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1
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:23,545
FITZ, NARRATING:
You know what
a secret is?
2
00:00:23,545 --> 00:00:25,155
[Phone ringing] It's a commodity.
3
00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:28,680
It's leverage, control.
4
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:29,725
The old man's secret?
5
00:00:29,725 --> 00:00:31,248
[Zipper unzipping]
6
00:00:31,248 --> 00:00:34,382
That jerkoff still jerks
off to his ex-wife.
7
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:38,081
Would one you stupid cock jerkys
answer the fucking phone?
8
00:00:38,081 --> 00:00:40,344
Why should I
answer the phone?
9
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:44,000
I'm the assistant office manger,
not some secretary!
10
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,133
Meghan's secret is obvious.
11
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,569
She's a hermaphrodite
12
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:50,050
who bought her son
on the black market.
13
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,139
At least that's what
I'm telling everyone.
14
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,010
Clinically brain-dead.
15
00:00:54,010 --> 00:00:56,969
Support our troops.
16
00:00:56,969 --> 00:01:00,277
I don't even want to guess
what his deal is.
17
00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:02,584
Fitzpatrick Motors.
How may I direct your call?
18
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,542
But I'll bet it involves
a storage locker,
19
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:07,719
illegal immigrants
and a branding iron.
20
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:09,634
Richard, line two!
21
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:12,246
My secret?
Don't have any.
22
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:14,248
I live my life like
an open book.
23
00:01:14,248 --> 00:01:15,597
Fitz here.
24
00:01:15,597 --> 00:01:17,990
Straight up.
No bullshit.
25
00:01:17,990 --> 00:01:19,862
Richard Fitzpatrick
is an honest man,
26
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:21,124
making an honest buck.
27
00:01:21,124 --> 00:01:23,126
Sure, I can show you
where Dexter Laine died.
28
00:01:23,126 --> 00:01:24,519
Fifty bucks.
29
00:01:24,519 --> 00:01:25,868
For 100 bucks, I can show
you photos of the chick
30
00:01:25,868 --> 00:01:27,348
who blew him to death.
31
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,480
And Dot Foxley's secret?
32
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,874
Hey, this is a private call.
33
00:01:31,874 --> 00:01:33,136
None.
34
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:34,224
It's obvious
she wants me.
35
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:40,187
♪
36
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:42,102
♪ Without you
37
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:46,149
♪ I'd find my smile
38
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:48,978
♪ Without you
39
00:01:48,978 --> 00:01:51,459
♪ I'd have won by a mile
40
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,939
♪ Without you
41
00:01:53,939 --> 00:01:57,552
♪ Oh, life would be
so grand ♪
42
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,510
♪ Without you
43
00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:01,817
♪ I'm half a man
44
00:02:01,817 --> 00:02:05,429
♪ Without you
45
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:12,480
♪ Without you...
46
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:17,180
♪ Without you
47
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:23,143
I'm not going to let you turn
Fitzpatrick Motors
48
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,101
into a morbid roadside attraction.
49
00:02:25,101 --> 00:02:28,148
I wouldn't have to if you hadn't
stuck your nose and your mouth
50
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,192
where it didn't belong.
51
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:30,672
You killed my meal
ticket, lady.
52
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:31,673
[Gasping]
53
00:02:31,673 --> 00:02:32,804
I didn't kill him.
54
00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:35,372
It was the vodka
and Alzheimer's meds.
55
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:37,635
But you wouldn't know anything
about that, would you?
56
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,072
Hey, Dex Laine was my idol.
57
00:02:40,072 --> 00:02:41,987
Most people would show
me a little sympathy
58
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,380
in light of his
recent passing.
59
00:02:43,380 --> 00:02:45,774
Or they would cut me
a little slack.
60
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,558
Or they would take
off my slacks,
61
00:02:47,558 --> 00:02:50,213
which goes back to showing
a little sympathy.
62
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:54,217
Whatever little scam
you're trying to pull,
63
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:59,179
I will stop you.
64
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:02,051
- You see?
- You see?
65
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:04,009
She has all but admitted it.
She is out to get you.
66
00:03:04,009 --> 00:03:07,187
I thought we agreed she
wasn't the shadowy figure.
67
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,536
LARRY:
Well, based on recent events,
68
00:03:08,536 --> 00:03:11,060
she is once again
my prime suspect.
69
00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,018
Jesus, Encyclopedia
Brown Nose,
70
00:03:13,018 --> 00:03:15,369
it's obvious she was just
trying to make me jealous.
71
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:17,719
Hm, or murder you
on the Beaver Moon.
72
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:18,720
FITZ:
You know what?
73
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,112
Fuck the Beaver Moon,
74
00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:22,245
fuck the prophecy
and fuck the shadowy figure.
75
00:03:22,245 --> 00:03:24,769
What I need is money,
land and the Summer Wind Lounge.
76
00:03:24,769 --> 00:03:26,162
Got it?
No.
77
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,208
What you need is to identify
your mystery nemesis.
78
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,035
Otherwise there won't be
a Summer Wind Lounge,
79
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,255
because there won't be
a Richard Fitzpatrick.
80
00:03:32,255 --> 00:03:34,126
This from the guy who turned
my last piece of property
81
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:36,172
into a toxic wasteland?
82
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,391
That was you.
83
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:39,741
Let's not play
the blame game here, okay?
84
00:03:39,741 --> 00:03:42,483
Let's get out there
and earn! Come on!
85
00:03:42,483 --> 00:03:45,225
Sounds like you
got a plan.
86
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:49,141
Damn, he's got a plan.
87
00:03:52,014 --> 00:03:54,799
How does a deceased man sign
his own souvenir shirt?
88
00:03:54,799 --> 00:03:56,671
The autographed one
should go for 50, easy.
89
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,063
But if you shut up,
I can get you one
90
00:03:58,063 --> 00:04:00,152
for the low, low price
of 40...
91
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:01,241
49...
92
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,372
49.99.
93
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:03,373
Plus 10%.
94
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:04,374
Start signing.
95
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:05,375
The crowds will
be here soon.
96
00:04:05,375 --> 00:04:06,811
The crowds?
Yeah.
97
00:04:06,811 --> 00:04:08,683
I posted a message
on the Dexter Laine website,
98
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,119
and the fans
are going ape shit.
99
00:04:10,119 --> 00:04:12,208
Richard, this isn't
honouring a legend.
100
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,993
It's unscrupulous
exploitation of a man's death.
101
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,560
I'm wearing a tuxedo.
102
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,170
What is--?
103
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:21,565
Okay, clearly, you're exhibiting
signs of textbook denial.
104
00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:25,177
Hey, hey, that's your
very first stage of grief,
105
00:04:25,177 --> 00:04:26,875
an emotional milestone.
106
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,877
I am not denying.
107
00:04:28,877 --> 00:04:30,095
I am cashing in.
108
00:04:30,095 --> 00:04:31,488
And, frankly,
Dex Laine would be offended
109
00:04:31,488 --> 00:04:35,362
if I didn't take
advantage of his death.
110
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:40,932
When was the last time
I wore this tux?
111
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,151
WOMEN:
Go, Fitz.
112
00:04:42,151 --> 00:04:45,633
- No, no, no.
- Fitz! Fitz!
113
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:49,027
Richard, are you okay?
114
00:04:49,027 --> 00:04:51,552
I'm fine.
115
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:55,164
Hey, what did that stir
stick remind you of?
116
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,426
What does it mean?
117
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:57,427
It means there's
a drink somewhere
118
00:04:57,427 --> 00:04:58,428
that needs to get stirred.
119
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,648
Fuck off.
120
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:06,131
Yeah, I thought
that Uncle D died on the bus.
121
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:07,437
Ah, creative licence.
122
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:09,134
Oh, we should splash
some fake blood around.
123
00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,223
Make it look more gory.
People love that shit.
124
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,530
Yeah, yeah, hey, I can't
get the real stuff, you know?
125
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:17,142
I know a guy who knows
a guy who knows a--
126
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:22,191
Look, Fitz, I need to talk
to you about something.
127
00:05:22,191 --> 00:05:24,106
[Sighing]
[Lighter clicking]
128
00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:30,155
You can't talk and work
at the same time?
129
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:33,071
The tension's still
there, you know?
130
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:35,247
Between you and me,
a dude can get jealous
131
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:36,814
when his best friend gets a girlfriend,
132
00:05:36,814 --> 00:05:40,340
but I don't want
what Dot and I have
133
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,124
to come in between us.
134
00:05:42,124 --> 00:05:45,257
She's not your
girlfriend, Josh.
135
00:05:45,257 --> 00:05:47,608
Fitzy, buddy,
don't be like this.
136
00:05:47,608 --> 00:05:50,001
Dot's blown every guy
at the fucking dealership.
137
00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:52,613
Except for Larry, but he
doesn't have a dick and me,
138
00:05:52,613 --> 00:05:54,963
which is a mystery
that will rival Stonehenge
139
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:56,660
for what the fuck
is up with that?
140
00:05:56,660 --> 00:05:58,183
Hey, you know what?
141
00:05:58,183 --> 00:06:01,143
What Dot
and I have is honest
142
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:04,233
and trueand pure
143
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:05,626
and honest.
144
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:08,019
Like that fairytale
in the swamp
145
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:09,020
with the guy.
146
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,282
Remember, with the--?
147
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:13,503
You know what?
148
00:06:13,503 --> 00:06:17,246
I'm not talking.
149
00:06:17,246 --> 00:06:20,249
For two days.
150
00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:25,210
Fucking stoner.
151
00:06:25,210 --> 00:06:27,125
Step right up.[Car horns tooting]
152
00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:30,607
See where legendary crooner
Dexter Laine died.
153
00:06:30,607 --> 00:06:33,044
- MAN: Get a real job!
- It's incredibly sad.
154
00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:34,481
Where the hell
is everybody?
155
00:06:34,481 --> 00:06:37,353
Well, most of Uncle D's
fans are elderly, Richard.
156
00:06:37,353 --> 00:06:39,181
It's going to take them
days just to get out of bed.
157
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,443
Well, you better
step your game up.
158
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:42,445
I need lines around
the block, reservations.
159
00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:44,621
I need a waiting list
before fucking Dot
160
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:45,883
shuts this shit down.
161
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:47,232
Right on track.
162
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:50,584
You're shifting
from denial to anger. Rarr!
163
00:06:50,584 --> 00:06:53,238
Ahem.
164
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:56,067
[In German accent]:
How much for the VIP tour?
165
00:06:58,548 --> 00:06:59,941
I'm Richard Fitzpatrick.
166
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:00,985
Right this way.
167
00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:02,291
Cash in advance.
168
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:06,034
Richard, please,
I'm begging-- He's got a gun.
169
00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,383
Of course he does.
He's German.
170
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,428
Bavarian.
171
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:12,780
[German accent]:
Right this way.
172
00:07:12,780 --> 00:07:15,260
Got a gun.
173
00:07:15,260 --> 00:07:17,219
[Sighing]
174
00:07:17,219 --> 00:07:21,963
This is remarkable shrine you've
erected in Uncle D's honour.
175
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:23,617
I consider it
a public service.
176
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,533
Make sure you tell
all your friends.
177
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:30,493
Ah, so cool.
178
00:07:35,629 --> 00:07:40,590
I understand you were with
Uncle D when he expired, yeah?
179
00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:42,897
It was natural causes.
180
00:07:42,897 --> 00:07:44,942
You misunderstand me,
Herr Fitzpatrick.
181
00:07:44,942 --> 00:07:47,815
I seek only to know more about
the condition of the death.
182
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:51,296
Tell me, was it tragic?
183
00:07:56,650 --> 00:08:00,218
It was very tragic,
like an opera.
184
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,307
His feet--?
185
00:08:02,307 --> 00:08:04,092
Were they
freshly bathed?
186
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,053
He showered compulsively.
187
00:08:09,053 --> 00:08:10,533
What about shoes?
188
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,013
Was he wearing shoes?
189
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:14,058
Sandals perhaps?
190
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:16,365
No, slippers.
191
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,540
Oh, slippers.
192
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,802
Yeah, this is good.
193
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,195
Now, were the toenails--?
194
00:08:20,195 --> 00:08:21,501
Were they neatly trimmed
195
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,851
or was Uncle D careless
in his maintenance?
196
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,157
What about the hair?
Were they hairy?
197
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:27,768
You like feet, do you?
198
00:08:27,768 --> 00:08:30,074
Do not judge me!
199
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:32,381
Whoa, take it easy
Baron von Pervy.
200
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,382
I'm a breast man.
201
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:34,470
You're a foot man.
202
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:37,734
A dead-foot man.
203
00:08:37,734 --> 00:08:41,259
Really?
A necro-podiphiliac?
204
00:08:41,259 --> 00:08:43,044
That is seriously
fucked up.
205
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:46,003
Not nearly as fucked up as what
I would do with those feet
206
00:08:46,003 --> 00:08:50,138
if I could have just
one night with them.
207
00:08:50,138 --> 00:08:54,403
And if I could facilitate
this night of passion,
208
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:57,188
what would you be
willing to pay for it?
209
00:09:02,629 --> 00:09:03,978
A lot.
210
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:12,203
LARRY:
Oh, Richard, t-this is bad.
211
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,901
How can you
be so calm?
212
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,946
We could get caught
at any second.
213
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,513
Hardly. The security
guard's a drunk.
214
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:18,514
We have plenty of time,
215
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:22,649
as long as you
don't fuck around.
216
00:09:22,649 --> 00:09:24,128
There he is.
217
00:09:24,128 --> 00:09:26,261
You know, cutting off
a dead man's feet
218
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:29,177
is not a healthy way
to mourn your idol, Richard.
219
00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:31,005
You know what else
isn't healthy, Larry?
220
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,094
Ignoring debts
to Lebanese mobsters.
221
00:09:33,094 --> 00:09:34,922
If they don't get Summer
Wind sanitation money,
222
00:09:34,922 --> 00:09:38,186
I won't make it to
the next Beaver Moon.
223
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:41,189
Yeah, but maybe if we just
explain what happened and--
224
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,104
I'll give you 1,000 bucks
right now to shut the fuck up.
225
00:09:43,104 --> 00:09:45,236
Good for you.
Stage three, bargaining.
226
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:46,760
[Liquid sloshing]
[Sighing]
227
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,589
Hold on.
228
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,765
What is that?
229
00:09:51,765 --> 00:09:53,723
There, on his neck.
230
00:09:53,723 --> 00:09:54,724
And that?
231
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:57,379
Richard, what is--?
What is--?
232
00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,946
What is that?
233
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:03,167
Oh, for fuck's sake.
234
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,126
That's a penis, Larry.
235
00:10:05,126 --> 00:10:06,127
That's what men have.
236
00:10:06,127 --> 00:10:07,128
No, no, I mean that mark.
237
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:08,912
Right there, look.
238
00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:15,136
Well, that's a hickey given
by a woman with braces.
239
00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,572
Huh?
240
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:17,573
What, you think
I wouldn't recognize
241
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:18,922
the sweet,
sweet scarring
242
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:20,532
that can only come
from a woman's mouth?
243
00:10:20,532 --> 00:10:23,187
I've seen that mark
before, Richard.
244
00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:26,538
It's like the train-track
scar on your backside.
245
00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,323
Wait, wait!
246
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,977
Train tracks!
247
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:31,500
Richard, what are the signs the
fortune-teller warned you about?
248
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,501
Remember?
249
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:34,634
Jesus, Ansel Asshole.
250
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,070
I don't have time
for this shit.
251
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:37,462
We are here for
one reason only,
252
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:40,248
payola for Uncle D's
admittedly attractive feet.
253
00:10:40,248 --> 00:10:41,771
- Now give me that.
- No, ow. Stop.
254
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,687
Give me that.
Give me that.
255
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,036
Yeah!
256
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:47,995
Really?
257
00:10:47,995 --> 00:10:51,738
Let me see
that mark.
258
00:10:55,176 --> 00:10:57,482
[Sighing]
259
00:10:57,482 --> 00:10:58,962
Fine, make it fast.
260
00:11:01,182 --> 00:11:03,097
[Camera clicking]
261
00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:05,055
I knew it! A perfect match!
262
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,361
Thank you, Uncle D.
263
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,276
Your death has given Richard
a chance at life!
264
00:11:08,276 --> 00:11:11,018
If we know Uncle D nailed Dot,
do you think I did too?
265
00:11:11,018 --> 00:11:13,020
Yes, yes, and now we
can right the wrongs
266
00:11:13,020 --> 00:11:15,326
you perpetrated against her
and save our lives.
267
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:18,155
Even better, that means I
drilled her precious wetland
268
00:11:18,155 --> 00:11:19,722
before anyone else
at the dealership.
269
00:11:19,722 --> 00:11:21,419
Suck on that, Josh!
270
00:11:21,419 --> 00:11:24,727
I will never take
your sloppy seconds! Yeah!
271
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:28,731
I suppose that is
a victory as well! Yeah!
272
00:11:28,731 --> 00:11:30,646
Fuck off, Larry.
273
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:32,604
Now, where did I
leave that bone saw?
274
00:11:34,955 --> 00:11:38,436
Okay, just--
If we could maybe--
275
00:11:38,436 --> 00:11:40,003
I got it. I got it.
276
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:41,744
[Groaning]
277
00:11:41,744 --> 00:11:42,745
Hurry up, will you?
278
00:11:42,745 --> 00:11:46,227
Richard, you know what?
279
00:11:46,227 --> 00:11:49,056
Maybe-- Maybe your dream
280
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:52,233
isn't a dream at
all but a memory.
281
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:54,583
Yeah, what if your
subconscious has been trying
282
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:57,020
to warn you about Dot
this whole time?
283
00:11:57,020 --> 00:11:59,370
You've said some dumbass things
since I've know you, Larry,
284
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:02,069
but that was
the dumbest-assiest.
285
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:04,027
Now get on with it!
286
00:12:04,027 --> 00:12:06,247
Okay, yeah,
no problem. Just--
287
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:10,164
But what does this
remind you of?
288
00:12:10,164 --> 00:12:12,035
That's that stupid swizzle
stick from some hotel.
289
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:13,820
Unh-unh, no,
I saw how you reacted
290
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,212
when you pulled this
out of your pocket.
291
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:16,126
It frightened you.
292
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,345
Now, Richard, you tell me
293
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,914
what you see in that
nightmare, everything.
294
00:12:23,351 --> 00:12:25,701
FITZ:
Well, there's me
295
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:28,138
on this wheel of death,
296
00:12:28,138 --> 00:12:32,229
a shadowy figure with a knife,
297
00:12:32,229 --> 00:12:33,840
a whole lot
of talented babes
298
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:37,104
dying to take a ride
on the SS Fitz,
299
00:12:37,104 --> 00:12:41,673
the hotel and--
300
00:12:41,673 --> 00:12:43,632
Wait a minute.
301
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:48,245
Fried chicken
and a Bellini.
302
00:12:49,638 --> 00:12:51,814
It's no wonder
I can't remember anything.
303
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:56,079
Hm, what is a Bellini?
304
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,689
It's Fitzy kryptonite.
305
00:12:57,689 --> 00:13:00,040
It's made from
peach schnapps.
306
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:01,389
It's my blackout booze.
307
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:02,433
Game fucking over.
308
00:13:02,433 --> 00:13:04,044
I'll never remember
what happened.
309
00:13:04,044 --> 00:13:05,045
Hm, okay.
310
00:13:05,045 --> 00:13:06,916
Okay, yes,
I got this, buddy.
311
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,789
Maybe you decided
to run away
312
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,182
and join an
all-female circus,
313
00:13:12,182 --> 00:13:14,837
because you fell in love
with a knife thrower.
314
00:13:14,837 --> 00:13:17,100
Yeah, and then that night
you stopped at a hotel
315
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:21,365
for some fried
chicken and a Bellini!
316
00:13:21,365 --> 00:13:23,803
I stand corrected, Larry.
317
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:28,372
That is the dumbest-assiest
thing you've ever said.
318
00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:31,549
[Switch clicking]
319
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:32,986
Really?
320
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:35,075
Sir, no this is not
what it looks like.
321
00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:38,208
Richard, please, tell the man
it's not what it looks like.
322
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:41,429
Did Josh send you
for that blood?
323
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:44,171
You want to make
five large?
324
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:45,520
I'm going to go
wait in the car.
325
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,131
[Saw clattering]
326
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,931
Gun!
327
00:14:07,411 --> 00:14:08,630
Danke.
328
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,594
[Engine starting]
329
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:26,778
Another
satisfied customer.
330
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,259
I still can't believe
you paid that man
331
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:31,044
to amputate
Dexter Laine's feet.
332
00:14:31,044 --> 00:14:32,915
Oh, relax,
Jack and the Gay-stalk.
333
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,047
They're not Uncle D's.
334
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:35,875
I couldn't do it,
all right?
335
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:37,137
The guy was
a fucking legend,
336
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:38,486
and you should be
ashamed of yourself
337
00:14:38,486 --> 00:14:40,923
for even suggesting
the idea in the first place.
338
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:43,926
Me? But-- No,
but Armin Scheuller--
339
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,233
Armin Scheuller
with the gun expected--
340
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,888
Relax. Armin Scheuller will
never know the difference.
341
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,020
But whose feet were they?
342
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:52,195
I don't know.
Some hobo's.
343
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,588
Ah.
344
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:57,244
Oh-- Oh, Richard!
345
00:14:57,244 --> 00:14:58,810
Richard, I know how
we can get Dot
346
00:14:58,810 --> 00:15:00,290
to confess she's
your shadowy figure!
347
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,249
By cutting off her feet?
348
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,251
Maybe we can sell them
to Armin and double our money!
349
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:05,339
No, no, no, not that.
350
00:15:05,339 --> 00:15:06,993
Look, we convinced
Armin Scheuller
351
00:15:06,993 --> 00:15:09,212
that those hobo feet were
actually Dexter Laine's--
352
00:15:09,212 --> 00:15:10,213
We?
353
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:11,519
Yeah, so now we
can trick Dot
354
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:12,999
into believing that
you remember everything
355
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,348
about that tryst with her.
356
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:16,437
Look, we know that you
can't remember anything
357
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:19,222
from that night,
but she doesn't!
358
00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:22,878
It's not a bad idea, Larry.
359
00:15:22,878 --> 00:15:24,227
Yes!
360
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:34,281
♪
361
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,946
[Scoffing]
362
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:51,907
[Chattering]
363
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,517
Is this some kind of joke?
364
00:15:53,517 --> 00:15:57,826
Oh, no. No, it's--
365
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,176
It's an apology.
366
00:16:00,176 --> 00:16:02,004
I've said and done
some things lately
367
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:04,137
that I probably
shouldn't have.
368
00:16:04,137 --> 00:16:05,921
And nothing says,
"Oh, fuck, sorry,"
369
00:16:05,921 --> 00:16:07,401
like a bucket
of Dirty Bird.
370
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,057
It will take more
than fried chicken
371
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:12,101
for me to forgive you
372
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:13,581
for breaking into
my apartment,
373
00:16:13,581 --> 00:16:15,104
stealing my
personal property
374
00:16:15,104 --> 00:16:17,106
and sexually
harassing me.
375
00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:19,587
Uh-huh, which is why
376
00:16:19,587 --> 00:16:23,678
we also
bought you this.
377
00:16:25,245 --> 00:16:27,247
Peach schnapps.
378
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:28,813
Thank you.
379
00:16:30,076 --> 00:16:32,034
Give it up, Foxley!
We know it was you.
380
00:16:32,034 --> 00:16:33,383
You are behind
all of it,
381
00:16:33,383 --> 00:16:35,081
the graffiti,
the sexual tape,
382
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,518
the desecration
of Babs Devon's grave!
383
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,302
Hey, back off, Larry.
384
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:40,434
Just because she
doesn't like you,
385
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:42,262
doesn't make her
the dealership bike.
386
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:43,393
Ooh, Dirty Birdie.
387
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,265
Hey, it's not your
business, Josh!
388
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:51,836
Hos before bros, bro.
389
00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:55,492
You don't have a single piece
of concrete evidence against me.
390
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:58,495
Well, perhaps you forgot
about your night of passion
391
00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:03,326
at the Madison Arms, hm?
392
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:08,331
What night?
393
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:09,550
Mm-hm.
394
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:12,248
Uh...
395
00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:16,078
Uh, you know, that night.
396
00:17:16,078 --> 00:17:20,517
That night that we
watched a knife thrower
397
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:24,086
and ate fried chicken
398
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:27,785
and pounded Bellinis.
399
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:31,963
And then we went back to
our room at the Madison arms.
400
00:17:31,963 --> 00:17:36,142
And then--
401
00:17:36,142 --> 00:17:37,882
Wait a minute.
402
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,667
I remember that
night now.
403
00:17:39,667 --> 00:17:41,321
We drank Bellinis,
404
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:45,281
we ate fried chicken,
405
00:17:45,281 --> 00:17:46,456
and then we took 'Ludes!
406
00:17:46,456 --> 00:17:48,110
Love 'Ludes.
407
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:52,158
Oh, oh, Miss Foxley, we--
408
00:17:52,158 --> 00:17:54,334
We've made
a terrible mistake.
409
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:56,466
Richard, I know the night
you're talking about,
410
00:17:56,466 --> 00:17:59,121
and I remember
the woman you were with.
411
00:17:59,121 --> 00:18:02,168
And she was--
Whoo.
412
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:05,084
She was no Dot Foxley.
413
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,607
[Knocking on door]
414
00:18:06,607 --> 00:18:08,217
LARRY:
It was the morning
after you judged
415
00:18:08,217 --> 00:18:10,915
the Miss Super-Sized
Super-Save Beauty Pageant.
416
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:12,134
Oh, Richard.
417
00:18:12,134 --> 00:18:13,135
Your night of debauchery
418
00:18:13,135 --> 00:18:14,702
with the fourth runner-up
419
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:17,618
resulted in an overdose
on 'Ludes and schnapps.
420
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:22,623
We had to get to Emergency!
421
00:18:22,623 --> 00:18:24,015
Schnapps!
422
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,669
Yeah, send an ambulance
423
00:18:25,669 --> 00:18:27,106
to the Madison Arms,
room 201,
424
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,194
as fast as possible!
425
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:30,979
Please and thank you!
Okay.
426
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:32,676
[Grunting]
427
00:18:33,851 --> 00:18:34,809
You just thought
of this now?
428
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:36,115
Do you have any idea
429
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,117
how many motel rooms
I pulled you out of?
430
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:43,165
So many women,
so many vibrating beds, so--
431
00:18:43,165 --> 00:18:44,427
So sorry.
432
00:18:44,427 --> 00:18:46,037
For what?
433
00:18:46,037 --> 00:18:47,169
The libel?
434
00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,344
The slander?
435
00:18:48,344 --> 00:18:50,216
The sexual harassment?
436
00:18:50,216 --> 00:18:51,652
The break-in?
437
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:54,089
Save your apologies.
438
00:18:54,089 --> 00:18:55,743
This little performance
439
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:57,179
is the final nail
in your coffin,
440
00:18:57,179 --> 00:19:01,662
Richard Fitzpatrick.
441
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:02,663
Way to go, Larry.
442
00:19:02,663 --> 00:19:04,186
I let you take a photo
443
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:07,363
of the train-track mark
on my ass for nothing.
444
00:19:07,363 --> 00:19:11,454
Train-track marks?
445
00:19:13,804 --> 00:19:17,852
J'accuse!
446
00:19:17,852 --> 00:19:19,462
A train-track hickey.
447
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:23,162
Clicketty-clack,
courtesy of Dot Foxley.
448
00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,121
And her hidden braces.
449
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:28,167
Just tighten them, dammit!
450
00:19:29,124 --> 00:19:31,082
LARRY:Knives!
451
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:33,172
Whoa!
452
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,085
Where did those
come from?
453
00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:35,130
Put your pants on!
454
00:19:35,130 --> 00:19:37,393
Miss Carbs.
455
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,484
So you finally
remembered?
456
00:19:41,484 --> 00:19:45,401
DOT:
I had it all,
the suffocating talent,
457
00:19:45,401 --> 00:19:47,098
the big-boned beauty,
458
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:50,189
a custom-made
size-24 swimsuit
459
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,538
and judge with
a knife fetish.
460
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,845
When you volunteered
to be my target,
461
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,282
I thought it
was in the bag.
462
00:19:56,282 --> 00:19:58,849
ANNOUNCER:
And the Miss Super-Sized
Super-Save crown
463
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:01,156
goes to Miss Big
and Tall!
464
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:02,897
Ladies and gentlemen...
465
00:20:02,897 --> 00:20:06,727
I fell for the oldest
trick in the book.
466
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,120
After you fixed the results
to make sure I lost,
467
00:20:09,120 --> 00:20:12,080
you swept in
to console me.
468
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,082
- That is a classic.
- Shht!
469
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,650
DOT:
You were everything
I ever wanted in a man,
470
00:20:16,650 --> 00:20:20,131
handsome, debonair, male.
471
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,785
No, no, I can't!
472
00:20:21,785 --> 00:20:26,442
I always promised myself
I'd save this for my husband!
473
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:28,618
Whatever you
want, baby.
474
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:31,273
Oh, yes, darling.
475
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:34,102
I will marry you.
476
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,582
[Sighing]
477
00:20:35,582 --> 00:20:36,974
WOMAN OVER SPEAKER:
Dr. Parsons to Cardiology.
478
00:20:36,974 --> 00:20:38,628
Dr. Parsons
to Cardiology.
479
00:20:38,628 --> 00:20:40,761
[EKG beeping]
480
00:20:42,545 --> 00:20:44,939
[Respirator hissing]
481
00:20:44,939 --> 00:20:49,160
Fitz? Fitzy?
482
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:53,077
Darling?
483
00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,123
You partied me
into unconsciousness,
484
00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:58,039
then abandoned me.
485
00:21:00,346 --> 00:21:01,956
Oh, wow.
486
00:21:01,956 --> 00:21:05,351
Well, Richard, the whole
point of this exercise
487
00:21:05,351 --> 00:21:07,091
was to identify the person
488
00:21:07,091 --> 00:21:08,528
you were wronged
and make amends.
489
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:10,312
And that starts
with apologizing
490
00:21:10,312 --> 00:21:14,273
for this sad, strange
series of events.
491
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,970
DOT, FITZ, JOSH:
- Fuck off, Larry.
- What?
492
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:17,188
DOT:
I don't want an apology.
493
00:21:19,626 --> 00:21:20,714
I just want you.
494
00:21:20,714 --> 00:21:21,889
Not on my watch, lady.
495
00:21:21,889 --> 00:21:24,065
Um, wait, what?
496
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:28,156
Hi, are you talking
to me or Fitz?
497
00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:30,376
Ahem!
498
00:21:30,376 --> 00:21:32,334
I lost all that weight,
499
00:21:32,334 --> 00:21:34,815
took night courses
in business management.
500
00:21:34,815 --> 00:21:37,383
I even learned how
to harness mystical forces.
501
00:21:37,383 --> 00:21:41,822
I changed everything
about myself,
502
00:21:41,822 --> 00:21:43,127
all for you.
503
00:21:43,127 --> 00:21:44,825
Told you.
504
00:21:44,825 --> 00:21:47,523
No, but what about
all that awful stuff
505
00:21:47,523 --> 00:21:49,046
that's been
happening to Richard?
506
00:21:49,046 --> 00:21:52,136
Well, I never imagined my
voodoo would be so strong.
507
00:21:52,136 --> 00:21:54,878
Wait, are you saying you
didn't make my mommy tape
508
00:21:54,878 --> 00:21:58,273
or dig up Babs Devon
or any of the other bad shit?
509
00:21:58,273 --> 00:22:00,362
All your bad luck,
510
00:22:00,362 --> 00:22:03,887
that's the power
of my love.
511
00:22:03,887 --> 00:22:05,628
It's a fortune-teller's
prophecy.
512
00:22:05,628 --> 00:22:09,023
Call it what you want,
voodoo, karma, fate.
513
00:22:09,023 --> 00:22:12,243
I will make you
love me again,
514
00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:13,332
no matter what.
515
00:22:15,551 --> 00:22:18,162
What did I ever do to you?
516
00:22:18,162 --> 00:22:21,601
LARRY:
"'Ludes and schnapps."
517
00:22:21,601 --> 00:22:24,647
Oh, wow, that should
have worn off by now.
518
00:22:24,647 --> 00:22:26,693
I had it tattooed,
519
00:22:26,693 --> 00:22:28,129
which I instantly regretted.
520
00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:29,130
LARRY:
Oh, dear.
521
00:22:29,130 --> 00:22:31,088
But it will
always remind me
522
00:22:31,088 --> 00:22:34,440
of the night
I fell in love.
523
00:22:38,139 --> 00:22:40,446
I fell in love too, baby.
524
00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:43,971
But we loved each other
enough that one night
525
00:22:43,971 --> 00:22:46,103
to last a lifetime.
526
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,156
Ew.
527
00:22:55,156 --> 00:22:59,290
I really am
quite sorry.
528
00:23:02,816 --> 00:23:06,080
Richard Fitzpatrick!
529
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:07,734
If you walk out that door now,
530
00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:10,780
know that I will spend the rest
of my life making you suffer.
531
00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:13,740
You want to go
mano a mano with me, baby?
532
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:16,046
Bring it on, sweetheart.
533
00:23:16,046 --> 00:23:17,526
I'll be laughing
over your corpse
534
00:23:17,526 --> 00:23:20,137
long before you're
laughing over mine.
535
00:23:20,137 --> 00:23:24,533
Who said anything about
killing you, you big lug nut?
536
00:23:24,533 --> 00:23:26,622
You destroyed me
537
00:23:26,622 --> 00:23:30,234
psychologically, physically.
538
00:23:30,234 --> 00:23:33,890
And because of it,
I am a better person.
539
00:23:33,890 --> 00:23:35,805
Definitely skinnier.
540
00:23:35,805 --> 00:23:39,418
True change
requires suffering.
541
00:23:39,418 --> 00:23:42,421
For me to drag you
through hell,
542
00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:47,208
that is real love.
543
00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:50,385
So hang on tight,
Richard Fitzpatrick.
544
00:23:50,385 --> 00:23:53,954
I am going
to change your life.
545
00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:58,132
That is my job!
546
00:24:12,886 --> 00:24:14,627
She took the chicken.
547
00:24:14,627 --> 00:24:17,194
[Dog barking]
548
00:24:20,502 --> 00:24:22,548
LARRY:
Well, that was quite
an adventure.
549
00:24:22,548 --> 00:24:24,288
Although it looks
like we were wrong
550
00:24:24,288 --> 00:24:26,160
about Dot being
your shadowy nemesis.
551
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,378
I guess the whole
death prophecy,
552
00:24:27,378 --> 00:24:29,511
the Beaver Moon,
it was all just a ruse.
553
00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:32,819
Yeah. No more
nightmares, I guess.
554
00:24:32,819 --> 00:24:34,298
Yeah, and now you
don't have to worry
555
00:24:34,298 --> 00:24:36,170
about taking Josh's
sloppy seconds.
556
00:24:37,650 --> 00:24:38,781
All I'm worried
about right now
557
00:24:38,781 --> 00:24:40,435
is getting
a good night's sleep.
558
00:24:40,435 --> 00:24:41,741
Of course, Richard.
Of course.
559
00:24:41,741 --> 00:24:43,482
There's just one more
thing you have to do.
560
00:24:44,570 --> 00:24:45,571
What's that?
561
00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:47,616
Die!
562
00:24:52,578 --> 00:24:54,536
Oh, fuck.
563
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:56,538
[Panting]
564
00:25:06,374 --> 00:25:16,384
♪
39341
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