All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E20.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

Chief: all I asked for was a
Mustache. You call that a mustache?

Well, there's a mustache
Under here someplace, chief.

Max, all I wanted from you was
A nice, thin, normal mustache.

Now you go back down to the
Makeup department and turn that in.

Right, chief. What do
You mean, "Turn it in"?

I can't turn it
In. This is my hair!

I gave these orders a week ago.

Are you trying to tell me you
Grew that much hair in a week?

Well, chief, the control
Lab gave me this special salve

That I put on my face every
Night before I went to bed.

And it grew that much
Hair in only one week?

You should see my pillow.

That's fantastic!

Max... Uh, will it grow
Hair on your head too?

Oh. No, I'm sorry
About that, chief.

- but I'll tell you what you can do.
- what?

You can put the
Salve on your face

And when your hair
Grows real long,

You can comb it
Back over your head.

That is the most ridiculous
Thing I've ever heard.

It is?

- yes.
- then don't do it.

Max, the assignment I have for
You calls for a thin mustache.

Now go down to the control barber shop
And have him shave everything else off.

All right, chief, but you haven't
Told me what my assignment is yet.

Well, I can't tell you
Yet. The only thing I

Can tell you is that
You're about to embark

On a highly secret
Mission of such magnitude

That the lives of two million people
May very well rest in your hands.

Oh. Well, in that case, chief,

I'd better get a manicure too.

Did you meet the boat?

Yes, chief. We were waiting
For her when she docked.

- did everything go smoothly?
- yes, except for one little detail.

- what's that?
- well, we met the boat,

We got the mummy case,
We put it on the truck,

And as I was escorting the truck here from
The dock, we ran into some heavy traffic.

What happened to the mummy case?

Well, I lost 'em in traffic, and
I don't know where they are.

The king of caronia
Is in that mummy case.

Really?

- yes, really.
- that's terrible.

You'd think a king could afford
Better accommodations than that.

Larabee, he was being smuggled into
The country. No one was to know he's here.

Don't worry, chief. I'm
Sure we'll locate the truck.

I don't know if we
Have enough time.

The king was put into that mummy
Case a half hour before the boat docked.

According to our calculations,
There was only enough air in that case

to keep him alive for two hours.

Now he only has 10 minutes left.

Oh, larabee, get that.

I don't want to talk to
Anybody unless it's important.

Hello. Who's calling?

Oh. Yes, he's here, but he doesn't
Want to talk to anyone now.

He's busy. Okay,
So you're busy too.

So what do you want from me?

He told me he doesn't
Want to talk to anybody.

Look, why don't I have him call you
Back later when he has a free moment?

No, I don't think
You should hang on.

We want to keep the line open
In case we get an important call.

Who is that?

It's the president
Of the united states.

Give me that phone!

Good afternoon,
Sir. Uh, no sir, not yet.

It's lost somewhere in traffic
In downtown washington.

We'll let you know as soon
As we know anything more.

The king has only five
Minutes of air left to breathe,

And the men driving don't know
Where our secret headquarters are.

Hello.

Send them right
In. They're here.

Thank heavens. We don't
Have a second to spare.

Where do you want it?

Well, just put it
Down there. That's fine.

- how in the world did you men find us?
- we stopped in a gas station,

And I asked a man if he could tell us
How to get to control headquarters.

- and he knew?
- no, he didn't know.

But there were a couple of kids
Putting air in their bicycle tires,

And, uh, they knew.

- larabee, show them out, please.
- right, chief.

I'm sorry, your royal highness. We'll
Have you out of there in just a moment.

Is this what you
Had in mind, chief?

Uh, yes, that's very
Good, max. That's perfect.

Max, if you don't mind, I can't
Talk right now. I'm very busy.

Oh, okay, chief. Where'd
You get the mummy?

It's mine. I bought
It in an antique shop.

Oh, really?

You know, I saw a movie
Once with turhan bey,

And he bought this mummy, and
This mummy put a curse on him.

- do you believe in curses, chief?
- no.

Well, maybe you don't, but
Turhan bey never worked again.

I'll have you out of there in
A minute, your royal highness.

You forgot to give
Me my assignment, chief.

I'll give it to you tonight.

Just be at the masquerade
Party at the caronian

Embassy tonight, and
I'll explain everything.

Right, chief.

Your royal highness,
I'm terribly sorry.

Your royal highness.

Hurry up, 99, or we'll be late.

I'll be ready in
Just a minute, max.

max, if you have a minute,
Would you clear the table?

I just did.

Uh, 99,

You'd better hurry
Up or we'll be late.

I'll be down in a minute, max.

I'm ready, max.

My love, your beauty eclipses
The brightness of the moon.

Oh, thank you, max. You
Look very dashing yourself.

- you really think so, 99?
- oh, yes.

I don't know what
Assignment the chief had

In mind when he had
You grow that mustache,

but it looks perfect
With your costume.

I don't know either, 99, but it
Certainly presented a problem.

why?

Well, I didn't know whether
To come to the masquerade

As d'artagnan, dickie
Smothers, or anna magnani.

- well, you made the perfect, choice.
- hmm, yes.

Well, I didn't pick the
Costume, 99. The chief picked it.

I wonder why the ball's being
Held at the caronian embassy.

I don't know, but we'd
Better hurry or we'll be late.

Come, my love. Your royal
Carriage waits without.

Oh, max, sometimes when you
Talk like that you sound so much

Like king charles of caronia,
I think you must be him.

Yes, well, when I'm with
You, my dear, I feel like a king.

Well, your majesty, haven't
You forgotten something?

"Forgotten something"?

- what have I forgotten?
- to take out the garbage.

- sorry about that, 99.
- oh, that's all right, max.

I'll go into the powder room
And fix it. Wait for me here.

Did I take too long, max?

Nah, my darling, a moment
Away from you is like an eternity.

Max, when you play a
Part, you really go all out.

Well, come, my dear, let us
Join the others and dance.

It will give me a chance
To hold you in my arms.

You should never get
Out of this costume, max.

Colonel von klaus!

Smart, I regret that we
Have to meet again like this.

What happened? And why are we
Talking in front of this dirty kid?

- max, it's me.
- oh, it's you, chief.

I thought it was tiny tim.

Max, because of security,

We couldn't tell you earlier
What was going to happen.

King charles of caronia is here in
Washington on a very crucial mission.

Mr. Smart, I have something
Very important to show you.

King charles wants to secure a
Very large loan from your country

To keep the army
Of caronia strong,

And so for security,
He's turning over this.

- what is it?
- the royal diamond scepter.

This is a mission the king's
Enemies will do anything to stop.

"The king's enemies"? I thought I
Got rid of basil when I was in caronia.

I did get rid of
Basil, didn't I?

Yes, but not basil's aide...

Someone far more
Treacherous and deadly.

- basil's wife?
- no, rupert of rathskeller.

Of course. Rotten ruthless
Rupert of rathskeller.

He's a handsome devil,

A dazzling swordsman,

And the women of caronia
Find him irresistible.

- how do the men find him?
- he's in the phone book.

We believe that rupert is here

And will try to stop the
Loan by stealing the scepter.

He'll then take over the
Caronian army and kill king charles.

So once again because of your
Remarkable resemblance to king charles,

We ask your help.

I see. In other words,

What you're asking me to do is
To impersonate the king again,

Act as a decoy in case
Anyone wants to kill him.

- is that correct?
- exactly.

We want king charles to
Stay at your apartment.

We've given him an exact
Replica of your wardrobe

So that when people see
Him, they'll think he's you.

- does 99 know?
- not yet.

This masquerade ball is the
Perfect time to make the switch.

- we must do nothing to jeopardize it.
- I see.

Well, then I presume

That king charles will
Reveal his true identity

To 99 when they get
To the apartment.

Up until then, of course,
She'll think she's with me.

Is that correct?

Max, I think she'll find
Out when she discovers

The man she's dancing with is charming,
Sophisticated, and a good dancer.

Of course.

Well, to tell you the truth, I
Don't think that's such a good idea.

I mean, after all, we don't live in a
Palace. We just live in a little apartment.

His majesty will love it. It'll
Give him a chance to relax,

Take off his crown and
Be like an ordinary person.

Well, it's all right with
Me if it's okay with 99,

But I think I should go
Out there and check.

No, max. They have to finish out

The evening together
And return home together.

we must arouse no
Suspicions of any kind.

You see, king charles
Has been well informed

On the domestic
Background of mr. And mrs. 86.

And he still wants
To stay with us?

As far as your neighbors are
Concerned, they'll think he's you.

Good. Then he can
Take out the garbage.

Max!

Max, you're to wait here

Until king charles and 99
Arrive at the apartment.

Then you can go home and
Explain everything to 99.

Now, we'd better
Get back to the party.

In the meantime, guard this
With your life until we return.

Good evening, your majesty.

Ah, what good, good fortune
To find you here, and alone.

oh, you must excuse
This untimely intrusion,

But you see, no one was thoughtful
Enough to send me an invitation.

Ah, but then we rathskellers were
Never much on formality, were we?

Ah, rupert.

Of course, my
Good friend rupert.

How good of you to come.

You're such a charming
And handsome fellow,

I'm sure the ladies will
Be delighted to see you.

Uh, come, come. Let us
Not keep them waiting.

- but first, the scepter.
- the scepter? What scepter?

- the scepter behind your back.
- oh.

That scepter.

Hand it over.

Forget it!

There's only one way you can take
The scepter out of this room, my friend.

That's the way.

Now if you would be so kind

As to step aside, your majesty.

Very clever, your majesty. The
Old sever-the-cord-of-the-lamp-trick.

Come come, your majesty. All
The doors and windows are locked,

And only I know a way out.

I'm going to fix myself a
Cup of coffee, maxwell.

Would you care for a cup?

No, thanks, your highness.

Oh, I'm going to bed now, love.

Good night.

Good night.

99... I'm over here.
That's king charles.

Oh, your highness,
I'm terribly sorry.

That's quite all right, my dear.

Oh, max, I'm sorry, but
You two look so much alike.

Well, that's it, 99. That is it.

I am making a new ruling around
Here. There will be no more kissing...

Absolutely no more kissing...
Until this assignment is over

And king charles
Goes back to caronia.

But, max, he might be
Here for another week!

Well, I'm sorry, 99, but
That's the way it's got to be.

Do you mean to say you could go
A whole week without kissing me?

Why not? I've gone the
Whole night, haven't I?

Okay. Night, max.

Good night.

- who is it?
- max, it's me, the chief. let me in.

- oh, hi, chief.
- hi, max.

I just got your message that
You wanted to see me immediately.

Yes... You just got
My message now?

I phoned that message in to the
Caronian embassy over three hours ago.

Well, max, the man who took the
Message doesn't understand english.

Well, that's why I gave
Him the message in caronian.

- you don't speak caronian.
- but he didn't know that.

Max, it's late. What is it
You wanted to see me about?

Oh. You know, chief, after you and colonel
Von klaus left me in the embassy room,

I had a visit from
Rupert of rathskeller.

- max, he didn't get the scepter?
- no.

I managed to escape
And bring it back here.

Oh, thank heavens.

You'd better give me the scepter and let
Me take it to headquarters for safekeeping.

Right, chief.

- uh...
- what's the matter?

"What's the matter"?

Yes, well, you're not
Gonna like this, chief,

But I forgot where
I hid the scepter.

- what?
- yes, well, you see, chief,

When I came home, I had
The scepter in my hand,

And I was looking for
A good place to hide it.

And then I looked around, and there
Was the king and 99 kissing in the doorway.

And I got so upset that I just... Well, I
Just forgot where I hid the scepter.

All right, max. Don't
Panic. Let's reconstruct

The entire thing from
When you came home.

That's a good idea, chief.

Now you go out the door and
Come in just like you did.

What's the first thing you
Did when you came in the door?

First thing I did, I
Tripped over the rug.

You don't have
To do that this time.

- just come in.
- right, chief.

What'd you do next?

Next I went into the kitchen
And fixed myself a cup of coffee.

- do it.
- right, chief.

How can you fix
Coffee that fast?

It's instant coffee, my friend.

I'm sorry, your highness,
I thought you were max.

No, maxwell is in the kitchen.
Is there anything wrong, chief?

Oh, no, your highness,
Everything's fine.

- then I bid you a fond good night.
- good night, your highness.

It's no good, chief.
I can't remember

Whether I left the scepter on the counter
In the kitchen or brought it back in here.

If I only had something that
Was the size of the scepter

That I could hold in my hand,
Then maybe I could remember.

What about a broomstick?
Do you have a broom?

Yes, in the closet.

Go get it.

All righty. Now,
I'll just break this.

There you are. That's just
About the size of the scepter.

Mmm, that's good, chief.
That's just about right.

Mm-hmm.

Wait a minute. Wait a
Minute. Now I remember.

Now I remember. I
Came out of the kitchen,

And I looked across and I
Saw that the window was open.

Now I said to myself, "What
Is the window doing open?"

Mm-hmm.

I know I didn't open the
Window, chief. So I said,

"If I didn't open the window, then
Somebody else did, so I'd better close it."

So I came over here.
Now the window was open.

Open it up.

- now close it just like you did.
- right. Oops.

You didn't drop the
Scepter in the street?

Uh, no, I dropped the
Broomstick in the street, chief.

Are you sure you didn't drop
The scepter in the street?

I'm positive I didn't drop
The scepter, because

I remember when I
Turned around and looked,

There was the king and 99 standing in the
Doorway, and I had the scepter in my hand.

- all right, what did you do next?
- uh, next, yes.

Uh, next, uh...
Let's see, chief.

I remember, I came out,
I think I went to the bar.

No. No, I didn't go to the
Bar because I said to myself,

"No, tonight I'm not gonna have a
Drink because things are too upset."

So then I went upstairs to the,
Uh, uh... No, I didn't do that either.

I just can't remember
Without the broomstick, chief.

Well, all right. I'll break off
Another piece. Let me have the broom.

- huh?
- the broom. Let me have it.

- oh. Where is it?
- well, I gave it to you, max.

No no no, chief. I gave
It to you. You had it.

No, max, you had the broom.

I distinctly remember you
Having the broomstick, chief.

Max, I took the broom,
I broke off a piece,

I gave you a piece, and I
Gave you back the broom!

No, chief, you took the
Broom, you broke off a piece,

You handed me a piece, and
You kept the broomstick!

Max, don't panic. Let's
Reconstruct everything that we did.

Oh, shall I bring king
Charles back down, chief?

- no, let's do this ourselves.
- oh, good.

- now you went to the broom closet.
- right, chief.

I went to the broom closet, opened it
Up, reached in, handed you the broom.

Right, and I broke off a piece, and
I handed you a piece of the broom.

Right, chief. Uh, and
Then what happened?

- well, I don't know. What happened?
- uh...

I don't know, chief. I can't
Remember without the broomstick.

If I only had something that felt like the
Broomstick, then maybe I could remember.

The umbrella. We'll use the
Umbrella for the broomstick.

All right, max, let's not panic.

Let's reconstruct
Every move we made

From the moment I
Handed you the umbrella.

Right, chief. And that'll
Lead us to the umbrella.

And once we find the umbrella,
That will lead us to the broomstick.

And once we find the broomstick,
That will lead us to the, uh...

To the uh, uh...

- what are we looking for, chief?
- the scepter, max!

- ah, the scepter.
- now, I handed you the umbrella.

Right, chief. And then I
Dropped it on the floor.

Right.

And then we both
Reached over to pick it up.

That part I remember very well.

What did you do after you
Picked up the umbrella, chief?

I didn't do anything, max, because
I didn't pick up the umbrella.

- you picked up the umbrella!
- now, wait a minute, chief.

I distinctly remember you picking
Up that umbrella from the floor.

All right, max, let's not panic.
Let's take it all from the top again.

- I walked over to the
Umbrella stand, - right.

I reached in, and I
Took out the umbrella.

Then I walked over
To... Max, it's the scepter.

The scepter! It's been in the
Umbrella stand all along!

- - of course. Now
I remember, chief.

I heard something at the door, so I
Slipped behind the door to see who it was.

Then when the door opened up
And I saw the king and 99 kissing,

I got so nervous and excited that I
Let the scepter slip from my hand,

And it dropped into
The umbrella stand.

And that is exactly
Where it's going to remain.

In the umbrella stand?

Yes. If you and I couldn't find
It in there, rupert never will.

Hmm, maybe you're right, chief.

Well, all's well that ends well.

Yes, well, that's easy for you to say,
But I'm out an umbrella and a broom.

Well, I'm sure you'll find them. Now you
Said I could borrow your car to get home.

That's right, chief. It's parked
Right in front of the building.

- good. Let me have the keys, please.
- huh?

- the keys. Let me have them.
- oh, I gave you the keys, chief.

No, you didn't, max. You
Didn't give me the keys.

Oh, yes, I did, chief.

When you said, "Could I borrow the
Car," that's when I gave you the keys.

Max, you did not give me the keys.

Chief, I distinctly
Remember when you asked

To borrow the car, I reached into the
Pocket of my robe and handed you the keys.

- max, you did not hand me the car keys!
- oh, let's not panic, chief!

All right, get started.

Hello, rupert? King charles
Is staying with maxwell smart.

We're right outside the door.

We've already sent
In the silent visitor.

In a matter of moments, every human
Being in that apartment will be dead.