Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,007 --> 00:00:03,981
RED DWARF - S11E04 - OFFICER RIMMER
In memory of J.H.S. SAS MBE - Now there was a lad.
2
00:00:43,973 --> 00:00:46,712
Oh, Inga.
3
00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:49,824
Inga!
4
00:00:49,927 --> 00:00:51,963
Inga!!
5
00:00:52,310 --> 00:00:54,044
Bud, wake up!
6
00:00:54,592 --> 00:00:55,651
Huhm?
7
00:00:55,652 --> 00:00:57,247
Who's Inga?
8
00:00:57,739 --> 00:00:58,799
Just someone I met
9
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:02,033
at a party thrown by
a giraffe called Gerald.
10
00:01:02,825 --> 00:01:04,273
She wanted me to fly
with her to Paris,
11
00:01:04,274 --> 00:01:07,003
but she had a wooden head
and was afraid of forks.
12
00:01:07,716 --> 00:01:08,983
There's no future in it.
13
00:01:09,934 --> 00:01:12,712
According to Freud's
lexicon of dream symbols,
14
00:01:12,713 --> 00:01:15,239
flying is supposed to be
a metaphor for sex.
15
00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:17,167
Absolute poppycock.
16
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:19,617
I dream of
flying all the time!
17
00:01:21,761 --> 00:01:23,961
It's certainly nothing
to do with sex.
18
00:01:24,688 --> 00:01:26,132
It's always the same dream.
19
00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:29,602
I'm in a Boeing 727
that can't take off.
20
00:01:32,362 --> 00:01:35,885
I'm sitting there with a tiny
bag of nuts I can't get open.
21
00:01:37,179 --> 00:01:38,648
Then suddenly,
22
00:01:38,819 --> 00:01:40,304
after one giant tug,
23
00:01:40,305 --> 00:01:42,031
and much to
my embarrassment,
24
00:01:42,301 --> 00:01:45,848
the whole bag explodes
over premium economy.
25
00:01:47,422 --> 00:01:48,690
Now tell me -
26
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:49,843
because I don't see it -
27
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:53,089
how on Earth is that
anything to do with sex?
28
00:01:55,459 --> 00:01:57,183
Sirs, I'm picking
up something
29
00:01:57,184 --> 00:02:00,088
from the other side
of that asteroid field.
30
00:02:00,089 --> 00:02:01,924
It's a deep-space
explorer ship,
31
00:02:01,925 --> 00:02:04,125
and it's in BIG trouble!
32
00:02:53,822 --> 00:02:55,032
Getting anythin'?
33
00:02:55,033 --> 00:02:56,048
The signal's weak.
34
00:02:56,049 --> 00:02:57,226
The magnetite
in the asteroids is
35
00:02:57,227 --> 00:02:59,362
distorting everything
in the local vicinity.
36
00:02:59,363 --> 00:03:00,975
Try dropping frequencies.
37
00:03:00,976 --> 00:03:02,859
See if we can
circumnavigate the storm.
38
00:03:02,860 --> 00:03:03,938
Try dropping frequencies?
39
00:03:03,939 --> 00:03:05,573
See if we can
circumnavigate the storm?
40
00:03:05,574 --> 00:03:07,240
What are you talking about?!
41
00:03:07,241 --> 00:03:09,006
Ah.
It worked, Sir!
42
00:03:10,483 --> 00:03:11,893
Good call.
43
00:03:11,894 --> 00:03:14,538
Ident details coming in.
44
00:03:14,573 --> 00:03:16,501
It's a Space Corps
deep-space scout ship
45
00:03:16,502 --> 00:03:18,178
gravity antimatter
propulsion engine
46
00:03:18,179 --> 00:03:19,059
state-of-the-art tech-
47
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,937
it's even got one of those
big captainy chairs
48
00:03:20,938 --> 00:03:23,071
with flip-across picnic tray.
49
00:03:23,239 --> 00:03:24,656
I'd kill for one of those.
50
00:03:24,657 --> 00:03:26,898
You could captain your way
through a space battle
51
00:03:26,899 --> 00:03:28,918
and have a TV dinner
at the same time.
52
00:03:29,282 --> 00:03:30,420
Through?
53
00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:32,033
Coming through now, Sir.
54
00:03:32,034 --> 00:03:33,655
According to their manifest,
55
00:03:33,656 --> 00:03:35,048
the crew total is
56
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:36,710
half.
57
00:03:37,909 --> 00:03:39,209
Half what?
58
00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:40,620
I don't know, Sir.
59
00:04:08,421 --> 00:04:09,621
Hey!
60
00:04:09,847 --> 00:04:12,647
Now it's saying the
total crew is one!
61
00:04:12,725 --> 00:04:14,130
What the hell
is going on?
62
00:04:14,131 --> 00:04:15,494
Ah.
Best guess:
63
00:04:15,495 --> 00:04:17,643
The Nautilus is
bio-printing its crew;
64
00:04:17,644 --> 00:04:20,057
which was fashionable
in the 24th century,
65
00:04:20,058 --> 00:04:22,270
where unmanned ships
were sent into space
66
00:04:22,271 --> 00:04:23,989
and only after
they encountered
67
00:04:23,990 --> 00:04:25,856
a point of interest,
need, or danger
68
00:04:25,857 --> 00:04:27,256
were the crew best
suited for the mission
69
00:04:27,257 --> 00:04:29,716
printed from the
bio library.
70
00:04:29,717 --> 00:04:31,595
These dudes are
going to be human, right?
71
00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,020
Human-like.
72
00:04:33,021 --> 00:04:35,661
They're created from
synthetic stem cells.
73
00:04:35,662 --> 00:04:37,319
But like many movie stars,
74
00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,777
they'll be incapable of having
children in the normal way.
75
00:04:41,458 --> 00:04:42,394
Also, their lifespan
76
00:04:42,395 --> 00:04:44,505
will only last the length
of their mission.
77
00:04:44,506 --> 00:04:46,505
In this case,
save the Nautilus.
78
00:04:46,506 --> 00:04:47,528
Okay, okay.
79
00:04:47,529 --> 00:04:50,562
We've got pictures
coming through.
80
00:04:51,659 --> 00:04:54,072
This is Captain Edwin Herring
of the SS Nautilus.
81
00:04:54,073 --> 00:04:55,414
Can you read me, over?
82
00:04:55,415 --> 00:04:56,496
Copy, Nautilus.
83
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,627
But there's something wrong
with our video feed.
84
00:04:58,628 --> 00:05:00,084
From our end,
you look like a hideous
85
00:05:00,085 --> 00:05:02,199
19th century circus freak.
86
00:05:02,854 --> 00:05:03,672
Bud!
87
00:05:03,673 --> 00:05:06,816
You look like you're wearing
a toupee made of face!
88
00:05:07,799 --> 00:05:09,718
Yeah - one look at you
and even the Elephant Man
89
00:05:09,719 --> 00:05:12,059
would want to jump
in his mum and dad's bed!
90
00:05:12,171 --> 00:05:14,577
Our bio-printer jammed.
It's faulty.
91
00:05:14,578 --> 00:05:16,836
My face has been printed
on the top of my head.
92
00:05:16,837 --> 00:05:17,697
Any advice?
93
00:05:17,698 --> 00:05:18,540
Yeah.
94
00:05:18,541 --> 00:05:19,874
Don't wear a hat!
95
00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:21,648
What's my situation?
96
00:05:21,649 --> 00:05:23,440
Obviously, it's difficult to see.
97
00:05:23,441 --> 00:05:25,854
It appears Sir,
your engines are burnt out.
98
00:05:25,855 --> 00:05:27,787
And you're drifting
into the heart
99
00:05:27,788 --> 00:05:29,808
of a Class C
asteroid storm.
100
00:05:29,809 --> 00:05:31,477
I'm carrying veranium.
101
00:05:31,478 --> 00:05:33,903
If the storm penetrates
my hull I'm done for,
102
00:05:33,904 --> 00:05:35,867
and so is everything
in the local vicinity.
103
00:05:35,868 --> 00:05:37,012
Can you help?
104
00:05:37,013 --> 00:05:39,990
Our two ships are separated
by the asteroid storm.
105
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,627
We'll never get
'round it in time.
106
00:05:41,628 --> 00:05:42,635
Are you sure?
107
00:05:42,636 --> 00:05:43,667
Of course we're sure.
108
00:05:43,668 --> 00:05:46,090
It's as plain as
the nose on your head.
109
00:05:47,105 --> 00:05:48,517
What about your
escape pods?
110
00:05:48,518 --> 00:05:49,658
Maybe use
one of those?
111
00:05:49,659 --> 00:05:51,520
Too late.
They've escaped.
112
00:05:51,521 --> 00:05:52,569
That's what happens
when we put machines
113
00:05:52,570 --> 00:05:53,603
on artificial intelligence-
114
00:05:53,604 --> 00:05:54,940
They just look after
number one.
115
00:05:54,941 --> 00:05:56,964
Perhaps you should print
some more of your crew, Sir.
116
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:57,970
Get assistance.
117
00:05:57,971 --> 00:06:01,120
I've just told you my bio-printer's
faulty, you cretin!
118
00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:03,439
My visuals are down-
What's your name crewman!?
119
00:06:03,983 --> 00:06:05,316
Dave Lister, Sir.
120
00:06:06,237 --> 00:06:08,138
Don't speak again Lister.
Understand?
121
00:06:08,139 --> 00:06:08,911
Yes, Sir.
122
00:06:08,912 --> 00:06:10,812
I'm done for,
aren't I?
123
00:06:11,053 --> 00:06:13,130
Sirs, intel coming in.
124
00:06:13,131 --> 00:06:14,448
It's much as I figured.
125
00:06:14,449 --> 00:06:16,073
The nearer the
Nautilus gets to us,
126
00:06:16,074 --> 00:06:18,274
the more we, ourselves,
are in danger.
127
00:06:18,285 --> 00:06:19,646
How'd you make
that one out?
128
00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:22,315
If the Nautilus is destroyed
in its present position,
129
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:23,343
we're safe.
130
00:06:23,344 --> 00:06:25,637
But when the Nautilus
enters the asteroid storm,
131
00:06:25,638 --> 00:06:26,910
The veranium goes up
132
00:06:26,911 --> 00:06:29,578
and the blast radius
nukes us, too.
133
00:06:30,102 --> 00:06:32,102
We've only got
one option.
134
00:06:37,666 --> 00:06:40,127
He just launched a
mining torpedo at him!
135
00:06:40,128 --> 00:06:41,650
It's too late
to intercept!
136
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,135
Rimmer, what have you done?!
137
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,268
I've just saved
all our necks.
138
00:06:44,269 --> 00:06:45,115
That's what I've done.
139
00:06:45,116 --> 00:06:46,197
It was the only option.
140
00:06:46,198 --> 00:06:48,024
Impact one minute
and counting.
141
00:06:48,025 --> 00:06:48,927
You've got to tell him.
142
00:06:48,928 --> 00:06:50,749
You've got to tell Herring
what you've done!
143
00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:52,552
What? Tell him I've
just nuked his ship?
144
00:06:52,553 --> 00:06:53,319
I'm not telling him that.
145
00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:54,387
Why not?!
146
00:06:54,388 --> 00:06:55,621
He won't like me.
147
00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:07,311
I've been hit!!
148
00:07:07,399 --> 00:07:09,499
I'm spinning out!!
149
00:07:13,192 --> 00:07:14,326
That was the most
150
00:07:14,327 --> 00:07:16,406
insanely, brilliant, ballsiest
151
00:07:16,407 --> 00:07:18,985
tactical maneuver
I've ever witnessed!!
152
00:07:18,986 --> 00:07:20,953
Who fired that missile?!
153
00:07:21,232 --> 00:07:23,623
Me, Sir.
Arnold J. Rimmer.
154
00:07:24,743 --> 00:07:26,537
You mean you
took off my wing
155
00:07:26,538 --> 00:07:29,339
knowing it would knock me
out of the asteroid storm?
156
00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:31,105
That's genius, Rimmer!
157
00:07:31,106 --> 00:07:33,991
They don't call me
"Old Iron Balls" for nothing, Sir.
158
00:07:35,626 --> 00:07:37,726
I owe you my life, man!
159
00:07:38,128 --> 00:07:39,361
What's your rank?
160
00:07:39,415 --> 00:07:40,703
Second Tech, Sir.
161
00:07:40,704 --> 00:07:42,234
Not any longer.
162
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:44,213
I'm promoting you
163
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,349
to officer, Rimmer!
164
00:07:47,154 --> 00:07:49,542
I'll send the authorization
through now.
165
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:51,699
I look forward
to meeting you.
166
00:07:51,815 --> 00:07:54,851
We'll head back to Red Dwarf Sir,
and then pick you up.
167
00:07:54,852 --> 00:07:56,537
Officer Rimmer.
168
00:07:57,764 --> 00:07:59,239
After all these years!
169
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:00,879
Oh, yes!
170
00:08:01,636 --> 00:08:04,078
You are genuine, pedigree,
171
00:08:04,079 --> 00:08:06,570
thoroughbred scum,
aren't you Rimmer.
172
00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:09,723
That's Officer Rimmer to you,
Private Nothing!
173
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:24,203
To do:
Ramscoop MOT
174
00:08:26,065 --> 00:08:28,812
We're just eight hours from
Captain Herring's ship, Sir.
175
00:08:28,813 --> 00:08:31,702
I also have the paperwork
confirming your promotion.
176
00:08:31,703 --> 00:08:36,059
According to Protocol 712,
there'll need to be an accolade
177
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:39,228
so that you can be officially
accredited as an officer.
178
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:41,549
Mmmm,
Simple affair, Kryten.
179
00:08:41,550 --> 00:08:43,781
I don't want anything
too special.
180
00:08:43,782 --> 00:08:45,858
We'll have it in the
Hall of Heroes.
181
00:08:47,259 --> 00:08:48,661
Champagne,
canapes.
182
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:50,379
Maybe a very quick
six-guns salute.
183
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:52,280
Let's not get carried away.
184
00:08:52,409 --> 00:08:54,960
And then perhaps
a short tribute - to me.
185
00:08:54,961 --> 00:08:55,986
No more than an hour.
186
00:08:55,987 --> 00:08:58,101
And then I'll outline
my plans
187
00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:00,022
to open a new officers' club
on D deck.
188
00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:01,826
A new officers' club, Sir?
189
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,908
Somewhere with an atmosphere
of understated luxury
190
00:09:06,909 --> 00:09:09,370
where officers can unwind
in their precious hours
191
00:09:09,371 --> 00:09:11,649
away from the
grind of command.
192
00:09:11,650 --> 00:09:12,492
Oh.
193
00:09:12,509 --> 00:09:13,563
So basically, Sir,
194
00:09:13,564 --> 00:09:15,818
you're instigating
a class system.
195
00:09:16,429 --> 00:09:17,529
The "haves" me,
196
00:09:17,734 --> 00:09:19,544
The "have-nots" you lot.
197
00:09:20,382 --> 00:09:21,637
One question, Sir.
198
00:09:21,638 --> 00:09:23,760
The fact that you've been
awarded officer-hood
199
00:09:23,761 --> 00:09:25,643
by an act of
gross deception -
200
00:09:25,644 --> 00:09:28,057
does that in any way
take the sheen off it?
201
00:09:28,058 --> 00:09:29,454
Not really.
No.
202
00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:31,766
It's about getting there, Kryten.
203
00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:33,483
Not how you get there.
204
00:09:33,915 --> 00:09:35,349
I made love to a
beautiful woman
205
00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:36,976
in her apartment
last night.
206
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:37,928
That's important.
207
00:09:37,929 --> 00:09:39,582
How did you get there,
bike or bus -
208
00:09:39,583 --> 00:09:40,683
Not important.
209
00:09:48,802 --> 00:09:50,768
Zero G Sports.
Where is it?
210
00:09:51,131 --> 00:09:53,814
We were up to match day 4.
Where is it gone?!
211
00:09:54,090 --> 00:09:57,500
Zero G Sports is an
officer only channel?!
212
00:09:58,549 --> 00:10:01,367
Has Rimmer been smegging around
with our TV package?!
213
00:10:01,414 --> 00:10:03,279
We've only got the
lame stations!
214
00:10:04,014 --> 00:10:06,893
Look at it:
24 Hour Knitting channel?!
215
00:10:08,020 --> 00:10:09,253
The Hat channel?!
216
00:10:09,473 --> 00:10:11,320
Amish MTV!
217
00:10:12,002 --> 00:10:13,814
We haven't got the totally,
unnecessarily
218
00:10:13,815 --> 00:10:16,118
massive, repeat sports
package anymore!
219
00:10:16,119 --> 00:10:17,015
Look at this!
220
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,507
Seven ID Seven,
Premier League Croquet
221
00:10:19,508 --> 00:10:21,911
Eastbourne Ladies vs
Gloucester Girls.
222
00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,629
It's a grudge match!
223
00:10:24,592 --> 00:10:25,692
Gosh!
224
00:10:26,712 --> 00:10:28,916
It's not too bad.
Hot dog?
225
00:10:30,887 --> 00:10:32,595
Attention,
attention.
226
00:10:32,596 --> 00:10:34,142
Officer Rimmer here.
227
00:10:34,143 --> 00:10:36,155
We'll shortly be
approaching SS Nautilus
228
00:10:36,156 --> 00:10:37,998
to welcome
Captain Herring.
229
00:10:38,024 --> 00:10:39,445
Would all lower orders
230
00:10:39,446 --> 00:10:41,746
please make their way
to B deck.
231
00:10:44,702 --> 00:10:46,269
What the smeg's this?!
232
00:10:47,257 --> 00:10:48,654
Why has the
old service lift
233
00:10:48,655 --> 00:10:50,364
been turned to
the grunts lift?
234
00:10:50,551 --> 00:10:51,813
So the rank and file
235
00:10:51,814 --> 00:10:54,156
can travel between floors
with their own kind.
236
00:10:54,157 --> 00:10:56,076
Meantime, you use
the officers' lift
237
00:10:56,077 --> 00:10:57,879
which we can't use
on account of the fact
238
00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,463
that we're not "officery."
239
00:10:59,575 --> 00:11:02,260
It's one of the privileges
of rank, Third Technician.
240
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:08,019
Gentlemen,
241
00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:10,120
I bid you a
temporary farewell.
242
00:11:17,812 --> 00:11:19,138
A towel, Sir.
243
00:11:19,281 --> 00:11:20,662
Ah, thank you.
244
00:11:21,226 --> 00:11:22,993
Facial mist for you, Sir.
245
00:11:23,716 --> 00:11:24,816
Lovely.
246
00:11:27,185 --> 00:11:30,418
Complimentary executive
beverage for you, Sir.
247
00:11:30,639 --> 00:11:31,739
Most kind.
248
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,181
That'll be all.
249
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:40,096
Go along.
250
00:11:50,563 --> 00:11:51,663
Floor?
251
00:11:52,391 --> 00:11:53,491
Floor?
252
00:11:53,516 --> 00:11:54,950
I said "floor."
253
00:11:54,951 --> 00:11:55,997
Landing Bay, please.
254
00:11:55,998 --> 00:11:56,898
What?
255
00:11:57,412 --> 00:11:58,294
Landing Bay!
256
00:11:58,295 --> 00:12:00,822
Okay, keep your 'air on,
I'm not deaf, am I?
257
00:12:01,691 --> 00:12:04,814
Has he interfered with the lift
some how and made it ruder?
258
00:12:06,704 --> 00:12:08,459
Have a wonderful
onward journey.
259
00:12:08,460 --> 00:12:11,186
And we look forward to
going down with you again soon.
260
00:12:11,187 --> 00:12:12,488
How enchanting.
261
00:12:17,614 --> 00:12:18,980
How hot was that lift?
262
00:12:18,981 --> 00:12:20,214
My diodes are
almost cooked!
263
00:12:20,385 --> 00:12:21,751
Hey, look at my hair!
264
00:12:21,752 --> 00:12:24,119
I've lost volume,
height, bounce!
265
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,132
No way am I putting up
with this.
266
00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:28,052
A problem, Private Zero?
267
00:12:28,429 --> 00:12:31,162
Rimmer, if you think
for one minute...
268
00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:34,504
Officers' Corridor?
What's this?!
269
00:12:34,505 --> 00:12:37,313
Well Sir, the scutters
referbed the old tube tunnel.
270
00:12:37,706 --> 00:12:39,557
See you at the end
of the corridor.
271
00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:40,994
Bon voyage!
272
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:48,940
His corridor has got
the best of everything!
273
00:12:48,941 --> 00:12:51,140
Air con,
music?
274
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:53,070
Look!
275
00:12:53,329 --> 00:12:55,363
He doesn't even have to walk!
276
00:13:13,453 --> 00:13:15,661
Welcome aboard,
Captain Herring.
277
00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:17,885
That's a hell of a
ceiling you've got, Rimmer.
278
00:13:17,886 --> 00:13:19,853
The lattice work's stunning!
279
00:13:20,222 --> 00:13:21,789
You're most kind, Sir.
280
00:13:21,886 --> 00:13:25,233
Not massively important,
but this is our crew:
281
00:13:25,814 --> 00:13:26,914
Cat.
282
00:13:27,251 --> 00:13:28,108
Ah.
283
00:13:28,252 --> 00:13:28,969
Kryten.
284
00:13:28,970 --> 00:13:30,070
Uh-huh.
285
00:13:30,257 --> 00:13:32,319
And Third Technician, Lister.
286
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,980
Ahhh.
Is this Lister?
287
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,003
Ha-ha.
288
00:13:36,004 --> 00:13:39,104
I can tell he's no good
just by feeling him.
289
00:13:39,598 --> 00:13:41,025
I'm on to you, Lister.
290
00:13:41,026 --> 00:13:42,459
Don't think I'm not.
291
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,824
Which reminds me, Rimmer,
292
00:13:45,901 --> 00:13:48,860
I might have been a bit hasty
promoting you to officer.
293
00:13:49,149 --> 00:13:51,169
I should have promoted you
to first lieutenant.
294
00:13:51,170 --> 00:13:52,370
And I have!
295
00:13:52,371 --> 00:13:53,783
Congratulations!
296
00:13:54,861 --> 00:13:56,551
Thank you so much, Sir.
297
00:13:56,777 --> 00:13:59,125
What's the situation with the Nautilus,
Flight Lieutenant?
298
00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:00,727
Oh, that's me.
299
00:14:00,728 --> 00:14:03,194
Uhm, the scutters are
unloading your cargo, Sir.
300
00:14:03,195 --> 00:14:05,342
The ship's done for,
I'm afraid.
301
00:14:05,343 --> 00:14:06,826
Well, the cargo's
safe at least.
302
00:14:06,827 --> 00:14:08,643
That means my mission's up.
303
00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,103
How are we going
to get him demoted now?
304
00:14:16,277 --> 00:14:17,377
How, indeed.
305
00:14:38,120 --> 00:14:39,962
Huhm.
306
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:41,789
Yes, elegant.
Stylish.
307
00:14:41,790 --> 00:14:44,881
This'll suit me and my fellow officers
down to the ground, Kryten.
308
00:14:44,882 --> 00:14:46,420
How are you coming along
with the bio-printer?
309
00:14:46,421 --> 00:14:47,785
Ah.
I've repaired it, Sir.
310
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:48,855
So soon?
How?
311
00:14:48,856 --> 00:14:50,401
I gave it a good kicking!
312
00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:54,074
I thought you didn't believe
in hitting machines.
313
00:14:54,075 --> 00:14:57,157
Oh, photocopies and printers
are an exception, Sir.
314
00:14:57,838 --> 00:14:59,829
We're just waiting
for it to calibrate.
315
00:14:59,937 --> 00:15:02,741
Good. And then we can start to
bio-print the Nautilus' crew?
316
00:15:02,742 --> 00:15:03,452
Indeed.
317
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:04,449
Excellent.
318
00:15:04,615 --> 00:15:06,807
I want to print out all those
who ranked below me,
319
00:15:06,808 --> 00:15:09,041
regardless of job
or profession.
320
00:15:09,043 --> 00:15:11,080
Shouldn't we speak
to Mr. Lister, Sir?
321
00:15:11,183 --> 00:15:13,983
Kryten, bio-printing is an
officer-only privilege.
322
00:15:13,986 --> 00:15:15,331
Decisions of
this magnitude
323
00:15:15,332 --> 00:15:17,284
can't be left
to a lowly technician.
324
00:15:17,546 --> 00:15:18,241
Uh, Sir.
325
00:15:18,242 --> 00:15:19,739
Are you familiar
with the
326
00:15:19,740 --> 00:15:22,240
Abraham Lincoln
quotation on power?
327
00:15:22,357 --> 00:15:23,717
Lincoln the president?
328
00:15:23,718 --> 00:15:25,341
He got assassinated
at the theater.
329
00:15:25,342 --> 00:15:26,349
Indeed.
330
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:28,473
I've never been a fan
of the theater, Kryten.
331
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:29,886
My mother
used to take me
332
00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,806
and some of the most
excruciating hours
333
00:15:31,807 --> 00:15:33,727
of my life have been
spent there.
334
00:15:33,752 --> 00:15:35,202
Sometimes the
greater tragedy is
335
00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:37,584
going to the theater
and NOT getting shot.
336
00:15:38,297 --> 00:15:39,272
You were saying.
337
00:15:39,273 --> 00:15:40,693
Lincoln once said,
338
00:15:40,758 --> 00:15:43,052
If you want to test
a man's character,
339
00:15:43,053 --> 00:15:44,497
give him power.
340
00:15:44,498 --> 00:15:45,731
And Officer Rimmer
once said
341
00:15:45,732 --> 00:15:47,145
if you want to
feel my boot
342
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:48,143
up your recharge socket,
343
00:15:48,144 --> 00:15:49,244
keep talking.
344
00:15:56,136 --> 00:15:58,327
So we can print out
any of these people?
345
00:15:58,343 --> 00:15:59,163
Yeah.
346
00:15:59,493 --> 00:16:00,827
What about her?
347
00:16:01,785 --> 00:16:03,055
A fitness ball lady
348
00:16:03,056 --> 00:16:04,623
in tight Lycra shorts.
349
00:16:05,146 --> 00:16:06,609
She can't demote anybody.
350
00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:07,646
So what if she can't?
351
00:16:07,647 --> 00:16:09,280
I can see past that!
352
00:16:10,231 --> 00:16:10,956
Sirs!
353
00:16:10,957 --> 00:16:13,437
No! Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait!
Go back! Go back! Go back!
354
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:14,781
That's you!!
355
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:16,422
That's me!
356
00:16:16,752 --> 00:16:17,919
How is that me?!
357
00:16:18,164 --> 00:16:20,741
Your genome is in
the Nautilus' database?
358
00:16:20,742 --> 00:16:21,677
D-what?
359
00:16:21,678 --> 00:16:22,778
How?!
360
00:16:22,953 --> 00:16:24,062
Ah.
361
00:16:24,873 --> 00:16:25,973
Ha.
362
00:16:26,943 --> 00:16:27,978
Ah.
363
00:16:28,214 --> 00:16:29,260
Ha.
364
00:16:29,261 --> 00:16:31,702
I think I might have
flogged it.
365
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,942
You flogged your genome?!
366
00:16:34,493 --> 00:16:36,003
Yeah, I was a kid
and my mate,
367
00:16:36,004 --> 00:16:37,849
Dodgy offered me
100 dollar pounds
368
00:16:37,898 --> 00:16:39,865
and a half a packet
of fags for it.
369
00:16:39,952 --> 00:16:42,043
All you have to do is put
some saliva on a stick.
370
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:44,159
You sold the rights to
your unique haploid
371
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:45,760
set of chromosomes, Sir?
372
00:16:45,794 --> 00:16:48,728
You traded away the
map categorizing
373
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:50,884
every detail of
your genetic make up
374
00:16:51,034 --> 00:16:55,334
for 100 dollar pounds
and half a packet of fags?!
375
00:16:59,498 --> 00:17:01,575
You think he should have
held out for a whole pack?
376
00:17:04,035 --> 00:17:06,704
Sir, this means someone else
holds the copyright to you.
377
00:17:06,705 --> 00:17:08,585
You don't own yourself!
378
00:17:08,697 --> 00:17:10,132
What, like every time
I take a leak,
379
00:17:10,133 --> 00:17:11,624
I'm handling
stolen goods?
380
00:17:12,773 --> 00:17:14,856
Look, we're 3 million years
into the big black.
381
00:17:14,857 --> 00:17:16,785
No one's coming out here.
Who cares?!
382
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:19,028
Exactly.
We're coooool!
383
00:17:19,029 --> 00:17:22,111
Sir, I don't think you appreciate
what you've done!
384
00:17:24,128 --> 00:17:25,690
Thousands of
different companies
385
00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:28,906
have taken out a license
to produce yous.
386
00:17:29,189 --> 00:17:31,680
You're like writing software
that people can buy,
387
00:17:31,681 --> 00:17:33,013
and then use as they like.
388
00:17:33,151 --> 00:17:34,825
What, and do what
they want with?
389
00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:36,209
Here's one.
390
00:17:36,593 --> 00:17:38,216
License 10 years.
391
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:39,832
3,000 Listers -
392
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:43,993
Sandex Communication Listers,
to be used in call centers.
393
00:17:46,596 --> 00:17:47,650
Do you mean all those
394
00:17:47,651 --> 00:17:50,319
smart-ass scousers in the
call centers are me?!
395
00:17:52,563 --> 00:17:53,982
I've had those Johnnies-
396
00:17:53,983 --> 00:17:55,240
They're a pain in the backside!
397
00:17:55,241 --> 00:17:56,435
They know nothing
398
00:17:56,436 --> 00:17:58,083
and they sound like they
don't want to be there.
399
00:17:58,084 --> 00:18:00,049
They don't, Sir.
They're you!
400
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,888
What have you done, Bud?!
401
00:18:03,106 --> 00:18:05,454
So Rimmer is going to
use this machine
402
00:18:05,455 --> 00:18:07,531
to produce people
who will obey him.
403
00:18:07,916 --> 00:18:08,891
Never being born
404
00:18:08,914 --> 00:18:11,214
has got to be better
than a life like that.
405
00:18:11,414 --> 00:18:13,365
We've got to wipe
the database, Kryten.
406
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:14,762
Delete it all.
Right now.
407
00:18:14,771 --> 00:18:16,105
I can't, Sir.
408
00:18:16,248 --> 00:18:19,012
I have to print out a
new crew as instructed.
409
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,073
Now Mr. Rimmer's our
flight lieutenant,
410
00:18:21,074 --> 00:18:22,620
I can't refuse his orders!
411
00:18:22,621 --> 00:18:24,761
Well I'll do it.
Just tell me what to do!
412
00:18:24,762 --> 00:18:25,557
Sir!
413
00:18:25,558 --> 00:18:27,399
If you think I'm going to
414
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,617
select all these files
415
00:18:32,384 --> 00:18:34,484
and then take my leave,
416
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,606
taking my leave,
417
00:18:36,624 --> 00:18:39,221
so you can press
that button there,
418
00:18:40,122 --> 00:18:42,422
you've got another
think coming!
419
00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:51,341
The entire database has
deleted itself?!
420
00:18:51,968 --> 00:18:53,225
Check bio-printer.
421
00:18:53,226 --> 00:18:55,597
This is going down on my
daily to-do list.
422
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:56,668
How?
423
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:57,705
It's a mystery, Sir.
424
00:18:57,706 --> 00:18:59,674
I bet Lister's behind this.
425
00:18:59,675 --> 00:19:01,236
Isn't it possible
to print anyone?
426
00:19:01,237 --> 00:19:02,564
I need a crew to command!
427
00:19:02,565 --> 00:19:03,906
Well, in theory it is possible
428
00:19:03,907 --> 00:19:07,266
to insert a piece of DNA
into the bio-printer
429
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:08,834
and have it produce a genome,
430
00:19:08,835 --> 00:19:10,278
but who would we print?!
431
00:19:10,645 --> 00:19:12,883
My mind's on file
in the holosuite,
432
00:19:12,884 --> 00:19:15,163
And my DNAs on all
my old belongings.
433
00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:16,525
With the remaining bio-ink,
434
00:19:16,526 --> 00:19:18,503
we could produce
50 versions of me.
435
00:19:18,528 --> 00:19:19,850
Make them all officers,
436
00:19:19,851 --> 00:19:21,946
so as flight lieutenant
I'm over them,
437
00:19:21,947 --> 00:19:22,735
and then,
438
00:19:22,736 --> 00:19:26,031
we can have an officers' club
crammed full of Rimmers!
439
00:19:26,154 --> 00:19:29,721
Sir, history tells us that
you and you is a very bad mix.
440
00:19:29,825 --> 00:19:32,297
You and 50 yous
is beyond horrific!
441
00:19:32,596 --> 00:19:34,627
Not if I'm their
commanding officer.
442
00:19:34,628 --> 00:19:36,358
Then they'll do
what I want.
443
00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:38,586
Move the bio-printer to
one of the junk rooms
444
00:19:38,587 --> 00:19:39,897
and double security!
445
00:19:40,061 --> 00:19:42,989
Things are about to get
a whole lot more Rimmery!
446
00:19:50,576 --> 00:19:51,481
You what?
447
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:52,628
Officers' Club?
448
00:19:55,185 --> 00:19:56,587
Evening.
Evening.
449
00:19:57,034 --> 00:19:58,334
Evening.
Evening.
450
00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,580
Evening
451
00:19:59,753 --> 00:20:00,657
Evening.
452
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:01,276
Evening.
453
00:20:01,277 --> 00:20:02,368
Where they come from?
454
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,102
He's bio-printing Rimmers!
455
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,203
We've got to kill that damn machine
before he prints any more!
456
00:20:23,012 --> 00:20:26,267
Ah, gentlemen - welcome.
Do you have a reservation?
457
00:20:27,963 --> 00:20:29,314
Where's the bio-printer, Rimmer?
458
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:30,749
Is it here,
'cause we're going in.
459
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,867
I'm afraid I can't let you in
unless you're on the list.
460
00:20:33,868 --> 00:20:34,968
Let me see.
461
00:20:37,223 --> 00:20:38,794
Stop screwin' around, Rimmer.
462
00:20:38,963 --> 00:20:40,829
Have you moved
the bio-printer
463
00:20:40,830 --> 00:20:42,626
to somewhere in the
Officers' Club?
464
00:20:42,627 --> 00:20:44,328
Sorry.
You don't appear to be here.
465
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:47,076
Rimmer. Party of two.
Eight thirty PM.
466
00:20:47,077 --> 00:20:48,152
Come in.
467
00:20:48,153 --> 00:20:49,308
How lovely
to see you again!
468
00:20:49,309 --> 00:20:50,768
Nice to see you.
469
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:54,185
How many did he print!?
470
00:20:54,495 --> 00:20:55,829
Rimmer party.
471
00:20:55,901 --> 00:20:57,593
Four?
Straight through.
472
00:20:57,594 --> 00:20:59,785
Cloakroom's on the left.
Enjoy!
473
00:21:00,289 --> 00:21:02,922
How many have you printed,
you Smeghead?!
474
00:21:03,115 --> 00:21:05,213
You can't use
bio ink to print
475
00:21:05,214 --> 00:21:06,314
more Rims, Rimmer.
476
00:21:06,472 --> 00:21:09,839
Yeah. We need that ink
to print proper people!
477
00:21:10,449 --> 00:21:11,758
Hey, what the hell is this?!
478
00:21:11,759 --> 00:21:13,859
We're the Barbershop Quartet!
479
00:21:14,062 --> 00:21:15,381
Any ID?
480
00:21:29,358 --> 00:21:31,778
Mr. Rimmer,
481
00:21:32,139 --> 00:21:34,432
We are what we seem,
482
00:21:34,441 --> 00:21:38,447
The cutest quartet
that you've ever seen.
483
00:21:38,910 --> 00:21:40,665
We've got four mouths,
484
00:21:40,666 --> 00:21:42,625
a duet times two,
485
00:21:43,572 --> 00:21:47,361
this barbershop quartet
is singing for you!
486
00:21:47,921 --> 00:21:49,905
That, is entertainment.
487
00:21:49,906 --> 00:21:51,128
In ya go.
488
00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:52,684
I've had enough of
this tossing about.
489
00:21:52,685 --> 00:21:53,629
Come on, we're going in.
490
00:21:53,630 --> 00:21:54,785
I've got the cravat!
491
00:21:54,927 --> 00:21:55,621
Hey!
492
00:21:55,818 --> 00:21:56,918
Hey.
493
00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:01,141
Ah.
Hot towel, Sir?
494
00:22:01,142 --> 00:22:01,851
Move!
495
00:22:01,852 --> 00:22:03,217
Facial spray?
496
00:22:03,298 --> 00:22:04,164
Enough!
497
00:22:04,165 --> 00:22:05,521
They've barged their way
into the Officers' Club
498
00:22:05,522 --> 00:22:06,717
and I need some bouncers.
499
00:22:06,718 --> 00:22:08,670
Print four more mes
and make them huge,
500
00:22:08,671 --> 00:22:09,513
muscly and brave.
501
00:22:09,514 --> 00:22:10,662
Can the bio-printer do that?
502
00:22:10,663 --> 00:22:11,404
In theory, Sir.
503
00:22:11,405 --> 00:22:14,365
Complimentary
Executive Corridor beverage, Sir?
504
00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:15,731
Don't start!
505
00:22:18,339 --> 00:22:20,069
Adjustments made, Sir.
506
00:22:23,860 --> 00:22:24,968
Why isn't it printing?
507
00:22:25,126 --> 00:22:28,309
Well, the new settings need
extra time to calibrate, Sir.
508
00:22:28,460 --> 00:22:30,558
We'll just have to be
a little bit patient.
509
00:22:30,559 --> 00:22:32,206
I have been patient!
510
00:22:34,736 --> 00:22:36,256
What's wrong with it -
the damn thing!
511
00:22:36,257 --> 00:22:37,357
Come on!!
512
00:22:39,794 --> 00:22:41,550
Come on, come on,
come on!
513
00:22:42,095 --> 00:22:43,195
Last.
514
00:22:47,507 --> 00:22:49,894
The first one's got stuck.
We need a midwife!
515
00:22:49,895 --> 00:22:52,062
We'll have to
do it ourselves!
516
00:22:54,885 --> 00:22:56,316
Pull, Kryten!
517
00:22:56,318 --> 00:22:57,858
Pull me.
Pull!
518
00:23:09,135 --> 00:23:11,168
What the hell
is that thing?!
519
00:23:15,266 --> 00:23:16,366
Come on!!
520
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:54,347
Officer's lift on floor 15, Sir!
521
00:23:54,348 --> 00:23:56,314
We've got to take the grunts!
522
00:23:58,988 --> 00:24:00,456
Get me out of here, pronto!
523
00:24:00,457 --> 00:24:02,057
I'm busy, okay?
524
00:24:02,098 --> 00:24:03,394
Just close the doors!
525
00:24:03,395 --> 00:24:05,081
There's a deranged
version of me out there!
526
00:24:05,082 --> 00:24:06,849
There's one in here, too.
527
00:24:07,316 --> 00:24:10,228
I'll take the stairs, Sir.
We've got to tell the others!
528
00:24:15,129 --> 00:24:16,878
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry!
529
00:24:16,879 --> 00:24:19,003
Just close the doors, please!
530
00:24:19,004 --> 00:24:20,328
Hold the lift!
531
00:24:20,588 --> 00:24:22,421
Don't close!
Wait for me!
532
00:24:25,244 --> 00:24:26,485
Officers' Quarters now!
533
00:24:26,486 --> 00:24:29,029
Okay, keep your 'air on
I'm not deaf, am I?
534
00:24:35,572 --> 00:24:36,306
Right!
535
00:24:36,307 --> 00:24:38,133
I've rigged up
a monitor wirelessly
536
00:24:38,134 --> 00:24:39,701
from the CCTV footage.
537
00:24:40,093 --> 00:24:42,608
From this, we can see where
the Rimmer monster is
538
00:24:42,609 --> 00:24:44,042
and what it's doing.
539
00:24:46,890 --> 00:24:49,257
It's coming to the officers' deck!
540
00:24:56,441 --> 00:24:57,347
Let me in!
541
00:24:57,348 --> 00:24:58,722
Are you on the list?
542
00:24:58,723 --> 00:25:00,315
If you're name's not down,
you can't come in.
543
00:25:00,316 --> 00:25:01,331
Riffraff only.
544
00:25:01,332 --> 00:25:02,550
I'm going to get absorbed!
545
00:25:02,551 --> 00:25:03,800
You're going to have to admit
you're a grunt.
546
00:25:03,801 --> 00:25:04,684
Total grunt.
547
00:25:04,685 --> 00:25:06,956
Your going to have to resign
your first lieutenant-ship.
548
00:25:06,957 --> 00:25:08,940
But I worked so hard for it!
549
00:25:08,941 --> 00:25:10,383
You did nothing!
550
00:25:10,384 --> 00:25:12,812
But I did it so well!!
551
00:25:14,994 --> 00:25:17,015
Okay, okay!
I resign!!
552
00:25:17,103 --> 00:25:19,015
Just let me in!
553
00:25:21,587 --> 00:25:24,671
Stand back,
Technician 2.0
554
00:25:27,883 --> 00:25:29,169
What is that thing?
555
00:25:29,170 --> 00:25:31,153
The human body is
built of cells.
556
00:25:31,154 --> 00:25:33,200
with specific
fixed rolls, Sir.
557
00:25:33,201 --> 00:25:34,544
Stem cells,
on the other hand
558
00:25:34,545 --> 00:25:36,613
can become any other
type of cell.
559
00:25:36,732 --> 00:25:38,841
What, reprogrammable?
560
00:25:38,842 --> 00:25:40,237
So when the
printer jammed
561
00:25:40,238 --> 00:25:42,690
and did a mash-up of all
the countless Rimmers,
562
00:25:42,691 --> 00:25:45,597
it didn't just combine the
sum of your parts physically,
563
00:25:45,598 --> 00:25:47,894
it amalgamated
all your faults.
564
00:25:47,895 --> 00:25:49,228
I've got faults?
565
00:25:49,629 --> 00:25:50,972
Your lust for power,
566
00:25:50,973 --> 00:25:53,065
your impatience,
your insecurity,
567
00:25:53,066 --> 00:25:55,430
your stupidity,
your greed,
568
00:25:55,431 --> 00:25:56,477
your arrogance,
569
00:25:56,478 --> 00:25:57,071
Yes - thank you, Kryten.
570
00:25:57,072 --> 00:25:58,673
and ordered
these stem cells
571
00:25:58,674 --> 00:26:01,624
to make a creature to
accommodate them all.
572
00:26:03,337 --> 00:26:04,837
So how do we kill it?
573
00:26:04,837 --> 00:26:06,852
I have an idea, Sir.
574
00:26:06,853 --> 00:26:09,553
But it does involve
using you as bait.
575
00:26:10,512 --> 00:26:12,193
I love it already!
576
00:26:36,038 --> 00:26:38,043
We'll have to go the
long way around!
577
00:26:52,615 --> 00:26:53,896
We can't shoot!
578
00:26:53,897 --> 00:26:55,927
We might take out
Mr. Rimmer!
579
00:26:55,928 --> 00:26:57,778
And the downside
of that is...?
580
00:26:58,913 --> 00:27:00,013
Hey!
581
00:27:00,257 --> 00:27:01,246
What are you doing?
582
00:27:01,247 --> 00:27:03,934
We are going to absorb
the final Rimmer.
583
00:27:03,935 --> 00:27:04,824
Oh aye.
584
00:27:04,825 --> 00:27:06,074
Then what you
going to do?
585
00:27:06,075 --> 00:27:07,708
We haven't decided yet.
586
00:27:08,096 --> 00:27:10,111
What?
Do you not make a to-do list?
587
00:27:10,112 --> 00:27:12,486
We need to make
a to-do list?
588
00:27:12,487 --> 00:27:15,311
You should always
make a to-do list!
589
00:27:15,336 --> 00:27:17,148
Have you got a pen?
590
00:27:17,149 --> 00:27:19,248
We always have a pen.
591
00:27:23,243 --> 00:27:24,952
Well then,
write that list.
592
00:27:26,321 --> 00:27:28,966
Oh, and don't forget
to put the last thing
593
00:27:28,967 --> 00:27:31,286
you're going to be doing
on that list.
594
00:27:33,202 --> 00:27:34,520
What's that?
595
00:27:34,654 --> 00:27:36,723
Dying!!
596
00:28:20,141 --> 00:28:25,046
Thank you, Leo,
for clarifying the lift's dialog!
40910
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.