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1
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:05,471
♪♪♪ (theme)
2
00:00:56,590 --> 00:01:00,426
WOMEN: ♪ ...are comin',
their sails are in sight ♪
3
00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:04,430
♪ Shrimp boats are acomin',
there's dancin' tonight ♪
4
00:01:04,464 --> 00:01:06,432
♪ Why don't you hurry,
hurry, hurry home ♪
5
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,302
♪ Why don't you hurry,
hurry, hurry home ♪
6
00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:13,840
♪ Shrimp boats are acomin',
there's dancin' tonight ♪
7
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:16,376
Marina, you gotta have
somebody look at that.
8
00:01:16,409 --> 00:01:18,278
I'm fine, Brandy.
The aspirins are helping.
9
00:01:18,311 --> 00:01:20,514
Me, I was drafted
in the last war.
10
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,816
They assigned me
to the enemy.
11
00:01:22,849 --> 00:01:26,887
WOMEN (whooping): Hey! Whoo!
MEN: Hey!
12
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:31,625
Hey! Whoo! All right!
13
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:40,433
DRIVER:
Mortars! Get down!
14
00:01:42,335 --> 00:01:43,604
(mortar explodes)
15
00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:48,875
Are you hit?
No. I'm okay.
16
00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:51,277
It's her stomach.
She's been having pains.
17
00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:54,715
Let's check it out.
(yelping) Ow.
18
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:59,319
(chatter)
19
00:01:59,352 --> 00:02:01,287
Battalion Aid asked me
to give these to you.
20
00:02:01,321 --> 00:02:03,223
What are they?
The casualty reports.
21
00:02:03,256 --> 00:02:05,225
Never thought I'd wind up
as a carrier pigeon.
22
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,896
Bad belly wound. Looks
like he stopped their
MiG with his stomach.
23
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:11,464
You'd better set up
some plasma.
24
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:16,469
Well, well. Since when did they
put a stewardess on this run?
25
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:19,372
She's with the U. S. O. Medic
thinks it's her appendix.
26
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:21,474
Right down my alley.
I wrote the book
on the appendix.
27
00:02:21,508 --> 00:02:23,610
I even wrote the appendix,
but they took that out.
28
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,846
Oh, it's okay. I'm fine.
29
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,948
Oh! Oh!
Ah ha ha!
30
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,784
You showbiz folks, always
with the funny walks.
31
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:32,619
Direct me
to the nearest threshold.
32
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,856
How long have you
had these pains?
33
00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,758
Just for a few days.
34
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:39,893
It wasn't too bad at first,
but now it hurts like heck.
35
00:02:39,926 --> 00:02:41,962
You can say "hell" here.
This is Korea.
36
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,396
If you can't
say "hell" in hell,
37
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:45,331
where in hell can you say it?
38
00:02:45,365 --> 00:02:46,833
Now, before I take out
your appendix,
39
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,602
there's one question
I always like to ask.
40
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:50,604
Have you had
your appendix out before?
41
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,739
Uhuh. Will there be
a bad scar?
42
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:56,209
Are you kidding?
You're talking to Al Capone's
personal plastic surgeon.
43
00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:57,644
CHARLES: I must say, Pierce,
44
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,412
I certainly do envy
your surgical assignment.
45
00:02:59,445 --> 00:03:02,649
How I'd love to sink
my scalpel once again
46
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:03,817
into a simple appendix.
47
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,652
It's such a useless
48
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,588
yet highly lucrative
little organ.
49
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,322
Yeah, well, this
useless little organ
50
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:11,525
should've been registered
as a concealed weapon.
51
00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:14,394
Another couple of hours,
and it could've ruptured.
52
00:03:14,427 --> 00:03:17,230
You wanna snip that,
and then let's close.
53
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,600
I'm gonna do
a running subcuticular.
54
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:21,735
I promised her the scar
wouldn't be too noticeable.
55
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,871
Professional reasons.
She's with the U. S. O.
56
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:26,807
Margaret, I need another hand
with some retraction here.
57
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,808
Pam?
58
00:03:29,776 --> 00:03:31,344
How's he doin'?
Not too well.
59
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:33,346
It's gonna be touchandgo.
60
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,381
Miss Ryan, I believe
you had a reservation
61
00:03:35,415 --> 00:03:37,417
for a single with a view
of the other singles.
62
00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:39,019
Hey, it's a gal.
63
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,822
I've seen her before.
She's a singer with U. S. O.
64
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:44,691
I caught her act at Kimpo.
Hey, Miss. Saw your show.
65
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,259
You're terrific.
66
00:03:46,292 --> 00:03:48,394
Please, this is no time
to take a bow.
67
00:03:48,428 --> 00:03:49,896
Frank, get us a screen
over here, will you?
68
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,632
Could she
do a song later?
69
00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:52,899
Nah. 'Fraid not.
70
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,835
She opened and closed
in one night.
71
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,871
Just some light roadwork,
and stay off the heavy bag.
72
00:03:57,904 --> 00:03:59,305
I'll see you
in the morning.
73
00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:00,641
Can you stay for a while?
74
00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:02,408
No. You'd better
get some rest.
75
00:04:02,442 --> 00:04:04,277
Besides, I have to get
over to the mess tent.
76
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,979
I'm working my way through
busboy school as a doctor.
77
00:04:12,018 --> 00:04:14,721
If he improves, he's gonna
be a very sick young man.
78
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,657
Yeah. It wouldn't hurt
79
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,358
to get Father Mulcahy to put
in a little overtime, huh?
80
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:19,693
B.J.:
Right.
81
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,499
That must be
Marina's troupe.
82
00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:28,902
Hello. Anybody home?
83
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,571
Unless I'm mistaken,
84
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,606
that's Brandy Doyle,
the stripper.
85
00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,007
How would you know?
86
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,342
Well, I saw her picture
in Life magazine.
87
00:04:36,376 --> 00:04:37,844
Uh, fully clothed.
88
00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,580
Oh, it can't be her.
89
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,882
The U. S. O. wouldn't send
a burlesque queen to Korea.
90
00:04:41,915 --> 00:04:43,316
Hello.
Hello.
91
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,885
Oh, hello, Father.
92
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,019
Hiya, honey.
Hi.
93
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,320
I'm Brandy Doyle.
94
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:50,724
Oh, well,
how nice to meet you.
95
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:52,693
Hi. I'm Sarah Miller.
Hello.
96
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,027
And I'm Ellie Carlyle.
97
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:55,729
We were told
that Marina Ryan is here.
98
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,698
She sure is, and she's
doing real fine.
99
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,932
Oh, glad to hear it.
100
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,634
Say, nice place
you got here,
101
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,869
but once a week, you gotta
get someone in to dust.
102
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:06,372
You can do it, Rev.
You're a man of the cloth.
103
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:07,841
You're very jocular.
104
00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:10,844
This is our emcee
Fast Freddie Nichols.
105
00:05:10,877 --> 00:05:12,412
Say,
as long as you're here,
106
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:13,780
maybe you could do a show
for our wounded?
107
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,381
Oh, as spokesman
for the group,
108
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,818
we'd love to, but our
schedule is very tight.
109
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,820
In fact, we're all drunk.
Ha ha ha!
110
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,354
Now, where's Marina?
111
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,656
Oh, this way. Come on.
I'll take you.
112
00:05:22,689 --> 00:05:24,357
Come along.
Uh, Father,
113
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,927
may I have a word
with you in private?
114
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,731
Of course. Of course.
This way.
115
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:35,736
Hey! Hiya, guys!
Yep. You are not dreaming.
116
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:39,039
It is me in the flesh,
so to speak.
117
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:43,544
Who is that?
I don't know.
118
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,045
Great to be here in Korea,
119
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,947
the country with a Seoul.
(groaning)
120
00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:48,649
ELLIE:
How are you feeling?
121
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,552
Oh, much better. I had
to have an appendectomy.
122
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:53,554
I had trouble
with my appendix once,
123
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:54,921
but I couldn't
afford the operation,
124
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,757
so I had the doctor
touch up the Xray.
125
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,825
Hey, these cookies are dirty.
Listen to this.
126
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,961
"Confucius say man
who chase woman in dark
127
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,095
often end up with"
128
00:06:02,128 --> 00:06:03,930
Ha ha ha! That's lovely.
129
00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,766
I got one about
a traveling salesman.
Please. Fellas.
130
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,001
There are women present.
131
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,904
Speak up so we can hear ya.
132
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,606
(laughter)
That's the way.
133
00:06:12,639 --> 00:06:14,074
What's all the laughing?
134
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:17,077
Oh, Doc, these are my U.S.O.
friends: Eleanor and Brandy.
135
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,545
Hi, Eleanor.
136
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:19,680
This is the wonderful man
who saved my life.
137
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:22,048
Oh, I just cut
along the dotted line.
138
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,617
MARINA: Fast Freddie,
meet Captain Pierce.
139
00:06:23,650 --> 00:06:25,451
Captain Pierce.
Hawkeye.
140
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:26,620
Suture self, doc.
141
00:06:26,653 --> 00:06:27,621
Ha ha!
142
00:06:29,155 --> 00:06:30,791
(laughing)
143
00:06:30,824 --> 00:06:32,693
Oh, I don't believe
we've met.
144
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,728
Uh, Major Charles
Winchester. Hiya.
145
00:06:34,761 --> 00:06:36,196
Winchester, huh?
146
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,665
You must be the big gun
around here. (chuckles)
147
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:41,034
I rarely get to meet
a man of your caliber.
148
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:43,570
Marina?
149
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:44,871
Marina?
150
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,807
Sarah, hi.
151
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,208
I want you to meet Dr. Pierce.
152
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,043
This is Sarah Miller.
Hi. How are you?
153
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,746
Nice to meet you.
Thanks for taking such
good care of Marina.
154
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:54,447
Well, I'll tell you
how you can pay me back.
155
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,216
We can turn postop
into a barn
156
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,151
so you can turn it
into a theater
and put on a show for us.
157
00:06:58,184 --> 00:07:00,486
(all cheering)
158
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:01,855
You can stay
with us for the night
and leave in the morning.
159
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,724
No, they can't.
Why?
160
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,792
We've gotta be on the road
to the 121st evac hospital.
161
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,227
It's not that far,
and the roads are good.
162
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,829
They haven't gotten around
to potholing them yet.
163
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,196
I'm sorry. We just have time
164
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:11,832
to grab a bite and move on.
165
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,700
I'll have the mess tent
prepare some food for you.
166
00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:14,835
SARAH: Thanks.
167
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,503
Just make sure
it's not chicken.
168
00:07:16,537 --> 00:07:18,071
You know how the last base
killed their chickens?
169
00:07:18,104 --> 00:07:20,974
They fed 'em
the French toast.
170
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,943
Hey, these guys
know comedy.
171
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,678
Freddie, they love you.
172
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,479
Why don't we stay
and do the show?
173
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:27,781
Oh, I don't know.
174
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:29,550
Oh, come on.
ALL: Come on, Freddie.
175
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,951
You wanna talk
about army food?
176
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:33,053
Those chickens
were classified 4F:
177
00:07:33,086 --> 00:07:35,155
fowl, fowl, fowl, fowl.
178
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:40,260
Oh, we'll do a show.
(cheering)
179
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:42,596
(laughing)
180
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:45,265
Don't tell me you think
that guy is funny?
181
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,868
He's the worst comedian
I ever heard in my life.
182
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,671
Then why are you laughing?
183
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,872
I don't know.
184
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,512
I don't believe it.
185
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:03,684
Hey, what do two drunks
do when they meet?
186
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:04,951
BOTH: They shake!
187
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,721
(burbling)
188
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,590
It is you!
Fast Freddie Nichols,
189
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,692
the funniest man ever
to set foot on his ankles!
190
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,696
Oh, he also does
cerebral humor.
191
00:08:15,729 --> 00:08:18,098
No. For cerebral humor,
he walks on his head.
192
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,233
I'm Corporal Max Klinger.
You won't believe this,
193
00:08:20,266 --> 00:08:22,836
but once, I drove six hours
to catch your act.
194
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:24,237
And your nose
made it in five.
195
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:25,706
(laughing)
196
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,775
Nose made it in five!
Is the man a genius?
197
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,677
He finds one insignificant
little trait
198
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,546
and instantly
turns it into comedy.
199
00:08:32,579 --> 00:08:34,247
Yes, ma'am, I'm prouder
than a peacock
200
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,550
to have a star
of your magnitude
201
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,251
right here in our midst.
202
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:40,220
Well, aren't you
the little charmer?
203
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,254
Ha ha ha!
204
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:42,823
Many's the time
205
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,125
you've beguiled this
wideeyed young doughboy
206
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:47,694
back in K. C. in the old
Gaiety Theater.
207
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,696
You caught my act?
208
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,965
Heck, one time
I caught your garter.
209
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:55,268
To this day,
every time I watch
a C42 revvin' up,
210
00:08:55,301 --> 00:08:57,871
I think about how you used
to spin those tassels.
211
00:08:57,904 --> 00:09:00,641
Well, there's more
than one way to use
a runway, Colonel.
212
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,610
Wonderful news, everybody.
213
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:04,978
We've cleared out
a space in postop
214
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:06,146
so you can
set up for your show.
215
00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:07,614
HAWKEYE: Terrific!
216
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:09,716
We got a bunkhouse
for these gypsies?
217
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:11,284
We've prepared
the VIP tent.
218
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:13,219
Sarah and Eleanor, we've
put your things in there.
219
00:09:13,253 --> 00:09:15,121
Well, that takes care
of the young 'uns.
220
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:17,991
Now, Brandy, why don't you
and Margaret buddy up?
221
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:18,992
Oh.
222
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:22,863
Yes. That would be nice.
223
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,300
Good evening,
ladies and germs.
224
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,902
(laughter)
225
00:09:28,935 --> 00:09:31,071
I planned to have you
laying in the aisles,
226
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:32,606
but I see someone
beat me to it.
227
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,809
I'd like to thank
Colonel Potter
228
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:37,177
for this wonderful reception.
229
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,679
(soldiers cheering)
230
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:39,913
Even though we didn't
get married.
231
00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,716
But seriously, folks,
232
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,618
Colonel Potter is really,
really a great guy.
233
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:45,819
A military genius.
234
00:09:45,852 --> 00:09:47,053
First thing he said to me
235
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,955
was "Gotta get those Krauts."
236
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,857
It's pretty noisy
in here.
237
00:09:50,891 --> 00:09:52,192
Do you think we should
move Nowicki?
238
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:54,761
No. Leave him alone.
Might do him some good.
239
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:55,996
So I bit him.
240
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,063
On the other hand,
241
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,965
But enough of my bits.
242
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:02,803
Here's someone who you could
really sink your teeth into.
243
00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:05,706
A hell of a girl,
Miss Brandy Doyle!
244
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:06,973
(cheering)
245
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:09,075
♪♪♪ (accordion)
246
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:19,352
♪ Cuddle, cuddle up
a little closer ♪
247
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:23,089
♪ Lovelovey mine ♪
248
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,991
♪ Cuddle, cuddle up ♪
249
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:26,960
♪ And be my little ♪
250
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,697
♪ Clinging vine ♪
251
00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:34,267
♪ Like to see your
cheeks so rosy ♪
252
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:38,271
♪ Like to make you
comfycozy ♪
253
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:42,408
♪ 'Cause I love
from head to toesie ♪
254
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:44,410
♪ Lovelovey mine ♪
255
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:47,447
It hurts when I do this.
It hurts when I do this.
256
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,815
SOLDIER:
What'd you say?
257
00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:50,383
Shh. I'm rehearsing.
258
00:10:50,416 --> 00:10:53,219
♪ Lovelovey mine ♪
259
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:55,288
It hurts when I do this.
260
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,861
♪ Clinging vine ♪
261
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,098
(whooping, whistling)
262
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:13,306
♪ 'Cause I love
from head to toesie ♪
263
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:17,310
♪ Lovelovey mine ♪
264
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:21,047
♪ Like to see
your cheeks so rosy ♪
265
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:25,051
♪ Like to make you
comfycozy ♪
266
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:28,789
♪ 'Cause I love
from hea to toesie ♪
267
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,390
♪ Love ♪
268
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:33,894
♪ Lovelovey mine ♪
269
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:34,928
(whistling)
270
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:43,236
And now here is something
for all you music buffs.
271
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:45,171
And I oughta know
272
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,307
because many a times I've
worked to music in the buff.
273
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:53,013
Miss Ellie Carlyle
and her squeezable Steinway!
274
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,981
(cheering, whooping)
275
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,220
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
276
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,823
I would like to dedicate
this next tune
277
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,992
to a really swell guy
with a head to match.
278
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:08,494
Thank you very much.
279
00:12:08,529 --> 00:12:10,931
♪♪♪ ("Lady Of Spain")
280
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:24,778
I'll always be grateful
to you for saving my life.
281
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:27,347
Oh, it's nothing.
The only tricky part
282
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:30,350
was remembering if the appendix
was on the right or the left.
283
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:33,086
(laughs) Oh, Oh, Please.
It hurts when I laugh.
284
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:34,521
Then take two
Fast Freddie jokes.
285
00:12:34,555 --> 00:12:35,989
You'll feel better
in no time.
286
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,461
(laughter)
287
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,797
(German accent) Here we are
at the doctor place!
288
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,465
The horsepistol.
289
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:48,068
First I need my nurse.
290
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,236
Nurse! Where's the nurse?
291
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,838
(whooping)
292
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,543
Is there something
I can do for you, doctor?
293
00:12:56,577 --> 00:13:00,981
Oh, ja. I'll talk
about that later
in your pup tent.
294
00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,016
But first, bring me
the talcum powder.
295
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,150
Where's
the talcum power?
296
00:13:04,184 --> 00:13:06,019
Yes, doctor.
Walk this way.
297
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:07,320
If I could walk that way,
298
00:13:07,353 --> 00:13:08,789
I wouldn't need
the talcum powder.
299
00:13:10,524 --> 00:13:12,358
I need a patient.
Where's the patient?
300
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,227
Oh, sir?
301
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:17,097
Oh, here you are.
You look like a heel.
302
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,233
Dr. Kinderspiel
will see you now.
303
00:13:20,266 --> 00:13:22,202
(cheering)
304
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:31,878
Now, young man,
what seems to be
the problblblem?
305
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:34,447
My arm hurts.
306
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,316
Well, don't What?
307
00:13:36,349 --> 00:13:37,450
(laughter)
308
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,085
My arm hurts.
309
00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,087
Uh, well, uh, Dummkopf,
310
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,524
don't you mean
it hurts when I do this?
311
00:13:43,557 --> 00:13:45,325
Then don't do that.
312
00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,560
(laughter)
313
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,032
You got the wrong line.
314
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,334
Oh, what a lovely
jacket you're wearing.
315
00:13:54,367 --> 00:13:56,236
Somewhere a horse
is freezing.
316
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,437
(laughter)
317
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,272
I can't find the line.
What do I do?
318
00:13:59,305 --> 00:14:00,373
Get out.
319
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:01,975
But
Get out!
320
00:14:05,579 --> 00:14:08,014
There is only one cure
for such an illness:
321
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,282
a young lady will come out
322
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,317
and sing us all back
to good health.
323
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,987
Give her a big hand
Miss Sarah Miller!
324
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,122
(cheering)
325
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,493
Thank you. I'd like
to sing you a song
326
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,228
that's very special to me.
327
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:23,897
My brother taught it to me.
328
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,498
It's called
"Sweet Molly Malone."
329
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,468
♪♪♪
330
00:14:28,502 --> 00:14:31,304
♪ In Dublin's fair city ♪
331
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:34,040
♪ Where the girls
are so pretty ♪
332
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:39,646
♪ I first set my eyes
on sweet Molly Malone ♪
333
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,949
♪ She wheeled a wheelbarrow ♪
334
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,519
♪ Through streets
broad and narrow ♪
335
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:48,989
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
336
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:52,626
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
337
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,996
Everybody knows this song.
Why don't you join in with me?
338
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:59,032
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
339
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,602
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
340
00:15:01,635 --> 00:15:05,005
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
341
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:09,042
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
342
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:10,677
My usual singing partner
343
00:15:10,711 --> 00:15:12,579
is not able to be
on stage with me tonight,
344
00:15:12,613 --> 00:15:14,648
but she is, however,
in the audience,
345
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:17,183
and maybe we could all
persuade her to join me.
346
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,919
(cheering)
347
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:29,462
♪ She was a fishmonger,
and that was no wonder ♪
348
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:34,668
♪ For so were her father
and mother before ♪
349
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:35,636
(gasp)
350
00:15:37,738 --> 00:15:39,105
Does anybody else
know this song?
351
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,306
I do.
352
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:42,008
Hey! Margaret!
353
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,209
NURSE: Major!
354
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,444
Come on up.
355
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:47,047
Major Houlihan. All right.
356
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,949
Ahem.
357
00:15:50,584 --> 00:15:53,419
♪ She was a fishmonger ♪
358
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,189
♪ And that was no wonder ♪
359
00:15:56,222 --> 00:16:01,194
♪ For so were her father
and mother before ♪
360
00:16:01,227 --> 00:16:03,697
♪ They each wheeled
their barrows ♪
361
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,499
♪ Through streets
broad and narrow ♪
362
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,402
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
363
00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:13,707
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
364
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,376
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
365
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,679
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
366
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:21,347
♪ Crying
"Cockles and mussels" ♪
367
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:26,419
♪ Alivealiveo ♪
368
00:16:26,452 --> 00:16:28,722
(cheering)
369
00:16:31,625 --> 00:16:34,494
You wanna know
something, honey?
370
00:16:34,528 --> 00:16:37,263
I get the feeling I make
you kind of nervous.
371
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:38,665
No. No.
372
00:16:38,699 --> 00:16:42,068
Well, you and I are
not all that different.
373
00:16:42,102 --> 00:16:45,371
I mean, I'm just
like any other woman.
374
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,607
No, you're not.
375
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,742
We all take our pants off
376
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,410
one leg at a time.
377
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,648
You know, I'd give anything
378
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:57,117
to have a gorgeous
head of hair like yours.
379
00:16:57,150 --> 00:16:59,520
Ah! Thank you!
380
00:16:59,553 --> 00:17:01,221
I was just thinking
the same thing
381
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:02,656
about your lovely
head of hair.
382
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,658
How do you manage
to keep it so beautiful?
383
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,527
Oh, simple.
384
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,762
I give it the night off.
385
00:17:10,831 --> 00:17:12,766
I never would've guessed.
386
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:16,637
My exhusband gave me that
for our third anniversary.
387
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:19,740
Right after that, we split up.
388
00:17:19,773 --> 00:17:24,377
Oh, but those were three
beautiful months.
389
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,547
I learned to get
the anniversaries in
390
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,248
as fast as I could.
391
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,350
That's just about as long
as I was married.
392
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,285
I see I'm not the only
one in this tent
393
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:34,120
who knows what it's
like to be lonely.
394
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:36,089
The nights
can get sort of empty
395
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,224
when all you've got
to curl up with is a pillow.
396
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:42,563
At least with the people here,
they're like your family.
397
00:17:42,596 --> 00:17:45,165
But they're mostly just kids.
398
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,267
Oh, not that Colonel Potter.
399
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,702
Ha ha ha ha.
400
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,705
Oh, he's a real doll.
401
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:55,842
I got a good mind
to sashay right over
to his tent
402
00:17:55,876 --> 00:17:58,845
and make his experience
at the Gaiety Theater
403
00:17:58,879 --> 00:18:01,582
seem like a church social.
404
00:18:01,615 --> 00:18:04,518
Colonel Potter is
a very happily married man.
405
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:07,654
So were my five husbands
till they met me.
406
00:18:08,889 --> 00:18:10,757
Oh, don't worry.
407
00:18:10,791 --> 00:18:12,726
I'm leaving first thing
in the morning.
408
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:16,496
So tonight
it's just you and me, kid.
409
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,264
And the old pillow.
410
00:18:21,535 --> 00:18:22,669
How'd you sleep?
411
00:18:22,703 --> 00:18:23,870
Wonderfully.
412
00:18:23,904 --> 00:18:26,406
I envy you.
Didn't you sleep well?
413
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,209
A cup of coffee would've
gotten a better night's sleep.
414
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:31,411
That's one
of Freddie's jokes.
415
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,379
I knew
I heard that somewhere!
416
00:18:33,413 --> 00:18:36,717
Must've been
around 4:30 this morning.
417
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,785
How you feeling?
Great.
418
00:18:38,819 --> 00:18:43,223
Thanks to a, certain
wonderful doctor I know.
419
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:45,659
Oh, I'll bet you say that
420
00:18:45,692 --> 00:18:46,893
to all the wonderful
doctors you know.
421
00:18:46,927 --> 00:18:50,831
Oh, no. I mean it.
You're special.
422
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,902
Um...
423
00:18:55,936 --> 00:18:58,238
regulations.
These hands are on duty.
424
00:19:00,841 --> 00:19:03,276
He's finally started
to show some improvement.
425
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,412
(yawns) Vital signs are stable.
Temperature's down.
426
00:19:06,446 --> 00:19:08,749
He seems to be much better.
He's awake now.
427
00:19:10,784 --> 00:19:11,885
How you doin', Nowicki?
428
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:15,756
How you feelin'?
429
00:19:16,857 --> 00:19:18,391
I know it's hard to talk,
430
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:21,528
but you're comin' along
just fine.
431
00:19:21,562 --> 00:19:22,929
Watch out for Nurse Kellye,
though.
432
00:19:22,963 --> 00:19:24,898
She likes the weak,
silent type.
433
00:19:27,701 --> 00:19:29,836
Keep him on the D5
and half saline solution
434
00:19:29,870 --> 00:19:32,338
at 125 CC's per hour.
Right.
435
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:33,940
Nunzio's Chez Paris,
Hoboken, New Jersey.
436
00:19:33,974 --> 00:19:35,341
(phone rings)
You guys gonna come?
437
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:36,877
Sure. It's the least we can do
438
00:19:36,910 --> 00:19:38,512
for the man who put plastic
doggie doo in our bunks.
439
00:19:38,545 --> 00:19:39,613
(ring)
440
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:40,881
Klinger,
you'd better get that.
441
00:19:40,914 --> 00:19:42,649
Okay, but first
a quick goodbye.
442
00:19:42,683 --> 00:19:44,918
Freddie, I just wanna say
what an indescribable thrill
443
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,419
it's been for me
to have the pleasure
444
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:47,521
Klinger!
(ring)
445
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:48,589
Yeah, so long, everybody!
446
00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:50,290
Hoboken, New Jersey.
447
00:19:50,323 --> 00:19:51,592
Say, is that anywhere
near Princeton?
448
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:52,726
(ring)
KLINGER: So long!
449
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,661
Bye. Yeah. Come on. And
450
00:19:54,695 --> 00:19:56,963
BOTH: 1, 2, 3, 4.
451
00:19:56,997 --> 00:19:58,298
Terrific!
452
00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,934
(wolf whistles)
I got it!
453
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:02,703
Ho, ho, ho!
454
00:20:02,736 --> 00:20:05,539
You're terrific.
Oh, that goes double for me.
455
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:08,308
Miss Doyle, it's been
a real hoot and a holler.
456
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,977
Anybody who can bring a little
sunshine to this gloomy place
457
00:20:11,011 --> 00:20:13,346
gets an eternal
gracias from me.
458
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,915
Oh, thank you.
You know, Sherm,
459
00:20:14,948 --> 00:20:17,283
we'll probably never
see one another again,
460
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:20,020
and I'd hate myself
if I didn't do this.
461
00:20:20,053 --> 00:20:23,023
(whooping)
462
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:25,726
Come on, folks. It's just
a handshake with lips.
463
00:20:25,759 --> 00:20:27,327
(laughter)
464
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,863
Goodbye, Father.
Thanks again for your help.
465
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,833
Goodbye, Sarah. I wish you
good luck in your search.
466
00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:33,900
So do I.
467
00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:35,401
All right.
Byebye.
468
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,903
Everybody on the truck.
We're moving out.
469
00:20:36,937 --> 00:20:39,806
KLINGER: Wait! Wait!
Don't anybody move!
470
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,375
Klinger, one goodbye
to a customer.
No, no, no.
471
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:44,711
That was G2 on the phone.
There's an allout offensive.
472
00:20:44,745 --> 00:20:46,847
All roads are restricted
to troop convoys only.
473
00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:49,415
Nobody can leave.
You've been held over.
(cheering)
474
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:52,318
Hey, Freddie. Shake!
475
00:20:56,990 --> 00:20:58,525
FREDDIE:
So the guy with the shovel
476
00:20:58,559 --> 00:21:00,060
walks up to the streetcar
conductor and says,
477
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:02,495
"Motherinlaw? I thought
that was your cat!"
478
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:05,799
(Freddie, Klinger laugh)
479
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:07,801
♪♪♪
480
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:20,947
♪♪♪ (theme)
34705
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