Original subtitles

Supposedly, it is the most wonderful time of the year,

but not for everyone, right?

Some people, like me,

experience the holidays as this endless loop

of the same irritating songs,

and then, forced gift-giving.

And then, suddenly, everything is peppermint-flavored,

which is a massive step down from pumpkin spice, right?

If your sugar plum is a little more sour than sweet,

it's okay, you don't even have to know why,

you can opt out of Christmas.

Be Christmas neutral.

No matter what anybody says, there is no wrong way to do Christmas.

First free Christmas in 17 years.

Oh, I'm doin' this right.

I'm doin' this right.

- Paige. - Yep.

Nobody should work on Christmas Eve.

Why not? It's the perfect time to work.

My phone doesn't ring, I don't have to be anywhere,

I can crank out my book proposal and my invoicing.

♪ 'Tis the season to do billing ♪

You've been in that office nonstop.

- Take a break. - Yes, Dad, because, now,

I finally have more clients again, which means I have more clients again.

If somebody denied you Christmas for almost two decades,

you'd understand why it means... it's so...

- Hyped? - No, special, special.

I'm doin' five courses, y'all. All hits... no skips.

- Okay. - Did I get that right?

- You did, you did. - Okay.

How's that, Grandpa? Is that too much?

Oh, honey, don't worry, we are, like, 10 sets

of Christmas lights past "too much."

No, no, no, no, never too much.

♪ Never too much, never too much ♪

Just like Luther said.

- Also, my dad's coming. - Oh.

- Oh, what, what? - Yeah. Yeah, he texted me last night.

- Really? - You know what?

Good for Johnny. I didn't think he had it in him.

He said he's gonna bring one of his old guitars for me.

That could be pretty cool.

Whatever he brings, we gon' be ready for him.

And Carole, and Esti, and Mal.

- Mal is coming? - Yeah, y'all are friends now, right?

Okay. That's great, Dad, because now I have to go upstairs

and put on hard pants.

So now, your great-grand mama, she'd bake up a batch of gingerbread,

and we'd put it together, then we'd listen to Nat King Cole.

Mama loved Nat King Cole.

- Is that like Good King Wenceslas? - Nat was a real king, right?

Anyway, I thought you might wanna use that Lego builder brain of yours

to just... build a... gingerbread somethin'.

Can we make it snow?

- Huh? - Yeah, it's our Christmas tradition.

We eat pizza, and then we watch Zoolander,

and then it snows.

Pizza for Christmas.

Your mama has really been missin' her daddy.

Hello?!

- Oh, let me... - Anyone home? Hello?

Hey, hey.

Hey.

Right back at you.

Carole, where's, uh, where's Pastor?

Getting ready for his Candlelight Sermon.

He has hearts to shepherd.

Okay, here you go, sister girl.

- Aw. - Now, Carole, I had one of these for you,

but that hat looks beautiful on you.

Oh, thank you.

Hey, how do I look? Bad?

Fabulous.

Edwin, it's just so special.

I never thought we'd see a Christmas when you were out of prison.

Well, we, uh, we gotta count our blessings, Carole.

- Yes, we do. - Is Paige hiding from Christmas?

No, no, no, she just finishin' somethin'.

She'll be down after a while.

Oh, she's such a hard worker.

And a Grinch.

- Anyone want some Soju? - Oh, Korean wine.

Esti is getting in touch with her roots...

- Mm. - ...which I fully support.

Better late than never.

♪ Oh, yeah... ♪

Now, it's just about the fixin's, see.

Hey, um, sister girl, top me up, would you?

Oh, Mom, I'd offer you some,

but I know alcohol is in the same category

as playing cards and takin' the Lord's name in vain.

Maybe next lifetime.

- Hey, Carole? - Hm?

She, she didn't, she didn't mean to be so, um...

Look, I understand.

Uh, you know, when a child loses a parent,

even temporarily, they have a wound,

and my job is to be a witness,

as the Lord is my witness.

You know, the Lord, He walks with ya, Carole,

and I can't ever thank you enough.

You took really special care of my little girl while I was away.

Hey, let me check this bird.

- Oh. Dang, man. - What?

- It's not stayin' hot. - Oh, dear.

This thing's been givin' me problems all week.

So, what I did was, I made a back-up plan.

I'ma check the tracking number right here.

- Nothin' is gonna spoil this Christmas. - Mm.

Nothin'.

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, ♪

- ♪ La, la, la, laaa ♪ - No, oh, no. Shh.

Why are you yelling at me?

You're sleeping on Christmas.

We are Christmas neutral, remember?

We don't care one way or another.

I have something you need to see.

Hey, everybody, so, it's me.

I'm back with an InstaLive.

So, I just wanted to...

Mm.

Ooh, I just wanted to update you

that I will not be having a fancy dinner after all

because my new boyfriend is having dinner with his kids,

and newsflash, his ex-wife.

So, tonight, as long as I have my wine...

I'm fine.

Oh, that's awful.

- Mm-hm. - I'm just gonna keep cycling

through bad boyfriends until I die?

I mean, you could die alone.

Whoosh!

Hello.

Hope you don't mind I'm here. Your dad...

Doesn't take no for an answer? I'm aware.

- Come on in. - Alright.

Welcome to Edwin's holiday festivities.

Wow. He really is makin' up for 17 years of prison Christmas.

Yep, everything is twinkle lights and key lime pie, okay.

- He is binging, I'm purging. - Wait, you're barfin' Christmas?

No, I mean, I'm not "bah humbug" but I'm kinda "nah humbug."

Havin' everyone you love in one place is...

- Oh, I thought Ava was in Ohio. - She is. I meant you.

- What? - I meant... I mean,

you have everyone you love, you know, in-in one place.

- That I love. That I... Yeah, right. - You.

- Not you, right? - Not me.

No, of course, that's what you meant, yeah.

- That's great, so, yeah. - Mm-hm.

Oh, poor little Rudolph.

They call him names until they need him for something.

- Mm-hm, right? - That's true.

Yet just another example of how Christmas has wandered too far from the Lord.

Uh, just a reminder, Christmas started out as a pagan holiday.

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

- Hey. - Ebenezer!

- Hi. Hi! - Oh, Merry Christmas, dear!

Oh, yes, yes, and the happy and the merry stuff.

- Yes. - I appreciate you makin' it, man.

Happy to be here.

I know how important this is to you, so.

- Thank you, man. - Yeah.

- Babygirl. - Yes?

- You, uh, you done with work, no? - Nope, not yet.

Look here, take a break,

we're sharing Christmas stories, you're up.

Oh, no, I don't have a Christmas story.

Everyone has a Christmas story.

We just spent the past 20 minutes

debating which reindeer is the biggest A-hole.

- Yeah, it was Blitzen. - Prancer was a close second.

Okay, um, I-I guess there was this one story

that always kinda resonated, The Little Match Girl?

Oh, okay, come on, let's hear it.

Um, the little match girl is this poor, hungry orphan

and she sells matches for a living.

That's a job?

In Hans Christian Andersen it is, yeah.

So, it's Christmas and she's looking for food,

and she's got her basket of matches,

and all of a sudden, she looks through a window,

and she sees this family, and they're all, like, perfect and happy,

enjoying this grand feast.

- Mm, I like the sound of this. - Okay, but she's outside,

she's cold, she's freezing,

so she lights one of her matches to try to stay warm

and then, in that fiery glow,

she sees a vision of a family, but this time, she's in the family.

She loves that, so she lights another match,

and then she strikes another one, and then, all her matches go up in flames

and in a blaze of glory, she looks up and she sees this shooting star,

and her dead grandmother told her

that that's a sign that a soul is going to Heaven,

so then, the match goes there,

and she decides to lay down, and she falls asleep,

and she freezes to death.

- Hm? - Jesus, Mom.

Lord have mercy, Paige.

Okay, not a bummer at all.

And that's your story, huh?

You asked me to tell a Christmas story.

- That's, that's the one I have. - Okay.

I like it.

Instant Pot's here!

Oh yeah, you are a Christmas miracle.

God bless Prime. Okay.

- Hey, family. - Yes?

Uh, this is not ideal to course it out like this,

but since the oven's busted...

You're hungry, huh?

- Okay. - Damn, damn, damn!

What... Is this... This is bacon?

Yeah, yeah, man. That's, that's my auntie's recipe.

I could eat this whole bowl if I weren't worried about my figure.

- Oh, no, I understand. - Yeah.

Uh, so, look, y'all make sure and leave room for the main event.

It's Instant Pot turkey. Wish me luck.

Good luck.

- Paige, dearest... - Mm?

...this is for you.

No, I didn't know we were doing gifts. Now I feel bad.

Well, don't. Just open it. Here.

Oh!

It's an ornament!

Do you remember when you picked all the baby apples

off my apple tree?

Well, you thought that they would all just grow back.

Mom, you got a Christmas ornament

for the girl who only puts up a tree during Olympic years.

You don't like trees?

Paige has always been a little bit down on Christmas.

Okay, I have just one or two more work things

- that I'm gonna take care of, Mom, okay? - Alright, yeah.

Okay.

Hey, nothing for me?

So, your, uh, gingerbread house is like Buckingham Palace, huh?

I love it.

No, I decided to build this fancy cathedral from one of my games,

just a little less basic bitch.

Your daddy's gon' be impressed as hell, man. Look at that.

Yeah, he would, if he ever gets here.

Ya haven't heard from him, huh?

No text, no call, nothin'?

- Ooh, 'kay. - What are you doing?

- Voicemail. Gettin' a voicemail. - No.

Hey, Johnny, so, we're all really looking forward to seein' you, man.

Uh, Finn, Paige, me, everybody,

so hope you're still plannin' to show

'cause, you know, as we discussed,

bein' a real man involves steppin' the fuck up,

- Johnny. - What?

- A Christmas present to myself. - A, uh, DNA testing kit?

I mean, I don't even know my real birthday.

Do you know what it's like to go through life

- with no idea of your rising sign? - Actually, yes.

All of this confusion is pushing me to dig into my roots, you know,

uh, maybe even try to find my birth parents?

I don't know. I could never tell my mom that.

You'd keep your feelings from her?

She would feel like she let me down but, you know, if I don't pursue this,

- I'd be letting myself down. - Then there's your answer.

Life is about constantly refreshing the page of your identity.

Paige is right, you are insightful.

- Paige said I was insightful? - Maybe.

Maybe she said that.

There's a reason

we hate Christmas, ya know?

Ooh, good one.

Hey, baby girl, I wanna play that with you, here.

Here you go, mama. Here you go. Merry Christmas.

Here you go, baby. There ya go.

I'm keepin' this one for myself.

Hands where we can see 'em!

What's goin' on, now?

I love you, baby girl! I love you, baby girl!

I'm taking you somewhere safe, okay?

This turkey, this turkey.

- Hey. - Hey.

I'm not really Christmas neutral, am I?

- What? - I think I might be dealing with

a serious case of PTCD:

Post Traumatic Christmas Disorder?

Girl, you makin' up new acronyms now, huh?

Did you get arrested around Christmas?

I don't wanna talk about this now, Paige.

No, no, no, I need to know. I need to know.

So, we were, uh, at the house on Lyndale.

Cops busted in, arrested me and your mother.

Your mama wasn't charged,

but when they took me away,

that's when she decided to give you up.

She gave me up at Christmas?

She felt like she had to, Paige. She wasn't equipped, baby. She...

That didn't mean she didn't love you.

How did I just block that out?

That's why I wanna make Christmas special this year.

For you, and for Finn.

Hm.

What?

- The boy's father ain't gonna show... - Oh, God.

- Now what? What the hell? - What-What's happening?!

Looks like the power's out on the whole street!

Uhh, I guess I wasn't ready for anything after all, huh?

Uh, you know what... I need a minute.

Where's your little basket of matches now, Paige?

Oh, g... Jeez!

You scared me.

I have something for you.

More gifts.

Just open it.

Is this supposed to be funny?

It's the present. Get it? That's the gift.

Right now, it's all we have. And you're stuck in the past.

Ooh, you're one to talk, little inner child.

Look, I know you don't wanna feel the way that we felt back then...

but would a more Christmas-y Christmas be so bad?

No.

Oh, God. Oh.

I have to fix this, right? For... my dad, for Finn.

For me too.

For me too.

♪ Down in Margate, had a sip of you ♪

Finn? I need to apologize to you.

I am really sorry that I never gave you a more Christmas-y Christmas.

That's okay. I mean, I love pizza.

But I like Grandpa's Christmas too.

Finn, I need to give you some hard news too.

Johnny's not coming.

I'm sorry.

Why would he even say he would?

Because that's what Johnny does, sometimes.

♪ Go slowly, slowly ♪

Do you wanna talk about how you're feeling?

I mean... it sucks.

Yeah.

Like...

I, I thought he was actually gonna, like, try,

- but I guess not. - This is Johnny trying.

He's trying.

And the fact that he's not here is not your fault.

Okay?

I'm really, really sorry.

- Please stop apologizing. - Okay.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna get back to this before the icing dries,

- so... yeah. - Okay. Yeah.

- ♪ Go on, hold me ♪ - Okay.

♪ And maybe I'll be fine this time ♪

♪ Yeah, maybe I'll be fine ♪

Hey, I brought snacks.

- I mean, it's really just a snack... - Hang on, honey.

Esti has something that she's trying to tell us.

Oh.

Okay, Mom, ever since I, I started diving into my adoption,

I, I have this missing piece,

and-and y-you guys are the only parents I have,

so I-I don't, I don't know who else to unload this on.

Sweetie, just get it all out.

I can handle it.

I love you.

I love you too.

Mom, I'm, I'm doing a DNA test.

Now that I've finally got enough spit,

I'm-I'm gonna send it in and see if I can find someone I'm related to,

like my birth parents.

Oh.

Alright.

And if there's a lead,

I'm gonna go look for them in Korea,

but I-I-I won't do it i-if you're not okay with that.

I understand. I, um...

Whatever you need to do.

I, I, I just need a moment.

Uh, Paige, is there someplace I could lie down?

- Of course, of course. - Okay.

But hold on, hold on. I just, um, I-I wanna say

that I think this is something that Esti just has to work through,

but...

you will always be our mom.

Thank you, dear, thank you.

And, maybe, this will all make us stronger, I... with the Lord's help.

Amen.

Okay, let's get you upstairs.

Wait, wait, Mom. Hold on, be careful. Come on.

- Hey! - Hey.

So, I promised y'all a traditional Christmas...

and I'ma give it to you...

Alexander style.

- Hey! - Pepperoni pizza.

- Yeees! - Mmm!

Hey, this for you, baby girl.

Go 'head.

Just take the... O-kay.

What?

Twister?!

Yeah, it was under the tree the, uh, the year we got popped,

you know, the bad year.

You know what, I think this is our first Christmas.

You know what I mean?

Like, new traditions, we start from scratch.

Start from scratch, amen.

- Esti! - Woo!

She loves Twister.

- Esti! - Wow.

Yeah, I know. She's excited, right?

Look here.

So, I know you wanted it to snow out there...

but you did somethin' better, you made your own world,

so I think...

you get to decide what happens in that world.

- Oh, man. - Oh, yeah.

Oh!

- I'm about to make it blizzard, so hard! - Come on.

- Woo! - Oh, man.

It's the power of Twister! We did it! Let's go!

So you're tellin' me you did all of this? How?

Wow, Finn, this is incredible!

Yeah, I mean, it's pretty basic geometry.

The arches distribute the weight to the load-bearing pillars, so.

- That does not sound basic. - Mm-mm.

- Can I help? - Sure, just don't screw it up, please.

- Do you have faith in me? - Make it snow, Mom.

Yeah, I'm gonna make it snow. Shall I?

- Make it snow. Hey! - Hey! Make it snow.

Make it snow.

You deserve an award for every time you've had my back

at a disastrous Alexander family gathering.

I am glad that I came, you know, even with all of our...

- Complicated history? - History. Yeah, yeah.

Well, it wasn't all bad, right?

- I mean, we were kinda good before I... - Blew it?

Yeah. But... I am learning a lot, you know?

I feel like I'm really figuring out a lot about who I am,

and what I want, where I belong, so.

And where is that?

- Cheater! - No, no, did not!

I'm gonna... Yeah.

Uh, yeah.

♪ Let earth receive her King... ♪

- Right hand green. - Okay.

Okay!

Let me see what you workin' with.

No!

I get the prize. Where's it at? Where's my prize at?

- You get a big family hug. - Huh?

- Family hug. - Okay, alright, alright. Come on.

Aw, look at the Alexanders bein' all cute.

- Mom would love this. - Oh, go get her.

- Okay, I'll wake her. - Oh, I should hang this.

- It's so pretty, right? - Oh...

- I got just the spot for it too. - Where, over here?

No, no, no, no, no.

- Yeah. - Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.

- Where? - Right here.

- Right there. - Mm.

There you go.

- That looks good. - Yeah.

- Oh, hey, it's snowin'! - No.

- It's snowing outside, for real. - Really? Oh, my God.

You got your White Christmas, man.

- Wow. - Oh, wow.

- Oh! - Finn, that is God.

- Wow. - Thank you, Dad.

- You are welcome, baby girl. - Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmaaas!

- Paige? - Yeah?

Hey, what's goin' on, what's up?

Wh... Is everything okay?

It's Mom, she's not breathing.

I think...

I think she's dead.

What?

Woo-hoo!