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00:00:03,117 --> 00:00:05,726
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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00:00:13,493 --> 00:00:15,526
Smithers, release the Christmas hounds.
3
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,273
♪ All is not well, on this noel ♪
4
00:00:29,309 --> 00:00:32,009
♪ It's looking grim for Reverend Tim ♪
5
00:00:32,045 --> 00:00:34,111
♪ This should be his very busy season ♪
6
00:00:34,147 --> 00:00:36,480
♪ No one's coming, tell
me what's the reason ♪
7
00:00:36,516 --> 00:00:38,091
♪ What will he do, pull up a pew ♪
8
00:00:38,651 --> 00:00:41,052
♪ As we bid adieu, look for Disco Stu. ♪
9
00:00:44,924 --> 00:00:48,492
Usually, the Fourth Sunday
of Advent is packed.
10
00:00:48,528 --> 00:00:50,895
I hope the reverend
isn't losing his touch.
11
00:00:50,930 --> 00:00:53,397
Comparing the Three Wise
Men to the Beastie Boys
12
00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:55,933
seemed more desperate than hip.
I'm serious.
13
00:00:59,238 --> 00:01:01,572
Even Milhouse could've made that.
14
00:01:01,608 --> 00:01:02,974
What is it, Helen?
15
00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:05,042
Uh, well, Tim, just
thought you should know,
16
00:01:05,078 --> 00:01:08,045
a very special fan club is
waiting to talk to you.
17
00:01:08,081 --> 00:01:10,214
Mm!
18
00:01:10,249 --> 00:01:13,217
A semi-circle? What gives?
19
00:01:14,253 --> 00:01:15,820
Ned? Agnes?
20
00:01:15,855 --> 00:01:18,055
Mel? The Parson?
21
00:01:18,091 --> 00:01:19,724
That's right, your boss.
22
00:01:19,759 --> 00:01:22,026
And I'd like to introduce
you to my boss,
23
00:01:22,061 --> 00:01:23,260
the Patriarch.
24
00:01:23,296 --> 00:01:26,430
Actually, Parson, we all
have the same boss.
25
00:01:26,466 --> 00:01:28,399
The Metropolitan.
26
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:31,235
And it is his will that we
come together here for...
27
00:01:31,270 --> 00:01:34,672
a divine intervention.
28
00:01:34,707 --> 00:01:36,407
Look, since when is it a crime
29
00:01:36,442 --> 00:01:38,776
to mix Pinot Noir and Vicodin?
30
00:01:38,811 --> 00:01:40,511
Oh, we don't care if
you wreck your liver
31
00:01:40,546 --> 00:01:42,913
with Sancerre and acetaminophen.
32
00:01:42,949 --> 00:01:45,549
You can pop pain pills like cran-raisins
33
00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:47,251
for all we care.
35
00:01:50,590 --> 00:01:52,390
The church is emptier
than a syrup bottle
36
00:01:52,425 --> 00:01:54,458
after a pancake breakfast.
37
00:01:54,494 --> 00:01:57,094
Oh, people have reasons to miss mass.
38
00:01:57,130 --> 00:01:58,629
There's flu going around, the new Jeeps
39
00:01:58,665 --> 00:02:00,131
are in at the dealership.
40
00:02:00,166 --> 00:02:02,967
Lot of new features, the big
screen up front, where...
41
00:02:03,002 --> 00:02:05,069
It's not just attendance, Reverend.
42
00:02:05,104 --> 00:02:07,872
It's that sometimes when you
speak, my mind wanders,
43
00:02:07,907 --> 00:02:11,208
to, uh, non-religious areas.
44
00:02:13,646 --> 00:02:15,813
Timothy, admit it. You're in a slump.
45
00:02:15,848 --> 00:02:17,782
How many souls have you
personally converted
46
00:02:17,817 --> 00:02:19,784
to our faith this year?
47
00:02:19,819 --> 00:02:21,252
Negative six.
49
00:02:25,992 --> 00:02:28,225
I haven't been heard from!
51
00:02:29,929 --> 00:02:31,062
Nothing!
52
00:02:31,097 --> 00:02:33,064
Just pointing it out.
53
00:02:33,099 --> 00:02:35,166
Okay, I can do this.
54
00:02:35,201 --> 00:02:36,467
I'm a good man.
55
00:02:36,502 --> 00:02:40,337
And Springfield is nothing if
not a good Christian community.
56
00:02:48,548 --> 00:02:50,981
I'm worried about this festival.
57
00:02:51,017 --> 00:02:53,304
It's like something you'd
see in a college town.
58
00:02:53,329 --> 00:02:54,251
Come on, Mom,
59
00:02:54,287 --> 00:02:56,454
get with the pagan agenda.
60
00:02:56,489 --> 00:02:59,457
Ha. This doggy likes me.
61
00:02:59,492 --> 00:03:02,493
Don't worry, Ralphie, I'll
shoot you off of there.
62
00:03:02,528 --> 00:03:03,694
Uh-oh.
63
00:03:03,730 --> 00:03:05,262
Come on guys, let's go check out
64
00:03:05,298 --> 00:03:06,997
this year's feature attraction:
65
00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:09,300
the Strandbeest.
66
00:03:09,335 --> 00:03:11,435
Powered by the wind!
67
00:03:11,471 --> 00:03:12,803
Wow. Uh...
68
00:03:12,839 --> 00:03:14,205
Is this science,
69
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:15,539
or garbage?
70
00:03:15,575 --> 00:03:17,341
- Dutch art.
- Ooh!
71
00:03:17,376 --> 00:03:19,477
And I'll bet it's
environmentally conscious.
72
00:03:19,512 --> 00:03:21,145
No. It is not.
73
00:03:24,317 --> 00:03:26,150
Whoa. It's alive!
74
00:03:29,856 --> 00:03:32,022
Hmm. The wind is picking up slightly.
75
00:03:32,058 --> 00:03:33,457
This is a disaster!
76
00:03:33,493 --> 00:03:35,726
The Beest is built for the
polite breezes of Europe.
77
00:03:38,297 --> 00:03:39,764
Save me, Odin.
78
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:42,967
Look, Dad, I can skate backwards!
80
00:03:58,151 --> 00:03:59,350
What the...?
81
00:04:03,089 --> 00:04:04,522
Okay, I got to warn ya.
82
00:04:04,557 --> 00:04:06,857
Regular morphine doesn't
work on me anymore.
83
00:04:06,893 --> 00:04:09,894
Call this number and they'll
send the stuff I need.
84
00:04:09,929 --> 00:04:12,163
It'll say "for elephants,"
but ignore that.
85
00:04:13,399 --> 00:04:15,166
Sorry about this, Sophie.
86
00:04:15,201 --> 00:04:17,501
Couldn't have come at a worse time.
87
00:04:17,537 --> 00:04:20,504
I only get one week of
custody, once a year.
88
00:04:20,540 --> 00:04:23,174
It's okay, Dad. We'll
get to know each other
89
00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:24,942
in this semi-private room.
90
00:04:24,977 --> 00:04:27,111
Oh, I'll give you all
the privacy you need.
91
00:04:27,146 --> 00:04:29,146
Ah...
92
00:04:30,383 --> 00:04:32,249
Harold?
93
00:04:32,285 --> 00:04:34,251
Private room!
94
00:04:34,287 --> 00:04:36,287
Mm-hmm.
95
00:04:37,290 --> 00:04:39,723
Uh... So,
96
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:41,859
uh, how's your act coming along?
97
00:04:41,894 --> 00:04:43,561
I'm not in show business.
98
00:04:43,596 --> 00:04:45,596
What kind of a screwed-up kid are you?
99
00:04:45,631 --> 00:04:47,531
I'm not screwed up. I get good grades.
100
00:04:47,567 --> 00:04:48,766
I play the French horn.
101
00:04:48,801 --> 00:04:50,134
Good, good.
102
00:04:50,169 --> 00:04:52,102
You know, it's funny when
someone's playing it
103
00:04:52,138 --> 00:04:53,737
and their pants fall down.
104
00:04:53,773 --> 00:04:55,973
I haven't had that happen.
105
00:04:56,008 --> 00:04:57,408
Well, don't feel bad.
106
00:04:57,443 --> 00:04:59,410
It's actually a pretty complicated rig.
107
00:04:59,445 --> 00:05:01,478
The whole megillah is a big tzimmes.
108
00:05:01,514 --> 00:05:03,581
Tzimmes? Megillah?
109
00:05:03,616 --> 00:05:04,815
It's Yiddish.
110
00:05:04,851 --> 00:05:07,251
The language of our fakakta people.
111
00:05:07,286 --> 00:05:09,386
Mom raised me Christian.
112
00:05:09,422 --> 00:05:10,554
A Christian?
113
00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:13,757
That farbissina shiksa.
114
00:05:13,793 --> 00:05:16,227
How can you ignore the sacred traditions
115
00:05:16,262 --> 00:05:17,795
of the Jewish people?
116
00:05:17,830 --> 00:05:21,232
Krusty, here's your bacon,
lobster and tref sandwich.
117
00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:23,734
Hey, it was supposed to
come with a side of camel.
118
00:05:23,769 --> 00:05:25,436
Extra cloven.
119
00:05:25,471 --> 00:05:28,472
Dad, you don't have to be
sort of funny with me.
120
00:05:28,507 --> 00:05:32,109
The thing is, I want to
celebrate this time with you.
121
00:05:32,144 --> 00:05:34,111
Sweetie, I know you're reaching out.
122
00:05:34,146 --> 00:05:37,081
But to me, Christmas
is just another day.
123
00:05:37,116 --> 00:05:40,384
I usually curl up with a
good bookmaker, and...
124
00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:44,321
Well...
125
00:05:44,357 --> 00:05:47,791
Why don't the two of you
spend Christmas with us?
126
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:50,494
Our home isn't fancy, but
we'd love to set a place
127
00:05:50,529 --> 00:05:52,630
for two more.
128
00:05:52,665 --> 00:05:54,698
Marge, we accept.
129
00:05:54,734 --> 00:05:56,267
Can we bring anything?
130
00:05:56,302 --> 00:05:57,434
Just yourself.
131
00:05:57,470 --> 00:05:58,802
That'll cost you.
132
00:06:00,172 --> 00:06:01,939
Oh, Maggie.
133
00:06:01,974 --> 00:06:03,874
Guess who just came down the chimney?
134
00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:05,776
A magical holiday friend,
135
00:06:05,811 --> 00:06:08,512
straight from the North Pole.
136
00:06:08,547 --> 00:06:11,548
He's called the Gnome In Your
Home, and he works for Santa,
137
00:06:11,584 --> 00:06:14,084
by watching you all the time.
138
00:06:15,087 --> 00:06:17,154
According to a book sold separately,
139
00:06:17,189 --> 00:06:20,124
the Gnome In Your Home
doesn't need food or sleep.
140
00:06:20,159 --> 00:06:22,893
He lives for just one thing:
141
00:06:22,929 --> 00:06:25,863
to tell Santa if you're bad or good.
142
00:06:27,166 --> 00:06:28,465
He's gonna live here on your shelf,
143
00:06:28,501 --> 00:06:31,135
and he never shuts his eyes.
144
00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:32,336
Isn't that cute?
145
00:06:32,371 --> 00:06:33,637
You'd better be good,
146
00:06:33,673 --> 00:06:36,807
or he'll nibble your wittle fingers!
147
00:06:48,220 --> 00:06:50,020
Oh, boy, Krusty's here!
148
00:06:51,691 --> 00:06:54,058
A very merry Christmas,
149
00:06:54,093 --> 00:06:56,694
from the bottom of my heart.
150
00:06:56,729 --> 00:06:58,662
Did you get the shot?
151
00:06:58,698 --> 00:07:00,664
How did it play? Was I too sincere?
152
00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:01,832
Perfect, Mr. K!
153
00:07:01,867 --> 00:07:03,767
Start laying dolly track.
154
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,840
Come on, damn it!
155
00:07:09,875 --> 00:07:11,942
Christmas is about one thing:
156
00:07:11,978 --> 00:07:13,544
being with family.
157
00:07:13,579 --> 00:07:16,380
Sophie, come sit on Daddy's lap.
158
00:07:16,415 --> 00:07:18,182
I don't want to be on camera.
159
00:07:18,217 --> 00:07:22,019
Fine, we'll just
motion-capture her in later.
160
00:07:26,492 --> 00:07:28,792
Aww, that's my girl.
161
00:07:28,828 --> 00:07:32,129
Oh, what a beautiful gingerbread house.
162
00:07:32,164 --> 00:07:33,697
Wish I could make one.
163
00:07:33,733 --> 00:07:37,401
And I can! On a multi-function
Minolta printer.
164
00:07:37,436 --> 00:07:39,703
Print, scan, copy,
165
00:07:39,739 --> 00:07:42,740
let Minolta do your Xeroxing!
166
00:07:42,775 --> 00:07:46,443
"...when what to my wondering
yes did appear..."
167
00:07:46,479 --> 00:07:48,379
To hear me read the rest of this poem,
168
00:07:48,414 --> 00:07:50,714
dial 1-900-OLD-POEM.
169
00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:52,416
$9.95 per call.
170
00:07:52,451 --> 00:07:54,952
All I wanted was to spend
the holidays with you
171
00:07:54,987 --> 00:07:57,121
so we could learn more about each other.
172
00:07:57,156 --> 00:07:58,989
Well, I learned!
173
00:07:59,025 --> 00:08:00,157
Get out!
174
00:08:00,192 --> 00:08:02,826
What? Seriously?
175
00:08:02,862 --> 00:08:05,262
You really want me to go?
176
00:08:05,297 --> 00:08:06,897
Yes.
178
00:08:13,939 --> 00:08:16,306
Uh, can we get some room tone?
179
00:08:16,342 --> 00:08:18,976
Just 20 seconds.
180
00:08:28,297 --> 00:08:31,077
Oh, Sophie! Please, forgive me.
181
00:08:31,102 --> 00:08:32,701
I canceled the show.
182
00:08:32,838 --> 00:08:35,100
I'm pulling up duct tape myself,
183
00:08:35,125 --> 00:08:37,825
like a caveman!
184
00:08:37,861 --> 00:08:40,395
Just leave me alone.
185
00:08:44,301 --> 00:08:45,867
If the Word of God isn't enough,
186
00:08:45,902 --> 00:08:48,503
I also have some rubber jar openers.
187
00:08:49,573 --> 00:08:52,607
I've been directing Christmas
pageants for 30 years.
188
00:08:52,642 --> 00:08:55,210
There's no way there's a God.
190
00:08:58,949 --> 00:09:01,182
Look at this guy! He
can be a Pixar hero.
191
00:09:01,218 --> 00:09:02,283
Look at him!
192
00:09:02,319 --> 00:09:04,619
No, maybe I'm just not cut out
193
00:09:04,654 --> 00:09:06,354
for the God game.
194
00:09:06,389 --> 00:09:08,856
Maybe I could teach S.A.T. Prep.
195
00:09:08,892 --> 00:09:12,427
At least there are answers
in the back of that book.
196
00:09:16,666 --> 00:09:20,034
What kind of poison
do you serve to a guy
197
00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:22,737
whose daughter hates his guts?
198
00:09:22,772 --> 00:09:25,807
Yeah. Try a Duff Numb.
No flavor, just alcohol.
199
00:09:27,277 --> 00:09:30,578
I need something that makes
me feel better in my heart.
200
00:09:30,614 --> 00:09:32,080
Like firing a writer.
201
00:09:32,115 --> 00:09:34,415
Especially one who just bought a house.
202
00:09:34,451 --> 00:09:35,750
Mm...
203
00:09:37,153 --> 00:09:40,388
My son, I'm here to guide you
to the most powerful man
204
00:09:40,423 --> 00:09:43,124
in this world, or any other.
205
00:09:43,159 --> 00:09:44,926
J.J. Abrams?
206
00:09:44,961 --> 00:09:46,761
No. Jesus.
207
00:09:46,796 --> 00:09:50,064
He is reaching his arms out to you.
208
00:09:51,101 --> 00:09:52,734
Oh, my God.
209
00:09:52,769 --> 00:09:54,102
I can see him.
210
00:09:54,137 --> 00:09:55,970
I am a Christian!
211
00:10:00,710 --> 00:10:02,677
Uh, Chief, I think you got him.
212
00:10:02,712 --> 00:10:04,312
Yeah, it's Christmas.
213
00:10:04,347 --> 00:10:06,114
Just bang his head on the car door
214
00:10:06,149 --> 00:10:07,415
and we'll call it a day.
215
00:10:07,450 --> 00:10:08,950
Merry Christmas.
216
00:10:08,985 --> 00:10:09,984
Good night, sweet Maggie.
217
00:10:10,020 --> 00:10:11,019
Mwah.
218
00:10:12,055 --> 00:10:13,321
Why are you huddling over there?
219
00:10:13,356 --> 00:10:14,789
The gnome can't see you.
220
00:10:14,824 --> 00:10:16,791
I'll move your crib closer.
221
00:10:19,963 --> 00:10:22,130
There.
222
00:10:29,039 --> 00:10:31,005
Oh, sorry, I forgot your nightlight.
223
00:10:32,876 --> 00:10:35,276
The gnome can't nibble your fingers
224
00:10:35,312 --> 00:10:36,944
if he can't see them.
225
00:10:40,517 --> 00:10:42,383
Hey, Maggie.
226
00:10:42,419 --> 00:10:43,951
I thought I'd try the violin.
227
00:11:02,372 --> 00:11:04,672
I've got a tummy ache.
228
00:11:04,708 --> 00:11:08,176
Maybe I ate too much before bedtime.
229
00:11:13,383 --> 00:11:16,417
Have you been a bad baby?
230
00:11:16,453 --> 00:11:17,585
Oh.
231
00:11:17,620 --> 00:11:19,354
Don't lie to me...
232
00:11:19,389 --> 00:11:22,423
or Christmas morning will never come!
233
00:11:40,210 --> 00:11:41,876
Oh, don't worry, Maggie.
234
00:11:41,911 --> 00:11:45,680
He can't beat the super
team of Santa, Jack Frost,
235
00:11:45,715 --> 00:11:49,617
the Abominable Snowman
and Wayne Gretzky.
236
00:11:49,652 --> 00:11:51,285
He's got a gun.
237
00:12:11,975 --> 00:12:14,275
Merry Christmas, Maggie!
238
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:20,148
Was Maggie a good little girl?
239
00:12:20,183 --> 00:12:21,983
She was?!
240
00:12:22,018 --> 00:12:25,620
Well, you did such a good job, Mr.
Gnome,
241
00:12:25,655 --> 00:12:27,655
that we're gonna leave you here
242
00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:29,490
all year round.
243
00:12:41,137 --> 00:12:42,804
"...which they also did
and sent to the elders
244
00:12:42,839 --> 00:12:44,272
by the hands of Barnabas and Saul."
245
00:12:44,307 --> 00:12:46,073
Now, I'd like to introduce
246
00:12:46,109 --> 00:12:48,476
our newest brother in faith:
247
00:12:48,511 --> 00:12:50,845
Krusty the Christian.
248
00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,182
♪ Amazing grace ♪
249
00:12:54,217 --> 00:12:57,518
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
250
00:12:57,554 --> 00:13:00,922
♪ That saved a putz ♪
251
00:13:00,957 --> 00:13:03,524
♪ Like me. ♪
252
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:07,728
Aw, I remember the day
she came into my life.
253
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:14,535
Oh, here's a present for Maggie.
254
00:13:16,973 --> 00:13:19,941
And the good news is,
Spycraft Toys makes
255
00:13:19,976 --> 00:13:22,443
other invasive dolls: Narc In The Park,
256
00:13:22,479 --> 00:13:23,711
Bear Who's Always There
257
00:13:23,746 --> 00:13:25,446
and Snoop While You Poop.
258
00:13:25,482 --> 00:13:26,614
Won't that be fun?
259
00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:28,349
So much fun.
260
00:13:33,890 --> 00:13:36,891
Oh, now sweetie, that's a
present for your mother.
261
00:13:36,926 --> 00:13:39,727
Another Christmas in the bag.
262
00:13:39,762 --> 00:13:41,696
I love my juicer.
263
00:13:43,733 --> 00:13:47,502
And don't worry, Marge,
I'm adding fruit.
264
00:13:48,872 --> 00:13:50,137
You know,
265
00:13:50,173 --> 00:13:53,040
I might have one more present for you.
266
00:14:01,351 --> 00:14:02,316
What is it?
267
00:14:02,352 --> 00:14:03,417
What is it?!
268
00:14:04,354 --> 00:14:05,419
What the...?!
269
00:14:13,296 --> 00:14:17,832
Welcome to the Krusty the Clown
Sober Contemplation Hour.
270
00:14:17,867 --> 00:14:19,834
Pray, pray, kids.
271
00:14:20,770 --> 00:14:23,337
We've got a very uplifting show today.
272
00:14:23,373 --> 00:14:24,338
He is risen.
273
00:14:24,374 --> 00:14:26,274
And now please silently reflect
274
00:14:26,309 --> 00:14:30,278
upon the wholesome new teachings
of Itchy and Scratchy.
275
00:14:30,313 --> 00:14:32,213
♪ They pray, they pray ♪
276
00:14:32,248 --> 00:14:34,081
♪ They pray and they don't slay ♪
277
00:14:34,117 --> 00:14:36,617
♪ Pray, pray, pray, they found a way ♪
278
00:14:36,653 --> 00:14:39,720
♪ The pious mouse and cat. ♪
279
00:14:39,745 --> 00:14:41,866
_
280
00:14:43,389 --> 00:14:45,370
_
281
00:14:45,395 --> 00:14:47,061
"They shall beat their swords
282
00:14:47,096 --> 00:14:48,763
into plowshares."
283
00:14:48,798 --> 00:14:51,732
I think it's about time
we put on some clothes.
284
00:14:53,803 --> 00:14:56,370
And then this happened.
285
00:14:56,406 --> 00:14:59,140
Wow, Dad, you wrecked your entire show
286
00:14:59,175 --> 00:15:00,942
just to prove you love me.
287
00:15:00,977 --> 00:15:02,243
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
288
00:15:02,278 --> 00:15:03,778
Here comes a cream pie.
289
00:15:09,524 --> 00:15:13,436
Coming up next, we've got
some hilarious comedians.
290
00:15:13,461 --> 00:15:14,289
Finally.
291
00:15:14,422 --> 00:15:15,989
Andrew Nice Clay,
292
00:15:16,024 --> 00:15:17,824
Larry the Fable Guy
293
00:15:17,859 --> 00:15:19,993
and Joe Piscopalian.
294
00:15:20,028 --> 00:15:21,628
Oh, if he was gonna convert,
295
00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:23,529
why didn't he pick a funny religion?
296
00:15:23,565 --> 00:15:25,798
Like Zoroastrianism.
297
00:15:25,834 --> 00:15:27,901
Their top god is named Mazda.
298
00:15:27,936 --> 00:15:29,435
Tell me that's not hilarious.
299
00:15:30,705 --> 00:15:33,873
And now the moment you've
been waiting for...
300
00:15:33,909 --> 00:15:36,576
The nature of the universe
is we are forced to wait
301
00:15:36,611 --> 00:15:37,677
for every moment.
302
00:15:37,712 --> 00:15:38,912
As Mazda teaches us...
303
00:15:38,947 --> 00:15:40,013
Shh!
304
00:15:40,048 --> 00:15:41,080
My daughter will play
305
00:15:41,116 --> 00:15:42,148
the French horn
306
00:15:42,183 --> 00:15:45,084
and no one's pants will drop.
307
00:15:50,058 --> 00:15:53,559
I guess this will just be for me.
308
00:15:55,363 --> 00:15:58,564
Well, look at you, all
cool and collected.
309
00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,401
Oh, well, even the
Lord rested on Sunday.
310
00:16:01,436 --> 00:16:04,537
But Krusty's not ours
till he's b-b-b-baptized.
311
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:08,675
You have to get his soul and his
bank router number on autopay.
312
00:16:08,710 --> 00:16:11,577
Oh, he wanted to do it
the old-fashioned way,
313
00:16:11,613 --> 00:16:14,447
in the river with Miss Teenage Nevada,
314
00:16:14,482 --> 00:16:15,682
but the river's frozen.
315
00:16:15,717 --> 00:16:17,417
I have to wait until the ice melts.
316
00:16:17,452 --> 00:16:18,584
Mm-mm-mm.
317
00:16:18,620 --> 00:16:20,453
I had you pegged for a closer, Tim.
318
00:16:20,488 --> 00:16:22,355
You know, Ogdenville is looking
319
00:16:22,390 --> 00:16:23,690
for a prison chaplain.
320
00:16:23,725 --> 00:16:25,091
The last one, well...
321
00:16:25,126 --> 00:16:27,427
he got a very cool tattoo...
322
00:16:27,462 --> 00:16:29,929
that he didn't ask for.
323
00:16:32,801 --> 00:16:34,867
♪ Gather with the saints ♪
324
00:16:34,903 --> 00:16:37,603
♪ At the river ♪
325
00:16:37,639 --> 00:16:43,109
♪ That flows by the throne of God ♪
326
00:16:43,144 --> 00:16:45,778
♪ Throne of God. ♪
327
00:16:47,349 --> 00:16:50,917
Will the baptismal
candidate please approach?
328
00:16:53,355 --> 00:16:54,620
You're sure you want to do this, Dad?
329
00:16:54,656 --> 00:16:56,122
Seems kind of meshugana.
330
00:16:56,157 --> 00:16:58,391
I want to be a total
Christian for you, babe,
331
00:16:58,426 --> 00:17:01,160
so I'm gonna shpritz my tuchis...
332
00:17:01,196 --> 00:17:02,762
Be careful of the current.
333
00:17:02,797 --> 00:17:05,098
Don't worry, I haven't
been current in years.
335
00:17:18,179 --> 00:17:23,416
Oh, great, my death is a
hacky parody of Frozen.
336
00:17:23,451 --> 00:17:25,818
Dad? But who's the moose?
337
00:17:25,854 --> 00:17:27,754
I'm your first agent.
338
00:17:27,789 --> 00:17:30,423
Oh, this is the most we've ever spoken.
339
00:17:33,061 --> 00:17:34,427
I must be dead.
340
00:17:34,462 --> 00:17:35,795
You're not dead yet.
341
00:17:35,830 --> 00:17:37,830
Listen, I should know because I am.
342
00:17:37,866 --> 00:17:40,099
And life was no picnic,
but let me tell you,
343
00:17:40,135 --> 00:17:41,768
death is no picnic, either.
344
00:17:41,803 --> 00:17:44,504
Your biggest mistake
is expecting picnics.
345
00:17:44,539 --> 00:17:45,705
Dad!
346
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:47,640
Oh, I suppose you're not happy
348
00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:50,510
Herschel, your heart just stopped
349
00:17:50,545 --> 00:17:52,145
so I'll make this very quick.
350
00:17:52,180 --> 00:17:55,114
There's no one religion that
makes you a good father.
351
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:57,316
All you got to do is
think of your children
352
00:17:57,352 --> 00:17:59,118
before yourself, that's all...
353
00:17:59,154 --> 00:18:01,988
except with those oxygen masks
that you get on the planes.
354
00:18:02,023 --> 00:18:03,656
There it's vice-a-versa.
355
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:05,158
Well, I guess you would know.
356
00:18:05,193 --> 00:18:08,461
You're a rabbi who's
seen the face of God.
357
00:18:08,496 --> 00:18:10,730
Actually, I'm a hallucination
caused by cell death
358
00:18:10,765 --> 00:18:12,298
in your suffocating brain.
359
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:15,668
Also, I saw you texting
during my funeral.
360
00:18:15,703 --> 00:18:18,237
For shame!
361
00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,406
Oh, reel him in.
362
00:18:20,442 --> 00:18:21,841
You've caught a drowning man!
363
00:18:21,876 --> 00:18:23,142
Slow down.
364
00:18:23,178 --> 00:18:25,111
First I'm gonna play him a little.
365
00:18:29,684 --> 00:18:33,586
"I shall be a fisher of men."
366
00:18:39,060 --> 00:18:40,760
I'm alive!
367
00:18:40,795 --> 00:18:41,828
Oh, ho!
368
00:18:41,863 --> 00:18:43,796
Don't tell my ex-wife.
369
00:18:46,868 --> 00:18:49,335
Lovejoy is a hero!
370
00:18:49,370 --> 00:18:52,505
Finally something I can explain!
371
00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:54,774
♪ All ended well except
for Sideshow Mel ♪
372
00:18:54,809 --> 00:18:56,943
♪ This Jewish clown, he didn't drown ♪
373
00:18:56,978 --> 00:18:59,178
♪ Reconciled with his daughter ♪
374
00:18:59,214 --> 00:19:01,581
♪ When he got out of the water ♪
375
00:19:01,616 --> 00:19:03,783
♪ Here's the good news,
butts in the pews ♪
376
00:19:03,818 --> 00:19:05,852
♪ Watch Homer snooze as he still chews ♪
377
00:19:05,887 --> 00:19:07,019
♪ Our show is almost done ♪
378
00:19:07,055 --> 00:19:08,855
♪ Maggie didn't stop ♪
379
00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:11,591
♪ At one. ♪
380
00:19:11,616 --> 00:19:14,656
_
381
00:19:15,312 --> 00:19:17,824
Sorry about Krusty, but he's still
382
00:19:17,849 --> 00:19:19,348
on Team Hanukkah.
383
00:19:19,547 --> 00:19:22,147
Um, I hate to win on a technicality,
384
00:19:22,179 --> 00:19:24,512
but he was under the water.
385
00:19:24,548 --> 00:19:26,447
That's a baptism.
386
00:19:26,483 --> 00:19:28,516
Maybe we should ask Mazda?
387
00:19:28,552 --> 00:19:30,885
I'm not going to ask him
anything, he's drunk.
388
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:33,454
Oh, and like you're not!
389
00:19:36,259 --> 00:19:38,893
- sync and corrections by Caio -
- www.addic7ed.com -
390
00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:45,533
♪ Just hear those
sleigh bells jingling ♪
391
00:19:45,569 --> 00:19:48,203
♪ Ring-ting-tingling along ♪
392
00:19:48,238 --> 00:19:53,575
♪ Let's sing a jolly holiday
non-denominational song ♪
393
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:54,843
♪ Being pulled through the snow ♪
394
00:19:54,878 --> 00:19:56,544
♪ To our wintertime feast ♪
395
00:19:56,580 --> 00:19:58,313
♪ By a PVC beast ♪
396
00:19:58,348 --> 00:20:02,517
♪ My Web site traffic just increased ♪
397
00:20:02,552 --> 00:20:04,519
♪ Best get you home to your mother ♪
398
00:20:04,554 --> 00:20:07,188
♪ Or she'll call a lawyer or two ♪
399
00:20:07,224 --> 00:20:08,656
♪ There's nothing better ♪
400
00:20:08,692 --> 00:20:10,725
♪ Than spending alternate weekends ♪
401
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,528
♪ With you. ♪
27279
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