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1
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:06,177
( Jack Jones' "The
Love Boat" playing )
2
00:00:12,261 --> 00:00:14,131
♪ Love ♪
3
00:00:15,937 --> 00:00:18,975
♪ Exciting and new ♪
4
00:00:19,947 --> 00:00:21,883
♪ Come aboard ♪
5
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:27,742
♪ We're expecting you ♪
6
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:30,302
♪ And love ♪
7
00:00:31,942 --> 00:00:35,994
♪ Life's sweetest reward ♪
8
00:00:36,018 --> 00:00:37,954
♪ Let it flow ♪
9
00:00:39,961 --> 00:00:44,181
♪ It floats back to you ♪
10
00:00:44,205 --> 00:00:47,589
♪ The Love Boat ♪
11
00:00:47,613 --> 00:00:52,566
♪ Soon will be
making Another run ♪
12
00:00:52,591 --> 00:00:55,842
♪ The Love Boat ♪
13
00:00:55,866 --> 00:01:00,352
♪ Promises something
For everyone ♪
14
00:01:00,376 --> 00:01:02,557
♪ Set a course for adventure ♪
15
00:01:02,581 --> 00:01:06,822
♪ Your mind on a new romance ♪
16
00:01:08,663 --> 00:01:12,115
♪ And love ♪
17
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:15,243
♪ Won't hurt anymore ♪
18
00:01:16,347 --> 00:01:20,300
♪ It's an open smile ♪
19
00:01:20,324 --> 00:01:24,644
♪ On a friendly shore ♪
20
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:29,122
♪ It's love ♪
21
00:01:29,146 --> 00:01:34,824
♪ Welcome aboard It's love ♪
22
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,136
( upbeat theme playing )
23
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:00,831
Hello, welcome aboard.
24
00:02:00,855 --> 00:02:02,267
So long, rat race!
25
00:02:02,291 --> 00:02:03,438
And hello, fun.
26
00:02:03,462 --> 00:02:04,540
Welcome aboard, Mister...?
27
00:02:04,564 --> 00:02:05,541
Flanders, Donald M.
28
00:02:05,565 --> 00:02:06,945
What time do the
festivities start?
29
00:02:06,969 --> 00:02:09,017
Well, as soon as we
assign you your cabin.
30
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:10,087
Okay. Let's see.
31
00:02:10,111 --> 00:02:12,626
F-131. Oh, it's a lovely one.
32
00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:14,396
Who cares? I'm never
gonna be in there anyway.
33
00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:15,665
I'm here for sun and fun.
34
00:02:15,689 --> 00:02:17,137
Can I swim now? Absolutely.
35
00:02:17,161 --> 00:02:18,640
That's funny, 'cause
I didn't know how
36
00:02:18,664 --> 00:02:19,811
when I left home this morning.
37
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:21,849
( both laughing )
38
00:02:21,873 --> 00:02:24,087
I'll bet he has a good time
once he comes out of his shell.
39
00:02:24,111 --> 00:02:25,289
Yeah.
40
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,993
Did you guys see a dog
come on board? A dog?
41
00:02:27,017 --> 00:02:28,630
Yeah. Security called.
42
00:02:28,654 --> 00:02:30,268
One of their guard
dogs is missing.
43
00:02:30,292 --> 00:02:31,471
I heard some barking,
44
00:02:31,495 --> 00:02:33,231
but it was only
Captain Stubing. Ooh.
45
00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:36,549
Well, they say his bark
is worse than his bite,
46
00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,552
but I don't know.
47
00:02:37,576 --> 00:02:39,624
He never actually bit me.
48
00:02:39,648 --> 00:02:41,060
Well, he may.
49
00:02:41,085 --> 00:02:43,400
He's extra testy because
his father's coming on board.
50
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:45,571
And I heard that he
makes our sea dog
51
00:02:45,595 --> 00:02:47,276
seem like a pussycat.
52
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,812
Then maybe his Dad'll bite me.
53
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:49,815
( both chuckling )
54
00:02:49,839 --> 00:02:51,219
Uh-oh, battle stations.
55
00:02:51,243 --> 00:02:52,244
Cap.
56
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:54,716
( sighs )
57
00:02:57,123 --> 00:02:59,572
Captain Merrill
Stubing, Sr., reporting.
58
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,276
Welcome aboard, sir.
How do you do, sir?
59
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:02,512
Father!
60
00:03:02,536 --> 00:03:03,849
Oh, I'm sorry I
didn't get a chance
61
00:03:03,873 --> 00:03:06,121
to pipe you aboard, sir.
62
00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:07,557
Glad to have you aboard, sir.
63
00:03:07,581 --> 00:03:08,961
Anything you want, sir.
64
00:03:08,985 --> 00:03:11,768
Yeoman-Purser
Smith, sir. Gopher, sir.
65
00:03:11,793 --> 00:03:13,405
Merrill, are you going
to keep your crew
66
00:03:13,429 --> 00:03:15,343
at this fever pitch
for the entire cruise?
67
00:03:15,367 --> 00:03:17,414
Well, they're only
doing their jobs, sir.
68
00:03:17,438 --> 00:03:19,119
Will you all relax?
69
00:03:19,143 --> 00:03:21,224
I'm not a captain anymore.
70
00:03:21,248 --> 00:03:24,365
I'm just a passenger
here for a little vacation.
71
00:03:24,389 --> 00:03:26,468
( shouting ): Now stow
my gear, ready my cabin,
72
00:03:26,492 --> 00:03:28,909
and I'll meet you in your
quarters at 1300 hours!
73
00:03:28,933 --> 00:03:29,911
( shouts incoherently )
74
00:03:29,935 --> 00:03:30,914
Hey-yahhh!
75
00:03:30,938 --> 00:03:32,017
Yes, sir.
76
00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:34,244
( playful theme playing )
77
00:03:36,483 --> 00:03:37,496
( sighs )
78
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,267
Now you know why
my first two words
79
00:03:39,291 --> 00:03:40,636
were Mommy and:
80
00:03:40,660 --> 00:03:42,496
( shouts incoherently )
81
00:03:44,770 --> 00:03:45,871
( grunts )
82
00:03:48,112 --> 00:03:49,513
( horn blowing )
83
00:03:50,284 --> 00:03:51,296
Toby!
84
00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:52,398
Beth! Oh,
85
00:03:52,422 --> 00:03:53,902
it's so good to see
you! ( laughing )
86
00:03:53,926 --> 00:03:55,940
You look incredible!
Oh, thank you.
87
00:03:55,964 --> 00:03:57,410
And I love your hair.
88
00:03:57,434 --> 00:03:58,847
Ms. Chapman and Ms. Luffner...
89
00:03:58,871 --> 00:04:00,684
Oh, I can't believe...
Promenade Deck, 204.
90
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,355
We used to call you
Tubby Toby in college.
91
00:04:02,379 --> 00:04:04,193
You must have lost 30
pounds since graduation!
92
00:04:04,217 --> 00:04:05,229
No, 35.
93
00:04:05,253 --> 00:04:06,765
But I can't relax for a second.
94
00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:08,636
There are thousands
of hot-fudge sundaes
95
00:04:08,660 --> 00:04:09,773
out there with my name on them.
96
00:04:09,797 --> 00:04:10,943
I'm a banana split man myself.
97
00:04:10,967 --> 00:04:12,046
But as I was saying...
98
00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:13,550
Oh, how did you lose it?
- -that's 204.
99
00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:15,052
Stillman, Atkins,
or liquid protein?
100
00:04:15,076 --> 00:04:16,923
No, it's my own
diet: The Triple D.
101
00:04:16,947 --> 00:04:19,296
Desperation, disgust,
divorce. ( gasps )
102
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,698
You mean, you and Fred?
103
00:04:20,722 --> 00:04:21,769
The marriage is phfftt?
104
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:23,539
Yeah, not only are
Fred and I phfftt,
105
00:04:23,563 --> 00:04:25,244
but Neal and I are:
106
00:04:25,268 --> 00:04:27,549
Neal? Two marriages
in five years?
107
00:04:27,573 --> 00:04:29,121
Toby!
108
00:04:29,145 --> 00:04:30,891
Good old 204 and 205.
109
00:04:30,915 --> 00:04:32,761
Beth! Toby!
110
00:04:32,785 --> 00:04:33,764
Regina! Regina!
111
00:04:33,788 --> 00:04:34,766
( screams )
112
00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:36,136
( cheers )
113
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:37,506
( squealing )
114
00:04:37,530 --> 00:04:40,213
Tubby Toby, what
happened to you?
115
00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:42,218
Two divorces and 35
pounds went just like that.
116
00:04:42,242 --> 00:04:44,223
Oh, this is just like
the good old days.
117
00:04:44,247 --> 00:04:45,492
Whoever thought of this reunion
118
00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:46,494
was a genius.
119
00:04:46,518 --> 00:04:47,697
Oh, yes. Oh, it was your idea.
120
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:48,699
How 'bout that?
121
00:04:48,723 --> 00:04:49,802
Ever tell you about the time
122
00:04:49,826 --> 00:04:50,939
I bit a bowling ball in half?
123
00:04:50,963 --> 00:04:52,442
Oh, we're gonna
have such a great time.
124
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:54,181
Well, what are we waiting for?
125
00:04:54,205 --> 00:04:55,549
Well, we're waiting
for this clown
126
00:04:55,573 --> 00:04:57,509
to give us our rooms.
127
00:05:00,485 --> 00:05:01,786
Now, let's see...
128
00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:05,562
( upbeat theme playing )
129
00:05:08,371 --> 00:05:10,307
( all cheering )
130
00:05:11,713 --> 00:05:13,159
Wait a minute, picture.
131
00:05:13,183 --> 00:05:14,295
Wait a minute.
132
00:05:14,319 --> 00:05:15,664
Look over here.
133
00:05:15,688 --> 00:05:17,090
( shutter clicks ) Thank you.
134
00:05:24,643 --> 00:05:26,578
( horn blowing )
135
00:05:38,543 --> 00:05:41,059
STUBING: Uh, keep it
at 12 knots, Mr. Walters.
136
00:05:41,083 --> 00:05:42,997
And call me when
we're 25 miles out.
137
00:05:43,021 --> 00:05:44,023
Right.
138
00:05:44,792 --> 00:05:46,004
Well, Dad, uh,
139
00:05:46,028 --> 00:05:47,774
what do you think about
the Pacific Princess?
140
00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:48,777
Amazing.
141
00:05:48,801 --> 00:05:50,148
Why, thank you.
142
00:05:50,172 --> 00:05:53,188
Amazing that we've
been at sea 45 minutes,
143
00:05:53,212 --> 00:05:55,994
and you've been on
the bridge exactly four.
144
00:05:56,019 --> 00:05:57,097
Now, look, Dad,
145
00:05:57,121 --> 00:05:59,603
I, uh, happen to
know what I'm doing,
146
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,441
and so does my deputy captain.
147
00:06:01,465 --> 00:06:02,443
As senior officer,
148
00:06:02,467 --> 00:06:04,848
I never trusted
my ship to anyone.
149
00:06:04,872 --> 00:06:07,823
We didn't win the big
war sittin' in our cabins.
150
00:06:07,847 --> 00:06:10,029
We were right there
in the thick of battle.
151
00:06:10,053 --> 00:06:13,703
Well, uh, it just happens
that it's been a long time
152
00:06:13,727 --> 00:06:15,174
since a cruise ship
has been attacked
153
00:06:15,198 --> 00:06:16,610
off the California coast.
154
00:06:16,634 --> 00:06:17,680
( knocking )
155
00:06:17,704 --> 00:06:18,903
Come in.
156
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:22,158
Uh, pardon me, sir.
157
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,561
Could I speak to you a moment?
158
00:06:23,585 --> 00:06:24,563
Alone?
159
00:06:24,587 --> 00:06:25,832
Oh, that's all right.
160
00:06:25,856 --> 00:06:27,939
You can talk to me
in front of my son.
161
00:06:29,399 --> 00:06:31,145
What is it, Mr. Smith?
162
00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:32,749
Well, sir, we're
having a little problem
163
00:06:32,773 --> 00:06:37,761
with the number two E-N-G-I-N-E.
164
00:06:37,785 --> 00:06:41,704
Well, then, let's F-I-X it.
165
00:06:41,728 --> 00:06:43,140
Dad, please.
166
00:06:43,165 --> 00:06:45,980
You don't have to
say "please" to me.
167
00:06:46,004 --> 00:06:47,285
It's a pleasure to help.
168
00:06:47,309 --> 00:06:49,088
What kind of an
engine do you have?
169
00:06:49,112 --> 00:06:50,157
( playful theme playing )
170
00:06:50,181 --> 00:06:51,595
Um, a broken one.
171
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:52,818
( huffs )
172
00:06:54,326 --> 00:06:56,160
( scatting )
173
00:06:59,971 --> 00:07:01,451
( playful theme playing )
174
00:07:01,475 --> 00:07:03,245
( growling )
175
00:07:10,497 --> 00:07:12,077
Well, aren't you
a nice big doggie.
176
00:07:12,101 --> 00:07:13,448
What are you doing on this ship?
177
00:07:13,472 --> 00:07:15,104
( barking )
178
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:17,990
Uh, look, now,
179
00:07:18,014 --> 00:07:19,662
I'm just gonna take
a little swim here.
180
00:07:19,686 --> 00:07:21,233
( barks )
181
00:07:21,257 --> 00:07:22,290
Hey!
182
00:07:26,401 --> 00:07:27,703
( barking )
183
00:07:32,015 --> 00:07:34,398
FLANDERS: Hello out there! Help!
184
00:07:34,422 --> 00:07:36,356
( upbeat theme playing )
185
00:07:38,296 --> 00:07:39,598
( knocking )
186
00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:47,795
Aren't you changed yet?
187
00:07:47,819 --> 00:07:49,097
I was just reading.
188
00:07:49,121 --> 00:07:51,102
Well, don't you professors
get enough of that stuff
189
00:07:51,126 --> 00:07:52,105
in the classroom?
190
00:07:52,129 --> 00:07:53,175
Let's go get some sunshine.
191
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,114
Tennyson is very
good for the soul.
192
00:07:56,138 --> 00:07:57,986
Well, I don't need
something to help my soul,
193
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:00,025
I need something
to help my love life.
194
00:08:00,049 --> 00:08:01,229
Right.
195
00:08:01,253 --> 00:08:03,301
Hey, let's play
Romance Roulette.
196
00:08:03,325 --> 00:08:05,036
Oh, no. No.
197
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:07,343
Oh, that's a great idea!
198
00:08:07,367 --> 00:08:09,481
Ah-ha, we've got a
whole boatload of guys
199
00:08:09,505 --> 00:08:10,717
to play it with. Mm-hm.
200
00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:13,257
Oh, no Romance
Roulette. Come on.
201
00:08:13,281 --> 00:08:15,395
I thought we gave up
that nonsense in college.
202
00:08:15,419 --> 00:08:17,801
Hey, what is wrong
with picking up a guy,
203
00:08:17,825 --> 00:08:20,006
having a little fun and
then dumping him?
204
00:08:20,030 --> 00:08:22,178
Men do it all the time. Mm-hm.
205
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,083
Look, I am not
about to make a play
206
00:08:24,107 --> 00:08:25,353
for some total stranger
207
00:08:25,377 --> 00:08:26,989
just because he
happens to blurt out
208
00:08:27,013 --> 00:08:28,426
some silly word we pick.
209
00:08:28,450 --> 00:08:29,496
We're playing the game,
210
00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:30,765
and that's all there is to it.
211
00:08:30,789 --> 00:08:33,037
And, Regina, you're
wearing one of my suits.
212
00:08:33,061 --> 00:08:34,775
The only guy you
can attract in this thing
213
00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:36,645
is Jacques Cousteau.
214
00:08:36,669 --> 00:08:38,049
See you in the deep end.
215
00:08:38,073 --> 00:08:40,009
( upbeat theme playing )
216
00:08:53,779 --> 00:08:55,022
Then it's settled.
217
00:08:55,046 --> 00:08:56,893
The code word is "screwdriver."
218
00:08:56,917 --> 00:08:58,765
Now, the first three guys
that come up to the bar
219
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:00,002
and ask for a screwdriver
220
00:09:00,026 --> 00:09:01,406
are the ones we
try to pick up, right?
221
00:09:01,430 --> 00:09:03,845
Right. Okay, who leads off?
222
00:09:03,869 --> 00:09:05,080
You two start.
223
00:09:05,104 --> 00:09:07,420
No, no, let's be
democratic about this.
224
00:09:07,444 --> 00:09:09,592
We'll go by age.
You first, Beth.
225
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:10,594
( grunts )
226
00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:12,699
Oh, youngest first.
227
00:09:12,723 --> 00:09:14,135
Ms. Wilson wants a refill.
228
00:09:14,159 --> 00:09:15,238
Orange juice and vodka.
229
00:09:15,262 --> 00:09:17,344
Oh, orange juice and
vodka. That's my man.
230
00:09:17,368 --> 00:09:20,050
No cheating. He has
to say screwdriver.
231
00:09:20,074 --> 00:09:21,075
Okay.
232
00:09:24,117 --> 00:09:26,365
Ooh, that looks delicious.
233
00:09:26,389 --> 00:09:28,235
What is that?
234
00:09:28,259 --> 00:09:31,244
It's, uh... Uh, orange
juice and vodka.
235
00:09:31,268 --> 00:09:35,152
Oh. Well, isn't there
a name for that drink?
236
00:09:35,176 --> 00:09:36,845
Yes, it's, uh...
237
00:09:39,019 --> 00:09:40,902
Can I have a
screwdriver, please?
238
00:09:41,893 --> 00:09:42,871
Of course.
239
00:09:42,895 --> 00:09:44,041
That's what you call it.
240
00:09:44,065 --> 00:09:45,310
A screwdriver.
241
00:09:45,335 --> 00:09:47,772
Now you tell me. Um...
242
00:09:50,347 --> 00:09:53,252
Haven't we met someplace before?
243
00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:56,871
I don't know.
244
00:09:56,895 --> 00:09:58,575
You ever been to Hackensack?
245
00:09:58,599 --> 00:09:59,841
Hackensack?
246
00:10:01,441 --> 00:10:03,355
Well, why don't we sit down,
247
00:10:03,379 --> 00:10:05,325
and we'll talk about it. Heh.
248
00:10:05,350 --> 00:10:06,861
Sir, your drink.
249
00:10:06,885 --> 00:10:08,566
( mutters )
250
00:10:08,590 --> 00:10:11,408
I don't mean to be forward,
but can I pick you up?
251
00:10:11,432 --> 00:10:13,879
Can blue serge pick up lint?
252
00:10:13,903 --> 00:10:15,516
Excuse my friend.
253
00:10:15,540 --> 00:10:17,488
He's not as subtle as I.
254
00:10:17,512 --> 00:10:19,448
Wanna see my cabin? ( giggles )
255
00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:23,636
I'd like a Tom Collins.
256
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,906
Scotch and soda.
257
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,311
And I'll have that drink
with, uh, orange juice.
258
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:31,087
Uh, you know, a...
An orange blossom.
259
00:10:31,111 --> 00:10:33,793
Hey, Frank, you finally
showed up to fix my sink.
260
00:10:33,817 --> 00:10:35,229
I've been busy in
the engine room.
261
00:10:35,254 --> 00:10:36,734
Captain's father was helping me.
262
00:10:36,758 --> 00:10:38,292
Mmm. All right,
let me have a look.
263
00:10:40,099 --> 00:10:42,213
FRANK: Big deal. You
could have fixed this yourself.
264
00:10:42,237 --> 00:10:43,540
Let me have a screwdriver.
265
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:50,467
( chuckles )
266
00:10:50,491 --> 00:10:52,506
Allow me. I'm Regina Parker.
267
00:10:52,530 --> 00:10:55,278
( chuckles )
268
00:10:55,302 --> 00:10:56,803
Thanks.
269
00:11:03,388 --> 00:11:04,956
( growling )
270
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,804
( light-hearted theme playing )
271
00:11:36,801 --> 00:11:37,780
( growls )
272
00:11:37,804 --> 00:11:38,805
( yelps )
273
00:11:41,111 --> 00:11:42,581
( growling )
274
00:11:44,453 --> 00:11:46,601
Okay, but do me
a favor, will ya?
275
00:11:46,625 --> 00:11:48,673
Dial somebody and tell
'em there's a dog in my room.
276
00:11:48,697 --> 00:11:50,032
( barking )
277
00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:59,387
( upbeat theme playing )
278
00:12:06,005 --> 00:12:08,486
Wow, Julie.
279
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:10,124
What a super gown.
280
00:12:10,148 --> 00:12:11,126
Thank you.
281
00:12:11,150 --> 00:12:12,262
You're at the, um,
282
00:12:12,286 --> 00:12:13,767
captain's table
tonight, aren't you?
283
00:12:13,791 --> 00:12:15,168
That's right.
284
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:16,573
Where is Captain Stubing?
285
00:12:16,597 --> 00:12:18,645
Oh, he's probably
hiding from his father.
286
00:12:18,669 --> 00:12:20,683
Unless maybe he's in disguise.
287
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:22,520
Gopher. I'll see you later.
288
00:12:22,545 --> 00:12:23,667
Have a good time.
289
00:12:28,091 --> 00:12:29,303
Captain Stubing. Aah.
290
00:12:29,327 --> 00:12:30,539
Captain Stubing. Gopher.
291
00:12:30,564 --> 00:12:32,110
If you'd have
stayed at the wheel,
292
00:12:32,134 --> 00:12:33,849
we wouldn't be a half
a degree off course.
293
00:12:33,873 --> 00:12:36,286
Dad, that is being
controlled by the computer.
294
00:12:36,310 --> 00:12:37,456
Computer, computer.
295
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:39,093
There's not a computer
made that can match
296
00:12:39,117 --> 00:12:40,230
the human mind.
297
00:12:40,254 --> 00:12:42,936
Do you suppose Columbus
used the computer?
298
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,974
Now, look, I'm not trying
to find the new world.
299
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,310
I just wanna get to Mexico.
300
00:12:46,334 --> 00:12:48,315
Lay you 8-to-5
you don't make it.
301
00:12:48,339 --> 00:12:50,020
( laughs flatly )
302
00:12:50,044 --> 00:12:52,025
Ah, well, good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
303
00:12:52,049 --> 00:12:53,930
I'd like to have
you meet my father,
304
00:12:53,954 --> 00:12:54,931
Captain Stubing, Sr.
305
00:12:54,955 --> 00:12:56,067
How do you do? Good evening.
306
00:12:56,091 --> 00:12:57,303
Nice to see you all. Excuse me.
307
00:12:57,328 --> 00:12:59,041
That's the captain's chair.
308
00:12:59,065 --> 00:13:00,044
Oh?
309
00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:02,917
Dad, I'm the
captain of this ship.
310
00:13:02,941 --> 00:13:05,490
I'm your father everywhere.
311
00:13:05,514 --> 00:13:06,948
( laughs )
312
00:13:07,854 --> 00:13:09,065
( laughing )
313
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,405
You should have
seen him as a little boy.
314
00:13:11,429 --> 00:13:13,944
He had curls down to here.
315
00:13:13,968 --> 00:13:15,547
So, what made you decide
316
00:13:15,571 --> 00:13:17,017
to become a ship's doctor?
317
00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:18,622
I always had a mission in life:
318
00:13:18,646 --> 00:13:21,551
to heal the sick
and tend to the cute.
319
00:13:24,426 --> 00:13:27,208
And two steaks medium rare.
320
00:13:27,232 --> 00:13:30,116
And sour cream and chives
with our baked potatoes.
321
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:33,546
And your best bottle
of cabernet sauvignon.
322
00:13:34,950 --> 00:13:36,686
And an extra breadstick, please.
323
00:13:38,392 --> 00:13:39,995
Here's to you, darling.
324
00:13:44,141 --> 00:13:45,742
Your other hand, Morton.
325
00:13:48,650 --> 00:13:50,932
They're never gonna
believe this at the office.
326
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:51,958
Mm.
327
00:13:53,898 --> 00:13:56,879
Well, yes, part of my job is
organizing social activities,
328
00:13:56,903 --> 00:13:58,684
but I clear everything
with the captain.
329
00:13:58,708 --> 00:13:59,754
( chuckles )
330
00:13:59,778 --> 00:14:01,257
Seems you run a
tight ship, Stubing.
331
00:14:01,281 --> 00:14:03,730
Oh, yes. It's a
demanding job, but, uh...
332
00:14:03,754 --> 00:14:05,199
Well, as president of a bank,
333
00:14:05,223 --> 00:14:07,171
you know that, uh,
there always has to be
334
00:14:07,195 --> 00:14:09,934
just one man who
is the final authority.
335
00:14:12,474 --> 00:14:13,776
Elbows, Merrill.
336
00:14:18,422 --> 00:14:20,003
Ah, here's your Irish coffee.
337
00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:22,875
Oh, thanks, Isaac.
338
00:14:22,899 --> 00:14:24,946
Say, uh, how come
you're not up there
339
00:14:24,970 --> 00:14:26,284
dancing with your friends?
340
00:14:26,308 --> 00:14:29,893
Oh, I... I thought I'd stay
here with Lord Byron.
341
00:14:29,917 --> 00:14:31,162
Ohhh.
342
00:14:31,186 --> 00:14:33,300
I guess I should have
brought two Irish coffees.
343
00:14:33,324 --> 00:14:34,537
( laughs ): Yeah.
344
00:14:34,561 --> 00:14:35,639
( laughs )
345
00:14:35,663 --> 00:14:38,312
Uh, Isaac, you know that plumber
346
00:14:38,336 --> 00:14:39,883
that fixed your sink today?
347
00:14:39,907 --> 00:14:43,024
Uh, Frank, uh... Frank Vallone?
348
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,527
That's him.
349
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,133
How would I, uh,
get in touch with him?
350
00:14:47,157 --> 00:14:48,904
Oh, you're having a
plumbing problem?
351
00:14:48,928 --> 00:14:49,974
Yeah.
352
00:14:49,998 --> 00:14:52,914
Listen, just dial one,
double oh, seven.
353
00:14:52,938 --> 00:14:54,351
He's on duty tonight.
354
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:55,821
Thanks, Isaac.
355
00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:57,346
No problem.
356
00:14:59,487 --> 00:15:00,608
Thank you.
357
00:15:02,996 --> 00:15:03,974
( door closes )
358
00:15:03,998 --> 00:15:05,934
( hopeful theme playing )
359
00:15:15,860 --> 00:15:17,796
( upbeat theme playing )
360
00:15:23,814 --> 00:15:25,191
GOPHER: Good morning, everyone.
361
00:15:25,215 --> 00:15:27,129
This is the start of
another fun-filled day
362
00:15:27,153 --> 00:15:28,933
aboard the Pacific Princess.
363
00:15:28,957 --> 00:15:30,704
We hope you had a restful night.
364
00:15:30,728 --> 00:15:33,277
Breakfast is now being served
in the Coral Dining Room,
365
00:15:33,301 --> 00:15:35,549
and we have a full
schedule of events
366
00:15:35,573 --> 00:15:38,245
planned to make this
an unforgettable cruise.
367
00:15:41,287 --> 00:15:42,466
( sighs )
368
00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:44,793
I'd need a lobotomy
to forget this one.
369
00:15:47,502 --> 00:15:49,439
( light-hearted theme playing )
370
00:16:13,164 --> 00:16:14,498
( growls )
371
00:16:16,471 --> 00:16:17,839
( barking )
372
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:21,876
Just taking a
breath of fresh air.
373
00:16:23,254 --> 00:16:24,234
See you later.
374
00:16:24,258 --> 00:16:25,323
( barking )
375
00:16:26,262 --> 00:16:27,943
( barking )
376
00:16:27,967 --> 00:16:29,300
Get your own phone.
377
00:16:35,349 --> 00:16:36,985
Room service.
378
00:16:39,962 --> 00:16:41,395
( laughing )
379
00:16:46,543 --> 00:16:47,957
Hey, Doc,
380
00:16:47,981 --> 00:16:51,933
that lady Toby sure came
on to you strong yesterday.
381
00:16:51,957 --> 00:16:54,606
Yeah, and I went to sea
to get away from all that.
382
00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:56,843
( groans ) ( chuckles )
383
00:16:56,867 --> 00:16:59,217
Good morning, Captain Stubing.
384
00:16:59,241 --> 00:17:01,054
There won't be any good mornings
385
00:17:01,078 --> 00:17:02,960
until my father
gets off this ship.
386
00:17:02,984 --> 00:17:05,899
The man is driving me crazy.
387
00:17:05,923 --> 00:17:07,570
Now, look, I'm
depending on all of you
388
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,675
to keep him busy
with activities today.
389
00:17:09,699 --> 00:17:11,502
Just get him out of my hair.
390
00:17:13,943 --> 00:17:15,043
Don't say it.
391
00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,100
Merrill, now what
are you doing here?
392
00:17:20,124 --> 00:17:22,038
You can't run a ship
from the Lido Deck.
393
00:17:22,062 --> 00:17:23,408
Uh, yes, well, I was, uh, just
394
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:24,511
on my way to the bridge, sir.
395
00:17:24,535 --> 00:17:26,047
Oh, okay, I'll...
396
00:17:26,071 --> 00:17:30,425
Just my luck to find a young,
handsome Ping-Pong partner.
397
00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,096
Oh, wait, I'm afraid
you don't understand.
398
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,132
I don't... It's all right.
399
00:17:33,156 --> 00:17:35,358
I'll serve. Okay, you ready?
400
00:17:35,461 --> 00:17:36,773
Oh!
401
00:17:36,797 --> 00:17:38,578
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
402
00:17:38,602 --> 00:17:40,883
I need to learn to
keep my eye on the ball.
403
00:17:40,907 --> 00:17:42,620
Are you all right? I'm fine.
404
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:44,893
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm headed for the bridge.
405
00:17:44,916 --> 00:17:46,663
Oh, wait.
406
00:17:46,687 --> 00:17:48,501
How would you like a
free blood-pressure test?
407
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:50,506
There's nothing wrong
with my blood pressure.
408
00:17:50,530 --> 00:17:51,642
Well, how 'bout some juice?
409
00:17:51,666 --> 00:17:52,811
I don't want any juice.
410
00:17:52,835 --> 00:17:53,814
Orange or tomato?
411
00:17:53,838 --> 00:17:54,839
I don't...
412
00:17:56,211 --> 00:17:57,657
I'm awfully sorry.
Let me get that.
413
00:17:57,681 --> 00:17:59,361
Please, please, please. Please.
414
00:17:59,385 --> 00:18:01,433
Does all this attention
have anything to do
415
00:18:01,457 --> 00:18:03,237
with keeping me
away from my son?
416
00:18:03,261 --> 00:18:04,474
Not too subtle, huh?
417
00:18:04,498 --> 00:18:07,179
Well, sometimes to get
an old man's attention,
418
00:18:07,203 --> 00:18:09,752
you gotta hit him
with a two-by-four.
419
00:18:09,776 --> 00:18:11,724
( laughing ): Or a
glass of tomato juice.
420
00:18:11,748 --> 00:18:12,926
Carry on, kids.
421
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:14,564
I got a date with some
sea salt and soap.
422
00:18:14,588 --> 00:18:15,700
Oh, I... I'll get that for you.
423
00:18:15,724 --> 00:18:16,935
It's all right, it's all right.
424
00:18:16,959 --> 00:18:18,440
You have your duties.
425
00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:19,876
I'll find my way around.
426
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:21,981
Anywhere but the
bridge, correct?
427
00:18:22,005 --> 00:18:22,983
That's okay.
428
00:18:23,007 --> 00:18:24,489
I'm sure that my son Merrill
429
00:18:24,513 --> 00:18:26,126
is capable of running us aground
430
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:27,762
without my help.
431
00:18:27,786 --> 00:18:29,221
Zap!
432
00:18:30,393 --> 00:18:31,739
Well, mission accomplished, huh?
433
00:18:31,763 --> 00:18:32,740
Yeah. Yeah.
434
00:18:32,764 --> 00:18:33,744
Hey, you guys!
435
00:18:33,768 --> 00:18:34,911
You guys, I need some help.
436
00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:36,183
A passenger just called and said
437
00:18:36,207 --> 00:18:38,221
he's been trapped
in his cabin all night.
438
00:18:38,245 --> 00:18:39,457
Well, get a locksmith.
439
00:18:39,481 --> 00:18:42,364
It won't work. We
need a dogcatcher.
440
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,389
What?
441
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,006
It's that security guard dog.
442
00:18:46,030 --> 00:18:47,142
He must've sneaked on board.
443
00:18:47,166 --> 00:18:48,511
Well, what are we
gonna do about it?
444
00:18:48,535 --> 00:18:50,984
Dogs aren't allowed on board.
445
00:18:51,008 --> 00:18:52,656
( barking )
446
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,926
( screams )
447
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:56,931
Would you like to tell him
he's not allowed on board?
448
00:18:56,955 --> 00:18:58,077
Mm-mm.
449
00:18:59,027 --> 00:19:00,340
TOBY: Okay, let's hear it.
450
00:19:00,364 --> 00:19:01,710
You weren't at
dinner last night.
451
00:19:01,734 --> 00:19:03,281
We haven't seen you all day.
452
00:19:03,305 --> 00:19:05,753
Now, this plumber of yours
must be pretty hot stuff.
453
00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:06,822
Yeah.
454
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,693
Come on, tell us about
the Prince of Pipes.
455
00:19:08,717 --> 00:19:11,199
There is very
little to tell you.
456
00:19:11,223 --> 00:19:13,070
His name is Frank Vallone,
457
00:19:13,094 --> 00:19:14,675
an ex-Marine from Baltimore.
458
00:19:14,699 --> 00:19:17,949
Oh, he's just my
type: tall, dark, brutal.
459
00:19:17,973 --> 00:19:21,324
Actually, he's not allowed to
mingle with the passengers,
460
00:19:21,348 --> 00:19:22,794
and anyway, he's
been on duty, so I...
461
00:19:22,818 --> 00:19:25,032
Oh, you mean,
nothing's happened?
462
00:19:25,056 --> 00:19:26,203
Well, I told you.
463
00:19:26,227 --> 00:19:27,806
I can't see him
because he's on call.
464
00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:30,846
Oh, he's on call.
Well, I'll call, then.
465
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,384
Oh, no. What are you doing?
466
00:19:32,408 --> 00:19:33,888
If he's a plumber,
let him plumb.
467
00:19:33,912 --> 00:19:35,290
Look, don't worry about me.
468
00:19:35,314 --> 00:19:36,493
I've got Lord Byron.
469
00:19:36,517 --> 00:19:37,730
Byron, oh!
470
00:19:37,754 --> 00:19:39,434
Does Tennyson know
you're cheating on him?
471
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:40,804
We're playing the game, Regina.
472
00:19:40,828 --> 00:19:41,807
And so are you, remember?
473
00:19:41,831 --> 00:19:42,875
Uh, operator?
474
00:19:42,899 --> 00:19:44,380
W-what's the number
for Maintenance?
475
00:19:44,404 --> 00:19:45,770
One, double-oh, seven.
476
00:19:47,444 --> 00:19:49,123
Mm-hm. ( dialing )
477
00:19:49,147 --> 00:19:51,731
Look, you really don't
have to do this, you know.
478
00:19:51,755 --> 00:19:53,277
We know. We know.
479
00:19:55,229 --> 00:19:56,441
Maintenance?
480
00:19:56,465 --> 00:19:59,549
Yes, this is Cabin
206, Promenade Deck.
481
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:02,912
Yeah, I dropped my
ring down the sink.
482
00:20:04,319 --> 00:20:05,497
Thanks.
483
00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:06,899
Oh, it's just like
a romantic novel.
484
00:20:06,923 --> 00:20:08,135
The Wench and the Wrench.
485
00:20:08,159 --> 00:20:09,138
( giggling )
486
00:20:09,162 --> 00:20:10,140
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
487
00:20:10,164 --> 00:20:12,100
( slow upbeat theme playing )
488
00:20:15,309 --> 00:20:17,246
( light-hearted theme playing )
489
00:20:30,848 --> 00:20:32,361
Stop right there, buster.
490
00:20:32,385 --> 00:20:34,299
Galley's off-limits
to passengers.
491
00:20:34,323 --> 00:20:35,467
I beg your pardon?
492
00:20:35,491 --> 00:20:36,738
You heard what I said.
493
00:20:36,762 --> 00:20:38,108
Now get the
barnacles off your hull
494
00:20:38,132 --> 00:20:39,109
and make waves.
495
00:20:39,133 --> 00:20:40,113
Trim your pipes.
496
00:20:40,137 --> 00:20:41,917
You sound like a
beached tugboat.
497
00:20:41,941 --> 00:20:43,053
I have a small mishap,
498
00:20:43,077 --> 00:20:44,691
and I'm looking
for some sea salt
499
00:20:44,715 --> 00:20:45,860
for this stain.
500
00:20:45,884 --> 00:20:47,731
What do you know about sea salt?
501
00:20:47,755 --> 00:20:49,770
My good woman,
there isn't a sailor alive
502
00:20:49,794 --> 00:20:53,210
who don't know that sea
salt is nature's stain remover.
503
00:20:53,234 --> 00:20:55,817
Don't tell me what sailors know.
504
00:20:55,841 --> 00:20:57,487
I've been at sea for 40 years.
505
00:20:57,512 --> 00:20:58,991
Well, in that case,
you should know
506
00:20:59,015 --> 00:21:01,731
how to address a
captain when you see one.
507
00:21:01,755 --> 00:21:04,104
My Captain is
Merrill Stubing, Jr.
508
00:21:04,128 --> 00:21:06,208
And when I see
him, I call him "sir."
509
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,179
Here's your sea salt, buster.
510
00:21:08,203 --> 00:21:10,853
Well, I've never heard
of such insubordination.
511
00:21:10,877 --> 00:21:12,089
Do not be surprised
512
00:21:12,113 --> 00:21:14,395
if this isn't your last voyage.
513
00:21:14,419 --> 00:21:16,767
Ah, blow it out your ear.
514
00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:19,742
They're casting me adrift
after this trip, anyway.
515
00:21:19,766 --> 00:21:22,280
Mandatory retirement.
516
00:21:22,305 --> 00:21:23,450
I know what you mean.
517
00:21:23,474 --> 00:21:26,323
I was recently
piped ashore myself.
518
00:21:26,347 --> 00:21:27,894
How are you handling it?
519
00:21:27,918 --> 00:21:29,632
Miss the sea? Hm.
520
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,403
That's a silly question.
521
00:21:31,427 --> 00:21:33,272
Isn't it something?
522
00:21:33,296 --> 00:21:35,076
They throw us out for fish bait
523
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:36,748
just when we're in our prime.
524
00:21:36,772 --> 00:21:37,884
Yeah.
525
00:21:37,908 --> 00:21:40,256
I don't know what's left for me,
526
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:43,666
( sniffling ): except to go
and be a burden to my kids.
527
00:21:43,690 --> 00:21:44,668
I know what you mean.
528
00:21:44,692 --> 00:21:46,338
( sobbing )
529
00:21:46,362 --> 00:21:48,844
Powerful onions.
530
00:21:48,868 --> 00:21:49,880
Got to me.
531
00:21:49,904 --> 00:21:52,653
Yeah, I understand.
532
00:21:52,677 --> 00:21:55,860
By the way, I'm P.J. Muldoon.
533
00:21:55,884 --> 00:21:57,063
But don't get any fancy ideas
534
00:21:57,087 --> 00:21:58,066
about my p.j.'s.
535
00:21:58,090 --> 00:21:59,068
( laughs )
536
00:21:59,092 --> 00:22:00,740
I'm Merrill Stubing, Sr.
537
00:22:00,764 --> 00:22:03,547
But you can call me Stubby.
538
00:22:03,571 --> 00:22:07,187
Funny, that's just what
I was gonna call you.
539
00:22:07,211 --> 00:22:08,892
( laughs )
540
00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:09,962
P.J.
541
00:22:09,986 --> 00:22:11,599
Stubby.
542
00:22:11,623 --> 00:22:14,406
I'll be darned, he
does have a father.
543
00:22:14,430 --> 00:22:15,631
( laughs )
544
00:22:19,609 --> 00:22:21,790
Uh, are you sure you dropped
your ring down the drain?
545
00:22:21,814 --> 00:22:23,628
Uh, I had the trap off.
546
00:22:23,652 --> 00:22:25,297
I thought I was sure.
547
00:22:25,321 --> 00:22:26,802
I-I mean, this hand was...
548
00:22:26,826 --> 00:22:29,675
Was just as bare
as this... hand.
549
00:22:29,699 --> 00:22:31,513
Oh, well, here's your problem.
550
00:22:31,537 --> 00:22:32,883
You're wearing one of those, uh,
551
00:22:32,907 --> 00:22:34,454
famous Mexican jumping rings.
552
00:22:34,478 --> 00:22:36,312
( laughs )
553
00:22:38,353 --> 00:22:40,502
I-I'm sorry about
the false alarm.
554
00:22:40,526 --> 00:22:41,728
Oh, hey, forget it.
555
00:22:43,031 --> 00:22:45,211
Well, I better shove off.
556
00:22:45,235 --> 00:22:47,585
( tender theme playing )
557
00:22:47,609 --> 00:22:50,291
Hey, Byron. That's good stuff.
558
00:22:50,315 --> 00:22:51,795
You've studied Byron?
559
00:22:51,819 --> 00:22:52,964
Well, a little.
560
00:22:52,988 --> 00:22:55,101
I used to write some stuff too.
561
00:22:55,125 --> 00:22:57,542
But, uh, when you're
scrounging for your daily pasta,
562
00:22:57,567 --> 00:22:59,915
poetry isn't exactly your
main order of business.
563
00:22:59,939 --> 00:23:03,322
I'd love to read
it. Your poetry.
564
00:23:03,346 --> 00:23:04,560
Oh, come on.
565
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:06,363
No, Frank. I-I'm a...
566
00:23:06,387 --> 00:23:07,767
I'm a college professor.
567
00:23:07,791 --> 00:23:09,838
English literature
is my specialty.
568
00:23:09,862 --> 00:23:12,378
I... I would love to
read your poetry.
569
00:23:12,402 --> 00:23:13,615
Please?
570
00:23:13,639 --> 00:23:18,158
Well, I knock off about 10:00,
571
00:23:18,182 --> 00:23:20,497
and, uh, once in a
while I go up on deck
572
00:23:20,521 --> 00:23:21,868
to get some fresh air.
573
00:23:21,892 --> 00:23:26,199
Well, maybe I'll meet
you up there sometime.
574
00:23:27,003 --> 00:23:28,125
Yeah, sometime.
575
00:23:29,408 --> 00:23:31,532
Who knows? It's a big ship.
576
00:23:32,717 --> 00:23:34,018
But it's a small world.
577
00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:37,627
Bye.
578
00:23:52,866 --> 00:23:54,211
Don't worry, Mr. Flanders.
579
00:23:54,235 --> 00:23:55,682
We'll have you out
of there in no time.
580
00:23:55,706 --> 00:23:56,984
FLANDERS: Yeah, well, hurry up!
581
00:23:57,008 --> 00:23:58,287
I'm starving to death here!
582
00:23:58,311 --> 00:24:00,693
Listen, while the dog's
busy eating the meat,
583
00:24:00,717 --> 00:24:02,197
you make a dash for the door.
584
00:24:02,221 --> 00:24:04,202
FLANDERS: Okay, okay.
585
00:24:04,226 --> 00:24:05,226
( clears throat )
586
00:24:08,603 --> 00:24:10,316
( growling )
587
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:12,276
( frenzied theme playing )
588
00:24:17,123 --> 00:24:18,224
( shouts )
589
00:24:21,199 --> 00:24:22,813
( groans )
590
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:24,183
Ohhhh!
591
00:24:24,207 --> 00:24:26,154
Mr. Flanders,
we'll be right back!
592
00:24:26,178 --> 00:24:27,814
We're just gonna
get him some dessert!
593
00:24:33,697 --> 00:24:35,632
( upbeat theme playing )
594
00:24:50,403 --> 00:24:51,404
Gin.
595
00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:54,824
Got you on a double schneid.
596
00:24:54,848 --> 00:24:57,562
That's $25,000 I owe you.
597
00:24:57,586 --> 00:24:59,400
I love gin.
598
00:24:59,424 --> 00:25:00,937
Me too. Ha.
599
00:25:00,961 --> 00:25:02,274
Would you like another?
600
00:25:02,298 --> 00:25:03,678
One's enough.
601
00:25:03,702 --> 00:25:05,749
It's time for you to
haul it out of my galley.
602
00:25:05,773 --> 00:25:07,185
I got spuds to peel.
603
00:25:07,209 --> 00:25:09,524
Don't you have two peelers? Huh?
604
00:25:09,548 --> 00:25:12,131
Look, I should know
how to peel potatoes.
605
00:25:12,155 --> 00:25:13,958
I've commanded entire ships.
606
00:25:16,264 --> 00:25:17,543
Thank you, madam.
607
00:25:17,567 --> 00:25:19,503
( upbeat theme playing )
608
00:25:22,212 --> 00:25:24,295
( band playing romantic
music inside ship )
609
00:25:37,448 --> 00:25:38,762
Frank.
610
00:25:38,786 --> 00:25:39,920
Hi.
611
00:25:43,799 --> 00:25:46,380
I was hoping you'd
be here tonight.
612
00:25:46,404 --> 00:25:49,353
I was hoping you'd be hoping.
613
00:25:49,377 --> 00:25:52,094
Did you bring one of your poems?
614
00:25:52,118 --> 00:25:55,467
I might have one here somewhere.
615
00:25:55,491 --> 00:25:57,996
Cough it up or I'll
have to frisk you.
616
00:25:59,468 --> 00:26:00,636
I found it.
617
00:26:04,581 --> 00:26:05,949
Uh...
618
00:26:06,853 --> 00:26:07,898
You don't wanna hear this.
619
00:26:07,922 --> 00:26:10,037
Oh, I do. I do, really.
620
00:26:10,061 --> 00:26:11,462
Uh-huh?
621
00:26:13,837 --> 00:26:15,851
By day I wrestle steel
622
00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:18,758
And engines purr
Beneath my deft wrenches
623
00:26:18,782 --> 00:26:23,201
But men are fools At
night I wrestle words
624
00:26:23,225 --> 00:26:26,342
Trying to say "I love you"
625
00:26:26,366 --> 00:26:30,953
With unfamiliar
tools That's it. It's...
626
00:26:30,977 --> 00:26:32,219
It's rotten, right?
627
00:26:32,915 --> 00:26:34,862
It's beautiful.
628
00:26:34,886 --> 00:26:36,155
May I keep it?
629
00:26:37,626 --> 00:26:38,749
Yeah, sure.
630
00:26:39,866 --> 00:26:41,244
Uh, but not for free.
631
00:26:41,268 --> 00:26:43,282
A poet has to get paid,
or he isn't a legit poet.
632
00:26:43,306 --> 00:26:45,120
( band finishes playing
song, crowd applauds )
633
00:26:45,144 --> 00:26:48,429
Name your price.
It's yours for, uh...
634
00:26:48,453 --> 00:26:51,368
For a dance.
635
00:26:51,392 --> 00:26:54,109
What'll we do for music?
636
00:26:54,133 --> 00:26:55,413
Make our own music.
637
00:27:06,729 --> 00:27:08,665
( romantic jazz theme playing )
638
00:27:18,859 --> 00:27:21,742
One, two, three.
Turn, two, three.
639
00:27:21,766 --> 00:27:24,549
One, two, three.
Turn, two, three.
640
00:27:24,573 --> 00:27:26,921
Oh, Morton, I love
the way you dance.
641
00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:29,193
Where did you learn
to move that way?
642
00:27:29,217 --> 00:27:30,430
At the Y.
643
00:27:30,454 --> 00:27:32,468
Oh, kiss me. Kiss me.
644
00:27:32,492 --> 00:27:34,105
I can't wait another minute.
645
00:27:34,129 --> 00:27:36,777
I can't believe this
is happening to me.
646
00:27:36,801 --> 00:27:37,981
Kiss me, Morton.
647
00:27:38,005 --> 00:27:39,286
I'll be right with you.
648
00:27:42,015 --> 00:27:43,016
Uh...
649
00:27:45,924 --> 00:27:46,902
What...?
650
00:27:46,926 --> 00:27:48,094
Oh.
651
00:27:52,006 --> 00:27:53,808
( both sigh )
652
00:27:56,482 --> 00:27:58,429
Wasn't that a wonderful movie?
653
00:27:58,453 --> 00:27:59,565
I don't know.
654
00:27:59,589 --> 00:28:01,070
It was a little too
mushy for my taste.
655
00:28:01,094 --> 00:28:02,974
People don't just
fall in love like that
656
00:28:02,998 --> 00:28:04,278
in one day.
657
00:28:04,302 --> 00:28:06,871
Yeah, you're right.
658
00:28:09,814 --> 00:28:11,750
( upbeat theme playing )
659
00:28:29,027 --> 00:28:30,695
Penny for your thoughts.
660
00:28:34,940 --> 00:28:37,089
A dollar.
661
00:28:37,113 --> 00:28:39,661
I was just thinking...
662
00:28:39,685 --> 00:28:42,502
It's amazing how things happen.
663
00:28:42,526 --> 00:28:47,012
If... If I hadn't been
fixing Isaac's sink,
664
00:28:47,036 --> 00:28:49,685
and you hadn't handed
me a screwdriver,
665
00:28:49,710 --> 00:28:50,989
we would never have met.
666
00:28:51,013 --> 00:28:52,626
( chuckles )
667
00:28:52,650 --> 00:28:54,031
Fate.
668
00:28:54,055 --> 00:28:56,937
I haven't had a crush
on a teacher in years.
669
00:28:56,961 --> 00:29:00,211
Oh, I bet you say that
to all the passengers.
670
00:29:00,235 --> 00:29:01,949
I have been on this
ship for seven years,
671
00:29:01,973 --> 00:29:06,125
and this is the
first time I've ever...
672
00:29:06,149 --> 00:29:07,483
met a passenger.
673
00:29:08,922 --> 00:29:10,858
( romantic theme playing )
674
00:29:12,231 --> 00:29:15,815
I, uh, should be getting
back to my cabin.
675
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:18,810
Yeah, and I should get to work.
676
00:29:24,660 --> 00:29:27,109
Oh, the hell with my work.
677
00:29:27,133 --> 00:29:28,601
Oh, the hell with my cabin.
678
00:29:31,476 --> 00:29:33,124
Okay, believe me,
this is gonna work.
679
00:29:33,148 --> 00:29:34,760
There's enough
tranquilizer in here
680
00:29:34,784 --> 00:29:36,198
to put an elephant to sleep.
681
00:29:36,222 --> 00:29:37,566
Now, it's not gonna hurt him,
682
00:29:37,590 --> 00:29:39,038
but it'll put him out like:
683
00:29:39,062 --> 00:29:40,341
( snaps )
684
00:29:40,365 --> 00:29:42,649
Well, if it works, I'll
try it on my father.
685
00:29:48,384 --> 00:29:50,286
GOPHER: This should
do it, Mr. Flanders.
686
00:29:58,040 --> 00:30:00,389
( light-hearted theme playing )
687
00:30:00,413 --> 00:30:01,458
Room service.
688
00:30:01,482 --> 00:30:02,683
( dog growls )
689
00:30:04,456 --> 00:30:05,735
Did he eat it yet?
690
00:30:05,759 --> 00:30:06,937
I can't tell.
691
00:30:06,961 --> 00:30:08,808
It's the best chopped
sirloin on board.
692
00:30:08,832 --> 00:30:10,079
He'll eat it.
693
00:30:10,103 --> 00:30:12,506
Thanks a lot, guys!
That was delicious.
694
00:30:14,947 --> 00:30:17,151
( whispers ):
Flanders is eating it.
695
00:30:18,389 --> 00:30:20,525
( sighs )
696
00:30:26,976 --> 00:30:28,110
( moans )
697
00:30:44,685 --> 00:30:48,170
Well, you look shipshape today.
698
00:30:48,194 --> 00:30:49,873
I know, I'm shaped like a ship.
699
00:30:49,897 --> 00:30:51,043
Oh, come on.
700
00:30:51,067 --> 00:30:53,750
You're a very
attractive woman, P.J.
701
00:30:53,774 --> 00:30:55,887
You better see Doc and
get your eyes checked.
702
00:30:55,911 --> 00:30:56,889
( laughs )
703
00:30:56,913 --> 00:30:58,160
You just don't know how to take
704
00:30:58,184 --> 00:30:59,163
a compliment, do you?
705
00:30:59,187 --> 00:31:01,435
Yes, I do. Try me.
706
00:31:01,459 --> 00:31:05,009
Well, I like your,
uh... My what?
707
00:31:05,033 --> 00:31:06,948
You didn't let me finish.
708
00:31:06,972 --> 00:31:09,321
Was it that hard for
you to think of something
709
00:31:09,345 --> 00:31:10,347
nice to say?
710
00:31:12,084 --> 00:31:13,731
I like your hairdo.
711
00:31:13,756 --> 00:31:16,070
That shows how little you know.
712
00:31:16,094 --> 00:31:18,108
The sea air makes
my hair frizzy.
713
00:31:18,133 --> 00:31:20,247
You're impossible.
714
00:31:20,271 --> 00:31:21,649
So are you.
715
00:31:21,673 --> 00:31:23,676
Hi, sir. Hi.
716
00:31:24,813 --> 00:31:25,960
Hi, P.J.
717
00:31:25,984 --> 00:31:27,095
Hi, Gopher.
718
00:31:27,119 --> 00:31:28,633
You sure look nice today.
719
00:31:28,657 --> 00:31:30,471
Thank you.
720
00:31:30,495 --> 00:31:32,843
Mmm, my favorite.
721
00:31:32,867 --> 00:31:34,215
Oh, yeah?
722
00:31:34,239 --> 00:31:35,239
Carry on.
723
00:31:36,376 --> 00:31:37,421
Hm-hm.
724
00:31:37,445 --> 00:31:39,225
Now, you see how easy it was
725
00:31:39,249 --> 00:31:40,629
to take a compliment?
726
00:31:40,653 --> 00:31:42,600
It's different coming from him.
727
00:31:42,624 --> 00:31:43,770
Why?
728
00:31:43,794 --> 00:31:45,406
'Cause it doesn't
matter as much.
729
00:31:45,430 --> 00:31:46,712
I didn't hear you.
730
00:31:47,501 --> 00:31:49,482
You going deaf, you old buzzard?
731
00:31:49,506 --> 00:31:50,886
I said, it doesn't
matter as much
732
00:31:50,910 --> 00:31:52,156
coming from him!
733
00:31:52,181 --> 00:31:54,652
You mean it matters
more from me?
734
00:31:56,690 --> 00:31:58,372
Mm, I didn't say that.
735
00:31:58,396 --> 00:32:00,610
That's the nicest thing
you ever didn't say.
736
00:32:00,634 --> 00:32:01,802
( laughs )
737
00:32:02,406 --> 00:32:03,584
( chuckles )
738
00:32:03,608 --> 00:32:04,974
Well...
739
00:32:07,283 --> 00:32:08,262
( knocking )
740
00:32:08,286 --> 00:32:09,999
STUBING: Eh... Uh, enter.
741
00:32:10,023 --> 00:32:11,636
Mm-hm.
742
00:32:11,660 --> 00:32:12,662
Sí.
743
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:15,100
Sí.
744
00:32:16,506 --> 00:32:19,488
Uh, muchas gracias. Adios.
745
00:32:19,512 --> 00:32:20,925
Yes?
746
00:32:20,949 --> 00:32:23,531
Sir, Mr. Flanders isn't
answering his phone.
747
00:32:23,555 --> 00:32:25,034
I think he's still sleeping.
748
00:32:25,058 --> 00:32:27,307
He's gonna be hopping
mad when he wakes up
749
00:32:27,331 --> 00:32:28,510
and we've run out of ideas
750
00:32:28,534 --> 00:32:30,482
about how to get that
dog out of his cabin.
751
00:32:30,506 --> 00:32:33,422
Well, I just spoke to
the SPCA in Mazatlán.
752
00:32:33,446 --> 00:32:35,025
They're coming aboard
tomorrow morning
753
00:32:35,049 --> 00:32:36,162
with a tranquilizer gun.
754
00:32:36,186 --> 00:32:38,099
Well, they better
have two shots.
755
00:32:38,123 --> 00:32:41,408
One for the dog and
one for Mr. Flanders.
756
00:32:41,432 --> 00:32:43,346
Sir, I'm really sorry.
757
00:32:43,370 --> 00:32:45,182
It's not your fault.
758
00:32:45,206 --> 00:32:46,520
Besides, you're
doing a great job
759
00:32:46,544 --> 00:32:47,823
of keeping my father busy.
760
00:32:47,847 --> 00:32:50,297
Oh, that wasn't
difficult. See, he's, uh...
761
00:32:50,321 --> 00:32:51,933
I don't need to
know the details.
762
00:32:51,957 --> 00:32:53,570
I'm just very pleased
763
00:32:53,594 --> 00:32:56,377
that you've got him
doing something that, well,
764
00:32:56,401 --> 00:32:58,014
gives me some peace and quiet.
765
00:32:58,038 --> 00:33:00,921
Well, it's not
exactly something.
766
00:33:00,945 --> 00:33:03,862
It's more like someone.
767
00:33:03,886 --> 00:33:05,731
Oh. You mean, he's, uh,
768
00:33:05,755 --> 00:33:08,205
found some nice elderly cronies?
769
00:33:08,229 --> 00:33:11,313
Well, it's only one crony,
770
00:33:11,337 --> 00:33:13,507
and actually, sir, it's a lady.
771
00:33:14,445 --> 00:33:17,092
Miss McCoy!
772
00:33:17,116 --> 00:33:19,265
It's a stroke of genius!
773
00:33:19,289 --> 00:33:21,169
Well, it wasn't
anything I arranged.
774
00:33:21,193 --> 00:33:23,542
They, uh, found each other.
775
00:33:23,566 --> 00:33:24,778
They did? Mm-hm.
776
00:33:24,801 --> 00:33:26,549
And I understand he's
inviting her to dinner
777
00:33:26,573 --> 00:33:28,019
at your table
tonight. ( laughs )
778
00:33:28,043 --> 00:33:30,393
Wouldn't it be wonderful
if something permanent
779
00:33:30,417 --> 00:33:31,896
came out of all this?
780
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,198
Dismissed.
781
00:33:33,222 --> 00:33:34,502
Yes, sir.
782
00:33:34,526 --> 00:33:36,461
( upbeat theme playing )
783
00:33:43,815 --> 00:33:45,749
( upbeat theme playing )
784
00:33:47,390 --> 00:33:49,325
( crowd chattering
indistinctly )
785
00:33:52,803 --> 00:33:54,550
Do you realize,
between the two of us,
786
00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:56,354
we've been married six times?
787
00:33:56,378 --> 00:33:57,790
We'll just have to keep doing it
788
00:33:57,815 --> 00:33:59,096
till we get it right.
789
00:34:04,398 --> 00:34:05,708
Mmm.
790
00:34:05,732 --> 00:34:08,383
Well, how do I look?
791
00:34:08,407 --> 00:34:09,485
Fine, sir.
792
00:34:09,509 --> 00:34:11,322
Your usual captainy self.
793
00:34:11,346 --> 00:34:12,326
Heh, heh. Why?
794
00:34:12,350 --> 00:34:13,562
Why?
795
00:34:13,586 --> 00:34:15,298
( sighing ): Well, I
just wanna make sure
796
00:34:15,322 --> 00:34:16,502
that everything is right
797
00:34:16,526 --> 00:34:19,142
for my father and his lady.
798
00:34:19,166 --> 00:34:20,645
Well, from what I hear,
799
00:34:20,669 --> 00:34:22,484
they only have
eyes for each other.
800
00:34:22,508 --> 00:34:25,557
Don't worry, they'll
never even notice us.
801
00:34:25,581 --> 00:34:27,997
Well, just in
case they do, uh...
802
00:34:28,021 --> 00:34:31,137
elbows, Miss McCoy.
803
00:34:31,161 --> 00:34:32,430
Yes, sir.
804
00:34:34,169 --> 00:34:36,315
I've never eaten in
the dining room before.
805
00:34:36,339 --> 00:34:37,920
Is it squared with
Captain Stubing?
806
00:34:37,944 --> 00:34:39,156
P.J., my girl,
807
00:34:39,180 --> 00:34:41,361
I'm proud to have
you sailing in my fleet.
808
00:34:41,385 --> 00:34:42,999
If that son of mine
opens his yap,
809
00:34:43,023 --> 00:34:45,537
I'll set him adrift
in a lifeboat.
810
00:34:45,561 --> 00:34:46,675
Ladies and gentlemen.
811
00:34:46,699 --> 00:34:47,944
Good evening, one and all.
812
00:34:47,968 --> 00:34:51,519
I have the honor of
presenting Mrs. P.J. Muldoon.
813
00:34:51,543 --> 00:34:53,390
P.J. Muldoon?
814
00:34:53,414 --> 00:34:55,127
Get out the lifeboat.
815
00:34:55,151 --> 00:34:56,699
Howdy, all.
816
00:34:56,723 --> 00:34:58,135
How you doing, captain?
817
00:34:58,159 --> 00:34:59,706
Oh, just, uh... Just swell.
818
00:34:59,730 --> 00:35:00,709
Come, dear.
819
00:35:00,733 --> 00:35:02,112
Sit on the captain's right
820
00:35:02,136 --> 00:35:03,180
where you belong.
821
00:35:03,204 --> 00:35:04,417
That's nice.
822
00:35:04,441 --> 00:35:05,418
She's a lot of fun.
823
00:35:05,442 --> 00:35:07,323
Just listen to
everything she says.
824
00:35:07,347 --> 00:35:08,326
Hi, y'all.
825
00:35:08,350 --> 00:35:10,064
Forgive my surprise, Dad,
826
00:35:10,088 --> 00:35:12,604
but I'm used to seeing
Mrs. Muldoon below deck.
827
00:35:12,628 --> 00:35:14,074
Are you, indeed?
828
00:35:14,098 --> 00:35:18,038
The kitchen help do not
eat in the dining room.
829
00:35:20,446 --> 00:35:22,595
Very well, captain.
830
00:35:22,619 --> 00:35:24,633
Come, my dear, we
can dine in my cabin.
831
00:35:24,657 --> 00:35:26,335
It's small, but
it's not as stuffy
832
00:35:26,359 --> 00:35:27,338
as it is in here.
833
00:35:27,362 --> 00:35:28,407
Come, dear.
834
00:35:28,431 --> 00:35:29,800
Dad...
835
00:35:32,509 --> 00:35:33,643
( sighs )
836
00:35:36,751 --> 00:35:38,131
Captain, are you all right?
837
00:35:38,155 --> 00:35:40,437
Hm? Oh.
838
00:35:40,461 --> 00:35:43,365
Yes, I'm just,
uh... I'm just fine.
839
00:35:47,577 --> 00:35:51,964
Well, tomorrow
Mazatlán, and then home.
840
00:35:51,988 --> 00:35:53,735
Pretty soon it'll be
time to give the old
841
00:35:53,759 --> 00:35:54,871
"it was great fun,
842
00:35:54,895 --> 00:35:58,446
but it was just one of
those things" speech.
843
00:35:58,470 --> 00:36:00,652
Goodbye, Doc.
844
00:36:00,676 --> 00:36:03,458
So long, Morton. Mmm.
845
00:36:03,482 --> 00:36:06,098
You know, for someone who
did not wanna get involved
846
00:36:06,122 --> 00:36:08,671
in our little game of
Romance Roulette,
847
00:36:08,695 --> 00:36:11,310
Regina certainly did get
into the swing of things.
848
00:36:11,334 --> 00:36:14,452
Yeah, I hope she finds a
way to dump the plumber
849
00:36:14,476 --> 00:36:16,890
without breaking his
heart, or his wrench,
850
00:36:16,914 --> 00:36:18,828
or whatever you
break on a plumber.
851
00:36:18,852 --> 00:36:20,466
No, Regina's got class.
852
00:36:20,490 --> 00:36:22,939
She'll find a nice, literate
way to say goodbye.
853
00:36:22,963 --> 00:36:26,413
Like, "Beat it, buster."
854
00:36:26,437 --> 00:36:27,719
Let's go.
855
00:36:29,612 --> 00:36:31,547
( melancholy theme playing )
856
00:36:54,972 --> 00:36:56,451
I'm sorry I'm late.
857
00:36:56,475 --> 00:36:57,453
That's okay.
858
00:36:57,477 --> 00:37:00,461
I just wanted to
say see you around.
859
00:37:00,485 --> 00:37:02,133
What's wrong? Nothing.
860
00:37:02,157 --> 00:37:03,636
We both had the perfect cruise.
861
00:37:03,660 --> 00:37:06,843
Fun-filled nights,
et cetera, et cetera.
862
00:37:06,867 --> 00:37:08,380
But enough's enough.
863
00:37:08,404 --> 00:37:10,419
Frank, what's the matter?
864
00:37:10,443 --> 00:37:12,090
Let me put it in a poem:
865
00:37:12,114 --> 00:37:15,196
Fun is fun But now it's done
866
00:37:15,220 --> 00:37:17,623
Stick that in your scrapbook.
867
00:37:27,116 --> 00:37:28,398
( knocking on door )
868
00:37:30,792 --> 00:37:32,728
( gentle theme playing )
869
00:37:34,167 --> 00:37:35,211
Hello, Father.
870
00:37:35,235 --> 00:37:37,851
Well, Merrill, what an
unexpected bummer.
871
00:37:37,875 --> 00:37:38,877
Come in.
872
00:37:40,749 --> 00:37:43,564
I came to apologize.
873
00:37:43,588 --> 00:37:45,568
I'm afraid I, uh, overreacted
874
00:37:45,592 --> 00:37:48,844
when you brought
your friend to my table.
875
00:37:48,868 --> 00:37:50,415
I'm sorry.
876
00:37:50,439 --> 00:37:52,053
Accepted.
877
00:37:52,077 --> 00:37:54,726
But Dad, with a whole
shipload of passengers,
878
00:37:54,750 --> 00:37:56,262
couldn't you have
picked somebody...
879
00:37:56,286 --> 00:37:57,498
More suitable?
880
00:37:57,522 --> 00:37:59,569
Well... Suitable for whom?
881
00:37:59,593 --> 00:38:00,639
I didn't go looking
882
00:38:00,663 --> 00:38:02,377
for someone to
fit into your life.
883
00:38:02,401 --> 00:38:04,717
I was looking for
someone to fit into mine.
884
00:38:04,741 --> 00:38:06,821
Now, look, I know you're lonely,
885
00:38:06,845 --> 00:38:08,926
but a cruise ship
is a funny place.
886
00:38:08,950 --> 00:38:10,329
People fall in love every night,
887
00:38:10,353 --> 00:38:11,698
and then when
they get off the ship:
888
00:38:11,723 --> 00:38:12,701
( snaps )
889
00:38:12,726 --> 00:38:13,904
Fine.
890
00:38:13,929 --> 00:38:17,279
But that's not the case
between me and P.J.
891
00:38:17,303 --> 00:38:19,226
I've asked her to be my wife.
892
00:38:20,978 --> 00:38:21,958
I see.
893
00:38:21,982 --> 00:38:24,897
Well, aren't you happy for me?
894
00:38:24,921 --> 00:38:26,434
I'm happy for me.
895
00:38:26,458 --> 00:38:27,971
Well, sure, I'm happy for you.
896
00:38:27,995 --> 00:38:30,244
I'm happy that you've
finally found someone
897
00:38:30,268 --> 00:38:32,115
whose company you enjoy.
898
00:38:32,139 --> 00:38:33,551
But marriage?
899
00:38:33,575 --> 00:38:36,692
Okay, Merrill. I see
where you stand.
900
00:38:36,716 --> 00:38:40,936
But I'm gonna marry P.J.
with or without your blessing.
901
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:42,896
( melancholy theme playing )
902
00:38:44,335 --> 00:38:45,948
From now on, you
stay out of my life,
903
00:38:45,972 --> 00:38:47,673
and I'll stay out of yours.
904
00:38:49,713 --> 00:38:50,960
Go on.
905
00:38:50,984 --> 00:38:53,147
Get up on the bridge
where you belong.
906
00:38:53,891 --> 00:38:55,525
Dad... ( grunts )
907
00:39:02,578 --> 00:39:04,281
Dad? Dismissed!
908
00:39:10,664 --> 00:39:12,233
( sighs )
909
00:39:16,445 --> 00:39:19,027
He's right, you know, Stubby.
910
00:39:19,051 --> 00:39:20,330
Right about what?
911
00:39:20,354 --> 00:39:22,368
About us.
912
00:39:22,392 --> 00:39:24,708
I don't fit in with your family.
913
00:39:24,732 --> 00:39:25,876
I never could.
914
00:39:25,900 --> 00:39:27,447
Who cares about my family?
915
00:39:27,471 --> 00:39:28,450
What about me?
916
00:39:28,474 --> 00:39:31,090
You're a swell guy, Stubby.
917
00:39:31,114 --> 00:39:33,161
( crying ): You'll
find somebody else.
918
00:39:33,185 --> 00:39:34,164
Wait.
919
00:39:34,188 --> 00:39:36,402
P.J., listen.
920
00:39:36,426 --> 00:39:37,838
P.J.!
921
00:39:37,862 --> 00:39:39,797
( upbeat theme playing )
922
00:39:48,088 --> 00:39:50,136
You're sure that that
won't hurt the dog?
923
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:52,329
No. He'll just
have a good siesta.
924
00:39:52,899 --> 00:39:53,940
Okay.
925
00:39:54,636 --> 00:39:56,116
Okay, you ready?
926
00:39:56,140 --> 00:39:57,852
Ready. All right.
927
00:39:57,877 --> 00:40:00,715
I'll open the door,
and you shoot.
928
00:40:01,786 --> 00:40:03,433
FLANDERS: Hey, don't shoot!
929
00:40:03,457 --> 00:40:04,437
Why not?
930
00:40:04,461 --> 00:40:06,407
It's only a tranquilizer.
931
00:40:06,431 --> 00:40:08,446
FLANDERS: Hey, come on in here.
932
00:40:08,470 --> 00:40:12,189
( upbeat theme playing )
933
00:40:12,213 --> 00:40:13,291
( squealing )
934
00:40:13,315 --> 00:40:15,661
FLANDERS: Hi, guys. Oh, look!
935
00:40:15,685 --> 00:40:17,166
Nice to finally see
you face to face.
936
00:40:17,190 --> 00:40:18,904
I'd like to introduce
you to my friends here.
937
00:40:18,928 --> 00:40:20,608
JULIE: Oh, look.
938
00:40:20,632 --> 00:40:23,648
This is Gopher, Doc, and Jul...
939
00:40:23,672 --> 00:40:25,652
No, wait a minute. No, stay.
940
00:40:25,676 --> 00:40:28,527
This is Doc, Julie,
Gopher and Isaac.
941
00:40:28,551 --> 00:40:30,498
( pups squealing )
942
00:40:30,522 --> 00:40:31,969
( laughs ) Then I guess
943
00:40:31,994 --> 00:40:33,839
the little bald one
at the end is, uh...
944
00:40:33,863 --> 00:40:35,576
Don't say it.
945
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,537
( laughing )
946
00:40:39,477 --> 00:40:43,163
( all cooing over puppies )
947
00:40:43,187 --> 00:40:45,122
( upbeat theme playing )
948
00:40:48,733 --> 00:40:50,016
( insistent knocking on door )
949
00:40:51,974 --> 00:40:53,820
All right, all right.
Take it easy.
950
00:40:53,844 --> 00:40:54,823
What's the...?
951
00:40:54,847 --> 00:40:57,029
You are a bum and a rat!
952
00:40:57,053 --> 00:40:58,332
You're a plummy crummer!
953
00:40:58,356 --> 00:40:59,334
A crummy plumber.
954
00:40:59,358 --> 00:41:00,337
He knows what I mean.
955
00:41:00,361 --> 00:41:01,539
What's bugging you two?
956
00:41:01,563 --> 00:41:03,677
You are an animal, Frank!
957
00:41:03,701 --> 00:41:04,780
The way you treated Regina.
958
00:41:04,804 --> 00:41:05,814
I mean, you broke her heart
959
00:41:05,838 --> 00:41:07,553
for no good reason!
960
00:41:07,577 --> 00:41:09,291
Big deal, I dumped her.
961
00:41:09,315 --> 00:41:11,396
I only beat her to the punch.
962
00:41:11,420 --> 00:41:14,338
Isn't that how you play
your, uh, Romance Roulette?
963
00:41:14,362 --> 00:41:15,705
Oh. Yeah.
964
00:41:15,729 --> 00:41:17,511
Yeah, I heard the two
of you up on the deck.
965
00:41:17,535 --> 00:41:18,914
Just because I'm a working stiff
966
00:41:18,938 --> 00:41:20,285
doesn't mean I can be exploited
967
00:41:20,309 --> 00:41:22,323
by some chick playing
a schoolgirl game.
968
00:41:22,347 --> 00:41:24,028
All right, all right.
969
00:41:24,052 --> 00:41:26,599
Maybe we were playing around,
970
00:41:26,623 --> 00:41:29,072
but the poor kid was
dead serious, Frank.
971
00:41:29,096 --> 00:41:30,075
Right.
972
00:41:30,099 --> 00:41:31,511
Like hell she was.
973
00:41:31,535 --> 00:41:34,051
Now, will you please
leave? Will you...?
974
00:41:34,075 --> 00:41:35,921
What are you two doing here?
975
00:41:35,945 --> 00:41:36,956
We were just trying
976
00:41:36,980 --> 00:41:38,461
to straighten out
your idiot plumber.
977
00:41:38,485 --> 00:41:40,433
Well, if there's any
straightening out to be done,
978
00:41:40,457 --> 00:41:41,668
I'll do it myself.
979
00:41:41,692 --> 00:41:43,540
Now everybody out! But,
Regina, we were just...
980
00:41:43,564 --> 00:41:45,577
You heard me. Out! Beat it!
981
00:41:45,601 --> 00:41:46,769
Scram!
982
00:41:49,911 --> 00:41:52,062
Sorry about my friends.
983
00:41:52,086 --> 00:41:54,434
And I just came to say goodbye.
984
00:41:54,458 --> 00:41:57,039
So say it.
985
00:41:57,063 --> 00:41:58,342
Before I do, I-I...
986
00:41:58,366 --> 00:42:00,814
I just wanna tell you
that the past three days
987
00:42:00,838 --> 00:42:02,887
have been the best... Good.
988
00:42:02,911 --> 00:42:04,658
Your Romance Roulette paid off.
989
00:42:04,682 --> 00:42:06,817
That's what games
are for, to have fun.
990
00:42:07,988 --> 00:42:10,972
( quiet theme playing )
991
00:42:10,996 --> 00:42:12,309
You know about that?
992
00:42:12,333 --> 00:42:13,366
Yeah.
993
00:42:15,038 --> 00:42:18,457
Well, Frank, what
we had wasn't a game.
994
00:42:18,481 --> 00:42:19,926
Yeah, sure.
995
00:42:19,950 --> 00:42:22,434
Oh, I-I know it started
out as a game, and I'm...
996
00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:25,306
I'm sorry it did,
and I'm ashamed.
997
00:42:25,330 --> 00:42:27,077
Because somewhere
along the line, it...
998
00:42:27,101 --> 00:42:29,349
It stopped being a game.
999
00:42:29,373 --> 00:42:31,856
I meant every
word I said to you.
1000
00:42:37,525 --> 00:42:39,729
Thought you came to say goodbye.
1001
00:42:40,734 --> 00:42:41,901
I didn't hear you say it.
1002
00:42:43,675 --> 00:42:46,424
I can't.
1003
00:42:46,448 --> 00:42:48,061
I don't want to.
1004
00:42:48,085 --> 00:42:50,734
I don't wanna lose you.
1005
00:42:50,758 --> 00:42:52,721
I don't... You what?
1006
00:42:54,335 --> 00:42:56,181
I can't put it into words.
1007
00:42:56,205 --> 00:42:58,052
You're an English professor.
1008
00:42:58,076 --> 00:43:00,613
Even a slob like me knows
how to say "I love you."
1009
00:43:03,456 --> 00:43:04,523
I do, you know.
1010
00:43:05,693 --> 00:43:07,963
Oh, Frank, I love you too!
1011
00:43:11,808 --> 00:43:13,990
Oh, you see?
1012
00:43:14,014 --> 00:43:16,083
Isn't the truth better
than playing games?
1013
00:43:17,656 --> 00:43:18,990
Works every time.
1014
00:43:21,866 --> 00:43:22,845
Even if it hadn't,
1015
00:43:22,869 --> 00:43:24,915
I always could have used plan B.
1016
00:43:24,939 --> 00:43:25,917
What was that?
1017
00:43:25,941 --> 00:43:27,289
I was gonna hit
you over the head
1018
00:43:27,313 --> 00:43:29,756
with one of your
wrenches and carry you off.
1019
00:43:34,564 --> 00:43:37,501
( lively theme playing )
1020
00:43:38,974 --> 00:43:40,955
Uh, Miss McCoy, have
you seen my father?
1021
00:43:40,979 --> 00:43:42,759
He's really been
making himself scarce.
1022
00:43:42,783 --> 00:43:44,730
I thought that
would suit you, sir.
1023
00:43:44,753 --> 00:43:45,932
( sighs )
1024
00:43:45,956 --> 00:43:48,037
I've made a mess
of this, haven't I?
1025
00:43:48,062 --> 00:43:50,545
Well, Captain, because of you,
1026
00:43:50,569 --> 00:43:51,913
P.J. won't see your dad.
1027
00:43:51,937 --> 00:43:53,418
And the two of them
are running around
1028
00:43:53,442 --> 00:43:55,689
looking like they don't
care whether they live or die.
1029
00:43:55,713 --> 00:43:58,096
It's a darn shame.
1030
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:00,268
They love each other.
1031
00:44:00,292 --> 00:44:03,576
They could have had a
wonderful life together, but...
1032
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:05,534
( pensive theme playing )
1033
00:44:07,275 --> 00:44:09,390
Miss McCoy, please
see that my father's
1034
00:44:09,414 --> 00:44:10,726
at my table tonight for dinner.
1035
00:44:10,750 --> 00:44:12,231
Sir, that may not be easy.
1036
00:44:12,255 --> 00:44:13,966
I don't care if it
takes wild horses,
1037
00:44:13,990 --> 00:44:15,870
please make sure he's there.
1038
00:44:15,894 --> 00:44:17,831
( upbeat theme playing )
1039
00:44:23,447 --> 00:44:25,383
( crowd chattering
indistinctly )
1040
00:44:29,261 --> 00:44:31,197
( pianist playing soft music )
1041
00:44:32,336 --> 00:44:33,497
( slurping )
1042
00:44:37,413 --> 00:44:38,392
I'm sorry.
1043
00:44:38,416 --> 00:44:39,728
No, that's all
right. You have it.
1044
00:44:39,752 --> 00:44:41,165
Uh, you're making
up for lost time.
1045
00:44:41,189 --> 00:44:42,870
Actually, uh,
captain, it's not for me.
1046
00:44:42,894 --> 00:44:45,417
I'm filling a doggie bag.
1047
00:44:50,712 --> 00:44:52,875
STUBING: Dad, is
everything all right?
1048
00:44:56,660 --> 00:44:58,173
Ladies and gentlemen,
1049
00:44:58,197 --> 00:45:00,913
tonight is a very
special night... P.J.!
1050
00:45:00,937 --> 00:45:02,417
We're here to celebrate
1051
00:45:02,441 --> 00:45:04,556
the retirement after 40 years
1052
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:07,227
of a lady who has
served this ship well.
1053
00:45:07,251 --> 00:45:09,434
Mrs. P.J. Muldoon.
1054
00:45:09,458 --> 00:45:11,137
Thank you, captain.
1055
00:45:11,161 --> 00:45:13,109
What's all this "lady" stuff?
1056
00:45:13,133 --> 00:45:15,179
I said lady.
1057
00:45:15,203 --> 00:45:19,090
A lady who has devoted
her life to the sea.
1058
00:45:19,114 --> 00:45:22,298
A lady who, in her
own selfless way,
1059
00:45:22,323 --> 00:45:23,801
on the day of her retirement,
1060
00:45:23,825 --> 00:45:26,808
has consented to take
on an even bigger burden,
1061
00:45:26,832 --> 00:45:30,785
by agreeing to
become my stepmother.
1062
00:45:30,809 --> 00:45:32,254
Okay with you?
1063
00:45:32,278 --> 00:45:34,495
You know it, baby. Ha!
1064
00:45:34,519 --> 00:45:38,136
A toast to Captain
Merrill Stubing, Sr.,
1065
00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:40,274
and his P.J.
1066
00:45:40,298 --> 00:45:41,844
Many happy years.
1067
00:45:41,868 --> 00:45:44,685
This doesn't mean you're
gonna call me Mom, does it?
1068
00:45:44,709 --> 00:45:47,089
Mm. I wouldn't do that, Ma.
1069
00:45:47,113 --> 00:45:48,561
Here, here, here,
here. ( laughing )
1070
00:45:48,585 --> 00:45:49,896
Steady, steady.
1071
00:45:49,920 --> 00:45:52,102
He always was very
affectionate. Oh, I like the family.
1072
00:45:52,126 --> 00:45:53,439
Oh, I wish you all the best.
1073
00:45:53,463 --> 00:45:55,308
Charming boy when
you get to know him.
1074
00:45:55,332 --> 00:45:57,146
He's a lot of fun.
1075
00:45:57,170 --> 00:45:59,151
( upbeat theme playing )
1076
00:45:59,175 --> 00:46:01,112
( horn blowing )
1077
00:46:04,823 --> 00:46:06,604
I guess this is goodbye.
1078
00:46:06,628 --> 00:46:09,611
So the secret word
was screwdriver?
1079
00:46:09,635 --> 00:46:10,981
I wonder what
would have happened
1080
00:46:11,005 --> 00:46:12,768
if I'd asked for a
Harvey Wallbanger.
1081
00:46:18,222 --> 00:46:19,355
Beth, Beth, Beth.
1082
00:46:22,533 --> 00:46:24,746
Oh, Morton, I just
love you so much.
1083
00:46:24,770 --> 00:46:27,252
I just can't take
my hands off you.
1084
00:46:27,276 --> 00:46:29,959
I don't believe this
is happening to me.
1085
00:46:29,983 --> 00:46:32,132
Just take the bags, huh?
1086
00:46:32,156 --> 00:46:33,356
And move it.
1087
00:46:34,027 --> 00:46:36,073
( sighs )
1088
00:46:36,097 --> 00:46:38,034
You'll write?
1089
00:46:39,807 --> 00:46:41,621
I'll write you every other day.
1090
00:46:41,645 --> 00:46:42,623
No, no, no, no, no.
1091
00:46:42,647 --> 00:46:43,993
You write a poem
every other day,
1092
00:46:44,017 --> 00:46:45,596
you write me every day.
1093
00:46:45,620 --> 00:46:46,599
Okay.
1094
00:46:46,623 --> 00:46:47,802
( romantic theme playing )
1095
00:46:47,826 --> 00:46:49,974
Oh, uh, by the way, I,
uh, took another look
1096
00:46:49,998 --> 00:46:52,180
at your drain this morning
while you were at breakfast,
1097
00:46:52,204 --> 00:46:53,370
and I found your ring.
1098
00:46:55,878 --> 00:46:58,462
Oh, no, no. No, no.
That's an engagement ring.
1099
00:46:58,486 --> 00:47:00,969
( laughing ): That's not mine.
1100
00:47:01,492 --> 00:47:02,760
Well, it is now.
1101
00:47:03,664 --> 00:47:04,666
If you'll accept it.
1102
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:09,075
Oh, Frank.
1103
00:47:10,881 --> 00:47:11,915
( laughs )
1104
00:47:13,989 --> 00:47:20,046
Oh.
1105
00:47:20,070 --> 00:47:22,006
( romantic theme swells )
1106
00:47:32,233 --> 00:47:33,278
( playful theme playing )
1107
00:47:33,302 --> 00:47:34,281
Here we go.
1108
00:47:34,305 --> 00:47:35,950
Hey-hey.
1109
00:47:35,974 --> 00:47:37,621
Goodbye, Captain Stubing, sir.
1110
00:47:37,645 --> 00:47:39,292
You've certainly
been the hit of this trip.
1111
00:47:39,316 --> 00:47:40,395
Well, thank you, my dear.
1112
00:47:40,419 --> 00:47:41,631
That's sweet of you to say so.
1113
00:47:41,655 --> 00:47:44,738
And Isaac, you mix
a mean tomato juice.
1114
00:47:44,762 --> 00:47:46,442
Maybe next trip I can drink it,
1115
00:47:46,466 --> 00:47:47,444
not wear it.
1116
00:47:47,468 --> 00:47:48,581
( laughs )
1117
00:47:48,605 --> 00:47:51,154
All the best to you, sir.
Thank you, thank you.
1118
00:47:51,178 --> 00:47:53,594
The ship won't be the
same without you, P.J.
1119
00:47:53,618 --> 00:47:55,130
Oh, stow it, Gopher.
1120
00:47:55,154 --> 00:47:57,117
You wanna make
me blubber like a kid?
1121
00:47:58,596 --> 00:48:00,243
She's something.
Is she something?
1122
00:48:00,267 --> 00:48:01,679
Well, goodbye all, and thanks!
1123
00:48:01,703 --> 00:48:03,217
Goodbye, everybody.
JULIE: Bye, P.J.
1124
00:48:03,241 --> 00:48:04,286
Now, listen, you two.
1125
00:48:04,310 --> 00:48:05,821
Listen, don't... You
keep in touch, now.
1126
00:48:05,845 --> 00:48:06,825
Don't be strangers.
1127
00:48:06,849 --> 00:48:08,462
Oh, didn't P.J. tell you?
1128
00:48:08,486 --> 00:48:10,969
We're planning to get
ourselves a little tug together,
1129
00:48:10,993 --> 00:48:13,241
drop anchor right
here in San Pedro.
1130
00:48:13,265 --> 00:48:14,844
And you know, if
you run into trouble
1131
00:48:14,868 --> 00:48:16,749
trying to dock the
ship or whatnot,
1132
00:48:16,773 --> 00:48:17,985
I'll be there to help.
1133
00:48:18,009 --> 00:48:19,388
Just get on the radio.
1134
00:48:19,412 --> 00:48:21,459
Oh, uh...
1135
00:48:21,483 --> 00:48:24,534
Well, uh, do you know
what frequency we work on?
1136
00:48:24,558 --> 00:48:27,274
Uh... no.
1137
00:48:27,298 --> 00:48:29,279
Fine. Let's keep it that way.
1138
00:48:29,303 --> 00:48:30,515
( laughing )
1139
00:48:30,539 --> 00:48:32,955
Funny! Ha, ha, ha!
1140
00:48:32,979 --> 00:48:34,491
JULIE: Oh, Mr. Flanders,
1141
00:48:34,515 --> 00:48:36,094
I wanna thank you
for being so nice
1142
00:48:36,118 --> 00:48:37,564
and for putting
up with everything.
1143
00:48:37,589 --> 00:48:39,502
Well, actually, it
wasn't a bad vacation.
1144
00:48:39,526 --> 00:48:41,842
I got a lot of sleep
and I lost 13 pounds.
1145
00:48:41,866 --> 00:48:43,112
Well, sir, we're gonna give you
1146
00:48:43,136 --> 00:48:44,716
a lot better vacation than that.
1147
00:48:44,740 --> 00:48:46,486
That's a free ticket on a cruise
1148
00:48:46,510 --> 00:48:48,324
any time you want,
compliments of the line.
1149
00:48:48,348 --> 00:48:49,326
Thanks.
1150
00:48:49,350 --> 00:48:51,331
But next time,
remember our rule:
1151
00:48:51,355 --> 00:48:52,669
no pets.
1152
00:48:52,693 --> 00:48:55,029
Right. Come on, Mother.
1153
00:48:56,702 --> 00:48:58,772
( puppies squealing )
1154
00:49:00,478 --> 00:49:02,180
( laughs )
1155
00:49:06,859 --> 00:49:07,959
( both chuckle )
1156
00:49:15,479 --> 00:49:17,482
( upbeat theme playing )
77967
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