All language subtitles for Get.Smart.1965.S03E23.REMASTERED.DVDRip.XviD-FQM

Come on! Come on!

Man on radio: simpson of the united
States puts the team representing

the free world four points
Ahead of the iron curtain team.

on this, the second day of the
All-important three-day track meet,

the west is making
A strong comeback

after a series of
Incredible accidents.

Accidents, my foot.

I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?

I think you broke my telephone.

Max, isn't there some chance
They could have been accidents?

Impossible, 99. Kaos knows
That winning a track meet

Is more important to the
United states than winning a war.

Besides, it's a lot cheaper. We
Don't have to finance the losers.

I guess you're right.
The chief certainly

Doesn't seem to think
They were accidents.

He has enough control agents
Stationed through the stands.

Yes, and there are a lot
Of cia agents around too.

Cia? What do they
Have to do with it?

What do they have to do with it? They
Put half these athletes through college.

- on both teams.
- hmm.

williams is ready
For his third try.

the bar is set at
16 feet, 11 inches.

Hot dogs here.

- hot dog!
- how many?

One without mustard.

Here, bud.

Oh, thank you.

- pass it.
- hmm?

Oh.

a hush falls over the stadium
As williams starts his approach.

here he goes. Too bad.

Ohh!

well, that leaves only two
Contestants in the pole vault...

smith and kazcachekowitz.

Oh, I hope smith makes it.

You'd better hope
Kazcachekowitz makes it.

He's on our team.
Smith is the russian.

the bar will now
Be raised to 17 feet.

smith is up first. He's
Warming up now for his jump.

there goes smith.

smith missed.

Say, you ought to try one of
These hot dogs. They're delicious.

Max, look. Kazcachekowitz is
Getting ready to make his try.

Yes. If kazcachekowitz
Makes it, we'll be ahead.

- do you think he can?
- well, I don't see why not.

He's always cleared
17 feet before.

Thank you, sir. Thank you.

Hot dogs, pennants.

Hot dogs. Madam, may I
Interest you in a pennant?

Do you have one I might like?

I think I have one here
That'll be a very good choice.

Be careful. The whole stadium

Is simply crawling
With control agents.

there goes kazcachekowitz now.

incredible. Kazcachekowitz
Seemed to clear the bar, but he didn't.

Max, there's something wrong!

Thank you, but I
Don't think I'll buy one.

Hot dogs, pennants.

Wait a minute, 99. Stay
Here. I'll be right back.

hey, you!

No, I don't want a
Pennant. I want a hot dog.

I bet it'll even taste
Better with the roll.

Hot dogs, yes.

Oh, give me a lot of
Relish and mustard.

- put everything on it. The works.
- the works, sir.

Hurry up. I'm missing
The hop, skip and jump.

Here you are, sir... The works.

- max.
- hymie, what are you doing here?

The chief is looking for you.
He's waiting in the locker room.

- okay, let's go.
- that sure looks good.

- oh, you like hot dogs, hymie?
- of course.

I may be a robot, but
I'm an american robot.

Oh, well, that surprises me.

I mean, not that you're an american
Robot but that you like hot dogs.

I thought the only
Thing you ever took

Was kerosene oil and an
Occasional quick charge.

It's the same old story...
Nobody cares about a robot.

Just wind him up, turn him loose
And grease him every 1000 miles.

Okay, hymie, here.
Take the hot dog.

- no, thank you. I don't want it now.
- go ahead, take it.

I wouldn't take it if it was the last
Hot dog in the whole wide world.

- okay.
- is it?

- no!
- then I'll take it.

Here, hymie. You forgot this.

- how did it taste?
- delicious. Even the poison was good.

- poison?
- I am programmed to detect poison.

That was arsenic...
Eight grams, two ccs.

- are you all right, hymie?
- of course.

Arsenic is good for
Cleaning out my tubes.

I heard that. Wait a minute.

That vender must've
Been a kaos agent.

- what did he look like?
- well, uh,

He was, uh uh...

He was, uh... He was, uh...

What did he look like,
Max? Can you describe him?

Well, he had a kind of a
Face like yours, chief...

You know, nondescript. The
Kind you'd forget in a crowd.

Max, this is important. Think.

All those accidents can have
Only one explanation... Cad.

Of course! Cad! What's cad?

Hymie: cad is a
Division of kaos.

It stands for "Contrived
Accident division."

Their two experts are donald
Snead and mrs. Emily neal.

And the one who
Sold you the hot dog

Must've been snead, and
You can't even describe him!

Well, I may not be
Able to describe him,

But I'll know him
The minute I see him.

- I certainly hope so.
- somebody help!

- what happened?
- I don't know.

O'leary was taking a shower
And he must've collapsed.

Well, I've heard of hard
Water, but this is ridiculous!

- hymie, what are you doing?
- it's not the water, it's the soap.

The soap was poisoned.
It contains atropine.

o'leary absorbed it through his
Pores while he was taking a shower.

He'll be all right as soon as I
Give him an injection of morphine.

Chief, we've got to stop kaos.

What we need are more
Stringent protective measures

And better organization.

You're right, max. I'm
Taking you off the case.

Good.

Taking me off the case?
Why? What did I do wrong?

What'd you do right?

- I asked you first.
- I'm putting hymie in charge.

Oh. Hymie? You can't
Put hymie in charge.

Hymie is a robot. He's
Nothing but a machine,

A bunch of bolts and wires
Strung together in a metal body.

No one's perfect.

Hymie, you're the boss
Now. You call the signals.

93, 42, 61, 84...

Hymie, why do you always
Take me so literally?

What I mean is that
You're in charge.

Now wait a minute,
Chief. I have my pride,

And I'm not taking
Orders from a robot.

Max, remember, control is an
Equal-opportunity employer.

I don't feel that
Way about you, max.

Some of my best
Friends are people.

I'm sorry, hymie. I keep
Forgetting you have a heart,

Even if it is a $10 gearbox.

That's enough, max. Now
What are your plans, hymie?

According to my computer,
We can win the meet

If we protect
Purvis in the mile run,

Schmidt in the discus throw
And moody in the high jump.

we must find someplace to
Keep them safe until tomorrow.

- where?
- I'll check with my computer again.

Max's apartment.

My apartment? Forget it!

I've got a date tonight, and
I plan to use my apartment.

Max, what's more
Important to you,

The honor of your
Country or a date?

- max!
- don't rush me, chief.

I'm trying to think of a good
Argument for my country.

All right. My apartment.

The main thing is secrecy.
We'll move them in tonight

under cover of darkness.

Everything's set?

Mrs. Neal, I was magnificent,

And I've arranged for some simply
Marvelous accidents to occur.

Good. Any possibility
Of a failure?

None whatsoever. And
For the piece de resistance,

I've added something
Rather special of my own.

I knew you would.

Mr. Smart always has
One gibson before dinner...

Four parts gin, a touch of
Vermouth, and a pearl onion.

What he doesn't know is that he's
Using the famous snead synthetic onion.

Yes, which combined
With gin and vermouth

Will create a chemical reaction

That will blow mr. Smart and all
The other occupants of the room

Into... Well,

Shall we just say it will
Be a bit messy in there.

You are indeed a genius, snead.

Max: come on, fellas, this way.

I do beg your pardon, mrs.
Neal, but it is in the line of duty.

Of course. I understand.

Why are you knocking on the
Door, max? Don't you live alone?

Uh, yes, but I seem to
Have misplaced my key.

The key is in your hand,
Max. Why are you stalling?

Forget it, hymie.

You wouldn't understand.

Mrs. Neal, that was
Very very pleasant.

- I agree, snead.
- good.

Shall we, uh, push on?

All right, gentlemen, just
Make yourselves at home.

You'll find that you'll be
Perfectly safe in this apartment.

It's equipped with some
Of the most fascinating

Protective devices in the world.

For example, this button...

- hymie, will you answer the door, please?
- but, max...

Hymie, answer the door.

Hello, door. What
Was the question again?

Hymie, will you just see
Who's ringing the bell, please?

It's 99 who's ringing
The bell, max.

- well, let her in.
- oh.

Hello, hymie. How are you?

I am fine, 99. How are you?

Fine. Oh, max, I brought
Some extra groceries.

I thought that it would be nice to
Fix you and the boys some dinner.

Oh, good, 99. Hymie, take the
Groceries into the kitchen.

Just a minute,
Max. I'm the boss.

I give the orders around here.

Hymie, take the
Groceries into the kitchen.

hymie, are you all right?

I am fine, 99. How are you?

All right, don't anybody
Move. Stay right where you are.

I have a feeling this apartment
Has been tampered with.

Hymie, get over by the
Fireplace. 99, get on the couch.

Now I know this apartment
Like the back of my hand.

If anything has been
Moved, I'll know it.

If anything has been
Touched, I'll know it.

I have a hunch that this
Apartment has been booby-trapped.

Now I'm almost positive.

Snead and mrs. Neal
Must've been here, max.

Yes. I'd better
Call the chief, 99.

I'm the boss. I'll
Call the chief.

Hymie, are you all right?

- I don't know.
- well, what happened?

I think I'm in love.

Max, tell the boys
Dinner's just about ready.

- boys, dinner's just about ready.
- max...

- sorry, hymie.
- boys, dinner's just about ready.

Listen, hymie, you don't mind if I have
A little drink before dinner, do you?

- of course not.
- thanks.

Well, let's see.

Little touch of vermouth,

Four parts gin,

And a pearl onion.

- how are things coming, 99?
- all set, max.

- well, here's luck.
- max! Your drink!

Max, do something!

Max, you sure do
Mix a strong gibson.

Yes, I know. I'm sorry.

I know I failed.

Well, you see, mrs. Neal, what
You gain on the roundabout

You lose on the swings.

Everything's in order.

Yes, something went wrong
In mr. Smart's apartment.

Yes, well, don't worry. Yes.

Yes, in their lockers.

All right, men. Right this way.

You'd better suit up. We
Don't have too much time.

You, go outside and guard the
Door. See that nobody comes in.

Well, hymie, the chief
Is out on the field.

- go out and tell him we're here.
- right.

I'm the boss.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot, hymie.

Uh, listen, how about this?

How would you like me to
Stay here and guard the men

While you go out and
Tell the chief we're here?

Yes.

All right, men,

The eyes of the free
World are on you today.

So I want you to remember
To keep your heads

And your shorts up.

we have a tradition to uphold,

so I want you to remember

that it's not how
You play the game

But whether you win that counts.

Yes, well, maybe that's
Not quite how it goes.

What's the
Difference? The import...

Oh, come on now, fellas.
It's not that hopeless.

Or is it? You, get
Away from that locker.

Chief: max, what happened?

Well, chief, snead and mrs. Neal

Must've rigged these
Lockers with paralyzing gas.

Man over p.A.: athletes on the field
For the high jump and the discus throw.

Hymie, is there any
Chance of reviving them?

Not for at least two hours.

Looks like we've lost those
Two events. We're beaten.

Chief,

No, we're not.

Man over p.A.: the next
Event is the high jump.

competing for the east today
Are pavlovic and mihailovich.

competing for the west...

hymie?

pavlovic has cleared the
Bar at seven feet, one inch,

for a new track record.

now trying to break that
Record is hymie of the west.

this is his first
Appearance at this meet.

Would you raise the
Bar to nine feet, please?

hold it. This is amazing!

hymie has asked to have
The bar raised to nine feet!

bronski of the east has broken his
Old world record of 220 feet, 5 inches

for the discus throw with
An amazing toss of 231 feet.

now for the west, holder of
The high-jump record, hymie.

hymie has just thrown it
Right out of the stadium!

It's incredible. He's thrown
It right out of the stands.

I'm beginning to
Understand our failures.

That man is not a man.

- I beg your pardon, snead?
- he's a control robot.

Mrs. Neal, do you still have
Your lipstick battery deactivator?

I'm always prepared, snead.

Good. Before the next event,

I think you should
Give hymie a victory kiss.

yes, mrs. Neal,
Discharge your duties

And his battery at
One and the same time.

Hot dogs, pennants.

Hot dogs, pennants.

Hot dogs, pennants.

Mr. Hymie, may I
Congratulate you?

Of course, madam.

Congratulations, hymie.

Now all we have to
Do is to win the mile run.

How do you feel, hymie?

I feel weak. Something
Ran my battery down.

Well, don't worry, hymie. As soon as we
Get you back to control headquarters,

We'll give you a recharge.

with the western team
Winning the discus throw,

this makes them
Tied with the east.

the last event, the mile run, will
Decide the outcome of this entire meet.

will the athletes
Please take their places?

All right, purvis, I want
You to get out there

And run like you've
Never run before... Fast.

Purvis, what are you doing?

This is no time for dancing.

I can't understand it. My
Feet feel like they're asleep.

- well, wake them up.
- I can't seem to move.

Hand me your shoe.

Someone has put
Sleeping-foot powder in his shoe.

The old "Sleeping-foot-
Powder-in-the-shoe" trick.

- what can we do now, max?
- there's only one thing to do.

- hymie, you'll have to run the mile.
- I don't know, chief.

Without a recharge, I
Don't have much energy left.

My portable radio!
Maybe that'll help!

That's it, 99!

I use a lot of voltage.
I hope it's enough.

running the mile for the east
Are pipovich and sturnsky.

and for the west,

holder of two world
Records here today,

hymie.

Come on, hymie! Come on, hymie!

- go, hymie!
- come on, hymie!

hymie is half a lap ahead.
Three quarters of a lap.

he's really pulling
Out front, folks.

- run, run!
- go!

with still six laps to go,

hymie is more than a lap ahead.

now with less than two laps to go,
Hymie has a lap-and-a-quarter lead.

it looks like a cinch
Win for the west.

just a moment. Hymie
Seems to be slowing down.

I think he's in trouble.

Come on, hymie! Come on!

He's running out
Of power, chief.

hymie is still three
Quarters of a lap ahead.

hymie is slowing down even more.

Do you think there's enough
Power left in my radio battery?

I told you not to listen to
Huntley and brinkley today.

You should've just
Listened to huntley.

Hymie, come on!

hymie's had it.

I don't think he'll
Make it to the finish line.

Chief, he's stopped!

ladies and gentlemen, with
Just one yard to the finish line,

hymie has come
To a complete stop.

- come on, hymie! Run, hymie! Come on!
- come on! Come on!

Come on! You can make it, hymie!

I'm out of power.

Isn't there anything we can do?

We need magnetic power!

And you need electricity for that,
Right, chief? Have you got a key?

- a key? Yes.
- good. Have you got a kite?

Have you got a
Storm, ben franklin?

the gap is closing quickly.

Max, quick! Give me
Your shoe phone!

This is no time to
Call for help, 99.

Mrs. Neal,

Looks to me as
Though we both failed.

There's always a
First time, snead.

Unfortunately, when
One works for kaos,

It's usually the last time.

I suggest, mrs. Neal,

That we take a permanent
Leave of absence.

I agree, snead.

Oh, that was brilliant,
99! How'd you do it?

- every telephone has a magnet, chief.
- of course, chief.

- every schoolboy knows that.
- then why didn't you think of it?

Uh, because you had me
Busy looking for a storm.

Besides, I wanted 99 to
Have a chance to show

That she went to school.