All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E21.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

Chief: in our previous episode
King charles of coronia

was smuggled into the united
States inside a mummy case.

meanwhile, maxwell smart
Was ordered to grow a mustache

for a secret assignment.

You were instructed to grow a
Mustache. You call that a mustache?

There's a mustache under
Here someplace, chief.

Chief: that night at the
Coronian embassy, smart and 99,

as ordered, attended
A masquerade ball...

unaware that a
Switch was to be made.

So once again, because of your
Remarkable resemblance to king charles,

We ask your help.

Chief: ordered to guard the
Coronian royal scepter with his life,

smart found himself face to face

with king charles's mortal
Enemy, rupert of rathskeller.

having to hide king charles
In the smart apartment

presented obvious difficulties.

99... I'm over here,
That's king charles.

You're not gonna like this chief,
But I forgot where I hid the scepter.

What?

That is exactly where
It's going to remain.

- in the umbrella stand?
- yes.

If you and I couldn't find it
In there, rupert never will.

All right, get started.

Chief: while smart
Relaxed with the belief

that king charles was
Safe in his apartment,

kaos had its typically ingenious
Method of getting someone inside,

someone who could kill the king.

Kaos agent: hello, rupert.

King charles is staying
With maxwell smart.

I've already sent
In the silent visitor.

In a matter of moments,

Every human being in that
Apartment will be dead.

Chief: kaos's silent visitor...
A giant deadly tarantula.

Max, don't you think you
Ought to come to bed?

Max, what's that
On your shoulder?

Don't make any sudden moves,
99. It's a deadly tarantula.

Max!

Now do exactly as I tell you.

go to your purse
And get out a mirror.

I got it, max. Now what?

Now come over here very slowly

And don't do anything
To startle the tarantula.

Now hold the mirror
Up, so he can see himself.

What good will that do?

Because he may think it's another
Tarantula and be attracted by it.

Okay.

He sees it, max.

Good. Now, now... Now
Pull the mirror back slowly.

It's working, max!

Good, now lay the mirror down.

He's crawling onto it, max.

Now, quick! Go in the kitchen

- and get me a jar.
- right.

Here, max.

I wanted an empty jar, 99.

Well, max, I didn't know
What you wanted it for.

- well, what was in there?
- horseradish.

Horseradish.

Killed him instantly.

Max, rupert must know that
We're keeping king charles here.

Why do you say that, 99?

Well, he must know. Someone put
That tarantula in our apartment.

Don't be ridiculous.

The window was open and
The tarantula came in by itself.

Well, I certainly
Hope you're right, max.

But I never heard of a tarantula
In this part of the country.

Maxie, what's going
On down there?

Oh, nothing, your highness.
Everything is... Just fine.

What is that terrible smell?

Uh, horseradish.

Horseradish? Smells
More like a tarantula.

Good morning, angel face.

Good morning, mrs. Smart. But
I'm afraid you've made a mistake.

I'm not angel face, I'm charles.

- oh.
- I'm angel face.

I'm terribly sorry. Excuse me.

Well, that's just
Great, 99, you did it again.

- oh, max I thought...
- I know what you thought,

- you thought it was me, right?
- right.

How was it?

- how was what?
- his kiss.

Well, it was just another kiss.

- oh, really.
- mm-hmm.

I didn't take any notice of it.

Max, I think you're jealous.

Jealous, are you kidding? I don't
Have a jealous bone in my whole body.

- were they soft?
- were what soft?

- his lips.
- oh, max, this is silly.

All right, 99, if you say it
Didn't mean anything to you,

Okay, it didn't mean anything to you.
We'll forget about the whole thing.

I'll never mention it again,
I'll never bring it up again.

We'll let bygones be bygones.

But just look me in
The eye and tell me

That it meant absolutely
Nothing to you.

It meant absolutely
Nothing to me.

I don't believe you.

Max, there's got to be some way
That I can tell you and the king apart.

I know, your wedding band.

He is not married so
He doesn't wear one.

That's how I'll tell
You apart, okay?

Okay.

And listen, I'm sorry
About the way I acted, 99.

I won't be jealous anymore.

Oh, that's all right, max.

Where are you going?

I'm going to ask the king
If he wants some coffee.

I'll go with you.

Where's the king?

He went down to the embassy.
He'll be back in a little while.

Max, it's almost noon. Aren't
You gong down to headquarters?

Well, I thought I'd go
In a little late today.

- oh, how late?
- like tomorrow morning.

Max, you know it isn't really
Necessary for you to stay here all day.

I can take care of the
King when he comes back.

99, are you trying
To get rid of me?

Of course I'm not, max.

I'm just saying that it isn't
Necessary for you to stay here all day.

Well, all right, I'll go
Down to headquarters.

- I'll see you later, 99.
- okay, max.

99's voice echoing: he left for
The embassy. He'll be back later.

max, there's no need
For you to stay here.

I can take care of king
Charles when he comes back.

Oh, you forgot your key, max.

Max?

I'm sorry, my dear, but
You've made a mistake.

It is I, king charles.

Oh, I'm sorry your highness, I
Just didn't expect you back so soon.

Well, it didn't take
As long as I expected.

Oh, I see. Well, if you'll excuse
Me, I'm just finishing the dishes.

Now, good, I'll help you.

That's very sweet of you, but it
Really isn't necessary, your highness.

Don't call me your
Highness. Call me charles.

Charles.

Max just left for headquarters.
He was a little late today.

Yes, I know. I just
Passed him in the hall

And I'm glad because it
Gives us a chance to be alone

And get better acquainted.

Uh, well, why don't we
Wait until max gets back

Then the three of us can
Get acquainted together?

You know, my dear,

I'm extremely fond
Of your husband,

But to tell you the truth

I think you could have
Done far, far better.

Your highness!

You may be our guest
And you may be a king,

But I really resent
What... Excuse me.

- hello.
- colonel von klaus: hello, mrs. Smart.

This is colonel von klaus.

Oh, would you like to
Speak to king charles?

No no, king charles
Is right here with me.

He is?

Colonel: of course. he's
In with the ambassador

signing some very
Important papers.

I see.

Colonel: your majesty
Wanted me to let you know

Not to wait dinner for
Him as he will be quite late.

Well, thank you very much
For calling, colonel von klaus.

Goodbye.

Is something wrong, my dear?

Mm-mmm.

That was just the cleaner calling
To say that a truck broke down.

They won't be able
To make the delivery.

Now... Now where were we?

Well, I was just about to suggest
That we open a bottle of champagne.

Ah, yes, champagne.

Champagne?

Yes, of course, my dear. Champagne,
What a splendid suggestion.

Well, not nearly as
Exiting as your suggestion.

Which suggestion was that?

That we get to know
Each other better.

No no, my dear,
This is all wrong.

I mean, after all,
Maxwell is my friend.

He has been kind enough to
Offer me his home, his hospitality.

Just consider it a package deal.

Uh... Yes.

Well, tell me about maxwell. He must
Be a very interesting fellow to live with.

Well, I wouldn't say interesting
Was exactly the word.

Not interesting, yes. Well,
He must be very exciting then.

Well, I don't think
Exciting is quite the word.

Romantic?

Romantic definitely
Isn't the word.

I'd say um... Routine
Would be a good word.

Routine? Maxwell doesn't
Seem routine to me at all.

Well, that's because
You're not married to him.

You know it is just amazing.

You and max look exactly alike

And yet you are two such
Entirely different personalities.

Yes, well, maxwell has
Many good qualities, my dear.

He is dependable, he is loyal,

He's faithful.

Kiss me.

He's finished.

No no, my dear, this
Is all wrong. I... I...

What max doesn't
Know won't hurt him.

Now, I'm going to go upstairs

And slip into something a
Little bit more comfortable.

You bring up the champagne
And the glasses, okay?

Ah, maxwell, my friend.

- how are you?
- terrible.

The scepter.

Don't tell me someone
Has stolen the scepter.

No no, the scepter
Is safely hidden.

This is something personal.
I can't talk about it.

My wife has been
Unfaithful to me.

Good heavens! With whom?

With me.

With you? I don't
Think I understand.

To think I broke up
My own marriage.

I'm afraid you talk
In riddles, my friend.

By the way, would
You tell mrs. Smart

To ignore colonel
Von klaus's phone call?

I will be dining with
You this evening.

We're practically newlyweds
And the first king who comes alo...

Colonel von klaus called? When?

This afternoon when I
Was with him at the embassy.

Well, then she knew
About it all the time.

I beg your pardon?

Well, now it's my turn to
Play a little joke on her.

Excuse me, your highness.

Where's the champagne?

In the refrigerator
Where it always is.

That is, if there's any left.

King charles is sitting downstairs
And he just polished off a whole bottle.

- king charles?
- yes, and he sure looked happy, 99.

You know, it makes me
Happy to see my friends happy.

Max, there's something that
I don't understand though.

Um, colonel von klaus
Called just a little while ago

And he said that king charles
Was with him at embassy.

Well, that was just a ruse, 99.

You see, we thought that
The wire might be tapped

So I went over to the embassy
And picked up the papers

That king charles
Was supposed to sign.

I brought them home.
He has them now.

Oh.

And you just came
Back right now, hm?

- mm-hmm.
- oh, no.

what's the matter, 99?

Is something wrong?

Oh, max, there's something
That I've got to tell you.

But before I say it, I
Just want you to know

That I love you more
Than anything in the world.

Oh, max. I have a
Confession to make.

Wait a minute, 99.

- I know what you're gonna say.
- you do?

Yes, and you don't
Have to say it.

You see, that... That was me
Down there on the couch with you.

I... I was playing a little
Joke on you. I don't know why.

I guess I was just jealous.

Oh, max.

- what was that?
- king charles.

Max, king charles is gone.

99, look.

we have the king. Bring the
Scepter to the embassy room,

place it on desk, then leave.

come alone or the
King dies... Rupert.

Where would rupert
Have taken him?

The embassy room,
The embassy room.

Wait a minute, 99.

How did rupert get into that
Room at the embassy last night?

What are you talking about, max?

Well, he couldn't have
Come through the door

Because I was facing that
Way and I would have seen him.

And he couldn't have
Come through the window

Because when I went out the
Window I noticed that it was locked.

Which means that there has
To be a secret passage in there.

99, give me a half
Hour's head start.

You call the chief,
Colonel von klaus

And tell him to meet
Me at the embassy.

Max... Be careful.

I will.

I won the pig.

I don't have a pig. You
Got change of a horse?

What was that?

Probably just a rat.

Meow.

If that was a rat,
He's pretty confused.

Hold it!

Bravo!

Excellent, mr. Smart.

One false move, rupert,
And I run him through.

Be my guest.

Now go get the
Boat ready, dummy.

Now, mr. Smart, if
You will step this way.

Drop the sword
Please, mr. Smart.

Thank you.

What have you done to the king?

Oh, he has been drugged. What
Have you done with the scepter?

It's in the embassy
Room as you requested.

Well, then there is
No further need for me

To keep you or king
Charles alive any longer.

Otto, open the pit

Smart.

And now I'm going to
Throw you and king charles

both into the pit where your
Likenesses will be preserved

Permanently in bronze.

Couldn't you just
Do our baby shoes?

Otto, start mixing.

Wait a minute, rupert.

The scepter is in the embassy
Room, but it's carefully hidden.

Otto, stop mixing.

Where is it hidden, mr. Smart?

I refuse to say.

Otto, start mixing.

Hold it a second, rupert. I
Have a proposition to make.

Otto, stop mixing.

What's the proposition?

You release the
King, set us both free,

We'll take the scepter and
Turn you over to the police.

What kind of
Proposition is that?

Otto, start mixing.

Smart, you will go first.

A moment, rupert,
One last offer.

Have the scepter for a match.

I'll get it.

Well, good help is hard to find.

Why are you always
Running away, mr. Smart?

Why don't you stand and fight?

He who fights and runs away
Lives to fight another day. Sabatini.

Oh, the king. You want
To release the king.

- you look pained, rupert.
- you are standing on my foot.

Mr. Smart, I suspect
We have company.

- your friends, no doubt.
- no doubt.

Well, then I must bid you adieu.

Stand and fight!

Ah, mr. Smart...

He who retreats
From battle today

Lives to continue
The war tomorrow.

That is kipling.

Your majesty, are you all right?

Yes, and I owe my
Life to maxwell smart.

Mr. Smart, if there's
Anything I can do for you

All you have to do is ask.

Well, there is one slight
Favor, your majesty.

Name it, my friend.

The next time you
Come to america,

Would you mind
Staying at a hotel?

Would you?