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[Music]
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so
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[Music]
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what are you doing up the street
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winner is in a free september
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ice with no warning cause that happens
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there's a game war there's a bird flu
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train
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[Music]
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[Music]
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[Music]
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and i love them every day of every week
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so my son's a little my husband's
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boring
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and my father oh a genius is a freak
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still i help them love each other father
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mother
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sister brother
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[Music]
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it's just like funny you've
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slowed down take some time for yourself
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i'm going to have sex with your father
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great thanks i'm so loud
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so it's times like these i wonder how i
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take it
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and all the families live the way we do
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if they love each other or if they just
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fake it
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and if other daughters
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[Music]
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just another day
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[Music]
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it's just another day forever
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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that was great wasn't it that was great
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i'll crack some late
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that'll teach you to take a full 10
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minutes sorry what
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i said isn't it a beautiful day sure
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it's cloudy and raining and really cold
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for september but
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beautiful makes you just want to dive in
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with both feet doesn't it
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absolutely i never know what she's
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talking about
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when it's up to you to hold your house
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together
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a house you built with patients and with
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hair
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and you're grappling with that rain and
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rainy weather
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and you're holding on a latte
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can you keep the cup from tipping can
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you keep your grit frosting in despair
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away
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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another day
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it only hurts when i'm here
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oh you're going to be late and you've
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got a huge day you have no idea what i
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do
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all day jazz band before school class
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keep love
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then football knock it out of here it
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only hurts
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[Music]
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[Music]
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get
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[Music]
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it only hurts when i breathe
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[Applause]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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day
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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i think the house is
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everything's fine i'm just making
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sandwiches on the floor
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now you're going ahead you'll miss the
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bus
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go
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[Music]
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maybe a little
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let me help you up
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okay this is just a blip okay
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we'll go see dr fine now
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i'll uh wrap up the sandwiches
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and we'll go
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[Music]
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[Music]
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mozart was crazy
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flat
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[Music]
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there's hard money
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[Music]
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and everything else goes away
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[Music]
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you won't look so pale because you've
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got your foreign
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[Music]
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um i still have this practice room for
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seven and a half minutes yeah i know
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i uh just like to listen i'm henry
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natalie yeah i know it's a little creepy
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that you know
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we have gone to school together four or
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six years
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really i sit behind you in four classes
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uh-huh also creepy
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so uh you're in here a lot before school
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and after
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rent seven minutes
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you give up way too easily
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you're kind of a confusing person you
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should meet my mother
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the pink ones with food but not with the
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white ones the white ones with the round
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yellow ones but not the triangle yellow
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ones the triangle yellow ones with the
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oblong green ones with food
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but not with the pink ones if a train is
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leaving new york at 120 miles an hour
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and another train is leaving st
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petersburg at the same time going
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backwards
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which train will reach his destination
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first
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who's crazy the husband or
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wife who's crazy to live their whole
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life
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believing that somehow things aren't as
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bizarre as they
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are
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who's crazy the one who can't
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cope or maybe the one who will still
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hope the one who sees doctors or the one
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who just waits in the car
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and i
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[Music]
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the round blue ones with food but not
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with the oblong white ones the white
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ones with the round yellow ones but not
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the trapezoidal green ones
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split the green ones into thirds with a
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tiny chisel use a mortar puzzle to crush
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into a fine powder
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it's like an odd romance
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intense and variant
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we do our dance
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[Music]
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he knows
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you'll always take my call
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it's truly like he told me
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without a little hint of paul
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goodman diana bipolar depressive with
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delusional episodes
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16-year history of medication adjustment
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after one week
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i've got less anxiety but i got
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headaches a blurry vision and i
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can't so we'll try again
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and eventually we'll get it right not a
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very exact science
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is it so loft and paxil and abuse
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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thank you doctor valium is my favorite
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color
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[Music]
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which is also known as the act of
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creation
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oh you're one of those pretentious donor
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types that's totally unfair
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i'm not pretentious
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i don't know definitely not classical
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it's so
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rigid and structured you have to play
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the notes on the page
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there's no room for improvisation right
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and what did mozart know anyway he
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should have just smoked a bowl and
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jammed them trickle take a little star
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yeah let's do that
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goodman diana's second adjustment after
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three weeks delusions less
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frequent but the press has stayed worse
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i'm nauseous and i'm constipated
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completely lost my appetite and gave six
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pounds
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which is just you know not fair
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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oh
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goodman diana third adjustment after
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five weeks reports continued mild
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anxiety and
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some lingering depression i now can't
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feel my fingers or my toes
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i sweat profusely for no reason
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i wasted like weeks of practicing here
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with you
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improvising oscar peterson was
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classically trained
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beethoven did okay miles davis went to
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juilliard
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mozart wrote poems about farts
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fortunately i have absolutely no desire
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for sex although
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whether that's the medicine or the
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marriage is anybody's guess
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sure it's the medicine i'm faithful
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it's very sweet but my husband is
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waiting in the car
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who's crazy
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[Music]
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i was so young and so dumb
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and now i am
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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it's
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they say love is blind
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but believe me
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[Music]
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love is insane
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goodman diana seven weeks
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i don't feel like myself
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[Music]
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i don't feel anything
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patient's stable
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she's in denial please
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dude it's therapeutic right
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it's medical marijuana to treat your amd
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totally
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i don't have anything in my mouth that's
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on fire yes that's a good
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look i i can't do this not with my life
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i'm like
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one out from disaster your life
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isn't a disaster
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the environment is a disaster sprint is
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a disaster
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[Music]
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i'm trying to tell you i love you what
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the world is at war filled with death
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and disease
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we danced from the edge of destruction
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the clones came warmer by deadly
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up debris our planet is pretty much
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broken beyond our repair
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one thing is working if you're standing
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there
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perfect for you i could be perfect for
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you i might be lazy
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loner a bit of a stoner it's true
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but i might be perfect
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i'll make myself perfect perfect for you
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you square all the corners
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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i can't fix what's up
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[Music]
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i can be perfect for
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[Music]
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nice house can i uh come in oh my
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no
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[Music]
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are you spying on your own daughter when
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did she get a boyfriend
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how do i miss well you kind of miss a
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lot
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do you think they're involved who knows
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they're young
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they're boring it happens
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here let's marry me
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i know where to yell
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[Music]
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[Music]
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because i know it's not i love you diana
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i have this baby
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damn this is crazy
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maybe
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[Music]
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there was a time when i flew higher
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was a time the wild girl
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run free
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would be me
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[Music]
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now i see her feel the fire
295
00:20:31,038 --> 00:20:38,720
now i know she needs me there
296
00:20:35,839 --> 00:20:38,720
to share
297
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,239
i'm nowhere
298
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:51,038
all these blank and tranquil
299
00:20:46,839 --> 00:20:54,319
years seems they've dried up
300
00:20:51,038 --> 00:20:57,599
all my tears
301
00:20:54,319 --> 00:21:11,038
and while she runs free
302
00:20:57,599 --> 00:21:11,038
and fast seems my wild days
303
00:21:14,839 --> 00:21:20,240
but
304
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:20,240
miss the mountains
305
00:21:20,558 --> 00:21:28,879
i miss the dizzy heights
306
00:21:25,279 --> 00:21:31,200
all the manic magic days
307
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,200
and
308
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,749
[Music]
309
00:21:38,470 --> 00:21:42,640
[Music]
310
00:21:42,839 --> 00:21:45,839
is
311
00:21:56,839 --> 00:22:04,389
terrain i
312
00:22:00,079 --> 00:22:09,038
miss the mountains i miss the pain
313
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:13,840
[Music]
314
00:22:09,038 --> 00:22:13,839
thousands make you crazy
315
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:20,509
[Music]
316
00:22:24,839 --> 00:22:30,319
is
317
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:33,440
is perfect
318
00:22:30,319 --> 00:22:33,439
nothing's real
319
00:22:35,519 --> 00:22:41,839
nothing's true
320
00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,840
through the is
321
00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:09,839
and spending all my time
322
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:09,840
where the air is
323
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:23,839
i miss my
324
00:23:28,558 --> 00:23:46,000
i miss my
325
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:51,840
[Applause]
326
00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:51,839
you sure about this moment
327
00:23:58,558 --> 00:24:10,819
nothing if he doesn't know
328
00:24:05,490 --> 00:24:16,839
[Applause]
329
00:24:10,819 --> 00:24:19,839
[Music]
330
00:24:16,839 --> 00:24:19,839
um
331
00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:32,359
two weeks and it's all working just the
332
00:24:26,558 --> 00:24:38,509
way i knew it would work
333
00:24:32,359 --> 00:24:41,629
[Music]
334
00:24:38,509 --> 00:24:41,629
[Applause]
335
00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:50,129
[Music]
336
00:24:52,400 --> 00:25:01,840
[Music]
337
00:24:58,839 --> 00:25:01,839
is
338
00:25:02,329 --> 00:25:06,999
[Music]
339
00:25:03,910 --> 00:25:06,999
[Applause]
340
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,298
[Music]
341
00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:16,479
we have been going out for nine weeks in
342
00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:19,840
three days
343
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:23,200
you keep count you are so the girl
344
00:25:19,839 --> 00:25:25,439
and natalie and this must be harry and
345
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:29,840
sandra a pleasure to finally meet you
346
00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,840
why don't you join us
347
00:25:30,029 --> 00:25:33,200
[Music]
348
00:25:40,450 --> 00:25:43,519
[Music]
349
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,339
[Applause]
350
00:25:48,220 --> 00:25:51,338
[Music]
351
00:25:54,839 --> 00:25:57,839
hey
352
00:26:06,859 --> 00:26:12,709
[Music]
353
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:21,120
it's somebody's birthday whose birthday
354
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,120
is it
355
00:26:21,519 --> 00:26:24,720
my brothers i didn't know you had a
356
00:26:24,159 --> 00:26:28,080
brother
357
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:31,278
i don't he
358
00:26:28,079 --> 00:26:31,278
died before i was poor
359
00:26:33,679 --> 00:26:39,840
what what if
360
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:48,079
he's not here he's not
361
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:53,200
here love i
362
00:26:48,079 --> 00:26:58,558
know you know
363
00:26:53,200 --> 00:27:01,819
do you feel he's still real
364
00:26:58,558 --> 00:27:04,079
love it's just not so
365
00:27:01,819 --> 00:27:08,558
[Music]
366
00:27:04,079 --> 00:27:12,278
why is it you still believe
367
00:27:08,558 --> 00:27:15,119
do you dream or do you
368
00:27:12,278 --> 00:27:18,319
grieve you've got to
369
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:18,319
let him go
370
00:27:19,038 --> 00:27:26,720
he's been dead all these
371
00:27:24,038 --> 00:27:30,829
years know
372
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:32,839
my love he's not here
373
00:27:30,829 --> 00:27:35,759
[Music]
374
00:27:32,839 --> 00:27:39,519
language stop this it was
375
00:27:35,759 --> 00:27:39,519
uh wonderful to meet you both
376
00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:56,558
what about the new meds
377
00:27:49,529 --> 00:27:56,558
[Music]
378
00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:07,038
i know this is hard do you know
379
00:28:04,319 --> 00:28:08,639
what exactly you know i know you're
380
00:28:07,038 --> 00:28:11,919
hurting
381
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:14,640
so am i do you wake up
382
00:28:11,919 --> 00:28:15,360
in the morning i need help to lift your
383
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:18,880
head
384
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:22,000
do you read obituaries and feel jealous
385
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:22,720
of the dead it's like living on a slick
386
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:25,919
side
387
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:31,200
not knowing when you'll die do you know
388
00:28:25,919 --> 00:28:31,200
do you know what it's like to die alive
389
00:28:32,579 --> 00:28:44,480
[Music]
390
00:28:41,359 --> 00:28:59,839
i know say
391
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:59,839
that you're hurting
392
00:29:09,519 --> 00:29:13,519
but to never hit the ground it just
393
00:29:12,398 --> 00:29:16,479
keeps on rolling
394
00:29:13,519 --> 00:29:17,679
at you they might think my name my day
395
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:25,900
you don't know
396
00:29:17,679 --> 00:29:31,038
you don't know what it is
397
00:29:25,900 --> 00:29:33,919
[Music]
398
00:29:31,038 --> 00:29:33,919
can you tell me
399
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:38,798
what it is you're afraid of
400
00:29:39,599 --> 00:29:45,439
can you tell me why i'm afraid it's me
401
00:29:45,599 --> 00:29:48,480
can i touch you
402
00:29:49,278 --> 00:29:57,278
we've been fine for so long now
403
00:29:54,159 --> 00:30:00,720
how could something go wrong that i
404
00:29:57,278 --> 00:30:02,880
can't see cause i'm holding
405
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:02,880
on
406
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:11,200
and i won't let go
407
00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:14,319
just thought you should know i
408
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:15,120
am the one who knows you i am the one
409
00:30:14,319 --> 00:30:19,839
who cares
410
00:30:15,119 --> 00:30:19,839
i am the one who's always been there
411
00:30:20,558 --> 00:30:24,798
i am the one who's helped you and now
412
00:30:23,599 --> 00:30:28,158
you think that i
413
00:30:24,798 --> 00:30:29,200
just don't give a damn then you just
414
00:30:28,159 --> 00:30:32,000
don't know
415
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,000
who i am
416
00:30:34,558 --> 00:30:39,170
could you
417
00:30:36,089 --> 00:30:39,169
[Applause]
418
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:46,880
[Music]
419
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:51,840
would you watch as i drown and wonder
420
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:51,840
why you
421
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,048
[Music]
422
00:30:58,819 --> 00:31:01,858
[Music]
423
00:31:07,679 --> 00:31:19,840
tell me
424
00:31:27,119 --> 00:31:30,219
[Applause]
425
00:31:31,519 --> 00:31:34,578
[Music]
426
00:31:37,440 --> 00:31:47,200
that's who i am
427
00:31:46,019 --> 00:31:50,410
[Applause]
428
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:51,679
that's who i am
429
00:31:50,410 --> 00:32:01,840
[Applause]
430
00:31:51,679 --> 00:32:01,840
cause i'm holding off
431
00:32:03,859 --> 00:32:07,669
[Applause]
432
00:32:12,420 --> 00:32:18,150
[Music]
433
00:32:14,980 --> 00:32:21,308
[Applause]
434
00:32:18,150 --> 00:32:21,309
[Music]
435
00:32:26,839 --> 00:32:35,568
oh
436
00:32:29,309 --> 00:32:35,568
[Music]
437
00:32:36,039 --> 00:32:51,440
[Applause]
438
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,839
when she gets like this she's useless
439
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:56,000
can't
440
00:32:51,839 --> 00:32:57,918
use a phone can't drive yeah
441
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,278
i mean not that i would go there that
442
00:32:57,919 --> 00:33:01,840
shit's in order
443
00:32:59,278 --> 00:33:02,558
and totally ineffective apparently i'm
444
00:33:01,839 --> 00:33:04,879
old school
445
00:33:02,558 --> 00:33:06,158
dying green all the preppies and jocks
446
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,960
are reading their parents medicine
447
00:33:06,159 --> 00:33:09,360
cabinets and
448
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:11,038
popping xanax and snorting adderall
449
00:33:09,359 --> 00:33:13,359
really
450
00:33:11,038 --> 00:33:15,278
i'm the master of the lost art making a
451
00:33:13,359 --> 00:33:25,839
pipe out of an apple
452
00:33:15,278 --> 00:33:25,839
yeah you're going to guys
453
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:39,839
he's a hero
454
00:33:48,039 --> 00:33:53,839
[Music]
455
00:33:49,119 --> 00:33:53,839
i wish
456
00:33:54,619 --> 00:34:00,079
[Music]
457
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:04,269
i wish i could fly
458
00:34:00,079 --> 00:34:14,248
i'd fly far away from here
459
00:34:04,269 --> 00:34:14,248
[Music]
460
00:34:15,358 --> 00:34:23,358
he's not here i am
461
00:34:20,260 --> 00:34:23,359
[Music]
462
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:35,839
you know i love you
463
00:34:30,960 --> 00:34:35,838
i love you as much as i can
464
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:41,919
[Music]
465
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:44,480
take a look at the invisible girl
466
00:34:41,918 --> 00:34:44,480
here she
467
00:34:44,969 --> 00:34:51,679
[Music]
468
00:34:47,119 --> 00:34:51,679
her is she fades away
469
00:34:52,398 --> 00:35:03,838
to her boys
470
00:35:04,199 --> 00:35:06,849
[Applause]
471
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,350
[Music]
472
00:35:06,849 --> 00:35:08,989
[Applause]
473
00:35:08,349 --> 00:35:12,829
[Music]
474
00:35:08,989 --> 00:35:14,838
[Applause]
475
00:35:12,829 --> 00:35:16,349
[Music]
476
00:35:14,838 --> 00:35:17,630
is
477
00:35:16,349 --> 00:35:18,349
[Applause]
478
00:35:17,630 --> 00:35:29,440
[Music]
479
00:35:18,349 --> 00:35:32,319
[Applause]
480
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:33,838
let's not get discouraged we'll find a
481
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,440
doctor who will treat you without the
482
00:35:33,838 --> 00:35:38,239
drugs
483
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:39,519
there's somebody out there for you in
484
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,919
the depression chat rooms
485
00:35:39,519 --> 00:35:43,199
they say it's like big you just have to
486
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,159
keep going until you find the right
487
00:35:43,199 --> 00:35:47,199
match
488
00:35:44,159 --> 00:35:48,000
they have depression challenge and this
489
00:35:47,199 --> 00:35:51,519
doctor
490
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:53,039
supposed to be amazing a real rock star
491
00:35:51,519 --> 00:35:55,280
three different ladies at the office
492
00:35:53,039 --> 00:35:57,039
gave me his name
493
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:59,839
three different women at work no i'm
494
00:35:57,039 --> 00:35:59,838
nuts
495
00:36:01,039 --> 00:36:03,519
diana
496
00:36:04,719 --> 00:36:07,358
right this way
497
00:36:13,250 --> 00:36:16,349
[Applause]
498
00:36:22,320 --> 00:36:27,838
welcome have a seat
499
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:43,519
it's nice
500
00:36:40,079 --> 00:36:45,680
i'm sorry what did you say i said let's
501
00:36:43,519 --> 00:36:48,880
get started
502
00:36:45,679 --> 00:36:53,679
are you nervous i am i
503
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:53,680
am a little without a breath
504
00:36:56,559 --> 00:37:02,320
now you go um well let's get started by
505
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,838
getting to know each other a bit
506
00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:06,640
psychotherapy and medication
507
00:37:03,838 --> 00:37:07,519
often work best in canada but we can try
508
00:37:06,639 --> 00:37:10,159
the first alone
509
00:37:07,519 --> 00:37:22,000
and see how far we can ah now why don't
510
00:37:10,159 --> 00:37:25,199
you tell me
511
00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:28,079
[Music]
512
00:37:25,199 --> 00:37:28,078
my history
513
00:37:28,559 --> 00:37:35,039
oh okay i was
514
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,039
diagnosed bipolar
515
00:37:35,199 --> 00:37:40,480
16 years ago but it turned out bipolar
516
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:42,719
didn't totally cover it
517
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,599
well often the best we can do is put
518
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:45,358
names on
519
00:37:43,599 --> 00:37:47,440
collections of symptoms it's possible
520
00:37:45,358 --> 00:37:51,519
bipolar has more in common with
521
00:37:47,440 --> 00:37:54,079
schizophrenia than depression when i was
522
00:37:51,519 --> 00:37:55,358
young my mother called me high spirited
523
00:37:54,079 --> 00:37:57,119
she would know
524
00:37:55,358 --> 00:37:59,759
she was so high spirited they banned her
525
00:37:57,119 --> 00:38:02,079
from the pta
526
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,440
well sometimes there is a predisposition
527
00:38:02,079 --> 00:38:06,800
to illness but
528
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:09,679
actual onset is triggered by some
529
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,680
traumatic event
530
00:38:10,159 --> 00:38:13,358
i never know what to say when i have to
531
00:38:11,599 --> 00:38:15,200
go over all this
532
00:38:13,358 --> 00:38:16,960
it starts to sound like some story i
533
00:38:15,199 --> 00:38:18,960
tell it's about some other person
534
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:22,079
entirely
535
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:25,358
well why don't you tell me
536
00:38:22,079 --> 00:38:28,480
about the last time that you
537
00:38:25,358 --> 00:38:28,480
truly felt happy
538
00:38:29,519 --> 00:38:35,119
were you happy when you got married i
539
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:36,160
thought i was so there's a difference
540
00:38:35,119 --> 00:38:38,079
between
541
00:38:36,159 --> 00:38:39,838
being happy and just thinking you're
542
00:38:38,079 --> 00:38:42,000
happy
543
00:38:39,838 --> 00:38:44,239
most people who think they're happy just
544
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:46,079
have a thought
545
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:49,358
most people who think they're happy are
546
00:38:46,079 --> 00:38:49,359
actually just stupid
547
00:38:49,838 --> 00:38:54,279
i see were you happy when your son was
548
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,519
born
549
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:57,519
[Music]
550
00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:14,500
tell me my son
551
00:39:01,679 --> 00:39:22,478
why is he still around who is
552
00:39:14,500 --> 00:39:22,478
[Music]
553
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:47,519
you
554
00:39:28,130 --> 00:39:47,519
[Music]
555
00:39:48,559 --> 00:40:09,358
my fears
556
00:39:56,150 --> 00:40:11,920
[Music]
557
00:40:09,358 --> 00:40:12,719
he's never going away i don't know
558
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,079
family
559
00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:15,838
you know this is one of those moments
560
00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:20,560
where you can just be a typical parent
561
00:40:15,838 --> 00:40:20,559
and lie and say yes yes
562
00:40:22,838 --> 00:40:25,838
thanks
563
00:40:27,239 --> 00:40:31,279
[Music]
564
00:40:31,358 --> 00:40:35,199
you know natalie i'll hear you it's not
565
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:39,838
always about
566
00:40:35,199 --> 00:40:39,838
your comfort i know
567
00:40:44,159 --> 00:40:52,000
[Music]
568
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:56,400
as always
569
00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:58,000
can't change me i'm the perfect stranger
570
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:02,960
who knows you too
571
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:04,960
well but i'm alive i'm alive
572
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:07,838
and i'll tell you the truth if you let
573
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:07,838
me try
574
00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:35,838
[Music]
575
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:35,839
i'm alive
576
00:41:38,619 --> 00:41:46,319
[Music]
577
00:41:46,960 --> 00:42:03,838
that i will find you
578
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,879
[Music]
579
00:42:12,079 --> 00:42:16,639
[Music]
580
00:42:14,838 --> 00:42:31,838
is
581
00:42:16,639 --> 00:42:31,838
i'll never die i'm alive
582
00:42:39,119 --> 00:42:43,179
[Music]
583
00:42:42,889 --> 00:42:45,239
[Applause]
584
00:42:43,179 --> 00:42:48,309
[Music]
585
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:48,309
[Applause]
586
00:42:53,838 --> 00:42:58,400
so it's been four weeks and i'd like to
587
00:42:56,318 --> 00:43:01,440
try something new today
588
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:05,519
sometimes when these stories can be
589
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:08,639
hard to tell hypnosis can be helpful
590
00:43:05,519 --> 00:43:12,719
oh i don't think i could be hypnotized
591
00:43:08,639 --> 00:43:15,838
i mean it's fine i'm just not the type
592
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:18,318
put your hands in your lap and your feet
593
00:43:15,838 --> 00:43:18,318
on the floor
594
00:43:21,750 --> 00:43:27,838
[Music]
595
00:43:24,838 --> 00:43:27,838
breathe
596
00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:42,719
should we turn on the light
597
00:43:39,110 --> 00:43:42,719
[Music]
598
00:43:50,639 --> 00:44:09,838
there's a door it's a door that you've
599
00:43:53,280 --> 00:44:09,839
never laid eyes on before
600
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:15,358
can you hear me
601
00:44:16,079 --> 00:44:18,318
yes
602
00:44:20,719 --> 00:44:25,598
are you still nervous
603
00:44:25,679 --> 00:44:27,838
no
604
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:35,599
good now make up your mind to explore
605
00:44:34,079 --> 00:44:38,318
yourself
606
00:44:35,599 --> 00:44:39,200
make up your mind you have stories to
607
00:44:38,318 --> 00:44:41,358
tell
608
00:44:39,199 --> 00:44:42,879
while searching your past for what
609
00:44:41,358 --> 00:44:46,250
sorrows may last
610
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:47,760
then make up your mind to be well
611
00:44:46,250 --> 00:44:50,318
[Music]
612
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:51,090
die you come home from these sessions in
613
00:44:50,318 --> 00:44:54,199
tears
614
00:44:51,090 --> 00:44:54,199
[Music]
615
00:44:54,318 --> 00:44:58,318
die die
616
00:44:59,679 --> 00:45:05,598
we were both underground architecture
617
00:45:03,838 --> 00:45:07,920
the baby wasn't planned
618
00:45:05,599 --> 00:45:08,960
maybe there was a marriage i thought i
619
00:45:07,920 --> 00:45:11,599
was expected to be
620
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:14,318
too busy but when the baby came and all
621
00:45:11,599 --> 00:45:18,480
seemed to make sense until
622
00:45:14,318 --> 00:45:18,480
until he's not here
623
00:45:24,969 --> 00:45:28,059
[Music]
624
00:45:31,969 --> 00:45:35,250
[Applause]
625
00:45:36,199 --> 00:45:39,250
[Music]
626
00:45:40,318 --> 00:45:47,838
talking through your history
627
00:45:48,639 --> 00:45:51,739
[Applause]
628
00:45:52,489 --> 00:45:56,129
[Music]
629
00:45:57,199 --> 00:46:00,318
hey i know i'm not supposed to be
630
00:45:59,119 --> 00:46:02,480
backstage but
631
00:46:00,318 --> 00:46:03,519
for luck did you see my parents out
632
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:06,880
there um
633
00:46:03,519 --> 00:46:07,759
are you okay fine my dad said they'd
634
00:46:06,880 --> 00:46:12,400
both be here
635
00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:12,400
i'm sure they will be will they
636
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:21,200
we have natalie too and i know she knows
637
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,720
i couldn't hold her in the hospital
638
00:46:21,199 --> 00:46:25,439
where the hell are they
639
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:28,299
i couldn't let myself hold her that's
640
00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:39,050
the first time you've mentioned
641
00:46:28,300 --> 00:46:39,050
[Music]
642
00:46:40,838 --> 00:46:54,239
god
643
00:46:42,139 --> 00:46:54,239
[Music]
644
00:47:01,519 --> 00:47:06,559
thank you for coming natalie
645
00:47:08,838 --> 00:47:13,039
goodman
646
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:15,440
[Applause]
647
00:47:13,039 --> 00:47:17,279
now let's try to think about what all of
648
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:20,079
this is doing to you
649
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:20,079
and your family
650
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:29,280
your grief
651
00:47:25,039 --> 00:47:34,079
for your son your distance from natalie
652
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:39,119
i'm sorry it's just um
653
00:47:34,079 --> 00:47:41,119
the thing is um
654
00:47:39,119 --> 00:47:42,559
you know what the problem with classical
655
00:47:41,119 --> 00:47:45,920
is
656
00:47:42,559 --> 00:47:48,240
it's so rigid and structured
657
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:50,559
you have to play the notes on the page
658
00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:53,838
there's no room for improvisation
659
00:47:50,559 --> 00:47:53,839
oh no
660
00:47:56,420 --> 00:47:59,659
[Applause]
661
00:47:59,909 --> 00:48:02,980
[Music]
662
00:48:03,510 --> 00:48:06,609
[Applause]
663
00:48:08,989 --> 00:48:14,079
[Music]
664
00:48:14,318 --> 00:48:21,838
can lead to depression
665
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:35,838
the more you hold on to something you
666
00:48:23,599 --> 00:48:35,838
love yeah
667
00:48:37,570 --> 00:48:43,830
[Music]
668
00:48:46,239 --> 00:48:49,279
wouldn't you like to go home maybe clear
669
00:48:48,880 --> 00:48:51,838
out
670
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:53,680
these things maybe spend some time with
671
00:48:51,838 --> 00:48:57,119
your daughter
672
00:48:53,679 --> 00:49:00,879
and let your son go
673
00:48:57,119 --> 00:49:03,838
at last um should we go
674
00:49:00,880 --> 00:49:03,838
yes
675
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:19,389
yes i will
676
00:49:16,179 --> 00:49:19,389
[Music]
677
00:49:22,429 --> 00:49:31,649
[Music]
678
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:40,418
this is a good guy it's a good step
679
00:49:31,650 --> 00:49:40,418
[Music]
680
00:49:56,289 --> 00:50:12,250
[Music]
681
00:50:10,838 --> 00:50:38,670
is
682
00:50:12,250 --> 00:50:38,670
[Music]
683
00:50:38,838 --> 00:50:54,159
is
684
00:50:41,329 --> 00:50:54,159
[Music]
685
00:50:57,690 --> 00:51:04,800
[Music]
686
00:51:03,559 --> 00:51:08,150
stars
687
00:51:04,800 --> 00:51:17,860
i go the night
688
00:51:08,150 --> 00:51:17,860
[Music]
689
00:51:18,159 --> 00:51:23,838
the dancers may disappear
690
00:51:25,730 --> 00:51:31,449
[Music]
691
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:51,838
[Music]
692
00:51:48,838 --> 00:51:51,838
is
693
00:51:53,590 --> 00:51:57,650
[Music]
694
00:51:56,519 --> 00:52:15,239
so
695
00:51:57,650 --> 00:52:19,838
[Music]
696
00:52:15,239 --> 00:52:19,838
dance with
697
00:52:25,610 --> 00:52:28,800
[Music]
698
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:32,880
a face we
699
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,150
[Music]
700
00:52:39,838 --> 00:52:47,838
there's a world where the sun shines
701
00:52:44,318 --> 00:52:47,838
each day
702
00:52:49,179 --> 00:52:52,349
[Music]
703
00:52:56,630 --> 00:53:15,110
[Music]
704
00:52:59,358 --> 00:53:23,469
you guys
705
00:53:15,110 --> 00:53:23,469
[Music]
706
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:31,519
goodman diane
707
00:53:28,460 --> 00:53:31,519
[Music]
708
00:53:32,639 --> 00:53:45,920
discovered unconscious at home
709
00:53:43,838 --> 00:53:48,480
multiple razor wounds to wrists and
710
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,480
forearms
711
00:53:53,190 --> 00:53:57,679
[Music]
712
00:53:54,838 --> 00:54:00,318
self-inflicted
713
00:53:57,679 --> 00:54:01,440
saline rents sutures scars iv
714
00:54:00,318 --> 00:54:11,039
antibiotics
715
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:14,559
isolated sedated and restrained damaged
716
00:54:11,039 --> 00:54:18,318
ect is indicated
717
00:54:14,559 --> 00:54:21,440
wow i mean they still do that
718
00:54:18,318 --> 00:54:23,199
we do yes it's the standard in cases
719
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:24,000
like this she's got a long history of
720
00:54:23,199 --> 00:54:27,039
drug therapy
721
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:29,519
and resistance she's acutely suicidal
722
00:54:27,039 --> 00:54:30,880
it's really our best option that's kind
723
00:54:29,519 --> 00:54:33,039
of terrifying
724
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:35,519
it's not the electricity involved is
725
00:54:33,039 --> 00:54:39,679
barely enough to light a 100 watt bulb
726
00:54:35,519 --> 00:54:42,400
oh i mean if it's only 100 watt hole
727
00:54:39,679 --> 00:54:44,879
it's safer than crossing the street and
728
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:49,358
the short-term success rate is over 80
729
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:53,039
i thought she was better sometimes
730
00:54:49,358 --> 00:54:56,159
patients recover just enough strength to
731
00:54:53,039 --> 00:54:56,480
follow through on suicidal impulses but
732
00:54:56,159 --> 00:55:00,879
not
733
00:54:56,480 --> 00:55:04,838
enough strength to resist them well
734
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:08,000
that seems very
735
00:55:04,838 --> 00:55:10,798
yeah this illegally we need her consent
736
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:13,199
and hospital policy is we need yours too
737
00:55:10,798 --> 00:55:16,559
i don't think she's going to go for this
738
00:55:13,199 --> 00:55:19,679
mr gibbon we can administer the ect
739
00:55:16,559 --> 00:55:20,240
and you can bring her home in 10 days or
740
00:55:19,679 --> 00:55:22,719
we can
741
00:55:20,239 --> 00:55:23,598
keep her sedated for 48 hours discharge
742
00:55:22,719 --> 00:55:27,199
her
743
00:55:23,599 --> 00:55:30,720
and then wait for her to try again
744
00:55:27,199 --> 00:55:35,439
listen just go home
745
00:55:30,719 --> 00:55:35,439
okay take the night and talk to them
746
00:55:47,199 --> 00:55:52,078
standing in his room and i wonder what
747
00:55:50,480 --> 00:55:55,440
comes down
748
00:55:52,079 --> 00:55:56,960
i know i have to help her but hell if i
749
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:59,519
know how
750
00:55:56,960 --> 00:56:00,480
and all the times that i've been told
751
00:55:59,519 --> 00:56:04,400
the way her
752
00:56:00,480 --> 00:56:08,318
illness goes the truth of it is no one
753
00:56:04,400 --> 00:56:10,880
really knows and every day
754
00:56:08,318 --> 00:56:12,079
this act we act gets more and more
755
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:14,640
absurd
756
00:56:12,079 --> 00:56:15,440
and all my fears just sit inside me
757
00:56:14,639 --> 00:56:18,879
screaming
758
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:22,000
to be heard i know they won't know
759
00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:25,519
not a single word
760
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:30,960
i was here at her side when she called
761
00:56:25,519 --> 00:56:30,960
when she cried how could she leave me
762
00:56:32,329 --> 00:56:35,869
[Music]
763
00:56:43,039 --> 00:56:46,159
goes to lying
764
00:56:46,400 --> 00:57:06,820
i keep my feet right on the ground
765
00:56:57,869 --> 00:57:06,819
[Music]
766
00:57:10,838 --> 00:57:13,838
hey
767
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:41,839
now i'm strolling right beside her as
768
00:57:28,318 --> 00:57:41,838
the black hole opens wide
769
00:57:43,119 --> 00:57:47,369
[Music]
770
00:57:47,838 --> 00:57:52,318
but it's the worst we've ever known
771
00:57:52,960 --> 00:58:09,838
she's been hurt and i can't
772
00:57:56,159 --> 00:58:09,838
give up
773
00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:23,838
could never be
774
00:58:27,199 --> 00:58:32,960
dad why are you taking with you
775
00:58:30,639 --> 00:58:34,960
we don't see a lot of you these days is
776
00:58:32,960 --> 00:58:37,838
this henry a good influence
777
00:58:34,960 --> 00:58:37,838
like compared to what
778
00:58:38,159 --> 00:58:43,118
okay fair the after effects are minimal
779
00:58:41,599 --> 00:58:44,960
you'll feel a bit like you have a
780
00:58:43,119 --> 00:58:47,519
hangover
781
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:49,358
it causes brain damage your mother's in
782
00:58:47,519 --> 00:58:53,119
for a new treatment
783
00:58:49,358 --> 00:58:58,400
ect okay elemental heat
784
00:58:53,119 --> 00:59:01,119
what is that electroconvulsive therapy
785
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:02,400
shock therapy now some patients report
786
00:59:01,119 --> 00:59:04,079
some memory loss but
787
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:05,519
it's usually not much how do you know
788
00:59:04,079 --> 00:59:06,798
how much memory you've lost you've
789
00:59:05,519 --> 00:59:09,920
already lost it
790
00:59:06,798 --> 00:59:11,519
you're kidding right dad that's
791
00:59:09,920 --> 00:59:13,920
language patients have said it's like
792
00:59:11,519 --> 00:59:16,559
becoming a new person it's she
793
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:16,559
trusts you
794
00:59:16,838 --> 00:59:19,838
natalie
795
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:26,289
[Applause]
796
00:59:30,838 --> 00:59:33,838
is
797
00:59:35,309 --> 00:59:38,429
[Music]
798
00:59:43,199 --> 00:59:46,719
is clean and simple hundreds of
799
00:59:44,960 --> 01:00:00,220
thousands of patients receive it
800
00:59:46,719 --> 01:00:03,359
every year
801
01:00:00,219 --> 01:00:03,359
[Music]
802
01:00:08,719 --> 01:00:15,838
i know
803
01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:43,838
and says
804
01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:43,838
if i've seen this
805
01:00:45,940 --> 01:01:01,280
[Music]
806
01:00:56,079 --> 01:01:06,480
one light shines in the drive
807
01:01:01,280 --> 01:01:11,119
one single sign that our house is alive
808
01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:15,920
our house our own
809
01:01:11,119 --> 01:01:19,200
so why do i live there alone
810
01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:23,119
tell me why i
811
01:01:19,199 --> 01:01:27,039
wait through the night and why do i
812
01:01:23,119 --> 01:01:30,640
live on the light
813
01:01:27,039 --> 01:01:33,838
you know i
814
01:01:30,639 --> 01:01:37,279
know our house was a home
815
01:01:33,838 --> 01:01:41,759
long ago take this
816
01:01:37,280 --> 01:01:45,519
chance cause it made me our last
817
01:01:41,760 --> 01:01:49,599
to be free to let go
818
01:01:45,519 --> 01:01:52,719
of the past and to try
819
01:01:49,599 --> 01:01:56,000
to be husband and wife to let
820
01:01:52,719 --> 01:01:59,598
love never lie and to just live
821
01:01:56,000 --> 01:02:04,639
our lives take my hand
822
01:01:59,599 --> 01:02:21,838
and let me take your heart keep it far
823
01:02:04,639 --> 01:02:21,838
from what keeps us apart
824
01:02:22,639 --> 01:02:26,500
[Music]
825
01:02:30,798 --> 01:02:37,358
like nothing i know
826
01:02:34,159 --> 01:02:38,339
i can't get through this
827
01:02:37,358 --> 01:02:41,519
alone
828
01:02:38,340 --> 01:02:44,720
[Music]
829
01:02:41,519 --> 01:02:44,719
take this chance
830
01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:50,640
[Music]
831
01:02:47,358 --> 01:02:54,078
somewhere far from what
832
01:02:50,639 --> 01:02:55,038
keeps us apart and i swear that
833
01:02:54,079 --> 01:03:03,200
somewhere
834
01:02:55,039 --> 01:03:17,420
in the night there's a lot
835
01:03:03,199 --> 01:03:28,838
a light in the dark
836
01:03:17,420 --> 01:03:31,838
[Music]
837
01:03:28,838 --> 01:03:31,838
so
838
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:38,659
[Applause]
839
01:03:42,838 --> 01:03:59,838
is um
840
01:04:10,719 --> 01:04:14,959
no you're strictly a do-it-yourselfer
841
01:04:15,519 --> 01:04:18,719
and our anesthesiologist now just
842
01:04:17,679 --> 01:04:21,118
breathe normally
843
01:04:18,719 --> 01:04:22,239
relax count backwards from 100 and by
844
01:04:21,119 --> 01:04:24,318
the time you use one
845
01:04:22,239 --> 01:04:26,000
you'll be asleep when you wake your day
846
01:04:24,318 --> 01:04:28,318
experience muscle stiffness
847
01:04:26,000 --> 01:04:29,139
disorientation but don't worry it's
848
01:04:28,318 --> 01:04:30,480
completely normal
849
01:04:29,139 --> 01:04:40,170
[Music]
850
01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:42,969
there i am
851
01:04:40,170 --> 01:04:45,230
[Music]
852
01:04:42,969 --> 01:05:00,789
[Applause]
853
01:04:45,230 --> 01:05:01,840
[Music]
854
01:05:00,789 --> 01:05:06,838
[Applause]
855
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:09,838
[Music]
856
01:05:06,838 --> 01:05:09,838
well
857
01:05:15,199 --> 01:05:23,838
and they told me it would change
858
01:05:25,519 --> 01:05:40,429
this is
859
01:05:37,360 --> 01:05:40,429
[Music]
860
01:05:44,590 --> 01:05:56,780
[Applause]
861
01:05:48,150 --> 01:05:56,780
[Music]
862
01:06:06,909 --> 01:06:12,980
[Music]
863
01:06:16,838 --> 01:06:21,509
is
864
01:06:18,070 --> 01:06:21,510
[Music]
865
01:06:30,838 --> 01:06:33,838
electricity
866
01:06:43,539 --> 01:06:47,279
[Music]
867
01:06:45,280 --> 01:07:01,839
everything is different now i know what
868
01:06:47,280 --> 01:07:01,839
you mean
869
01:07:05,739 --> 01:07:11,949
[Applause]
870
01:07:12,739 --> 01:07:19,098
[Music]
871
01:07:21,980 --> 01:07:25,090
[Music]
872
01:07:26,838 --> 01:07:31,358
is
873
01:07:29,599 --> 01:07:43,838
it's like the fifth night in a row i had
874
01:07:31,358 --> 01:07:43,838
to pick you up at some random club
875
01:07:44,239 --> 01:07:50,879
damn it's been two weeks
876
01:07:47,519 --> 01:07:57,838
it's time to go home home
877
01:07:50,880 --> 01:07:57,838
don't talk just relax
878
01:07:59,239 --> 01:08:04,779
[Music]
879
01:08:05,838 --> 01:08:12,480
okay you can go i'm like
880
01:08:09,199 --> 01:08:12,480
percent less messed up now
881
01:08:13,358 --> 01:08:18,960
seriously my dad's gonna be hall of fame
882
01:08:17,439 --> 01:08:20,479
he's bringing my mom from the hospital
883
01:08:18,960 --> 01:08:21,359
this morning and you don't want to be
884
01:08:20,479 --> 01:08:24,238
here
885
01:08:21,359 --> 01:08:24,239
will you call me
886
01:08:29,210 --> 01:08:39,949
[Music]
887
01:08:37,520 --> 01:08:43,120
wish i were here
888
01:08:39,949 --> 01:08:46,880
[Music]
889
01:08:43,119 --> 01:08:50,800
wish i were
890
01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:50,800
[Applause]
891
01:08:50,838 --> 01:08:54,399
here
892
01:08:52,819 --> 01:08:58,560
[Music]
893
01:08:54,399 --> 01:09:02,000
we're here wow
894
01:08:58,560 --> 01:09:07,120
you look great oh
895
01:09:02,000 --> 01:09:10,560
thank you and who are you
896
01:09:07,119 --> 01:09:14,798
who am i but i am
897
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:18,560
this is now your daughter
898
01:09:14,798 --> 01:09:22,960
oh of course
899
01:09:18,560 --> 01:09:22,960
and this is our house
900
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:30,239
diana you don't
901
01:09:26,880 --> 01:09:31,770
you don't remember any of this
902
01:09:30,238 --> 01:09:33,278
i sure right
903
01:09:31,770 --> 01:09:36,319
[Music]
904
01:09:33,279 --> 01:09:40,080
this house and all these rooms
905
01:09:36,319 --> 01:09:40,080
last christmas or last
906
01:09:40,510 --> 01:09:51,119
[Music]
907
01:09:47,520 --> 01:09:52,239
the year the walls all this glass and
908
01:09:51,119 --> 01:09:55,679
wood
909
01:09:52,238 --> 01:10:00,879
you don't recall i wish
910
01:09:55,679 --> 01:10:05,039
i could our house on walton way
911
01:10:00,880 --> 01:10:05,039
the house with the red door
912
01:10:05,198 --> 01:10:17,839
our trip to central pain
913
01:10:08,238 --> 01:10:17,839
the whole week a downpour
914
01:10:26,479 --> 01:10:30,459
[Music]
915
01:10:28,399 --> 01:10:33,639
things were
916
01:10:30,460 --> 01:10:33,640
[Music]
917
01:10:35,119 --> 01:10:39,840
of times that you never knew
918
01:10:41,439 --> 01:10:45,599
sing of not remembering
919
01:10:51,109 --> 01:10:59,039
[Music]
920
01:10:56,840 --> 01:11:02,079
again
921
01:10:59,039 --> 01:11:06,319
that day our child was born
922
01:11:02,079 --> 01:11:09,359
our baby girls first cried
923
01:11:06,319 --> 01:11:12,859
that grave risley born
924
01:11:09,359 --> 01:11:15,938
i've never felt so
925
01:11:12,859 --> 01:11:15,938
[Music]
926
01:11:20,319 --> 01:11:26,399
but that's 19 years
927
01:11:24,399 --> 01:11:29,279
that dr mitchell said there might be
928
01:11:26,399 --> 01:11:29,279
some memory loss
929
01:11:29,679 --> 01:11:41,609
dr madden oh no
930
01:11:33,600 --> 01:11:50,740
see there you go
931
01:11:41,609 --> 01:11:50,739
[Music]
932
01:11:53,420 --> 01:12:03,170
[Music]
933
01:12:05,189 --> 01:12:09,839
[Music]
934
01:12:06,840 --> 01:12:09,840
things
935
01:12:13,460 --> 01:12:22,569
[Music]
936
01:12:20,399 --> 01:12:24,479
i'm not remembering when
937
01:12:22,569 --> 01:12:35,889
[Music]
938
01:12:24,479 --> 01:12:39,028
of memories
939
01:12:35,890 --> 01:12:39,029
[Music]
940
01:12:48,840 --> 01:12:51,840
again
941
01:12:58,819 --> 01:13:02,539
[Music]
942
01:13:02,840 --> 01:13:05,840
hey
943
01:13:12,640 --> 01:13:23,760
it's been weeks
944
01:13:18,800 --> 01:13:26,920
hey have you been on the scene
945
01:13:23,760 --> 01:13:30,840
cause you look like a mess
946
01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:33,840
[Music]
947
01:13:30,840 --> 01:13:33,840
thanks
948
01:13:40,000 --> 01:13:43,750
[Applause]
949
01:13:44,840 --> 01:13:47,840
okay
950
01:13:56,670 --> 01:14:01,359
[Music]
951
01:13:58,840 --> 01:14:05,039
hey say
952
01:14:01,359 --> 01:14:08,880
will you come to this dance
953
01:14:05,039 --> 01:14:12,560
it's some spring formal dance
954
01:14:08,880 --> 01:14:16,079
it's march 1st and it's cheese
955
01:14:12,560 --> 01:14:29,840
but it's fun and it's free
956
01:14:16,079 --> 01:14:29,840
i don't do dances
957
01:14:31,600 --> 01:14:44,960
natalie wait
958
01:14:42,560 --> 01:14:46,480
so this much loss is rare but it has
959
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:48,399
been reported and maybe partly
960
01:14:46,479 --> 01:14:49,678
psychogenic at times like this the brain
961
01:14:48,399 --> 01:14:51,519
tends to repress
962
01:14:49,679 --> 01:14:53,520
troubling memories but they're there
963
01:14:51,520 --> 01:14:55,600
somewhere and they tend to return and
964
01:14:53,520 --> 01:14:58,800
fits and starts it's been two weeks
965
01:14:55,600 --> 01:15:02,079
a little loss of memory is normal
966
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:04,079
and helpful in forgetting all her fears
967
01:15:02,079 --> 01:15:05,439
i couldn't give a flying what's
968
01:15:04,079 --> 01:15:08,000
normal
969
01:15:05,439 --> 01:15:08,719
we haven't had a normal day in years
970
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:10,640
diana
971
01:15:08,719 --> 01:15:12,319
are things becoming clearer with the
972
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:15,039
treatment
973
01:15:12,319 --> 01:15:15,599
is life less cloudy than it was before
974
01:15:15,039 --> 01:15:17,439
yes
975
01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:18,960
do you still feel your head is filled
976
01:15:17,439 --> 01:15:23,439
with concrete
977
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:26,719
no and you're not a scary rock star
978
01:15:23,439 --> 01:15:31,759
anymore okay
979
01:15:26,719 --> 01:15:34,640
great what about your memories
980
01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:36,960
the memories are there somewhere find
981
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:39,520
some pictures you can share
982
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:40,319
keepsakes of the life that's there
983
01:15:39,520 --> 01:15:43,679
behind
984
01:15:40,319 --> 01:15:46,880
her should i bring up the subject of
985
01:15:43,679 --> 01:15:47,520
yes but keep it light at first that's
986
01:15:46,880 --> 01:15:50,560
best
987
01:15:47,520 --> 01:15:53,040
careful that she's not distressed when
988
01:15:50,560 --> 01:15:56,610
the time's right tell the rest
989
01:15:53,039 --> 01:16:04,840
remind her you'll find
990
01:15:56,609 --> 01:16:07,630
[Music]
991
01:16:04,840 --> 01:16:09,279
her
992
01:16:07,630 --> 01:16:12,079
[Music]
993
01:16:09,279 --> 01:16:13,599
so let's start with something small
994
01:16:12,079 --> 01:16:17,198
something personal
995
01:16:13,600 --> 01:16:21,199
and pretty i bet you all know these
996
01:16:17,198 --> 01:16:24,799
shiny things they must be
997
01:16:21,198 --> 01:16:32,639
tacky trinkets for my next atlantic city
998
01:16:24,800 --> 01:16:34,310
no actually die there are wedding rings
999
01:16:32,640 --> 01:16:38,119
it was
1000
01:16:34,310 --> 01:16:38,119
[Music]
1001
01:16:40,399 --> 01:16:45,039
well that's how i remember it so that's
1002
01:16:43,600 --> 01:16:49,840
how it'll be
1003
01:16:45,039 --> 01:16:49,840
it was raining it was portland
1004
01:16:56,000 --> 01:16:59,180
[Music]
1005
01:17:00,880 --> 01:17:05,328
maybe
1006
01:17:02,260 --> 01:17:05,329
[Music]
1007
01:17:13,439 --> 01:17:21,519
we hit the highway in the honda
1008
01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:21,520
and i took pictures everywhere we went
1009
01:17:21,600 --> 01:17:25,039
we saw the pain in the desert the grand
1010
01:17:24,399 --> 01:17:28,238
canyon
1011
01:17:25,039 --> 01:17:28,800
and and rhonda and that learned what her
1012
01:17:28,238 --> 01:17:33,198
middle
1013
01:17:28,800 --> 01:17:33,679
finger here's the first house that we
1014
01:17:33,198 --> 01:17:36,879
hold
1015
01:17:33,679 --> 01:17:39,440
on baltimore in front of that place
1016
01:17:36,880 --> 01:17:42,000
and we built this one on land that we
1017
01:17:39,439 --> 01:17:44,719
both chose
1018
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:45,679
and here's a pig of all of us with
1019
01:17:44,719 --> 01:17:48,719
smiles on
1020
01:17:45,679 --> 01:17:52,239
every face the photoshopping
1021
01:17:48,719 --> 01:17:52,239
hardly even shows
1022
01:17:52,319 --> 01:17:57,679
we're standing by a lake with all these
1023
01:17:55,279 --> 01:17:57,679
ducks
1024
01:17:59,810 --> 01:18:05,340
[Applause]
1025
01:18:02,289 --> 01:18:05,340
[Music]
1026
01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:14,149
gonna get back what we had and maybe
1027
01:18:12,719 --> 01:18:15,439
more
1028
01:18:14,149 --> 01:18:18,479
[Music]
1029
01:18:15,439 --> 01:18:19,119
get us back to good times forget the
1030
01:18:18,479 --> 01:18:22,399
things
1031
01:18:19,119 --> 01:18:25,198
we should gonna get us back to better
1032
01:18:22,399 --> 01:18:25,198
than before
1033
01:18:25,279 --> 01:18:33,920
we can get us back to better than before
1034
01:18:29,600 --> 01:18:33,920
all right fine
1035
01:18:34,079 --> 01:18:37,198
here's the headline in the paper when
1036
01:18:36,880 --> 01:18:40,880
you
1037
01:18:37,198 --> 01:18:40,879
freaked out at the market
1038
01:18:43,739 --> 01:18:46,949
[Music]
1039
01:18:49,380 --> 01:18:52,600
[Music]
1040
01:19:01,439 --> 01:19:04,799
i made it to the school wait you
1041
01:19:04,000 --> 01:19:09,840
remember
1042
01:19:04,800 --> 01:19:09,840
it wasn't here all too much
1043
01:19:20,238 --> 01:19:26,569
your life has time of something you've
1044
01:19:23,479 --> 01:19:26,569
[Music]
1045
01:19:27,158 --> 01:19:40,179
got to get back
1046
01:19:36,399 --> 01:19:40,179
[Music]
1047
01:19:42,250 --> 01:19:45,300
[Music]
1048
01:19:48,399 --> 01:20:05,839
make everything much better
1049
01:20:05,890 --> 01:20:08,999
[Music]
1050
01:20:11,619 --> 01:20:14,670
[Music]
1051
01:20:19,779 --> 01:20:22,829
[Music]
1052
01:20:25,539 --> 01:20:33,039
[Music]
1053
01:20:30,800 --> 01:20:33,039
your
1054
01:20:35,529 --> 01:20:47,840
[Music]
1055
01:20:44,880 --> 01:20:47,840
once
1056
01:20:48,039 --> 01:20:53,560
[Music]
1057
01:20:54,399 --> 01:21:00,329
there's something missing like it's
1058
01:20:57,359 --> 01:21:12,479
tugging at me i can almost see
1059
01:21:00,329 --> 01:21:14,479
[Music]
1060
01:21:12,479 --> 01:21:16,238
i know it's late i needed to talk to
1061
01:21:14,479 --> 01:21:18,879
natalie about some homework
1062
01:21:16,238 --> 01:21:21,519
she's not answering her phone is
1063
01:21:18,880 --> 01:21:21,520
everything okay
1064
01:21:22,399 --> 01:21:25,679
him yes
1065
01:21:26,000 --> 01:21:33,760
you remind me of someone
1066
01:21:29,119 --> 01:21:33,760
how old are you seventeen why
1067
01:21:34,399 --> 01:21:43,839
i don't know now he's in a room
1068
01:21:54,560 --> 01:21:59,529
to fill
1069
01:21:55,500 --> 01:21:59,529
[Music]
1070
01:22:09,329 --> 01:22:24,079
[Music]
1071
01:22:13,198 --> 01:22:26,329
the memories
1072
01:22:24,079 --> 01:22:29,448
there nothing left
1073
01:22:26,329 --> 01:22:29,448
[Music]
1074
01:22:30,399 --> 01:22:41,639
with nothing to remember
1075
01:22:38,510 --> 01:22:41,640
[Music]
1076
01:22:44,369 --> 01:22:47,460
[Music]
1077
01:22:48,880 --> 01:22:53,840
it's annoying
1078
01:23:03,840 --> 01:23:07,840
there's no way
1079
01:23:16,710 --> 01:23:25,199
[Music]
1080
01:23:19,970 --> 01:23:25,199
[Applause]
1081
01:23:25,479 --> 01:23:29,039
[Music]
1082
01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:32,579
[Applause]
1083
01:23:29,039 --> 01:23:32,578
[Music]
1084
01:23:32,840 --> 01:23:38,788
eight
1085
01:23:35,550 --> 01:23:38,788
[Music]
1086
01:23:41,198 --> 01:23:49,839
just don't give up
1087
01:23:51,800 --> 01:23:58,260
[Music]
1088
01:23:58,409 --> 01:24:03,840
[Applause]
1089
01:24:00,840 --> 01:24:03,840
henry
1090
01:24:04,369 --> 01:24:07,630
[Music]
1091
01:24:10,699 --> 01:24:15,539
[Music]
1092
01:24:25,979 --> 01:24:31,119
[Music]
1093
01:24:27,600 --> 01:24:31,120
sailing out into my
1094
01:24:37,140 --> 01:24:44,960
[Music]
1095
01:24:39,439 --> 01:24:44,960
i'm sure something's missing i wish it
1096
01:24:51,279 --> 01:24:59,840
how i do i don't know
1097
01:25:00,659 --> 01:25:03,720
[Music]
1098
01:25:08,238 --> 01:25:12,959
does the puzzle come together piece by
1099
01:25:15,729 --> 01:25:18,879
[Applause]
1100
01:25:22,719 --> 01:25:29,039
have you talked to your depression your
1101
01:25:25,279 --> 01:25:29,039
delusions and your son
1102
01:25:30,560 --> 01:25:33,920
what what
1103
01:25:34,639 --> 01:25:37,520
your husband didn't
1104
01:25:38,238 --> 01:25:45,839
oh my god
1105
01:25:41,840 --> 01:25:49,440
you two should talk more
1106
01:25:45,840 --> 01:25:51,360
we should talk more that's it
1107
01:25:49,439 --> 01:25:52,719
i don't even remember marrying this man
1108
01:25:51,359 --> 01:25:55,279
it's not like i'm some
1109
01:25:52,719 --> 01:25:57,198
sexually frustrated soccer mom well
1110
01:25:55,279 --> 01:25:59,198
interestingly the underlying challenges
1111
01:25:57,198 --> 01:26:09,839
are similar
1112
01:25:59,198 --> 01:26:17,759
i'll see you next week next week
1113
01:26:09,840 --> 01:26:17,760
[Music]
1114
01:26:20,840 --> 01:26:23,840
ugh
1115
01:26:24,520 --> 01:26:32,850
[Music]
1116
01:26:40,789 --> 01:26:47,289
[Music]
1117
01:26:48,840 --> 01:26:53,360
um
1118
01:26:50,000 --> 01:26:56,479
what are you doing what is this
1119
01:26:53,359 --> 01:26:57,989
where did you get that it's nothing an
1120
01:26:56,479 --> 01:27:00,718
old music box
1121
01:26:57,989 --> 01:27:05,039
[Music]
1122
01:27:00,719 --> 01:27:08,719
we played it for the baby
1123
01:27:05,039 --> 01:27:13,229
sometimes it helped him sleep diamond
1124
01:27:08,719 --> 01:27:16,560
him we did help
1125
01:27:13,229 --> 01:27:16,559
[Music]
1126
01:27:18,829 --> 01:27:22,000
[Music]
1127
01:27:25,020 --> 01:27:30,680
[Music]
1128
01:27:27,679 --> 01:27:37,440
you drove too fast the lights
1129
01:27:30,680 --> 01:27:41,199
[Music]
1130
01:27:37,439 --> 01:27:44,559
how could i ever forget
1131
01:27:41,198 --> 01:27:48,479
outside the morning was cool
1132
01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:51,520
and wet he had such chills
1133
01:27:48,479 --> 01:27:53,919
but still he lay there so
1134
01:27:51,520 --> 01:27:53,920
still
1135
01:27:54,639 --> 01:28:01,840
i'm just eight months old
1136
01:28:02,210 --> 01:28:10,430
[Music]
1137
01:28:12,840 --> 01:28:29,760
wondering
1138
01:28:15,439 --> 01:28:33,678
that hospital room
1139
01:28:29,760 --> 01:28:43,010
how could i ever forget
1140
01:28:33,679 --> 01:28:49,078
screaming at them
1141
01:28:43,010 --> 01:28:49,079
[Music]
1142
01:28:54,840 --> 01:28:57,840
oh
1143
01:29:02,470 --> 01:29:11,840
[Music]
1144
01:29:04,399 --> 01:29:11,839
someone simply said
1145
01:29:14,350 --> 01:29:19,720
[Music]
1146
01:29:22,840 --> 01:29:39,840
set the day that i lost
1147
01:29:33,520 --> 01:29:39,840
how could i ever
1148
01:29:41,810 --> 01:29:47,440
[Music]
1149
01:29:44,639 --> 01:29:48,000
why would you want to remember the
1150
01:29:47,439 --> 01:29:49,759
things
1151
01:29:48,000 --> 01:29:52,560
that hurt you i want to remember
1152
01:29:49,760 --> 01:29:55,440
everything dan
1153
01:29:52,560 --> 01:29:55,440
how did he die
1154
01:29:55,679 --> 01:30:06,000
he was sick with what why was he treated
1155
01:29:59,840 --> 01:30:10,079
what was wrong
1156
01:30:06,000 --> 01:30:14,719
something the doctors are missed
1157
01:30:10,079 --> 01:30:18,399
the clinic the er each specialist
1158
01:30:14,719 --> 01:30:21,840
they said babies cry allergies
1159
01:30:18,399 --> 01:30:21,839
gas who knows why
1160
01:30:22,880 --> 01:30:27,520
i was a child
1161
01:30:25,609 --> 01:30:31,198
[Music]
1162
01:30:27,520 --> 01:30:31,199
raising a child
1163
01:30:31,840 --> 01:30:35,039
we'd stay up
1164
01:30:37,869 --> 01:30:44,260
[Music]
1165
01:30:42,399 --> 01:30:46,719
still he'd just cry
1166
01:30:44,260 --> 01:30:50,639
[Music]
1167
01:30:46,719 --> 01:30:54,158
and crying he was a baby when he died
1168
01:30:50,639 --> 01:30:57,600
but i remember him older no
1169
01:30:54,158 --> 01:31:00,000
he was a baby we should call dr matt
1170
01:30:57,600 --> 01:31:02,560
why would we call dr maddy i'm just
1171
01:31:00,000 --> 01:31:04,639
trying to make sense of all of it
1172
01:31:02,560 --> 01:31:07,440
what was his name i i never remember
1173
01:31:04,639 --> 01:31:09,359
hearing you say his name oh diana
1174
01:31:07,439 --> 01:31:11,439
what about your name tell me it's gonna
1175
01:31:09,359 --> 01:31:13,198
be fine it's gonna be fine
1176
01:31:11,439 --> 01:31:14,479
we'll go back to the doctors cause we
1177
01:31:13,198 --> 01:31:17,039
cut it just in time
1178
01:31:14,479 --> 01:31:17,039
we'll take the
1179
01:31:22,500 --> 01:31:31,840
[Music]
1180
01:31:24,560 --> 01:31:31,840
what was his name
1181
01:31:32,630 --> 01:31:35,770
[Applause]
1182
01:31:36,159 --> 01:31:39,369
[Music]
1183
01:31:40,238 --> 01:31:42,399
why
1184
01:31:45,380 --> 01:31:51,328
[Music]
1185
01:31:56,840 --> 01:32:02,260
day
1186
01:31:59,170 --> 01:32:02,260
[Music]
1187
01:32:02,529 --> 01:32:06,639
[Applause]
1188
01:32:03,079 --> 01:32:06,640
[Music]
1189
01:32:08,238 --> 01:32:13,839
don't tell me what you're saying
1190
01:32:15,039 --> 01:32:18,939
[Applause]
1191
01:32:20,750 --> 01:32:23,868
[Music]
1192
01:32:32,000 --> 01:32:38,560
i promise the boy says forever
1193
01:32:35,520 --> 01:32:39,280
a boy says whatever may come will come
1194
01:32:38,560 --> 01:32:42,560
true
1195
01:32:39,279 --> 01:32:43,039
and who can know how when all i know now
1196
01:32:42,560 --> 01:32:46,320
to be
1197
01:32:43,039 --> 01:32:49,760
true is this promise that i
1198
01:32:46,319 --> 01:32:49,759
made to you
1199
01:32:50,158 --> 01:32:55,839
a question a boy wonders whether
1200
01:32:59,680 --> 01:33:09,840
[Music]
1201
01:33:02,399 --> 01:33:09,839
that's the promise that i made that day
1202
01:33:11,380 --> 01:33:18,708
[Music]
1203
01:33:18,880 --> 01:33:23,199
if you see her please send her my
1204
01:33:30,569 --> 01:33:38,880
[Music]
1205
01:33:33,679 --> 01:33:38,880
but the man still remembers his love
1206
01:33:39,679 --> 01:33:46,880
a promise a man says forever
1207
01:33:43,198 --> 01:33:50,000
a man says i'll never regret or let you
1208
01:33:46,880 --> 01:33:50,800
a promise that i made to stay and i'll
1209
01:33:50,000 --> 01:33:52,380
stay
1210
01:33:50,800 --> 01:33:54,239
true
1211
01:33:52,380 --> 01:33:57,679
[Music]
1212
01:33:54,238 --> 01:34:00,559
knowing one day we'd remember that joy
1213
01:33:57,679 --> 01:34:02,319
you remember that girl i remember that
1214
01:34:00,560 --> 01:34:06,880
boy till we do
1215
01:34:02,319 --> 01:34:12,079
the promise i made i make it brand new
1216
01:34:06,880 --> 01:34:12,079
the promise that i made
1217
01:34:12,949 --> 01:34:18,250
[Music]
1218
01:34:16,840 --> 01:34:21,359
to
1219
01:34:18,250 --> 01:34:21,359
[Music]
1220
01:34:27,510 --> 01:34:30,789
[Music]
1221
01:34:31,039 --> 01:34:47,840
captioning not available
1222
01:34:47,970 --> 01:34:56,199
[Music]
1223
01:34:56,960 --> 01:35:03,359
that i can play so well
1224
01:35:00,319 --> 01:35:05,759
i'm alive i'm alive i am so alive
1225
01:35:03,359 --> 01:35:15,839
and the medicine failed in the doctor's
1226
01:35:05,760 --> 01:35:15,840
life i'm alive
1227
01:35:22,960 --> 01:35:29,840
let me help you can't just go
1228
01:35:30,520 --> 01:35:33,619
[Music]
1229
01:35:37,989 --> 01:35:41,920
[Music]
1230
01:35:40,079 --> 01:35:43,359
they told me that the wiring was somehow
1231
01:35:41,920 --> 01:35:45,199
on the firing and screwing up the
1232
01:35:43,359 --> 01:35:46,719
signals in my brain
1233
01:35:45,198 --> 01:35:48,719
and then they told me chemistry that
1234
01:35:46,719 --> 01:35:50,480
just another circuitry was mixing up and
1235
01:35:48,719 --> 01:35:57,840
making me insane
1236
01:35:50,479 --> 01:35:57,839
with how the skin is
1237
01:36:00,750 --> 01:36:03,840
[Music]
1238
01:36:08,840 --> 01:36:14,400
is have returned but
1239
01:36:10,880 --> 01:36:15,920
not entirely unexpected they tried a
1240
01:36:14,399 --> 01:36:16,960
million that math it struck me through
1241
01:36:15,920 --> 01:36:19,359
their backpack
1242
01:36:16,960 --> 01:36:20,480
and told me that's the way it goes when
1243
01:36:19,359 --> 01:36:22,319
finally you hit it
1244
01:36:20,479 --> 01:36:23,829
i asked you just what did you sharpen
1245
01:36:22,319 --> 01:36:34,639
said that no one
1246
01:36:23,829 --> 01:36:34,640
[Music]
1247
01:36:37,130 --> 01:36:52,319
[Music]
1248
01:36:48,960 --> 01:36:55,600
was never in my brain
1249
01:36:52,319 --> 01:36:58,960
or in my blood but in
1250
01:36:55,600 --> 01:36:58,960
my soul
1251
01:37:01,679 --> 01:37:09,760
make up your mind this is clarity
1252
01:37:06,639 --> 01:37:11,359
that you did not have before that the
1253
01:37:09,760 --> 01:37:14,719
treatment is strong
1254
01:37:11,359 --> 01:37:16,799
but lasts only so long it may be your
1255
01:37:14,719 --> 01:37:21,039
mind
1256
01:37:16,800 --> 01:37:21,039
let's say that's not it the ect
1257
01:37:33,359 --> 01:37:37,519
there are moments of light the one thing
1258
01:37:36,399 --> 01:37:40,000
that's sure
1259
01:37:37,520 --> 01:37:43,360
is that there is no cure but that
1260
01:37:40,000 --> 01:37:43,359
doesn't mean we don't
1261
01:37:43,479 --> 01:37:49,039
fight to talk therapy
1262
01:37:46,719 --> 01:37:49,039
there's
1263
01:37:53,920 --> 01:38:02,609
[Music]
1264
01:37:56,639 --> 01:38:03,230
a new drug regiment
1265
01:38:02,609 --> 01:38:10,158
[Applause]
1266
01:38:03,229 --> 01:38:13,599
[Music]
1267
01:38:10,158 --> 01:38:16,719
you have a chronic illness like
1268
01:38:13,600 --> 01:38:19,199
diabetes or hypotension
1269
01:38:16,719 --> 01:38:21,118
if left untreated you could be
1270
01:38:19,198 --> 01:38:26,799
catastrophic
1271
01:38:21,118 --> 01:38:30,158
i understand there has to be another way
1272
01:38:26,800 --> 01:38:32,960
save me try again
1273
01:38:30,158 --> 01:38:34,079
don't walk out on treatment don't lose
1274
01:38:32,960 --> 01:38:36,319
what you've won
1275
01:38:34,079 --> 01:38:37,279
you've struggled for years but you've
1276
01:38:36,319 --> 01:38:42,960
only
1277
01:38:37,279 --> 01:38:45,439
grown my first psychiatrist told me that
1278
01:38:42,960 --> 01:38:46,639
according to emmanuel grief that
1279
01:38:45,439 --> 01:38:49,839
continues past
1280
01:38:46,639 --> 01:38:52,880
four months is pathological
1281
01:38:49,840 --> 01:38:56,639
and should be medicated
1282
01:38:52,880 --> 01:38:59,239
four months for the life of my child
1283
01:38:56,639 --> 01:39:04,069
who makes these decisions
1284
01:38:59,239 --> 01:39:04,068
[Music]
1285
01:39:06,238 --> 01:39:12,559
magic you know that it's not we know
1286
01:39:09,439 --> 01:39:12,559
it's not perfect
1287
01:39:23,350 --> 01:39:27,840
[Music]
1288
01:39:24,840 --> 01:39:27,840
goodbye
1289
01:39:30,930 --> 01:39:41,840
[Music]
1290
01:39:37,118 --> 01:39:41,839
what are you saying
1291
01:39:42,770 --> 01:39:49,040
[Music]
1292
01:39:51,279 --> 01:39:55,519
mom it's time you start thinking of your
1293
01:39:53,760 --> 01:39:59,760
own happiness
1294
01:39:55,520 --> 01:39:59,760
it's not happiness it's henry
1295
01:40:00,000 --> 01:40:07,359
you love him um
1296
01:40:03,520 --> 01:40:13,040
you can't just walk out on your doctor
1297
01:40:07,359 --> 01:40:13,039
maybe i've lost it at last
1298
01:40:13,198 --> 01:40:21,279
maybe my last lucid moment
1299
01:40:17,198 --> 01:40:23,839
has passed i'm dancing with death i
1300
01:40:21,279 --> 01:40:23,840
suppose
1301
01:40:24,000 --> 01:40:28,880
but really who knows
1302
01:40:29,198 --> 01:40:38,638
maybe i'm tired of the game
1303
01:40:34,399 --> 01:40:40,000
of coming up short of the rules of the
1304
01:40:38,639 --> 01:40:45,199
shame
1305
01:40:40,000 --> 01:40:51,840
and maybe you feel that way too
1306
01:40:45,198 --> 01:40:51,839
i see
1307
01:40:56,649 --> 01:41:05,439
[Music]
1308
01:41:02,000 --> 01:41:19,359
a girl felt caught
1309
01:41:05,439 --> 01:41:19,359
i'm not known
1310
01:41:34,140 --> 01:41:37,249
[Music]
1311
01:41:41,760 --> 01:41:54,800
but there'll be no more crying
1312
01:41:47,039 --> 01:41:54,800
for me
1313
01:41:57,039 --> 01:42:01,840
not for me
1314
01:42:08,800 --> 01:42:15,840
maybe we can't be
1315
01:42:19,119 --> 01:42:27,970
[Music]
1316
01:42:25,359 --> 01:42:39,519
let go
1317
01:42:27,970 --> 01:42:42,960
[Music]
1318
01:42:39,520 --> 01:42:45,840
17 years ago
1319
01:42:42,960 --> 01:42:48,239
your brother died of an intestinal
1320
01:42:45,840 --> 01:42:51,279
destruction
1321
01:42:48,238 --> 01:42:51,279
he was eight months old
1322
01:42:52,560 --> 01:42:57,840
i couldn't say that to you before i'm
1323
01:42:55,520 --> 01:42:57,840
sorry
1324
01:42:58,079 --> 01:43:05,029
we wanted to give you a normal life
1325
01:43:01,118 --> 01:43:08,839
but i realized i have no clue what that
1326
01:43:05,029 --> 01:43:10,559
[Music]
1327
01:43:08,840 --> 01:43:14,480
is
1328
01:43:10,560 --> 01:43:18,560
i need a life that's normal
1329
01:43:14,479 --> 01:43:21,599
that's way too far away
1330
01:43:18,560 --> 01:43:24,719
but something next to normal
1331
01:43:21,600 --> 01:43:27,679
will be okay yeah
1332
01:43:24,719 --> 01:43:38,539
something next to normal that's the
1333
01:43:27,679 --> 01:43:45,039
thing that i'd like to try
1334
01:43:38,539 --> 01:43:48,560
[Music]
1335
01:43:45,039 --> 01:43:48,560
we'll get by
1336
01:43:51,118 --> 01:43:53,839
okay
1337
01:43:57,739 --> 01:44:03,448
[Applause]
1338
01:44:05,970 --> 01:44:12,640
[Music]
1339
01:44:14,000 --> 01:44:20,909
hey hey
1340
01:44:17,359 --> 01:44:27,948
you look like a star
1341
01:44:20,909 --> 01:44:27,948
[Music]
1342
01:44:30,639 --> 01:44:36,239
you came well i said that i might
1343
01:44:37,579 --> 01:44:40,809
[Music]
1344
01:44:40,920 --> 01:44:49,840
but tonight
1345
01:45:00,840 --> 01:45:12,719
she's
1346
01:45:03,500 --> 01:45:17,840
[Music]
1347
01:45:12,719 --> 01:45:17,840
freaking out that this door running and
1348
01:45:18,800 --> 01:45:21,920
perfect for you
1349
01:45:20,680 --> 01:45:26,480
[Music]
1350
01:45:21,920 --> 01:45:30,000
i will be perfect for you
1351
01:45:26,479 --> 01:45:32,439
so you can go i could crazy
1352
01:45:30,000 --> 01:45:34,639
crazy it's true
1353
01:45:32,439 --> 01:45:38,000
[Music]
1354
01:45:34,639 --> 01:45:45,840
sometimes life isn't safe
1355
01:45:38,000 --> 01:45:45,840
i'm crazy i know i can do
1356
01:45:47,289 --> 01:45:56,840
[Applause]
1357
01:45:51,229 --> 01:45:58,639
[Music]
1358
01:45:56,840 --> 01:46:05,199
is
1359
01:45:58,640 --> 01:46:14,760
[Music]
1360
01:46:05,199 --> 01:46:14,760
[Applause]
1361
01:46:16,270 --> 01:46:22,149
[Music]
1362
01:46:27,600 --> 01:46:31,360
so anyway i'm waiting
1363
01:46:31,600 --> 01:46:38,320
i thought you'd like to know
1364
01:46:34,880 --> 01:46:41,760
your faithful come what may
1365
01:46:38,319 --> 01:46:46,238
but clearly i can stay we
1366
01:46:41,760 --> 01:46:46,239
both go mad that way
1367
01:46:46,399 --> 01:46:50,638
so here i go
1368
01:46:52,399 --> 01:46:56,479
and eating
1369
01:46:54,359 --> 01:47:00,000
[Music]
1370
01:46:56,479 --> 01:47:00,000
i guess that you can see
1371
01:47:01,198 --> 01:47:06,319
i'll try this on my own a life i've
1372
01:47:05,039 --> 01:47:09,198
never known
1373
01:47:06,319 --> 01:47:09,198
i have a face
1374
01:47:12,140 --> 01:47:23,039
[Music]
1375
01:47:18,960 --> 01:47:25,880
with you always beside me
1376
01:47:23,039 --> 01:47:27,840
to catch me when i fall
1377
01:47:25,880 --> 01:47:30,880
[Music]
1378
01:47:27,840 --> 01:47:37,840
i never get to know
1379
01:47:30,880 --> 01:47:37,840
the feels
1380
01:47:38,390 --> 01:47:48,489
[Music]
1381
01:47:49,279 --> 01:47:52,158
it's not true
1382
01:47:54,719 --> 01:47:59,760
what doctors call this function we try
1383
01:47:58,079 --> 01:48:02,840
to call romance
1384
01:47:59,760 --> 01:48:04,230
and true it's quite a trick to tell the
1385
01:48:02,840 --> 01:48:07,520
dancers
1386
01:48:04,229 --> 01:48:07,519
[Music]
1387
01:48:09,090 --> 01:48:12,248
[Applause]
1388
01:48:15,409 --> 01:48:19,840
[Music]
1389
01:48:21,949 --> 01:48:27,380
[Music]
1390
01:48:29,920 --> 01:48:37,118
i love you once and though you
1391
01:48:33,039 --> 01:48:41,760
love me still i know it's time for
1392
01:48:37,118 --> 01:48:41,759
me to fly
1393
01:48:44,960 --> 01:48:52,560
i love you once ago
1394
01:48:48,639 --> 01:49:01,840
i love you still i know
1395
01:48:52,560 --> 01:49:01,840
it's time for me to go
1396
01:49:05,949 --> 01:49:15,840
[Music]
1397
01:49:12,840 --> 01:49:15,840
goodbye
1398
01:49:18,380 --> 01:49:22,310
[Music]
1399
01:49:26,840 --> 01:49:32,600
so
1400
01:49:29,439 --> 01:49:32,599
[Music]
1401
01:49:35,599 --> 01:49:43,199
i am the one who loved you
1402
01:49:39,920 --> 01:49:48,880
i am the one who stayed
1403
01:49:43,198 --> 01:49:48,879
i am one and you walked away
1404
01:49:50,560 --> 01:49:53,920
i am the one who weighed you
1405
01:49:52,739 --> 01:49:57,359
[Music]
1406
01:49:53,920 --> 01:49:59,440
and now you act like you just don't give
1407
01:49:57,359 --> 01:50:03,519
a damn
1408
01:49:59,439 --> 01:50:10,319
like you never knew who i am i
1409
01:50:03,520 --> 01:50:23,119
am i am i've
1410
01:50:10,319 --> 01:50:26,158
always been here
1411
01:50:23,118 --> 01:50:29,198
but i know you know who i
1412
01:50:26,158 --> 01:50:33,039
am no
1413
01:50:29,198 --> 01:50:35,919
i know you know who i am
1414
01:50:33,039 --> 01:50:36,639
can't you just leave me alone i know you
1415
01:50:35,920 --> 01:50:41,118
know
1416
01:50:36,639 --> 01:50:44,400
who why why didn't you go with her
1417
01:50:41,118 --> 01:50:52,479
cause i'm holding on let
1418
01:50:44,399 --> 01:50:56,000
me go let's go
1419
01:50:52,479 --> 01:50:57,118
i am the one who helps you i am the one
1420
01:50:56,000 --> 01:51:00,960
who cried i
1421
01:50:57,118 --> 01:51:03,839
am the one who watched while you die
1422
01:51:00,960 --> 01:51:04,639
yeah yeah yeah i am the one who loves
1423
01:51:03,840 --> 01:51:07,760
you
1424
01:51:04,639 --> 01:51:09,039
i try pretending that i don't give a
1425
01:51:07,760 --> 01:51:20,220
damn
1426
01:51:09,039 --> 01:51:22,000
but you always know who i am
1427
01:51:20,220 --> 01:51:35,840
[Music]
1428
01:51:22,000 --> 01:51:35,840
i am
1429
01:51:38,000 --> 01:51:43,279
dad what the hell where are the lights
1430
01:51:41,118 --> 01:51:43,279
off
1431
01:51:44,079 --> 01:51:49,840
where's mom
1432
01:51:51,679 --> 01:51:54,399
she's gone
1433
01:51:57,599 --> 01:52:06,829
so it's just for now
1434
01:52:04,238 --> 01:52:11,678
yes okay
1435
01:52:06,829 --> 01:52:16,719
[Music]
1436
01:52:11,679 --> 01:52:22,079
i need some light
1437
01:52:16,719 --> 01:52:26,800
first of all we need some light
1438
01:52:22,079 --> 01:52:30,238
you can't sit here in the dark
1439
01:52:26,800 --> 01:52:33,760
and all alone it's a sorry
1440
01:52:30,238 --> 01:52:36,479
sight it's just you
1441
01:52:33,760 --> 01:52:36,480
and me
1442
01:52:37,359 --> 01:52:57,039
we'll live you'll see
1443
01:52:43,869 --> 01:53:00,079
[Music]
1444
01:52:57,039 --> 01:53:04,000
but we've waited far too
1445
01:53:00,079 --> 01:53:12,960
long for all that's wrong
1446
01:53:04,000 --> 01:53:17,039
to be made right
1447
01:53:12,960 --> 01:53:20,158
all our peers away
1448
01:53:17,039 --> 01:53:27,118
trying to fight for things we
1449
01:53:20,158 --> 01:53:41,839
feel but somehow
1450
01:53:27,118 --> 01:53:41,839
some ghosts are never gone
1451
01:53:41,899 --> 01:53:51,198
[Music]
1452
01:53:47,760 --> 01:53:55,840
you don't have to be happy
1453
01:53:51,198 --> 01:53:55,839
at all
1454
01:53:58,850 --> 01:54:02,320
[Music]
1455
01:54:00,560 --> 01:54:03,920
have you heard from her well i've heard
1456
01:54:02,319 --> 01:54:04,880
from her she's staying with my
1457
01:54:03,920 --> 01:54:08,239
grandparents
1458
01:54:04,880 --> 01:54:11,199
do they actually exist yes
1459
01:54:08,238 --> 01:54:12,718
that's good right well going home has
1460
01:54:11,198 --> 01:54:13,519
never been a solution to any of my
1461
01:54:12,719 --> 01:54:16,639
problems
1462
01:54:13,520 --> 01:54:22,080
but you have me for seriously you're
1463
01:54:16,639 --> 01:54:36,520
like number three on my instagram
1464
01:54:22,079 --> 01:54:39,748
you're my favorite problem
1465
01:54:36,520 --> 01:54:39,749
[Music]
1466
01:54:45,279 --> 01:54:50,639
the price of love is lost
1467
01:54:52,529 --> 01:54:56,978
[Applause]
1468
01:54:53,800 --> 01:54:56,979
[Music]
1469
01:54:57,599 --> 01:55:01,840
i know you can't tell me if you're still
1470
01:54:59,359 --> 01:55:04,479
treating her i just
1471
01:55:01,840 --> 01:55:05,599
wonder if she's okay i believe she's
1472
01:55:04,479 --> 01:55:07,678
working on it
1473
01:55:05,599 --> 01:55:09,199
and she's aware of the risks you think
1474
01:55:07,679 --> 01:55:12,319
she'll come home
1475
01:55:09,198 --> 01:55:14,000
it's good to know sure dan
1476
01:55:12,319 --> 01:55:16,840
would you like me to recommend somebody
1477
01:55:14,000 --> 01:55:19,840
for you to talk to
1478
01:55:16,840 --> 01:55:19,840
no
1479
01:55:25,920 --> 01:55:33,840
[Music]
1480
01:55:30,000 --> 01:55:33,840
the way
1481
01:55:40,140 --> 01:55:43,719
[Music]
1482
01:55:40,979 --> 01:55:47,118
[Applause]
1483
01:55:43,719 --> 01:56:01,630
let's shine
1484
01:55:47,118 --> 01:56:04,759
shine shine
1485
01:56:01,630 --> 01:56:04,760
[Applause]
1486
01:56:13,039 --> 01:56:29,840
when our long night is done
1487
01:56:16,960 --> 01:56:29,840
there will be
1488
01:56:39,118 --> 01:56:47,039
there will be light
1489
01:56:42,319 --> 01:56:57,840
there will be lights
1490
01:56:47,039 --> 01:56:57,840
there will be
1491
01:57:02,220 --> 01:57:13,180
[Music]
1492
01:57:04,470 --> 01:57:13,420
[Applause]
1493
01:57:13,180 --> 01:57:19,390
[Music]
1494
01:57:13,420 --> 01:57:19,390
[Applause]
1495
01:57:22,840 --> 01:57:25,840
oh
1496
01:57:28,050 --> 01:57:33,760
[Applause]
1497
01:57:36,840 --> 01:57:39,840
uh
1498
01:57:45,649 --> 01:57:52,479
[Applause]
1499
01:57:49,479 --> 01:57:52,479
uh
89869
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