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1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:03,837
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:09,643
It's 9:00 a.m. Why are you guys
eating spaghetti?
3
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,746
Uh, we're trying to get
inspiration for our Mafia game.
4
00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:15,883
Well, how's it going?
5
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:17,885
(Italian accent):
Not-a so good.
6
00:00:19,687 --> 00:00:21,355
You know, the problem
is you guys are
7
00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:22,823
a couple of rich kids
from the suburbs.
8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,592
You probably never committed
a crime in your life.
9
00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:26,227
WARNER:
Uh, that's not true.
10
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:28,496
From 2000 to 2005,
11
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:32,166
I stole every piece of music
ever created.
12
00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,935
And I once slandered Ke$ha
on an Internet message board
13
00:00:34,968 --> 00:00:37,271
by implying she was
involved in sex acts using
14
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:39,740
her "A, dollar sign,
dollar sign."
15
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:43,844
As edgy and dangerous
as you guys are,
16
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:45,613
I think we should hire
a consultant who knows
17
00:00:45,646 --> 00:00:46,780
what he's talking about.
18
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,416
What do you mean?
Like-like somebody
19
00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:50,151
who's actually
in the Mafia?
20
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,187
That's a really
good idea.
21
00:00:53,221 --> 00:00:54,388
No, it's not.
22
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,756
Yeah, it is.
23
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,558
Don't you remember
all the fun we had
24
00:00:57,591 --> 00:01:00,027
with the Nazis we got
for Kill Hitler?
25
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,230
Hey, you know,
maybe we should develop
26
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,866
our driving game
with Lindsay Lohan.
27
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,136
Sounds like
more of a drinking game.
28
00:01:13,941 --> 00:01:15,209
You know,
you guys, I think
29
00:01:15,243 --> 00:01:17,945
I might be able to help
you find a consultant.
30
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:20,948
I happen to have had a friend
that was in the Mafia.
31
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:25,653
His name is
Johnny Johnny DeSalvo DeSalvo.
32
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,256
Dad, how do you know
somebody in the Mafia?
33
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:31,091
We tried to set up
a series of Alzheimer clinics
34
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:34,595
for elderly Italians
called Fuhgeddaboudit.
35
00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:39,900
Wha... what happened?
36
00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,136
To what?
37
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,175
Fuhgeddaboudit.
38
00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:48,442
Okay, I will.
39
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:50,043
Geez, you brought it up.
40
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:56,184
* Daddy took me to the zoo
41
00:01:56,217 --> 00:01:57,985
* Na, na, na, na *
42
00:01:58,018 --> 00:02:02,190
* Just to see
something brand-new *
43
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,657
* Na, na, na *
44
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:08,362
* So many stars up in the sky
45
00:02:08,396 --> 00:02:13,033
* So many questions have I
46
00:02:13,066 --> 00:02:15,203
* Na, na, na, na *
47
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:19,307
* Daddy took me for a ride.
48
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:23,177
I-I just don't want
somebody from the Mafia
49
00:02:23,211 --> 00:02:24,278
in the office, you know?
50
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:27,881
What-what if he makes us
an offer we can't refuse?
51
00:02:27,915 --> 00:02:31,285
Or-or worse,
we can't understand?
52
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,787
Oh, I-I watched an episode
of Soprano last night,
53
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,056
so don't worry,
I got the lingo down.
54
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:39,627
Oh, the gagoots on
that doorman, huh?
55
00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,162
I wanted to give him a
cuestamarole upside his scaputo.
56
00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,897
Yeah.
57
00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,734
He said he's gonna
have pizza for dinner.
58
00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:50,804
Johnny, this is
my son, Warner.
59
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,005
Oh, nice to meet you.
60
00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:54,842
Whoa. Spaghetti's
been in the pot too long.
61
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,846
Uh, hey, thank you so much
for consulting on our game.
62
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,581
I'm Eli, Warner's
business partner.
63
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,583
What are you,
in kindergarten?
64
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:05,386
Well, he's
all yours.
65
00:03:05,419 --> 00:03:07,321
All right...
66
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:10,991
now who do I got to whack around
here to get a tiny coffee?
67
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:14,061
I'll get that for you.
How do you like it?
68
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:16,397
Up against the hanging meats
in the back of the deli,
69
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,366
but my coffee I'll take black.
70
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,503
(clears throat)
Wow.
71
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,773
Thank you. Thank you so much
for-for coming down to help us.
72
00:03:25,806 --> 00:03:28,376
M-My dad might have told you
that we're working on a game,
73
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,777
uh, about the, uh...
74
00:03:29,810 --> 00:03:32,346
(whispers):
about the Mafia.
75
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:34,248
Mafia?
76
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:37,818
You think because I'm Italian-
American, I'm in the Mafia?
77
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,955
Wha... Well,
a-aren't you?
78
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,224
Yeah.
79
00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:47,961
But the point is:
don't make assumptions.
80
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,898
So, San Francisco, huh?
81
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:53,934
So, what are you, like,
a bunch of fruit loops?
82
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:55,569
No.
83
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,472
Hey, guys.
Not all of us.
84
00:04:03,110 --> 00:04:05,212
You know, I think we should
get to work on the game
85
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,048
so that Mr. DeSalvo can
get back to the family...
86
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,016
his family.
87
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,752
The-the, uh, the normal,
uh, w-wife and kid...
88
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,488
The, uh, non...
89
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:17,057
(whispers):
I'm so sorry.
90
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,461
Take a deep breath there,
lady pants.
91
00:04:20,494 --> 00:04:22,563
Now, just
so you know,
92
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,599
I only got one rule:
I do not answer any questions.
93
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,100
Any questions?
94
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:33,741
Okay, good.
95
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:36,644
Now, first thing, do not
make all these mob guys
96
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,079
into stereotypical jerks.
97
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,149
(snapping fingers)
Hey, egg roll, start typing.
98
00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,687
Then the player finds
out that this magarole's
99
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,155
been skimming
off the top.
100
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,358
So Tony "I Did Your Sister"
Martelli
101
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,460
makes him go for a ride.
102
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,863
Uh, what do you mean?
103
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,865
They... they kill him?
104
00:04:59,467 --> 00:05:02,970
What part of "go for a ride"
do you not understand?
105
00:05:06,874 --> 00:05:09,042
Yes, badafootz.
106
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:13,046
What if you actually
want to go for a ride?
107
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:16,984
What am I, a dog
with my head out the window?
108
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:19,953
Wow, your information
is so well-defined,
109
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,823
it almost makes you think
this stuff really happened.
110
00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:26,894
Are you wearing a wire?
111
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,363
No, I don't wear wires
and I don't carry pennies,
112
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:33,333
'cause Mexicans will
strip you for the copper.
113
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,138
Mr. DeSalvo, thank you
so much for your help.
114
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,973
I mean, the game
really feels authentic now.
115
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,576
Oh, sure thing, chopsticks.
116
00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:44,244
Oh...
117
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:47,981
one more very
important detail.
118
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,083
The consigliere
in the game
119
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,352
needs to be a talking meatball.
120
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,823
A talking meatball?
121
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:58,325
Yeah. A meatball that knows
all the family secrets,
122
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,595
like who whacked who
what where with what, when.
123
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:03,330
Plus...
124
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,499
it's funny as hell.
125
00:06:05,533 --> 00:06:07,000
That is
a rib tickler, yeah.
126
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,902
It's... it's amazing,
yeah.
127
00:06:08,936 --> 00:06:11,705
So, now, the, uh,
certain matter of my payment.
128
00:06:11,739 --> 00:06:13,841
Oh, yeah.
Uh, here you go.
129
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,377
I, uh, added an 18%
"Please Don't Kill Us" tip.
130
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:19,780
Whoa.
131
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:21,415
What is that, a check?
132
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,083
Y-Yeah.
Uh...
133
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,018
Why? Is that...
is that a problem?
134
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,554
Yes, that's a problem.
135
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,622
I don't have a bank account.
136
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:32,693
I keep all my money offshore.
137
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,962
In a lobster buoy.
138
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,397
Uh... I don't think
we have that kind of
139
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:39,733
cash in the...
in the office.
But we can
go to the...
140
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:41,535
All right.
141
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,270
All right, I'll
tell you what.
142
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,539
Since your old man
is a friend of ours,
143
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:46,874
we'll call it even.
144
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:49,743
But at some time in the future,
145
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:53,647
I may come to you
and ask for a favor.
146
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,617
Sure.
Yeah, sure.
147
00:06:56,650 --> 00:07:00,053
A capilozi vigamo.
148
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,322
(laughs):
I mean...
149
00:07:02,355 --> 00:07:03,423
That was easy.
150
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,893
Yeah, I-I guess I was
worried for nothing.
151
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,295
Remember that time...
152
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:13,567
...that I said I may come back
and ask for a favor?
153
00:07:13,601 --> 00:07:15,669
Yeah.
Yeah.
154
00:07:15,703 --> 00:07:18,171
Well, that time has come.
155
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,579
I'm in for ten.
156
00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:26,580
I call.
157
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:28,015
Call.
Fold.
158
00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,349
So this was
the favor?
159
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:31,451
Yeah. They just wanted
a place to play poker.
160
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,452
JOHNNY:
Hey.
161
00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:33,954
I want to thank you guys
162
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,856
for letting us
use your place.
163
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:37,491
Oh.
Salut.
164
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,392
Salut.
Salut.
Yeah.
165
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,930
(exhales)
166
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:46,133
(gagging)
167
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,436
You know, ever since
our last three places
168
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,840
burned down in mysterious
yet unsolvable circumstances,
169
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,876
it's been tough
to get a game together.
170
00:07:55,909 --> 00:07:57,711
How could we refuse?
171
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,346
(laughs)
Yeah.
172
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,381
You couldn't.
173
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,117
Salut.
174
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,185
Salut.
175
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,522
(exhales):
Yah...
176
00:08:08,556 --> 00:08:10,824
Oh, okay.
177
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:11,992
Mmm, yeah.
178
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,527
(exhales):
Ah...
Uh-huh.
179
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:14,795
Yes.
Yeah!
180
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:15,896
Edna.
181
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:16,964
Where have you been?
182
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,666
Hiding.
183
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:20,701
Edna no like Italians.
184
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:21,902
Shh.
185
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,303
What? Why not?
186
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,406
They come to this country,
no learn English
187
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,508
and take all the jobs.
188
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,079
I just hope they wrap
it up before somebody
189
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,714
says something that
could offend them.
190
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,083
So I bought my ma one of them
medical alert bracelets,
191
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,151
just in case anything
should happen, God forbid.
192
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,319
God forbid.
God forbid.
God forbid.
193
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,353
There is no God.
194
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:41,655
MEN:
Oh!
195
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,824
(fake laughing)
196
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:46,660
Ha ha ha, he's just
kidding, obviously.
197
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,729
Look at that face.
198
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,866
Oh, yeah,
I get it now.
199
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,002
So, Shecky, why don't
you sit down at the table,
200
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,336
play a few hands?
201
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,838
No, thanks.
202
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,040
Gambling's for morons.
No offense.
203
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:04,745
Well, I'll play.
204
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,681
Uh, no, Dad. You actually need
money to play in a poker game.
205
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,717
Ah.
206
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,554
How about you,
troll on the end of a pencil?
207
00:09:17,424 --> 00:09:18,959
Uh...
208
00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:22,395
Yeah. Yeah, okay,
I'll play a few games.
209
00:09:22,429 --> 00:09:23,597
What?
210
00:09:23,631 --> 00:09:25,032
Yeah, dude.
211
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,735
It's an honor to sit in
a mob poker game.
212
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:31,639
He's right.
213
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,874
You know, we had several of
those Make-A-Wish kids sit in.
214
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,409
You know, the smiles on their
faces make them almost forget
215
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:39,112
they're about to get
whacked by God.
216
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,881
There is no God.
217
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,082
MEN:
Oh!
218
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,620
How about you, chipmunk head?
219
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:49,289
You want to sit in,
or are you too busy
220
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:52,726
gathering nuts for
the long winter months ahead?
221
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,996
Uh, yeah, you know,
I-I really shouldn't.
222
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:59,332
My-my wife Camila has me
on an allowance, so I...
223
00:09:59,366 --> 00:10:01,301
An allowance?
Yeah.
224
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,504
I guess your wife has been
gathering your nuts.
225
00:10:04,537 --> 00:10:05,605
(laughter)
226
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,585
Hey, let me help you.
227
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:19,586
No!
228
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,621
You no take my job!
229
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,457
(speaking Spanish)
230
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,458
No.
231
00:10:25,492 --> 00:10:27,861
No!
Whoa!
232
00:10:29,663 --> 00:10:31,631
(slurring):
Okay!
233
00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:35,368
Salut!
234
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,870
(laughs)
235
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:38,105
All right.
236
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,874
I see your $20--
here you go--
237
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:42,609
and I raise you $100.
238
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,611
Sounds like you got
a pretty good hand.
239
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,046
Oh, yeah.
240
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,681
(laughing)
241
00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:49,717
All in.
242
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,525
All in?
(stammers)
243
00:10:58,558 --> 00:11:00,293
I don't...
I don't have as-as much...
244
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,830
many, um, uh... chips as you.
245
00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,399
I'll tell you what.
What?
246
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,636
You win, you get
all the money on the table.
247
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:12,139
I win, I get...
248
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,540
your company.
249
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:16,209
Aw, you want
to hang out with me?
250
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:19,246
Yeah. Yeah.
I am good company.
251
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:23,083
No, no, no, your business,
your video game company.
252
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,152
Ghost Child? Oh, no.
253
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,054
No, I don't... No, I c... No.
254
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,256
No, I'd have to talk to Eli
about that.
255
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,490
Oh, you hear that?
256
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,826
Chip can't make a move
without checking with Dale.
257
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,862
(men laugh)
258
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,766
I can, too.
259
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,233
All in.
260
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:43,103
Well, good luck, son.
261
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:45,105
There's only two hands
that can beat you.
262
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,106
Four aces.
263
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:48,375
And that's one of 'em.
264
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,679
(panting)
265
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,447
Oh, thank God.
266
00:11:54,481 --> 00:11:56,249
What's the matter,
honey?
267
00:11:56,283 --> 00:11:58,718
Oh, I had the most
insane dream.
268
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:02,622
Were you an elegant
lady in this one, too?
269
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,925
(knocking)
270
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,027
(screams)
271
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,361
It's a home invasion!
272
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,063
The lady next door
has diamonds
273
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:14,201
and her alarm password
is "password."
274
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,569
Hey, chipmunk,
you're late for work.
275
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:20,107
Oh, my God, it
wasn't a dream.
276
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,575
I gambled the company
away to the Mafia.
277
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:24,211
You what?
278
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,412
Come on, Warner.
279
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,613
You got to get to
work before
280
00:12:26,646 --> 00:12:28,949
all the good tracksuits
are taken.
281
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:36,256
Where do you get off
gambling away
282
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:38,391
my half of the company?!
283
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,094
Eli, I-I...
you know, I was drunk.
284
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,262
And-and I was up
285
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:45,799
eight dollars
before I-I lost the company.
286
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,136
And I d... you know,
I-I really don't think
287
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:50,770
that much has changed.
288
00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:00,914
My desk is now a stripper pole?
289
00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,183
We all make mistakes, all right?
290
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:06,820
You remember l-last year when
you messed up my lunch order?
291
00:13:09,156 --> 00:13:11,191
You lost our company!
292
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,560
You don't know
what rye bread is!
293
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:21,301
Warner, you got to get all
of this out of here now.
294
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:27,975
How 'bout a dance, big boy?
295
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,979
Warner, you have got
to get everyone except her
296
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:33,380
out of here right now.
297
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:36,283
Hey. What-what's your name?
298
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,551
White Wine.
Yeah, it is.
299
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,788
Hey,
300
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:45,458
where do you guys keep
your cocaine scale?
301
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:50,197
Johnny, Johnny,
we-we got to talk.
302
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:51,198
Sure thing.
303
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:52,900
I got an open-door policy.
304
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,567
Unless it's a complaint.
305
00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,904
Then I got an open
window policy.
306
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:59,006
Right, fellas?
307
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,341
Oh, they're all out back.
Hey, guys, give me an "Oh!"
308
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,676
MEN:
Oh!
309
00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,146
Johnny, I...
310
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,881
You-you have to give us back
our company,
311
00:14:07,915 --> 00:14:10,483
and-and I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
312
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:14,354
What exactly
are you trying to say?
313
00:14:15,222 --> 00:14:17,991
Look, this-this is our company.
314
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,592
Mine and Eli's.
315
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:22,362
We never signed
a contract with you.
316
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,664
There-there are rules
to business, my friend.
317
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:25,933
Rules.
318
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,767
Now, look,
I-I don't want
319
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,504
to scare you, but if you don't
give us back our company,
320
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,907
you'll be getting a letter.
321
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,278
Capisce?
322
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:41,681
I say "capisce" to people.
Nobody says "capisce" to me.
323
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,016
Capisce?
324
00:14:43,050 --> 00:14:46,453
No, I don't capisce! Capisce?!
325
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:49,923
Did you just double-capisce me,
you son of a bitch?!
326
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:55,062
It's time for you
to leave, Johnny.
327
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,366
If that's the way you feel.
328
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:02,569
I appreciate your honesty.
329
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,075
Hey, you know what?
330
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,043
Let's go for a ride.
331
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:10,978
A ride?
332
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:13,080
Warner, run!
333
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:22,122
I can't believe they
took my best friend.
334
00:15:22,155 --> 00:15:23,556
I know.
335
00:15:23,590 --> 00:15:26,293
I can't believe
you let them.
336
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,495
Let them? What was
I supposed to do?
337
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:29,929
They're bigger than me.
338
00:15:29,963 --> 00:15:31,298
Everybody's bigger than you.
339
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,333
Really? Now?
340
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:36,636
Okay, I got Johnny's
cell phone number.
341
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:39,806
I'm sure we can
reason with him.
342
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:40,840
JOHNNY (recorded):
This is Johnny.
343
00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,309
If you're calling
to reason with me,
344
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,611
forget about it.
345
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:48,515
Well, I don't care if we have
to drive down every street
346
00:15:48,548 --> 00:15:50,917
in this city,
we're gonna go find him.
Yes.
347
00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,786
Eli, I can tell you
where they're going.
348
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:01,461
We really bonded
at that lap dance.
349
00:16:02,729 --> 00:16:06,133
Johnny has a warehouse
at the end of Anchor Avenue.
350
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:07,200
I can take you there.
351
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,536
No, White Wine,
you stay here.
352
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:11,204
And try to...
353
00:16:11,238 --> 00:16:14,807
try to get those last two
ping-pong balls out, okay?
354
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,853
Hey, did-did I ever
tell you that
355
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:30,390
in high school, I was voted Most
Likely to Gladly Change My Name
356
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:32,825
and-and Move to Another Country?
357
00:16:36,729 --> 00:16:39,632
This fugacci computer
says we're in the ocean.
358
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:41,868
Oh, yeah, you just have
to, uh, uh, download
359
00:16:41,901 --> 00:16:44,071
the-the latest operating system
and, uh...
360
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,573
and-and upgrade the interface.
361
00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:50,009
Who are you,
Bill Nye the Science Squalootz?
362
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:53,180
(laughs):
That's funny.
363
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:56,015
Do you mind if I...
do you mind if I try to fix it?
364
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,584
Yeah, okay.
365
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,252
Yeah, let me just, uh...
366
00:16:59,286 --> 00:17:01,421
(beeping)
367
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,656
A second to reboot.
Yeah, there it is.
368
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,159
Hey, you're pretty good
at this computer crap.
Yeah.
369
00:17:06,193 --> 00:17:08,161
You ever think about starting
your own business?
370
00:17:08,195 --> 00:17:12,765
Well, I did, but the, uh...
Mafia took it over.
371
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:15,202
Oh, right, right.
Sorry.
372
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:18,605
Sometimes you forget the reason
you're about to whack somebody.
373
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,006
Tell me about it.
374
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:23,042
I've had this string tied
around my finger for two months.
375
00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:27,980
Somebody's walking around
unstrangled-- I don't know.
376
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,586
Eli, what exactly is your plan
when we get there?
377
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,455
I don't know. Do you
think we can lure them
378
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,056
into a house of mirrors?
379
00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:37,957
(groans)
380
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:41,794
Why do I have to come?
He's not my son.
381
00:17:42,929 --> 00:17:44,964
Crawford, Johnny's your friend.
Mm-hmm.
382
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:47,400
I mean, you don't think he'd
actually hurt Warner, right?
383
00:17:47,434 --> 00:17:49,702
I don't know.
You know, Johnny talks big,
384
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,139
but the worst thing
I've ever seen him do
385
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:53,840
is strangle a racehorse.
386
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,779
Nobody insults Johnny Johnny
DeSalvo DeSalvo
387
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,414
and lives to talk about it.
388
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,615
MEN:
Yeah!
389
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:05,418
Any last words before you sleep
with the fishes?
390
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:09,256
ELI: Yeah. Let
our friend go.
391
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:16,729
What are you gambrozzis
doing here?
392
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:20,600
Wait, uh, is
"gambrozzis" a bad thing?
393
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,636
It's a neutral term.
394
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,638
Okay. Good.
395
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,073
Well, we came
for Warner!
396
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,107
Yeah!
397
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,511
Hey, guys.
398
00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:33,813
What are you doing here?
Warner! (exhales)
399
00:18:33,846 --> 00:18:35,782
We thought
they were gonna whack you.
400
00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:37,450
JOHNNY:
Yeah, yeah,
401
00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,186
we were, but then, uh,
chipmunk-head here said
402
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:43,990
he could hook up my intranet
with five-point-oh!
403
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:46,359
Yeah, these guys were
in the Stone Ages.
404
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:49,862
Th-This guy here thought Google
was a type of bird.
405
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,331
(laughs)
406
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,100
I-It's true, I did.
I don't know.
407
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:56,703
Wait, if-if you aren't mad
at Warner,
408
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:58,671
then who were you threatening?
409
00:19:00,006 --> 00:19:02,008
Please help me!
410
00:19:04,076 --> 00:19:07,880
Warner hooked up this, uh,
new program called Skippy.
411
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:09,382
Skype.
412
00:19:14,887 --> 00:19:16,356
Makes my life so much easier.
413
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:20,993
Now I can sit around whacking
in my pajamas all day.
414
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:26,065
I got to get a computer.
415
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:29,802
Wait, Mr. DeSalvo, it-it sounds
like Warner did you a favor.
416
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:32,739
Doesn't that mean
you owe him one?
417
00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:36,276
I suppose it does,
my little lotus blossom.
418
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:43,049
Warner, you can have
your company back.
419
00:19:43,082 --> 00:19:45,117
(chuckles)
420
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:49,188
Johnny...
421
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,758
you know,
beneath all that bluster,
422
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:53,393
you got a giant heart.
423
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,595
You're a good man,
424
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,964
and I'm proud
to call you friend.
425
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:01,033
Come here.
(chuckles)
426
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:04,404
Isn't anybody gonna do anything?
427
00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:05,605
Hey!
428
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,674
You bet on the Bucks
and you lost, you scumbag.
429
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:08,941
So just sit still,
430
00:20:08,975 --> 00:20:11,378
and somebody will be there
to whack you shortly.
431
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:20,853
(Johnny's voice):
Hey, you gambrozzis,
432
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,689
I'm Meatball,
the talking meatball,
433
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:24,391
and I'm in a video game.
434
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:27,427
It's funny, right?
435
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:29,962
It is kind of funny.
436
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,532
I can't believe this tested
higher than any character
437
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,734
we've ever created.
438
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:41,040
I'll be your consigliere on your
journey from bag boy to don.
439
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:43,876
So grab your whatchamacallit,
uh, controller?
440
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,745
My sister's kid could tell you.
441
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:48,481
All day long
with these video game machines.
442
00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:49,982
He's got diabetes.
443
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:53,252
The good kind, thank God.
444
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:57,957
And then it basically goes on
like that for the next 40 hours.
445
00:20:57,990 --> 00:20:59,459
Wow.
446
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:01,561
Hey. Where'd you get
that fur coat?
447
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:02,762
Mind your business.
448
00:21:04,497 --> 00:21:06,733
Our place just looks
so boring now.
449
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:08,335
What happened
to all the bada-bling?
450
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:09,336
Yeah, I got rid of it.
451
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,403
All of it?
452
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,439
Every last piece.
453
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,942
(rock music playing)
454
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:25,885
(music ends)
455
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,223
My turn!
(music resumes)
456
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:36,329
Captioned by
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access.wgbh.org
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