All language subtitles for The Outer Limits (1995) - S06E10 - Down to Earth - [DVD][480p][x265 10-bit][AAC 2.0]

and so we welcome you,

no matter what part of
the galaxy you're from,

to the 10th annual north
American ufo convention,

I believe,

Oh, please!

"The aliens did this to me,
The aliens did that to me,"

You keep telling the
same stupid story

year after year,

When the hell are you
going to get over it?

Around the same time
you stop dressing up

like a Jolly green
Giant sex toy,

At least I've had
a close encounter,

I think you liked
having that probe up...

I told you,
they didn't probe me,

I stopped them,

Oh, that's what you'd
like us to believe,

No, no, no!

The meconia were very
clear on that point,

Did you not read my last book?

No, Did you read mine?

I couldn't even find it,

Carl sagan was meconian,

Sagan was a pod person,

I've got the
evidence right here,

The only thing in
there is your lunch,

It's not the Alien finger,

I'm not going to carry it around

everywhere I go,

But you promised me,
Gunther, when we, you know,,,

that I was going to
experience the finger,

You will, You will,

I want it now!

I want the finger,

I don't want a rotten carrot,

It's not a carrot!

You lied to me, Gunther,

You lied,,,

for Pete's sake,
boo, what kept you?

This printer screwed
up our press release,

No, no, no, no,
I took care of it,

It's fine,

As usual,

it sounds like world
War iii in here,

Everybody,

can I have your
attention, please?

Everybody, listen up,

Damn it, I said listen!

Well, um,,,

I hope everyone
enjoyed their fondue,

Like I always say,
it's food you can trust,

Well, before we get on
with tonight's business,

I have a personal
statement I'd like to make,

I couldn't help noticing
that certain of you

have chosen to
disregard my request

that tonight's planning
committee soiree

remain apolitical,

I sound like a broken record,

but this constant bickering,
it's,,,it's insufferable,

There is no way the
rest of the world

will ever take us seriously

and respect us

if we do not respect ourselves,

Now, when the convention
starts tomorrow

and the press arrives,

I want us to be
civil to each other,

The moment one of us breaks Rank
and starts bashing the others,

the press will jump right in,

and they'll make
us all look like

a bunch of silly,
disorganized lunatics,

Which is why Ike asked me...

Hi, everybody...

To come up with a theme

that sort of captures the
zeitgeist of our message,

Don't you roll your eyes at
me, Gunther Van Owen,

You're one of the first
the tv crews'll head for,

Damn right...

Me and the rest of
the Fifth Column,

Bunch of thugs,

We've got something to show,,,

something big,

Oh, you mean

that piece of rotten carrot

you've been carrying around?

It is not a carrot,

Whatever it is, it's disgusting,

and it has nothing to do

with reality,

Our extra-Terrestrial friends

are beautiful,
diaphanous creatures,

not toads like you,

Diaphanous?

The creature that impregnated me

was definitely reptilian,

You say that

about all creatures
that impregnate you,

Yeah?

Come over here and say that,

Come on,

Stop!

Back off, everybody,

You people are incorrigible,

One of reasons I
joined this group

was because of the
fellowship it provided,

We know that we
are not alone here

on starship earth,

and whether you look at aliens

as a malignant fungus or
e, T, In a tutu,

we need to stand
together and say,

in one united Voice,

two very simple words,,,

"I believe,"

We hunger for a sign

that our faith is
the right faith,

and, for me,

these two words are a statement
that we have seen things,

and that the truth has
been revealed to us,

"I believe?"

I believe that slogan sucks,

That's what I believe,

Yeah, me too,

It would have been
way better in silver,

What is wrong with all of you?

Don't you want to
be taken seriously

for once in your lives?

If you want to be
taken seriously,

you'll need more than a t-Shirt,

You're going to need
what I have in this box,

I'm sorry, sir,

but this is a
convention-Planning meeting,

If you have something to sell,

there'll be a consignment
table set up on Sunday,

Do I look like I'm
selling something?

I've been driving in circles
in the desert for three days

trying to figure out
what to do with this,

What is it?

The stuff your
dreams are made of,

there is nothing wrong
with your television,

Do not attempt To
adjust the picture,

We are now controlling
the transmission,

We control the horizontal,,,

and the vertical,

We can delude you with
a thousand channels

or expand one single image
to crystal clarity,,,

and beyond,

We can shape your vision

to anything our
imagination can conceive,

For the next hour,

we will control all
that you see and hear,

You are about to experience
the awe and mystery

which reaches from
the deepest inner mind

to The outer limits,

In an age of doubt,

there is nothing more powerful
than the need to seek answers,

but what happens when
the cloak is lifted

and those answers
suddenly revealed?

I hope I haven't made a
mistake showing this to you,

Is it real?

What kind of starcruiser
did it come from?

Show it to us again,

As head of convention security,
I say we 86 this guy right now,

We're not going to 86 anyone,

We don't know anything
about this guy

or that,,,thing,

They could both be radioactive,

For all we know,

that thing could make us glow
Like bonzerian zot-Worms,

I assure you,

the fragment is harmless,

Tell that to the cancerous lump

growing on my spine, rummy,

I'm going to ask you and the box

to leave Nicely,

I ask again,
we're going to tussle,

Please, just listen to me,

For 22 years,
I was a civilian accountant

at nellis Air force base,

That's area 51,

Check the noncom work records

if you don't believe me,

You'll find my name there,

Max Buford?

Buford,

Two weeks ago,
I was assigned to audit

the construction of an
underground storage facility,

I found a discrepancy,

When I went to inquire about it,

I saw this strange craft

being disassembled by
military personnel,

Pieces of the ship were
being placed into boxes

in preparation for being
hauled away on trains,

I was told to forget
everything I had seen,

and though I tried to ignore
it and simply do my job,

I found I could not,

Betraying the trust
that was placed in me,

I stole one of
the smaller boxes,

put it into the trunk of my
car, and drove away,

That box is before you now,

Wow,

That is an amazing
story, Mr, Buford,

It's the truth,

Our government is conspiring
with the creatures

that built that craft,

The world needs to know,

The government
know it's missing?

Probably, In which case...

They'll kill you,

Dead,

Hell,
I knew a guy who knew a guy,

That guy crossed the
feds just like you did,

10 years later,

he's eating at the Jolly
troll smorgasbord...

In Billings?

That's the one, Bang!

He goes face Down
into his tater tots,

Turns out a motherhumping
heart attack

Just rocked his world,

Coincidence? I think not,

Why would you tell
a story like that?

I think it's truly courageous
of you to come here,

and I think I can
speak for all of us

when I say thank you from
the bottom of our hearts,

Well, I ain't thanking him,

His story's a load of crap,

That fragment didn't
come from area 51,

There are no train tracks

going into that base,

Apparently, the hair goo

has infected your brain,

He's referring to

their cold-Fusion
underground rail system,

Shut-up,
There is no underground system,

The damned photos
are on the internet,

What if aliens sent him?

The meconia have
always been willing

to share their
technology with us,

The meconia have got
nothing to do with this,

This kind of technology,,,

it's vortid all the way,

What if the fragment
isn't stolen?

What if the government
sent him here

as part of some
disinformation campaign?

Anyone think of that?

Well, if the fragment is real,
where's the disinformation?

Maybe they just want
us to think it's real,

Or the aliens wanted
us to see the fragment

because they need to
tell us something,

Yeah! Like,
maybe it's a distress signal

from their base station
on the ocean floor,

You're all missing the point,

Think of all the
grainy photographs

and half-Baked stories

we've hitched our wagons
to over the years,

trying to grab onto
something that proved

our belief in Aliens
was justified,

We have it now,

This fragment,
it's our holy grail,

Is that what you believe,

you, with your hoity-Toity
college education?

It's what I believe, too,

Ike pilchard,

transit system coordinator,

And me,

Tyler buttram,

with my advanced degrees
in portuguese literature,

animal husbandry,,,

ditto,
except for the degrees part...

Although I am certified
to work as an x-Ray tech,

Mr, Buford,

we've already set up a press
conference for tomorrow,

and with your permission,

I'd like to reveal the fragment

to the world,

Are you high on the crack?

The feds'll be on him
like maggots on Roadkill,

Look,

you're a relative Newcomer
to these conventions, boo,

Trust me,

there's a lot of things that
you just don't know about,

Well, there's one
thing that I do know,

With Mr, Buford and the fragment

out in the open,

the government would be
stupid to do anything,

Even you can see that, Dale,

Boo is absolutely
right, Mr, Buford,

Really,

it's the only way
to save yourself,

I just want you to know I
appreciate what you're doing,

Well, Mr, Buford, I assure you

the feeling is mutual,

I know that some of us

may seem a little extreme,

but, for the most part,
we're good people,

Can I tell you something?

Tonight,
you have renewed my faith

that aliens exist here on earth,

and for that,
I'm really grateful,

This is your room,

Page me if you need anything
and I'll be here in a flash,

You're safe with us,

I've got one man

eyeballing your
car from the roof,

another will be outside
this door all night,

Really?

You think that's necessary?

A little information
can get a guy killed,

Enough said,

I think a Little information
can be uplifting,

Now, remember what I said,
if you need anything,,,

Yeah,

Are you trying to be ignorant

when you say things like that?

What? What'd I say?

You said there'd be
men watching him,

Correct me if I'm wrong,

but you're our only
security, right?

Do you think he'll feel safer

knowing the entire FBI
is out to Ruby Ridge him

and I'm the only thing
standing in the way?

The FBI doesn't
know where he is,

Wake up and smell the
cheese, honey,

The walls have eyes,

Any one of the people
in that room tonight

could be FBI in
Deep-Cover assignment,

Oh, sure, you're saying Dale's
all buggy and paranoid,,,

but I've made inquiries
into certain people,

and it wouldn't surprise
me one little bit

that it comes back

that they're not who
they say they are,

And who exactly are
you referring to?

Well, when I get the facts,
you'll be the first to know,

but only because I like you,

Now, some ignorant Types
May think my kind of a job

is a nowhere road
to dead endsville,

but to me, parking-Lot security
is the first line of defense,

Say, do either of you
ladies like Cable?

Dale!
Dale, I've got to talk to you,

I'm talking to some ladies,

These aren't ladies,
Dale, they're men,

I was attacked in my room,

Ah!

Dale, Dale, they're gone,

Don't be too sure,

Describe them,

Um,,, flat nose,

bulbous eyes,,,

vortids,

Stinking vortids,

Consider yourself lucky,

Vortids have been known
to mutilate a body

faster than you can
say seti alpha five,

but if our government
taught them one thing,

it's how to get in
and out quickly,

In other words,

sometimes in their hurry,

they leave a little
something behind,

It may be nothing more

than a Flake of skin or a
bead of gooey-Green sweat,

Dale,
there's nothing under there,

But what about this?

Oh, what is it?

I think you wounded one
during the struggle,

Could be a hunk of skin tissue,

some kind of blood,
maybe even,,,

hair gel,

Admit it, Gunther,

You and your
digit-Worshipping friends

attacked me in my room,

Digit worshipping?
Ooh, that hurt,

These are serious
charges, Gunther,

If you and the Fifth
Column were involved,,,

why the hell would I
even waste my time?

To Make boo look foolish maybe?

She doesn't need any of my help,

She's foolish enough already...

Not to mention gullible
and simple-Minded,

Fess up, Gunther,

You left your calling card,

All right, all right,

Fine!

Fine,

It was us,

We were just trying
to make a point,

If she's stupid
enough to believe

a bunch of cheesy-Looking aliens

could attack her,

who knows what else she
could buy into, huh?

Like, say,

a floating metal fragment,

Good example,

The girl's a Flake,
just like the rest of you,

Hell, this was supposed to be my
year, damn it...

The Fifth Column's year,

Why couldn't you
believe in this?

Bingo,

Smoking gun and all,

Look what we found in
Mr, Monty's dumpster,

Got that hair
squidge all over it,

Polk's rounding
up the last of it,

I have never been so disgusted

in All my,,,

Gunther, pack your bags,

As president

of the north American
ufo convention,

I hereby suspend you and
the rest of the Fifth Column

from any further participation
in naufoc events,

Incoming!

Screw you and your convention,

You can't deny us our
right to be heard,

Go ahead and try,

The finger will not be silenced,

that Gunther...

I'd always thought he'd
go too far some day,

Sure you're okay, boo?

I'm good,

In fact, I'm better than good,

because with Gunther
out of the way,

this press conference

is really going to soar

on the wings of an eagle,

When you say hanging there,,,

we will say,

"There are things
in the universe

"That we don't understand,

things the government
is afraid to share,,,"

boo,,,

"But we have
discovered something

"That will change all of that,

"something that we're
willing to share with you,

Call it what you want,
but we call it the truth,"

Boo!

We've got a problem,

What is it?

Duct tape, some wires,

conductive tubing,,,

tell it again from
the beginning,

Like I said,

the busboy was poking around
at the air vent with a Broom,

and Ping, it opened,
and all this stuff fell out,

Of course,

What do you mean "Of course"?
of course what?

What are you talking about?

Mirrors and wires and
Gerry-Rigged remote control,

Probably holograms, too,
and animatronic sock puppets,

That floating fragment

was nothing but a
piece of theater,

And we fell for it,
hook, line, and sinker,

People, for all you know,
it could be Gunther's handiwork,

or maybe it's been
up there for years,

I bet my bippy,

if you stick a few
magnets in this

and tape it to the ceiling...

Fine, Where are the magnets?

Mr, Buford pulled
a fast one on us,

It's alien autopsy
all over again,

We are so stupid,

But why? Why would he do this?

Maybe we're just
jumping to conclusions,

She's right,

For all we know,

the government put
Buford up to this,

Right, The government,

To make us look bad,

Come on, everybody,

sometimes, a piece of tubing
is just a piece of tubing,

I looked into Mr, Buford's eyes,
and he was telling us the truth,

Mr, Buford?

It's only us,

We just want to talk,

Really, uma,
this is so unnecessary,

Then why isn't he
answering the door?

Got it,

Mr, Buford,
sorry to Barge in like this,,,

I think Max is gone,

Telling us the truth,,,

yup, Just like we thought,

Mr, Buford's gone
and So is his box,

Not to mention everything
in the mini-Bar,

Damned hotel better not
try charging us for it,

Hey, some towels are missing,

and so's the rubber bath mat,

What a weirdo,

Nobody up front saw him go,

but we scoured the
parking Lot for his car,

and it definitely isn't there,

How could he just
leave us like that,

without saying anything?

Maybe there's a perfectly
logical explanation,

Yeah, Like maybe he knew
the feds were closing in,

The government didn't
know he was here,

What if the government
did know he was here,

because somebody
told them about it?

You mean, like Gunther,

Yeah, Gunther,

He had a motive,

Could be Gunther,
could be somebody else,

Yeah,,,like,,,

like,,,

like nobody,

The man bolted

because this whole
thing's a lie,

Maybe we were wrong about
Mr, Buford,

Maybe we're wrong
about a lot of things,

Boo?

Boo, where are you going?

Thought I'd find you here,

Have a drink,

Looks like you need one,

Sex on the beach,

How'd you know
that was my drink?

You'd be amazed what you
can learn about people

if you do a little surfing,

Do you mind if I, uh, sit down?

You okay?

Oh, yeah, I'm great,,,

considering this feels

like the worst day of my life,

I should have listened to you

when you said how
complicated things are,

You wanted that fragment to
be real in the worst way,

I'd rather not talk about it,

Funny thing is,
I know how you feel,

Boo, can you keep a secret?

Sure,

You know, uh,,,
that story I tell

about when the
aliens, you know,,,

Oh, my god,

Dale, are you saying that
that actually happened?

Huh?

No, no, no,

I mean, it never happened,

I made it up,

You've got to believe me,

I wanted it to happen,

I wanted to see aliens,

I still do,

but just because you want
something to be True,,,

Dale,,,

I understand, really,

I do,

I know there are aliens
out there and all,

God, I know how desperate
that must sound,

I just wanted to be accepted,

you know?

I mean, all the people
here at the convention,,,

they're like my family,

They accepted me when
nobody else would,,,

and it's all based on a lie,

Can you ever forgive me?

Of course I can,

Thank you,

Wow,

You were great, boo,

Now,
I've been with a lot of women,

not that I'm bragging,

but,,,wow,

You are,,,

and that was,,,

wow,

You didn't think it was
wow, did you?

No, it was fine, Dale,

It was just what I needed,

It was?

It was real, It happened,

There's no denying it,

That's one way of looking at
it, I guess,

You and I just had sex,

That's a fact,

It was way better for
you than it was for me,

That's another fact,

Now, wait a minute,

Just because I wouldn't
stick my tongue...

Dale, I'm not passing
judgment, okay?

it's just that

I have never been
more confused or tired

in my whole life,

Hello?

Listen to me carefully...

Mr, Buford?

Try and understand
what I'm saying,

It's all about John, okay? John,

His life is going
down the drain,

Who?

What the hell are
you talking about?

Listen, it's nothing
personal, Mr, Buford,

but you sound like
you've been drinking,

Boo, please,
listen to me carefully,

I'm not trying to turn you on

or turn you off,

I'm,,,I'm venting, okay?

I'm venting,

Actually, Mr, Buford,
I'm in the middle of something,

Dammit, boo,
you've got to listen to me,

Oh, my god,

Boo, you've got to help me,

I'm in a phone Booth
outside Kyle plastics,

you got that? Kyle plastics,

The nerve of that man,

After all that he's done to me,

to call here at this hour,,,

where did Buford say he was?

It doesn't even matter,

He's drunk and he's probably
feeling sorry for himself,

Maybe,
but if I've learned anything

from my experience in
the security field,

it's that nothing
is ever as it seems,

The man called you for a
reason, boo,

We need to find out why,

I could've told you

this was a waste of time,

Mr, Buford?

Mr, Buford, are you here?

Oh, my god, There he is,

Is he,,,

he's dead, all right,

It's sad,

It's so sad,

Something is not right here,

Dale, please,
you saw all the bottles,

He was inebriated,

Obviously, he hit his head,

and he fell down and
he bled to death,

Sure, he seemed
drunk, but was he?

150 ccs of government-Grade
sodium pentathol

would have exactly the
same effect on him,

The government did not do this,

I'm not saying it
was the government,

Could be the Fifth Column,

or the masons,
or the illuminati, maybe,

Where's the damn fragment?

That's what I want to know,

Well, obviously,
the government got it back,

ooh, or maybe it was the aliens,

Except that's not what
this picture says,

Tell you what I think...

Government guys follow him,

think they've found their
prize, discover they're wrong,

get a little carried away

demonstrating their
disappointment,

Or... Have you thought of this?

Maybe it's just what
it seems to be...

Mr, Buford was a lonely drunk

who thought he could
have a few laughs

pulling a fast one on a
bunch of social outcasts,

That's exactly what
they want you to think,

Look, when it comes to ufos,

the government's
agenda never changes...

Discredit, disavow,,,

disinform,

Now, what you see is real,

but it's a little
more complicated,

A spaceship looks
like a spaceship,

hell, it may even be
a damned spaceship,

but it's not really a spaceship,

You ever wonder how
much work it would take

the people who come
up with these plans

to actually come up with them?

That's why the government

has whole agencies
dedicated to this stuff...

Fema, atf, cia,
the trifab commission,

The what?

You haven't heard about
the trifab commission?

Probably better that way,

Oh, yeah, much better that way,

You're sounding like me...
Doubting everything,

Maybe I'm just wising up,

it's all about
John, okay?

It's all about John,

Who the hell is John?

His life is going
down the drain,

His life is going
down the drain,

I'm venting, okay? I'm venting,

I'm venting,,,

that smart son of a bitch,,,

he kept it wrapped
up nice and tight

to keep in the light,

So, I guess it is real,

Maybe,

I still want to believe in it,

but I want to believe

because I know
intrinsically what it is,

Obviously,
it's no ordinary hunk of metal,

Well, yeah,

I mean, it floats,

But do we know why it floats?

No,

Does the fact that it floats

mean that it comes
from outer space,

and that's the only
possible explanation?

I'm not qualified to
say and neither are you,

Still, the fact that
it does what it does,,,

it's got to be

from an alien technology,

Or maybe it's just a
really clever magic trick,

and we haven't figured
out how they're doing it,

If you want to
drive yourself crazy

thinking up all these what-Ifs,

go right ahead,

Personally, I think it's time

to look what truth I do
know squarely in the face,

You want to know why
I believe in aliens?

I believe in aliens
because I needed to,

When I was in college,
I met this guy, Winton,

and we had a little daughter

named Krishna,

One day,

we're all heading to
this ashram in oregon,

It was Winton's idea,

He was always very spiritual,

We stopped at this little cafe

out in the middle of nowhere

so I could go use the bathroom,

and when I came
out, they were gone,

They just drove off without you?

They never showed
up at the ashram,

and they never went back
to our little apartment,

and when I called
Winton's family

to find out what had happened,

they said no,

I mean, as far as they knew,

Winton and Krishna
had just vanished,

Maybe they weren't
telling the truth,

Well, I'm sure they weren't,

I guess I got
really carried away,

because the next thing I know,
I'm locked up in this hospital,

and I'm looking out the
window, day after day,

thinking to myself,
"Where'd they go?

Where'd they go?"

and then, one day,
another patient wanders by,

and says,
"maybe the aliens took them,"

and I thought to myself,
"Well, why the hell not?"

I mean, I could live with that,

Funny thing is

that's when I started
to feel better,

Sounds like his family
talked him into leaving you,

and taking the baby with him,

I guess I need to look in to
that, huh?

So, what do we do about This?

We tell the truth,

What is with all the
mystery, Ike?

We really need

to get down to the
convention floor,

I've got a Booth to
finish setting up,

Look, everyone,

I know This is inconvenient,

but I promise it's important,

Oh, boo, come on in,

Okay, you all remember

how we searched

Mr, Buford's hotel
room yesterday?

Well, we missed something,

You found the fragment?

Well done, boo,

I knew it would turn up,

I thought we all
agreed it was fake,

Funny, I don't remember
anyone agreeing to anything,

Why don't you, uh,
check the ceiling tiles?

Go ahead and rip up the
carpet, if you like,

My god!

I told you it wasn't fake,

No, I told you,

What are we sitting here for?

Let's take it downstairs,

No, no, no, no,

Everybody,
hang on just a second,

Wait a minute, okay?

Now, we have to be very
careful about this,

Ike says he wants us to
be taken more seriously,

and that's what has to happen,

You don't think they'll
take this seriously?

Are any of you a metallurgist?

Maybe a physicist?

How about

your plain old scientist?

I didn't think so,

Which means,

that as interesting
as this thing is,

we don't know what it is,

therefore,

we are going to present this
to the world as a mystery,

and we are going to
invite the world...

The government included...

To help us solve that mystery,

The government?

Don't you see?

This is a part of our problem,

We don't trust anybody,

not even ourselves,

which is why I'm hoping
that by reaching out,

in the spirit of cooperation,

that we can end

the mistrust and the paranoia,

Ike,,,

you,,,

you want me to do it?

You're our Leader,

I think the world
should hear about this

from one voice...

Yours,

Thank you, boo,

I appreciate this,

Is there anyone here
who disagrees with This?

Good,

Let's go tell the world,

Where the hell is Everyone?

Didn't you just pass
them in the hall?

They're heading down to
the convention floor,

No!

Who's got the suitcase?

Ike does,

We've got to stop him,

Dale, don't get me started,

I just saw Gunther Van
Owen in the parking lot,

I don't think he's here
for the refreshments,

What are you talking about?

Remember when I said I was
looking into some people?

Well,
say hello to Ike pilchard...

Gunther Van Owen's best Buddy

and card-Carrying member

of the Fifth Column

and the f-B-Freakin'-I,

You've got to listen to me
before you go down there,

Do you recognize the guy
in the potato-Sack race?

Ike at a fifth-Column
picnic 10 years ago,

I got this off the
fifth-Column web site,

Here's another shocker...

Gunther Van Owen,

He's a shriner,

So?

It's basic...

Basic!

Shriners are masons,

Masons have ties to the
U, S, Government,

which have gone all the way back

to the beginnings
of the republic,

To reach the highest
level of masondom...

The 33rd level...

Masons from all over the world

have to travel to
Washington, D, C,

The connections are obvious,

The Fifth Column and the
FBI are one and the same!

Dale,
that is the flimsiest story...

All right, all right,

What about this one, then?

This is from the
telephone directory

of the j, Edgar Hoover
building in Washington, D, C,

What's Gunther's
name doing on there

if he isn't a fed?

Oh, my god,

Gunther Van Owen,
right there on the page,

Disavow, discredit,,,

disinform, Exactly,

Doesn't that sound
like Gunther to you?

It sounds like the
whole damned government,

So Ike and Gunther,,,

are plants,

It's hide in Plain
sight times two,

And I have just put the
fragment into their hands,

How much do you want to bet

that those bastards have
already switched that fragment

for some cheap plastic doo-Dad,

so that when Ike gets up there

and reveals it to the world...

Everyone's going to
think we're lying,

They'll think we're all crazy,

We've got to stop him,

Okay, everyone, sit down,,,

I surrender!

Good morning, everyone,

I'd like to welcome you all

to the 10th annual north
American ufo convention,

I think you'll find
this year's gathering

is, well, to put it
mildly, kind of special,

and I'm happy to see

our friends in the media
have shown up, too,

I promise you,
you will not be disappointed,

Our story begins

at Mr,
Monty's house of fondue,,,

the whole Fifth Column's here,

I can feel it,

and the cia, the fbi,
the trifab commission,

There, There, Do you see him?

Is that a person?

It's Gunther,

What's he doing up there?

If I know anything about
how the feds operate,

he's their insurance policy,

Come on, Hurry,

So, to be honest,
we're not exactly sure

how poor Mr, Buford

Came to his untimely
demise last night,

All we do know is
that he showed up,

gave us the spaceship fragment
that's in this suitcase,

then ran,

Now, those of us who
attend these conferences,

we hear a lot of stories,

and some of them are
pretty fantastical,

which is all a
convoluted way of saying

that what I'm about
to show you is,,,

well,,,

I guess I'll let it
speak for itself,

No, sir, Ike,
Not today, you don't,

What are you doing?

We know about you and Gunther,

You fifth-Column lover,

Boo, what are you talking about?

Ladies and gentlemen,
I must apologize,

Those us at naufoc
are well aware

that Mr, Larose

is somewhat prone to hyperbole,

Don't listen to him, folks,

Ike's the definition of a liar,

He doesn't want you to
know he's an agent...

Of the federal government...

Who has been trying to
attain this metal fragment

since we got it last night,

Ladies and gentlemen,
I implore you,,,

he wanted us to open this
and show you what was inside,

He knew that you would
think that We are liars,

and we're crazy,

because there's nothing in here,

Aliens are real,

They're here,

They're among us,

and they're working
with our government,

Our government is lying to us,

and the proof,,,

Dale! Dale!

Believe,

It looks like four
shots have been fired

here at the north
American ufo convention,

more and more shots
now ringing out,

It's just pandemonium here,

Dale was telling the truth,

That's why the
government killed him,

You've got to listen to me,

Disavow, discredit, disinform...

That's what they're
trying to do to us,

We're just getting word now

that the police have
surrounded the shooter,

Don't move, asshole,
Don't move a muscle!

Our source is telling us now

that the police have a tentative
I, D, On the shooter,

Apparently,
he belongs to a splinter group

which is at odds with
the convention leadership

over some kind of alien finger,

His name is Gunther Van Owen...

That is not the truth!

Gunther Van Owen works
for the government,

Gunther Van Owen
is the government,

Ladies and gentlemen,
it's a very, very sad day here,

The question isn't
really, do aliens Exist?

We'll probably never
know the answer to that,

The real issue here

is what would make one
of these people so angry,

what would cause them
to become so unhinged

that they would perpetrate
an act of violence like this?

A toaster?

Dale was right,

I think we did it,

How is he?

He is fine,,,

but he'd be a whole lot better
if that so-Called marksman

hit the Vest where
he was supposed to,

When we get back to the office,
I would like a word with him,

And the package? Can I see it?

Right here,

Good job,

Think the folks back there

will buy the goods
we just sold them?

If you mean will anyone know
the trifab commission did this,

I doubt it,

Those poor,
crazy bastards back there...

No one'll ever believe a
word they say ever again,

Even when they're right,

I believe, I believe,
I believe, I believe,,,

I believe, I believe,
I believe, I believe,,,

sometimes,
the best way to hide the truth