Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,328 --> 00:00:05,543
I love when our moms have book club.
2
00:00:05,545 --> 00:00:07,960
They talk books, and we have...
3
00:00:07,962 --> 00:00:10,245
- Weeknight sleepovers!
- Weeknight sleepovers!
4
00:00:10,247 --> 00:00:14,275
Two best friends,
just doing their thang,
5
00:00:14,277 --> 00:00:16,760
making collages or whatnot.
6
00:00:16,762 --> 00:00:20,320
While my mom gets too
drunk to drive me home.
7
00:00:20,322 --> 00:00:23,107
"Treasure Island"! What'd you think?
8
00:00:23,159 --> 00:00:27,121
So good!
How crazy was Gonzo's story arc?!
9
00:00:27,123 --> 00:00:28,800
- Gonzo?
- Yeah!
10
00:00:28,802 --> 00:00:31,151
When they pulled him down from the sail
11
00:00:31,153 --> 00:00:34,307
and his fuzzy blue arms
got all stretched out
12
00:00:34,309 --> 00:00:36,658
and he snapped back like a window blind!
13
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:40,554
Dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut-dut.
That's good writing.
14
00:00:40,556 --> 00:00:43,442
Francine, did you watch
"Muppet Treasure Island"
15
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:45,189
instead of reading the book?
16
00:00:45,191 --> 00:00:48,412
Yes. But it's basically the same thing.
17
00:00:48,414 --> 00:00:50,360
There's no muppets in the book!
18
00:00:50,362 --> 00:00:51,837
That sounds boring.
19
00:00:51,839 --> 00:00:54,457
Steve, I don't want
to bore you with the math.
20
00:00:54,459 --> 00:00:55,867
Oh, by all means, do.
21
00:00:55,869 --> 00:00:57,951
These biweekly book club meetings
22
00:00:57,953 --> 00:01:01,442
account for almost
40% of our friendship.
23
00:01:01,444 --> 00:01:04,197
Snot, you've confirmed
what I've always suspected.
24
00:01:04,199 --> 00:01:08,294
Weeknight sleepovers are the
cornerstone of our friendship.
25
00:01:08,296 --> 00:01:09,972
The fact our moms are friends
26
00:01:09,974 --> 00:01:13,196
makes us the luckiest
boys in the universe.
27
00:01:13,761 --> 00:01:15,280
Do you like the way I drew the letters?
28
00:01:15,282 --> 00:01:17,697
They look like they came
out of a magazine, right?
29
00:01:17,699 --> 00:01:20,249
You're out of your mind if
you think Gonzo's a dog.
30
00:01:20,251 --> 00:01:21,795
He's blue.
31
00:01:21,797 --> 00:01:24,347
He woofed when he saw the treasure!
32
00:01:24,349 --> 00:01:27,637
Sometimes I think we don't
have anything in common.
33
00:01:27,639 --> 00:01:29,652
Are we just pretending to get along
34
00:01:29,654 --> 00:01:31,533
because our sons are friends?
35
00:01:31,535 --> 00:01:32,742
I think so.
36
00:01:32,744 --> 00:01:34,623
Maybe we can... stop?
37
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:37,175
Let's never hang out again!
38
00:01:37,177 --> 00:01:38,989
Steve!
39
00:01:38,991 --> 00:01:41,340
We have an exciting announcement.
40
00:01:41,342 --> 00:01:45,571
Snot's mom and I have decided to
stop pretending to be friends.
41
00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:46,915
Pretending?
42
00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:49,937
Yep! Book club is canceled forever.
43
00:01:49,939 --> 00:01:54,437
A 40% decrease in friendship?
44
00:01:54,439 --> 00:01:56,922
♪♪
45
00:01:57,215 --> 00:02:00,148
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
46
00:02:00,183 --> 00:02:03,304
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
47
00:02:03,306 --> 00:02:06,527
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
48
00:02:06,529 --> 00:02:11,095
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
49
00:02:12,911 --> 00:02:16,266
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
50
00:02:16,268 --> 00:02:18,617
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
51
00:02:18,619 --> 00:02:20,028
Aah!
52
00:02:21,104 --> 00:02:24,395
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
53
00:02:24,397 --> 00:02:27,147
Please, you have to stay friends!
54
00:02:27,149 --> 00:02:28,692
Think of the children!
55
00:02:28,694 --> 00:02:31,514
No one's saying you
two can't be friends.
56
00:02:31,516 --> 00:02:33,595
Why does it matter if we are?
57
00:02:33,597 --> 00:02:35,880
Well, I don't want to bore you
with the math, Mrs. Smith...
58
00:02:35,882 --> 00:02:37,290
Please, don't.
59
00:02:37,292 --> 00:02:40,446
Listen,
maybe you just need to clear the air.
60
00:02:40,448 --> 00:02:43,569
Why don't we talk about what
bothers you about each other?
61
00:02:43,571 --> 00:02:44,677
I'll start.
62
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,096
She's never seen
"Muppet Treasure Island,"
63
00:02:47,098 --> 00:02:49,312
which is a big problem for me.
64
00:02:49,314 --> 00:02:52,470
Book club is just an excuse
for you to get shithosed!
65
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:54,485
You brought your own bartender!
66
00:02:54,487 --> 00:02:57,709
Paul Gary's the name,
mixologist is the game!
67
00:02:57,711 --> 00:03:01,604
I've got aperol spritzes.
Boiling hot aperol spritzes!
68
00:03:01,606 --> 00:03:03,955
He's not even a good bartender!
69
00:03:03,957 --> 00:03:05,903
Aperol spritzers are served cold!
70
00:03:05,905 --> 00:03:08,590
What are you,
the aperol spritzers police?!
71
00:03:08,592 --> 00:03:11,276
I'm sorry,
I'm defensive because you're right.
72
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:12,956
I'm a terrible mixologist!
73
00:03:12,958 --> 00:03:15,709
Let's go, Steve.
74
00:03:16,703 --> 00:03:19,202
Our friendship will survive this, right?
75
00:03:19,723 --> 00:03:21,822
I'll need
to crunch the numbers.
76
00:03:22,841 --> 00:03:26,657
If Paul Gary isn't a mixologist,
then who is he?
77
00:03:26,659 --> 00:03:28,740
This is the beginning... Shh!
78
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,964
...beginning of a
deeply personal journey.
79
00:03:31,966 --> 00:03:34,449
This is... Get over yourselves!
80
00:03:34,451 --> 00:03:36,833
...my story.
81
00:03:39,421 --> 00:03:40,830
Cheer up, Steve.
82
00:03:40,832 --> 00:03:43,449
We can still be friends
even if our moms aren't.
83
00:03:43,451 --> 00:03:46,674
Your moms aren't friends anymore?
Well, I'm out.
84
00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:49,964
I am not gonna watch your
friendship fall apart.
85
00:03:49,966 --> 00:03:51,106
What are you talking about?
86
00:03:51,108 --> 00:03:52,852
Your moms being friends is the glue
87
00:03:52,854 --> 00:03:54,666
holding the two of you together.
88
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:56,210
It's like on the show "Friends."
89
00:03:56,212 --> 00:03:57,957
Remember how their
friendship was held together
90
00:03:57,959 --> 00:03:59,502
by a deep mutual love
91
00:03:59,504 --> 00:04:02,323
of being paid a million
dollars an episode?
92
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:03,867
That's your moms.
93
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,614
That's... That's crazy.
94
00:04:05,616 --> 00:04:07,160
Toshi, tell him.
95
00:04:08,773 --> 00:04:11,860
Toshi? Toshi! Say something!
96
00:04:11,862 --> 00:04:17,100
I speak fluent English
and have the whole time.
97
00:04:19,108 --> 00:04:21,331
Hey, guys, are your moms friends?
98
00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:25,160
Uh, was "The Poisonwood Bible"
written by Barbara Kingsolver?
99
00:04:25,162 --> 00:04:27,577
We're not losing Barry and Toshi.
100
00:04:27,579 --> 00:04:29,055
How do we fix this?
101
00:04:29,057 --> 00:04:30,869
May I suggest drugging the moms?
102
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:34,227
Are you the bartender
from my mom's house?
103
00:04:34,229 --> 00:04:35,637
Sort of. You see,
104
00:04:35,639 --> 00:04:40,407
I'm on a deeply personal
journey to find out who I am.
105
00:04:41,397 --> 00:04:42,555
Okay.
106
00:04:42,557 --> 00:04:44,369
Paul Gary isn't a mixologist,
107
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:47,325
so I enrolled at Pearl Bailey
to use the chemistry lab.
108
00:04:47,327 --> 00:04:51,019
Because I am now... A. Paul Gary,
109
00:04:51,021 --> 00:04:52,699
drug mixologist.
110
00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:55,922
I mix illegal narcotics
together to see what they do.
111
00:04:55,924 --> 00:04:58,675
And recently,
I came across something interesting.
112
00:04:58,677 --> 00:05:01,496
I was working in my lab late one night,
113
00:05:01,498 --> 00:05:04,587
when my eyes beheld an eerie sight.
114
00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:07,340
That's "Monster Mash," right?
You're doing "Monster Mash"?
115
00:05:07,342 --> 00:05:10,027
Never heard of it.
Anyway, I was working in the lab
116
00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:11,640
late one night...
117
00:05:11,642 --> 00:05:14,527
♪ When my eyes beheld an eerie sight ♪
118
00:05:14,529 --> 00:05:18,423
♪ I had acid on a tab, weed in a bag ♪
119
00:05:18,425 --> 00:05:20,774
♪ A splash of ether on a rag ♪
120
00:05:20,776 --> 00:05:22,654
- ♪ He did the mash ♪
- ♪ He did the mash ♪
121
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,199
♪ I did the narcotics mash ♪
122
00:05:24,201 --> 00:05:25,811
- ♪ Narcotics mash ♪
- ♪ Narcotics mash ♪
123
00:05:25,813 --> 00:05:28,296
♪ It was a coked-out bash ♪
124
00:05:28,298 --> 00:05:29,976
This is "Monster Mash"!
125
00:05:29,978 --> 00:05:32,326
I don't know that song!
126
00:05:32,328 --> 00:05:33,871
I don't know any songs!
127
00:05:33,873 --> 00:05:36,491
All I do know is your moms are milds...
128
00:05:36,493 --> 00:05:38,170
mothers I'd like to drug.
129
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:41,998
And the mash I discovered in
my lab works as a love drug.
130
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,819
Drugs can make people fall in love?
131
00:05:44,821 --> 00:05:46,499
Drugs can do almost anything
132
00:05:46,501 --> 00:05:48,379
once you realize they're
super good for you.
133
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:52,141
Anyway, I'm proposing we dose
your moms with the love drug
134
00:05:52,143 --> 00:05:54,156
and make them fall back in love!
135
00:05:54,158 --> 00:05:55,634
And it will work?
136
00:05:55,636 --> 00:05:58,118
Steve, are you actually
thinking about doing this?
137
00:05:58,120 --> 00:06:00,738
- What other options do we have?
- I don't know!
138
00:06:00,740 --> 00:06:03,089
We only brainstormed
for like two seconds
139
00:06:03,091 --> 00:06:05,104
before we started talking to this guy.
140
00:06:05,106 --> 00:06:07,521
Snot's in! Love that enthusiasm!
141
00:06:07,523 --> 00:06:09,940
I'll mix up the drugs,
and you two trick your moms
142
00:06:09,942 --> 00:06:11,686
- into meeting up!
- ♪ They did the mash ♪
143
00:06:11,688 --> 00:06:14,171
Aah! Scary song!
144
00:06:16,591 --> 00:06:19,344
I can't believe the "Impractical Jokers"
145
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,298
are doing a meet-and-greet
in Langley Falls!
146
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:24,246
Yeah, well, it's true.
147
00:06:24,248 --> 00:06:26,530
Steve, you seem nervous.
148
00:06:26,532 --> 00:06:30,761
Wait, are you worried the
jokers are gonna joke you?
149
00:06:30,763 --> 00:06:33,179
Don't flatter yourself.
150
00:06:33,181 --> 00:06:36,068
No one's putting a hot
dog in your pocket.
151
00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:38,889
Now, remember, Snot,
when we meet the jokers,
152
00:06:38,891 --> 00:06:40,769
you're my nephew.
153
00:06:40,771 --> 00:06:42,045
Francine.
154
00:06:44,921 --> 00:06:46,613
Shove! Drugs!
155
00:06:46,615 --> 00:06:48,291
- What is this?
- Don't leave me in here...
156
00:06:48,293 --> 00:06:51,584
Congrats on a perfectly
executed drugging, boys.
157
00:06:51,586 --> 00:06:54,035
To the 33rd floor!
158
00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,695
- Whoa.
- I really hope this works.
159
00:06:57,697 --> 00:07:00,852
Did you even notice that I
basically teleported us up here?
160
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,129
I was impressed.
161
00:07:02,131 --> 00:07:04,144
Thank you, Snot's mom's kid.
162
00:07:04,146 --> 00:07:06,024
Now, by the time these doors open,
163
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,174
your moms will be fast friends,
164
00:07:08,176 --> 00:07:10,255
unless the dose is too strong.
165
00:07:10,257 --> 00:07:12,606
Are you two prepared to
see your moms hooking up?
166
00:07:12,608 --> 00:07:14,957
I'm not saying it's what I want to see,
167
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:16,570
but I won't be disappointed.
168
00:07:16,572 --> 00:07:19,323
Well, I hope you two...
169
00:07:21,206 --> 00:07:24,226
What is happening?!
They're worse than before!
170
00:07:24,228 --> 00:07:26,711
This might not be a love drug.
171
00:07:26,713 --> 00:07:29,264
Yeah, this is meth.
I made meth.
172
00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:32,621
Welp, when in Rome...
173
00:07:32,623 --> 00:07:34,301
Aah!
174
00:07:35,513 --> 00:07:37,794
Well, this is surprising.
175
00:07:37,796 --> 00:07:40,480
So to get us to be friends,
you drugged us?!
176
00:07:40,482 --> 00:07:42,696
I don't want you seeing Snot anymore.
177
00:07:42,698 --> 00:07:44,914
He's a terrible influence on you!
178
00:07:44,916 --> 00:07:46,257
- What?!
- No way!
179
00:07:46,259 --> 00:07:48,810
I forbid Snot from seeing Steve!
180
00:07:48,812 --> 00:07:51,496
He's the one who started
calling him Snot,
181
00:07:51,498 --> 00:07:52,906
and now everyone says it!
182
00:07:52,908 --> 00:07:55,728
No, mom! Please, it was my fault.
183
00:07:55,730 --> 00:07:57,877
It's my fault! Don't do this!
184
00:07:57,879 --> 00:08:00,026
But it's really my fault.
185
00:08:00,028 --> 00:08:02,846
I'm a terrible drug mixologist.
186
00:08:02,848 --> 00:08:06,810
Will A. Paul Gary ever know
who he's supposed to be?
187
00:08:06,812 --> 00:08:08,792
My story continues.
188
00:08:11,883 --> 00:08:13,561
♪♪
189
00:08:13,563 --> 00:08:15,844
Well, I'm off. Goodbye, father.
190
00:08:15,846 --> 00:08:18,061
Goodbye, sister. Goodbye, fish.
191
00:08:18,063 --> 00:08:20,009
Damn, he left out mother.
192
00:08:20,011 --> 00:08:22,695
Don't try to sneak around
with Snot at school!
193
00:08:22,697 --> 00:08:24,172
I will find out!
194
00:08:24,174 --> 00:08:26,322
We're finally getting rid of Snot?
195
00:08:26,324 --> 00:08:27,867
Good. That kid is the worst.
196
00:08:27,869 --> 00:08:30,083
- Stan, you love Snot.
- I do?
197
00:08:30,085 --> 00:08:32,367
Yeah, I think
your "Memento"-style amnesia
198
00:08:32,369 --> 00:08:33,576
is acting up.
199
00:08:33,578 --> 00:08:35,122
You need to check your tattoos.
200
00:08:35,124 --> 00:08:37,606
- _
- Interesting.
201
00:08:37,608 --> 00:08:39,212
- _
- Concerning.
202
00:08:39,213 --> 00:08:40,220
_
203
00:08:40,294 --> 00:08:42,778
Oh, yeah! Why are we getting rid
of Snot? He's the best!
204
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:46,607
Because mom can't put her son
ahead of her selfish wants.
205
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,352
That's how it started.
206
00:08:48,354 --> 00:08:51,173
But then someone decided
to drug their mom.
207
00:08:51,175 --> 00:08:54,331
Oh, if it was so awful,
then why did you and Roger
208
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,420
finish the baggie and go
to that warehouse party?!
209
00:08:57,422 --> 00:09:00,712
I had no choice but to dance it off!
210
00:09:01,592 --> 00:09:03,936
"You appreciate your family."
211
00:09:03,938 --> 00:09:05,614
That doesn't sound right.
212
00:09:05,616 --> 00:09:08,368
No, it doesn't.
213
00:09:08,370 --> 00:09:10,586
♪♪
214
00:09:10,588 --> 00:09:14,144
Gosh, our moms did not respond
well to getting dosed, huh?
215
00:09:14,146 --> 00:09:15,488
No kidding.
216
00:09:15,490 --> 00:09:18,041
My mom told me I couldn't
even see you at school.
217
00:09:18,043 --> 00:09:19,585
Rule breakers!
218
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:23,749
Last night,
I got a phone call from your mom, Smith.
219
00:09:23,751 --> 00:09:26,637
This friendship has
always weirded me out,
220
00:09:26,639 --> 00:09:29,794
and I am on board with tearing it apart!
221
00:09:29,796 --> 00:09:31,071
Billy!
222
00:09:31,073 --> 00:09:33,354
Here are your new schedules.
223
00:09:33,356 --> 00:09:35,705
Zero classes together.
224
00:09:35,707 --> 00:09:37,452
Billy, why are you helping him?
225
00:09:37,454 --> 00:09:40,273
I've already got the stitches.
226
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:43,362
Might as well be a snitches.
227
00:09:43,364 --> 00:09:47,123
♪♪
228
00:09:48,402 --> 00:09:50,011
- Aah!
- Aah!
229
00:09:50,013 --> 00:09:59,415
♪♪
230
00:09:59,417 --> 00:10:05,797
♪♪
231
00:10:05,799 --> 00:10:08,079
Aah!
232
00:10:08,082 --> 00:10:10,431
♪♪
233
00:10:11,145 --> 00:10:13,587
What are we going to do?
Lewis is everywhere.
234
00:10:13,589 --> 00:10:15,602
We could build a friendship here.
235
00:10:15,604 --> 00:10:17,012
This stall isn't so bad.
236
00:10:17,014 --> 00:10:19,767
I'm doing a "Trainspotting"!
237
00:10:19,769 --> 00:10:25,408
Steve and Snot, two friends,
both alike in stupidity.
238
00:10:25,410 --> 00:10:27,759
Busted as hell!
239
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,102
Since you can't be trusted,
240
00:10:29,104 --> 00:10:31,722
I'll be escorting Smith
to his next class.
241
00:10:31,724 --> 00:10:34,140
Aah!
242
00:10:40,658 --> 00:10:42,603
Steve!
243
00:10:42,605 --> 00:10:44,013
What are you doing here?
244
00:10:44,015 --> 00:10:46,633
I can't sit at home knowing
you're down the road
245
00:10:46,635 --> 00:10:49,186
staring up at the same stars as me!
246
00:10:49,188 --> 00:10:51,336
I actually don't look
at the stars that often.
247
00:10:51,338 --> 00:10:53,484
They've always kind of bored me.
248
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:56,373
That's right, chuckle heads!
249
00:10:56,375 --> 00:10:59,462
I'm patrolling your houses, too!
250
00:10:59,464 --> 00:11:01,276
Run!
251
00:11:01,278 --> 00:11:03,693
♪♪
252
00:11:05,374 --> 00:11:09,873
♪♪
253
00:11:11,151 --> 00:11:12,493
Go in on foot, Billy!
254
00:11:12,495 --> 00:11:14,776
I'll cut them off on the other side.
255
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,082
I think we lost him.
256
00:11:21,293 --> 00:11:23,374
End of the road...
257
00:11:23,376 --> 00:11:26,061
...for my hypocrisy.
258
00:11:26,063 --> 00:11:29,217
I, too, know what it is to be in love.
259
00:11:29,219 --> 00:11:31,567
I wouldn't
say we're in love.
260
00:11:31,569 --> 00:11:34,388
But my father forbids our union.
261
00:11:34,390 --> 00:11:38,184
I don't know why. He created her!
262
00:11:39,093 --> 00:11:42,113
Isn't she beautiful?
263
00:11:42,115 --> 00:11:43,792
- Yeah, yeah, super pretty.
- Uh-huh, totally.
264
00:11:43,794 --> 00:11:46,143
Now go! Wait!
265
00:11:46,145 --> 00:11:49,233
He needs to think you overpowered me.
266
00:11:49,235 --> 00:11:52,121
I know violence isn't
in your nature, but...
267
00:11:52,123 --> 00:11:54,069
Eat knuckles, freak!
268
00:11:55,683 --> 00:11:59,711
You went easy on me, Steve!
269
00:12:00,989 --> 00:12:02,733
Ma'am.
270
00:12:03,258 --> 00:12:05,185
Psst. Over here!
271
00:12:07,819 --> 00:12:11,196
- Wait, this is that bartender again.
- Mixologist.
272
00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:14,017
And, yes,
I'm still on a deeply personal journey
273
00:12:14,019 --> 00:12:16,436
to discover who I'm supposed to be.
274
00:12:16,438 --> 00:12:18,182
But I think I've figured it out!
275
00:12:18,184 --> 00:12:20,600
And I've gone full apothecary!
276
00:12:20,602 --> 00:12:25,771
That's right!
A. Paul Gary is now A. Poth E. Cary,
277
00:12:25,773 --> 00:12:28,190
dealing in potions and poisons.
278
00:12:30,887 --> 00:12:32,958
Which, at the moment,
are a little difficult to tell apart
279
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,377
because my label maker is garbage.
280
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:38,332
I hear you've got a real
"Romeo and Juliet" problem.
281
00:12:38,334 --> 00:12:41,556
Well, I have
a "Romeo and Juliet" solution...
282
00:12:41,558 --> 00:12:43,168
fake your deaths!
283
00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:44,511
Uhh...
284
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,399
Yes! There's that famous
Snot enthusiasm!
285
00:12:47,401 --> 00:12:48,943
You see, on this shelf,
286
00:12:48,945 --> 00:12:51,832
I've got thousands of
unlabeled potions and poisons.
287
00:12:51,834 --> 00:12:53,915
This will put you in a deep slumber,
288
00:12:53,917 --> 00:12:55,728
indistinguishable from death.
289
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:59,422
When you're found "dead,"
your mothers will blame themselves.
290
00:12:59,424 --> 00:13:02,041
We'll time it so you wake
up at your own funeral,
291
00:13:02,043 --> 00:13:03,586
and then you pop out of your coffins,
292
00:13:03,588 --> 00:13:04,862
and they'll be so relieved,
293
00:13:04,864 --> 00:13:06,206
they'll let you be friends again!
294
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:07,953
Steve, we can't do this.
295
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:09,766
The love drug was a disaster.
296
00:13:09,768 --> 00:13:11,646
Disaster? This guy's acting like
297
00:13:11,648 --> 00:13:13,997
you didn't see me punching
myself in the dick.
298
00:13:13,999 --> 00:13:16,751
We don't have another choice.
299
00:13:16,753 --> 00:13:18,766
Okay, let's do it.
300
00:13:18,768 --> 00:13:20,176
Wait.
301
00:13:20,178 --> 00:13:22,259
That one was the poison.
302
00:13:23,805 --> 00:13:25,181
There.
303
00:13:26,425 --> 00:13:27,766
There.
304
00:13:27,768 --> 00:13:29,378
There.
305
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:31,730
Actually, whoa. Here's the potion.
306
00:13:31,732 --> 00:13:34,685
All the little ones
are full of poison... I think.
307
00:13:34,687 --> 00:13:37,841
But let's just decide to feel confident.
308
00:13:40,463 --> 00:13:45,968
♪♪
309
00:13:45,970 --> 00:13:51,073
♪♪
310
00:13:51,074 --> 00:13:54,012
_
311
00:13:54,048 --> 00:14:00,880
♪♪
312
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:08,671
♪♪
313
00:14:13,927 --> 00:14:16,664
Steve and Snot had a friendship so close
314
00:14:16,666 --> 00:14:19,015
that they died in each other's arms,
315
00:14:19,017 --> 00:14:21,970
clinging so tight that they
could not be separated.
316
00:14:21,972 --> 00:14:27,142
Now they will be laid to rest together,
in one big-ass coffin.
317
00:14:30,032 --> 00:14:32,986
Francine, I'm so sorry.
318
00:14:32,988 --> 00:14:35,873
All I had to do was pretend to like you,
319
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,225
and none of this would have happened!
320
00:14:38,227 --> 00:14:40,911
No, Snot's mom. I'm sorry.
321
00:14:40,913 --> 00:14:44,403
I'd spend an eternity
pretending to like you
322
00:14:44,405 --> 00:14:47,762
if it meant Steve would be alive again.
323
00:14:47,764 --> 00:14:49,978
After our loved ones move on,
324
00:14:49,980 --> 00:14:52,531
do we ever see them again on this earth?
325
00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:54,478
Most people say no,
326
00:14:54,480 --> 00:14:58,879
but I say,
sometimes we get a second chance!
327
00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:02,673
Hmm. Shit.
328
00:15:02,675 --> 00:15:05,696
I must've given them poison.
How could that have happened?
329
00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:07,711
Everyone, I have an announcement.
330
00:15:07,713 --> 00:15:09,792
This is actually a real funeral.
331
00:15:09,794 --> 00:15:11,876
This is a strange eulogy.
332
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:15,099
Uh, second announcement...
I'm not a good apothecary.
333
00:15:15,496 --> 00:15:18,054
My story marches onward.
334
00:15:18,056 --> 00:15:21,145
Please don't let Roger
speak at my funeral.
335
00:15:23,698 --> 00:15:25,981
Guys, I know you're sad about Snot,
336
00:15:25,983 --> 00:15:28,868
but let me turn that grief into relief,
337
00:15:28,870 --> 00:15:31,151
that sadness into gladness,
338
00:15:31,153 --> 00:15:34,242
that sorrow into
"the sun'll come out tomorrow".
339
00:15:34,244 --> 00:15:36,391
Huh, I'm good at these.
340
00:15:36,393 --> 00:15:37,667
Wait! I was gonna tell you something!
341
00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:39,951
You know how I've been
on this crazy adventure
342
00:15:39,953 --> 00:15:41,697
trying to nail down this persona?
343
00:15:41,699 --> 00:15:43,376
- Uh-huh!
- Well, I got it!
344
00:15:43,378 --> 00:15:47,407
Apothe-Carrie Bradshaw, sex blogger!
345
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,168
I couldn't help but wonder,
would Steve be alive
346
00:15:51,170 --> 00:15:53,586
if I hadn't accidentally poisoned him?
347
00:15:53,588 --> 00:15:57,346
But sometimes that's how it goes
when you're "Sex and the City."
348
00:15:57,348 --> 00:16:00,302
- You poisoned Steve?!
- And Snot!
349
00:16:00,304 --> 00:16:02,182
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Easy!
350
00:16:02,184 --> 00:16:04,063
If you really miss him,
we can get him back.
351
00:16:04,065 --> 00:16:06,347
What the hell are you talking about?!
352
00:16:06,349 --> 00:16:08,967
We can go to the underworld
and get him back.
353
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:10,512
The underworld?!
354
00:16:10,514 --> 00:16:13,333
No mortal knows the
path to the underworld!
355
00:16:13,335 --> 00:16:16,221
Yeah-huh! There's an elevator
in the back of Sub Hub.
356
00:16:16,223 --> 00:16:17,698
They had a promotion in the '80s
357
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,815
where they were sending people to hell.
358
00:16:21,327 --> 00:16:23,408
Now that my two favorite sad moms
359
00:16:23,410 --> 00:16:25,288
have put their differences aside,
360
00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:27,102
it's time to get their boys back.
361
00:16:27,104 --> 00:16:28,377
Then maybe brunch?
362
00:16:28,379 --> 00:16:30,662
We still have to find
out who sold them poison.
363
00:16:30,664 --> 00:16:32,407
No, we don't! Stay focused.
364
00:16:32,409 --> 00:16:36,506
Now, through this door lies
the entrance to the underworld.
365
00:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,065
Join me on the elevator.
366
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:43,490
Or hell-evator,
as those Sub Hub marketing geniuses
367
00:16:43,492 --> 00:16:46,848
referred to it in the summer of '87.
368
00:16:46,851 --> 00:16:49,938
Here's how it works...
everyone gets sent to different floors
369
00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:51,618
based on how they lived their lives.
370
00:16:51,620 --> 00:16:53,297
There's a floor for philanderers,
371
00:16:53,299 --> 00:16:54,707
gossips, heretics.
372
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:56,252
Oh! There's a Cinnabon on six!
373
00:16:56,254 --> 00:16:58,132
- Roger!
- Okay, okay!
374
00:16:58,134 --> 00:17:00,416
Someone's in a hurry
to find their dead son.
375
00:17:00,418 --> 00:17:02,431
I think this should be it.
376
00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:04,312
Snot's mom, Steve's mom,
377
00:17:04,314 --> 00:17:07,537
welcome to the floor for masturbators.
378
00:17:07,539 --> 00:17:10,626
I mean, it makes sense...
379
00:17:13,717 --> 00:17:16,268
That was... horrifying!
380
00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:18,216
Hmm, no Steve and Snot.
381
00:17:18,218 --> 00:17:20,767
Also, strange it's just
a twisted landscape
382
00:17:20,769 --> 00:17:22,447
full of guys cranking it.
383
00:17:22,449 --> 00:17:23,858
Doesn't seem like a punishment.
384
00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:26,141
More like a really good warehouse party.
385
00:17:26,143 --> 00:17:28,695
- Which floor is next?
- Sodomites.
386
00:17:28,697 --> 00:17:30,710
I'd recommend waiting here.
387
00:17:30,712 --> 00:17:32,892
Roger!
388
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:38,030
- Did you stop at the Cinnabon?
- Yep.
389
00:17:38,032 --> 00:17:41,590
And even better,
I finally figured out who Paul Gary is.
390
00:17:41,592 --> 00:17:42,800
A sodomite!
391
00:17:42,802 --> 00:17:45,418
My journey has come to an end!
392
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:46,896
Oh, interesting.
393
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,112
The eighth floor is
just for nibbling tush.
394
00:17:49,114 --> 00:17:51,262
My journey might just
be getting started!
395
00:17:51,264 --> 00:17:53,478
Roger! Where are the boys?
396
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,836
I'm out of ideas.
Maybe we just talk to the man in charge?
397
00:17:56,838 --> 00:17:58,583
And then no matter what he tells us,
398
00:17:58,585 --> 00:18:01,404
we can circle back to
the tush nibbling floor.
399
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:05,636
And I'm sending my e-mail...
400
00:18:05,638 --> 00:18:07,247
now.
401
00:18:07,249 --> 00:18:09,732
Okay, what are we doing here?
What do we need?
402
00:18:09,734 --> 00:18:11,882
We're looking for our sons.
403
00:18:11,884 --> 00:18:13,360
I will take you to them.
404
00:18:13,362 --> 00:18:16,450
They are with the worst of the worst.
405
00:18:16,452 --> 00:18:20,480
The floor for people
who support live comedy.
406
00:18:20,482 --> 00:18:23,031
I didn't say a billion oil tankers.
407
00:18:23,033 --> 00:18:26,255
I said a billion oil tankers!
408
00:18:26,257 --> 00:18:28,943
Oops, I told that wrong! That's my time!
409
00:18:28,945 --> 00:18:31,562
Alright!
Keep it going for Crazy Dave.
410
00:18:31,564 --> 00:18:35,525
Up next, he's the only comedian
down here... Crazy Dave!
411
00:18:36,175 --> 00:18:37,472
Just a reminder, guys.
412
00:18:37,474 --> 00:18:39,622
This is a punishment for me, too.
413
00:18:39,624 --> 00:18:40,965
There they are!
414
00:18:40,967 --> 00:18:42,174
- Steve!
- Mom!
415
00:18:42,176 --> 00:18:43,921
- Snot!
- Snot's mom!
416
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,397
You're coming home.
417
00:18:45,399 --> 00:18:46,675
Who says we want to go?
418
00:18:46,677 --> 00:18:49,562
Yeah, down here,
no one says we can't be friends.
419
00:18:49,564 --> 00:18:52,383
You can be friends back home.
420
00:18:52,386 --> 00:18:54,801
Steve, I'm sorry.
421
00:18:54,803 --> 00:18:57,690
As a mother, I should've put you first.
422
00:18:57,692 --> 00:19:00,914
And it was wrong of me to do
something that made you die.
423
00:19:00,916 --> 00:19:05,145
I'm sorry, too, Snot.
Children should be alive.
424
00:19:05,147 --> 00:19:08,570
Wow, you guys really
have learned your lesson.
425
00:19:08,572 --> 00:19:11,862
I love you, mom. Let's go home.
426
00:19:12,632 --> 00:19:14,103
Not so fast!
427
00:19:14,138 --> 00:19:16,966
I can't just release souls back
into the world of the living.
428
00:19:16,968 --> 00:19:19,451
A bargain must be struck!
429
00:19:20,730 --> 00:19:23,347
Yow! That was sick!
430
00:19:25,902 --> 00:19:28,519
Your refusal to spend time together
431
00:19:28,521 --> 00:19:31,945
started Steve and Snot on the
journey that led them here.
432
00:19:31,947 --> 00:19:33,960
If you want them to go back,
433
00:19:33,962 --> 00:19:37,452
you must stay behind
in this room together.
434
00:19:37,454 --> 00:19:39,266
Ugh, really?
435
00:19:39,268 --> 00:19:40,476
For how long?
436
00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:42,289
For eternity!
437
00:19:42,291 --> 00:19:44,908
I heard you at the funeral!
You said you would!
438
00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:47,997
But they'll be miserable
without their mothers!
439
00:19:47,999 --> 00:19:51,087
They won't remember you. No one will.
440
00:19:51,089 --> 00:19:52,767
It will be as if you never existed.
441
00:19:52,769 --> 00:19:55,185
But they will be alive.
442
00:19:55,187 --> 00:19:58,107
And they'll have each other?
443
00:20:00,896 --> 00:20:02,102
We accept.
444
00:20:02,104 --> 00:20:03,781
Okay, great! That's great.
445
00:20:03,783 --> 00:20:06,200
Just a bit of business...
In a half-hour or so,
446
00:20:06,202 --> 00:20:08,349
one of my archangels is
actually gonna need this room,
447
00:20:08,351 --> 00:20:11,372
so we'll probably have to
move you to another room.
448
00:20:11,374 --> 00:20:13,723
No, you know what?
I'm the devil, I'm the boss.
449
00:20:13,725 --> 00:20:16,812
You're gonna stay here.
He can go to another room.
450
00:20:16,814 --> 00:20:19,835
You know what? I should ask.
451
00:20:24,404 --> 00:20:27,559
Hey, wanna stay over at my
single dad's house tonight?
452
00:20:27,561 --> 00:20:29,843
Weeknight sleepover!
453
00:20:29,845 --> 00:20:32,126
I'll call my sisterless uncle!
454
00:20:32,128 --> 00:20:34,276
♪♪
455
00:20:34,278 --> 00:20:40,590
♪ If I die before I'm famous ♪
456
00:20:40,592 --> 00:20:46,567
♪ What's the point of anything? ♪
457
00:20:46,569 --> 00:20:52,141
♪ I'm too sentimental to get... ♪
458
00:20:52,143 --> 00:20:56,105
In a different timeline,
you have different tattoos.
459
00:20:56,107 --> 00:20:57,650
That makes sense.
460
00:20:57,652 --> 00:21:00,270
Francine loves "Muppet Treasure Island."
461
00:21:00,272 --> 00:21:02,351
Francine? Who is...
462
00:21:02,353 --> 00:21:03,964
Francine!
463
00:21:03,966 --> 00:21:05,945
Bye! Have a great time!
33728
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof