Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,472
NARRATOR:
Kids, in the spring of 2008,
2
00:00:03,537 --> 00:00:04,967
something kinda strange
had been happening
3
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,169
to your Uncle Barney.
4
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,210
He'd be doing great
with a woman...
5
00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:10,206
So I throw the pressurized
oxygen tank in his mouth,
6
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,908
I shoot the tank, boom!
7
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,279
No more shark.
8
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,817
Mr. Holland and I swim
back to shore.
9
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,323
Let me freshen your drink.
10
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,715
He'd only be gone
a few moments,
11
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:20,947
but when he returned...
12
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:21,991
So where were we?
13
00:00:22,056 --> 00:00:24,126
...he'd get slapped.
14
00:00:24,192 --> 00:00:25,532
It kept happening.
15
00:00:25,593 --> 00:00:26,733
Jerk!
16
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:30,656
Until finally,
Lily was approached
17
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,271
by a mysterious woman
18
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,673
who warned her
to stay away from Barney.
19
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,765
So when it happened
once more...
20
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:38,637
Again?!
21
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,736
Really?! Wait...
22
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,108
...Barney knew who to look for.
23
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,563
Hey, hey.
24
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:03,760
Hey, excuse me.
25
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,831
Did I sleep with you
and then totally
screw you over?
26
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,499
No.
27
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,769
What are you doing
on Friday?
28
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:13,043
(grunts)
29
00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:14,107
Hey!
30
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,835
Uh... no.
31
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,079
Stop!
32
00:01:17,145 --> 00:01:18,445
(groans)
33
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,982
Amy?
34
00:01:21,048 --> 00:01:23,118
Abby.
35
00:01:23,184 --> 00:01:26,154
Right.
36
00:01:41,034 --> 00:01:43,174
NARRATOR:
Kids, sometimes
you can do something right
37
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,737
a thousand times in a row...
38
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,865
A rainbow!
39
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,640
That's beautiful!
40
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:50,710
What a beautiful
41
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:52,248
rainbow!
42
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:55,583
Another rainbow?
43
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,619
It's beautiful!
44
00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:00,185
But then, that
thousand-and-first time...
45
00:02:00,254 --> 00:02:01,824
You're kidding me.
46
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,389
Seriously, aren't you
sick of these things?
47
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,889
Uh-oh.
48
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,430
Hey, how was
your day?
49
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:12,597
Today, I yelled at a little girl
for painting a rainbow.
50
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:13,666
A rainbow?
51
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,374
Sounds like that bitch
had it coming.
52
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:19,167
Hey.
53
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:22,180
So, uh, I just met
with the contractor.
54
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:23,513
And it turns out,
55
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,307
that fixing the floors
of the new apartment
56
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,319
is going to cost a lot more
than the estimate.
57
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:29,681
But we can barely afford that
to begin with.
58
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:31,750
I hate to say this,
59
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,559
but I think you're going to have
to sell your stuff.
60
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:35,622
Whoa! Marshall,
61
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,959
that's just a game we play
in the bedroom.
62
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,825
I mean your clothes.
63
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:41,803
All those designer pieces
and everything.
64
00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:42,962
What?
65
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,230
Why just my clothes?
66
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:45,728
We can sell my stuff, too,
67
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:46,729
but I got to
tell you,
68
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,170
I think your Marc Jacobs
cocktail dress
69
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:49,536
is going to go
for a lot more
70
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,473
than my "Split Happens"
bowling shirt.
71
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:53,539
Dude.
(whispering):
I'm not selling that.
72
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:56,813
I've already made
the Website.
73
00:02:56,877 --> 00:02:58,207
You made a Website?
74
00:02:58,279 --> 00:02:59,849
Yeah, it's called
75
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,923
"Lily-and-Marshall-sell-
their-stuff-dot-com."
76
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:07,594
No, you know what would be
a better name for the site?
77
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:11,685
Guy-forces-his-wife-
to-dress-in-a-garbage-bag-
78
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:15,559
for-the-next-
three-years-dot-com.
79
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:16,959
Whoa.
80
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,700
That's real.
81
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:19,896
Now I'm worried.
82
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:22,537
That woman is actually wearing
a-a garbage bag.
83
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,073
Hmm, but,
girlfriend,
84
00:03:24,137 --> 00:03:26,707
you cannot pull off
a tall kitchen.
85
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,944
Why are you trying
to ruin my life?
86
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,550
Well, you slept with me
and then you never
called me again.
87
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:33,983
And?
88
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:34,977
That's it.
89
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,448
That's it?
90
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:37,487
As far as I'm concerned,
91
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:38,751
if I leave you safe
on dry land
92
00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,189
with adequate
transportation home,
93
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,294
you've got nothing
to complain about.
94
00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:43,085
Well, it hurt, okay?
95
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,626
And then Ted,
the love of my life,
96
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:46,332
started dating my boss
instead of me.
97
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:47,904
Do you know
how that feels?
98
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:51,231
Oh, boo-hoo, poor little Ashley.
99
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:53,299
Abby!
Abby.
100
00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,337
A few weeks ago,
101
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:56,672
Ted dumped me as his wingman.
102
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,367
You had a crush on him
for a couple weeks?
103
00:03:58,439 --> 00:04:01,209
I was Ted's best friend
for seven years.
104
00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,835
Ted said Marshall
was his best friend.
105
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,140
Seven years!
106
00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,881
Sorry.
107
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:07,046
Ted.
108
00:04:07,114 --> 00:04:08,184
What an idiot.
109
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,278
With his stupid
110
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:12,991
"meaningful relationship"
with Stella.
111
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:13,993
Ted.
112
00:04:14,054 --> 00:04:15,264
Ted.
113
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,293
I hate Ted.
114
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,457
I hate Ted more.
115
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:19,325
Are you as turned on
as I am?
116
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,633
Probably not quite as much.
117
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,395
(sighs)
118
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:26,004
I'm sorry
I yelled out "Ted."
119
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,466
I'm sorry
I yelled out "Abby."
120
00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:30,966
I am Abby.
121
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,008
Oh, cool.
122
00:04:33,073 --> 00:04:34,783
This is insane.
123
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,812
Has Lily even worn
half this stuff?
124
00:04:36,877 --> 00:04:38,447
Oh, yeah, like there's nothing
in your closet
125
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,682
you've never worn?
126
00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,547
As a matter of fact,
no, there isn't.
127
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,175
Whatever, red cowboy boots.
Hey,
128
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,521
those are nice boots.
129
00:04:45,586 --> 00:04:47,046
I totally pull those off.
130
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,760
Hey, Lil,
131
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:49,962
if I were to say
132
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,893
"Ted could never pull them off,"
133
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,329
What would I be
talking about?
His red
cowboy boots.
134
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,625
I totally pull them off!
135
00:04:55,696 --> 00:04:57,366
It's a classic Western look.
136
00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:00,331
Oh, okay, uh,
today's category:
137
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:03,841
classic Westerns
that involve red cowboy boots.
138
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:04,874
Ooh, ooh!
Robin.
139
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,678
"The Good, the Bad,
and the Fabulous."
140
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:08,481
Ooh!
141
00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:11,282
"The Magnificent Kevin."
142
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,945
"No Country for Straight Men."
143
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,024
(laughing)
144
00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,853
I don't want to sell my clothes!
145
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:19,949
Oh, I know, sweetie.
146
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:21,020
Come here.
147
00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,288
Yeah.
148
00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:24,186
Mmm. Is this a hundred
percent silk?
149
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,827
Lily,
150
00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,463
listen, we really
need the money.
151
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,728
I have some leads on a job,
but until then,
152
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:32,327
I just... I don't know
what else we can do.
153
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:35,700
I'll sell my paintings!
154
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,139
What?
155
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:39,214
Yeah, I'll sell my paintings.
156
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,712
Good oil paintings go
for like, $500.
157
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:42,805
Yeah.
158
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:43,906
Totally.
159
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,077
But...
160
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:47,175
Kids, sometimes you can
do something right
161
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,977
a thousand times in a row...
162
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,149
I love it.
163
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,847
It's a masterpiece.
164
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:55,791
That's it. We're
selling the TV.
165
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,356
I just want to come home
and stare at this
166
00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,425
all day.
Aw.
167
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:01,633
Somebody call
the cops!
168
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,255
My wife stole an awesome
painting from the museum!
169
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:05,601
Aw.
170
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,570
But then, that
thousand-and-first time...
171
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:11,867
...that kind of money only goes
for real paintings.
172
00:06:11,939 --> 00:06:13,309
Uh-oh.
173
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,583
What does that mean?
174
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:18,213
Look, it just, it just means
175
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,048
that-that we need money
right now
176
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,353
and I'm not sure that
selling your paintings
177
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:23,676
is-is how we're going
to get it.
178
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,651
You don't believe in me.
179
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,286
No, wait, wait!
180
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,455
Of c...
181
00:06:29,523 --> 00:06:30,963
of course I believe in you!
182
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,494
Marshall, I am proud of my work
as an artist.
183
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:35,301
My paintings are good.
184
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,132
I bet Robin would buy one.
185
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,467
What now?
186
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,933
I love your painting,
187
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,241
I just... I'm trying
to be realistic.
188
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,543
Well, how much money
do we need
189
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,206
for the contractor
to finish the job?
190
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,784
About 1,500 bucks.
191
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,142
Okay.
192
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,650
So, if I can sell three of my
paintings at 500 bucks a pop,
193
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,784
then I get to keep
all my clothes.
194
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:56,949
Babe,
195
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,347
we need money fast.
196
00:06:58,418 --> 00:06:59,748
Well, give me a week.
197
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,250
(sighs)
198
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,291
Okay, a-a week.
199
00:07:03,356 --> 00:07:04,756
Fine.
Fine.
200
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,125
Fine.
201
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,137
Pulling.
202
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:20,636
Them.
203
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,638
Off.
204
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,580
NARRATOR:
Lily's first move in the
great art challenge of 2008
205
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,521
was to display one
of her favorite paintings
206
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:33,786
at her friend's gallery.
207
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,964
The night didn't go so well.
208
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:41,263
* *
209
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,228
But then at the last minute...
210
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,926
I love it.
211
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:45,698
You do?
212
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,226
Yeah, your top. It's gorgeous.
213
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,640
Is that 100% silk?
214
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,402
It's not for sale!
My clothes are not for sale!
215
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,671
So the next day,
216
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:54,610
Lily took her painting
to a coffee house
217
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:55,975
that displayed local artists.
218
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,153
We've been sitting
here for hours
219
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,811
and nobody's even glanced
at my painting.
220
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:01,521
Come on.
221
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:03,082
Let's start
talking it up.
222
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,590
Wow!
223
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:07,252
I really like
that painting!
224
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,020
It's neat!
225
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,559
The-the colors are neat.
226
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,055
The-the shapes
are neat.
227
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:15,026
It's really just...
228
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:16,695
neat.
229
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:18,798
What?
230
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,266
Observe.
(clears throat)
231
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:24,974
I think there's a dynamic
quality to the brushwork
232
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,268
that, combined with the
fluid composition,
233
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:30,610
creates an almost
Kandinsky-like
emotional resonance.
234
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:34,378
Yes, and you can still enjoy it
235
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:36,677
even if you're not
a pretentious douche.
236
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:40,220
Can you clarify something for me
about your critique?
237
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:43,617
Are the colors "neat" or are
they more "neato burrito?"
238
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,591
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
239
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,029
Uh, then again,
red cowboy boots.
240
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:49,025
I pull these off!
241
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:50,256
(all laugh)
242
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:52,430
I pull these off!
243
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:54,799
You know what I hate
most about Ted?
244
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,198
What?
245
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,269
His stupid hair.
246
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,768
His stupid, lame
awesome hair.
247
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,911
It's so stupid
and awesome.
248
00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,553
You know what I hate
most about Ted?
What?
249
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,875
How he's always like,
250
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:11,849
"Oh, I want to fall in love
and have a relationship.
251
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:14,089
I care about the people
I have sex with."
252
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,524
He's so lame.
253
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,289
He's so lame and awesome.
254
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,588
You know what he needs?
255
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:21,661
He needs
256
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,499
to see just how horrible he is
257
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:24,873
when he's in a relationship.
258
00:09:24,932 --> 00:09:28,672
Yeah, and I need to show
Ted that I'm over him.
259
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:30,936
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
260
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,874
I think so.
261
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,080
You're thinking of
having sex with Ted?
262
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,280
After four days without
selling a single painting,
263
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,617
Lily was getting desperate.
264
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,122
Painting for sale!
265
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,023
$500!
266
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,115
Lifelong dream hanging
in the balance!
267
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,888
It's like
268
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,927
they don't
even see us.
269
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:54,192
Yeah, we're dirt
to them.
270
00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:55,731
What do you need money for?
271
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:58,126
Oh, I'm trying to fix
the hardwood floors
272
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,268
in my new apartment.
273
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:00,372
You?
274
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,003
Heroin.
275
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:04,369
Oh.
276
00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,337
Do you like heroin?
277
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,466
Love it.
278
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,940
In fact, if you sell that,
279
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:11,039
I'm going to take your money
and go buy some more heroin.
280
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:14,951
Thanks for your honesty,
Crazy Sock Guy.
281
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,187
Oh, I'm never gonna
sell this...
282
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:20,392
It's not very good.
283
00:10:22,089 --> 00:10:24,419
And just as she was about
to lose all hope,
284
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,161
something amazing happened.
285
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,157
Oh, my God!
286
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,159
Ha!
287
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,430
500 bucks!
288
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,668
Who's a real painter now,
Marshall?
289
00:10:33,734 --> 00:10:35,644
Honey, I never said
you weren't a real painter.
290
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:36,873
Oh, I know, sweetie.
291
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,907
And since I'm
a professional artist now,
292
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,843
I'm going to sketch you
an Aldrin original,
293
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,140
you know,
to say thanks
294
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,111
for being such
a supportive husband.
295
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:48,249
I'm thinking about
calling it...
296
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,045
"Suck It!"
297
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:51,577
Lily, come on.
298
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:52,721
I'm proud of you.
299
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:53,786
Who-who bought it?
300
00:10:53,854 --> 00:10:55,424
Well, that's
the best part.
301
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,288
A gay couple without kids.
302
00:10:57,357 --> 00:10:58,857
A G-CWOK!
303
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,856
You bagged
a G-CWOK?!
304
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,258
Yeah, that's right.
305
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:04,799
They are the heart and soul
of the art-buying community.
306
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:05,995
You know what you
should do?
307
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:07,396
You should call
up the G-CWOKs
308
00:11:07,467 --> 00:11:08,567
and offer them
a free painting
309
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:09,935
if they throw a
private art party
310
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,373
for all their
G-CWOK friends.
311
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:12,368
That's an amazing idea.
312
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:14,139
I'm going to go call them.
313
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,607
(gasping):
I can probably sell two more
paintings with time to spare.
314
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,007
Oh, wait, Marshall.
315
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,609
There was something
I had to tell you.
316
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,250
What was it?
317
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:23,445
Oh, that's right.
318
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,886
(singsongy):
Suck it.
319
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,585
Hey.
320
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:36,230
Ted, fancy bumping
into you here.
321
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,726
Have you guys met
my girlfriend Abby?
322
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:39,869
Uh, yeah.
323
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,273
Hi, Abby.
Hello,
324
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,744
Abby.
So, uh,
325
00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,373
s-so you guys are dating now?
326
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,407
That's right.
327
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:48,082
I am done with this whole
being awesome thing.
328
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,411
Now I'm all about
farmers' markets
329
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,946
and day hikes in matching
khaki cargo shorts.
330
00:11:53,013 --> 00:11:54,153
Isn't that right,
sweetie?
331
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,024
That's right.
332
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,452
And girlfriends are lame.
333
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:57,786
Unless they're me.
334
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,551
I miss you, Ted.
335
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:01,249
BARNEY:
Abby and I
336
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,861
are in love.
337
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,063
Not hot passionate love.
338
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,355
Couple love.
339
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,826
You know, movie night
with my girlfriend,
340
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,396
then waiting
for her to go to bed
341
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:13,473
so I can steal one pitiful
moment of hollow ecstasy
342
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,203
by the cold, blue light
of my computer monitor.
343
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:19,667
We're showing Ted
how lame he is.
344
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:22,139
You don't have
to say it, though.
345
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,209
Uh, okay, Barney, you can stop.
346
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,208
Stop what, Ted?
347
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:27,179
Stop being in love?
348
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,677
Next he'll ask us
to stop breathing.
349
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,478
(both laughing)
350
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,390
We can't stop
breathing, Ted.
351
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,092
Your hair looks amazing.
352
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,664
Um, Barney,
I, I see what you're doing.
353
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:38,834
Please stop.
354
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:40,132
Not before I share with you
355
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,203
what being in a relationship
leads to, Ted.
356
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,203
Abby,
357
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,204
Pookie Bear...
358
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:50,136
I am so pathetically desperate
for you that...
359
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:53,243
aw, heck,
I'll just say it.
360
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,435
Will you marry me?
361
00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:59,580
(gasping):
Wait, really?
362
00:12:59,646 --> 00:13:02,776
I would never joke
about true love.
363
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:04,723
Yes, I'll marry you.
364
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:05,824
Okay.
(applause)
365
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:06,846
(laughing)
366
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,890
Thank you, thank you.
367
00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:11,557
I have to call my mom.
368
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,334
(laughs)
369
00:13:13,393 --> 00:13:14,963
That's you.
370
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:18,528
Uh, yeah, I don't think
Abby knows you're kidding.
371
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:20,128
Uh, yes, she does.
372
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,300
It finally happened, Mama.
373
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,269
I just wish Daddy were alive
to walk me down the aisle.
374
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,539
Totally committed to the bit.
375
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:30,939
Yes, Lily Aldrin.
376
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,811
I sold you the painting
earlier today.
377
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,650
Oh, honey, hello.
378
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,954
You sound happy.
379
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,216
Are you kidding? We're popping
the champagne right now.
380
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:42,155
Well, I just wanted to offer you
an exclusive chance
381
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,422
to view some
of my other paintings.
382
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,661
Oh, honey, oh, sweetie, oh,
I guess I should have told you.
383
00:13:48,728 --> 00:13:50,598
We just bought that
for the frame.
384
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,003
What?
385
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:53,895
Yeah, it's an original
Anton Kreutzer,
386
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:56,097
a very rare frame
from the turn of the century.
387
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:59,839
So... y-you didn't like
my painting?
388
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:02,907
Oh, honey, oh, sweetie,
no, not at all.
389
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:04,276
But you know,
390
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:06,354
good for you.
391
00:14:06,413 --> 00:14:07,753
Okay.
392
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,154
Wow.
393
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:12,886
Well, if you didn't want
the painting, can I...
394
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,393
can I at least get it back?
395
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,764
Yeah, no,
we don't have it anymore.
396
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,394
Where is it?
397
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,289
(inhales sharply)
398
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,901
I see.
399
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:25,974
H-He threw out my painting.
400
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,840
Champagne for
everyone on me,
401
00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,413
the happiest guy in the world.
402
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,572
(cheering)
403
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,041
Ginger ale.
It's a bit.
404
00:14:40,914 --> 00:14:42,254
This is great.
405
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,375
My dream of becoming
an artist is dead,
406
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,651
and now I'm watching
my wardrobe disappear
407
00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:47,749
piece by piece.
408
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,160
(chimes)
409
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,962
There goes my
favorite dress.
410
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,485
This dress meant
a lot to me.
411
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,460
Really?
412
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,197
Yeah.
413
00:14:56,263 --> 00:15:00,673
It was spring of 2004 and I had
been having a hard few months.
414
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:05,338
Day-am.
415
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,735
I got a two-syllable "damn"
in this dress.
416
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:10,838
A two-syllable "damn."
417
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:13,010
That's the dream.
Yeah.
418
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,750
Now she belongs to...
419
00:15:14,814 --> 00:15:19,554
CanadaGirl@MetroNewsOne.com.
420
00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:21,249
It's still in the family.
421
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:23,262
Lily,
422
00:15:23,323 --> 00:15:25,033
you're not going
to believe this.
423
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,932
Something amazing happened.
What?
424
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:28,864
I went
to the G-CWOK's apartment.
425
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,498
Really? Why?
426
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:31,533
Because I felt guilty.
427
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:33,429
This auction was my idea
428
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:34,970
and now you've had
to sit around all day
429
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,865
while a bunch of vultures
ruthlessly pick apart
430
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,567
the carcass
of your wardrobe.
431
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,844
It's still in the family.
432
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,080
And more
importantly,
433
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:46,845
I honestly love
that painting
434
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:48,523
and I couldn't stand
to think of it
435
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:50,151
in a trashcan someplace.
436
00:15:50,217 --> 00:15:51,647
Well, what happened?
437
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:54,118
Well, hello.
438
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,257
Hi, um... Lawrence.
439
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,793
I-I'm here about the painting
my wife Lily sold you--
440
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,588
the one in the
nice frame.
441
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,000
Talk about a nice frame.
442
00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:04,703
My, my, you are a
big one, aren't you?
443
00:16:04,764 --> 00:16:06,634
And you're married to that
little bit of a thing.
444
00:16:06,699 --> 00:16:07,969
How does that work?
445
00:16:08,035 --> 00:16:10,495
I'd like to find out.
446
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:11,500
Yeah, we get it.
447
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,611
Gay guys like you.
448
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,382
No, Lily, they love me,
449
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,342
but that's not the
important part.
450
00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:19,079
Here's the
important part.
451
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:20,346
Since you're clearly
a man
452
00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,053
of impeccable taste and style,
453
00:16:22,115 --> 00:16:24,715
I-I came down here
to ask you:
454
00:16:24,784 --> 00:16:26,694
what do you think of the boots?
455
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,523
Walter.
456
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,734
Boots.
457
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,697
Pulling.
458
00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:40,726
Them.
459
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:42,200
Off.
460
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,612
I'll be in the cab.
461
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:53,414
G-CWOK-approved.
462
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:54,580
The painting.
463
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,977
Right, so, um,
they told me they threw it
464
00:16:57,050 --> 00:16:58,290
in the building's
Dumpster.
465
00:16:58,351 --> 00:16:59,751
It wasn't in there,
466
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:02,259
but the super told me
that he'd seen one Dr. Greer--
467
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,692
a veterinarian
who works in the building--
468
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,556
take the painting
out of the trash.
469
00:17:05,625 --> 00:17:06,725
Dr. Greer?
470
00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:09,363
Who's Dr. Greer a-and
why did he take my painting?
471
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,359
You're about
to find out.
472
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,170
Long story short, I had
to make a trash run.
473
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,835
Been a busy day--
lots of neuterings.
474
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,174
Ooh, we don't
need the details.
475
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:20,609
Oh, n-n-no,
it's not what you think.
476
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,683
Oh, thank God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
mostly just dog testicles.
477
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:23,742
Anyway...
478
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,250
I noticed your painting
479
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:27,453
just sitting right there on top
480
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:30,984
and I thought,
"Hey, free painting,"
481
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,320
so I brought it upstairs
482
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,316
and hung it up
in Exam Room 3,
483
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,318
and then
the strangest thing happened.
484
00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:40,958
Hey, Muffin.
485
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,127
(dog growling)
486
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,526
Whoa, I think he remembers me
487
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,397
from the last time
he was here.
488
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,426
(barks)
489
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,270
Take Muffin to Exam Room 3.
490
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:50,396
I'll meet you there.
491
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:54,544
I went in, expecting the worst.
492
00:17:56,376 --> 00:18:00,376
I'd never seen Muffin
that calm,
493
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:02,617
and then a little later
the same thing happened again
494
00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:04,822
with Tidbit...
495
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:07,954
and King Larry...
496
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,820
and again
with the Weinstein triplets.
497
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:16,756
Something about your art speaks
to the canine sensibility
498
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,429
on a very primal level.
499
00:18:18,498 --> 00:18:19,628
Really?
500
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:20,829
Dogs like my paintings?
501
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:21,930
Yeah.
502
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,541
But you know who it bums out?
503
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:24,673
Birds.
504
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:25,937
Yeah.
505
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,105
Had a parrot in there today.
506
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,444
He took one look at it,
pried open his cage,
507
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,639
flew right into the ceiling fan.
508
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:38,022
Anyway, because your
first painting worked so well,
509
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,124
I convinced Dr. Greer
to buy four more.
510
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,117
Really?
Mm-hmm, at $500 apiece.
511
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,689
(gasping):
That's two grand.
512
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,786
That's more than we need
for the contractor.
513
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:48,198
Yeah, but I was actually
thinking we could reinvest it.
514
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:50,161
In what?
In you.
515
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:54,070
* *
516
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,843
NARRATOR:
Marshall explained that he was
building a fancy new Web site
517
00:18:56,903 --> 00:19:00,373
specifically to sell Lily's
artwork to veterinarians.
518
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,682
Well, it's not
exactly the clientele
519
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:05,984
I had in mind, but...
520
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,215
thank you for believing in me.
521
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:12,049
(wings flapping, bird squawking)
522
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,288
(thuds)
523
00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:17,694
Man, birds do not get you.
524
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,434
(knocking)
525
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,202
Hi, sweetie.
Hey,
526
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,971
I think I left my tie here.
Have you seen it?
527
00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:35,579
No, I'm in
wedding-planning mode.
528
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,282
Stressville.
Population: me.
529
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:38,554
Okay, big
decision.
530
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:40,011
What do you think
the cake should be:
531
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,079
Fudgie the Whale
or Cookie Puss?
532
00:19:42,148 --> 00:19:44,378
Yeah, that was a bit.
533
00:19:44,451 --> 00:19:45,951
We were doing a bit.
534
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,288
So I'm thinking Labor Day.
535
00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:48,894
I was going to say
Fourth of July,
536
00:19:48,955 --> 00:19:51,385
but I don't want to steal any
attention away from America.
537
00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:57,163
Abby, I've...
I've got some bad news.
538
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,200
I can't marry you.
What?
539
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,567
Ted begged me not to.
540
00:20:02,635 --> 00:20:04,095
I think he's in love with you.
541
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:05,340
Really?
542
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,935
Yes, our plan worked better
than we ever dreamed.
543
00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:10,137
You have to go to him.
544
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,549
Here's his home address.
545
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,882
But you know what?
He works late,
546
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,416
so I wouldn't go before 2:00
or 3:00 in the morning.
547
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,223
Oh, my God, thank you.
548
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,245
But now I feel wrong
keeping this.
549
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,260
Oh, yeah,
I wouldn't worry about that.
550
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,592
That's made of candy.
551
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,287
Later.
34213
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof