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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,005
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
2
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,844
Oh, Bradd and the aliens are gonna fight.
3
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:13,597
You've got a big mouth, Bradd.
You better watch what you say.
4
00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:15,599
What are you gonna do about it,
alien bitch?
5
00:00:15,599 --> 00:00:18,060
You're lucky you can even breathe
in this atmosphere,
6
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,937
lost in space little pieces of shit.
7
00:00:19,937 --> 00:00:22,105
We're not lost in space,
you're lost in space!
8
00:00:22,105 --> 00:00:24,024
I hate you, Bradd, you're a bad egg!
9
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:25,192
Oh, I'm so sorry.
10
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,945
I don't want matinee-style freaks
creeping around school
11
00:00:27,945 --> 00:00:29,863
zapping people into piles of ash.
12
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,240
[all] Ooh!
13
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:32,491
Hey, take that back!
14
00:00:32,491 --> 00:00:33,951
We don't do that anymore!
15
00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,285
What are you gonna do about it,
you little shit?
16
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,120
I'm gonna bounty hunt your ass.
17
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,455
[all grunting]
18
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,791
[students cheering]
19
00:00:40,791 --> 00:00:41,875
Stop fighting.
20
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,044
You're kicking up
a cartoonish dust cloud!
21
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:46,296
[coughs] Oh, God, my allergies.
22
00:00:46,296 --> 00:00:47,881
Someone get my EpiPen!
23
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:51,260
I can't die, I'm only 35 years away
from retirement.
24
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,970
- [body thuds]
- [urine splatters]
25
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:56,306
[Korvo] Planet Shlorp
was a perfect utopia,
26
00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,392
until the asteroid hit.
27
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,395
One hundred adults and their replicants
were issued a Pupa,
28
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:03,230
and escaped into the... space,
29
00:01:03,230 --> 00:01:05,983
searching for new homes
on uninhabited worlds.
30
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,192
We crashed on Earth,
31
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,528
stranding us on an already
overpopulated planet.
32
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,154
That's right, I've been talking
this whole time.
33
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:12,406
I'm the one holding the Pupa.
34
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,157
My name is Korvo. This is my show.
35
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:15,450
Bollocks,
I just dropped the Pupa.
36
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:17,411
Ugh. This is ridiculous.
I hate Earth.
37
00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:20,038
It's a horrible home.
People are stupid and confusing.
38
00:01:20,038 --> 00:01:22,165
Why are humans always running
and jogging for no reason
39
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,417
when they should be saving their energy
40
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,002
for when they're being chased
by a Magoogoo?
41
00:01:25,002 --> 00:01:28,172
Everyone should be holding still
and storing calories at all times
42
00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:29,631
for when the Magoogoo emerges!
43
00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:32,843
[♪ dramatic music]
44
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,972
[♪ gentle music]
45
00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:40,475
And done. My love language is
a combination of gift giving,
46
00:01:40,475 --> 00:01:42,686
physical affection,
and '80s television theme songs.
47
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,563
Yours is JavaScript.
48
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,732
Oh, bugger, I've been telling people
I'm a Hufflepuff.
49
00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:49,276
Not all quizlets end
in Harry Potter houses, alright?
50
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:50,402
- Well, they should.
- [door opens]
51
00:01:50,402 --> 00:01:51,987
- It hurts. It hurts.
- [Jesse and Yumyulack sobbing]
52
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:54,406
Ow, it hurts.
Terry, Korvo!
53
00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:55,741
What the hell happened to you two?
54
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:59,369
We got into a fight at school.
55
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:01,622
A bully named Bradd with two Ds
56
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,791
opened a can of double D
whoop ass all over us.
57
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,585
Oh. What have I told you
about fights?
58
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,879
Shlorpians don't participate
in lowly human combat.
59
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,964
We are hyperintelligent,
plant-based life forms.
60
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,090
We don't do violence.
61
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,300
We were trying to ignore him,
62
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,469
but then he said that all aliens are lame,
63
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,930
and he called me bitch
and said his dad can beat you up.
64
00:02:17,930 --> 00:02:19,139
I don't care what he said.
65
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,350
You shouldn't let him get in your--
Wait, what did he say?
66
00:02:21,350 --> 00:02:23,018
- All aliens are lame.
- After that.
67
00:02:23,018 --> 00:02:25,020
- That I'm a little bitch.
- No, I'm fine with that.
68
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:27,105
- The last thing.
- He said that his dad can beat you up.
69
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,733
Oh, please, that's taunting 101.
Who cares?
70
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:30,817
That's horseshit.
71
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,320
I can't have anyone thinking
that a measly human can beat me up.
72
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,405
I'm Korvo the motherfucking alien.
73
00:02:35,405 --> 00:02:37,574
Is this a bit?
Who cares what the kid said?
74
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,117
He's a cum stain.
75
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,495
I care. He dragged me
and his dad in on this.
76
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:43,288
The honor of this family, this team,
77
00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:45,707
and the entire mission
hangs in the balance, Terry.
78
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:48,919
Wait a minute, Bradd said his dad
could beat up a dad in this family.
79
00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,295
How do we know
he wasn't talking about me?
80
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,380
I'm a dad too.
81
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:54,258
[Korvo and replicants laugh]
82
00:02:54,258 --> 00:02:57,052
[laughter continues]
83
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:00,430
Okay, you're right.
I'm more of a zaddy than a dad.
84
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:02,099
It's true.
That was good though, Terry.
85
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:04,643
I really needed that.
You've energized me for an ass-kicking.
86
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,728
- Well, off to hurt a stranger.
- [Yumyulack] Korvo!
87
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:08,856
Korvo, wait.
If you kick his ass with ray guns,
88
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,023
it'll just make it worse.
89
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,942
That's what he was saying we always do.
90
00:03:11,942 --> 00:03:14,236
Oh, please, I can take on
this Bradd's dad
91
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,529
without Shlorpian science.
92
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,740
I've got all the sci
and fi I need right here.
93
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,869
[sighs] That man is such a Hufflepuff.
94
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,287
- [Pupa laughing]
- Hey!
95
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,665
[Pupa laughing]
96
00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:28,584
That's Korvo's third-favorite glowing orb.
97
00:03:28,584 --> 00:03:30,669
It's powered by something
that could destroy time and space.
98
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:32,588
Plus, he uses it to roll out his back.
99
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:33,672
Ah!
100
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,799
- [Pupa coos]
- Oh, okay,
101
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:37,176
you guys are going naughty mode?
102
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:39,386
Drop it. Drop it!
103
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:43,724
- Pupa, I said drop it!
- [Pupa coos]
104
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,058
Pupa, no, drop it!
105
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,894
Pupa, you drop that orb right now!
106
00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,230
[knocking]
107
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,108
- Can I help you?
- Are you Bradd's dad?
108
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,443
I'm Korvo the alien.
109
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:55,736
Oh, I've heard about you.
110
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,655
Word on the road is
your kid told my replicants
111
00:03:58,655 --> 00:03:59,865
you could beat me up.
112
00:03:59,865 --> 00:04:02,034
I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson.
113
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:04,119
You're being real aggressive
right now, man.
114
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,704
Well, I didn't evolve on Earth.
115
00:04:05,704 --> 00:04:08,332
I have strength beyond
your limited imagination.
116
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:09,833
You can't go around writing checks
117
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,002
that your bullshit can't cash,
you little bitch.
118
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,837
Don't call me a little bitch.
119
00:04:13,837 --> 00:04:16,465
Oh, I'm sorry, you're a big bitch.
120
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:19,176
[grunts] Don't you grab my fist
mid-swing, you cheater.
121
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:21,094
[Korvo grunting]
122
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:22,930
[bones cracking]
123
00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,223
[Korvo yells]
124
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:26,642
[Korvo groaning]
125
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:30,729
- [fist thudding]
- [face squelching]
126
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,151
[Korvo groans]
127
00:04:37,528 --> 00:04:40,113
Dammit. Ugh. Ah.
128
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,281
Oh. Oh, God.
129
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,951
[AISHA] Korvo, you think
you gonna drag your nasty,
130
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,452
beat-up ass through my shit
131
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,996
and not tell me how you got so messed up?
132
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:51,291
I ran into the, uh, Boondock Saints,
and they sucker-punched me.
133
00:04:52,084 --> 00:04:53,168
[Korvo grunts]
134
00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:55,170
[Korvo screaming]
135
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,590
[hissing]
136
00:04:58,590 --> 00:05:00,884
[AISHA] And I know there weren't
any Boondocks Saints.
137
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:04,179
The replicants told me about
your dumbass beef with Bradd's dad.
138
00:05:04,179 --> 00:05:06,515
I'm glad you got it out your system.
139
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,059
Oh, Aisha, it is very much
still in my system,
140
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:10,561
but something's not right.
141
00:05:10,561 --> 00:05:12,145
[AISHA] Yeah, your stupid ego.
142
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,939
I shouldn't be able
to be harmed at all by a human
143
00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:16,650
who hasn't even experienced
the technological singularity yet.
144
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,734
It doesn't make any sense.
145
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:20,070
[AISHA] You are letting
your pride get the best of you.
146
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:22,656
Like in Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
147
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,199
before the zombies showed up.
148
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,534
This is not about pride.
149
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,035
It's about my perceived self-worth.
150
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:29,454
[AISHA] If I had eyes,
you know I'd be rolling 'em.
151
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:31,707
This guy jeopardized
my standing as a leader
152
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,000
and the sanctity of the mission.
153
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,960
Now I have to go sci-fi on his ass.
154
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,254
Aisha, prepare me a Shlorpian Muscle-tini.
155
00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:40,299
[AISHA] Fine, but nobody's buying
that this is about the mission.
156
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,217
[♪ comical musical sting]
157
00:05:42,217 --> 00:05:45,304
Using science for petty victories
never goes wrong.
158
00:05:45,304 --> 00:05:46,471
[laughs manically]
159
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:49,474
[AISHA] Your bwa-ha-ha laugh
is weak as fuck.
160
00:05:52,895 --> 00:05:54,479
[♪ bright music]
161
00:05:57,733 --> 00:05:59,151
[feet thumping]
162
00:05:59,151 --> 00:06:01,653
♪
163
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:03,655
- [door clatters]
- [Korvo grunts]
164
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,782
[♪ dramatic music]
165
00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:08,535
[chair thuds]
166
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:09,703
[head boings]
167
00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:13,123
- [♪ dramatic orchestral music]
- [both grunting]
168
00:06:15,792 --> 00:06:17,044
[Korvo thuds]
169
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,298
[fist thudding]
170
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:25,177
[groaning]
171
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:27,763
[Korvo screaming]
172
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,390
[doors whoosh]
173
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,309
- [♪ bright music]
- [doors whoosh]
174
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,441
[♪ lively music]
175
00:06:43,654 --> 00:06:44,905
Mm. Ah!
176
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,782
♪
177
00:06:46,782 --> 00:06:49,117
[scope whirring]
178
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:54,373
[♪ comical music]
179
00:06:54,373 --> 00:06:56,333
[Korvo screaming]
180
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,417
[thuds]
181
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,920
[spear whooshes]
182
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,171
- [spear squelches]
- [Korvo grunts]
183
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,215
[beeping]
184
00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:04,633
[explosion booms]
185
00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:07,719
[♪ downtempo whimsical music]
186
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:13,433
[tires screech]
187
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,560
Drop it!
188
00:07:15,519 --> 00:07:16,854
[horns honking]
189
00:07:16,854 --> 00:07:19,314
[tires screeching]
190
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:20,941
- [horn blares]
- Aah!
191
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,192
Ha, ha!
192
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,569
- [thuds]
- [Terry groans]
193
00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:26,321
Yay!
194
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,991
Oh, God! [grunts]
195
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:31,076
Drop it!
196
00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,955
[♪ light swing music]
197
00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:40,002
♪
198
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:42,838
[happy humming]
199
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,464
[bacon sizzling]
200
00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,678
[♪ mischievous music]
201
00:07:53,891 --> 00:07:55,100
[pan clangs]
202
00:07:58,395 --> 00:08:00,939
[birds chirping]
203
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:03,400
[Korvo screaming]
204
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,612
[♪ mischievous music]
205
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:14,161
[♪ suspenseful music]
206
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,621
[giggling]
207
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,834
[acid hisses]
208
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,044
[♪ dramatic sting]
209
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:28,926
[♪ suspenseful music]
210
00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,974
[♪ music crescendos]
211
00:08:38,769 --> 00:08:40,395
[acid hisses]
212
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,273
[Korvo thuds]
213
00:08:43,649 --> 00:08:45,817
- [tube clinks]
- [acid hisses]
214
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,153
[♪ whimsical flourish]
215
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:51,448
[sparks hissing]
216
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,867
- [glass shatters]
- [♪ dramatic music]
217
00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,037
[saws whirring]
218
00:09:00,624 --> 00:09:02,668
♪
219
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,341
[shoes squeaking]
220
00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,511
- [indistinct chatter]
- [sirens blaring]
221
00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:16,390
Drop it!
Please, drop it!
222
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,308
[sirens blaring]
223
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:21,478
- Don't jump.
- You have so much to live for.
224
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:25,065
No!
225
00:09:26,191 --> 00:09:27,359
[JK Sevens beeping]
226
00:09:28,485 --> 00:09:29,945
Drop... it.
227
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:32,781
[Pupa whooshes]
228
00:09:32,781 --> 00:09:35,325
What do we do now?
That was gonna be my whole evening.
229
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,327
Uh, there's
a Monster Truck rally in town.
230
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:40,247
Ugh, fine, but only
because I already revealed
231
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:41,874
I don't have another option.
232
00:09:41,874 --> 00:09:43,834
[♪ dramatic music]
233
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,089
[zipper buzzes]
234
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:56,013
[♪ jaunty music]
235
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,851
[knocking]
236
00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:05,981
[phone ringing]
237
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,486
[♪ mischievous music]
238
00:10:13,155 --> 00:10:14,156
[baby cooing]
239
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:16,491
[knife flicks]
240
00:10:16,992 --> 00:10:17,993
[squeals]
241
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:19,995
[Korvo gags]
242
00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:22,164
[♪ jaunty music resumes]
243
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,293
[Korvo grunts]
244
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:30,172
[♪ "Ode to Joy" playing]
245
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,052
♪
246
00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:38,347
[thudding footsteps]
247
00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:44,186
[gears whirring]
248
00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:46,438
No, no! [grunts]
249
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,482
[electricity crackling]
250
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,192
[Korvo thuds]
251
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,069
♪
252
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:56,907
[fists thudding]
253
00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:58,283
[Korvo thudding]
254
00:10:58,283 --> 00:10:59,368
Drop it!
255
00:11:01,078 --> 00:11:03,413
[♪ lively music]
256
00:11:06,750 --> 00:11:08,502
[water splashes]
257
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,128
[quiet cackling]
258
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:13,632
[pistol fires]
259
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,133
[missile beeps]
260
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:18,887
[♪ comical music]
261
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,305
[missile beeps]
262
00:11:23,642 --> 00:11:24,685
[explosion booms]
263
00:11:25,644 --> 00:11:26,854
[eyes blinking]
264
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:29,022
♪
265
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,399
[♪ dramatic music]
266
00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:31,483
[bell tings]
267
00:11:36,572 --> 00:11:38,323
[ship buzzing]
268
00:11:39,116 --> 00:11:41,034
[♪ lively music]
269
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,870
[ship whooshing]
270
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:49,168
[♪ suspenseful music]
271
00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:50,878
♪
272
00:11:52,671 --> 00:11:55,632
[♪ lively music]
273
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:03,223
[♪ suspenseful orchestral music]
274
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,476
- [intestines rumbling]
- [alarm blaring]
275
00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:11,440
[Korvo screams]
276
00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:13,650
[screaming continues]
277
00:12:14,359 --> 00:12:15,611
[ship splashes]
278
00:12:18,739 --> 00:12:20,532
[♪ dramatic music]
279
00:12:20,532 --> 00:12:22,910
- [gulps]
- [gun firing]
280
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:26,955
[♪ tense music]
281
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,081
Drop it.
282
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,753
[guns clicking]
283
00:12:35,714 --> 00:12:36,840
Drop it.
284
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,676
Wait, who are you tellin' to drop it?
285
00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,220
I'm telling the Pupa.
286
00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:44,640
- The what?
- The goddamn supercomputer behind you.
287
00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:47,434
You know what? Can we just say
that we're all gonna drop it, please?
288
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,895
No, he's right.
You guys are my bros.
289
00:12:49,895 --> 00:12:51,813
I really meant it earlier
when I said that for me,
290
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:53,857
the action is the juice.
291
00:12:53,857 --> 00:12:55,234
I love you guys.
292
00:12:55,234 --> 00:12:58,111
Let's ditch this heist
and go to that Monster Truck rally
293
00:12:58,111 --> 00:12:59,988
that's in town, for old times' sake.
294
00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,448
- Come on, everyone bring it in.
- [guns clatter]
295
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:02,616
[JK Sevens beeping]
296
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:03,700
Drop it!
297
00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,913
[♪ lively music]
298
00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:17,631
[♪ quizzical music]
299
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:30,561
[♪ lively music]
300
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:37,609
[♪ mischievous music]
301
00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:47,786
♪
302
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:52,791
[♪ mischievous music]
303
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:54,793
[door slams]
304
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,920
[Korvo] You fucked up now,
Bradd's dad.
305
00:13:56,920 --> 00:14:00,757
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
306
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:08,724
[Korvo] Well, well, well, it looks like
the tables have turned.
307
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:10,309
You're in my house now!
308
00:14:10,309 --> 00:14:12,019
This evenly matched battle of--
309
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,271
- Evenly matched?
- [Korvo] Yes, we are two great warriors
310
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,355
fighting to a stalemate.
311
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:17,232
Don't try to throw me off, Bradd's dad,
312
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:19,693
or should I say Evgeni?
313
00:14:19,693 --> 00:14:21,403
How'd you find my real name?
314
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,572
[Korvo] Oh, I know so much about you.
315
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:25,824
Like your fear of being eaten by an orca!
316
00:14:27,409 --> 00:14:29,620
You thought your identity was a fortress,
317
00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,205
but there were cracks in the walls.
318
00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:35,250
Today, as we two equally
unbreakable fighters faced off,
319
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:37,961
I started to gather information about you.
320
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:40,130
At first, I thought you were just
a boring suburban,
321
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,632
ABC Primetime dad.
322
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,091
So I couldn't understand
how you could fight me
323
00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:44,635
to a draw so many times.
324
00:14:44,635 --> 00:14:46,261
I don't remember there being a draw.
325
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,263
[Korvo] As an alien
from another planet living on Earth,
326
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,058
my survival demands that I drink
a quart of piss a day,
327
00:14:51,058 --> 00:14:53,977
look good in a crop top,
but mostly to be observant.
328
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:57,898
While we fought, I had my eyes open.
329
00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:00,275
I first knew something was amiss
330
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,528
when I saw a painting
above your fireplace.
331
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:04,905
I saw beyond its basicness.
332
00:15:04,905 --> 00:15:07,199
The forest in that painting
was in Nova Scotia,
333
00:15:07,199 --> 00:15:08,992
known for being voted
one of the best places
334
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:11,578
to raise a Hanna,
like from the movie Hanna.
335
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:13,664
Sweet little Evgeni must have been trained
336
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:16,834
in the art of fighting by his dad,
just like a Hanna.
337
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,919
My dad moved me
to the woods as a baby,
338
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:20,879
after a time traveler tried to murder me.
339
00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:23,632
My dad beat his ass.
340
00:15:23,632 --> 00:15:25,634
[Korvo] No, he didn't!
They were evenly matched!
341
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:28,554
You made your attack robots
look like my kid?
342
00:15:28,554 --> 00:15:30,848
- That's fucked up.
- [Korvo] That doesn't matter.
343
00:15:30,848 --> 00:15:33,183
We've been intertwined
from the very beginning, Evgeni.
344
00:15:33,183 --> 00:15:35,811
The unstoppable force
versus the immovable object.
345
00:15:35,811 --> 00:15:36,895
We balance each other.
346
00:15:36,895 --> 00:15:39,523
I don't remember any balance
when I was smoking you.
347
00:15:39,523 --> 00:15:41,108
[Korvo] Perhaps earlier
you noticed me pass you
348
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:42,818
on my daily rollerblading route.
349
00:15:42,818 --> 00:15:44,736
The literature you were reading
at the magazine stand
350
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:46,029
piqued my interest.
351
00:15:46,029 --> 00:15:48,657
You mean when you tried
to kill me and totally ate shit?
352
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:49,825
[Korvo] No, I didn't! Shut up!
353
00:15:49,825 --> 00:15:52,035
My sharpened powers
of deduction made me realize
354
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:54,079
that your background
is way more complicated
355
00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:55,873
than I previously guessed.
356
00:15:55,873 --> 00:15:57,499
You were later trained in Russia,
357
00:15:57,499 --> 00:16:00,127
a hunch that was proven true
when you shot at me
358
00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:03,172
after I had shrunken myself down
and ended up in your toilet.
359
00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:06,425
Two shots in the head, one in the heart,
even when shooting into a shitter.
360
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:09,178
Wait, you were in my body
and I shit you out?
361
00:16:09,178 --> 00:16:10,846
I didn't even know you were in the toilet.
362
00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:12,848
[Korvo] Wait, so why were
you shooting at your own shit?
363
00:16:12,848 --> 00:16:14,433
To break down the log!
364
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:16,143
You know what? I'm sick of this.
365
00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,603
My past is none of your concern.
366
00:16:17,603 --> 00:16:19,313
I keep it to myself for a reason.
367
00:16:19,313 --> 00:16:20,689
[Korvo] I could leave it at that,
368
00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:22,441
but I can't because
you're not just a Hanna
369
00:16:22,441 --> 00:16:24,818
who was subsequently trained by the KGB.
370
00:16:24,818 --> 00:16:27,196
No. When I was in you,
I took a sample,
371
00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:29,406
which analysis proved
you've been genetically altered
372
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,408
into a killing machine by Weapon Z,
373
00:16:31,408 --> 00:16:34,328
a legally clearable version
of Weapon X for parody purposes,
374
00:16:34,328 --> 00:16:37,581
a program that's Canadian
and so is poutine,
375
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:39,791
which is what you were eating!
376
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,669
We're two sides of the same coin, Evgeni.
377
00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,047
A double-headed dildo of fighting ability.
378
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:47,090
Sure, I could step into the shadows
and be evil like you,
379
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,258
but I choose not to.
380
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:50,677
- You attacked me.
- [Korvo] I fight for justice.
381
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:52,513
What about you, Evgeni,
why do you fight?
382
00:16:52,513 --> 00:16:54,848
Is it your training
or your watered-down genetics?
383
00:16:54,848 --> 00:16:56,225
Or are you just an asshole?
384
00:16:56,225 --> 00:16:57,643
The only reason I had to fight you
385
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,145
was because my son came home
crying with a black eye.
386
00:17:00,145 --> 00:17:02,147
Your shitty kids have been bullying him.
387
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:03,982
He told me exactly what they said to him.
388
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:05,984
That all humans are dumb
and that he's a little bitch
389
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:08,237
and that their dad could kick my ass.
390
00:17:09,196 --> 00:17:10,489
[robots whir and thud]
391
00:17:11,782 --> 00:17:15,077
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, for realsies?
- Yeah.
392
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:17,246
That's exactly what
the replicants told me
393
00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:18,914
but that Bradd was bullying them.
394
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,791
Did they have black eyes too?
395
00:17:20,791 --> 00:17:22,668
They bloody did.
396
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,878
You didn't threaten
to kick my ass, did you?
397
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:27,214
No, no, I did not.
398
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,176
Well then, what the fuck?
399
00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,095
[♪ dramatic music]
400
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,931
Please, I don't have
any more in the tank.
401
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:38,642
This is it.
Th-th-this is the end of me.
402
00:17:38,976 --> 00:17:40,060
Please just drop it.
403
00:17:40,561 --> 00:17:44,064
[crying] Why?
Why are you doing this?
404
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,649
We trained you to be good.
405
00:17:45,649 --> 00:17:48,569
We trained you to respond
to a verbal command.
406
00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:49,695
[groans]
407
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:53,490
Wait, was it, "Drop it"?
408
00:17:53,490 --> 00:17:57,828
[gasps] Pupa... give it.
409
00:17:59,705 --> 00:18:03,667
Oh, alright, we trained you
to give it, not drop it.
410
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:05,919
Oh, who's the Hufflepuff now, huh?
411
00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:07,296
Where's the sorting hat when you need it?
412
00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:08,755
Oh, my God.
413
00:18:10,966 --> 00:18:12,843
- [Terry giggles]
- Drop it!
414
00:18:15,304 --> 00:18:17,306
So they made the whole thing up.
415
00:18:17,306 --> 00:18:19,349
They knew we would have
to answer the call to battle,
416
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:21,226
the two of us,
great handsome warriors
417
00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,103
of undeniably equal skill.
418
00:18:23,103 --> 00:18:24,771
Saying it doesn't make it true.
419
00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,773
I said undeniably, Evgeni,
420
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,525
that means you can't deny it.
421
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,485
I just don't understand why.
422
00:18:30,485 --> 00:18:31,820
Why did they go to the trouble?
423
00:18:31,820 --> 00:18:33,572
Wait, did your replicants ask
424
00:18:33,572 --> 00:18:35,657
if they could go
to a Monster Truck rally today?
425
00:18:35,657 --> 00:18:38,744
Yes, but I said no,
I can't support Monster Trucks.
426
00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:40,454
The monster part makes them too scary.
427
00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:42,122
I don't even support regular trucks.
428
00:18:42,748 --> 00:18:45,125
Wait, did Bradd ask you
if he could go too?
429
00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:46,919
You don't think?
430
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,714
[crowd cheering]
431
00:18:53,425 --> 00:18:55,010
- Yeah!
- Smash that shit!
432
00:18:55,594 --> 00:18:57,179
Look at those happy little bastards.
433
00:18:57,179 --> 00:18:58,680
I wonder what they like more,
434
00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:00,766
the large wheeled trucks
or that they got away with it.
435
00:19:00,766 --> 00:19:02,643
I'm proud of 'em for getting one past me.
436
00:19:02,643 --> 00:19:04,061
Look at 'em having fun.
437
00:19:04,061 --> 00:19:06,021
My dad never let me go to anything fun.
438
00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:07,481
Maybe I'm too hard on the kid.
439
00:19:07,481 --> 00:19:10,108
I too am impressed
by my replicants' wiles.
440
00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:12,069
Hey, let's not tell them
we figured it out.
441
00:19:12,069 --> 00:19:13,278
Let 'em think they pulled it off.
442
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:14,696
- Really?
- Yeah.
443
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:17,324
We'll get our revenge
during their impressionable teen years.
444
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:19,409
- I love that plan.
- Good.
445
00:19:19,409 --> 00:19:21,453
But just to be clear,
we are not friends,
446
00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:23,080
and we are nothing alike.
447
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,164
Fine.
448
00:19:25,249 --> 00:19:26,625
Have you ever taken
449
00:19:26,625 --> 00:19:28,502
one of those Harry Potter
sorting hat quizlets?
450
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:29,920
Sure, I'm a Hufflepuff.
451
00:19:30,379 --> 00:19:31,797
- Why?
- Oh, no reason.
452
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:33,674
No reason at all.
453
00:19:33,674 --> 00:19:35,008
- Woo!
- Alright!
454
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:36,760
- This is awesome!
- Alright. Yeah!
455
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,055
- Oh, my God!
- [crowd cheering]
456
00:19:41,056 --> 00:19:42,224
[Terry laughing]
457
00:19:42,224 --> 00:19:43,308
Drop it!
458
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:45,185
Drop it!
459
00:19:47,437 --> 00:19:48,605
I'm the Pupa.
460
00:19:49,565 --> 00:19:52,609
[♪ dramatic theme playing]
461
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,444
[mimicking laser fire]
462
00:20:35,494 --> 00:20:40,044
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