All language subtitles for The Love Boat - S09E25 - Happily Ever After - Have I Got a Job for You - Mr. Smith Goes to Minikulu.en

[Music playing]

(Singing) Love,
love exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, love is
life's sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another round.

The love boat, promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love, love
won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile,
on a friendly shore.

The love boat, soon we'll
be making another round.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

Welcome aboard it's love.

Where can she be?

If she misses the ship, we'll
have to reschedule the wedding.

Captain, it's
gonna be all right.

You're just a little nervous.
- No.

I am not nervous.

What makes you
think I'm nervous?

Your forgot your
captain insignias.

Did I do that?

I never forget those.

You have a lot on your money.

Everyone's nervous
before their wedding.

Well, not me.

I'm fine.

Merrill.

Oh, merrill, I
missed you so much.

Not as much as I missed you.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Merrill, this is Monica Douglas.

Monica, this is
my fiance, caption

merrill stubing, and Judy
McCoy, the cruise director.

Hello.

How do you do?

I promise you, your wedding
is going to be so fabulous.

Well, that's
certainly nice to know.

I promise, you will
never get married again.

Ms. Douglas, why
don't I show you

to your cabin and
we'll leave captain

and Emily alone together?

Who is that?

Monica Douglas is a
wedding coordinator.

She's gonna make everything
go without a hitch.

She does celebrity weddings.

She did all of
Elizabeth Taylor's.

I told you about her.

Don't you remember?

Oh, well, sure I remember.

Captain always remembers.

Then, why did you forget
your captain's insignias?

Well, I can't wear
them all the time.

That's like bragging.

Come on.

Let's talk about you.

Happily Ever After

Have I Got a Job for You

Mr. Smith goes to Minikulu

Why anybody want to
send me a video cassette?

I don't know.

It's one of those movie
of the month clubs.

Oh, yeah.

I know.

They sucker you in
with a big chill.

And then, from
month to month, you

keep getting things like "it
came from under the sink."

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait a minute.

This is from Slade Collins.

I don't care if it's
from Joan Collins.

I'm not interested.

Slade Collins.

Gopher, don't you remember?

He took a cruise a
couple of months ago.

We all ended up in
that bar in mazatl n.

What bar?

Slade Collins, gopher.

He's the guy that goes
all over the world

buying and selling hotels.

And you told him your entire
theory on hotel management.

Yeah, I do remember him.

He bought our drinks.

So why's he sending
me a cassette?

I don't know.
Why don't we watch it?

I've already watched
my movie of the month.

Was that the night
I set my tie on fire?

No.
That was acapulco.

Man, I've got to
get off my dogs.

This job's running me ragged.

Yeah.

It's not easy being assistant
cruise director, huh?

Tell me about it.

How do you remember everything?

Spencer, I'm gonna share my
system with you, all right?

Please.

Now, when I became
assistant purser,

I made an extensive list
of all my responsibilities,

spreading them out over
each day of the week,

giving each day a
different colored notebook.

Monday, blue.

Tuesday, red.

And so on and so on.

Ace, today is Tuesday.

Why do you have
Monday's notebook?

Tuesday?

All day.

That means I'm a day behind.

Your system's too complicated.

I'll stick to
writing on my hand.

[Sound effects]

Now, if you prefer a
more intimate setting

than the international
lounge, you

could choose the ceremony
to be on the fiesta deck

with a mariachi band.

, well you've certainly
given us lots of choices.

Well, it's not
difficult at all.

The ship is so
beautiful, captain.

You must be very proud of her.

Captain?

Oh, yes?

I said, you must
be very proud of her.

Oh, I'm very proud of her.

Very much in love with her too.

The ship?

Emily.

Oh, of course.

Oh, merrill, now you're
better acquainted with the ship

than I am.

Why don't you choose the
location for the wedding?

Me?

Oh, well, ok.

Well, yeah, the lido
deck would be nice.

But we've already used that.

The lounge, that would be good.

Of course, there's
always the dining room.

Oh.

Oh, now, this is good.

That's the cover
of my sketchpad.

Well, it's very nice.

Emily, the wedding's
gonna be so big.

Oh, merrill, you
know, I hope you

don't think I'm silly at
my age to want all this.

But Leo and I eloped.

I never had a real wedding.

Well, whatever you
want will be wonderful.

You know, we could
even get married

in a little chapel in acapulco.

Why don't you
decide the location?

Well, you know, the
ship is right here.

But acapulco is so pretty.

Do I have to give you
my answer right now?

Oh, of course not.

Why don't we move on
to the color scheme?

Do I have to decide that?

I'll take that.

What do you think about if we
went with dusty Rose and white?

It would complement
my ivory dress.

Whatever makes you happy.

Today, gopher--

that's him.

I bet you never
expected to see me again.

Oh, I remember this guy.

I just wanted
to say how much I

enjoyed our night on the town.

And I found your theory of
hotel management fascinating.

I thought you might be
interested in my latest

hotel development.

We have taken the
island of minikulu

and turned it into a vacation
paradise unparalleled

anywhere in the world.

Minikulu?

Never heard of it.

Many people have
never heard of minikulu.

But soon, it will
be a household word

and a coveted game show prize.

The grand opening
is in three months.

And we'd like you to be there.

Oh, I get it.

Come on.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

When my investors said to
me, Slade, who's got the savvy

to run this ocean paradise?

I said, I know the
chap, burl Smith.

Gopher, you're the
man for the job.

I've always gone
with my instinct.

And even though I only
spent six hours with you,

my gut tells me you're my man.

This guy must be
out of his mind.

Slade (tv): Gopher, I'm offering
you a gold plated opportunity.

I want you to come
down and run the place.

You can name your own price.

I'm anxiously awaiting
your earliest reply.

You gonna take that job?

Magnificent minikulu.

This is gonna be a hard
one for us to turn down,

you know that?

Us?

I didn't hear him
offering me any job.

Hey, if I go, you go.

You heard what the guy.

Said I can name
my price, my price

includes Isaac Washington.

Now, what do you say we look
at this tape again, partner?

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't know you were busy.

I'll come back later.

No, you won't.

There's nothing
so pressing that I

can spend a few minutes
trying to solve a problem

for a member of my crew.

I consider that my
most important duty.

Oh, that's good to know, sir.

So go ahead.

Burden me with whatever
difficulty you've encountered.

The tougher, the better.

What kind of punch do you
want at your wedding reception?

Punch?

That's it?

Punch?

Yes, sir.

Mr. Evans, do you realize I
am the sole commander of a ship

with a gross tonnage of 20,000
tons, a ship that carries 626

passengers, a ship
that can cruise at 20

knots, a big, powerful ship?

I know that, sir.

Then, why are you bothering
me with such nonsense?

I'm sorry.

Monica Douglas wanted to know.

Oh.

Yes.

Look, i'm-- I'm sorry
if I snapped at you.

I just have so much on my mind.

I understand with
the wedding and all--

no, not the wedding
and all, the ship.

Haven't you've been listening?

Right, sir.

[Music - "oh, promise me"]

Monica, "oh, promise me."

Is that too old fashioned?

It's cute.

Look, we have a lot
of decisions to make.

And we're running out of time.

Ok.

I'll get merrill.

Oh, don't.

It's nothing personal,
but if we wait

for him to make a decision,
you'll have your wedding

in the old sailors' home.

Merrill has a lot of
other things on his mind.

Running a ship is
a demanding job.

The man is having
trouble making decisions.

He can't decide sock lengths.

Well, maybe merrill
wouldn't mind if we made

a few of the little decisions.

Good.

I'm anxiously awaiting
your earliest reply.

So what do you think?

Well, gopher, on
the surface, it would

appear to be a great offer.

But on the other
hand, it may not

be all that Mr. Collins claims.

What do you mean by that?

Well, let me put it this way.

Mr. Collins just
might be some nutcase

who stole a video camera.

Hey, what do you think you're
dealing with, an amateur here?

I called the minikulu hotel.

I spoke to Slade Collins.

I could even hear the
waterfall in the lobby.

All right?

So what did you say?

I said that this is
a very big decision.

I said I have been working
on this ship for nine years

and I love it here.

So what did he say?

He doubled the money.

So I accepted the
offer and I said

that you're coming with me.

Ladies and gentlemen,
dinner is now being

served in the dining room.

Great partnerships have been
the backbone of our country.

Lewis and Clark, barnum and
Bailey, neiman and Marcus.

I'd like to propose
a toast to america's

next great partnership,
Haywood and stubing.

Haywood and stubing.

I'm next.

From the first time I
set foot on this ship,

you all made me feel so welcome.

I'd like to think we
would've been friends,

even if merrill and I
had never fallen in love.

But isn't it nice that we did?

To my new friends
and my new family.

Captain, what?

You're supposed
to make a toast.

Oh, yes.

Here's to dinner,
years of eating

together, and dinners to come.

I really can't think
on an empty stomach.

Why don't we eat
first and toast later?

Here, here.

I think that's a wonderful idea.

Let's eat.

Gopher, I'd like to
speak to you for a minute.

Yes, sir.

Get all my expertise
while you can.

Gopher, what I want to
say to you is not easy.

But I want you to know--

sir, sir, I think
I understand here.

You're not a man
who's comfortable

expressing his emotions.

Let me make this easy for you.

I'll miss you too.

Gopher, that's not what I
wanted to talk to you about.

Sorry.

What'd you want to
talk to me about?

Gopher, I'm aware
that Mr. Collins'

proposition is very attractive.

But the decision to
pull up your roots

and move halfway
around the world,

I mean, how can you make a big
decision like that so fast?

Well, it's what I've
always dreamed of.

Yes.

But if you make a commitment
and it doesn't work out,

well, you're trapped.

Well, I suppose if it doesn't
work, I could always back out.

Not if you make a
commitment, a solemn

promise before god and man.

Sir, I'm going to run a
resort, not a monastery.

Yes.

Yes, well, i--

I just think that
we should be more

careful about our decisions.

I've given this a
great deal of thought.

Yes, and so have I. And
good luck to you and to me.

Gopher.

Gopher, I've got something
very important to ask you.

More important
than my prime rib?

It's important all right.

Come here.

What about me?

What about you?

Well, I just found
out that you're leaving.

Now, how is that
going to affect me?

It'll be painful at first.

But after a while,
the memory will fade,

and you'll go on with your life.

Now, can I eat?

No, look, you
don't understand.

Suppose this new purser
hates me and traps me

into making a horrible mistake?

Suppose he doesn't trap me and I
make a horrible mistake anyway?

Ace, you're going to be fine.

When I was the assistant
purser, I didn't

know half as much as you do.

Really?

Of course, I didn't
have me as a teacher.

Yeah.

Look, you don't know what this
new guy's gonna to be like.

Well, if you feel
that way, then why don't

you apply for the job yourself?

Me chief purser already?

Sure.

You know the ship.

You look terrific in a uniform.

Heaven knows you're organized.

You really think
I have a shot?

I don't see why not.

It's mid-season.

All the good competition
already have jobs.

I'll tell you what, why
don't you come by my office

and pick up an
application and find out?

And now, I am gonna eat.

Hey, this is really exciting.

Goph, I'm happy you're leaving.

I mean-- I mean, i'm
happy for you leaving.

Actually, i-- i'm
happy for both of you.

It's really hard to
believe, you know, isn't it?

Short time ago, we didn't
know one another existed.

Now, day after tomorrow,
we're gonna be saying I do.

On the ship, or on the shore.

It's hard to believe.

And just exactly where are
we gonna say I do, merrill?

I'm working on that, Emily.

But of course, you know,
anything can happen between now

and then.

Robert redford could
come on board ship,

sweep me off my feet.

I suppose.

Merrill, it's a joke.

Are you feeling all right?

I don't know.

I guess.

I have a hard time
catching my breath.

Maybe it's too much fresh air.

Why don't we go to the lounge?

I thought we were
going to the lounge.

No, the lounge is there.

The lounge is there.

It's not the lounge.

Was it something you said?

Oh, you won't
believe this, man.

I haven't had a moment's
peace all through dinner.

Well, I'm afraid dessert
isn't gonna be any better.

What's the problem?

Have you noticed that ever
since we got the news that we

were leaving for the island of
minikulu, one of us has been

sky high and one of us hasn't?

Well, you just haven't
got used to the idea yet,

that's all.

Well, it's more
than that, gopher.

I've been doing a
lot of thinking.

And I've decided
not to go with you.

We always do things
together, always.

Isaac: Hear me out.

Whenever we talked
of leaving the ship,

it was always to open up
a little hotel of our own,

with a small nightclub.

We were gonna be our own bosses.

Yeah, but this is
a great opportunity.

Well, I agree.

It is a great
opportunity, for you.

But it's not what I want to do.

I've decided to
stay here on the ship.

Well, when did you first
start having these symptoms?

Well, I was in my cabin
trying to decide where

to have the wedding
ceremony and I

felt this shortness of breath.

It's a heart attack, isn't it?

Merrill, you're not
having a heart attack.

You're gonna be just fine.

Well, I don't feel fine.

Here.

This'll help.

Breathe into this whenever
you feel short of breath.

That's it?

Dr. Bricker: You had
an anxiety attack.

You were hyperventilating.

Breathing into a
paper bag will help.

There's no reason for me
to have anxiety attacks.

How about the fact
that you're getting

married in less than 48 hours?

That can't be it.

I love Emily.

Well, in that case,
take two aspirin

and call me in the morning.

Good night, merrill.

Night, Adam.

Hello, sir.

Hello, girls.

Everyone is so excited
about your getting married.

Thank you.

You and Mrs. Haywood
make such a cute couple.

Thank you very much.

Only two more days.

I bet you can't wait.

Yes.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

Goodnight.

Ok, gopher, I
finished my application.

Now, there might be a few
typos in the essay part.

But it's done.

Ok.

I'll put it in the file.

I thought it had to be
finished and sent off today.

Yeah, ace, I've been
given this minikulu

thing a lot of thought.

Yeah.

And I think I've been selfish.

I just cannot run off and leave
the captain stranded like this.

He depends on me.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

You-- you're not going, are you?

I don't think so.

I stayed up all night.

I drank three pots of coffee.

I turned the thermostat down to
55, just so I could stay awake

to finish that and for nothing?

Ace, good work
is never wasted.

What are these drawings of?

It's a redesign
of the aloha deck.

What difference does it make?

Oh, look on the bright side.
Ace: What?

At least it's done.

Oh, the last
wedding I did at sea

was Princess grace's cousin.

It was a smash.

Good morning, ladies.

Oh, merrill.

Oh, good morning.

Merrill, I hope
you don't mind,

but Monica and I have gone ahead
and we have settled almost all

of the plans for the wedding.

Oh, well, of
course I don't mind.

I'm just sorry that my duties
prevented me from helping

you make your decisions.

What's that?

It's a bran muffin.

Oh.

Bagel.

Maybe I should have
taken one of those.

What do you think?

Some decision maker.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I was just
saying that we still

need some decisions to be made.

You know, you're
the only one who

can resolve the
question as to where

we're gonna hold the ceremony.

Yes.

Well, I thought all
of the arrangements

had already been made.

Well, I reserved the
church in acapulco.

And I also have the crew
on call to prepare any one

of the locations on the ship.

Now, if you could just give
me your answer right now,

we have plenty of time left
to get everything done.

Yes, well, I'd like to
help you, Ms. Douglas,

but unfortunately, i'm
needed on the bridge.

I didn't hear any announcement
calling you to the bridge.

No, Emily, I always know when
they need me on the bridge.

It's a sense we captains have.

I thought that Sean and
Madonna's wedding was tough,

but this takes the cake.

Monica, excuse me a minute.

Are you all right?

Inspection.

A good captain
inspects everything.

Ok, what else?

Flowers for the Johnson's cabin.

It's their wedding anniversary.

Right.

And I got all the hors
d'ouevre for the cocktail party

at the admiralty suite.

Gopher: We got to
double the caviar.

Know to do that.
[Inaudible]

Judy: All right.

Gopher, there'll be plenty.

Gopher: Mm-hm.

Oh, oh.

The ice swan.

We've got to have--

Judy: It's in the freezer.

Ok.

Well, ok.

Ice swan, caviar,
Johnson-- that's it.

Good.
- Ok.

Good.

That fine eye for detail
is going to make us rich.

Mr. Collins, what
are you doing here?

I couldn't wait for
you to come to minikulu,

so I came here.

I want your input.

You came all the
way here to see me?

Gopher, I can build
multimillion dollar hotels,

but you're the man who's
going to have to make it work.

Now, what do think
about this new wing?

If you don't like it, we can
tear it down and start again.

Well, Mr. Collins,
to be honest with you,

I'm having second
thoughts about the job.

Of course you are.

That's normal, dear boy.

Gopher, do you think eisenhower
wasn't nervous before d-day?

Do you think Walt wasn't
nervous the first time he

drew that mouse?

Well--

I mean, a mouse with big ears?

Why, the man could've
been laughed out of town.

Gopher, we're on the verge
of making hotel history.

How would you like to be
the man who invented Hawaii?

That's going to be us.

Men invented Hawaii?

That's why I chose you.

You're like me.

You have vision.

Now, come along, partner.

We have things to discuss.

Do you think if we put
gold fixtures in the rooms,

people would steal them?

Have you thought
of attaching them?

Brilliant.

I'll get my man onto
it straight away.

[Knocking]

Hi.

Hi.

Can we talk?
- Sure.

Come on in.

Have you noticed anything
strange about your father's

behavior on this cruise?

Well, he has been a little
hard to talk to lately.

Let's not mince words.

He's acting like a loon.

That too.

I've never seen him like this.

Have you?

Once.

When?

When he had take me
shopping for my first bra.

He just went to pieces.

He wore dark glasses and
spoke with a French accent.

That doesn't
sound like merrill.

Listen, it didn't sound
like a frenchman either.

Emily, under normal
circumstances,

my father is a
very competent man.

He can handle any situation
that he comes up against,

unless he's thrown a curve.

Like my asking
him to marry me.

Right.

No.

Wrong.

Listen, this isn't
coming out right.

Yes, it is.

And believe me, I
know exactly what

your father's going through.

You do?

I just wish there
was some way that I

could make him understand that.

Ace.

Ace.

How long have you been asleep?

Oh, i-- I wasn't sleeping.

I was just resting my eyes.

Oh.

How come there's a paper
clip on your cheek?

I can't see out
of my left eye.

Is my hair all right?

Oh, come on.

Get it together.

There's a farewell party
for gopher tonight.

Farewell party?

I thought he said
he wasn't leaving.

Change of plans.

He's leaving tomorrow.

What is this?

First, he's leaving.

Then, he isn't leaving.

Now, he's leaving.

My gosh.

I threw away my application.

Ace, everyone's been
invited to the party.

You don't need an application.

I think the rehearsal
went quite well.

Believe me.

It's always better when
the groom shows up.

Well, but that's unimportant.

Well, call me crazy,
but it really helps when

the groom comes to rehearsal.

You know, merrill
has performed

hundreds of these ceremonies
himself so he know how they go.

So we have nothing
to worry about.

Do we?

You know, when you've done as
many of these things as I have,

you can recognize
the danger signs.

He looks to me like a
man who's got cold feet.

You worry about the wedding.

I'll worry about the feet.

Why don't you do what
I did at my wedding?

Just in case the
groom was a no show,

I prepared a little speech.

Ladies and gentlemen,
don't take it personally.

The man just wasn't ready.

Then, what happened?

I made the speech.

Did I just give that
a couple a $20 or a $50.

A $20.

Gopher, are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine.

I just was testing you.

That's all.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Hi.

Boy, you look swamped.

Do you need any help?
- No.

We don't need any help.

Who said we needed any help?

No one.

Listen, could I have a list of
the cabin assignments of people

boarding in acapulco, please?

I don't remember
any cabin assignments.

Gopher, I sent you a memo.

What memo?

Oh, here you go, Judy.

I checked out the cabins myself.

Thank you, ace.

I'm sorry, gopher.

I saw the memo
sitting on your desk

and thought I better
take care of it.

I hope it's all right.

What is happening to me?

I can't make change.

I forget about
cabinet assignments.

I don't even put on
matching socks anymore.

What makes me think
that I can run

a big resort when I can't even
run this ship or dress myself?

Come on gopher,
don't take it so hard.

Come on.

Oh, ace, I think
this minikulu job may

be a little bit over my head.

I think I should
stay right here.

You're not leaving?

No.

No.

I'm sorry.

I know these changes
have been hard on you.

This can't be happening to me.

You're not the only one
who's effect, you know?

The travel agent has
had to cancel six

sets of airline reservations.

Wait a minute.

Wait just a minute.

I think I know what
this is all about.

This is another test.
Isn't it?

No.
I'm serious.

You can drop the act, gopher.

I know what you're trying to do.

You're trying to gaslight me.

You-- you're trying to make
me think that I'm crazy,

aren't you?

Well, let me tell you
something, you little pipsqueak.

You're not gonna break me.

Killing the purser will
not look good on your resume.

You're right.

I-- I'm sorry.

I-- i-- I just lost control.

I haven't been getting
much sleep lately.

I need to lie down.

Yeah, well-- happens
to everybody, ace.

[Knocking]

I'm sorry, Emily.

It's been a hectic day.

Don't give me that.

You've been hiding.

Nonsense, I'm a busy man.

I have a ship to run.

I've been on four
cruises, merrill.

You had plenty of time for
me on all the other three.

I've got a ship to
run just won't wash.

All right.

I have been avoiding you, but
not without a good reason.

Emily, I have to
tell you some things

and, well, it's
not gonna be easy.

I'm listening.

Emily, it's not fair for me
to marry you without revealing

everything about myself.

And I know it's not
going to be too pretty.

Go on.

Emily, I never
married Vicki's mother.

I know.

Vicki told me.

And she also told me that her
mother went away, without ever

telling you she was pregnant.

Ok.

Here's another one.

I'm a recovering alcoholic.

I figured that out.

When somebody would
order champagne

you would bring
out the club soda.

So I understand
that you're fighting

a very difficult battle.

I'm with you 100%.

I snore.

I know.

Merrill, if you
think I'm gonna

let you get out of this
marriage without a struggle,

you're crazy.

Why would I want to
get out of marrying you?

Because you're afraid.

That's ridiculous.

And I can understand why
you couldn't talk about it,

because you're the captain.

You're the one people come
to when they're afraid.

But merrill, i'm
not one of the crew.

I'm the woman who loves you.

And you don't have to put
on a brave front with me.

Emily, I don't understand.

Every time I start
thinking about tomorrow,

I go off the deep end.

What's wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you.

That's a perfectly
normal reaction for such

a huge change in your life.

Well, it's a bigger
change for you.

And look at you.

You're as cool as they come.

Right now, but you
should've seen me last week.

I couldn't sleep
and I couldn't eat.

I was even hyperventilating.

Breathing in a
paper bag helps.

I know.

Then, one night,
something happened

that made me see so
clearly that marrying you

was the right thing to do.

What happened?

I tried to draw a picture
in my mind's eye of a life

without you.

I tried so hard, merrill.

And I couldn't visualize
living the rest of my life

and you not being a part of it.

I couldn't.

And I wasn't afraid anymore.

Would you like to try that?

Ok.

What do you see?

Merrill?

Oh, I'm sorry I took too long.

I-- I just couldn't imagine my
life without having you in it.

And I was thinking about
how beautiful you're

going to look walking
down that aisle

tomorrow, if you'll
still have me?

You bet I will.

[Knocking]

It's open.

Hey, everybody's
at the farewell party

except the guest of honor.

I can't go to that party.

Gopher, the crew gave up
their free time to be with you.

And I'm not supposed
to tell you this,

but the mermaids have
worked up a special dance

number in your honor.

I'm kidding myself, Isaac.

I can't run that resort.

Hey, you run this
place, don't you?

I used to.

I'm losing it.

Blondie has been
covering for me all day.

So you had a bad day.

That happens to everybody.

Isaac, if I mess
up in minikulu

the way I mess up
around here, I am

going to be out in the streets.

Gopher, nobody can
give you a magic charm

to guarantee that you'll be a
big hit in the south pacific.

You can.

You can come with me.

I've made my decision.

You can't let that stop you.

I can't do this alone.

Ok.

Where is he?

Where's who?

Gopher Smith.

This is "invasion of the
body snatchers," right?

Where the alien
creatures with no guts

take on the form of
the ship's purser?

This has got nothing
to do with guts.

It does from
where I'm standing.

Gopher, it takes
a lot of courage

to say yes to your shot
at something better.

The coward's way out is
to let that shot go by.

My friend gopher
Smith is not a coward.

I hope he makes it to his party.

Leave it gopher to be late
for his own goodbye party.

Excuse me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want
to thank you for coming.

And I'm sure if gopher were
here, he'd thank you himself.

Gopher: Gopher is here, sir.

Well, I had this really
nice little speech prepared

for tonight, but when I started
chickening out of leaving,

I tore it up.

So now, I guess
what I'm gonna have

to do is stand up here, cold and
tell all you people how I feel.

And that's not
gonna be very easy.

My mom told me, when
you've been someplace

and you've had a nice
time and it's time to go,

you should say thank you.

So I'm gonna begin by saying
thank you to Vicki, who came

on board this ship
as a small child

and for many years was
the only person here

that acted younger than I did.

And I want to say
thank you to ace,

who came on board this
ship and did something

nobody ever dared do before.

He asked me for advice.

And thank you to Judy, who is
my good friend and my colleague

and who sometimes, through
no fault of her own,

reminded me a little bit
too much of her sister.

And to doc, thank you for
teaching me everything

I know about chasing women
and nothing about what to do

with them once I caught them.

And thank you to you, sir, for
teaching me everything I know.

Period.

And finally, I want to say thank
you to my friend Mr. Washington

here, who is my
partner and who will

always be my partner,
even if I wind

up managing motels on pluto.

Now, I was gonna end by
saying something really deep

in minikulu, but
apparently this island

is so far away from anything,
nobody ever leaves there.

So they got no word for goodbye,
which lets me off the hook,

because neither do I. So you
know I'm gonna miss you a lot.

I hope you miss me a little bit.

Why don't we just
leave it at that?

Here are some
other friends that

want to say goodbye to you.

[Music playing]

(Singing) Bye, bye, baby.

Remember you're my baby,
when they give you the eye.

And just to show
that you care, won't

you write [inaudible]
on the loose,

you will stay on the square.

We'll be lonely.

But even though we're lonely,
there'll be no other guy.

Though you'll be
gone for a while,

[inaudible] We'll be smiling
with our baby by and by.

We're gonna miss you, gopher.

With our baby, by and by.

We are now
arriving in acapulco.

We hope that you
enjoy your time here

and remind you that the ship
will be sailing at midnight.

You're shaking.

There.

You're hair is perfect.

Thank you.

Now for the wedding dress.

Oh, oh, Emily, wait a minute.

Aren't you forgetting something
old, something new, something

borrowed, and something blue?
- Oh, dear.

I forgot all about that.

Oh, well, your dress is new.

That's one.

And I'm old.

I mean my veil is old.

It's an heirloom.

That's two.

That's two.

Oh, you can borrow
my handkerchief.

That's three.

Borrowed.

So now, we need
something blue.

Listen, three out of
four, that's good enough.

Oh, no, no.
Wait a minute.

That's bad luck.

Something blue.

Here.

Take this.

No, Vicki, I couldn't.

This was your mother's.

Oh, no.

It's still in the family.

Besides, I feel like my
mother's wearing it again.

Oh, Vicki.

Oh.

I think we both made the
right decision, don't you, sir?

You're right, gopher.

This is a big day
for both of us.

Gopher, I want you to know,
if you ever need anything,

I'll be there.

I'll be there for you, sir.

I'll be there in minikulu.

But I'll be there.

[Knocking]

Almost ready, merrill?

Almost.

No turning back now, sir.

Don't worry.

Full speed ahead.

Captain, we've got
something for you.

A token of our esteem.

Thank you.

Diamond cufflinks?

Beautiful.

I can't accept these.

They're much too expensive.

Oh, please, merrill, everyone
in the crew chipped in.

We want you to know
how we feel about you.

In that case, I'll
put them on right now.

Here, here.

With the light in
here, I just can't--

oh, captain, let
us help you out.

[Interposing voices]

You're the best.

[Wedding march]

I brought a paper
bag just in case.

I won't be needing it.

I might.

Dearly beloved, we
are assembled here

in the presence of god to
join this man and this woman

in holy marriage.

I, merrill stubing--

take you, Emily Haywood,
to be my wedded wife.

Take you, Emily Haywood,
to be my wedded wife.

Preacher: And I promise
to make a covenant

before god and these witnesses.

And I promise to make
a covenant before god

and these witnesses--

preacher: To be your
loving and faithful wife.

To be your loving
and faithful wife.

Preacher: In plenty
and in want--

Emily: In plenty and in want--

preacher: In joy and in sorrow--

in joy and in sorrow--

preacher: In sickness
and in health--

in sickness and in health--

preacher: As long as
we both shall live.

As long as we both shall live.

I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

[Fanfare playing]

Everybody, it's them.

Here they come.

Emily, over here.

Over here.

Over here.

[Inaudible] To me.

Oh.

[Laughter]

[Music playing]