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I remember being in
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surgery and at that moment I felt love I
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thought I must have died on the
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operating
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table the second thought now here's my
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analytical science mind still kicking in
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so wait a minute if I
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died what's all
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this because first of all I don't
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believe in
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anything second of all my parents told
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me that you're going to go to hell
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because you're an atheist now so I'm not
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experiencing either one of
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those and that's when I really began to
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wonder what the heck was going on and
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why am I here I asked that question in
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my mind but then there was an answer to
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the thought I had and the answer
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came kind of from around me in the
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atmosphere and it was the answer of this
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is your home you're a part of me you're
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a part of us welcome
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home when it said that welcome home I
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lost
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it because I
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remembered that's when it came back to
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me and I knew
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immediately oh my
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God that life that I had on Earth was
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just an
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illusion that thing that I was doing
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down there on Earth was really just a
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temporary
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[Music]
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state
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I'm Nancy
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Ryan I grew up on a small family farm
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out in the middle of
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cornfields very Northwest part of
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Chicago I was a very weird kid I was
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very
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spiritual I looked around and saw that
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divine presence everywhere I would tell
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my family oh my gosh gods in the trees
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spirit is all around
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us they kind of looked at me funny
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because we were Catholics and my family
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was pretty pretty Catholic they weren't
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just cafeteria Catholics or they weren't
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just weekend
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Catholics when I was about
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15 we started having a lot of those news
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reports about priests who were abusing
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kids that were really becoming prevalent
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especially in the Chicago area and
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that's when I actually began to question
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my previous Viewpoint about is there a
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god you know did was I just imagining
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all of that uh and so by the time I
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would say I was 16 or
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17 I had pretty much decided that God
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didn't exist because if he did exist how
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could this
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happen and that cemented my movement
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away from religion or
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spirituality
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I went into college and got a series of
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degrees in
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geology so I became a really rational
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scientist very material focused by the
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time I was in my mid 20s I was a pretty
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uh pretty firm
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atheist after college I worked for the
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Department of energy for a while doing
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very scientific things out in the
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Western United States
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and it was mostly became scientific
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writing because I was actually quite
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good at writing and a lot of scientists
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weren't so I would do editing for them
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for the journal articles they were
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writing or books they were writing and
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that pretty much kept me through you
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know the rest of my career up until my
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mid-40s I was 46 years old and I had
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moved to Boulder
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Colorado I was beginning to
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feel a bit disatisfied with where I was
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in life some things had not gone well um
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my marriage had ended and I was in that
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point of really questioning what was
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going to come next for me so I started
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looking for another job I thought you
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know what I needed really was was
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another job a different job somewhere
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else or you know maybe in Denver or
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something a little bit later that month
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you know CH between Christmas and New
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Year's I took a week off from work so I
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went out for a bike ride just do a
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little bike ride around town drop off
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some stuff at the library and run a
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couple of errands and then go out on a
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trail
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ride I went into a traffic
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circle the bike lane that I had coming
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in just completely went away and the the
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roadway got really
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narrow so I rode into it very
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cautiously and I kind of eased my way in
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noticing that there was some traffic
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coming in from my right from the highway
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into this traffic circle and it looked
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like they were slowing
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[Music]
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down at the last minute that lead
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SUV instead of stopping
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she actually sped
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up I was in a really bad spot because I
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was right there at where she was coming
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in and all I could do like there was
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this instinctual response as I put my
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hand out I have no idea what happened
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from the time I put my hand out till I
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ended up on the hood of her vehicle so
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somehow I
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flipped up off the
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bike up onto the hood of her vehicle
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looking in at her and she's
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texting I'm actually trying to pound on
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her
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windshield and she she kept driving she
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didn't see me like like literally right
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in front of her and I couldn't hang on I
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just the the hood of her vehicle was so
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slick so I slipped down desperately
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trying to grab on to
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something but I couldn't find anything
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to grab on to and I hit the
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pavement and I heard the crack of my
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helmet and all of a sudden she was over
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the top of
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me somehow my backpack got caught on
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something underneath of her vehicle and
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at the same time that happened I reached
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up with my right hand and grabbed her
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axle I don't know how long she
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technically dragged me it was at least
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60 ft and what finally happened is that
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the guy that was in a truck behind
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her saw what was going on was able to
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get around her and he drove his truck
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around the traffic circle the wrong way
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and just stopped in front of her so I
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kind of owe my life to this
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guy as soon as she stopped I started
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trying to wiggle my way out from
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underneath of the
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vehicle I got to the point where my
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shoulders were out
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from underneath the front of her vehicle
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and at that point a woman came up and
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she just said I'm a nurse just stay
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where you are and I thought what's the
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big deal you know I'm just going to get
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up and walk away and she said no you
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were just in a you know you're in a
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serious accident I just need you to stay
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on the
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ground so when the paramedics came they
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of course were starting to try to figure
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out what was going on with me
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medically and and as soon as one of the
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the guys touched the side of my neck I
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just screamed at the top of my lungs it
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was just so
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painful and that's when I realized I was
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in pretty bad
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shape so they brought me to the trauma
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center I had a head injury I had the
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cracked collar bone five ribs that were
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broken in multiple places I had a
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collapse lung but the main the main
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damage was really to my neck and my back
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the doctor basically said well every
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process in your back is
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cracked and you've got major damage to
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your neck vertebrae and then your lower
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back
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vertebrae so they called in a surgeon
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who decided that he he could fix it was
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going to go in there clean up all of the
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broken bits and then put titanium rods
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up and down my back on either side of my
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spine and that surgy was scheduled for
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the Monday after this accident so like 3
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days
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later I had an unbelievable fear of
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death coming up to
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this that was the biggest fear of my
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life was the fear of death I was
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absolutely mortified by that one fear it
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paralyzed me in so many ways so going
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into this surgery I was really
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scared and almost had myself convinced
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that I wasn't going to make
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it they were Wheeling me in they got me
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moved onto the operating table the
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anesthesiologist came up and you know as
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soon as he administered it within like 3
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seconds I was you know drifting
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off
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in a normal surgery that I've had I've
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had a few before it was just gray
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nothingness and then they were waking me
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up in the recovery room this time I
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drifted
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off and I was even more awake than I was
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before the
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anesthesia and it was that moment that I
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realized something really weird is going
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on
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here I woke up and and what I'm looking
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around
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at is this beautiful
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Hillside it's sort of like in a meadow
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so there's low grass and flowers all
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around
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me but I'm on the hillside looking out
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over a series of rolling mountain
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ranges and I thought well this is kind
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of a cool hallucination I could do this
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while I'm in
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surgery the first first thing I noticed
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was this wave of
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Peace it felt like you know standing in
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front of a fireplace when the fire is on
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and that heat kind of coming through
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you it felt like I was being
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hugged but there was this big moment of
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feeling
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acceptance and really just unconditional
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love coming into
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me and um it was
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powerful and that's when I knew
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something was not
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[Music]
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right and I thought oh my God I died I
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thought I died I remember being in
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surgery and at that moment I felt love I
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thought I must have died on the
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operating
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table the second thought now here's my
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analytical science mind still kicking in
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so wait a minute if I
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died what's all this because first of
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all I don't believe in
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anything second of all my parents told
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me that you're going to go to hell
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because you're an atheist now so I'm not
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experiencing either one of
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those and that's when I really began to
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wonder what the heck was going on and
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why am I here I asked that question in
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my mind but then there was an answer to
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the thought I had and the answer
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came kind of from around me in the
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atmosphere and it was the answer of this
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is your home you are a part of me you're
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a part of us welcome
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home when it said that welcome home I
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lost
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it because I
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remembered that's when it came back to
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me and I knew
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immediately oh my
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God that life that I had on Earth was
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just an
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illusion that thing that I was doing
281
00:13:41,839 --> 00:13:45,839
down there on Earth was really just a
282
00:13:45,839 --> 00:13:49,920
temporary State and this is real it just
283
00:13:49,920 --> 00:13:52,720
it was like so
284
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,920
obvious I all of a sudden saw someone
285
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:59,800
kind of materialize out of
286
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:04,519
fog and she was very ephemeral so
287
00:14:04,519 --> 00:14:07,600
vaguely a human and she had what
288
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,440
appeared to be long hair but I was never
289
00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,920
able to see her face because it wasn't
290
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,759
about her it was about me learning what
291
00:14:16,759 --> 00:14:19,160
I needed to learn and that's what she
292
00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,959
said we you know it's time for you to
293
00:14:21,959 --> 00:14:24,639
learn what you need to learn in order to
294
00:14:24,639 --> 00:14:26,480
go back and make your life one that
295
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,600
would be worth living and those are
296
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,320
pretty much her exact words and I'm like
297
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:32,959
whoa I'm not going back there what are
298
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:35,759
you kidding me I am not going back to
299
00:14:35,759 --> 00:14:38,240
that place she said well you've already
300
00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:42,160
agreed to go back and I said I was kind
301
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,199
of going back to
302
00:14:44,199 --> 00:14:48,160
my my younger my younger self when I was
303
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,920
kind of a pain to be around with my
304
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,199
parents as I was always challenging them
305
00:14:52,199 --> 00:14:55,120
so I was challenging her like I don't
306
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,639
want to go back there and I don't
307
00:14:56,639 --> 00:14:59,639
remember agreeing to go back she said
308
00:14:59,639 --> 00:15:01,440
well you did that before you were born
309
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:03,600
into your life and so let me show you
310
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:07,279
and it was this weird movie moment where
311
00:15:07,279 --> 00:15:10,920
like in the air in front of me sort of
312
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,759
materialized almost like a movie
313
00:15:13,759 --> 00:15:19,000
screen and she showed me me planning my
314
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,040
life before I was
315
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:25,000
born so in a way the experience was sort
316
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:29,560
of planned out and I got to see that
317
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,199
and there was a point at which I looked
318
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,240
behind
319
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:37,000
me and all it was behind me was fog it
320
00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:38,800
was this foggy
321
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,720
gray whereas in front of me it was this
322
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:45,480
really vibrant maybe it was a forest or
323
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:49,199
a canyon I was walking in or a mountain
324
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:53,160
or something but behind me it was just
325
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,279
gone and I asked her about that I like
326
00:15:56,279 --> 00:15:58,079
what's up with this and she said the
327
00:15:58,079 --> 00:16:00,680
place that you are in now is not the
328
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,680
Ultimate Reality of where you're going
329
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:05,360
to go it's sort of a she called it a
330
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:09,519
holding place and she said in this place
331
00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:11,160
it is your place of
332
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:15,000
learning and here what we do is we're
333
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,759
making this an environment that is
334
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,920
comfortable for you to learn in things
335
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,360
that you enjoy places that make you feel
336
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,440
comfortable and that will allow you to
337
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,720
learn what you need to learn in order to
338
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,279
go back and make your life one that's
339
00:16:30,279 --> 00:16:32,399
worth
340
00:16:32,399 --> 00:16:36,360
living she would teach me things about
341
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,600
not only this spiritual place I was in
342
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:42,519
but that everything was based on an
343
00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:45,279
energetic structure not a physical
344
00:16:45,279 --> 00:16:48,079
one everything you see around you it's
345
00:16:48,079 --> 00:16:49,880
an
346
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:52,120
illusion the more I thought about it the
347
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:55,240
more I knew it to be
348
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:59,120
true the equivalent amount of time that
349
00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:03,399
was out on the operating table because I
350
00:17:03,399 --> 00:17:07,919
did code my blood pressure tanked my
351
00:17:07,919 --> 00:17:09,679
heart rate
352
00:17:09,679 --> 00:17:12,760
stopped the Flatline part lasted at most
353
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:13,839
about 2
354
00:17:13,839 --> 00:17:19,079
minutes if we were to do here what I did
355
00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:21,599
as far as places that I traveled and
356
00:17:21,599 --> 00:17:24,679
things I learned it would take about 2
357
00:17:24,679 --> 00:17:29,120
or 3 months here to do that but it also
358
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:32,039
seemed like forever there you know it
359
00:17:32,039 --> 00:17:34,600
was a completely different experience of
360
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:39,960
quote time what I realized from that is
361
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,559
that it's not that time passes
362
00:17:42,559 --> 00:17:44,559
differently it's that they are on the at
363
00:17:44,559 --> 00:17:48,600
the spiritual level outside of our
364
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,360
perception of
365
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:58,039
time I went to one place where I stood
366
00:17:58,039 --> 00:18:01,440
there and all around me I saw the map of
367
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:04,840
my life it was like this virtual reality
368
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,600
map like an old timey you know nautical
369
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:10,600
chart laid out all all around me and I
370
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,559
was at the center and there was this big
371
00:18:13,559 --> 00:18:16,799
I think they call it a compass row and
372
00:18:16,799 --> 00:18:18,679
I'm looking all around it and there's
373
00:18:18,679 --> 00:18:21,840
these different Pathways that I can see
374
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:24,960
from one end of the map to the other and
375
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,760
I knew those were all of the different
376
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,039
paths I had taken or I should that could
377
00:18:29,039 --> 00:18:31,600
have taken up into this point and then
378
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,200
there were a lot of Pathways kind of
379
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:37,880
branching out from where I was but all
380
00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:42,559
going back to the same place and the
381
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:45,840
point of that particular teaching was
382
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,440
first of all we can take one of many
383
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,360
paths in life and they pretty much bring
384
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:54,320
us to the same place so it's it's not
385
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:56,480
like there's a particular right path
386
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:59,799
that you need to be on the other part of
387
00:18:59,799 --> 00:19:05,159
that was I noticed that compass rose was
388
00:19:05,159 --> 00:19:08,760
centered figuratively in my heart
389
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,960
area and the point of that teaching that
390
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:15,039
she she finally went into that is you
391
00:19:15,039 --> 00:19:18,720
know you don't just use your brain your
392
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,440
human brain to make
393
00:19:20,440 --> 00:19:23,760
decisions you also have to dig
394
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:27,039
deeper into what we would call Intuition
395
00:19:27,039 --> 00:19:30,880
or that that inner know KN and she said
396
00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:33,400
balance those two out so that you're
397
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,600
making
398
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:38,600
decisions from a really holistic Place
399
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:42,280
rather than simply an analytical
400
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,159
decision up until that point in my life
401
00:19:45,159 --> 00:19:48,720
I had completely ignored that I didn't
402
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,820
pay that any attention at
403
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:53,919
[Music]
404
00:19:53,919 --> 00:19:57,559
all after that I had what people call A
405
00:19:57,559 --> 00:20:00,240
Life review
406
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,640
now at the time you have to understand I
407
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,520
didn't know any of these terms I didn't
408
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,919
know about ndes I didn't know about life
409
00:20:06,919 --> 00:20:10,840
reviews I had no idea all of this stuff
410
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,919
so she brought me up this kind of
411
00:20:13,919 --> 00:20:17,000
Meandering Mountain Valley into what
412
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,559
looked like a pond up in the mountains
413
00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:22,039
and she said well I want you to kneel
414
00:20:22,039 --> 00:20:24,440
down by the side of the pond and just
415
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,320
touch the surface of the
416
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,400
pond so I just did it
417
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,840
and I just sat back on kind of on my
418
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:35,720
heels and and just watched the
419
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:39,000
surface the ripples going out I could
420
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:43,280
see on top of the ripples there were
421
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,200
small little pockets all across the
422
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,440
surface of the
423
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:51,280
pond that to me looked like little
424
00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:56,039
videos vget of specific moments in my
425
00:20:56,039 --> 00:20:59,120
physical life but when I would focus on
426
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,840
one I was back in it I was it wasn't
427
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:06,200
like I was watching it from outside I
428
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:10,320
was back in it experiencing it again
429
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,000
from my perspective but also
430
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,000
experiencing it from the other
431
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,880
people and I could feel everything they
432
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,039
felt as if it was
433
00:21:22,039 --> 00:21:25,679
mine and that really got to me
434
00:21:25,679 --> 00:21:28,279
because there were times when I helped
435
00:21:28,279 --> 00:21:30,600
someone one or said something nice and I
436
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:33,480
could feel that person's for a one of a
437
00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,080
better term I could feel their Spirit
438
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,039
sore I could feel how buoyant they felt
439
00:21:38,039 --> 00:21:41,520
because someone said something kind and
440
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:43,880
then it also I could see the the
441
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,200
downstream effects of those actions
442
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:51,120
too so if I said something positive and
443
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:54,400
uplifting to someone I in turn saw how
444
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:56,840
that allowed them to be more positive
445
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,760
with other people so this teaching
446
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,840
was you have an impact on the people
447
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:07,200
around you not just
448
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,960
physically but there's also an energetic
449
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:11,919
or spiritual component to every
450
00:22:11,919 --> 00:22:15,520
interaction that you have whether it's a
451
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,480
verbal interaction whether it's there's
452
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:21,200
something non-spoken it doesn't matter
453
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,919
everything that you do has an impact and
454
00:22:24,919 --> 00:22:28,799
therefore be more conscious of how you
455
00:22:28,799 --> 00:22:32,720
impact others on the flip side so it was
456
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,279
balanced out for me to learn from with
457
00:22:35,279 --> 00:22:38,080
things that weren't so great that I did
458
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:41,840
there was a a time when I was a teenager
459
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:43,880
and my younger sister and I got into a
460
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,840
fight we fought like cats and dogs when
461
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,600
I was a kid we just did not see eye to
462
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,720
eye and I loved her but we didn't get
463
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,799
along very well and there was one point
464
00:22:54,799 --> 00:22:57,440
when I was I think I was probably like
465
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,159
17 and she was
466
00:23:00,159 --> 00:23:06,200
14 I said something not so kind to her
467
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,400
and I didn't think anything of it at the
468
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:12,200
time it was just a way to get her off my
469
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:15,159
back you know I just was I was really
470
00:23:15,159 --> 00:23:17,360
tired of the fight we were having so I
471
00:23:17,360 --> 00:23:21,400
just said something stupid and not very
472
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:25,080
nice and she didn't
473
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,799
react you know I didn't see any reaction
474
00:23:27,799 --> 00:23:30,799
in the moment for her except she left
475
00:23:30,799 --> 00:23:34,520
but in my review I could feel the hurt
476
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,720
that I caused her in that moment and
477
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:38,520
this really this is the the second thing
478
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,360
that always gets me when I felt her pain
479
00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:45,880
at what I said to her that was like
480
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,279
biggest teaching moment
481
00:23:48,279 --> 00:23:50,679
ever and that's the one thing I wish I
482
00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,640
could give to people
483
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:55,400
was
484
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,799
understanding viscerally how you're in
485
00:23:58,799 --> 00:24:01,679
impact affects your your actions affect
486
00:24:01,679 --> 00:24:03,600
someone else your words affect someone
487
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:07,720
else and in that moment I
488
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,080
realized okay I'm changing the way that
489
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,400
I interact with people right now like
490
00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,720
that's it that that point woke me up
491
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:21,400
like nothing else that was just this big
492
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:26,559
aha moment and ever since I've come back
493
00:24:26,559 --> 00:24:30,080
here I remember that almost every day
494
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,720
and it helps me formulate how I interact
495
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,559
with people every day I'm
496
00:24:36,559 --> 00:24:39,320
very concerned
497
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:42,279
and careful about
498
00:24:42,279 --> 00:24:46,159
how I interact with
499
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,760
people all of a sudden for the first
500
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,600
time in my whole you know experience
501
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:55,559
there I looked up and there were clouds
502
00:24:55,559 --> 00:24:57,320
in the
503
00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,840
sky we were just kind of looking around
504
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,840
you know like when you were little kids
505
00:25:02,840 --> 00:25:05,120
looking for Animals up in the clouds and
506
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:09,360
so we did that for a while and then she
507
00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:11,000
got up and she said well it's time for
508
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,240
you to go
509
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,039
now I was not happy to hear that I
510
00:25:15,039 --> 00:25:17,120
thought I was I thought I had passed
511
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:18,720
some kind of test you know and was going
512
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:22,120
to stay there I was really planning on
513
00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:25,279
doing this end run around my teacher I I
514
00:25:25,279 --> 00:25:28,480
was like planning can I just like run
515
00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:31,320
around her and just keep running until
516
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,200
until I find where I'm supposed to go um
517
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,679
that was one of the things that I wanted
518
00:25:35,679 --> 00:25:38,840
to do and I I also thought well if if I
519
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:42,440
pitch a fit enough they'll just let me
520
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:45,640
stay I started getting a little bit
521
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:46,960
weepy with
522
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:51,520
her so at that point she laid hands on
523
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,840
my shoulder that was broken my
524
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,799
ribs and right up like right up here cuz
525
00:25:57,799 --> 00:25:59,640
the top of my sternum was the part that
526
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:03,160
was cracked and then she sort of sent me
527
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,880
[Music]
528
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,640
back and I woke
529
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:13,440
up in the recovery room I was actually
530
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,279
screaming when I woke up I was yelling
531
00:26:16,279 --> 00:26:19,200
and I was not happy I was really angry
532
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,559
to be back and the nurse who was helping
533
00:26:22,559 --> 00:26:26,080
me she literally jumped back but I kept
534
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,720
yelling where is she where is she I
535
00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,559
don't want to be here can I go back can
536
00:26:29,559 --> 00:26:32,159
I go back and they thought I was having
537
00:26:32,159 --> 00:26:35,039
some kind of psychotic episode I'm
538
00:26:35,039 --> 00:26:39,159
sure the anesthesiologist came in and
539
00:26:39,159 --> 00:26:40,720
talked to me a little bit he got me
540
00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,600
calmed down but I kept asking I said can
541
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,520
you please send her back to me can you
542
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:49,159
please send her back to me and they had
543
00:26:49,159 --> 00:26:52,360
no idea who I'm talking about I had a
544
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,600
friend in the waiting room so they went
545
00:26:54,600 --> 00:26:56,960
and got her and she I feel so bad for
546
00:26:56,960 --> 00:27:00,799
her so they brought her in and I said
547
00:27:00,799 --> 00:27:03,440
that's not who I'm talking about I don't
548
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,320
want to see her I want to see the woman
549
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:07,159
I was with during surgery and they're
550
00:27:07,159 --> 00:27:10,840
like what in the world is going on so
551
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,760
finally I realized well okay then my
552
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,960
rational mind kicked in and I you know I
553
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:18,480
remembered everything that happened but
554
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,440
I thought okay you need to shut up
555
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:22,720
because they don't get it they don't
556
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:24,440
understand what you went
557
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:29,760
through so I just stopped talking
558
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,320
I was in a Lutheran Hospital and the
559
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:36,760
next morning one of the chaplain stopped
560
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,480
in from the hospital she poked her head
561
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:43,240
in like you awake and I and I could tell
562
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:46,000
who it was and I said oh thank God
563
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,200
you're here out loud and she she came in
564
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,880
and we talked about what happened she
565
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,799
was amazing she was really
566
00:27:55,799 --> 00:27:59,200
amazing if she hadn't reacted
567
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,200
in the in the positive way that she had
568
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,039
I may never have told anybody ever again
569
00:28:04,039 --> 00:28:08,519
but she was very accepting very positive
570
00:28:08,519 --> 00:28:11,880
and explained you know that I had
571
00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,519
died and she said well you had in
572
00:28:14,519 --> 00:28:16,559
near-death experience I'm like what is
573
00:28:16,559 --> 00:28:19,120
that she said well it's a thing you know
574
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,760
people people die and we bring them back
575
00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:24,480
and then they have these experiences
576
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,000
that was that was the first time I ever
577
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,320
heard of nde
578
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:32,240
she helped me to understand it was
579
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:35,760
normal I'm not crazy it was a real
580
00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,640
experience and now okay now she said now
581
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,159
you need to start thinking about what
582
00:28:40,159 --> 00:28:43,880
this means for you cuz it's cuz I knew
583
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:45,399
and she was trying to get me to
584
00:28:45,399 --> 00:28:48,240
understand but I knew that this could
585
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,919
potentially blow my life open in a way
586
00:28:50,919 --> 00:28:54,320
that I would never have thought of
587
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:59,799
before it was a complete shift of what I
588
00:28:59,799 --> 00:29:03,600
thought was real what I thought was true
589
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:04,960
of everything I
590
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,720
believed and I knew at that point it was
591
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,640
like I had a
592
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,159
choice I could go back to the way things
593
00:29:12,159 --> 00:29:14,960
were I could completely deny everything
594
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,120
that had just happened I could
595
00:29:17,120 --> 00:29:20,600
completely deny the experience itself
596
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,519
what I learned and just try to go back
597
00:29:23,519 --> 00:29:25,399
to the way things were
598
00:29:25,399 --> 00:29:28,080
before and that seemed you know some
599
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,360
somehow safe because it was predictable
600
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:32,960
like I knew I knew that path I was on it
601
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,519
I didn't like it but I was on
602
00:29:35,519 --> 00:29:38,320
it but this other path was a complete
603
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,519
unknown if so if I knew I
604
00:29:41,519 --> 00:29:44,440
could Embrace what I
605
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:48,679
learned and continue to learn from it
606
00:29:48,679 --> 00:29:50,600
but I had no idea where that was going
607
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:51,559
to
608
00:29:51,559 --> 00:29:56,279
go and I I really worried
609
00:29:56,279 --> 00:30:00,200
about what that would mean for my career
610
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,679
because I was in still in the
611
00:30:03,679 --> 00:30:07,640
Sciences I just assumed that I'd never
612
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,000
be able to get a job again in the
613
00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,320
Sciences because people would see that
614
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:14,200
and oh she's crazy we're not going to
615
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,919
hire her so I was really afraid of that
616
00:30:17,919 --> 00:30:22,960
path but about 2 weeks later when I came
617
00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:24,039
home from the
618
00:30:24,039 --> 00:30:26,159
hospital I realized well I'm going to
619
00:30:26,159 --> 00:30:27,720
give this New Path a go I don't know
620
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,080
where it's going to
621
00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:32,799
go I'll see what
622
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:37,159
happens I was out of the body cast in
623
00:30:37,159 --> 00:30:41,399
just like a I think 2 days over 4 weeks
624
00:30:41,399 --> 00:30:44,120
and they expected that to be
625
00:30:44,120 --> 00:30:49,360
16 so it was very rapid very rapid
626
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,399
healing what I started doing was I would
627
00:30:53,399 --> 00:30:56,639
go out in nature every day and
628
00:30:56,639 --> 00:30:58,919
meditate that was one of the things I
629
00:30:58,919 --> 00:31:01,760
started doing that really helped you
630
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,559
know kind of bring that soul level of
631
00:31:03,559 --> 00:31:06,240
awareness into my life the second thing
632
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:09,360
and it's very it sounds very
633
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,960
simple but it has a big impact is really
634
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,880
truly learning how to be
635
00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:17,799
grateful in the morning I would start
636
00:31:17,799 --> 00:31:20,440
the day before I got up out of bed I
637
00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:22,320
would be very grateful for just being
638
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:26,200
able to walk just basic stuff I would
639
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,679
allow myself almost to meditate on it to
640
00:31:28,679 --> 00:31:32,200
really think about and feel not just
641
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:35,240
think but also feel the gratitude for
642
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,039
that like I could have been a paraplegic
643
00:31:39,039 --> 00:31:42,039
from that ex and I'm so grateful that I
644
00:31:42,039 --> 00:31:44,919
can walk right
645
00:31:44,919 --> 00:31:48,159
now just those simple acts of
646
00:31:48,159 --> 00:31:52,039
gratitude allowed me to focus on what
647
00:31:52,039 --> 00:31:53,960
was good in my life right
648
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:58,360
now and just little by little those
649
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:03,000
Small Things allowed me to stay
650
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,399
more centered and
651
00:32:05,399 --> 00:32:08,840
present the rest of the
652
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,679
day it's about being aware of your
653
00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:15,720
actions in the moment without going on
654
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:18,919
autopilot it's so very easy to be living
655
00:32:18,919 --> 00:32:20,720
your life on
656
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,480
autopilot which is where I was
657
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:28,080
before so now I'm not hooked up into to
658
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,080
dramas like I used to
659
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,919
be um whatever goes on in our
660
00:32:32,919 --> 00:32:35,519
governments it's like yeah it's going on
661
00:32:35,519 --> 00:32:37,760
but I'm still at peace in my
662
00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:41,799
life concern yeah I have concerns about
663
00:32:41,799 --> 00:32:44,360
the world definitely but it doesn't
664
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:48,559
change this core of Peace inside because
665
00:32:48,559 --> 00:32:52,880
I know it's important to be here in this
666
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:57,159
reality it has things to teach us we all
667
00:32:57,159 --> 00:32:58,799
learn from it
668
00:32:58,799 --> 00:33:00,440
But
669
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:03,159
ultimately we are not this
670
00:33:03,159 --> 00:33:07,519
reality we're a bigger level of
671
00:33:07,679 --> 00:33:10,360
reality I was learning really how to
672
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:13,000
live from that soul level of awareness
673
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,760
rather than just
674
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,559
my limited human level of awareness it's
675
00:33:18,559 --> 00:33:20,480
not that the human level of awareness
676
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,880
was bad but it for
677
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,760
me it was very fear-filled
678
00:33:26,760 --> 00:33:30,880
and and it was reacting to life rather
679
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:32,960
than being proactive and I didn't want
680
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:36,480
to be that way anymore and I wanted to
681
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,000
live life from that level of that higher
682
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,880
level of awareness because it felt
683
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,399
better it was more peaceful it was more
684
00:33:45,399 --> 00:33:49,200
connected it was more love-filled and
685
00:33:49,200 --> 00:33:52,720
joyful it's a much better place to be U
686
00:33:52,720 --> 00:33:55,679
I'm not anywhere near as stressed out
687
00:33:55,679 --> 00:33:59,279
and certainly not fearful anymore
688
00:33:59,279 --> 00:34:01,799
you know it's been a really great change
689
00:34:01,799 --> 00:34:04,760
for me I'm not driven
690
00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,960
by this being a material world anymore
691
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:12,480
I'm not stuck on that um I'm I
692
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:14,520
understand that there is a bigger
693
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,679
picture not just to the world but to
694
00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:19,280
each one of
695
00:34:20,119 --> 00:34:23,560
us that fear of death that I
696
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:28,599
carried really kept me from fully living
697
00:34:28,599 --> 00:34:31,399
living at least for me it kept me
698
00:34:31,399 --> 00:34:34,000
thinking small and
699
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:38,159
safe and that's not necessarily where
700
00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:40,839
all of us are meant to be at all times
701
00:34:40,839 --> 00:34:43,159
in our lives there's that's perfectly
702
00:34:43,159 --> 00:34:46,159
fine for some people and and at times in
703
00:34:46,159 --> 00:34:48,199
our lives that's perfectly
704
00:34:48,199 --> 00:34:52,719
fine but any decision based on
705
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:55,879
fear it's not to me the most the the
706
00:34:55,879 --> 00:34:58,640
strongest decision that you can make
707
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:00,680
it's somehow
708
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,359
limited when I work with people
709
00:35:03,359 --> 00:35:05,720
individually I really try to get people
710
00:35:05,720 --> 00:35:07,880
into that space where their their
711
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,520
decision making is based on a place of
712
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:16,280
strength and and Trust in themselves and
713
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,599
and maybe a place of compassion or love
714
00:35:18,599 --> 00:35:21,800
rather than oh I'm afraid that person
715
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,760
won't like what I'm doing so therefore
716
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,839
I'm going to do this this thing instead
717
00:35:25,839 --> 00:35:29,640
of the thing I really want to do
718
00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:36,040
for the vast majority of souls that come
719
00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:39,359
here to have a life
720
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:42,079
experience and it's funny because my
721
00:35:42,079 --> 00:35:45,520
teacher calls this a near life
722
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,720
experience and so I just like to tell
723
00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:49,680
that to people they consider this nearly
724
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,400
life but not real
725
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,839
life so all of us who are here to have
726
00:35:54,839 --> 00:35:57,319
this near life experience we come here
727
00:35:57,319 --> 00:36:01,079
for a variety of reasons and and some
728
00:36:01,079 --> 00:36:03,560
people come here to
729
00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,319
learn a very specific thing a lot of us
730
00:36:06,319 --> 00:36:09,920
come here to experience things that we
731
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,800
can't experience anywhere else or that
732
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,480
would be very difficult um having a
733
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,440
child for example you know you don't you
734
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,520
don't necessarily give birth while
735
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:22,480
you're in heaven so a lot of people like
736
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:24,520
to come here and experience having a
737
00:36:24,520 --> 00:36:26,560
family or raising a
738
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,160
family
739
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:30,880
this physical reality it's like a
740
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:33,760
crucible meaning it's a very focused
741
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,079
place where you can learn a lot of
742
00:36:36,079 --> 00:36:37,760
different things in a very short amount
743
00:36:37,760 --> 00:36:42,319
of time and so the the real challenge is
744
00:36:42,319 --> 00:36:44,160
narrowing down what it is that you want
745
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:46,800
to learn while you're
746
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:49,400
here all those different reasons or
747
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:51,880
purposes that people can have there's
748
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:55,720
one core and that one core is to learn
749
00:36:55,720 --> 00:36:59,800
how to be here in this environment and
750
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,319
still live from a place of love and
751
00:37:02,319 --> 00:37:05,400
compassion not just for your immediate
752
00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,480
family but for everybody
753
00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:11,560
else and that's the core purpose that we
754
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:12,560
all
755
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:22,320
[Music]
756
00:37:26,520 --> 00:37:29,520
share
757
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:39,880
[Music]
758
00:37:42,240 --> 00:37:45,240
night
51813
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