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00:00:07,380 --> 00:00:08,380
Ladies and gentlemen,
2
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,780
the highlight of today's fundraiser,
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00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:13,060
Senator and Mrs. Louis Laffer.
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00:00:20,540 --> 00:00:23,100
Bravo. Bravo.
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00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:25,540
Team Laffer still got it.
6
00:00:30,820 --> 00:00:33,980
And next is one of synchronized swimming's
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00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:35,060
toughest moves...
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00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:38,220
a side layout platform lift.
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00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:46,074
Download anonymously: seedbox.io
Save 25%, use code: OPEN25
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00:00:47,860 --> 00:00:51,380
Ladies and gentlemen, the grand finale!
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Bravo.
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Oh, my stars.
13
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:42,660
Who talked us into this, Louise?
14
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You did, dear.
15
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Well, don't listen to me.
16
00:01:45,580 --> 00:01:48,524
Who tries a side layout
platform lift at our age?
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00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:51,247
Someone who still rocks
his Speedo like you do.
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00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:56,100
Well, seriously folks, I'd
like to thank our hosts,
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00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:59,340
Stan and Jan, so much for
lending us their beautiful pool
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00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:03,500
for this campaign fun-raiser,
as I like to call them.
21
00:02:03,740 --> 00:02:05,500
- He's bleeding.
- It reminds...
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00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,260
Uh, I guess I have
23
00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:11,100
to wrap things up...
apparently I'm bleeding.
24
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:13,740
Oh! Yikes.
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00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:16,060
Water ballet ain't for sissies, folks.
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00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:17,940
Well, thank you all for coming.
27
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I appreciate your support.
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00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:25,500
Hey, guys.
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Oh, Van.
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Oh, my goodness, look who's here, Louis.
31
00:02:29,580 --> 00:02:31,180
Van, what are you doing here?
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00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:34,100
Chance to see you two back
in action, worth every penny.
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00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,580
Julie, this is Van Pingree,
one of our synchro-mates
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00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:38,460
at Brigham Young. This is our Julie.
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It's a pleasure, sir.
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00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,820
Your boss and I had some
good times back in the day.
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00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,260
I was just telling that
TV reporter all about them.
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00:02:44,540 --> 00:02:47,740
- TV reporter?
- Yeah.
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00:02:47,740 --> 00:02:49,620
Shelby? What's he doing here?
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00:02:49,860 --> 00:02:51,540
Well, the race has blown up, sir,
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00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:53,380
ever since Penn Jillette declared.
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00:02:53,660 --> 00:02:55,260
Wh... what'd you tell him?
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00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,060
Oh, just about those locker room stunts
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00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,940
we used to pull back in the day.
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Stunts? There were stunts?
46
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,940
Don't worry, little giant,
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00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:04,820
you'll get a chance to tell
Shelby your side of the story
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00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,940
when it's time for your interview.
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00:03:06,940 --> 00:03:08,500
I'm not worried. What
would I be worried about?
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00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:11,300
I mean, some so-called stunts? Please.
51
00:03:17,190 --> 00:03:18,830
So ever since I came forward with my story,
52
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my life has really changed.
53
00:03:20,310 --> 00:03:22,350
So just to be clear, your story is that
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00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:24,150
you intentionally knocked over the lamp
55
00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:26,010
to make Senator Guzman look good.
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00:03:26,090 --> 00:03:27,270
Right.
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00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:28,550
- And who told you to do this?
- Well, it's in my book,
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00:03:28,830 --> 00:03:30,110
so I can't tell you who.
59
00:03:30,350 --> 00:03:31,710
But it goes really far up,
I can tell you that much.
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00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:32,990
You wrote a whole book on this.
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00:03:32,990 --> 00:03:34,630
No, but I have the title.
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00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:37,830
It's 1000 Watts in Your face, Bitch.
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00:03:37,830 --> 00:03:39,910
Gaffing the Truth.
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00:03:39,910 --> 00:03:41,470
Why Things Got Like This.
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00:03:41,750 --> 00:03:43,590
It's got two colons, so you
know it's going to be smart.
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00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,870
Well, we have that to look forward to...
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00:03:46,110 --> 00:03:47,710
What a bad man.
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00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:50,110
Why would they tell such a story, Andy?
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00:03:50,110 --> 00:03:51,790
He's disgruntled.
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00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:53,870
He was fired for incompetence.
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00:03:53,870 --> 00:03:55,350
What is disgruntled?
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00:03:55,350 --> 00:03:57,070
It means he's being an asshole.
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Now I have to have a press conference
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to tell my side of the story.
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00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:03,070
Oh, no. I'm gonna be late for work.
76
00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:04,390
You're already at work, Marta.
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00:04:04,390 --> 00:04:05,990
Doesn't mean I can be late.
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00:04:05,990 --> 00:04:08,630
It's not professional.
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00:04:08,630 --> 00:04:09,870
Excuse me.
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00:04:10,110 --> 00:04:11,630
Good morning, Senator Bettencourt.
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00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:12,870
You have heard of knocking, huh, Marta?
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00:04:13,110 --> 00:04:14,350
They have that in Croatia?
83
00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:15,630
Sorry, sir, I'm late for work.
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00:04:15,870 --> 00:04:17,350
I have to be downstairs in four minutes.
85
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,470
You can't get a note
or something from Andy?
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D... d... door.
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00:04:22,270 --> 00:04:24,950
Good morning, renters. First of the month.
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- I'm good for it.
- Me too.
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00:04:26,510 --> 00:04:28,710
No, you're not. You've bounced two checks.
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00:04:28,710 --> 00:04:30,708
That was during the government shutdown.
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00:04:30,709 --> 00:04:33,353
I refused my pay, and donated to charity.
92
00:04:33,470 --> 00:04:36,630
- Sue me.
- It remains an option.
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00:04:36,630 --> 00:04:37,870
I need checks from you both tonight.
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00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:39,270
What charity?
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00:04:39,270 --> 00:04:40,950
I don't know, something with dogs.
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00:04:40,950 --> 00:04:42,550
One of Adriana's causes.
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00:04:46,990 --> 00:04:49,870
aren't you living life a
little dangerously these days?
98
00:04:49,870 --> 00:04:51,870
What am I gonna do?
99
00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:54,070
If I don't get laid twice
a day, I get headaches.
100
00:04:54,310 --> 00:04:56,150
- Like, throbbing.
- Uh-huh.
101
00:04:56,150 --> 00:04:57,470
What's throbbing?
102
00:04:57,470 --> 00:04:59,030
Seriously, it's an actual condition.
103
00:04:59,310 --> 00:05:00,910
I have to have sex prophylactically.
104
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:02,270
It's like a curse.
105
00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:03,870
Then see a trained professional, man.
106
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:05,470
Y... y... you're courting disaster.
107
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:07,910
It's a little early for that,
don't you think, dear Marta?
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00:05:07,910 --> 00:05:08,950
Sorry, sir.
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00:05:09,230 --> 00:05:10,550
You know, the car's already here.
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00:05:10,550 --> 00:05:12,110
I'm working from home today.
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00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:14,710
You're working from home again, seriously?
112
00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:16,350
People work from home.
113
00:05:16,590 --> 00:05:18,510
Robert, we're politicians.
We don't work from home.
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Every day we suck it up,
we go into the office,
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00:05:21,350 --> 00:05:23,710
and we meet with
lobbyists. It's what we do.
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And we don't lie around for weeks
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moaning about how screwed
up our personal life is.
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Why?
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Because we don't have one.
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- I did.
- No, you didn't.
121
00:05:34,870 --> 00:05:37,270
You never went home, and
you never missed your wife
122
00:05:37,590 --> 00:05:38,590
until she divorced you.
123
00:05:38,910 --> 00:05:40,470
You got that right, man. My ex-wife?
124
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:43,190
Never looked better
than the night she left.
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00:05:43,470 --> 00:05:44,550
She had me at good-bye.
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Both of you are such great comfort.
127
00:05:48,510 --> 00:05:51,110
Might be right, buddy.
128
00:05:51,110 --> 00:05:52,830
May be time to get back in the game.
129
00:05:53,150 --> 00:05:55,750
I mean, I'm no expert on
affairs of the heart, but...
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00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:57,110
You are.
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You're the Love Doctor.
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So, physician, heal thyself.
133
00:06:03,870 --> 00:06:05,950
How long you been saving that one?
134
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:06,950
Not that long.
135
00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,150
See y'all later. Come on, Buster.
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00:06:09,390 --> 00:06:10,430
When you're ready for a reboot,
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00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,550
you let me know, amigo.
I got a couple ladies
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that'd be happy to make you happy.
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00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:19,430
Must be so nice to be engaged.
140
00:06:19,430 --> 00:06:21,270
And to not pay rent.
141
00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:22,550
And have a spare girlfriend.
142
00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:24,990
Who also doesn't pay rent.
143
00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:28,710
Yes, I've got a lot on my chest.
144
00:06:31,670 --> 00:06:34,070
Is he watching this? Is he watching this?
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00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:38,070
I'm not sure, ma'am. I'm
headed into his office now.
146
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,870
Oh, yes, ma'am, he's watching it.
147
00:06:40,870 --> 00:06:43,268
I have great respect for Coach Biggs,
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00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:46,324
and after everything he
accomplished at U.N.C.,
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00:06:46,350 --> 00:06:47,916
he deserved a rest.
150
00:06:47,917 --> 00:06:51,680
But the United State Senate
is not a retirement home.
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00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:55,350
- It's not a place to kick back...
- Oh, for fuck's sakes.
152
00:06:55,350 --> 00:06:56,591
While the rest of the country is crying out
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00:06:56,592 --> 00:06:59,330
- for strong leadership.
- Ugh.
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00:06:59,550 --> 00:07:01,919
It's time for Coach Biggs to move aside...
155
00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:03,650
and let a proven leader step forward.
156
00:07:03,670 --> 00:07:05,110
Why is he calling you "Coach Biggs"?
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00:07:05,350 --> 00:07:06,910
You're a sitting senator,
for Christ's sake.
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00:07:06,910 --> 00:07:09,596
Just as I did when I volunteered to defend
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00:07:09,599 --> 00:07:11,506
this country after 9/11.
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00:07:11,870 --> 00:07:14,332
How many nights did that
boy sit in our living room,
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00:07:14,335 --> 00:07:16,510
watching our big screen,
drinking our beer, and eating
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00:07:16,510 --> 00:07:18,390
our takeout like he was one of our own?
163
00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:21,510
We even let him date our
only attractive daughter.
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00:07:21,510 --> 00:07:23,070
Before she was ready!
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00:07:23,070 --> 00:07:26,550
And this is our repayment?
166
00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:29,030
It won't, Maddie. We're gonna hit him hard.
167
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:31,350
I got a meeting with the
Watt Brothers this morning.
168
00:07:31,590 --> 00:07:33,630
What the hell is that racket?
169
00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:36,630
Ugh, Billy's crew is back.
It's the renovation from hell.
170
00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:39,230
Tammy, make sure the senator's
on time for that meeting.
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00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:41,070
Yes, ma'am, I will.
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We're headed out now.
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00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,030
Gil John, you make sure you tell the Watts
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00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,550
what a snake Leland's been.
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00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:47,950
They don't care about that, Maddie.
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It's not personal for them, they just want
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00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:50,870
to lock up the "sen."
178
00:07:51,110 --> 00:07:52,430
What...
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00:07:52,710 --> 00:07:53,510
Out of range, sir.
180
00:07:53,790 --> 00:07:55,350
Fucking... goddamn...
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00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:57,550
You better walk it back
and see what she wants.
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00:07:57,550 --> 00:07:58,790
Yes, sir. Good luck.
183
00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:02,470
And don't forget about the mark up at 5:00.
184
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,870
Her reality show is
coming to town next week.
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00:08:04,870 --> 00:08:07,910
One nightmare at a time, girl.
186
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:14,070
Good time, sir?
187
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:15,590
For what?
188
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:17,750
The briefing. Armed services hearing?
189
00:08:17,750 --> 00:08:19,030
Oh, of course.
190
00:08:19,310 --> 00:08:22,870
Okay. I've organized the
witness profiles with dividers.
191
00:08:23,110 --> 00:08:26,150
The tabs are color-coded
the way you like them.
192
00:08:26,150 --> 00:08:28,570
- Any orange tabs?
- Of course not, sir.
193
00:08:29,070 --> 00:08:31,430
You think I'm neurotic.
Having an unlucky color.
194
00:08:31,430 --> 00:08:33,110
No, sir, it's no problem at all.
195
00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:38,150
Not when there are so many other
great colors to choose from.
196
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:45,190
Julie... That interview
with Shelby next week...
197
00:08:45,190 --> 00:08:47,030
Sir, I wouldn't worry about that.
198
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,550
Shelby's your biggest fan.
199
00:08:48,870 --> 00:08:51,151
Well, when he wrote for
the Reno Paper, sure.
200
00:08:51,152 --> 00:08:53,561
But he's with KPVK now.
201
00:08:53,562 --> 00:08:55,162
They're more hard-hitting.
202
00:08:55,350 --> 00:08:59,070
It's just... local news, sir.
203
00:08:59,350 --> 00:09:03,350
But he could be in the hunt
for youthful indiscretions.
204
00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,670
He could ask about my synchro
days, my male teammates,
205
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,790
that sort of thing.
206
00:09:08,030 --> 00:09:11,390
Seriously, this is just a simple profile.
207
00:09:11,390 --> 00:09:15,630
The past is never simple, Julie.
208
00:09:22,470 --> 00:09:24,670
Never mind.
209
00:09:24,670 --> 00:09:26,310
Military service that needs my attention.
210
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:30,670
Let's start with the purple witness.
211
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:34,470
Okay, that would be army
Colonel Eugene Drake,
212
00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:35,790
and he'll be testifying
213
00:09:36,070 --> 00:09:40,310
about lifting the ban
on transgender troops.
214
00:09:40,550 --> 00:09:44,150
Transgender troops?
215
00:09:44,470 --> 00:09:46,670
Not on my watch.
216
00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:50,310
Any last-minute advice?
217
00:09:50,310 --> 00:09:52,630
Tell the truth. It's
easier to keep track of.
218
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:53,950
Don't worry about telling the truth.
219
00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:55,750
Just focus on not lying.
220
00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:57,070
Unless you have no choice.
221
00:09:57,070 --> 00:09:58,630
Then you damn well better sell it.
222
00:09:58,630 --> 00:10:00,470
Thank you all.
223
00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:01,790
Good morning.
224
00:10:01,790 --> 00:10:04,190
I've come here today to apologize
225
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,070
to everyone who watched my rebuttal
226
00:10:06,070 --> 00:10:08,390
to the president's
immigration speech last fall.
227
00:10:08,390 --> 00:10:11,350
For those of you who missed
it, the rest of the nation saw
228
00:10:11,350 --> 00:10:15,710
a TV light topple over,
narrowly missing me by inches.
229
00:10:21,670 --> 00:10:23,190
Let me be clear.
230
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:27,150
I cannot and will not
apologize for not flinching
231
00:10:27,150 --> 00:10:28,710
in the face of danger.
232
00:10:28,710 --> 00:10:32,350
But I will apologize for
the behavior of Greg Latour,
233
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:36,750
the gaffer who pushed that
lamp over in a misguided effort
234
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,590
to showcase my intrepidity,
235
00:10:38,590 --> 00:10:43,150
coincidentally, a quality we
look for in our presidents.
236
00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:44,550
Nice.
237
00:10:44,790 --> 00:10:47,550
Mr. Latour's conduct
was totally unacceptable,
238
00:10:47,870 --> 00:10:51,110
which is why my chief
of staff, Katherine Sims,
239
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,350
terminated his employment
240
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:54,110
immediately following the incident.
241
00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:56,230
And under the bus I go.
242
00:10:56,470 --> 00:11:01,030
Let me be clear. This
gaffe by a known gaffer
243
00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:02,870
was unknown to me.
244
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,430
Senator, are you saying
you had no knowledge
245
00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:07,350
of the staged accident in advance?
246
00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:09,310
Let me put it this way, Chuck.
247
00:11:09,310 --> 00:11:12,870
This is not Benghazi. No
lives were lost, thank God.
248
00:11:12,870 --> 00:11:14,950
And frankly, we don't know
the whole Benghazi story,
249
00:11:15,230 --> 00:11:17,853
so it would be inappropriate
for me to comment any further.
250
00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:19,230
- Bill.
- Can I follow up, Senator...
251
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:20,870
No, you may not, Chuck.
252
00:11:21,150 --> 00:11:24,630
I will not insult the memory
of four dead American heroes
253
00:11:24,950 --> 00:11:28,310
by comparing the Benghazi
tragedy to a lighting accident.
254
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:31,190
Mr. Latour says that you
cooked the whole thing up.
255
00:11:31,510 --> 00:11:33,350
- Okay, let's wrap this up.
- Well, that would follow
256
00:11:33,630 --> 00:11:34,910
a pattern and go all the way back
257
00:11:34,910 --> 00:11:37,110
to when Mr. Latour and I
were back in high school.
258
00:11:37,350 --> 00:11:40,310
Frankly, I'm sure he felt
some resentment towards
259
00:11:40,310 --> 00:11:41,630
star athletes like myself.
260
00:11:41,630 --> 00:11:43,230
- Did you know him?
- Not personally.
261
00:11:43,470 --> 00:11:44,870
We didn't attend the same school.
262
00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:48,390
But if we had, I wouldn't
have known him from Adam.
263
00:11:48,390 --> 00:11:51,710
My duties as class
president kept me very busy.
264
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:54,070
Any more questions?
265
00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:55,830
Yes, Kerry.
266
00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:25,070
Wow, Senator. Love the soundtrack.
267
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:26,390
What's he saying?
268
00:12:26,670 --> 00:12:27,950
He's lamenting that the love of his life
269
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:31,070
has left him for another man.
270
00:12:31,310 --> 00:12:33,110
He does sound like he's in a lot of pain.
271
00:12:33,390 --> 00:12:37,350
He chases away his rival,
Silvio, but he's too far gone.
272
00:12:37,350 --> 00:12:42,070
So Canio plays the clown
to root out the lovers.
273
00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:43,470
And then he...
274
00:12:43,470 --> 00:12:45,590
he kills her with a table knife.
275
00:12:45,590 --> 00:12:46,710
So...
276
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:47,790
So that's my story.
277
00:12:48,070 --> 00:12:49,070
How is it your story?
278
00:12:49,350 --> 00:12:50,790
You plan on shanking your ex-wife?
279
00:12:51,070 --> 00:12:52,350
Not literally, you pinhead.
280
00:12:52,630 --> 00:12:57,630
I'm talking about the
emotional truth of the libret...
281
00:12:57,910 --> 00:12:59,750
What the fuck are you doing here?
282
00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:01,550
Okay, so I'm sorry to bother you, sir,
283
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:03,710
but here's the thing. Your opponent?
284
00:13:03,990 --> 00:13:06,110
The enormously popular
ex-governor Ed Rendell?
285
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:08,550
Well, he's crisscrossing
the state within four,
286
00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:10,110
five well-attended events a day.
287
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:11,750
Whereas you have spent the last two weeks
288
00:13:12,030 --> 00:13:13,870
in your underwear,
listening to a dead Italian
289
00:13:13,870 --> 00:13:16,270
sing about stabbing his slutty girlfriend.
290
00:13:16,510 --> 00:13:18,550
Slutty?
291
00:13:18,550 --> 00:13:20,950
Good afternoon.
292
00:13:21,230 --> 00:13:22,070
Senator.
293
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:23,190
What is it, Marta?
294
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:26,870
Can I keep anything I find in the couch?
295
00:13:26,870 --> 00:13:29,070
When a falling TV lamp nearly kills
296
00:13:29,070 --> 00:13:33,310
a major presidential candidate,
you have to ask yourself,
297
00:13:33,310 --> 00:13:34,990
who stands to benefit?
298
00:13:34,990 --> 00:13:36,270
Rand Paul?
299
00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:37,870
Ted Cruz?
300
00:13:37,870 --> 00:13:39,990
Well, the evidence just isn't there yet,
301
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:41,870
which is why a full investigation
302
00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:44,310
is under serious consideration.
303
00:13:44,310 --> 00:13:45,590
Any more questions?
304
00:13:47,230 --> 00:13:47,990
Raymond?
305
00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:51,870
Oh, no, thanks, Senator, I'm good.
306
00:13:52,870 --> 00:13:55,190
Listen to me, you dumb,
leaking piece of shit.
307
00:13:55,430 --> 00:13:57,310
The next time you source
me directly like that,
308
00:13:57,310 --> 00:13:59,190
swear to God, I'm going
to come to your house
309
00:13:59,190 --> 00:14:01,830
and personally tear off your scrotum.
310
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:03,390
Can I get you some lunch, Senator?
311
00:14:03,390 --> 00:14:06,030
- No, no thanks, I'm good.
- Look, Marty, I gotta go.
312
00:14:06,110 --> 00:14:07,930
Give my best to Laurie and the girls...
313
00:14:08,230 --> 00:14:09,310
Right, yeah.
314
00:14:09,510 --> 00:14:12,550
See you in Palm Springs.
You hungry, Senator?
315
00:14:12,550 --> 00:14:14,390
No, actually I'm a
little pressed for time...
316
00:14:14,390 --> 00:14:15,750
Pack him up a pastrami on rye to go
317
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:16,870
with a pickled herring side.
318
00:14:17,110 --> 00:14:18,390
Yes, sir, Mr. Watt.
319
00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,190
So tell me, Senator,
about this liberal prick
320
00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:22,070
who's challenging you.
321
00:14:22,070 --> 00:14:24,670
Well, he used to play
basketball for me at U.N.C.
322
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:28,110
- I made him a star.
- Made him a star, how?
323
00:14:28,110 --> 00:14:31,030
By giving him lots of minutes
in uncompetitive games.
324
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:34,150
A lot more playin' time
than his skills deserved.
325
00:14:34,430 --> 00:14:39,150
Why the fuck would you do that?
326
00:14:39,390 --> 00:14:43,350
He was also good-looking,
humble, and polite.
327
00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,030
He filled a lot of seats.
328
00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:47,790
Fill any seats in your fake
classes for your players?
329
00:14:47,790 --> 00:14:49,590
- No, that wasn't me.
- Of course it wasn't,
330
00:14:49,870 --> 00:14:51,950
but phony academic
credits could be an angle.
331
00:14:52,230 --> 00:14:54,030
Fuck! Look at the ass on this one.
332
00:14:54,030 --> 00:14:56,190
Hoo, nice.
333
00:14:56,470 --> 00:14:59,390
Security drone... we're testing
them in our Reno casinos.
334
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:02,390
Oh, no, Leland didn't
take any of those classes.
335
00:15:02,390 --> 00:15:06,430
He was a physics/philosophy
double major, and ROTC.
336
00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:10,110
Became a ranger, did three
tours and won the Medal of Honor.
337
00:15:10,390 --> 00:15:12,670
Ooh, so he's a big fucking deal.
338
00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:14,110
Yeah, he is.
339
00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:15,910
- He's a war hero.
- Was a war hero.
340
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,790
What do you mean?
341
00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:20,710
You don't need to know
what my brother means.
342
00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:22,310
You need our help in North Carolina.
343
00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:25,110
That's where the
conversation ends, Senator.
344
00:15:25,110 --> 00:15:27,110
We're gonna be dropping
a shitload of dark money
345
00:15:27,390 --> 00:15:29,550
on ads, and the rules
say we can't coordinate.
346
00:15:29,550 --> 00:15:31,110
Well, I don't want to coordinate.
347
00:15:31,350 --> 00:15:33,830
But I do want to keep it about the issues.
348
00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:35,470
There's only one issue.
349
00:15:35,470 --> 00:15:36,470
Freedom.
350
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,030
Unregulated markets.
351
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,950
Keeping government's overreaching
hands out of our pants.
352
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:42,870
Richie, there's an asshole at table 43.
353
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:44,630
Just palmed some dealer chips.
354
00:15:44,950 --> 00:15:46,830
Bald, green shirt. Yeah, him.
355
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:48,190
Ho-kay, well, I'm gonna get going.
356
00:15:48,470 --> 00:15:50,110
Leave everything to us, Senator.
357
00:15:50,110 --> 00:15:54,030
And you don't need to thank
us. We know you're grateful.
358
00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:57,190
Shelley, Saul.
359
00:15:57,430 --> 00:16:00,550
- Don't forget your "sangwich."
- No, no, do it in the meat locker.
360
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:02,110
Where no one can hear him.
361
00:16:02,110 --> 00:16:04,950
Do whatever you want. Go with your heart.
362
00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:08,670
What was Brigham Young like?
363
00:16:08,670 --> 00:16:10,990
May I ask why you ask, Shelby?
364
00:16:11,195 --> 00:16:12,555
Well, it's a Mormon university,
365
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:14,155
so I think most people imagine
366
00:16:14,155 --> 00:16:15,995
that it's a pretty
buttoned-down environment.
367
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:17,915
It was.
368
00:16:17,915 --> 00:16:18,995
Nothing went on at Brigham Young.
369
00:16:18,995 --> 00:16:20,395
Ever.
370
00:16:20,395 --> 00:16:22,235
Well, that's not what your
old friend and teammate,
371
00:16:22,235 --> 00:16:25,275
Van Pingree told me. He said that you guys
372
00:16:25,555 --> 00:16:27,675
had some pretty crazy
times on the swim team.
373
00:16:27,915 --> 00:16:30,555
He's lying.
374
00:16:30,555 --> 00:16:33,275
Louis, Van never bore
false witness in his life.
375
00:16:33,275 --> 00:16:35,155
He's joking, Shelby.
376
00:16:36,475 --> 00:16:38,035
Could we take a break here?
377
00:16:38,035 --> 00:16:39,355
I could use some water.
378
00:16:39,355 --> 00:16:40,715
Sure. Let's cut.
379
00:16:40,995 --> 00:16:42,315
You okay?
380
00:16:42,555 --> 00:16:45,515
Oh, I'm... I'm fine.
Just a little dehydrated.
381
00:16:45,755 --> 00:16:47,875
Throwing me off my game.
382
00:16:48,115 --> 00:16:50,275
You're doing great, Senator.
383
00:16:50,555 --> 00:16:53,395
Shelby's your bitch.
384
00:16:53,395 --> 00:16:55,195
Excuse me?
385
00:16:55,195 --> 00:17:00,075
You own him, sir. Bring it on home.
386
00:17:01,995 --> 00:17:02,835
Is he okay?
387
00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,195
Oh, he's fine, Senator.
388
00:17:04,475 --> 00:17:06,555
All right, people, we're back in.
389
00:17:06,555 --> 00:17:09,755
Sorry to hear about Mrs. Bettencourt, sir.
390
00:17:09,755 --> 00:17:12,475
Good luck with the, you know...
391
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:13,755
Healing process.
392
00:17:13,755 --> 00:17:15,635
Okay, sir. So a moment ago,
393
00:17:15,635 --> 00:17:17,955
we were talking about your
old teammate, Van Pingree.
394
00:17:18,195 --> 00:17:19,835
Okay, I know what you're
going after here, Shelby,
395
00:17:19,835 --> 00:17:22,315
so let's just get it out there.
396
00:17:22,555 --> 00:17:23,555
Sir?
397
00:17:31,035 --> 00:17:35,155
There... were... a couple of times,
398
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:37,795
five, six at the most,
399
00:17:38,075 --> 00:17:40,115
when...
400
00:17:40,355 --> 00:17:42,195
Honey?
401
00:17:42,475 --> 00:17:44,275
When...
402
00:17:44,595 --> 00:17:47,275
When what, little giant? Be brave.
403
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,915
God forgives you.
404
00:17:48,915 --> 00:17:53,075
God forgives you.
405
00:17:53,395 --> 00:17:54,955
To give us an edge...
406
00:18:02,635 --> 00:18:04,995
Van and I did...
407
00:18:04,995 --> 00:18:08,435
Coffee.
408
00:18:08,715 --> 00:18:09,515
Coffee?
409
00:18:09,715 --> 00:18:10,555
Coffee. We did it black.
410
00:18:10,795 --> 00:18:12,355
I'm not proud of it.
411
00:18:12,355 --> 00:18:15,955
Church forbids drinking coffee.
412
00:18:15,955 --> 00:18:18,395
But we were under a lot of pressure.
413
00:18:18,635 --> 00:18:20,795
It was Van's idea.
414
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,155
I don't blame him.
415
00:18:22,155 --> 00:18:26,235
I... I take full responsibility.
416
00:18:26,995 --> 00:18:28,035
And I hope you're happy.
417
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:30,515
Happy about what, sir?
418
00:18:30,795 --> 00:18:34,475
With your "gotcha" journalism.
419
00:18:34,475 --> 00:18:36,915
Drinking coffee isn't exactly a big story.
420
00:18:37,155 --> 00:18:40,515
Oh, but having a handsome teammate is?
421
00:18:40,515 --> 00:18:42,795
Um, you know what, Senator?
422
00:18:42,795 --> 00:18:44,155
Why don't we stop for now?
423
00:18:44,395 --> 00:18:46,289
I think we've got enough, right? Yeah.
424
00:18:46,290 --> 00:18:48,555
And don't worry, Senator, we won't use
425
00:18:48,557 --> 00:18:49,974
the part about the coffee.
426
00:18:53,035 --> 00:18:54,715
Whoo.
427
00:18:54,715 --> 00:18:58,915
Leland Grimmel is not who you think he is.
428
00:18:58,915 --> 00:19:00,616
I served with Leland Grimmel.
429
00:19:00,655 --> 00:19:03,387
I served with someone I
believed to be Leland Grimmel.
430
00:19:03,635 --> 00:19:05,176
Leland Grimmel has not been honest...
431
00:19:05,195 --> 00:19:06,675
About what happened in Afghanistan.
432
00:19:07,195 --> 00:19:09,246
- He's lying...
- About his record of fighting.
433
00:19:09,435 --> 00:19:12,250
Afterwards, Leland lied to
get his first bronze star.
434
00:19:12,315 --> 00:19:14,312
- Oh...
- I saw it, I was there.
435
00:19:15,475 --> 00:19:17,377
Well, I wasn't, but a
close buddy of mine was.
436
00:19:17,415 --> 00:19:20,872
- When the chips were down...
- Leland Grimmel is no...
437
00:19:20,875 --> 00:19:22,035
War hero.
438
00:19:22,315 --> 00:19:23,555
I was there. I saw it.
439
00:19:23,555 --> 00:19:26,235
Fit for duty, are you...
are you kidding me?
440
00:19:26,235 --> 00:19:27,778
Troops for Truth is responsible
441
00:19:27,779 --> 00:19:29,035
for the content of this ad.
442
00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,195
I was there.
443
00:19:33,535 --> 00:19:35,155
Fuck me in a handcart.
444
00:19:35,395 --> 00:19:37,195
They swift-boated him, didn't they, sir?
445
00:19:37,195 --> 00:19:39,035
Yes, Tammy, they swift-boated him.
446
00:19:39,035 --> 00:19:41,155
I can't believe it.
447
00:19:41,155 --> 00:19:44,235
- Get me Leland on the phone.
- Yes, sir.
448
00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:48,555
So I asked Dilly to track the
Gaffergate press conference.
449
00:19:48,835 --> 00:19:51,515
Otherwise, I wouldn't have. I'm very busy.
450
00:19:51,515 --> 00:19:54,555
Yes, Dilly's been working
on the election in Norway.
451
00:19:54,835 --> 00:19:56,715
Finland. So the senator's
452
00:19:56,995 --> 00:19:58,915
press conference was widely
unwatched until the second hour,
453
00:19:59,195 --> 00:20:01,475
and then, apparently the length
of it became a web curiosity,
454
00:20:01,475 --> 00:20:03,315
and then your live feed
went viral, so by hour three,
455
00:20:03,555 --> 00:20:05,635
your audience had grown
by a factor of 14.6.
456
00:20:05,635 --> 00:20:07,555
So instead of stamping out the last spark
457
00:20:07,835 --> 00:20:10,995
of interesting Gaffergate,
I... reignited it.
458
00:20:10,995 --> 00:20:13,795
Yeah, Gaffergate is now your
second-worst trending negative.
459
00:20:14,075 --> 00:20:16,235
What's my worst?
460
00:20:16,235 --> 00:20:18,355
No, I would rather not say.
461
00:20:18,355 --> 00:20:21,755
The senator's very interested
in what you have to tell him.
462
00:20:21,755 --> 00:20:23,315
Uh...
463
00:20:23,315 --> 00:20:27,235
The public perception
that you are a sex addict.
464
00:20:27,235 --> 00:20:29,315
- What?
- Okay, I got to go,
465
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,875
we've just pulled out of my comfort zone,
466
00:20:30,875 --> 00:20:33,835
and I really gotta write this
TED talk before I go to Finland.
467
00:20:33,835 --> 00:20:35,755
It's all very important.
468
00:20:35,755 --> 00:20:37,275
Sex addict?
469
00:20:38,995 --> 00:20:42,635
I am sorry. Good-bye. Okay.
470
00:20:42,635 --> 00:20:43,955
Sex addict?
471
00:20:43,955 --> 00:20:47,155
You have a very public history.
472
00:20:47,155 --> 00:20:49,555
People think you're the next John Edwards.
473
00:20:49,795 --> 00:20:52,315
No campaign wants to be
put through that nightmare.
474
00:20:52,315 --> 00:20:54,595
What nightmare? I'm getting married,
475
00:20:54,595 --> 00:20:56,475
- for God's sake.
- Which'll just make it worse
476
00:20:56,715 --> 00:20:59,115
if you're busted again.
Right now, nobody cares
477
00:20:59,115 --> 00:21:01,075
if you're doing your housekeeper.
478
00:21:01,075 --> 00:21:02,875
How'd you know about that?
479
00:21:02,875 --> 00:21:05,635
All it took for me to
flush out your latest bimbo
480
00:21:05,875 --> 00:21:06,955
was a lucky guess.
481
00:21:07,235 --> 00:21:10,555
And your housekeeper...
she's not. An illegal.
482
00:21:10,555 --> 00:21:12,315
She won't be. I'm working on it.
483
00:21:12,555 --> 00:21:15,435
You're sleeping with your
undocumented cleaning lady
484
00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:16,955
while you plan your second marriage,
485
00:21:16,955 --> 00:21:18,555
the first having blown up
486
00:21:18,795 --> 00:21:21,755
because you slept with half of Miami.
487
00:21:21,755 --> 00:21:24,395
You make it sound so...
488
00:21:24,395 --> 00:21:25,995
Sketchy.
489
00:21:25,995 --> 00:21:28,075
Okay, so what should I do?
490
00:21:28,315 --> 00:21:29,395
Get help.
491
00:21:29,395 --> 00:21:30,675
Don't you think I've tried?
492
00:21:30,955 --> 00:21:32,755
- When?
- Periodically.
493
00:21:32,755 --> 00:21:34,555
Okay, I gotta go.
494
00:21:34,555 --> 00:21:40,835
And I'm not ducking this, I promise.
495
00:21:40,835 --> 00:21:42,395
I can cut back.
496
00:21:45,795 --> 00:21:47,635
- Any word yet?
- No, sir.
497
00:21:47,955 --> 00:21:49,795
His staff just keeps telling
me that Colonel Grimmel
498
00:21:50,075 --> 00:21:52,195
is out campaigning and unreachable.
499
00:21:52,475 --> 00:21:54,315
No one's unreachable. Keep trying.
500
00:21:54,315 --> 00:21:55,715
And put him through on my
cell as soon as you get him.
501
00:21:55,955 --> 00:21:56,995
Yes, sir.
502
00:21:57,235 --> 00:21:58,595
Oh, and set up a meeting with the Watts.
503
00:21:58,875 --> 00:22:00,475
We gotta get them to pull down that ad.
504
00:22:00,475 --> 00:22:02,955
We are not supposed to be
coordinating with the...
505
00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:04,755
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
506
00:22:11,755 --> 00:22:14,475
Abby, you and your sisters
have been through this for real.
507
00:22:14,755 --> 00:22:16,355
You guys grew up in the public eye.
508
00:22:16,355 --> 00:22:17,995
Sure, we were in the
limelight a lot of the time,
509
00:22:17,995 --> 00:22:20,275
but we didn't have
cameras all over our house.
510
00:22:20,275 --> 00:22:22,635
I cannot imagine how
difficult that would be.
511
00:22:22,635 --> 00:22:24,315
Me neither. We're going to find out
512
00:22:24,555 --> 00:22:27,395
what it's like in a second,
when the cycle returns.
513
00:22:51,875 --> 00:22:54,235
Show sounds really exciting,
you guys, tell us about it.
514
00:22:54,475 --> 00:22:57,435
Okay, so the show is called
Real Daughters of D.C.
515
00:22:57,435 --> 00:22:59,235
It's with me and Charity
516
00:22:59,235 --> 00:23:01,795
and then some other girls
who are less well-known
517
00:23:02,075 --> 00:23:04,475
- but super nice.
- Super nice.
518
00:23:04,475 --> 00:23:06,035
And the idea came from me
and Charity just talking,
519
00:23:06,035 --> 00:23:07,355
which we do all the time.
520
00:23:07,635 --> 00:23:08,915
- We so do.
- And we were just saying
521
00:23:09,195 --> 00:23:12,395
there's nothing on TV
like us, like, millennials.
522
00:23:12,635 --> 00:23:15,488
Because we really care
about partying, obvi.
523
00:23:15,675 --> 00:23:17,875
But we're also all about causes, you know?
524
00:23:18,115 --> 00:23:20,075
Like in one episode,
we get all waste-y face,
525
00:23:20,355 --> 00:23:22,675
but then go work at Planned
Parenthood for a day.
526
00:23:22,915 --> 00:23:24,755
- Mm-hmm.
- Sounds amazing.
527
00:23:24,995 --> 00:23:28,715
What do your dads think of all this?
528
00:23:28,715 --> 00:23:31,355
You know, I mean, everybody
knows about the famous
529
00:23:31,595 --> 00:23:34,275
Gil John Biggs temper.
Well, I've got one too,
530
00:23:34,275 --> 00:23:36,595
and let me tell you, our
fights are seriously epic.
531
00:23:36,595 --> 00:23:43,555
I mean, our relationship
is like Shakespeare-like.
532
00:23:43,795 --> 00:23:45,675
And so there's gonna be tons of drama.
533
00:23:45,675 --> 00:23:48,275
Oh, especially when we
take home those skeezy dudes
534
00:23:48,515 --> 00:23:50,675
who try to get with us.
535
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,676
- synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
536
00:23:58,305 --> 00:24:04,494
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