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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:03,204
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:06,207
(laughing)
Oh, what a weird movie.
3
00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,676
I know.
Vin Diesel always looks like
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,345
he can't decide
what he's smelling.
5
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:13,814
He's, like...
6
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,983
Gasoline...?
7
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,318
(sniffs)
8
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,253
No.
9
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:21,189
It's cake.
10
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,357
Come here.
11
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,527
(chuckles)
12
00:00:30,131 --> 00:00:32,300
Pretend I no here.
13
00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:34,668
Edna...
14
00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:36,437
it's okay,
you-you can go.
15
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,206
Okay. Thank you, Mr. Eli.
16
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,273
Thank you.
17
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,013
Wha... E-Edna, wha...
18
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,382
what are you doing?
19
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:51,785
Tomorrow I work from home.
20
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:54,988
Where were we?
21
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,359
Eli, there's something
you should know.
22
00:00:58,392 --> 00:00:59,760
Uh, okay.
23
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:01,929
Do you want to see
if I can guess?
24
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:03,864
Maybe we both say it
at the same time.
25
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:05,633
Okay, one, two...
26
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:07,135
You're bisexual.
I have a son.
27
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:09,036
You have a son.
28
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,738
Yeah.
29
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,575
If-if you want to break up,
I understand.
30
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,377
No, no. Are you kidding?
31
00:01:16,410 --> 00:01:17,778
I-I love kids.
32
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:21,749
Why, I would rent a baby
six times a year...
33
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:24,452
if that were legal.
34
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:25,919
Well, Gene is 12.
35
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:29,089
Well, you know what, Elsa?
I like you.
36
00:01:29,123 --> 00:01:30,758
So I'm still in.
37
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,593
(chuckles)
38
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:35,062
Eli.
39
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:38,098
You have company?
Yes.
40
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:40,268
Is it girl company?
41
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:42,170
Yes.
42
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,972
Does she by any chance
have any Q-tips?
43
00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,109
I guess I have
to tell you...
44
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,879
I have a dad.
45
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:57,818
* Daddy took me to the zoo
46
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,820
* Na, na, na, na *
47
00:01:59,853 --> 00:02:03,924
* Just to see
something brand-new *
48
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:05,959
* Na, na, na, ooh *
49
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:10,664
* So many stars up in the sky
50
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:14,602
* So many questions have I
51
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,637
* Na, na, na, na *
52
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:19,573
* Daddy took me for a ride.
53
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,278
(whistling a tune)
54
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:25,713
Hey.
55
00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,448
That was, uh...
56
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,483
a beautiful woman
you had here last night.
57
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:32,220
Yeah. Things are getting
kind of serious.
Mm.
58
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,522
There's one thing
I can't figure out.
59
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:37,191
Why is she with you?
60
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:43,397
Well, believe it or not, Dad,
she likes my personality.
61
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,299
No.
62
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,268
No way that's it.
63
00:02:49,703 --> 00:02:51,239
Well, she's gonna
introduce me to her son.
64
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:52,606
That's it.
65
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,809
Okay, now it makes sense.
66
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,811
Little piece of advice,
67
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,514
take it or leave it.
68
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,683
Run...!
69
00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,957
(Crawford screams)
70
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:14,328
Wh-What?
71
00:03:14,362 --> 00:03:15,996
Oh, nothing.
My doctor says
72
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,198
I should make a noise
every few minutes
73
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:21,101
to make sure
I'm still alive.
74
00:03:21,134 --> 00:03:22,570
Hey, hey.
Hey.
75
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:23,837
Easy-E!
76
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,038
E-Dog!
77
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,640
* Eli-Eli-Oh!
78
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,210
Are you on something?
79
00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,746
No. I'm just on the couch.
80
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:34,782
I got into a fight
last night with Camila.
81
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,484
(chuckles):
It was great.
82
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,287
I never realized
how comfortable
83
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,922
my couch was.
I haven't slept that good
84
00:03:41,955 --> 00:03:45,125
since I was in a coma
for two days.
85
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,895
(laughs):
I feel so alive.
86
00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:49,229
(screams)
87
00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:51,565
Me, too.
88
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:54,201
So, did you go out
last night?
89
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,903
Yeah, yeah,
I had another date with Elsa.
90
00:03:55,936 --> 00:03:57,405
It's actually getting
kind of serious.
91
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,407
Wow, number three--
the Third Date Kid.
92
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,609
Yeah, it's good; we're, like,
texting all the time.
93
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,544
It's all, like...
(high-pitched): Bwoo, boo,
94
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,579
bwoo, boo, bwoo-bwoo,
95
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,248
bwoo-bwoo, boo, boo, boo.
96
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,918
Well, I keep my phone
on vibrate.
97
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:14,922
Ooh, wh... where do you keep
your phone on vibrate?
98
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:19,126
In a manila folder with
a sexual harassment complaint.
99
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:22,496
Actually, you guys
can help me.
100
00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:23,731
Elsa has a 12-year-old son.
101
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,333
I'm supposed
to meet him tonight.
102
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:29,269
Just do your Grover voice:
Hey, kid, how's it goin'?
103
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:31,171
I'm serious, though--
this is a kid
104
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:34,308
being raised by a single mom
with no dad.
105
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,744
This is me.
I can help this kid.
106
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,613
Yes! Yes! Eli to the rescue.
107
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,515
I love Energized Warner.
108
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:42,783
This is great.
109
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,485
Hey, you know,
we got that meeting
110
00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,487
with the big-box retailers
this week-- maybe you want
111
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:49,189
to pick a fight with Camila,
sleep on the couch all week.
112
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,824
(laughs):
That's ridiculous.
113
00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,760
I'm not gonna just
pick a fight for no reason.
114
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,428
Look at the way
this towel is folded,
115
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:56,597
and look at the way
this towel is folded.
116
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,366
So?
117
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:01,034
So, you used two different
folding techniques.
118
00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,670
One t... one towel's square
119
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,104
while the other one's
a rectangle.
120
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,806
What kind of country
are we living in,
121
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:08,376
Crazy-stan?!
122
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:10,711
I don't know what
your problem is tonight,
123
00:05:10,744 --> 00:05:12,813
but I'm gonna go
sleep on the couch.
124
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:14,181
Oh, no, no, no, no!
125
00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:15,649
No, no, no, no, I'm gonna
sleep on the couch.
126
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:16,684
No, I...
Nuh...
127
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,718
You know what? Fine.
128
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,653
Okay.
Okay.
129
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,855
*
130
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:27,728
Mm.
So, Gene,
131
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,763
tell Eli about
your school.
132
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,602
I go to a school.
133
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,471
He's a little shy
with strangers.
134
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:39,507
Let me just get dessert.
135
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,280
(like Grover):
So, what's up, buddy!
136
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,186
Hey, uh, do you like
skateboarding?
137
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:55,756
Man, I loved skateboarding
when I was your age,
138
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:58,258
mostly 'cause
of Back to the Future.
139
00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:00,994
I've never heard of that.
140
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,697
I'm not a thousand.
141
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:06,266
Uh, do you like video games?
142
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:07,167
I guess.
143
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,602
Oh, cool.
144
00:06:08,636 --> 00:06:10,003
You should come
to my office, Ghost Child Games.
145
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,104
Ghost Child?
146
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,607
All your games suck.
147
00:06:15,242 --> 00:06:16,710
Listen, Gene...
148
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:19,780
I know how hard it is
to grow up without a dad.
149
00:06:19,813 --> 00:06:22,883
So that's why all
your games suck?
150
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,218
No, I'm just...
I'm saying that...
151
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,455
like, if you ever
want someone to talk to,
152
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,922
I'm here for you.
153
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:32,593
Is everyone else in
the world but you dead?
154
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:33,627
(chuckles softly)
155
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:35,095
Come on, come on, buddy,
156
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:36,830
I'm just...
I'm just trying to connect.
157
00:06:40,267 --> 00:06:42,470
Oop! Oop!
158
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,204
What? I'm just
trying to connect
159
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,207
my fist with your face.
160
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,643
Uh, what are you...
Hey, hey...
161
00:06:49,677 --> 00:06:51,479
(nervous laugh)
162
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,214
Are you and
my mom doing it?
163
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,416
(laughs):
Uh, Ge...
164
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,951
Gene...
165
00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:00,888
that is wildly inappropriate.
166
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,824
You know I came out of
there 12 years ago.
167
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:08,996
I was nine pounds
and 18 inches.
168
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,799
What are you?
169
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:23,711
Less, obviously.
170
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,085
MAN:
Are you sick of high prices
171
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,488
and parking lots
you can't land a plane in?
172
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,624
I'm Ken.
I'm Jim.
173
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:39,259
And this is
Texas Big Box!
Texas!
174
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,995
We got the lowest
prices in all of...
Texas!
175
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,464
Are you sick
of Mom and Pop's
high prices?
176
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:45,599
Well, so are we.
177
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,434
Scram!
178
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,202
Go on! You git!
179
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,541
Just in case they didn't die
in the wheelchair crash.
180
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,943
We're offering
Texas-sized values
181
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,011
at Rhode Island-
sized prices.
182
00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:00,213
Look at that little
twerp state, Rhode Island.
183
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:01,381
(squeaky voice):
"I'm Rhode Island."
184
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,784
Get off my country!
185
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,318
Whoo-hoo!
186
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:06,720
So whether
you're looking
187
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,056
for shrimp or
a basketball court,
188
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,991
you come on down
to Texas Big Box!
189
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,260
Texas!
Whoo-hoo!
190
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,396
Texas!
191
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:18,566
They seem like jerks.
192
00:08:18,599 --> 00:08:20,801
Jerks that
can make us rich.
193
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,903
(laughs):
Why are you being so negative?
194
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:28,842
(sighs) Last night
I met Elsa's son, and...
195
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,845
he bullied me.
(Veronica laughing)
196
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:35,348
No way! Is he single?
197
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,551
I'm serious.
Like, he almost punched me.
198
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,252
Well, did you
almost punch him back?
199
00:08:39,286 --> 00:08:41,855
No! I can't hit a 12-year-old.
200
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:45,258
His mom would never
sleep with me again.
201
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,527
(both laughing)
202
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:49,262
I'm gonna go watch
The Karate Kid.
203
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,231
Uh, no, you are not.
204
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,933
You are gonna go and test out
205
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,067
the Hockey Death Mat prototype
for tomorrow's meeting.
206
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,535
(whining):
I don't want to.
207
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,806
(gasps) All right,
all right, yes, ma'am.
208
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:02,910
God, that was good.
I can't eat another bite.
209
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,412
Oh, thank you. I spent almost
ten minutes ordering it.
210
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:07,280
(laughs)
211
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:09,082
Um...
212
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:12,285
Hey, Elsa, has... has Gene been
having any trouble in school?
213
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:16,189
What do you mean?
Well, I don't know
how to tell you this, but he...
214
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:19,492
I mean, your son...
bullied me.
215
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,062
What?
216
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:25,866
Yeah, the other night at dinner,
he... he almost punched me.
217
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,400
I don't know,
218
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:29,402
I think he needs
to talk to somebody,
219
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:31,404
like a therapist or maybe a...
220
00:09:31,438 --> 00:09:34,574
priest with no penis,
so there's no funny business.
221
00:09:34,608 --> 00:09:37,811
Okay, listen, if you're
not man enough to be with me
222
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:40,247
because I have a son, fine,
Wha...?
223
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,316
but don't just invent things
that are wrong with him.
224
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:48,121
Oh... oh, don't go into
thing-gathering mode.
225
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,723
Oh, I am gathering.
226
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,759
What? Come on.
And by the way...
227
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:55,462
...your sex face is stupid.
228
00:09:57,865 --> 00:10:01,501
Yeah, well, the back
of your head is stupid!
229
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,174
Hi.
Hey.
230
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,461
Where is she?
231
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,499
Oh, I'm on to your little plan.
232
00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:36,403
Faking fights
so you can sleep on the couch.
233
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:41,208
(weakly):
Wh-what are you talking about?
234
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:43,543
CAMILA:
When we got in that fight
last night,
235
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,178
you made one little mistake.
236
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,180
You left your day planner open,
and it said,
237
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:50,217
"Fake fight with Camila
so I can sleep on couch."
238
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,819
It's the paper trail.
239
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:54,387
The paper trail, you fool.
240
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:55,889
So now...
241
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,457
we're in a real fight.
242
00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,826
I'm gonna go to bed.
243
00:10:58,859 --> 00:11:00,027
These are yours.
244
00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:01,261
Good night.
245
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,737
Warner... Warner, will
you stop wiggling?
246
00:11:09,770 --> 00:11:12,305
That's just
what your mother used to do,
247
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:16,343
up all night with her stomach
pills and her heart pills.
248
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,646
She had acute angina.
249
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:23,183
Yeah, she sure did.
250
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,590
(shouts)
(shouts)
251
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,861
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
252
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,562
(phone chimes)
253
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:39,232
Oh. Looks like Elsa
wants to make up with me.
254
00:11:39,266 --> 00:11:41,534
(phone chimes)
Oh.
255
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,370
And it looks like she...
256
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:45,538
Oh, wow.
257
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:49,676
Oh, wow. Okay. Uh...
258
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,278
Uh, hey, would you guys,
259
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:55,582
uh, get out of here and maybe
not come back for an hour?
260
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:57,617
Could you guys... could you guys
just split, like, for a sec?
261
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,352
Just g-get out...
like, get out of the house
262
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,554
and then, like, not-not
come back for an hour?
263
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,656
Just... Would you get out?!
264
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:05,893
Come on, Edna.
265
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,427
Let's go down
to the computer store and see
266
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:11,698
if we can ask so many questions
the guy quits.
267
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,533
What is computer?
268
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,969
That'll be our first question.
269
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,739
(door shuts)
270
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:31,284
(knocking)
271
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:34,354
Damn it.
272
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,826
(exhales)
273
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,161
Uh...
274
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,562
Hey, Gene. Uh...
275
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,797
where's your mom?
276
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,398
I borrowed her phone.
277
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:48,969
So congratulations,
you just sexted a 12-year-old.
278
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,740
(chuckles)
Come in.
279
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,408
So...
280
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,278
give me $100.
281
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:01,414
What? Your mom and I aren't
even dating anymore.
282
00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,284
(mockingly): "Your mom and I
aren't even dating anymore."
283
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,686
Okay.
284
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:10,490
(sighs) Gene, I know that being
a kid can be tough.
285
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,926
You know, you've got all
this anger and emotion.
286
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,162
You don't know how
to express yourself.
287
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:18,765
But being a bully,
that's not the answer.
288
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,167
You're right.
289
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,369
I guess I'm just sad
because my dad left.
290
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,005
See? I totally get that.
291
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:26,139
Can we talk about it?
292
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:27,474
Absolutely.
293
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:28,976
Can I have a glass
of apple juice first?
294
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,343
Yes, of course you can.
295
00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:33,713
What single guy
doesn't have apple juice?
296
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:36,950
Uh, let me see.
I got some water, an OJ,
297
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,852
almond milk, soy milk,
298
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:41,554
chocolate soy milk,
vanilla soy milk,
299
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:42,822
coconut milk,
actual milk,
300
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:45,458
Bloody Mary mix,
301
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,294
clam juice--
ew, thank you, Dad--
302
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:49,796
uh, tonic, pickle juice.
303
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,664
Oh, here it is.
One apple juice coming up.
304
00:13:51,698 --> 00:13:53,833
Get ready. Catch.
305
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,007
Gene?
306
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,077
Wh...
307
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,746
Oh, my G...
308
00:14:06,779 --> 00:14:08,715
My jacket.
DAVID:
I'm not looking.
309
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,918
I just forgot my glasses.
310
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,554
Dad, the...
311
00:14:14,587 --> 00:14:16,990
the prototype to our game--
it was in my jacket.
312
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,592
That-that little bastard,
he just stole it!
313
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:23,230
"He"?
314
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:27,867
Elsa's a guy?
315
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,875
Your son is bullying
316
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:38,611
my son.
317
00:14:38,645 --> 00:14:40,914
Well, your son is a liar.
318
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,182
What? No, I'm not.
319
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,717
You said, "This usually
doesn't happen."
320
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:47,820
And then it happened.
321
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:51,758
Your son took my son's game
322
00:14:51,791 --> 00:14:53,426
and his jacket.
323
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,228
I need that game.
It's my only copy.
324
00:14:55,262 --> 00:14:56,729
I need it
for a big meeting tomorrow.
325
00:14:56,763 --> 00:14:58,731
He's lying. He gave me those.
326
00:14:58,765 --> 00:15:01,268
Well, that's that.
327
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:04,271
Wha...
Don't make me get
stern with you.
328
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:05,738
Don't make me
get stern...
329
00:15:05,772 --> 00:15:07,374
Hey!
...with you!
330
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,410
(screams):
Ow!
331
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,147
(hisses, exhales)
332
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:19,219
Single moms have become
a lot more dangerous
333
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:22,355
since I used to leave 'em.
334
00:15:23,190 --> 00:15:25,358
Hey.
335
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,930
Wake up.
336
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,432
Sorry. I had to sleep
with my dad last night
337
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,134
and he, uh...
he was having a dream.
338
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:37,270
He kept yelling,
"Pick me, pick me, pick me."
339
00:15:37,304 --> 00:15:40,673
Well, they wouldn't pick me,
and I wanted them to.
340
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:41,641
Well, they didn't!
341
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:43,876
Because I'm white.
342
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,847
So did you get the game?
343
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,749
Nope. And it just goes to show,
344
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,318
when me and my dad
work together,
345
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,586
there is nothing we can do.
346
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,687
VERONICA:
Look, we can't give up.
347
00:15:54,721 --> 00:15:55,822
Give me your phone.
348
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:58,225
There.
Oh.
349
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,362
Hi. Gene? This is Veronica.
350
00:16:02,395 --> 00:16:04,998
I work for your mom's
loser ex-boyfriend.
351
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:07,934
So, what's it gonna take for you
to bring this game down here
352
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,102
in the next 15 minutes?
353
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,504
Ice cream? Stuffed animals?
354
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,474
You got boobs?
355
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,942
What?
356
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:20,947
Do... you...
have... boobs?
357
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,949
Y-Yeah.
358
00:16:22,982 --> 00:16:24,484
Describe them.
359
00:16:24,517 --> 00:16:27,887
De... Well...
360
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,624
Well, to me, they're
just boring nothings.
361
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,527
No, they're not.
362
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,696
They're boobs.
363
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:40,500
Listen-- why don't I
come over there
364
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,136
and show them to you if
you give me back that game.
365
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,738
Can I invite friends?
366
00:16:45,772 --> 00:16:47,740
No. I'll be right over.
367
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:48,741
(phone beeps off)
368
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:50,009
What happened?
369
00:16:50,043 --> 00:16:51,078
I have a plan.
370
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,379
Howdy, boys.
371
00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,546
Stall them.
372
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,315
Hope you don't mind us
being early,
373
00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:57,584
but we finished seeing
everything in San Francisco.
374
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:58,885
Oh, yeah.
375
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,020
Yeah, we saw a bridge,
a twisty street
376
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:03,756
and a gay fella.
377
00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,058
That-that about covers it.
378
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:07,026
(nervous laugh)
379
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,996
So, can we get a look
at this new game?
380
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,864
Oh, yes. Uh, soon.
It's just, um...
381
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,700
r-rendering.
382
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:17,270
(chuckles) I don't understand
all your fancy computer terms.
383
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,606
That's why God created nerds!
384
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,774
(guffawing)
385
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,745
ELI:
I-It'll...
386
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,214
it'll only take a minute.
387
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:29,516
Things have really slowed down
around here...
388
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,552
because of... Obamacare.
389
00:17:37,056 --> 00:17:39,058
Are you wearing cologne?
390
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,561
(doorbell rings)
391
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:42,962
Get out!
392
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,097
Get out, get out.
393
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:45,064
Get out!
394
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:46,099
No.
395
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:51,404
Wow.
396
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,641
Those are not boring nothings.
397
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:55,975
Give me game.
398
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,410
Wait, you're not the lady
399
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:58,478
I talked to on the phone.
400
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,413
Veronica send me instead.
401
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:01,714
Aren't you Eli's maid?
402
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,816
Sí.
I think you should leave.
403
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,485
Not without game.
404
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:10,390
Eli gave that game
to my...
405
00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,592
son.
406
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:16,062
Now...
407
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,997
we can do this easy way
408
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:22,302
or Easy Oven way.
409
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,238
We are not giving you anything.
410
00:18:25,272 --> 00:18:29,709
(screaming)
411
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,280
This place is a mess.
412
00:18:39,352 --> 00:18:40,653
If you need maid,
413
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:43,523
I free on Tuesday and Thursdays.
414
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:54,167
So, that is
Hockey Death Match.
415
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,368
What do you think?
416
00:18:55,402 --> 00:18:56,469
We love it.
417
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,004
That's great,
great, great.
418
00:18:58,037 --> 00:18:59,639
Um, so how many units?
419
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:00,773
All of 'em.
420
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,875
Really?
Oh.
421
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,312
Uh, b-but we always
hold back some production
422
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,013
for the independent
game shops.
423
00:19:07,046 --> 00:19:09,182
Those are the guys we're
trying to put out of business.
424
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,883
JIM:
Independent game shops.
425
00:19:10,917 --> 00:19:13,052
We want to stomp
on the little guys' throats
426
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:16,623
and then urinate
into their faces.
427
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,858
But they helped put
our company on the map.
428
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:22,061
You know, I-I...
Yeah, it's... if you urinate
on the independent game shops,
429
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,897
that's like urinating
on us, and I'm not...
430
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:26,333
WARNER:
Yeah. Yeah.
431
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:30,337
I'm not gonna let anybody
urinate on me. No.
432
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,539
Not again.
433
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,976
Well, those are the terms.
434
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,545
Go ahead and...
435
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:40,980
sign these papers.
436
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:43,716
You know what?
I'm sorry. We...
437
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,752
we have to turn you down.
438
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,720
Excuse me?
439
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:51,057
Yeah, you...
you guys are bullies.
440
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,059
And I'm tired
of being pushed around.
441
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:56,162
I've been bullied
all week.
442
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,498
By who?
443
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,533
By a 12-year-old
and his single mom,
444
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,335
but that's not important.
What is im...
445
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:03,870
what is important
is that
446
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:07,274
someone needs to...
stand up and do what's right.
447
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:09,709
Gentlemen, we're
getting off track.
448
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,444
We love your game.
449
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:14,681
What's it gonna take for us
to get it up on our shelves?
450
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:17,183
You know what?
Forget it.
451
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:18,885
$2 million.
452
00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,824
$3 million.
453
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:30,530
$4 million.
ELI:
Oh, my gosh.
454
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:33,266
Stop offering us money.
Stop it.
455
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:38,237
You boys drive a hard bargain,
and I respect that.
456
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,373
We'll be back
in six months.
457
00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:42,375
We got a great
spot opening up
458
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:46,178
right between tampons
and fried chicken.
459
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,751
Oh, this is so great.
460
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:54,153
A real bed.
461
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,623
Oh, honey, thank you
for letting me back in.
462
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,925
Yeah, well, you were
a complete jerk, but...
463
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,294
I know you were working hard
to get that deal.
464
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:03,496
Yeah, the deal, the deal.
They, uh...
465
00:21:03,530 --> 00:21:06,966
It went great. They-they wanted
to buy our whole inventory.
466
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:09,135
This is amazing!
467
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:11,338
Are you kidding me?
That's great.
Yeah, yeah.
468
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:14,841
(gasps) Now we can afford
to get your dad his own place.
469
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,443
Well, actually, we-we, uh...
470
00:21:16,476 --> 00:21:18,545
we-we had to turn them down.
471
00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:26,285
Warner? Warner...
472
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:29,288
They picked me.
473
00:21:33,793 --> 00:21:35,995
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