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00:00:28,607 --> 00:00:33,607
Sync & corrections by PetaG & momster
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:38,321 --> 00:00:41,908
Okay. Five-card draw poker.
3
00:00:42,114 --> 00:00:43,502
You in, Cincinnati?
4
00:00:43,508 --> 00:00:44,800
Of course he's in.
5
00:00:44,806 --> 00:00:47,025
Come on, Rimmer. Deal the cards.
6
00:00:47,434 --> 00:00:49,581
Matchsticks, nothing more.
7
00:00:49,587 --> 00:00:51,461
If you think you're
winning my back issues
8
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:54,393
of Morris Dancer Monthly,
you've got another think coming.
9
00:00:55,869 --> 00:00:57,769
Here we go!
10
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:01,667
One, two, three, four, five.
11
00:01:03,288 --> 00:01:05,769
Let's see what we got!
12
00:01:07,994 --> 00:01:09,562
Where are our cards?
13
00:01:09,568 --> 00:01:10,886
You ain't getting any.
14
00:01:11,822 --> 00:01:13,540
Without cards, we can't win.
15
00:01:13,546 --> 00:01:14,746
Exactly.
16
00:01:15,914 --> 00:01:17,699
What kind of game is that?
17
00:01:17,705 --> 00:01:19,307
A good game!
18
00:01:19,332 --> 00:01:21,112
A game I'm gonna win.
19
00:01:21,118 --> 00:01:23,118
Look, let's try it another way
20
00:01:23,124 --> 00:01:26,072
so that we all get five cards
21
00:01:26,097 --> 00:01:29,427
and we all get a chance to win.
22
00:01:29,433 --> 00:01:31,241
You might just enjoy it.
23
00:01:45,685 --> 00:01:47,592
How many cards you wanna change?
24
00:01:47,598 --> 00:01:49,287
None! Are you crazy?
25
00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:52,997
You've got a really good hand, right?
26
00:01:53,185 --> 00:01:54,594
How did you know?
27
00:01:55,874 --> 00:01:58,578
- Have you never heard of a poker face?
- Huh?
28
00:01:58,584 --> 00:02:01,491
You get your cards and you
look at them like this...
29
00:02:15,759 --> 00:02:17,497
and you don't give anything away.
30
00:02:17,522 --> 00:02:19,611
All right? Let's try it again.
31
00:02:45,655 --> 00:02:47,801
How many cards do you wanna change?
32
00:02:50,876 --> 00:02:52,402
Five!
33
00:02:55,267 --> 00:02:58,509
- [BEEPING]
- Sirs, we're picking up an SSL.
34
00:02:58,978 --> 00:03:00,978
It's in the neighbouring vector.
35
00:03:06,081 --> 00:03:08,293
Okay. Start her up.
36
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:31,499
As silky as the first day we got her.
37
00:03:40,850 --> 00:03:43,730
Moon base coming up
on our starboard side.
38
00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:45,248
What is this place, Krytes?
39
00:03:45,254 --> 00:03:46,945
Mm, according to the ident,
40
00:03:46,951 --> 00:03:50,326
it's a United America
scientific research station.
41
00:03:50,332 --> 00:03:53,933
- United America? Who's that?
- Well, at the end of the 23rd century,
42
00:03:53,939 --> 00:03:57,084
America attempted to
bring peace to the world
43
00:03:57,090 --> 00:04:01,054
by asking every nation on
Earth to sign a peace treaty.
44
00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:03,894
Any nation that refused, they invaded.
45
00:04:04,182 --> 00:04:08,154
Now, a war ensued that was
called the War Against War.
46
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,655
Those countries who went to war
because they were so against war,
47
00:04:11,661 --> 00:04:15,460
they were prepared to go to war
to fight in a war against war,
48
00:04:15,466 --> 00:04:18,185
called themselves United America.
49
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,717
But why would these
United America Johnnies
50
00:04:20,723 --> 00:04:23,094
want to build a research
station way out here?
51
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:25,623
By the looks of their manifest,
they're loaded with tech.
52
00:04:25,629 --> 00:04:29,008
Maybe we can finally
fix Starbug's thruster.
53
00:04:29,082 --> 00:04:31,432
I'm sick of always having to turn left.
54
00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:34,797
Alrighty. Bringing her in.
55
00:04:57,073 --> 00:05:00,819
There's a sandstorm coming
in; 18 on the Newton scale.
56
00:05:00,825 --> 00:05:03,099
Looks we're going to be
stuck here for a while.
57
00:05:03,105 --> 00:05:04,628
Any idea what they did here, Krytes?
58
00:05:04,653 --> 00:05:08,148
Well, it appears they were
testing a cure for evil, sir.
59
00:05:08,154 --> 00:05:11,354
Evil? But you can't cure
evil, that's ridiculous.
60
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,954
What did they do, hand
out tubes of evil ointment?
61
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:17,120
"Gently rub into your frontal
lobes when feeling psychotic."
62
00:05:18,274 --> 00:05:20,348
To be honest, I've never
really believed in evil.
63
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,861
You should try inhaling
your socks sometimes!
64
00:05:23,715 --> 00:05:24,915
Well, Okay.
65
00:05:24,921 --> 00:05:27,837
Some people do terrible things,
but not because they're evil.
66
00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:29,577
It's 'cause they're mentally bonkers.
67
00:05:29,843 --> 00:05:32,460
I never realised you read
up on the subject, Listy.
68
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,594
"Mentally bonkers"? I'm
struggling a bit to keep up here.
69
00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,072
You mean, they're psychopaths.
70
00:05:37,078 --> 00:05:39,617
Well, not all psychopaths
kill, of course, sir.
71
00:05:39,623 --> 00:05:40,823
They don't?
72
00:05:40,829 --> 00:05:44,672
Most psychopaths lack empathy
for others and have no remorse,
73
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,528
but, as a rule, they don't
actually physically harm anyone.
74
00:05:47,534 --> 00:05:48,734
So, what do they do, then?
75
00:05:48,740 --> 00:05:50,651
Well, many go into banking.
76
00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:57,129
Many others are CEOs, businessmen,
lawyers, even politicians.
77
00:05:57,229 --> 00:06:00,007
Ruthless men and women
drawn to positions of power
78
00:06:00,013 --> 00:06:01,618
and the reward that brings.
79
00:06:01,624 --> 00:06:05,406
This evil cure, Kryten, any
idea who they tested it on?
80
00:06:05,412 --> 00:06:07,812
You think there might be
wall-to-wall crazies in here,
81
00:06:07,818 --> 00:06:10,634
running around rioting,
screaming and stabbing people?
82
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,537
You make it sound like my old school!
83
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:16,718
I want all the bazookoids'
safeties off, ready to fire.
84
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:19,254
All the bazookoids are
back on Red Dwarf, sir.
85
00:06:19,333 --> 00:06:21,669
[HE SIGHS] Have we got any guns with us?
86
00:06:21,675 --> 00:06:23,269
Just your staple gun, sir.
87
00:06:23,979 --> 00:06:25,379
Fill her up.
88
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,591
Hey, cryobooths.
89
00:06:34,834 --> 00:06:36,034
Look at this.
90
00:06:37,712 --> 00:06:40,034
"Vlad The Impaler, cured."
91
00:06:42,514 --> 00:06:44,726
"Josef Stalin, cured."
92
00:06:45,724 --> 00:06:48,133
"Messalina, cured."
93
00:06:49,483 --> 00:06:51,879
"Adolf Hitler, cured"?
94
00:06:54,765 --> 00:06:56,270
"Rupert Murdoch.
95
00:06:58,074 --> 00:07:00,157
"Not responding to treatment."
96
00:07:03,548 --> 00:07:06,148
Hitler? Isn't he dead?
97
00:07:06,154 --> 00:07:08,144
I thought he died playing golf.
98
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:12,551
He was in Berlin, you goit, in a bunker.
99
00:07:15,954 --> 00:07:18,354
He poisoned his partner
and shot himself.
100
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,235
Ha, golf can do that to you!
101
00:07:22,351 --> 00:07:24,343
All these people are
from ancient history.
102
00:07:24,349 --> 00:07:25,867
Where did they get them from?
103
00:07:25,873 --> 00:07:28,958
It appears they tracked
down their descendants
104
00:07:28,964 --> 00:07:31,662
and then, with DNA
regression technology,
105
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:34,292
travelled back down the ancestral line
106
00:07:34,317 --> 00:07:36,857
via their mitochondrial DNA
107
00:07:36,863 --> 00:07:38,364
and recreated them.
108
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:42,264
But Hitler didn't have any kids.
His ancestral line died with him.
109
00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:45,266
I read this conspiracy book once
and it proposed the theory that
110
00:07:45,272 --> 00:07:47,266
at the end of the Second World War,
111
00:07:47,272 --> 00:07:50,661
Hitler killed his wife and
his body double to make it look
112
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:51,956
as if he'd committed suicide.
113
00:07:51,962 --> 00:07:55,371
Then, he snuck off to
Argentina in a stolen U-boat
114
00:07:55,377 --> 00:07:57,997
with art treasures looted
from the museums of Europe.
115
00:07:58,003 --> 00:08:01,199
Hitler, the more you
hear about that guy...
116
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:05,824
The story went that when he reached
Argentina, he had kids there.
117
00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:07,418
Well, there's a long-held belief
118
00:08:07,424 --> 00:08:10,862
that memories are indeed
encoded in DNA, sir,
119
00:08:10,868 --> 00:08:13,068
and passed down the ancestral line.
120
00:08:13,074 --> 00:08:17,235
It explains why humans have
seemingly inexplicable phobias.
121
00:08:17,241 --> 00:08:19,362
- Like?
- Fear of rats, for example.
122
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:22,880
Fear of rats, descendants beware;
they spread bubonic plague.
123
00:08:22,886 --> 00:08:25,060
- Precisely.
- Fear of clowns.
124
00:08:25,066 --> 00:08:28,657
Descendants beware of weird-looking
children's entertainers,
125
00:08:28,663 --> 00:08:30,271
they can be really dodgy!
126
00:08:31,669 --> 00:08:33,668
So, who's this Messalina?
127
00:08:33,674 --> 00:08:36,988
The third wife of the
Roman Emperor Claudius,
128
00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:39,613
possibly the most depraved, brutal
129
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:42,691
and murderous nymphomaniac in history.
130
00:08:42,697 --> 00:08:44,194
Not all bad, then.
131
00:08:44,894 --> 00:08:48,089
These are some of the most damaged
and deranged humans who ever lived.
132
00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:51,281
They're worse than the
1970s Leeds United team.
133
00:08:52,197 --> 00:08:53,893
So, how did they cure these people?
134
00:08:53,899 --> 00:08:55,679
In people labelled evil,
135
00:08:55,685 --> 00:08:59,488
a misfiring gene has
often turned empathy off.
136
00:08:59,494 --> 00:09:02,095
So, they can just flick it
back on like a light switch?
137
00:09:02,101 --> 00:09:04,859
- As easy as that?
- Hey, light switches can be tricky.
138
00:09:04,865 --> 00:09:06,837
I don't always get them first time.
139
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,708
There's another cryobooth here.
140
00:09:09,714 --> 00:09:11,875
Professor Shawl Telford.
141
00:09:11,881 --> 00:09:13,096
Maybe he can help us?
142
00:09:13,102 --> 00:09:14,965
I suggest we release the professor
143
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:17,831
and ask him if they have the
tech here to repair the thruster.
144
00:09:19,792 --> 00:09:21,487
Hey, this one is empty.
145
00:09:21,803 --> 00:09:23,507
Indeed it is.
146
00:09:24,303 --> 00:09:25,829
Good day, gentlemen.
147
00:09:25,897 --> 00:09:27,319
Your arrival here
148
00:09:27,325 --> 00:09:30,721
automatically triggered the
cryobooths to release mode.
149
00:09:30,727 --> 00:09:33,823
Wait, when you said we automatically
triggered the cryobooths,
150
00:09:33,829 --> 00:09:35,822
did you mean all the cryobooths?
151
00:09:35,828 --> 00:09:38,128
You have nothing to fear.
152
00:09:38,134 --> 00:09:41,354
My patients have been
cured for many centuries.
153
00:09:41,434 --> 00:09:44,644
Come, join us for lunch.
154
00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:53,074
Let me introduce you.
155
00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:54,391
Josef Stalin.
156
00:09:54,397 --> 00:09:56,798
Idiots, erm... call me Joe.
157
00:09:57,474 --> 00:09:58,828
Adolf Hitler.
158
00:09:58,834 --> 00:10:00,414
Please, call me Dolfy.
159
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,989
No "mein fuhrers", that's the old me.
160
00:10:03,198 --> 00:10:04,398
Messalina.
161
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:07,014
Call me, er, any time.
162
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,710
[ALL LAUGH]
163
00:10:08,716 --> 00:10:10,534
She is such a joker.
164
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:13,034
It is so lovely for us to have guests.
165
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,424
Some wine? Let me be mutter.
166
00:10:17,122 --> 00:10:19,415
Now, appetisers.
167
00:10:19,421 --> 00:10:21,651
Pumpernickel canapes, we
just got them out of cryo.
168
00:10:21,657 --> 00:10:23,337
I made them myself.
169
00:10:23,507 --> 00:10:24,911
Dragon fruit?
170
00:10:28,145 --> 00:10:30,456
Ha-ha-ha-ha! It's a keeper.
171
00:10:30,528 --> 00:10:32,968
Oh, and you must try his puddings.
172
00:10:33,058 --> 00:10:36,141
Dolfy makes the most
divine choux pastry.
173
00:10:36,147 --> 00:10:40,266
Messy, please, you're
embarrassing me. She's terrible.
174
00:10:40,850 --> 00:10:43,241
Oh, sorry I'm late.
175
00:10:43,444 --> 00:10:44,647
May I sit here?
176
00:10:44,672 --> 00:10:45,916
Sure.
177
00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:48,583
I'm Vlad The Impaler.
178
00:10:48,589 --> 00:10:52,125
Ah! Are you on your own, or
is there a Mrs The Impaler?
179
00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:56,793
What about all the other scientists?
180
00:10:56,799 --> 00:10:58,900
I mean, surely you
weren't here on your own?
181
00:10:58,906 --> 00:11:03,686
Well, many years ago, they sent a
special task force to eliminate us,
182
00:11:03,771 --> 00:11:07,609
but with our pooled skills,
we managed to survive.
183
00:11:07,615 --> 00:11:09,975
Why would they try to eliminate you?
184
00:11:09,981 --> 00:11:12,821
A cure for evil would
mean an end to war.
185
00:11:12,827 --> 00:11:15,608
An end to war would
mean no arms industry.
186
00:11:15,614 --> 00:11:18,330
Which would mean trillions
of lost dollar/pounds.
187
00:11:18,336 --> 00:11:20,021
The First World economy would slump.
188
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,601
The Second and Third
World economy would boom.
189
00:11:22,607 --> 00:11:25,100
There would be no one to exploit.
190
00:11:25,106 --> 00:11:27,113
Society wouldn't work any more.
191
00:11:27,119 --> 00:11:29,918
Yes, they couldn't allow
the end of evil to happen.
192
00:11:30,394 --> 00:11:32,433
So, they marooned us here
193
00:11:32,698 --> 00:11:35,169
with no hope of getting back to Earth.
194
00:11:36,089 --> 00:11:37,691
But enough!
195
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:40,308
Let us eat. There is much to do.
196
00:11:40,314 --> 00:11:43,282
After lunch, we must show you
our engineering department.
197
00:11:43,288 --> 00:11:45,648
In the meantime, a toast.
198
00:11:47,714 --> 00:11:49,914
To new friends.
199
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,793
New friends.
200
00:11:52,316 --> 00:11:54,020
New friends.
201
00:11:54,026 --> 00:11:55,309
Selfie!
202
00:12:10,589 --> 00:12:13,768
Tea? Or as you English say,
203
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:16,193
would you like a nice cup of chow?
204
00:12:16,457 --> 00:12:18,199
I'm fine, thanks.
205
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:24,545
I hope you don't mind me saying this,
206
00:12:24,551 --> 00:12:26,726
but I just totally adore your jacket.
207
00:12:27,174 --> 00:12:28,572
Where did you buy it?
208
00:12:28,775 --> 00:12:31,979
London? Paris? New York?
209
00:12:32,054 --> 00:12:35,984
I bought it in a second-hand shop
on Mimas, then I painted it myself.
210
00:12:35,990 --> 00:12:37,590
Nein way!
211
00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:40,404
Your manipulation of
the palette is dazzling.
212
00:12:40,787 --> 00:12:42,594
And your use of saturated colours
213
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,998
to celebrate the counterculture
spirit of the piece is so...
214
00:12:46,990 --> 00:12:49,220
chic and fun!
215
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:51,926
That's what I was going for.
216
00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:54,573
It so... works.
217
00:12:55,574 --> 00:12:57,355
Did you go to art school?
218
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,727
Yeah.
219
00:12:58,733 --> 00:13:01,856
Get out of town! I
went to art school, too!
220
00:13:02,705 --> 00:13:05,108
Well, I applied, but
they wouldn't take me.
221
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:08,184
You probably didn't fail enough exams.
222
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:11,644
Still paint?
223
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:14,004
Not so much, since I was reincarnated.
224
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:16,436
I'm trying to explore
other sides of myself.
225
00:13:16,442 --> 00:13:18,022
I play guitar now.
226
00:13:18,522 --> 00:13:20,826
Get out of town. I play guitar.
227
00:13:20,832 --> 00:13:23,108
You are scheissing me!
228
00:13:23,394 --> 00:13:25,432
We should jam sometime.
229
00:13:26,254 --> 00:13:27,934
Yeah, maybe.
230
00:13:28,014 --> 00:13:30,735
Are you waiting for these
pieces to dry? How about now?
231
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,298
Look, I can't jam with you, okay?
232
00:13:40,414 --> 00:13:42,468
It's because I'm Hitler, isn't it?
233
00:13:43,814 --> 00:13:45,934
Look, I admit, I was evil,
234
00:13:46,474 --> 00:13:49,896
but it is a disease. I am
cured now. Really, I am.
235
00:13:50,894 --> 00:13:54,406
What is it they say? To err is human,
236
00:13:54,994 --> 00:13:57,004
forgive divine.
237
00:13:58,805 --> 00:14:01,734
I can't jam with you. It's
'cause I haven't got my guitar.
238
00:14:02,681 --> 00:14:05,191
I've got a bunch of
guitars in my quarters!
239
00:14:11,414 --> 00:14:14,395
Hi. We didn't get much of
a chance to talk at lunch,
240
00:14:14,401 --> 00:14:15,979
so I brought you some milk.
241
00:14:16,574 --> 00:14:18,398
Don't even think about it, lady.
242
00:14:18,404 --> 00:14:22,281
I know all about your murderous,
poisoning, nympho, seducing ways.
243
00:14:22,287 --> 00:14:24,225
So let me tell you right now,
244
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:26,615
this... is off limits.
245
00:14:26,835 --> 00:14:28,040
All right.
246
00:14:28,046 --> 00:14:29,822
Now, I know this is
going to be hell for you,
247
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:31,808
like dangling the world's juiciest steak
248
00:14:31,814 --> 00:14:33,516
in front of a starving pit-bull.
249
00:14:34,726 --> 00:14:36,525
But you're just gonna
have to accept the fact
250
00:14:36,531 --> 00:14:39,830
that no matter how much you want
it, you ain't getting it. Got it?
251
00:14:40,608 --> 00:14:41,820
That's fine.
252
00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:43,110
Now, I'm going to be working,
253
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:44,899
which means I may be bending down a lot.
254
00:14:44,905 --> 00:14:47,366
I might even get sweaty and
have to pop off my shirt.
255
00:14:47,372 --> 00:14:49,373
Now, if that happens,
256
00:14:49,379 --> 00:14:52,670
I suggest you fashion some
sort of bib to catch the drool,
257
00:14:52,676 --> 00:14:56,683
otherwise we're going to be slipping
and sliding all over the place.
258
00:14:56,689 --> 00:14:58,497
Look, you do not need to worry,
259
00:14:58,503 --> 00:15:00,864
because I am really
not interested in you.
260
00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:02,906
- You're not interested?
- No.
261
00:15:02,912 --> 00:15:04,190
In me?!
262
00:15:04,348 --> 00:15:06,065
Not in the slightest.
263
00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:07,995
We are talking about me, right?
264
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,470
You're just, err...
265
00:15:10,774 --> 00:15:12,290
not my type.
266
00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:14,495
Not your type? Every type's your type.
267
00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:16,951
Your type's every type.
How am I not your type?
268
00:15:17,015 --> 00:15:18,650
You just don't...
269
00:15:18,656 --> 00:15:19,900
ping my bell.
270
00:15:19,906 --> 00:15:21,534
"Ping your bell"?!
271
00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:24,654
You know what, lady? They were right.
272
00:15:24,734 --> 00:15:26,642
You are crazy.
273
00:15:28,250 --> 00:15:29,552
[HE LAUGHS]
274
00:15:29,934 --> 00:15:32,134
[RHYTHM GUITAR PLAYS]
275
00:15:35,610 --> 00:15:38,854
- ♪ I like to go a-wandering ♪
- ♪ A-wandering ♪
276
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:41,728
♪ Along the mountain track ♪
277
00:15:41,734 --> 00:15:44,534
♪ And as I go, I like to sing ♪
278
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:47,141
♪ My knapsack on my back ♪
279
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,923
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
280
00:15:48,929 --> 00:15:50,443
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
281
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:51,850
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
282
00:15:51,856 --> 00:15:53,528
♪ Val-de, hahahahahaha ♪
283
00:15:53,534 --> 00:15:54,854
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
284
00:15:54,860 --> 00:15:56,445
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
285
00:15:56,451 --> 00:15:59,136
♪ My knapsack on my back... ♪
286
00:16:08,374 --> 00:16:11,049
♪ Knapsack on my back ♪
287
00:16:11,105 --> 00:16:14,647
- ♪ I like to go a-wandering ♪
- ♪ A-wandering ♪
288
00:16:14,653 --> 00:16:17,358
♪ Along the mountain track ♪
289
00:16:17,364 --> 00:16:20,561
♪ And as I go, I like to sing ♪
290
00:16:20,567 --> 00:16:22,944
♪ My knapsack on my back ♪
291
00:16:22,950 --> 00:16:24,568
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
292
00:16:24,574 --> 00:16:26,054
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
293
00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,660
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
294
00:16:27,666 --> 00:16:29,277
♪ Val-de, ahahahahaha ♪
295
00:16:29,283 --> 00:16:30,768
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
- ♪ Val-derie ♪
296
00:16:30,774 --> 00:16:32,208
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
- ♪ Val-dera ♪
297
00:16:32,214 --> 00:16:39,307
♪ My knapsack on my back! ♪
298
00:16:39,572 --> 00:16:42,261
Thank you, deep space!
299
00:16:44,067 --> 00:16:45,587
Lister, can I have a word?
300
00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:52,239
Jamming with Hitler?
301
00:16:52,245 --> 00:16:53,890
You think that's all right?
302
00:16:54,014 --> 00:16:55,718
Can't you see what he's doing?
303
00:16:55,905 --> 00:16:57,907
Before you know it, he'll
have you in lederhosen
304
00:16:57,913 --> 00:16:59,806
playing Tomorrow Belongs To Me.
305
00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:03,218
I got carried away. I thought
it was the right thing to do.
306
00:17:03,288 --> 00:17:04,528
The right thing to do?
307
00:17:04,534 --> 00:17:07,459
Playing soft rock with the
man who caused World War II?
308
00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:11,523
Playing soft rock? That's
never the right thing to do.
309
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:15,253
Sirs, there isn't time
to discuss this now.
310
00:17:15,259 --> 00:17:16,636
Grave news, I'm afraid.
311
00:17:16,642 --> 00:17:18,535
We've detected a protoplanet
312
00:17:18,541 --> 00:17:22,464
which is gone to collide with
this moon in less than ten hours.
313
00:17:22,470 --> 00:17:24,784
We're out of here as soon
as that sandstorm clears.
314
00:17:24,790 --> 00:17:27,464
What about Hitler and the others?
Are we going to bring them?
315
00:17:27,470 --> 00:17:31,087
I think we're pretty much covered
in the fascist dictator department.
316
00:17:31,214 --> 00:17:33,574
They don't know anything
about the protoplanet,
317
00:17:33,580 --> 00:17:34,863
the thruster's fixed,
318
00:17:34,869 --> 00:17:36,965
we're out of here the
second the sandstorm passes,
319
00:17:36,971 --> 00:17:39,503
- around three in the morning.
- So, you're suggesting that we just
320
00:17:39,509 --> 00:17:41,487
walk away from here
and leave them to die?
321
00:17:41,493 --> 00:17:44,489
No, I'm suggesting we leg it
from here and leave them to die.
322
00:17:45,176 --> 00:17:48,562
But that's immoral, Rimmer. That's
not right, cured or not cured.
323
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,991
It's an ethical dilemma,
sir, I'll grant you that.
324
00:17:50,997 --> 00:17:53,981
We go at three, we're not
taking the evils, no arguments.
325
00:17:53,987 --> 00:17:56,066
- Yeah, what about Telford?
- Apart from Telford.
326
00:17:56,072 --> 00:17:57,754
But he won't go without everyone else.
327
00:17:57,760 --> 00:18:00,688
Well, then we'll leave him, too.
In fact, let's leave him, too.
328
00:18:00,694 --> 00:18:03,650
I mean, having to fit a whole
load of ramps all over Red Dwarf,
329
00:18:03,656 --> 00:18:05,658
what a giant pain that'll be.
330
00:18:06,540 --> 00:18:08,358
And why should he get the big toilet
331
00:18:08,364 --> 00:18:10,766
with the snazzy red cord all to himself?
332
00:18:12,149 --> 00:18:14,237
Rimmer, if we leave them to die here,
333
00:18:14,243 --> 00:18:15,651
we're no better than they were.
334
00:18:15,657 --> 00:18:18,948
It means we're committing
an act of evil ourselves.
335
00:18:18,954 --> 00:18:20,348
Look, we're taking them all.
336
00:18:20,354 --> 00:18:22,046
I'm going to tell
them we leave at three.
337
00:18:22,261 --> 00:18:24,558
Do you know what, I
don't feel that great.
338
00:18:24,862 --> 00:18:26,471
I feel like I might have been...
339
00:18:26,477 --> 00:18:27,957
[HE GROANS]
340
00:18:28,518 --> 00:18:30,315
What do you think he was trying to say?
341
00:18:31,596 --> 00:18:34,928
Do you think it might possibly
have been "drugged", sir?
342
00:18:34,934 --> 00:18:36,534
I think I might have been drug...
343
00:18:36,540 --> 00:18:37,820
[HE SIGHS]
344
00:18:38,829 --> 00:18:41,328
What's going on? What
are we going to do?
345
00:18:41,494 --> 00:18:43,408
I'm not sure I can help, sir.
346
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:46,814
I think my hard drive's
been hacked and as we speak,
347
00:18:46,894 --> 00:18:49,256
someone's closing down my files...
348
00:18:49,494 --> 00:18:52,568
[VOICE SLOWS]
and enabling a forced shutdown.
349
00:18:53,263 --> 00:18:54,794
Am I next?
350
00:18:58,044 --> 00:18:59,451
[COUGHS] Where am I?
351
00:18:59,457 --> 00:19:01,054
[KNOCKING]
352
00:19:01,060 --> 00:19:02,360
What's this?
353
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:03,709
[GROANS]
354
00:19:06,041 --> 00:19:07,561
"A Hitler"?
355
00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:09,732
He's buried me alive!
356
00:19:10,557 --> 00:19:12,597
Help! Help!
357
00:19:12,603 --> 00:19:14,115
This is a nightmare.
358
00:19:14,896 --> 00:19:18,078
This is my worst fear
ever, being buried alive.
359
00:19:18,084 --> 00:19:20,400
Nothing's worse than being buried alive.
360
00:19:20,574 --> 00:19:22,795
How could anything be worse than this?
361
00:19:24,463 --> 00:19:25,705
Argh!
362
00:19:27,869 --> 00:19:29,389
What's going on?
363
00:19:31,621 --> 00:19:34,140
_
364
00:19:35,660 --> 00:19:37,762
What?! No!
365
00:19:37,768 --> 00:19:39,668
No! They're not cured!
366
00:19:41,654 --> 00:19:43,348
What the hell?!
367
00:19:44,237 --> 00:19:46,479
I hate water!
368
00:19:46,776 --> 00:19:50,583
Not my clothes! They're dry clean only!
369
00:19:50,864 --> 00:19:53,362
Help!
370
00:19:56,565 --> 00:19:58,888
Hello? I've got no arms!
371
00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:02,152
How am I gonna mop up ever again?
372
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,218
Kryten!
373
00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:24,135
What have they done to
you? Where's your head?
374
00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:30,100
I don't understand
sign language, Kryten.
375
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:33,945
It's no good signing slower.
376
00:20:33,951 --> 00:20:36,454
I don't understand sign
language. Have you lost your mind?
377
00:20:36,959 --> 00:20:38,548
Come on, let's go and find the others.
378
00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:40,659
Yeah, and your head.
379
00:20:46,128 --> 00:20:48,611
Oh, sir! Thank goodness!
380
00:20:59,349 --> 00:21:00,747
This way.
381
00:21:00,753 --> 00:21:02,123
Rimmer!
382
00:21:02,943 --> 00:21:04,143
Rimmer!
383
00:21:06,153 --> 00:21:08,063
Shh... listen!
384
00:21:08,069 --> 00:21:10,174
- [BANGING]
- Help!
385
00:21:11,854 --> 00:21:13,965
I think they put him
in the waste disposal.
386
00:21:13,971 --> 00:21:15,176
- Help!
- _
387
00:21:15,182 --> 00:21:16,382
No.
388
00:21:16,534 --> 00:21:19,729
I was starting to think this whole
damn day couldn't get any worse,
389
00:21:19,735 --> 00:21:21,946
and then you get a boost like this!
390
00:21:22,617 --> 00:21:23,908
We've gotta get him out.
391
00:21:23,914 --> 00:21:26,708
Get him out, are you crazy?
We should seal him in!
392
00:21:27,337 --> 00:21:28,944
Rimmer's locked in there.
393
00:21:28,950 --> 00:21:30,824
I mean, aren't you're getting
the claustrophobic sweats
394
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:32,076
just thinking about it?
395
00:21:32,082 --> 00:21:34,294
No. I'm not in there, he is.
396
00:21:34,789 --> 00:21:36,204
But if it was you in there,
397
00:21:36,210 --> 00:21:38,024
how would you feel if you were Rimmer?
398
00:21:38,974 --> 00:21:40,188
Ugly.
399
00:21:41,227 --> 00:21:42,430
Get him out.
400
00:21:42,517 --> 00:21:44,137
[MUTTERING] 22-89-62
401
00:21:55,548 --> 00:21:58,658
That's the last time I
ever trust a psychopath.
402
00:22:02,174 --> 00:22:05,347
He's unconscious. He's
received a blow to the head.
403
00:22:05,353 --> 00:22:07,907
I think we may have
interrupted his attacker.
404
00:22:12,797 --> 00:22:14,791
We've been looking for you everywhere.
405
00:22:14,976 --> 00:22:16,301
What happened to Telford?
406
00:22:16,307 --> 00:22:18,703
- He's been attacked!
- And he's not the only one.
407
00:22:18,709 --> 00:22:20,202
Rimmer got buried alive,
408
00:22:20,208 --> 00:22:21,860
Cat got sealed in a water tank,
409
00:22:21,866 --> 00:22:24,054
I nearly had my love spuds lasered,
410
00:22:24,145 --> 00:22:26,694
and Kryten woke up with
his head on a stake.
411
00:22:27,361 --> 00:22:29,072
Who could have done this?
412
00:22:29,078 --> 00:22:31,478
It's an absolute mystery.
413
00:22:31,767 --> 00:22:34,151
You think we had
something to do with this?
414
00:22:34,157 --> 00:22:37,128
They found his head impaled on a stake.
415
00:22:37,134 --> 00:22:39,339
So, somebody's head winds
up impaled on a stake,
416
00:22:39,345 --> 00:22:41,753
so it's automatically got
to be Vlad the Impaler?
417
00:22:43,214 --> 00:22:45,966
Well, let's be fair, you
have got a bit of previous.
418
00:22:46,701 --> 00:22:49,902
4,000-5,000 mistakes and you
never hear the last of it.
419
00:22:51,566 --> 00:22:55,083
Whoever buried me
alive left this behind.
420
00:22:55,387 --> 00:22:56,971
"A. Hitler"
421
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,608
And you think that's mine?
422
00:23:00,395 --> 00:23:02,420
It did cross my mind.
423
00:23:02,506 --> 00:23:04,406
It's not possible...
424
00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:07,019
there's an Andy Hitler?!
425
00:23:08,414 --> 00:23:10,447
Or an Ainsley Hitler?!
426
00:23:11,037 --> 00:23:13,950
And even if it did stand for Adolf,
427
00:23:13,956 --> 00:23:16,757
that doesn't necessarily
mean that it is mine.
428
00:23:18,534 --> 00:23:20,362
Oh, no... that, it is mine.
429
00:23:25,653 --> 00:23:27,874
Who stole my Zippo?
430
00:23:29,754 --> 00:23:31,468
So, what now?
431
00:23:31,474 --> 00:23:33,987
One or more of you isn't cured.
432
00:23:33,993 --> 00:23:36,820
We've gotta find out who, and fix them.
433
00:23:36,826 --> 00:23:38,026
How?
434
00:23:38,032 --> 00:23:40,713
By employing the psychopathy scanner.
435
00:23:40,719 --> 00:23:42,924
That'll tell us who the fruit loop is.
436
00:23:42,930 --> 00:23:46,616
Well, wait a minute. How do we
know it's not one of you guys, eh?
437
00:23:46,622 --> 00:23:48,424
You think I buried myself?
438
00:23:49,105 --> 00:23:51,946
Do you think I'd wave bye-bye
to my two best friends?
439
00:23:53,601 --> 00:23:56,481
Everybody gets tested.
440
00:23:59,874 --> 00:24:01,452
Ready to commence, sir.
441
00:24:01,458 --> 00:24:03,057
Processing now.
442
00:24:03,063 --> 00:24:05,469
Scanning all brains.
443
00:24:05,765 --> 00:24:07,574
I know who my money's on.
444
00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:10,077
"Don't ping my bell."
445
00:24:11,355 --> 00:24:13,380
No wonder they couldn't cure you.
446
00:24:19,856 --> 00:24:21,056
Well?
447
00:24:21,062 --> 00:24:23,456
There is indeed a psychopath among us.
448
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,356
According to the psycho scan,
449
00:24:25,362 --> 00:24:28,167
they display all the tell-tale signs;
450
00:24:28,173 --> 00:24:30,776
greatly reduced empathy, no remorse
451
00:24:30,782 --> 00:24:32,936
and a massive sense of self-worth.
452
00:24:32,942 --> 00:24:35,105
I knew it! Which one of them is it?
453
00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:36,796
It's you, sir.
454
00:24:39,386 --> 00:24:40,586
What?
455
00:24:40,908 --> 00:24:43,493
According to this, sir,
you are a psychopath.
456
00:24:43,499 --> 00:24:45,097
Yeah, let me see that.
457
00:24:46,597 --> 00:24:49,666
"Vain, superficial,
self-centred, self obsessed,
458
00:24:49,672 --> 00:24:54,133
"unaware of others' feelings,
narcissistic and egotistical"?
459
00:24:54,746 --> 00:24:57,134
I can't believe they
haven't mentioned handsome!
460
00:24:59,679 --> 00:25:01,579
A psychopath he may be, Kryten,
461
00:25:01,585 --> 00:25:03,268
- but he's not the type that kills.
- Mmm.
462
00:25:03,274 --> 00:25:05,681
Wait, there's something
else coming through now.
463
00:25:05,687 --> 00:25:08,673
Must be an apology for
forgetting to mention handsome.
464
00:25:09,454 --> 00:25:11,719
There are two psychopaths.
465
00:25:11,725 --> 00:25:15,350
One is the cat. The second is...
466
00:25:15,533 --> 00:25:17,439
it's Professor Telford.
467
00:25:19,221 --> 00:25:22,542
Hey, how come he's walking? I
thought he needed a wheelchair.
468
00:25:22,548 --> 00:25:24,357
He was faking it.
469
00:25:24,827 --> 00:25:28,147
[WHIRRING]
470
00:25:34,213 --> 00:25:37,021
- They're droids!
- So, who are you?
471
00:25:37,027 --> 00:25:41,034
United America, head of
Research and Development.
472
00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,728
I was a neuroscientist.
473
00:25:42,734 --> 00:25:45,708
I brain-hacked entire populations
474
00:25:45,714 --> 00:25:47,631
and made them attack themselves,
475
00:25:47,637 --> 00:25:50,016
before my arrest and execution.
476
00:25:50,022 --> 00:25:52,504
You were the patient. The only patient.
477
00:25:52,578 --> 00:25:54,618
They were the scientists
trying to cure you.
478
00:25:54,624 --> 00:25:56,442
Indeed they were.
479
00:25:56,448 --> 00:25:58,719
I mean, did it strike you as curious
480
00:25:58,725 --> 00:26:02,512
that Hitler didn't really
look very much like Hitler?
481
00:26:04,906 --> 00:26:07,915
He was an android neuroscientist,
482
00:26:07,921 --> 00:26:11,610
physically identical to his
creator, Professor John Asquith.
483
00:26:11,804 --> 00:26:13,789
I rewrote his programming.
484
00:26:13,795 --> 00:26:15,486
There's one thing I don't understand.
485
00:26:15,492 --> 00:26:17,482
Why didn't you leg it
when we were trapped?
486
00:26:17,488 --> 00:26:19,882
Well, I did, but I
couldn't start Starbug.
487
00:26:19,980 --> 00:26:24,578
It must have some special
ignition sequence. What is it?
488
00:26:24,584 --> 00:26:29,210
Ah! So, you can't go
anywhere without us.
489
00:26:29,288 --> 00:26:31,368
I only need one of you.
490
00:26:31,374 --> 00:26:33,304
The rest of you,
491
00:26:33,382 --> 00:26:35,364
are going to die.
492
00:26:35,564 --> 00:26:36,997
- You!
- Who, me?
493
00:26:37,003 --> 00:26:38,407
You have no loyalty to them.
494
00:26:38,413 --> 00:26:41,971
A cat has no fidelity to
anyone but himself. Join me.
495
00:26:41,977 --> 00:26:45,860
I don't care what the damn
scan says. We're the posse!
496
00:26:45,866 --> 00:26:48,847
- Boys from the Dwarf.
- Yeah!
497
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:52,254
- No one's changing sides here.
- Uh-uh!
498
00:26:52,260 --> 00:26:55,611
- I'll give you anything that you want.
- Sounds good!
499
00:26:57,830 --> 00:26:59,152
Cat, man!
500
00:26:59,158 --> 00:27:03,008
Hey, I'm a cat. It's my
nature! I can't help it!
501
00:27:03,014 --> 00:27:05,519
You heard him; I have no fidelity.
502
00:27:05,525 --> 00:27:07,723
Well, in that case,
sir, why be on his side?
503
00:27:07,729 --> 00:27:09,974
- Be on ours.
- Okay.
504
00:27:11,479 --> 00:27:14,082
I'll give you anything
that your heart desires
505
00:27:14,088 --> 00:27:16,898
if you join me and show
me how the ship starts.
506
00:27:16,904 --> 00:27:18,291
OK, deal!
507
00:27:18,486 --> 00:27:21,276
I'll give you anything
your heart desires
508
00:27:21,282 --> 00:27:25,413
plus a special secret
surprise if you join us.
509
00:27:25,419 --> 00:27:28,127
I love secret surprises!
510
00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:30,115
They're not going to
be giving you anything
511
00:27:30,121 --> 00:27:32,409
'cause pretty soon,
they're going to be dead.
512
00:27:32,415 --> 00:27:36,903
In fact, let me prove it to
you by killing them one by one.
513
00:27:36,909 --> 00:27:38,109
No, wait!
514
00:27:38,214 --> 00:27:40,808
I'm with you, but I get to do it.
515
00:27:41,297 --> 00:27:42,497
Hmm?
516
00:27:42,726 --> 00:27:44,430
Can I trust you?
517
00:27:44,436 --> 00:27:46,217
Can I?
518
00:27:47,868 --> 00:27:49,875
Really?
519
00:27:52,089 --> 00:27:55,292
I'm a psychopath, ain't
I? You and me both.
520
00:27:56,990 --> 00:27:58,513
What more do you need?
521
00:28:07,934 --> 00:28:09,539
I'm starving. Let's eat.
522
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:12,126
You shot him!
523
00:28:12,140 --> 00:28:14,919
How was that for a pokey face, huh?
524
00:28:17,894 --> 00:28:19,797
It's poker face!
525
00:28:19,803 --> 00:28:22,203
I only have to know how
to do it, not say it.
526
00:28:22,934 --> 00:28:25,498
Sync & corrections by PetaG & momster
- www.addic7ed.com -
527
00:28:25,504 --> 00:28:29,116
♪ It's cold outside, there's
no kind of atmosphere ♪
528
00:28:29,122 --> 00:28:32,217
♪ I'm all alone, more or less ♪
529
00:28:32,223 --> 00:28:35,602
♪ Let me fly far away from here ♪
530
00:28:35,608 --> 00:28:38,617
♪ Fun, fun, fun ♪
531
00:28:38,623 --> 00:28:42,123
♪ In the sun, sun, sun ♪
532
00:28:42,129 --> 00:28:45,828
♪ I want to lie
shipwrecked and comatose ♪
533
00:28:45,834 --> 00:28:48,942
♪ Drinking fresh mango juice ♪
534
00:28:48,948 --> 00:28:52,356
♪ Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes ♪
535
00:28:52,362 --> 00:28:55,215
♪ Fun, fun, fun ♪
536
00:28:55,221 --> 00:28:58,939
♪ In the sun, sun, sun ♪
537
00:28:58,945 --> 00:29:01,822
♪ Fun, fun, fun ♪
538
00:29:01,828 --> 00:29:06,044
♪ In the sun, sun, sun. ♪
539
00:29:09,093 --> 00:29:10,293
♪ Yeah! ♪
39971
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