Original subtitles

Paige, the only real mother you've ever had died.

- Oh, God. - You have a lotta work to do.

Yes, like transcontinental

- railroad-level work. - You wish.

No, railroad is a straight line.

Grief is more like a... it, it zigzags.

Ya have to take it in, swirl it around.

Are you telling us to gargle our grief?

- Mm. - Exactly.

At least you're doin' okay, huh, Edwin?

And you're basing that on what now?

We just found out that Sadiiq, one of his associates, just got 23 years.

Man, that boy's life is done now.

Hell of a week, huh?

Finn, your dad was supposed to show up and he stiffed you, that sucks.

- No, yeah, it's whatever. - It really messed him up

and now he spends all his time in his room.

Finn, I think you might be backsliding.

Regression is part of development, as you know, Paige.

I hate to, uh, cause more stress,

but today's your last session. I'm leaving town.

- What?! - Yeah, I'm going to India on a Rumspringa.

- You're not Amish. - It's sort of a spiritual awaken...

It's a six-month thing. No talking.

It's just I'm in this office every day,

and everybody comes in and they dump all their shit on me.

Yack-yack-yack-yack-yack in my ear and it's exhausting.

- No offense. - So, you're saying that we gotta

- zig and zag and do all that... - Yeah.

...and we all fucked up, and you are goin' off to India.

Good for you, Doc, but let me tell you somethin'.

Slide over. My grandson has not driven a car...

- Oh. - ...since the accident.

And this family is nowhere near fixed, Doc.

I got bad news for ya. You're never really fixed.

Murphy, my best mom died, in my room.

So, now you need me?

- Kind of. - Yes.

Maybe you guys have grown a bit.

You never would've said that day one.

Loss is inevitable.

The key is what you do with it. That's what matters.

So, I'm gonna ask you all three this question.

What will you do with your grief?

And you gotta feel it, man. Ya gotta feel it here.

You've got to feel it here.

- And you've got... - Don't, don't, man. Just don't.

At least...

Well, took 'em long enough to approve the claim.

Thank you so much, Nadine.

Well, you're the one who paid the premium 17 years in advance.

Still can't believe the news about Carole.

Paige is havin' folk over after the funeral,

and I, I told 'em I'd cater.

Do they know you cook with spices?

- I told Paige I want you to come. - Mm.

I don't wanna do anything to upset Paige.

Don't worry 'bout that.

I'll just stay home and eat a dry pot roast

in honor of the woman I could never live up to.

I'm sorry about Sadiiq.

Fox okay?

I don't know.

- Are you okay? - Hell no, I'm not okay.

- Man, this is so fucked up. - I know.

But I still had choices.

And I need to be doing more, Nadine.

I gotta go after it.

Well...

now... you can go after it... in a brand-new Baby Bentley.

The funeral's gonna be all hymns, no SKIMS.

- I want the after-party to be fun. - It's not called an after-party.

Whatever, the reception.

I just wish we knew that she was sick.

Then we could've planned a real rager,

but knowing Mom, she just didn't want us to feel bad.

Well, too late for that now.

- For real though... - Yeah.

- ...why haven't I cried yet? - What?

I don't know. Am I broken?

You have a few cracks,

but do you think maybe you're having some

- regret about your last conversation? - Uh-uh, no-no, I...

No, I don't wanna talk about this.

You are the one who loves to talk about feelings.

Oh, maybe if you talk about your feelings,

I'll recognize what one looks like in the wild.

- Okay... - Mm-hm.

...I'm trying to figure out how to metabolize my grief.

And I feel like I just wanna run out

and tell everybody that I love how I feel about them.

By every single person you mean Mal?

I mean, he's one of the people.

He's your person.

He's with someone.

Okay, I'm not telling you to go all Ariana Grande,

but what if Mal dies tomorrow?

That is so dark.

Do I have to tell him?

I think you get to tell him.

- Hey. - Um, I just...

I know this is crazy and unexpected,

- but I just... - Hey, Paige!

- Oh, hi, Ava! - Oh, my God!

You're here! Of course.

Just watchin' Family or Fiancé.

Black love, baby. Look, I gotta pause it.

They're about to do the blessin' ceremony.

- Ooh. - That's a good part.

So?

Uh, I, I came by because

Finn is starting to look at colleges and, um, it's exciting,

so I-I wanted you to maybe think about writing him a letter of recommendation?

Yeah, of-of course. Um, do you need it soon or?

Yeah, yeah, in probably eight months.

- Ah, okay. - Yeah.

- Uh, well, thanks for the heads-up. - Yeah, it's a long time,

you know, so it can be really good.

I-Is that it?

- Yeah. - Okay.

Um... so, how are you and Esti doing, Carole's death?

I know it must be really hard.

- I'm sorry. - I'm sorry, too.

Oh, th-thank you, Ava.

You should, like, watch your show,

- your Fiancé and Family thing, yeah. - Yeah.

- Bye, Paige! Bye! - Okay, bye, bye!

Peace.

♪ If you like piña coladas ♪

♪ And gettin' caught in the rain ♪

How do I sound?

Loud, woman, loud.

I didn't even know Carole liked karaoke.

Oh, she did not. Carole did not drink, swear, or party,

so let's celebrate a woman who lived a perfectly sober life

by turning the fuck up.

Yeah, I thought that funeral was kinda sad.

- Mm. - You know, sister girl, I gotta say,

I think you zigzaggin' kinda in your grief,

so you need anything... I'm here.

You know what I need?

What?

Ice. I'm gonna go to the store.

No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got a, I got a better idea.

Hey, Finn?!

Been hidin' out in his room ever since... his daddy didn't show, you know,

regressing instead of progressing.

Yeah, you yelled?

Yeah, I need you to go to the store, get some ice, okay?

Uh, give him the keys.

Yeah, this would be a good way

for you to get your driving sea legs back under you.

You want me to drive there?

- Yeah. - In the car?

Yes.

Go on, man, you got it.

- I believe in you, bud. - I do, too.

Hello.

Uh, you said I can handle this next week.

No, I will be there. No.

I, uh, gimme a c-couple hours, okay?

Yep. No, I will see you soon.

- Sistergirl. - Mm, mm-hm.

- A couple shakes of this. - Mm-hm.

Top on, in the refrigerator.

- Don't mess up my food now. - Got it, got it, got it.

- Shake, top on, don't mess it up. - Okay.

There you are.

Hi.

Finn, how are you doing?

Just 'cause I know funerals can be kind of intense.

I didn't really know her.

I'm just glad that she didn't die in my room.

- No offense. - None taken.

Honey, do you think that maybe you could come down

for just a little bit when people get here?

Uh, yeah, maybe. I just... I kinda prefer to backslide

in the privacy of my own room.

- So, no? - No.

Honey, I... When I said backslide, I was not...

- Baby. - Yes?

Um, I got the brisket on cruise control.

- Everything else, ready to go. - No, where are you going?

We have people coming here after church.

I know, somethin' came up and I gotta handle it, like, right now.

- No. - Nadine gon' give a ride and, uh...

- What, Nadine?! - Don't gimme a hard time, baby...

I thought that that was done.

- It's a ride, baby. - Okay.

- That's all it is, a ride. - Okay, but where are you...

Good afternoon.

- Hello. - Yes.

Uh, so, in here, I have my written test, my, um, proof of residency,

my travel letter, and my birth certificate

I went all the way to Alabama to get, but that didn't work out.

I just do the wr... driving test.

I apologize.

This was a last-minute appointment, so I'm... a little nervous, you know?

Well, let's just start.

You are going to drive forward,

and then you'll just make a left at the stop sign.

Gotcha. Okay.

Ooh. Ah, I'm sorry. This not my vehicle.

I borrowed it from a friend.

Actually my ex.

You know what, I'm just gonna go.

Oh, whoa!

This baby got some giddy-up... uh.

Actually, I...

I need a minute, yeah.

I was at a funeral... earlier today

and, and I was supposed to be catering the reception and...

but my driver's license...

is my next step.

This is totally inappropriate, but, um...

they don't make it easy for formerly incarcerated

to get their lives back together.

So that's why you haven't had a license since 2006?

Yes, ma'am. I lost a lotta life.

'Til right now, you know?

My brother did time.

Oh.

Uh, how's-how's he... how's he doin'? Is he, he doin' okay?

It ain't easy, ma'am.

Well, uh, Mr. Alexander...

I want this for you too,

so just don't run over any cones or flags or people.

- I really am an excellent driver, ma'am. - Okay.

And I am ready to progress.

I'll get it. I'll get it. Esti, I'll get it. I got it.

Oh. Ice, ice baby. Busted.

Anxiety takes another W, huh?

What's going on?

Esti, did you grow up in a barn?

- Wait, wait, wait. Hold up! - Oh, Go... Sorry. I'm sorry.

- Come on in. - I-I'm sorry.

I, I wanted to pay my respects.

Carole was a wonderful person

- and she raised an amazing woman, so. - Yeah, Esti is amazing.

- Paige. - Sorry. Thank you.

Look, I know you're hurting,

okay, but there are people that care about you.

I want you to know that.

- Mal, how 'bout a duet? - Um...

Um, can you please distract Esti so she doesn't make Pastor Nelson sing again?

Because he's very tired and very sad and he can't hold a tune.

♪ Did you ever know that you're my hero? ♪

- Sure. Mm-hm. - Thank you.

Oh, wow! Look who's back from their secret errand.

Babygirl, I didn't have a choice.

- This is somethin' I had... - Dad, it's fine. We survived,

but you do need to get more mac and cheese

- on the table though, ASAP. - Okay. I'd be happy to.

- Thank you. - Oh, now, Nadine...

thank you.

- You're welcome. - Thank you.

Okay.

Do you wanna take off your coat and stay awhile?

- Really? - Yes.

There's plenty of food, obviously.

Ah. How 'bout eligible bachelors?

Any of those?

Uh... Pastor Nelson?

♪ 'Cause you are the wind ♪

- ♪ Beneath my wings ♪ - Too soon.

- Uh, hello, everyone. - Oh, oh. I think we're gathering.

Ah. Yeah, before we continue the karaoke portion of the after-party,

and, yes, everyone must sing, I thought I should say a few words.

My mom always had my back.

Like, when she wrote my third grade teacher, Mrs. Rice,

a devastatingly passive aggressive letter

saying that my times tables were just fine, thank you.

- It was a gentle aggression. - That's just who she was, a saint.

And I...

I suck.

I'm serious. The, the last time Mom saw me,

I-I was spitting into a tube

like I-I wasn't related to the mother I had right in front of me.

A-And I will never get to hug her again.

And guess what? I haven't even cried yet.

Right? Like-like-like-like if this were a movie,

I would be crying right now, right?

- Like, mm, mm-hm. - I'ma step in.

Nope, I am a a all spit and no tears.

- Nope. No, not today. Uh-huh? - ...take a break.

- No, no. I-I haven't sung my song yet. - There'll be time for that.

- There'll be time. - Okay. Okay.

Thank you, Esti, that was so beautiful.

If I could just add a word or two? Okay. Thank you.

I think part of what Esti was getting at is that, um,

our mother really... lived to love.

And-And I-I don't mean love like the-the feeling.

I mean, love as a verb, right?

Because love as a verb, is what you do.

And, um, she... she did everything.

She took us in.

And she had a heart that was just so

open, and vulnerable, and generous.

Probably a lot of times when it-it would have felt

much less scary not to be, um.

But, you know, love as a verb is about knowing

that there's no after-party in life,

so you, you just have to love now,

while you can.

Um...

before it's too late.

I think that's something that Carole really understood,

and...

I think it's something that I am starting to understand now.

Um, so, thank you so much, everybody, for coming.

I really appreciate it. And-And, um, for karaoke,

maybe everybody can just line up in this room.

Um, thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey, wait, please.

- Paige, that was beautiful, but, like... - Just hear me out, okay?

I have been doing all of this work on myself,

and I think that it has really allowed me

to see you for who you really are,

and you are amazing.

You're such a good friend, you're a grounded partner,

you see me, I think, like, really Into-Me-You-See,

and I feel connected to you in all the right ways.

Like, here and here and here.

Paige, I don't think you really know what you're saying right now.

I'm completely certain of what I'm saying.

I'm, I'm sorry.

- What does that mean? - I gotta go.

Oh! Oh, God. Oh, God.

Heard about the ice.

Hey, Finn...

one thing I learned about love, family...

the... disappointment, it's unavoidable, man.

'Cause all folks, they are just...

f-flawed as hell.

- You're not. - Come on, man.

I know I've let down the folk I care about.

I let your mama down, over and over and over again.

And all kind of folk have let me down, believe that.

But it doesn't affect the love, Finn.

Now, I know it didn't work out the way you wanted.

I am so proud of you for reachin' out to your dad.

For somebody who's so-called scared of everything,

Finn, you did the hardest thing possible.

You put yourself out there.

Now you can do that? You can do anything.

- Oh... should I help? - I got it.

My condolences again.

Okay. Thank you.

And I liked your speech.

- Thanks. - To Mal.

Carole would've been proud.

And I'm proud.

Well... I don't think Mal liked it.

- I mean, he just walked out, so. - You know what, Paige?

You're kind of unforgiving, somewhat judgmental,

- and a bit of a know-it-all... - That was rude.

...but Mal would be a fool not to be with you.

I'm glad you stayed.

Well... I am kinda the only mom you have left.

Oh, God.

- Oh, that's kind of true. - Hm. Mm-hm.

Rawr.

Hey. I'm sorry I put you on blast with the whole ice thing.

Nah, it's cool.

Just, um... you know, sometimes, my brain makes small things impossible.

Even though I've done much harder things than drive two blocks for ice.

Eh, I shouldn't put ice in my chardonnay anyway.

Makes me look trashier than I am.

I just feel bad that I disappointed you guys, you know?

But, uh, Grandpa said that part of being in a family is disappointment.

But he made it sound way more hopeful.

Yeah, he was all like...

"Finneas James,

"part of love,

"part of family is disappointment.

Because all folk flawed as hell."

You know, it doesn't mean that, um...

doesn't mean that you don't love them

and it doesn't mean that they don't love you.

Or somethin' like that.

You're s... You're so right. I, um, I loved Mom.

And she loved me.

W-Was, was she disappointed I-I wanted to find my birth family?

Yeah. Yeah, she was.

But, but then she died and... she died feeling terrible.

But-But that doesn't mean I-I shouldn't follow through

because she's gone now.

And me not sending in a tube of my spit isn't gonna bring her back.

Oh, God. Um.

Aunt Esti, are you okay?

Totally! No-no-no-no-no. C-Crying was the goal.

- Okay. Yeah. - Thank you.

How you doin', baby girl?

You mean because of my very public humiliation?

You know, it actually led to a revelation with my book proposal,

so it's not just about dating with daddy issues.

It's about Living and Loving and Losing...

with Daddy Issues.

You know how they say, um... you know, "It'll be alright in the end"?

If it ain't alright...

that means it ain't the end.

That's good.

Hm.

- Can I add that? - You know, I'ma charge you.

- Hey, um, if you got a minute, baby... - Oh, it's not a good time.

- Dad, I'm, I'm right... - Just a, just a...

- Okay. - And it's only a few miles away.

- I have to drive? - No.

I'll be drivin'.

Yeah, I know my timing wasn't great,

but... I was in a bidding war on this baby.

Owner almost gave it to the other guy.

And that's why I had to get my driver's license today.

I'm takin' that next step, y'all.

I ain't holdin' back.

I'm gonna be the father ya always needed me to be.

Did you give up your steady job

with decent pay for this next step?

- What? - I got you, baby girl.

As a matter of fact, no, I am not.

I'm workin' two jobs...

'til I know I got this.

Then I support you, Dad, 100%.

- This is dope, Grandpa. - Right?

- You're following your dream. - Yeah, I am.

Man, you guys have been doin' all kinds of stuff with your grief.

You know, I'm wondering, if maybe I could... drive us home?

- You think you ready? - Yeah. I mean, it's not about waiting

for the anxious thing to go away, right?

It's about doin' shit while anxious.

- Come on now. Go 'head, man. - Oh, oh, no. No-no-no-no-no.

I, I love you both so much. Super proud of you.

But I think that maybe you should start with the Volvo and not Grandpa's truck.

- It's... - Deal.

- Oh, did I just get had? - Go. Go.

- Did he... - Go to the Volvo, brother.

Today has been a tornado.

But I learned recently that you are supposed to gargle your grief.

You have to sit with it and swish it around and...

let it heal you on the inside, I guess, I don't know.

But maybe that's how grief works, right?

It-It is... it's here to teach us how to live, today,

as if the after-party is now.

So...

yeah, go a... go ahead and...

sing Baby Got Back at your mom's funeral,

and buy a food truck, and go on a Rumspringa.

Do the thing that you are afraid to do.

You know, tell people that you love them.

Even the ones... that don't feel the same.

Because, in the end, you could...

- Paige. - Hey. Hi.

Um, what are you doing here?

I, um, I just needed time to process.

I know, I put you on the spot. It was a hard sell. I'm so sorry.

- I didn't mean to dump all my... - Sold.

- I'm sorry, did you say... - Sold.

I needed time to think, and I needed to break up with Ava.

- Did you do that? - I did because

how I feel about you was not fair to her.

Mal...

I wanna try again.

I gotta be honest, that sounds pretty terrifying.

I know. I'm terrified too.

But I feel like...

we could do it differently this time?

Maybe we just take it slow.

I've never done slow a day in my life,

- but... - Mm.

...I could try...

for you...

for us.

You know, for this.

Paige.

Nope. No. No! Dad.

Come on.

What's wrong?

Somebody's here.

Who?

Your mom.

Wait. What now?

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Can't keep on runnin' ♪

♪ All I want you to do is to feel with me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ We both are hurtin' ♪

♪ And it's gonna take a little time ♪

♪ To heal all the wounds and save our family ♪

Woo-hoo!