Original subtitles

a production of BANDAI VISUAL - TOKYO FM - DENTSU - TV ASAHI

and OFFICE KITANO

He gambles? God doesn't like that!

I'll tell him... See you later.

May God shower you with blessings.

Now what?

starring Beat Takeshi

Takeshi, I envy you.

Killing all those yakuzas!

So cool!

What yakuzas?

Pops, yakuzas like that don't really exist.

Relax. It's only a movie.

Takeshi, your turn.

Mahjong!

1,

2, 3, 4,

5, 6,

7, 8,

9, 10,

12, 13,

14, 15.

You missed one.

You're so rich. You could let one pass.

I don't do this for the money.

Mahjong is my passion.

So open a mahjong parlor!

Mr Takeshi!

Can you cast Junior in a movie?

You want to act? It's a tough job!

Gain weight, lose weight. Dye your hair...

Auditions are coming up. We'll call you.

I can play a yakuza.

- You are one! - Really?

We have the guns.

Some water, please.

Water!

Taxi drivers!

How was it?

What was that for?

You owe me, bastard.

- I paid you back. - No you didn't.

At least pay the interest!

Always complaining about your job!

You're no better than a pimp!

Lost again.

Taxi drivers have it easy.

They sleep whenever they want.

Then you should try it.

I'm a bad driver.

If you were good?

Let's get moving!

- Where to, sir? - TV station! Where else?

Idiot! He's sleeping!

Back up!

Interesting... You're so nice to taxi drivers!

- What was she doing? - I don't know.

Who are you talking about?

A stalker. She waits for him everywhere.

- Went too far again? - Not at all!

Make the cicada sounds loud.

Can you make the lights real bright, too?

No problem.

- Is it difficult? - No.

Then do it.

Tell me...

Is this "Winner's Draw" any good?

Hope they let mahjong losers in!

Their soy noodle soups are famous.

But the cook is a grouch. When you order...

Wait till I ask!

Request pepper and...

Tastes bad?

I'll never go back.

Imagine this... Zomahoun as the cook!

Tastes bad?

They're just right. Not too hard, not too soft.

Seasoned just right. Eat them as they are.

Thanks for your work!

She's been following me a while.

I should accept her gift.

Definitely not. It can't be much of anything.

You're so cold!

End of the shoot today? Here we go again...

I get flowers.

Money would be nicer!

Sometimes there are caterpillars.

They turn into creepy moths. Yuk!

What kind of set is that? What kind of producer are you?

You never think about artistic value. Budget is all you care about!

I'm sorry.

What's he doing?

Evening, sir.

- What's that? - Welcome, Mr Takeshi!

I told you to buy the right-hand drive.

What's the meaning of this?

- Who's that car for? - Akihiro Miwa.

We re over budget, Miwa. Restrain yourself.

Ask the sponsor for more money.

I will if the ratings go up.

It's tough with your ratings. It's not my fault.

Demand, beg... That's the producer's job.

I'm counting on you... Art! Think Art!

I've had it!

Pardon me?

Must be a poltergeist... Amazing!

Something lurking around.

More like a monster...

Look behind you.

What a freak!

Last shooting day.

Care to see the set?

Hello, Mr Takeshi.

This is our new kid. He's a terrific dancer.

Keep him in mind!

Say hello!

Hello.

Cute kid.

Please take a look.

Taichi SAOTOME

Give him a chance.

Please. Just once.

We'll see.

Time to go.

Goodbye.

Hey! Come on!

No.

I'll just be in the way. Better I stay behind.

In the way at a TV studio?

Don't worry. I'll be a good girl.

Whatever.

Don't touch that cream.

It's expensive.

Not even the most expensive cream could help your ugly face.

What an asshole!

Welcome to the set!

Is that supposed to be Okinawa?

Add sound effects, some lights...

Just like Okinawa!

Computer graphics?

A great view in the background.

You're ready?

I'll get going.

See you later.

They styled you? Looks nice.

Rest while we wait for Mr Takeshi.

Nice move. You made it up?

That earlier one, how does it go?

That last one? Like this...

Not so good, huh?

- Like that? - That's it!

Don't lie.

No, that was good. You got it!

- I'm no good. - No! You really got it!

I don't think so.

- What are you rehearsing? - Upcoming show.

- Keep up the good work. - Thanks.

- And the video? - You'll get one.

Back to work.

Takeshi darling, it's been ages! How are you?

Ask me out. Dinner, maybe?

You know I'm not like that.

You need to dress right.

More like a corporate type.

Hey, old dog! Playing a yakuza again?

Come over here.

You, girlie, move it. You're in my way.

Be polite. She's with Mr Takeshi.

Too bad!

You can use this cream.

You're a little too friendly. For you, it's "Mr Takeshi" here.

Problem with my yakuza roles?

I'm sorry, Mr Takeshi.

This guy is a fan. Doesn't he look like you?

Hard to say with that make-up.

You saying I look like a clown?

Takeshi darling!

Arrogant prick...

To think we started out together! He left us all behind.

Wants me to call him Mr Takeshi now. Arrogant prick!

Hello!

Hello, sir.

Here's our wardrobe.

Goodbye, everyone.

Mr Takeshi, you work a lot.

- You've been here forever. - It's been 40 years.

Red hot!

Excuse me...

Is Mr Takeshi here?

He's dressing.

My friend wants an autograph.

That should be alright.

Comedians?

They're loud!

Quiet!

Have a good show!

See you later.

An autograph request...

Mr Takeshi, he would like an autograph.

Sure.

Excuse me...

Could you write "To Mr Kitano"?

Same surname as mine?

Thank you.

He does look like me.

I think he's hot.

Really?

Not him, silly! The other guy.

Are you kidding?

Stupid joke!

That guy...

The one who looks like me...

What could his life be like?

Odd jobs, probably. Maybe in a convenience store.

Running to auditions in between.

Must be tough.

Thanks for your work! This is for you.

Let's shoot it!

Rolling!

Quiet!

This damned heat!

That's Okinawa.

The sound of cicadas and blistering heat.

Noisy bastards!

Take that!

We're over, too.

Cut!

Now, the close-up.

It's so hot!

That was great!

Water! Right away!

Those cicadas are loud.

Kill the cicadas!

Kill the lights!

- It was great. - The lights are still on.

Kill those lights now!

HELL HEAT starring Beat Takeshi

You never let me stay over.

No, my place is a mess.

Liar! You're hiding another guy!

That's not true! My clothes are everywhere.

Cheap old stuff.

But I'll replace them with expensive new clothes.

How sweet!

What are you looking at?

- Where are you going? - An audition.

- For what? - A movie.

You're an actor?

No way you'll get a part.

Get out of here!

I have a better chance of being in a movie than him.

Me, too.

We could co-star.

Like "Gone With the Wind"! Me, Clark Gable and you, Bruce Lee.

Vivien Leigh!

Whatever.

Thanks for your work!

I bought right-hand drive, too. Which one today?

Neither.

Remember "Roman Holiday"? Gregory Punk and Audrey Heartburn.

Don't be stupid!

It's Gregory Peck and Audrey Hepburn.

You're hopeless! Hopelessly stupid!

Can't you see I was joking?

It wasn't even funny.

Then tell me to stop!

You couldn't, even if I did. Just like in bed.

Nasty girl! Shame on you!

What are you staring at?

You think I like doing this?

"Wait till I ask."

"May I have some pepper?"

"Think it tastes bad, asshole? Get out!"

Try it again...

This time, louder. Be more angry.

"Noodle soup, please."

"Wait till I ask."

"May I have some pepper?"

"Think it tastes bad, asshole? Get out!"

It lacked some emotion.

That's fine. Thank you.

Please wait outside.

Mr Takagi is next.

Excuse me... I need the uniform back.

Mr Takagi is next, please.

Auditions are tough.

I hardly ever land a role.

- "Noodle soup, please." - "Asshole...

"Wait till I ask, asshole!"

"Some pepper, please."

"What now?"

"Think it tastes bad, asshole?"

"Get out!"

Fine, thank you. Please wait outside.

Damn right, I will!

He's a yakuza.

We need a grouchy cook.

Why was he called in?

- I'm sorry. - Be more careful.

Mr Takeshige.

How much longer? What about Junior?

OK, fine.

Ready?

Shall we begin?

"Noodle soup, please."

Your line, Junior.

"Wait till I ask."

"Wait till I ask."

"Some pepper, please."

"Some pepper, please."

But... That's my line.

You messed up! Tell me mine!

Let's start from the beginning.

- "Noodle soup, please." - "Wait till I ask."

"Wait till I ask."

"Some pepper, please."

"Think it tastes bad, asshole? Get out!"

"Think it tastes bad, asshole? Get out!"

Excuse me. You won't be able to...

I have to feed the lines to Junior. Shut up!

Fine. Let's start again.

- "Noodle soup, please." - "Wait till I ask."

"Wait till I ask."

"Some pepper, please."

"Think it tastes bad, asshole? Get out!"

"Think it tastes bad, asshole? Get out!"

That's fine. Thank you.

Please wait outside.

Choose carefully.

Next.

Put this on.

Problem?

The button...

The button seems to be stuck.

What's taking so long?

Let him go.

He's not the grouchy cook type.

Please wait outside.

We're "The 300 Kilos".

Hey, lady!

The register... It's here.

- You pay here. - I have to give money?

Then I don't want it.

Not my fault.

If I must give money...

Then I'll take this.

10 yen.

Here's 10,000 yen.

- Don't you have a smaller bill? - Come on!

10 yen...

Count it right! No mistakes.

9,000...

990 yen.

Thank you very much.

I'll take another.

10 yen.

Here's 1,000.

I just gave you change...

What's the problem? I collect coins.

990 yen.

Thanks.

MAJONG PARLOR

Welcome!

Wait until someone leaves.

Wake up! You got the part.

A player left.

Still an actor?

Must be tough.

What do you do?

Nothing much.

Nothing? Just like those guys.

But I'm not important.

Think they are?

Welcome, Junior.

Playing mahjong?

Looks fun.

Anyone leaving?

Hey!

That means you. Move it!

But I'm winning!

So what? Don't argue.

Let me finish.

Shut up! I said out!

I'll finish.

Mahjong!

- I win. - You didn't give us a chance!

You win and run off. No fair!

I won a normal day's wages.

- What about us? - Pops can replace me.

Will you?

Sure.

You owe me 20,000 yen.

Let's play.

Seems you're the only loser.

WINNER'S DRAW

Hi!

Their noodle soups are great.

Noodle soup, please.

- Wait till I ask! - Wait till I ask!

- Here. - Here.

- Some pepper, please. - Think it tastes bad?

Think it tastes bad?

"Think it tastes bad, asshole?"

- Get out! - Get out!

"Get out!"

Hey, pay up!

Hey, pay up!

How much?

- Can't you read, moron? - Can't you read, moron?

How was mahjong?

Lost again?

- Miso noodle soup, please. - Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Extra miso.

As you like.

As you like.

Thanks for your work!

How did it go?

I didn't get it.

No?

He didn't get it.

He didn't get it.

That's how it goes. He doesn't stand a chance.

Right, Audrey Heartburn?

Stop saying that!

Speak for yourself, Gregory Punk!

Again with the Gregory Punk! More like Humphrey Avocado.

Avocado? Why?

You mean Humphrey Bogart?

Don't we have it easy?

I get out here. You're on your own.

Don't forget...

Avoid that way.

Give up acting. Drive a taxi.

We have it easy.

- Where to? - Straight ahead.

- Straight ahead? - Straight ahead.

Gentlemen...

You're too heavy. You have to get out.

Don't worry. We take taxis all the time.

But, listen...

But...

Stop! There's no room!

- We'll fit. - No. Sorry...

- Please. - There's no room!

Give us a ride.

No room!

Just once!

- It's impossible! - Come on...

Just once!

- Too heavy! - Straight ahead!

I can't drive straight ahead.

You must get out!

The car is overloaded. It's difficult to move.

This is dangerous.

That's enough. You must get out.

Go right!

Go left!

We made it!

- Careful! - I won't get through.

- Sure you will. - This is dangerous.

- Change of course. - He did it!

- Go right! - No, go left!

- Straight ahead! - I can't!

He made it!

He did it!

This is dangerous!

Someone's moving!

- Did I run over him? - Go left!

I feel really sick. I have to stop.

You can do it! It's OK.

We made it!

The car won't make it!

Something's stuck!

- Who do you wear that for? - Don't start!

Put this on for me. It's new.

- No. - Put it on!

- Why should I? - Because I say so.

- No way. - Yours is see-through, slut!

Got an audition?

Get the part,

and I'll go out with you.

Actually, I hate that asshole.

Hope you get it!

"One more word and you're dead!"

"One more word, you're dead!"

"One more word and you're history!"

"Another word and you're dead!"

"Another word and you're history!"

"Another word and you're dead!"

That's all for today.

But...

There's one more left.

Let him go.

He dyed his hair like Takeshi. We can't use him.

Yakuzas don't look like that.

Gentlemen, please wait outside.

Let's take a break.

Thanks for your work!

- What are you doing? - Give me that!

Let go! I was reading.

We're sorry.

Takeshi darling!

I finally found you.

I feared we were destined to never meet again.

I don't want to be indiscreet, but...

What time does your shift end?

Just you and me... A quiet drink after work.

I'm busy.

Really?

What a shame!

I'm going to be indiscreet again.

I know this great curry restaurant.

Like curry?

I'm working now.

An expression of my feelings...

Please accept it.

I'll go out the back.

Where's the toilet?

Out the back door.

Have you seen a bald guy covered in blood?

Nope.

Hope you get it!

He fell for it!

You told him I was an asshole! How could you?

I lied.

You'll never get a part!

He never has before!

He'll come back disappointed again.

I can't wait!

Hope you get it!

So?

How did it go?

- I got the part. - No! Really?

You got the part?

I was right! I knew you would get it!

Hard work pays off!

Learn from him! The effort is what counts.

- He got his reward. - Always be persistent.

Keep trying and someone will notice.

God smiles down on you.

Don't be stupid! "I got the part", my ass!

- Whatever! - Just a fluke!

Must be some dumb character...

The kind shot from a roof, then falls into a river.

Maybe horse-dragged or sword-slain.

A role without lines or his face won't be seen...

Some extra that gets killed...

What an idiot! He's bragging about that?

Let's get drunk.

That really pisses me off. Why him?

Let's get drunk!

Are you jealous?

Jealous of what?

Life is so easy for some people!

Murderer!

Murderer!

Welcome! What would you like?

Welcome! What would you like?

Spaghetti Napolitan.

- Yes, sir. - Yes, sir.

Got a fork?

No, sir.

No, sir.

Some water, please.

Water!

Water!

Some water, damn it!

I'll kill you!

What's your role?

A yakuza hitman.

Yakuza hitman?

With a gun? Bang bang, you're dead?

I bought this to practice.

You bought it? Cool!

Show me how you hold it.

Not like that.

Use both hands Like those American TV cops.

Both hands. Use both hands!

That's the way. Now shoot!

It's real...

Mr Tanaka...

Mr Tanaka...

I'm from the Kyodo Daily. Your bill is overdue...

I don't have any cash.

Come back tomorrow.

Welcome. You'll have to wait until someone leaves.

You, get up.

What are you talking about? I'm playing!

Get out!

Are you crazy?

You useless bum...

Get a job!

What's going on?

I'm sorry! I'll never cheat again!

I have a wife and kids!

Five kids!

Take my money. Take it!

Take my taxi, too. You can have it.

Forgive me. I'm sorry!

Wait till I ask.

Just helping with the body.

Interested in the Kyodo Daily? How about a month subscription?

Don't need it. Go away.

Hey... Come over here.

Undress me.

Take off my jeans.

Hurry up.

Hurry up.

What are you doing?

What's taking so long?

The button is stuck.

Excuse me! Subscribe to the Kyodo Daily!

I crashed the car!

That's my girl, you bastard!

Give me my gun!

Where are you going?

A robbery!

A robbery!

Call the police!

The money!

I'm not doing this for the money.

Where's the key?

2 million yen for the key.

You have money.

Give me some, too.

One million isn't enough. I want two.

Count it right!

Here's 10,000 yen...

For a 10-yen pack of gum.

Give me change.

HELL HEAT starring Beat Takeshi

A used Porsche?

How about a Rolls?

You robbed a bank. You have money!

Only cheapskates buy used cars!

That's my girl!

Go on! Buy it!

- Buy it! - Cheapskate!

That's my girl!

That's my girl, bastard!

It's one-of-a-kind. Buy it!

You're so cheap.

- That's my girl! - Buy it!

Idiot! Back up!

That's my girl!

Stop! Bastard!

- Be careful! - Watch out!

Bastard!

Bastard!

Into the darkness,

My mother disappeared with her lover

Abandoned, I was tossed around from one home to another

Abused and humiliated, I grew up swallowing my tears

When I was little,

An ugly duckling I was

Without a friend

l only had myself

Weird was how they saw me

Miserable was my life

Crouching and sulking, My life has been a living hell

With resentment and hate

l have survived until today

We're off to a good start.

Our next song is about parents loving their children...

...Children loving parents.

A love for rich and poor alike.

An unconditional love immortalized in...

"Heavy Laborer's Song"!

Sing it for us, Miwa!

I hear it even now the Heavy Laborer's Song

I hear it even now That beloved lullaby

At the construction site, During lunch break

Smoking a cigarette, I close my eyes

Music fills the air I hear that song

The song of the heavy laborer at work

The song of the poor heavy laborers

This is for my dear husband: Heave Ho!

This is for my dear wife: Heave Ho!

This is for my dear children: Heave Ho!

One more for luck: Heave Ho!

Let's meet in our dreams

Damn!

Bitch!

You're a pain in the ass!

Where have you been?

Hi!

What do you mean "Hi", slut?

Sorry! I don't know how I got here!

You're too much!

Ready? Go!

I'm taking the money.

Charge!

Charge!

Mr Kitano...

Please give him a chance.

His name is Taichi. Just once. Give him a chance.

Please give him a chance.

I'd really appreciate it. Just once...

Where's the toilet?

Out the back door.

Cut!

This way, please.

Thank you.

Good work.

To Mr Clown

Sorry. I must have pricked you.

Now what?

Written, Edited and Directed by: Takeshi KITANO

Produced by: Masayuki MORl and Takio YOSHIDA

Cinematography: Katsumi YANAGlJIMA

Lighting: Hitoshi TAKAYA

Production Design: Norihiro ISODA

Sound Design: Senji HORIUCHI

Editing: Yoshinori OTA

Line Producer: Shinji KOMIYA

Costume Design: Yohji YAMAMOTO

Starring:

Beat Takeshi

Kotomi KYONO

Kayoko KISHIMOTO

Ren OHSUGI

Susumu TERAJIMA

and Akihiro MIWA

Adaptation: Jeanette AMANO and Richard LORMAND