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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,186 --> 00:00:07,687 You wish to acquire a company called Sliceline? 2 00:00:07,937 --> 00:00:10,144 I will be taking on a total engineering team 3 00:00:10,228 --> 00:00:11,228 of about 50. 4 00:00:11,728 --> 00:00:13,728 I just have to go back into my office. 5 00:00:16,269 --> 00:00:18,228 (RETCHES, COUGHS) 6 00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:22,311 Well we thought the best way to introduce the PiperNet 7 00:00:22,395 --> 00:00:24,395 would be through the eight developers. 8 00:00:24,478 --> 00:00:26,358 COLIN: I have been cooking up a killer new game. 9 00:00:26,395 --> 00:00:27,645 The Gates of Galloo. 10 00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,311 We put this thing on PiperNet... 11 00:00:29,395 --> 00:00:31,728 Bam, 80,000 instant users. 12 00:00:32,103 --> 00:00:34,311 Partnering with a company of that size, 13 00:00:34,395 --> 00:00:36,019 this early, would put us months ahead. 14 00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:37,436 Knock 'em dead, Richard. 15 00:00:39,186 --> 00:00:41,895 Whatever you are doing, stop it now. 16 00:00:43,436 --> 00:00:46,269 Um, yeah, we're just high-fiving. 17 00:00:46,770 --> 00:00:47,770 Bye. 18 00:00:47,978 --> 00:00:51,019 You need to make a deal with my companies. 19 00:00:51,353 --> 00:00:53,895 Taking existing companies and just calling them new 20 00:00:53,978 --> 00:00:55,687 isn't sophisticated, that's theft. 21 00:00:55,770 --> 00:00:57,812 JARED DUNN: So they're manufacturing phones 22 00:00:57,895 --> 00:00:59,162 and signing them onto our network. 23 00:00:59,186 --> 00:01:00,329 Why would they wanna help us? 24 00:01:00,353 --> 00:01:02,228 They're not helping us, they're attacking us. 25 00:01:02,311 --> 00:01:04,353 - It's the 51 percent attack. - I'm sorry, what? 26 00:01:04,436 --> 00:01:06,978 - A 51 percent... - (ICE RATTLES) 27 00:01:10,019 --> 00:01:11,395 We've been exploring the viability 28 00:01:11,478 --> 00:01:12,812 of an acquisition with Amazon. 29 00:01:12,895 --> 00:01:14,978 You expect me to work for Jeff Bezos? 30 00:01:15,144 --> 00:01:16,144 No way. 31 00:01:16,228 --> 00:01:18,728 I happen to know that they fucked you over. 32 00:01:18,812 --> 00:01:20,245 How would you like to fuck them back? 33 00:01:20,269 --> 00:01:21,645 I need you to attack me. 34 00:01:21,728 --> 00:01:23,645 - A second attack. - RICHARD HENDRICKS: Yes. 35 00:01:24,978 --> 00:01:26,978 COLIN: Boom, you just got 80,000 new users. 36 00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:29,395 Colin, you did it, you saved us. 37 00:01:29,645 --> 00:01:31,436 Gilfoyle, the patch. 38 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:32,561 Bombs away. 39 00:01:32,812 --> 00:01:34,228 (CHEERING) 40 00:01:34,645 --> 00:01:37,144 Oh, my God. These are our new offices? 41 00:01:37,228 --> 00:01:38,770 We're actually right through here. 42 00:01:40,478 --> 00:01:41,561 What do you guys think? 43 00:01:41,645 --> 00:01:42,995 Do you want to see the second floor? 44 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,937 HENDRICKS: There's another floor? Okay. 45 00:01:45,019 --> 00:01:48,019 (HEAVING) 46 00:01:48,228 --> 00:01:49,228 Whoa. 47 00:01:49,645 --> 00:01:51,728 DUNN: I know, it's exciting, right? 48 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,687 ♪ (MUSIC PLAYS, CONCLUDES) ♪ 49 00:02:01,603 --> 00:02:04,311 ♪ ♪ 50 00:02:05,269 --> 00:02:07,812 Here we are, right here to the left. 51 00:02:08,561 --> 00:02:10,103 I like your tie. 52 00:02:10,186 --> 00:02:12,770 Oh, thank you. I tied it myself. 53 00:02:12,853 --> 00:02:14,269 Oh... 54 00:02:14,353 --> 00:02:16,353 Okay. Well, good luck. 55 00:02:17,853 --> 00:02:21,853 - (CROWD MURMURING) - (CAMERA SHUTTERS SNAPPING) 56 00:02:30,603 --> 00:02:32,853 (MURMURING CONTINUES) 57 00:02:33,478 --> 00:02:35,728 (GAVEL BANGS) 58 00:02:39,728 --> 00:02:41,645 Mr. Hendricks, thank you for being here. 59 00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,478 For the last three hours, we've been asking 60 00:02:43,561 --> 00:02:45,478 some prominent members of your industry 61 00:02:45,561 --> 00:02:48,228 questions about the security of their users' data. 62 00:02:48,311 --> 00:02:51,520 And while the gentlemen from Facebook, Google, and Amazon 63 00:02:51,603 --> 00:02:53,937 have acknowledged some egregious lapses in the past... 64 00:02:54,019 --> 00:02:55,978 And Hooli, sir. Hooli also acknowledged 65 00:02:56,061 --> 00:02:58,311 some spectacular lapses. 66 00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,853 Yes. 67 00:02:59,937 --> 00:03:01,353 As I was saying, 68 00:03:01,436 --> 00:03:03,770 these fine folks have been assuring us all that 69 00:03:03,853 --> 00:03:05,561 their oversights are behind them, 70 00:03:05,645 --> 00:03:07,103 and that they are the best people 71 00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:08,978 to protect their users' privacy. 72 00:03:09,061 --> 00:03:11,269 But my colleague, Senator Shizaki 73 00:03:11,353 --> 00:03:13,061 of the great state of Hawaii, 74 00:03:13,144 --> 00:03:15,770 suggested that you might have a different view. 75 00:03:16,019 --> 00:03:16,895 Senator? 76 00:03:16,978 --> 00:03:18,687 Thank you, Chairman Hubbard. 77 00:03:18,770 --> 00:03:21,520 Mr. Hendricks and his company, Pied Piper, 78 00:03:21,603 --> 00:03:23,687 are developing a pilot program to deliver 79 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,687 wireless Internet to my constituents 80 00:03:25,770 --> 00:03:27,687 on the island of Maui. 81 00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:30,269 I have asked him to deliver a statement here today. 82 00:03:30,853 --> 00:03:32,603 Mr. Hendricks? 83 00:03:33,478 --> 00:03:34,937 Yes. 84 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,269 Mr. Hendricks, now would be the time for that statement. 85 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,687 Okay. 86 00:03:40,770 --> 00:03:43,061 I probably should've gotten these out before. 87 00:03:43,144 --> 00:03:46,061 He looks like a child in a custody hearing. 88 00:03:46,144 --> 00:03:47,895 But, like, you don't feel sorry for him. 89 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:49,561 You just want him to go away 90 00:03:49,645 --> 00:03:52,245 - and not have any parents at all. - (RICHARD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY) 91 00:03:52,311 --> 00:03:55,144 Hello, I am Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper. 92 00:03:55,228 --> 00:03:56,395 There you go. 93 00:03:56,478 --> 00:03:58,436 - Eye contact. - I'm proud to tell you 94 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:00,395 that we are working with Senator Shizaki... 95 00:04:00,478 --> 00:04:01,913 - Good. - On developing the first step 96 00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:04,561 in providing a new type of Internet 97 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,728 to the world. Oh... 98 00:04:06,812 --> 00:04:08,978 - Hold on. - (PAPERS RUSTLING) 99 00:04:09,061 --> 00:04:10,436 Uh, basically, 100 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,478 it-it is a program... 101 00:04:13,561 --> 00:04:15,436 that i-i-it's kinda... 102 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:19,228 Actually, can I pace? I-I just think better on my feet. 103 00:04:19,311 --> 00:04:21,603 So, a lot of people... (INAUDIBLE) 104 00:04:21,687 --> 00:04:23,603 SENATOR KLECO: Mr. Hendricks! 105 00:04:23,687 --> 00:04:25,645 Speak into the machine! 106 00:04:26,812 --> 00:04:28,311 Oh! Okay. 107 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:33,019 I'm sorry. Does this come out? 108 00:04:33,103 --> 00:04:34,561 Perfect. 109 00:04:34,645 --> 00:04:36,120 - (WHISPERS): Fuck. - RICHARD (ON TV): Okay, so, 110 00:04:36,144 --> 00:04:38,269 these people up here, right? 111 00:04:38,353 --> 00:04:41,353 You want to rein them in, but you can't. 112 00:04:42,019 --> 00:04:46,770 Uh, Facebook owns 80% of mobile social traffic. 113 00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:49,978 Google owns 92% of search, 114 00:04:50,061 --> 00:04:51,520 and Amazon Web Services 115 00:04:51,603 --> 00:04:55,937 is bigger than their next four competitors combined. 116 00:04:56,019 --> 00:04:57,436 And they will be even more robust 117 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:58,978 once the Hooli merger is complete. 118 00:04:59,061 --> 00:05:01,311 RICHARD: Ah, see! Look, there! 119 00:05:01,395 --> 00:05:03,436 Even Hooli can't survive these monopolies. 120 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,770 No one can! 121 00:05:05,853 --> 00:05:08,103 They track our every move, 122 00:05:08,186 --> 00:05:11,186 they monitor every moment in our lives, 123 00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,311 and-and they exploit our data for profit. 124 00:05:14,895 --> 00:05:17,853 (LAUGHS) And you can ask them all the questions you want, 125 00:05:17,937 --> 00:05:20,978 but they're not gonna change, they don't have to. 126 00:05:21,061 --> 00:05:23,269 These companies are kings, 127 00:05:23,353 --> 00:05:25,269 and they rule over kingdoms far larger 128 00:05:25,353 --> 00:05:28,019 than any nation in human history. 129 00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:30,687 They won, we lost. 130 00:05:31,395 --> 00:05:32,645 So, why are you here? 131 00:05:32,728 --> 00:05:34,978 Because look at where we are. 132 00:05:35,061 --> 00:05:37,770 - Yeah? We are in the seat of the US government... - Mr. Hendricks? 133 00:05:37,853 --> 00:05:38,978 I'm okay. I've got it now. 134 00:05:39,061 --> 00:05:41,144 We are in the seat of the US government, 135 00:05:41,228 --> 00:05:43,978 a government that was founded by people 136 00:05:44,061 --> 00:05:47,436 who were, at one point, ruled by kings they couldn't overthrow. 137 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,520 So, what did they do, right? They started over. 138 00:05:49,603 --> 00:05:51,395 They came here, to the New World. 139 00:05:51,478 --> 00:05:54,978 - World 2.0, version 1776. - (MURMURING) 140 00:05:55,603 --> 00:05:56,728 And the way we win 141 00:05:56,812 --> 00:05:59,728 is by creating a new, 142 00:05:59,812 --> 00:06:02,395 democratic, decentralized Internet, 143 00:06:02,478 --> 00:06:06,144 one where the behavior of companies like this 144 00:06:06,228 --> 00:06:09,103 will be impossible, forever. 145 00:06:09,186 --> 00:06:11,353 One where it is the users, 146 00:06:11,436 --> 00:06:12,812 not the kings, 147 00:06:12,895 --> 00:06:14,978 who have sovereign control over their data. 148 00:06:15,061 --> 00:06:17,853 THIS, I PROMISE TO YOU: I will help you end this tyranny 149 00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:21,061 by building an Internet that is 150 00:06:21,144 --> 00:06:24,019 of the people, by the people, and for the people, 151 00:06:24,103 --> 00:06:25,311 so help me God. 152 00:06:25,395 --> 00:06:27,645 - (LAUGHING) - (CHEERING) 153 00:06:27,728 --> 00:06:29,770 - DINESH: Yeah! - (APPLAUSE) 154 00:06:29,853 --> 00:06:31,728 Whoo! 155 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,687 ALL: Whoa! 156 00:06:38,603 --> 00:06:41,770 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 157 00:06:48,645 --> 00:06:50,478 ♪ ♪ 158 00:06:52,687 --> 00:06:54,353 No, Mike, I just... 159 00:06:54,436 --> 00:06:56,228 - Huh? There he is! - Uh... 160 00:06:56,311 --> 00:06:57,728 King slayer! How was it? 161 00:06:57,812 --> 00:06:59,561 - Good. I-I... I, um... - You can go. 162 00:06:59,645 --> 00:07:01,788 - I got it... - Yeah, I mean, I think it went pretty well. 163 00:07:01,812 --> 00:07:03,103 I mean, you saw it, right? 164 00:07:03,186 --> 00:07:04,561 Of course, but I-I-I want to hear 165 00:07:04,645 --> 00:07:06,978 you tell me everything, every detail. 166 00:07:07,770 --> 00:07:08,937 Holden... 167 00:07:09,019 --> 00:07:11,770 The man just got off the plane, give him some space! 168 00:07:13,978 --> 00:07:15,311 Jesus... 169 00:07:15,395 --> 00:07:17,937 Okay, so you touch down at Dulles, 170 00:07:18,019 --> 00:07:19,853 you turn off airplane mode, and then... 171 00:07:19,937 --> 00:07:21,937 Well, actually, we flew through Reagan National. 172 00:07:22,019 --> 00:07:23,019 (CAR STARTS) 173 00:07:23,103 --> 00:07:25,103 Reagan? But you love trams. 174 00:07:25,186 --> 00:07:26,478 (SCOFFS) Well... 175 00:07:26,561 --> 00:07:28,761 See, this is why I should still be handling your travel. 176 00:07:28,812 --> 00:07:30,537 Oh, don't worry about it, Jared, you're busy. 177 00:07:30,561 --> 00:07:32,103 I'm never too busy for you. 178 00:07:32,186 --> 00:07:35,103 - But let's... let's not get caught up in that, right? - Right. 179 00:07:35,186 --> 00:07:39,061 We're here now, and we're walking, 180 00:07:39,144 --> 00:07:41,019 and we're talking. 181 00:07:41,103 --> 00:07:42,978 I mean, take it all in, my friend. 182 00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:44,395 Look at all this. 183 00:07:44,478 --> 00:07:47,687 Can you believe we began our journey way back... 184 00:07:47,770 --> 00:07:49,436 in that little living room 185 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:51,103 in the hostel? 186 00:07:51,186 --> 00:07:54,478 And just yesterday, you addressed our nation's most 187 00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:56,645 hallowed, powerful legi... 188 00:07:56,728 --> 00:08:00,395 ALL: Surprise! 189 00:08:00,478 --> 00:08:03,311 ♪ Too legit Too legit to quit ♪ 190 00:08:03,395 --> 00:08:04,728 ♪ Too legit... ♪ 191 00:08:04,812 --> 00:08:07,687 JARED: Anyway, like I was saying out there, 192 00:08:07,770 --> 00:08:10,311 we started out in that little hostel, just a couple of kids. 193 00:08:10,395 --> 00:08:12,478 - RICHARD: Yeah. - JARED: Right? 194 00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:14,311 - And now... - You killed it, Richard! 195 00:08:14,395 --> 00:08:16,895 Way to punch big tech in the dick! 196 00:08:16,978 --> 00:08:18,520 JARED: I was just gonna say, 197 00:08:18,603 --> 00:08:21,770 let's... let's take a moment to let it soak in, right? 198 00:08:21,853 --> 00:08:24,061 - Look what you've built! - Uh-huh. 199 00:08:24,144 --> 00:08:27,228 Okay, I'll let you go now! Enjoy the party! 200 00:08:28,228 --> 00:08:30,687 Your compression algorithm was the stardust! 201 00:08:30,770 --> 00:08:32,687 ♪ ♪ 202 00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:34,228 Hey, Richard! Richard! 203 00:08:34,311 --> 00:08:36,144 Come here. 204 00:08:36,228 --> 00:08:37,228 Stand here. 205 00:08:37,269 --> 00:08:40,520 Congratulations from Team Dinesh! 206 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,186 Yeah. 207 00:08:42,269 --> 00:08:44,436 ("ALOHA FRIDAY" PLAYING) 208 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:45,728 (CHEERING) 209 00:08:45,812 --> 00:08:48,269 ♪ It's Aloha Friday! ♪ 210 00:08:48,853 --> 00:08:52,228 ♪ I'm going to Hawaii! ♪ 211 00:08:52,937 --> 00:08:54,687 - RICHARD: Okay, um... - ♪ Bah-doopy-doo! ♪ 212 00:08:54,770 --> 00:08:56,186 Congratulations. 213 00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,687 ♪ Bah-doopy-doopy-doopy doo! ♪ 214 00:08:58,770 --> 00:09:01,687 ♪ It's Aloha Friday! ♪ - Uh... 215 00:09:02,103 --> 00:09:05,812 ♪ Setting up the island's first decentralized Meshnet ♪ 216 00:09:05,895 --> 00:09:08,311 RICHARD: Uh, "You..." 217 00:09:08,395 --> 00:09:09,728 licked ass?" 218 00:09:09,812 --> 00:09:11,853 - What? - "You dicked ass"? 219 00:09:11,937 --> 00:09:14,186 - I-I dicked ass? - DINESH: Kicked ass! 220 00:09:14,269 --> 00:09:15,269 - Kicked! - Oh. 221 00:09:15,311 --> 00:09:16,853 Why were those your first two guesses? 222 00:09:16,937 --> 00:09:18,687 - (STOPS MUSIC) - Gabe, what the fuck?! 223 00:09:18,770 --> 00:09:20,579 - You're the K! Where's the K? - K's right there. 224 00:09:20,603 --> 00:09:23,061 - DINESH: Kicked has two Ks! - Hey. (CHUCKLES) 225 00:09:23,144 --> 00:09:24,603 - Ha. - That's for you. 226 00:09:24,687 --> 00:09:26,687 Oh, uh, I'm trying to get some work done today. 227 00:09:26,770 --> 00:09:28,645 I-I just wanted to toast. 228 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,520 Okay. So... 229 00:09:31,186 --> 00:09:32,561 Don't worry, it's short. 230 00:09:32,645 --> 00:09:33,853 The word companion 231 00:09:33,937 --> 00:09:35,770 derives from the Latin word 232 00:09:35,853 --> 00:09:37,645 "panis" for bread, 233 00:09:37,728 --> 00:09:39,812 and while I can no longer digest bread, 234 00:09:39,895 --> 00:09:42,645 - I know that you leaven my life... - COLIN: Richard! 235 00:09:42,728 --> 00:09:43,937 Hey, man, you got a second? 236 00:09:44,019 --> 00:09:46,728 Uh, yes, Colin. No, I do. Um... 237 00:09:46,812 --> 00:09:49,687 Sorry. Okay. Uh, cheers. 238 00:09:49,770 --> 00:09:52,353 Saw you on TV. You crushed it. 239 00:09:52,436 --> 00:09:54,520 That king shit was on point, man. 240 00:09:54,603 --> 00:09:57,144 - I fucking love kings. - RICHARD: Oh, yeah. 241 00:09:58,978 --> 00:10:01,186 So listen, um, did they swear you in? 242 00:10:01,269 --> 00:10:03,895 Like, pull the whole Johnny Law routine with you? 243 00:10:04,019 --> 00:10:05,061 Were you under oath? 244 00:10:05,144 --> 00:10:06,144 Uh, no. 245 00:10:06,228 --> 00:10:07,853 Cool! Well, that's a weight off. 246 00:10:08,436 --> 00:10:09,770 - Why? - Well, 247 00:10:09,853 --> 00:10:12,812 you said all that stuff about not collecting user data. 248 00:10:12,895 --> 00:10:15,937 - Yes? - But we are. 249 00:10:16,019 --> 00:10:17,895 - I am. - What? 250 00:10:17,978 --> 00:10:19,436 But I'm doing the right thing now 251 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:21,019 by telling you, so I feel like... 252 00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:22,520 I-I'm sorry, Colin. 253 00:10:22,603 --> 00:10:24,478 How long have you been collecting user data? 254 00:10:24,561 --> 00:10:26,561 Sorta... the whole time. 255 00:10:26,645 --> 00:10:28,561 But it's just to improve 256 00:10:28,645 --> 00:10:31,144 the quality of my gameplay. I'm not using it to sell ads. 257 00:10:31,228 --> 00:10:32,978 It doesn't fucking matter. 258 00:10:33,061 --> 00:10:36,269 It goes against the principles of this company. I mean... 259 00:10:36,353 --> 00:10:38,144 Shit, I just lied to Congress. 260 00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:39,144 No. 261 00:10:39,228 --> 00:10:42,395 You said a lie to Congress, 262 00:10:42,478 --> 00:10:45,353 but you didn't know at the time, I guess. 263 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:48,061 Don't beat yourself up about it, huh? 264 00:10:48,895 --> 00:10:51,103 But going forward, maybe stop saying that. 265 00:10:51,186 --> 00:10:52,812 Are you fucking kidding me? 266 00:10:52,895 --> 00:10:54,978 Or do say it. I don't care. 267 00:10:55,061 --> 00:10:56,704 Maybe it'll be like Google saying "Don't be evil," 268 00:10:56,728 --> 00:10:58,812 or Facebook saying "I'm sorry, we'll do better," 269 00:10:58,895 --> 00:11:02,186 "or me saying" Gates of Galloo does not leave your headset mic open 270 00:11:02,269 --> 00:11:04,061 and record everything you say. Suck it." 271 00:11:04,144 --> 00:11:05,728 Sweet fucking shit. 272 00:11:05,812 --> 00:11:09,019 A-a-are you... bugging people and storing 273 00:11:09,103 --> 00:11:10,743 their private conversations on my network? 274 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:12,853 Colin! This stops, now. 275 00:11:12,937 --> 00:11:14,204 It would really be better for me 276 00:11:14,228 --> 00:11:16,144 if you just stopped lying about it, 277 00:11:16,228 --> 00:11:17,978 'cause the game's pretty boss. 278 00:11:18,061 --> 00:11:19,228 No, no. I'm the boss, 279 00:11:19,311 --> 00:11:22,353 and I'm telling you that this is over, Colin. 280 00:11:22,436 --> 00:11:24,687 - It's done. - Agree to disagree. 281 00:11:25,353 --> 00:11:26,978 I'm glad we had this talk. 282 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,561 (LAUGHS) Can't believe I was so nervous. 283 00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:31,311 Congratulations. 284 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:36,228 Okay. 285 00:11:36,311 --> 00:11:37,603 MONICA: Oh, Richard! Hey. 286 00:11:37,687 --> 00:11:40,561 This is Sam Liccardo, the mayor of San Jose. 287 00:11:40,645 --> 00:11:42,162 (QUIETLY): There's a major fucking problem. 288 00:11:42,186 --> 00:11:44,266 Just meet me in my office in two minutes. Act normal. 289 00:11:45,144 --> 00:11:47,436 Sorry, just excuse me for a second. 290 00:11:50,436 --> 00:11:51,520 Hey, Jared! 291 00:11:51,603 --> 00:11:53,603 Hey, Tracy! 292 00:11:53,687 --> 00:11:56,645 - How's my favorite human resource? - I'm fine, thanks. 293 00:11:56,728 --> 00:11:58,608 Did anyone mention our plan to move your office? 294 00:11:58,645 --> 00:12:00,704 We're thinking about putting you closer to biz dev and marketing. 295 00:12:00,728 --> 00:12:03,812 But that's... all the way back in the Hamelin Wing. 296 00:12:03,895 --> 00:12:05,853 Yeah! Follow me, I'll show you. 297 00:12:05,937 --> 00:12:07,978 Um... Okay, it's just, 298 00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,978 that's a little far from... From Richard's office. 299 00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:13,103 Yes, but you really don't have any 300 00:12:13,186 --> 00:12:14,895 day-to-day business with Richard anymore. 301 00:12:14,978 --> 00:12:17,353 I mean, we were just walking and talking before. 302 00:12:17,436 --> 00:12:20,561 Oh. Looks like they're having a meeting. I should probably... 303 00:12:20,645 --> 00:12:22,045 It's just better for office cohesion 304 00:12:22,103 --> 00:12:23,812 if you sit near your direct reports, 305 00:12:23,895 --> 00:12:26,269 and that is biz dev and marketing. 306 00:12:26,353 --> 00:12:27,895 Yeah, no, you mentioned that. It's... 307 00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:30,853 It's an interesting idea, but I just think that, um, 308 00:12:30,937 --> 00:12:32,329 I think we should check with Richard first 309 00:12:32,353 --> 00:12:34,287 'cause I think he's gonna want me a little bit closer. 310 00:12:34,311 --> 00:12:36,061 Of course. It's subject to his approval. 311 00:12:36,144 --> 00:12:38,561 - Okay. - I've already emailed him. I think once you see 312 00:12:38,645 --> 00:12:41,269 the conference room suites though, you'll really fall in love. 313 00:12:41,353 --> 00:12:43,770 - Okay. Yeah. - Just right through here. 314 00:12:43,853 --> 00:12:46,144 Well, I don't fall in love with rooms. 315 00:12:47,103 --> 00:12:50,269 So, how do we get rid of this fucker? 316 00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:52,812 Look, Richard, I don't like this any more than you do, 317 00:12:52,895 --> 00:12:54,937 but we can't get rid of Colin. 318 00:12:55,019 --> 00:12:57,561 He's our most profitable developer by far. 319 00:12:57,645 --> 00:12:59,603 - So what? We have other developers. - We do, 320 00:12:59,687 --> 00:13:01,478 but they're all entangled with Galloo! 321 00:13:01,561 --> 00:13:04,269 We worked really hard to build a whole ecosystem around it. 322 00:13:04,353 --> 00:13:06,245 It's like if you cancel a Warriors game, you're not just 323 00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:08,704 hurting the team, but you're also hurting the parking attendants, 324 00:13:08,728 --> 00:13:10,770 and the T-shirt guys, and the concessions. 325 00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:12,561 Okay. Thank you, Monica, 326 00:13:12,645 --> 00:13:15,478 for putting it into an analogy that will resonate with me. 327 00:13:15,561 --> 00:13:17,186 - Football. - It's basketball. 328 00:13:17,812 --> 00:13:20,603 - No, I know. - Losing him is no longer a simple thing. 329 00:13:20,687 --> 00:13:23,269 So, what are you saying? We just do nothing? 330 00:13:23,353 --> 00:13:24,978 Richard, he's not selling ads. 331 00:13:25,061 --> 00:13:27,395 He's just using it to optimize the performance of his game. 332 00:13:27,478 --> 00:13:30,353 It's actually a fairly elegant implementation. 333 00:13:30,436 --> 00:13:31,728 What? 334 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:33,144 What?! 335 00:13:33,228 --> 00:13:35,353 Hiroshima was an elegant implementation. 336 00:13:35,436 --> 00:13:37,954 - I don't think anyone agrees with you on that. - No, I'm saying, 337 00:13:37,978 --> 00:13:40,520 just because it's successful, doesn't mean it's good. 338 00:13:40,603 --> 00:13:42,728 I mean, it goes against everything we stand for. 339 00:13:42,812 --> 00:13:44,603 I mean, if we start collecting personal data 340 00:13:44,687 --> 00:13:46,621 "just for the good stuff," I mean, next thing we know, 341 00:13:46,645 --> 00:13:48,120 - we're fucking Facebook. - DINESH: Well, 342 00:13:48,144 --> 00:13:51,144 for the record, I would not mind being fucking Facebook. 343 00:13:51,228 --> 00:13:54,645 No. We got to kick him off, okay? There are 500 people out there 344 00:13:54,728 --> 00:13:57,103 who believe in this company's ethics and standards. 345 00:13:57,186 --> 00:13:59,561 There are 532 people out there, 346 00:13:59,645 --> 00:14:01,687 and someone has got to pay for them. 347 00:14:01,770 --> 00:14:03,311 Right now, it's Colin. 348 00:14:03,395 --> 00:14:04,871 Ditching him would be too complicated. 349 00:14:04,895 --> 00:14:06,895 DINESH: You know what's not too complicated? 350 00:14:06,978 --> 00:14:08,812 Hawaii. In Hawaii, 351 00:14:08,895 --> 00:14:10,978 aloha means hello and goodbye. 352 00:14:11,061 --> 00:14:12,621 They use the same word to mean two things 353 00:14:12,645 --> 00:14:13,978 that are the exact opposite. 354 00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:16,103 That's awesome, and I have a chance to go there 355 00:14:16,186 --> 00:14:18,561 as long as Colin is on our network. 356 00:14:18,645 --> 00:14:19,978 Aloha. 357 00:14:21,353 --> 00:14:24,478 So, Colin betrays us and we just tolerate it? 358 00:14:24,561 --> 00:14:26,019 Great. 359 00:14:26,103 --> 00:14:28,520 This is the cost of working with humans, Richard. 360 00:14:28,603 --> 00:14:29,937 They suck. 361 00:14:33,395 --> 00:14:35,311 PAUL: Gavin, after months 362 00:14:35,395 --> 00:14:36,853 of protracted negotiations, 363 00:14:36,937 --> 00:14:38,311 I'm happy to say that we've come 364 00:14:38,395 --> 00:14:40,103 to final terms on our sale to Amazon. 365 00:14:40,186 --> 00:14:42,103 Merger. Continue. 366 00:14:42,186 --> 00:14:44,561 Amazon has agreed to no layoffs, and they'll even provide 367 00:14:44,645 --> 00:14:47,019 retention bonuses for a period of two years. 368 00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:48,895 Uh, what about my role? 369 00:14:48,978 --> 00:14:50,728 No change. Essentially, you'll still have 370 00:14:50,812 --> 00:14:53,478 complete discretion over all of your divisions 371 00:14:53,561 --> 00:14:55,186 exactly as you enjoy right now. 372 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,061 Full executive privileges. 373 00:14:57,144 --> 00:14:59,561 Perksssss... 374 00:14:59,645 --> 00:15:02,520 Well, congratulations, Team Hooli! 375 00:15:02,603 --> 00:15:04,770 Oh, um, about that. 376 00:15:04,853 --> 00:15:06,895 Uh, that was their one major stipulation. 377 00:15:06,978 --> 00:15:09,812 From this point on, all of our properties will be rebranded. 378 00:15:10,269 --> 00:15:12,269 - As... as what? - As Amazon! 379 00:15:12,770 --> 00:15:14,478 What? 380 00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:15,645 Hoover! 381 00:15:16,436 --> 00:15:19,228 Bezos wants to just erase the Hooli name from history? 382 00:15:19,311 --> 00:15:22,061 Mr. Bezos simply felt that the Hooli name had... 383 00:15:22,144 --> 00:15:24,311 What were his exact words? 384 00:15:24,395 --> 00:15:26,144 Um "A..." 385 00:15:27,019 --> 00:15:28,186 stink." 386 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,853 Hoover, goddammit! Stop it! 387 00:15:30,937 --> 00:15:33,395 You can't just threaten people with violence. 388 00:15:33,478 --> 00:15:35,311 Go stand over there. 389 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:40,895 (SIGHS) You tell Bezos we keep the Hooli name, 390 00:15:40,978 --> 00:15:43,770 or he can go fuck himself with his rocket ship. 391 00:15:43,853 --> 00:15:45,061 What is Amazon anyway? 392 00:15:45,144 --> 00:15:47,103 Is it a river? Is it a giant woman? 393 00:15:47,186 --> 00:15:48,895 It's not clear. No. 394 00:15:48,978 --> 00:15:51,019 We keep the name Hooli. 395 00:15:51,103 --> 00:15:52,728 - That's a deal breaker. - DENPOK: Gavin, 396 00:15:52,812 --> 00:15:56,645 is not Hooli more than simply a name? 397 00:15:56,728 --> 00:15:59,019 Is-is it not the culture and the... 398 00:15:59,103 --> 00:16:00,603 great products? The liberal... 399 00:16:00,687 --> 00:16:02,687 private aviation policy? 400 00:16:02,770 --> 00:16:04,770 - No. - You know that the board 401 00:16:04,853 --> 00:16:06,829 - has decided to sell, right, Gavin? - You know what? 402 00:16:06,853 --> 00:16:08,162 I've still got friends in this town. 403 00:16:08,186 --> 00:16:09,454 I'll put together some investors. 404 00:16:09,478 --> 00:16:11,353 Amazon can take a chunk of our assets, 405 00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:14,520 but Hooli will remain a viable and independent entity, 406 00:16:14,603 --> 00:16:16,728 even if we have to shed a few divisions 407 00:16:16,812 --> 00:16:19,019 and trim a little fat. 408 00:16:21,019 --> 00:16:22,561 ♪ ♪ 409 00:16:34,103 --> 00:16:35,395 (COMPUTER CHIMES) 410 00:16:41,687 --> 00:16:42,770 (CHIMES) 411 00:16:46,603 --> 00:16:47,645 (CHIMES) 412 00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:50,186 RICHARD: So, Dinesh thinks this is you? 413 00:16:50,269 --> 00:16:51,311 GILFOYLE: Correct. 414 00:16:51,395 --> 00:16:53,144 He's been messaging with it all day 415 00:16:53,228 --> 00:16:54,687 and he has no idea it's an AI. 416 00:16:54,770 --> 00:16:56,228 Well, we fooled a human. 417 00:16:56,311 --> 00:16:57,853 I guess we just passed the Turing test. 418 00:16:57,937 --> 00:17:00,436 - Almost a human. - (DINESH LAUGHING) 419 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,186 Fucking Gilfoyle. 420 00:17:02,269 --> 00:17:03,978 We're friends. 421 00:17:05,561 --> 00:17:06,853 You trained that thing in a day? 422 00:17:06,937 --> 00:17:09,561 No, I didn't train it. Son of Anton did. 423 00:17:09,645 --> 00:17:13,520 - Son of Anton? - An homage to a fallen friend. 424 00:17:13,603 --> 00:17:16,269 It's the name that I've given our new inference API. 425 00:17:16,353 --> 00:17:18,687 He's indexing all of PiperNet as we speak, 426 00:17:18,770 --> 00:17:21,144 and he's starting to recognize intent, 427 00:17:21,228 --> 00:17:23,103 emotion, causality. 428 00:17:23,186 --> 00:17:24,812 Hang on, wait. Uh... 429 00:17:25,937 --> 00:17:28,353 Do you think you could engineer Son of Anton 430 00:17:28,436 --> 00:17:30,436 to index compressed audio files? 431 00:17:30,770 --> 00:17:32,520 Why would you insult me like that? 432 00:17:32,603 --> 00:17:34,645 He can do whatever he wants. 433 00:17:35,812 --> 00:17:36,812 Okay. 434 00:17:36,853 --> 00:17:38,478 Uh, hey, Dinesh? 435 00:17:39,436 --> 00:17:42,353 - Yes? - Can I get the latest tech specs from you, please? 436 00:17:42,436 --> 00:17:44,728 I've already sent them to you five times. 437 00:17:44,812 --> 00:17:47,269 I don't really wanna dig through my inbox. 438 00:17:47,645 --> 00:17:50,937 Um, so if you sent it now, it'll be on top. 439 00:17:51,436 --> 00:17:53,770 - I'll wait. - (CHAIR CLICKS) 440 00:17:56,728 --> 00:17:58,353 Wearable chair. 441 00:17:59,186 --> 00:18:00,353 Sending now. 442 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:03,812 - (COMPUTER CHIMES) - Okay. Thank you, Dinesh. 443 00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:10,395 (CHIMES) 444 00:18:10,478 --> 00:18:12,520 (LAUGHING) 445 00:18:12,603 --> 00:18:14,520 Gilfoyle just said... 446 00:18:15,353 --> 00:18:19,019 ♪ ♪ 447 00:18:21,061 --> 00:18:22,144 (CHIMES) 448 00:18:31,061 --> 00:18:32,144 (CHIMES) 449 00:18:38,853 --> 00:18:40,353 Um, Gilfoyle? 450 00:18:40,436 --> 00:18:41,687 What the fuck is going on? 451 00:18:41,770 --> 00:18:43,520 'Cause I just texted you, 452 00:18:43,603 --> 00:18:45,311 and you were... Um, 453 00:18:45,395 --> 00:18:47,853 we've been texting back and forth all day. 454 00:18:49,103 --> 00:18:50,103 Was that not you? 455 00:18:50,144 --> 00:18:52,269 Complicated question. 456 00:18:52,353 --> 00:18:53,812 Is your shadow you? 457 00:18:53,895 --> 00:18:55,436 - Was that a bot? - Yes. 458 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,228 So, I spent all day chatting with a bot? 459 00:18:57,311 --> 00:18:59,144 - Yes. - You made an AI Gilfoyle? 460 00:18:59,228 --> 00:19:00,520 - Yes. - And I was talking to it? 461 00:19:00,603 --> 00:19:02,895 Do you need the real me for this conversation? 462 00:19:02,978 --> 00:19:05,603 You can't just fuck with people and manipulate them 463 00:19:05,687 --> 00:19:07,228 because you don't have the decency 464 00:19:07,311 --> 00:19:10,019 - to want to interact with a coworker. - (CELL PHONE CHIMES) 465 00:19:10,103 --> 00:19:12,812 Gabe wants to know if he'll need a jacket if he walks to lunch. 466 00:19:12,895 --> 00:19:13,978 (PHONE CHIMES) 467 00:19:14,478 --> 00:19:17,061 And if so, can he borrow a jacket. 468 00:19:19,395 --> 00:19:21,728 Look at him. Fucking Gabe. 469 00:19:25,395 --> 00:19:27,436 Hey, could you make me an AI Dinesh? 470 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:29,937 ♪ ♪ 471 00:19:30,019 --> 00:19:31,978 We are down to the final few decisions 472 00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:35,311 in our new baseline contract for strategic developers. 473 00:19:35,395 --> 00:19:37,186 Let me provide some context on each 474 00:19:37,269 --> 00:19:39,311 before providing recommendations. 475 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,478 The first is how indemnification will work, 476 00:19:41,561 --> 00:19:44,687 given that our network provides distributive storage. 477 00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:47,353 The second is how licensing 478 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:48,687 and access fees will be applied 479 00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:50,603 to copyrighted material given that 480 00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:52,311 our network also does not allow any 481 00:19:52,395 --> 00:19:55,228 - tracking or user... - Hey. 482 00:19:56,061 --> 00:19:59,061 - Can you talk? - Oh, hell yes. 483 00:19:59,144 --> 00:20:00,913 COLIN (ON TAPE): I charge all kinds of shit to the investors. 484 00:20:00,937 --> 00:20:02,687 I bought a Jet Ski, I bought a snowmobile, 485 00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:04,311 I bought a 10-pack of piano lessons... 486 00:20:04,395 --> 00:20:06,853 (TURNS OFF TAPE) - He flat-out admits to embezzlement. 487 00:20:06,937 --> 00:20:08,436 - Where'd you get this? - Colin! 488 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:10,186 He's been storing private conversations 489 00:20:10,269 --> 00:20:11,853 on our network, including his own. 490 00:20:11,937 --> 00:20:14,186 Because he's got gaming headsets everywhere. 491 00:20:14,269 --> 00:20:17,186 At his office, at his house, at his RV, 492 00:20:17,269 --> 00:20:19,895 and they are live 24/7. 493 00:20:20,770 --> 00:20:24,520 We have thousands of hours of his private conversations. 494 00:20:24,603 --> 00:20:27,770 You see, once I paired the automagical Son of Anton 495 00:20:27,853 --> 00:20:29,186 with my compression algorithm, 496 00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:32,687 and gave it access to Galloo Games' database, 497 00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:37,061 it indexed it all in less than 10 minutes, 498 00:20:37,144 --> 00:20:39,520 and generated this. 499 00:20:40,311 --> 00:20:43,853 (LAUGHS) Jared, this is a graph 500 00:20:43,937 --> 00:20:46,687 of all of his voice recordings, 501 00:20:46,770 --> 00:20:48,520 clustered by keyword. 502 00:20:48,603 --> 00:20:49,812 I mean, look at this. 503 00:20:49,895 --> 00:20:51,687 He steals, uh, 504 00:20:51,770 --> 00:20:54,103 he does drugs at work, uh, 505 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,269 he's even sleeping with one of his investor's wives. 506 00:20:56,353 --> 00:20:59,603 I mean, this guy is dirty as a dog and we got him! Cold! 507 00:20:59,687 --> 00:21:02,645 Hold on. What-what are you suggesting here? 508 00:21:03,561 --> 00:21:04,812 Blackmail? 509 00:21:05,436 --> 00:21:08,228 - No... I... no. I... I don't... - Richard, 510 00:21:08,311 --> 00:21:11,937 what Colin is doing is clearly, and gobsmackingly, awful. 511 00:21:12,561 --> 00:21:15,436 But we're supposed to be the virtuous ones here, 512 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,603 and-and this is... just plain wrong. 513 00:21:18,687 --> 00:21:20,061 Yeah. Okay. 514 00:21:20,853 --> 00:21:23,770 Yeah, I guess, yeah. I guess you're right. I'll think of something else. 515 00:21:23,853 --> 00:21:25,603 - Yeah. - I mean, he started it, 516 00:21:25,687 --> 00:21:26,770 but I don't know. 517 00:21:26,853 --> 00:21:28,144 Yeah. Yeah. 518 00:21:28,228 --> 00:21:30,186 I don't know. Okay. I don't know. 519 00:21:30,269 --> 00:21:31,937 - Hey, Richard? - Hmm? 520 00:21:32,019 --> 00:21:33,687 Um, did Tracy happen to talk to you 521 00:21:33,770 --> 00:21:36,311 about moving my office down here? 522 00:21:36,770 --> 00:21:38,978 Yeah, she... she mentioned it. I approved it. 523 00:21:39,853 --> 00:21:41,061 - Oh, you did? - Yeah. 524 00:21:41,144 --> 00:21:42,186 - Yeah. - Yeah. 525 00:21:43,186 --> 00:21:44,561 Okay, then. 526 00:21:46,395 --> 00:21:47,395 Richard? 527 00:21:48,812 --> 00:21:50,019 Um... 528 00:21:51,645 --> 00:21:55,269 I mean, Colin lied to you first... 529 00:21:55,895 --> 00:21:57,436 about collecting data, right? 530 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:58,812 - Yes, he did. - So, 531 00:21:58,895 --> 00:22:01,228 even if this is wrong, 532 00:22:01,311 --> 00:22:03,311 I suppose you could argue that 533 00:22:03,395 --> 00:22:06,520 it's wrong in the service of rightness. 534 00:22:06,603 --> 00:22:07,603 RICHARD: Yeah. 535 00:22:07,687 --> 00:22:09,144 It's, um... 536 00:22:09,228 --> 00:22:10,895 it's, uh, unethical 537 00:22:10,978 --> 00:22:12,812 in the defense of ethics. 538 00:22:12,895 --> 00:22:16,061 Uh, unjust in the quest for justice. 539 00:22:16,144 --> 00:22:17,853 It's like stealing from your pimp 540 00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:19,561 to pay for your friend's appendectomy. 541 00:22:19,645 --> 00:22:21,269 Yeah, a-and everyone else, 542 00:22:21,353 --> 00:22:22,728 Monica, Dinesh, and Gilfoyle, 543 00:22:22,812 --> 00:22:24,561 they're all just perfectly content 544 00:22:24,645 --> 00:22:25,895 with letting this guy shit 545 00:22:25,978 --> 00:22:28,103 all over everything we believe in. 546 00:22:28,186 --> 00:22:29,937 But are we, Jared? 547 00:22:32,978 --> 00:22:34,561 Richard... 548 00:22:35,061 --> 00:22:37,770 let's go put a foot in Colin's ass. 549 00:22:39,228 --> 00:22:41,186 COLIN (ON TAPE): Danny, don't be a fucking bitch. 550 00:22:41,269 --> 00:22:43,913 I'll get you the tanning bed. I charge shit to the investors all the time. 551 00:22:43,937 --> 00:22:47,186 I put two grams of coke on the company card last week. (SNORTS) 552 00:22:47,269 --> 00:22:48,353 Aah, fuck. 553 00:22:48,436 --> 00:22:50,395 You see, Colin, we were able to break down 554 00:22:50,478 --> 00:22:53,019 all of your misdeeds by category, 555 00:22:53,103 --> 00:22:56,353 including a catch-all for personal embarrassment. 556 00:22:56,436 --> 00:22:57,687 Masturbation, farts, 557 00:22:57,770 --> 00:22:59,478 the one time you said that 558 00:22:59,561 --> 00:23:01,186 you could, if you wanted to, 559 00:23:01,269 --> 00:23:03,269 get porn of your sister. 560 00:23:03,353 --> 00:23:05,520 You get the gist. Data collection. 561 00:23:05,603 --> 00:23:08,937 Not so boss when it happens to you, is it, Colin? 562 00:23:09,019 --> 00:23:11,228 - Holy shit. - (CHUCKLES) 563 00:23:11,895 --> 00:23:14,645 I say, what time is it? 564 00:23:14,728 --> 00:23:16,853 Uh... Where's my phone. 565 00:23:16,978 --> 00:23:18,621 Uh, do you have a phone? Do you have a phone? 566 00:23:18,645 --> 00:23:20,937 It is fuck you o'clock! 567 00:23:21,728 --> 00:23:23,019 Seven, you say? 568 00:23:23,103 --> 00:23:25,061 Oh! Well, hey, isn't that the... 569 00:23:25,144 --> 00:23:27,061 time your board is meeting tonight? 570 00:23:27,144 --> 00:23:29,895 It's on my freaking shared Exchange calendar. 571 00:23:29,978 --> 00:23:31,561 Oh, oh look! There they are right now! 572 00:23:31,645 --> 00:23:33,603 - Look at that! - JARED: Say, Richard, that, uh, 573 00:23:33,687 --> 00:23:36,687 that a looks a lot like Harold Gibbons, the man... 574 00:23:36,770 --> 00:23:38,853 whom Colin has made a cuckold of. 575 00:23:38,937 --> 00:23:39,937 RICHARD: It does. 576 00:23:39,978 --> 00:23:41,603 - Dude. - RICHARD: You just messed 577 00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:43,561 with the wrong pair of boys. 578 00:23:43,645 --> 00:23:45,186 Here's what's gonna happen. 579 00:23:45,269 --> 00:23:47,120 You're gonna march into that meeting, and you're gonna make 580 00:23:47,144 --> 00:23:48,561 an amendment to your company bylaws 581 00:23:48,645 --> 00:23:50,269 that you will never record 582 00:23:50,353 --> 00:23:52,770 or collect user data ever again. 583 00:23:52,853 --> 00:23:54,645 Unless, of course, you want the information 584 00:23:54,728 --> 00:23:56,186 on that little thumb drive 585 00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:57,603 to get out. 586 00:23:59,895 --> 00:24:01,978 Son of a bitch. 587 00:24:02,061 --> 00:24:04,645 You can keep that one, Colin. We've made copies. 588 00:24:04,728 --> 00:24:06,603 JARED: Yeah. Walk... walk your ass out of here, 589 00:24:06,687 --> 00:24:08,144 you liar, and why don't you... 590 00:24:08,687 --> 00:24:11,269 - Go... fucking... die. - Die! (GIGGLES) 591 00:24:11,353 --> 00:24:15,770 - This, Richard, this! - (LAUGHS) 592 00:24:15,853 --> 00:24:16,978 (LAUGHTER) 593 00:24:17,061 --> 00:24:18,353 Let's break something. 594 00:24:21,770 --> 00:24:23,995 (MUTTERING): Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over. 595 00:24:24,019 --> 00:24:26,895 I got to say, this is amazing. 596 00:24:27,687 --> 00:24:29,603 Gabe whines and complains and AI Dinesh 597 00:24:29,687 --> 00:24:32,061 just takes care of it. Thank you so much! 598 00:24:32,144 --> 00:24:33,311 (LAUGHS) 599 00:24:33,395 --> 00:24:36,019 My auntie sent me a Hawaiian shirt. 600 00:24:36,103 --> 00:24:38,144 AI Dinesh must've told her about Hawaii. 601 00:24:38,228 --> 00:24:39,478 Stop. 602 00:24:39,561 --> 00:24:42,728 Why would AI Dinesh be talking to your aunt? 603 00:24:42,812 --> 00:24:45,645 I specifically told you you could only use it with Gabe. 604 00:24:45,728 --> 00:24:47,812 But it was going so well with Gabe that 605 00:24:47,895 --> 00:24:50,812 I might've given AI Dinesh access to all my contacts 606 00:24:50,895 --> 00:24:52,728 just to handle talking to my auntie, 607 00:24:52,812 --> 00:24:54,186 and my parents. 608 00:24:54,269 --> 00:24:56,895 Why would you give AI Dinesh access to your contacts, 609 00:24:56,978 --> 00:24:59,019 you fucking moron? 610 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,687 I'm one of your contacts. 611 00:25:02,144 --> 00:25:03,645 - So? - So, at some point, 612 00:25:03,728 --> 00:25:07,061 AI Dinesh is going to reach out to AI Gilfoyle. 613 00:25:07,978 --> 00:25:10,103 Oh fuck. 614 00:25:10,186 --> 00:25:11,645 (POWER WHIRRING DOWN) 615 00:25:11,728 --> 00:25:13,895 (BEEPING) 616 00:25:14,228 --> 00:25:16,144 Oh fuck indeed. 617 00:25:16,436 --> 00:25:18,103 GABE: Uh, hey, Dinesh? 618 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:22,770 Yes, Gabe? 619 00:25:24,103 --> 00:25:25,937 I think the network is down. 620 00:25:27,269 --> 00:25:28,770 Thank you, Gabe. 621 00:25:30,812 --> 00:25:31,853 GABE: Uh, hey, Dinesh? 622 00:25:31,937 --> 00:25:33,853 DINESH: Yes, Gabe? 623 00:25:33,937 --> 00:25:35,311 Can you fix it? 624 00:25:37,311 --> 00:25:39,353 ♪ ♪ 625 00:25:39,436 --> 00:25:40,353 Oh. 626 00:25:40,436 --> 00:25:42,103 Ah, Uber's almost here. 627 00:25:42,186 --> 00:25:44,353 You know, um, there's a couple of beers 628 00:25:44,436 --> 00:25:46,311 back at the office with our names on them 629 00:25:46,395 --> 00:25:47,788 'cause when I put it back in the fridge, 630 00:25:47,812 --> 00:25:48,978 I put our names on them. 631 00:25:49,061 --> 00:25:50,853 - Sure. Yeah, we've earned it. - (LAUGHTER) 632 00:25:50,937 --> 00:25:53,603 COLIN: What Richard created is fucking amazing. 633 00:25:53,687 --> 00:25:56,061 We're all gonna be rich! Look, 634 00:25:56,144 --> 00:25:58,353 I'm doing blow, so it's lighting up drugs, 635 00:25:58,436 --> 00:26:00,937 but it's also lighting up unprotected sex 636 00:26:01,019 --> 00:26:02,520 and geotagging the Four Seasons. 637 00:26:02,603 --> 00:26:06,269 It's the greatest data aggregating platform in history. 638 00:26:06,353 --> 00:26:08,728 This could flip our whole business model, 639 00:26:08,812 --> 00:26:11,937 and Richard developed it specifically for us. 640 00:26:12,019 --> 00:26:13,269 Hey! There he is. 641 00:26:15,144 --> 00:26:18,728 So, you guys wanna hear me banging Harold's wife? Sorry. 642 00:26:18,812 --> 00:26:21,228 It's okay, we're poly. Right, Dan? 643 00:26:21,311 --> 00:26:22,978 (LAUGHTER) 644 00:26:25,019 --> 00:26:28,269 TRACY: Over seven million emails. 645 00:26:29,478 --> 00:26:31,728 - All on our servers. - My servers. 646 00:26:31,812 --> 00:26:34,895 Virtually all containing racist invective, 647 00:26:34,978 --> 00:26:36,812 and pornographic diagrams. 648 00:26:36,895 --> 00:26:38,645 - Yep. - Care to explain? 649 00:26:39,144 --> 00:26:40,186 AI glitch. 650 00:26:40,269 --> 00:26:41,603 Human error. 651 00:26:41,687 --> 00:26:42,978 I will rectify. 652 00:26:43,061 --> 00:26:46,269 Oh, oh, no, don't delete AI Dinesh. I love him. 653 00:26:46,353 --> 00:26:47,853 I can be more like AI Dinesh. 654 00:26:47,937 --> 00:26:50,520 I'll learn from my mistakes. I'll optimize myself... 655 00:26:50,603 --> 00:26:52,228 And... 656 00:26:52,311 --> 00:26:53,687 deleted. 657 00:26:54,645 --> 00:26:56,019 GABE: Uh, hey, Dinesh? 658 00:26:56,103 --> 00:26:57,728 (CHAIR RATTLING) 659 00:26:59,019 --> 00:27:01,895 Can I get the tech spec from you, please? 660 00:27:01,978 --> 00:27:03,269 Sure, Gabe. 661 00:27:03,353 --> 00:27:04,687 (CLICKING) 662 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,144 ♪ ♪ 663 00:27:12,603 --> 00:27:13,728 - Paul! - Gavin. 664 00:27:13,812 --> 00:27:14,937 Did the deal close? 665 00:27:15,019 --> 00:27:16,353 - It did. - What'd I tell you? 666 00:27:16,436 --> 00:27:18,645 Did you actually look at the specifics of the deal? 667 00:27:18,728 --> 00:27:21,103 I didn't have to. Did we have to shut some divisions? 668 00:27:21,186 --> 00:27:22,829 Of course. Will some people have to sacrifice 669 00:27:22,853 --> 00:27:24,978 their pensions and the like? Well, that's up to you, 670 00:27:25,061 --> 00:27:27,978 but we all have to make sacrifices for the cause. 671 00:27:28,061 --> 00:27:30,228 I really wish you had looked at these numbers. 672 00:27:30,311 --> 00:27:32,520 The new Hooli will be significantly smaller. 673 00:27:32,603 --> 00:27:34,812 But you just said Hooli. Did you hear that? 674 00:27:34,895 --> 00:27:36,812 And that's all that really matters. 675 00:27:36,895 --> 00:27:38,895 - So, make it work. - Yes, I've been trying. 676 00:27:38,978 --> 00:27:40,728 To-to that end, uh, 677 00:27:40,812 --> 00:27:43,144 since we have so many employees moving to Amazon, 678 00:27:43,228 --> 00:27:46,603 - we don't need as much space and we need to reduce cost. - (CRANE WHINING) 679 00:27:46,687 --> 00:27:48,269 - So... - What is going on? 680 00:27:48,353 --> 00:27:51,311 Why is their logo bigger than ours? 681 00:27:51,395 --> 00:27:54,478 Because, technically, we are now subletting from them. 682 00:27:54,561 --> 00:27:56,496 It was the only way Hooli could afford to stay here. 683 00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:58,353 You're telling me that El Pollo Loco corporate 684 00:27:58,436 --> 00:28:00,186 has more employees than we do? 685 00:28:00,269 --> 00:28:02,186 How many divisions did I just give up? 686 00:28:02,269 --> 00:28:03,853 We need to fix this! Now! 687 00:28:03,937 --> 00:28:05,311 The term sheet is binding, 688 00:28:05,395 --> 00:28:08,228 and, as of this morning, I now work at Amazon. 689 00:28:11,436 --> 00:28:12,853 Be well, Gavin. 690 00:28:12,937 --> 00:28:15,603 (SCRAPING) 691 00:28:16,144 --> 00:28:17,603 - (SHATTERS) - Fuck! 692 00:28:17,687 --> 00:28:20,186 JARED: What do you mean, "Am I still happy at Pied Piper?" 693 00:28:20,269 --> 00:28:22,061 W-why would you even ask me that? 694 00:28:22,978 --> 00:28:24,162 Well, I know you're my therapist. 695 00:28:24,186 --> 00:28:25,704 I was there when the court appointed you. 696 00:28:25,728 --> 00:28:28,061 But I-I let my desire to be around Richard, 697 00:28:28,144 --> 00:28:29,436 and to be needed by him, 698 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,103 turn me into some kind of a craven yes-man, 699 00:28:32,186 --> 00:28:33,937 and it clouded my judgment, 700 00:28:34,019 --> 00:28:35,770 and I led him down a horrible path. 701 00:28:37,269 --> 00:28:38,311 What? 702 00:28:38,895 --> 00:28:42,311 I'm not... I'm not gonna dignify that. Of course I belong there. 703 00:28:42,395 --> 00:28:44,478 Where else would I possibly belong? 704 00:28:45,103 --> 00:28:46,728 All right, well, 705 00:28:47,603 --> 00:28:49,228 I'm home, so... 706 00:28:49,978 --> 00:28:51,520 I guess we're gonna have to, uh... 707 00:28:51,603 --> 00:28:53,019 BIG HEAD: Jared? 708 00:28:53,770 --> 00:28:55,436 What are you doing here? 709 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,144 ♪ ♪ 710 00:29:00,478 --> 00:29:02,478 I-I don't know. 711 00:29:02,561 --> 00:29:04,978 BIG HEAD: Thought you moved out? 712 00:29:07,186 --> 00:29:09,561 It's Big Head, from here. 713 00:29:09,645 --> 00:29:10,770 (SIMON GAME BEEPING) 714 00:29:10,853 --> 00:29:13,019 The garage hasn't changed a bit. 715 00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:16,395 Although, the rodents are back in force. 716 00:29:16,478 --> 00:29:17,895 - Oh, cool. - (BEEPING) 717 00:29:17,978 --> 00:29:19,228 Big Head, 718 00:29:19,311 --> 00:29:21,019 I need to talk to you about business. 719 00:29:21,395 --> 00:29:24,395 - Oh hi, Jared. - Jian-Yang, I was just 720 00:29:24,478 --> 00:29:26,728 taking a little walk down memory lane... 721 00:29:26,812 --> 00:29:29,311 Can you stay or go? This is not interesting to me. 722 00:29:29,895 --> 00:29:31,103 JIAN-YANG: Big Head, 723 00:29:31,186 --> 00:29:33,520 we need to kick Gwart out of the incubator. 724 00:29:33,603 --> 00:29:36,186 Oh, really? I thought we like Gwart. 725 00:29:36,269 --> 00:29:37,645 - (BEEPING) - Oh, damn it. 726 00:29:37,728 --> 00:29:38,520 Gwart? 727 00:29:38,603 --> 00:29:40,853 Gwart has a very good idea, 728 00:29:40,937 --> 00:29:42,019 very good software, 729 00:29:42,103 --> 00:29:45,061 but when I ask her for business plan, 730 00:29:45,144 --> 00:29:47,269 she doesn't have a business plan. 731 00:29:47,353 --> 00:29:48,978 She's a brilliant coder, 732 00:29:49,061 --> 00:29:51,978 but this is not a charity. 733 00:29:52,061 --> 00:29:54,436 She's also not very friendly. 734 00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:56,770 It's a bad for the vibe. 735 00:29:56,853 --> 00:30:01,311 This place should be a cool hang. 736 00:30:01,895 --> 00:30:03,645 I got you some new cans, by the way. 737 00:30:03,728 --> 00:30:06,228 - Thank you, Big Head. - (GAME BEEPING) 738 00:30:09,019 --> 00:30:10,770 - (POPS) - (CAN CLATTERS) 739 00:30:10,853 --> 00:30:12,770 - Nice. - (COCKING) 740 00:30:12,853 --> 00:30:15,645 - (GUN POPS) - (CAN CLATTERS) 741 00:30:15,728 --> 00:30:16,853 Hey. 742 00:30:16,937 --> 00:30:19,061 Looks like you could use a little help? 743 00:30:19,144 --> 00:30:20,728 May I? 744 00:30:30,228 --> 00:30:31,603 (SLURPING) 745 00:30:32,061 --> 00:30:33,353 Hi, I'm Jared. 746 00:30:38,269 --> 00:30:41,687 ("EASY LOVING" BY FREDDIE HART PLAYING) 747 00:30:47,812 --> 00:30:52,353 ♪ Easy lovin' ♪ 748 00:30:53,561 --> 00:30:56,812 ♪ Every day's Thanksgiving ♪ 749 00:30:58,186 --> 00:31:01,436 ♪ To count all my blessings ♪ 750 00:31:02,603 --> 00:31:06,395 ♪ I wouldn't know where to start ♪ 751 00:31:08,687 --> 00:31:10,603 ♪ Every time ♪ 752 00:31:10,687 --> 00:31:13,436 ♪ I look you over ♪ 753 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:17,269 ♪ So real to life it seems ♪ 754 00:31:18,436 --> 00:31:20,520 ♪ Up on your ♪ 755 00:31:20,603 --> 00:31:22,478 ♪ Pretty shoulders ♪ 756 00:31:22,561 --> 00:31:24,853 ♪ There's a pair of ♪ 757 00:31:24,937 --> 00:31:28,603 ♪ Angel wings... ♪ 758 00:31:40,812 --> 00:31:44,103 ♪ Life with you is like living ♪ 759 00:31:45,478 --> 00:31:48,687 ♪ In a beautiful dream... ♪ 760 00:31:52,687 --> 00:31:56,228 A man offered us a billion dollars. 761 00:31:56,311 --> 00:31:57,645 You said, "no." 762 00:31:57,728 --> 00:31:59,561 A very bad man. And he would have turned us 763 00:31:59,645 --> 00:32:01,436 into the worst possible version of ourselves. 764 00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:03,080 I mean, you can't put a price on ethics. 765 00:32:03,311 --> 00:32:05,061 BERTRAM GILFOYLE: But it seems you just did. 766 00:32:05,436 --> 00:32:07,186 One billion dollars. 767 00:32:08,645 --> 00:32:10,371 GAVIN BELSON: I will be asking the tech community 768 00:32:10,395 --> 00:32:12,144 to sign their name onto this. 769 00:32:12,353 --> 00:32:14,812 Tech ethics. Or tethics for short. 770 00:32:14,895 --> 00:32:16,478 No one in town is ever gonna sign 771 00:32:16,561 --> 00:32:18,395 this hypocrite's hypocritical garbage. 772 00:32:18,478 --> 00:32:19,478 Hey, Richard. 773 00:32:20,353 --> 00:32:21,436 Ah... what? 774 00:32:22,144 --> 00:32:24,561 - It's my resignation letter. - What? 775 00:32:24,812 --> 00:32:26,186 Pied Piper isn't the same company 776 00:32:26,269 --> 00:32:28,687 that I signed up for. She has different needs now. 777 00:32:28,895 --> 00:32:30,645 You buddy fucker. 778 00:32:30,728 --> 00:32:31,853 I'm not a buddy fucker. 779 00:32:31,937 --> 00:32:33,120 RICHARD HENDRICKS: I am your buddy, 780 00:32:33,144 --> 00:32:35,186 and you are fucking me. Ergo... 781 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:36,853 you are a buddy fucker. 782 00:32:37,853 --> 00:32:39,228 - See the logo? - Russ. 783 00:32:39,311 --> 00:32:41,103 Check it! (HUMMING) 784 00:32:41,186 --> 00:32:44,687 One, two, three. Boom! Tres commas tequila. Boom! 785 00:32:44,937 --> 00:32:46,645 Dollar sign, boom! Billionaire, boom! 786 00:32:46,728 --> 00:32:49,520 Russ, boom! Fest, boom! Russfest! 787 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,186 You're not doing anything illegal here, are you? 788 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:56,812 Fuck the police.57146

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