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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,844 --> 00:00:20,846 Previously on Call Me Fitz. 2 00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:21,717 Where the fuck are all the cars? 3 00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:23,806 They were repossessed. 4 00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,373 All you've ever done is fuck me. 5 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:26,983 I fucked you? 6 00:00:26,983 --> 00:00:29,116 You you you, you love each other. 7 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:30,639 I think Richard is acting up because 8 00:00:30,639 --> 00:00:31,901 he feels abandoned. 9 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:34,077 By his mother, his father, his son, 10 00:00:34,077 --> 00:00:35,861 and now you leaving makes it worse. 11 00:00:35,861 --> 00:00:37,907 Ya, ya what he said. 12 00:00:38,951 --> 00:00:40,518 Someone on this strip is trying to 13 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,651 fuck our dealership. 14 00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,827 Mr. Childs told me that he's Ken's 15 00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:46,611 long lost brother? 16 00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:52,878 I could have been Mrs. Pat Childs. 17 00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:55,272 [manic laughter] 18 00:00:55,272 --> 00:00:57,405 Well fuck me. 19 00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:59,146 If you we're plowing her with Burbon Sours 20 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,973 then that means you... 21 00:01:00,973 --> 00:01:02,758 Fucking proposed? 22 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:04,281 Oh ya... 23 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,369 No european country prohibits marriage 24 00:01:05,369 --> 00:01:07,284 between first cousins. 25 00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:09,243 We are not doing shit until you tell me why 26 00:01:09,243 --> 00:01:10,853 your brother is here. 27 00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:14,378 I think it's time we told everyone the truth. 28 00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:17,033 Richard, I am your real father. 29 00:01:17,033 --> 00:01:19,035 You gotta be fucking kidding me. 30 00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:22,430 So that means Paula is... 31 00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,432 My sister. 32 00:01:35,182 --> 00:01:36,139 Wait a second, 33 00:01:36,139 --> 00:01:39,577 so Ken's not my real father? 34 00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:44,147 [crowd gasps and twitters] 35 00:01:44,147 --> 00:01:46,845 When people lose something, they find ways to 36 00:01:46,845 --> 00:01:48,369 fill the void. 37 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:50,806 Sometimes with a business opportunity. 38 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:53,548 Who needs a son when daddy's got game. 39 00:01:53,548 --> 00:01:54,462 Come on, fuckers! 40 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:58,901 [♪ ♪] 41 00:01:58,901 --> 00:02:01,121 Sometimes with therapy. 42 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,993 This is all the family I need. 43 00:02:03,993 --> 00:02:08,824 [♪ ♪] 44 00:02:08,824 --> 00:02:11,087 And sometimes with a pathetic attempt 45 00:02:11,087 --> 00:02:13,785 to make up for lost time. 46 00:02:16,745 --> 00:02:19,922 My father - our father would like 47 00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:21,402 to offer you a job. 48 00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:22,490 You tell douche beard he can't 49 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:25,101 buy his way into my life. 50 00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:27,930 We'd start you at 120,000 Richard 51 00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,411 And it would give us a chance to work together, 52 00:02:30,411 --> 00:02:32,717 as brother and sister. 53 00:02:34,719 --> 00:02:37,548 In case you change your mind. 54 00:02:37,548 --> 00:02:40,638 But somewhere along the way, he'll be faced with a choice 55 00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:43,032 that will define who he is as a man. 56 00:02:43,032 --> 00:02:45,861 Get off my property. 57 00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,776 Real men stick to their guns and find 58 00:02:47,776 --> 00:02:49,821 their own path. 59 00:02:49,821 --> 00:02:53,260 Real men know if you play your cards right, 60 00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:56,001 the world is your oyster. 61 00:02:57,786 --> 00:02:58,613 [car horn] 62 00:02:58,613 --> 00:03:01,746 You're a fuckin loser Fitz 63 00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:02,747 Fuck. 64 00:03:03,922 --> 00:03:08,710 [♪ ♪] 65 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:14,933 ♪ Without you I'd find my smile ♪ 66 00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:19,851 ♪ Without you I'd'a won by a mile ♪ 67 00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:25,901 ♪ Without you Oh life would be so grand ♪ 68 00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:30,862 ♪ Without you I'm half a man ♪ 69 00:03:30,862 --> 00:03:33,952 ♪ With out you 70 00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:42,004 ♪ Without youuu 71 00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:45,529 ♪ Without you. 72 00:03:49,141 --> 00:04:19,737 [♪ Sad jazzy horn music ] 73 00:04:19,737 --> 00:04:21,826 What the fuck do you want? 74 00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:24,873 The secret is heart. 75 00:04:24,873 --> 00:04:37,929 [♪ ♪] 76 00:04:37,929 --> 00:04:41,150 Oh my god, the hot dog is right. 77 00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,024 Maggie. 78 00:04:49,114 --> 00:04:51,856 [hammering] 79 00:04:51,856 --> 00:04:52,814 Ok, Richard, is this 80 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:53,902 really necessary? 81 00:04:53,902 --> 00:04:55,338 Get off my ass, felchy-smurf. 82 00:04:55,338 --> 00:04:56,339 Every time your mother 83 00:04:56,339 --> 00:04:57,384 abandons the family, 84 00:04:57,384 --> 00:04:58,254 you tend to-- 85 00:04:58,254 --> 00:04:59,777 Not want to talk about it. 86 00:04:59,777 --> 00:05:00,909 Don't don't look at this as a loss, 87 00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,302 look at it as a gain. 88 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,477 Now you got two daddys. 89 00:05:03,477 --> 00:05:05,174 Who are both lying sacks of shit. 90 00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:06,741 Face it, the dealership's done. 91 00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:07,916 Richard, you've worked your 92 00:05:07,916 --> 00:05:09,570 whole life to build this dealership. 93 00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:10,962 What are you going to do for money? 94 00:05:10,962 --> 00:05:12,094 Don't worry your freakishly-shaped 95 00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:13,138 head over it. 96 00:05:13,138 --> 00:05:14,226 Fitzy's got a plan to put us back 97 00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:15,924 on easy street. 98 00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,842 Fuck! There's gotta be something 99 00:05:20,842 --> 00:05:22,887 worth pawning in this shithole. 100 00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:25,020 S'up? 101 00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:25,890 What are you doing? 102 00:05:25,890 --> 00:05:27,196 Looking for the cat. 103 00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:29,329 We do not have a cat. 104 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,808 And mystery solved. 105 00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:31,940 You are welcome. 106 00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:32,984 You want to look for something, 107 00:05:32,984 --> 00:05:35,987 look for something I can sell. 108 00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:38,773 Oh hey, what about this? 109 00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:39,687 Never. 110 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:40,688 That is a priceless memory of 111 00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:41,776 Richard's father. 112 00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:43,255 Ex-father, dick-drool. 113 00:05:43,255 --> 00:05:45,127 Yeah, Larry. 114 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,258 Wait a minute. 115 00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,085 If Ken isn't your father then that 116 00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:48,565 means that we are. 117 00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:49,697 Friends, Josh. 118 00:05:49,697 --> 00:05:51,916 I knew it, you big tall bastard. 119 00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,788 Legacy is not about blood, 120 00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:55,137 it's about nurturing. 121 00:05:55,137 --> 00:05:56,747 Think of Grandma Alice. 122 00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:58,445 She faced adversity, and yet found 123 00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,708 triumph and she even managed to give back 124 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,449 with philanthropic pursuits. 125 00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:03,406 Look! 126 00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,103 She gave all her money to A. A.! 127 00:06:09,673 --> 00:06:10,848 Josh, you're a fucking genius. 128 00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:12,284 Yeah I know, right . 129 00:06:12,284 --> 00:06:13,111 Wait, why? 130 00:06:13,111 --> 00:06:14,286 Betsy. 131 00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,418 The car that made me fall in love 132 00:06:15,418 --> 00:06:18,160 with everything. 133 00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:22,512 She must be worth a mint by now. 134 00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:23,905 We gotta track Betsy down. 135 00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,950 How do you plan on doing that, Mr.? 136 00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:26,734 Don't worry. 137 00:06:26,734 --> 00:06:28,257 I got a guy. 138 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:30,868 Foxley Classics . 139 00:06:30,868 --> 00:06:31,956 Get your blast from the past, 140 00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:32,653 with no money down. 141 00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:33,784 Foxley? 142 00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:35,786 This is your lucky day. 143 00:06:35,786 --> 00:06:37,005 Fitz? 144 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:38,267 I don't think so. 145 00:06:38,267 --> 00:06:39,616 I need you to track down my 146 00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:40,835 first love Foxley. 147 00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:41,966 Betsy. 148 00:06:41,966 --> 00:06:43,751 She's a '52 Elwood Classic. 149 00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:44,969 Well, well. 150 00:06:44,969 --> 00:06:46,014 Look who's come crawling back 151 00:06:46,014 --> 00:06:47,450 on his hands and knees, huh Fitz? 152 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,060 Isn't that your go-to position? 153 00:06:49,060 --> 00:06:50,671 I'll take that as a compliment. 154 00:06:50,671 --> 00:06:52,673 Still know how to charm a girl, I see. 155 00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:53,674 Look, find the car, 156 00:06:53,674 --> 00:06:54,675 I'll kick you a finder's fee. 157 00:06:54,675 --> 00:06:55,676 Five bills. 158 00:06:55,676 --> 00:06:56,938 A grand. 159 00:06:56,938 --> 00:06:57,547 C'mon, Foxley. 160 00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:58,418 Seven-fifty. 161 00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,593 For old time's sake. 162 00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:01,290 For old time's sake? 163 00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,160 Why didn't you say so. 164 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,292 Twelve hundred. 165 00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:04,075 Fuck. 166 00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:05,207 Fine. 167 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,730 A grand it is but I want it by noon. 168 00:07:06,730 --> 00:07:09,254 Deal. 169 00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,215 Foxley... 170 00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:20,527 [♪ ♪] 171 00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:22,877 Still got it, old man. 172 00:07:22,877 --> 00:07:24,444 Some of it, anyway. 173 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:31,929 Maggie Murphy. 174 00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:37,935 Yeah, I put on a few years. 175 00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,242 Unlike you. 176 00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:42,244 Oh, tell that to my tits. 177 00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:45,682 If they're talking, I'm listening. 178 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:49,730 We had some crazy times, huh? 179 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,514 Yeah. 180 00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:53,516 Streaking through the casino. 181 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:54,648 You mean running naked 'cause my 182 00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:56,954 boyfriend had a shotgun. 183 00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:00,131 That quickee to Rio? 184 00:08:00,131 --> 00:08:01,568 You mean when you left me stranded at 185 00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:02,873 the airport 'cause you took Elaine 186 00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:04,092 instead of me? 187 00:08:04,092 --> 00:08:06,050 Oh yeah. 188 00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:08,966 You shoulda been there. 189 00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,752 Cuba, that was you. 190 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:13,449 Oh, Tequila. 191 00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,885 Qualuudes. 192 00:08:14,885 --> 00:08:17,105 A cheap motel room. And... 193 00:08:17,105 --> 00:08:20,587 [whispers] 194 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,067 That I will never forget. 195 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,549 Why don't we take this conversation 196 00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:28,246 somewhere else. 197 00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:29,291 Done. 198 00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:33,730 I know. 199 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,384 This is awkward for me too. 200 00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:35,950 You know, because you were 201 00:08:35,950 --> 00:08:36,864 my girlfriend. 202 00:08:36,864 --> 00:08:37,865 And we dated... 203 00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:38,779 Come through, Foxley? 204 00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,868 Piece of cake. 205 00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:44,306 How did you find it so fast? 206 00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,395 Your mom sold it to me before she blew town. 207 00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,875 She didn't even negotiate. 208 00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,964 A little fuck you to you and your old man. 209 00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,356 She knew how much that car meant 210 00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:52,575 to you and Ken 211 00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,751 Oh and I'm keeping it. 212 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:55,926 Okay, first of all, 213 00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:57,841 he's not my old man, and we had a deal. 214 00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:58,929 To find the car. 215 00:08:58,929 --> 00:09:00,278 Which I did. 216 00:09:00,278 --> 00:09:01,453 The rest of your deal can go climb 217 00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:02,672 up your urethra like those charming 218 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:04,718 little penis fish in the Amazon. 219 00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:05,675 Yuck. 220 00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,503 Dot, this car is not just a 221 00:09:07,503 --> 00:09:09,070 car to Richard. 222 00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:10,158 It's love. 223 00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:12,247 Abandoned by his father and mother, 224 00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,378 he needs to fill the void 225 00:09:13,378 --> 00:09:14,423 in his heart. 226 00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:15,903 Look, if this is about us, 227 00:09:15,903 --> 00:09:17,121 don't drag them into it. 228 00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:18,383 You really think I'd get in bed with you 229 00:09:18,383 --> 00:09:19,341 after you ruined my life? 230 00:09:19,341 --> 00:09:20,734 I never meant to hurt you. 231 00:09:20,734 --> 00:09:21,778 You're the one who walked away from 232 00:09:21,778 --> 00:09:22,257 the dealership. 233 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,563 Which one? 234 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,694 The rotting pile of ash or the dumpy 235 00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:26,391 trailer on the ass end of dealership row? 236 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:26,914 You know what? 237 00:09:26,914 --> 00:09:27,697 He's right. 238 00:09:27,697 --> 00:09:28,829 You broke up with me. 239 00:09:28,829 --> 00:09:29,960 Fine. 240 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,048 I'll give you 5k for the car right now. 241 00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:31,788 Larry? 242 00:09:34,791 --> 00:09:36,924 Oh... uh... 243 00:09:36,924 --> 00:09:38,882 How do you feel about layaway? 244 00:09:40,014 --> 00:09:41,842 Like I want to roll it up and skull 245 00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:42,886 fuck you with it. 246 00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,105 Ladies. 247 00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:47,891 Hey! Hey! 248 00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,850 Hi, how are ya? 249 00:09:49,850 --> 00:09:51,808 Ok. Alright. 250 00:10:02,471 --> 00:10:03,864 Sorry you guys had to witness that by the way. 251 00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:05,387 What can I say? 252 00:10:05,387 --> 00:10:06,910 This stud is hard to get over. 253 00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,303 Had some good times in old Bets. 254 00:10:08,303 --> 00:10:10,044 You might say it's your very own time machine, 255 00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,393 transporting you back to the land 256 00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:12,742 of yesteryear. 257 00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:13,743 It's a time machine? 258 00:10:13,743 --> 00:10:14,396 Holy shit! 259 00:10:14,396 --> 00:10:14,831 [ZAP!] 260 00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:16,093 Ouch! 261 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:17,181 Richard, this is the universe telling you 262 00:10:17,181 --> 00:10:18,792 to work through your issues with 263 00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:19,923 your father and-- 264 00:10:19,923 --> 00:10:21,272 Steal the car. 265 00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:23,666 I'm gonna make her mine again. 266 00:10:23,666 --> 00:10:25,015 No, I'm pretty sure the universe does 267 00:10:25,015 --> 00:10:26,669 not condone grand theft auto. 268 00:10:26,669 --> 00:10:27,627 Josh can you de-electrify 269 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,715 this fence? 270 00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,760 Can a child soldier lay a minefield? 271 00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:31,543 We cannot steal a car 272 00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,806 in broad daylight! 273 00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,721 Ya, Larry's right. 274 00:10:34,721 --> 00:10:36,026 Thank you. 275 00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:37,158 We'll wait until dark. 276 00:10:37,158 --> 00:10:38,681 You wi - awww. 277 00:10:38,681 --> 00:10:40,596 Josh, let's go get a drink. 278 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,515 The Church of Intimate Light. 279 00:10:46,515 --> 00:10:48,212 Didn't that used to be a rub'n tug? 280 00:10:48,212 --> 00:10:49,910 It's still a still a place of connection, 281 00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:52,826 only now it helps us unlock the deity within. 282 00:10:52,826 --> 00:10:54,392 What are you, a fortune cookie? 283 00:10:54,392 --> 00:10:56,046 Think of me as a cookie of eternal 284 00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:58,048 happiness, a way to touch the 285 00:10:58,048 --> 00:11:00,094 divine and caress the future. 286 00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:02,705 Are we still talking about fucking. 287 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:04,794 I never should have brought you here. 288 00:11:04,794 --> 00:11:06,578 I just thought the church might give 289 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,145 you a sense of release. 290 00:11:08,145 --> 00:11:09,016 The kind of release I need, 291 00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:10,713 you don't do in church. 292 00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,323 Don't you ever want to reach for 293 00:11:12,323 --> 00:11:13,934 something more? 294 00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:15,936 That's what you said to me that night we 295 00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:17,633 were caught doing it on the roof of 296 00:11:17,633 --> 00:11:18,286 the Hojos. 297 00:11:18,286 --> 00:11:19,548 [laughter] 298 00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:21,724 There's more than one way to talk to god. 299 00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:22,725 You wanna talk to God? 300 00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,901 I got a mic right here. 301 00:11:26,555 --> 00:11:27,904 Too much huh? 302 00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:29,297 We're not getting any younger, Kenny. 303 00:11:29,297 --> 00:11:30,820 And this is something I 304 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,735 really believe in. 305 00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:33,736 Fuck me. 306 00:11:36,391 --> 00:11:40,395 Not unless you're a member of the church. 307 00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:43,398 I'm in, C'mon. 308 00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:50,884 For the record, I am still not 309 00:11:50,884 --> 00:11:52,755 condoning this crime! 310 00:11:52,755 --> 00:11:53,800 Relax dick stilts. 311 00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,149 It's not a crime if it already 312 00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:56,324 belongs to you. 313 00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:57,717 This is the family car-- 314 00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,153 it's my fucking legacy. 315 00:11:59,153 --> 00:12:01,068 Just look at her curves. 316 00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:07,248 You two keep an eye out for the cops. 317 00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:17,084 This is gonna require the 318 00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:18,868 old Fitzy touch. 319 00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,959 Oh... yeah. 320 00:12:24,439 --> 00:12:26,093 C'mon baby. 321 00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,137 Come on. 322 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,707 That's my girl. 323 00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:33,753 Let's go. 324 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,623 [bell rings] 325 00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:49,986 [chanting] 326 00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:51,945 My balls are cold. 327 00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:55,209 Doesn't your divine leader believe in heat? 328 00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:57,167 Modesty is a pebble on the path to 329 00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,908 enlightenment. 330 00:12:58,908 --> 00:13:02,520 You weren't so modest back in the day. 331 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,608 Fuck. 332 00:13:03,608 --> 00:13:04,479 Feels like I got a pebble shoved 333 00:13:04,479 --> 00:13:05,567 up my ass. 334 00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,612 Ahem, shhhhh. 335 00:13:09,919 --> 00:13:12,922 Silence begets honesty, friend. 336 00:13:15,707 --> 00:13:17,187 Oh. 337 00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:19,842 You want some fucking honesty? 338 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,888 Why didn't you say so? 339 00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,890 Listen up fucknuts, 340 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,327 because I'll only say this once. 341 00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:27,894 We're all full of shit. 342 00:13:27,894 --> 00:13:29,852 But at least I admit it. 343 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:32,289 I don't pretend to be some Larry Krishna 344 00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:34,204 bragging about how humble he is. 345 00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:35,815 Ken, c'mon, sit down. 346 00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,599 I'm not sittin' anywhere. 347 00:13:37,599 --> 00:13:38,992 This fake guru bullshit is 348 00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:41,124 a cover up and you know it. 349 00:13:41,124 --> 00:13:42,691 As if these assholes weren't a bunch 350 00:13:42,691 --> 00:13:44,475 of fired baristas. 351 00:13:44,475 --> 00:13:45,694 I was LAID OFF! 352 00:13:45,694 --> 00:13:46,869 I honestly think if you'd get your sack 353 00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,871 drained and have a stiff drink you 354 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:49,872 wouldn't need to dress like 355 00:13:49,872 --> 00:13:51,831 Gandhi's homo brother. 356 00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,838 He's right, Stu. 357 00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,665 It's Ravi Guruswami! 358 00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,928 And I'm the one leading the circle 359 00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,190 of free sharing, ok! 360 00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,583 This is Burning Man all over again. 361 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:07,107 Obviously your unwillingness 362 00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:09,283 to accept Ravi Guruswamin's supreme 363 00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:12,025 enlightenment has dimmed your kwom. 364 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:13,635 You hear that barista-boy. 365 00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:14,810 He kicked you in the kwom. 366 00:14:14,810 --> 00:14:17,639 Yeah, well I kicked his ass back in 367 00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,249 middle school and I'll do it again. 368 00:14:19,249 --> 00:14:20,729 Okay, you just bought yourself an 369 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,470 hour scrubbing out the reflective pool. 370 00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:23,863 I'm shaking, Stu. 371 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,168 Make that two hours. 372 00:14:25,168 --> 00:14:28,650 Those were MY fire stilts and you know it! 373 00:14:29,781 --> 00:14:31,783 [laughs] 374 00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:33,960 Is this the kind of help you were 375 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,440 looking for, Magpie? 376 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,660 Let's get outta here. 377 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:43,360 What the fuck's taking so long? 378 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,928 Josh! Josh! 379 00:14:45,928 --> 00:14:47,408 Sorry, man. 380 00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:48,800 Titanium locks-- 381 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,454 no way we can cut through it. 382 00:14:50,454 --> 00:14:51,934 Fuck. 383 00:14:51,934 --> 00:14:52,935 Richard, it's times like this we need to 384 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:54,937 think like Grandma Alice. 385 00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:55,938 Did she let her drinking problem 386 00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:56,852 topple her? 387 00:14:56,852 --> 00:14:58,810 No, she went to A. A. 388 00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:01,552 It's all about moving through adversity. 389 00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:02,989 You're absolutely right, stink-pickle. 390 00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:04,947 We need to move through. 391 00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:07,950 Move through very, very fast. 392 00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:11,301 Josh, get out of the fucking way! 393 00:15:11,301 --> 00:15:12,650 Oh no no no. 394 00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,435 [tires squeal] 395 00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:20,876 WAIT FOR ME!!!! 396 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:24,924 [♪ ♪] 397 00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:32,105 Hasn't changed one bit. 398 00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:34,411 Same old shitty carpet. 399 00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:36,239 Same lumpy bed. 400 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:38,024 You don't suppose? 401 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,897 No way. 402 00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:43,681 It's been decades. 403 00:15:46,206 --> 00:15:47,294 Still there. 404 00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:48,991 You think this is one of the ones we 405 00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:49,818 laced with pcp? 406 00:15:49,818 --> 00:15:52,603 Only one way to find out. 407 00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:54,692 Oh God, no! 408 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,433 It's been years. 409 00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,265 Like riding a bicycle. 410 00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:08,315 Oh that's pretty good. 411 00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:10,970 Typical. 412 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,755 Another broad that let me down. 413 00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:16,540 [car starter turning over] 414 00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:17,585 Fuck! 415 00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,546 Everything this family touches breaks. 416 00:16:22,546 --> 00:16:24,331 What isn't broken is that hearty 417 00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:25,767 Fitzpatrick spirit. 418 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,377 What is broken is your face if you 419 00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:29,901 open your pie-hole one more time. 420 00:16:31,338 --> 00:16:32,643 What the fuck is wrong with this car, Josh? 421 00:16:32,643 --> 00:16:33,775 Well, we did just go through a 422 00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:34,819 chain-linked fence, 423 00:16:34,819 --> 00:16:36,038 so it could be multiple things. 424 00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,083 I got to get it to a garage. 425 00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:39,824 Whoah! Hey! Whoah! 426 00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:40,477 Jeez, at least you still have 427 00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,175 the memories, man. 428 00:16:42,175 --> 00:16:42,958 That's what's good about time machines. 429 00:16:42,958 --> 00:16:43,785 There's no such thing as 430 00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:45,439 time machines, idiot! 431 00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:47,093 Richard, it is a time machine. 432 00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:50,618 Look, June 14th, 1989. 433 00:16:50,618 --> 00:16:51,880 That's the day you ran into that 434 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:53,186 fire hydrant. 435 00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:55,057 The day Ken taught me how to hot wire. 436 00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:55,753 Yeah. 437 00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:57,320 '89? 438 00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:58,365 Holy shit. 439 00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,498 Hey, come here, look. 440 00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,066 Junior High. 441 00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:04,980 Remember? 442 00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:06,068 Our first joint. 443 00:17:06,068 --> 00:17:07,852 We dropped the cherry. 444 00:17:07,852 --> 00:17:09,245 We almost set the car on fire. 445 00:17:09,245 --> 00:17:10,986 Your father was so mad. 446 00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,509 He's not my father, dick-limbs. 447 00:17:12,509 --> 00:17:14,120 Or didn't you get that memo? 448 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:14,859 No, Richard. 449 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,861 You didn't. 450 00:17:16,861 --> 00:17:18,080 You may not be bonded to your 451 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,256 family by the chains of DNA but you are 452 00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,215 bonded by happy memories mister. 453 00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:24,913 "AA" 454 00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:28,047 That's Grandma Alice. 455 00:17:30,179 --> 00:17:32,529 It doesn't stand for Alcoholics Anonymous. 456 00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,879 It stands for Asslove Alice. 457 00:17:34,879 --> 00:17:36,925 Ohhh Alice. 458 00:17:36,925 --> 00:17:37,969 I loved her work. 459 00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:39,971 This is classic stuff, Larry. 460 00:17:39,971 --> 00:17:41,495 Grandma Alice? 461 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,150 But her philanthropic pursuits! 462 00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:45,847 She wasn't a 463 00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:47,109 whatever-the- fuck-ipist, 464 00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:48,632 she fucked for money. 465 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:49,633 Don't you get it? 466 00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:51,287 I used to wack off to your nana. 467 00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:51,983 There's nothing good about 468 00:17:51,983 --> 00:17:53,507 the Fitzpatricks. 469 00:17:53,507 --> 00:17:55,726 Ken, Alice, 470 00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:59,426 even this car is a piece of shit. 471 00:17:59,426 --> 00:18:01,123 I risked my ass to save you from Foxley. 472 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,820 And this is how it ends? 473 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,909 I thought we had something special. 474 00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:05,997 Fuck. 475 00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:08,348 We'll give you some time, Richard. 476 00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:10,437 This is a lot to process. 477 00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:11,916 Josh and I will try to find us a way 478 00:18:11,916 --> 00:18:12,961 to get home. 479 00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,966 I'll leave you and Betsy alone now. 480 00:18:25,974 --> 00:18:34,374 [♪ ♪] 481 00:18:35,897 --> 00:18:41,163 [laughing] 482 00:18:41,163 --> 00:18:42,251 They don't make dope like they used to. 483 00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,513 There's a lot of things they don't 484 00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,341 make like they use to. 485 00:18:45,341 --> 00:18:47,387 I'd do a couple of things 486 00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:48,214 differently though. 487 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,780 We can. 488 00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:51,739 You and me. 489 00:18:51,739 --> 00:18:53,088 Like we should've done all those years 490 00:18:53,088 --> 00:18:55,960 ago before that kid fucked up my life. 491 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,962 You mean it? 492 00:18:57,962 --> 00:19:00,008 Starting with this. 493 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:03,359 Oh, Kenny! 494 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,451 I mean who would have thunk it? 495 00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,801 Every gas station on the North Side closed 496 00:19:10,801 --> 00:19:12,325 Because of National Mechanics Day? 497 00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:13,891 I didn't get the memo... 498 00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:14,892 What the... 499 00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:19,897 [groans] 500 00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,072 Ooooh Betsy. 501 00:19:21,072 --> 00:19:22,813 Let's run away together Maggie. 502 00:19:24,815 --> 00:19:25,729 Start over. 503 00:19:25,729 --> 00:19:27,340 Fuck my family. 504 00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,037 But first, you. 505 00:19:29,037 --> 00:19:31,735 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 506 00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,868 Betsy! Yeah! 507 00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:34,782 Oh yeah! 508 00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:41,092 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 509 00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:42,093 OH YEAHHHH! 510 00:19:42,093 --> 00:19:48,404 AAAAAHHHHH! 511 00:19:48,404 --> 00:19:49,449 Richard-- 512 00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:57,805 Ahh... 513 00:20:00,721 --> 00:20:03,202 I got nothing. 514 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,552 Ah, Richard... 515 00:20:07,031 --> 00:20:10,818 You are filling an emotional void with 516 00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:12,298 with an erotic fixation on your 517 00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:14,952 first love, the automobile. 518 00:20:14,952 --> 00:20:16,127 Yeah I mean, I got busy with a 519 00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,781 spatula once, you know, 520 00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:19,740 but then again, you know, who didn't? 521 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:20,828 Right? 522 00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:21,698 Richard, you cannot solve 523 00:20:21,698 --> 00:20:23,700 everything with intercourse. 524 00:20:24,962 --> 00:20:26,225 [car roars to life] 525 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,400 You were saying? 526 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:28,966 Hahaha, shotgun! 527 00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:35,451 [♪ ♪] 528 00:20:37,801 --> 00:20:53,643 [♪ Smooth jazzy Horn Music ] 529 00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:55,776 Why have I got lube in my eyes? 530 00:20:55,776 --> 00:20:57,560 That's a tear. 531 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,869 Fitzpatricks don't have tear ducts: fact. 532 00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:05,176 What the fuck do I have to cry about? 533 00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:06,265 Your son. 534 00:21:08,789 --> 00:21:11,748 I only have one son and his name is 535 00:21:11,748 --> 00:21:13,968 Meghan Fitzpatrick. 536 00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:16,013 So that that's what's eating you, 537 00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:17,058 isn't it? 538 00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:19,930 You didn't leave me for Elaine. 539 00:21:19,930 --> 00:21:22,890 You left me for your family. 540 00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:23,934 For your son. 541 00:21:23,934 --> 00:21:25,240 That makes about as much sense as a 542 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,025 Chinaman winning the Indy 500. 543 00:21:29,766 --> 00:21:30,898 I know that look Ken. 544 00:21:30,898 --> 00:21:32,769 That's denial. 545 00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:34,815 Also, drugs. 546 00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:37,078 But mainly denial. 547 00:21:37,078 --> 00:21:38,166 Right, I went back for the 548 00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:40,124 bullshit kid and the bullshit wife. 549 00:21:40,124 --> 00:21:42,779 And everything worked out hunky-dory. 550 00:21:42,779 --> 00:21:44,259 You're being sarcastic. 551 00:21:44,259 --> 00:21:45,304 Am I? 552 00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:52,659 Wait, am I? 553 00:21:54,487 --> 00:21:56,489 You feel better now? 554 00:21:58,186 --> 00:21:59,970 Must have been the grass. 555 00:21:59,970 --> 00:22:04,018 It's called talking about your feelings. 556 00:22:05,802 --> 00:22:07,717 You always could read me. 557 00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:09,632 You have a special gift. 558 00:22:09,632 --> 00:22:10,764 And it's not just that thing you do 559 00:22:10,764 --> 00:22:13,419 with your tongue. 560 00:22:14,768 --> 00:22:16,291 Well I better get going. 561 00:22:16,291 --> 00:22:18,206 Prayer session in two hours. 562 00:22:18,206 --> 00:22:21,209 Back to Guru Fucknuts' Playhouse? 563 00:22:21,209 --> 00:22:24,255 You don't need those miserable pricks. 564 00:22:24,255 --> 00:22:26,388 Well I may not need the church, 565 00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:29,130 but the church needs me. 566 00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,350 You're right, I do have a gift. 567 00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:33,700 And it's time those bastards could 568 00:22:33,700 --> 00:22:34,918 see it too. 569 00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,363 Give 'em hell, Mags. 570 00:22:45,842 --> 00:22:49,846 That's Maggie Guruswami to you, fucknuts. 571 00:23:02,642 --> 00:23:03,512 Give em hell. 572 00:23:07,298 --> 00:23:08,430 Oh, great. 573 00:23:08,430 --> 00:23:11,390 Another booze-soaked drunken-daddy call. 574 00:23:11,390 --> 00:23:12,478 What is it this time? 575 00:23:12,478 --> 00:23:13,914 A few shots of whiskey with a side 576 00:23:13,914 --> 00:23:15,916 order of regret? 577 00:23:15,916 --> 00:23:17,308 My mom left. 578 00:23:17,308 --> 00:23:20,573 Ken's not my real father. 579 00:23:20,573 --> 00:23:21,225 Pat Childs is. 580 00:23:21,225 --> 00:23:23,271 Ugh, unbelievable. 581 00:23:23,271 --> 00:23:25,447 As always, it is all about you. 582 00:23:25,447 --> 00:23:26,883 Did you even hear what I said? 583 00:23:26,883 --> 00:23:28,450 I cannot even begin to describe to you 584 00:23:28,450 --> 00:23:30,800 the size of the fuck I do not give. 585 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,889 Who cares if Ken is not your biological father. 586 00:23:32,889 --> 00:23:34,151 Case in point: you are the 587 00:23:34,151 --> 00:23:35,849 biological father of my child, 588 00:23:35,849 --> 00:23:36,893 your only son, 589 00:23:36,893 --> 00:23:38,852 and we both know that means nothing. 590 00:23:38,852 --> 00:23:43,422 [baby cries] 591 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:44,771 It's up to you, Fitz. 592 00:23:44,771 --> 00:23:48,339 Get a life or take some place else. 593 00:24:02,876 --> 00:24:07,228 Hey! You lying meatsack! 594 00:24:07,228 --> 00:24:09,709 Who the fuck says the secret is "heart?!" 595 00:24:09,709 --> 00:24:11,754 The heart is nothing but a fucked up, 596 00:24:11,754 --> 00:24:14,061 miserable, abandoning whore! 597 00:24:14,061 --> 00:24:15,062 What are you talking about? 598 00:24:15,062 --> 00:24:17,064 It's 100% pure beef heart. 599 00:24:17,064 --> 00:24:18,805 Organic, rich in iron, 600 00:24:18,805 --> 00:24:20,459 silky texture. 601 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:21,851 Buy three, get one free! 602 00:24:26,987 --> 00:24:32,471 [♪ Just a Closer Walk with Thee ♪] 603 00:24:33,863 --> 00:24:43,307 ♪ Just a closer walk with thee ♪ 604 00:24:43,307 --> 00:24:50,489 ♪ Grant it Jesus is my plea ♪ 605 00:24:54,101 --> 00:24:55,537 Your chosen elixir? 606 00:24:55,537 --> 00:24:58,235 Triple scotch, straight up. 607 00:24:58,235 --> 00:24:59,802 And what of you, White Satan? 608 00:24:59,802 --> 00:25:01,761 Three fingers of bourbon. 609 00:25:01,761 --> 00:25:02,849 Neat. 610 00:25:02,849 --> 00:25:09,203 ♪ Let it be dear lord let it be ♪ 611 00:25:09,203 --> 00:25:23,609 [♪ ♪] 612 00:25:23,609 --> 00:25:25,045 There will be no cancer causing 613 00:25:25,045 --> 00:25:28,178 sticks in this establishment! 614 00:25:28,178 --> 00:25:30,006 Get out. 615 00:25:30,006 --> 00:25:31,355 We are neither in Cameroon, 616 00:25:31,355 --> 00:25:34,141 nor the mid-to-late nineties! 617 00:25:38,624 --> 00:25:39,755 GOOD DAY, SIR! 618 00:25:49,635 --> 00:25:56,685 ♪ When my feeble life is over ♪ 619 00:25:58,513 --> 00:26:06,782 ♪ Time for me shall be no more ♪ 620 00:26:08,479 --> 00:26:14,877 ♪ Guide me gently, safely over ♪ 621 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:20,883 ♪ To thy kingdom shores 622 00:26:20,883 --> 00:26:24,800 ♪ To thy shore. 623 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,541 Hey Childs, it's Fitz. 624 00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:31,720 Listen, about that job offer-- 625 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,592 We should talk. 626 00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:36,203 Just a closer walk 627 00:26:36,203 --> 00:26:43,819 ♪ Grant it Jesus is my plea. 628 00:26:45,386 --> 00:26:53,873 ♪ Daily walking close to thee ♪ 629 00:26:53,873 --> 00:27:01,924 ♪ Let it be dear lord, let it be ♪ 630 00:27:01,924 --> 00:27:06,625 ♪ Just a closer walk with thee-eeeee ♪ 40328

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