All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E05.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

- this is the chief.
- hello, chief. This is max.

Max, talk fast. I'm on the
Hydrant phone at 7th and wilson.

Things are kind of busy
Here. Where are you?

I'm in front of
Spiegel's jewelry store.

I thought I'd take
A few hours off

And see if I could shop around
And find an engagement ring for 99.

Keep your eyes open
While you're shopping.

Kaos has been hitting all
The jewelry stores in the area.

- they're stealing diamonds.
- what do they want with diamonds?

They smuggle them
Out of the country

To make up the european payroll.

We believe this
To be the work...

I'm going to murder schleppenheimer
For inventing this hydrant phone.

max, this could be the work

Of the league of bald-headed
Men. That's kaos's smuggling unit.

They're clever and ingenious.

There's nothing
They can't accomplish.

How come they can't grow hair?

They don't want to grow
Hair! That's their trademark.

That's how they
Identify each other.

All right. I'll
Keep my eyes open.

In the meantime, you pick up
Yul brynner and dean rusk.

Just because somebody's bald doesn't
Mean he's a member of the league!

Oh. Pick 'em up anyway. If
They're clean, we'll let 'em go.

I have to hang up now,
Max. There's a collie coming.

Bye, chief.

But... But I'm... I'm
Telling you the truth.

- I don't have the morris diamond.
- you lie.

We know the diamond was
Delivered here yesterday.

- now give us the diamond.
- please.

That diamond is worth $275,000!

We are well aware of its value.

Look, business
Has been terrible.

Say, you men aren't
Interested in buying it, are you?

I didn't think so.

Winters, a customer.

Wait on him and
Get rid of him fast.

We'll be watching you
Through that curtain.

One false move, you'll
Both die. Sommers, come.

- good afternoon.
- can I help you?

Yes, I'm looking for a diamond
Engagement ring for my fiancée.

- money is no object.
- what price did you have in mind?

$80.

I think we can find
Something nice for $80.

Here, I'm sure you'll see
Something in this case

That will interest you.

All those diamonds are for $80?

Now these two aren't bad,

But actually I was looking for
Something a little more ostentatious.

I just happen to have
Something I think you might like.

I can let you have this for $80.

What else have you got?

Mister, take it. You're
Getting a good buy.

- I can't get it off.
- good.

I mean... Take the ring.

I guarantee your
Fiancée will love it.

Well, all right, I'll take it, but I
Really wanted something bigger.

- how much was that?
- $80.

$80 is a lot of money.

Call me later and let me
Know how your fiancée likes it.

Okay.

All right, let's get on with it.

- where's the morris diamond?
- someplace where you'll never find it.

Sommers, we'll take him in the
Back and you'll attend to him,

Then we'll ransack the
Store and find the diamond.

Mr. Spiegle?

- yes?
- oh. If my girlfriend

Doesn't like this, I
Can exchange it, right?

Right.

Mr. Spiegle?

Yes?

If there's nothing
Else here that she likes,

- I can get my money back, right?
- right.

- winters: right!
- sommers: right!

Do me a favor.

Before he comes back, shoot me.

Oh, max. It's the most
Beautiful ring I've ever seen.

- thank you.
- thank you.

- may I see it again?
- sure.

Oh, isn't it lovely?

- when can I wear it?
- as soon as I get it off my finger, 99.

I've been trying to get it off for
Hours. Look how swollen my finger is.

Oh. Cold water will take
That swelling right down, max.

- come on.
- 99, why don't we just wait

Until the swelling goes down?

No, max, this really works. I always do
This when I get a ring stuck on my finger.

But, 99, I'm telling you.
This is not going to work!

- why do you think so?
- because the ring is on my other hand.

Oh, sorry.

- it's stuck, max.
- I know it's stuck, 99.

Come on. There's a
Hammer over there

In the top of my desk drawer.

Oh, it's locked. Where
Do you keep the key?

I keep them right
Here in this urn.

Isn't it in there?

Yes, they're in there,
But I can't get my hand out.

Max, what are we going to do?

We have theatre tickets and
The show starts in an hour.

I just hope it
Isn't a good show.

- why?
- I won't be able to applaud.

What in the world are
You trying to do, 99?

We have to break the urn so we
Can get the keys and open the drawer

And get the hammer and
Tap that off your other hand!

Break the urn? Are you crazy?

I wouldn't break that urn!
That's a family heirloom!

- max, don't be unreasonable.
- I'm not being unreasonable.

This urn is worth
A lot of money!

This is absolutely ridiculous!

If we don't get this urn off,
You won't get your hand...

I am not going to argue
With you, and that is...

Here are the keys, 99.

- where's the hammer, max?
- hmm?

Oh, must be in the other drawer.

Oh.

There, now try the ring.

It still won't come off, 99.

Oh, max, there must
Be something we can do!

There is no way, 99. I have
Tried every way in the world

To get this ring off. There
Is no way that I haven't tried!

- did you try soap?
- huh?

There's some soap in my handbag.

You keep soap in
Your pocketbook?

It looks like soap
And it feels like soap,

But actually it's a camouflage
For a secret carrying case.

- what do you keep in the carrying case?
- soap.

Now we'll just
Lubricate the ring.

And it should slide right off.

Okay, you brace yourself
In that chair and I'll pull.

- ready?
- ready.

One... - two... Three!

- max!
- look, I've got a great idea, 99.

- what?
- why don't I just keep this ring

- and buy you another one?
- oh no, max.

I want my engagement ring.

All right, we'll try once more.

Here, you get over there now

I'll brace myself
Against the door.

All righty? And
We'll count to three.

- right.
- both: ready? One, two...

- almost got it!
- both: three!

Got it, max!

- I got it.
- good work, 99!

You'll get a bonus for
This! Where'd you get it?

- max gave it to me.
- then he'll get the bonus.

- where'd he get it?
- he bought it. It's my engagement ring.

- max bought you that diamond?
- uh-huh.

- diamond?
- yeah.

But I thought it was a zircon.

Oh, that's ridiculous, chief.

If this were a diamond, it would
Be worth a great deal of money.

Well, it is. It's the
Morris diamond.

It's worth $275,000.

- $275,000?
- right.

Oh, that sweet guy.

I don't like the
Looks of this, 99.

In the past six months,
Several of our control agents

Have been paid off by kaos for
Turning over government secrets.

Oh, chief, you know max would
Never do anything like that.

Of course not, 99, but
Where would max get $275,000?

Well, he always
Manages to put away

A few dollars out of
His salary every week.

99, on his salary, he could
Never save that much money.

Unless... Unless a
Rich relative died

And left him an inheritance.

No, there's only his mother.
He sends her $15 a month.

Well, that's it! His mother's
Been saving up that money

Until she accumulated 27...

That's the worst reason yet.

I don't like the
Looks of this, 99.

I don't want you to show that ring to
Anybody until we get to the bottom of this.

I don't care what anyone says

And I don't know where max got
This ring, but I do know one thing:

Max would never
Sell out to kaos.

- and I agree with you 100%!
- good!

- then that means he must've stolen it!
- right!

Oh, chief...

Oh, hi, 99. What's up, chief?

Max, we came about the
Engagement ring that you... Bought.

- what about it?
- it's worth $275,000.

$275,000 and I got it for $80?

Boy, I got some buy!

Max, did you actually
Buy that ring?

Are you kidding,
Chief? I stole it!

Max, don't say another
Word until we get a lawyer.

What are you talking about?

What would we need with a
Lawyer? We're only engaged.

You don't see a lawyer until
You've been married for a while.

No, max, you don't understand.

There are some people who might
Think that you really did steal that ring.

But that's ridiculous, 99!

I bought this ring at
Spiegle's jewelry store.

I didn't even want to buy
The ring. Mr. Spiegle insisted.

And then I gave him the $80...

Do you expect me to
Believe that mr. Spiegle

Sold you a $275,000
Diamond ring for $80?!

- tax included.
- max, show him the receipt.

Right, the receipt,
9... Uh, the receipt.

Yes, well, he forgot
To give me one.

Well, you can ask
Mr. Spiegle himself.

I think we'd better
Do just that.

Okay, we'll go there now.
It's spiegle's jewelry store,

Right around the corner
From spiegle's drugstore,

Next to spiegle's delicatessen,
Where spiegle's cleaners used to be.

- and where's that?
- 4th and spiegle.

Where could he have
Hidden the diamond?

Keep searching. The couriers
Are making the pickup tonight

And kaos insists the morris
Diamond be in tonight's shipment.

It's that fool that
Was here yesterday.

I'll get rid of him.

I'll cover you
From the back room.

Sorry, but we are
Closed for inventory.

I'd like to see mr. Spiegle.

Mr. Spiegle is no longer here.

We bought the store from him.

Yes well, I bought this ring
From mr. Spiegle yesterday

And he forgot to
Give me a receipt for it.

- a receipt?
- yes, a receipt for $80

- to prove that I bought it here.
- yes, I remember you now.

I was in the back of
The store at the time

and happened to see
You through the curtain

as you were paying mr. Spiegle.

Thank you for being
Honest enough to return it.

- I'm returning it?
- winters: yes.

You see, mr. Spiegle
Has done this before,

Selling valuable jewels
For far less than their value.

I believe he was going through
Some sort of a breakdown.

Well, you've cleared up some
Questions for us. Thank you.

In view of the recent
Rash of robberies,

I suggest you keep a valuable
Gem like that in a safer place.

I intend to. Goodbye.

I have it. I'll start the
Car, you gag spiegle.

What's the matter, chief?

He seemed awfully
Anxious to get rid of us.

I have a feeling there's
Something wrong here.

You're right, chief, he
Forgot to give me back my $80!

Hello? Hello!

anybody here?

hello? Hello?

Wait a minute! Both
Those men were bald.

Now I remember them!
Winters and sommers!

The league of bald-headed men!

I'll go after 'em. You and
99 go around the front

- and block off the alley.
- right, max.

Don't go away, spiegle. When I come
Back I want to see some engagement rings.

Hurry, sommers, hurry!

Max! Max, are you all right?

Yes, I'm fine, 99.

Max, they got away
With the morris diamond!

If we don't find them, do
You know what that'll mean?

You bet your sweet
Life I do. I'll be out $80.

Oh, max.

- I'm fine, 99.
- I'm so glad you weren't hurt, max.

The way he bowled you
Over with that trash can.

Wait a minute, 99. You're right!

He didn't throw that trash
Can at me! He bowled it at me!

His form, his stance, the
Way he followed through...

He handled that trash
Can like a bowling ball!

That means that one of the men we're
Looking for spends a lot of time bowling.

I'll have our best men
Check out the bowling alleys.

But it'll take all week to
Cover every alley in town.

Not necessarily. After all,
How many expert bowlers

Are bald-headed and
Bowl left-handed?

You're right, chief.
Now all we have to do

Is look for a bald-headed man who
Bowls left-handed with an ashcan.

Come on, 99.

Now you see, 99, that one had
Just a little too much hook on it,

- otherwise it would have been a strike.
- I see.

- may I try one now?
- yes, but remember to follow through.

How was that?

Well, you'll get the hang
Of it sooner or later, 99.

Max, how much longer do we
Have to stake out this place?

It's getting late.

Yes, well, I know,
But we've checked out

Every other
Bowling alley in town

That has a left-headed,
Bald-handed, uh...

Bald-handed, left-headed...
A ball-headed, left...

A man with a hand. It
Is getting late, isn't it?

Why don't we check with
Agent 8 1/2? He's staked out here.

Good idea.

- 8 1/2, are you there?
- hi, 86, 99.

- how are you, 8 1/2?
- how am I? Terrible!

I keep forgetting to duck
Every time the ball is returning.

I've got a bump on the back of
My head the size of a bowling ball.

Wait a minute. That
Is a bowling ball.

Excuse me.

Do you have anything to report?

Yes, the manager tells me
There's a man who bowls here

That fits the description of
Your man almost perfectly...

Same height, same weight
And he's left-handed.

- there's only one thing wrong.
- what's that?

He's got a full head of hair.

But the man we're
Looking for is bald-headed.

Well, I said "Almost perfectly."

Excuse me.

All right, we'll
Check him out anyway.

- is he here?
- not yet... Yet.

- he comes here at 9:00 every night.
- it's almost 9:00 now.

I hope he's not gonna be late.

86, I'd like to get out of
Here. It's wednesday night.

What's so important
About wednesday night?

It's my bowling night.

Smart, that must be him.

the manager said
When he showed up

he'd give him lane number one!

It does look a lot
Like sommers, max.

Yes, except for the hair.

Come on, 99. We'd
Better keep bowling

Before they get suspicious.

Max, look.

Should I do the same thing
Those other bowlers are doing

Just before they
Throw their balls?

- what's that?
- they put their fingers in the ball,

Then take them out,
Scratch their heads

And put their fingers
Back in the ball again.

- they do?
- watch them.

See? And each of the
Men in the next four lanes

Is doing exactly the same thing
Before they bowl their balls.

Well, either they're
Very superstitious,

Or they're allergic to
Something in the bowling ball.

Max, look.

We'd better stop staring at him.

If he is sommers, he's
Gonna get suspicious.

Right, 99. We'd
Better keep bowling.

Sommers is in lane number one.

Kaos has sent word that he is to
Personally take the morris diamond through.

attend to it.

I beg your pardon.

Uh, I believe you have my ball.

Oh, sorry about that.

99, he acted very strange.

- almost like he recognized me.
- max!

It's the morris diamond. It
Must've been in the bowling ball.

99, that's how kaos is getting
Out the stolen diamonds!

That may be how they're getting
The diamonds to their couriers,

But how do they get
Them out of the country?

I'll take that ring.

I'm afraid not, sommers.

Because, you see,
At the very moment

Control agent 8
1/2 has you covered.

Okay, drop that gun.

Pepe, sommers is in trouble.

Quick, put a ball in the return
Chute for lane number three!

Smart.

I forgot to duck again.

No, shooting will
Attract the police.

Sommers: stop him!

Stop him!

- max, we're surrounded!
- I know that, 99.

Let's go!

Everybody stay right where
You are! This is a government raid!

- larabee, see that nobody leaves.
- right, chief.

Max, 99, where are you?

Max: right over here, chief!

Oh, chief, are we
Glad to see you.

When we couldn't reach 8 1/2,
We knew something was wrong.

Here you are, chief.
The morris diamond.

- where'd you get it, max?
- it was in the bowling ball.

That's the way kaos got the
Diamonds to their couriers

Who then smuggled
Them out of the country.

But how? We've had all the
Docks and airports covered.

Everyone was
Thoroughly searched!

It was really
Quite simple, chief.

Larabee, bring 'em in!

All right, men,
Off with your hair!

See, chief, that's how they
Got them through customs!

They hid them
Under their toupees!

Max, how did you know that?

You see, 99, when I saw
Sommers lift his hand to his head

The way the other bowlers did,

I figured that if sommers
Was wearing a toupee,

Then the other bowlers
Were wearing toupees too.

- absolutely brilliant.
- thank you, chief.

Not you, max. I mean the way
They smuggled the diamonds.

Come on, 99. I think
Now is as good a time

As any to pick out
Your engagement ring.

- ready to do a little shopping?
- oh.

- see anything you like?
- no, not yet.