All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E10.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

Now observe carefully...

Well, what you think?

Amazing.

A laser weapon no larger
Than the size of a button.

- and it also comes in brass.
- what's the difference?

Brass buttons are $4.50 more.

When you told us
You had a new laser,

I expected a big heavy
Piece of equipment.

That's the most amazing
Weapon control's ever had.

What's it called?

Laser blazer.

Maxwell smart, agent
86, will be here any minute

To pick the laser up and
Take it back to washington.

Now he doesn't know exactly
What it is he's to pick up,

All he knows is it's some
Sort of secret weapon.

Then I'd better sew
Up this change pocket

So he doesn't activate
The laser accidentally.

I have to be in
Manila in an hour,

So I'd better go
Back to the hotel

And change into
My manila makeup.

Goodbye, lin chan.

- lin chan?
- at your service.

I'm maxwell smart.

I understand

From some very special
Friends in washington

That I can get something here

- that they don't have there.
- that is true.

And here it is... A
Beautiful blazer.

No no no. You don't understand,
I didn't come here to shop.

I came here to
Get something big,

something very special.

Sir, you take this jacket.

Believe me, you will love it.

Your boss will love it!

It was made especially
To order for you.

I didn't order a jacket.

You don't have
To order a jacket!

That's the way we operate.

When you buy a suit from
Me, you get a blazer free.

Yes, but I didn't
Buy a suit from you.

No? Then what's
That you're wearing?

Yes, but this... It's a suit.

You see? Now take the
Blazer and goodbye!

But I got this
Suit in baltimore!

That doesn't matter.

My suits sell all over the
World under different names.

Yes, but this was made
By harry goldstone.

That's me!

- it is?
- sure!

Well, that's funny,
You don't look it, harry.

Here, you take this blazer

And have a nice flight
Back to united states.

All right, lin chan,
I'll take the jacket.

But not in this color.

But that's the only
Color it come in!

Oh. Well, in that
Case, let me try it on.

You don't have to try it on.

Believe me, it fit perfect!

There's nothing
Like making sure.

There, you see? Fit perfect!

What do you mean
It fits perfect?

I haven't even got it on yet.

I am a tailor! Take
My word for it.

There, what I tell you? Perfect!

Are you kidding me?

This is long enough
To be an overcoat!

Okay! So you got long jacket,

Or short overcoat.
Take your choice!

I can't even see my hands!

Then you don't need gloves!

Look, why don't I leave this
Jacket here to be altered,

And I'll come back
Tomorrow and pick it up?

Tomorrow I ain't gonna be here.

I gonna be in lunatic asylum.

you take the jacket!

Have it altered
In united states.

All right, lin chan,
I'll take the jacket.

I'll take it in this color and
I'll take it without being altered.

But I must have the
Buttons changed.

The buttons?!

But that is the best
Part of the blazer!

You can't get these buttons
Where you come from!

Yes, but I don't like
These buttons, I want a...

Thank you very much, lin chan,
For your time and your trouble.

Okay, I got rid of the guy
That was following me.

Now where is it?

Where is it? You got it!

Yes, but don't you have
Something else for me?

Yes, this!

And you tell your
Friends in washington

I don't want to do
Business with them anymore!

Look, if you feel
That way about it,

Here, take your jacket back.

Get out!

Holy kumquat!

Max!

99, you're not supposed
To open the door

- until I finish the secret knock.
- oh, sorry.

Max! Oh, I'm so
Glad you're back!

How was your trip to hong kong?

The worst, absolutely the worst.

99, I tell you, in all my
Years as a control agent

This is the most frustrating
Case that I've ever been on.

I went to this tailor shop in hong
Kong, like the chief instructed me.

- but there was a kaos agent following me.
- what happened?

The tailor pretended
That I was a customer

Who had come to
Pick up a blazer.

So I took the blazer and
I left the tailor's shop

And lost the kaos agent
Who was following me.

Didn't you go back
To the tailor shop?

The next day, but
The tailor was gone.

Couldn't you locate him again?

They weren't allowing
Him any visitors.

Well, 99,

I went all the way to hong
Kong to pick up a secret weapon,

And I came back
With a sports jacket.

- looks like I've messed everything up.
- oh, don't feel badly, max,

You've messed things up before

And you'll mess things up again.

You're just saying that
To make me feel good.

- that's what a wife's for.
- you know, 99, coming back on the plane,

I kept saying to myself, "How am I
Gonna tell the chief about this?"

There's only one way to do it.

I have to go right down to
His office, stand right up to him,

Look him right in
The eye... And lie.

You can tell him the truth!

Oh. Why didn't I think of that?

Besides, you don't have
To worry about him today,

He's detained in manila.
He'll be back tomorrow.

Good. That'll give me a chance
To think up a good true story.

Why don't you just relax?
I have to finish vacuuming.

I wanna get the house all cleaned
Up before the maid gets here.

The maid?

- what maid?
- I've hired a maid.

I found out there just
Weren't enough hours in the day

To be an efficient
Housewife and a good spy.

But 99, if you've hired a maid,

Then may I ask what you're
Doing cleaning up the apartment?

If she comes and finds
The apartment a mess,

She might not want the job.

99, we can't have a
Maid here, it's not safe!

We just won't leave any
Top-secret information lying around.

It's not that that
I'm worried about, 99,

It's the liquor that
I'm worried about.

Oh, max, you don't
Have to worry...

I got her from the
Control employment agency.

That does it! You know
How that bunch drinks!

Oh, max, please.

I'm sorry, 99, but we
Can't afford a maid.

Yes, we can afford
It. We're both working.

You don't understand. There's
Been a cutback at control.

From now on, all control
Agents have to pay for their

Guns, knives and ammunition out
Of their own personal pockets.

- that won't amount to much.
- why not?

Because both kaos and control
Have agreed to cut down on violence.

That must be her now.

Please please,
Can't we keep her?

No, we cannot, 99. I'm sorry,
But we cannot afford a maid.

And that is final!

I'm going to tell
Her that right now.

How do you do?
I'm ingrid your maid.

I'm terribly sorry to be late.

Oh! Come right in, ingrid.

We were beginning to
Get worried about you.

- hello, I'm mrs. Smart.
- ingrid.

- could I help you with your bag, ingrid?
- oh, thank you.

I hope you'll be pleased
With the way I clean.

Oh, I'm sure I will be.

- where can I hang this?
- there's a closet, right over there.

Oh. I'll take that, thank you.

She's very beautiful, max.

When you've seen one
Maid, you've seen them all, 99.

She has an absolutely
Gorgeous figure!

- I didn't notice.
- her legs are a little heavy.

I didn't think so.

I'll change to my uniform now.

- I'll help you.
- max!

Oh... What I meant, 99,
Was that I just wanted

To take ingrid upstairs
And show her a place

Where she could
Change into her uniform.

- oh, I'll show her. Come on!
- yeah!

It's right up there. The
Second door to the right.

Thank you, mrs. Smart.

Now tell me about
Your trip, max.

What trip?

That trip... Yes, I'm
Fine, thank... I mean

It was fine. It was a
Fine trip, great trip.

Why don't you try on your new
Blazer while I get us some coffee?

Right, 99.

I'm afraid that this jacket
Doesn't fit too good, 99.

I may have to have it altered.

put it on anyway.
Let's see how it looks.

Oh, that's a lovely blazer, max.

It needs to be shortened
But it looks good on you.

- you really like it?
- you look very handsome.

They forgot to unstitch
The change pocket.

Oh, here. Use this
Knife to cut it open.

Let me see the back.
Oh, that fits well.

How about some coffee?

That's funny... I forgot
To bring the coffeepot.

That's funny, I can't find
The coffeepot anywhere.

You think that's funny?
I can't find the phone!

Max, what happened
To the table lamp?

What happened to my suitcase?

There's something very
Strange going on here.

99, I think we'd better keep

A very close eye on that maid.

Kaos incorporated, this
Is ingrid here. I have the job

And will find the miniature
Laser weapon as soon as possible.

I search the apartment
From top to bottom,

And if necessary, maxwell smart.

Ingrid, what are you doing?

Good morning, mrs. Smart.

I am getting familiar
With the apartment,

Trying to find out
Where everything is.

Oh. I wish I knew
Where everything was.

You haven't seen the
Coffeepot, by any chance?

No no, but I'll be happy

To turn the place
Inside out to find it.

Thank you.

buon giorno, mrs. Smart.

Good morning, mr. Antonelli.
How are you today?

Eh... Not too good.

Business is just awful. Awful!

I'm sorry to hear that.

Here. These have to
Be cleaned and pressed.

And mr. Smart's
Blazer gets shortened

Right up to where the
Pin is. Next week'll be fine.

I bring 'em back the
End of this week.

Next week I'll be closed
On account of the fire.

Did you have a fire?

I'm gonna have a fire.

Ingrid, I'm going out shopping.

I'll be back in a few hours.

Very good, mrs. Smart.

Morning, ingrid.
What are you doing?

I was looking for the coffeepot
That disappeared yesterday.

Oh yes. Well, don't bother,
It's probably cold by now.

Listen, ingrid, I have an
Awful lot of work to do here,

So if you don't mind, I'd appreciate
It if you just leave your...

Oh!

What beautiful material.

Mmm!

Would you like
To feel the lining?

Listen, ingrid, why don't you...

Gee, this is awfully heavy. It
Feels like it's got a weight in...

Oh, mr. Smart, do you know,
You are extremely attractive?

Oh, well, I wouldn't say that.

Oh, you're very handsome.

That, I would say, yes.

And your eyes, so big, so brown,

So beautiful.

Yes, well, sometimes...

They're bigger
Than at other times!

Are you all right, mr. Smart?

Yes, I'm fine. Never
Felt better in my life.

You might have pulled
Something and not know it.

Oh, I don't think so,
I feel pretty good.

How about a massage,
Make you feel better?

A massage? - yes!

A nice old-fashioned
Swedish massage,

Wouldn't you like a massage?

Yes, well, I... I just
Got married, ingrid!

I can't have a massage!
Maybe in 6 months I could.

- there's somebody at the door.
- yes, I'm busy!

- yes, well I'm not!
- oh no, don't go away!

Chief: max!

Oh, hi, chief! This is
Ingrid our massage.

She's giving me a maid...

Uh, she's a maid!
How do you do, sir?

I think I'd better explain to you
What actually happened over there.

I lost a cufflink in the couch and
Ingrid was helping me look for it.

Would you believe a tie clasp?

I never saw anybody look
For a tie clasp like that, max.

Yes well, that's the
Swedish way, chief.

And believe me, it's gonna
Take the country by storm.

I'll fix something for
You. Toast and coffee?

You wanted to see me
About something, chief?

- chief!
- hmm? Oh...!

Max, you and 99 deal in
Top-security information.

It may not be
Safe having a maid.

Look, I've been an experienced
Control agent for a long time,

And I know when
Somebody is all right.

Now I've had my eye on that girl

Every hour of every day,
Every day of every week,

And I'm telling you that she's
Okay. I know her inside out!

- when did you hire her?
- yesterday.

- max!
- look, what are you worried about?

She was hired by the
Control employment agency.

Max, help is hard to get.

The control employment agency
Has lowered its clearance standards.

I don't even have
A maid anymore.

What happened to that girl
That was working for you?

Remember christmas eve at my
Apartment when she decorated the tree?

Oh, yeah, that was a great tree...
With all those colored lights. I loved it.

The red and blue lights going
On and off, I loved that tree.

Those lights were blinking
Top secret information

To a russian fishing trawler
Anchored off the coast.

You're kidding!

That's fantastic... How
Did you find out about it?

I became suspicious
When a bulb burned out.

Why did that make
You suspicious?

A russian sailor
Showed up to replace it.

Chief, are you trying to tell me

That kaos put this girl

Through the control
Employment agency?

Exactly!

Then she may be a double maid!

Right!

Excuse me, gentlemen,

Here is your toast and coffee.

I think you're wrong about her.

- did you take a good look?
- yes.

Now I ask you... Are those
The legs of a kaos agent?

If you want
Anything, please call.

I just want you to
Keep your eyes on her.

Don't worry, I haven't
Taken them off her yet.

Let's have some coffee, max.

You did a great job in hong
Kong. Congratulations.

Thanks, chief.

- let's see it.
- see what?

The blazer you brought
Back from hong kong.

The blazer I brought
Back from hong kong?

That blazer is the secret weapon
You were sent to hong kong for.

That blazer is the secret weapon

I was sent to hong kong for?

- that's no ordinary blazer!
- that's no ordinary blazer?

- it's a laser blazer!
- it's a laser blazer?

Do you know what you're saying?

I'm positive. I keep
Hearing it twice!

How do you like
That? A laser blazer!

The button of that blazer
Is actually a miniature laser.

It's activated by placing your
Hand in the change pocket.

If you press down hard enough,
You can destroy an entire city.

So that's what happened!

Let's have the blazer and
We'll take it to headquarters.

- ingrid!
- yes, sir?

Would you get me my blazer, the
One I brought back from hong kong?

The cleaners picked it
Up just a little while ago.

Come on, max!

Chief: that blazer
Is the secret weapon

you were sent to hong kong for.

Max: that blazer
Is the secret weapon

I was sent to hong kong for?

- that's no ordinary blazer!
- that's no ordinary blazer?

Chief: it's a laser blazer!

the button of that blazer

is actually a miniature laser...

Kaos, I've discovered
Where the laser is.

Go at once to
Antonelli cleaners.

But, mr. Smart, I don't
Know what happened.

I was going through all
The pockets, like I always do.

But when I put my hand in
Your blazer change pocket,

look!

and what's worse,

It burned a hole right
Though my pressing machine!

Poor mario!

- who's mario?
- mario is his presser.

Mario was my presser.

This may come as a surprise
To you, mr. Antonelli,

But that jacket was
No ordinary jacket.

Now he tells me.

Look, what's so special
About this jacket of yours

- everybody wants it so much?
- what do you mean "Everybody"?

There were two other
Fellas in here asking for it.

Kaos! They must have
Found out about it.

You didn't give it
To them, did you?

Why would I give your jacket

To two strangers
I never see before?

Especially when they're
Not even customers!

Anyway, I just sent
It down the street

To morgan's cleaners
To have it pressed for you.

Come on, max!

Mr. Antonelli, you've done a
Great service for your country!

The president of
The united states

Will probably give
You a medal for this!

I rather have the cash!

But when I was going through the
Pockets of your jacket, mr. Smart,

I thought I felt a draft.

So I turned around...

Max: where is the jacket now?

Cleaner: like I told the other
Gentlemen that were here,

I sent it to perfect
Cleaners around the corner.

There it is, chief. But
I think we're too late.

Max, the cleaning truck
Just pulled up behind us.

See what you can
Find out. And hurry!

Hurry it up, max.

Max!

Max, will you come on?

- what'd you find out?
- plenty! Wait till you hear this.

Not only do you get
Shirts on a hanger for 60¢,

But they got a one-day special

- on tablecloths and drapes and rugs...
- max... Max!

- what about the blazer?!
- they sent that to my apartment.

You go to your apartment,
And I'll call headquarters

And meet you there. No matter
What happens, don't stop for anything!

Red lights, anything! Go ahead!

Kaos, this is ingrid.

A blazer was just delivered,
But it's the wrong one.

I'm going down to the
Cleaners to get the right one.

Is that you, max? Max!

- 99?
- oh, hi, max.

Oh, good. Did the
Cleaners deliver my blazer?

Yes, it's right
There on the sofa.

Good.

Listen, I've gotta get this down
To headquarters right away.

By the way 99, did you
Have a fight with ingrid?

No, why?

I just passed her in the hall
And she took a swing at me.

That's strange. I'm going
To take a shower, max.

I'll have your dinner ready
When you get back. Bye!

Okay, I'll see you later.

I'll take that
Jacket, mr. Smart.

You don't want this jacket.
It clashes with your slacks!

- hand it over.
- do you know what's in this jacket?

A miniature laser beam. It
Destroys anything it hits.

Do you know what activates it?

By putting your hand
In the change pocket.

All right, don't anybody move.

- you wouldn't dare.
- wouldn't I?

Eh, you fellas aren't
In a hurry, are you?

Get the jacket!

Hold it!

Sorry, mr. Smart, I didn't
Know you had company.

I delivered the wrong jacket
Before. This one's yours.

- I'll take that.
- why don't you give the kid a tip?

There's a quarter
In the change pocket.

All right, dummy!

Let's see how tough you are
Without a gun in your hand!

Listen... I hope I
Wasn't out of line

With that crack about "Dummy."

Don't anybody move!

I can't find the quarter.
Maybe it's caught in the lining.

All: no!

Doesn't seem to be a
Hole in the lining, mr. Sm...

Max, I'm sorry about
Your apartment.

Gee, chief! I never knew we
Had such a wonderful view

On that side of the apartment.

don't worry. Control will replace
Everything that's been destroyed.

What about the
Second national bank?

What about the
Second national bank?

It used to be across the street.