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1
00:00:08,909 --> 00:00:10,687
Smart's in there all right.
2
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,924
The maestro was right. He's
Going after that little black book.
3
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:17,060
Hmm. He's going to have to
Settle for a little black box.
4
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:19,562
I need him to make
This week's quota.
5
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:22,265
I don't understand you, sid.
6
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,100
I'm a secret
Agent, I have to go,
7
00:00:24,124 --> 00:00:25,635
But what's your angle?
8
00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:27,370
What do you mean,
What's my angle?
9
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,172
I want to defend my country too,
10
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,675
And you happen to be
My buddy. And besides,
11
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:34,833
I happen to know that every
Secret agent gets all the broads.
12
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:39,015
You're not going.
That's it. Forget it.
13
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:41,151
that's final. You're not going.
14
00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,927
If you don't take
Me along, I'll spill
15
00:00:42,951 --> 00:00:45,055
Everything I know about
Control headquarters.
16
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:48,924
All right, you
Can go, but no gun.
17
00:00:48,948 --> 00:00:50,760
Here.
18
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,695
Max: you're liable
To get trigger-happy
19
00:00:52,719 --> 00:00:54,231
and get your fool head shot off.
20
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:56,466
Sid's voice: oh, great
Thinking, max, great.
21
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,450
without a gun
I'm a sitting duck.
22
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,428
That's one sitting
Duck and one dead duck.
23
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,110
Well? Well? Well?
24
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,445
Well, he moved,
That's what's well.
25
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:11,515
But you can't have a gun, sid.
26
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:13,650
You don't have
A license to kill.
27
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,552
But, max, this is an emergency.
28
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,620
Can't you get me
A learner's permit?
29
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,656
Sid, will you forget about it?
30
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,325
Do us both a favor... Stay here.
31
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:25,262
Now look, I know you
Were a very tough guy
32
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,165
When we were in the army
Together, but that's 15 years ago.
33
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:31,134
Now wait a minute, max. I gave
That little black book away,
34
00:01:31,158 --> 00:01:33,537
And I think it's only
Fair I get it back for you.
35
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,206
Besides, I don't think kaos is
36
00:01:36,230 --> 00:01:37,941
As dangerous as this apartment.
37
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,277
I get the feeling I'm
Going to get creamed
38
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,767
By one of your
Dizzy booby traps.
39
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:48,218
What does this do,
Release the lions?
40
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:51,788
No, the lion button
Is downstairs.
41
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,523
This, eh...
42
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:56,025
Well, to tell you the truth,
I forget what this does,
43
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,462
But whatever it does,
It's obviously not working.
44
00:01:58,486 --> 00:01:59,751
Hm-mm.
45
00:02:01,655 --> 00:02:04,601
There he is and here he goes.
46
00:02:10,697 --> 00:02:12,776
Boy, pal, that was a close call.
47
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,212
Yes, thanks to you, control's
Top agent has been saved again.
48
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:18,848
- thanks to me?
- yes, come on, I'll show you.
49
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,450
I just remembered
What that button does.
50
00:02:21,474 --> 00:02:23,719
It activates this...
51
00:02:23,743 --> 00:02:28,224
The old maxwell-smart-
Silhouette-on-the window-shade trick.
52
00:02:28,248 --> 00:02:31,648
That's the second time kaos
Has fallen for it this month.
53
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:35,365
Fool. You missed him.
54
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,066
The maestro will be furious.
55
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,469
- you shot a shade.
- a shade isn't going to talk.
56
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,305
Besides, they go out the
Back way, my boys will get 'em.
57
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,707
Either way, I make my quota.
58
00:02:44,731 --> 00:02:47,343
Let's get out of here.
They're trying to kill us.
59
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:49,935
Hmm, you may be right.
Here, take this, sid.
60
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,304
Come on.
61
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,790
- wait a minute.
- what's the matter, max?
62
00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:03,125
Don't you know your way
Out of your own building?
63
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,328
They're expecting us
To come out the front.
64
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:08,854
We'll fool them
And go out the back.
65
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:18,162
Come on, sid, the
Coast is clear.
66
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,635
Except for these three
Cold-blooded killers.
67
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,820
Max, how did you get all three?
68
00:04:37,844 --> 00:04:42,192
Together: the old
Three-way-gun trick.
69
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,628
Max, the cops.
70
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,697
Cops! Let's get out of here.
71
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:56,372
What are you doing?
72
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,541
I'd better make it
Look like suicide.
73
00:04:58,565 --> 00:05:00,665
- oh.
- come on.
74
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,421
It's okay, max.
The cops are here.
75
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,490
You've got a lot to learn about
The secret agent business, sid.
76
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,426
That's the oldest
Trick in the world.
77
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,729
Oh, the old
Kaos-killers-dressed-up-like-cops-
78
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:22,932
In-order-to-fool-
Control-agent-and-old-army-buddy trick.
79
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,079
Something like that.
Now look, remember that
80
00:05:25,103 --> 00:05:27,103
Night in pusan when
We played patty cake?
81
00:05:27,127 --> 00:05:29,494
- yeah, when we belted them.
- right.
82
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:37,614
Both: patty-cake,
Patty-cake, baker's man.
83
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:40,138
Bake me a cake as fast...
84
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:47,624
The old pusan-patty-cake
Trick, huh?
85
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:51,661
Sergeant, this officer is
Making a very big mistake.
86
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,597
But I'm willing to let
Bygones be bygones if he is.
87
00:05:54,621 --> 00:05:56,966
Okay, clarence darrow, can it.
88
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:58,968
Now then, name and occupation?
89
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:02,660
Uh, maxwell smart. I'm in
The greeting card business.
90
00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:06,742
Sid krimm, sir. I
Sell wedding gowns
91
00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,345
And I'm a part-time spy.
92
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,981
Wedding gowns and part-time...
93
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,983
Spy?
94
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:17,420
That's right, sir.
He's a full-time spy
95
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:20,756
And he sells greeting
Cards as his cover.
96
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,825
Uh, sergeant...
97
00:06:22,849 --> 00:06:25,828
We were in the war together
And he had a pretty tough time.
98
00:06:25,852 --> 00:06:27,831
He's a little shell-shocked.
99
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,833
He thinks he's a spy.
100
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:33,402
What are you talking about?
101
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:36,172
Sid, this situation
Calls for the truth.
102
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:38,741
What do you mean?
103
00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,410
did we or did we not have a
Hand grenade thrown at us?
104
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:45,147
Did we or did we not fall through the
Phone booth into control headquarters?
105
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:48,250
And did I or did I not talk to
The president on the steer horn?
106
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,786
- well?
- I suppose you're going to tell me now
107
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:53,656
You want to talk to the president
Of the united states again?
108
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,491
You're darn right I do.
109
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:58,628
You see what I mean, sergeant?
He's really pretty far gone.
110
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:02,231
That's it. I've had it.
I'm not out of my mind,
111
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,700
And you guys aren't
Going to railroad me.
112
00:07:04,724 --> 00:07:07,369
I want a lawyer. I want
A trial. I know my rights.
113
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:10,239
I want a psychiatrist.
You guys think I'm crazy?
114
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,463
I've had it with you guys.
115
00:07:15,969 --> 00:07:19,248
All right, sid, we spent the night
In jail, we spent the day in court,
116
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,883
Now you've got the psychiatrist,
117
00:07:20,907 --> 00:07:23,986
If you'll just do as I say and
Pretend you're out of your mind,
118
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:26,589
They'll put you in my custody
And we can get out of here.
119
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:30,248
Max, I can't go through life with
The reputation that I'm bananas.
120
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:34,163
My chair.
121
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:36,966
Oh, yes, sorry
About that, doctor.
122
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:39,402
It's all right.
123
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,504
All right.
124
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:44,507
Mr. Krimm, do you still insist
That you're on a secret mission?
125
00:07:44,531 --> 00:07:46,276
Tell me, when did
You first decide
126
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,778
That you needed more...
Excitement in your life?
127
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:51,781
What excitement?
Who needed excitement?
128
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,783
All I ever wanted
Was a home in a suburb,
129
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:56,118
And a couple of wives and a kid
130
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,054
And a dog. That's all, doc.
131
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:01,423
You see? You see what I
Was talking about, doc?
132
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:05,061
That's perfectly normal. I've
Been married three times myself.
133
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:06,963
don't interrupt
Anymore, mr. Smart.
134
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,666
Hmm? Uh, mr. Krimm,
135
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,367
Let's go back to your childhood.
136
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:14,070
Tell me about your father?
How did you feel about him?
137
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,151
did you hate him?
138
00:08:15,175 --> 00:08:17,907
I was very fond of my
Dad. He was a great guy.
139
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:21,611
We had a lot in common...
Football, baseball,
140
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,969
And when I grew up, broads.
141
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,684
Your father took you to
Baseball and football games?
142
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:33,055
No, he got me the broads.
143
00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:36,626
Oh. Gee, my father
Never got me anything.
144
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,194
he wouldn't even talk to me.
145
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:41,563
Oh, I'm sorry, max.
146
00:08:41,587 --> 00:08:44,167
I never knew.
147
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,135
You never asked.
148
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:49,705
Would you please not interrupt
Me, mr. Smart? Will you? Hmm? Hmm?
149
00:08:49,729 --> 00:08:52,408
My father... My father
Never got me anything.
150
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:54,410
The only thing he
Ever got me was
151
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,312
A pair of long pants
So I could go to work.
152
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:57,947
mr. Smart...
153
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,349
Mr. Krimm.
154
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:03,886
Would you mind looking... And
Would you just not interrupt anymore,
155
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,088
Mr. Smart? Appreciate that.
156
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:09,792
Mr. Krimm, look at these inkblots and
Tell me exactly what comes into your mind.
157
00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:12,125
The first thing that
Comes into your mind.
158
00:09:12,149 --> 00:09:13,496
You need a new pen.
159
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:15,598
Very good, very good.
160
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:17,366
No no no, I mean
Just look at them
161
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:20,470
And the first thing that comes in
Your mind, talk about them, all right?
162
00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,672
Boy...
163
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,507
That's a pretty girl.
164
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,375
A pretty girl?
165
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,344
That's good. That's good.
166
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:34,572
That's a boy and a
Pretty girl hugging.
167
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:40,222
A boy and a pretty girl hugging?
168
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:43,392
And that's two girls and a boy.
169
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:45,060
uh-huh, uh-huh...
170
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:48,765
T-two-two girls and a boy.
171
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,136
Don't skip anything.
172
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,504
- can I buy a set of these?
- can he?
173
00:09:55,528 --> 00:09:58,041
- what?
- well, you see, doc,
174
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,143
That's exactly what
I was talking about...
175
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:01,810
Exactly what I
Was talking about.
176
00:10:01,834 --> 00:10:03,846
He thinks all these
Things are about women.
177
00:10:03,870 --> 00:10:06,282
That's exactly what
Those pictures are about.
178
00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:09,240
They're about women. Hmm.
179
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,523
Mr. Krimm, thank you very much.
180
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:15,980
Thank you, doctor.
181
00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:21,264
May I ask you a
Question, mr. Smart?
182
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,433
Certainly, doctor,
183
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:26,902
Ask me anything you want.
184
00:10:26,926 --> 00:10:29,305
Uh, did you ever get the feeling
185
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:31,340
That you're being
Followed and hounded?
186
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:34,477
Well, yes, I used to,
187
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,779
But now I pay for
Everything in cash.
188
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,881
That's it, I've got to go.
189
00:10:38,905 --> 00:10:40,550
Oh no, just a minute.
190
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:43,219
I have to detain you. You need
More psychiatric treatment.
191
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,888
You're not going
To detain anybody.
192
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:47,557
I'm not crazy, fella.
193
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:50,359
And besides that, I know
My constitutional rights.
194
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:52,328
I'm entitled to one phone call.
195
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:55,153
- if you wish.
- I wish.
196
00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:12,315
Hello, chief? It's me again.
197
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,717
I want a lawyer!
198
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,552
Don't worry about a thing, sid.
199
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,421
I'll have you out of
Here in a few minutes.
200
00:11:18,445 --> 00:11:21,324
- 86?
- yes, are you the control lawyer?
201
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:24,493
Yes, here's my card.
202
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,129
"18, 26, 35, 44,
203
00:11:27,153 --> 00:11:30,933
51, 33 and sons."
204
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:33,669
I thought 21 was going
To handle this case.
205
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,438
21 handles divorces. You two
Guys want to get separated?
206
00:11:36,462 --> 00:11:38,207
yeah, I want to get separated.
207
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,209
I want to get separated
From this police station.
208
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:43,545
Now as I understand this
Case, you hit this policeman.
209
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:46,282
What we do is plead
Guilty and the fine is $50.
210
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,484
- I see no reason why...
- we didn't hit the policeman, he hit us.
211
00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:52,521
Oh, willfully standing in
The way of a police attack?
212
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:56,391
That's $100 fine and we'll have
To come back in 60 days for a trial.
213
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:58,460
I'll arrange for your bail, 86.
214
00:11:58,484 --> 00:12:01,130
What about me? Who's
Going to take care of me?
215
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,898
What's your number?
216
00:12:02,922 --> 00:12:05,134
What number? I
Don't have a number.
217
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:07,836
I'm max's pal. You've got
To get me out of here.
218
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,505
I'm sorry, I can't do that.
219
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,574
I'm not allowed to
Handle outside cases.
220
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:13,509
I work exclusively
For the government.
221
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,411
And it would be a
Conflict of interest.
222
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,246
I've got to go along
With him on that, sid.
223
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,914
When the man is
Right, he's right.
224
00:12:18,938 --> 00:12:22,518
However, I might be able to
Recommend another lawyer,
225
00:12:22,542 --> 00:12:24,686
An old friend of mine... 28.
226
00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:26,922
28? Is he in the phone book?
227
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:29,058
No, he has an unlisted number,
228
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:32,161
And I have his card right here.
229
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:34,697
I don't want another attorney.
I want to get out of here.
230
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,466
just call 28 and tell
Him 17 recommended you.
231
00:12:37,490 --> 00:12:40,636
Tell him that you
Were booked on a 437.
232
00:12:40,660 --> 00:12:43,706
If you plead a 507, you
Will get off one-two-three.
233
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:47,210
Bingo. What is this, a
Police station or a church?
234
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:50,112
Sid, you don't
Understand. In our business
235
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:52,949
We are not allowed to
Use names, only numbers.
236
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:56,085
Look, we're on a very important
Case. Just get us out of here.
237
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,953
I'll have you out
In five minutes.
238
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:00,622
What about me? Who's
Going to take care of me?
239
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:03,593
Will you stop whining?
240
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:06,696
Can't you just bend the rules
A little bit and help my friend?
241
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,897
We might be able
To deputize him.
242
00:13:08,921 --> 00:13:10,633
Oh.
243
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,577
Well, I didn't want
To go that far.
244
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:18,708
Listen, couldn't we deputize
Him on a temporary basis?
245
00:13:18,732 --> 00:13:21,243
Yes, I guess I
Could swear him in.
246
00:13:21,267 --> 00:13:24,346
Fill out this card
Later, if you will.
247
00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,115
Stand up, please. Stand up.
248
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:30,986
I want you to raise your
Right foot and repeat after me.
249
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:34,156
Why do I have to
Raise my right foot?
250
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,558
Because it's an
Underground organization.
251
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,527
- oh.
- now repeat after me.
252
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:45,067
How can I repeat after
You? I can't hear you.
253
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:47,502
It's a secret oath.
254
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,304
Oh.
255
00:13:49,328 --> 00:13:51,807
First thing you know, you'll
Have me patting my head
256
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,351
And rubbing my stomach
To qualify for the job.
257
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,869
You've been letting out secrets.
258
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,984
Don't ever do that.
259
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:39,043
Come on, dummy.
260
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,660
Man: I couldn't help it.
261
00:14:44,684 --> 00:14:46,828
Man #2: you'd better
Have a good reason.
262
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:49,131
they're not going
To like that upstairs.
263
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:53,269
Man #1: please let me try
Again. I won't miss next time.
264
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,338
Man #2: there ain't
Going to be no next time.
265
00:14:56,362 --> 00:15:00,409
the organization gives
No second chances.
266
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,179
and you know what
Happens when you miss.
267
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:04,946
Man #1: no no, don't.
268
00:15:04,970 --> 00:15:08,784
Man #2: I'll take care of this
Contract myself, and you.
269
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:12,743
throw him in the river, boys.
270
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,109
I'm telling you, mae.
271
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:37,401
We've got to move out
Of this neighborhood.
272
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,297
I don't understand it.
This has to be the place.
273
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,099
The computer is never wrong...
274
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,590
111 "M" street.
275
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:09,133
Oh, west 111th street.
276
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,791
Will you leave me alone, sid?
277
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,326
I don't understand it. I
Never get mixed up like that.
278
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,128
I can understand
It. You're a dope.
279
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:29,198
Remember in the army, you
Couldn't even spell pussycat? Uh-oh.
280
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:32,001
Max, they're after us, how
Are we going to get out of here?
281
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:34,267
We can't go that way.
It's a dead-end alley.
282
00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:35,326
I know that, dummy.
283
00:16:42,868 --> 00:16:44,479
Max, it passed right over us.
284
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,481
Well, naturally, sid.
285
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:48,550
When I saw that car
Bearing down on us,
286
00:16:48,574 --> 00:16:51,653
I happened to notice
That it was a 1967 sedan.
287
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:55,958
Now a 1967 sedan has a
Clearance of 15 and 1/2 inches.
288
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,728
When we're lying flat, we have
Have a clearance of 15 and 1/4 inches.
289
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:02,097
It was a '68.
290
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,956
I don't wish to
Discuss it any more.
291
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,770
Max, there's no need
To get steamed about it.
292
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,899
Forget about it. Let's
Go get the maestro.
293
00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:11,923
Oh...
294
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:32,761
Listen, that music...
295
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:36,053
When I spoke to nancy, I
Heard it over the telephone.
296
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:55,050
All right, girls, stay
Right where you are.
297
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,686
Gentlemen, you are covered.
298
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:01,070
Oh really? Don't you need
A gun for that, maestro?
299
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:08,330
The old gun-in-
The-maestro's-baton trick.
300
00:18:08,354 --> 00:18:11,233
That's the second time I
Fell for that this month.
301
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:14,403
unfortunately, your
Baton is empty, maestro.
302
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,438
Cover him, sid.
303
00:18:16,462 --> 00:18:18,396
Drop the gun and stay
Right where you are.
304
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,412
Who's the ding-a-ling?
305
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,749
- he's the maestro.
- he's the top kaos assassin.
306
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:28,750
He must be the one
Who shot matusik.
307
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:33,588
And miklis, wolfberg,
Casten and frank.
308
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:36,859
Well, he certainly
Has had a busy week.
309
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:39,027
A busy day.
310
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:41,897
The maestro thanks
You for the introduction.
311
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:44,599
Nancy: I knew we should have
Gotten rid of them at the club.
312
00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:46,368
I like them.
313
00:18:46,392 --> 00:18:49,004
No harm done. We have them now.
314
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:53,108
I think we shall find an
Amusing way to assist them
315
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:56,578
In their departure
From this vale of tears.
316
00:18:56,602 --> 00:18:58,280
What's he talking about?
317
00:18:58,304 --> 00:19:00,683
He's going to kill us.
318
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,819
Oh. Kill us? For real?
319
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,088
I'm afraid so, sid.
320
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:09,191
Okay, that's it. I quit.
321
00:19:09,215 --> 00:19:11,827
Listen, pussycat,
I'm not a real spy.
322
00:19:11,851 --> 00:19:14,329
I sell bridal gowns.
If you're ever in omaha,
323
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,298
Stop by and I'll give
You a free fitting.
324
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:18,533
Shut up, dummy.
325
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:20,903
Dummy?
326
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:24,206
Yes, well, when the
Man is right, he's right.
327
00:19:24,230 --> 00:19:27,342
Enough of this. We shall retire
328
00:19:27,366 --> 00:19:30,434
To my music room downstairs.
329
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:35,084
So this is what
It's like being a spy.
330
00:19:35,108 --> 00:19:36,552
Why did I come along?
331
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:38,320
My armpits are
Starting to hurt me.
332
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:42,624
Stop whining. It's not
All gravy, you know?
333
00:19:42,648 --> 00:19:45,928
My magnum opus and your finale.
334
00:19:45,952 --> 00:19:48,831
In a moment, I shall
Start the music.
335
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:50,833
You are familiar with
"The 1812 overture"
336
00:19:50,857 --> 00:19:53,435
By pyotr ilyich tchaikovsky?
337
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:57,305
when they recorded this,
They used real cannons.
338
00:19:57,329 --> 00:20:00,376
Now the final crescendo
Of these cannons
339
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,577
Will trigger this cannon.
340
00:20:02,601 --> 00:20:05,314
It will be the last
Thing you will hear.
341
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,450
Are you kidding? When
That thing goes off,
342
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,387
The police force, the army,
The navy and the marine corps
343
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:13,622
Will come rolling
In here like oranges.
344
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:18,961
Not with this
Silencer, they won't.
345
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:22,197
That's the second
Biggest silencer I ever saw.
346
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:26,635
You have exactly
Four minutes to live.
347
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:30,539
I shouldn't bother
To scream for help.
348
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,474
These walls are
Completely soundproof.
349
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:34,710
enjoy yourselves, gentlemen.
350
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,502
I shall be waiting
Upstairs with the ladies.
351
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:44,419
- all right now, sid, here's my plan...
- stop with your crazy plans.
352
00:20:44,443 --> 00:20:46,755
Can't you see I'm
Trying to faint?
353
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:49,346
All right, I'll do it myself.
354
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:56,787
Oh, the old false-hands-
In-the-chain trick.
355
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:07,631
Oh, the old hacksaw-in-
The-belt-buckle trick.
356
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:11,869
Will you shut up?
357
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:26,449
Max, the record.
358
00:22:03,422 --> 00:22:05,900
Hold tight, sid, I'll have
You loose in a minute.
359
00:22:05,924 --> 00:22:08,736
So what? That
Maniac is still outside.
360
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,905
If he finds out we're
Alive, he'll really kill us.
361
00:22:10,929 --> 00:22:13,308
Max, do something.
Get us out of here.
362
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,076
Don't worry, sid.
I've got a great plan.
363
00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:16,812
Good good good. What is it?
364
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:19,882
What is it? Yes, uh, well,
Here's what we'll do:
365
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:22,651
You'll run around the room
Yelling and screaming a lot,
366
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,854
And I'll hide over in the corner.
Then when the maestro comes down,
367
00:22:25,878 --> 00:22:29,124
He'll probably have a gun and he'll
Come over and you jump on top of him.
368
00:22:29,148 --> 00:22:30,893
I don't think I like that plan.
369
00:22:30,917 --> 00:22:34,195
Not too crazy about that
Plan. Okay, I got another plan.
370
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:37,632
Here's what we'll... I'll take off my
Shoelace, and I'll tie it to this table,
371
00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:40,602
And then I'll hide under the cannon.
When the maestro comes down,
372
00:22:40,626 --> 00:22:42,938
He'll see that I'm gone,
And he'll rush over to you.
373
00:22:42,962 --> 00:22:45,440
Good good, great
Idea. That's great, good.
374
00:22:45,464 --> 00:22:49,044
You'll pull the string on the record
Player and then the music will stop.
375
00:22:49,068 --> 00:22:52,202
And then the canon will go off.
Good, marvelous, that's great.
376
00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:56,539
Max, get me out of here.
377
00:23:01,747 --> 00:23:05,215
Four minutes, it
Is all over now.
378
00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:31,786
You know, sid, in a
Way it's kind of a shame.
379
00:23:31,810 --> 00:23:34,956
What are you talking about?
380
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:37,492
If he'd had only used his baton
381
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:41,084
For goodness instead of evil.
382
00:23:49,294 --> 00:23:53,441
Oh, max, you should be happy
About finding the little black book.
383
00:23:53,465 --> 00:23:57,245
And I'm certainly happy
About meeting sid here.
384
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:59,748
I am sorry I hung up on
You on the phone, max,
385
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,783
But I did try to
Find you a nice date.
386
00:24:01,807 --> 00:24:05,220
Let's get out of
Here, huh, honey?
387
00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:07,604
I think they want to be alone.
30277
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