All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E15.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

- max...
- shhh.

Be very quiet, 99.

Don't slam the door.

- what'd you say?
- nothing.

Max, did this man, becker, tell you
Exactly where he was going to meet us?

No, all he said on the phone

Was to meet him backstage at
Midnight and he'd be waiting for us.

Look, max, there's a light
Coming from the stage.

Come on.

I don't see him, max.

He must be around
Here someplace, 99.

I'll cover the stage,
You cover backstage.

- right.
- now if anything happens,

We'll give the
Long whistle signal.

Max, I'm scared. Be careful.

You too, 99.

Oh, max, you scared
Me half to death.

Any sign of becker, 99?

He's not backstage, max.

I don't understand it. When
He called me on the phone,

He said that it was absolutely
Urgent that we meet him here.

He said the future of the
United states depended upon it.

Did he say anything else?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact,

- he did mention something else.
- what was it?

Well, I can't remember.

Oh, wait a minute,
Wait a minute.

I know what he said.

He said...

He said that his
Life was in danger.

- is that him, max?
- I don't know.

Are you harlow becker?

He called us all the way
Down here just to tell us that?

It took us two years to discover

And destroy kaos's
Communication system,

And they turn around and
Come up with a new setup

That'll probably take us
Another two years to break.

Of course, and the information

That becker was going to
Give us... That was the key!

- that's right.
- how was kaos communicating

With their agents before, chief?

Through a very ingenious
Method. I'll show you.

Now look, max.
This looks like...

Ordinary confetti, right?

Do you know what it really is?

Sure, it's a cat box.

No, max, it's kaos confetti.

This is how they
Contacted their agents.

- I don't understand.
- whenever kaos wanted

To contact their agents in a
Different city, they'd hold a parade.

The agents would pick up
The confetti from the street

And the color of the confetti
Determined their instructions.

How?

Green confetti
Meant that they were

Supposed to go ahead
With the proposed plan.

Red confetti meant
"Stop instantly."

That's fantastic, chief. How
Did you ever find that out?

They also used white confetti.

That meant "Danger, leave
The country immediately."

Fortunately for us, during
Their last parade it snowed.

- they all left the country?
- no, they all went to miami.

Well, how did becker
Fit in to all this?

It's my hunch that kaos
Hit upon a new method

Of contacting their agents

And becker stumbled
On it accidentally.

He was about to give that
Information to you and 99.

Of course, and
Kaos got to him first.

Oh, I'll get it, chief.

Who was harlow becker?

All we know is that he was
An actor with a theater group

Run by a man named victor polo.

Max, have you and 99 had
Any acting experience?

No, but I have a cousin
Who's on television a lot.

- an actor?
- great actor. Sells used cars.

Harlow becker's wife was
Also with the theater group.

Of course, after the
Tragedy happened, she...

- she changed agents.
- no, she left the play.

Now you and 99 are
Going to replace them.

Don't worry, they're
Only minor parts.

With a little professional help,

You should be
Able to carry it off.

I've arranged with the
Country's foremost drama coach

To give you a crash
Course in acting.

- what's his name?
- emilio pedechefsky.

And so I say, my fair
Melissa, I retreat...

From the arms that repelled me,

The eyes that scorned me.

And the heart...
That never held me.

And in parting, remember me

Not as the fool who
Desired to love thee,

But as the lover...
Who failed thee.

You didn't like it?

Oh, it was beautiful.
Wasn't it beautiful, max?

Oh, I thought it was
Superb, absolutely superb.

Is that from a play?

No, it's from the verse of "Do
You know the way to san jose?"

Of course, I don't expect
The two of you to be so...

Brilliant so soon.

But if only a mere
Portion of the pedechefsky

Method of acting
Rubs off on you,

You'll be very well-prepared
For your mission,

Mr. Smart.

Now would you like to...

Recite something for me?

Me?

Okay.

I love it, I love it! Continue!

Why are you singing, mr. Smart?

Oh, well, you told
Me to continue.

The other part
Was only the verse.

Now the polo theater group

Opens its season tomorrow night

With a new play entitled

"The horrors of hemlock house."

You will be reading for
The roles of lady fanny

And mannering the butler.

Turn to page 90 and we'll start.

I wish I could do
Something with my hair.

Mr. Smart, don't you think
It would be a good idea

If we let mrs. Smart
Play lady fanny,

You play the butler?

I wish I could do
Something with my hair.

I beg your pardon.
Smiles and bows.

No no no. "Smiles and bows"
Are merely stage directions.

You say "I beg your pardon."

Then you smile and bow.

Gotcha.

I wish I could do
Something with my hair.

I beg your pardon!

No no no, mr. Smart. You said that
As if she insulted you or something.

Now look, you are a
Butler... her butler.

You walk into the room

As she makes a casual
Remark about her hair.

And you beg her
Pardon for intruding.

Where does it say
That in the script?

It doesn't say
That in the script,

But the moment calls for it.
It's-it's the mood, the attitude.

- the motivation.
- is that important?

It's extremely important. Without the right
Motivation, you can't possibly intrude.

Then it ought to
Say that in the script.

Take it from the
Top of the page!

Oh, I wish I could do
Something with my hair.

- now?
- whenever ya like.

I beg your pardon.

Lady fanny, I have been in
Your employ for 10 years.

Tonight I am giving notice.

But why, mannering?

Because, dear lady,

I saw you shoot a gun at his
Lordship, your late husband,

Right after you played
A game of "Go fish."

And I heard him explain before
He fell, "You shot me fanny."

No! No! No!

"You shot me fanny,"
Sounds like you're a cockney.

Her name is fanny!

"You shot me," pause, "Fanny."

Now don't say the word pause.
I'm only telling you to pause.

"You shot me, fanny."

"You shot me... Fanny."

Better. Much better.

Now at this point in the play,

Lady fanny, fearing that
You will go to the police,

Pulls out a gun and shoots you.

- do I die on stage?
- oh, I'm sure you will.

I promised your chief that I would
Personally contact victor polo

And recommend that he hire you.

- where's the phone?
- it's right over there.

If you thought I did a good
Acting job for you earlier,

Wait till you see this.

victor polo?

This is emilio pedechefsky.

Oh, you're much too kind.

I understand that
Your new production

Opens tomorrow night

And that two minor
Roles are still open?

Good. I believe I can do
You an enormous favor.

Two of my students,
Infinitely talented,

Are available.

Tomorrow at 1:00?
They'll be there.

No no, don't bother to thank me.

Did you get the actors yet?

Emilio pedechefsky just called.

He's sending over two actors

To play lady fanny
And the butler.

So our casting problems
Are solved. Splendid.

Which part in the script
Contains the information

To be given to the kaos agents
Out front tomorrow night?

The butler.

We've gotta get started
With this run-through.

What's keeping those
Two new actors?

buongiorno, signores!

saludos, amigos!

achtung, mein komerads.

You're the two actors
Pedechefsky recommended?

Yes, are you victor polo?

Yes, this is the author of
"The horror of hemlock house,"

- carl shirtsinger.
- how do you do?

I'm viola vain,

And of course you
Recognize mr. Hollywood.

Mr. Who?

Lawrence hollywood.

You're probably more
Familiar with my father,

Who was one of the
Greatest actors the world...

The world... has ever known.

I don't think so.
What was his name?

- huh?
- what was his name?

Jason hollywood.

Shirtsinger: never heard of him.

Oh. You probably
Remember my mother.

What was her name?

Leonora vine.

I'm sure you're more familiar
With the work they did as a team.

I'm sorry, we've never
Heard of either one of them.

You've never heard
Of hollywood and vine?

If you're ready, we'd like
To run through your scene.

charlie,

Be sure the prop gun for miss
Vain is in the end-table drawer.

All right, clear the
Stage, everybody.

Let's have some quiet.

Anytime you're ready, miss vain.

Oh, I wish there was something
I could do with my hair.

I wish I could do
Something with my hair.

Oh, I do wonder what's
Become of mannering.

I beg your pardon?

Mr. Hollywood, you'll
Be dressed as a butler.

Therefore you won't
Be wearing a coat.

Why don't you throw it
Into the wings for now?

Right.

Mr. Hollywood,
If you don't mind...

let's take it again
From the top.

Oh, I wish there was something
I could do about my hair.

I beg your pardon?

It's your line.

What is it?

Lady fanny, I've
Been in your employ...

Lady fanny, I've been in your
Employ for over 10 years,

But tonight I must
Give you my notice.

And why is that, mannering?

Because, dear lady, I saw you...

I saw you shoot a
Gun at his lordship,

Just after you finished
Playing a game of "Go fish."

And I heard him
Exclaim just as he fell,

"You shot me, fanny."

Oh, I am terribly sorry
That you heard that,

Because now I
Must shoot you too.

Mr. Hollywood, what in
The world are you doing?

- I'm dying.
- could you die a little quicker?

We'd like to break for lunch.

Dear lady, I heard a shot.

- good grief!
- yes, I had to kill him.

He overheard me
Kill his lordship

And I was afraid he
Would find out about us.

I'll hide him behind the couch.

Tonight, we'll put him in the car
And I'll shove him over the cliff.

Oh, good.

And now there's nothing
To stand between us

And happiness.

All right, well done, everyone.

Mr. Hollywood, could we
Have a private word with you?

I left out the pirouette-
Off-the-mantelpiece bit.

I thought it busied
Things up a little.

How could you take it out?

It wasn't in the script
In the first place!

Those physical embellishments,

They really get in
The way of the lines.

Mannering is a butler.

He's not burt lancaster.

Now just do it as
Written, please!

What do you think, max?

I think that victor polo
And carl shirtsinger

Have just made
Their first mistake.

What was that?

They took out that great
Stuff I added to the scene.

Max, I meant about
The assignment.

Have you noticed
Anything suspicious?

Nothing yet, but as soon
As they break for lunch,

We're gonna search
The dressing rooms.

Now you search the
Men's dressing rooms,

And I'll search the
Women's dressing rooms.

Don't you think it would be better if I
Searched the women's dressing rooms

And you searched the men's
Dressing rooms? It'd be less suspicious.

Yes, but not as much fun.

What was that?

Someone on the
Backstage extension.

Hello, chief? Max.

- what do you have to report?
- chief, to tell you the truth,

I have a feeling this play
Should have opened in new haven.

Max, I'm not concerned
About the play.

What control needs to know

is how kaos is
Transmitting information

through their agents
In polo's theater group.

Just keep your eyes open, max.

Unless I'm wrong, sometime
During tonight's performance

Secret information
Will be transmitted

To certain kaos
Agents in the audience.

- right, chief. Are you gonna be there?
- of course.

Oh good. Where will you
Be sitting? I'll wave to you.

Max, I don't know where I'll
Be sitting, but I'll be out there.

Look for me in the third act.

That's where I do my
Big scene. I get killed.

I'll be looking forward to it.

Chief, 99 and I are
Leaving the theater now.

So lawrence hollywood
Is a control agent.

We knew he wasn't an actor.

The irony of this
Is exhilarating.

Whoever would have thought
We'd run into a situation like this?

A control agent
Will be delivering

Kaos information tonight.

You mean we're still
Going through with it?

Of course! The setup's ideal.

Now let's insert the code
Into the butler's speech.

"10 years" becomes "Eight."

"Tonight I'm giving notice"

We change to "Tomorrow night."

And "Go fish"
Becomes "Post office."

Brilliant.

And immediately after
The show, we kill him.

Correction... We kill
Him during the show.

You were absolutely brilliant this
Afternoon at the inquest, my dear.

Then you don't think
They suspected me?

You heard the verdict...
Accidental death.

The gun went off when
His lordship was cleaning it.

Oh! How long will it be

Before we can
Announce our betrothal?

- mr. Hollywood.
- huh?

There are a few last-minute changes
Shirtsinger's made in your speech.

Yes... now?

I'm on in a minute!

The changes are very minor.

You'll be able to
Memorize them in a second.

Shirtsinger is
Pretty picky, isn't he?

I don't see where these few changes
Improve the play or the character any.

In the theater, the
Author has the last word.

Your cue's coming up.

Remember, say the new lines.

Oh, I wish I could do
Something with my hair.

I beg your pardon.

Lady fanny, I've
Been in your employ

For over eight years now.

Yes, but tomorrow
Night I must give my notice.

why is that, mannering?

Have you discovered anything?

- yes.
- what?

Smart is the worst actor
I have ever seen in my life.

I know that. But have you recognized
An kaos agents in the audience?

- one.
- I've spotted several.

Alert our agents in the
Lobby to cover every exit.

Right, chief.

I heard him exclaim,
"You shot me, fanny!"

I'm terribly sorry that
You overheard that.

Here it comes.

I must shoot you too!

- she missed him!
- they must be onto us.

He's got to be silenced!

Max, there are real
Bullets in this gun!

- you're telling me?
- what are we gonna do?

We've gotta get off this stage.

I heard a shot!

But I see you missed
Him, lady fanny.

But I shall not miss.

Hold it!

You hold it!

No, you hold it.

You're under arrest. Henderson?

Get the curtain down!

The curtain! Get it down!

Get his gun, max.

You got here
Just in time, chief.

Chief, I think I know
How these two guys

Were passing kaos
Information to their agents.

Just before I went on, they
Changed certain words in my speech.

That's exactly
How they did it, max.

- go on, chief.
- on opening night in each city

Kaos agents were
In the audience.

Shirtsinger would then
Substitute certain words

In one of the actor's speeches.

Those words were code
Words known only to kaos.

- how clever!
- thank you.

Then you mean there were kaos
Agents in the audience tonight.

Yes, but we got them. We
Made six arrests in the lobby.

Six kaos agents?

Five were kaos agents,
The sixth was a drama critic.

Lock him up anyway, until
We see the morning papers.

Henderson, take 'em
Down to headquarters.

Chief, I think we've
Got a hit on our hands.