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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:59,951 Idiot. Hell, no, I won't marry you. Gosh! 2 00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,255 What would you do if you were in a situation like this? 3 00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:05,297 Gosh! Gosh! Gosh! 4 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:07,389 Gosh! 5 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:33,355 Dear diary, I had that nightmare again. 6 00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,325 I fear I'll never get married. 7 00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:41,760 Maybe I am destined to be a sad old spinster... 8 00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,666 whose only companionship comes from an absurd amount of cats. 9 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,584 No, that won't be me. 10 00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,749 I believe in true love. 11 00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:08,726 My knight in shining armor is out there somewhere... 12 00:02:08,828 --> 00:02:11,023 and I'm gonna find him. 13 00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:27,925 Ooh. Mmm. 14 00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,115 Oh, shit. 15 00:04:45,618 --> 00:04:46,598 Ow. 16 00:04:46,633 --> 00:04:47,578 Ow. 17 00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:05,867 - Opah! - Hi, Dad. 18 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:09,408 Look here, Julia. When you gonna find a man and get married? 19 00:05:09,509 --> 00:05:12,444 You lookin' old, fat and saggy. 20 00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:18,049 And that mole on your forearm, it's growing a mole. 21 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:21,951 Let's put some hummus on it. It cures everything. 22 00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:26,551 Baby, you gotta find a man. 23 00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,991 In our race to protect our Greek heritage- 24 00:05:29,095 --> 00:05:32,189 Yes, yes, yes. And my heritage too. 25 00:05:32,298 --> 00:05:35,233 Let us not forget you are also one-half Indian. 26 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:40,602 - Your mother's right. - Big sister, we also Japanese. 27 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,834 - And Jewish. - So you're telling me... 28 00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:46,901 I have to marry a guy who's a Greek Indian Japanese Jew? 29 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,573 Baby, you're actin' like that's hard to find. Look around. 30 00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,479 They everywhere. 31 00:05:56,089 --> 00:06:00,253 Nicky. Nicky! You're Greek, right? 32 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,922 Yeah. And Indian and Japanese and a Jew. 33 00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:07,761 Huh? You wanna go out with my daughter? 34 00:06:07,867 --> 00:06:11,428 Nah. I don't like redheads. Sorry. 35 00:06:17,343 --> 00:06:21,336 Dad, I know I'm no beauty, but I'm not gonna settle. 36 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:26,248 I respect our heritage, but I believe love is blind. 37 00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:30,118 Somewhere out there is my true love. 38 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,292 No! Back to work. 39 00:06:36,362 --> 00:06:38,353 Coffee? 40 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,100 - More coffee? - Excellent. 41 00:06:44,203 --> 00:06:46,262 Jolly good. I quite fancy some... 42 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:53,278 more coffee, actually. 43 00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,776 Pick up. 44 00:06:59,852 --> 00:07:02,218 - Pick up! Pick up! - Okay. 45 00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:05,290 - Pick up! - I'm coming. 46 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:44,252 Oh, hell, no! 47 00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:48,060 - You're Hitch? - You got a problem with that? 48 00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:51,034 Please, I'm desperate. 49 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:55,130 Even I can't help you, and I found Star Jones a husband. 50 00:08:02,114 --> 00:08:04,048 Aw, shit. Come on in. 51 00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,551 Thanks for seeing me. I heard you're the best. 52 00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:11,987 You're goddamn right I'm the best. Look at all the couples I'm responsible for. 53 00:08:12,091 --> 00:08:14,355 You got Brad and Jen... 54 00:08:14,460 --> 00:08:17,054 Jessica and Nick, Ben and Gwyn... 55 00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:19,654 Ben and Jen, Ben and Jen... 56 00:08:19,765 --> 00:08:22,165 Ben and Matt, Whitney and Bobby... 57 00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:24,998 Kobe and Shaq, Ellen and Anne. 58 00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:27,538 Yeah, I do them too. 59 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,473 Well, there's this guy at the diner where I work. 60 00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:34,637 - We had this... moment. - What happened? 61 00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:38,308 I turned around, and he was gone. 62 00:08:38,417 --> 00:08:42,217 He probably got a good look at your mug and ran. 63 00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:46,985 Why don't we broaden the search from that one guy to just any nigga? 64 00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,085 - Okay. - Eight out of ten guys believe... 65 00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:53,359 the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know about a relationship. 66 00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:56,867 So before we get started, let's see what you got. 67 00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:08,079 Ooh, stinky. You got the dragon. 68 00:09:13,519 --> 00:09:14,952 You got a little somethin' in there. 69 00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:29,566 A whole wing? 70 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:35,068 Extra crispy? Goddamn! 71 00:09:56,495 --> 00:09:59,123 Good gracious! 72 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,794 Off of me, trick! 73 00:10:02,902 --> 00:10:05,268 What, are you hungry? 74 00:10:10,743 --> 00:10:13,507 I'm hopeless. 75 00:10:16,248 --> 00:10:18,773 I'm never gonna meet my Prince Charming. 76 00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:21,751 I got it! 77 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,126 A reality dating show? 78 00:10:28,227 --> 00:10:30,821 Says here you can meet the man of your dreams. 79 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:33,694 It also says you have to be beautiful. 80 00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:37,826 Well, you're beautiful-ish. 81 00:10:37,937 --> 00:10:39,802 Oh, come on, Hitch. 82 00:10:39,905 --> 00:10:44,638 The only way I could get on that show is if you magically turn me into a princess. 83 00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:48,060 Let's roll. 84 00:10:48,095 --> 00:10:49,008 Let's roll. 85 00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:56,149 Yo, fellas! 86 00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,227 Time to pimp her out. 87 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:40,559 Mm-mm-mm. 88 00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,189 Oh. 89 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,727 Hey! Hey! 90 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,377 Yeah! 91 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:06,447 Whoa! You're officially pimped out. 92 00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:15,455 All right, girl. Now you're good to go. 93 00:13:22,101 --> 00:13:24,296 Ladies, good evening, and welcome to... 94 00:13:24,403 --> 00:13:27,372 The Extreme Bachelor: Desperate Edition. 95 00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:31,603 By the end of tonight's episode, one of you lucky ladies... 96 00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:35,908 will be chosen by the bachelor to go on a dream date. 97 00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,983 - So let's meet him. 98 00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:42,019 He's a doctor with a 12-inch cock. 99 00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:47,684 Ladies, may I introduce the bachelor. 100 00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:00,936 - Hi. Lovely to meet you. - Hi. 101 00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,871 - Hello. I'm Grant. Hi. - Hi. 102 00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,466 - I'm Grant. - Hi, Grant. 103 00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:07,409 Nice to meet you. 104 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:13,746 - I'm Julia. - Pleasure. 105 00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:18,547 Now, Grant, the elimination round. 106 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:22,184 Essentially nixing the girls you don't want to bang. 107 00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:24,387 Who's going to be eliminated? 108 00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:45,272 Nice aim, Grant. Good eye. 109 00:14:57,863 --> 00:15:02,300 - Julia, will you accept this rose? - Yes. 110 00:15:31,230 --> 00:15:32,561 Guys, congratulations. 111 00:15:32,665 --> 00:15:37,068 You have won a dinner for two at A Restaurant. 112 00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:39,660 A Restaurant! 113 00:15:42,074 --> 00:15:44,736 Thanks! 114 00:15:48,847 --> 00:15:51,315 Oh, yeah, that's it! 115 00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:53,317 Oh, God! 116 00:15:56,021 --> 00:15:58,387 Oh, yeah! 117 00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:02,688 Yeah! Yeah. 118 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,754 Yes! Yes! 119 00:16:06,865 --> 00:16:08,799 Yes! 120 00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:10,835 Oh, yeah! 121 00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:14,428 Oh, yes! Oh, yeah! 122 00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:17,100 Yes! Yes! Yes! 123 00:16:17,209 --> 00:16:21,703 Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! 124 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:26,046 Yes! Yes! Yes! 125 00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:33,849 Yes! Yes! Y-Yes! 126 00:16:41,533 --> 00:16:45,526 Oh, God. Whoo! God. 127 00:16:45,637 --> 00:16:49,004 - So you're saying you do want the pork chops? - Yes, please. 128 00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:51,599 - Okay. - I'll have what he's having. 129 00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,905 So, tell me about you. 130 00:16:54,013 --> 00:16:56,504 Oh, I'm just a waitress. 131 00:16:56,615 --> 00:17:00,574 But I- I want to go to school to be a pastry chef. 132 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:03,246 Oh, hi. My name is Julia Jones. 133 00:17:03,355 --> 00:17:07,485 And for my admissions essay, I'm gonna show all of you at Harvard... 134 00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:11,552 why I would make an amazing pastry chef. 135 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:19,803 What a coincidence. 136 00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:22,840 I love pie. I've got to take you downtown for the best- 137 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:25,603 - Hummus pie? - You've been there? 138 00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,406 That's actually my recipe. 139 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:32,348 But- But tell me more about you. 140 00:17:32,451 --> 00:17:36,353 Like, what's your favorite love song? 141 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:42,186 - It's kind of corny. - Oh, come on. 142 00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:03,271 You're that waitress. You've changed. 143 00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:07,284 Well, I- I was- I was sort of goin' through- through a phase. 144 00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,388 I was downright ugly. 145 00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:15,425 I don't remember you ever being ugly. 146 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:20,125 But I remember you. 147 00:18:29,808 --> 00:18:32,368 I can't explain it, but... 148 00:18:32,478 --> 00:18:36,175 when I'm with you, I just feel so alive. 149 00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:41,981 - Me too. - I just wanna scream and shout and- 150 00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:45,113 - Roll drunks? - Huh? 151 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,622 Uh, Julia? 152 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,993 Come on! 153 00:19:36,441 --> 00:19:38,807 Yes! Yes! 154 00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:41,038 Yes! 155 00:19:41,146 --> 00:19:43,114 Oh, yeah! 156 00:19:47,819 --> 00:19:51,846 - That was... amazing. - It sure was. 157 00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:03,263 She faked it, Grant. 158 00:20:04,336 --> 00:20:06,827 But I didn't. 159 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,041 Meow. 160 00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:14,611 Meow. 161 00:20:49,581 --> 00:20:52,641 Oh, no, no, no, no... 162 00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:54,082 no, no... 163 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,154 no, no, no... 164 00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,952 no, no, no, no, no! 165 00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:04,495 No! No! 166 00:21:04,596 --> 00:21:06,564 Ooh. 167 00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:20,177 Hoo. It's tingly. 168 00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:24,079 Grant, how would you feel about meeting my parents? 169 00:21:49,808 --> 00:21:55,178 - So, Grant, ever knock anyone up? - Mom! 170 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,807 I want many grandkids, and how do I know if he�s shooting blanks or not? 171 00:22:03,455 --> 00:22:05,787 Bathroom's down the hall. 172 00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:14,564 Just leave the sample on the counter. 173 00:22:33,118 --> 00:22:35,552 Oh, sorry. 174 00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:41,524 That's Jinxers. 175 00:22:45,030 --> 00:22:47,555 Taught him how to do that. 176 00:23:58,036 --> 00:24:00,334 Julia told me your last name. 177 00:24:00,439 --> 00:24:03,067 - How do you pronounce it? - Just how it's spelled. 178 00:24:04,242 --> 00:24:08,110 F-O-C-K-Y-E-R-D-O-D-E-R. 179 00:24:08,213 --> 00:24:11,478 - Fockyerdoder? - Mmm. 180 00:24:11,583 --> 00:24:14,780 Mm-hmm. 181 00:24:14,886 --> 00:24:17,582 Allergic to cats? 182 00:24:17,689 --> 00:24:20,317 Uh, no, no. I-I-I love cats. 183 00:24:20,425 --> 00:24:24,418 In fact, growing up on a farm, I once milked a cat. 184 00:24:25,897 --> 00:24:29,765 I got nipples, Grant. Can you milk me? 185 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:40,600 May I say that's an exquisite vase. Ancient artifact, I presume. 186 00:24:40,712 --> 00:24:46,378 That's actually an urn containing the remains of Frank's mother. 187 00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:49,215 - Well, I'm sure your mother... 188 00:24:49,321 --> 00:24:53,348 would want to celebrate that Julia finally applied to pastry school. 189 00:24:53,458 --> 00:24:56,950 - What? School? - Don't you want me to better myself? 190 00:24:57,062 --> 00:24:59,587 No! I want you to work at the diner until you die. 191 00:24:59,698 --> 00:25:01,928 Grant was just kidding. Right, Grant? 192 00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:06,360 No! 193 00:25:06,471 --> 00:25:09,634 No, no, no, no, no! 194 00:25:12,611 --> 00:25:14,442 Mama! 195 00:25:14,546 --> 00:25:16,480 - Mama! - Grandma! 196 00:25:16,581 --> 00:25:20,017 Jinxers. Jinxers, no. 197 00:25:20,118 --> 00:25:23,053 Oh! Grandma Jones! Oh, God! 198 00:25:23,154 --> 00:25:25,588 - No! Jinxers, stop it! - Hey! 199 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:28,158 Jinxers! Jinxers, no! 200 00:25:28,260 --> 00:25:30,160 Oh, no, no, Jinxers! No! 201 00:25:30,262 --> 00:25:32,730 - Jinxers, no! No! - Mama! 202 00:25:32,831 --> 00:25:36,062 - Oh! - Get off my mama! Stop humpin'! 203 00:25:36,167 --> 00:25:38,067 Bad kitty! Please! 204 00:25:38,169 --> 00:25:40,399 - Jinxers, no! - Oh! 205 00:25:40,505 --> 00:25:44,032 - I didn't teach him how to do that. - Jinxers, bad cat! 206 00:25:44,142 --> 00:25:47,009 Jinxers, no! 207 00:25:47,112 --> 00:25:49,307 - Mama! 208 00:25:50,448 --> 00:25:53,611 - That was a disaster. - It wasn't that bad. 209 00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:58,121 You desecrated my grandmother's remains, and my father hates you. 210 00:25:58,223 --> 00:26:00,384 Why didn't you tell your parents about pastry school? 211 00:26:00,492 --> 00:26:03,120 I'm working my way up to it. 212 00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:06,629 - I'm just waiting for the right time. - Julia, you're a grown woman. 213 00:26:06,731 --> 00:26:11,566 If you haven't noticed, my family is totally controlling. 214 00:26:11,670 --> 00:26:14,969 - Whoo! - They meddle in every aspect of my life. 215 00:26:15,073 --> 00:26:16,973 Not to mention, no one in our family... 216 00:26:17,075 --> 00:26:20,533 - has ever dated outside of our culture. - He reminds me of Webster. 217 00:26:20,645 --> 00:26:24,638 I just don't see how this could work between us. 218 00:26:24,749 --> 00:26:28,378 Look, so your family's difficult. Whose isn't? 219 00:26:28,486 --> 00:26:31,455 Until I met you, my life was boring. 220 00:26:31,556 --> 00:26:34,286 - Oww! - But you, you're smart... 221 00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:39,125 and interesting and beautiful. 222 00:26:39,230 --> 00:26:41,755 I just want to be with you. 223 00:26:43,501 --> 00:26:45,469 Did you say I was beautiful? 224 00:26:46,805 --> 00:26:49,330 - Come with me. - Ooh-hoo! 225 00:26:49,441 --> 00:26:51,966 It's just a little Jesus juice! Whoo! 226 00:26:52,077 --> 00:26:53,977 Where are you taking me? 227 00:26:54,079 --> 00:26:56,047 - What are we- - You'll see. 228 00:27:09,561 --> 00:27:15,329 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 229 00:27:18,103 --> 00:27:20,298 Oh, my God. 230 00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:24,774 Julia Jones, will you marry me? 231 00:27:26,244 --> 00:27:29,771 Yes, Grant Fockyerdoder, I will marry you. 232 00:27:40,291 --> 00:27:43,988 How much will you give me for this? 233 00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:46,086 No. No! 234 00:27:53,104 --> 00:27:55,231 - Fifty bucks. - Shit. That's it? 235 00:27:58,610 --> 00:28:01,340 But it will destroy all evil! 236 00:28:01,446 --> 00:28:03,971 Oh, screw off, wizard! 237 00:28:09,154 --> 00:28:12,055 - Come on. Let's go get some wine coolers. - And some hookers. 238 00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:19,119 My precious! 239 00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:30,440 Before you set the wedding date, I wanted to meet your parents... 240 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:35,002 because, frankly, Fockyerdoder, I don't know much about you. 241 00:28:37,348 --> 00:28:40,112 I understand, homeboy. 242 00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:49,121 I'll be watching you. 243 00:28:49,227 --> 00:28:51,627 If you do anything to corrupt my daughter- 244 00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:54,198 You'll bring me down to Chinatown? 245 00:28:54,299 --> 00:29:00,238 Chinatown? I'll take your bitch ass to 134th Street... 246 00:29:00,338 --> 00:29:02,898 bust you in the head with a pipe. 247 00:29:06,277 --> 00:29:08,905 Hi, Little Jack. 248 00:29:09,013 --> 00:29:10,913 How come you have Betty's baby? 249 00:29:11,015 --> 00:29:14,314 She's at a swingers convention this weekend, so we said we'd take care of him. 250 00:29:14,419 --> 00:29:17,820 - Oh, how nice. - And Betty's such a good mother. 251 00:29:17,922 --> 00:29:20,049 She's teaching Little Jack sign language. 252 00:29:20,158 --> 00:29:24,686 Oh, I heard about this. Real cutting-edge stuff. 253 00:29:33,805 --> 00:29:37,741 That's right, Little Jack. "Keep your pimp hand strong." 254 00:29:44,849 --> 00:29:48,410 Right! "The dealer pinched." 255 00:29:52,924 --> 00:29:56,485 "What happens when someone rats us out to the cops?" 256 00:29:59,497 --> 00:30:02,295 "Shiv 'em in the kidney." 257 00:30:04,769 --> 00:30:08,330 - "Beotch." - His first word! 258 00:30:08,439 --> 00:30:11,670 - Little Jack, what did you say? - "Beotch." 259 00:30:21,653 --> 00:30:23,985 Is that your dad? 260 00:30:29,394 --> 00:30:32,955 - Uh-huh. - Figures. 261 00:30:47,278 --> 00:30:49,473 Ha! 262 00:30:51,049 --> 00:30:54,143 Grant! Ha! My boy! 263 00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:57,744 Good to see ya. 264 00:30:57,856 --> 00:31:00,984 This is my fianc�e Julia, and her parents, Linda and Frank. 265 00:31:01,092 --> 00:31:03,822 Bernie Fockyerdoder. Pleased to meet all of ya. 266 00:31:03,928 --> 00:31:08,365 Frank, give me some sugar. Put her there! 267 00:31:08,466 --> 00:31:11,367 - All right, all right. - And this must be your little girl. 268 00:31:11,469 --> 00:31:15,803 - No, that's my wife. - Wife? So young, so pretty. 269 00:31:15,907 --> 00:31:19,274 And you must be Julia. What a beautiful moment this is. 270 00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,005 So beautiful. Just beautiful. 271 00:31:22,113 --> 00:31:24,445 - Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! - Oh! 272 00:31:24,549 --> 00:31:26,517 - Dad. Dad. - Mmm! Mmm! 273 00:31:26,618 --> 00:31:30,520 - What? We're all family now. - I'll just go get the luggage. 274 00:31:30,622 --> 00:31:32,590 So what was that you were doin' back there? 275 00:31:32,690 --> 00:31:35,352 Oh, I was just practicing capoeira. 276 00:31:35,460 --> 00:31:37,587 - Capo-what? - Capoeira... 277 00:31:37,695 --> 00:31:39,788 the Brazilian martial art of dance fighting. 278 00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:42,799 - Beotch. - I've been doing it for weeks. 279 00:31:42,901 --> 00:31:44,801 It keeps me level. 280 00:31:44,903 --> 00:31:47,531 Ah! 281 00:31:47,639 --> 00:31:49,630 Come on. Let's go meet Roz. 282 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:53,507 Roz! 283 00:31:53,611 --> 00:31:57,775 You're gonna love her. Everybody, this is Roz. 284 00:32:00,585 --> 00:32:03,383 Oh! I've been kvelling to meet... 285 00:32:03,488 --> 00:32:06,821 this meshuggener goyim shiksa all day! 286 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:09,587 Oh! 287 00:32:12,096 --> 00:32:14,428 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 288 00:32:14,532 --> 00:32:16,591 So, Grant tells me you're a doctor. 289 00:32:16,701 --> 00:32:18,726 Uh, I'm a sex therapist. 290 00:32:18,836 --> 00:32:20,929 I specialize in teenage impotency. 291 00:32:22,106 --> 00:32:24,666 - Who's thirsty? - Mom, no. 292 00:32:24,776 --> 00:32:29,338 Oh, Grantulla's just embarrassed because he lost his virginity to the housekeeper. 293 00:32:36,421 --> 00:32:39,515 Hey, Eduardo. 294 00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,679 Thanks, Eduardo. 295 00:33:06,784 --> 00:33:08,718 Ah! 296 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:11,220 So, is it Harry? 297 00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:13,517 - Is what hairy? - Your name. 298 00:33:13,624 --> 00:33:16,559 - No, no, it's Bernie. - Oh, no, but it is hairy. 299 00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:19,630 - What are you talking about? - I mean, picture this with four pounds of hair. 300 00:33:19,731 --> 00:33:23,690 Oh, stop. So, when's the big date? 301 00:33:23,801 --> 00:33:26,031 Well, we wanted a long engagement... 302 00:33:26,137 --> 00:33:28,469 so we're getting married this Sunday. 303 00:33:28,573 --> 00:33:30,632 Oh, hell, no. I'm not paying for that wedding. 304 00:33:30,742 --> 00:33:34,200 Aw, don't have a conniption, bubbellah. We'll pay for it. 305 00:33:34,312 --> 00:33:37,406 Of course! What? I got a great wedding planner. 306 00:33:37,515 --> 00:33:40,177 You'll meet her tomorrow morning. Let's have a toast. 307 00:33:40,284 --> 00:33:45,688 - To great big matzo balls! L 'Chaim! - L 'Chaim. 308 00:33:45,790 --> 00:33:49,248 I- I couldn't be happier. 309 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,885 Thanks, Dad. 310 00:33:51,996 --> 00:33:54,055 Because Nicky has agreed to marry you. 311 00:34:04,542 --> 00:34:08,979 - Nicky. - Yeah. Good job. 312 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:11,844 Lookin' good. Nice. 313 00:34:11,949 --> 00:34:14,076 - Dad? - Hmm? 314 00:34:14,185 --> 00:34:18,144 My whole life, I've had this dream... 315 00:34:18,256 --> 00:34:20,850 that a prince would someday come and rescue me. 316 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:24,253 Grant is that guy. 317 00:34:24,362 --> 00:34:29,231 He's my prince, and he's the one I'm gonna marry. 318 00:34:29,333 --> 00:34:31,426 No, you'll never marry Grant. 319 00:34:31,536 --> 00:34:35,700 I don't trust him. You'll marry Nicky. 320 00:34:35,807 --> 00:34:39,402 Thinkin' about the honeymoon makes my sac all quivery and shit. 321 00:34:46,884 --> 00:34:50,980 Wow. You seem tense. 322 00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:54,957 - When was the last time you and Frank were intimate? - It's been a while. 323 00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:01,060 Whoo! It sure has. 324 00:35:01,165 --> 00:35:05,898 Well, I could show you a few tricks, spice things up again. 325 00:35:06,003 --> 00:35:09,564 - Like what? - Like a dirty Sanchez. 326 00:35:09,674 --> 00:35:12,108 Like a- 327 00:35:12,210 --> 00:35:14,178 Oh, I don't know. 328 00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:16,940 - Or the Arabian goggles. - Ohh! 329 00:35:17,048 --> 00:35:19,608 Or what about a troll's foot? 330 00:35:19,717 --> 00:35:22,618 Where you don't clip your toenails for eight weeks... 331 00:35:22,720 --> 00:35:25,280 and then you jab it up his ass! 332 00:35:25,389 --> 00:35:27,653 Or a Mexican blowtorch... 333 00:35:27,758 --> 00:35:31,524 where you take a cotton swab, you dip it in alcohol, put it on the top of his dick... 334 00:35:31,629 --> 00:35:33,529 and then you light it on fire. 335 00:35:33,631 --> 00:35:35,861 Is that all you got, Fockyerdoder? 336 00:35:35,967 --> 00:35:38,834 Hold on. 337 00:35:40,371 --> 00:35:43,636 - How do you think it's going? - I think it's going really well. 338 00:35:43,741 --> 00:35:46,608 - You do? - Yeah. Everyone's getting along famously. 339 00:35:46,711 --> 00:35:48,611 Even our dads are hitting it off. 340 00:35:48,713 --> 00:35:52,547 - You might want to put your shirt back on. - Nah. 341 00:36:13,871 --> 00:36:16,863 Oh, man. 342 00:36:30,621 --> 00:36:34,148 The wedding planner will see you now. 343 00:36:39,530 --> 00:36:44,229 I'm Jell-O. Fockyerdoder? Please, have a seat. 344 00:36:48,606 --> 00:36:52,201 Now, I'm here to plan your dream wedding. 345 00:36:52,310 --> 00:36:54,801 So, tell me what you want. 346 00:36:54,912 --> 00:36:57,642 Well, uh, we want a traditional wedding. 347 00:36:57,748 --> 00:37:00,239 Something simple, yet elegant. 348 00:37:00,351 --> 00:37:02,444 Yo, I know exactly the place. 349 00:37:02,553 --> 00:37:04,953 Muy rom�ntico. 350 00:37:05,056 --> 00:37:07,422 Think outside my buns. 351 00:37:07,525 --> 00:37:11,291 It's... not quite what we had in mind. 352 00:37:11,395 --> 00:37:13,386 That's the best I can do on short notice. 353 00:37:13,497 --> 00:37:17,593 You got to book the caterer, pick a pi�ata, choose your best man. 354 00:37:17,702 --> 00:37:19,602 Oh, I've already taken care of that. 355 00:37:19,704 --> 00:37:22,468 - My best mate Andy flew in this morning. - Andy? 356 00:37:22,573 --> 00:37:24,541 Yeah, we'll meet up at the hotel later. 357 00:37:24,642 --> 00:37:28,635 - I think you two will hit it off tremendously. - I can't wait. 358 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:31,613 And I can't wait till you see who I booked for the entertainment. 359 00:37:47,031 --> 00:37:48,828 No! 360 00:37:56,274 --> 00:37:59,641 So, where is this best man of yours? 361 00:37:59,744 --> 00:38:02,679 Andy! 362 00:38:11,355 --> 00:38:13,949 Andy's not a guy? 363 00:38:14,058 --> 00:38:16,026 A guy? Heavens, no. 364 00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:38,638 It's great we've remained so close, even after the engagement fell through. 365 00:38:40,351 --> 00:38:42,319 You two were engaged? 366 00:38:49,593 --> 00:38:55,156 Ages ago. It was more physical than anything, really. 367 00:38:58,669 --> 00:39:00,466 Just constant... 368 00:39:00,571 --> 00:39:04,405 mind-blowing, porno-grade sex. 369 00:39:07,278 --> 00:39:09,143 Sex. 370 00:39:09,246 --> 00:39:10,975 - It's easy to see - Sex. 371 00:39:12,750 --> 00:39:14,513 Sex, sex, sex... 372 00:39:14,618 --> 00:39:17,018 sex, sex, sex... 373 00:39:17,121 --> 00:39:19,919 sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex. 374 00:39:26,197 --> 00:39:30,600 S-So, you realized it- it just wasn't right? 375 00:39:30,701 --> 00:39:33,363 Well, she realized it wasn't right. 376 00:39:33,471 --> 00:39:37,373 She dumped me. Just wasn't ready to settle down. 377 00:40:06,871 --> 00:40:09,305 Why is she in slow motion? 378 00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:14,140 - She likes to make an entrance. - Grant! 379 00:40:20,818 --> 00:40:23,651 Oh! 380 00:40:23,754 --> 00:40:26,120 This is Julia. Mmm! 381 00:40:29,393 --> 00:40:33,489 Oh, I have heard so much about you. 382 00:40:33,597 --> 00:40:36,657 Now, Grant told me how attractive you were... 383 00:40:36,767 --> 00:40:39,634 but he never mentioned you were flat-chested. 384 00:40:39,737 --> 00:40:42,797 How cute. 385 00:40:54,051 --> 00:40:58,112 Excuse me while I get out of these wet clothes. 386 00:41:14,238 --> 00:41:18,004 - So, how did you two meet? - We were in Beverly Hills. 387 00:41:56,113 --> 00:41:59,844 I'll give you two grand if I can fuck you in the ass. 388 00:41:59,950 --> 00:42:02,544 - Sounds quite reasonable. - Okay, this is just too weird. 389 00:42:02,653 --> 00:42:05,087 Can we dissolve back now? 390 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:07,248 And so, eventually, you got engaged... 391 00:42:07,358 --> 00:42:09,292 and then you broke up ages ago. 392 00:42:09,393 --> 00:42:13,056 Sure, if you call three weeks ages ago. 393 00:42:14,198 --> 00:42:16,894 You were engaged to her three weeks ago? 394 00:42:17,001 --> 00:42:19,435 Honestly, Julia... 395 00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:21,664 you have nothing to be jealous about. 396 00:42:21,772 --> 00:42:26,903 Just because I see Grant with another woman doesn't mean I want him back. 397 00:42:40,457 --> 00:42:43,824 Finger sandwich? 398 00:42:43,928 --> 00:42:45,595 Okay, I'll go first. 399 00:42:45,630 --> 00:42:47,262 Okay, I'll go first. 400 00:42:47,364 --> 00:42:50,356 Let me say we don't really need to be here. 401 00:42:50,467 --> 00:42:53,925 - See, we've been dating for five days- - Six. 402 00:42:54,038 --> 00:42:58,873 Five, six days, and this is like a checkup for us. 403 00:42:58,976 --> 00:43:01,911 There's this huge space between us... 404 00:43:02,012 --> 00:43:05,743 and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. 405 00:43:08,452 --> 00:43:10,443 How honest are you with him? 406 00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:13,387 Pretty honest. 407 00:43:13,490 --> 00:43:16,425 I mean, it's not like I lie to him or anything. 408 00:43:17,795 --> 00:43:19,990 I just, uh- 409 00:43:20,097 --> 00:43:23,999 I mean, I-I have little secrets. 410 00:43:24,101 --> 00:43:26,262 Everyone has secrets. 411 00:43:27,805 --> 00:43:30,103 I have hepatitis "C." 412 00:43:36,380 --> 00:43:38,473 How does that make you feel? 413 00:43:40,384 --> 00:43:42,477 I'm not sure, really. 414 00:43:44,822 --> 00:43:47,655 Let me clarify. I love Julia. 415 00:43:47,758 --> 00:43:51,990 I... want her to be happy. 416 00:43:52,096 --> 00:43:55,532 I want good things for her. 417 00:43:55,633 --> 00:43:57,430 But there are times- 418 00:44:14,952 --> 00:44:18,251 You know, when she's sleeping, just take a pillow and- 419 00:44:32,503 --> 00:44:34,869 Thanks for helping me pick out my dress. 420 00:44:34,972 --> 00:44:39,170 To be honest, I was surprised you called. 421 00:44:39,276 --> 00:44:41,540 Well, you're a part of Grant's life... 422 00:44:41,645 --> 00:44:45,581 and that means you're a part of my life too. 423 00:44:45,683 --> 00:44:48,811 You look like a princess. 424 00:44:54,491 --> 00:44:56,982 You don't think it's a bit too much? 425 00:44:57,094 --> 00:44:58,959 Oh, not at all. 426 00:44:59,063 --> 00:45:01,327 I'll go get some pins to fit it. 427 00:45:03,834 --> 00:45:05,665 Uh-oh. 428 00:45:28,358 --> 00:45:31,623 Why do you insist on dressing me in these fruity outfits? 429 00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:36,189 - I'm gonna take this lollipop and shove it up your ass. 430 00:45:36,300 --> 00:45:38,530 I can hear everyone's thoughts. 431 00:45:38,635 --> 00:45:41,934 I love Puerto Rican men. They're spicy. 432 00:45:42,039 --> 00:45:45,975 It's like I'm trapped in a bad Mel Gibson movie. 433 00:45:46,076 --> 00:45:47,976 What the hell was I thinkin'? 434 00:45:48,078 --> 00:45:50,444 He's a freakin' backup dancer. 435 00:45:50,547 --> 00:45:54,210 Dude, I married Britney Spears! 436 00:45:54,318 --> 00:45:58,379 I'm rich! I'm rich, beotch! 437 00:45:58,489 --> 00:46:00,923 - Rich! - Is the bride-to-be ready? 438 00:46:01,024 --> 00:46:04,619 Bride-to-be? Shit. Not if I can help it. 439 00:46:04,728 --> 00:46:07,629 I've got 24 hours to break up this wedding. 440 00:46:07,731 --> 00:46:10,063 - No. - Yes! 441 00:46:10,167 --> 00:46:14,069 I'll turn Grant against you and make him love me again. 442 00:46:14,171 --> 00:46:16,435 Me, me, me! 443 00:46:16,540 --> 00:46:18,565 - Stay away from me! - Oh! 444 00:47:46,964 --> 00:47:51,060 - What is it now? - Grant's got an ex-fianc�e. 445 00:47:51,168 --> 00:47:53,659 And she has a thing for him. I just know it. 446 00:47:53,770 --> 00:47:56,364 And they have this long, romantic history. 447 00:47:56,473 --> 00:47:59,738 How can I measure up to that? 448 00:47:59,843 --> 00:48:03,472 You can't. She's fine as hell. 449 00:48:04,948 --> 00:48:07,781 I would tear that shit up! 450 00:48:07,885 --> 00:48:11,321 You know, everything was going so well until she turns up. 451 00:48:11,421 --> 00:48:14,254 Look, he's not with Andy anymore. He's with you. 452 00:48:14,358 --> 00:48:17,725 You gotta put aside your insecurities. It'll all work out. 453 00:48:17,828 --> 00:48:21,127 - Do you really believe that? - No, but my white customers do. 454 00:48:21,231 --> 00:48:24,632 Wow. 455 00:48:24,735 --> 00:48:27,761 - Look, I believe in you and Grant. 456 00:48:27,871 --> 00:48:30,305 And before you know it, you'll be walking down the aisle. 457 00:48:30,407 --> 00:48:33,467 Oh, and saying our vows. 458 00:48:33,577 --> 00:48:35,772 And our first dance! 459 00:48:43,854 --> 00:48:47,449 You call that dancin'? No. 460 00:48:47,557 --> 00:48:51,493 You see this? This is where you live. 461 00:48:51,595 --> 00:48:54,894 Right here. This is your home. Huh? 462 00:48:54,998 --> 00:48:56,989 Well, how about this? 463 00:49:05,042 --> 00:49:08,944 That bitch be krumpin'! 464 00:49:26,730 --> 00:49:28,698 It's okay. It's okay. 465 00:49:28,799 --> 00:49:31,165 She's never gonna break us up. 466 00:49:31,268 --> 00:49:34,294 Grant and I just have to get through the rehearsal dinner... 467 00:49:34,404 --> 00:49:37,134 and then tomorrow's the big day. 468 00:49:37,240 --> 00:49:40,641 Once we're married, everything will be perfect. 469 00:49:40,744 --> 00:49:42,803 Who are you kidding? 470 00:49:42,913 --> 00:49:46,440 Grant's never gonna marry you. 471 00:49:46,550 --> 00:49:50,008 You're not good enough. He's meant to be with Andy. 472 00:49:50,120 --> 00:49:54,147 - Don't say that! - This is who you really are. 473 00:49:54,257 --> 00:49:56,987 - You're a frump, girl. 474 00:49:57,094 --> 00:50:01,497 You may look different, but inside you'll always be me. 475 00:50:01,598 --> 00:50:07,161 - No, please, stop. - You'll be stuck in that diner till the end of time. 476 00:50:07,270 --> 00:50:10,728 I don't believe you. 477 00:50:12,242 --> 00:50:15,905 True love is a myth. You better hurry up and marry Nicky... 478 00:50:16,013 --> 00:50:18,504 before you end up a fat, dusty old maid. 479 00:50:18,615 --> 00:50:21,311 - Never! - You'll see. 480 00:50:30,293 --> 00:50:31,920 Quiet, everyone. Quiet. 481 00:50:32,029 --> 00:50:34,429 Roz has a few words to say. 482 00:50:34,531 --> 00:50:36,431 Oh, thank you, hon. 483 00:50:36,533 --> 00:50:38,330 Mmm! 484 00:50:39,669 --> 00:50:41,933 I would like to make a toast. 485 00:50:42,039 --> 00:50:44,371 To Grant and Julia! 486 00:50:44,474 --> 00:50:47,705 Yeah! What? 487 00:50:47,811 --> 00:50:50,575 Okay! Get crunk! 488 00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:52,170 Get crunked! 489 00:51:13,170 --> 00:51:15,104 You like it? 490 00:51:16,339 --> 00:51:18,933 You look... ravishing. 491 00:51:21,211 --> 00:51:23,236 What? What's wrong? 492 00:51:23,346 --> 00:51:28,249 Grant, your whole courtship has been rocky, to say the least. 493 00:51:30,420 --> 00:51:34,117 I just hope you're not rushing into this marriage with Julia... 494 00:51:35,358 --> 00:51:38,452 as a way of getting over me. 495 00:51:38,562 --> 00:51:40,894 I- 496 00:51:57,547 --> 00:52:01,176 Oh, dear God. A carousel. 497 00:52:04,855 --> 00:52:07,119 I, uh- I'd better get back. 498 00:52:15,866 --> 00:52:19,165 Grant, this is our rehearsal dinner. 499 00:52:19,269 --> 00:52:21,430 We're getting married tomorrow. 500 00:52:23,106 --> 00:52:26,337 I need to know- do you still have feelings for Andy? 501 00:52:26,443 --> 00:52:28,775 Of course not. 502 00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:33,641 I trust you. I just don't want to get hurt. 503 00:52:33,750 --> 00:52:36,014 You have nothing to worry about. 504 00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:38,781 I'm devoted to you... 505 00:52:38,889 --> 00:52:40,686 forever. 506 00:54:59,462 --> 00:55:01,726 No. 507 00:55:01,831 --> 00:55:04,299 Not a zit on my wedding day! 508 00:55:05,335 --> 00:55:07,303 Ohh. 509 00:55:31,328 --> 00:55:33,626 Where the hell is Julia? 510 00:55:35,465 --> 00:55:40,129 Grant, I wouldn't be your best man unless I told you this. 511 00:55:40,236 --> 00:55:42,727 Julia doesn't deserve you. 512 00:55:42,839 --> 00:55:47,242 Oh, come on! She's an hour late for her own wedding. 513 00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:51,838 Maybe she's got cold feet 'cause she knows it's not right between the two of you. 514 00:55:55,018 --> 00:55:56,918 Do you ever think about us? 515 00:55:57,020 --> 00:55:58,544 Yeah. 516 00:55:58,655 --> 00:56:01,351 Me too. 517 00:56:04,127 --> 00:56:05,924 My grandmother's ring. 518 00:56:06,029 --> 00:56:08,190 She gave you this ring on her deathbed... 519 00:56:08,298 --> 00:56:12,098 and made you promise to give it to the woman you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. 520 00:56:12,202 --> 00:56:14,193 You gave it to me. 521 00:56:18,942 --> 00:56:20,842 My grandfather's toe ring. 522 00:56:20,944 --> 00:56:23,071 Didn't he give you this ring on his deathbed... 523 00:56:23,179 --> 00:56:26,046 and make you promise to give it to the woman you'd cherish forever? 524 00:56:27,517 --> 00:56:29,815 You gave that to me too. 525 00:56:31,855 --> 00:56:36,224 - Julia- - Oh! She's just the rebound girl. 526 00:56:36,326 --> 00:56:40,057 I'm ready to take you back. Choose me. Marry me. 527 00:56:41,531 --> 00:56:46,298 Andy, I just don't feel the same way about you anymore. 528 00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,371 Julia's the one. 529 00:56:49,773 --> 00:56:52,071 Then one last kiss. 530 00:57:02,051 --> 00:57:03,746 Julia, no! 531 00:58:11,988 --> 00:58:14,889 Shut up! It's 4:00 in the morning! 532 00:58:14,991 --> 00:58:17,892 Asshole! 533 00:58:17,994 --> 00:58:20,394 Turn that crap off! 534 00:58:27,303 --> 00:58:30,397 I'm trying to watch Desperate Housewives! 535 00:58:32,809 --> 00:58:35,471 It's called an iPod! Get one! 536 00:59:12,282 --> 00:59:14,682 Oh. Jinxers? 537 00:59:38,575 --> 00:59:40,543 Julia. 538 00:59:45,014 --> 00:59:47,482 Let's get you out of that funk. 539 01:00:00,363 --> 01:00:05,130 Julia, will you marry me? 540 01:00:07,604 --> 01:00:09,299 Please? 541 01:00:13,977 --> 01:00:15,945 It was good, right? 542 01:00:18,047 --> 01:00:21,244 I know Nicky's a little rough around the edges... 543 01:00:21,351 --> 01:00:24,582 but give him a chance. 544 01:00:24,687 --> 01:00:28,282 When your mother and I first got married, we barely knew each other. 545 01:00:28,391 --> 01:00:32,327 I was a mail-order bride, could barely speak the English language. 546 01:00:32,428 --> 01:00:34,419 Dad, you're from Jersey. 547 01:00:34,530 --> 01:00:36,657 I'm tryin' to make a point here. 548 01:00:36,766 --> 01:00:39,030 At first, Linda and I couldn't get along. 549 01:00:39,135 --> 01:00:42,764 But we grew to understand and even respect each other. 550 01:00:42,872 --> 01:00:46,205 I'm proud to say we've been married for 30 years... 551 01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:50,473 and I have you and your sister to show for it. 552 01:00:50,580 --> 01:00:53,481 Now, maybe that's not the fairy tale you dream of... 553 01:00:53,583 --> 01:00:56,347 but that's real life. 554 01:00:56,452 --> 01:00:58,352 So, what do you say? 555 01:01:01,557 --> 01:01:04,458 I've been fooling myself all along. 556 01:01:04,560 --> 01:01:07,154 There is no Prince Charming. 557 01:01:07,263 --> 01:01:12,064 And true love is something that only exists in the movies. 558 01:01:15,638 --> 01:01:18,903 Okay, Dad, I'll marry Nicky. 559 01:01:20,943 --> 01:01:22,911 Back to work. 560 01:01:44,434 --> 01:01:47,335 You're crying. 561 01:01:47,437 --> 01:01:50,406 Tears of joy, Dad. 562 01:01:56,045 --> 01:01:59,014 Thanks, Frank. I'll take it from here. 563 01:02:01,651 --> 01:02:05,314 We are gathered here to join this man and this woman... 564 01:02:05,421 --> 01:02:07,389 in holy matrimony. 565 01:02:07,490 --> 01:02:12,052 Marriage is a contract that should not be taken lightly. 566 01:02:12,161 --> 01:02:16,564 It must be honored by two people who are truly in love. 567 01:03:19,796 --> 01:03:24,028 If anyone has any reason why these two should not be married... 568 01:03:24,133 --> 01:03:26,533 speak now or forever hold your peace. 569 01:03:37,246 --> 01:03:39,874 - I object! - Thank God! 570 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:47,018 This isn't what you wanted. 571 01:03:47,123 --> 01:03:49,023 It's what I wanted. 572 01:03:49,125 --> 01:03:53,391 I was wrong about Grant. He's a good man. 573 01:03:53,496 --> 01:03:55,191 He even liked you when you were butt-ugly. 574 01:03:55,298 --> 01:03:58,062 - How do you- - I saw it in your flashback. 575 01:03:58,167 --> 01:04:00,761 You and Grant were meant to be together. 576 01:04:00,870 --> 01:04:02,565 I don't know. 577 01:04:02,672 --> 01:04:05,140 You need to read this. 578 01:04:07,443 --> 01:04:10,310 My darling Julia. I'm sorry. 579 01:04:10,413 --> 01:04:12,643 So sorry. 580 01:04:12,748 --> 01:04:15,216 So very, very sorry. 581 01:04:15,318 --> 01:04:18,810 And yet, sorry seems to be the hardest word to say. 582 01:04:18,921 --> 01:04:23,221 If you can ever forgive me and you're ready to make that leap... 583 01:04:23,326 --> 01:04:26,227 I promise I'll be there to catch you. 584 01:04:26,329 --> 01:04:29,230 If you still love me the way I love you... 585 01:04:29,332 --> 01:04:31,596 then meet me where Meg Ryan met Tom Hanks. 586 01:04:31,701 --> 01:04:33,601 On the Internet? 587 01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,501 No, not in You've Got Mail, in Sleepless in Seattle. 588 01:04:36,606 --> 01:04:40,940 Right. The observation deck of the Empire State Building. 589 01:04:41,043 --> 01:04:42,943 But how do I get there? 590 01:04:43,045 --> 01:04:46,173 Um, I'll Mapquest directions and I.M. -it to your Blackberry. 591 01:04:46,282 --> 01:04:49,274 But I only have a T-Mobile Sidekick. 592 01:04:49,385 --> 01:04:51,353 You can borrow my Treo 650. 593 01:04:52,989 --> 01:04:56,425 How about we just meet where we had our first date? 594 01:04:56,525 --> 01:05:00,461 A Restaurant? But that's way uptown. Traffic's a nightmare. 595 01:05:00,563 --> 01:05:03,555 The rooftop of your apartment building? 596 01:05:03,666 --> 01:05:06,692 Okay! Great! 597 01:05:06,802 --> 01:05:10,431 This issue's six months old. I hope he's still waiting. 598 01:05:10,539 --> 01:05:14,031 He'd be a fool not to wait for my daughter. Go get him, baby. 599 01:05:14,143 --> 01:05:16,043 Thanks, Dad. 600 01:05:37,900 --> 01:05:39,800 Taxi! Taxi! 601 01:05:39,902 --> 01:05:42,336 Taxi! 602 01:05:46,776 --> 01:05:49,438 Someone! Someone please help! 603 01:05:49,545 --> 01:05:52,412 Trick! You're getting on my nerves! 604 01:05:52,515 --> 01:05:55,075 I need to get across town fast. 605 01:06:03,392 --> 01:06:05,792 - I owe you. - Damn straight! 606 01:06:05,895 --> 01:06:07,624 I'm Hitch, bitch! 607 01:06:42,131 --> 01:06:45,862 Come on. Open up! 608 01:06:55,644 --> 01:06:58,374 Oh, please! 609 01:07:38,354 --> 01:07:40,254 He's mine! 610 01:07:40,356 --> 01:07:43,689 Keep your damn hands off my man! 611 01:08:11,087 --> 01:08:12,714 I'm too late. 612 01:08:12,822 --> 01:08:15,620 Julia! 613 01:08:17,359 --> 01:08:20,328 Ohh! 614 01:08:29,238 --> 01:08:31,832 What happens after the prince rescues the princess? 615 01:08:31,941 --> 01:08:34,933 She rescues him right back. 616 01:08:36,045 --> 01:08:38,411 You make me want to be a better man. 617 01:08:39,748 --> 01:08:41,648 You had me at "hello." 618 01:08:41,750 --> 01:08:46,813 I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy... 619 01:08:46,922 --> 01:08:49,083 asking him to love her. 620 01:09:30,065 --> 01:09:33,159 What? I'm also an ordained minister. 621 01:09:40,376 --> 01:09:42,367 By the powers vested in me... 622 01:09:42,478 --> 01:09:44,708 I now pronounce you man and wife. 623 01:09:44,813 --> 01:09:46,508 Show her some love, man! 624 01:10:07,603 --> 01:10:10,595 - Bravo! - Beautiful! 625 01:10:14,143 --> 01:10:17,112 Yeah- 626 01:10:35,698 --> 01:10:37,859 Julia! 627 01:10:37,967 --> 01:10:39,901 This is for you. 628 01:10:44,373 --> 01:10:47,433 It's a vaginal thermometer. 629 01:10:48,978 --> 01:10:51,003 It lets you know when you're ovulating. 630 01:10:51,113 --> 01:10:53,308 It's been in our family for generations. 631 01:10:53,415 --> 01:10:56,578 And if you want to keep it our lucky thermometer, don't ever wash it. 632 01:11:02,291 --> 01:11:04,259 - Julia. - Dad. 633 01:11:06,829 --> 01:11:09,730 You're gonna have to find a new waitress. 634 01:11:09,832 --> 01:11:12,096 It's about time. 635 01:11:18,240 --> 01:11:21,334 Come here. 636 01:11:22,745 --> 01:11:25,942 Hey. Take care of my daughter. 637 01:11:26,982 --> 01:11:28,882 Come on. 638 01:11:31,687 --> 01:11:34,087 Good-bye! Best of luck! 639 01:11:46,402 --> 01:11:49,371 Hey, is it too late to crash the Fockyerdoder wedding? 640 01:11:50,472 --> 01:11:52,303 Bye. 641 01:11:52,408 --> 01:11:55,036 And we lived happily ever after. 642 01:11:55,144 --> 01:11:59,547 But not before we went on our honeymoon to romantic Kong Island. 643 01:12:13,996 --> 01:12:15,964 Help! 644 01:12:16,065 --> 01:12:18,625 Please help me! 645 01:12:25,474 --> 01:12:28,034 Help! 646 01:12:28,143 --> 01:12:30,236 Keep the camera rolling. 647 01:12:30,346 --> 01:12:32,211 Oh, God! 648 01:12:32,314 --> 01:12:35,010 Help! Please! 649 01:12:38,120 --> 01:12:41,248 No. No! 650 01:12:46,995 --> 01:12:51,193 Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! 651 01:12:51,300 --> 01:12:55,168 - Carmen Electra! Carmen Electra! - Ooh! 652 01:12:55,270 --> 01:12:57,670 That feels kinda good. 653 01:12:57,773 --> 01:12:59,741 A little... kinky. 654 01:13:01,777 --> 01:13:04,541 Oh, yeah! 655 01:13:07,616 --> 01:13:10,016 I like hairy boys. 656 01:13:34,410 --> 01:13:36,241 Yes! Yes! 657 01:13:38,747 --> 01:13:40,578 Yes! 658 01:13:40,682 --> 01:13:43,617 Yes! Beautiful. 659 01:13:43,719 --> 01:13:45,619 Yes, drink it. 660 01:13:45,721 --> 01:13:47,655 You're gonna love it. 661 01:13:47,756 --> 01:13:50,725 Is that Cos's hand on your booty? 662 01:13:55,931 --> 01:13:58,832 Cut it! 663 01:13:58,934 --> 01:14:00,925 I'm kind of an amateur tennis player. 664 01:14:01,036 --> 01:14:03,971 I was playing, it was a drizzly day... 665 01:14:04,072 --> 01:14:07,906 and Roz came down and volunteered to hold my balls and keep 'em dry. 666 01:14:08,010 --> 01:14:09,910 - His balls- - We got rained out anyway. 667 01:14:10,012 --> 01:14:11,946 His balls are always wet, whether it's raining or not. 668 01:14:23,892 --> 01:14:27,157 Hey, is it too late for one more parody? 669 01:14:28,597 --> 01:14:30,462 It's on the Hudson... 670 01:14:30,566 --> 01:14:33,501 with breathtaking views of the skyline. 671 01:14:33,602 --> 01:14:35,433 �Muy rom�ntico! 672 01:14:35,537 --> 01:14:38,335 Yeah! What? Okay! 673 01:14:38,440 --> 01:14:40,340 Get crunk! 674 01:14:58,093 --> 01:15:01,654 Hai! 675 01:15:06,568 --> 01:15:10,231 Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! I'm your baby! Nyah-nyah! 676 01:15:11,273 --> 01:15:13,241 Infantilism. 677 01:16:29,851 --> 01:16:32,911 How often do you have sex? 678 01:16:33,021 --> 01:16:34,921 I don't understand the question. 679 01:16:35,023 --> 01:16:37,491 I mean, it's a PG-13 movie. 680 01:16:37,593 --> 01:16:41,029 We're limited to very mild sexual content. 681 01:16:41,129 --> 01:16:44,155 Above the waist... 682 01:16:44,266 --> 01:16:46,427 over the shirt, no tongues. 683 01:16:46,535 --> 01:16:48,435 No tongue. 684 01:16:48,537 --> 01:16:51,267 How about this week? 685 01:16:51,373 --> 01:16:53,102 Nine. 686 01:16:53,208 --> 01:16:56,268 A hundred and 27. 50848

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