All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E11.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

They got all the exits covered.

I just don't understand it.

It was supposed to be a
Carefully guarded secret

That the defecting agent was going
To be smuggled into this country

- in a barrel of sauerkraut.
- sauerkraut?

- yes.
- I wish you'd told me that before, chief.

Why?

Because when I was there
Shooting it out with them

I used a barrel of
Sauerkraut for cover.

He got riddled with bullets.

Max, there are hundreds
Of barrels here.

The chances that you
Picked that particular one

To hide behind is very unlikely.

I wouldn't bet on that, chief,

Because the barrel of sauerkraut
I used did a lot of screaming.

I wish I could figure
Out who tipped off kaos.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Hi, honey. Did I catch
You at a bad time?

Yes, well, to tell
You the truth, 99,

The chief and I are shooting it
Out with a couple of kaos agents.

Okay, I'll keep it short.

Would you pick
Up a... Hold it, 99.

Chief, I can't hear
A word 99 is saying.

Would you put a
Silencer on your gun?

What is it, sweetheart?

I wondered if you could
Stop on the way home

And pick up a bottle
Of wine for dinner.

How about a nice bottle
Of petit chablis 1957?

That would be marvelous.

don't forget the corkscrew.

We won't need a corkscrew.

Try not to be late
For dinner, max.

99, what are you
Doing home so early?

I thought you were
Out on an assignment.

I was, but I wound it up early.

I was being followed by some
Kaos men, but I outsmarted them.

I sent them on a
Wild goose chase.

- where did you send them?
- to pier 47.

That's too bad. It would have been
Better if you'd sent them to pier 50.

- why?
- we're at pier 47.

Listen, honey, I've got
To get back to work.

I'll talk to you later.

Right, max. And
Please drive carefully.

I don't want you to have
An accident on the way home.

Don't worry, honey,
I'll be careful. Goodbye.

Max, let's move.

Listen, chief, why
Don't you come home

With me tonight and
Meet the little woman?

She's a wonderful girl.

Max, what are you talking
About? I've known 99 for years.

Yes, but you just
Know her as 99 the spy.

You don't know
Her as 99 the wife.

What are you
Doing tonight, chief?

Well, the way things are
Going it looks I'll be right here.

Hmm, well, that doesn't
Sound like much fun.

Listen, why don't you come home
And have dinner with 99 and me?

You haven't seen the apartment
Since it's been redecorated.

I'd love to, max,

But if reinforcements
Don't get here soon

I don't think either you or I will be
Going home to have dinner with 99.

- I've just run out of ammunition.
- well,

I guess that leaves
It up to me, chief.

Don't tell me you ran
Out of ammunition too.

- I ran out of ammunition.
- I told you not to tell me that.

max, hand me that bottle.

Wait a minute, chief.
You can't have this wine.

I'm taking it home. 99 and I are
Gonna have it with dinner tonight.

Hand me the bottle, max. I'm
Gonna make a molotov cocktail.

You can't make a molotov
Cocktail with wine.

- I know that.
- you have to make it with vodka.

Max, hand me that
Can over there.

You've got to be very careful
When you're opening a bottle of wine,

Because if you're not, you get little
Corks floating around in the wine.

Here.

Here you are, chief.

Chief, what are you
Doing? You're getting wine

All over the warehouse
Floor. You're making a big mess.

Just be quiet and
Keep your eye on them.

We're in luck, chief. They
Haven't gotten away yet.

I'll light this. You stay down.

All right, stay down!

- you'd better not look, chief.
- that bad, max?

Sauerkraut all over the place.

Who is it?

Woman: naomi farkas. have
You got a minute, honey?

- I'll be right with you, mrs. Farkas.
- naomi.

Oh, yeah.

- hello.
- hello. We can smell

Your delicious cooking
All the way next door,

And my husband emil said to me,

"Mrs. Smart is making
Corned beef and cabbage."

It's beef wellington.

Oh, well, emil's
Got sinus trouble.

I can't get over how many
Locks you have on your door.

Oh, well, max
Leaves me alone a lot

And he likes to
Feel that I'm safe.

Well, you're lucky to
Have a husband who cares.

When emil goes out he leaves
The key on top of the mat.

- oh.
- surprise.

I knew you were doing something
Special for your max this evening,

- so I brought you these.
- oh, isn't that sweet of you?

- I'll put them in water.
- no, you cook, I'll put.

Oh.

Oh! Oh, what lovely china.

Emil gets ours from the
Service station where he gets gas,

Which he says is
Very appropriate

Because that's what
My cooking gives him.

Well, I'll put
These on the table.

- that's all right. I can do that.
- oh, no no no.

I'll do it.

Where's your
Husband? Taking a nap?

- no, he's working late.
- that's one thing emil hates to do.

- work late?
- no, work.

What is it your husband
Does for a living?

Uh, he's in the
Greeting card business.

Now that's a good
Business. No matter what,

There's always a birthday,
A graduation, a christmas.

I wish emil would get
Into a business like that.

Your husband wouldn't happen to
Need a bum for an assistant, would he?

- no, I don't think so.
- well, I won't keep you.

- enjoy the flowers, honey.
- thank you.

Oh!

I've done it again.
Oh, max, I'm so sorry!

That's just reflex
Action, you know.

I guess I've been a spy
Longer than I've been a wife

And every time someone sneaks
Up behind me I just automatically...

Oh, max!

Oh!

It's all right,
99. It's all right.

Luckily I wasn't standing near
An open window like I was last time.

Oh, max.

Oh, I was just
Going to kiss you.

All right, but be careful.

How did everything
Go at pier 47?

Everything went pretty good.

We got two kaos
Agents, a bottle of wine

And a pint of sauerkraut.

Gee, 99, this a beautiful table.

Oh, I'm glad you like it, max.

The flowers are from mrs.
Farkas in the next apartment.

- mrs. Farkas brought you these flowers?
- mm-hmm.

- max: what did she do, steal them?
- well, I like that.

I'm nice enough to take them flowers
And he wants to know did I steal them.

- where did you get them?
- I stole them.

She spends more time
Over here with you than I do.

She's always dropping in for a
Few minutes and staying a few hours

Asking all kinds of
Questions, prying.

Oh, max, she may be a pain
In the neck and a busybody,

- but she's an awfully sweet person.
- mmm.

Well, she got two out of three.

Look who's talking...

Mr. Suave who wears
His socks to bed.

I only do that

So I won't get my feet
Dirty from the sheets.

Anyway, I can think of better jobs than
Sitting around this crummy apartment

Listening in on a couple
Of control agents.

Maybe you can think of better
Jobs, but you can't get any.

If my brother arnold weren't
District manager of kaos

We wouldn't even have this,

Oh, mighty prince
Of unemployment.

- 99.
- yes, max.

- guess who's coming to dinner.
- who?

The chief.

Oh, boy, if this isn't enough,

Now we've got sit around
And listen to an indian all night.

The chief of control, dummy.

This is the chance
We've been waiting for.

Max, did you say the chief?

You invited your boss
For dinner tonight?

What are you talking about,
My boss? He's your boss too.

Well, I know that, but
This is the first time

He's been to dinner
Since we've been married,

And I am your wife
And he is your boss,

- and I wanted everything to be perfect.
- 99.

Oh, max, you could have
Given me some warning.

All we're having is
Artichoke hearts vinaigrette

With fresh baby
Shrimp and vichyssoise

And beef wellington.

Well, he'll just have to
Take pot luck, that's all.

And dessert... We
Don't have any dessert.

And you know how
The chief loves dessert.

Well, why don't you serve
The vichyssoise as dessert

And tell him that it was
Potato ice cream that melted?

I'll think of something.

Max, what did the chief
Give us for a wedding gift?

Why? What difference
Does it make?

If he doesn't see it, he'll
Think we didn't like it.

- what was it he gave us?
- I don't remember,

But I'm sure it was
Something we didn't like.

Max!

It doesn't look like
An apartment anymore.

It looks like a trading
Stamp redemption center.

Yes, well, you told me
To put everything out, 99.

Well, everything
Appropriate to a living room.

Well, I'll put the rest
Of the stuff away.

Can you imagine anybody
Giving a croquet set

To somebody who
Lives in an apartment?

Max, he's here.

- oh, hi, chief.
- hi, max.

- come on in.
- hello, 99.

Hello, chief.

Oh, 99, your apartment
Looks really lovely.

You and max have done a
Fabulous job of redecorating.

- thank you, chief.
- what's all this?

Wedding gifts, chief. And
We certainly loved yours.

How do you know? You
Haven't opened it yet.

Yes, well, we know
We're gonna love it.

- we'll open it right after dinner.
- I hope you like it.

It's a croquet set.

Chief, can I take
Your attache case?

Oh, no, thanks,
Max. It's top secret.

It contains the names of all the kaos
Agents who are about to defect to us.

Could you hold it down, please?

Chief: there's an emergency
Meeting at the pentagon tonight

and I'm going to go
There directly from here.

- how do you like that?
- I don't. It's terrible.

If you weren't so
Busy stuffing yourself

You would have heard
What they were saying.

Look, the only
Reason I eat this food

Is because the garbage
Man refuses to take it away.

Well, if you'd been
Listening you'd know

That the chief has
An attache case

full of top secret
Papers with him.

- so?
- so if we can get those papers

- it might mean a big bonus for us!
- yeah.

And we sure could
Use the extra money.

We could eat out more.

We've got to get a look
At the names on that list.

But it's going to take finesse.

Yeah. Why don't we kill them?

Oh, that's some finesse.

Kaos goes to all the
Trouble to set us up

With a permanent
Pipeline to their apartment

To learn control's secrets,

And you want to blow the
Whole thing by killing them.

No, we've got to get in there

And take pictures of that list.

If we could just get them out
Of the way for a few minutes.

Wait a minute.

Why don't we poison them?

Well, not enough to kill them,

But just enough to
Make them very sick.

But what can we give them
To make them that sick?

Mmm. 99, that's the most
Delicious meal I've had in months.

Oh, I'm so glad you
Enjoyed it, chief.

- she's a great cook, max - you
Should taste her cornflakes, chief.

Well, how would you
Like some coffee now?

- oh, I'd love some.
- good.

- with my dessert.
- with your dessert?

- mm-hmm.
- you'd like your dessert right now?

- now is fine.
- okay, I'll get you some dessert.

- would you like a little more wine, chief?
- well, just a drop.

I've got to be at that
Meeting in an hour.

- you forgot to take the cork out, max.
- oh, thank you.

- say when.
- when!

Oh, dessert, dessert, dessert!

Who is it?

naomi farkas. Have
You got a minute, honey?

- I'm sorry, right now I'm...
- now listen,

My brother and his wife were
Supposed to come to dinner this evening,

But at the last minute
They couldn't make it.

So I thought maybe you and your
Hubby might like some extra dessert.

Chocolate mousse.

- you are a lifesaver, mrs. Farkas!
- naomi.

- naomi.
- oh, nonsense.

What are neighbors for?

Now you run along and
Eat it before it gets stale.

- oh, thank you so much.
- oh, my pleasure.

Oh.

Surprise! Chocolate mousse.

- oh.
- don't wait for me. I'm on a diet.

I'll get you some coffee.

Chocolate mousse is
My favorite dessert, 99.

- oh, good.
- you know, max, you're a very lucky man.

99 makes a fabulous
Artichoke vinaigrette,

Vichyssoise beyond compare,

Superb beef wellington...

And a terrible chocolate mousse.

I only put in a
Drop of the stuff.

- I can't understand it.
- me neither.

You'd think the poison would
Have improved the taste.

Well, how are you enjoying
The chocolate mousse?

- well, um...
- chief?

- mmm.
- max?

Mm-hmm.

The coffee's almost
Ready. I'll go get it.

Max, I'm getting a
Pain in my stomach.

Me too, chief. I'm not eating
Any more of this stuff.

Where are you going?

I'm gonna dump it in
This plant over here.

No, I'd better
Not. It might kill it.

- it's a plastic plant.
- I know, but it might kill it anyway.

We're gonna have to finish this,

Otherwise we're
Gonna hurt 99's feelings.

- oh!
- what?

oh!

Well, I'm glad you're
Having such a good time.

Oh, yes, this is
Lots of fun, 99.

Why don't you
Just join right in?

How did you like
The dessert, chief?

Fine.

There's more if you want it.

No, thank you, 99. I have
To watch my weight.

Oh-hh!

Shh. Not so loud, chief.

99 will hear you. Oh-hh!

Max, do you have anything
We can take for our stomachs?

There must be something
Upstairs in the medicine chest.

What if there isn't?
What will we take?

A cab to the nearest hospital!

They're out of the room.

Now we can get over there
And photograph that list.

My plan is beginning to work.

What do you mean, your
Plan is beginning to work?

She didn't eat any dessert.

Now how are we gonna take
Pictures with her around?

Don't worry, I'll keep
Her busy in the kitchen.

I'll help her do the dishes.

- meanwhile, you take the pictures.
- no no no.

You are not going to
Do the dishes over there

- until you've done the dishes here first.
- what?

I know you, naomi.

We'll get the pictures and
Then we'll come back here

And you'll say, "Look, I
Did the dishes over there.

Now it's your turn to do the
Dishes over here." no, thank you.

Emil... I'm not one
To make threats,

But if you don't do
What I'm telling you to do,

I'm warning you,

I'll get up tomorrow morning
And make you breakfast.

I'll get the camera.

Who is it?

- naomi: it's me again.
- oh.

- hi.
- hi. How did your dinner go?

- did max like the mousse?
- oh, he loved it.

- and so did our guest.
- I didn't know you had a guest.

Yes, max brought the ch...
His boss home for dinner.

Oh, I bet you made
A great impression.

Well, I think I
Did, mrs. Farkas.

Together: naomi.

Listen, dear, you keep
On rinsing your dishes

And I'll start clearing.

Oh, please don't go
To all that trouble...

It's no trouble at all.

- I need the exercise. I'll jog.
- oh.

Did you bring the camera?

They're upstairs and
She's in the kitchen.

So you take the
Pictures in there,

So that if anyone comes back
Unexpectedly they won't see you.

- yes, but I need...
- shh shh, get in there.

You're lucky to have
Such lovely things, honey.

Look at these
Exquisite wine goblets.

I'd love to have some, but peanut
Butter doesn't come in them.

Emil, are you
Taking the pictures?

yeah, but I don't think they're
Gonna turn out so good.

Why not?

There's no flash
Attachment on this camera.

Dummy, you've been
Taking pictures in the dark?

I'm a dummy? You're the
One that shoved me in here.

Shut up. Come and
Take them out here.

We don't have much time.

I've tried everything
In the medicine cabinet

And nothing worked.

Not even those little
Chocolate things.

- chief.
- huh?

I think you'd better
Rest over there

- on the couch for a while.
- all right.

- I'll be back in a few minutes.
- where are you going?

I'm going into the kitchen
To destroy that recipe.

Suppose you can't find it?

Then I'm going to
Destroy the kitchen.

- max?
- what?

If she tries to
Stop you, kill her.

- 99.
- I think the dinner went well, max.

- yes.
- the chief certainly seemed to enjoy it.

99, there's something
That I have to tell you.

He went through the artichokes
And the beef wellington

Like he hadn't eaten in a week.

But there's one thing I can't
Take credit for, that's the dessert.

You certainly can't.

No. Mrs. Farkas made the mousse.

- mrs. Farkas made the mousse?
- mm-hmm.

It was really a coincidence.

Remember I told you I
Didn't have any dessert?

Well, it was almost as
Though she knew that,

Because when I came
Out into the kitchen

Desperately looking for
Something to serve the chief

There she was with the mousse.

Max, can I talk to
You for a minute?

It was a lovely dinner, 99.

Hurry up and take the pictures.

We'll have to do it
More often, chief.

Mrs. Farkas. - naomi.

Keep your voice down, honey,
And don't yell for your husband.

You might as well
Know we're kaos.

You're holding a gun on her and I'm
Taking pictures of secret documents.

Who else would she think
We were, sonny and cher?

So you see, chief, it wasn't 99
Who made the chocolate mousse.

It was our neighbor mrs. Farkas.

- farkas. Farkas...
- yes, they moved in about two weeks ago.

That name sounds
Familiar to me, max.

Farkas. Describe them to me.

Well, let me see now.

- short, muscular tough-looking.
- what did she look like?

- that's her.
- of course! Naomi farkas.

She and her husband
Work for kaos.

Her brother, arnold
Borgia, is district manager.

Yes, I remember him. He
Started to work for kaos

At the same time I started
To work for control.

And now he's district manager?

Boy, they sure get
Promoted faster over there.

You're missing the point. If
Naomi farkas is a kaos agent

And she made the chocolate
Mousse and we're sick,

It stands to reason
She tried to poison us.

But, chief, if they wanted to kill us
Why would they take the slow way?

Maybe they didn't
Want to kill us.

Maybe they wanted us sick enough
So that we'd have to leave the room

Because there's something
Out there they want.

Of course. Our wedding gifts.

No, max, something
More important.

My attache case!

99! 99!

Who is it?

Will you wait a minute?

There's someone
At the front door.

99!

Max, the farkases,
They're kaos agents.

They stole the
Chief's attache case.

- I'm going after them, 99.
- they got too much of a head start.

You'll never catch them.

Then there's only
One thing to do.

What's that, chief?

This is a new device
Invented by the lab...

The control remote control, developed
For just such an emergency as this.

Now when I press this button

It will blow up that
Attache case wherever it is.

What about the secret
Papers? They'll be destroyed.

Well, better that than have
Them fall into the hands of kaos.

Now when I press this button

In five seconds that attache
Case will go up in smoke.

Five...

Max, is this your black
Attache case in here?

- four...
- I thought yours was brown.

- three...
- it is brown.

- two...
- the chief's is black.

One!

All: the chief's!

- 99, are you all right?
- yes, I think so.

What did...?

They took max's
Attache case by mistake.

Oh, and I blew up mine
When I didn't even have to.

Oh.

This whole list
Of kaos defectors

That kensington
Worked on for so long.

- was that the kensington list?
- yes. Why?

Well, I helped kensington
Decode that list.

You did?

Yes. I didn't know
What it was at the time,

But I dashed off a copy
Of that list in pencil.

Max, that's wonderful.

I'll have to go to
That meeting with you

Because I'm the only one
Who can read my own notes.

Max, I don't know how to
Thank you. I'm proud of you.

I am really proud of you.

Now come on, let's go.
We'll be late for the meeting.

99, thank you very much
For a delicious dinner.

Aww.

Wait a minute, chief. I
Forgot to kiss 99 goodbye.

Well, hurry up, max.

Chief: max!

- oh, no. I did it again.
- what happened?

It's just this
Reflex thing I do.

Every time someone sneaks up
Behind me, I just automatically...

Oh, chief!

Did it again.