00:01:31,372
Let's just call it a triple.
21
00:01:31,406 --> 00:01:32,973
Oh.
22
00:01:33,008 --> 00:01:36,310
The triple, the most
exciting play in baseball.
23
00:01:36,345 --> 00:01:37,812
Except this time.
24
00:01:37,846 --> 00:01:40,181
Fun fact: the odds of a
baseball hitting a bird
25
00:01:40,215 --> 00:01:43,851
are one in a billion, but
I've seen it four times.
26
00:01:43,885 --> 00:01:45,886
We're out of beer!
27
00:01:47,189 --> 00:01:49,457
Burnsie, old buddy,
you care for a cigar?
28
00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:50,825
Oh, thanks, but no.
29
00:01:50,859 --> 00:01:53,527
If I inhale warmed air,
I tend to float away.
30
00:01:53,562 --> 00:01:55,162
You ever think we're watching
31
00:01:55,197 --> 00:01:57,698
the last generation of nukemen?
32
00:01:57,733 --> 00:02:00,634
No one wants to go into this
dirty business anymore.
33
00:02:00,669 --> 00:02:03,537
Fiddle-faddle, nuclear power
is the industry of tomorrow.
34
00:02:03,572 --> 00:02:04,805
Oh, yeah? Says who?
35
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,040
Life magazine,
36
00:02:06,074 --> 00:02:07,308
The Saturday Evening Stenograph,
37
00:02:07,342 --> 00:02:08,542
and Professor Noodle Stroodle
38
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:10,144
and the Dove Soap March of Comedy.
39
00:02:10,178 --> 00:02:13,414
Me? I'm thinking of getting
into, uh, to solar.
40
00:02:13,448 --> 00:02:15,149
I won't use it myself,
41
00:02:15,183 --> 00:02:17,651
I'll sell it to the poor
people and the musicians.
42
00:02:17,686 --> 00:02:19,086
Oh, not me.
43
00:02:19,121 --> 00:02:21,155
I vow that nuclear power will continue
44
00:02:21,189 --> 00:02:22,723
long after my body is gone
45
00:02:22,758 --> 00:02:25,526
and my brain is in a shark
that can walk on land.
46
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:28,763
I'll educate a new generation
of nuclear workers.
47
00:02:28,797 --> 00:02:30,765
And I'll find those
bright-eyed radio-activists
48
00:02:30,799 --> 00:02:34,468
at my alma mater: Yale.
49
00:02:38,473 --> 00:02:39,774
Hey! Yo!
50
00:02:39,808 --> 00:02:41,375
I'm eatin' Mister Softee over here!
51
00:02:41,410 --> 00:02:43,344
Hey, kayak on the Hudson!
52
00:02:44,980 --> 00:02:46,213
It's always wonderful
53
00:02:46,248 --> 00:02:47,915
when a successful...
54
00:02:47,949 --> 00:02:50,551
- And childless.
- alumnus returns.
55
00:02:50,585 --> 00:02:53,687
It's delightful how you take
turns sniffing after my money.
56
00:02:53,722 --> 00:02:57,925
Now here's a group that
was established in 1909.
57
00:02:57,959 --> 00:02:59,960
Pfft. I hate modern music.
58
00:03:14,176 --> 00:03:15,709
The Whiffenpoofs.
59
00:03:15,744 --> 00:03:17,978
I'll buy you a new library
if you have them killed.
60
00:03:18,013 --> 00:03:20,614
So many have tried to kill them.
61
00:03:20,649 --> 00:03:23,150
But other smug jackasses in white gloves
62
00:03:23,185 --> 00:03:24,785
would just take their place.
63
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:28,088
♪ We can't be stopped.
64
00:03:28,123 --> 00:03:30,057
Well, I am here to offer you money.
65
00:03:30,091 --> 00:03:33,160
I'd like to endow a Department
of Nuclear Plant Management.
66
00:03:33,195 --> 00:03:34,428
Wonderful.
67
00:03:34,463 --> 00:03:36,597
Of course we can't do nuclear.
68
00:03:36,631 --> 00:03:39,233
Our students are highly-entitled wusses.
69
00:03:39,267 --> 00:03:42,102
You'd be creating a space
for violence to happen.
70
00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:47,441
How about funding a chair
in the non-narrative cinema
71
00:03:47,476 --> 00:03:50,077
of self-identified pan-sexuals?
72
00:03:50,111 --> 00:03:52,146
What? What? What? What? What?!
73
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:53,948
We also need to hire more deans
74
00:03:53,982 --> 00:03:56,584
to decide which Halloween
costumes are appropriate.
75
00:03:56,618 --> 00:03:58,352
Eight deans should do it.
76
00:03:58,386 --> 00:04:01,288
Is this still
a coven of capitalism
77
00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:03,958
where evil money can acquire
a patina of virtue?
78
00:04:03,992 --> 00:04:05,693
Yes, that's in our charter.
79
00:04:05,727 --> 00:04:08,295
But with an issue as hetero-patriarchal
80
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:09,630
as nuclear power,
81
00:04:09,664 --> 00:04:12,533
we'll have to hire
multicultural empathizers,
82
00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:14,134
build a new safe space.
83
00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:15,936
Not so fast.
84
00:04:15,971 --> 00:04:19,139
We insist on a chair of
anti-nuclear studies
85
00:04:19,174 --> 00:04:21,942
and a nuclear-neutral
curriculum pathway.
86
00:04:21,977 --> 00:04:23,777
Absolutely, Teddy.
87
00:04:23,812 --> 00:04:25,946
We run all decisions
past the squash team.
88
00:04:25,981 --> 00:04:28,015
Also the fencing team, water polo
89
00:04:28,049 --> 00:04:29,783
and Handsome Dan the mascot.
90
00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:35,122
Release me, you hound.
91
00:04:36,291 --> 00:04:37,391
Oh, yeah.
92
00:04:37,425 --> 00:04:39,994
What's happened to this place?
93
00:04:48,003 --> 00:04:49,803
This was the home of
ruthless media disruptor
94
00:04:49,838 --> 00:04:51,138
Samuel F.B. Morse.
95
00:04:51,172 --> 00:04:53,841
Who's his successor? That fellow?
96
00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:57,044
"Fellow"? That word is
cis-gender-normative, okay?
97
00:04:57,078 --> 00:04:58,412
You're worse than Hitler!
98
00:04:58,446 --> 00:04:59,813
Too late for flattery.
99
00:04:59,848 --> 00:05:02,016
I'm not giving this school a dime.
100
00:05:07,556 --> 00:05:08,756
Former Bonesman!
101
00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:10,024
Living or dead?
102
00:05:10,058 --> 00:05:11,592
Living, but you'd better hurry.
103
00:05:12,561 --> 00:05:14,094
Engage cloaking device.
104
00:05:16,431 --> 00:05:19,099
Ah, nothing relaxes
me like a stiff drink
105
00:05:19,134 --> 00:05:21,235
from the skull of Martin Van Buren.
106
00:05:21,269 --> 00:05:23,737
Care for some Pancho Villa?
107
00:05:23,772 --> 00:05:26,974
Ugh. Has everything in this
school surrendered to diversity?
108
00:05:28,910 --> 00:05:30,411
Yale's on its way out.
109
00:05:30,445 --> 00:05:32,846
That's why I started my
own line of colleges.
110
00:05:32,881 --> 00:05:34,848
287 campuses.
111
00:05:34,883 --> 00:05:36,951
We took over all the old Circuit Citys.
112
00:05:36,985 --> 00:05:38,719
Really?
113
00:05:38,753 --> 00:05:42,723
Using teachers these holier than
thou Ivies fired for cause.
114
00:05:42,757 --> 00:05:44,725
I celebrated Columbus Day.
115
00:05:44,759 --> 00:05:47,061
I, uh, referred to God as "He."
116
00:05:47,095 --> 00:05:48,762
I got five students pregnant.
117
00:05:48,797 --> 00:05:51,365
Hmm, I could start my own college.
118
00:05:51,399 --> 00:05:52,600
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
119
00:05:52,634 --> 00:05:54,134
We can't talk business in here.
120
00:05:54,169 --> 00:05:56,403
Just general schemes
for world domination.
121
00:05:56,438 --> 00:05:58,305
Fraternal handshake?
122
00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:00,174
Oh, all right.
123
00:06:04,346 --> 00:06:06,146
You are on my radar.
124
00:06:18,326 --> 00:06:19,760
What you doing, Mr. B?
125
00:06:19,794 --> 00:06:21,795
I never want to see the
word "Yale" again.
126
00:06:21,830 --> 00:06:24,431
We're changing all our locks to Schlage.
127
00:06:24,466 --> 00:06:28,135
Eh, to be honest, I'm thinking
of starting my own college.
128
00:06:28,169 --> 00:06:30,137
You can make a big fat profit.
129
00:06:30,171 --> 00:06:31,972
A for-profit college?
130
00:06:32,007 --> 00:06:33,507
Eh, that's where I went.
131
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:35,442
University of Phoenix,
Oklahoma in Washington State.
132
00:06:35,477 --> 00:06:37,111
At least that's where it was last month.
133
00:06:37,145 --> 00:06:38,345
It moves around quite a bit.
134
00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:39,947
A for-profit college?
135
00:06:39,981 --> 00:06:41,248
You said that already, sir.
136
00:06:41,282 --> 00:06:43,517
A for-profit college?
137
00:06:44,953 --> 00:06:46,820
Excellent.
138
00:06:46,855 --> 00:06:49,456
Kudos.
139
00:06:50,992 --> 00:06:53,460
And now for your first economics lesson.
140
00:06:53,495 --> 00:06:55,229
So long, suckers!
141
00:06:58,633 --> 00:06:59,867
Boola Boola?
142
00:06:59,901 --> 00:07:02,470
Moola moola.
143
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,884
♪
144
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:07,197
and you can't make it
without a college degree.
145
00:07:07,322 --> 00:07:08,455
But for some reason
146
00:07:08,490 --> 00:07:11,925
worthy students don't always get in.
147
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,595
Students these days don't
have four years to waste
148
00:07:14,629 --> 00:07:17,031
at a fully-accredited institution.
149
00:07:17,065 --> 00:07:19,099
Burns University will
grab you by the pants
150
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,235
and fling you into the
job of your dreams.
151
00:07:21,269 --> 00:07:22,803
Elder care associate.
152
00:07:24,306 --> 00:07:26,440
Museum manager, nighttime.
153
00:07:27,842 --> 00:07:29,376
TV re-capper.
154
00:07:31,613 --> 00:07:33,247
Burns University
gives you a degree
155
00:07:33,281 --> 00:07:34,648
you can print on your computer.
156
00:07:34,683 --> 00:07:36,083
Out of the sight of the law.
157
00:07:36,117 --> 00:07:38,719
I'm proud to be the first in my family
158
00:07:38,753 --> 00:07:41,188
to earn non-transferable credits.
159
00:07:41,222 --> 00:07:43,857
I've made a billion dollars
through ruthless backstabbing.
160
00:07:43,892 --> 00:07:45,559
But now, for no apparent reason,
161
00:07:45,593 --> 00:07:48,095
I seem to be helping young people.
162
00:07:48,129 --> 00:07:49,430
So start your future today.
163
00:07:49,464 --> 00:07:51,065
Because at Burns University...
164
00:07:51,099 --> 00:07:54,935
Your life gets the full Monty!
165
00:07:54,969 --> 00:07:56,870
What are you laughing at?
166
00:07:56,905 --> 00:07:59,606
Does "the Full Monty" have some
sort of naughty double meaning?
167
00:08:07,215 --> 00:08:09,850
If only our faculty could
be hired so easily.
168
00:08:09,884 --> 00:08:12,119
Oh, but we already have a faculty: them!
169
00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:14,088
Sir, these people can
barely run the plant,
170
00:08:14,122 --> 00:08:16,023
much less teach on the side.
171
00:08:16,057 --> 00:08:18,292
Smithers, when you think of
teachers, what do you think of?
172
00:08:18,326 --> 00:08:19,626
Low-paid workforce with no healthcare
173
00:08:19,661 --> 00:08:20,928
in a toxic environment.
174
00:08:20,962 --> 00:08:22,863
And there you have them.
175
00:08:22,897 --> 00:08:25,532
Just pull them off one-by-one
till the power stops.
176
00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:27,067
We'll be fine.
177
00:08:29,137 --> 00:08:30,537
What are you teaching, Dad?
178
00:08:30,572 --> 00:08:32,406
I'm giving lectures
on what I do at work.
179
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:34,274
Well, what do you do at work?
180
00:08:34,309 --> 00:08:36,777
Well, I... you know, the button stuff.
181
00:08:37,579 --> 00:08:38,879
Have you prepared a reading list?
182
00:08:38,913 --> 00:08:40,114
I have to read?
183
00:08:40,148 --> 00:08:42,549
- No, it's for them.
- Whoo-hoo!
184
00:08:43,852 --> 00:08:46,286
But what are you actually
gonna say to them?
185
00:08:46,321 --> 00:08:48,422
I'll start with the
life cycle of the atom.
186
00:08:48,456 --> 00:08:51,392
A baby atom is called a "neutron,"
187
00:08:51,426 --> 00:08:54,561
when it turns professional,
it becomes a proton.
188
00:08:54,596 --> 00:08:55,996
And if it runs for office,
189
00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:57,398
it's an electron.
190
00:08:59,434 --> 00:09:01,568
Lisa, did you just drink that?
191
00:09:01,603 --> 00:09:02,803
How'd you guess?
192
00:09:02,837 --> 00:09:05,172
No, "sheriously." Oh, wow.
193
00:09:05,206 --> 00:09:07,941
Wow, my first slurred word.
194
00:09:07,976 --> 00:09:11,445
Dad, a college education is important.
195
00:09:11,479 --> 00:09:13,814
It's my only hope for
getting me out of this...
196
00:09:13,848 --> 00:09:15,783
pardon me, Mom... dump.
197
00:09:15,817 --> 00:09:17,651
Lisa, go to bed right now.
198
00:09:17,685 --> 00:09:20,187
Oh, keep your pants on, lady. Dad!
199
00:09:20,221 --> 00:09:22,823
Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad!
200
00:09:22,857 --> 00:09:25,159
I believe in higher education.
201
00:09:25,193 --> 00:09:26,960
You are a teacher.
202
00:09:26,995 --> 00:09:28,862
If you make a joke out of it,
203
00:09:28,897 --> 00:09:31,665
you are
crushing my only hope.
204
00:09:33,001 --> 00:09:35,002
As the good kid here,
I have to point out
205
00:09:35,036 --> 00:09:36,270
she's acting very badly.
206
00:09:36,304 --> 00:09:38,338
For shame.
207
00:09:38,373 --> 00:09:40,541
Lisa, sweetie, my professor money's
208
00:09:40,575 --> 00:09:42,376
going into your college fund.
209
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:43,977
Ooh, that's good, I guess.
210
00:09:44,012 --> 00:09:45,646
How much is in it now?
211
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:47,681
Depends on what we do with
Grampa after he dies.
212
00:09:47,715 --> 00:09:49,116
Just burn me!
213
00:09:49,150 --> 00:09:50,984
Ooh, well, that's the
most expensive option
214
00:09:51,019 --> 00:09:52,553
I'm considering.
215
00:09:52,587 --> 00:09:54,721
Welcome to Burns University.
216
00:09:54,756 --> 00:09:56,323
Don't park at Del Taco.
217
00:09:57,992 --> 00:10:00,527
Our motto: Ut uberiores divites.
218
00:10:00,562 --> 00:10:03,797
Well, doesn't that mean
"The rich get richer"?
219
00:10:03,832 --> 00:10:05,566
Ooh, this prestigious school
220
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,401
doesn't need Latin-translating
troublemakers.
221
00:10:07,435 --> 00:10:08,969
You're expelled!
222
00:10:13,441 --> 00:10:14,975
When do I throw this in the air?
223
00:10:15,009 --> 00:10:17,044
You're a professor, so
you don't throw it.
224
00:10:17,078 --> 00:10:18,645
In fact, you hardly ever wear it.
225
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,347
Geez, I had this custom-made.
226
00:10:20,381 --> 00:10:21,982
Apartheid's over, Lenny.
227
00:10:22,016 --> 00:10:23,183
It worked!
228
00:10:23,218 --> 00:10:25,185
Mm-hmm.
229
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:28,722
Man, copying is so hard.
230
00:10:28,756 --> 00:10:30,324
Any questions?
231
00:10:30,358 --> 00:10:31,492
Yes. What does it mean?
232
00:10:31,526 --> 00:10:33,694
Uh, what do you think it means?
233
00:10:33,728 --> 00:10:36,230
Remember, there are no wrong answers.
234
00:10:36,264 --> 00:10:37,831
Well, I would guess that, uh,
235
00:10:37,866 --> 00:10:39,566
three neutrons coming out
when only one went in,
236
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:42,503
uh, leads to some kind
of chain reaction.
237
00:10:42,537 --> 00:10:44,338
Wrong. There's always a class clown.
238
00:10:44,372 --> 00:10:46,073
Ten-minute coffee break.
239
00:10:46,107 --> 00:10:49,843
Um, any of you homies want
to sell Schedule I narcotics
240
00:10:49,878 --> 00:10:51,245
to a fellow teenager?
241
00:10:51,279 --> 00:10:52,746
You're a teenager?
242
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:54,681
What year were you born?
243
00:10:54,716 --> 00:10:57,518
Hey, you're not the cop around here.
I am!
244
00:10:57,552 --> 00:10:58,886
What?
245
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,721
Oh, right, my cover.
246
00:11:00,755 --> 00:11:01,955
Seriously, people.
247
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:03,790
Some of us are here to learn.
248
00:11:03,825 --> 00:11:06,193
Professor, half-life of
radium, if you please.
249
00:11:06,227 --> 00:11:07,594
Don't look at book!
250
00:11:10,298 --> 00:11:12,733
Ugh. You're crushing me.
251
00:11:14,135 --> 00:11:15,435
What the hell is that?
252
00:11:15,470 --> 00:11:16,603
Guys. You know what?
253
00:11:16,638 --> 00:11:18,472
It's a beautiful day.
254
00:11:18,506 --> 00:11:20,474
Why don't we have class outside?
255
00:11:20,508 --> 00:11:24,278
Yes, that's it. Go on outside.
256
00:11:24,312 --> 00:11:26,446
I'm totally unqualified.
I don't even know
257
00:11:26,481 --> 00:11:28,181
how to get outside from here.
258
00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:31,285
That's the answer!
259
00:11:31,319 --> 00:11:32,653
Oh, wait.
260
00:11:32,687 --> 00:11:34,922
Hey, what's the matter, Professor?
261
00:11:34,956 --> 00:11:36,390
He don't know what to teach his class.
262
00:11:36,424 --> 00:11:38,559
Homer's just not cut
out to be a pedagogue.
263
00:11:38,593 --> 00:11:40,294
That's easy. You just got to register.
264
00:11:40,328 --> 00:11:41,962
Stay away from playgrounds.
265
00:11:41,996 --> 00:11:43,797
Oh, you said "pedagogue."
266
00:11:43,831 --> 00:11:48,001
So this is what it's
like to fail at something.
267
00:11:48,036 --> 00:11:49,770
I can help you, Dad.
268
00:11:49,804 --> 00:11:53,140
Aw, if it isn't Daddy's little wino.
269
00:11:53,174 --> 00:11:55,108
No, I'm clean. One day clean.
270
00:11:55,143 --> 00:11:56,476
Yeah, I know that tune.
271
00:11:56,511 --> 00:11:57,778
Just come with me.
272
00:11:57,812 --> 00:11:59,780
You don't have time to learn anything,
273
00:11:59,814 --> 00:12:02,082
but at least you can
have a sense of mission.
274
00:12:02,116 --> 00:12:03,617
I got these for you.
275
00:12:03,651 --> 00:12:06,186
Dead Poets Society, Stand and Deliver.
276
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:09,122
Each one a portrait of a great
teacher, told by Hollywood.
277
00:12:09,157 --> 00:12:11,158
Played by stars, each one paid
278
00:12:11,192 --> 00:12:13,694
more than a teacher makes
in a million lifetimes.
279
00:12:13,728 --> 00:12:16,263
I always cry at the end
of Goodbye, Mr. Chips.
280
00:12:16,297 --> 00:12:18,632
Mr. Chips is my name for my Fritos.
281
00:12:18,666 --> 00:12:20,167
Just watch the movies.
282
00:12:20,201 --> 00:12:22,502
Words and ideas
283
00:12:22,537 --> 00:12:24,104
can change the world.
284
00:12:24,138 --> 00:12:25,439
Oh, look at the world!
285
00:12:25,473 --> 00:12:27,608
It just did a boom-boom in its pants.
286
00:12:27,642 --> 00:12:29,242
You, you change it.
287
00:12:31,479 --> 00:12:33,947
Go to the woodshop and make
yourself a push broom.
288
00:12:33,982 --> 00:12:35,682
You're gonna need it.
289
00:12:37,485 --> 00:12:38,919
It's not a tumor.
290
00:12:40,822 --> 00:12:43,690
Oh, they were great. They inspired me.
291
00:12:43,725 --> 00:12:44,891
And the best part is where they show
292
00:12:44,926 --> 00:12:46,493
the real guy over the credits.
293
00:12:46,527 --> 00:12:48,528
He looks just like the actor but fatter.
294
00:12:49,931 --> 00:12:51,164
Okay, listen up.
295
00:12:51,199 --> 00:12:54,234
All it takes to be a great
teacher is to care.
296
00:12:54,268 --> 00:12:55,702
And I care.
297
00:12:55,737 --> 00:12:57,137
So I'm a great teacher.
298
00:12:57,171 --> 00:12:59,873
I don't like you, and you don't like me,
299
00:12:59,907 --> 00:13:02,042
but I'm your only ticket
out of the barrio.
300
00:13:02,076 --> 00:13:03,377
¿Comprende, ése?
301
00:13:03,411 --> 00:13:05,078
I understand. I understand plenty.
302
00:13:05,113 --> 00:13:06,913
Do you know you can get a hot shower
303
00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:09,316
by hooking up your hose
to your car radiator?
304
00:13:09,350 --> 00:13:12,252
Towel off with the floor
mat and feel like a king.
305
00:13:14,589 --> 00:13:19,493
Good. Now he can bring the rest
of the Latin Kings in line.
306
00:13:19,527 --> 00:13:20,927
Okay, first lesson.
307
00:13:24,899 --> 00:13:26,933
Always watch out for a little rod
308
00:13:26,968 --> 00:13:29,236
falling into the back of your shirt.
309
00:13:29,270 --> 00:13:30,771
I do it, like, every week.
310
00:13:30,805 --> 00:13:33,874
Now remember, your chair
has three levers:
311
00:13:33,908 --> 00:13:35,709
down, back and lock.
312
00:13:35,743 --> 00:13:37,611
Down, back and lock.
313
00:13:37,645 --> 00:13:40,180
- Together.
- Down, back and lock!
314
00:13:40,214 --> 00:13:42,349
Down, back and lock!
315
00:13:42,383 --> 00:13:44,384
Down, back and lock!
316
00:13:44,419 --> 00:13:46,253
Down, back and lock!
317
00:13:46,287 --> 00:13:47,721
Carpe diem!
318
00:13:47,755 --> 00:13:49,923
So, Andre, is it true?
319
00:13:49,957 --> 00:13:51,558
You're dropping out of my class?
320
00:13:51,592 --> 00:13:53,293
May I ask why?
321
00:13:53,327 --> 00:13:54,895
I... well, I...
322
00:13:54,929 --> 00:13:57,798
I-I want to go back to
counseling at-risk teens.
323
00:13:57,832 --> 00:14:00,701
No, Andre. You don't get
to throw your life away.
324
00:14:00,735 --> 00:14:03,070
I'll be here for every class.
325
00:14:03,104 --> 00:14:04,905
Carpe diem.
326
00:14:04,939 --> 00:14:06,273
Carpe diem.
327
00:14:06,307 --> 00:14:08,308
Just what does that mean, by the way?
328
00:14:08,342 --> 00:14:10,277
Fish for a dime, my friend.
329
00:14:10,311 --> 00:14:12,279
Fish for a dime.
330
00:14:13,748 --> 00:14:15,882
How much are we charging
for hugs, Smithers?
331
00:14:15,917 --> 00:14:17,584
Five dollars. But, uh, I'll
give you one for free.
332
00:14:17,618 --> 00:14:18,885
Quiet.
333
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,455
Monty, I want to buy the whole school.
334
00:14:21,489 --> 00:14:23,123
But it must include Homer Simpson.
335
00:14:23,157 --> 00:14:24,891
He is a great teacher.
336
00:14:24,926 --> 00:14:27,794
But first I must find out how
much he's worth to the plant.
337
00:14:29,363 --> 00:14:32,766
I see. It seems I owe you a
hundred thousand dollars.
338
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,634
Great lecture, Professor S.
339
00:14:34,669 --> 00:14:36,269
I finally understand how gamma rays
340
00:14:36,304 --> 00:14:38,105
turned Bruce Banner into the Hulk.
341
00:14:38,139 --> 00:14:42,342
Always remember the equation,
"gamma equals green."
342
00:14:42,376 --> 00:14:45,245
Man, I wish you were my father, Dad.
343
00:14:45,279 --> 00:14:47,347
Uh, Simpson, I've sold your contract.
344
00:14:47,381 --> 00:14:49,516
No! You cannot stop me from teaching.
345
00:14:49,550 --> 00:14:52,252
I was going to paint
houses in the summer.
346
00:14:52,286 --> 00:14:54,321
Nothing will stop the
greatest teacher in the world
347
00:14:54,355 --> 00:14:55,922
from painting houses!
348
00:14:55,957 --> 00:14:58,191
Oh, calm down. You'll
be working for this man
349
00:14:58,226 --> 00:14:59,993
at his private estate.
350
00:15:00,027 --> 00:15:01,361
What? Me?
351
00:15:01,395 --> 00:15:02,829
Alone? Without my kids?
352
00:15:02,864 --> 00:15:04,030
Yes.
353
00:15:04,065 --> 00:15:05,832
Sounds good. Who are you?
354
00:15:05,867 --> 00:15:07,768
The owner of more for-profit colleges
355
00:15:07,802 --> 00:15:09,169
than anyone in the world.
356
00:15:09,203 --> 00:15:11,471
But these students are
going to miss you.
357
00:15:14,008 --> 00:15:15,675
Thank you!
358
00:15:15,710 --> 00:15:17,444
I just want to say,
359
00:15:17,478 --> 00:15:21,882
each and every one of
you gets an incomplete!
360
00:15:21,916 --> 00:15:22,983
I can't hear him. Can you?
361
00:15:23,017 --> 00:15:24,151
Nope.
362
00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:27,554
Love was the test.
363
00:15:27,588 --> 00:15:29,689
And you all passed.
364
00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:43,045
Uh, folks, we'll be landing at Mr.
Verlander's
365
00:15:43,079 --> 00:15:45,080
secret estate shortly.
366
00:15:46,655 --> 00:15:49,624
A flight attendant will
be coming by to put
367
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:50,859
a blindfold over your eyes.
368
00:15:50,893 --> 00:15:52,861
Cabin crew, please wipe your memory
369
00:15:52,895 --> 00:15:54,896
and prepare for landing.
370
00:16:01,203 --> 00:16:04,105
Which way do I go?
371
00:16:04,139 --> 00:16:06,574
Uh, use the map!
372
00:16:07,843 --> 00:16:10,345
D'oh!
373
00:16:15,317 --> 00:16:17,986
Homer Simpson.
374
00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,687
Voice does not match file
375
00:16:19,722 --> 00:16:21,055
from 1989.
376
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:22,490
Let's go out
377
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:24,893
for frosty chocolate milkshakes.
378
00:16:24,927 --> 00:16:28,663
Welcome, Homer Simpson.
379
00:16:28,697 --> 00:16:30,365
Whoa.
380
00:16:30,399 --> 00:16:32,200
Hmm.
381
00:16:32,234 --> 00:16:34,903
Hmm? You unload your own dishwasher?
382
00:16:34,937 --> 00:16:37,338
Yeah. If you don't, you
get a, a funny smell.
383
00:16:37,373 --> 00:16:38,540
Now, come in.
384
00:16:38,574 --> 00:16:40,041
Are you tired from your trip?
385
00:16:40,075 --> 00:16:42,477
Let's get you a refreshing cryofreeze.
386
00:16:42,511 --> 00:16:44,012
Rejuvenating, huh?
387
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,680
It opens your pores.
388
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:47,882
Uh, what happens if I pee in this?
389
00:16:47,917 --> 00:16:49,183
Are you just asking?
390
00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:50,985
Or did you already pee in it?
391
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,253
I'm asking for a friend.
392
00:16:52,288 --> 00:16:53,922
So what's our next activity?
393
00:16:53,956 --> 00:16:55,890
I hope it's not square dancing.
394
00:16:55,925 --> 00:16:57,625
I'd like you to meet
the rest of my guests.
395
00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:58,893
Hmm.
396
00:16:58,928 --> 00:17:02,030
Homer, say hello to the greatest
educators in the world.
397
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:04,399
Neil deGrasse Tyson, astrophysicist.
398
00:17:04,433 --> 00:17:08,570
The Solar System is over four
and a half billion years old.
399
00:17:08,604 --> 00:17:11,205
Jeopardy! champion of
champions, Ken Jennings.
400
00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:13,408
Who is "glad to meet you"?
401
00:17:13,442 --> 00:17:15,677
Financial educator Suze Orman.
402
00:17:15,711 --> 00:17:17,245
You are not allowed to buy a Mercedes
403
00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:19,280
until you pay off your credit cards.
404
00:17:19,315 --> 00:17:21,049
Great, now you tell me.
405
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:23,284
Screenwriting guru Robert McKee.
406
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,553
Welcome to the act three climax,
407
00:17:25,588 --> 00:17:29,424
resolution of story and subplots.
408
00:17:29,458 --> 00:17:31,893
I expect you're wondering
why I've assembled a team
409
00:17:31,927 --> 00:17:33,728
of the world's greatest teachers.
410
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:35,530
To teach something.
411
00:17:35,564 --> 00:17:36,698
To somebody.
412
00:17:36,732 --> 00:17:39,133
Well, there are only six basic plots.
413
00:17:39,168 --> 00:17:41,102
Rise-fall, fall-rise,
414
00:17:41,136 --> 00:17:43,071
steady fall, steady rise,
415
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:46,441
black cop-white cop,
and stop that wedding.
416
00:17:46,475 --> 00:17:48,076
Well, here's what I'm up to.
417
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:49,978
This is Sallie.
418
00:17:50,012 --> 00:17:52,213
And these are Sallie.
419
00:17:52,247 --> 00:17:53,982
And those are Sallie!
420
00:17:54,016 --> 00:17:55,550
And those...
421
00:17:55,584 --> 00:17:56,718
are Sullys.
422
00:17:56,752 --> 00:18:00,054
Robot replicas of the
greatest pilot of all time.
423
00:18:00,089 --> 00:18:01,656
He lost all their bags.
424
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:03,224
No one talks about that.
425
00:18:03,258 --> 00:18:06,628
You are the greatest living
educators, of humans.
426
00:18:06,662 --> 00:18:08,563
But now you must face
the greatest challenge
427
00:18:08,597 --> 00:18:09,998
of your lives:
428
00:18:10,032 --> 00:18:13,568
Can you teach an
artificial intelligence?
429
00:18:13,602 --> 00:18:15,403
To teach a robot.
430
00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:18,106
Now you've compounded my interest.
431
00:18:20,876 --> 00:18:23,177
That was a very useful time cut.
432
00:18:23,212 --> 00:18:25,513
Now, let's find out what's going on.
433
00:18:25,547 --> 00:18:26,948
Leave that to me, Robert.
434
00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:28,483
What's going on?
435
00:18:28,517 --> 00:18:30,952
I'll tell you, and I won't
kill you afterwards.
436
00:18:33,656 --> 00:18:36,190
What? This is a student
loan application.
437
00:18:36,225 --> 00:18:37,959
Mm. Sallie...
438
00:18:37,993 --> 00:18:39,460
Sallie Mae?
439
00:18:39,495 --> 00:18:41,629
The Federal Student Loan Program?
440
00:18:41,664 --> 00:18:44,432
You're creating an army
of robots so advanced
441
00:18:44,466 --> 00:18:46,501
that they can get student loans.
442
00:18:46,535 --> 00:18:49,771
That's right. These stu-bots...
or ro-dents, if you prefer...
443
00:18:49,805 --> 00:18:51,873
will attend the universities
I've been buying up
444
00:18:51,907 --> 00:18:55,343
and funnel billions of
taxpayer dollars to me.
445
00:18:55,377 --> 00:18:57,612
That's it. As Americans,
it's our duty to either
446
00:18:57,646 --> 00:19:01,849
stop evil billionaires or elect
them to the highest office.
447
00:19:03,652 --> 00:19:06,354
Well, we've done it. You're all
up to your polyurethane necks
448
00:19:06,388 --> 00:19:09,057
in debt and heading to Yale.
449
00:19:09,091 --> 00:19:10,692
Follow me.
450
00:19:10,726 --> 00:19:12,060
Boola Boola.
451
00:19:12,094 --> 00:19:13,194
Boola Boola.
452
00:19:13,228 --> 00:19:14,562
Good luck, Homer.
453
00:19:14,596 --> 00:19:16,731
Will I see you at the last
minute saving the day?
454
00:19:16,765 --> 00:19:18,566
Nah, too clichéd.
455
00:19:23,038 --> 00:19:24,806
The Sallies have blended right in.
456
00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:27,308
We've got 12 productions
of The Crucible going on,
457
00:19:27,342 --> 00:19:29,711
and the deepest Division
III women's lacrosse team
458
00:19:29,745 --> 00:19:31,345
the world has ever seen.
459
00:19:34,450 --> 00:19:37,385
They're perfect students in every way.
460
00:19:38,454 --> 00:19:41,622
And that's their weakness.
461
00:19:45,794 --> 00:19:47,762
Bleep, blop, bloop.
462
00:19:47,796 --> 00:19:49,163
Bleep, bloop, blorp.
463
00:19:49,198 --> 00:19:50,498
I am a robot, too.
464
00:19:50,532 --> 00:19:52,333
My father was a toaster.
465
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:53,701
He's in botface.
466
00:19:53,736 --> 00:19:55,937
That's unbelievably offensive.
467
00:19:55,971 --> 00:19:57,205
Microaggression.
468
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,006
Cultural appropriation.
469
00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:00,408
- Offensive.
- Offensive.
470
00:20:00,442 --> 00:20:02,110
Offensive.
471
00:20:02,144 --> 00:20:05,613
Dear Lord, those teachers
made them too human.
472
00:20:05,647 --> 00:20:07,215
You've ruined me.
473
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:08,416
Well, not completely.
474
00:20:08,450 --> 00:20:11,352
I still have my health.
475
00:20:11,386 --> 00:20:14,388
So, how much will it cost if my
daughter applies in ten years?
476
00:20:14,423 --> 00:20:15,590
$2,000.
477
00:20:15,624 --> 00:20:16,891
That's not so bad.
478
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,952
- That's the application fee.
- Oh, yeah.
479
00:20:20,707 --> 00:20:24,094
Lisa, do you see the rings of Saturn?
480
00:20:24,094 --> 00:20:25,228
I do.
481
00:20:25,262 --> 00:20:27,764
The question is, what is five-sixths?
482
00:20:27,798 --> 00:20:29,031
Marge, listen to me.
483
00:20:29,066 --> 00:20:30,733
You can't fix stupid.
484
00:20:30,768 --> 00:20:32,969
You have to kill him for the insurance.
485
00:20:33,003 --> 00:20:35,772
I've always said these
tags are pointless.
486
00:20:35,806 --> 00:20:38,374
Story's over. Good night.
487
00:20:42,412 --> 00:20:43,713
- sync and corrections by Mr. C -
- www.addic7ed.com -
488
00:21:17,648 --> 00:21:19,348
Release the hounds.
489
00:21:23,787 --> 00:21:25,788
Shh!
34433
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.