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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,480
This programme contains
strong language
2
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,320
Dad!
3
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:12,960
The bin's full again?
4
00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:16,240
Oh, er, yeah.
5
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:18,360
No, no,
6
00:00:18,360 --> 00:00:20,200
that's going to block the toilet.
7
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,960
Oh, nonsense.
8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:23,160
Eh?
9
00:00:23,160 --> 00:00:25,360
I've flushed bigger fish than that
down the lavvy.
10
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:26,760
Goldfish are tiny.
11
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,280
Oh, no, not a goldfish.
12
00:00:28,280 --> 00:00:31,240
Derek had a koi carp once
for about 24 hours.
13
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,560
We had to cut it into three
to get it around the u-bend,
14
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:35,360
but Diana flushed away no problem.
15
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,440
Right, OK.
16
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,720
Well, it's bin day,
and this hasn't been taken out,
17
00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,040
even though it's one of your jobs.
18
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,280
And that means that the bin men...
19
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,920
Oh, er, bin people.
20
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,800
Aren't going to collect it,
21
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,040
which means I'm going to have to
take it to the tip this afternoon.
22
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,520
Well, just drop it into number 16.
23
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,000
She'll never notice.
24
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,160
Yeah, well, obviously
I'm going to do that,
25
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:54,680
but can you at least empty it?
26
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,000
Soz.
27
00:00:57,960 --> 00:00:59,440
- Oh.
- Oh!
28
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:01,720
Is that the baby kicking?
29
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:03,720
Are you serious?
30
00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,040
Well, I don't know when they get
legs, do I, Gemma, I'm not a doctor.
31
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:08,440
I don't know these things.
32
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,080
I didn't even know it was bin day.
33
00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,840
It's on the calendar - look.
34
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,160
Oh, yeah.
35
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,600
- Oh!
- Oh!
36
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,320
Sorry, sorry!
37
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,760
GEMMA RETCHES
38
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,120
Oh!
39
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,280
No.
40
00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,800
No, no, no, no, no, no.
41
00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,560
You've been here less than a month.
42
00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:39,240
What?
43
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,040
Oh, my God!
44
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,640
It's my coat, isn't it?
45
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,000
Don't worry.
46
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,360
- What's this? Your hormones?
- No, Dad, it's you!
47
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:48,920
Why can't you behave like
a fully-grown adult?
48
00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:50,480
Because your mum never taught me.
49
00:01:50,480 --> 00:01:53,320
What? How to be a functioning
human being? That wasn't her job.
50
00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,520
It was.
51
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,720
Who else is supposed to teach me
what to flush down the lavvy?
52
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:58,880
Or what to use
to mop up bin juice?
53
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,800
Right, nothing but toilet roll
54
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,160
and literally anything but a coat.
55
00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:10,400
- Better?!
- Oh.
56
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,200
Fine, I'll ask Dad instead.
57
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,840
He's not even visited yet
58
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,880
and you're going to ask Dad
to smuggle a phone into prison
59
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,160
up his arse canal?
60
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,240
Yeah.
61
00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:27,680
And what if he enjoyed it?
62
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,080
Cos you know what men are like.
63
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,360
God's sake.
64
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,400
So how's it going with the...?
65
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,160
Oh, my pregnancy?
66
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,160
- Yeah.
- There's not much for me to do now.
67
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,000
I just need to let the egg
do its thing.
68
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:39,400
Have you told Mum?
69
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,280
Yeah, yeah, she texted me,
70
00:02:41,280 --> 00:02:42,640
"Good luck, you'll need it."
71
00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,800
And a gif of someone
blowing their brains out.
72
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:46,360
Oh!
73
00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:49,360
Eh, well, I hope
Daddy Bear's loaded.
74
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:50,800
What are you asking for?
75
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,840
Total buyout or monthly repayments?
76
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,680
Jesus Christ, it's a baby,
not a BMW.
77
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:57,040
All right.
78
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,720
And I'm not entirely sure
who the father is.
79
00:02:59,720 --> 00:03:02,640
I should be able to work it out
once I have my ultrasound.
80
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:04,160
You should be able to?
81
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,320
I won't be judged by a woman who
tried to have her fiance murdered.
82
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,200
Tried and failed.
83
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,760
How can it be a crime
if you don't achieve it?
84
00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:14,440
That's what my girls say.
85
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,680
Your girls?
86
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,040
Finally made it
onto the D-Block girls' squad.
87
00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,600
We all look out for each other.
88
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,640
You know, if you're having
a bad day, you got menstrual cramps,
89
00:03:22,640 --> 00:03:24,280
or you need an alibi
90
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,120
cos some evil bitch needs a cutting.
91
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,200
How do you do it?
92
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:31,320
Well, usually someone just smuggles
a blade from the kitchen.
93
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:32,960
No.
94
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,960
Make friends.
95
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:36,720
You've always had loads,
96
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,600
even though you're a bit
of a sociopath.
97
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,840
Just a people person, Gemma.
98
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:43,480
You push women away.
99
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,640
And you push men off fire escapes.
100
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:47,760
BELL RINGS
101
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,040
Right, that's it.
102
00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:50,360
Quick!
103
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,760
I told you to stop putting
stuff up your arse!
104
00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,240
I told him to stop!
105
00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,280
I don't even need a new vape pen.
106
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,000
Up his arse.
107
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,560
Yeah.
108
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,320
What is going on?
109
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:15,520
It's called peacocking.
110
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,640
And it's a fantastic way
to pick up women.
111
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,560
Women with no self-esteem from 2004?
112
00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,160
Oh, so boring.
113
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,360
Cheers, king.
114
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:26,760
Oh.
115
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,720
So, Malcolm, how would you
116
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,200
like to be a hit with the ladies?
117
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,040
Maybe, you know, eventually.
118
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,360
Mm-hm, yeah.
119
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:36,840
Then I have three words for you.
120
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,760
Close...up...magic.
121
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,920
If you can manipulate a ball
into a cup,
122
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,120
you can manipulate
a woman into bed.
123
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,960
Dad, a word.
124
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,040
You know I tolerate him.
125
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,960
But I think you need new friends.
126
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,440
What's wrong with Derek?
127
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,200
He's dressed like
a pantomime pirate.
128
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,400
BANGING
129
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,480
Oh, fuck, not again!
130
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,760
Well, he's my best mate.
131
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,160
Is he, though?
132
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,920
You're going through a divorce
and I'm pregnant.
133
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,000
No offence, you're driving me nuts.
134
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,160
I think we need a support network
of normal friends.
135
00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,920
Derek's going through a divorce
and all, isn't he?
136
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,400
He's not normal.
137
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,840
I got the real mouse
and the fake mouse mixed up.
138
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,400
This is for your UTI.
139
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,840
Thanks.
140
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,760
So, how are you feeling about
everything?
141
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:48,160
Yeah, OK.
142
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,280
I guess.
143
00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:50,680
How am I supposed to be feeling?
144
00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:51,920
Excited?
145
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:53,200
Happy?
146
00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,080
Nervous, scared?
147
00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:57,040
Yeah, all of those.
148
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:58,880
Except for happy, maybe.
149
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,800
But who's happy, eh?
150
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,160
I saw women on the news
having babies in literal war zones,
151
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:07,360
so if they're fine, then...
152
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:09,200
Mm, I don't think they are fine.
153
00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,320
I think they're deeply traumatised.
154
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,200
Ah-ha, yeah.
155
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:17,040
Well, what I'm saying is I'm not
in a war zone, so I should be fine.
156
00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,240
According to the news.
157
00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:22,720
We run a coffee morning here
on a Thursday
158
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:24,920
for mummies-to-be to find friends.
159
00:06:24,920 --> 00:06:27,240
Two mummies got on so well,
they're getting married next year.
160
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:28,520
I bet the daddies weren't happy.
161
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:30,840
No, no, they tried to sue us.
162
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:32,560
But there's a...
163
00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:34,400
..flyer here if you're interested.
164
00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,600
Thanks, but I've actually got
loads of female friends.
165
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,000
Oh, really?
166
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,520
- Mm-hm.
- What are their names?
167
00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:42,920
Their names.
168
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,040
Yeah.
169
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,440
Well, you've got Cheryl.
170
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,960
Um, Nadine.
171
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:51,800
Sarah.
172
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,440
Kimberley and...
173
00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,160
What's the other one called?
174
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:56,440
Nicola?
175
00:06:56,440 --> 00:06:58,240
Nicola, yes!
176
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,960
I'm going to take one of these.
177
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,720
Not because I need it.
178
00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,440
Malc,
179
00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,840
a ropey Korean buffet has wiped out
the entire front office.
180
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,640
Boss needs you to go
customer facing.
181
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:18,440
Oh, can't...can't Jamie do it
182
00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,600
because he likes
talking to outsiders, doesn't he?
183
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,480
He likes showing them
his extra nipple too.
184
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:23,840
He's got a thripple?
185
00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,600
Which is why Jamie no longer
works here.
186
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,880
So get to it, yeah?
187
00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,520
Unless you want some shifts cutting
next rota.
188
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:32,080
There's a good lad.
189
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,160
Cherry, hey!
190
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,200
Great to see you,
how have you been?
191
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,920
What a fucking awful thing
to say to me, Gemma.
192
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,320
What? Why?
193
00:07:56,320 --> 00:07:58,040
Don't pretend you don't know.
194
00:07:58,040 --> 00:07:59,440
Everybody knows.
195
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,080
I honestly don't.
196
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,480
Lance left me and the kids.
197
00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:05,160
He left me for a much younger woman.
198
00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:07,000
How much younger?
199
00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,360
She's 16.
200
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,760
Oh, God.
201
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,280
You know what
those rugby guys are like.
202
00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:14,720
Oh, he was doing a special visit
to a children's home,
203
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,680
and she just hooked her claws in.
204
00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:18,000
Bitch.
205
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,600
Right.
206
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,880
Well, I'm really sorry
that happened to you, Cherry.
207
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,880
Hey, maybe we should have
a mad night out,
208
00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:25,080
you know, like the old days.
209
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,560
We've never been out together
before.
210
00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:29,240
We've been in the same place
at the same time.
211
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,600
Might cheer you up.
212
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,960
I thought you were only
hanging around
213
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,360
with people you were shagging.
214
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,160
Nope, that's the old me.
215
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:38,120
OK, I've been listening to
a lot of feminist podcasts.
216
00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:40,440
Friendzies before menzies.
217
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:42,840
All right.
218
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:46,120
Look, Tamika Chase is having a party
on Saturday at Alfredo's,
219
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,960
and, um, I need a wing woman
to help me get laid.
220
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:51,080
Wasn't Tamika Chase a real bitch
at school?
221
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,120
Didn't she superglue you
to a tin of peaches?
222
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,760
A catering-sized tin of peaches.
223
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,720
That's why I don't want to go
on my own.
224
00:08:57,720 --> 00:08:59,120
Well, I can't wait.
225
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,240
All right, great,
I'll get some coke in.
226
00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,200
Help take the edge off the bullying.
227
00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,200
- See you there.
- See you there.
228
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:13,800
Oh!
229
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,000
My coffee hero.
230
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,680
Thanks again for that.
231
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,360
You're a real life-saver.
232
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:20,720
Xander.
233
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:23,760
Don't mention it. You know,
buying coffee, using a defib.
234
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,200
It's all part of the training.
235
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,360
That's £9.65.
236
00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:30,160
Unless you're exempt.
237
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,680
No, no.
238
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,800
Fully employed and fit.
239
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,600
Apart from...
240
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,640
Well, make sure you take
the whole course,
241
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,200
even if it does clear up sooner...
242
00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:42,840
..Gemma.
243
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:44,680
Oh, it definitely will.
244
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,720
There's barely an infection
in my urinary tract at all...
245
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:51,080
..Xander.
246
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,760
Sorry.
247
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,040
Er, hello.
248
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:10,600
Hello.
249
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,440
Hello, how can I help you?
250
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,600
Hi!
251
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,400
Who's actually in charge here?
252
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,640
Cos I've got three jobs
I'm managing,
253
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,640
all still waiting on those
bloody tiles...
254
00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,680
..I ordered weeks ago.
255
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,320
Are you looking for someone
to shout at?
256
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:26,880
Well, I was.
257
00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,000
Less so now it's just you here,
hiding behind a counter.
258
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,880
No, I'm not hiding.
I just dropped something.
259
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:33,280
It was, um...
260
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:34,520
..a good coin.
261
00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,040
Yeah, oh, there it is.
262
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,920
Malcolm Musgrave.
263
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:41,280
Stuart!
264
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,520
Your Gemma went to school
with my girl?
265
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,120
Stuart.
266
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:46,920
Cor, you look different.
267
00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,640
Lost 8st.
268
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,040
Yeah, and had me jaw
completely rebuilt.
269
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,400
Contact lenses.
270
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:53,600
Oh, yeah.
271
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:54,840
How are you?
272
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,320
Still playing five-a-side?
273
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:57,520
Oh, no.
274
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:58,920
No, my knees.
275
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:00,720
How about that pub band?
276
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,600
I had to sell the drum kit,
you know,
277
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,920
because Davina wanted a pagoda,
so...
278
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,840
Oh, pagodas are nice.
279
00:11:06,840 --> 00:11:08,760
Yeah, she didn't get one in the end.
280
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,920
Look, I should come clean with you,
Stuart, that, um...
281
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,360
..my wife left me.
282
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,360
Mine, too.
283
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:17,800
Sucks, doesn't it?
284
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,360
Yeah.
285
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,320
Did yours become a lesbian?
286
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,240
No, I don't think so.
287
00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,760
Loads of them have, Malcolm.
288
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,440
Hundreds of them.
289
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,800
I blame the contraceptive pill
myself.
290
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,240
You know they never really
tested it properly?
291
00:11:32,240 --> 00:11:34,400
I'm pretty sure that's why
loads of middle-aged women
292
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,280
have become lesbians.
293
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,800
Yeah, definitely.
294
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,720
I'm joking.
295
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,160
That would be an insane thing
to think.
296
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:44,640
Yeah, don't think that.
297
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,800
No.
298
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,120
I started this little group for men
who were having a tough time.
299
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,640
We do boxing.
300
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,560
Does wonders for the old black dog.
301
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:56,640
Fancy coming along Saturday morning?
302
00:11:56,640 --> 00:11:58,000
Oh, that sounds great.
303
00:11:59,160 --> 00:12:00,520
And I like dogs.
304
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,040
They tried to give me the keys
at work today.
305
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:09,840
Oh, no, you hate that.
306
00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:12,120
Yeah, I'm not a key person, Gemma.
307
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:14,520
First they give you the keys,
and then you're on a list
308
00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:15,840
in case there's a break-in.
309
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,520
And before you know it, you're on
the hook for corporate manslaughter.
310
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:20,280
Yeah, that's the usual order
of events.
311
00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:21,760
Well, I made a friend, though.
312
00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,160
Someone brought their dog in?
313
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,320
No, it was a man and a nice man.
314
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,960
Yeah, we've got loads in common.
315
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,920
Like, his wife has left him and all.
316
00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,200
And we both miss going to the Wimpy.
317
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,560
And neither of us likes
stinging nettles,
318
00:12:33,560 --> 00:12:35,000
so we've got loads in common.
319
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:36,320
Great!
320
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:37,800
I made a friend too, actually.
321
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,480
- Remember Cherry from school?
- Mm-hm.
322
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,280
Didn't get on back then,
but she has kids now
323
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:42,680
- so it could be useful.
- Right.
324
00:12:42,680 --> 00:12:43,960
Um...
325
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,920
..do you want some ketchup
with that?
326
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:47,880
With my curry?
327
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:50,480
Right, yeah, that's fine.
328
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:52,480
Fine, yeah.
329
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,120
Jesus!
330
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:55,800
Dad...
331
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,120
- Did you buy this from Derek?
- Yeah.
332
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,480
It's good, innit?
333
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:01,960
He said it's a wow with the ladies.
334
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:03,760
I'm telling you now, it's not.
335
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,200
Come on, Malcolm.
336
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:16,920
Show me that rage.
337
00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,040
Yeah, get in contact with how
Davina made you feel.
338
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,000
She made me feel
really horrible, Stuart.
339
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,120
That's why I try not to think
of her at all.
340
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:27,360
Come on, Mal, last big push.
341
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,040
U-u-urgh!
342
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,480
A-a-a-argh!
343
00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:33,920
BELL RINGS
344
00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:40,840
Derek... Derek says the best way
to get over someone
345
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:42,240
is to make someone else cry.
346
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,840
You know, you, you shift the pain
onto them.
347
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,080
Well, that sounds seriously toxic.
348
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,200
- Who's Derek?
- He's my friend.
349
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,360
Hey.
350
00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:54,880
I'm throwing Tam a big 25th tonight.
351
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:56,640
She's had a tough year
352
00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:58,280
with her mum leaving,
353
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:00,120
and boyfriend suddenly passed away.
354
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:02,200
- Oh!
- You'll come?
355
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,520
Bring Derek if you want.
356
00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:06,680
Sounds like he could do with
some male support too.
357
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:07,880
Oh, thank you.
358
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,200
Thanks a lot.
359
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,720
Keep the gloves.
360
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,280
They're a good fit.
361
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,640
Oh!
362
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:15,240
Thanks.
363
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,400
HE BREATHES DEEPLY
364
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,200
Hiya.
365
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:24,240
Great dress!
366
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,040
- Cost 400 quid.
- What?
367
00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,480
I need 400 quid's worth
of dick tonight, babe.
368
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,400
Oof, that's a lot of dick.
I can't promise anything.
369
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:33,480
I better warn you, Tamika Chase
still hasn't forgiven you
370
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:35,080
for the Ross Beakfield stuff.
371
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,120
What Ross Beakfield stuff?
372
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,160
CAR HORN TOOTS
373
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,160
She's here.
374
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,400
LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
375
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:52,040
Tamika Chase is in da house!
376
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,840
HORN BLARES
377
00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,360
Let's get this fucking party
started!
378
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,080
Oh, Cherry.
379
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,120
Do you want to park the
bitch machine for me?
380
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,200
Any scratches and I will
rip your hair out. Thank you.
381
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,840
See you in a bit. Thank you.
382
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,800
We're going to have
a brilliant night.
383
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,680
As long as she doesn't glue us
to tinned goods.
384
00:15:09,680 --> 00:15:11,720
She might do that.
385
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,400
Right.
386
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:21,960
Shall I park the car?
387
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,000
- Yeah?
- You park the car.
388
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,080
I think so.
389
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,480
Never have children, Gemma.
390
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:34,560
Do you know, since having the kids,
my life has become so boring
391
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,520
and tiring and boring.
392
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:39,240
- Is it really that bad?
- Mm.
393
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,520
Mm.
394
00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:44,360
I'm just so sick of mummy friends
and talking about Lego and nits.
395
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:48,280
Wait, what the hell is my dad
doing here?
396
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,120
That's your dad with Tam's dad?
397
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:51,720
That's Tamika's dad?
398
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,000
Oh, God.
399
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,320
That's a DILF.
400
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,120
- Hey.
- For fuck's sake.
- Derek.
401
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:01,200
- My friends call me the big D.
- I bet they do.
402
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,080
Hey, are you my appendix?
403
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,560
Because I have no idea what you do,
404
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:07,560
but I feel like
I should take you out.
405
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,240
Absolutely not, no.
406
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:12,880
Ugh, eurgh.
407
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:18,040
- I'm going to pretend that never
happened.
- OK, thanks.
408
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,960
I just don't think there's enough
support for anyone in crisis,
409
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,280
us fellows included.
410
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,120
Yeah, when Davina left,
I was in a really terrible place.
411
00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:29,440
Mentally?
412
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,840
No, it was a bedsit.
413
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,560
Let's just say, you know,
there was lots of, like,
414
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,560
sticky stains and stuff everywhere.
415
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:37,320
You ain't slagging off my gaff
again, Malcolm?
416
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:40,360
Derek!
No, no, it was a palace, wasn't it?
417
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,960
I miss it, I really miss it.
418
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:43,600
Derek, Stuart, Stuart, Derek.
419
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,000
Malcolm was telling me about
your bedsit for divorced men.
420
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,760
Yeah, I expect you'll turn up one
day with a suitcase full of chinos.
421
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,160
Unlikely.
422
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,600
My company pulled in
half a million last quarter.
423
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:55,920
Oh, well done, Stuart.
424
00:16:57,320 --> 00:17:00,960
Mate, there are bags of women
in here tonight.
425
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,680
Hey, I was talking to Stuart,
he's a really nice guy.
426
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,960
Who likes nice men?
427
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:09,200
No, mate, these hoes are primed
for you to make a move.
428
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,680
Come on. You know what to do.
429
00:17:11,680 --> 00:17:13,080
Get the eggs out?
430
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:14,440
Get the fucking eggs out.
431
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:15,640
Are you going to get the eggs out?
432
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:17,040
We can't both get the eggs out,
Malcolm.
433
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:18,760
We'd look really weird, wouldn't we?
434
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,560
No, no, I'm trying my hand
at ghosting this evening.
435
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,760
Apparently chicks go mental
for ghosting.
436
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:26,240
What's ghosting?
437
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,840
I'm ignoring
every single woman in here.
438
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,480
Ghosting them all.
439
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,240
And they love it.
440
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,640
Watch this. Watch this.
441
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:34,760
Hey...
442
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,160
See that, Malc?
443
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,840
Master.
444
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,800
Yeah.
445
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,120
Yeah, that was great.
446
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,200
SQUEAL OF DELIGHT
447
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,440
Tamika! Hey...
448
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:53,480
- Gemma Moscrip.
- Hiya.
449
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,200
Can I get you a drink?
Happy birthday.
450
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,480
- Our dads are really
getting along.
- Yeah.
451
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,840
Loads of fucking loser dickheads
love Stuart.
452
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:02,520
He's a beacon for the pathetic.
453
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,240
OK.
454
00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:06,320
You haven't changed much
since school, then.
455
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:07,400
We haven't.
456
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,360
- My boyfriend says
I still look 15.
- Ooft.
457
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:14,200
Is your boyfriend on
the sex offenders register?
458
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,160
Hope you got Tam something amazing.
459
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,280
You owe her, after all.
460
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,680
Oh, no, babe, babe, babe,
don't worry about it.
461
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,520
When your daddy gets you a Jag
for your birthday,
462
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,040
it really doesn't matter
what the chaff bring in.
463
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,240
Come on.
464
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,480
TAMIKA SIGHS
465
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,920
Oh, my God.
466
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,200
Stop trying to touch stuff,
all right?
467
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,000
Hiya, Dad.
468
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:45,520
Silly question, why are you making
hard boiled eggs
469
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:46,680
come out of your mouth?
470
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:48,920
Well, Derek says everybody
loves eggs, that's all.
471
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,760
No, they don't. Vegans don't.
472
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,560
Oh, well, I'd argue they love eggs
more than ordinary people.
473
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,360
Yeah, I'd be over the moon if
someone handed me a free egg, Gemma.
474
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:57,640
That's come out of their mouth?
475
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,360
Well, you can rinse it, can't you?
476
00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:00,400
If I buy you a drink,
477
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,080
will you promise to stop making eggs
come out of your mouth?
478
00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,400
- Yeah, all right.
I'll have a ginger beer.
- OK.
479
00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:07,280
- Stuart.
- Dad.
480
00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:09,920
Do you want this ginger beer or not?
481
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:14,520
- All right, Malcolm?
- Yeah. You?
482
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,720
Oh, fucking hell.
483
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,240
Right, tell me
what all this is about, then.
484
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,640
Ross.
485
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,360
Beakfield.
486
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,560
What about Ross Beakfield?
487
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,760
- You dated him.
- For like a week,
ten years ago.
488
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,360
And you slept with him.
489
00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:31,400
Oh, my God. I barely kissed him.
490
00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,280
Well, I was in love with him
and you stole him from me.
491
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:37,120
And I can never tell him,
because he's dead.
492
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:40,720
Yeah.
493
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:42,120
No, I don't think he is.
494
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,360
Well, I think he is.
495
00:19:44,360 --> 00:19:47,640
Because his mum texted me about
four months ago saying his number
496
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:51,120
was no longer in use, because
he had died very, very suddenly.
497
00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:53,760
Mm-hm. It's really funny, that,
because I heard that
498
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:58,040
he moved to Basingstoke four months
ago because you were stalking him.
499
00:19:58,040 --> 00:19:59,560
He wasn't your boyfriend?
500
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:02,800
No, he was. Yeah, he was.
501
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:06,040
Cos that's the truth
I was choosing to live by, Stuart.
502
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,200
- Did you know?
- Why didn't you tell me?
503
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,680
- He's not dead?
- No.
504
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,960
But we held that mini wake.
505
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,520
No, he is dead.
506
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:17,280
Because I had RIP Ross Beakfield
tattooed on my...
507
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:18,680
..kitten.
508
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,160
- Gun.
- Glue gun!
- I will glue you,
Gemma Moscrip.
509
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,560
One day, when you least expect it,
I'm going to fucking glue you.
510
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,080
To what?
511
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,840
SCATTERED LAUGHTER
512
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,520
- No!
- No!
513
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,640
Tamika?! Tamika?
514
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,640
What the actual fuck?
£400 dress.
515
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:51,840
Four hundred quid, mate.
516
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:53,760
Never going to have any dick...
517
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,600
You were so cool, even though
she threatened to glue you!
518
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,400
That isn't a thing.
Is that going to come out?
519
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,360
Do you want some?
520
00:21:03,360 --> 00:21:05,360
SHE BURPS
521
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:06,720
I can't.
522
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:09,760
I'm pregnant.
523
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,320
SHE LAUGHS
524
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:13,440
- Wait, what?
- I am.
525
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:14,480
I don't know how many weeks.
526
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,200
My first scan's on Monday.
527
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,640
Babe, that is so amazing.
528
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,960
Why didn't you say anything earlier?
Oh, my God, you're pregnant.
529
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,920
Cos I thought
you wouldn't want to hang out.
530
00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:27,200
I didn't, but I do now! Oh, my God.
531
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,720
Oh, you are so lucky.
532
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,320
Having a baby is like being
love-bombed by your own DNA.
533
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,080
God, I'm still
getting my head round it.
534
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,920
- I don't know who I should tell...
- What you can and can't do. Yeah.
535
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,800
Well, any advice, I am here for you.
536
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,320
Thanks.
537
00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:45,360
Wow.
538
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:47,400
Mm!
539
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,640
There's one thing
I can still do.
540
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:55,440
CHERRY GASPS
541
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:57,640
Peow!
542
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,840
Did you steal that from her? Nice.
543
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,160
I got glue...
544
00:22:03,160 --> 00:22:05,600
Right.
I'm sorry about that, Stuart.
545
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,480
Don't worry about it, Malcolm.
546
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,640
Hey, do you think Tamika's
a bit spoilt?
547
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,160
Well, maybe, you know.
Just a little bit, like.
548
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,000
Yeah.
549
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,520
Anyway...
550
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,880
Now you've got my number,
give us a call any time, especially
551
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:24,160
if you want to rant about the ex.
552
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,880
Yeah, or if I find a stubborn
patch of nettles.
553
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:27,920
THEY LAUGH
554
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,920
My car!
555
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:33,960
YOUR car?
556
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:39,080
Malcolm!
557
00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,560
What has your daughter
done to my car?
558
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,360
Tamika said it was her
birthday present.
559
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,800
- I let her drive it as a present.
- Oh!
560
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:48,000
Jesus Christ!
561
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,440
My car.
562
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:55,160
Where's the nearest Jet Wash?
I can't let it dry like this.
563
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,720
Are you, er, are you going to want
those boxing gloves back, Stuart?
564
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,120
Yes, Malcolm!
565
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:16,200
Sorry, Dad.
566
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,400
I loved those gloves.
567
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:21,840
Yeah.
568
00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:37,760
I got you a hot chocolate.
569
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:39,840
Dad!
570
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:46,320
Well, er, your scan was
on the calendar, wasn't it? So...
571
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,440
Gemma.
The sonographer'll see you now.
572
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,720
- Is it all right if my dad comes in?
- Yeah. Of course.
573
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,440
Come on.
574
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:01,000
Thanks for coming.
575
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,760
Oh, it's all right.
576
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,400
Hey, do you want to
go for lunch after?
577
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,040
Oh, hey, I brought my own.
578
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,480
How long has that been
in your pocket?
579
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,360
Ha-ha-ha! A while.
39621
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