All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S04E02.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

Could you pass this to
The young lady, please?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, let me help you.

86, we'll be making an
Unscheduled landing

In boise, idaho, in
Exactly five minutes.

Plug into phone jack #2, instructions
Are coming through from headquarters.

- where are the earphones?
- in there.

Excuse me.

good morning. Mcmillann speaking

you're about to
Land in boise, idaho.

from there a car will
Take you to twin falls.

Max, that's where
We're going, twin falls.

- my mother lives near there.
- oh really?

If you get a chance, you
Should drop in and see her, 99.

Well, you too. She'd love to
Meet her future son-in-law.

for several months now, the
Cia has tried without success

to make a breakthrough
On case 1173

known as operation starch.

two hours ago, the
President of the united states

ordered that this case now
Be turned over to control.

chief, you may now bring
Agents 86 and 99 up to date

on what you already know
About operation starch.

and now stay tuned for
The cia sports and weather.

What is operation starch, chief?

Let's go up front where
We can talk more privately.

All right, chief, what is
This operation starch?

Operation starch is probably
The most diabolical scheme

Ever devised by kaos.

Max, will you put down
That "Peanuts" book?

Oh, sorry about that, chief.
But this is really a funny part

Where snoopy is following
The red baron down...

I'm not interested in
Snoopy or the red baron.

Oh, you're a charlie brown man?

I'm a frustrated man.

Kaos has destroyed almost
90% of america's potato crop.

Oh, I didn't know that, chief.

It's been our government's
Most closely-guarded secret.

Well, I can see why.
Americans love potatoes.

That's right, chief.

Potatoes are as american
As pizzas or tacos.

- chief, I just had a potato last night.
- no, you didn't, 99,

That was artificial.
Made scientifically

From edible,
Flavored foam rubber.

- a foam rubber potato?
- that's right, 99.

Well, now that
Certainly is a tribute

To our scientists, chief.

I mean, the russians
May be way ahead of us

In the moon program, but we're
Ahead of them in rubber food.

Kaos is demanding that
We pay them $10 billion

Or they'll destroy
all of our crops.

- how are they gonna do that?
- that, 99, is our assignment.

Chief, 99, it's the red baron!

Max, you've been spending
So much of your time

Reading "Peanuts" book,
You're starting to see things!

- maybe it's something you ate.
- but it couldn't be, 99,

All I had today was an
Order of ham and eggs

And a side order of
French-fried foam rubber.

Dr. Leviathan, I'm
The chief of control

And this is agent
86 and agent 99.

- how do you do?
- hello.

Boy, 99, it's a good thing
He's not with control.

- what a number he'd have.
- we were told to contact you.

Oh, fine. We'll have
To talk while I work.

I'm the food analyst and I
Have to taste all of this.

- am I sitting?
- yes.

Oh good. Sometimes
It's hard to tell.

Doctor, could we see one of
The potatoes that was destroyed?

Oh, certainly.

- looks all right to me.
- max: me too.

Watch.

It's amazing. Do you have
Any idea how it was done?

Dr. Leviathan: we first thought
That some sort of bug

Had penetrated the potato
Jacket and eaten the inside.

Well, that's it, 99. The
Case is practically solved.

Now all we have to
Do is to find a fat bug.

However, we dropped that theory.

We've dropped that theory, 99.

We now think that some
Sort of new poison was used.

Something that could
Permeate the potato shell

- and destroy the pulp.
- but how would that work?

- we don't know.
- we must find out.

We have no idea what
Kaos will hit next.

It could be another
Vegetable. Or fruit.

Or even meat, chief. Who knows?

At the next roundup, we
Might find a lot of empty cows.

- would you like some sugar?
- oh, no, that's saccharin.

I'm trying to
Watch the calories.

Doctor, is there any area where the
Potatoes haven't been destroyed yet?

Only one... 40 miles
North of here.

I want you two to
Cover that area.

Oh, chief, could we
Stop off on the way?

my mother lives near there. I
Know she'd love to meet max.

Well, 99, looks
Like she's not home.

Max, you haven't even
Rung the doorbell yet.

Oh.

Don't be so nervous, max.
She's going to love you.

I told you, 99, she's not home.

- darling!
- mother!

Come in. Come in
And close the door.

He's a little bit nervous
About meeting you, mother.

Isn't that cute?

Come on, max.

Max, this is mother.

Mother, this is maxwell smart.

How do you do?

Any friend of my daughter's
Is a son-in-law of mine.

- come in.
- thank you, mrs... Uh...

- mother.
- mrs. Mother.

"Mrs. Mother." isn't that cute?

Mother, you just call max "Max"

And, max, you call
Mother "Mother."

- all right, 99.
- "99"?

Oh, uh, max and I have
Pet names for each other.

Sometimes he calls me "99,"

Sometimes I call him "86."

Isn't that cute?

You can call me
"38," if it isn't taken.

- oh.
- no no no, it isn't.

Well...

- tell me about your trip.
- this certainly is a nice place.

Would you like to
Have some coffee, 18?

No thank you, and
The number's 86.

86. I never had a good
Head for numbers.

94 has told me so
Much about you.

- it's 99.
- of course.

What must you think of me...

A mother who can't remember
Her own daughter's number.

So you're in the
Greeting card business?

- huh?
- yes, I wrote to mother

And told her that we both work
At the same greeting card company

Oh, yes yes,
That... That's right.

I think people who write
Greeting cards are so talented.

Recite one of your cards for me.

Huh? One of my cards, yes yes.

Uh, one of my cards.

Uh, for what occasion
Would you like it?

- I mean for what holiday?
- oh, let me see.

Easter.

Easter, yes, that...
That's a good one.

Easter.

Oh! Here we go. Uh...

Here comes peter cottontail

Hopping down the bunny trail,

- hippity hoppity.
- hoppity hippity.

Hoppity hippity.

Bringing to every
Little girl and boy

Lots of baskets of easter joy

To make their
Easter bright and gay.

Now do "Rudolph the
Red-nosed reindeer."

Mother, max is very
Modest about his work.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Your shoe is ringing.

Mother, max must be
Absolutely famished.

- do you have anything in the kitchen?
- yes, dear.

I've got some hors d'oeuvres
All ready to be served.

Great, I'll help you.

Hello, chief. Max here.

check. Uh-huh.

yeah.

No, chief, I haven't had a chance
To check out the potatoes.

Look, I can't talk anymore.

I'll check them out and
Then I'll get back to you.

all right, chief? Bye, chief.

- where's max?
- behind the couch talking to his shoe.

Oh, here he is.

Did you have a nice
Chat with your shoe?

Yes, well, I can
Explain that, mother.

Oh, don't bother. My husband used
To always talk to his suspenders.

- he did?
- sometimes he talked to his belt.

He was a very strange
Man, but a good provider.

Max, why don't you have
Some hors d'oeuvres?

99, come here, quick.

- max: it's the red baron!
- oh, he's not the red baron.

That's mr. Smith. He bought the spread
Across the way about a month ago.

- he's a gentleman farmer.
- dressed like that?

I figured he was
A weekend hippie.

Come, have some hors d'oeuvres.

I'm sorry, mother, but 99
And I have to go for a walk.

- now?
- mother, I know this is going to be hard

For you to understand,
But this is an emergency.

The entire fate of
Our nation is at stake.

Darling, I understand perfectly,

But couldn't it wait
Till after lunch?

Slow down, 99, you might trip!

Come on, 99, let's get
Over by that haystack.

We can probably get a better
View of smith's house from there.

Right, max.

I'd better climb to the
Top and take a look, 99.

Max, you can't climb a
Haystack. There's no support.

You can if it's firmly stacked.

I'll check it out. Ah!

- what happened?
- a needle.

Max, I was raised in the country

And I'm telling you you
Cannot climb a haystack.

And I was raised
In the city, 99,

And I say that
Climbing the haystack

Is the same thing as
Climbing a wire fence...

The big secret is in
Getting a running start.

- what do we do now?
- we find a wire fence and climb it.

99, I lost my cufflink.

- oh max.
- you look over there, I'll look here.

I found it. It was
Right on the wing.

"On the wing"?

Max, there's an
Airplane in here!

Of course! The old
Airplane-in-a-haystack trick!

- I'd better call the chief, 99.
- right, max.

Smart!

- it's mr. Smith!
- it's the red baron!

Both: it's siegfried!

You bet your sweet
Shoe phone it's siegfried.

- we meet again.
- so, siegfried,

You're the one who's
Responsible for trying to destroy

- the potato crop.
- exactly.

But that knowledge
Will do you no good.

You see, I'm going
To shoot you both,

Push you in front of
The spinning propellers

und drop you from 18,000 feet!

This is the last time
We'll meet, smart!

You mean you're not
Coming to the wedding?

All right, smart, I have
Some bad news for you.

Your government has
Refused to pay us the $10 billion

We demanded for not
Destroying the rest of the crops.

Now I have to kill you.

Kill them, siegfried.
Let me let them have it!

Uh, starker, this
Is kaos. We don't...

Here.

Now, it is most important
That you understand something

That I want to...

But before you die, smart...

And you too, cookie...

You will see how
The genius of kaos

Has exterminated virtually
All of your potato crop.

A crop-dusting plane.

Yes, and it's a
Genuine fokker d.Vii.

Boy, I'll bet snoopy would
Like to get this baby in his sights.

You like it?

I built it myself
From a model kit.

You take one piece and
Stick it together with...

It's made by a small
Company in argentina.

So that's how you've been
Destroying the potato crops.

Exactly.

I offer the farmers
Free crop-dusting,

But instead of insecticide,

I spray a newly
Developed bacteria,

A bacteria capable
Of entering the potato

By osmosis.

And once inside,

It eats up the entire potato

And burps and dies,
Leaving no trace.

And siegfried flies
Home victoriously.

Stop!

We don't ptt-tt... Here!

Now...

I shall destroy the
Rest of your potato crop.

And I will affect your broccoli,

Your rhubarb, your squash,

And last but not
Least, your kumquats!

You really know how
To hurt a guy, don't you?

But first, the
Propellers are waiting

To cut you to smithereens!

Switch on! Contact!

Siegfried,

Do you mind if I
Take off my coat?

It's brand-new and I
Don't want to ruin it!

Starker, take care of them!

I'm on my way.

What are we gonna do now, max?

We've gotta get in
Touch with the chief, 99.

I'll tell you what we'll
Do: we'll write a note,

And we'll tie it to the leg
Of one of these chickens.

Max, chickens don't fly.

Then, we'll find one
That can run fast.

Max, look!

- agh!
- what happened?

Oh, stepped right
On that rake, chief.

That hurt.

I know.

How did you know
We were here, chief?

I stopped by the house and 99's
Mother told me you were here.

You came just in the
Nick of time, chief.

I would have been here sooner,
But she made me stop and eat first.

Siegfried!

He's gonna finish
Off the potato crop!

Come on.

Max: good. he
Thinks he's got us.

There goes the potato crop.

You know, chief, I've
Always wondered about that.

How many potatoes
Are there in a crop?

It all depends...
4,000 or 5,000 bushels.

Boy, that's a lot of crop.

Look, he's coming back!

Sure. Now he's
After our kumquats.

We've got to stop him, max!

We can use the telephone
At my mother's house.

Oh, did you have a
Nice walk, children?

Not now, mother.
This is an emergency.

Another one? I didn't know the
Greeting card business was that exciting.

I'll go get dinner.

- where's the phone, 99?
- I'll get it.

Hello, operator?

Give me the commanding officer
At the nearest air force base.

This is an emergency. Hurry.

Hello, colonel? This is
Maxwell smart of control.

It's urgent that we get
A jet plane immediately

In order to prevent
A national disaster.

Now, I'm 40 miles
North of twin falls.

Where's the closest place that
We can find an air force fighter?

Ankara, turkey?

- nothing closer?
- nothing closer?

Yes, colonel, I know we have
Planes all over the world.

But do we have
Any in this country?

How about some
Of the older jets?

How about some
Of the older jets?

- we sold them to germany and japan.
- that's great.

After all, chief, we
Shot all of theirs down.

How about p-40s
From world war ii?

How about the p-40s
From world war ii?

- israel, chief.
- p-47s?

- how about the p-47s?
- we sold all those to the arabs.

Listen, colonel,

Tell me, does the spirit
Of st. Louis still fly?

Max.

Thank you very much, sir.

It looks as though
Siegfried's won.

Wait a minute, chief.
He hasn't won yet.

I know where there's a plane.

Chief, you're not gonna let
Max go up in this old thing!

Of course not, 99. I'm going
After siegfried myself.

Oh!

Sorry about that, chief,

But you're too
Important to control.

Until we meet again, 99.

Darn fool kid!

Oh, he's caught
Up with siegfried!

Look, chief.

Chief, max is in trouble!

He's gonna jump!

He's jumping
Without a parachute!

Nice jump, smart!

Thank you, siegfried!
Give me a hand!

Certainly! Here's a hand!

Don't tell me you'd shoot
An unarmed man in midair!

- of course I would!
- I asked you not to tell me that!

He's got him, chief!

All right, siegfried,
Take her down!

Darling, your
Dinner's getting cold.

Where's your fiancé, 81?

He's up there, mother. Well,
What do you think of him?

Oh, I like him. I think
He's very nice young man.

Strange, but nice.

Is he really in the
Greeting card business?

Yes, of course. Why do you ask?

Oh, I don't know. Your
Father used to always say

He was in the
Greeting card business

- and wasn't he?
- didn't you know? Your father was a spy.