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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,687 Smart's in there all right. 2 00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,924 The maestro was right. He's Going after that little black book. 3 00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:17,060 Hmm. He's going to have to Settle for a little black box. 4 00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,562 I need him to make This week's quota. 5 00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:22,265 I don't understand you, sid. 6 00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,100 I'm a secret Agent, I have to go, 7 00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,635 But what's your angle? 8 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,370 What do you mean, What's my angle? 9 00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,172 I want to defend my country too, 10 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,675 And you happen to be My buddy. And besides, 11 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:34,833 I happen to know that every Secret agent gets all the broads. 12 00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,015 You're not going. That's it. Forget it. 13 00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,151 that's final. You're not going. 14 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,927 If you don't take Me along, I'll spill 15 00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:45,055 Everything I know about Control headquarters. 16 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:48,924 All right, you Can go, but no gun. 17 00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,760 Here. 18 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,695 Max: you're liable To get trigger-happy 19 00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,231 and get your fool head shot off. 20 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,466 Sid's voice: oh, great Thinking, max, great. 21 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,450 without a gun I'm a sitting duck. 22 00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,428 That's one sitting Duck and one dead duck. 23 00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,110 Well? Well? Well? 24 00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,445 Well, he moved, That's what's well. 25 00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,515 But you can't have a gun, sid. 26 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,650 You don't have A license to kill. 27 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,552 But, max, this is an emergency. 28 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,620 Can't you get me A learner's permit? 29 00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,656 Sid, will you forget about it? 30 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,325 Do us both a favor... Stay here. 31 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,262 Now look, I know you Were a very tough guy 32 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,165 When we were in the army Together, but that's 15 years ago. 33 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:31,134 Now wait a minute, max. I gave That little black book away, 34 00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,537 And I think it's only Fair I get it back for you. 35 00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,206 Besides, I don't think kaos is 36 00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,941 As dangerous as this apartment. 37 00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,277 I get the feeling I'm Going to get creamed 38 00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,767 By one of your Dizzy booby traps. 39 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:48,218 What does this do, Release the lions? 40 00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,788 No, the lion button Is downstairs. 41 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,523 This, eh... 42 00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,025 Well, to tell you the truth, I forget what this does, 43 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,462 But whatever it does, It's obviously not working. 44 00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,751 Hm-mm. 45 00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,601 There he is and here he goes. 46 00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:12,776 Boy, pal, that was a close call. 47 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,212 Yes, thanks to you, control's Top agent has been saved again. 48 00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,848 - thanks to me? - yes, come on, I'll show you. 49 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,450 I just remembered What that button does. 50 00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,719 It activates this... 51 00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:28,224 The old maxwell-smart- Silhouette-on-the window-shade trick. 52 00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,648 That's the second time kaos Has fallen for it this month. 53 00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,365 Fool. You missed him. 54 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,066 The maestro will be furious. 55 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,469 - you shot a shade. - a shade isn't going to talk. 56 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,305 Besides, they go out the Back way, my boys will get 'em. 57 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,707 Either way, I make my quota. 58 00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,343 Let's get out of here. They're trying to kill us. 59 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,935 Hmm, you may be right. Here, take this, sid. 60 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,304 Come on. 61 00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,790 - wait a minute. - what's the matter, max? 62 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,125 Don't you know your way Out of your own building? 63 00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,328 They're expecting us To come out the front. 64 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:08,854 We'll fool them And go out the back. 65 00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,162 Come on, sid, the Coast is clear. 66 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,635 Except for these three Cold-blooded killers. 67 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,820 Max, how did you get all three? 68 00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:42,192 Together: the old Three-way-gun trick. 69 00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,628 Max, the cops. 70 00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,697 Cops! Let's get out of here. 71 00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,372 What are you doing? 72 00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,541 I'd better make it Look like suicide. 73 00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,665 - oh. - come on. 74 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,421 It's okay, max. The cops are here. 75 00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,490 You've got a lot to learn about The secret agent business, sid. 76 00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,426 That's the oldest Trick in the world. 77 00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,729 Oh, the old Kaos-killers-dressed-up-like-cops- 78 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,932 In-order-to-fool- Control-agent-and-old-army-buddy trick. 79 00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,079 Something like that. Now look, remember that 80 00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:27,103 Night in pusan when We played patty cake? 81 00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,494 - yeah, when we belted them. - right. 82 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:37,614 Both: patty-cake, Patty-cake, baker's man. 83 00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,138 Bake me a cake as fast... 84 00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,624 The old pusan-patty-cake Trick, huh? 85 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:51,661 Sergeant, this officer is Making a very big mistake. 86 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,597 But I'm willing to let Bygones be bygones if he is. 87 00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,966 Okay, clarence darrow, can it. 88 00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,968 Now then, name and occupation? 89 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:02,660 Uh, maxwell smart. I'm in The greeting card business. 90 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,742 Sid krimm, sir. I Sell wedding gowns 91 00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,345 And I'm a part-time spy. 92 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,981 Wedding gowns and part-time... 93 00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,983 Spy? 94 00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:17,420 That's right, sir. He's a full-time spy 95 00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:20,756 And he sells greeting Cards as his cover. 96 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,825 Uh, sergeant... 97 00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,828 We were in the war together And he had a pretty tough time. 98 00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,831 He's a little shell-shocked. 99 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,833 He thinks he's a spy. 100 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:33,402 What are you talking about? 101 00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:36,172 Sid, this situation Calls for the truth. 102 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,741 What do you mean? 103 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,410 did we or did we not have a Hand grenade thrown at us? 104 00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:45,147 Did we or did we not fall through the Phone booth into control headquarters? 105 00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:48,250 And did I or did I not talk to The president on the steer horn? 106 00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,786 - well? - I suppose you're going to tell me now 107 00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,656 You want to talk to the president Of the united states again? 108 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,491 You're darn right I do. 109 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,628 You see what I mean, sergeant? He's really pretty far gone. 110 00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:02,231 That's it. I've had it. I'm not out of my mind, 111 00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,700 And you guys aren't Going to railroad me. 112 00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,369 I want a lawyer. I want A trial. I know my rights. 113 00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,239 I want a psychiatrist. You guys think I'm crazy? 114 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,463 I've had it with you guys. 115 00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,248 All right, sid, we spent the night In jail, we spent the day in court, 116 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,883 Now you've got the psychiatrist, 117 00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:23,986 If you'll just do as I say and Pretend you're out of your mind, 118 00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,589 They'll put you in my custody And we can get out of here. 119 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,248 Max, I can't go through life with The reputation that I'm bananas. 120 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,163 My chair. 121 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,966 Oh, yes, sorry About that, doctor. 122 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,402 It's all right. 123 00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,504 All right. 124 00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,507 Mr. Krimm, do you still insist That you're on a secret mission? 125 00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,276 Tell me, when did You first decide 126 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,778 That you needed more... Excitement in your life? 127 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,781 What excitement? Who needed excitement? 128 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,783 All I ever wanted Was a home in a suburb, 129 00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,118 And a couple of wives and a kid 130 00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,054 And a dog. That's all, doc. 131 00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:01,423 You see? You see what I Was talking about, doc? 132 00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:05,061 That's perfectly normal. I've Been married three times myself. 133 00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,963 don't interrupt Anymore, mr. Smart. 134 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,666 Hmm? Uh, mr. Krimm, 135 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,367 Let's go back to your childhood. 136 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:14,070 Tell me about your father? How did you feel about him? 137 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,151 did you hate him? 138 00:08:15,175 --> 00:08:17,907 I was very fond of my Dad. He was a great guy. 139 00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:21,611 We had a lot in common... Football, baseball, 140 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,969 And when I grew up, broads. 141 00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,684 Your father took you to Baseball and football games? 142 00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:33,055 No, he got me the broads. 143 00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:36,626 Oh. Gee, my father Never got me anything. 144 00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,194 he wouldn't even talk to me. 145 00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,563 Oh, I'm sorry, max. 146 00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:44,167 I never knew. 147 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,135 You never asked. 148 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,705 Would you please not interrupt Me, mr. Smart? Will you? Hmm? Hmm? 149 00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,408 My father... My father Never got me anything. 150 00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,410 The only thing he Ever got me was 151 00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,312 A pair of long pants So I could go to work. 152 00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,947 mr. Smart... 153 00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,349 Mr. Krimm. 154 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,886 Would you mind looking... And Would you just not interrupt anymore, 155 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,088 Mr. Smart? Appreciate that. 156 00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,792 Mr. Krimm, look at these inkblots and Tell me exactly what comes into your mind. 157 00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:12,125 The first thing that Comes into your mind. 158 00:09:12,149 --> 00:09:13,496 You need a new pen. 159 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,598 Very good, very good. 160 00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,366 No no no, I mean Just look at them 161 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,470 And the first thing that comes in Your mind, talk about them, all right? 162 00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,672 Boy... 163 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,507 That's a pretty girl. 164 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,375 A pretty girl? 165 00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,344 That's good. That's good. 166 00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,572 That's a boy and a Pretty girl hugging. 167 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:40,222 A boy and a pretty girl hugging? 168 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,392 And that's two girls and a boy. 169 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,060 uh-huh, uh-huh... 170 00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,765 T-two-two girls and a boy. 171 00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,136 Don't skip anything. 172 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,504 - can I buy a set of these? - can he? 173 00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,041 - what? - well, you see, doc, 174 00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,143 That's exactly what I was talking about... 175 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,810 Exactly what I Was talking about. 176 00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,846 He thinks all these Things are about women. 177 00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,282 That's exactly what Those pictures are about. 178 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,240 They're about women. Hmm. 179 00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,523 Mr. Krimm, thank you very much. 180 00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:15,980 Thank you, doctor. 181 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,264 May I ask you a Question, mr. Smart? 182 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,433 Certainly, doctor, 183 00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,902 Ask me anything you want. 184 00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,305 Uh, did you ever get the feeling 185 00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,340 That you're being Followed and hounded? 186 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,477 Well, yes, I used to, 187 00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,779 But now I pay for Everything in cash. 188 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,881 That's it, I've got to go. 189 00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,550 Oh no, just a minute. 190 00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:43,219 I have to detain you. You need More psychiatric treatment. 191 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,888 You're not going To detain anybody. 192 00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,557 I'm not crazy, fella. 193 00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,359 And besides that, I know My constitutional rights. 194 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,328 I'm entitled to one phone call. 195 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,153 - if you wish. - I wish. 196 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,315 Hello, chief? It's me again. 197 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,717 I want a lawyer! 198 00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,552 Don't worry about a thing, sid. 199 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,421 I'll have you out of Here in a few minutes. 200 00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,324 - 86? - yes, are you the control lawyer? 201 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,493 Yes, here's my card. 202 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,129 "18, 26, 35, 44, 203 00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:30,933 51, 33 and sons." 204 00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:33,669 I thought 21 was going To handle this case. 205 00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,438 21 handles divorces. You two Guys want to get separated? 206 00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:38,207 yeah, I want to get separated. 207 00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,209 I want to get separated From this police station. 208 00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,545 Now as I understand this Case, you hit this policeman. 209 00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:46,282 What we do is plead Guilty and the fine is $50. 210 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,484 - I see no reason why... - we didn't hit the policeman, he hit us. 211 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:52,521 Oh, willfully standing in The way of a police attack? 212 00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:56,391 That's $100 fine and we'll have To come back in 60 days for a trial. 213 00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:58,460 I'll arrange for your bail, 86. 214 00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:01,130 What about me? Who's Going to take care of me? 215 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,898 What's your number? 216 00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,134 What number? I Don't have a number. 217 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,836 I'm max's pal. You've got To get me out of here. 218 00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,505 I'm sorry, I can't do that. 219 00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,574 I'm not allowed to Handle outside cases. 220 00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,509 I work exclusively For the government. 221 00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,411 And it would be a Conflict of interest. 222 00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,246 I've got to go along With him on that, sid. 223 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,914 When the man is Right, he's right. 224 00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:22,518 However, I might be able to Recommend another lawyer, 225 00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,686 An old friend of mine... 28. 226 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,922 28? Is he in the phone book? 227 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:29,058 No, he has an unlisted number, 228 00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,161 And I have his card right here. 229 00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,697 I don't want another attorney. I want to get out of here. 230 00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,466 just call 28 and tell Him 17 recommended you. 231 00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,636 Tell him that you Were booked on a 437. 232 00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,706 If you plead a 507, you Will get off one-two-three. 233 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:47,210 Bingo. What is this, a Police station or a church? 234 00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:50,112 Sid, you don't Understand. In our business 235 00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,949 We are not allowed to Use names, only numbers. 236 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:56,085 Look, we're on a very important Case. Just get us out of here. 237 00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,953 I'll have you out In five minutes. 238 00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,622 What about me? Who's Going to take care of me? 239 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:03,593 Will you stop whining? 240 00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:06,696 Can't you just bend the rules A little bit and help my friend? 241 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,897 We might be able To deputize him. 242 00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,633 Oh. 243 00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,577 Well, I didn't want To go that far. 244 00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:18,708 Listen, couldn't we deputize Him on a temporary basis? 245 00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:21,243 Yes, I guess I Could swear him in. 246 00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,346 Fill out this card Later, if you will. 247 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,115 Stand up, please. Stand up. 248 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:30,986 I want you to raise your Right foot and repeat after me. 249 00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:34,156 Why do I have to Raise my right foot? 250 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,558 Because it's an Underground organization. 251 00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,527 - oh. - now repeat after me. 252 00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,067 How can I repeat after You? I can't hear you. 253 00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:47,502 It's a secret oath. 254 00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,304 Oh. 255 00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,807 First thing you know, you'll Have me patting my head 256 00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,351 And rubbing my stomach To qualify for the job. 257 00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,869 You've been letting out secrets. 258 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,984 Don't ever do that. 259 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:39,043 Come on, dummy. 260 00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,660 Man: I couldn't help it. 261 00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,828 Man #2: you'd better Have a good reason. 262 00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:49,131 they're not going To like that upstairs. 263 00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:53,269 Man #1: please let me try Again. I won't miss next time. 264 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,338 Man #2: there ain't Going to be no next time. 265 00:14:56,362 --> 00:15:00,409 the organization gives No second chances. 266 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,179 and you know what Happens when you miss. 267 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,946 Man #1: no no, don't. 268 00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:08,784 Man #2: I'll take care of this Contract myself, and you. 269 00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:12,743 throw him in the river, boys. 270 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,109 I'm telling you, mae. 271 00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:37,401 We've got to move out Of this neighborhood. 272 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,297 I don't understand it. This has to be the place. 273 00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,099 The computer is never wrong... 274 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,590 111 "M" street. 275 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:09,133 Oh, west 111th street. 276 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,791 Will you leave me alone, sid? 277 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,326 I don't understand it. I Never get mixed up like that. 278 00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,128 I can understand It. You're a dope. 279 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:29,198 Remember in the army, you Couldn't even spell pussycat? Uh-oh. 280 00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:32,001 Max, they're after us, how Are we going to get out of here? 281 00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,267 We can't go that way. It's a dead-end alley. 282 00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:35,326 I know that, dummy. 283 00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,479 Max, it passed right over us. 284 00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,481 Well, naturally, sid. 285 00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,550 When I saw that car Bearing down on us, 286 00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,653 I happened to notice That it was a 1967 sedan. 287 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:55,958 Now a 1967 sedan has a Clearance of 15 and 1/2 inches. 288 00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,728 When we're lying flat, we have Have a clearance of 15 and 1/4 inches. 289 00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,097 It was a '68. 290 00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,956 I don't wish to Discuss it any more. 291 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,770 Max, there's no need To get steamed about it. 292 00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,899 Forget about it. Let's Go get the maestro. 293 00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:11,923 Oh... 294 00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:32,761 Listen, that music... 295 00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:36,053 When I spoke to nancy, I Heard it over the telephone. 296 00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,050 All right, girls, stay Right where you are. 297 00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,686 Gentlemen, you are covered. 298 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:01,070 Oh really? Don't you need A gun for that, maestro? 299 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:08,330 The old gun-in- The-maestro's-baton trick. 300 00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:11,233 That's the second time I Fell for that this month. 301 00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,403 unfortunately, your Baton is empty, maestro. 302 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,438 Cover him, sid. 303 00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,396 Drop the gun and stay Right where you are. 304 00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,412 Who's the ding-a-ling? 305 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,749 - he's the maestro. - he's the top kaos assassin. 306 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,750 He must be the one Who shot matusik. 307 00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:33,588 And miklis, wolfberg, Casten and frank. 308 00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,859 Well, he certainly Has had a busy week. 309 00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,027 A busy day. 310 00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,897 The maestro thanks You for the introduction. 311 00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,599 Nancy: I knew we should have Gotten rid of them at the club. 312 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,368 I like them. 313 00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:49,004 No harm done. We have them now. 314 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:53,108 I think we shall find an Amusing way to assist them 315 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,578 In their departure From this vale of tears. 316 00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,280 What's he talking about? 317 00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,683 He's going to kill us. 318 00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,819 Oh. Kill us? For real? 319 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,088 I'm afraid so, sid. 320 00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:09,191 Okay, that's it. I quit. 321 00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,827 Listen, pussycat, I'm not a real spy. 322 00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,329 I sell bridal gowns. If you're ever in omaha, 323 00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,298 Stop by and I'll give You a free fitting. 324 00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,533 Shut up, dummy. 325 00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,903 Dummy? 326 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:24,206 Yes, well, when the Man is right, he's right. 327 00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:27,342 Enough of this. We shall retire 328 00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:30,434 To my music room downstairs. 329 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,084 So this is what It's like being a spy. 330 00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:36,552 Why did I come along? 331 00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,320 My armpits are Starting to hurt me. 332 00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:42,624 Stop whining. It's not All gravy, you know? 333 00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,928 My magnum opus and your finale. 334 00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,831 In a moment, I shall Start the music. 335 00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,833 You are familiar with "The 1812 overture" 336 00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,435 By pyotr ilyich tchaikovsky? 337 00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:57,305 when they recorded this, They used real cannons. 338 00:19:57,329 --> 00:20:00,376 Now the final crescendo Of these cannons 339 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,577 Will trigger this cannon. 340 00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,314 It will be the last Thing you will hear. 341 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,450 Are you kidding? When That thing goes off, 342 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,387 The police force, the army, The navy and the marine corps 343 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,622 Will come rolling In here like oranges. 344 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,961 Not with this Silencer, they won't. 345 00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:22,197 That's the second Biggest silencer I ever saw. 346 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:26,635 You have exactly Four minutes to live. 347 00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:30,539 I shouldn't bother To scream for help. 348 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,474 These walls are Completely soundproof. 349 00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,710 enjoy yourselves, gentlemen. 350 00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,502 I shall be waiting Upstairs with the ladies. 351 00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,419 - all right now, sid, here's my plan... - stop with your crazy plans. 352 00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,755 Can't you see I'm Trying to faint? 353 00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,346 All right, I'll do it myself. 354 00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:56,787 Oh, the old false-hands- In-the-chain trick. 355 00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:07,631 Oh, the old hacksaw-in- The-belt-buckle trick. 356 00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:11,869 Will you shut up? 357 00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,449 Max, the record. 358 00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:05,900 Hold tight, sid, I'll have You loose in a minute. 359 00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:08,736 So what? That Maniac is still outside. 360 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,905 If he finds out we're Alive, he'll really kill us. 361 00:22:10,929 --> 00:22:13,308 Max, do something. Get us out of here. 362 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,076 Don't worry, sid. I've got a great plan. 363 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,812 Good good good. What is it? 364 00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:19,882 What is it? Yes, uh, well, Here's what we'll do: 365 00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,651 You'll run around the room Yelling and screaming a lot, 366 00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,854 And I'll hide over in the corner. Then when the maestro comes down, 367 00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:29,124 He'll probably have a gun and he'll Come over and you jump on top of him. 368 00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:30,893 I don't think I like that plan. 369 00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:34,195 Not too crazy about that Plan. Okay, I got another plan. 370 00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:37,632 Here's what we'll... I'll take off my Shoelace, and I'll tie it to this table, 371 00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:40,602 And then I'll hide under the cannon. When the maestro comes down, 372 00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:42,938 He'll see that I'm gone, And he'll rush over to you. 373 00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:45,440 Good good, great Idea. That's great, good. 374 00:22:45,464 --> 00:22:49,044 You'll pull the string on the record Player and then the music will stop. 375 00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:52,202 And then the canon will go off. Good, marvelous, that's great. 376 00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:56,539 Max, get me out of here. 377 00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:05,215 Four minutes, it Is all over now. 378 00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:31,786 You know, sid, in a Way it's kind of a shame. 379 00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:34,956 What are you talking about? 380 00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:37,492 If he'd had only used his baton 381 00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:41,084 For goodness instead of evil. 382 00:23:49,294 --> 00:23:53,441 Oh, max, you should be happy About finding the little black book. 383 00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:57,245 And I'm certainly happy About meeting sid here. 384 00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:59,748 I am sorry I hung up on You on the phone, max, 385 00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,783 But I did try to Find you a nice date. 386 00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:05,220 Let's get out of Here, huh, honey? 387 00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:07,604 I think they want to be alone. 30277

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