Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,775 --> 00:00:06,176
( Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing )
2
00:00:12,394 --> 00:00:14,263
♪ Love ♪
3
00:00:16,068 --> 00:00:19,108
♪ Exciting and new ♪
4
00:00:20,078 --> 00:00:22,015
♪ Come aboard ♪
5
00:00:23,988 --> 00:00:27,871
♪ We're expecting you ♪
6
00:00:27,895 --> 00:00:30,432
♪ And love ♪
7
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:36,124
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
8
00:00:36,148 --> 00:00:38,082
♪ Let it flow ♪
9
00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:44,310
♪ It floats back to you ♪
10
00:00:44,334 --> 00:00:47,717
♪ The Love Boat ♪
11
00:00:47,741 --> 00:00:52,696
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
12
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,969
♪ The Love Boat ♪
13
00:00:55,993 --> 00:01:00,480
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
14
00:01:00,504 --> 00:01:02,686
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
15
00:01:02,710 --> 00:01:06,949
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
16
00:01:08,789 --> 00:01:12,242
♪ And love ♪
17
00:01:12,266 --> 00:01:15,369
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
18
00:01:16,473 --> 00:01:20,426
♪ It's an open smile ♪
19
00:01:20,450 --> 00:01:24,770
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
20
00:01:24,794 --> 00:01:29,247
♪ It's love ♪
21
00:01:29,271 --> 00:01:34,947
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
22
00:01:39,060 --> 00:01:41,698
( upbeat theme playing )
23
00:02:00,241 --> 00:02:02,423
Hello, welcome aboard. Hello.
24
00:02:02,447 --> 00:02:03,960
Welcome aboard.
Hi. Welcome aboard.
25
00:02:03,984 --> 00:02:05,095
Hi, welcome aboard.
26
00:02:05,119 --> 00:02:06,197
Kurt. Huh?
27
00:02:06,221 --> 00:02:07,400
Wait. This stuff is heavy.
28
00:02:07,424 --> 00:02:09,471
Ha-ha-ha. The
weaker sex. ( groans )
29
00:02:09,495 --> 00:02:10,473
Oh, how do you do?
30
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:11,476
I'm Julie McCoy,
31
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:13,415
the weak little cruise director.
32
00:02:13,439 --> 00:02:14,417
Hi, sugar.
33
00:02:14,441 --> 00:02:15,418
I'm Kurt Stenzel,
34
00:02:15,442 --> 00:02:17,223
and this is Dee Dee
Donnelly, my chick.
35
00:02:17,247 --> 00:02:19,462
Huh. Your chick?
36
00:02:19,486 --> 00:02:20,765
We're engaged.
37
00:02:20,789 --> 00:02:22,870
Having ourselves a
little early honeymoon.
38
00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:24,440
Right, sugar face,
huh? ( chuckles )
39
00:02:24,464 --> 00:02:26,811
Oh, Kurt. Heh.
40
00:02:26,835 --> 00:02:29,552
That's the finest
animal I've ever owned.
41
00:02:29,576 --> 00:02:30,553
Come on, come on.
42
00:02:30,577 --> 00:02:31,579
Let's go, huh?
43
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:36,099
I'm gonna break
every bone in his body.
44
00:02:36,123 --> 00:02:38,939
Easy. You're on duty.
45
00:02:38,963 --> 00:02:40,476
Welcome aboard.
46
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,449
Excuse me. Excuse me.
47
00:02:42,472 --> 00:02:44,153
Are you associated
with the cruise?
48
00:02:44,177 --> 00:02:46,689
No. Somebody stole
my ice cream truck.
49
00:02:46,713 --> 00:02:47,892
Ah. Sorry.
50
00:02:47,916 --> 00:02:50,166
Ha-ha. No, I'm only kidding.
51
00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:52,004
Oh. Oh, that was a funny.
52
00:02:52,028 --> 00:02:53,274
( chuckles ) That was funny.
53
00:02:53,298 --> 00:02:54,976
Yeah, I'm Adam
Bricker, the ship's doctor.
54
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,412
Nelson Hoag. Hi.
55
00:02:56,436 --> 00:02:59,620
Are there gonna be a lot
of single girls on this cruise?
56
00:02:59,644 --> 00:03:00,857
Well, we get our share.
57
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,161
Ah. Where do you keep them?
58
00:03:02,185 --> 00:03:04,732
Is there any special
place they hang out?
59
00:03:04,757 --> 00:03:07,570
Not really. If you
don't count my cabin.
60
00:03:07,594 --> 00:03:10,312
Say, there's one of your
basic single girls right there.
61
00:03:10,336 --> 00:03:12,583
Thank you. Excuse me.
62
00:03:12,607 --> 00:03:13,586
( clears throat )
63
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:16,792
Hello. My name is Nelson Hoag.
64
00:03:16,816 --> 00:03:19,088
Would you please marry me?
65
00:03:24,702 --> 00:03:25,913
Don't be discouraged.
66
00:03:25,937 --> 00:03:29,178
With a suave approach
like that, you can't miss.
67
00:03:31,619 --> 00:03:32,763
Hi, welcome aboard.
68
00:03:32,788 --> 00:03:33,766
Hello. Hey.
69
00:03:33,791 --> 00:03:36,137
Oh, good heavens! Who died?
70
00:03:36,161 --> 00:03:39,579
Uh, these are
for Ireni Jermaine.
71
00:03:39,603 --> 00:03:40,815
Really?
72
00:03:40,839 --> 00:03:42,786
Well, that's who all
these cablegrams are for.
73
00:03:42,811 --> 00:03:43,990
Oh, yeah?
74
00:03:44,014 --> 00:03:45,625
You know, one of 'em's
from Burt Reynolds.
75
00:03:45,649 --> 00:03:47,663
He says he'll just kill himself
76
00:03:47,687 --> 00:03:49,268
if she doesn't come home soon.
77
00:03:49,292 --> 00:03:50,270
( chuckles )
78
00:03:50,294 --> 00:03:52,943
Ireni Jermaine.
Promenade Deck 341.
79
00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,648
Up the stairs.
80
00:03:55,672 --> 00:03:58,622
( sighs ) Who is Ireni Jermaine?
81
00:03:58,646 --> 00:04:00,026
( horn honks )
82
00:04:00,050 --> 00:04:02,732
Ah. Now, remember to say
goodbye to the kids, okay?
83
00:04:02,756 --> 00:04:05,805
Well, look, Irene...
Ah-ah. It's Ireni.
84
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,910
Oh, well, I'm your
sister. It's Irene.
85
00:04:07,934 --> 00:04:08,913
Did you send the flowers?
86
00:04:08,937 --> 00:04:10,885
Yes. And... And the cablegrams.
87
00:04:10,909 --> 00:04:12,821
Do you know how much
all this is costing you?
88
00:04:12,846 --> 00:04:14,560
Not including the
cruise and the clothes?
89
00:04:14,584 --> 00:04:15,694
I know.
90
00:04:15,718 --> 00:04:17,265
But how can I have my fling?
91
00:04:17,289 --> 00:04:18,869
I wanna be somebody
for a change.
92
00:04:18,893 --> 00:04:20,440
Well, you are somebody.
93
00:04:20,464 --> 00:04:22,311
You're a housewife from Pacoima.
94
00:04:22,335 --> 00:04:24,516
A widowed housewife
from Pacoima.
95
00:04:24,540 --> 00:04:26,686
Oh, Philip will be
spinning in his grave.
96
00:04:26,710 --> 00:04:28,880
My Philip spin? At
best a twitch or two.
97
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:33,069
Look. He was a wonderful
man, and I loved him dearly.
98
00:04:33,094 --> 00:04:34,372
But that was a long time ago,
99
00:04:34,396 --> 00:04:38,078
and right now, I... I wanna
meet someone glamorous.
100
00:04:38,102 --> 00:04:39,617
And in order to meet
someone glamorous,
101
00:04:39,641 --> 00:04:41,656
I gotta be someone glamorous.
102
00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,226
Oh, sis.
103
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,860
Look, uh, I gotta go.
104
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,564
You just call me
five times a day
105
00:04:46,588 --> 00:04:49,406
and, uh, make up
important names.
106
00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,244
Love you.
107
00:04:51,268 --> 00:04:52,847
How's about Catherine the Great?
108
00:04:52,871 --> 00:04:55,419
( playful theme playing )
109
00:04:55,443 --> 00:04:57,380
( mysterious theme playing )
110
00:05:02,328 --> 00:05:03,806
( clears throat )
111
00:05:03,830 --> 00:05:06,113
I'm O'Rourke. Who are you?
112
00:05:06,668 --> 00:05:08,616
Smith. Call me Gopher.
113
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,421
Mm-hm.
114
00:05:10,445 --> 00:05:11,859
Can I trust you?
115
00:05:11,883 --> 00:05:13,462
Well, not if we were
out in the moonlight,
116
00:05:13,486 --> 00:05:15,566
but here in the lobby...
117
00:05:15,590 --> 00:05:17,436
I'm a reporter for
Defile magazine...
118
00:05:17,459 --> 00:05:18,873
Oh.
- -traveling incognito
119
00:05:18,897 --> 00:05:20,610
on this bucket of
lust to write a story
120
00:05:20,634 --> 00:05:22,482
that will blow the lid off.
121
00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:25,087
Well, there's nothing to
write about on this ship.
122
00:05:25,112 --> 00:05:27,355
I didn't just fall off the
turnip truck, you know.
123
00:05:29,355 --> 00:05:31,705
I know what's going on.
124
00:05:31,729 --> 00:05:35,845
Musical cabins, wife-swapping,
organized hanky-panky.
125
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,117
You're wrong. I swear. Sure,
126
00:05:38,141 --> 00:05:39,121
sure, sure, sure.
127
00:05:39,145 --> 00:05:42,295
Look, just, uh...
128
00:05:42,319 --> 00:05:44,467
keep your eyes
open for me, will you?
129
00:05:44,491 --> 00:05:46,525
I'll be in touch.
130
00:05:47,929 --> 00:05:49,444
Should be another
interesting cruise.
131
00:05:49,468 --> 00:05:50,513
We got a full boat.
132
00:05:50,537 --> 00:05:52,418
Uh, it's a ship.
133
00:05:52,441 --> 00:05:56,258
And, yes, it
certainly should be.
134
00:05:56,282 --> 00:05:58,129
Who is that tawny creature?
135
00:05:58,153 --> 00:06:01,674
Dr. Bricker, that tawny
creature is off-limits to you.
136
00:06:01,698 --> 00:06:02,674
You know her?
137
00:06:02,698 --> 00:06:05,703
Not yet. But I will.
138
00:06:07,808 --> 00:06:10,125
Oh, you must be Ireni Jermaine.
139
00:06:10,149 --> 00:06:11,128
Quite.
140
00:06:11,152 --> 00:06:12,597
Well, then, all of
these are for you.
141
00:06:12,621 --> 00:06:14,435
Oh. Heh-heh. Welcome
to the Princess.
142
00:06:14,459 --> 00:06:17,073
Captain Merrill Stubing
at your command.
143
00:06:17,097 --> 00:06:19,980
How sweet. Ireni
Jermaine. ( chuckles )
144
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,986
I hope you get into your
cabin, Miss Jermaine.
145
00:06:22,011 --> 00:06:23,957
There must be a ton
of flowers in there.
146
00:06:23,981 --> 00:06:25,159
( chuckles )
147
00:06:25,183 --> 00:06:27,931
Marlon. Hee-hee.
Jack and Warren too.
148
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:30,138
Oh, they're always
doing things like that.
149
00:06:30,162 --> 00:06:31,474
It's sweet.
150
00:06:31,498 --> 00:06:32,577
But it's a bit of a pain.
151
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,548
Oh, why don't
you distribute them
152
00:06:34,572 --> 00:06:37,320
among the indigent passengers.
153
00:06:37,344 --> 00:06:38,625
Bye-bye.
154
00:06:39,717 --> 00:06:43,624
What a fascinating woman,
isn't she, Captain Stubing?
155
00:06:44,827 --> 00:06:46,307
Captain Stubing?
156
00:06:46,331 --> 00:06:47,609
Hm?
157
00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:49,677
Oh. ( chuckles )
158
00:06:50,575 --> 00:06:52,456
( horn blowing )
159
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:53,626
( all shouting )
160
00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:54,661
Bye.
161
00:06:54,685 --> 00:06:56,697
WOMAN: Goodbye.
162
00:06:56,721 --> 00:06:58,224
( cheering )
163
00:07:02,070 --> 00:07:03,503
( horn blowing )
164
00:07:06,477 --> 00:07:08,848
( upbeat theme playing )
165
00:07:12,493 --> 00:07:14,607
Hey, what's the matter?
Y-you mad at me or something?
166
00:07:14,631 --> 00:07:17,478
"The finest animal I own."
167
00:07:17,502 --> 00:07:19,785
I could have died.
168
00:07:19,809 --> 00:07:21,322
W... Well, I meant
that as a compliment.
169
00:07:21,346 --> 00:07:23,828
You are... You know,
you are a fine animal.
170
00:07:23,852 --> 00:07:26,065
Do you think you own
me like one of your horses?
171
00:07:26,090 --> 00:07:28,538
Hey, don't make any
cracks about my horses.
172
00:07:28,562 --> 00:07:29,640
Hey, give the big guy a kiss.
173
00:07:29,664 --> 00:07:30,976
No!
174
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,781
Come on. You
don't care about me.
175
00:07:32,805 --> 00:07:34,850
To you, I'm just some chick.
176
00:07:34,874 --> 00:07:37,191
No, you're not some
chick. You're my chick.
177
00:07:37,215 --> 00:07:39,430
How about I am a person?
178
00:07:39,454 --> 00:07:40,933
Okay. Okay. You're a person.
179
00:07:40,957 --> 00:07:42,704
Now, shut up before I belt you.
180
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:45,130
Do you know what you are?
181
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:47,814
A male chauvinist pig.
182
00:07:47,838 --> 00:07:50,556
Hey, hey. Hey.
You're damn right I am.
183
00:07:50,580 --> 00:07:51,726
You know what the big guy is?
184
00:07:51,750 --> 00:07:53,196
He is the Rock Island Line.
185
00:07:53,220 --> 00:07:55,030
You wanna ride it, you
ride it like you find it.
186
00:07:55,054 --> 00:07:57,725
You don't like it,
ptt, adios amigo.
187
00:07:58,898 --> 00:08:02,151
Oh yeah? Well, ptt,
adios amigo yourself.
188
00:08:02,175 --> 00:08:04,221
Get out of the cabin
and leave me alone!
189
00:08:04,245 --> 00:08:07,092
Uh-uh-uh. I paid for the cabin.
190
00:08:07,116 --> 00:08:09,821
You wanna be left alone?
There's the door, baby.
191
00:08:13,064 --> 00:08:14,875
Uh-huh. I'll give you alone.
192
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,514
Ha-ha. I can do that real good.
193
00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,883
And, uh, angel,
194
00:08:17,907 --> 00:08:20,089
when you cool down,
why don't you come back?
195
00:08:20,113 --> 00:08:21,995
I need a back rub, huh?
196
00:08:22,019 --> 00:08:24,167
Oh, and bring me
some cigarettes.
197
00:08:24,191 --> 00:08:26,124
( dramatic theme playing )
198
00:08:28,266 --> 00:08:30,202
( upbeat theme playing )
199
00:08:33,077 --> 00:08:34,055
Hello.
200
00:08:34,079 --> 00:08:35,658
Oh. I'm, uh...
201
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:39,868
I'm Nelson Hoag.
Would you marry me?
202
00:08:39,892 --> 00:08:43,367
Doesn't anyone wanna
play shuffleboard anymore?
203
00:08:44,902 --> 00:08:46,683
( sighs )
204
00:08:46,707 --> 00:08:49,258
Don't feel bad. She
didn't buy me line either.
205
00:08:49,282 --> 00:08:53,201
It's not a line. I
have to get married.
206
00:08:53,225 --> 00:08:55,304
Oh? It's the truth.
207
00:08:55,328 --> 00:08:56,306
If I tell you why,
208
00:08:56,330 --> 00:08:58,311
do you promise
not to tell anyone?
209
00:08:58,335 --> 00:09:00,583
Not even the American
Medical Association.
210
00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:02,087
Ah, word of honor.
211
00:09:02,111 --> 00:09:04,823
Look, next week I'll be
25 years old. Mm-hm.
212
00:09:04,847 --> 00:09:06,729
And according to
my grandfather's will,
213
00:09:06,753 --> 00:09:09,937
if I'm not married by
then, I lose my inheritance.
214
00:09:09,961 --> 00:09:12,143
Oh, I got you. Yeah.
215
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:14,282
But you just can't go
up to a girl and say,
216
00:09:14,306 --> 00:09:15,917
"Will you marry me?"
217
00:09:15,941 --> 00:09:17,621
You gotta strike
up a conversation,
218
00:09:17,645 --> 00:09:18,924
you gotta get acquainted,
219
00:09:18,948 --> 00:09:21,833
you gotta be... cool.
220
00:09:21,857 --> 00:09:24,099
I'll try that. Thank you.
221
00:09:24,663 --> 00:09:27,210
Hello. I'm Nelson Hoag.
222
00:09:27,234 --> 00:09:30,719
Would...? Would you
like to get acquainted?
223
00:09:30,743 --> 00:09:32,178
( whimpers, sobbing )
224
00:09:36,522 --> 00:09:37,500
( sniffles )
225
00:09:37,524 --> 00:09:39,137
Excuse me. Hm?
226
00:09:39,161 --> 00:09:41,912
I'd like to talk to the
person in charge of cabins.
227
00:09:41,936 --> 00:09:42,946
Well, that's me. Uh... Oh.
228
00:09:42,970 --> 00:09:44,183
There some problem?
229
00:09:44,207 --> 00:09:47,022
I have moved out of
my boyfriend's cabin,
230
00:09:47,046 --> 00:09:49,329
and I would like a
cabin of my own, please.
231
00:09:49,353 --> 00:09:52,035
Oh, ma'am. The ship is
booked to the gunwales.
232
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,706
There isn't a cabin
I can give you.
233
00:09:53,730 --> 00:09:56,966
( whining ): Oh, no.
234
00:09:58,973 --> 00:10:01,323
Oh, I can't go
crawling back to him.
235
00:10:01,347 --> 00:10:03,395
That's exactly what
he wants me to do.
236
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:05,095
( sighs, sniffles )
237
00:10:05,119 --> 00:10:07,068
He even said to
bring him cigarettes.
238
00:10:07,092 --> 00:10:08,738
Uh, gee, I'm sorry, ma'am.
239
00:10:08,762 --> 00:10:10,711
I just wish there was
something I could do.
240
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:13,149
Some teeny-weeny
little space someplace?
241
00:10:13,173 --> 00:10:15,186
I could sleep on a sofa. Please?
242
00:10:15,210 --> 00:10:16,556
Uh, let me see if I
can find us a sofa.
243
00:10:16,580 --> 00:10:17,959
Just a tiny little spot.
244
00:10:17,983 --> 00:10:19,731
I don't take up very
much room. I'm very quiet.
245
00:10:19,755 --> 00:10:21,803
Now, now. ( sobbing )
246
00:10:21,827 --> 00:10:24,841
I can't bear to see a
beautiful woman cry.
247
00:10:24,865 --> 00:10:26,880
As it happens, I can help.
248
00:10:26,904 --> 00:10:28,183
You can?
249
00:10:28,207 --> 00:10:29,321
I'm Adam Bricker, and I have
250
00:10:29,345 --> 00:10:31,459
a very, very large cabin.
251
00:10:31,484 --> 00:10:34,120
I rattle around in
there all by myself.
252
00:10:34,989 --> 00:10:35,968
( sighs )
253
00:10:35,992 --> 00:10:37,905
Consider it yours.
254
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,877
Oh, really? BRICKER: Certainly.
255
00:10:39,901 --> 00:10:41,483
After all, as the ship's doctor,
256
00:10:41,507 --> 00:10:43,721
it's my job to make
people feel good.
257
00:10:43,745 --> 00:10:45,590
( chuckles, sniffles )
258
00:10:45,614 --> 00:10:47,327
Cabin C-117. (
repeats, silently )
259
00:10:47,352 --> 00:10:48,631
The door's open.
260
00:10:48,655 --> 00:10:51,973
Oh, thank you, Dr. Bricker.
261
00:10:51,997 --> 00:10:54,344
Thank you very much. C-117.
262
00:10:54,369 --> 00:10:56,214
Mm-hm. C-117. C-117.
263
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,283
C-117.
264
00:10:57,307 --> 00:10:59,054
C-117.
265
00:10:59,078 --> 00:11:00,424
If you think she's
grateful now...
266
00:11:00,448 --> 00:11:02,463
( sighs ) wait till later.
267
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:04,423
( whimsical theme playing )
268
00:11:10,103 --> 00:11:11,752
No hanky-panky on the ship, eh?
269
00:11:11,776 --> 00:11:13,255
What are you doing
in there, O'Rourke?
270
00:11:13,279 --> 00:11:16,159
Ha-ha. A good reporter is
always where the action is.
271
00:11:16,183 --> 00:11:18,131
And on this ship, I think
I'll need roller skates.
272
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,536
All right, O'Rourke,
wait a minute.
273
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:21,475
Doc was just offering
that passenger
274
00:11:21,499 --> 00:11:24,112
a place, uh, to sleep.
275
00:11:24,136 --> 00:11:25,113
Oh, sure.
276
00:11:25,137 --> 00:11:27,253
He's a regular Holiday Inn.
277
00:11:27,277 --> 00:11:30,628
This article is gonna
make Hugh Hefner blush.
278
00:11:30,652 --> 00:11:33,133
( playful theme playing )
279
00:11:33,157 --> 00:11:35,092
( upbeat theme playing )
280
00:11:38,703 --> 00:11:40,639
( light jazz music playing )
281
00:11:42,113 --> 00:11:44,714
Here's to independence
and self-reliance.
282
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:49,471
Kurt just came in.
283
00:11:49,495 --> 00:11:50,506
I'm afraid when he finds out
284
00:11:50,530 --> 00:11:52,545
that I moved into your cabin...
285
00:11:52,569 --> 00:11:54,149
Dee Dee, you're a
person with a free will.
286
00:11:54,173 --> 00:11:56,174
You can make your own decisions.
287
00:11:57,245 --> 00:11:58,224
( glasses clink )
288
00:11:58,248 --> 00:11:59,226
( sighs )
289
00:11:59,250 --> 00:12:00,696
Where have you
been all afternoon...?
290
00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,102
Well, between 1
and 3 I was, um...
291
00:12:03,126 --> 00:12:04,405
No, I mean her.
292
00:12:04,429 --> 00:12:05,896
Well?
293
00:12:10,075 --> 00:12:12,457
I have moved into
Dr. Bricker's cabin.
294
00:12:12,481 --> 00:12:13,828
What?!
295
00:12:13,852 --> 00:12:15,531
She said she, uh...
KURT: Hey, slugger,
296
00:12:15,555 --> 00:12:16,799
I'd stay out of
this if I were you.
297
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:18,336
The lady happens to be with me.
298
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:20,604
Uh, funny, that's not
the impression I got.
299
00:12:22,238 --> 00:12:23,517
( sighs )
300
00:12:23,541 --> 00:12:24,684
Come on, Dee Dee, let's go.
301
00:12:24,707 --> 00:12:25,787
Nope.
302
00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:26,844
What do you mean?
303
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,149
I mean no.
304
00:12:30,388 --> 00:12:31,603
Come on, will you?
305
00:12:31,627 --> 00:12:33,171
DEE DEE: No, I won't.
306
00:12:33,195 --> 00:12:35,095
And that is final.
307
00:12:39,007 --> 00:12:42,748
For someone so young, you've
made a very mature decision.
308
00:12:48,196 --> 00:12:50,177
Okay, Nelson, I gotta get
back and finish some work,
309
00:12:50,201 --> 00:12:51,447
so I'm gonna leave you here.
310
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,753
Now, you just find a seat...
311
00:12:53,777 --> 00:12:55,053
try to look debonair,
312
00:12:55,077 --> 00:12:56,958
and the girls will come to you.
313
00:12:56,982 --> 00:12:58,295
I like that one a lot.
314
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,834
Uh, no. That's Julie
McCoy, our cruise director.
315
00:13:00,858 --> 00:13:02,772
She's not for
you. Is that clear?
316
00:13:02,796 --> 00:13:05,010
Okay. Okay.
317
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,167
Good luck.
318
00:13:08,208 --> 00:13:10,323
Hey, how you doing, pretty lady?
319
00:13:10,347 --> 00:13:11,594
Fine until now.
320
00:13:11,618 --> 00:13:13,732
Uh-huh, I like that. I like
a filly with temperament.
321
00:13:13,756 --> 00:13:15,802
How about, uh, giving
a big guy a dance, huh?
322
00:13:15,826 --> 00:13:17,438
Oh, hey, sorry, big guy,
323
00:13:17,462 --> 00:13:19,545
but this filly hasn't
been halter-broke.
324
00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:21,851
Besides, the gentleman
has this dance.
325
00:13:21,875 --> 00:13:22,852
I do?
326
00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:26,024
Sure. Sweep me off my feet.
327
00:13:26,048 --> 00:13:28,332
Uh, I only know how to polka.
328
00:13:29,291 --> 00:13:30,725
( muttering )
329
00:13:38,746 --> 00:13:40,180
( clears throat )
330
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,232
Good evening, Miss Jermaine.
331
00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:45,926
Oh. Good evening, captain.
332
00:13:47,665 --> 00:13:49,880
Uh, Miss Jermaine,
telephone call.
333
00:13:49,904 --> 00:13:51,519
Oh. Heh.
334
00:13:51,543 --> 00:13:54,113
It's, um, Rudolf Nureyev.
335
00:13:54,881 --> 00:13:55,883
Again?
336
00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:59,234
( mouths ): One second.
337
00:13:59,259 --> 00:14:00,872
Rude.
338
00:14:00,896 --> 00:14:02,376
( chuckles )
339
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,980
Oh, you persistent
little peasant, you.
340
00:14:04,004 --> 00:14:05,784
( chuckles )
341
00:14:05,808 --> 00:14:08,712
Oh, uh, yes. Uh-huh.
342
00:14:10,018 --> 00:14:10,996
Yes.
343
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:12,767
( mouths ): He talks so much.
344
00:14:12,791 --> 00:14:16,040
Oh. Well, I miss you too. Ha-ha.
345
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:18,011
Oh, how can I forget the
night we tangoed together?
346
00:14:18,035 --> 00:14:19,983
You spoiled me for
anyone else. Ha-ha.
347
00:14:20,007 --> 00:14:21,286
( sighs )
348
00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:22,555
Um...
349
00:14:22,579 --> 00:14:26,018
Ahem. Could you hold
on for just a minute, Rudy?
350
00:14:27,223 --> 00:14:28,390
Yes, captain?
351
00:14:29,461 --> 00:14:31,610
Nothing.
352
00:14:31,635 --> 00:14:32,680
Have a nice evening.
353
00:14:32,704 --> 00:14:34,071
Oh.
354
00:14:38,182 --> 00:14:39,684
So how's the ballet?
355
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,426
Goodbye, Rudy.
356
00:14:47,270 --> 00:14:49,951
Anyway... I feel a lot better
357
00:14:49,975 --> 00:14:51,377
about everything.
358
00:14:52,849 --> 00:14:55,397
You know... you're
a very sweet guy
359
00:14:55,421 --> 00:14:56,967
to let me sleep in your bed.
360
00:14:56,991 --> 00:14:58,504
It's my pleasure.
361
00:14:58,528 --> 00:14:59,764
Thank you.
362
00:15:04,076 --> 00:15:05,356
( door opens )
363
00:15:06,813 --> 00:15:07,814
I'm ready.
364
00:15:09,185 --> 00:15:11,457
Gee, are you going out
in the corridor in that?
365
00:15:12,461 --> 00:15:14,762
No. I wasn't planning to.
366
00:15:15,902 --> 00:15:16,946
Oh.
367
00:15:16,970 --> 00:15:20,121
Where are you going to sleep?
368
00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:23,630
Well, I was planning...
That is... Heh.
369
00:15:23,654 --> 00:15:25,031
I thought we could
both... Wha...?
370
00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:26,057
Sleep here?
371
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,358
What kind of a girl
do you think I am?
372
00:15:30,468 --> 00:15:32,617
But you... I didn't.
373
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:34,054
Didn't you...? No.
374
00:15:34,078 --> 00:15:36,257
I thought... Not once.
375
00:15:36,281 --> 00:15:37,861
( knock at door )
376
00:15:37,885 --> 00:15:38,887
Excuse me.
377
00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:44,206
( gasps )
378
00:15:45,937 --> 00:15:47,449
Dee Dee, you get
out of that yo-yo's bed
379
00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:48,854
and come back where you belong.
380
00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:50,758
No, I'm staying.
381
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:52,329
Look, you get up
or so help me, I'll...
382
00:15:52,353 --> 00:15:53,632
You'll what?
383
00:15:53,656 --> 00:15:55,939
I'll knock your
block off, four-eyes.
384
00:15:59,569 --> 00:16:00,547
Oh, my goodness!
385
00:16:00,571 --> 00:16:02,218
( gasps ) Oh, I'm sorry.
386
00:16:02,242 --> 00:16:04,721
I didn't mean
for you to get hit.
387
00:16:04,745 --> 00:16:06,693
Oh, I don't want you
to go away all hurt.
388
00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:08,398
Help me. Oh. Ooh.
389
00:16:08,422 --> 00:16:09,769
Oh, come to the
bathroom. Help me.
390
00:16:09,793 --> 00:16:10,971
To the bed.
391
00:16:10,995 --> 00:16:13,143
Oh. Oh, my good... Ooh.
392
00:16:13,167 --> 00:16:15,314
Oh, now. Ooh.
393
00:16:15,338 --> 00:16:17,585
Oh, my goodness. Oh.
394
00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:21,183
Here, stuff this up your
nostril while you're leaving.
395
00:16:28,167 --> 00:16:31,352
( upbeat theme playing )
396
00:16:31,377 --> 00:16:32,721
I really enjoyed
the band tonight.
397
00:16:32,745 --> 00:16:34,058
I thought they were exceptional.
398
00:16:34,082 --> 00:16:35,058
Me too. Yeah?
399
00:16:35,082 --> 00:16:37,130
Me too.
400
00:16:37,154 --> 00:16:40,405
Well... here we are at my cabin.
401
00:16:40,429 --> 00:16:42,310
I had fun dancing with you.
402
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,149
You're a nice person.
403
00:16:44,173 --> 00:16:46,318
You're not so bad yourself.
404
00:16:46,342 --> 00:16:47,487
You really think so?
405
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:49,091
I mean, I'm not so bad?
406
00:16:49,115 --> 00:16:50,194
Mm-mm.
407
00:16:50,218 --> 00:16:52,433
I'll even go further than that.
408
00:16:52,457 --> 00:16:54,471
You're a very nice man, Nelson.
409
00:16:54,494 --> 00:16:56,809
You just need a
little more confidence.
410
00:16:56,834 --> 00:17:00,318
If you want something, get it.
411
00:17:00,342 --> 00:17:01,321
You mean it?
412
00:17:01,345 --> 00:17:02,958
Mm-hm.
413
00:17:02,982 --> 00:17:05,462
Well, there is
something I'd like,
414
00:17:05,486 --> 00:17:06,697
if you wouldn't mind.
415
00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:08,658
Sure.
416
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,214
Good night, Julie.
417
00:17:12,238 --> 00:17:14,172
( melancholy theme playing )
418
00:17:21,592 --> 00:17:22,769
Isaac. Isaac. Yeah.
419
00:17:22,793 --> 00:17:24,341
Will you do an old pal a favor?
420
00:17:24,365 --> 00:17:26,076
Sure, anything. Just name it.
421
00:17:26,100 --> 00:17:28,013
Can I bunk with you?
422
00:17:28,038 --> 00:17:29,384
Name another.
423
00:17:29,408 --> 00:17:31,558
ISAAC: Come on, Doc. Now,
what happened to Goldilocks?
424
00:17:31,582 --> 00:17:33,728
Well, she ate my
porridge, broke my chair,
425
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:35,900
and now she's asleep in may bed.
426
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,435
ISAAC: She give
you that beat-up nose?
427
00:17:37,459 --> 00:17:39,408
Huh? Oh, no. That's, uh...
428
00:17:39,432 --> 00:17:40,945
That's just advancing age.
429
00:17:40,969 --> 00:17:43,886
You see, after 40, the
muscle in your head
430
00:17:43,910 --> 00:17:46,611
turns to fat and drops.
431
00:17:48,085 --> 00:17:49,730
Doc... I'd like to help you,
432
00:17:49,754 --> 00:17:51,470
but, uh, I got this cutie
433
00:17:51,494 --> 00:17:52,471
up in the Starlight Bar,
434
00:17:52,495 --> 00:17:53,507
and I thought I'd kinda...
435
00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,610
Say no more. Thanks anyway.
436
00:17:55,634 --> 00:17:57,676
Good, Doc. You're a sport.
437
00:17:58,241 --> 00:18:00,204
( dramatic theme playing
) ( knocking at door )
438
00:18:01,985 --> 00:18:06,102
Gopher? You in there? Gopher?
439
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:08,162
Oh, nuts.
440
00:18:12,574 --> 00:18:13,553
Doc.
441
00:18:13,577 --> 00:18:16,125
Uh... can I come in?
442
00:18:16,149 --> 00:18:17,615
Sure.
443
00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:21,861
Psst.
444
00:18:24,169 --> 00:18:25,779
What are you in for, O'Rourke?
445
00:18:25,803 --> 00:18:27,316
Just the man I want to see.
446
00:18:27,341 --> 00:18:29,756
Who's in C-125?
447
00:18:29,780 --> 00:18:31,260
Julie McCoy, cruise director.
448
00:18:31,284 --> 00:18:34,732
Oh, boy. This is
really disgusting stuff.
449
00:18:34,756 --> 00:18:35,992
I love it.
450
00:18:42,510 --> 00:18:45,425
Ow. Julie. Gee. Well,
it serves you right,
451
00:18:45,449 --> 00:18:47,062
for being so lecherous.
452
00:18:47,086 --> 00:18:49,268
All right, look, Julie,
no lectures, please?
453
00:18:49,292 --> 00:18:50,671
It's been a very
difficult evening.
454
00:18:50,695 --> 00:18:53,244
I just want to find
a place to sleep.
455
00:18:53,268 --> 00:18:56,817
Well, you happen to be sitting
on the only place to sleep.
456
00:18:56,841 --> 00:18:58,990
As you may have noticed,
it's a single bed, Doc.
457
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:00,627
A very small single bed.
458
00:19:00,651 --> 00:19:02,932
All right, don't worry. I
won't invade the purity
459
00:19:02,956 --> 00:19:04,469
of your single bed.
460
00:19:04,493 --> 00:19:06,140
I'll sleep in the bathtub.
461
00:19:06,164 --> 00:19:09,515
Oh, Doc... could I
ask you a question?
462
00:19:09,539 --> 00:19:11,854
I mean, just purely
as a matter of interest.
463
00:19:11,878 --> 00:19:13,825
How will I sleep in the bathtub?
464
00:19:13,849 --> 00:19:15,059
I haven't figured that out yet.
465
00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:16,452
No, um...
466
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:20,673
Well, heh, here we are,
467
00:19:20,697 --> 00:19:23,079
two passably
attractive human beings
468
00:19:23,103 --> 00:19:24,415
of the opposite sex.
469
00:19:24,438 --> 00:19:26,253
Uh, one of us a known lecher.
470
00:19:26,277 --> 00:19:27,555
You, a lecher?
471
00:19:27,579 --> 00:19:28,724
I never suspected.
472
00:19:28,748 --> 00:19:30,016
I'm serious.
473
00:19:31,188 --> 00:19:34,405
Why haven't you
made... an overture? Heh.
474
00:19:34,428 --> 00:19:36,642
Julie! That'd be like making
475
00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,214
a pass at my own kid sister.
476
00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:39,584
You know, you've done something
477
00:19:39,608 --> 00:19:41,790
that I didn't think
was possible.
478
00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,162
You've shocked me.
479
00:19:44,186 --> 00:19:45,283
Good night.
480
00:19:47,458 --> 00:19:50,742
Well, I'm sorry if
the idea offends you!
481
00:19:50,766 --> 00:19:53,917
Um, I wasn't actually
suggesting anything. I, uh...
482
00:19:53,941 --> 00:19:57,245
I just thought
that... Oh, forget it.
483
00:20:00,589 --> 00:20:02,024
( whines )
484
00:20:06,102 --> 00:20:09,586
After I close up, how
about you and me
485
00:20:09,610 --> 00:20:12,194
taking a tour of the ship?
486
00:20:12,218 --> 00:20:13,762
( piano playing )
487
00:20:13,786 --> 00:20:18,239
Mm. I just love the
way you communicate.
488
00:20:18,263 --> 00:20:19,375
Mmm.
489
00:20:19,399 --> 00:20:21,581
Isaac, would you pour
me a drink, please?
490
00:20:21,605 --> 00:20:22,782
Whatever's closest.
491
00:20:22,806 --> 00:20:24,320
In a minute.
492
00:20:24,344 --> 00:20:26,257
Another rejection.
493
00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:28,060
You can have mine.
494
00:20:28,084 --> 00:20:29,399
Thanks.
495
00:20:29,423 --> 00:20:32,839
Oh, Nelson. I thought you were
all locked up for the evening.
496
00:20:32,863 --> 00:20:34,442
I'm sorry about what happened.
497
00:20:34,466 --> 00:20:36,513
I'd like to make it up to you.
498
00:20:36,537 --> 00:20:38,485
You would?
499
00:20:38,509 --> 00:20:41,394
Would you like to buy me
a bottle of Irish whiskey?
500
00:20:41,418 --> 00:20:42,629
Whole bottle?
501
00:20:42,653 --> 00:20:45,133
Sure. We can
finish it at your place.
502
00:20:45,157 --> 00:20:47,738
My place is in Santa Monica.
503
00:20:47,762 --> 00:20:49,733
Your cabin, Nelson.
504
00:20:52,475 --> 00:20:54,553
Put this on my bill.
505
00:20:54,577 --> 00:20:57,183
( whimsical theme playing )
506
00:21:02,665 --> 00:21:04,477
( yawning ): Thank you.
507
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:07,049
Oh, Nelson, peel me a grape.
508
00:21:07,073 --> 00:21:09,021
I beg your pardon?
509
00:21:09,045 --> 00:21:11,295
Would you fix me
a drink, please?
510
00:21:11,319 --> 00:21:12,497
Oh. Oh, of course.
511
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:13,500
Mm. Good.
512
00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:14,967
Can I ask you a
simple question first?
513
00:21:14,991 --> 00:21:16,338
Sure.
514
00:21:16,362 --> 00:21:18,365
Will you marry me?
515
00:21:20,873 --> 00:21:23,791
Nelson, the question
isn't simple. You are.
516
00:21:23,815 --> 00:21:26,328
I mean it. If I don't get
married by the end of the week,
517
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:27,798
I lose my inheritance.
518
00:21:27,822 --> 00:21:29,804
No one else will have
me. I'm desperate.
519
00:21:29,828 --> 00:21:30,972
Oh, well, thanks.
520
00:21:30,996 --> 00:21:32,676
That's just the kind of proposal
521
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:34,413
I've always dreamed of.
522
00:21:34,437 --> 00:21:36,171
Hey, really?
523
00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:42,165
No. Not really.
524
00:21:42,189 --> 00:21:46,340
Nelson, the only
reason I'm here is... well,
525
00:21:46,364 --> 00:21:50,182
Doc's asleep in my cabin
snoring his brains out, and...
526
00:21:50,207 --> 00:21:53,659
And I'm exhausted.
I... I want to sleep.
527
00:21:53,683 --> 00:21:57,065
Well... you can
stay in my cabin.
528
00:21:57,089 --> 00:21:59,427
Oh, I wouldn't dream of
trying to get fresh with you.
529
00:22:00,598 --> 00:22:01,878
Oh, thanks.
530
00:22:01,902 --> 00:22:05,116
Gee, all these compliments
are gonna turn my head.
531
00:22:05,140 --> 00:22:07,991
I've gotta find a wife.
Time is running out.
532
00:22:08,015 --> 00:22:09,227
Oh, uh, good luck.
533
00:22:09,251 --> 00:22:11,367
Remember, there's
always the want ads.
534
00:22:11,391 --> 00:22:14,503
I hadn't thought of
that. The want ads.
535
00:22:14,527 --> 00:22:16,464
( upbeat theme playing )
536
00:22:24,986 --> 00:22:26,299
DEE DEE: Who is it?
537
00:22:26,323 --> 00:22:28,526
It's Kurt, baby. Let me in.
538
00:22:30,065 --> 00:22:31,580
Hi.
539
00:22:31,604 --> 00:22:32,581
Hi.
540
00:22:32,605 --> 00:22:34,539
( mysterious theme playing )
541
00:22:35,276 --> 00:22:36,711
( door closes )
542
00:22:37,882 --> 00:22:39,128
Good morning.
543
00:22:39,152 --> 00:22:41,603
Uh, yes, it is. Isn't it?
544
00:22:41,627 --> 00:22:44,130
I noticed you didn't
spend the night in your bed.
545
00:22:45,199 --> 00:22:47,213
Oh. You noticed?
546
00:22:47,236 --> 00:22:49,987
Did you have an
interesting night?
547
00:22:50,011 --> 00:22:55,321
Well, since you asked,
it was... fantastic.
548
00:22:57,929 --> 00:23:00,177
Was that Julie sneaking
in carrying her shoes?
549
00:23:00,201 --> 00:23:01,179
Yeah.
550
00:23:01,203 --> 00:23:02,717
I don't know if I like that.
551
00:23:02,741 --> 00:23:04,853
Our Julie messing
with the passengers.
552
00:23:04,877 --> 00:23:07,760
Me neither. We wouldn't
do a thing like that.
553
00:23:07,784 --> 00:23:09,197
Who, us?
554
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:11,169
No way.
555
00:23:11,193 --> 00:23:13,129
( tranquil theme playing )
556
00:23:18,142 --> 00:23:19,822
Good morning.
557
00:23:19,846 --> 00:23:21,828
Oh. Hm-hm.
558
00:23:21,852 --> 00:23:22,997
Good morning.
559
00:23:23,021 --> 00:23:24,900
Are you the lady
who serves coffee?
560
00:23:24,924 --> 00:23:26,504
Absolutely not.
561
00:23:26,528 --> 00:23:29,243
I'm the lady who
drinks champagne.
562
00:23:29,267 --> 00:23:30,915
( giggles )
563
00:23:30,939 --> 00:23:32,185
( clears throat ) Mm.
564
00:23:32,209 --> 00:23:34,555
You, uh, sleep here all night?
565
00:23:34,579 --> 00:23:35,558
Yeah.
566
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:38,197
Oh. Well...
567
00:23:38,221 --> 00:23:40,385
I guess that makes us roommates.
568
00:23:41,364 --> 00:23:44,278
We, uh... We slept together.
569
00:23:44,301 --> 00:23:48,290
I mean... you
slept here too, huh?
570
00:23:49,246 --> 00:23:51,697
Would you marry me?
571
00:23:51,721 --> 00:23:54,068
I don't think so. Oh.
572
00:23:54,092 --> 00:23:56,071
Besides, my religion
forbids marriage.
573
00:23:56,095 --> 00:23:58,445
I'm an avowed
swinger. ( chuckles )
574
00:23:58,469 --> 00:23:59,681
Well, if you married me, I...
575
00:23:59,705 --> 00:24:01,016
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
576
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,724
I came on this ship for fun.
Not to find a husband. Heh-heh.
577
00:24:04,748 --> 00:24:06,896
Dustin, George Scott, Truman...
578
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:08,233
They're cute, you know?
579
00:24:08,257 --> 00:24:12,044
Sylvester, Marlon,
Al. Million laughs.
580
00:24:12,068 --> 00:24:14,981
But I'm looking for
something a little different.
581
00:24:15,005 --> 00:24:17,086
Marriage? Not that different.
582
00:24:17,110 --> 00:24:18,891
( chuckles )
583
00:24:18,915 --> 00:24:20,451
You really look rotten.
584
00:24:22,224 --> 00:24:23,804
Why don't you get some sleep?
585
00:24:23,828 --> 00:24:26,876
I can't. There's a
woman in my cabin.
586
00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:31,890
Well, what are
you doing out here?
587
00:24:31,914 --> 00:24:33,593
She turned me down.
588
00:24:33,617 --> 00:24:34,894
Oh.
589
00:24:34,918 --> 00:24:37,032
Well, why did you have
to leave your cabin?
590
00:24:37,056 --> 00:24:39,270
Why couldn't she go to hers?
591
00:24:39,294 --> 00:24:42,001
There's somebody
sleeping in her bathtub.
592
00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:47,523
Oh. Uh, it's too confusing
for this early in the morning.
593
00:24:47,547 --> 00:24:49,829
Ahem. Look, um, there's
no one in my cabin.
594
00:24:49,853 --> 00:24:51,233
Why don't you get
some sleep, huh?
595
00:24:51,257 --> 00:24:52,636
Okay? You're very
nice. Thank you.
596
00:24:52,660 --> 00:24:54,906
Oh, by the way,
I'll go with you.
597
00:24:54,930 --> 00:24:56,945
I've gotta get out
of these glad rags.
598
00:24:56,969 --> 00:24:58,281
( chuckles ) You're very pretty.
599
00:24:58,305 --> 00:25:00,542
Thank you. Very pretty.
600
00:25:02,816 --> 00:25:04,627
Good morning, Gopher.
601
00:25:04,651 --> 00:25:05,699
Good morning, Gopher.
602
00:25:05,723 --> 00:25:07,068
Good morning. Morning.
603
00:25:07,092 --> 00:25:08,254
Morning.
604
00:25:09,532 --> 00:25:12,016
Boy, she sure starts early.
605
00:25:12,473 --> 00:25:13,818
Anyway, that's it.
606
00:25:13,842 --> 00:25:15,588
Look, I'm... I'm sorry I
called you an animal.
607
00:25:15,612 --> 00:25:16,623
Hm.
608
00:25:16,647 --> 00:25:18,194
Would you think
of me as a person?
609
00:25:18,218 --> 00:25:21,493
Dee Dee, the big guy definitely
thinks of you as a person.
610
00:25:22,829 --> 00:25:23,808
Do you love me?
611
00:25:23,832 --> 00:25:25,008
Hey, is the Pope Catholic?
612
00:25:25,032 --> 00:25:26,011
( chuckles )
613
00:25:26,035 --> 00:25:27,180
Hey, you know... You know what?
614
00:25:27,203 --> 00:25:28,585
When... When you
kicked out the doc,
615
00:25:28,609 --> 00:25:29,988
he really must have
been sore, huh?
616
00:25:30,012 --> 00:25:31,190
( laughs )
617
00:25:31,215 --> 00:25:33,061
Well, no, actually, he's
very much a gentleman.
618
00:25:33,085 --> 00:25:34,798
Oh, sure. I'll bet.
619
00:25:34,822 --> 00:25:36,703
Hey, listen. How about
going back to our cabin
620
00:25:36,727 --> 00:25:38,674
and really getting this
honeymoon underway, huh?
621
00:25:38,698 --> 00:25:39,911
Oh, well, you know, it's, uh...
622
00:25:39,935 --> 00:25:41,281
Ugh, not really a
honeymoon, is it?
623
00:25:41,305 --> 00:25:43,084
Yeah? Well, why
wait till the last minute?
624
00:25:43,108 --> 00:25:44,787
You know, somebody
may come in the door...
625
00:25:44,811 --> 00:25:46,125
So what?
626
00:25:46,149 --> 00:25:47,225
"So what?" Yeah.
627
00:25:47,249 --> 00:25:50,135
So... What's the
matter with you?
628
00:25:50,159 --> 00:25:51,773
What do you mean, "So what?"
629
00:25:51,797 --> 00:25:52,841
You're some kind of a...
630
00:25:52,865 --> 00:25:53,844
I'm...? I'm...? I'm a what?
631
00:25:53,868 --> 00:25:55,580
A... Just get outta here.
632
00:25:55,604 --> 00:25:57,449
Would you just get outta
here and leave me alone?
633
00:25:57,474 --> 00:25:58,554
Go on!
634
00:25:58,578 --> 00:26:00,324
You want "get out,"
You got "get out."
635
00:26:00,348 --> 00:26:02,284
You... porker.
636
00:26:06,261 --> 00:26:07,607
( door slams )
637
00:26:07,631 --> 00:26:10,369
Boy. Sickos.
638
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:12,754
Get some sleep, handsome.
639
00:26:12,778 --> 00:26:14,355
And when that girl
gets out of your cabin,
640
00:26:14,378 --> 00:26:16,260
you can go back to your place.
641
00:26:16,284 --> 00:26:17,730
Are you sure you won't marry me?
642
00:26:17,754 --> 00:26:19,703
Positive. You're
only being polite
643
00:26:19,727 --> 00:26:22,051
because I slept
with you last night.
644
00:26:22,934 --> 00:26:24,035
( giggles )
645
00:26:25,104 --> 00:26:26,106
Hm.
646
00:26:27,374 --> 00:26:28,476
( giggles )
647
00:26:29,850 --> 00:26:30,851
Oh.
648
00:26:34,693 --> 00:26:36,061
( people chattering )
649
00:26:37,298 --> 00:26:39,547
Ah, Miss Jermaine. Would
you like a cup of coffee?
650
00:26:39,571 --> 00:26:41,219
No, thank you, Isaac.
651
00:26:41,243 --> 00:26:43,023
How about a glass of champagne?
652
00:26:43,047 --> 00:26:45,348
Oh, no, I never
drink on the job.
653
00:26:46,420 --> 00:26:47,397
Oh, you... Heh, heh.
654
00:26:47,421 --> 00:26:48,702
Mm.
655
00:26:48,726 --> 00:26:50,060
Coming right up.
656
00:26:51,768 --> 00:26:52,768
( sighs happily )
657
00:26:59,283 --> 00:27:00,584
( sighs )
658
00:27:05,062 --> 00:27:07,298
( phone rings )
659
00:27:08,805 --> 00:27:09,784
Hello?
660
00:27:09,808 --> 00:27:10,820
Yes. Miss Jermaine?
661
00:27:10,844 --> 00:27:13,650
Okay. Just a minute,
please. Thank you.
662
00:27:19,563 --> 00:27:22,013
Uh, Miss Jermaine. There's
a telephone call for you.
663
00:27:22,037 --> 00:27:23,684
Oh. I'll plug you in.
664
00:27:23,708 --> 00:27:25,586
Thank you, Isaac.
665
00:27:25,610 --> 00:27:27,389
Hello, hello?
666
00:27:27,413 --> 00:27:30,131
Oh, how are you, Liz, darling?
667
00:27:30,155 --> 00:27:31,837
Oh, I'm wonderful.
668
00:27:31,861 --> 00:27:34,874
Good grief. Elizabeth Taylor.
669
00:27:34,898 --> 00:27:36,011
( laughs )
670
00:27:36,035 --> 00:27:37,915
How are Charlie and Phil?
671
00:27:37,939 --> 00:27:39,653
Oh, that's nice.
672
00:27:39,678 --> 00:27:41,591
Does Annie like her new horse?
673
00:27:41,615 --> 00:27:44,262
Charlie, Phil, Annie?
674
00:27:44,286 --> 00:27:45,900
Queen Elizabeth?
675
00:27:45,924 --> 00:27:48,974
Oh, well, it's just
lovely of you to call.
676
00:27:48,998 --> 00:27:51,380
I... I'd love to come to supper
677
00:27:51,404 --> 00:27:52,684
on Friday but I'm at sea.
678
00:27:52,708 --> 00:27:54,052
It would be a
little inconvenient.
679
00:27:54,076 --> 00:27:55,655
( laughing )
680
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:59,264
And there's a delicious
captain standing here,
681
00:27:59,288 --> 00:28:01,436
devouring me with his eyes.
682
00:28:01,460 --> 00:28:02,739
So, heh,
683
00:28:02,763 --> 00:28:04,976
I better ring off now,
before he runs away again.
684
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,362
See you later, Liz.
685
00:28:07,941 --> 00:28:09,420
Heh.
686
00:28:09,444 --> 00:28:11,024
Why don't you come
sit here and talk to me,
687
00:28:11,048 --> 00:28:13,411
you gorgeous captain, you.
688
00:28:14,321 --> 00:28:18,074
Well... "captain," anyway.
689
00:28:18,098 --> 00:28:19,410
( giggles )
690
00:28:19,434 --> 00:28:22,218
No. "Gorgeous
captain." ( chuckles )
691
00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:24,453
When are you gonna
give me a captain's tour
692
00:28:24,477 --> 00:28:26,192
of this magnificent liner?
693
00:28:26,216 --> 00:28:27,193
Well, anytime.
694
00:28:27,217 --> 00:28:28,932
( light theme playing )
695
00:28:28,956 --> 00:28:30,369
At your convenience.
696
00:28:30,393 --> 00:28:32,607
No time like the present.
697
00:28:32,631 --> 00:28:33,745
Shall we?
698
00:28:33,769 --> 00:28:35,635
My honor.
699
00:28:38,243 --> 00:28:39,256
Thank you. Hm-hm.
700
00:28:39,280 --> 00:28:41,093
Miss Jermaine, your champagne.
701
00:28:41,117 --> 00:28:42,787
Oh. Thank you.
702
00:28:44,792 --> 00:28:45,794
Mm.
703
00:28:49,236 --> 00:28:50,215
( sighs )
704
00:28:50,239 --> 00:28:51,241
Thank you.
705
00:28:57,687 --> 00:29:00,092
Everybody's getting in the act.
706
00:29:06,341 --> 00:29:08,022
( upbeat theme playing )
707
00:29:08,046 --> 00:29:10,962
MAN ( on PA ): Good day. For
those of you who wish to go ashore,
708
00:29:10,986 --> 00:29:13,401
launches will be leaving
for Cabo San Lucas...
709
00:29:13,425 --> 00:29:14,568
So long, honey.
710
00:29:14,592 --> 00:29:16,273
From the Coral Deck gangway.
711
00:29:16,297 --> 00:29:17,609
Uh, Julie.
712
00:29:17,633 --> 00:29:20,050
I think you and I need
to have a little talk.
713
00:29:20,074 --> 00:29:21,889
Oh? What about?
714
00:29:21,913 --> 00:29:23,491
Can't you guess?
715
00:29:23,515 --> 00:29:27,331
You spent last night
heaven knows where.
716
00:29:27,355 --> 00:29:29,973
It pains me to see your
moral standards decline.
717
00:29:29,997 --> 00:29:31,377
Well, that sounds to me, Doc,
718
00:29:31,401 --> 00:29:34,048
like the pot calling
the kettle black.
719
00:29:34,072 --> 00:29:37,846
I never claimed to have any
moral standards, but you...
720
00:29:41,658 --> 00:29:43,469
Ha-ha! And then the
president stood up,
721
00:29:43,493 --> 00:29:45,875
looked into my eyes
and said, "Again."
722
00:29:45,899 --> 00:29:47,177
( both chuckle )
723
00:29:47,201 --> 00:29:49,751
Of course, that wasn't
near as exciting as when, uh,
724
00:29:49,775 --> 00:29:52,691
Neil Armstrong let me fly
one of his test planes. Mm.
725
00:29:52,715 --> 00:29:54,326
I got it to Mach
3, and he told me
726
00:29:54,350 --> 00:29:56,733
the plane had never
been flown that fast.
727
00:29:56,757 --> 00:29:58,638
Of course, we couldn't
tell Lockheed I'd done it.
728
00:29:58,662 --> 00:29:59,908
( chuckling ): Really.
729
00:29:59,932 --> 00:30:01,278
Yeah.
730
00:30:01,302 --> 00:30:04,985
You know, Ireni,
I like your style.
731
00:30:05,009 --> 00:30:06,456
And I like yours, Merrill.
732
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,093
( chuckles )
733
00:30:08,117 --> 00:30:09,931
Would you consider continuing
734
00:30:09,955 --> 00:30:13,305
this stimulating
conversation in a quieter spot?
735
00:30:13,329 --> 00:30:16,679
Well... my cabin has a
lovely view of the ocean.
736
00:30:16,703 --> 00:30:18,873
Mm. Sounds stunning.
737
00:30:21,014 --> 00:30:22,815
( whimsical theme playing )
738
00:30:26,994 --> 00:30:27,973
( clears throat )
739
00:30:27,997 --> 00:30:29,263
Yoo-hoo, Smith.
740
00:30:30,468 --> 00:30:31,447
Hi, O'Rourke.
741
00:30:31,471 --> 00:30:32,850
Well, you were right, Smith.
742
00:30:32,874 --> 00:30:35,321
This ship is a
hotbed of hot beds.
743
00:30:35,345 --> 00:30:36,825
What do you mean?
I never said that.
744
00:30:36,849 --> 00:30:40,301
So far I got a jet-set
lady, a marriage-mad heir,
745
00:30:40,325 --> 00:30:42,739
a red-headed kook, a guy
with muscles on his muscles,
746
00:30:42,763 --> 00:30:44,274
and assorted
members of your crew.
747
00:30:44,298 --> 00:30:45,377
Now, wait a minute.
748
00:30:45,401 --> 00:30:46,714
I'm gonna nail 'em to the wall.
749
00:30:46,738 --> 00:30:47,850
O'Rourke, now wait a minute.
750
00:30:47,874 --> 00:30:49,254
You've got this all wrong.
751
00:30:49,278 --> 00:30:51,861
If anything was going on
on this ship, I'd know about it.
752
00:30:51,885 --> 00:30:53,698
Smith, I appreciate
what you've done for me,
753
00:30:53,722 --> 00:30:56,603
and I'm going to mention
your name in my article.
754
00:30:56,627 --> 00:30:58,876
See ya later.
O'Rourke, wait a...
755
00:30:58,900 --> 00:31:00,848
O'Rourke!
756
00:31:00,872 --> 00:31:02,053
( sighs )
757
00:31:02,077 --> 00:31:04,710
( upbeat theme playing )
758
00:31:11,163 --> 00:31:12,408
Oh, Merrill.
759
00:31:12,432 --> 00:31:13,578
Yes? Heh.
760
00:31:13,602 --> 00:31:15,413
How long have you been
in this business anyway?
761
00:31:15,437 --> 00:31:17,317
Uh, not too long
to be tired of it yet.
762
00:31:17,341 --> 00:31:18,321
( both chuckle )
763
00:31:18,345 --> 00:31:19,524
Here we are.
764
00:31:19,548 --> 00:31:22,431
( slinky theme playing )
765
00:31:22,455 --> 00:31:23,488
Ah.
766
00:31:27,131 --> 00:31:28,174
( giggles )
767
00:31:29,671 --> 00:31:31,552
I forgot.
768
00:31:31,577 --> 00:31:32,554
Don't frown, Merrill.
769
00:31:32,578 --> 00:31:33,556
Who is he?
770
00:31:33,581 --> 00:31:36,229
Oh, he? Oh. A
passenger, I think.
771
00:31:36,253 --> 00:31:37,698
Oh, well, I just found
him on deck, uh,
772
00:31:37,722 --> 00:31:39,336
this morning, fast asleep.
773
00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,974
He had been
there all night. Heh.
774
00:31:40,998 --> 00:31:42,677
Stowaway. Uh-uh.
775
00:31:42,701 --> 00:31:44,982
Uh, a girl was in his
cabin and wouldn't get out,
776
00:31:45,006 --> 00:31:46,919
so I just let him use mine.
777
00:31:46,943 --> 00:31:47,921
Oh.
778
00:31:47,945 --> 00:31:49,292
( chuckles )
779
00:31:49,316 --> 00:31:52,033
You know, you're a
most gracious woman.
780
00:31:52,057 --> 00:31:55,773
Perhaps, um... Perhaps
I can return the favor.
781
00:31:55,797 --> 00:31:56,775
Huh?
782
00:31:56,799 --> 00:31:58,547
Uh, I thought that maybe
783
00:31:58,571 --> 00:32:02,656
I could persuade
you to... use my cabin.
784
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:03,682
Oh.
785
00:32:05,052 --> 00:32:08,236
It wouldn't take any
persuasion at all. Hm.
786
00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:10,063
Shall we? Mm-hm.
787
00:32:13,806 --> 00:32:16,409
I wonder if Harold
Robbins started like this.
788
00:32:18,083 --> 00:32:20,464
MAN ( over intercom ): Captain
Stubing to the Bridge, please.
789
00:32:20,488 --> 00:32:22,302
Captain Stubing to the Bridge.
790
00:32:22,326 --> 00:32:24,761
( exhales ) Well, duty calls.
791
00:32:25,632 --> 00:32:27,545
May I see you tonight?
792
00:32:27,569 --> 00:32:28,916
Of course.
793
00:32:28,940 --> 00:32:32,125
But you'll have to
charm me all over again.
794
00:32:32,149 --> 00:32:34,361
You won't have to charm me.
795
00:32:34,385 --> 00:32:36,755
I'll stay charmed all day long.
796
00:32:42,706 --> 00:32:44,640
( upbeat theme playing )
797
00:32:48,419 --> 00:32:50,582
( slow jazz music
playing, people chattering )
798
00:32:53,965 --> 00:32:56,045
So you see, I'm gonna be rich.
799
00:32:56,070 --> 00:32:57,280
Now, would you please marry me?
800
00:32:57,304 --> 00:32:59,319
Oh, Nelson, you're hysterical.
801
00:32:59,343 --> 00:33:01,126
( laughs )
802
00:33:01,150 --> 00:33:02,294
What am I gonna do?
803
00:33:02,318 --> 00:33:04,596
Well, what seems
to be the problem?
804
00:33:04,621 --> 00:33:07,137
Well... if I'm not
married within a week,
805
00:33:07,161 --> 00:33:09,677
I lose my inheritance.
806
00:33:09,701 --> 00:33:11,382
Throw yourself on
the mercy of the court.
807
00:33:11,406 --> 00:33:14,120
Maybe one of the
jurors will marry you.
808
00:33:14,144 --> 00:33:16,558
And you call yourself a doctor.
809
00:33:16,582 --> 00:33:17,694
Would you care to dance?
810
00:33:17,718 --> 00:33:19,588
I would love to.
811
00:33:27,273 --> 00:33:29,211
What am I doing wrong?
812
00:33:31,853 --> 00:33:33,465
( both laughing )
813
00:33:33,489 --> 00:33:34,733
Oh, Merrill.
814
00:33:34,757 --> 00:33:36,705
You're such a bad boy,
telling me a story like that,
815
00:33:36,729 --> 00:33:38,710
but I loved it.
816
00:33:38,734 --> 00:33:41,741
Are you, uh, charmed again?
817
00:33:43,044 --> 00:33:45,992
Maybe after one more champagne.
818
00:33:46,016 --> 00:33:48,921
Well, perhaps we
can have it in my cabin.
819
00:33:50,228 --> 00:33:51,997
Then why stop at one?
820
00:34:01,221 --> 00:34:03,935
You have to, you know,
um... Uh, get your trip together.
821
00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:05,705
I have my space and...
822
00:34:05,729 --> 00:34:07,798
For sure. You know, I have mine.
823
00:34:09,337 --> 00:34:12,411
Oh, separate bedrooms.
I never thought of that.
824
00:34:13,415 --> 00:34:14,758
No, that's not what I mean.
825
00:34:14,782 --> 00:34:17,833
I... You know, I
mean, your, uh, space.
826
00:34:17,857 --> 00:34:19,994
For sure. You know, your space.
827
00:34:22,101 --> 00:34:23,447
Hey, baby.
828
00:34:23,471 --> 00:34:25,993
Can we, uh, kinda
talk this over?
829
00:34:26,543 --> 00:34:30,062
Buzz off, Kurt. You're
standing in my space.
830
00:34:30,086 --> 00:34:31,521
( both laughing )
831
00:34:43,884 --> 00:34:45,194
Feel it in the air, Smith?
832
00:34:45,219 --> 00:34:46,198
What?
833
00:34:46,223 --> 00:34:48,136
The calm before the storm.
834
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:51,311
These sex fiends are
gonna go berserk tonight.
835
00:34:51,335 --> 00:34:53,282
I know it.
836
00:34:53,306 --> 00:34:54,282
Want a drink, O'Rourke?
837
00:34:54,306 --> 00:34:56,822
Sure. Beer, neat.
838
00:34:56,846 --> 00:34:59,028
But be cool. Hate to be seen
839
00:34:59,052 --> 00:35:00,899
boozing it up with a source.
840
00:35:00,923 --> 00:35:04,372
That's me. Cool as all outdoors.
841
00:35:04,396 --> 00:35:07,034
Smith... I like you.
842
00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,576
You're one heck
of a guy, O'Rourke.
843
00:35:12,918 --> 00:35:13,919
Nuts?
844
00:35:20,535 --> 00:35:22,850
( sedate theme playing )
845
00:35:22,874 --> 00:35:23,984
( Stubing chuckles )
846
00:35:24,008 --> 00:35:26,624
( romantic theme playing )
847
00:35:26,648 --> 00:35:28,161
Ah. Ha.
848
00:35:28,185 --> 00:35:30,266
From the first time I
saw you on this ship,
849
00:35:30,291 --> 00:35:31,839
I felt that you were a woman
850
00:35:31,863 --> 00:35:34,408
who comes into a
man's life but once.
851
00:35:34,432 --> 00:35:37,581
Mm. How eloquently stated.
852
00:35:37,605 --> 00:35:39,789
Would you mind
terribly if I kissed you?
853
00:35:39,813 --> 00:35:41,494
After such a glowing tribute,
854
00:35:41,518 --> 00:35:43,760
I'd be... shattered
if you didn't.
855
00:35:52,208 --> 00:35:53,709
( quietly ): Ireni.
856
00:35:59,557 --> 00:36:00,625
( sighs )
857
00:36:01,898 --> 00:36:03,465
Excuse me, lovely lady.
858
00:36:05,203 --> 00:36:06,549
I'd like to, uh,
859
00:36:06,573 --> 00:36:08,142
slip into something
more comfortable.
860
00:36:21,342 --> 00:36:22,343
Oh.
861
00:36:27,319 --> 00:36:28,534
( door closes )
862
00:36:28,558 --> 00:36:29,559
Oh.
863
00:36:31,432 --> 00:36:32,433
( gasps )
864
00:36:37,879 --> 00:36:39,190
Ha...
865
00:36:39,214 --> 00:36:41,699
( quietly ): Hello. Hello.
Could you please page
866
00:36:41,723 --> 00:36:43,934
Ireni Jermaine
right away, please?
867
00:36:43,958 --> 00:36:45,472
It's an emergency.
868
00:36:45,496 --> 00:36:47,207
No, no, it can't wait.
869
00:36:47,231 --> 00:36:50,685
You have to page Ireni
Jermaine right now, please. I...
870
00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:53,212
( melancholy theme playing )
871
00:36:59,729 --> 00:37:02,366
I don't understand. ( exhales )
872
00:37:03,806 --> 00:37:04,883
I can't go through with it.
873
00:37:04,907 --> 00:37:06,621
That's all there
is to understand.
874
00:37:06,645 --> 00:37:09,008
You can't go through with what?
875
00:37:10,119 --> 00:37:11,757
This whole silly fraud.
876
00:37:15,363 --> 00:37:17,132
I'm not Ireni Jermaine.
877
00:37:18,439 --> 00:37:21,077
I'm Irene. Irene Funston.
878
00:37:22,782 --> 00:37:26,633
A widowed housewife
from Pacoima.
879
00:37:26,657 --> 00:37:28,158
Oh.
880
00:37:30,065 --> 00:37:31,468
I don't know what to say.
881
00:37:37,380 --> 00:37:40,431
You're still a lovely lady...
882
00:37:40,456 --> 00:37:42,471
filled with wit and grace.
883
00:37:42,495 --> 00:37:44,138
Please. I...
884
00:37:44,162 --> 00:37:47,412
don't wanna start
anything I can't finish.
885
00:37:47,436 --> 00:37:48,918
( chuckles )
886
00:37:48,942 --> 00:37:51,291
This cruise was
going to be the fantasy
887
00:37:51,315 --> 00:37:54,195
to last me for
the rest of my life.
888
00:37:54,219 --> 00:37:57,235
A memory I could look back on...
889
00:37:57,259 --> 00:38:00,277
in the years to come, and...
890
00:38:00,301 --> 00:38:04,586
you... You were gonna be a...
891
00:38:04,610 --> 00:38:06,458
major part of my scrapbook.
892
00:38:06,483 --> 00:38:07,750
( chuckles )
893
00:38:10,024 --> 00:38:15,010
But... what I realize now is...
894
00:38:15,034 --> 00:38:17,303
what I need isn't...
895
00:38:18,442 --> 00:38:21,661
a shipboard fling...
896
00:38:21,685 --> 00:38:25,870
but a man at home
I can cook for...
897
00:38:25,894 --> 00:38:31,216
and clean for...
and iron shirts for.
898
00:38:31,240 --> 00:38:33,909
I need what I used to have.
899
00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:36,481
I'm sorry.
900
00:38:38,188 --> 00:38:39,724
I can't be that man.
901
00:38:47,911 --> 00:38:49,189
Whoever you are...
902
00:38:49,213 --> 00:38:51,552
you're a magnificent woman.
903
00:39:07,053 --> 00:39:08,488
Irene!
904
00:39:09,393 --> 00:39:10,828
( sniffling )
905
00:39:14,169 --> 00:39:16,106
( crying )
906
00:39:18,046 --> 00:39:19,113
( crying )
907
00:39:20,351 --> 00:39:21,889
Uh, are you all right?
908
00:39:23,559 --> 00:39:24,859
I will be.
909
00:39:30,776 --> 00:39:31,859
( gasps )
910
00:39:34,884 --> 00:39:36,621
Why are you crying?
911
00:39:37,691 --> 00:39:38,704
What are you talking about?
912
00:39:38,728 --> 00:39:40,429
Big guys don't cry. ( sniffles )
913
00:39:41,468 --> 00:39:44,917
Philip... my late
husband, he... Heh.
914
00:39:44,941 --> 00:39:47,422
He was a big hulk like you.
915
00:39:47,446 --> 00:39:50,463
He used to cry at
tire commercials.
916
00:39:50,487 --> 00:39:51,836
( sobbing )
917
00:39:51,860 --> 00:39:53,772
You're just saying that
to make me feel better.
918
00:39:53,796 --> 00:39:55,207
Mm.
919
00:39:55,231 --> 00:39:59,317
A real man shouldn't be
afraid to show his emotions.
920
00:39:59,341 --> 00:40:03,360
Right now... you're
acting like a man.
921
00:40:03,384 --> 00:40:04,696
( crying ): I am?
922
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:06,322
( crying ): Uh-huh.
923
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:14,183
Girl trouble, huh?
924
00:40:14,207 --> 00:40:19,063
Yeah, I... I think
I've been jilted.
925
00:40:19,087 --> 00:40:22,438
Who...? Who would
want to jilt you?
926
00:40:22,462 --> 00:40:24,039
I mean, you're good-looking,
927
00:40:24,063 --> 00:40:27,313
obviously sensitive.
928
00:40:27,337 --> 00:40:29,485
Yeah, it's true.
929
00:40:29,509 --> 00:40:32,115
See, you may not
believe this, but...
930
00:40:33,253 --> 00:40:34,496
well, I have an ego problem.
931
00:40:34,521 --> 00:40:36,402
Oh. Well...
932
00:40:36,426 --> 00:40:40,679
sometimes people
have to tell the world
933
00:40:40,703 --> 00:40:43,753
that they're the
greatest because...
934
00:40:43,777 --> 00:40:46,280
nobody's telling them
they're the greatest.
935
00:40:47,016 --> 00:40:48,351
Yeah?
936
00:40:49,958 --> 00:40:51,227
Yeah.
937
00:40:55,536 --> 00:40:57,639
You are the greatest.
938
00:41:00,248 --> 00:41:01,963
( chuckles )
939
00:41:01,987 --> 00:41:03,631
( crying )
940
00:41:03,655 --> 00:41:05,089
( crying )
941
00:41:06,796 --> 00:41:09,769
So I never really
learned to play basketball.
942
00:41:13,379 --> 00:41:14,378
( sighs )
943
00:41:15,515 --> 00:41:17,495
Can I buy you a drink?
944
00:41:17,519 --> 00:41:18,933
I beg your pardon?
945
00:41:18,957 --> 00:41:21,140
We've not been
properly introduced.
946
00:41:21,164 --> 00:41:23,411
My name is Nelson Hoag.
947
00:41:23,435 --> 00:41:24,712
I'll have a Scotch and water.
948
00:41:24,737 --> 00:41:26,918
Could we have a Scotch
and water for the lady, please?
949
00:41:26,942 --> 00:41:29,391
Okay, but last round.
950
00:41:29,415 --> 00:41:30,594
Who's fighting?
951
00:41:30,618 --> 00:41:32,131
( chortles )
952
00:41:32,155 --> 00:41:33,767
I think we'll forget
about the drinks.
953
00:41:33,791 --> 00:41:35,304
Lady, this guy won't forget
954
00:41:35,328 --> 00:41:37,609
any drinks he's had tonight.
955
00:41:37,633 --> 00:41:38,746
What's your name?
956
00:41:38,770 --> 00:41:39,916
( clears throat ) Dee Dee.
957
00:41:39,940 --> 00:41:43,123
"Dee Dee." That's
D period, D period,
958
00:41:43,147 --> 00:41:44,725
or just Dee Dee?
959
00:41:44,749 --> 00:41:47,163
Just Dee Dee.
960
00:41:47,187 --> 00:41:49,258
You're D period, D period.
961
00:41:50,530 --> 00:41:51,676
Dead drunk.
962
00:41:51,700 --> 00:41:52,980
( snorts )
963
00:41:53,004 --> 00:41:54,146
( giggles ) Shh.
964
00:41:54,170 --> 00:41:55,738
Shh.
965
00:41:58,715 --> 00:42:01,699
Nelson... do you own any horses?
966
00:42:01,723 --> 00:42:04,336
No, I... I'm afraid
of large animals.
967
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:05,841
I have a rabbit.
968
00:42:05,865 --> 00:42:06,910
His name is Benjamin.
969
00:42:06,934 --> 00:42:08,849
Would you like
to see his picture?
970
00:42:08,873 --> 00:42:10,073
Yes, I would.
971
00:42:13,282 --> 00:42:14,516
Benjamin.
972
00:42:15,219 --> 00:42:17,366
Adorable.
973
00:42:17,390 --> 00:42:18,837
I have a full scrapbook
974
00:42:18,861 --> 00:42:22,213
of pictures of
Benjamin in my cabin.
975
00:42:22,237 --> 00:42:24,082
Would you like to see it?
976
00:42:24,106 --> 00:42:26,288
Yes, I would. Mm.
977
00:42:26,312 --> 00:42:27,312
( clears throat )
978
00:42:29,652 --> 00:42:31,769
Oh! Oh, Benjamin, I'm sorry.
979
00:42:31,793 --> 00:42:32,803
"Nelson."
980
00:42:32,828 --> 00:42:33,972
This is Benjamin. I'm Nelson.
981
00:42:33,995 --> 00:42:35,108
I'm sorry. All right...
982
00:42:35,132 --> 00:42:36,277
Say, uh, what about the bill?
983
00:42:36,301 --> 00:42:38,825
Oh, no, thank you.
984
00:42:39,242 --> 00:42:41,179
( upbeat theme playing )
985
00:42:54,944 --> 00:42:56,245
Dee Dee.
986
00:42:58,286 --> 00:42:59,452
It's morning.
987
00:43:01,660 --> 00:43:03,875
I brought you some breakfast.
988
00:43:03,899 --> 00:43:07,749
Oh, Nelson. How thoughtful.
989
00:43:07,773 --> 00:43:10,190
You don't mind serving a woman?
990
00:43:10,214 --> 00:43:12,195
No, of course not. Why should I?
991
00:43:12,219 --> 00:43:14,119
You'd do the same
for me, wouldn't you?
992
00:43:14,956 --> 00:43:16,558
People should share.
993
00:43:20,871 --> 00:43:22,384
I, uh...
994
00:43:22,408 --> 00:43:25,056
I hope I didn't get
fresh with you last night.
995
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:26,259
( chuckles )
996
00:43:26,283 --> 00:43:28,686
You passed out showing
me your rabbit album.
997
00:43:30,929 --> 00:43:32,273
Real cute.
998
00:43:32,297 --> 00:43:33,875
Yeah, he is, isn't he?
999
00:43:33,900 --> 00:43:34,941
I mean you.
1000
00:43:36,908 --> 00:43:38,221
Sugar?
1001
00:43:38,245 --> 00:43:39,778
Yes, dear?
1002
00:43:40,918 --> 00:43:42,330
No, I need the sugar.
1003
00:43:42,354 --> 00:43:45,525
Oh. Right.
1004
00:43:46,662 --> 00:43:48,911
It's not as sweet as you are.
1005
00:43:48,936 --> 00:43:50,037
Heh.
1006
00:43:52,946 --> 00:43:54,110
Nelson...
1007
00:43:57,386 --> 00:43:58,689
will you marry me?
1008
00:43:59,492 --> 00:44:00,538
Huh?
1009
00:44:00,562 --> 00:44:01,876
I mean it.
1010
00:44:01,900 --> 00:44:04,011
You are the most
wonderful man I've ever met.
1011
00:44:04,035 --> 00:44:07,174
You're kind and considerate.
1012
00:44:08,146 --> 00:44:09,961
Please say you'll marry me.
1013
00:44:09,985 --> 00:44:11,899
"You'll marry me."
1014
00:44:11,923 --> 00:44:13,434
I... I mean, of
course I'll marry you.
1015
00:44:13,458 --> 00:44:14,468
Oh! Of course I will.
1016
00:44:14,492 --> 00:44:16,340
Oh! Oh.
1017
00:44:16,364 --> 00:44:18,012
Oh, honey.
1018
00:44:18,036 --> 00:44:19,959
They didn't have any honey.
1019
00:44:20,174 --> 00:44:21,253
No, I mean you.
1020
00:44:21,277 --> 00:44:22,278
( giggles )
1021
00:44:23,048 --> 00:44:24,925
Oh.
1022
00:44:24,949 --> 00:44:26,352
Nelson.
1023
00:44:27,790 --> 00:44:29,504
Could we have a June wedding?
1024
00:44:29,528 --> 00:44:31,576
Well, if I get married
before Friday,
1025
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:33,369
I'll inherit $3 million.
1026
00:44:37,078 --> 00:44:39,282
Could we have the
reception in June?
1027
00:44:41,992 --> 00:44:43,469
( playful theme playing )
1028
00:44:43,493 --> 00:44:45,206
It happened. It happened!
1029
00:44:45,230 --> 00:44:46,744
What happened? I'm
looking for Dee Dee.
1030
00:44:46,768 --> 00:44:48,015
She's got the key to my cabin.
1031
00:44:48,039 --> 00:44:49,149
Doc! Doc, come in.
1032
00:44:49,173 --> 00:44:50,753
Something wonderful
is going to happen.
1033
00:44:50,777 --> 00:44:51,756
Come on, come on.
1034
00:44:51,780 --> 00:44:52,758
It happened!
1035
00:44:52,782 --> 00:44:53,862
It happened.
1036
00:44:56,090 --> 00:44:58,071
Julie, come in
here. It's terrific!
1037
00:44:58,095 --> 00:44:59,294
What?
1038
00:45:00,634 --> 00:45:02,737
Holy Toledo. A ménage à four.
1039
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:05,620
Oh, you two, come on in.
1040
00:45:05,644 --> 00:45:06,756
We want you to join us.
1041
00:45:06,780 --> 00:45:08,783
Come on. Hey.
1042
00:45:10,556 --> 00:45:11,969
( chattering indistinctly )
1043
00:45:11,993 --> 00:45:14,427
Go on in. The more the merrier.
1044
00:45:17,070 --> 00:45:19,514
Hey! All right!
1045
00:45:20,279 --> 00:45:21,860
If the old Dodgers
drew this many people,
1046
00:45:21,884 --> 00:45:24,083
they'd still be in Brooklyn.
1047
00:45:26,292 --> 00:45:29,442
A party? At this hour?
1048
00:45:29,466 --> 00:45:32,438
Go in. They're all
your sicko friends.
1049
00:45:34,142 --> 00:45:35,622
Captain Stubing,
you're just in time.
1050
00:45:35,646 --> 00:45:37,794
You're the only thing
this party's missing.
1051
00:45:37,818 --> 00:45:39,665
Uh, Mr. Smith.
1052
00:45:39,689 --> 00:45:41,804
As long as you're out...
1053
00:45:41,829 --> 00:45:43,875
bring some champagne.
1054
00:45:43,899 --> 00:45:45,766
Yes, sir.
1055
00:45:51,384 --> 00:45:53,063
Hey, O'Rourke. You
want some champagne?
1056
00:45:53,088 --> 00:45:54,164
Sure.
1057
00:45:54,188 --> 00:45:55,635
I've got a lot to
celebrate, you know.
1058
00:45:55,659 --> 00:45:57,104
I'm gonna make
millions off this.
1059
00:45:57,128 --> 00:45:58,676
( clears throat )
1060
00:45:58,700 --> 00:46:00,535
( grunts )
1061
00:46:01,909 --> 00:46:02,919
You know what, O'Rourke?
1062
00:46:02,943 --> 00:46:04,689
Hm? I hate crowds.
1063
00:46:04,713 --> 00:46:06,560
What say we go to my
cabin and start our own party?
1064
00:46:06,584 --> 00:46:07,562
Hm.
1065
00:46:07,586 --> 00:46:09,755
I like the way you think, Smith.
1066
00:46:10,695 --> 00:46:11,728
( clicks tongue )
1067
00:46:14,769 --> 00:46:16,772
Well, Smith, how
about those Rams, huh?
1068
00:46:21,787 --> 00:46:23,300
( upbeat theme playing )
1069
00:46:23,324 --> 00:46:25,258
( horn blares )
1070
00:46:29,704 --> 00:46:30,683
Bye-bye. Goodbye.
1071
00:46:30,707 --> 00:46:32,087
So long. Bye-bye.
1072
00:46:32,111 --> 00:46:33,621
You will come to the
wedding, won't you?
1073
00:46:33,645 --> 00:46:34,957
Yes. As long as you promise
1074
00:46:34,981 --> 00:46:37,545
not to throw the bridal
bouquet in my direction.
1075
00:46:38,158 --> 00:46:39,636
Julie, I must thank you.
1076
00:46:39,660 --> 00:46:40,940
If you hadn't
turned me down, I...
1077
00:46:40,964 --> 00:46:43,146
I don't think I ever would
have found Dee Dee.
1078
00:46:43,170 --> 00:46:46,139
Well, I'm glad that everything
worked out well for you, Nelson.
1079
00:46:47,076 --> 00:46:48,055
Bye. Goodbye.
1080
00:46:48,079 --> 00:46:49,181
Bye-bye.
1081
00:46:51,389 --> 00:46:52,367
Bye. Bye.
1082
00:46:52,391 --> 00:46:54,067
Goodbye. So long.
1083
00:46:54,091 --> 00:46:56,997
Well... goodbye, Merrill.
1084
00:46:58,271 --> 00:47:00,017
It's not goodbye, Ireni.
1085
00:47:00,041 --> 00:47:02,757
It's hasta luego.
1086
00:47:02,781 --> 00:47:05,223
"Until we meet again."
1087
00:47:05,552 --> 00:47:08,068
Oh, it's... It's not
"Ireni." It's "Irene."
1088
00:47:08,092 --> 00:47:09,526
Irene.
1089
00:47:12,237 --> 00:47:13,780
You mean Julie
and Nelson didn't?
1090
00:47:13,804 --> 00:47:15,117
No.
1091
00:47:15,141 --> 00:47:16,488
And Julie and Doc didn't either?
1092
00:47:16,512 --> 00:47:17,790
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
1093
00:47:17,814 --> 00:47:19,896
Well, if they didn't, and
Ireni and Nelson didn't,
1094
00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,100
and Doc and Dee Dee didn't,
1095
00:47:21,124 --> 00:47:23,958
then the only ones
who did were...
1096
00:47:25,031 --> 00:47:26,844
Oh. Don't tell my editor.
1097
00:47:26,868 --> 00:47:28,080
Hey, not this guy.
1098
00:47:28,104 --> 00:47:29,584
I don't kiss and tell.
1099
00:47:29,608 --> 00:47:32,492
Smith, you are terrific.
1100
00:47:32,516 --> 00:47:35,486
O'Rourke, you're
still one heck of a guy.
1101
00:47:40,701 --> 00:47:42,081
Goodbye. Bye-bye.
1102
00:47:42,105 --> 00:47:43,582
Bye-bye. So long.
1103
00:47:43,606 --> 00:47:44,585
Goodbye, everybody.
1104
00:47:44,609 --> 00:47:47,011
Goodbye. Bye-bye Bye. Ah.
1105
00:47:48,084 --> 00:47:50,566
Bye-bye, O'Rourke. Goodbye.
1106
00:47:50,590 --> 00:47:52,905
Okay, O'Rourke. Hm.
1107
00:47:52,929 --> 00:47:57,113
Well... I had an
interesting voyage.
1108
00:47:57,137 --> 00:47:59,820
Well, mine was unusual.
1109
00:47:59,844 --> 00:48:01,493
Mine was certainly
out of the ordinary.
1110
00:48:01,517 --> 00:48:03,828
Tsk. Mine was dull.
1111
00:48:03,851 --> 00:48:06,001
I didn't meet a single lady.
1112
00:48:06,025 --> 00:48:08,575
She was married.
1113
00:48:08,599 --> 00:48:09,944
Strange.
1114
00:48:09,968 --> 00:48:14,319
Well, I have a vaguely
unsatisfied feeling.
1115
00:48:14,343 --> 00:48:17,293
Rather like having eaten a
Chinese dinner an hour ago.
1116
00:48:17,317 --> 00:48:19,632
I have a distinctly
unsatisfied feeling.
1117
00:48:19,656 --> 00:48:22,874
Rather like having been denied
a Chinese dinner an hour ago.
1118
00:48:22,898 --> 00:48:25,177
And I have a totally
frustrating feeling.
1119
00:48:25,201 --> 00:48:28,654
Rather like not even knowing
what a Chinese dinner is.
1120
00:48:28,678 --> 00:48:30,514
I feel terrific.
1121
00:48:40,639 --> 00:48:43,742
( upbeat theme playing )
75241
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof