All language subtitles for Solar Opposites s05e11 Yumyulacks Giant Head.eng

[♪ dramatic theme playing]

Oh, bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.

I took the Lord's name in vain.

I was covetous,

and I put some Yoplait peach yogurt
in my butthole

and let a cat lick it.

[Yumyulack] Holy shit. Ew! A cat?

You're gonna make me barf.

Are you supposed to talk like that?

I thought this was a safe space.

[Yumyulack] Yeah.
For me to kick your ass!

[yelps] What the hell, Father?

You just got bounty-hunted, bitch!

Respect.

♪

[grunts] I'm home.

Nobody talk to me
until I get something to drink.

I know I'm gonna regret asking this,

but why are you dressed like the Pope?

Oh, Terry, you ignorant slut.

I have to lay low when I bounty hunt.

This is my undercover gear.

Well, I'm glad you had fun.

All I did today was try
to suck my own mound.

I present you the new Pupa.

- Ah!
- Oh, my God!

Why does he look like
a baby Pennywise?

Cha Pupa!

Aw! That's his cute new thing he says.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is that?

Glen Powell's specialty Kom-BRO-cha.

I did a bunch of bounty hunting today,

and it got me real thirsty for bacteria.

- [bottle shatters]
- What the hell?

No teenager wants to drink that shit.

Wouldn't you rather smoke a fat J

or huff some cumin?

What are you talking about?

The Kom-BRO-cha is marketed
specifically to idiots my age.

Okay. The truth is kombucha
is poisonous to Shlorpians.

But Jesse and Terry are drinking them!

[gulping]

- Mm. Doesn't matter how we taste.
- Jesse, no!

Taste? What does that mean?
Why does how I taste matter?

It matters because I need to kill you
and feed you to the Pupa.

Korvo, no!

[Korvo]
Planet Shlorp was a perfect utopia,

until the asteroid hit.

One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa

and escaped into the... space,

searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.

We crashed on Earth,

stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.

That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.

I'm the one holding the Pupa.

My name is Korvo. This is my show.

Bollocks, I just dropped the Pupa.

Ugh. This is ridiculous. I hate Earth.

It's a horrible home.

People are stupid and confusing.

Why can't I pump my own gas
in New Jersey?

It's the only Earth activity
that calms me down.

I wish the entire atmosphere was fumes.

All the good planets let you breathe oil.

[♪ dramatic music playing]

No!

What's happening here?
What the hell was that?

The ray that makes you sit on the couch
to hear some hard news.

I thought you were gonna kill me.

- I would never do that.
- Okay, good.

Wait. No, I do do it regularly.

But first I'm going
to explain why I do it.

Because you respect me.

No, because confusion
can make your skin taste

like the bottom of a flip-flop.

Every three months,
a very special thing happens.

I murder you,
blend your body into mush,

and feed you to the Pupa.

- No, you don't!
- Oh, yes, I do.

See, the Pupa needs to be fed your meat
every 90 days or he dies.

I've lived here just as long as you
and that's literally never happened.

Yes, it has. You just don't remember

because we upload your consciousness
to the ship's hard drive

and transfer your memories
to a new brain before I bap you.

But we leave out the murder memory
so you don't get all pissy.

Okay, fine. Then why am I here?

Allow me to show and tell you.

Cha Pupa!

Huh. That really is cute.

AISHA, where did I put
that instructional geode

that came with the Pupa?

[AISHA] Don't ask me.
I'm not Mary friggin' Poppins.

Oh, nice. We actually kept it.

The Pupa Owner's Manual, Quartz Edition

[computer whirring, beeping]

[electronic voice] Caution.
Failing to feed your Pupa

replicant meat will result in death.

Proper care of your Pupa
will ensure it evolves

and terraforms your new world.

You could feed your Pupa choice cuts
of the nutrient replicant

or just blend and serve whole.

- [Terry] Oh, that's what we do.
- [Korvo] Shh!

Hello, replicant.

Have you had a fulfilling day
of bounty hunting?

Yes, team leader. I sure have.

[team leader laughs]

- [crystal slurping]
- [replicant groans]

- What an idiot.
- I hate this.

[electronic voice]
The team leader now processes

the replicant's proteins
in the painless method

devised by our Shlorpian doctors.

[replicant screaming]

That doesn't seem painless.

He means for the team leader.
He's not in any pain.

[noisy munching]

[Jesse] Aw, look at him go.

And now I upload the memories,
minus just a few.

[electronic voice] In a few weeks,
the new body will begin

to produce nutrients,
and the cycle will begin again.

Under no circumstances should this video
be shown to your nutrient replicant.

This is freaking me out!

Don't worry. Being freaked doesn't affect
the flavor of your flesh.

Ugh! Stop talking about my flesh!

So you guys just kill me
and Jesse whenever you want?

No. Not me. Just you.

Why just me?

We all have mission jobs.

I'm the chronicler,
Terry cares for the Pupa,

Korvo's team leader.

And you're the nutrient replicant.

I'm the bounty hunter.
I literally bounty-hunted this morning.

This isn't Star Wars, bro.

That's something
the Shlorpian elders made up

so you wouldn't question your actual role
as a delicious treat.

But I've seen the Pupa eat
all sorts of fast food and junk.

- Just let him eat that.
- No, it's empty calories.

Terry and Jesse promised
they'd stop feeding him that stuff.

We've been good.

- Yeah, we just say, "No way, Jose."
- Cha Pupa!

Being the nutrient replicant is
the highest honor a Shlorpian can have.

Your job is the most important
out of all of us.

[Yumyulack] Oh, man.
He is looking pretty hungry.

Poor little guy.
Okay, screw it. I'm in.

Plus you'll save
my memories anyway, right?

Yep. And after, you won't even remember.

We'll be back to normal.

Do you mind if this one time
I do it myself?

Sure. How do you wanna do it?
Sword? Flamethrower?

That thing where you rub your mound
while hanging yourself in the closet?

Just a simple ray will do.

Here you go. Let me just grab the crystal
that sucks your memories out. Ah!

Anyone comes at me with the crystal,
I'll blow your fucking head off!

Cha Pupa?

- Ah!
- Stay back.

It's not as bad as it sounds.

We just print out another you.

We can take all these memories away too.
You won't be sad at all.

Oh, you're right about that.
I won't be sad.

Because I'm blasting the Me Machine.

Put that ray gun down
and kill yourself right now, mister!

[both grunting]

- [explosion booms]
- [Yumyulack screams]

No!

He ruined my shirt!

The Pupa's gonna starve
without his Yum meat.

The mission's doomed.

We're all gonna die,
and I never even got to tour

the Burlington Coat Factory factory!

Everyone chill the fuck out.
Uh, let me workshop this.

Pupa, eat this. It's good for you.

- Cha Pupa.
- [stomach growls]

- It's all gross and burnt up.
- He needs to eat it to live.

What if we feed the little guy
something else from the home world?

Yes! I purposely hid some
Shlorpian powdered calorie chunks

in the emergency rations kit.

'Cause that's what I do.
I think ahead, baby.

Oh, shit. I ate the chunks last year
when we ran out of snacks.

Those were for emergencies!

It was an emergency.

I had to binge all of
Shadow and Bone season two

so I could spoil it on Discord

before my Discord dudes
could spoil it for me.

- Here. Lick the wrappers.
- No. Cha Pupa.

You two stay down here

and try to get the Pupa
to lick that wrapper

while I go work on fixing
the Yumyulack printer.

[AISHA] Are you sure that
makeup glue's strong enough?

This is drag brunch grade
eyelash adhesive

I got from Terry's vanity. It'll work.

[AISHA] You ever think about
what your drag name would be?

Mine's Nefertitties

'cause I would have some big old titties.

Oh, that is good.

Alright, let's see if this thing works.

[machine beeps, whirs]

Ugh, this doesn't look right.
Scan this thing for nutrients.

[AISHA] Scanning.
That thing is all jacked up.

The Pupa won't get anything from that.

Damn it. And the printer's shot.

We'll have to try something else.

- [AISHA] Is it expanding?
- Oh!

Oh, shit. The growth particles
are out of control.

AISHA, open the hatch.
We have to get it off the ship.

Oh, crap, crap. Shitty, shitty, crap.

[AISHA]
Are you gonna just leave it there?

I'll call heavy item pickup.
They'll get it on Tuesday.

[AISHA] The city is not going like that.

Oh, come on. Just a wittle-bitty taste.

- Mm, yummy.
- No!

Terry, look. I got Yum's
Old Spice Swagger deodorant!

This has to be loaded with Yum germs.

Oh, yeah! Here you go, Pupes.
It's gym bag flavored.

- [Pupa barfs]
- [stomach growls]

Are you okay, little guy?

- Oh, cha Pupa...
- [stomach growling]

Ah!

He just sharted a side table?

Oh, no. This looks like it came
from my apartment on the home world.

Your Pupa just sharted it out
with some orange goo.

- Excuse me? My Pupa.
- You heard me.

[goo splatters]

The Pupa is prematurely
squirting out terraforming fluids

because his body's malnourished
without his nutrients.

Well, that blows.

Why does it all look like Shlorpian stuff?

Because he has everything
from the home world

coded into his DNA.

Isn't this a good thing?

Don't we want the Pupa to terraform?

This isn't a controlled terraformation.

The Pupa's body is breaking down.

This is a destructive
and uncontrollable process

that will ruin this planet.

If the Pupa doesn't get nutrients soon,

his sharting will get worse.

He'll die and so will our chances

of rebuilding the home world.

Pupa already has a taste for flesh,

so let's just find a human
similar to Yumyulack

and feed them to him.

Yes, that could work,

but it would have to be
a real pathetic, ugly loser

just like Yumyulack.

Uh, are you seeing
this floating Yumyulack head out there?

What? Don't worry about that.
Who knows where that came from?

The Solar Opposites have to find

a petty bounty hunting-type human
who smells like a foot.

- Next.
- [Terry] Hello, neighbor Kevin.

You will be reading
for the part of Yumyulack.

This is so cool.
Always wanted to be an actor.

You know, back in the day,
I made some docking videos

on YouTube before the algorithm
demonetized foreskin.

- Next.
- Hi, I'm Sean Giambrone.

I used to be on ABC's The Goldbergs.

- Next!
- Thank you for inviting me.

I have many special skills.

I am a pre-certified Poker Face who--

- Ow! Shit! Fuck!
- [Jesse] Principal Cooke,

always fun to see you out
in the real world.

Okay, so for the audition,

we're workshopping a scene from Dune.

Put your foot in that box.

Uh, oh, I feel something licking me.

When the fear of being licked is gone,
only you will remain.

- [crunching]
- Ow! Now it's biting me. I knew it!

These sicko internet perverts
just want pics

of your bloody feet,
and they aren't gonna pay for them!

Bye, Principal Cooke.

Uh, cha Pupa.

Goddammit, Pupa.
We're trying to help you, you little shit.

[Pupa retches]

That's my bank from the home world.

It had terrible operating hours. Run!

[all yell]

[Pupa coughs]

Well, my friends and lover,
we're out of moves.

The Yumyulack-making machine
can't be fixed.

The Pupa won't eat.

There's a big-ass Yumyulack head
floating over Denver.

- Fuck Denver!
- I fear, for once,

we can't sci-fi our way out of this.

Poor Pupa. I'm so sorry.

[Pupa retches]

[AISHA] Come on, Korvo.
Don't be a little bitch.

- Just tell them.
- AISHA, no.

What? What shouldn't you be
a little bitch about?

[AISHA] You gotta tell them.

I can't. It's a moment of weakness
I've held for so long. Ugh.

What I'm about to reveal
may shake you to your very cores.

It may destroy the foundation on which

- our relationship has been--
- Just tell us!

There is... another Yumyulack.

[Terry and Jesse gasp]

Gasping so hard at that revelation
got me so hungry!

Why are Jersey Mike's sammies so good?

They get their oil and vinegar
straight from the New Jersey Turnpike.

Hey, what did you mean

that one time you said
there's another Yumyulack?

Hmm. Well, one time,
I didn't kill Yumyulack

and feed him to the Pupa.
I let him escape.

I-I-I don't really remember the details.

- It's a bit of a haze.
- [AISHA] We good. I got that shit on tape.

No! No, no. We don't have
to watch the tape. That's not important.

[AISHA] I put in a Ring camera
after someone kept stealing

my porcelain frogs, Terry!

Check it out.

- Ah!
- What are you doing?

Please, don't stab me.

No, I-I wasn't.

I was gonna suck out your memories
and then kill you.

No, but please.
Papa, don't do that either.

Papa?

- Ah.
- [crystal slurping]

- Go.
- You're not gonna kill me?

I've got a copy of your memories.

Now go before I change my mind.

Damn you, AISHA.

He called me Papa.
No Yumyulack has ever said that.

He was so sweet. Not like all
the other dipshit Yumyulacks.

Oh, Korvo. I thought I was
the only one with daddy issues.

I've been trying to develop them
as a Cesar Chavez Day present to you.

But I guess it worked too well.

Oh, my God. Stop being such a pushover!

You're team leader, man.
Pull yourself together!

Your Pupa is getting gray
and blasting goo.

We've gotta find that Yumyulack.
When did you let him go?

It was back when I was really
into eating stews,

so I got the idea to send him
to live a peaceful existence in Ireland.

Plus, I knew Terry would never go there
due to his feud with The Edge.

Well, that goateed,
beanie-wearing bitch stole my look!

[spurting]

Fresh konixberries for sa...

Where am I?

Cha Pupa.

[vendor and stand explode]

We're running out of time!

AISHA, watch the Pupa
and see if you can get

the Yumyulack-making machine
working again.

[AISHA] I was about to go on break.

You'll get OT. We'll fly to Ireland,

grab that tender-ass Yumyulack,
bring him back,

and feed the Pupa before it's too late.

You know,
I-I-I'm just telling you right now,

if I see The Edge, I'm not gonna walk on.

I'm gonna slap that goatee
right off his face.

It's not gonna be a beautiful day for him.

♪

[♪ Celtic violin music playing]

This place looks hella quaint.

Wait, is that The Edge
playing the fiddle in the corner?

Terry, that's a lady and she's, like, 90.

Hello. Name's Seamus O'Drinky.

This is me family's Irish pub.

We're looking for a sweet
wannabe fuckboy. Ye high.

Might go by the name Yumyulack

or Grand Muff Tarkin,

his Xbox name.

Sorry. Can't help you.

I'd remember if a funny-looking fella
like that came in here.

- Thanks for your time.
- I'm watching you, fiddle slut.

McYumyulack, it's Seamus.

Seems your Pa's finally come to town.

Look, you know only one dirty-ass hoe

would need that much
X-Treme Sour Gooseberry Rockstars.

That son of a bitch The Edge.

Oh, my God. It's Yumyulack.

Jesus, Terry. Get over it.

This must be his place. Look at the name.

[Terry] Classy. Hey, there he is!

Oh, this is gonna be easy peasy,
Dan Cortese.

I'm excited to see Yumyulack,

even if it is a low-rent Irish version.

Don't bring emotion into this.
He's just Pupa food.

Ah, stupid wire.
Someone could trip on this.

I'm gonna kick it in three, a-two, and...

- Terry, don't!
- [explosion booms]

[Irish accent] You arseholes
aren't taking me back. Get fucked!

That Yumyulack's not sweet or tender.

And he talks all Irishy now?

He played me, calling me Papa.

We gotta take this bitch down now.

Oh, hell, yeah. Another wire.

[Korvo] Terry, would you just leave it?

Fine.

Yumyulack?

We just came to say hi
and see how things are going.

Bull shite! And I go by McYumyulack now.

That's me Irish name.

I really like that for him.

For years, I've waited
and planned for this day.

Booby-trapped the whole house,
so don't come any closer

or I'll blow yas to hell.

I know we hate on the guy
for being such a dick,

but he's really made
a life for himself here.

Yeah. Maybe we should peace out
and just let him be Irish in peace. Peace!

No! We need to get him to the house,
chop him up, and feed him to the Pupa

or there won't be a planet
for Ireland to be the crown jewel of.

I heard that!

[explosions boom]

Leave our lad alone or we'll burn you up
and bury you in the peat!

Damn it. All our sci-fi weapons
got confiscated at the airport.

Aer Lingus, more like ass dingus.

Don't take Aer Lingus' name in vain.

It's the sexiest airline.

We gotta grab McYum Nuts
and get the "fook" out of here.

Alright, you bog-brained Murphies,

I shit all over your shamrocks.

And Cillian Murphy can lick my balls!

Oh! Ow!

[♪ dramatic music playing]

Ah!

Oh! Ah!

[McYumyulack panting]

Ah!

Ooh-wee!

[both grunting]

- You're good.
- Aye. I had a good teacher.

- Oh, was it me?
- No, you fucking idiot!

It was Sensei Sean
at the O'Punchies Karate dojo!

[both grunting]

Finish him, Korvo! Finish him!

Papa? Please don't make me go.

I have no choice. I'm not your papa.
I'm the team leader.

And you have nutrients the Pupa needs.

It's my duty and yours.

You taught me a long time ago
to only care about meself.

- So that's what I'm gonna do.
- [ice cracks]

- [splashing]
- Ah, no!

Oh, my God.
They fell in the ice! Where are they?

RIP, Korvo and Yumyulack.

So what should two fun single gals do

in a town full of repressed
drunk European men?

Ah! I got him! I...

Wait, were you guys just gonna leave?

You both went in the ice!

In the movies, that means you're dead.
Do your own research.

[Korvo]
You didn't even wait five seconds.

Well, it's cold out here. I'm sorry.

[people screaming]

[liquid splatters]

So, yeah, The Edge was just
sitting there in the Dublin Airport.

He was such a nice guy.
He even gave me one of his beanies.

He said we could be Beanie Boys together
so we don't have to compete.

Yep. No more competish,
so my whole thing's resolved.

We should get this over with
before the Pupa gets any worse.

[normal voice]
This isn't over yet.

Hey, what happened to your accent?

It goes away if I don't watch
a Colin Farrell movie every day.

McYumyulack, I just want to say I'm sorry.

I didn't want it to be this way.

If I could change the rules,

I never would've murdered you
over and over again

and fed you to the Pupa
like you were applesauce.

Yeah, right. You're a narc!

I'll pull your memories out
in case we ever repair the printer.

How about you just admit
you're an asshole and let me go?

Sorry. Timing just isn't right.

Ah.

- Stop!
- Ah! What?

- Timing wasn't right.
- Get outta the way!

When you let this McYum go,

did you print out another one right away?

- Yes, of course.
- And did you feed him to the Pupa?

No. The nutrients don't come in
for a couple of weeks.

But when you were waiting,

the Pupa didn't shart
any terraforming goo.

[gasps] Wait. You're right. He didn't.

A-ha! So what does that mean?

It means he must have gotten his nutrients
from something else.

Maybe the Pupa got fed
something to stay alive.

That's impossible. We haven't been feeding
the Pupa any Earth food.

You guys told me you were being good.

Oopsies.

You two fed him something, didn't you?
What was it?

We totally ignored your rule.

We fed him all sorts of stuff.

We knew he was gonna get
all of his vitamins

and minerals
from Yumyulack anyway,

so it shouldn't even really matter
if we gave him a little extra.

I explicitly said no human food.

It was last year right before
we went to that other planet.

- What did you feed him?
- It could have been McDonald's?

Great. Let's go get some McDonald's.

- Or Burger King?
- Okay.

I don't like how much you ignored my rule,
but let's get that too.

And Wendy's, Taco Bell,
Pizza Hut, Domino's...

Wingstop, Papa John's,
KFC, Panda Express...

But never any Long John Silvers!

Yeah. We drew the line
at Long John Silvers.

We're not monsters.

We don't have time
to narrow all that down.

The Pupa is dying.

We need to feed him this Yumyulack
and then we'll figure it out.

Well, I vote we narrow it down.

Sorry, this is the only way.

- [crystal slurping]
- [Yumyulack groaning]

[Pupa] Cha Pupa.

Wait. Did you hear that?

Stop fucking stalling.

I'm not! The Pupa speaks!

Cha Pupa.

So? He's been saying "cha Pupa" a bunch.

It's super cute, but that won't help.

What if he's trying to say "chalupa"?

[Terry/Korvo/Jesse]
Oh!

[Terry] Can you believe it?

The little guy was just trying to tell us

what he needed the whole time.

Classic Solar.

Mm, yummy cha Pupa!

Now that we can feed the Pupa chalupas,

can we stop killing me every 90 days?

Well, I hate changing my routine,
but in this case, I'll make an exception.

Who knew chalupas would provide
the same vitamins as alien meat?

Pupa is so full of nutrients.
He's evolving!

Cha Pupa!

Whoa! Will you look at that?

He even turned a new color
just in time for the end of the season.

And by that, I mean autumn.

I'm just happy we ended the day
without any huge change.

Unlike last year, when we had
to leave the planet

and all that nonsense.

That's right. We saved the Pupa,

Yumyulack doesn't have to get harvested,

and nothing bad came from it.

A big win for the Solar Opposites!

Terry, ring the bell!

- [bell ringing]
- [all cheering]

I can live! Chalupa, chalupa, chalupa!

[♪ ominous music playing]

Yes, I am one step closer
to regaining control of the mission.

Soon enough. Soon enough.

[maniacal laughter]

Goddammit. How the fuck
am I gonna get down there?

[♪ dramatic theme playing]

[mimicking laser fire]

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