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1
00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,677
( Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing )
2
00:00:12,261 --> 00:00:14,129
♪ Love ♪
3
00:00:15,936 --> 00:00:18,974
♪ Exciting and new ♪
4
00:00:19,945 --> 00:00:21,881
♪ Come aboard ♪
5
00:00:23,854 --> 00:00:27,739
♪ We're expecting you ♪
6
00:00:27,763 --> 00:00:30,299
♪ And love ♪
7
00:00:31,939 --> 00:00:35,992
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
8
00:00:36,016 --> 00:00:37,950
♪ Let it flow ♪
9
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:44,176
♪ It floats back to you ♪
10
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:47,585
♪ The Love Boat ♪
11
00:00:47,609 --> 00:00:52,562
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
12
00:00:52,587 --> 00:00:55,837
♪ The Love Boat ♪
13
00:00:55,861 --> 00:01:00,347
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
14
00:01:00,371 --> 00:01:02,619
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
15
00:01:02,643 --> 00:01:06,885
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
16
00:01:08,724 --> 00:01:12,175
♪ And love ♪
17
00:01:12,199 --> 00:01:15,304
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
18
00:01:16,408 --> 00:01:20,359
♪ It's an open smile ♪
19
00:01:20,383 --> 00:01:24,703
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
20
00:01:24,727 --> 00:01:29,180
♪ It's love ♪
21
00:01:29,204 --> 00:01:32,609
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
22
00:01:39,428 --> 00:01:41,363
( upbeat theme playing )
23
00:02:17,214 --> 00:02:18,761
What's all this stuff?
24
00:02:18,785 --> 00:02:20,832
Well, maybe Sammy
Davis is coming onboard,
25
00:02:20,856 --> 00:02:22,436
and he sent his
jewelry on ahead.
26
00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:25,944
Oh, Isaac. All that stuff
belongs to the new chef.
27
00:02:25,968 --> 00:02:27,580
Well, what happened
to the regular chef?
28
00:02:27,604 --> 00:02:29,185
He's in the hospital.
29
00:02:29,209 --> 00:02:30,855
You think it was
something he ate?
30
00:02:30,879 --> 00:02:33,829
No, he's got appendicitis. Oh.
31
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:37,203
Gee, I hope everything
comes out all right.
32
00:02:37,227 --> 00:02:39,190
( whimsical upbeat
theme playing )
33
00:02:45,079 --> 00:02:46,312
Borga.
34
00:02:47,616 --> 00:02:49,698
Uh, Borga. Borga.
35
00:02:49,723 --> 00:02:51,335
JULIE: Borga.
36
00:02:51,359 --> 00:02:53,095
Chef Borga.
37
00:02:54,265 --> 00:02:56,280
Oh, Chef Borga.
38
00:02:56,304 --> 00:02:58,084
Well, welcome aboard.
39
00:02:58,108 --> 00:03:00,222
I'm your cruise
director, Miss McCoy.
40
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:02,996
Miss McCoy.
41
00:03:03,020 --> 00:03:04,398
( clicking tongue )
42
00:03:04,422 --> 00:03:06,804
No wonder you're not married.
43
00:03:06,828 --> 00:03:09,310
I beg your pardon? Too skinny.
44
00:03:09,334 --> 00:03:13,319
Men want women with
something to hold onto.
45
00:03:13,343 --> 00:03:14,756
But don't worry,
46
00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:17,495
a little fettuccine,
a little ravioli,
47
00:03:17,519 --> 00:03:19,801
il poco di linguine. Mmm.
48
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,006
We'll have ten pounds
on you by Mazatlán.
49
00:03:22,030 --> 00:03:23,910
Fifteen by Puerto Vallarta.
50
00:03:23,934 --> 00:03:26,257
By Acapulco, you
could be the anchor.
51
00:03:27,877 --> 00:03:29,289
Well, uh, I'm sure, chef,
52
00:03:29,313 --> 00:03:31,761
that you'll just have a
very pleasant cruise here.
53
00:03:31,786 --> 00:03:34,267
We have a beautiful ship
and a very cooperative crew.
54
00:03:34,291 --> 00:03:36,873
And a jackass for a captain.
55
00:03:36,897 --> 00:03:38,678
What did you say?
56
00:03:38,702 --> 00:03:41,049
He said we have a
jackass... I heard what he said.
57
00:03:41,073 --> 00:03:43,856
Don't tell me I'm stuck
with you for an entire cruise.
58
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,093
You're stuck?
59
00:03:45,117 --> 00:03:49,290
Ha! This peasant put
ketchup on my bouillabaisse.
60
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,144
It didn't help.
61
00:03:53,168 --> 00:03:56,751
You have the
taste buds of a goat.
62
00:03:56,775 --> 00:03:58,756
Before we sail,
63
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:01,629
run out and get me a TV dinner.
64
00:04:01,653 --> 00:04:04,269
Make that plural, TV dinners.
65
00:04:04,293 --> 00:04:06,230
( playful theme playing )
66
00:04:07,367 --> 00:04:09,270
( shouting in Italian )
67
00:04:14,516 --> 00:04:16,497
What did he say?
68
00:04:16,521 --> 00:04:18,334
Well, I only speak
a little Italian,
69
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:21,966
but I think he said,
"Have a nice day."
70
00:04:23,204 --> 00:04:24,416
( both laughing )
71
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:25,942
( horn blows )
72
00:04:28,549 --> 00:04:30,529
( upbeat theme playing )
73
00:04:30,553 --> 00:04:31,832
Hi, welcome aboard.
74
00:04:31,857 --> 00:04:33,436
Hello. Hello.
75
00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:34,974
Well, look who's here.
76
00:04:34,998 --> 00:04:36,743
If it isn't Mr. Travel himself.
77
00:04:36,767 --> 00:04:38,782
Hello, Jeff, how are you?
78
00:04:38,806 --> 00:04:40,819
Hiya, gorgeous. Oh, thank you.
79
00:04:40,843 --> 00:04:43,226
What's this? Another
free traveling junket?
80
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,829
Just the line of duty, Julie.
81
00:04:44,853 --> 00:04:48,392
Boy, I envy you guys.
Free cruises all the time.
82
00:04:49,765 --> 00:04:51,166
I envy me too.
83
00:04:52,170 --> 00:04:53,716
It's just a job, Gopher.
84
00:04:53,740 --> 00:04:55,888
I'm putting together
another holiday package
85
00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:57,291
for one of the
airlines. Believe me,
86
00:04:57,315 --> 00:04:58,728
the thrill wore off
a long time ago.
87
00:04:58,752 --> 00:05:00,298
Well, see you guys.
88
00:05:00,322 --> 00:05:02,771
Bye.
89
00:05:02,795 --> 00:05:04,307
Mm. Gee, what's with him?
90
00:05:04,331 --> 00:05:06,346
He used to be such a live wire.
91
00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:08,952
I don't know. I heard
he broke up with his wife.
92
00:05:08,976 --> 00:05:10,855
Hmm.
93
00:05:10,879 --> 00:05:12,961
What do you mean, hmm?
94
00:05:12,985 --> 00:05:14,697
Just, hmm.
95
00:05:14,721 --> 00:05:17,504
Well, was it a "Gee,
that's too bad" hmm,
96
00:05:17,528 --> 00:05:20,677
or a "Maybe there's
hope for me" hmm, hmm?
97
00:05:20,701 --> 00:05:22,549
Gopher, get lost.
98
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,809
Get lost. Hmm.
99
00:05:27,784 --> 00:05:29,165
Hmm.
100
00:05:29,189 --> 00:05:32,338
I wouldn't miss your column,
neither would my sister.
101
00:05:32,362 --> 00:05:33,641
That's right.
102
00:05:33,665 --> 00:05:35,612
First thing we turn to in
the morning newspaper
103
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:37,416
is "Dear Beverly."
104
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,622
Even before the obituaries.
105
00:05:39,646 --> 00:05:42,964
Oh, that's very nice, thank you.
106
00:05:42,988 --> 00:05:46,771
And, your afternoon
TV show is wonderful.
107
00:05:46,795 --> 00:05:48,876
Heh. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
108
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,748
You know, you're even
more beautiful in person.
109
00:05:51,773 --> 00:05:53,787
Why, that's very kind of you.
110
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:55,892
Nice to meet you.
Very nice to meet you.
111
00:05:55,916 --> 00:05:58,097
I'm sorry, ladies, but I really
must get Mrs. Blanchard
112
00:05:58,121 --> 00:05:59,200
checked into her cabin.
113
00:05:59,224 --> 00:06:01,372
But we have a
terrible family problem.
114
00:06:01,396 --> 00:06:04,901
We have an uncle
who refuses to bathe.
115
00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:07,051
Oh?
116
00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,744
Is he with you?
117
00:06:09,714 --> 00:06:10,893
No.
118
00:06:10,917 --> 00:06:12,263
Good.
119
00:06:12,287 --> 00:06:14,401
GOPHER: Ladies,
120
00:06:14,425 --> 00:06:16,640
Mrs. Blanchard will be glad
to answer all your questions
121
00:06:16,664 --> 00:06:17,697
in her lecture on Sunday.
122
00:06:19,137 --> 00:06:21,885
This is a new one,
ring around the family.
123
00:06:21,909 --> 00:06:23,021
Uh, purser.
124
00:06:23,045 --> 00:06:24,258
Sir, I'm sorry,
125
00:06:24,282 --> 00:06:26,396
Mrs. Blanchard has been
waiting for her cabin number.
126
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:27,865
I'm Mr. Blanchard.
127
00:06:27,889 --> 00:06:31,274
Oh. Well, gosh, I didn't know
there was a Mr. Blanchard.
128
00:06:31,298 --> 00:06:32,477
You're not alone.
129
00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:34,114
Come on, darling.
130
00:06:34,138 --> 00:06:35,450
Oh, well, let's...
Now, let's see.
131
00:06:35,474 --> 00:06:38,190
Okay, cabin 342, Promenade Deck.
132
00:06:38,214 --> 00:06:39,994
Oh, thank you very
much. Thank you.
133
00:06:40,018 --> 00:06:41,630
You bet.
134
00:06:41,654 --> 00:06:43,402
Listen, if you
need any advice...
135
00:06:43,426 --> 00:06:46,442
I mean, if you have
any problems...
136
00:06:46,466 --> 00:06:48,000
Have a wonderful cruise.
137
00:06:50,975 --> 00:06:52,478
( speaks indistinctly )
138
00:06:55,421 --> 00:06:56,665
Can I help you?
139
00:06:56,689 --> 00:06:58,168
I'm Adam Bricker,
the ship's doctor.
140
00:06:58,192 --> 00:07:00,641
Oh, thanks, but I'm
fine. We're both fine.
141
00:07:00,665 --> 00:07:02,445
All we need is a
place to lay our heads.
142
00:07:02,469 --> 00:07:04,083
Well, I-I wasn't
speaking medically.
143
00:07:04,107 --> 00:07:05,687
But if you'll give me your name,
144
00:07:05,711 --> 00:07:07,457
I'll give you your cabin number.
145
00:07:07,481 --> 00:07:09,495
Oh, I see. Gail Smith.
146
00:07:09,519 --> 00:07:12,301
Uh, Smith. Gail Smith.
147
00:07:12,325 --> 00:07:14,907
That'll be P206,
right up those stairs.
148
00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:17,079
I hope you and Mr. Smith
have a pleasant trip.
149
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:20,553
Thanks, but there
is no Mr. Smith.
150
00:07:20,577 --> 00:07:21,823
Well, if you get
right down to it,
151
00:07:21,847 --> 00:07:23,560
there are probably
thousands of Mr. Smiths,
152
00:07:23,584 --> 00:07:25,565
but there isn't one
traveling with me.
153
00:07:25,589 --> 00:07:26,834
Then I think all
those Mr. Smiths
154
00:07:26,858 --> 00:07:28,327
are making a big mistake.
155
00:07:29,931 --> 00:07:32,214
Not in the case of my Mr. Smith.
156
00:07:32,238 --> 00:07:35,041
I'm afraid it was me
who made the mistake.
157
00:07:39,321 --> 00:07:41,301
( horn blows )
158
00:07:41,325 --> 00:07:43,261
( upbeat theme playing )
159
00:07:45,802 --> 00:07:47,738
( all shouting, cheering )
160
00:08:07,185 --> 00:08:08,452
( horn blows )
161
00:08:11,661 --> 00:08:14,944
Darling, it's going to be fun.
162
00:08:14,968 --> 00:08:16,882
We'll have a lovely vacation.
163
00:08:16,906 --> 00:08:19,021
Yep. Yep, sure.
164
00:08:19,045 --> 00:08:22,163
Oh, no, come on.
Don't be so grouchy.
165
00:08:22,187 --> 00:08:25,536
Look at this lovely suite,
and this beautiful ship.
166
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,139
Come on, let's enjoy it.
167
00:08:27,164 --> 00:08:29,312
I'd enjoy it a lot more
if I was paying for it.
168
00:08:29,336 --> 00:08:32,018
I don't enjoy, uh, freeloading
on my wife's name.
169
00:08:32,042 --> 00:08:34,223
Now, isn't this silly?
170
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,195
Now, why shouldn't
we take this free cruise?
171
00:08:36,219 --> 00:08:39,202
All I have to do is
give a little lecture.
172
00:08:39,226 --> 00:08:41,539
Because I can afford
to pay for a vacation,
173
00:08:41,563 --> 00:08:43,344
take you someplace
where we could be alone,
174
00:08:43,368 --> 00:08:44,680
without all these people around.
175
00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:46,351
And you wouldn't
have to do work, either.
176
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:49,525
Oh, darling, it
isn't work. I love it.
177
00:08:49,549 --> 00:08:52,131
And I love you.
178
00:08:52,155 --> 00:08:53,957
( both chuckle )
179
00:08:55,663 --> 00:08:58,144
Well, if you love
your work that much...
180
00:08:58,168 --> 00:08:59,982
Dear Beverly, uh,
181
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:03,122
I have a big problem
I think you can solve.
182
00:09:03,146 --> 00:09:07,266
I would like to make
mad... ( growling )
183
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:10,072
Mad, passionate love to my wife.
184
00:09:10,096 --> 00:09:12,878
Signed, Panting on the Princess.
185
00:09:12,902 --> 00:09:14,515
Oh, dear Panting,
186
00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:17,822
I'd love to give your problem
my personal attention.
187
00:09:17,846 --> 00:09:19,092
Mm.
188
00:09:19,116 --> 00:09:20,929
But it's very
difficult to make love
189
00:09:20,953 --> 00:09:22,868
while you are typing.
190
00:09:22,892 --> 00:09:24,538
W-what typing?
191
00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:26,443
Oh, darling, I'm sorry.
192
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:28,815
I'd love you to make
passionate love to me,
193
00:09:28,839 --> 00:09:32,424
but I still have to
finish that column.
194
00:09:32,448 --> 00:09:34,193
Oh, boy.
195
00:09:34,217 --> 00:09:35,331
Oh.
196
00:09:35,355 --> 00:09:37,635
Oh, that's great.
197
00:09:37,659 --> 00:09:40,708
Darling, it won't
take long. I promise.
198
00:09:40,732 --> 00:09:44,082
And don't make it more difficult
for me by looking so sexy.
199
00:09:44,106 --> 00:09:45,954
Oh, ho, ho. I'll tell you what.
200
00:09:45,978 --> 00:09:49,128
Why don't you go up on deck,
and I'll be there in a moment?
201
00:09:49,152 --> 00:09:53,472
Oh, please, darling,
don't make me feel guilty.
202
00:09:53,496 --> 00:09:57,481
Well, it's either a
shower or a walk.
203
00:09:57,505 --> 00:09:59,251
( chuckles )
204
00:09:59,275 --> 00:10:00,688
I'll walk.
205
00:10:00,712 --> 00:10:02,046
Heh-heh-heh.
206
00:10:06,257 --> 00:10:08,126
Oh, dear.
207
00:10:10,233 --> 00:10:14,620
"Dear Beverly, my son
is a 250-pound fullback
208
00:10:14,644 --> 00:10:16,658
"on his college football team,
209
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:18,429
"but the other day
when I came home,
210
00:10:18,453 --> 00:10:22,170
"I found him wearing
one of my dresses.
211
00:10:22,194 --> 00:10:23,930
What shall I do?"
212
00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:27,003
Go on a diet.
213
00:10:29,645 --> 00:10:31,581
( upbeat theme playing )
214
00:10:33,019 --> 00:10:35,591
( smooth jazz music playing )
215
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:00,847
Oh, thank you, Lance.
216
00:11:12,477 --> 00:11:13,978
May I have the ketchup, please?
217
00:11:16,152 --> 00:11:17,620
Thank you.
218
00:11:25,138 --> 00:11:26,306
( muttering )
219
00:11:44,382 --> 00:11:46,765
I'm certainly glad you
finished that column.
220
00:11:46,789 --> 00:11:48,268
Oh, so am I, darling.
221
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:51,008
I'm all yours now.
222
00:11:51,032 --> 00:11:53,780
Oh, excuse me, are
you waiting to be seated?
223
00:11:53,804 --> 00:11:56,086
Yes, they had us
at a table for two,
224
00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:59,895
but we wanted a larger table
so we could meet more people.
225
00:11:59,919 --> 00:12:02,902
Aren't you Dear Beverly?
226
00:12:02,926 --> 00:12:04,371
Oh, I-I'm sorry.
227
00:12:04,395 --> 00:12:06,811
Don't worry about it.
It happens all the time.
228
00:12:06,835 --> 00:12:08,582
Yes, I'm Beverly Blanchard,
229
00:12:08,606 --> 00:12:10,887
and this is my
husband, Russ. Hello.
230
00:12:10,911 --> 00:12:13,126
And, you know, I really
understand your problem.
231
00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,665
It's very important
to meet new people,
232
00:12:15,689 --> 00:12:18,003
and sometimes
it's terribly difficult.
233
00:12:18,027 --> 00:12:20,932
Well, if Dear Beverly
can't help us, nobody can.
234
00:12:23,372 --> 00:12:26,523
Darling, I know this was
going to be our evening,
235
00:12:26,547 --> 00:12:29,062
but they are such nice people.
236
00:12:29,086 --> 00:12:30,386
Do you mind?
237
00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:33,127
Heh. Sure.
238
00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:36,111
Then it's all settled.
239
00:12:36,135 --> 00:12:38,482
We are your first new people.
240
00:12:38,507 --> 00:12:39,720
Oh.
241
00:12:39,744 --> 00:12:41,992
Go ahead.
242
00:12:42,016 --> 00:12:43,951
( upbeat theme playing )
243
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:53,417
Now, that's a nice couple.
244
00:12:53,441 --> 00:12:56,759
So when are you
getting your divorce?
245
00:12:56,783 --> 00:12:59,165
Bum.
246
00:12:59,189 --> 00:13:02,305
You think they're trying
to tell us something?
247
00:13:02,329 --> 00:13:04,242
( PA beeps )
248
00:13:04,266 --> 00:13:05,846
BORGA ( on PA ):
The late sitting of dinner
249
00:13:05,870 --> 00:13:08,552
is now being served in
the Coral Dining Room.
250
00:13:08,577 --> 00:13:10,256
Bon appetito.
251
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,893
You ready for dinner?
252
00:13:11,918 --> 00:13:13,463
Well, uh,
253
00:13:13,487 --> 00:13:15,368
I'd rather hang out in
the moonlight with you.
254
00:13:15,392 --> 00:13:17,674
Mm.
255
00:13:17,698 --> 00:13:20,313
Jeff, we've known
each other a long time.
256
00:13:20,337 --> 00:13:22,240
How come all of a sudden?
257
00:13:23,745 --> 00:13:25,425
Well, uh,
258
00:13:25,449 --> 00:13:28,364
I guess I've been too
busy messing up my life.
259
00:13:28,388 --> 00:13:30,670
First I loused up my marriage,
260
00:13:30,694 --> 00:13:32,474
and then I was living
with someone for a while.
261
00:13:32,498 --> 00:13:35,046
That didn't work.
262
00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,354
Maybe this time, I'll get lucky.
263
00:13:48,134 --> 00:13:52,187
Um, what is it, Jeff?
264
00:13:52,211 --> 00:13:54,981
Why do I feel like
your heart isn't in this?
265
00:13:56,019 --> 00:13:58,802
What are you talking about?
266
00:13:58,826 --> 00:14:00,839
You're a fantastic girl.
267
00:14:00,863 --> 00:14:05,115
I've always thought you
were beautiful and sensitive.
268
00:14:05,139 --> 00:14:06,842
I think you're great.
269
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:12,300
This isn't gonna work, is it?
270
00:14:12,324 --> 00:14:14,070
Nope.
271
00:14:14,094 --> 00:14:16,142
Hmm. ( sighs )
272
00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:17,544
Is it your wife?
273
00:14:17,568 --> 00:14:18,770
Yep.
274
00:14:21,177 --> 00:14:23,346
Still hung up on Gail.
275
00:14:30,430 --> 00:14:32,411
Evening, Doc. Hello. Hi.
276
00:14:32,435 --> 00:14:33,949
Gail, I'd like you to
meet Gopher Smith,
277
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:35,386
our assistant purser.
278
00:14:35,410 --> 00:14:37,357
Hi. BRICKER: Hey,
how about that?
279
00:14:37,381 --> 00:14:38,894
You both have the same name.
280
00:14:38,918 --> 00:14:41,399
Gee, I've been called
many things, but never Gail.
281
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:44,707
Heh. I've been called many
things, but never Gopher.
282
00:14:44,731 --> 00:14:46,778
Ah, you both have the
same sense of humor: terrible.
283
00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,214
Hey, look out, Doc,
284
00:14:48,238 --> 00:14:50,586
a lot more Smiths in the
world than Brickers, you know.
285
00:14:50,610 --> 00:14:52,693
And our numbers are increasing.
286
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:54,161
Congratulations.
287
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:55,598
Uh, may I join you?
288
00:14:55,622 --> 00:14:56,668
Please do. Of course.
289
00:14:56,692 --> 00:14:57,770
Thank you.
290
00:14:57,794 --> 00:14:59,975
So, what are you
gonna call the baby?
291
00:14:59,999 --> 00:15:01,211
Oh, I don't know.
292
00:15:01,235 --> 00:15:03,383
I like the old-fashioned
names, like Johnny.
293
00:15:03,407 --> 00:15:04,686
As in Walker.
294
00:15:04,710 --> 00:15:05,989
Or Jack.
295
00:15:06,013 --> 00:15:07,158
As in Daniels.
296
00:15:07,182 --> 00:15:08,428
How about Jim?
297
00:15:08,452 --> 00:15:09,765
( low voice ): As in Beam.
298
00:15:09,789 --> 00:15:12,504
Nobody would ever
guess he's a bartender.
299
00:15:12,528 --> 00:15:14,776
Gail Smith, Isaac Washington.
300
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:15,812
ISAAC: How do you do? Hi.
301
00:15:15,836 --> 00:15:18,350
Listen, how about
the name "Cleophus"?
302
00:15:18,374 --> 00:15:19,654
( snickering )
303
00:15:19,678 --> 00:15:21,257
ISAAC: Now, that's a nice name.
304
00:15:21,281 --> 00:15:22,829
( clears throat )
305
00:15:22,853 --> 00:15:25,188
Henry?
306
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,371
I got it.
307
00:15:27,395 --> 00:15:28,528
How about Jeff?
308
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:31,614
Jeff Smith?
309
00:15:31,638 --> 00:15:32,705
I like it.
310
00:15:36,416 --> 00:15:38,229
Would you excuse me?
311
00:15:38,253 --> 00:15:39,834
Gail?
312
00:15:39,858 --> 00:15:41,058
Wait a minute.
313
00:15:43,265 --> 00:15:46,349
Gee, wish I'd said Harvey.
314
00:15:46,373 --> 00:15:47,506
As in Wallbanger.
315
00:15:49,246 --> 00:15:51,181
( gentle upbeat theme playing )
316
00:15:53,222 --> 00:15:56,027
( sobbing )
317
00:16:03,578 --> 00:16:04,557
Can I help?
318
00:16:04,581 --> 00:16:06,763
Oh, Doc.
319
00:16:06,787 --> 00:16:10,003
Hey, hey, it's okay.
320
00:16:10,027 --> 00:16:12,275
I'm sorry.
321
00:16:12,299 --> 00:16:15,147
Being around me is like
not having to take a shower.
322
00:16:15,171 --> 00:16:18,857
It's okay. I'll save on soap.
323
00:16:18,881 --> 00:16:20,726
What happened in there?
324
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:26,040
Well, Jeff Smith is
my husband's name.
325
00:16:26,064 --> 00:16:29,480
Except, in two weeks from
now, he'll be my ex.husband.
326
00:16:29,504 --> 00:16:32,388
Now, I thought that would
make me very happy, but, uh,
327
00:16:32,412 --> 00:16:35,293
a funny thing happened
on the way to the divorce.
328
00:16:35,318 --> 00:16:38,033
Found out I'm still
in love with him.
329
00:16:38,057 --> 00:16:41,374
How does a man divorce the
lady who's carrying his child?
330
00:16:41,398 --> 00:16:42,879
He doesn't know about it.
331
00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:45,751
You see, he walked out on
me before I found out, and I'm...
332
00:16:45,775 --> 00:16:48,257
I'm not gonna use the
baby to try and get him back.
333
00:16:48,281 --> 00:16:50,329
But surely, he has
the right to know.
334
00:16:50,353 --> 00:16:52,266
Well, I tried to reach him.
335
00:16:52,290 --> 00:16:54,237
I was gonna sort
of sound him out
336
00:16:54,261 --> 00:16:58,012
and see if we... But
a woman answered.
337
00:16:58,036 --> 00:17:00,507
He's living with somebody else.
338
00:17:01,678 --> 00:17:03,392
Here. Try this one.
339
00:17:03,416 --> 00:17:04,460
It's dry.
340
00:17:04,484 --> 00:17:06,154
Oh, Doc.
341
00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:17,178
( upbeat theme playing )
342
00:17:25,433 --> 00:17:29,185
Darling, I'm sorry
I neglected you,
343
00:17:29,209 --> 00:17:32,425
but I thought I'd sneak in a
couple of hours on my book.
344
00:17:32,449 --> 00:17:33,962
Your book? Uh-huh.
345
00:17:33,986 --> 00:17:36,635
First the column, now a
book? What am I doing here?
346
00:17:36,659 --> 00:17:38,272
You could have
brought my picture.
347
00:17:38,296 --> 00:17:41,245
Oh, Russ, don't spoil things.
348
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,384
Do you have any
idea how long it's been
349
00:17:43,408 --> 00:17:45,288
since we've been
away on a holiday?
350
00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:46,858
Yeah, I was 7, you were 4.
351
00:17:46,882 --> 00:17:49,598
Oh, I didn't know
it was that recent.
352
00:17:49,622 --> 00:17:51,435
( both laughing )
353
00:17:51,459 --> 00:17:53,975
Oh, darling, I do love
to be away with you.
354
00:17:53,999 --> 00:17:56,447
Well, I like hanging
out with you too.
355
00:17:56,471 --> 00:18:00,189
Listen, why don't we start
the cocktail hour early today?
356
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:02,561
Are you trying to take advantage
357
00:18:02,585 --> 00:18:04,967
of a poor, defenseless woman?
358
00:18:04,991 --> 00:18:06,337
Exactly.
359
00:18:06,361 --> 00:18:08,641
Good. Mm. Hee-hee.
360
00:18:08,666 --> 00:18:10,913
I'll be a minute.
361
00:18:10,938 --> 00:18:13,419
( sighs )
362
00:18:13,443 --> 00:18:15,257
Then she said yes,
and I... Oh... Oh, sure.
363
00:18:15,281 --> 00:18:16,560
Two rum Collins, please.
364
00:18:16,584 --> 00:18:17,863
You got it, sir.
365
00:18:17,887 --> 00:18:20,835
Excuse me. Is that
your wife over there?
366
00:18:20,859 --> 00:18:22,774
The Dear Beverly? Yeah.
367
00:18:22,798 --> 00:18:23,776
See?
368
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:24,980
Oh, yeah?
369
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:27,584
Hey, man, she is
really something else.
370
00:18:27,608 --> 00:18:29,623
She always has the right answer.
371
00:18:29,647 --> 00:18:32,664
That's right. And she just
gave me the right answer.
372
00:18:32,688 --> 00:18:35,659
That's way I'm
taking a drink to her.
373
00:18:37,365 --> 00:18:39,012
Hey, how about that, man?
374
00:18:39,036 --> 00:18:40,481
Guy left you a three-dollar tip
375
00:18:40,505 --> 00:18:42,419
and forgot to
pay for the drinks.
376
00:18:42,443 --> 00:18:45,292
( both chuckle )
377
00:18:45,316 --> 00:18:46,829
When a mother-in-law
comes to visit,
378
00:18:46,853 --> 00:18:48,599
how long should she stay?
379
00:18:48,623 --> 00:18:51,573
Well, it depends whether
you're home or not.
380
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,011
( laughter )
381
00:18:53,035 --> 00:18:54,747
Uh, you ready for
your drink, darling?
382
00:18:54,771 --> 00:18:56,519
In a moment, love.
383
00:18:56,543 --> 00:18:59,059
But why do we always
pick on mother-in-laws?
384
00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:01,229
Why don't we pick
on father-in-laws?
385
00:19:01,253 --> 00:19:04,403
Or for that matter, why
don't we pick on ourselves?
386
00:19:04,427 --> 00:19:07,510
After all, none
of us are perfect.
387
00:19:07,534 --> 00:19:11,152
Well, almost none of us.
388
00:19:11,176 --> 00:19:12,811
( all laughing )
389
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:16,286
( melancholy theme playing )
390
00:19:19,929 --> 00:19:22,078
You have a very popular wife.
391
00:19:22,102 --> 00:19:24,385
( laughs ): Oh, yeah.
392
00:19:26,010 --> 00:19:28,892
( normal voice ): Hey, how would
you like the specialty of the house?
393
00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:30,796
Supervised and given
the careful attention
394
00:19:30,820 --> 00:19:32,468
of Russ Blanchard himself.
395
00:19:32,492 --> 00:19:35,341
Well, you just made
me an offer I can't refuse.
396
00:19:35,366 --> 00:19:36,699
Good.
397
00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:44,216
Now, that's a nice couple.
398
00:19:45,923 --> 00:19:49,096
That's Dear Beverly's husband.
399
00:19:58,651 --> 00:20:00,587
( upbeat theme playing )
400
00:20:17,595 --> 00:20:18,975
What are you doing?
401
00:20:18,999 --> 00:20:20,879
Huh? Ha-ha. You like ketchup?
402
00:20:20,903 --> 00:20:22,450
Swim for it.
403
00:20:22,474 --> 00:20:24,654
Get back to the kitchen, and
take this ketchup with you.
404
00:20:24,678 --> 00:20:26,191
I'd rather die.
405
00:20:26,215 --> 00:20:29,031
Don't tempt me.
406
00:20:29,055 --> 00:20:30,534
I don't understand.
407
00:20:30,558 --> 00:20:32,840
I've never had problems
like this with any other chef.
408
00:20:32,864 --> 00:20:35,814
I'm not any other
chef. I am numero uno.
409
00:20:35,838 --> 00:20:37,150
Ha-ha-ha.
410
00:20:37,174 --> 00:20:40,790
It's not easy creating
masterpieces for 600 people.
411
00:20:40,814 --> 00:20:42,229
How would you know?
412
00:20:42,253 --> 00:20:46,171
Look who's talking.
Christopher Columbus.
413
00:20:46,195 --> 00:20:48,074
He aims his ship to Mexico,
414
00:20:48,098 --> 00:20:50,112
and then he goes
dancing for a week.
415
00:20:50,137 --> 00:20:53,220
Commanding a ship is
a tad more complicated
416
00:20:53,244 --> 00:20:54,922
than scrambling eggs.
417
00:20:54,946 --> 00:20:56,628
Scrambling eggs, heh?
418
00:20:56,652 --> 00:20:58,766
You happen to
be talking to a man
419
00:20:58,790 --> 00:21:00,904
who performs miracles with eggs.
420
00:21:00,928 --> 00:21:02,663
Mostly, you lay them.
421
00:21:03,701 --> 00:21:05,068
Stupido.
422
00:21:09,215 --> 00:21:10,848
( in Italian )
423
00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:20,549
Italian semaphore.
424
00:21:20,573 --> 00:21:22,509
( playful theme playing )
425
00:21:27,789 --> 00:21:31,796
Alvin, take this
below deck, please.
426
00:21:37,211 --> 00:21:39,146
( upbeat theme playing )
427
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:53,090
Two bars and a lemon.
428
00:21:53,114 --> 00:21:56,699
It's the story of my
life. I was born to lose.
429
00:21:56,723 --> 00:22:00,375
Jeff, why are you putting
yourself through all this?
430
00:22:00,399 --> 00:22:01,910
If you love your wife so much,
431
00:22:01,934 --> 00:22:04,850
why don't you try to get
back together with her?
432
00:22:04,874 --> 00:22:06,722
I blew it, Julie.
433
00:22:06,746 --> 00:22:08,259
I burned my bridges.
434
00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:10,697
I walked out the door, and I
moved in with somebody else.
435
00:22:10,721 --> 00:22:12,969
I know Gail. She'll
never forgive me for that.
436
00:22:12,993 --> 00:22:14,840
Well, how are you
gonna know that for sure
437
00:22:14,864 --> 00:22:16,511
if you don't get
in touch with her?
438
00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:17,813
I'm not.
439
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:19,652
Aren't you gonna try?
440
00:22:19,676 --> 00:22:21,244
Nope.
441
00:22:23,285 --> 00:22:25,398
Well, you're sure
trying with that machine.
442
00:22:25,423 --> 00:22:28,159
Yeah. And it keeps
coming up lemons too.
443
00:22:31,503 --> 00:22:33,439
( dramatic theme playing )
444
00:22:36,682 --> 00:22:38,628
Do you have a quarter?
I want to play a machine.
445
00:22:38,652 --> 00:22:40,333
Oh, sure.
446
00:22:40,357 --> 00:22:41,402
There you go.
447
00:22:41,426 --> 00:22:43,273
Uh, split the winnings?
448
00:22:43,297 --> 00:22:45,031
Of course.
449
00:22:51,382 --> 00:22:53,061
Oh. I won. Look at
that. ( bell ringing )
450
00:22:53,085 --> 00:22:54,832
That's incredible.
( coins rattling )
451
00:22:54,856 --> 00:22:56,837
( chuckling )
452
00:22:56,861 --> 00:22:59,610
Uh, Gail, I thought we were
gonna split the winnings.
453
00:22:59,634 --> 00:23:01,481
Oh, yeah.
454
00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:02,939
Here's your quarter.
455
00:23:05,448 --> 00:23:07,384
( upbeat theme playing )
456
00:23:11,093 --> 00:23:12,395
( both laughing )
457
00:23:13,699 --> 00:23:15,747
Well, you really get
unbelievable letters.
458
00:23:15,771 --> 00:23:19,589
Oh, uh, they usually are
from normal, everyday people.
459
00:23:19,613 --> 00:23:21,460
You know, with real problems.
460
00:23:21,484 --> 00:23:22,930
There are some exceptions.
461
00:23:22,954 --> 00:23:26,171
Like, this woman wrote
that her husband's secretary
462
00:23:26,195 --> 00:23:29,445
only wears a bra and
little panties to the office.
463
00:23:29,469 --> 00:23:32,084
Like that, he saves money
on the air conditioning.
464
00:23:32,109 --> 00:23:34,322
( laughing )
465
00:23:34,347 --> 00:23:36,462
And what did you advise her?
466
00:23:36,486 --> 00:23:38,600
Well, I told her
to tell her husband
467
00:23:38,624 --> 00:23:41,105
to cool it in the office.
468
00:23:41,129 --> 00:23:42,809
Sorry to be late.
469
00:23:42,833 --> 00:23:43,911
Tell me more.
470
00:23:43,935 --> 00:23:46,251
Well, as the man said,
471
00:23:46,275 --> 00:23:47,920
I got millions of them.
472
00:23:47,944 --> 00:23:49,858
We meet again.
473
00:23:49,882 --> 00:23:52,832
This 40-year-old
spinster read a book titled,
474
00:23:52,856 --> 00:23:54,703
Sex After 70,
475
00:23:54,727 --> 00:23:57,877
and she wanted to know
if she has to wait until then.
476
00:23:57,901 --> 00:23:59,281
( both laugh )
477
00:23:59,305 --> 00:24:01,318
STUBING ( laughs ):
Oh, that's marvelous.
478
00:24:01,342 --> 00:24:03,557
Marvelous.
479
00:24:03,581 --> 00:24:06,631
Well, what would you
like to have for dinner?
480
00:24:06,655 --> 00:24:08,969
Oh. Well, let me see.
481
00:24:08,993 --> 00:24:12,679
I think I'll have a
steak, very rare, please.
482
00:24:12,703 --> 00:24:15,016
Uh, and a salad.
483
00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,389
Oh, dear, my favorite
is chocolate soufflé,
484
00:24:18,414 --> 00:24:19,828
but it isn't on the menu.
485
00:24:19,852 --> 00:24:22,868
Oh. Chocolate soufflé?
486
00:24:22,892 --> 00:24:25,941
Your wish is my command.
Uh, Gopher. Come here, please.
487
00:24:25,965 --> 00:24:27,579
Uh, would you
please tell the chef
488
00:24:27,603 --> 00:24:30,251
that the captain requests a
chocolate soufflé for dessert?
489
00:24:30,275 --> 00:24:31,788
Yes, sir. Oh, captain.
490
00:24:31,812 --> 00:24:33,392
I am most impressed.
491
00:24:33,417 --> 00:24:35,029
It was nothing.
492
00:24:35,053 --> 00:24:37,857
Oh, but it is. You're
a born leader.
493
00:24:38,896 --> 00:24:41,611
Well... Oh, come
on, captain, admit it.
494
00:24:41,635 --> 00:24:44,585
You are the kind of a man
who gets what he wants.
495
00:24:44,609 --> 00:24:47,011
Someone has to be boss.
496
00:24:51,123 --> 00:24:53,159
Chef Borga says no way.
497
00:24:56,102 --> 00:24:59,017
Th... Ahem. There has
been some misunderstanding.
498
00:24:59,041 --> 00:25:00,420
No, I don't think so, sir.
499
00:25:00,444 --> 00:25:02,693
He used a lot of colorful
Italian adjectives and gestures.
500
00:25:02,717 --> 00:25:03,918
Are you familiar with...?
501
00:25:06,391 --> 00:25:07,770
Please excuse me.
502
00:25:07,794 --> 00:25:09,609
Excuse me. Excuse me.
503
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,875
This way, please. Excuse me.
504
00:25:14,076 --> 00:25:16,012
( playful theme playing )
505
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,208
Out, out. Out of my kitchen.
506
00:25:24,232 --> 00:25:26,615
Your kitchen is part of my ship,
507
00:25:26,639 --> 00:25:30,055
and I am requesting a
chocolate soufflé for dessert.
508
00:25:30,079 --> 00:25:33,318
You want requests, go
talk to the bandleader.
509
00:25:34,757 --> 00:25:37,027
I don't have to take this
from a short-order cook.
510
00:25:39,702 --> 00:25:41,782
Short-order cook?
511
00:25:41,806 --> 00:25:43,318
Borga?
512
00:25:43,342 --> 00:25:45,959
I demand an apology. Never.
513
00:25:45,983 --> 00:25:49,500
If I don't have an apology in
writing in my hand by tomorrow,
514
00:25:49,525 --> 00:25:51,872
this is the last dinner
I cook on this ship.
515
00:25:51,896 --> 00:25:53,064
You call this dinner?
516
00:25:54,569 --> 00:25:57,051
Out, or I make mince
meat out of you.
517
00:25:57,075 --> 00:25:59,038
Where would you
steal the recipe?
518
00:26:05,762 --> 00:26:08,978
If I told you once, I told
you a thousand times,
519
00:26:09,002 --> 00:26:10,549
one tomato on each plate.
520
00:26:10,573 --> 00:26:12,018
What's the matter with you.
521
00:26:12,042 --> 00:26:13,722
( all laughing )
522
00:26:13,746 --> 00:26:17,196
My apologies, but the
chef ran out of chocolate.
523
00:26:17,220 --> 00:26:19,235
Oh, well, that's
perfectly all right.
524
00:26:19,259 --> 00:26:21,172
I really don't need
the extra calories,
525
00:26:21,196 --> 00:26:24,714
and Russ doesn't like... Russ?
526
00:26:24,738 --> 00:26:25,740
He left.
527
00:26:26,877 --> 00:26:28,322
He did?
528
00:26:28,346 --> 00:26:30,360
You even said goodbye to
him. Don't you remember?
529
00:26:30,384 --> 00:26:31,864
No. Heh-heh.
530
00:26:31,888 --> 00:26:34,704
You know, when I start
talking about my work,
531
00:26:34,728 --> 00:26:36,341
I'm in another planet.
532
00:26:36,365 --> 00:26:38,312
Like the other
night in New York,
533
00:26:38,336 --> 00:26:41,252
I was signing autographs
after my TV show,
534
00:26:41,276 --> 00:26:44,092
and my mother came
backstage, and I wrote,
535
00:26:44,116 --> 00:26:46,163
"Happiness always to..."
536
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:49,505
Then I asked her, "How
do you spell your name?"
537
00:26:49,529 --> 00:26:51,042
( all laughing )
538
00:26:51,066 --> 00:26:53,815
♪ Ain't misbehavin' ♪
539
00:26:53,839 --> 00:26:56,309
♪ All by myself ♪
540
00:26:57,246 --> 00:26:58,346
( humming )
541
00:27:00,219 --> 00:27:02,155
( melancholy theme playing )
542
00:27:06,267 --> 00:27:09,451
♪ Your cheatin' heart ♪
543
00:27:09,475 --> 00:27:10,909
♪ Will tell on you ♪
544
00:27:19,063 --> 00:27:20,999
( upbeat theme playing )
545
00:27:27,616 --> 00:27:30,833
Now, um, how about a lectern?
You know, for your notes?
546
00:27:30,857 --> 00:27:33,840
Oh, I never use
notes. It's a crutch.
547
00:27:33,864 --> 00:27:35,309
Right.
548
00:27:35,333 --> 00:27:37,816
Well, listen, Mrs. Blanchard,
you just leave everything to me.
549
00:27:37,840 --> 00:27:39,687
I'll have it all set up for
you by this afternoon.
550
00:27:39,711 --> 00:27:41,858
Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.
551
00:27:41,882 --> 00:27:43,183
You bet.
552
00:27:45,624 --> 00:27:47,537
That was Dear Beverly
you were talking to.
553
00:27:47,561 --> 00:27:48,740
Yeah.
554
00:27:48,764 --> 00:27:51,246
I really like her.
555
00:27:51,270 --> 00:27:54,487
Stick around. She
may be available soon.
556
00:27:54,511 --> 00:27:55,791
What's that supposed to mean?
557
00:27:55,815 --> 00:27:58,551
Last night, when I was on deck,
558
00:28:01,292 --> 00:28:04,042
I saw her husband
giving kissing lessons
559
00:28:04,066 --> 00:28:05,814
to one of our lady passengers.
560
00:28:05,838 --> 00:28:07,650
You're kidding. Hm. Hm-hm.
561
00:28:07,674 --> 00:28:09,154
Mm, mm-mm.
562
00:28:09,178 --> 00:28:12,329
And he's a good teacher.
563
00:28:12,353 --> 00:28:14,165
What a rotten creep.
564
00:28:14,189 --> 00:28:15,569
Now, wait a minute.
565
00:28:15,593 --> 00:28:17,941
Wait a minute, Gopher.
It's her own fault.
566
00:28:17,965 --> 00:28:20,480
I mean, she's been so
busy with everybody else,
567
00:28:20,504 --> 00:28:22,418
she's been leaving
him out in the cold.
568
00:28:22,442 --> 00:28:24,456
Oh, gee, that's a shame.
569
00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:25,525
Maybe I ought to tell her.
570
00:28:25,549 --> 00:28:26,694
Butt out.
571
00:28:26,719 --> 00:28:28,698
I mean, it's none
of your business.
572
00:28:28,723 --> 00:28:29,802
Yeah, but if I don't tell her,
573
00:28:29,826 --> 00:28:32,275
her marriage may
go on the rocks.
574
00:28:32,299 --> 00:28:33,844
But, if I do tell her,
575
00:28:33,868 --> 00:28:35,447
her marriage may
go on the rocks.
576
00:28:35,471 --> 00:28:36,684
Maybe I should tell him.
577
00:28:36,708 --> 00:28:38,989
He already knows.
578
00:28:39,013 --> 00:28:41,550
Isaac, I don't know what to do.
579
00:28:43,290 --> 00:28:47,542
Sounds like a problem
for Dear Beverly.
580
00:28:47,566 --> 00:28:50,049
Sounds more like
Dear Beverly's problem.
581
00:28:50,073 --> 00:28:52,007
( quiet theme playing )
582
00:29:12,457 --> 00:29:13,468
Want to sit for a minute?
583
00:29:13,492 --> 00:29:14,759
Oh, yeah.
584
00:29:17,902 --> 00:29:20,084
Ah.
585
00:29:20,108 --> 00:29:21,809
Beautiful day.
586
00:29:24,217 --> 00:29:25,798
Oh.
587
00:29:25,822 --> 00:29:27,456
( sobbing )
588
00:29:31,167 --> 00:29:34,683
Well, I thought it
was a beautiful day.
589
00:29:34,707 --> 00:29:36,655
What's wrong?
590
00:29:36,679 --> 00:29:39,061
My mind's playing tricks on me.
591
00:29:39,085 --> 00:29:40,763
For a moment,
592
00:29:40,787 --> 00:29:43,104
I thought I smelled
Jeff's pipe tobacco,
593
00:29:43,128 --> 00:29:46,011
and then the baby kicked.
594
00:29:46,035 --> 00:29:50,520
Oh, Doc, I'm having
a terrible time.
595
00:29:50,544 --> 00:29:53,393
You see, I want the
baby to know his father,
596
00:29:53,417 --> 00:29:56,434
and he would have if I
hadn't been such a damn fool
597
00:29:56,458 --> 00:29:59,965
and pushed Jeff up into
the arms of another woman.
598
00:30:02,939 --> 00:30:07,325
Gail, I don't have any
more dry shoulders.
599
00:30:07,349 --> 00:30:09,530
You're not solving anything
by telling all this to me.
600
00:30:09,554 --> 00:30:12,002
Tell it to him.
601
00:30:12,026 --> 00:30:14,475
You've got a whole
jackpot's worth of quarters.
602
00:30:14,499 --> 00:30:17,036
Now, why don't you put
some of 'em into a phone.
603
00:30:20,679 --> 00:30:23,151
Maybe I'll hit
the jackpot again.
604
00:30:24,789 --> 00:30:27,071
Thanks, Doc.
605
00:30:27,095 --> 00:30:30,067
Uh, Doc?
606
00:30:38,654 --> 00:30:39,700
( sighs )
607
00:30:39,724 --> 00:30:41,659
( upbeat theme playing )
608
00:30:46,941 --> 00:30:50,926
So remember, live by
the good old golden rule,
609
00:30:50,950 --> 00:30:53,198
and with the price
of gold nowadays...
610
00:30:53,222 --> 00:30:56,071
I mean, it's getting
more valuable every day.
611
00:30:56,095 --> 00:30:57,741
Heh-heh.
612
00:30:57,765 --> 00:31:00,581
Thank you. Thank you very much.
613
00:31:00,605 --> 00:31:03,855
Oh, excuse me. May I
get something to drink.
614
00:31:03,879 --> 00:31:05,994
I... my tummy's
not feeling very well.
615
00:31:06,018 --> 00:31:07,696
It's something I ate,
I guess. Certainly.
616
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:09,068
Thank you.
617
00:31:09,092 --> 00:31:11,039
Uh, any questions?
618
00:31:11,063 --> 00:31:12,575
Yes?
619
00:31:12,599 --> 00:31:15,615
I'm planning to get married
when I graduate next year.
620
00:31:15,639 --> 00:31:18,154
What are some of the most
popular honeymoon places?
621
00:31:18,178 --> 00:31:21,217
Well, with me, it was
blowing in my ear.
622
00:31:22,957 --> 00:31:25,606
But why don't you
ask your travel agent.
623
00:31:25,630 --> 00:31:28,153
I'm sure she has
better suggestions.
624
00:31:29,371 --> 00:31:30,805
Thank you.
625
00:31:35,518 --> 00:31:36,853
Any other questions?
626
00:31:38,058 --> 00:31:39,459
Yes?
627
00:31:40,463 --> 00:31:42,566
Oh, no. Never mind.
628
00:31:44,506 --> 00:31:45,940
Yes, Gopher?
629
00:31:48,281 --> 00:31:51,498
Uh, well, this isn't about me.
630
00:31:51,522 --> 00:31:55,674
( chuckles ): Well,
that's what they all say.
631
00:31:55,698 --> 00:31:56,709
Go on.
632
00:31:56,733 --> 00:31:58,213
( clears throat )
633
00:31:58,237 --> 00:32:02,022
Well, uh, this,
um, friend of mine,
634
00:32:02,046 --> 00:32:06,432
she's very witty and
charming and gorgeous.
635
00:32:06,456 --> 00:32:08,636
Um, but she's so
wrapped up in her job,
636
00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:11,110
that she never pays any
attention to her husband,
637
00:32:11,134 --> 00:32:15,821
and now he's
beginning to wander.
638
00:32:15,845 --> 00:32:18,493
And, uh, I don't
want to hurt my friend,
639
00:32:18,517 --> 00:32:20,231
but how do I tell her?
640
00:32:20,255 --> 00:32:23,138
Oh, well, don't bother.
641
00:32:23,162 --> 00:32:24,774
If she's so insensitive
642
00:32:24,798 --> 00:32:27,448
that she can't give the
time of day to her husband,
643
00:32:27,472 --> 00:32:29,619
then he's right to
give the time of night
644
00:32:29,643 --> 00:32:32,058
to someone else. Heh.
645
00:32:32,082 --> 00:32:34,585
( dramatic theme playing )
646
00:32:38,330 --> 00:32:40,177
Well, ladies and gentlemen,
647
00:32:40,201 --> 00:32:42,916
I think my time
is just about up.
648
00:32:42,940 --> 00:32:45,110
Uh, thank you very much.
649
00:32:51,159 --> 00:32:53,641
Captain, please
write the apology.
650
00:32:53,665 --> 00:32:55,009
I'm telling you, he means it.
651
00:32:55,033 --> 00:32:56,414
He's gonna go out on strike
652
00:32:56,438 --> 00:32:58,084
and take the whole
kitchen staff with him.
653
00:32:58,108 --> 00:32:59,621
It's absurd. He's bluffing.
654
00:32:59,645 --> 00:33:00,890
What if he's not?
655
00:33:00,914 --> 00:33:03,463
Miss McCoy, I have
commanded everything
656
00:33:03,487 --> 00:33:05,400
from destroyer to cruise ship.
657
00:33:05,424 --> 00:33:08,207
I have weathered
typhoon, enemy fire.
658
00:33:08,231 --> 00:33:11,370
Believe me, this isn't
something I can't handle.
659
00:33:19,525 --> 00:33:21,705
Hey, Julie, you done
with that salad yet?
660
00:33:21,729 --> 00:33:23,776
Hey, stop worrying about me
661
00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:26,983
and concentrate on that
inferno you're cooking.
662
00:33:27,007 --> 00:33:28,821
What is that? What do I know?
663
00:33:28,845 --> 00:33:31,209
I'm only cooking it.
I'm not gonna eat it.
664
00:33:34,191 --> 00:33:36,239
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, wait, wait, wait.
665
00:33:36,263 --> 00:33:38,376
Keep your potato peelings
out of my soup, man.
666
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:39,479
Soup?
667
00:33:39,503 --> 00:33:41,283
I thought this was the garbage.
668
00:33:41,307 --> 00:33:43,589
Listen, Doc, can
you help me stir this?
669
00:33:43,613 --> 00:33:45,794
Okay. Just a second.
670
00:33:45,818 --> 00:33:47,598
Okay.
671
00:33:47,622 --> 00:33:50,338
Boy, this soup is really
gonna stick to your ribs.
672
00:33:50,362 --> 00:33:52,108
How are you gonna
get it out of the pot?
673
00:33:52,132 --> 00:33:55,504
Let me taste that. Excuse
me, Mr. Washington, thank you.
674
00:33:59,984 --> 00:34:01,797
Needs ketchup.
675
00:34:01,821 --> 00:34:03,401
Hurry up with those
potatoes, Mr. Smith.
676
00:34:03,425 --> 00:34:05,137
Sir, I've already
peeled half of Idaho.
677
00:34:05,162 --> 00:34:06,140
How many more do you want?
678
00:34:06,165 --> 00:34:07,477
Just peel the
other half of Idaho,
679
00:34:07,501 --> 00:34:08,913
That'll take care of it.
680
00:34:08,937 --> 00:34:11,185
Captain, if anybody needs
anything well done, I've got it.
681
00:34:11,209 --> 00:34:14,058
You can't serve that.
That's burnt to a crisp.
682
00:34:14,082 --> 00:34:17,199
Captain, pork has to be
cooked very, very thoroughly.
683
00:34:17,223 --> 00:34:18,235
That's pork?
684
00:34:18,259 --> 00:34:20,841
That's, uh, filet of sole.
685
00:34:20,865 --> 00:34:22,379
( sighs )
686
00:34:22,403 --> 00:34:25,351
Oh, captain, this
whole thing is stupid.
687
00:34:25,375 --> 00:34:27,489
I... Not that I mind,
688
00:34:27,513 --> 00:34:30,664
but it's not fair to
the passengers.
689
00:34:30,688 --> 00:34:32,768
Please apologize.
690
00:34:32,792 --> 00:34:33,826
Never.
691
00:34:36,067 --> 00:34:38,703
Thank you, Miss
McCoy. Thank you.
692
00:34:45,120 --> 00:34:47,201
Oh.
693
00:34:47,226 --> 00:34:51,834
So, uh, you came to apologize.
694
00:34:54,242 --> 00:34:56,177
Needs ketchup.
695
00:35:01,992 --> 00:35:03,915
Sir, what about
your dinner rolls?
696
00:35:04,765 --> 00:35:05,845
Don't worry.
697
00:35:05,869 --> 00:35:08,506
I'll fry them when I get back.
698
00:35:12,318 --> 00:35:14,029
I'm sorry.
699
00:35:14,053 --> 00:35:16,201
But all you people
don't have to do this
700
00:35:16,225 --> 00:35:18,640
if it wasn't for your
stubborn captain.
701
00:35:18,664 --> 00:35:23,741
All I ask for is an
apology, in writing.
702
00:35:24,945 --> 00:35:26,225
Oh.
703
00:35:26,249 --> 00:35:27,916
Ciao.
704
00:35:29,322 --> 00:35:31,002
How are you at forgery?
705
00:35:31,026 --> 00:35:32,706
Hey, a piece of cake.
706
00:35:32,730 --> 00:35:35,333
Cake. What are we
gonna do about dessert?
707
00:35:38,677 --> 00:35:40,613
( mellow theme playing )
708
00:35:44,557 --> 00:35:48,909
Here you are, Chef Borga,
just what you asked for.
709
00:35:48,933 --> 00:35:51,114
Ah. Ha-ha-ha.
710
00:35:51,138 --> 00:35:53,654
I knew he would apologize.
711
00:35:53,678 --> 00:35:55,558
Stubborn man, that captain,
712
00:35:55,582 --> 00:35:58,431
but at least he knows
when he's been defeated.
713
00:35:58,455 --> 00:36:00,703
Then you will
return to the kitchen?
714
00:36:00,727 --> 00:36:03,209
Of course. Oh.
715
00:36:03,233 --> 00:36:07,240
A maestro's place
is with the orchestra,
716
00:36:08,745 --> 00:36:10,548
not in the audience.
717
00:36:12,622 --> 00:36:16,139
"My sincere apologies,
Antonio Borga."
718
00:36:16,163 --> 00:36:18,578
Ha-ha-ha. Didn't I
tell ya he'd break first?
719
00:36:18,602 --> 00:36:20,782
I knew he'd crumble
once he realized
720
00:36:20,806 --> 00:36:22,743
we could do his job
as well as he could.
721
00:36:36,076 --> 00:36:38,189
Oh, I'm sorry, darling, I
didn't know you were working.
722
00:36:38,213 --> 00:36:40,060
I'll be back later. Oh,
Russ, come in, darling.
723
00:36:40,084 --> 00:36:42,889
This is a special column
I want you to hear.
724
00:36:44,495 --> 00:36:45,628
Uh, sure.
725
00:36:48,270 --> 00:36:50,519
"Dear readers,
726
00:36:50,543 --> 00:36:52,757
"instead of you
writing to me today,
727
00:36:52,781 --> 00:36:55,496
"I am writing
this letter to you.
728
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:58,970
"You won't be hearing from
me for the next two weeks,
729
00:36:58,994 --> 00:37:02,647
"because I'll be going on a
vacation with my husband.
730
00:37:02,671 --> 00:37:04,249
"I don't know where
he's going to take me,
731
00:37:04,273 --> 00:37:07,256
"but I'm sure he'll pick a
spot where the two of us
732
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:11,399
"can be blissfully and
marvelously alone.
733
00:37:11,423 --> 00:37:15,296
"You kept me very
busy for a long time,
734
00:37:16,802 --> 00:37:20,253
"but if I am too busy to spend
some time with my husband,
735
00:37:20,277 --> 00:37:23,126
"I... I might lose him,
736
00:37:23,150 --> 00:37:25,933
"and nothing in the
world would be worth that.
737
00:37:25,957 --> 00:37:32,279
"Not fame, not
fortune, "not anything.
738
00:37:32,303 --> 00:37:36,913
"Yours always, Mrs.
Russell Blanchard."
739
00:37:46,871 --> 00:37:48,606
Am I too late?
740
00:37:52,417 --> 00:37:53,785
( chuckles )
741
00:37:56,293 --> 00:37:58,807
I have a life subscription.
742
00:37:58,831 --> 00:38:00,479
I love you, Bev.
743
00:38:00,503 --> 00:38:02,182
That Peggy, uh, she...
744
00:38:02,206 --> 00:38:04,354
Don't confess. Never confess.
745
00:38:04,378 --> 00:38:05,925
It... It just doesn't
solve anything.
746
00:38:05,949 --> 00:38:07,327
What, is that advice?
747
00:38:07,351 --> 00:38:11,270
Oh, I'm not going to give any
advice for the next two weeks.
748
00:38:11,294 --> 00:38:13,943
Why don't you
write to Dear Abby?
749
00:38:13,967 --> 00:38:15,367
( both laughing )
750
00:38:25,225 --> 00:38:27,162
( upbeat theme playing )
751
00:38:28,901 --> 00:38:30,737
( humming )
752
00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:35,581
( giggles )
753
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:46,084
Ha-ha. Well, I'm glad to see
everything is back to normal,
754
00:38:46,108 --> 00:38:47,252
Chef Borga.
755
00:38:47,276 --> 00:38:50,026
Ah. That makes two
of us, Captain Stubing.
756
00:38:50,050 --> 00:38:52,363
You know, captain,
maybe we should leave.
757
00:38:52,388 --> 00:38:55,037
I'm sure that Chef Borga
has a lot of work to do, and...
758
00:38:55,061 --> 00:38:56,542
In a minute, in a minute.
759
00:38:56,566 --> 00:39:01,051
Antonio, I know that I am not
the easiest man in the world
760
00:39:01,075 --> 00:39:02,219
to deal with.
761
00:39:02,243 --> 00:39:03,290
Heh. That's true.
762
00:39:03,314 --> 00:39:06,263
And I know I pushed
you to your limit.
763
00:39:06,287 --> 00:39:07,733
Ah. But, I want you to know
764
00:39:07,757 --> 00:39:10,106
that I think it was
very big of you
765
00:39:10,130 --> 00:39:11,964
to, uh, apologize.
766
00:39:12,736 --> 00:39:13,803
What?
767
00:39:15,307 --> 00:39:16,888
W-what did he say?
768
00:39:16,912 --> 00:39:20,462
I didn't apologize to you.
You're the one who backed down.
769
00:39:20,486 --> 00:39:22,422
Me? Mm-hm.
770
00:39:30,442 --> 00:39:32,022
I never wrote that.
771
00:39:32,046 --> 00:39:33,191
I never wrote this.
772
00:39:33,215 --> 00:39:34,361
Then who did?
773
00:39:34,385 --> 00:39:35,451
Beats me.
774
00:39:37,258 --> 00:39:39,072
Uh, maybe we'd
better go find out.
775
00:39:39,096 --> 00:39:41,510
Yeah. Captain, you never know,
776
00:39:41,534 --> 00:39:44,072
there might be a forger onboard.
777
00:39:47,347 --> 00:39:49,964
So you never did apologize, eh?
778
00:39:49,988 --> 00:39:52,068
Why should I? I wasn't at fault.
779
00:39:52,092 --> 00:39:53,772
Then what are you
doing in my kitchen?
780
00:39:53,796 --> 00:39:55,911
This is my kitchen.
781
00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:57,613
You work for me.
782
00:39:57,638 --> 00:40:00,476
When will you ever get
that through your head?
783
00:40:05,958 --> 00:40:07,391
( sighs )
784
00:40:08,395 --> 00:40:10,232
All right.
785
00:40:11,771 --> 00:40:13,852
All right.
786
00:40:13,876 --> 00:40:16,124
( clears throat )
787
00:40:16,148 --> 00:40:17,627
( quietly ): I apologize.
788
00:40:17,652 --> 00:40:20,668
( light-hearted theme playing )
789
00:40:20,692 --> 00:40:23,106
Because of my line,
790
00:40:23,130 --> 00:40:26,514
because of my crew,
because of my passengers.
791
00:40:26,538 --> 00:40:29,554
Captain, you are a gentleman.
792
00:40:29,578 --> 00:40:33,697
And because, I happen
to be the only captain afloat
793
00:40:33,721 --> 00:40:35,958
with dishpan hands.
794
00:40:39,869 --> 00:40:41,804
( upbeat theme playing )
795
00:40:48,587 --> 00:40:50,102
Come on, Gail.
796
00:40:50,126 --> 00:40:52,473
You can't give up just
because of one phone call.
797
00:40:52,497 --> 00:40:54,511
It wasn't just one phone call.
798
00:40:54,535 --> 00:40:55,916
It was a lot of phone calls.
799
00:40:55,940 --> 00:40:57,351
Finally, I called his office,
800
00:40:57,375 --> 00:40:58,922
and they said
he'd gone on a trip.
801
00:40:58,946 --> 00:41:00,558
He's probably with her.
802
00:41:00,582 --> 00:41:01,895
Now, wait a minute. Back up.
803
00:41:01,919 --> 00:41:04,534
Look, your husband
is a travel agent, right?
804
00:41:04,558 --> 00:41:06,539
Well, is he or isn't
he? Yes, he is.
805
00:41:06,563 --> 00:41:08,811
All right, he goes
on trips all the time.
806
00:41:08,835 --> 00:41:12,620
And where is it written
that he's with anybody? Hm?
807
00:41:12,644 --> 00:41:14,423
You're right. You're right. Mm.
808
00:41:14,447 --> 00:41:15,761
Why am I such a pessimist?
809
00:41:15,785 --> 00:41:17,530
I'm getting to be a real
pain in the neck to you.
810
00:41:17,554 --> 00:41:18,901
That's all right,
I'm a physician.
811
00:41:18,925 --> 00:41:21,997
I can heal myself.
812
00:41:23,002 --> 00:41:25,282
Cooking is very, very confusing.
813
00:41:25,306 --> 00:41:28,689
But then the captain
finally did apologize.
814
00:41:28,713 --> 00:41:30,327
For real.
815
00:41:30,351 --> 00:41:32,466
I couldn't believe it. Heh.
816
00:41:32,490 --> 00:41:34,569
Well, anyway, that's why I
haven't been around much
817
00:41:34,593 --> 00:41:36,541
all day. Well, that's okay.
818
00:41:36,565 --> 00:41:38,178
It gave me time to think.
819
00:41:38,202 --> 00:41:40,150
You're absolutely right.
820
00:41:40,174 --> 00:41:41,619
I'm gonna get in
touch with Gail,
821
00:41:41,643 --> 00:41:43,257
and tell her that
I love her. Oh!
822
00:41:43,281 --> 00:41:46,098
Because I do love her, and
there's nothing I want more
823
00:41:46,122 --> 00:41:47,233
than to be with her.
824
00:41:47,257 --> 00:41:50,307
Oh, Jeff, I'm so happy for you.
825
00:41:50,331 --> 00:41:52,768
So I told him if he
really expected me to...
826
00:41:54,006 --> 00:41:56,120
Oh, my God. What is it?
827
00:41:56,144 --> 00:41:59,161
Why, that's Jeff,
and that must be her.
828
00:41:59,185 --> 00:42:01,331
That's Julie McCoy,
our cruise director.
829
00:42:01,355 --> 00:42:02,367
Oh.
830
00:42:02,391 --> 00:42:03,636
Oh!
831
00:42:03,660 --> 00:42:05,374
Oh, Doc. What?
832
00:42:05,398 --> 00:42:06,911
I think the baby's coming.
833
00:42:06,935 --> 00:42:08,414
( inaudible )
834
00:42:08,438 --> 00:42:09,885
Okay, put your arm
around my neck.
835
00:42:09,909 --> 00:42:11,622
Everything's gonna be okay.
836
00:42:11,646 --> 00:42:13,560
Jeff, what's wrong?
837
00:42:13,584 --> 00:42:14,996
Gail.
838
00:42:15,020 --> 00:42:16,367
My God, why didn't you tell me?
839
00:42:16,391 --> 00:42:18,203
Would you excuse us,
please? I'm her husband.
840
00:42:18,227 --> 00:42:20,476
In just a little while, you're
gonna be more than a husband,
841
00:42:20,500 --> 00:42:21,778
you're gonna be a father.
842
00:42:21,803 --> 00:42:22,781
Honey, I... I'm scared.
843
00:42:22,806 --> 00:42:24,250
Okay, hold on tight.
844
00:42:24,274 --> 00:42:26,089
I'm gonna pick you up
and carry you to my office.
845
00:42:26,113 --> 00:42:28,494
May I, Doc?
Please. Okay. Gently.
846
00:42:28,518 --> 00:42:30,599
Honey, I love you. I don't
know what happened to us,
847
00:42:30,623 --> 00:42:31,935
but it's not gonna happen again.
848
00:42:31,959 --> 00:42:33,840
Doc, how can I help? Forget it.
849
00:42:33,864 --> 00:42:35,343
I saw you make a salad.
850
00:42:35,367 --> 00:42:36,936
JEFF: Honey.
851
00:42:38,007 --> 00:42:40,221
( Gail panting )
852
00:42:40,245 --> 00:42:42,025
Okay. Bear down.
853
00:42:42,049 --> 00:42:43,195
( Gail gasps )
854
00:42:43,219 --> 00:42:45,098
And I never stopped
thinking about you one minute
855
00:42:45,122 --> 00:42:47,804
the whole time we were apart.
856
00:42:47,828 --> 00:42:49,175
Breathe.
857
00:42:49,199 --> 00:42:50,278
I am.
858
00:42:50,302 --> 00:42:52,270
Not you. Her.
859
00:42:56,851 --> 00:42:58,897
I was too proud
to say I was wrong.
860
00:42:58,921 --> 00:43:01,837
But I'm not too proud now.
861
00:43:01,862 --> 00:43:04,210
Bear down.
862
00:43:04,234 --> 00:43:06,348
( groans )
863
00:43:06,372 --> 00:43:08,619
Jeff, I have so
much to tell you,
864
00:43:08,643 --> 00:43:10,880
but it's gonna
have to... To wait.
865
00:43:16,529 --> 00:43:18,597
( panting )
866
00:43:22,977 --> 00:43:24,991
Julie, Julie, listen:
867
00:43:25,015 --> 00:43:26,896
You sit, I'll pace.
868
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,033
Thanks.
869
00:43:29,057 --> 00:43:31,472
What is taking so long?
870
00:43:31,496 --> 00:43:34,334
Don't ask me, I've
never had any babies.
871
00:43:37,643 --> 00:43:40,081
Well, don't ask me, I've
never had any babies either.
872
00:43:42,655 --> 00:43:44,268
Has Doc ever
delivered a baby before?
873
00:43:44,292 --> 00:43:46,073
Listen, listen.
874
00:43:46,097 --> 00:43:49,313
I've never made soup
for 600 people before
875
00:43:49,337 --> 00:43:52,487
but it turned out great.
876
00:43:52,511 --> 00:43:54,191
I'll be the judge of that.
877
00:43:54,215 --> 00:43:56,029
We have nothing to worry about.
878
00:43:56,053 --> 00:43:58,300
I'm sure Doc is
doing a wonderful job.
879
00:43:58,324 --> 00:43:59,804
Oh, I'm sure he is.
880
00:43:59,828 --> 00:44:01,374
I mean, that's one of the things
881
00:44:01,398 --> 00:44:04,214
that constantly
amazes me about Doc.
882
00:44:04,238 --> 00:44:05,605
That he's really a doctor.
883
00:44:08,246 --> 00:44:11,418
He is, isn't he? I mean,
it's not a nickname just...?
884
00:44:14,595 --> 00:44:19,081
Well, has my new
passenger boarded?
885
00:44:19,105 --> 00:44:20,584
Not yet, sir.
886
00:44:20,608 --> 00:44:21,809
Ah.
887
00:44:23,182 --> 00:44:24,715
Hm.
888
00:44:27,224 --> 00:44:29,372
Well, what's ta...?
889
00:44:29,396 --> 00:44:31,098
What's taking so long?
890
00:44:35,944 --> 00:44:38,180
Has the doc delivered
a baby before?
891
00:44:42,292 --> 00:44:44,829
He really is a doctor, isn't he?
892
00:44:51,479 --> 00:44:52,625
Bear down.
893
00:44:52,649 --> 00:44:54,251
Baby's in a good position.
894
00:44:55,655 --> 00:44:57,637
What's taking so long?
895
00:44:57,661 --> 00:44:59,930
Towel.
896
00:45:01,736 --> 00:45:03,979
Okay, one more time
now, and I think we've got it.
897
00:45:05,378 --> 00:45:08,517
Okay, bear down a little harder.
898
00:45:10,324 --> 00:45:12,893
Here we go, this is it.
899
00:45:15,869 --> 00:45:18,885
Well, hello, Mr. Smith.
900
00:45:18,909 --> 00:45:20,556
( baby crying )
901
00:45:20,580 --> 00:45:22,392
Mr. Smith?
902
00:45:22,416 --> 00:45:24,731
( laughing ): Oh!
Honey, it's a boy!
903
00:45:24,755 --> 00:45:26,492
Oh.
904
00:45:30,936 --> 00:45:32,304
( sighs )
905
00:45:35,882 --> 00:45:38,663
Doc, uh, tell me the truth.
906
00:45:38,687 --> 00:45:40,969
Is this the first baby
you ever delivered?
907
00:45:40,993 --> 00:45:42,573
The first? Come on,
908
00:45:42,597 --> 00:45:45,936
I've been delivering babies
since medical school, 1962.
909
00:45:47,608 --> 00:45:49,522
This is the second.
910
00:45:49,546 --> 00:45:51,960
( chuckles )
911
00:45:51,984 --> 00:45:53,854
( baby crying )
912
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:56,895
( sighs )
913
00:45:59,270 --> 00:46:01,884
He really is a doctor.
914
00:46:01,908 --> 00:46:04,512
( upbeat theme playing )
915
00:46:11,129 --> 00:46:13,110
( upbeat theme playing )
916
00:46:13,134 --> 00:46:15,069
( horn blowing )
917
00:46:29,371 --> 00:46:30,616
Well, hi.
918
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:32,119
Well, hello.
919
00:46:32,144 --> 00:46:35,294
Don't tell me the whole cruise
went by and I never met you.
920
00:46:35,318 --> 00:46:37,566
Well, you're meeting me now.
921
00:46:37,590 --> 00:46:39,627
Better later than never. Uh-huh.
922
00:46:42,467 --> 00:46:44,982
That's the man who was
with the pregnant lady.
923
00:46:45,006 --> 00:46:48,646
And that's the lady you was
with Dear Beverly's husband.
924
00:46:51,020 --> 00:46:52,589
Sex fiend.
925
00:46:55,631 --> 00:46:59,137
Well, gee, now I am sorry
I didn't meet you earlier.
926
00:47:03,316 --> 00:47:05,865
Oh, Gopher, Gopher.
927
00:47:05,889 --> 00:47:09,137
Thank you. Thank you
from the bottom of my heart.
928
00:47:09,161 --> 00:47:11,744
Looks like your advice is
gonna work out for my friend.
929
00:47:11,768 --> 00:47:14,518
Oh, yes, they're going
to live happily ever after.
930
00:47:14,542 --> 00:47:15,786
What's this all about?
931
00:47:15,810 --> 00:47:17,892
Oh, well, I have
these two hamsters,
932
00:47:17,916 --> 00:47:20,096
and they just haven't
been getting along
933
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:21,734
as well as they should.
934
00:47:21,758 --> 00:47:23,539
Mm. Thank you.
935
00:47:23,563 --> 00:47:26,245
There you are, darling.
936
00:47:26,269 --> 00:47:27,313
You see?
937
00:47:27,337 --> 00:47:28,572
Ha, ha. Bye.
938
00:47:30,512 --> 00:47:34,162
Hey, you're a great chef and
you can sail with me anytime.
939
00:47:34,186 --> 00:47:35,164
Oh.
940
00:47:35,188 --> 00:47:36,636
( in Italian )
941
00:47:36,660 --> 00:47:39,642
Thank you. And you
are a fine captain.
942
00:47:39,666 --> 00:47:41,178
Thank you. Thank
you. I want to tell you
943
00:47:41,202 --> 00:47:43,216
that that chocolate
soufflé last night
944
00:47:43,241 --> 00:47:45,388
was the best I've ever tasted.
945
00:47:45,412 --> 00:47:47,092
I thought you would like it.
946
00:47:47,116 --> 00:47:50,133
It's the first time I ever
made it with ketchup.
947
00:47:50,157 --> 00:47:51,602
What?
948
00:47:51,626 --> 00:47:52,973
Just a little joke. Oh.
949
00:47:52,997 --> 00:47:56,147
You see, Chef Borga
has a sense of humor too.
950
00:47:56,171 --> 00:47:57,249
Yes.
951
00:47:57,273 --> 00:47:58,708
Arrivederci.
952
00:48:00,581 --> 00:48:02,427
Goodbye, Merrill.
953
00:48:02,451 --> 00:48:04,722
Ciao, Antonio.
954
00:48:08,732 --> 00:48:10,211
Isn't he beautiful?
955
00:48:10,235 --> 00:48:14,109
Jeff, you're not coming home
because of the baby, are you?
956
00:48:15,582 --> 00:48:17,796
Yes, I am. What?
957
00:48:17,820 --> 00:48:22,172
I'm coming home for you, for us,
958
00:48:22,196 --> 00:48:23,932
especially for me.
959
00:48:26,106 --> 00:48:27,139
I need you, Gail.
960
00:48:31,084 --> 00:48:33,020
( upbeat theme playing )
961
00:48:39,337 --> 00:48:40,382
Bye-bye. Bye.
962
00:48:40,406 --> 00:48:41,917
Bye-bye.
963
00:48:41,941 --> 00:48:44,658
Well, look who's here.
964
00:48:44,682 --> 00:48:46,396
Ah. Oh!
965
00:48:46,420 --> 00:48:48,333
Time to say goodbye.
966
00:48:48,357 --> 00:48:50,137
How can I ever thank you, Doc?
967
00:48:50,161 --> 00:48:51,607
Yeah, thanks, Doc.
968
00:48:51,631 --> 00:48:53,779
I'll send you my
bill in the morning.
969
00:48:53,803 --> 00:48:55,950
Heh. Julie, you're
a good friend,
970
00:48:55,974 --> 00:48:57,688
and a heck of a
marriage counselor.
971
00:48:57,712 --> 00:49:01,296
Well, I'll send you my
bill in the morning too.
972
00:49:01,321 --> 00:49:03,233
Okay, partner, say
goodbye to your Uncle Isaac.
973
00:49:03,257 --> 00:49:05,170
Bye, Cleophus. And
your Uncle Gopher.
974
00:49:05,194 --> 00:49:07,877
Your Uncle Adam,
and your Aunt Julie,
975
00:49:07,901 --> 00:49:09,013
and your Uncle Merrill.
976
00:49:09,037 --> 00:49:11,420
Uh, Uncle Merrill,
sir. ( chuckles )
977
00:49:11,444 --> 00:49:13,658
We'd better get going. We
still gotta go through customs.
978
00:49:13,682 --> 00:49:16,598
And do you have something
to declare. Heh-heh.
979
00:49:16,622 --> 00:49:18,068
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
980
00:49:18,092 --> 00:49:19,572
Bye. Bye.
981
00:49:19,596 --> 00:49:20,597
Bye.
982
00:49:28,015 --> 00:49:30,017
( upbeat theme playing )
68312
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