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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,372 --> 00:00:07,739 Right, sid. I'll see You in a few minutes. 2 00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:15,992 Hello? 3 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,561 Hello, 99. Max. 4 00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:18,862 Oh, hello, max. 5 00:00:18,886 --> 00:00:20,663 Listen, 99, are You free tonight? 6 00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,665 Oh-hh. Well, I'm Sitting in for larrabee, 7 00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,268 But he should be back soon. What did you have in mind? 8 00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:27,404 Oh, I don't know. I Thought a few drinks, 9 00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:30,607 A little dancing, Maybe a late supper. 10 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,810 I'd love that. Shall I Pick you up as usual? 11 00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:36,613 Well, it's not Exactly that way, 99. 12 00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:38,915 You see, there's a Buddy of mine in town 13 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:41,484 And uh, well, he asked Me if I could get him a date. 14 00:00:41,508 --> 00:00:44,256 I thought if you weren't Doing anything tonight... 15 00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:45,188 But, max... 16 00:00:45,212 --> 00:00:47,123 Oh, one more thing, 99... 17 00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:49,926 I wonder if you could get a Girl for me while you're at it. 18 00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:53,029 Nothing special... About 5'2", blonde hair, blue eyes... 19 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,986 99? 20 00:01:10,537 --> 00:01:12,315 - who is it? - gina matusik. 21 00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,819 open the door, please. I must speak to you. 22 00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:27,763 - who? - gina matusik. 23 00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,499 I must speak to you, mr. Smart. 24 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:31,763 please open the door. 25 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:38,074 Gina matusik... For heaven's sake. 26 00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:40,076 I haven't seen You in a long time. 27 00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,744 We've never met, mr. Smart. 28 00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,836 That long, eh? Come on Over here and sit down. 29 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,851 There. Now, 30 00:01:48,875 --> 00:01:50,853 What can I do for you? 31 00:01:50,877 --> 00:01:53,590 Kaos has orders to Find me and kill me, 32 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,491 But I think I've Lost them for now. 33 00:01:55,515 --> 00:01:57,727 Why in the world would Anyone wanna kill you? 34 00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:01,030 I've been working for Kaos, but I've got to get away 35 00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:03,233 And I haven't any money. 36 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:05,768 I have some very important Information for you... 37 00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:09,439 - for $50,000. - $50,000?! 38 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,274 That's a lot of money. 39 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,976 Oh look, you're Shaking all over. 40 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,677 Why don't you let Me get you a drink? 41 00:02:14,701 --> 00:02:16,813 Vodka, please. 42 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:20,750 Okay, vodka, eh? 43 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,442 Are you sure you're defecting? 44 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:47,143 - who is it? - max, it's sid krimm. 45 00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,278 open up. It's cold out here. 46 00:02:49,302 --> 00:02:53,638 Uh, in a minute, sid. Uh... I-I'm not dressed. 47 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,012 Max! Pussycat! 48 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,848 Sid, it's good to see you again. 49 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:27,571 You haven't changed a bit. How long has it been now? 50 00:03:27,595 --> 00:03:28,150 15 years. 51 00:03:28,174 --> 00:03:30,419 - 15 years. - you forgot seoul, korea, 1952. 52 00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:33,122 Don't you remember? We said If we both lived through this, 53 00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:36,025 We'd get together again, huh, Pal? We almost didn't make it. 54 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,761 - yeah, that was a tough bar, sid. - remember this one... 55 00:03:38,785 --> 00:03:41,464 Chosin reservoir? Remember That... Pork chop hill? 56 00:03:41,488 --> 00:03:43,399 Remember when we Had these? Ha ha ha! 57 00:03:43,423 --> 00:03:46,636 Look out, baby, incoming mail! 58 00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,894 Boom! 59 00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:52,375 Watch it, sid... Hand grenade! 60 00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,432 I got it! I got it! 61 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,948 Holy cow! 62 00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,906 What was that? 63 00:05:04,904 --> 00:05:06,549 What do you mean "What grenade"? 64 00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:09,452 - the grenade I just threw out the window. - oh. Oh, uh... 65 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:11,487 That grenade. Yes, Well, you see, sid, 66 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:13,556 The state department is Only six blocks from here 67 00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,758 And they keep getting This building mixed up with it. 68 00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:18,194 That's all part of the Excitement of living in washington. 69 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,229 Come off it, max. You're In some kind of trouble. 70 00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,098 Don't be ridiculous. I'm not in any trouble. 71 00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:23,933 Aha, aha, I know... Gang wars. 72 00:05:23,957 --> 00:05:26,169 - you're in the rackets. - I'm not in anything! 73 00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:28,204 I'm a greeting card salesman. 74 00:05:28,228 --> 00:05:30,806 Oh, yeah? Greeting Card salesman? 75 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:33,242 - with hand grenades? - eh, yes, well, I... 76 00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:35,144 I also sell hand grenades. 77 00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,680 I mean, greeting cards and Hand grenades are compatible. 78 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,083 Greeting cards and hand Grenades go together? 79 00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:43,119 Eh, yes. Let's look At it like this, sid... 80 00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,655 You see... There's Mother's day, right? 81 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,657 And then there's Christmas and... 82 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:50,293 In between mother's day And christmas, there's, uh... 83 00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:52,962 Uh, hunting week. 84 00:05:52,986 --> 00:05:56,166 Where are you staying While you're in town, sid? 85 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:58,902 Right here, sweetheart! Right here in your place! 86 00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,637 Yeah! Hey, what's this, The button for the maid? 87 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,711 Don't tell me, sweetheart... 88 00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:10,513 You're also in the business Of selling fishing equipment. 89 00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:12,915 Look, sid, you can Go up in my bedroom 90 00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:15,385 And sleep in my bed. The Sofa is a little tricky. 91 00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,353 "The sofa is a little tricky"? 92 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,322 What's in the bed, quicksand? 93 00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,192 Listen... Max, tell me, 94 00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,950 What kind of a discharge did you Get when you got out of the army? 95 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,365 Honorable, of course. Why? 96 00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,167 Oh, uh, eh, um, nothing, 97 00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,503 Just-just a wild hunch. 98 00:06:33,527 --> 00:06:36,739 Can we get out of the net now? 99 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:39,475 Oh, the net, right. Right, sid. 100 00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:42,334 - just press the button again. - hmm. 101 00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:48,885 Well, enough of this stuff. 102 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,300 Let's get to the action. Where're the broads? 103 00:06:51,324 --> 00:06:51,787 Broads? 104 00:06:51,811 --> 00:06:56,225 Try to read my lips, Dummy... Broads, dames. 105 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,128 Does the word "Girl" Mean anything to you? 106 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,664 Yes. Well, I really Haven't had a chance 107 00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:03,533 To do anything about the girls, 108 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:06,902 But I'll tell you what... I'll go Upstairs and I'll get into my class as 109 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:10,306 And then I'll try to arrange Something. In the meantime, have a drink. 110 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,443 Aha, now you're talking, Sweetheart. Now you're talking. 111 00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,078 Two pusan painkillers Coming right up! 112 00:07:16,102 --> 00:07:18,381 Eh, make mine a Scotch and soda, sid. 113 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:22,017 All right, that's one pusan Painkiller for the sergeant, 114 00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:25,555 And a scotch and Soda for the wac. 115 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:31,894 No, chief. She's wounded. 116 00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,563 You'd better call an ambulance. 117 00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,431 I don't know what Information she had. 118 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,166 She was shot before I could find out. 119 00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,502 Kaos thinks you've got The information, max, 120 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,638 Or they wouldn't have Thrown the grenade. 121 00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:44,173 Go over the whole story Again. There has to be some clue. 122 00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,543 I might want more. 123 00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,647 Hey, corporal, Where're the broads? 124 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:54,150 Uh, I'm a little busy, sid. Why don't you call them? 125 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:57,353 - look in my address book. - address book. 126 00:07:57,377 --> 00:07:59,221 - where is it? - I don't know, 127 00:07:59,245 --> 00:08:00,890 It's down there somewhere. Look. 128 00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:03,848 All right. 129 00:08:09,523 --> 00:08:12,234 Ahh... 130 00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:14,837 Ha-ha... 131 00:08:14,861 --> 00:08:17,239 Ahh, let's see now... 132 00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,341 Shelly, mary, 133 00:08:19,365 --> 00:08:21,878 Francine, sophie, barbara, 134 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,546 Dorothy... 135 00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:26,616 Uh, zelda... Nan... Nancy, that's the one! 136 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,040 Bingo! 137 00:08:31,477 --> 00:08:34,412 Hey, corporal, you Haven't lost your touch. 138 00:08:36,082 --> 00:08:38,460 Guess that's the last Part of the mind that goes. 139 00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,367 Hello, nancy with The laughing face? 140 00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:47,770 Who's calling, please? 141 00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:50,272 Maxwell smart here. 142 00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:53,076 What are you doing tonight, Baby? And let's do it together. 143 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:56,279 One moment, please. 144 00:08:56,303 --> 00:09:00,916 Maestro, maxwell smart's Calling for your codename nancy. 145 00:09:00,940 --> 00:09:02,718 He wants a date. 146 00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:05,754 So smart does Have matusik's book, 147 00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:09,058 - but he doesn't know what it is. - what should I do? 148 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,060 Let him think you're nancy. 149 00:09:12,919 --> 00:09:15,932 This is nancy. What's On your mind, max? 150 00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,936 Listen, honey, I happen to Have a friend of mine in town, 151 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,771 A good-looking guy... Sid krimm. 152 00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:25,107 And I thought if you and your Girlfriend could come over to our place, 153 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,051 We could have a Wonderful evening. 154 00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:33,249 On second thought, maybe We could go out somewhere. 155 00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:37,253 He wants to go out with me and He needs a date for his friend. 156 00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:40,723 Splendid. Take Zelda along with you. 157 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,225 It'll give me a chance to Search smart's apartment 158 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,894 For the book. 159 00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,030 Ahem, okay, max, 160 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:50,033 And I've got a cute Friend named zelda. 161 00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,834 We'll meet you in an hour at... 162 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:55,304 - the pen and quill. - the pen and quill. 163 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,673 Okay, meet you at The pen and quill. 164 00:09:57,697 --> 00:10:00,309 Right. 165 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:05,837 Action city! Oh, this Is gonna be great. 166 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,777 Right, chief. 167 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:37,469 - got you, chief. - sid: come on, max. Let's go. 168 00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:48,424 I'll be with you In a minute, chief. 169 00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:52,194 Chief? Chief... That's real cute, max. 170 00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,830 What do you call your Other shoe... "Minihaha"? 171 00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:57,900 Look, sid, if you don't mind, I'm talking to somebody. 172 00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:02,338 Tell him he just missed custer's Last stand on the stairway. 173 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:05,107 Oh, that? I can Explain that, sid. 174 00:11:05,131 --> 00:11:07,910 Explain? What for? 175 00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,213 I was almost blown Up by a hand grenade, 176 00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,415 I was netted like a trout, 177 00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,218 I was almost Shish-kebabbed with this, 178 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,387 And I come in here Now and I find you 179 00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:19,722 Having a powwow with your shoe. 180 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:33,102 I can explain that, sid. 181 00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,471 I'm telling you I Can explain that. 182 00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,107 There's nothing to explain. 183 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,809 You are a ding-a-ling. 184 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,744 I'm calling a doctor! 185 00:11:41,768 --> 00:11:43,780 Sid, you gotta give me a chance. 186 00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:46,037 I'm telling you, sid, I can explain this. 187 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,453 Sid, wait, I can explain. 188 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:54,090 There's no explaining. I'm calling the wagon. 189 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,412 Sid, wait! 190 00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,971 Well, that's all I Can tell you, sid. 191 00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:11,174 I work for the government, 192 00:12:11,198 --> 00:12:14,076 And I'm on a secret mission. 193 00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,645 You believe me, don't you? 194 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:19,548 I believe you. 195 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,517 You read a lot of These spy books, 196 00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,252 Cloak-and-dagger stuff. 197 00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:25,254 No more than anyone else 198 00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,946 Who works for the Government on secret missions. 199 00:12:29,015 --> 00:12:31,194 You don't believe me. 200 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:33,684 I believe you. 201 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:38,267 Listen, max, do me a favor, huh? 202 00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:41,170 When we're out with The girls tonight, 203 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,272 Don't talk into the shoe. 204 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:45,407 I understand, 205 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:48,678 But they're liable to think You're a little eccentric. 206 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,662 I just got the word From the maestro. 207 00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:09,631 He's sure that smart has The little black book on him. 208 00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:12,534 He wants us to get Him into the back room. 209 00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,336 Oh. 210 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,672 The boys will take Care of him in there. 211 00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:19,875 Oh, I hope they don't hurt him. 212 00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:22,444 I hate to see people get hurt. 213 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,936 Especially men. 214 00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:34,445 That must be them. 215 00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,527 Yeah yeah. There they are. 216 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,732 Wait a minute, sid, Those girls look like kaos. 217 00:13:40,756 --> 00:13:42,031 Yeah yeah yeah, chaos. 218 00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,834 You don't understand. They look like spies. 219 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:46,568 Sure sure, they're spies. 220 00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:48,738 Maybe one of them will Try to kiss me to death 221 00:13:48,762 --> 00:13:50,640 And I'll have to sigh for help. 222 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,374 What are you Talking about, spies? 223 00:13:52,398 --> 00:13:54,243 I found them in your Little black book. 224 00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,478 Little black book? I don't Have a little black book. 225 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,530 I've got a little red book. 226 00:13:57,554 --> 00:13:59,314 It was black when I Found it on the floor. 227 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,750 It's black now. 228 00:14:00,774 --> 00:14:02,985 So that's what she Was trying to sell me. 229 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,855 Remember, smart has the book. 230 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,257 Now work on him and Forget about krimm. 231 00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:10,459 Which is which? 232 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,883 The dopey one with the Beady eyes must be krimm. 233 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:17,799 - zelda: hi. - hi, nancy, zelda. 234 00:14:17,823 --> 00:14:19,868 Enough of the small Talk. What do you say 235 00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:22,304 We go to your place and Have a little nightcap, eh? 236 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:24,573 Relax, honey, We've got all night. 237 00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,677 Now tell me, where did You get my number, max? 238 00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:29,478 I'm max, he's sid. 239 00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,214 Where did you get Our number, max? 240 00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:34,584 I didn't call you, sid did. 241 00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:36,719 Where did you get Our number, sid? 242 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,255 Out of the little black Book, the one he thinks is red. 243 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,157 All right, zelda, nancy, 244 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:44,593 About this little black book... What is it? The kaos code? 245 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:48,119 Don't ask me, I'm New around here. 246 00:14:49,756 --> 00:14:51,667 Don't play dumb with me, sister. 247 00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:54,469 I happen to be An expert at that. 248 00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:58,607 Okay okay, I'll tell you What you wanna hear, 249 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:00,375 But in private. 250 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,412 - come on into the back room. - yeah, that's a good idea. 251 00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,247 The two of you go In the back room, 252 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:09,585 Because zelda and I got a lot Of talking to do, huh, honey? 253 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,979 Sid: uh, bye-bye. 254 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,394 You gotta humor max. 255 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,997 Poor boy, he thinks he's a spy. 256 00:15:22,021 --> 00:15:22,988 He is. 257 00:15:23,012 --> 00:15:25,935 And he thinks you Two girls are spies too. 258 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:27,603 We are. 259 00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:30,505 Uh-huh, uh-huh, I'm a spy too. 260 00:15:30,529 --> 00:15:33,175 Really? You don't look like one. 261 00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:36,612 Nancy, stop stalling. What's so Important about this black book? 262 00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,803 Boris! 263 00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,556 Attaboy, max. Don't Take no for an answer. 264 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:50,681 Come on, baby, loosen up. 265 00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:13,248 See? Nancy and Max are having fun. 266 00:16:13,272 --> 00:16:16,052 Hey, why do you get the wild Broads and I get the clams? 267 00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:18,854 Not now, sid. I'm busy. 268 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,598 Max! What are you Doing with a gun? 269 00:16:29,622 --> 00:16:32,634 They're all spies, sid, and I'll Shoot the first one that moves. 270 00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:35,337 I know they're all spies, max, 271 00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:37,806 But I'm not a spy. 272 00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:40,242 I'm your old sergeant sid. 273 00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,711 You wouldn't shoot me, Would you, corporal? 274 00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:45,369 - of course not, sergeant. - good. 275 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,388 Sorry, old buddy, but I had To save you from yourself. 276 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:54,056 What started all this? 277 00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:55,658 That book is ours. 278 00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,592 Oh? 279 00:16:57,616 --> 00:16:59,376 He's got a red one, anyway. 280 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,664 No hard feelings, okay? 281 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,788 Okay, no hard feelings. 282 00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:28,324 Sid, what happened? 283 00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:31,560 Boy, you started some fight Back there. I got you out of a jam. 284 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,363 Boy, you can get in trouble Carrying a gun, old buddy. 285 00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,565 You don't understand. I'm a control agent! 286 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,501 You certainly lost Control back there. 287 00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:42,704 The book! The little black book... What happened to the book, sid? 288 00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:45,107 Max, address books Are a dime a dozen. 289 00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:48,010 - don't tell me you gave them the book? - I gave them the book. 290 00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:49,945 I asked you not to tell me that. 291 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,613 Wait a minute. Wait a minute, sid. 292 00:17:51,637 --> 00:17:54,116 You never forget a number. Do you remember nancy's? 293 00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,985 - I've got it right up here? - good. 294 00:17:56,009 --> 00:17:58,387 With that number, I'll Be able to trace the girls 295 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,422 And when I find the Girls, I'll find kaos. 296 00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:03,425 And when I find kaos, I'll find That little black book. Right? 297 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:05,494 - wrong. - wrong? What do you mean "Wrong"? 298 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:08,998 I'm not gonna give you that number. You caused those girls enough trouble. 299 00:18:09,022 --> 00:18:11,367 Sid, you have got to Give me that number. 300 00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,270 Our whole national Security depends upon it. 301 00:18:14,294 --> 00:18:16,272 If I have that Number, I may be able 302 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,243 To save america from A terrible catastrophe. 303 00:18:18,532 --> 00:18:21,310 Well good. You save america. I've gotta get me a broad. 304 00:18:21,334 --> 00:18:24,179 I'm so lonely. 305 00:18:24,203 --> 00:18:26,748 All right, sid. I Didn't wanna do this. 306 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,640 I didn't wanna do it, but You're forcing me into it. 307 00:18:34,513 --> 00:18:37,581 I'm gonna prove to you That this is important. 308 00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:44,855 Hello, chief? Uh, I'm sorry To wake you at this hour. 309 00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,870 Well, you see, a friend Of mine thinks I'm crazy. 310 00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:13,695 Boy, that's some Ride for a dime. 311 00:19:13,719 --> 00:19:16,031 Telephone company Know about this? 312 00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,200 Oh, hi, max. 313 00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:20,202 Hi, 99. 314 00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:23,972 I'd like you to meet a Friend of mine. Sid, this is 99. 315 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,974 Her name is 99? 316 00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:28,438 I'm very happy to meet you, sid. 317 00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:33,182 I get it, you old fox. 318 00:19:33,206 --> 00:19:35,984 - what are you talking about? - hey, I don't blame you. 319 00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,020 If I had something That looked like that, 320 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:41,190 I'd keep her under lock and key. 321 00:19:41,214 --> 00:19:43,654 Has she got a sister? 322 00:19:44,917 --> 00:19:48,864 Uh-oh, now we're in for It... Here comes her old man. 323 00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,733 Don't be ridiculous. That's the chief. 324 00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,935 - hi, chief. - this better be important, max, 325 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,227 Getting me down here In the middle of the night. 326 00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,409 You see, chief, It's like this... 327 00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:02,878 My buddy sid here came From out of town to visit me. 328 00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:05,948 And he found the information That matusik left in my apartment... 329 00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,116 It was a little black Phone book. So he gave it 330 00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,785 To a couple of kaos Agents because... 331 00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,087 He thought it was just a Little black phone book. 332 00:20:12,111 --> 00:20:14,823 Now he won't give me nancy's Number because he doesn't believe 333 00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,692 I'm a control agent. He thinks I'm crazy. 334 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,393 so I had to bring him down here 335 00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,830 So you could tell him that I'm a Control agent and I'm not crazy. 336 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:25,494 Chief, tell him I'm a control Agent and I'm not crazy. 337 00:20:25,624 --> 00:20:28,136 Would you tell him I'm a control agent? 338 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,805 - he's a control agent. - max: there you are, sid. 339 00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:33,575 You see, I'm a control Agent and so is the chief 340 00:20:33,599 --> 00:20:36,378 And so is 99. Now, Do you understand? 341 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:39,114 I understand. You're all bananas. 342 00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:41,483 I don't think we can Convince him, chief. 343 00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:44,420 - why don't you try the hotline? - that's a great idea, chief. 344 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,087 Try the hotline To the white house. 345 00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:47,823 Not at this time of the morning. 346 00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:51,126 Absolutely impossible. I've only Got three years to retirement. 347 00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:53,161 But, chief, this Is an emergency. 348 00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:56,187 - if you don't call, I will. - I'll call. 349 00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:05,474 Good morning, sir. 350 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:08,110 It is important, sir. 351 00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:11,179 Yes, sir, I know I have only Three years to retirement, 352 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:14,849 But well, sir, this Friend of agent smart's... 353 00:21:14,873 --> 00:21:17,653 Sorry, sir. 354 00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:20,222 Anyway, his friend Has a phone number 355 00:21:20,246 --> 00:21:22,658 That could help us Crack kaos wide open, 356 00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,761 but he won't give us the number Because he doesn't believe who we are. 357 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,696 Yes, sir, you can talk to him. 358 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,440 He wants to talk to you. 359 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:34,758 What is this, dial-a-cow? 360 00:21:35,828 --> 00:21:38,406 I'll make you feel at home. 361 00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:46,749 Hello? Yeah. 362 00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:48,483 Oh, sure. Oh, sure you are. 363 00:21:48,507 --> 00:21:50,775 Yeah, wonderful. And I'm sidney bird. 364 00:21:52,712 --> 00:21:54,956 Oh oh oh, all right, sure... 365 00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,914 You're who? 366 00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:09,860 Bless night... Uh, Good... Good night. 367 00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:15,232 Do you believe us now, sid? 368 00:22:17,803 --> 00:22:19,548 What are you Standing around for? 369 00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:22,484 Let's get the Barbecue on the roll. 370 00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:25,353 you, old man, four Coffee and danish. 371 00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:28,357 And you, mata hari... A Map and a phone book. 372 00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:30,859 and you, dummy, a Pencil and a paper. 373 00:22:30,883 --> 00:22:34,429 Come on, hurry up. Let's move it! Move it! 374 00:22:34,453 --> 00:22:37,599 Listen, I gotta tell You guys something... 375 00:22:37,623 --> 00:22:41,692 I've never met him, but I use his baby powder. 376 00:22:48,634 --> 00:22:50,145 Relax, sid. Sit down, 377 00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,714 Make yourself comfortable. This won't take long. 378 00:22:52,738 --> 00:22:54,382 I'll be back in a couple hours. 379 00:22:54,406 --> 00:22:56,774 What do you mean? I'm going along. 380 00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:02,891 Don't be ridiculous. 381 00:23:02,915 --> 00:23:04,893 This kind of a job Calls for a man 382 00:23:04,917 --> 00:23:07,529 With a cool head, steel nerves 383 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:10,833 And fantastic reflexes. 384 00:23:10,857 --> 00:23:13,891 Listen, max, I think you'd Better let me go along. 385 00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:23,278 Smart's in there, all right. 386 00:23:23,302 --> 00:23:24,946 Yes, the maestro was right... 387 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:27,215 - he's going after that little black book. - hmm. 388 00:23:27,239 --> 00:23:30,185 He's gonna have to settle For a little black box. 389 00:23:30,209 --> 00:23:32,721 I need him to make This week's quota. 390 00:23:32,745 --> 00:23:35,858 I don't understand you, Sid. I'm a secret agent, 391 00:23:35,882 --> 00:23:38,160 I have to go. But What's your angle? 392 00:23:38,184 --> 00:23:40,295 What do you mean What's my angle? 393 00:23:40,319 --> 00:23:42,064 I wanna defend my country too. 394 00:23:42,088 --> 00:23:44,566 And you happen to be My buddy. And, besides, 395 00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:47,825 I happen to know that every Secret agent gets all the broads. 396 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:51,673 You're not going. That's it, forget it! 397 00:23:51,697 --> 00:23:53,341 that's final! You're not going! 398 00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:55,978 If you don't take me along, I'm gonna spill everything 399 00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:57,712 I know about control Headquarters. 400 00:23:57,736 --> 00:23:59,815 All right, you can go, 401 00:23:59,839 --> 00:24:03,451 But no gun. Here. 402 00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:07,055 you're liable to get trigger-happy And get your fool head shot off. 403 00:24:07,079 --> 00:24:09,458 Sid: oh, great Thinking, max. great. 404 00:24:09,482 --> 00:24:11,748 without a gun, I'm a sitting duck. 405 00:24:13,319 --> 00:24:15,264 That makes one sitting duck 406 00:24:15,288 --> 00:24:17,187 And one dead duck. 31047

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