All language subtitles for The Misogynists (2017).eng

Mom?

What's wrong?

- Rebecca, go back to bed.

- Why are you crying?

- Because I'm sad.

- Why?

- Because we live in
a very sad country.

- Why is it sad?

- Because half the
people who live here

made the wrong decision.

How do you know?

- Because I know.

But you've
been wrong before.

- Well, I'm not
wrong about this.

- You were wrong when you
thought that black man

stole your cell phone.

- That was a mistake.

- You dropped it and he was
trying to give it back to you.

- I know that, Rebecca.

- You were wrong that time.

Maybe you can be
wrong this time.

- I'm not wrong, go to bed.

- Mom?

- Yes.

- Do you think I could
be president one day?

- Probably not.

- The Democrats thought this
scenario was impossible.

Trump has already won

several battleground
states that were predicted

to go to Hillary Clinton,

and now, he has just
won Ohio and Michigan.

No one could have predicted
he would win those states,

except for Trump himself.

He ran a campaign of
brawn and bluster,

traveling from state to state,

boasting to crowds that
he would win easily.

It looks like he's
going to pull it off.

There's still a statistical
chance that Hillary could win.

It's a small chance,
maybe impossible.

Why don't they just call it?

He's won.

The New York Times
just called it.

Really, The New York Times?

Yeah.

Oh man, then, it's over.

Fuck the networks.

They're just
stringing people along

to sell their advertising.

Look at this bozo.

They know it's over

and yet they're still
trying to sell this idea

that Hillary has a chance.

- Like we're children.
- Turn that shit off.

- He's won!
- Trump's the next president.

- Holy shit.

- Donald Fucking A Trump!
- He did it!

- Oh, that orange-headed
maniac pulled it off.

- We dodged a bullet.
- We sure did.

- You know what woulda
happened if Hillary Clinton

had won tonight?

- What?
- Woulda been the end of man.

- The end of man?
- Yeah.

- You think so?
- I know so.

- How so?
- The Bush family.

- The Bush family?
- The Bush family, yes.

- What about 'em?

- Barbara Bush, Laura
Bush, her two daughters.

All the Bush women
supported Hillary.

- So?
- You know why?

- They were against Trump.

- That wasn't it.

They did it to pave the way

for the Bush daughters'
own political ambitions.

- What do you mean?

- You don't support
somebody on the other side

unless there's
something in it for you.

- Okay.

- The Bush daughters
could be President.

It's in their blood.

- So the Bushes
supported Hillary

so their own daughters
could become president?

- They're all in
collusion with each other.

- Who?

- The women.

- The Bushes, the
Clintons, the Obamas.

They formed a cabal to make sure

that all their daughters
could be Head of State.

- I don't know.

There's a lotta
holes in that theory.

- Yeah there are a lotta
holes, lotta vagina holes.

Right down the line, it
woulda been women in power

followed by women in power.

On and on succeeding each other.

They woulda had to rename the
Oval Office, the Vulva Office.

- It still could happen, 4
years or 8 years down the road.

- No, the Democrats aren't
gonna run a woman against Trump

four years from now.

- Well, they might.

- No, no, they're not confident

that a woman can beat Trump.

- Well, they could run
somebody like Elizabeth Warren.

- That's too risky.

If a woman is on the Democratic
ticket and loses again,

women will be seen
as unelectable.

- Well, the Republicans
could run a woman

after Trump's second term.

Bite your fucking tongue.

That ain't gonna happen.

The patriarchy
has been restored.

- I don't know.

- That's the way it
should be, Baxter.

Men rule.

Women cook the fucking meat.

- You can't just reduce this

to some basic
hunter-gatherer instinct.

- I can do what I want.

I can say whatever I want.

The right candidate won.

The bitch lost.

Men rule.

Say it.

- I'm not gonna say that.

- It's a man's world.

Men rule!
- I'm not gonna say it.

- And women cook
the fucking meat!

Finally, Grant's here.

Hey, hey, hey, you
crazy son-of-a-bitch.

- Hello.
- Can I help you?

Yes, I'm staying next door

and you're making an
awful lotta noise.

- Oh sorry, we're
celebrating a bit.

- What's the occasion?
- It's the election.

- That's what
you're celebrating?

- As a matter of fact, it is.
- I wouldn't celebrate that.

Oh you're a
Hillary supporter, I take it.

Well,
Trump is going to undo

all the good will that
President Obama created.

- Hey, hey, it's me.

- I'm just calling to
see how you're doing.

He's an apologist.

- Gimme a shout and let me know.

Let me know when
you get the message.

He was sappy.

He might as well have been the
opening act for Elton John.

Oh, it's
exactly what we needed

after the Bush administration.

- He was soft.

He was
compassionate and respectful

to all cultures.

He was a brown-noser.

And I mean that figuratively.

And now the entire
world is laughing at us.

Well, the
liberals laughed at us

for an entire year.

Payback is a bitch.

I'm gonna go join
my friend now, so--

- Please keep it down.
- Yeah, we'll do that.

Can you believe that fat bitch?

Asking me to keep it down.

Well,
you were screaming.

- I'm not screaming.

I'm being a little loud.

But I'm not screaming.

What are you watching?

- I don't know.

The TV just popped on by itself.

- Yeah, it does that
every now and then.

It pops on out of the blue.

It's annoying.

I told them at the desk and
they said they'd do something

but they haven't, the fuckheads.

What channel is this?

I have no idea.

- It's all in reverse.

Why is it in reverse?

- I don't know.
It's pretty hypnotic.

- Ah, turn it off.

God, these images.

It's like they're
trying to brainwash us.

It's so distracting.

I think
it's kinda cool.

- And this bitch trying
to rob me of my freedom.

You fat fucking bitch.

- Come on, man.
- Mmm...

What?

- My mom's fat.
- Well, so what?

My dad's fat.

My sister's fat.

Hell, I could lose
a pound or two.

Fuck that and fuck
you, you fat bitch.

- It's just, it's not nice.
- Oh, what's not nice?

- To mock somebody
because of their weight.

- If they overeat, I think
they should be mocked.

- Well, who's to
say she overeats?

It might be genetic,
like her thyroid.

- That's not genetic.

That's the
all-you-can-eat-buffet
at Golden Corral.

- Would you have been this
irritated if she was thin?

- Of course I would.

Bullshit. If she was sexy
you'd have been nicer.

- What, is it a
crime to be mean?

- No, that's how
Trump got elected.

- That's right.

If it was a crime, yeah,
he woulda been arrested.

But it's not a crime

and his voters
responded to that.

- Well, he was just
rallying his base, right?

I mean, now that he's president,

I'm sure he'll scale it back.

- I hope not. I hope
he gets nastier.

- Really, why?

- Because I hate
this PC culture.

- You're not free.
- Of course I'm free.

- No, you're not free
if you're worried

about hurting people's feelings.

And Trump understood that.

People are fed up.

He tapped into that.

Man's a genius.

- Well, shouldn't the president
have a sense of decorum?

- Decorum, what
the hell is that?

- Well, it's just his delivery.

It's very--

- Obnoxious?
- Yes.

- His outspokenness
got him elected.

Now you wanna mute him.

I'm not saying mute.

- You know people said, you
can't say that about Mexicans.

You can't say that
about Muslims!

And Trump just shrugged it
off and said "watch me."

The more liberals
cried "but it's mean,"

the more defiant Trump became.

Oh, oh, fuck being nice!

Long live Trump!

- Cameron, look, we
gotta keep it down.

- You know who gets labeled
an asshole in this life?

Those who tell the truth.

You know why? Because
the truth hurts.

And it's what we need.

We've had the Age of Reason,
we've had the Enlightenment.

Now we need the Age of Truth.

Trump is Truth.

- Well, he lied his
ass off, though,

the entire election, didn't he?

- Whatever, he's a politician,
it's to be expected.

- Time for me to go.

- It's early.

It's actually not.

- You wanted to have
some lines, right?

Grant will be here any second.

I shouldn't.

- Well, nobody does coke
because they should.

Well, then
why do they do it?

- It'll sober you up.
- I'm not drunk.

- Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

- Alice texted you.
- No.

She texted you.

She's riding you, telling you

you have to come home.

- She said I could stay out
as late as I want tonight.

- Oh, she gave you permission?

- I don't need permission.

- You just said she told
you you could stay out late.

- She did.

- That sounds like you
usually have a curfew

but that tonight you don't.

- I'm a grown man. I
don't need a curfew.

- The last time we
were all out together

she was bossing you around.

- No, she wasn't.

- Yeah, you tried to order
a third glass of scotch,

she told you to go
fuck your mother's ass.

- What? When?

- Whenever. Like two years ago.

We were at Gemma.

You tried to order a drink.

She said, "No."

You said "It's okay,
I'll have another one."

Alice said, "That's
enough, mister."

And you capitulated.

Mister? I don't think
she said, "mister."

It was a
sad moment for you.

- Well that was two years ago.

- So?

I was drinking a lot then.

- What, two drinks?
That's not a lot.

- Well, it woulda been three.

Three,
it's not a lot.

You've had five tonight.

- No, I haven't.
- Yeah, you have.

- What, are you
counting my drinks?

I'm estimating.

Look at the bottle of scotch.

You almost finished
that goddamned bottle.

- Fuck, I gotta stop drinking.

- Oh, now you're scared
Alice is gonna find out.

- Bullshit!

I see
it in your face.

You're stressed.

- I'm not stressed.

I'll prove it.

- Good, Baxter, good.

Marriage is stressful.

You know,
that's why men drink.

Stay. Do some coke, then
go home. It's all good.

Fine, well, let's
order some room service.

- I'm starving.
- Yeah, we haven't eaten yet.

- Oh shit, I gotta
take this call.

- Yeah, you talk to Alice.

I'll order food.

Hey.

Hey.

How are you?

Terrible. How
do you think I'm doing?

- It's gonna be okay.

- How did this happen?

Listen, I told
you this was a possibility.

- Yeah, 'cause we live in
a nation full of morons.

- Yeah, send all
that and apple pie.

What do you mean you're
sold out? It's on the menu.

Well, what else you got?

Fruit cake? I don't
want fruit cake.

Uh, all right, send fruit cake.

Yeah, thanks.

Out of fucking apple
pie on election night.

Fucking asshole.

- Hey.
- Yes.

It's about time.

- What's going on, brother?

Come on in.

- Wow.

- Shoes.
- I know.

- You just living in
a hotel room now, huh?

- Yeah.

- They just let you do that?

- Well, if you pay they'll
let you do anything.

- Yeah, I'm aware that.

Why don't you get an
apartment already?

- Because I can walk to work.

I like it here.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Better than your place uptown?

I mean, you know.

This is kinda small for you, no?

- Less upkeep.

Fresh towels every day.

- They clean the
sheets every day?

- Every day.

- Fresh white sheets every day.

- Like I like it.
- I know you do.

How long do you plan
on staying here?

- Well, I don't know. I'm here.

I'll stay as long as I want.

- It just doesn't
make any sense, Cam.

Just get an apartment, right?

You gotta be paying
what, $10,000 a month?

- 15.

- 15 grand a month to
live in a hotel room?

- I plan on getting
an apartment soon.

- It's really fucking stupid.

- Don't call me stupid.

Did you bring any coke?

- There are reports
of hate crimes.

What
kind of hate crimes?

- People assaulting
Asians, Mexicans.

They're painting
swastikas on buildings.

- Asians are
threatening Mexicans

and painting swastikas
on buildings?

No, Asians
aren't doing it.

The bigots are doing it to them.

- White people?

- Of course it's white
people. It's not the Amish.

- The Amish are technically
white, aren't they?

- They're doing horrible things,

assaulting gay people,
intimidating minorities.

Well, it's
only a few of them.

- They're all the same.

- That's the kind of
thinking that created Trump

in the first place.

Bullshit. The
media created Trump.

- Well, you're being as
close minded as the people

who say all Muslims
are terrorists.

- Don't lump me in the same
category as those bigots.

- You think you'd get enough
of this but you don't.

- When are you coming home?

- In an hour or so.
I ordered some food.

- Have you been drinking?

- No, I , I, well,
I had a drink.

- Beer or mixed drink?

- A beer, half a beer.

- You only had half a beer?

- Yes.

What did you
do with the other half?

- I left it on the table.

- Where are you?

- I'm on the sidewalk.

- What bar?

- Um, Gemma.

Why'd you say, "Um, Gemma,"
like you had to think about it?

- Are you drunk?
- No.

- What'd you order?

- I ordered a burger.

- Jesus, you have the
worst fucking diet.

- I'm in the best
shape of my life.

- You don't know that. You
could have aorta blockage.

- You seem on edge,
Cam. You a little angry?

- Angry? No, I'm not angry.

I am liberated. Fuck that bitch.

- That doesn't
sound angry to you?

No.

- You were married
a long time, man.

- 36 years.

- How old are you again?
- 56.

You got
married when you were 20?

Hmm.

- Wow, you must be terrified.

- What? Terrified? What
do you mean terrified?

- I don't know,
thought of living alone
after all that time.

You gotta be panicking.

- I am not panicking
about anything.

- Are you gonna drink it?
- Am I gonna drink what?

- The other half a beer.
- I was planning on it.

- All right, well,
after that, that's it.

- Okay, fine.

Who are you with?

- I'm with some of my
colleagues from work.

You know like, John and Trevor.

- I'm getting married in March.

- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.

- Why the fuck
would you do that?

- 'Cause I met someone

I wanna spend the
rest of my life with.

- No, Why now?

You've been a bachelor
all your life.

- I just, I really
relate to her.

She's young, 19, 20?

- What, no.

- She's younger than you, right?

- Well, she's my age.

I mean a little
bit younger but--

- You're marrying a
woman your own age?

- Yeah, of course.

- Now I know you've
lost your fucking mind.

- This is actually the clearest
I've ever been in my head.

I am at peace.

- Peace, well, that ends
after the honeymoon.

- I hate him.

I hate his fucking guts.

- All right, listen, you
gotta give him a chance.

Maybe he's gonna end up
being a good president.

- Are you out of
your fucking mind?

Aren't
you gonna miss it?

Miss what?

Fucking
random women.

What do they call
it, sport fucking?

- I never did that.
- You're gonna miss that.

- I never did that!
- Sure you did.

What, look at you.

You're handsome, sexy.

- Thank you but so what?

- You fucked hundreds of women?

- I did not, why would you--

- How many women
you fuck, Grant?

- Why do you wanna know?

- Because it's fun.

How many bitches you fucked?

- Bitches? Cam, come on.
- What?

- Okay, you have always
had a healthy disdain

for the opposite
sex, I grant you,

but this is, this
is excessive now.

- I don't have disdain
for the opposite sex.

- Did you vote for him?
- What do you mean?

- What do you mean
"what do I mean?"

- I asked you simple question.

- Why would you think
that I voted for Trump?

Because you've been
acting suspicious lately.

- Suspicious? In what way?

- You've been acting funny ever
since that trip to Chicago.

- Sue, Donna-Marie, Elizabeth.

- Why are you bringing them up?

- What do they have in common?
- They have pussies.

They all deserved
promotions. You know they did.

- Wanda? Wanda shoulda
been managing you.

- How many girls you fucked?

- You know what,
they're protesting.

Who?

People.

- Where?

A few
blocks from here.

- Well, what are
they protesting?

The
election, what else?

- But that doesn't
make any sense.

Of course it does.

Were there voting
irregularities? Trouble
with the machines?

Or voter intimidation?

Not that I'm aware of.

- Then what's to protest?

- The election.

What else?

- I don't see how
people can do that?

- What's that?
- Sport fuck.

- You know, sleep
with random people.

And now you're
doing prostitutes?

Really?

You been separated four months.

- You judging me?
- No, I'm not judging.

I'm just suggesting
maybe you try dating.

- Ugh, I don't wanna get
involved emotionally.

- I'm thinking of taking
the girls down there.

- Where?

- The protest!

- What, are you crazy?
Where are they now?

They're asleep.

- You're gonna wake up the girls

and bring them to a protest?

- Of course.

What
good would that do?

- To show Trump we're
not gonna take it.

You're
not gonna take what?

- His sexist
chauvinistic bullshit.

- I need to feel something
for the other person.

- Most of the sex I
have feels amazing.

- I'm talking about emotionally.

- Emotionally. Yeah, that's
what I'm trying to avoid.

- I just think it's kind of
important to respect a woman.

- Ah, at the ceremony,
the preacher's gonna say

"I now pronounce you
eunuch and wife."

Especially after tonight, you
gotta respect their emotions.

- Okay, so when Trump
said all that stuff

about grabbing women's pussies,

that didn't bother you, did it?

- Are you kidding me? I
fucking hate that guy.

- Since when?

- I don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm losing
my fucking mind.

I just wanna be around
people who are pissed off.

- You can't wake the girls up
and take them to a protest.

It's too late.

When are
you coming home?

- I told you after
after I finish eating

my burger and fries.

- Fucking burger.
This is the last one.

What is it with the red meat?

All you business types
and your fucking steaks.

I'm gonna
call you later, okay?

Bye.

- Truth is most women
don't give a shit

about what Trump said.

- Oh come on, sure they do.

- You know guys like
you, you enable women.

- Enable, enable them how?

- You enable their neediness.

- What are you
even talking about?

By catering
to their emotional needs,

you normalize their
neediness and then men

get blamed for
their imperfections.

Wow, you
are having a meltdown.

When they get upset,

and they get upset at
every fucking thing,

they externalize the blame.

And usually it's men.

It's always men who oppress
them, who squeeze them.

We don't hold them down.

They're just not strong enough
to rise above the oppression.

Oh wait,
women aren't strong?

- No, they're not.
- Women aren't strong?

Well, that's funny 'cause I
happen to know of one woman

who almost became fucking
president tonight.

She slogged through
a system, no,

fought through a system
that was ruled by men,

run by men, created by men,

and you know what? She
almost fucking won.

Yeah, but she
fucking lost. Thank God!

You are intimidated
by strong women, Cam.

And you know what,
you always have been.

Fuck you.

No, fuck you. That's why you
didn't promote Elizabeth,

why you didn't promote Suzanne,

why you didn't
promote Donna-Marie

and why you didn't
promote Wanda.

- They weren't as good.

They weren't as good?

But Duane was as good?

Alex was good.

Douglas Cosgrave?

You called him douche
bag Douglas Cosgrave

and you promoted him
over Wanda Jacobs.

- Fuck you.
- Fuck you. She was better.

What,
Wanda was better--

Don, Don, wake up.

What?

- Would you go over there
and tell them to quiet down?

You woke me up, dammit.

They're
driving me crazy.

- Just put me in ear plugs.

- They hurt my ears and besides,

why should I have to wear
earplugs in my hotel room?

Listen.

Do you hear them yelling?

I don't hear anything.

- That's because you're deaf.

Listen.

I don't hear anything.

Well, now
no one's yelling.

Well, then
everything's okay.

No, 'cause as
soon as I start to drift off,

those white pieces of shit

will start yelling.
- Oh, honey, please.

Don't call them
white pieces of shit.

- Don't call me honey.

You know I don't like that.

- Well, I don't like it when
you call people pieces of shit.

And why white pieces of shit?

Wouldn't piece of shit
suffice on it's own?

- Well, I get pissed off.

- That's no excuse.
- Sure it is.

- I don't say racist
things when I'm pissed off.

- You don't get pissed off.

- You know, this is a
common thing for you lately.

- You point out the
color of someone's skin

while you're insulting them.

- No, I don't.

- Bill O'Reilly's not
an asshole, he's a
pale-faced asshole.

Tucker Carlson's not a moron,
he's a white bread moron.

And you do the same with
me when you get upset

and, frankly, I'm starting
to wonder about you.

You're wrong.

- You're wrong.

- I've never seen you like this.

- I'm fine.
- You're psychotic.

- You're soft.

- Ugh, seriously, man,
I see this open door

and my first instinct
is to lock it

and move you to
the ground floor.

- It'll last a year.

- What will?

- I give it one year.

Two years tops?
- What?

I found
your wedding ring.

- Oh, I've been
looking for that.

It's actually
pretty expensive.

- You don't seem
too upset about it.

- Well, I've lost
it a dozen times.

Think unconsciously
I'm trying to lose it.

- So why don't you
just sell it, man?

Why are you holding onto it?

Room service already?

Oh, it's you again.

And you brought your--

- Husband.

- Sir, we're trying to sleep.

- Seriously, it doesn't feel
like we're being that loud.

- You're being as loud
as fuck. Right, Don?

- Uh, yes.

- You know, I hear voices
out in the hallway.

I hear bumps from up above.

It's kind of the deal you make
when you sleep at a hotel.

Hell, in New York,
it's unavoidable.

It's called white noise.
Surely, you understand that.

- Who? Me?
- Both of you.

I know you
what white noise is.

We used to have a white noise
machine. Honey, you remember.

Lydia got me one
to help me sleep.

I can
handle white noise.

But what I have a problem
with is white boy noise.

- White boy noise?
Are you serious?

- You know. When white
boys get together,

they don't give a fuck
about anybody else.

They do what they want.

- Francis, we don't need to
bring politics into this.

- Politics? This
is overt racism.

- Oh no, what it is is
a sense of entitlement.

- I paid for my room.

I'm entitled to hang
out with my friends.

- Well, we paid for our
room too and we're entitled

to a good night's rest.

- And you're seriously
calling me on for being white?

You're white.

- I didn't call
you out, she did.

- You're whiter than I am.

- I beg your pardon,
I'm from Africa.

- South Africa.

- Oh, did you meet
there in Africa?

- You know what?
Shut the fuck up.

- What the fuck did
you just say to me?

- I said shut the fuck up
because those are the rules.

Shut the fuck up because
everybody is sick and tired

of you bullying everybody in
the world to get your way.

Shut the fuck up because I can
call downstairs and complain.

- Oh well, you do that.

The general manager is a
personal friend of mine.

- Oh, I don't give
a fuck who he is.

I don't care if he's
your personal catamite.

All I know, you wake
me up one more time

and I'll have your
ass thrown outta here.

- What a loser.

- Hey...

I'm not a loser.

I've got an associate
degree in waste management.

- Don, let's go to bed.

- This is turning out to be a
horrible night, you know that?

What's a catamite?

- A catamite is a young
boy who is being kept

by an older man for sodomy.

Why
do you know that?

- Well, believe it or not, we
used to call each other that

in middle school because
I didn't like to use

the F word.

- F word?

You mean faggot.

Oh yeah, I
really hate that word.

- Of course you do.

- Well, catamite is
still homophobic.

- You know what, I agree.

But I grew out of
calling people that too.

I do think it's funny that she
called you catamite though.

- That fat bitch
can go fuck herself.

Why do you
have to call her fat?

- Because she's fat.

- You don't think
she knows that?

I'm sure she has image issues.

I'm sure she knows it.

What's the point?

- Yeah, it's like when you
say a fat joke it's easy.

It's like low hanging fruit.

- Yeah, she should pick
some low hanging fruit

and put down the
fucking Doritos.

- You are such a dick.

- Suck my dick.

- It's like you're
from another planet.

- You're from Planet Faggot.

Oh, I'm sorry, Planet Catamite.

- Oh, you're a dick too, huh?

- What, what, I didn't say it.

- No, but you laughed.

What's funny about
homophobia or gay bashing?

You think getting killed just
'cause you're gay is funny?

- You can't equate laughing at
something with a hate crime.

- Well, tell me
what's funny about it.

- What?
- The F word?

- Faggot? I don't know.

What, what are you
trying to shame me?

- No.

- Just the way he
said it it was dumb.

- Oh, it was insensitive.

It's just a word.

- No, you see, that's
where you're wrong.

It's not just a word.

There's hundreds of
years of hate and pain

attached to that word, Cam.

So, it's not a word
for you to use.

- Whatever.

Let's hear it for the
let's be positive pep club.

- You're mocking me because
somehow being positive

is a bad thing?

- If you had just been
a little more cutthroat,

things might've worked out
a little better for you

at the firm.

- Oh really.

Oh, I see, that's what it
takes to make it now...

...being heartless.

- You have to have balls.

Baxter has balls.

- Right on.

That's why you got the job, huh?

For your balls.

See, I don't think he hired
you for what you have.

I think he hired you
for what you lack.

Compassion.

- Compassion?

A man can have
compassion and balls.

- Yeah, well, Baxter has a
little too much compassion

but I'm working on it.

What do you mean?

Compassion is learned.

It's a product of guilt.

- God, here we go with
this bullshit again.

- It's not bullshit.

You take away the buildings.

You take away the commerce.

You take away the
illusion of control.

What are we but animals
in the wilderness.

- You'd love a world like
that wouldn't you, Cam?

Where you could just tear
somebody's throat out

and leave their carcass in
the middle of the street

for the wolves to come and
devour in the night, huh?

No rules, no repercussions.

- You should, you should
know this about Grant.

He thinks the universe

is this expanding ball
of positive energy.

The more good
vibes you send out,

the more good vibes will
be sent back to you.

- He's making fun of me but
I do happen to believe that.

- You know that iconic picture

of that little Vietnamese girl?

She's running down the road
naked, naked from the napalm.

Yeah.

- There's some US GIs
there, walking behind.

You know that photo?

- Yeah, I know that
picture. It's devastating.

- That's the world we live in.

It's not a bunch of hippies
with daisies in their hair

doing this, in a field.

The universe is aloof.

- See, I disagree.

I think people
are basically good

and that's all that matters.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

You go low, we go high.

Hey, how'd that work out
for you Hillary supporters?

- I voted for Bernie.

- That fucker voted
for Jill Stein.

Did you
order room service?

- He didn't even
vote for Hillary.

He has the balls to bash Trump.

Well, I'm starving.

- Yeah, yeah, I
ordered room service.

- Ow, fuck.
- What's wrong?

I've got this back thing.

Hey, I need you.

I need a massage.

- What?

- I should order some hookers
too. Might help me relax.

Have you fucked a prostitute?

- No.

- You should fuck a prostitute.

I'm sure
Alice would love that.

- No, I'm serious.

I wanna make a call
to this girl, Sasha.

Oh my God. She's
fucking incredible.

- You have a
prostitute on the side?

I've had her on the side
but we prefer doggy style.

- Is she gorgeous?

- Oh, my fucking God.
Make your jaw drop.

What's she look like?

- Tall, sultry, slight
Eastern European accent.

She's built like a thoroughbred.

Also gives thorough head.

- Brunette?

- Blond.

You like brunettes, don't you?

Yeah, I do, I do.

I'm gonna invite her over, have
her bring her friend Amber.

- What? No way.

- Why not?
- I'm married.

- You cheat on Alice, right?

- That's not the point.

- Well, have you or haven't you?

- Once.

- Really, where, when?

- It was recently. It
was in Chicago and...

You know, I don't
wanna get into it.

- Ah, you got into it in
Chicago, didn't you, old boy?

You nailed that
shit. Was she hot?

I don't
wanna talk about it.

- Ah, okay.

- Listen, that's gonna
stay between you and me.

- You cheat on Alice.
What do I care?

- I don't cheat.

I cheated once, one time.

No, you know,

I really think I'm gonna
get outta here. I should go.

- You're not going anywhere.

- She doesn't like when I
hang out with you anyway.

- I know. She hates me.

- How do you know that?
- Because I know.

- Well, you're right.

- Alice hates everyone.

No, she doesn't.

- She's angry.

- She's not that angry.

- She blames her lack of
success on the establishment.

And somehow she still
has faith in it.

- You don't know what
you're talking about.

- She's a typical
liberal, Baxter.

The world isn't exactly
the way she wants it to be

so she lashes out at it.

She's pissed about
the election, right?

Yeah, she's
pissed about that.

- Yeah, and you got
into a fight, right?

- It was a disagreement.
- A fight.

She's pissed and she
took it out on you.

Trump won, and Trump's a
dick, and Trump's a man,

and you're a man,
so it's your fault.

- You know she said
they're protesting tonight.

- Who's protesting?
- The Democrats.

- When?
- Tonight.

- Tonight?
- Yes.

What
are they protesting?

- Well, that's what I asked.

- Oh, fucking liberals.
They're such idiots.

- She said she's actually
going to the protest.

The man won fair and square.
And now they're protesting?

- Yes.

They don't even see how
hypocritically retarded

they're being.

For months they
made such a big deal

that Trump had to concede
peacefully when Hillary won.

Now they're protesting.

- Yup.

- Oh, I hope you own a gun.

- What?

A gun?

No.

- Well, why haven't
you bought a gun?

- I don't need one.

Weren't
you an Eagle Scout?

I was.

- Well, what was
their fucking motto?

- Be prepared.

- Yeah, well, what do you
think they meant by that?

- They didn't mean
having an AK 47.

- Well, you're not gonna
protect your family

with a Swiss army knife.

- There's not gonna be anarchy.

- Of course there is.
There's already protests.

- But those are picket signs.

- Yeah, first picket signs
then Molotov cocktails.

Then, coup d'etats,
civil war, martial law.

Then the wild fucking west.

Be prepared.

What. Is that real?

Isn't that bad ass?

I feel like Clint
Eastwood with this thing.

- Jesus, Cameron.

What the fuck?

What the fuck, man?

What the fuck?

Cameron!

- Tell me the truth.

Did you vote for Hillary or not?

- Get that fucking
thing away from me.

Is that loaded?

- Course it's not loaded.

I'd never point a loaded
gun at a conservative.

But you need to
get a fucking gun.

- I need to fucking go home.

- Okay, hey, hey, hey.

Relax.

I had no idea
you were so militant.

- Hey, anything can happen.

Civil war.

Hell, I'm not
discounting a holy war.

Jesus, Cameron.

Have a little faith in people.

- Why?

Because people are good?

Contrary to popular opinion,
they perform well in a crisis.

- Since when?

Oh, you mean 9/11?

- Yeah, 9/11.
That's one example.

Chaos creates community.

Some people break windows
and loot supermarkets

but most people are civilized.
They don't want anarchy.

- Listen, I agree with you.

Much as I like anarchy,

it's probably not gonna
happen in America.

Unfortunately.

- Unfortunately?

Trump is actually gonna bring
stability to this country.

- How so?

- If Hillary had
won, can you imagine

the flood of Syrian
refugees across our borders?

There'd be a tsunami of
little brown hungry people

with mustaches and
headscarves planting bombs

all across the country.

- So the Syrian refugees
are the enemies now?

- Well, they could be.

- Well, they're people
and they're suffering.

- Let them suffer
where they live.

- They don't have
anywhere to live.

- Well, they can't live
here, it's too risky.

- I had no idea you
were this paranoid.

- It's not paranoia,
it's common sense.

It's like stocking your
refrigerator before a hurricane.

- There's a difference
between a loaf of bread

and a fucking Uzi.

- Yeah, well when the
supermarkets are being looted,

who do you think gets
the loaf of bread?

- Who?
- The guy with the Uzi.

Food.

Finally.

Fuck.

- Come on in.
- Hey. Thanks.

Hey Baxter, food's here.

- And right here's okay?
- Yeah, yeah. That's good.

How are you doing tonight?

- I'm good, sir, how are you?

- Good. Did you
watch the election?

Oh yeah, we're
watching it downstairs.

- Oh yeah, yeah? Hey
where are you from?

Uh, Virginia.

- Oh yeah? What are you,
are you going to school?

Yeah, I go
to school at Columbia.

- Columbia?

Oh, I thought maybe that
was where you were from.

- The country? You think I
look like I'm from Columbia?

- Well, you look, uh, you know,

Central, South American, maybe.

That's uh, that's
funny 'cause it looks like

you guys are using some
of that Colombian product

at the moment.

- You want a bump?

- Really?
- Sure.

You're not
gonna report me are you?

- Long as you're a citizen.

That's funny.

I'm from Virginia,
the Commonwealth.

I'm totally gonna do some
of this right now, is that--

- I fucking love this guy.

He doesn't give a fuck.

So where are you
from originally?

Virginia.

- No, I mean, what
are your ethnic roots?

Oh, my
parents are from Mexico.

- Oh, you're Mexican?

Oh, that's cool.

- Is it?

It's not really.

It's not really
cool to be Mexican.

Cooler
than being an Arab.

- Oh, yeah, okay,
well, so being an Arab

is definitely worse than
being a Mexican, you know.

- I'd say on the list
from lowest to highest,

it's Arabs and then
Mexicans are above that,

and then blacks are above that,
and the whites at the top.

- What about the Jews?

- They're on the
same as the blacks.

Yeah, same line.

- Oh, really? I'd put
them above the whites.

Why?

- Well, 'cause they're
the chosen people.

- No, they're not
because there is no God.

No, the Jews are on the
same line as the blacks.

I'd put the Asians on that line,

and then, Mexicans below
them, Arabs at the bottom.

- Well, what about
the Native Americans?

- Oh fuck, they're
not even on the list.

You're Jewish, right?

- My dad was Jewish.

- Oh well, you're not
a Jew in their eyes.

- I don't identify as a Jew.

- Well, what do you identify as?

- I don't know, Cameron.

And this guy probably
needs to go back to work.

- Oh no, I can take a break.

- This guy's having
a great time.

He's doing blow, yeah.

You know, even if you
wanted to identify as a Jew,

they wouldn't have you
because of your mother.

- What's your mother?
- Irish.

- Yeah, you can't be a Jew
and have an Irish mother.

The Irish and the Jews hate
each other, don't they?

I don't know, Cameron.

- Oh, the Shiites
hate the Sunnis

and the Sunnis hate the Shiites.

The Hutus hate the Tootsies.

The Muslims hate the Jews

and the Jews hate the
Muslims and que sera sera.

It was like that
before Trump got there

and it'll be like that
when he leaves office.

Everyone thinks that
Trump created racism

but he just
acknowledged something

that everyone already knew.

- What's that?

That
people are tribal.

Que sera sera. That's
Spanish, right?

- I thought it was Italian.

- Can I do another line?

- Oh yeah, yeah, sure.

Hey, hey set up some tequila.

You want a little tequila ah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Hey, you know it, man.
Because I'm a Mexican, right?

- That's the great thing about
drugs. They're universal.

You don't need to
speak the language.

When you pass around the
Thai Stick everyone bonds.

You know, if the
Pilgrims and the Indians

had had cocaine
instead of turkey,

things might've worked out
differently for the Indians.

- I doubt it.

- Nah, you're right,
it was destiny.

It was genocide.

- Oh, yeah, sometimes you
need a little genocide

to restore balance
in the universe.

- Is that so?
- Yeah.

It's humanity's version
of a forest fire.

You know, nature destroys
itself to rebuild itself.

That's why genocide is
accepted universally.

- What's your point?

- My point is, that
when a forest regrows,

nobody cares about the
fire that wiped it out.

You know?

I mean people live
in the present.

They don't remember the past.

- They don't think too much
about the future either.

- If Trump builds a wall,
people will remember.

- Well, yeah, because it'll
be there to remind them.

Like
your wedding ring.

Yeah, yeah, I suppose so.

Hey what do you
think about that?

- What?

Trump
building a wall.

- I don't care if
he builds a wall.

Interesting.

You're Mexican but you don't
care if he builds a wall?

Dude, I don't care if he builds
a fortress around America.

I don't care if he isolates
us from the rest of the world.

You know, actually, I
kind of hope he does.

Interesting. Why?

That way he won't be poking
his fingers into world affairs.

That way, he could focus
on domestic issues.

- You don't care what he does?

- As long as he doesn't start
another war like George W.

Yeah, I guess I don't care.

You don't care if he lowers
taxes on the super wealthy?

- Why would I care?
It's not gonna affect me.

I don't have any money.

- How do you go to Columbia
if you don't have any money?

- Got a scholarship.

Ah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

Could I have
a slice of your pizza?

Yeah, yeah,
sure, it's pepperoni.

- Hello.

I called your
room at two a.m. in Chicago.

- What?
- Two a.m. on your trip.

You didn't answer.

You remember what you told me?

What are
you talking about?

- You said the same thing.

You're having a burger.

- Well, this time I'm
really having a burger.

- This time?

I was really
having a burger then too.

- You see, I can tell
you're lying to me.

Why are you so angry?

- Because you're lying to me.

- Alice, I know you're upset
but we went through this

when Bush got re-elected.

But the second
term wasn't so bad.

Remember, he fired Rumsfeld--

Baxter, shut up. I'm tired of
you mansplaining things to me.

Mansplaining? What the
fuck is mansplaining?

- What the fuck do
you think it is?

- I have no idea.

Mansplaining is
when a man explains

how things are to a woman.

- There's a term for that?

- Of course there is.

So I can't explain
anything to a woman

because I have a dick?

- That's fucking right.

- This is the end of
man. Cameron is right.

- Cameron?

You're not hanging out with
that fucking asshole are you?

- No, I'm not.

- Are you?
- I'm not.

- Because you're not allowed
to hang out with him anymore.

- I'm not allowed to?

- Yes, precisely.
You can't see him.

- I can't see Cameron.

- There's a
moratorium on Cameron.

There's a
moratorium on Cameron?

Jesus.

- I don't like that
angry motherfucker.

- He's not angry tonight,
I can tell you that.

- You are with him.

- You know what? I am.

- Get your ass home now.

- You told me I could stay
out as late as I want tonight.

- Well, not anymore.
Come home now.

- You can't do that, Alice.

- Can't do what?
- Give me orders.

I'll give you orders and you
will follow them, mister.

- Mister?

- The girls need you.

- The girls are asleep.

- I need you.

- Well, you know
why Hillary lost?

That's your answer right there.

- What do you mean?

- You're all too needy.

Alice, listen, I
didn't mean that.

- Don't come home tonight.

- Actually, no, man. I
gotta get outta here.

Thanks for the coke
and the pizza, man.

- Do you mind if I ask
who'd you vote for?

- I didn't vote.

Well, who'd you wanna win?

- I mean, I guess
it woulda been cool

to have a woman president.

- So, you wanted Hillary to win?

I mean, kind of.

- Yeah. Why didn't you vote?

- I didn't see the point.

- Well, you voted
for Trump, you know.

- No, I said I didn't vote.

- You did. By not
voting, you voted.

- No, most of my
friends didn't vote.

- Yeah, well maybe you should
have a little more respect

for our government.

- Well, I think governments
are bloated and wasteful.

Thanks again, man.

- Can I crash here tonight?

- You and Alice are fighting?

I don't
wanna get into it.

You never
imagined it, a life untethered,

your own place, no obligation?

I've got two kids.

- Oh, lots of people
are divorced with kids.

You pay child support. You
see 'em on the weekends.

The rest of the time,
you do what you want.

No curfews, no drink limits.

No more endless whining
about this and that.

Julie and I fought for years.

Seemed like we were
going to battle

over something every day.

What film we watched, what we
ate, how we spent our money.

We couldn't agree on anything.

- Oh, you mean, she didn't think

your obsession with firearms
was a practical investment?

I had to
hide them from her.

- Of course, you did.

- Tell ya, gridlock on
everything between us.

Eventually, we just
stopped talking.

- That's sad.
- It is sad.

We were very much in love once.

You know how long it's
been since we fucked?

- No.
- You wanna know?

- No.
- Five years.

- That's a long time.

- Remember the last
time we made love too.

We'd gone to see this
movie Bridesmaids.

Did you ever see that
movie Bridesmaids?

No.

It's a it's
a fucking funny movie.

I tell you,
I fucking hate movies.

I hate Hollywood.

I hate everything about those
elitist Hollywood phonies

with their
self-congratulatory pageantry

and self-important speeches.

But this movie,

this movie made me laugh.

Anyway, after the movie
we went back to our house.

Tore each other's clothes off.

We fucked.

Like crazy.

And the next morning we
got into a fight about

something, I can't
even remember.

I was a lot less
nervous back then.

Was a lot more relaxed.

What's up?

You
got plans tonight?

I'm with a friend.

I need you to come.

I don't know if
I'm in the mood tonight.

Sasha, please.

I told you
I'm with a friend.

- Great.
Bring her along.

No, what,
you want a threesome?

- No, I'm with a friend too.

He could use the company.

Well, I
mean, I could ask her.

But she's in a weird mood.

I'll pay you
double what I normally pay.

Double? Really?

Yeah,
your friend too.

Oh, is she hot?

Yes. You've
actually seen her.

I've shown you a picture
of her one night.

'Cause
I wanna meet her.

She's an attractive
girl. You both are.

Oh,
thank you, Cameron.

And you're also very...

I've always liked the
color of your hair.

When
can you get here?

We'll see you soon.

You guys don't know what the
fuck you're talking about.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, Amber, are you okay?

- No, I'm not okay. These
people are happy Trump won.

- Oh God.

- We aren't happy
that Trump won.

We are happy that Hillary lost.

- Oh, what's the
fucking difference?

It's only four years.

It's going to
feel like four decades.

- You wanna do a job with me?

- What kind of a job?
- A gig.

- Like, sex?
- Yeah.

- What? Tonight?
- Yeah.

Who is it?

- It's a client.
What do you care?

- What, he wants two women?

He's got a friend.

- No, I don't think
I can tonight.

- It's three grand.

- $3000?

- Yeah.

- Really, each?

- Yeah. Wanna do it?

- I don't, I just wanna go home.

I feel nauseous.

- It's easy money.

- Is it easy money though?

- $3000 for two hours? Yes.

- I need to get a real
job, like in a store.

- You'd be happier
working in a store?

- Yeah I would.

I need to do something that I
can talk to my mother about.

I can't tell her I
have sex for a living.

- Why not?

- Because she'll lecture me.

But she'd be cool with it, if
you were working at Best Buy?

- I'm not talking
about Best Buy.

Like, like, like,
a real profession,

like a physician's assistant
or a dental assistant.

- Assistant? Why not the
physician? Why not the dentist?

- You see, my self-worth
is so diminished,

I can't even see myself at
the top of the profession.

I can only see myself
as an assistant

to the top of the profession.

- You're in a real
profession now.

- Some profession.

- It's the oldest
profession in the world.

- 'Cause women weren't
given other options.

Men wouldn't let them in.

It is not men's fault
that you do what you do.

- It's actually
my mother's fault.

- Really, how?

- She never encouraged me
to make anything of myself.

- Oh you would've rather
that she forced you

to do something you
didn't wanna do?

- In retrospect yes.

- You wouldn't have
wanted that, trust me.

- She gave me too much freedom.

She let me drink when
I was a teenager.

She let me fuck
guys in the house.

She let me smoke pot.

One time, I actually fucked
her boyfriend in my bedroom,

stoned off her weed, and
she didn't even care.

- She didn't care that
you fucked her boyfriend?

- Well, maybe she didn't know
that it was her boyfriend

but weed and fucking
were generally allowed.

- Wow, not in my house.

She's like the gateway of
all my irresponsible behavior

and now she has the
nerve to judge me.

- If we're gonna do
this, we should go.

- Let's have one more drink.

Okay, but
I'm calling a car.

- Let's like start a business.

What kinda business?

- Let's like, design
a brand of vodka

and just sell it, you
know, like the rappers do.

- You think it's that easy?
- We should do something.

We should, we should
design a new product.

- Like what?

- I don't know,
like a new Q-tip.

What's wrong
with the Q-tips we have now?

- All I'm saying is
that there has to be

some kinda awesome product out
there that we could market.

I mean, there are so many
fucking dumb ass millionaires,

why don't we get
in on the action?

- Do it. You should do
it. Get in on the action.

- I should. I should
do a lotta things.

But I don't do anything.

Sit around on the couch all day

and then I go to work
and sit on dicks.

Seriously, Sasha. Is this it?

Is this all I have to look
forward to the rest of my life?

Crusty old man who
want me to pee on them?

You're not going to have to
do this the rest of your life.

Trust me.

- How do you know?

- Because crusty old men
don't wanna be peed on

by crusty old women.

- Then what am I supposed to do

when I'm a crusty old woman?

- I don't know, marry a
crusty old man with money.

- Ooh, no.

Being a trophy wife to some
psychotic old millionaire

is worse than being a whore.

- Is it?

- Yes.

Because it enables all
their psychotic behavior.

- We created Trump.
- No, we didn't.

- Sasha, don't
you feel terrible?

- It's gonna be fine.
- No, no, about what we do.

- You don't feel like a loser?

- Why does having sex for money
make you feel like a loser?

- It's just not
something I'm proud of.

- Look around.

You've got more freedom
than anyone at this bar

and you're about to
make in two hours

what most of these
people make in a week.

- Yeah, well, two hours
can feel like two weeks.

Anyway, the thought of doing
it on a night like this,

just feels gross.

Seriously I don't
think I can do it.

Then don't
do it. I'll call Sally.

- No, fuck that bitch.

So we're gonna
have like an orgy?

I don't know, Amber.

What if they want
us to go down on each other?

I don't mind
going down on you.

Well, what if
I have to go down on you?

Then you go down on
me. You've done that before.

Well, sure,
but not with you.

Okay.

Don't you think it might put
a strain on our relationship?

Not if you're
not weird about it.

- I mean, is it really worth

jeopardizing our
relationship for $3000?

- If you don't wanna go down
on me, don't go down on me.

- Oh, think I'd rather that
than have a cock in my mouth.

Oh, in
general or just tonight?

- I'm not sure.

I may be done with
men at this point.

- This asshole just canceled.

- Uh!

Fuck this shit.

Taxi!

You coming or not?

- Will he have drugs?
- Yes.

- Cocaine?
- Yes.

- Okay, I'll go.

21 Morgan Street.

You're gonna have fun.

They're sweet.

- You don't feel ashamed
at all by what we do?

- Can we stop talking about
this? I told you I don't.

- I don't believe you.

- Why would I lie?

- You don't feel
like it's a betrayal?

- A betrayal?

- Yeah, like, like what we do,
like it sullies the gender,

it just cheapens women.

- Amber.

I feel like women all over
this country are brainwashed.

- How are they brainwashed?

- Like, like, tonight
more than ever,

we need to empower women.

- Okay, but what
does that have to do

with being brainwashed?

- We just need to stop
allowing ourselves

to be sexualized in everything,
in magazines, movies, films.

Everything's about our
bodies and our fuckability.

I'm sick of that shit.

- What we do has nothing
to do with the culture.

This is a vocation.

How much money did
you make last year?

- Couple hundred
thousand dollars.

- That's pretty good.

- I know, what am I
complaining about?

- Did you tell your mother
how much money you make?

- No.
- Why not?

- She'd ask me for money.

- Okay. But you
made a lot of money.

- Yeah.
- Isn't that empowering?

- I guess so. Why,
how much did you make?

- 500,000.
- Fuck. Really?

Yeah.

Well, you work
a lot more than I do.

And do you
wanna talk empowerment?

I bought a six-acre
mountain home in Colorado.

- You did?
I love Colorado.

- I paid cash.
- What?

- And you wanna hear
something else empowering?

I also have a villa in France.

- You have a villa in France?

- It's not really a villa.

- You just said it was a villa.

- Well, it's more of a shack.

It's pretty shitty actually.

But when I fix it up,
it's gonna be gorgeous.

Where in France?

- Nice.

- Nice?

- Nice.

- Nice!!!

Man, I need to get
my shit together.

I make all this money and
all I have to show for it

is a sofa.

- A sofa?
- Yeah.

- Why, what'd you pay for it?

- $40,000.
- $40,000? Is it an antique?

- No.

- Did something
historic happen on it?

- Historic?

- Yeah, did someone
famous die on the sofa?

- Ew, no.

- Did someone famous
fuck on the sofa?

- Gross, no.

- Is there a famous
stain on the sofa

like blood or sperm?

- What the fuck are
you talking about?

- I'm talking about, like,

is Elvis Presley's
sperm on the couch?

Like is there a famous sperm
or shit stain on this couch?

- Why would there be an
Elvis Presley shit stain

on the couch?

- Because you paid
$40,000 for it?

- Wow, you really think an
Elvis Presley shit stain

would make a couch
go up in value?

- I don't know, Amber.

- Geez, what kinda
idiot would pay $40,000

for a couch with a
shit stain on it?

- What kind of an idiot pays
$40,000 for a couch, period?

- I did.

- Then, you're an idiot.

- I know.

Where are we going?
Are we almost there?

- Do you know which way
we're going, driver?

- Yes, I'm taking you.

- What's wrong with your
meter? Is it broken?

Yeah, but you pay me when
we get there, don't worry.

Okay, but I just feel like
you're taking the long way.

- No, no, this is less
traffic, believe me.

Okay, thank you.

- So, you two have
dates tonight?

You could say that.

- Ah, these are lucky men.

Yes, they are.

- You both look so beautiful.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

Can I
ask you a question?

- Isn't it policy
for you to not speak

until we speak to you?

- Yes, I'm sorry, you're right.

It's just, you both
seem like "real people."

- What do you mean
by real people?

- Honest. You both
seem really honest.

But it's okay. I
will leave you alone.

- Oh, well, thanks,
that's sweet.

- What's your question?

You're both
sex workers, right?

- Yes.

- You should stop
what you're doing.

- That's not a question.
- Why should we stop?

- Because this is not
a good job for you.

Well,
that's your opinion.

- Well, in my country,
sex is sacred.

- Sex is not sacred.

Well,
that is my opinion.

- Sex is sex. Money is money.

- Look, you should just
keep your eyes on the road

and not keep looking
at us in the rear view.

I'm sorry.

- Is that a picture
of your wife?

Yes.

You're a Muslim?

Yes.

And you make
her cover her head?

No,
I don't make her.

- Oh, she chooses to cover it?

- Yes.
- Oh.

And why does she cover her head?

The great Prophet
Muhammad said all women

must cover their heads.

- Oh, Muhammad, a
man says all women

must cover their heads, ugh.

Yes.

- And what would happen if
she didn't cover her head?

- If a woman wants to wear
it, she's allowed to wear it.

- What about all the
millions of women

who don't wanna wear it?

- Yeah, or the women who are
beaten if they're not covered?

- Yeah, or the women
who have to submit

to virginity tests--

- Or female circumcision--

- Or honor killings?
- It's disgusting.

- Look, I don't
believe in any of this.

- Come on, if your wife
refused to cover her head

you'd be furious.

- Look, if my wife
is a Muslim person,

she must cover her
head. That's it.

Oh, because of
the fucking Koran.

- Yes and please
don't disrespect my
religion like that.

- Disrespect?

- Islamic countries
are incredibly
disrespectful to women.

- That's true.

- You cannot talk to
me like that in my car.

- Yeah, we can actually.

Here, we have the
freedom to criticize

whatever the fuck we want.

That is true as Americans.

We can criticize the
President, Christianity.

- Judaism.
- Fucking Islam.

- Scientology.

- In fact, if it
weren't for this right,

most Americans wouldn't
have anything to talk about.

- In your country,
in Muslim countries,

no one can criticize
anything, in fact.

You force people to
worship out of fear.

- All right, that's
it, I'm pulling over.

- Oh, you're pulling over?
- You both get out right now.

Get out.

Get out, both of you are whores.

- What do you mean?

- You can go and die in fucking
hell. Get out of my car!

- You can't stop the
ride in the middle of the

- We're not getting out.
- What is happening?

- I'm not getting out either.
- No, not getting out.

- No. I'm not getting out.
- Get out of my car.

I'm not getting out.

How dare you
disrespect my prophet?

- We're gonna report
you to like, the mayor.

- What is your badge number?
- Get out of my car!

- What is that called? What
is your medallion number?

- Get out of my car!

- What is your--
- Just get out, just get out.

- We're leaving.

We're leaving.
- Out.

We're
gonna report you.

- That's right,
go call the cops.

- You're gonna
lose your license.

- Get outta here.

- Wait, wait. Where's my phone?

- 86Z5.

I don't care.

- 86Z5, we're gonna report you.

- You're a real asshole, sir.

Have a good night.

- God.

- Unbelievable.
- God bless America.

- Unbelievable.

You fucking terrorist
piece of shit!

- Okay well, now
that's going too far.

You have got to pull
yourself together.

You are so emotional.

What is wrong with being
emotional on a night like this?

We just can't go over there
with you acting like this.

Are you on your period?

- What? No.

I'm not on my period.

Can't a girl freak out
without being on her period?

And honestly if Hillary
Clinton had been on her period

and been more emotional,
maybe she woulda won.

Instead, she acted stoic to
avoid being called emotional

because heaven forbid
we have someone

who emits authentic feelings.

Amber,
make a deal with me.

What?

Let's
have fun tonight.

- Fun? How can you have
fun on a night like this?

- You should always
have fun no matter what.

Sasha.

- I know the world sucks.

And it might get worse
before it gets better,

so let's just forget
all the horrible things

that might happen over
the next four years,

and let go.

- And what good would that do?

It'll get
you through the night.

Okay, but you
make a deal with me.

What?

- If these guys disrespect us,
we get the hell outta there.

- Disrespect us how?

- Like if they talk down to
us and act like frat boys.

- Amber, it's $3000.

- Oh my God. How many
houses do you need, Sasha?

- I like owning property.

- Yeah, I want a mountain
home in Colorado too.

- Then stop buying furniture.

- Let's go.

- Where?

- To Colorado. Just you and me.

- What is this, Of Mice and Men?

- I'm serious.

- Do you want me to tell
you about the rabbits?

- I'm serious, I wanna go.

- Okay.

- Let's go, like, tomorrow.
And let's go to France.

- Do you wanna go to Colorado
or do you wanna go to France?

- Let's go to both. I just
wanna get the fuck out

of this fascist
right wing country.

I'm serious.

If these guys objectify us
in any way, I'm leaving.

- Objectify us? Isn't
that the whole point?

We are literally sex objects.

- Okay, but you
know, look, I mean,

that Muslim guy was a dick

but at least he said
we were "real people."

I mean, that was sweet.

Oh God. Maybe I was
too hard on him.

Besides, headscarves
are kind of sexy.

- Do we have a deal?
Fun at all costs.

Yes. But if they act like
gross frat boys, we leave.

Agreed.

- Wake up. Hey.

The whores are here.

- What? The whores are here?

- Get up. Pull
yourself together.

- Are you joking?
- No.

- It's time to sleep.

- It's time to sleep with women.

- What's going on here?
- Sex, Baxter. Sex.

- Hi gorgeous.
- Hi.

- Oh, talk about gorgeous.

Look at this.
- Hi.

- I want you to meet, Baxter.

- Hi, I'm Sasha.
- That's Sasha.

And that's Amber.

It's so
nice to meet you.

Ooh.

- Aren't they gorgeous?
- Yes.

- And isn't Baxter handsome?
- Yes.

Very
handsome, you both are.

- What would you like?

We got scotch.
- This place is gorgeous.

- We got vodka.
- I love this.

- We got tequila.
- Um...

We got wine.

Baxter's a scotch drinker.
- I think...

I like scotch.

- I'll probably have a
glass of red wine, please.

Mmm, we got it.

Uh, Baxter, do me a
solid and open this.

Uh,...

Baxter?

Baxter.

Hey, what are you doing?

- Cameron, I have to go.

- What? Are you crazy?
Did you see those girls?

- Yes.

- They're fucking beautiful.

- They're fucking gorgeous.

- I got that brunette for you.

- I appreciate that.

- You don't like her?

- No, are you kidding?

She reminds me of my high
school crush Debbie Anderson.

- Debbie Anderson.
What happened to her?

- She married Teddy Morrison.

- But you wanted her?

- Are you kidding? Of course.

I still jerk off to her.

- Did you ever bang her?

- No, I never even
made out with her.

- Well, tonight's your chance.

I can't.

- We've got them for two hours.

- Cameron, I'm not like you.

I have a family to think about.

- Well, think
about feeding them.

Because you need to
show me a lot more

than you showed me tonight.

- What does that mean?!?

What the fuck do
you think it means?

Everything all right?

- Sorry, Baxter's wrestling
with his conscience.

Uh, Baxter.

Here let me take that from you.

You okay?

- Yeah, it's been a long night.

Oh.

- Well, it's been a long year.

So let's fucking party!

Woo!

- Why don't you two get into
something more comfortable.

- What did you have in mind?

- Well, you got any lingerie?

You know
I'm always prepared.

- Baxter loves lingerie.

- Don't you?
- Do you, Baxter?

- Yeah, I love lingerie.

Baxter
loves lingerie.

All right,
we'll be right back.

Why don't you guys
take your clothes off.

- Oh good idea.

- Oh, my God. They're
so fucking hot.

- So fucking hot!

- This is like a dream.

It is a dream.

- Oh shit. It's Alice.

Don't you dare answer that.

- I have to.

- Motherfucker. You're
gonna ruin everything.

- I don't want to.

- If you answer that,
you're gonna ruin it.

- I have to answer it.

She told you not to come home.

Give me that.

There.

Now take your fucking pants off.

- Holy shit. Now
I'm feeling guilty.

- Motherfucker, Baxter.

Guilt is just a bullshit concept

created by the Catholic
Church and the Jews.

- I need to be responsible.

- Oh, fuck responsibility!

You work!

You take care of your wife.

You take care of your daughters.

You give them what they need.

- Well, they're a little
too needy in my opinion.

- Well, that's why
you've gotta think

about your own needs
sometimes, right?

- Do you think?

- I know.

- Okay.

- You wanna fuck?

- Well, I, I think I do.

- Yes or no.

Do you wanna fuck?

- Yes I do!

Yes!

- You okay with this?

- Totally. I'm a professional.

- Okay, and I think he's
gonna be quite conservative,

like nothing to kinky.

- Listen to me.

Those women are ours
for the next two hours

and they'll let us do
whatever we want with them.

- Really, whatever we want?

- Anything.

- Blow jobs?

- Of course.

- Hand jobs?

- Well, if they're
gonna give us blow jobs,

why wouldn't they
give us hand jobs?

- Well, I guess they would.

- Think about what
you're asking.

- Yeah, you're right.

- Blow jobs, hand
jobs, rim jobs.

Steve Jobs. Any kind
of jobs you want.

We could even switch.

- Switch? What do you mean?

- Have you ever fucked two
girls in the same night?

- I've never fucked two
girls in the same month.

- Should I wear
this crotchless one?

It's like a one piece.

- Oh, did you bring two?

- No.

- What about anal?
- Are you into anal?

- Well, I used to be.

- Alice won't let you do that.

- She says it's degrading.

- It's degrading because
she's been brainwashed

into thinking it's degrading

by her fucking feminist friends.

- My God, those girls
are so fucking hot.

- So fucking hot.

There are two assholes
in that bathroom

that you can fuck tonight.

- Yeah?

- There are two vaginas
in that bathroom...

there are two mouths
that you can fuck.

- Oh my God. Their
mouths are so gorgeous.

- So fucking gorgeous.

- What if they have sores?
- What do you mean?

Like sores in their mouths...

...like canker sores
or herpes sores?

- I don't give a fuck.

I'll pop those canker
sores with my dick.

Those girls can have syphilis,

hepatitis ABC down to Z.

They can have hepatitis for
every letter of the alphabet.

I don't give a fuck.

- We better use
protection, though.

- I'm already wearing a condom.

- Is it a strong condom?

- Not made of steel
but it'll do the job.

- It's still risky.

- Oh, don't be a pussy.

Fuck that pussy.

- I'm sure they're clean.

- I don't care if they share
needles with Charlie Sheen.

I'd let these bitches
shit in my mouth.

- Oh my God.
We're being so terrible.

- What's so terrible about this?

- Baxter, fuck I've
got two daughters.

- Generals have daughters, sons,

and they give orders
that send bombs

that kill thousands of people.

We are doing nothing wrong.

- You think?

- Repeat after me. We
are doing nothing wrong.

- I know this is wrong.

- Why?

- You know why, Alice.

- You already cheated.
You told me so yourself.

You bopped that
bimbo in Chicago.

- I should not
have told you that.

- What's the big deal?

Nobody knows about that and
they don't know about this.

- I mean, I guess you're right.

If nobody knows about it then--

- It didn't happen.

- Let me give you an inventory
of everything tonight,

just in case you didn't hear me.

Two mouths, two
assholes, two vaginas.

That's six holes
all for the taking.

You fuck each of those
holes three times,

it's like playing
a round of golf.

- Right?
- Oh my God.

I can't believe I'm
laughing at this.

- We're being terrible!
- It's just two guys talking.

You know, we're not
killing anybody.

We're not raping anybody.

Do you know what this is?
It's locker room talk.

- Locker room talk. Yeah!

They have their book clubs.
They have their knitting clubs.

They have their Margarita
Wednesdays, right?

I don't give a
fuck what they say,

what they do, where they shop.

And there's no reason you
should feel guilty about this.

You're right.

- You feel me?
- I feel you!

- No, no, no, feel
me. Feel my dick.

- Oh.

- That shit is hard as fuck.

- God, it is hard.

You have a nice size dick.

- Fuckin' A right.

- And it's warm.

- It's hot as a
fucking curling iron.

- Is your dick hot?
- My dick's hot as fuck.

- Is it hard as fuck?

- It's hard as fuck.
- Let me feel that dick.

Let me feel that hot, hard...

Oh my.

You got a fat dick.

- My dick's fat as fuck.

- No wonder Alice won't
let you butt fuck her.

- I think I deserve it.
- Of course you do.

- You're entitled
to it, it's yours.

- She doesn't think so.
- Oh, fuck Alice!

Trying to control you.

Tell you what to
do and fuck Julie!

- And then fuck 'em all!
- Fuck them!

- They're just hung up
about their own sexuality.

You know, fuck 'em.

- Fuck them!

- It's a man's world!!!

- Say it again!

- It's a man's world!
- Woo!

- Woo hoo!

- We're gonna go.

- Oh, really, why?

- We have to get up
early in the morning.

- Yeah, we booked
a round of golf.

- Yeah, 18 holes.

- Oh, you, you, you
were, you were listening.

- Yep.

We both have two ears.

- You wanna fuck those too?

- Oh, come on. That
didn't really bother you?

Hey.

- Of course it did.

- Well, wait a minute,
no, wait a minute.

You're really leaving?

Yes.

Because
of what we said?

- It's disgusting.

- It's locker room talk.

- Really?
- Locker room talk.

- It's what guys do.

You do it too.

- I'm really
disappointed in you.

- Oh, I don't get
it, because of words?

They're words.
They mean nothing.

- Is this really how
men talk about women?

No, wait a minute.

So I can cum in your face

but I can't talk about
cumming in your face?

- I really thought you
had more respect for me.

- Why would I have
respect for you?

You don't respect
yourself, neither of you.

If you did, you
wouldn't be whores.

- Wow.
- These guys are losers.

- Wait, wait, wait.

Losers, us?

I just paid you $5000
to chug our cocks.

- Oh you know what?

Here, you can have it back.

- I don't want it back.

No, no, I want you
to chug our cocks.

- Chug each other's cocks.

- What do you got scruples, now?

Take off that red dress.

I am gonna fuck your ass, Sasha.

- How are you gonna fuck it?

You can't get it up.

- I am rock hard.

- Oh, did you take
your little pill?

He can't get it up
unless he takes a pill

but most of the time it
doesn't work, does it?

- Fuck you.

- You slut.
- Cameron.

- Oh, geez, this
is the future, huh?

- Hey, hey whore number two.

- Show me your tits.
- Come on.

- What is wrong with you?

- I'll give you
a thousand bucks.

Show me your tits.

- Cameron, that's enough.
- Show me your pussy.

$2000 you show me your cunt.

- I mean, should we?

- $3000!
- Cameron!

- Shut up!
- Enough!

- $3000! Show Baxter your pussy!

- Come on, Amber.

- But, I mean,
it's just showing.

- Cut it out.
- What?

- What's wrong with you?

- Fucking women, you know?

Baxter.

Baxter, answer the phone.

Baxter!

Baxter, can you hear me?

- What?

- Baxter, answer the phone.

- Baxter?
- Alice?

- Oh shit.

- What, Alice?

You were listening?

We were, we were just acting.

Alice?

Alice, Alice.

- Fuck.

- Oh my God, did she
fucking hear all that?

What the fuck?

- I've gotta go, gotta go.

Oh shit.

- What are you doing?

What, you're not going, are you?

I mean, it doesn't change any...

Where the fuck are you going?

Yeah, go home to
your wife, Baxter!

You fucking pussy.

Yeah, go back to
your wife, Baxter!

Your wife is...

Fuck!

Don't do, don't
do, don't do that!

Don't.

Regulations!

Fucking regulations.

Fuck!

Fuck!

Oh, fuck me.

Fucking...

...bitches!

Sluts!

Fucking cunts!

The fuck do they think?

Pulling that shit with me.

You're not free from the
moment you're fucking born.

You trying to take my
fucking freedom away?

You fucking cunt!

Why'd you...fuck me?

None of us are fucking free
from the moment we're born.

Fucking cunts!

Fuck.

Fuck, you, oh, fuck...

Fucking hell.

Fucking...

Fucking cunts.

God damn it, none of
us are fucking free,

not a moment in
our fucking lives.

It's lost it's fucking taste.

Fucking bitch!

God...

You slut!

Fucking, who's the fucking.

You, fucking...

Oh yeah.

Ah.

Fuck.

Fucking slut.

God.

You fucking asshole, you.

You fucking bitch.

Fucking cunt.

- Hello, Mr. Talon.

- Who the fuck are you?

- We've received some noise
complaints from this room.

- I had the TV on.
I'm going to bed now.

- Actually, it's time for
you to leave the hotel.

I'm fine, I'm...

What?

- Yeah, you can't stay
with us any longer.

- Well, you can't kick me out

for a couple of fucking
noise complaints.

- Actually people have been
complaining since you got here.

- Who?

- Other guests,
front desk, staff.

- Since when?

- Since day one. You've
been abusive and disruptive.

- It's my room.

I can be disruptive
as much as I want.

I can be fucking disruptive
with you right now

if you want.

I'm just fucking kidding.

I paid for it, so.

- Yeah about that.

You're about two months
behind on what you owe us.

- So we can actually
evict you at this point.

- Oh fuck. Kirk.
You talked to Kirk.

My fucking accountant.
He's a fucking pansy.

He fucking got the wire transfer

and he fucked up the numbers.

I'll take care of it next week.

- You were supposed to
take care of it last week

and the week before that.

- Oh, Kirk and I
have an arrangement.

- Yeah, I just got
off the phone with him

and he said you have to leave.

Oh yeah?

I'm not going anywhere.

- And I see you're doing drugs.

- This is Adderall.

- Doesn't look like Adderall.

- I have ADHD.

- Yeah, looks like
the set of Scarface.

- You're happy to sample.

No, thanks.

- Hmm, that's right.

Crack is the drug of
your people, right?

Okay, Andy, Ben, why don't you
help Mr. Talon with his bags.

- They can do whatever
the fuck they want.

I don't give a fuck.

- Yeah, I can see that.

- The world is coming to an end.

- Well, when it does you'll
be staying someplace else.

- Maybe.

But...

...maybe not.

- What the fuck?
- Yeah, what the fuck?

Fuck.

Huh?

You taking my money?

You taking my fucking money?

- Okay, this guy is crazy.

- What did you fucking say?

I'm not crazy.

Everybody else is fucking crazy.

- Guys, guys, hey,
come over here.

Get outta here. Let's go.

Should we clear
the the entire building?

Why would we do that?

Because he's
got a gun in there.

- That's not a
good enough reason

to clear the entire building.

Ted Nugent was here last week.

He had four rifles with him.

- Why don't we just
pull the fire alarm

and we can clear the
whole building faster?

- Yeah.
- Are you fucking stupid?

Do you know how many
people that would piss off?

Just calm down.

- What if he does
something crazy?

- Okay, I'm gonna
go talk to him.

- No, no, no.

I'm not letting you go
in there with that guy.

- Why not, because I'm a woman?

- No, because it's dangerous.

- If I were a dude, I don't
think you'd be worried

about me being in danger.

- Let me deal with him.

- What? Mrs. Jones, it's fine.

Go back to sleep,
it's under control.

- It is?
- Yeah, is it?

- Stop undermining me.

- I can deal with
that cracker ass.

- Don't call him a cracker.
Come on, that's lame.

- Lame? What would you call him?

- I'd call him a highly
sensitive Caucasian...

...psycho.

- Aw, you don't need to
call him a Caucasian psycho.

- He's a cracker.
- That's extreme.

- Why is it suddenly cool to
shit at all over white guys?

- Yes!
- Quiet down. Let me think.

- Let's all go in together.

Black power, God damn it.

We'll fuck his shit up!

He has a gun.

- A gun? Oh, hell no.

What's
with all the noise?

- It's fine, go back to sleep.

- Okay.
- He's got a gun.

- I don't give a
fuck, I'm exhausted.

Please record your message.

When you finish, you may
hang up or press star.

- Julie...

It's me.

- Can you call me
when you get a...

...when you get a chance?

I can do
whatever I want.

It's irresponsible.

- I'm just gonna
pull the fire alarm.

- No.

- Yes, will someone
pull the fire alarm?

- Someone should
call the police.

- Fuck the police.

- Okay, you see. That's what's
wrong with this country.

- There is a crazy man in there

and we're doing
nothing about it.

- Okay, but he is a human
being, not a monster.

You guys are making
the situation worse.

- We should all get
the fuck outta here.

Okay, that's not necessary.

- We should all get the
fuck outta here actually.

Will you please
tell us what's going on?

- Everyone, thank you very
much for your concern!

Uh, there is no problem.

You can quiet down and
return to your hotel rooms.

- Actually, there's
a guy in this room

with a nose full
of coke and a gun!

- Jesus Christ!
We're all gonna die!

We're all gonna die!!!

- We're all fucked.
- We're all gonna die!

Pack your shit. Get
the fuck outta here.

- Oh, ah!

- Fucker!

What the fuck?