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Previously on Call Me Fitz.
2
00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:21,586
Oh Richard!
3
00:00:21,586 --> 00:00:23,501
This nice lady
clearly needs a car
4
00:00:23,501 --> 00:00:25,808
but seems to
think she doesn't.
5
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,288
I see you've met
my daughter Paula.
6
00:00:27,288 --> 00:00:29,203
You sent her
to fuck me over.
7
00:00:29,203 --> 00:00:30,856
Oh, you mistake
my intentions.
8
00:00:30,856 --> 00:00:31,901
This could be a
very fortuitous
9
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,120
marketing juncture.
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00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:36,471
[laughs]
11
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,081
[moans]
12
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:39,865
We'll give you 50 %
off a brand new
13
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:41,954
post car product.
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00:00:41,954 --> 00:00:44,044
Never drive used again.
15
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:44,783
I'll drown that
fuck in his
16
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:46,742
patchouli juice.
17
00:00:48,787 --> 00:00:50,398
Mr. Childs told
me that he's
18
00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:53,792
Ken's long
lost brother.
19
00:00:53,792 --> 00:00:56,273
I could be
sitting pretty.
20
00:00:56,273 --> 00:01:00,016
I could have been
Mrs. Pat Childs.
21
00:01:04,151 --> 00:01:06,675
Oh Lainey, I want to
do it like old times.
22
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:08,981
[screams]
23
00:01:08,981 --> 00:01:10,244
Evan Williams
Burbon Sours.
24
00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:12,420
My proposal
panty stripper,
25
00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,117
for when I want
to seal the deal.
26
00:01:14,117 --> 00:01:15,684
You fucking proposed?
27
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,251
Every time you
guys get married,
28
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:20,080
I'm the one
who gets fucked.
29
00:01:21,951 --> 00:01:23,083
We got a wedding to plan.
30
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:25,346
Ya we do.
31
00:01:26,738 --> 00:01:28,784
Cocksucker.
32
00:01:32,831 --> 00:01:34,790
You want to know what
fucks up a dude?
33
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,487
Broads.
34
00:01:36,487 --> 00:01:39,403
Broads and the
choices they make.
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00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,144
They do whatever
the fuck they want,
36
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:43,755
and men pay the price.
37
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:46,715
Like that French chick,
Marie Antoinette.
38
00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:49,631
How the fuck was the king
supposed to get laid when all
39
00:01:49,631 --> 00:01:53,591
she wanted to do was to stuff
her face with cake?
40
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:58,205
Or, Frida "Ooo, I want a
career too" Kahlo.
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00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:01,643
A little less painting,
a little more plucking, Frida.
42
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:04,776
No wonder Diego went batshit.
43
00:02:04,776 --> 00:02:07,823
You think Clyde would have
wound up as road meat
44
00:02:07,823 --> 00:02:11,696
if Bonnie hadn't stopped
to take a leak?
45
00:02:11,696 --> 00:02:14,351
Broads sell themselves
as all fishnets,
46
00:02:14,351 --> 00:02:17,137
pouty lips and
horn-dog perfume,
47
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,009
out to have a good time.
48
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,663
Nuh uh.
49
00:02:21,663 --> 00:02:24,796
They're made of toxic venom,
they will sting you,
50
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:28,496
entrap you and ruin your
fucking life.
51
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:36,721
[♪ ♪]
52
00:02:36,721 --> 00:02:42,814
♪ Without you
I'd find my smile ♪
53
00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:47,819
♪ Without you
I'd'a won by a mile ♪
54
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:53,956
♪ Without you
Oh life would be so grand ♪
55
00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:58,700
♪ Without you
I'm half a man ♪
56
00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,790
♪ With out you
57
00:03:04,619 --> 00:03:10,102
♪ Without youuu
58
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:13,193
♪ Without you.
59
00:03:15,107 --> 00:03:16,805
[♪ wedding music ]
60
00:03:16,805 --> 00:03:18,981
Carnations?!
61
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,374
Carnatations are
what you find in
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00:03:20,374 --> 00:03:22,332
your proctologist's
office.
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00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:25,117
This guy isn't
taking me seriously.
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00:03:25,117 --> 00:03:26,206
This is a joke, right?
65
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,946
You two geriatric
fuck monkeys aren't
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00:03:27,946 --> 00:03:29,600
actually going
through with this
67
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,601
bullshit wedding.
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00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:31,646
No.
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00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:32,821
We just think
flowers cheer
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00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,779
this shithole up.
71
00:03:35,780 --> 00:03:36,999
Did you call the
retirement homes?
72
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:39,915
Vegetables don't
grow on trees, Ken.
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00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:41,046
Guest list
is loaded with
74
00:03:41,046 --> 00:03:42,744
Alzheimer's finest.
75
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:44,746
We'll make a killing
on the gifts.
76
00:03:44,746 --> 00:03:46,051
I knew this was bullshit.
77
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,662
Making a buck puts
the special in
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00:03:47,662 --> 00:03:49,577
special day,
ass-clown.
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00:03:49,577 --> 00:03:50,491
Wouldn't be a Fitzpatrick
80
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:51,753
wedding
without it.
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00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:52,971
Just another scam.
82
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:54,973
Oh, don't be an
asshole, asshole.
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00:03:54,973 --> 00:03:57,672
Your father is
legit and so am I.
84
00:03:57,672 --> 00:03:59,804
This is real and
nothing is gonna
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00:03:59,804 --> 00:04:00,849
screw it up.
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00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,198
For your information,
87
00:04:02,198 --> 00:04:03,808
your mother
and I are in -
88
00:04:03,808 --> 00:04:05,854
Say another word
and I will kill you.
89
00:04:05,854 --> 00:04:06,942
You know how I
feel about that
90
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,900
lovey dovey shit.
91
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:11,599
Uh fuck!
92
00:04:18,780 --> 00:04:20,869
Get out of my room!
Mom!
93
00:04:20,869 --> 00:04:22,784
It really is rude not
to knock, Richard.
94
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,481
You morons are
in on this too?
95
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,178
The dealership's about
to hit rock bottom,
96
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:27,528
that O-Mo clown,
Pat Childs,
97
00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:29,573
up our ass and all
Ken cares about is
98
00:04:29,573 --> 00:04:30,879
this fucking wedding.
99
00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,141
Look! I've been
waiting to be a
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00:04:32,141 --> 00:04:33,534
flower girl for the
last thirty-five--
101
00:04:34,535 --> 00:04:35,492
twenty-eight years.
102
00:04:35,492 --> 00:04:36,232
I even hired
security to make
103
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:37,886
sure it happens, okay.
104
00:04:37,886 --> 00:04:39,453
Does this dress say
fuck the flower girl
105
00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:40,889
to you, or...
106
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,760
I volunteered to
do the speech.
107
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:43,935
Yeah, I'm
researching fun
108
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:47,156
Fitzpatrick
memories now.
109
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,288
Is there anybody
around here who
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00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,463
hasn't lost their
fucking mind?
111
00:04:49,463 --> 00:04:51,508
Do I go with a
Quinciano or
112
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:52,814
El Veintitres
as my sacred
113
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:54,598
matrimonial
sombrero?
114
00:04:54,598 --> 00:04:55,556
You're marrying
them?
115
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:56,905
You're not a
fucking priest.
116
00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:59,864
Church of La Sagrada
Familia, Dude.
117
00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:01,953
Yeah, that's right:
me and Jesus
118
00:05:01,953 --> 00:05:03,477
are homies, ese.
119
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,088
[♪ Mexican music ]
120
00:05:06,088 --> 00:05:06,915
Cool hey?
121
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,133
I got it off eBay.
122
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,309
Makes everything feel
a little bit more
123
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,267
Mexico-y.
124
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:14,314
Oh my.
125
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,053
What?
126
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:16,968
Oh, I'm Meghan.
127
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:17,926
Oooh! Oooh!
128
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,276
Oh, Fuck me.
129
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,804
I just don't
understand why you
130
00:05:26,804 --> 00:05:29,024
wouldn't tell me that
you have a brother.
131
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:30,460
I was waiting for
the right time,
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00:05:30,460 --> 00:05:31,766
ladybug.
133
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,159
He tried to frame
you for pedophilia.
134
00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,859
Kenneth has
his quirks.
135
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:42,733
They seem like awful
people-- they drink,
136
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:44,909
and do drugs,
run brothels.
137
00:05:44,909 --> 00:05:46,911
I mean Richard
Fitzpatrick tried
138
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,652
to sell his
own child!
139
00:05:48,652 --> 00:05:51,916
And we were there
to save him.
140
00:05:51,916 --> 00:05:53,527
Isn't that what
family is for?
141
00:05:53,527 --> 00:05:56,007
The Earth takes the
Sun's light and
142
00:05:56,007 --> 00:05:57,966
gives nothing
in return,
143
00:05:57,966 --> 00:05:59,968
except for companionship.
144
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:02,449
I think with time,
you and your new
145
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:05,800
cousin could become
quite close.
146
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:09,281
I'm not sure that's
the best idea.
147
00:06:12,589 --> 00:06:14,156
Who the hell is
buying up all the
148
00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:14,896
used cars in
this town?
149
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:15,853
This is Ken's Job!
150
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,594
Oh, it's nice to
hear you admit
151
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:18,421
you're a team.
152
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:19,422
Never were.
153
00:06:19,422 --> 00:06:20,380
Never will be.
154
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,337
Richard, the
stronger this
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00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,730
family is,
the stronger your
156
00:06:22,730 --> 00:06:24,296
family business
will be.
157
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,994
What the hell are
you talking about?
158
00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:27,865
Look, this wedding
is a way to embrace
159
00:06:27,865 --> 00:06:30,128
the tangled roots of
your family tree.
160
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,216
Which, as it happens,
161
00:06:31,216 --> 00:06:32,870
is the metaphor that
forms a narrative
162
00:06:32,870 --> 00:06:34,698
through-line of my speech.
163
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,787
A tale of little
Ken and Pat,
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00:06:36,787 --> 00:06:38,876
brought up single-
handedly by Alice,
165
00:06:38,876 --> 00:06:40,356
working day and
night to provide
166
00:06:40,356 --> 00:06:41,531
a loving home
for her sons.
167
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:42,967
I need for my dirty
little boys to stay
168
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:46,406
quiet while Mommy's
working, okay?
169
00:06:54,109 --> 00:06:55,980
Ring off,
big boy.
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00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:58,679
Alice doesn't
do married.
171
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:06,513
Oh ya, baby.
172
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:09,559
Oooh!
173
00:07:09,559 --> 00:07:10,299
I'm not a
dirty boy.
174
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:12,997
I am not a
dirty boy.
175
00:07:15,826 --> 00:07:16,827
I am.
176
00:07:18,307 --> 00:07:19,656
Two peas in a pod.
177
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:21,963
Like us,
Richard!
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00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,573
If Grandma Alice
could keep her
179
00:07:23,573 --> 00:07:25,923
family together and
earn a good living,
180
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:28,970
Well then Ken and
Elaine can too.
181
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:31,494
Two peas in a pod.
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00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,148
Ya.
183
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:36,717
Larry, for a retard you
are a fucking genius.
184
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:37,848
I am?
185
00:07:37,848 --> 00:07:38,762
What's the one thing
that could fuck up
186
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:39,763
a Fitzpatrick
family wedding?
187
00:07:39,763 --> 00:07:40,764
Cash bar!
188
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:41,635
Pat Childs.
189
00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:42,766
Pat Childs?
190
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:43,767
Nothing says I love
you like a good old
191
00:07:43,767 --> 00:07:45,813
fashion family feud.
192
00:07:49,643 --> 00:07:50,644
What?
193
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:58,608
Richard!
194
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:00,044
So happy to see you.
195
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:01,829
Hey, thanks for
dropping the charges.
196
00:08:01,829 --> 00:08:03,787
All lessons are
worthy lessons,
197
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:04,962
even if they arise
198
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:07,487
from fraudulent
pedophilia scams.
199
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,270
Right.
200
00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,314
Please.
201
00:08:11,447 --> 00:08:13,057
Whoa! Haha.
202
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:16,887
So what the fuck are
you doing?
203
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:17,801
Meditating.
204
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:18,802
Calms the mind.
205
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,412
And gives you hemorrhoids.
206
00:08:20,412 --> 00:08:21,022
You have your
father's bawdy
207
00:08:21,022 --> 00:08:22,893
sense of humor.
208
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,329
Speaking of,
you hear the old man
209
00:08:24,329 --> 00:08:26,854
and Elaine are getting
hitched again...
210
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,508
Today.
211
00:08:28,508 --> 00:08:30,031
It is happy news.
212
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:31,336
You know,
she still got the
213
00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:33,469
hots for your
scrawny vegan ass.
214
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:38,822
Well, I do eat
- fish - occasionally.
215
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:40,128
[chuckles]
216
00:08:40,128 --> 00:08:43,914
See, I too have a
bawdy sense of humor.
217
00:08:43,914 --> 00:08:44,785
[chuckles]
218
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,787
So you do, slick.
219
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:48,919
So you do.
220
00:08:48,919 --> 00:08:50,399
Must be why Elaine
couldn't stop
221
00:08:50,399 --> 00:08:52,836
talking about you
the other night.
222
00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:54,969
Elaine and I haven't seen
each other in years.
223
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,100
She said how much
better her life
224
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,494
would have been if
Ken hadn't stolen
225
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:00,061
her away from you.
226
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:02,933
Oh, I wouldn't
call it stealing.
227
00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:06,197
It's true,
Lainey and I were
228
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:09,200
once an item when we
were young.
229
00:09:11,681 --> 00:09:14,292
But, my brother's
interest in her was
230
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:15,816
purely platonic.
231
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:34,486
Kenneth was excited
by our relationship.
232
00:09:34,486 --> 00:09:37,011
Really quite enthusiastic.
233
00:09:43,713 --> 00:09:45,672
Did Elaine send you?
234
00:09:45,672 --> 00:09:48,849
Listen, if you ever
wanted another chance,
235
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:51,329
now's the time, squeaky.
236
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,289
Arghh-- there
I go again,
237
00:09:54,289 --> 00:09:57,727
putting my dick
in my mouth.
238
00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:13,525
[♪ ♪]
239
00:10:13,525 --> 00:10:15,832
[weird whistling]
240
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:16,616
Oh fuck me.
241
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:17,878
What do you want,
Vince?
242
00:10:17,878 --> 00:10:20,445
My alien overlord's
earthly flock has grown.
243
00:10:20,445 --> 00:10:22,056
We require
a new vessel.
244
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:23,318
You want to
buy a car?
245
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:24,232
How are you going
to pay for it?
246
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,712
With shopping carts?
247
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,801
I'll pay a
fair price.
248
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:29,150
And, once you've
received the star
249
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:32,109
master's insertion,
you can come with us.
250
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,720
The plains of Themis
glitter with the
251
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,940
spilled milk of
unicorn mares.
252
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:43,468
Hey, you're not
authorized to
253
00:10:43,468 --> 00:10:44,905
dispense space
messages yet.
254
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:45,862
Stay still.
255
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:48,473
Fuck me.
256
00:10:48,473 --> 00:10:50,127
Childs doesn't
waste any time.
257
00:10:53,827 --> 00:10:54,784
My mom and Childs?
258
00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:57,134
They were up to
something together
259
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:58,179
all along.
260
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:02,923
They're trying to
take us down!
261
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:03,967
Fuck.
262
00:11:10,104 --> 00:11:11,801
What the fuck are
you looking at?
263
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,107
The geriatric
asshole whose
264
00:11:13,107 --> 00:11:15,675
brother and wife-to-be
are fucking him over.
265
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:17,372
I just saw Elaine
with your brother.
266
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:20,070
The brother she
still loves.
267
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,594
What the fuck is
wrong with you?
268
00:11:22,594 --> 00:11:24,771
Lo siento,
Señor Fitzpatrick,
269
00:11:24,771 --> 00:11:26,250
no entiendo.
270
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,730
Mom's joining forces
with Childs.
271
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:28,992
They'll wipe
us out for good.
272
00:11:28,992 --> 00:11:32,300
Nothing is going to
destroy my special day,
273
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,824
you ungrateful
little shit.
274
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:38,306
Oh what's that?
275
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,307
We're at capacity?
276
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,395
I'm sorry.
277
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:41,788
I'm going to have to
ask you to leave.
278
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:42,614
Fuck you.
279
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:43,920
Base camp to Cholita.
280
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:44,834
Over.
281
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:45,922
Cholita?
282
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:46,967
What?
283
00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:47,924
My prison friends
offered to do
284
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:48,882
security for
work credits.
285
00:11:48,882 --> 00:11:49,752
Racist.
286
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:51,319
You can't tell
me to leave!
287
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:52,842
Daddy put me in
charge of security,
288
00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,757
and no one is going to
ruin my special day,
289
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,933
not even you, Dick.
290
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,630
Do your thing,
Cho-cho.
291
00:11:58,630 --> 00:11:59,849
Oh la ley
292
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:00,850
Hey.
293
00:12:00,850 --> 00:12:02,330
I like my
ladies large.
294
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,592
Do you?
295
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:04,549
So do I, asshole.
296
00:12:04,549 --> 00:12:05,028
Let's go.
297
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:08,728
Ow, ow, OW!
298
00:12:15,822 --> 00:12:16,997
Hey, Richard.
299
00:12:16,997 --> 00:12:18,041
Cuz.
300
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,479
What are you
doing here?
301
00:12:21,479 --> 00:12:24,134
Well, I thought now
that we're related,
302
00:12:24,134 --> 00:12:26,920
it'd be a good idea
for us to get to
303
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:27,921
know each other.
304
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:28,878
Or your old man
sent you here to
305
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:30,097
fuck with me.
306
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,101
Like you don't know
what's going on.
307
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,885
I know my father has
family he never
308
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:37,713
told me about.
309
00:12:37,713 --> 00:12:39,759
I know that
you're my cousin.
310
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,631
And my last name
isn't Childs.
311
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:43,850
Even though I don't
usually touch
312
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:44,807
alcoholic beverages,
313
00:12:44,807 --> 00:12:47,244
I could really
use a drink.
314
00:12:58,734 --> 00:13:01,955
You're seriously
not in on this?
315
00:13:03,957 --> 00:13:05,697
She marries Ken,
316
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:07,917
she gets fifty percent
of my dealership--
317
00:13:07,917 --> 00:13:10,833
she flips it
to your father.
318
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,095
We can't run an
honest business
319
00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:13,357
with secret deals.
320
00:13:15,751 --> 00:13:17,144
We have to
stop them.
321
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:18,580
Only way to stop the
merger is to
322
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:19,886
stop the wedding.
323
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:21,931
I can't get in--
324
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:25,413
But you can.
325
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:38,165
[♪ ♪]
326
00:13:38,165 --> 00:13:39,253
Okay,
come on.
327
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,732
Oh Christmas paper.
328
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:41,298
That's wonderful.
329
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,212
So great.
330
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:43,213
Oh wow!
331
00:13:43,213 --> 00:13:43,823
You really
went all out.
332
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:44,867
It's Fantastic.
333
00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:45,955
Who the hell
called the cheap
334
00:13:45,955 --> 00:13:47,174
retirement home?
335
00:13:47,174 --> 00:13:49,176
Why can't anyone
remember to bring cash?
336
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,830
Fucking Altzy's.
337
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,788
Ok, de-de-de.
338
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:53,789
Are you single?
339
00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:54,877
What?
340
00:13:54,877 --> 00:13:56,357
Answer the question.
341
00:13:56,357 --> 00:13:57,967
Yes.
342
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:58,838
Next!
343
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,665
But I'm your cousin.
344
00:14:00,665 --> 00:14:01,579
You think you're the
first one to play
345
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,103
this bullshit
cousin card.
346
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,495
There are men
in there.
347
00:14:04,495 --> 00:14:06,106
Hot single men.
348
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,803
You're not gonna get
in my way so just
349
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:10,762
move along, sister.
350
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:13,026
You and your prettiness
351
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:13,765
Ok, keep moving.
352
00:14:13,765 --> 00:14:14,766
Oh a pitcher?
353
00:14:14,766 --> 00:14:16,899
That's stellar.
354
00:14:16,899 --> 00:14:18,553
Ah buh buh.
355
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,034
Who sent you an
invitation?
356
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:22,165
The only invitation
I have is the one my
357
00:14:22,165 --> 00:14:24,689
alien overlord
sent me--
358
00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:25,908
an invitation
of light,
359
00:14:25,908 --> 00:14:30,695
sweet star maiden of
the Martian canals.
360
00:14:30,695 --> 00:14:31,871
Okay that's hot.
361
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:32,915
You're in.
362
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,090
Move along.
363
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:34,917
Great.
364
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:38,486
Keep moving.
365
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:42,794
Oh, dear.
366
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:51,325
Showtime.
367
00:14:53,849 --> 00:14:56,634
Patricia, so glad
you could make it.
368
00:14:56,634 --> 00:15:00,943
Kenneth, wouldn't have
missed it for the world.
369
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:05,295
I ah, I brought the
lovely bride a gift.
370
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,688
A key to the first
car off the
371
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:08,777
O-Mobile assembly
line when we
372
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:11,432
start up production.
373
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:15,915
I saved you the best
seat in the house, bro.
374
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,875
What the fuck
is this?
375
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:26,012
Ladies.
376
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,716
Oh, hello Richard.
377
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:36,152
Paula.
378
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:37,327
Out of my way,
cock-cheese.
379
00:15:37,327 --> 00:15:38,372
I got a wedding to
fuck up.
380
00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,895
Richard, I commend
your Herculean
381
00:15:39,895 --> 00:15:41,375
efforts to attend
your mother and
382
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:44,030
father's re-nuptials
and I am here to help.
383
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,074
Yeah you
can help me
384
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,554
by getting out
of my fucking way.
385
00:15:46,554 --> 00:15:47,685
No no, as master
of ceremonies,
386
00:15:47,685 --> 00:15:48,991
I have a plan to ceremonially
387
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,993
mastermind your
day in the sun.
388
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,517
All you need to do
is wait here.
389
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:55,824
I won't be
but a minute.
390
00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:59,915
I don't mind
waiting here.
391
00:15:59,915 --> 00:16:03,571
[giggles]
392
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:04,528
Yet another rich
393
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:05,834
family Fitzpatrick tradition.
394
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,879
Locks on the outside.
395
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,492
That elongated cock-
midget locked us in!!
396
00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,581
Larry, open this
fucking door!
397
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:16,584
There's a robust latina
guarding the window.
398
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:17,977
Oh fuck.
399
00:16:20,283 --> 00:16:21,719
I guess we're just
going to have
400
00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:22,938
to wait it out.
401
00:16:24,896 --> 00:16:25,897
Here.
402
00:16:28,117 --> 00:16:29,510
On this bed.
403
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:42,392
[♪ ♪]
404
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,442
I thought the groom
wasn't supposed to
405
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:50,009
see the bride on
his special day.
406
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,272
The groom can fuck
off and tell me
407
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:53,447
who in the hell
invited little
408
00:16:53,447 --> 00:16:56,189
Patty Handwasher
to my wedding.
409
00:16:56,189 --> 00:16:59,670
Can the groom give
you this first?
410
00:17:02,282 --> 00:17:04,284
Same thing I wore
the first time
411
00:17:04,284 --> 00:17:05,676
we got hitched.
412
00:17:05,676 --> 00:17:08,288
I even had the bullet
hole repaired.
413
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:09,941
What are you up to,
old man?
414
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:13,989
Lainey, I want it to
be exactly the same.
415
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:18,254
Let's do this.
416
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:20,691
[♪ ♪]
417
00:17:27,698 --> 00:17:29,352
[snoring]
418
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:34,705
[♪ ♪]
419
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:37,708
The place of honor
for Grandma Alice.
420
00:17:37,708 --> 00:17:40,842
[snoring]
421
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,235
Josh.
422
00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:46,108
Joshua, it's time
for the vows!
423
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:48,937
¿Donde esta?
424
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:56,075
Buenos Dias.
425
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,685
Buenos Tardes.
426
00:17:57,685 --> 00:17:58,990
Buenos Nachos.
427
00:18:02,907 --> 00:18:04,605
Ok, ready to go.
428
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:23,406
[♪ ♪]
429
00:18:23,406 --> 00:18:25,539
[giggles flirtatiously]
430
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:26,714
All rise.
431
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:39,205
[♪ ♪]
432
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:40,684
Oh ya!
433
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:47,387
[♪ ♪]
434
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,519
No European country
prohibits marriage
435
00:18:49,519 --> 00:18:51,347
between first cousins.
436
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:55,786
[♪ ♪]
437
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:58,963
Oh! It's allowed in
Canada and Mexico too.
438
00:18:58,963 --> 00:18:59,964
Oh.
439
00:18:59,964 --> 00:19:04,926
[♪ ♪]
440
00:19:04,926 --> 00:19:06,057
It's like we're one.
441
00:19:06,057 --> 00:19:09,322
Yeah, it's like I'm
fucking myself!
442
00:19:09,322 --> 00:19:17,939
[♪ ♪]
443
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,897
[sneezes]
444
00:19:19,897 --> 00:19:21,508
Is this the
water closet?
445
00:19:21,508 --> 00:19:22,378
Uh, oh.
446
00:19:22,378 --> 00:19:23,814
No no, keep
it open!
447
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,338
Keep it op- oop.
448
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:30,299
[in a bad Mexican accent]
Hombres e Hombriettas,
449
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,606
we are gathered
here today to
450
00:19:32,606 --> 00:19:33,868
unite perfection.
451
00:19:33,868 --> 00:19:35,261
Much like
chips and salsa;
452
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:38,786
Ken is brittle
and salty;
453
00:19:38,786 --> 00:19:41,789
and Elaine is
fiery and caliente,
454
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:44,922
and filled with big
chunks of tomatos.
455
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,447
Shut your fajita
hole, moron.
456
00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:48,491
Ok.
457
00:19:48,491 --> 00:19:50,058
We are not doing
shit until you tell
458
00:19:50,058 --> 00:19:52,800
me why your
brother is here.
459
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:54,889
Shouldn't he be asking
you that, Mom?!
460
00:19:54,889 --> 00:19:56,847
Tell him about your
deal with Childs!
461
00:19:56,847 --> 00:19:58,153
Gold Schnapps?
462
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:02,505
Leave it
alone, kid.
463
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:03,550
My business is
none of your
464
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:04,855
fucking business.
465
00:20:04,855 --> 00:20:05,813
Who do you think's
been buying up
466
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,467
all the used stock
in town huh?
467
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,991
Mr. Fucking Save-the-
Fairy-Polar-Bears,
468
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,427
that's who.
469
00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:12,776
He wants to destroy
our dealership.
470
00:20:12,776 --> 00:20:13,908
And they're in
on it together!
471
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:15,257
Why do you think
he's here.
472
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:17,259
This is not
in my research.
473
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,261
Keep your pants on,
cum-stain.
474
00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:20,871
I invited him.
475
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:22,395
What the fuck are
you talking about?
476
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:24,266
I invited him.
477
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,007
Mushroom cock
still has the
478
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:28,270
hots for Lainey.
479
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,054
I just wanted
to see his face
480
00:20:30,054 --> 00:20:31,926
before I stole
her away again.
481
00:20:31,926 --> 00:20:33,841
Mother fucker.
482
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,408
You only proposed
to me to get back
483
00:20:35,408 --> 00:20:36,887
at your brother?
484
00:20:36,887 --> 00:20:38,411
And you.
485
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:39,847
You wanted shut
us down because
486
00:20:39,847 --> 00:20:41,892
you still want me?
487
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:44,286
Elaine, I think
it's time we told
488
00:20:44,286 --> 00:20:46,245
everyone the truth.
489
00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:49,291
What the fuck is
going on?
490
00:20:49,291 --> 00:20:51,075
I helped organize
this event in the
491
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:52,729
name of family
reconciliation and
492
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:54,775
the choice between
chicken and fish.
493
00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:55,732
Chicken.
494
00:20:55,732 --> 00:20:58,387
In the name of
narrative truth!
495
00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:02,261
Yeah, so ah, what's
going on here guys?
496
00:21:09,877 --> 00:21:13,533
Alright, you want
to know the truth?
497
00:21:15,230 --> 00:21:16,405
I love you, Lainey.
498
00:21:16,405 --> 00:21:20,191
Stop being a sniveling
douchebag, Patty.
499
00:21:20,191 --> 00:21:21,541
You're so zesty!
500
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:26,981
Ah, well I had been going
steady with Mr. Clean
501
00:21:26,981 --> 00:21:28,374
for far too many
hellish years
502
00:21:28,374 --> 00:21:30,158
when he decided to
save my honor and
503
00:21:30,158 --> 00:21:31,202
pop the question.
504
00:21:33,944 --> 00:21:36,556
In front of his
mother no less.
505
00:21:36,556 --> 00:21:40,516
Elaine, will
you marry me?
506
00:21:40,516 --> 00:21:41,604
God I need
a drink.
507
00:21:41,604 --> 00:21:44,172
I hate this
kind of romantic shit.
508
00:21:44,172 --> 00:21:45,391
But what the cock-
washer didn't know
509
00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:47,218
was that I'd been
eyeing his brother
510
00:21:47,218 --> 00:21:48,176
the whole time.
511
00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:49,177
She's right.
512
00:21:49,177 --> 00:21:51,875
You are a sniveling douchebag.
513
00:21:53,616 --> 00:21:55,357
Sure, Pat would have been
the sensible choice.
514
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:57,881
But then he said the
one thing that
515
00:21:57,881 --> 00:21:59,883
pushed me over
the edge--
516
00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:01,058
But when
we made--
517
00:22:01,058 --> 00:22:02,451
Stop.
518
00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:03,844
Don't say it.
519
00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:05,672
Made love.
520
00:22:05,672 --> 00:22:07,456
We made sweet
sweet love.
521
00:22:07,456 --> 00:22:09,328
[retching]
522
00:22:09,328 --> 00:22:09,937
Get it off.
523
00:22:09,937 --> 00:22:11,591
GET IT OFF!
524
00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:17,031
Dirty boy!
Dirty boy!
525
00:22:17,031 --> 00:22:18,728
Vegas or bust.
526
00:22:18,728 --> 00:22:19,816
You coming, baby?
527
00:22:19,816 --> 00:22:21,035
Fuck, yeah.
528
00:22:23,298 --> 00:22:24,299
Lainey!
529
00:22:26,954 --> 00:22:28,129
Lainey!
530
00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:28,956
So O-Mo's
a Homo.
531
00:22:28,956 --> 00:22:30,914
We all
knew that.
532
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:38,226
I was pregnant, fucknuckle.
533
00:22:38,226 --> 00:22:39,836
[crowd oohs]
534
00:22:39,836 --> 00:22:41,882
Jesus Christ, Lainey.
535
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:46,103
Wait, uh.
536
00:22:46,103 --> 00:22:48,323
Pregnant with
Richard?
537
00:22:49,455 --> 00:22:50,673
Ehh, yeah.
538
00:22:50,673 --> 00:22:52,632
So Pat Childs is...
539
00:22:54,068 --> 00:22:57,767
Richard, I am your
real father.
540
00:22:58,812 --> 00:23:01,031
Ay dios mio.
541
00:23:01,031 --> 00:23:04,252
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
542
00:23:05,949 --> 00:23:06,994
You know how
much it cost me
543
00:23:06,994 --> 00:23:09,213
to raise that
little shitsack?
544
00:23:09,213 --> 00:23:10,301
Lots.
545
00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:11,825
Last week Elaine
asked me to sign
546
00:23:11,825 --> 00:23:12,869
a non-disclosure
agreement to keep
547
00:23:12,869 --> 00:23:16,307
Ken from finding
out the truth
548
00:23:16,307 --> 00:23:21,225
Ah, so that
means Paula is--
549
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,838
- My sister?
550
00:23:30,713 --> 00:23:33,847
This means I'm an only
mother-fucking child!
551
00:23:33,847 --> 00:23:35,326
Ooh ooh!
552
00:23:38,504 --> 00:23:42,504
[♪ ♪]
35587
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