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_
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Daddy's home!
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Another mission, uh, survived.
4
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Oh, Stan!
5
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It's always such a relief
to have you back...
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Ew! You're soaked in sweat!
7
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Where was your mission,
inside a giant pair of ski boots?
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We relocated a family for the
witness protection program,
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00:00:26,861 --> 00:00:29,008
and part of that is actually
helping the people move.
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Dick made fun of me for
wearing a back brace then
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threw his own back out trying
to show off. It was awesome.
12
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I had to move two pool tables by myself,
but totally worth it.
13
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Witness protection?! How exciting!
14
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How did the people end up there?
Did they see someone get iced?
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00:00:43,781 --> 00:00:44,853
Sorry. Those are state secrets.
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Which is unfortunate for you
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'cause this town's crawlin'
with fascinating witnesses!
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But I'm a vault, baby!
These secrets die with me.
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Unless I die after 2035.
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That's when they become public domain.
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Attention, please.
I have an announcement.
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I found my first gray hair.
23
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And I couldn't be happier!
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I'd always hoped to go full
gray by the end of high school,
25
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and this is the first step
towards that silver-fox dream!
26
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Like Jamie Lee Curtis!
27
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This is great news!
28
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My boy is ready for a man's barber shop.
29
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You can finally come to Bushwhackers!
30
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The haircuts are whatever,
but the vibe's incredible.
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We sit around for hours
just choppin' it up.
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- Chopping what up?
- You know, "choppin' it up."
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Gabbin', shootin' the shit,
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smokin' and jokin' without the smokin'.
35
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Chit-chat on steroids.
You're gonna love it.
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Let's go!
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Also, babe, on my walk this morning,
38
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I made contact with a really big dog
39
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and I finally found my
dinosaur book and...
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- Jeff! What's up?
- Not much.
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No. Why are you telling me
42
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about every little thing in your life?
43
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I am trying to read
Cinnabon's privacy policy.
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Well, my memory's so bad that I know
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if I don't tell you
everything right away,
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the important stuff will
slip through the cracks.
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How about this... Instead of telling me
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everything as it happens,
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write it all down in this notebook.
50
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Oh, I get it!
51
00:02:06,094 --> 00:02:07,703
And then I can go through it
52
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and share the most
important parts with you.
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No!
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♪♪
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
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♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
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♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
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♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
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- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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Aah!
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♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
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♪♪
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You ever see the show "Cheers"?
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I'm kinda the Sam Malone around here.
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You have to be Kirstie Alley.
Everyone else is taken.
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Oh! No, I knew you were gonna say that!
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- Oh, you...
- That's Tony. He's great.
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He has a bunch of brothers
who refuse to talk to him,
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and he won't tell us why.
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It was a soul-stirring episode.
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No, no, no, no, no!
No "Masked Singer" talk.
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I wasn't able to watch last night
'cause I...
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was on... a date!
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- Ooh!
- Ha ha ha!
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So, where'd you take Tuttle's mom?
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Yeah! Where'd you take my mom, Tony?
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My mom missed my ninth birthday party
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'cause of a vicious yeast infection.
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Uh... I'm, uh, sorry to hear that, Stan.
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Tony, this is my son, Steve.
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He just got his first gray hair.
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I remember my first gray hair...
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But it wasn't on my head.
85
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Hey, Steve, pretty soon
86
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the whole town's gonna
know about your gray hair.
87
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Raymont here's a real blabbermouth.
88
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Ha ha! It's true!
89
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That's why I became a news director.
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00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:49,487
Lewis was talking about
his peeee-nisssss!
91
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So, my date last night.
92
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You'll never guess who it was with.
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Dracula! Dracula's a funny guess!
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Oh, uh, n-no, uh...
95
00:04:00,566 --> 00:04:03,251
Guys, it was Tanya from the
nail salon across the street.
96
00:04:03,253 --> 00:04:04,929
- He-yo!
- Va-va-va voom!
97
00:04:04,931 --> 00:04:06,540
Suck your blood!
98
00:04:07,146 --> 00:04:09,226
Hey, Tony,
want to see a picture of a rose?
99
00:04:09,228 --> 00:04:12,583
It's got the reddest petals,
like red on steroids!
100
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:16,074
Uh, I should, uh,
probably focus on the kid's hair.
101
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:21,110
So, uh... H-How'd the date go?
102
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Yeah. Did ya get lucky?
103
00:04:22,791 --> 00:04:26,414
Actually, boys, I did get lucky...
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'Cause I forgot my wallet
and she had to pay!
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Classic Tony!
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Save that money, bitch!
107
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Who wants to hear more
108
00:04:35,815 --> 00:04:38,533
about my mother's yeast infection?
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♪♪
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Another great trip to the barber shop.
111
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Damn. I was on "fi-ah" today.
112
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"Steve got his hairs cut.
113
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"Mr. S got caught on fire.
114
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Mrs. S is watching pornography
on the living-room TV."
115
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Must have been cool seeing
your dad in his element, huh?
116
00:05:02,873 --> 00:05:05,288
I-It was... It was fine, I guess.
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You guess? Come on!
Tell your mother how awesome I was.
118
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- I can't.
- Sure, you can!
119
00:05:10,325 --> 00:05:13,881
It's not braggin'
if you're talking about somebody else.
120
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Dad,
you were completely out of sync.
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Every time you spoke,
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the conversation came
to a screeching halt.
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No! I-I'm good at chopping it up.
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00:05:23,484 --> 00:05:25,295
I'm Sam from "Cheers"!
125
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No chance. You're...
126
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,122
Gosh, I can't even give you
the quiet guy with glasses
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00:05:29,124 --> 00:05:31,203
who pops up like every 10 episodes.
128
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:34,695
You're so out of place,
it'd be like if a character
129
00:05:34,697 --> 00:05:37,850
from a completely different
show came in the bar...
130
00:05:37,852 --> 00:05:39,328
Maybe Gargamel from "The Smurfs"?
131
00:05:39,330 --> 00:05:41,274
And I feel like that's even generous.
132
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Nope. Unh-unh.
We are going back to Bushwhackers.
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I'm gonna show you how wrong you are!
134
00:05:46,178 --> 00:05:49,129
-Ooh!
-Hmm.
135
00:05:49,131 --> 00:05:54,032
I think doctor Throbber's weiner
may have never been broken.
136
00:05:54,034 --> 00:05:56,985
_
137
00:05:56,987 --> 00:05:58,798
Well, I'm on your side, Brian.
138
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,214
It sounds like vengeance was necessary.
139
00:06:01,216 --> 00:06:03,833
The kid's neck is ready
for another shave, Tony.
140
00:06:03,835 --> 00:06:05,110
Okay, what are we talking about?
141
00:06:05,112 --> 00:06:06,787
I was just explaining to the fellas
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00:06:06,789 --> 00:06:09,339
why the coast guard keeps
coming around looking for me.
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Coast guard, coast is clear,
clear channel, English channel.
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Go,
Bazooka Sharks, guv'na!
145
00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:18,067
Hmm.
Not exactly a standing ovation.
146
00:06:18,069 --> 00:06:20,685
But that's okay.
Let's go with a classic.
147
00:06:20,687 --> 00:06:22,297
Hey, have I ever shown you guys
148
00:06:22,299 --> 00:06:25,183
this amazing picture of a rose?!
149
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Gargamel...
150
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Gargamel...
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00:06:28,543 --> 00:06:30,420
Gargamel...
152
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Am I bad at chopping it up?
153
00:06:32,436 --> 00:06:35,389
So I told him,
"for a perfect ham sandwich,
154
00:06:35,391 --> 00:06:39,484
the secret is... uncooked black beans."
155
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Secrets?! You want secrets?!
156
00:06:40,829 --> 00:06:43,177
Well, Tuttle's in the
witness protection program
157
00:06:43,179 --> 00:06:44,588
'cause he saw a bunch of murders!
158
00:06:44,590 --> 00:06:46,534
Stan! How could you?!
159
00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:49,824
Stan, if that's true,
you basically just killed Tuttle.
160
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,778
H-Hey, we're...
we're just guys chopping it up, right?
161
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:55,195
What happens at Bushwhackers
s-stays at Bushwhack...
162
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Gotta go!
163
00:06:58,554 --> 00:07:00,768
I'm receiving breaking news from my boss
164
00:07:00,770 --> 00:07:03,118
with another
"chop from the barber shop."
165
00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,997
Langley Falls' own Al Tuttle
166
00:07:04,999 --> 00:07:07,079
is in the witness protection program.
167
00:07:07,081 --> 00:07:10,369
Is this station responsible for
the certain death of Al Tuttle?
168
00:07:10,371 --> 00:07:13,725
We blame the person who told us...
Stan Smith.
169
00:07:13,727 --> 00:07:17,822
As always, our file photos
come from Pogofest 2017.
170
00:07:19,258 --> 00:07:22,110
_
171
00:07:25,939 --> 00:07:28,488
I can't believe he's dead.
172
00:07:28,490 --> 00:07:30,905
Goes to show, you can go at any moment,
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00:07:30,907 --> 00:07:32,987
no matter how perfect your body is.
174
00:07:32,989 --> 00:07:35,604
If I'm God, I'd want that back, too.
175
00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:36,948
This is tragic!
176
00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:40,439
I was about to get Tuttle
to lend me 16 bucks.
177
00:07:40,441 --> 00:07:43,057
- I needed that 16!
- Why?
178
00:07:43,059 --> 00:07:44,533
I'm getting sued for renting someone
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00:07:44,535 --> 00:07:45,944
an apartment I don't own.
180
00:07:45,946 --> 00:07:48,026
It costs 16 bucks to
park at the courthouse,
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00:07:48,028 --> 00:07:51,382
where I will tell that
person to go himself.
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00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,888
You're doing great.
We'll be done here soon,
183
00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:58,969
then we'll set you up
with a new identity.
184
00:07:58,971 --> 00:08:00,917
- Thanks, Stan...
- Oh, God!
185
00:08:00,919 --> 00:08:03,132
I just miss you so much, buddy!
186
00:08:03,134 --> 00:08:07,898
So sad! So unsuspicious!
187
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:10,786
Today we lay to rest Al Tuttle.
188
00:08:10,788 --> 00:08:12,867
Tuttle was recently outed as a snitch
189
00:08:12,869 --> 00:08:14,680
against multiple crime families.
190
00:08:19,449 --> 00:08:22,535
But even more recently,
he happened to die...
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00:08:22,537 --> 00:08:24,550
murdered by one of the many prostitutes
192
00:08:24,552 --> 00:08:26,496
he had grown to trust.
193
00:08:26,498 --> 00:08:29,585
But most importantly,
Tuttle is now very dead,
194
00:08:29,587 --> 00:08:31,532
and anyone who came to
town looking to kill him
195
00:08:31,534 --> 00:08:32,874
can head home.
196
00:08:32,876 --> 00:08:34,217
God did the job for you.
197
00:08:34,219 --> 00:08:36,433
I thought a prostitute killed him?
198
00:08:36,435 --> 00:08:39,118
Uh, the...
the prostitute's name was God.
199
00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,334
She was... Dutch, I believe.
200
00:08:41,336 --> 00:08:43,483
No more questions. This funeral's over.
201
00:08:43,485 --> 00:08:46,571
♪♪
202
00:08:46,573 --> 00:08:47,713
Why all the long faces?
203
00:08:47,715 --> 00:08:49,727
It's a beautiful day. Let's chop it up.
204
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,009
Is there any difference
between heavy cream
205
00:08:52,011 --> 00:08:53,620
and heavy whipping cream?
206
00:08:53,622 --> 00:08:56,911
Yeah. They add a protein
that makes it easier to whip.
207
00:08:56,913 --> 00:08:59,328
Oh. Uh, well...
208
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:02,080
Tuttle's still alive!
We faked the whole thing!
209
00:09:02,082 --> 00:09:04,296
♪♪
210
00:09:04,298 --> 00:09:07,250
Well, shit. Up and at 'em.
Time for plan B.
211
00:09:07,252 --> 00:09:08,526
I'm going, too?!
212
00:09:08,528 --> 00:09:10,070
Absolutely.
213
00:09:10,072 --> 00:09:12,621
Your dad's been off his game,
and I can't leave you thinking
214
00:09:12,623 --> 00:09:14,032
that's how big Stan operates.
215
00:09:14,034 --> 00:09:17,254
Is this really a mission for
a 14-year-old to be going on?!
216
00:09:17,256 --> 00:09:21,214
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I was
talking to a gray-haired man.
217
00:09:21,216 --> 00:09:22,961
Oh, my God!
218
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:26,117
Tuttle was dead,
and now he's back to life!
219
00:09:26,119 --> 00:09:28,399
Well, if Tuttle's not dead...
220
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,548
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
221
00:09:30,550 --> 00:09:34,105
Gold medal! Team U.S.A.!
222
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,925
This isn't a dream!
This is really happening!
223
00:09:36,927 --> 00:09:38,403
I know!
224
00:09:38,405 --> 00:09:42,363
_
225
00:09:42,365 --> 00:09:43,841
I think we lost 'em.
226
00:09:43,843 --> 00:09:46,930
And if they do catch us,
at least I'll die with friends,
227
00:09:46,932 --> 00:09:49,145
which I really never saw for myself.
228
00:09:49,147 --> 00:09:51,763
We're gonna be fine.
There's a safe house in Vermont.
229
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,845
We just have to get there,
notify the CIA,
230
00:09:53,847 --> 00:09:56,531
and they'll swoop in and
reset everything for Tuttle.
231
00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:58,209
I liked my old life.
232
00:09:58,211 --> 00:10:00,962
Now I'm gonna be shipped off
to somewhere like Antarctica.
233
00:10:00,964 --> 00:10:03,983
I mean, it'll be a nice excuse
to wear my new winter coat,
234
00:10:03,985 --> 00:10:07,340
and there's gotta be good
access to fresh fish.
235
00:10:07,342 --> 00:10:08,951
Can't be much traffic.
236
00:10:08,953 --> 00:10:10,832
Okay!
I'm actually looking forward to it!
237
00:10:10,834 --> 00:10:13,987
Mr. Tuttle, how'd you end up
in witness protection anyway?
238
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:17,218
Well, back in my 20s,
I lived in Chicago...
239
00:10:17,883 --> 00:10:20,768
...and I suffered from
horrible agoraphobia.
240
00:10:20,770 --> 00:10:22,178
Didn't go outside for years.
241
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:28,019
And then one day I forced
myself to face my fears.
242
00:10:28,021 --> 00:10:32,316
But as luck would have it,
Chicago was hosting Mob-Con,
243
00:10:32,318 --> 00:10:34,196
and there were a few families there
244
00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:36,278
who didn't care for each other.
245
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:40,104
Courtesy of the Gambonis!
246
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:42,924
I saw a mob hit. And then another.
247
00:10:43,515 --> 00:10:46,349
Strike four! Courtesy of the Gambinos!
248
00:10:49,096 --> 00:10:51,249
Courtesy of the Bingonis!
249
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:54,405
I had to testify in a
whole mess of trials.
250
00:10:54,407 --> 00:10:56,889
So I was placed in witness protection.
251
00:10:59,039 --> 00:11:01,590
But I choose to look
at it as a blessing.
252
00:11:01,592 --> 00:11:04,611
Otherwise, I never would have
ended up in Langley Falls
253
00:11:04,613 --> 00:11:05,953
and met you guys!
254
00:11:05,955 --> 00:11:08,571
Geez. Meeting us is the blessing?
255
00:11:08,573 --> 00:11:11,190
Ever wish you just let
the mob kill ya instead?
256
00:11:12,535 --> 00:11:14,748
Ah, sometimes I wonder if they did
257
00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:16,628
and this is actually hell!
258
00:11:17,772 --> 00:11:20,186
The
devil lives in hell!
259
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:25,893
He, uh... sure does, dad.
260
00:11:25,895 --> 00:11:28,848
Damn. I'm really not good at choppin'
it up, am I?
261
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:30,123
Dad, forget it.
262
00:11:30,125 --> 00:11:31,935
Let's just focus on getting Tuttle to...
263
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:34,622
Dad, why are you pulling over?
264
00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:36,233
Because it's not my fault.
265
00:11:36,235 --> 00:11:38,650
I'm with a nerdy kid and a snitch loser.
266
00:11:38,652 --> 00:11:42,006
I just need some new energy in here.
267
00:11:42,008 --> 00:11:44,222
Dad, considering the circumstances,
268
00:11:44,224 --> 00:11:46,774
we really shouldn't be inviting
strangers into the car!
269
00:11:46,776 --> 00:11:49,258
I'm kinda with Steve on this, Stan.
270
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:50,803
Can you two chill out?
271
00:11:50,805 --> 00:11:52,883
I gotta get this chop-it-up
monkey off my back.
272
00:11:52,885 --> 00:11:54,763
Ah, don't worry. I'm harmless.
273
00:11:54,765 --> 00:11:57,919
Except for one time when I was
passing through Chattanooga.
274
00:11:57,921 --> 00:12:00,739
Well, ya...
ya can't blame anyone
275
00:12:00,741 --> 00:12:03,559
for what they do in Chattanooga.
276
00:12:03,561 --> 00:12:04,902
A friend of mine from the gym
277
00:12:04,904 --> 00:12:07,319
goes to Europe, like, all the time.
278
00:12:09,469 --> 00:12:11,817
And at that point, it was do or die,
279
00:12:11,819 --> 00:12:15,240
so I pushed that octopus
right in front of the train.
280
00:12:15,242 --> 00:12:17,524
Can't blame anyone for what
they do in Chattanooga!
281
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,276
Yeah, like the gentleman said...
282
00:12:20,278 --> 00:12:23,768
Hitchhiker, I gotta say,
you are a dazzling conversationalist.
283
00:12:23,770 --> 00:12:26,252
Well, when you're a career hitchhiker,
you have to be.
284
00:12:26,254 --> 00:12:28,792
You rely on people
wanting you in the car.
285
00:12:28,828 --> 00:12:29,944
If you wanna keep the mileage going,
286
00:12:29,946 --> 00:12:31,959
you gotta keep the convo going.
287
00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:33,503
Did you just make that up?
288
00:12:33,505 --> 00:12:35,047
- No.
- Wow!
289
00:12:35,049 --> 00:12:37,330
Would you be willing... to teach me?
290
00:12:37,332 --> 00:12:40,754
Yes. If you allow me to
take my shoes and socks off.
291
00:12:40,756 --> 00:12:41,896
Deal!
292
00:12:41,898 --> 00:12:43,977
Good, 'cause I just took 'em off.
293
00:12:43,979 --> 00:12:45,924
And... you'll be able to tell.
294
00:12:50,625 --> 00:12:52,839
The sun is shining.
295
00:12:54,453 --> 00:12:58,748
Two crows are fighting over a dildo.
296
00:12:58,750 --> 00:13:00,628
Babe's gonna love this.
297
00:13:02,040 --> 00:13:04,924
With all this writing,
I forgot to eat lunch.
298
00:13:04,926 --> 00:13:06,872
Better grab a popsicle.
299
00:13:08,082 --> 00:13:10,933
Whoa! Two popsicles!
300
00:13:15,132 --> 00:13:17,144
Wait. I had been doing something,
301
00:13:17,146 --> 00:13:20,434
something that was
helping with my memory.
302
00:13:20,436 --> 00:13:22,112
What was it?
303
00:13:22,114 --> 00:13:23,590
Whoa! Two popsicles!
304
00:13:23,592 --> 00:13:27,081
Whoa! Two crows fighting over a dildo!
305
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:29,564
Babe's gonna love this!
306
00:13:29,566 --> 00:13:30,975
Hey, babe!
307
00:13:30,977 --> 00:13:32,921
Whoa! Two popsicles!
308
00:13:35,005 --> 00:13:39,905
♪♪
309
00:13:41,921 --> 00:13:44,067
Let's fire up a test convo, Stan,
310
00:13:44,069 --> 00:13:45,476
so I can see what I'm working with.
311
00:13:45,478 --> 00:13:47,558
Tuttle, start us off, chief.
312
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,445
O-kay, well, uh, I, for one,
313
00:13:50,447 --> 00:13:53,734
am really enjoying all
the stars in the sky.
314
00:13:53,736 --> 00:13:56,287
Yeah. Don't get this in the big city.
315
00:13:56,289 --> 00:13:59,173
I saw a video on YouTube of a rat dying!
316
00:13:59,175 --> 00:14:00,583
Okay. We'll pause there.
317
00:14:00,585 --> 00:14:02,597
Let's start with a concept called "fit,"
318
00:14:02,599 --> 00:14:04,343
and that's gonna be a three-pronger
319
00:14:04,345 --> 00:14:05,753
for a guy like you, Stan.
320
00:14:05,755 --> 00:14:08,237
One, does what I have to say fit
321
00:14:08,239 --> 00:14:10,452
with the subject of the conversation?
322
00:14:10,454 --> 00:14:11,862
- At all?
- Interesting.
323
00:14:11,864 --> 00:14:14,616
Steve, write all this down for me, 'kay?
324
00:14:14,618 --> 00:14:17,570
Two, does it fit with the tone?
325
00:14:17,572 --> 00:14:21,061
Happy versus sad, nice versus mean.
326
00:14:21,063 --> 00:14:24,753
And, three, does it fit,
just, like, space-wise?
327
00:14:24,755 --> 00:14:27,372
Because if someone else
is already talking,
328
00:14:27,374 --> 00:14:28,983
the... the answer is no.
329
00:14:28,985 --> 00:14:30,360
Make sense?
330
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:34,690
Steve, go ahead
and read all that back to me.
331
00:14:34,692 --> 00:14:37,375
Anyone can string words together...
332
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,921
gravel, thunder, swimming pool.
333
00:14:38,923 --> 00:14:41,001
Oh, yeah, that sounds nice!
334
00:14:41,003 --> 00:14:43,620
No, Stan, that's actually the
opposite of what I'm saying.
335
00:14:43,622 --> 00:14:46,708
90% of talking... is listening.
336
00:14:47,918 --> 00:14:49,999
Aah! They found us!
337
00:14:50,001 --> 00:14:52,347
That guy's from the funeral, Dad!
338
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:54,228
Mangia this bullet, you snitch!
339
00:14:57,923 --> 00:15:00,673
That was too close, Dad!
W-We gotta be more careful!
340
00:15:00,675 --> 00:15:02,352
You saw what happened to that guy,
341
00:15:02,354 --> 00:15:05,709
and you think we should be more careful?
342
00:15:06,243 --> 00:15:08,596
Here it is, the safe house.
343
00:15:11,015 --> 00:15:14,437
Uh, Dad, why aren't you,
uh, getting out?
344
00:15:14,439 --> 00:15:17,323
I think you and I both know
why I'm not getting out.
345
00:15:17,325 --> 00:15:19,204
I've gotta keep driving
around with Hitchhiker.
346
00:15:19,206 --> 00:15:22,031
I'm this close to choppin'
it up like a master.
347
00:15:22,066 --> 00:15:23,131
- No, you're not.
- Shut up!
348
00:15:23,133 --> 00:15:24,911
See? We're already ribbin' each other.
349
00:15:24,913 --> 00:15:26,052
- No, we're not.
- Damn you to hell!
350
00:15:26,054 --> 00:15:28,805
You guys head in.
I'll be back in no time.
351
00:15:28,807 --> 00:15:30,283
You see how close I am.
352
00:15:30,646 --> 00:15:32,968
Dad, don't go!
353
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:36,861
Well, Steve,
I guess that puts you in charge.
354
00:15:39,179 --> 00:15:40,831
_
355
00:15:44,182 --> 00:15:46,027
Over there!
356
00:15:51,299 --> 00:15:52,370
Whoa.
357
00:15:52,372 --> 00:15:54,183
What's this?
358
00:16:00,699 --> 00:16:02,441
Guys, I'm back!
359
00:16:02,443 --> 00:16:05,127
The hitchhiker told me he
couldn't teach me anything more
360
00:16:05,129 --> 00:16:07,041
and then just walked into the ocean.
361
00:16:08,419 --> 00:16:10,365
There you boneheads are!
362
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:12,681
Come on! Let's chop it up!
363
00:16:13,590 --> 00:16:16,609
Pointing? Okay. How about...
364
00:16:16,611 --> 00:16:19,763
Nice point.
You should be a pencil for Halloween!
365
00:16:21,377 --> 00:16:22,583
See? These guys get it.
366
00:16:22,585 --> 00:16:24,531
No. We're laughin' at you.
367
00:16:24,533 --> 00:16:26,680
Uhp. Rude dude alert.
368
00:16:28,158 --> 00:16:29,969
_
369
00:16:29,971 --> 00:16:32,520
♪♪
370
00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:34,869
How long after I left
did the mafia get here?
371
00:16:34,871 --> 00:16:37,018
Like right away. Maybe two minutes?
372
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:38,696
Okay. Good. I don't have to feel bad
373
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,711
about stopping for
dinner with Hitchhiker.
374
00:16:40,713 --> 00:16:42,592
Wouldn't have changed anything.
375
00:16:42,594 --> 00:16:45,947
Our three families have
been warring for decades,
376
00:16:45,949 --> 00:16:47,694
but looking for you, Tuttle,
377
00:16:47,696 --> 00:16:49,774
has brought us together peacefully!
378
00:16:49,776 --> 00:16:52,662
So... does that mean
you're not gonna kill me?
379
00:16:52,664 --> 00:16:54,609
Oh, no, we're definitely killing you.
380
00:16:54,611 --> 00:16:57,361
Please! You can't! Is he perfect? No!
381
00:16:57,363 --> 00:17:00,450
But he's a good guy,
and I'll feel responsible if he dies.
382
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:03,673
Nah, you won't feel anything.
You'll be dead, too.
383
00:17:03,675 --> 00:17:05,486
Not taking care of witnesses
384
00:17:05,488 --> 00:17:07,231
is kinda how we ended up in this mess.
385
00:17:07,233 --> 00:17:10,186
Plus, this way,
each family gets to kill one person,
386
00:17:10,188 --> 00:17:13,207
which'll keep things fair
in our uneasy alliance.
387
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:16,094
Just give us a minute
to decide who kills who.
388
00:17:16,096 --> 00:17:18,511
I'm sorry chopping it
up brought us to this.
389
00:17:18,513 --> 00:17:20,323
- It happens!
- It's just...
390
00:17:20,325 --> 00:17:23,134
I'm your hero in every
other aspect of life.
391
00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:23,949
You are?
392
00:17:23,951 --> 00:17:26,433
I couldn't handle even
one teeny, tiny area
393
00:17:26,435 --> 00:17:29,387
where you didn't look at
me as an absolute God.
394
00:17:29,389 --> 00:17:31,670
But fortunately no one has to die,
395
00:17:31,672 --> 00:17:34,149
because big Stan has a plan.
396
00:17:34,184 --> 00:17:35,833
What you've both forgotten is that
397
00:17:35,835 --> 00:17:37,645
I'm a master of chopping it up now.
398
00:17:38,923 --> 00:17:40,734
I'm gonna go chat with the mafia guys,
399
00:17:40,736 --> 00:17:42,345
and when they're completely engrossed,
400
00:17:42,347 --> 00:17:44,360
you two slip out the
back and call the police.
401
00:17:44,362 --> 00:17:46,776
All that's gonna do
is get you shot first!
402
00:17:46,778 --> 00:17:49,463
Stan. You got this.
403
00:17:49,465 --> 00:17:51,207
Thanks, Tuttle.
404
00:17:51,209 --> 00:17:53,893
Alright.
Game time, bitches.
405
00:17:56,245 --> 00:17:57,854
Can I do this guy?
406
00:17:58,864 --> 00:18:00,809
Uh, you guys wanna see
407
00:18:00,811 --> 00:18:02,621
a picture of a rose?
408
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,971
Sure. We'll check it out.
409
00:18:04,973 --> 00:18:08,195
- Oh, it's beautiful!
- Soooo red!
410
00:18:08,197 --> 00:18:11,752
And I'm just now appreciatin'
that strong, spiky stem!
411
00:18:11,755 --> 00:18:14,841
I'd gladly receive a
kiss from this rose.
412
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:16,923
Ha! Like the song!
413
00:18:19,073 --> 00:18:21,891
He's doin' it! He's choppin' it up!
414
00:18:21,893 --> 00:18:25,650
Such a nicely composed photo.
Did you take this?
415
00:18:25,652 --> 00:18:27,933
Yeah, I took it. Off the Internet!
416
00:18:37,805 --> 00:18:41,831
And, class,
Stan was so good at conversing now
417
00:18:41,833 --> 00:18:43,443
that he used his silver tongue
418
00:18:43,445 --> 00:18:46,666
to actually "chop up" the bad guys.
419
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,753
- _
- It's all here in "The Book of Fischer."
420
00:18:49,755 --> 00:18:53,647
After our lord and savior,
Tuttle, died and rose again,
421
00:18:53,649 --> 00:18:56,467
this was the first
miracle he performed...
422
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,481
giving an ordinary man the ability
423
00:18:58,483 --> 00:19:01,704
to chop up wrongdoers with his words.
424
00:19:01,706 --> 00:19:04,793
Whoa!
425
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:07,009
How do we know any of this is true?
426
00:19:07,011 --> 00:19:10,299
Part of being a Tuttle's
witness is faith.
427
00:19:10,301 --> 00:19:13,924
Once you have truly welcomed
Tuttle into your life,
428
00:19:13,926 --> 00:19:16,475
you'll know in your
heart that everything
429
00:19:16,477 --> 00:19:18,557
in "The Book of Fischer" is true,
430
00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:20,706
every story enlightening,
431
00:19:20,708 --> 00:19:23,727
every spelling mistake meaningful.
432
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:25,203
But wait a second.
433
00:19:25,205 --> 00:19:27,822
How did the prophet Fischer
even record this story?
434
00:19:27,824 --> 00:19:31,582
It happened after his book was
entombed in the refrigerator.
435
00:19:31,584 --> 00:19:35,140
Uh... not all stories are told linearly.
436
00:19:35,142 --> 00:19:37,591
Time to color in your picture of a rose.
437
00:19:44,743 --> 00:19:48,568
Uh, you guys wanna see
a picture of a rose?
438
00:19:56,492 --> 00:19:58,169
Tuttle, easy. I-It's over.
439
00:19:58,171 --> 00:20:00,250
What the hell, Tuttle?! We had a plan!
440
00:20:00,252 --> 00:20:02,129
The rose was about to do its thing!
441
00:20:02,131 --> 00:20:04,077
Have you had that gun the whole time?
442
00:20:04,079 --> 00:20:06,964
Yeah, I've been a marked man
for 20 years.
443
00:20:06,966 --> 00:20:09,314
But I've never had to use it before.
444
00:20:09,316 --> 00:20:11,933
Well, everyone who knew
you were alive is dead.
445
00:20:11,935 --> 00:20:15,625
So I guess you can either
go back to Langley Falls
446
00:20:15,627 --> 00:20:17,304
or your life before that.
447
00:20:17,306 --> 00:20:19,855
Uh, I'll go back to Langley.
448
00:20:19,857 --> 00:20:21,600
That's where I have the most friends.
449
00:20:21,602 --> 00:20:24,756
Ha! I'll never be as funny
as you are, Tuttle.
450
00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:26,904
Do we have to do something about this?
451
00:20:26,906 --> 00:20:29,321
It's a safe house, not an Airbnb.
452
00:20:29,323 --> 00:20:32,914
We don't have to
"load the dishwasher" before we go.
453
00:20:35,583 --> 00:20:37,176
"The parable of chopping it up"
454
00:20:37,178 --> 00:20:39,527
is one of my favorites.
455
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:41,474
Can we go to McCyberDonald's
on the way home?
456
00:20:41,476 --> 00:20:44,629
Ask your father. Here he comes.
457
00:20:47,249 --> 00:20:50,471
Still alive and kickin'
after all these years!
458
00:20:50,473 --> 00:20:52,887
Pretty annoying how
everyone worships Jeff now,
459
00:20:52,889 --> 00:20:54,432
but gotta put up with it...
460
00:20:54,434 --> 00:20:57,387
'cause I can't get enough
of these sexy robot people!
461
00:20:58,865 --> 00:21:00,877
Stop!
34660
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