All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E04.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

Announcer: you are looking at
Recently discovered motion pictures

of the notorious bank-robbing
Team of connie and floyd.

prior to their apprehension
And incarceration,

these happy-go-lucky terrorists
Got their kicks robbing banks

all the way from gallup, new
Mexico, to flagstaff, arizona.

and don't forget winona, kingman,
Barstow and san bernardino.

miss connie barker,
Daughter of a carnie barker,

yearning for the bright lights
And the gay life of the big city,

ran away from home
At the age of three.

floyd darrow on the other hand

couldn't run away from home

because he lived
In a trailer camp,

and no matter how far he went

home was always
Catching up to him.

Now why would a good-looking
Kid like that turn to a life of crime?

the fact that he
Couldn't do anything else

made this good-looking
Kid turn to a life of crime.

connie and floyd
Cut a swath of crime

through seven
States, robbing banks

and eluding
Capture by the police.

through it all, they
Got along famously.

although they were
Never actually married,

they often acted like they were.

connie and floyd
Were inseparable.

they had a
Fantastic relationship

and were considered
By their contemporaries

to be two of the swellest
Crooks in the southwest.

they were always on the run,

stopping only now and then
To have their picture taken...

and fix a bumper.

had they not
Followed a life of crime,

connie and floyd would have undoubtedly
Ended up in the used-car business.

the darrow gang might have
Remained a pair of smalltime hoods

had it not been for a chance
Meeting with floyd's boyhood hero,

the biggest bank
Robber of them all...

sneaky sam vittorio,

so called because
Of his odd penchant

for wearing tennis
Sneakers while pulling jobs.

These are amazing
Newsreel pictures, chief.

They're not
Newsreel pictures, 99.

Connie and floyd carried
Their own photographer.

These are their personal films.

it's little wonder that
Connie and floyd

were so smitten with vittorio,

for this affable crook
Was responsible

for closing more banks
Than the depression.

this was the beginning of a
Long and prosperous relationship

between vittorio and
Connie and floyd.

they remained inseparable,

piling up one of the
Most impressive records

in the annals of modern crime.

Now you see why I wanted
You to take a look at that film.

That's it, chief. There's
No time to waste, 99.

We've got to go
Get those crooks.

Max, that film was
Made 30 years ago!

All the more reason
Why we should hurry.

They've got a big
Head start on us.

Max, are you all right?

Missed me by that much, chief.

Connie and floyd have
Been in jail for 30 years.

What about sam vittorio, chief?

Good question, 99. Don't you think
That was a good question, chief?

- yes, I do, max.
- me too.

In answer to your question, 99,

They were never able to make a
Conviction stick against sam vittorio.

However, they deported him
In 1937 as an undesirable alien.

- to italy?
- no, to pittsburgh.

- pittsburgh?
- yeah, they really threw the book at him.

He's been living there
In exile ever since.

In looking at the film, I
Can't help but be struck

By the remarkable
Resemblance of connie and floyd.

Oh really? I didn't think
They looked anything alike.

- not like each other, max, like us.
- that's precisely why

you were chosen for this
Assignment. you see, even though

Sam vittorio robbed
More than 150 banks,

When he was arrested
All he had on him was $1.36.

Well, $1.36 went a lot
Further in those days, chief.

Vittorio must have
Stolen millions,

But we've never been able
To find out where he hid it.

It looks like we're finally
Going to get a break.

- what happened, chief?
- we've gotten word that vittorio is dying

And he's made arrangements to
Break connie and floyd out of prison.

Apparently he's going
To tell them his secret.

- what secret?
- where vittorio hid the money, max.

Well, even if he does tell them,

How are we going to
Get them to tell us?

He's not going to tell them,
Max. He's gonna tell you,

Because you two are gonna
Pose as connie and floyd.

With the strong resemblance,
We should be able to pull it off.

I can't impress upon you the
Importance of this assignment.

If kaos should get their hands
On that money before we do,

They could finance their
Operations for years.

Don't worry, we
Won't let you down.

We're depending upon
You. Now here's the plan:

Tomorrow morning connie
And floyd are being transferred

To a coeducational
Maximum security prison farm.

Vittorio has bribed the
Guards transporting them

Who will allow them to escape
At a rendezvous point on route 12.

Luckily, we found
Out about it in time.

The two guards were
Placed under arrest

and connie and floyd were
Transferred last night.

Now agent larabee and I
Will replace the two guards

And tomorrow morning
At the rendezvous point

You two will be making
Your escape. Have you got it?

- not all of it, chief.
- what part didn't you get?

The part after
"Now here's the plan."

We're nearing their
Rendezvous point.

Vittorio's arranged
To leave a car for you.

Remember, his men will be
Watching from a vantage point,

so when you jump,
Make it look good.

How fast will we be
Going when we jump?

We'll slow it down some, but
We've got to make it look authentic.

Get the handcuffs on.

Chief: something
The matter, max?

I swallowed my toothpick.

I see the getaway
Car up ahead, chief.

Now remember, you're to drive to a
Place called danny's diner on route 63.

Vittorio's men will
Contact you there.

- now get ready.
- okay.

One, two, three!

Max, why didn't you jump?!

I did, 99, but I forgot to
Unfasten my seat belt.

Chief: all right, larabee,
Take the next cutoff.

We'll try it again.

- seat belt unbuckled, max?
- right, chief.

Okay. One, two, three!

Sorry about that, 99.

I thought we were
Going out this door.

Chief: we'll try it again.
Take the next cutoff.

Your seat belt's unbuckled,
You're going out that door

And there'll be no
Slip-ups this time! This is it!

The door won't open!

- let me, 99.
- hurry!

Sit back, 99.

Get me a doctor. I think
I've just broken my ankle.

- get going, max!
- the door's working.

- okay, one...
- wish us luck, chief.

- good luck.
- two, three!

Chief, what are you doing here?

Was there a change in plans?

Oh!

Go ahead, chief. Get it
All out of your system.

Vittorio's men are watching! We've
Got to make this look legitimate!

Here, you take my gun. I'll
Run and you shoot at me!

But for heaven's sakes, miss me!

Right, chief.

Hold it, 99.

- what, max?
- we're going the wrong way.

How can you tell?

Because I have an
Uncanny sense of direction.

I have an instinctive
Feel for this kind of thing.

But if you really want to
Know, I have three reasons.

First, the sun is over
My right shoulder.

Second, the leaves in
This section of the country

Have a peculiar discoloration.

And three, we're on a slight upgrade
When we should be walking downhill.

Now if my wind
Calculations are correct,

Danny's diner should be
Seven miles in that direction.

- max, that's fantastic.
- thank you, 99.

Let's hold hands. That way no one
Will be able to see the handcuffs.

Right, max.

Coming through.

You sit there.
I'll sit over here.

Max.

Oh. Pardon me, fella,

But would you mind sitting
Here? We'd like to sit together.

I think this guy sitting
Next to me is our contact.

Are you sure?

I've had enough experience
With the criminal element

To know a crook
When I see one, 99.

Max, we've got to be
Absolutely certain.

I am absolutely certain. Look
At that face, those shifty eyes.

Anything else, sheriff?

Oh, max, we've got
To be more careful.

If you had given us away, our
Whole mission would have failed.

I don't think it's fair for a
Lawman not to wear a uniform.

Now you take those
Two guys there.

I know for sure. I can
Tell that they're cops.

Okay, connie and floyd,
You've got a choice:

You come along quietly,
Or go out feet first.

Uh, just a moment, officer,
You're making a big mistake.

- we're not who you think we are.
- oh, dummy up, floyd.

We ain't cops. We're
Vittorio's boys.

Those uniforms!

We knocked out a couple
Of guys and took 'em.

The whole countryside
Is lousy with fuzz.

We figure this is the safest
Way to get you to the boss.

When you get us in the car, you
Gotta get us out of these handcuffs.

And you'd better get
Rid of those uniforms.

Why?

Well. If we happen to be
Stopped at a roadblock,

It's gonna be pretty
Hard to explain to them

How we got arrested
By two firemen.

I told him there was no such
A thing as a red police car.

Man over radio: connie barker
And floyd darrow did it again.

they broke out of the state
Maximum security penitentiary.

and despite the best efforts
Of the police of four states,

connie and floyd have
Managed to slip through

several dozen roadblocks and
At this moment are still at large.

That's my kids.

and now on the
Lighter side of the news:

two fireman were found
Walking on route 63

in their underwear
Today, and they claim...

Get out of here!

Man: it's me, boss. I've got
You-know-who with me.

What?

Well, just don't stand
There, tell sam we're here.

Eh, yes, well, don't
Just stand there,

- tell sam we're here.
- we're here, sam.

Welcome home, kids.

For old times' sake, give
Me the secret handshake.

The old secret handshake,
Floyd. I'm waiting.

Uh, yes, the old
Secret handshake.

Of course. You remember the
Old secret handshake, connie,

That sam and I always
Used to give to each other.

- oh, sure.
- would you settle for a kiss?

That's the second part. Now get
Over here, give me the handshake.

Now that's the old
Secret handshake.

In that case could
We skip the kiss?

Your old man here could
Never walk through a room

Without falling over something.

Ahem. You need me for
Anything else, boss?

No, monk, you did a good
Job. Just one more thing.

- what?
- get out of here.

Well, kids, this calls
For a big celebration.

But I mean a real celebration.

I'm gonna phone rocky and get him
To get all the old gang together.

They're dying to see you.
Mix us some drinks, floyd.

- good idea, sam. What'll you have?
- the usual.

The u-u-u-usual.

- what is the "Usual"?
- I don't know, max.

That wasn't in our
Indoctrination course on vittorio.

What are we gonna do? Ahem.

I'll just... I'll just have
To think of something.

Yeah, I'm really sorry.

That's too bad. I just
Talked to rocky's old lady.

He went out to
Bust a bank tonight

And he won't be back for
20 years. They caught him.

You know, sam, we got word that
You wanted to see us about something.

Oh yeah. Yeah, I
Guess you kids heard

I ain't gonna be
Around much longer.

That's right, I'm
Making the big break.

Well, we've heard that,
But you don't look sick.

I don't feel sick neither, but
Dr. Foster said I could go for 30 days.

- is that all?
- "Is that all"?

Are you kidding? No judge
Was ever able to give me 30 days.

Even at that, I'm outliving
The doc. He got killed.

- what happened?
- right after he told me

I only had 30 days I shot him.

Hey, floyd, how about my drink?

Uh, coming right up, sam.

Here you are.

This should give you a big lift.

Now where's mine?

Oh yeah, this is
It. Thanks, floyd.

Uh, my pleasure, sam.

You know, it's
Just like old times.

And you two kids are the
Closest thing to family I have.

And when a man feels
His time is coming,

That he has to get out,

He... He likes to leave
Something valuable

To the people he holds
Dear to remember him by.

But this is no time
To get maudlin.

Of course it's no secret that I got a
Secret and I'm gonna tell it to you...

When the time comes.

Only the time could come
Sooner than I expect...

But that's being negative.

- I'll tell you what we'll do.
- you go ahead. I'll wait here.

No, let's have a
Game of pinochle.

Look, sam, why don't you
Tell us the secret first?

Like you said, sam, the time
Could come sooner than you think,

Sort of unexpectedly.

No no no, I'll know
When the time is coming.

My room would
Suddenly grow dark,

And I'll hear the voice
Of an angel singing.

but besides, I've still got 30
Days and I feel pretty good.

Though I get a little
Tired once in a while.

Matter of fact, I think I'll
Go upstairs and take a rest.

Oh, and kids, when
The time comes,

- I want you to do me a big favor.
- what's that, sam?

Tiptoe into my room
And whisper in my ear

That "My mother the car"
Is coming back on television.

- why?
- so I won't mind going.

Max, we can't stay
Here a whole month!

We're getting
Married in a few weeks

And I've already sent out
The wedding invitations.

Are you sure? I didn't get one.

The groom doesn't get an
Invitation to his own wedding.

Besides, vittorio may
Live longer than 30 days.

You're right, 99. Gangsters
Aren't very dependable.

Anyway, I don't see
How we can keep up

the connie and floyd
Disguise that long.

99, we've got to get
Vittorio to tell us the secret.

- how can we do that?
- max: well, we've got to make him believe

- that he's dying right now.
- but how?

We'll shoot him.

Yes?

I know connie and floyd escaped.
We engineered the whole thing.

The real connie and
Floyd? Thank you.

Chief, the real connie
And floyd just escaped.

I know that! You just
Told me that on the phone!

Was that you? I
Thought I dialed my wife.

Max and 99 are in
Danger. Let's go.

Chief, do I have
Time to call my wife?

- who's there?
- floyd: open up! It's connie and floyd!

What are you doing out
There? It's dangerous.

- you're telling us!
- where's sam?

- upstairs taking a nap.
- come on, connie. Let's go.

Hey! Hold it! You
Can't disturb him.

When he finds out we're here, he's
Gonna want to see us right away.

What are you talking
About? You just...

Sam: hey, monk! I want to see
Connie and floyd right away!

See? Come on, connie.

Now what we have to do
Is go up to sam's bedroom

And make him believe that
The end is drawing near.

- how are we gonna do that?
- well, sam gave us the clue himself.

He said when the
End is drawing near

The lights in the room would dim

And he would hear the
Voice of an angel singing.

Come on.

Hello, angelo carpet cleaners?

Yeah, I want you
To pick up a rug

That'll need cleaning
In about 10 minutes.

Yeah. Yeah, it'll have
Two big red spots in it

And the bodies from
Whence they came.

Now look, let me talk to angelo.

Come in.

Angelo, guess who this is.

- both: sam!
- yeah, how'd you guess?

- be right with you.
- how do you like that for a greeting

From a guy we haven't
Seen for 20 years?

I told you we should've written
To him more often from prison.

Yeah, that's all right, angelo.

Yeah, the custom job would
Suit my needs perfectly.

Yeah, look. Wait a minute.

Hey, floyd, get
My pills, will you?

they're in the closet in
My gray pinstriped suit.

Sure thing, sam.

I'll go in and dim the lights.

You wait out here a few seconds

Then you come in singing,
And try to sound like an angel.

Right, max. I certainly
Hope this works.

Oh, I'm sorry, sam, I thought
You were still sleeping.

- how did you do that?
- do what?

- get in here before I did.
- I came in with you.

But you were supposed to
Wait until I dimmed the lights.

- I was?
- yeah, I know, angelo.

Wait a minute.

- hey, floyd, where's my pills?
- I don't know.

They must be in my
Other robe in that closet.

- go and get 'em, will you?
- sure, sam.

Sam: hey, don't keep
Me waiting, angelo.

Hey, connie, get me a
Drink of water, will you?

- from that bathroom, baby.
- sure, sam.

Here are your pills, sam.

- what are you doing?
- I'm singing.

Why didn't you lower the lights?

Why, do you sound
Better in the dark?

Will you get me some
Water before I choke?

I'll get it for you, sam.

- here's your water, sam.
- wait a minute.

- how did you do that?
- do what?

Why do you keep asking me that?

Yeah, okay, angelo.
See you later.

Thank you, connie.

And now I got something
For the two of you.

Oh!

Sam! Max!

- me!
- I found two bottles, sam.

Which one do you want, the
Big pills or the little pill?

Oh, max, thank heaven
You're all right!

But sam's been shot.

Oh, in that case I'd
Better give him the big ones.

Max, he's still alive!

Connie and floyd,
You finally got here.

- yes, it's us, sam.
- I gotta tell you my secret.

Take it easy, sam.
Don't try to talk.

- save your strength.
- well, I ain't got much time,

But I gotta talk to you.

Come closer. The secret...

- max!
- I'm all right, 99.

You know, in my lifetime I
Must've robbed 150 banks.

Maybe 160.

I guess it was closer to 200.

Uh, yeah, 200 banks, sam.

- 192 to be exact.
- where did you hide the money, sam?

What money? Most
Of the banks I robbed

Went bust in the depression.

Then what's your secret?

Crime doesn't pay!