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1
00:00:02,070 --> 00:00:04,538
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,874
(to "Deck the Halls"):
* Here I come
and I've got presents *
3
00:00:06,907 --> 00:00:10,511
* You just sit right there,
I'll bring it to you. *
4
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:13,814
Happy Hanukkah, Dad.
5
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,049
No, thank you.
6
00:00:15,083 --> 00:00:16,217
You don't want a gift?
7
00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:17,885
I'm at the point in my life
8
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,354
where I can no longer
fake excitement.
9
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:23,157
Don't worry, Dad, I don't
expect anything in return.
10
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:25,826
Good, then you'll love
what I didn't get you.
11
00:00:25,859 --> 00:00:28,062
Look, I don't expect
anything from you, ever.
12
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:29,197
Nobody does.
13
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:31,665
What? You think
I'm some kind of loser
14
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:34,034
who can't get gifts
for his family?
15
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:35,769
Sí.
Yes.
16
00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,838
Edna, I got something
for you, too.
17
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,208
(gasps)
A new car?
18
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,576
No, I just changed
the locks on the door.
19
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:44,378
(chuckles)
20
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,013
But I did get
you a present.
21
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,681
What is this?
It's a laptop.
22
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,716
¿Que?
23
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:49,750
For the Internet.
24
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:50,851
¿Que?
25
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,020
You can return it
for $1,500.
26
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,756
Thank you, Mr. Eli!
27
00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,258
ELI (laughs):
Oh, uh,
28
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,727
and I got you something
from your wish list.
(gasps)
29
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,028
Is Magic Glo?
Yes.
30
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,430
The furniture
polish from TV.
31
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,365
The one I hear
Jimmy Smits uses.
32
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:07,235
(gasps):
Jimmy Smits!
33
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:19,447
* Daddy took me to the zoo.
34
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,552
Hey, what's wrong with you?
Why don't you have
35
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,887
a drink in your hand?
On, no, no,
I got to focus.
36
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,457
Tonight is the one
night of the year
that Veronica drinks.
37
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:30,758
Last Christmas,
38
00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,260
I got a long end-
of-the-night hug
39
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:34,662
with an extra boob press.
40
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,897
That's good. Oh.
Yeah.
VERONICA: Guys...
41
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,767
guys, guys...
42
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,169
guys.
43
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,437
(slurring):
I don't always say this,
44
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:46,940
but you're good guys.
45
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,576
Toast!
Whoa!
46
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,178
Toast to the bosses!
47
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:51,512
Us.
Us.
48
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,415
Okay, uh, everybody...
everybody listen up.
49
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,083
We, uh...
50
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,085
well, we just want
to thank you all
51
00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,287
for an incredible
year, really.
52
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,654
It's, um...
Yeah. Yeah, as you know,
53
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:02,490
we couldn't have
a Christmas party last year
54
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,825
due to all the protests
surrounding our last game,
55
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,094
O Kill All Ye Faithful.
56
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,162
WARNER:
But, uh,
57
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:11,199
tomorrow, thanks to all
of your hard work...
58
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:13,867
A-And the incessant pressuring
of the humorless chairman
59
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,869
of the Parents
Video Game Council...
60
00:02:15,903 --> 00:02:18,172
That guy.
Yeah, we released
61
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:21,509
our first family-friendly
Christmas game,
62
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:24,712
Santa's Exciting
But Safe Ride.
63
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,013
Cheers, everyone.
64
00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:29,016
Cheers.
Look what I unwrapped.
65
00:02:29,049 --> 00:02:31,552
Whoo...!
66
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,855
Are you gonna
move in on that?
Oh, no, no, no.
67
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,625
Not yet. She's still
going through the
"I don't need a man"
68
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,327
stage of drinking
right now.
69
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,696
How many different
stages are there?
70
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:47,301
Uh, well, let's see,
there's the "Who has
a cigarette?" stage, and...
71
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:48,869
normally that leads to
72
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:52,039
"My sister's wedding
was so beautiful!" stage,
73
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:54,675
and... finally,
the "You guys are boring,
74
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:58,212
let's go to a strip club"
stage, and...
75
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:00,581
that, my friend,
is where I swoop in.
76
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,749
CRAWFORD:
Hey, gang.
77
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:04,051
Hey. Wow.
Look who I brought.
78
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:05,886
Wow, that's
Donald Harvey,
79
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,988
the head of
the Parents Video Game Council.
Mm-hmm.
80
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,357
We were just talking
about you.
81
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,559
Hey, I thought
you hated us
82
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,861
and everything
we stood for.
I do.
83
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:15,563
But your father
told me
84
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,399
that you just created a new
family-friendly video game.
85
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,901
Mm-hmm. And I thought
that we could maybe
86
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,504
present him
with a copy personally?
87
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,673
Oh.
Wow, Dad, that's
actually a great idea.
88
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,007
Yes, uh...
89
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,910
do you want us
to sign it for you?
Please don't.
90
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:33,414
Yeah, we're a company
that values the family market,
91
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:36,250
and my son and I hope
that this game proves
92
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:39,186
just how wholesome
we can be.
93
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,921
Well said, Dad. Yeah.
Thank you.
94
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,256
Thanks for the
advance copy.
95
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,757
I'll keep an open mind.
Great.
96
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,426
All right, all right.
97
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,127
Let's go to a strip club...
Whoa!
98
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,030
(whoops)
99
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:53,100
Hey, Edna, take
a look at this.
100
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:54,602
What do you think?
101
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:58,372
It says "Eli," and that's
a drawing of a race car,
102
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:02,142
'cause 30 years ago, Eli said
something about a race car.
103
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,945
Is bad.
104
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,214
What are you
talking about?
People love
105
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,750
homemade gifts--
it's the thought that counts.
106
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,386
No. Is gift that counts.
107
00:04:12,420 --> 00:04:15,823
You need to get a job
and buy something nice for Eli.
108
00:04:15,856 --> 00:04:17,825
My last job was
at a pet store.
109
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,993
I left the heat on,
killed 30 birds.
110
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,096
I have job for you.
111
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,468
I'm not blowing leaves.
112
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,069
Okay.
113
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,605
I have other job for you.
114
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,150
(sighs):
So...
115
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:46,554
you have any experience
being urinated on by children?
116
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,858
No.
117
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:52,926
Well, you'll pick it up.
118
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,630
Rule number one:
No erections.
119
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:02,035
Leave it
in the parking lot.
120
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:05,873
When you're on my clock,
you're totally flaccid.
121
00:05:07,074 --> 00:05:09,710
Done.
122
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,745
Merry Christmas.
You're hired.
123
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:15,849
Thanks for helping me
find a clean shirt.
124
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,851
Is everyone mad at me?
125
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,319
Oh, of course not.
126
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:21,855
And your sister's wedding
sounded beautiful.
127
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,257
Just put your head
down on your desk.
128
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:27,895
(whispers):
Eli. Eli.
129
00:05:27,928 --> 00:05:29,530
Isn't that
the programmer we fired
130
00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:32,199
because he looks at people's
crotches when he talks to them?
131
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:35,736
ELI:
I think it is.
What is he doing here?
132
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,037
I don't know.
You didn't invite him?
133
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,739
No. We fired him.
134
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,374
Yeah, that's weird.
Hey, guys.
135
00:05:40,408 --> 00:05:42,543
Hey! How's it going?
Hey!
136
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,745
You mean since you fired me
a week before the holidays?
137
00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:48,348
Yeah. It's going great.
138
00:06:04,598 --> 00:06:06,734
S-So...
139
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:10,871
what are you doing here
at the Christmas party?
140
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:13,574
I brought you a gift.
141
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,762
Okay, are we done
talking yet?
142
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:36,797
(fake chuckling)
143
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:41,034
Yeah, I inserted it
in the Christmas game for you.
144
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:42,970
Have a good one.
145
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,241
(shuddering)
146
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,712
What did he mean by "gift"?
147
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,915
You idiots, he obviously
sabotaged the game somehow.
148
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,917
I thought you were drunk.
149
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,520
Asians have an enzyme
that sobers them up
when money's at stake.
150
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:03,724
Guys, find out what
he did to the game.
151
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:04,825
Be thorough.
Look carefully
152
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:07,094
for anything that
could be offensive.
153
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,662
Anything penis-related:
testicles, foreskin,
154
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:09,997
grundles, pubic hair.
155
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:12,666
Anything boob-related:
cleavage, nipples, areolas.
156
00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:15,168
Anything vagina-related:
clitoris, vulvae, hymen.
157
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,571
Anything anus-related:
butt cheeks, rectums, hard poop,
158
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:20,541
soft poop, diarrhea.
159
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,977
Uh, actually,
I'll take the clitoris.
160
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,646
You two could never find it.
161
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,247
Thank you. Ha!
162
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:28,716
Okay.
163
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,657
Did you find
anything?
164
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:52,773
I knew it.
165
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,509
Oh, no, you didn't--
it-it's much worse.
166
00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:57,377
Well... how much worse?
167
00:07:57,410 --> 00:08:00,614
Well, um, you know
how in the game
168
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:04,151
you hear the
word "Christmas,"
like, 8,000 times?
169
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,686
Yeah.
170
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,689
Well, um...
171
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:12,125
that-that word has
been replaced with a...
172
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,562
(quietly):
another word.
173
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,633
Well... what word?
174
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,334
I ca...
175
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,338
I can't say it.
Warner, tell her.
176
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:28,041
Uh, I can't. I tried to
as an experiment once,
177
00:08:28,075 --> 00:08:30,243
and I passed out.
178
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,547
W-Well, write it down.
179
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,816
No way!
No! No!
Guys!
180
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:36,917
What is it?
181
00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:43,557
It's in a lot
of rap songs.
182
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,828
Okay, great. Thanks.
183
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,196
Guys, good news.
We're in luck.
184
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:50,731
The distributor
just got back to me.
185
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:53,033
None of the games
have been shipped.
Oh, my God!
186
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:54,568
Thank God.
187
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:55,903
(Warner sighs)
188
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,271
Except for the one
that we personally handed
189
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:02,309
to the African-American
chairman of the Parents
Video Games Council.
190
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,079
What?! When did you do that?
191
00:09:06,113 --> 00:09:08,081
When you were busy
waving your bra around,
192
00:09:08,115 --> 00:09:11,451
yelling, "Who has
a cigarette?"
193
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,030
Warner. Warner.
194
00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:24,097
What are you doing?
195
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:25,365
I'm packing my desk,
196
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,967
and I'm... going to the beach
197
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,069
and I'm gonna swim
out into the ocean
198
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,304
until I can't see land.
199
00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:35,976
No, no, no, no.
That's the easy way out.
200
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:39,947
(whispers):
I know.
201
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,281
No, guys, no,
there's still time.
202
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,984
We have to get the game back
before he plays it.
203
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,887
Oh, that's a good idea--
let me just take my
Gummy Bear vitamins
204
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,622
before we go, okay?
ELI:
No, no,
205
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:50,791
he's trying to O.D.
on the...!
No!
206
00:09:50,824 --> 00:09:51,892
Stop it!
207
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:54,427
(muffled):
Let me die! Let me die!
208
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:57,665
No.
209
00:09:57,698 --> 00:09:58,732
(mutters)
210
00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:01,001
(indistinct chatter)
211
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,271
Santa!
212
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:05,973
Stop screaming!
213
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:12,345
I mean, come on up on
Santa's lap, little boy.
214
00:10:12,379 --> 00:10:13,446
There you go.
215
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,615
This is for you.
216
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,951
What do you want?
Xbox.
217
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:19,419
I don't know
what that is.
218
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,121
Next?
219
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,024
Whoa!
220
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:33,266
You can tell me
from there.
221
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:36,336
What do you want?
A new bike.
222
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,006
What, did the old one
kill itself?
223
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,343
Santa bring you new bike.
224
00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,378
Thanks, Santa!
225
00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:48,682
Okay. Now, you
ride it every day,
226
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,851
and next year, you'll
be sitting right here.
227
00:10:50,884 --> 00:10:52,052
Off you go.
228
00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,860
Your beard is fake.
229
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,895
So are your mom's boobs.
230
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:09,737
Easy-Bake Oven?
231
00:11:11,939 --> 00:11:14,074
Okay, I'm gonna save you
232
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:17,344
a difficult conversation
in ten years.
233
00:11:18,611 --> 00:11:22,182
Gay. Support him.
He's a nice kid.
234
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,386
Here you go.
Okay, off you go.
235
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,758
I don't want to be
his first lap dance.
236
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,564
Yoo-hoo!
237
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,700
Yoo-hoo!
238
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,702
(whispering loudly):
Stop it!
239
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:43,937
You've been knocking
for, like, 20 minutes.
240
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,105
He's obviously not home.
241
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:47,607
Yeah, if you "yoo-hoo"
one more time,
242
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,077
I'm gonna rip your tongue out.
243
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,679
Guys, I can see the game
on the table.
244
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,748
VERONICA:
Oh, you've got to get it.
WARNER: Okay, guys,
245
00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:56,416
we're not gonna break
into his house, okay?
246
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,617
We don't have to break in.
247
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,352
You're so skinny,
we could slide you
248
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,054
under the door
like a hotel bill.
249
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:05,558
I'm not skinny.
I'm fat.
250
00:12:05,592 --> 00:12:07,694
Oh, please don't start
this again.
251
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:08,862
You know, guys,
252
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,431
we are overlooking
the easiest solution.
253
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,669
Yoo-hoo!
254
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:20,240
Yoo-hoo!
255
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:25,178
Yoo-hoo?
256
00:12:32,319 --> 00:12:34,287
It's so dark.
257
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,057
All right, Veronica, good luck.
258
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,458
What?! I'm not going in there.
259
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:39,726
It's your company.
260
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,061
I'm mid-level management.
261
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:42,462
Yeah, that's why
you're going in there--
262
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,831
because you're
mid-level management.
263
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,733
I'll go down for $1,000.
264
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:51,138
Okay, but first, we should solve
this chimney problem.
265
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:53,907
No. One of you has
to go down there.
266
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,976
And it should probably be
the one
267
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,846
who's really in charge
of the company.
268
00:13:08,688 --> 00:13:11,124
She outsmarted us.
269
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:16,363
On the count of three,
wriggle, okay?
270
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:17,764
Okay.
271
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,700
One... two... three.
272
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,675
Okay, upper body
only, please.
273
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:31,478
Sorry. Sorry.
274
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:33,213
You want me to call 911?
275
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:35,348
And tell them
that we're stuck in the chimney
276
00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,217
of the house we tried
to break into?
277
00:13:38,351 --> 00:13:41,254
Yes, I think you
should call 911.
278
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:45,558
You just love
disagreeing with me.
279
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:46,826
What?
280
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,896
Yeah, if I had said,
"Oh, yeah, call 911,"
281
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,231
you would go,
"Uh, I don't want to call 911."
282
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,465
No, I wouldn't.
283
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,800
See, you just
did it again.
284
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,035
No, I didn't.
285
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,369
You just did it again.
286
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:57,871
Just give me a reason, buddy.
287
00:13:57,905 --> 00:13:59,139
Just give me one reason.
288
00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,908
Oh, make a move.
Oh, there.
289
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,211
There you go.
290
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:05,678
I got to tell you, Edna.
291
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,314
I can't do this
for two weeks.
292
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,317
But imagine look on Eli head
293
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,485
when you give him gift.
294
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:14,754
I think you mean "face."
295
00:14:14,787 --> 00:14:17,024
You shut your nose and listen.
296
00:14:18,291 --> 00:14:22,829
You sit down, you do the job,
and you smile.
297
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:26,599
I don't get how you can do this
and be happy all day.
298
00:14:26,633 --> 00:14:30,070
Edna just think
about the children, the Santa,
299
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,571
the Christmas.
300
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:32,872
Also,
301
00:14:32,906 --> 00:14:35,275
I drunk.
302
00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,444
What do you got in there?
303
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,479
Come on.
304
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,716
Ooh, that's good
hot chocolate.
305
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:49,456
Okay, let's see.
Who's next?
306
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:50,590
Ah.
307
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,526
The Shining.
Come on up.
308
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,762
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
309
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,365
Oh, man, I'm so hungry.
310
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,967
Me, too.
311
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,902
Hey, guys, is this
the right chimney?
312
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:05,205
Yes, it's the right chimney.
313
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,739
You hungry?
314
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:07,540
BOTH:
Yes!
315
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,276
Yeah, me, too.
316
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,078
Listen, it's gonna
be all right.
317
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,746
I once got accidentally
made into a bed in a hotel,
318
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,748
and I was trapped
for six days.
319
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,784
But don't worry.
I have a plan.
320
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:19,286
Oh, no.
321
00:15:19,319 --> 00:15:21,321
That was your plan?
322
00:15:22,622 --> 00:15:25,925
Well, I-I thought we'd
work it out mid-air.
323
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:28,828
Great plan, Dad.
324
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,130
Thank you.
325
00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,598
Hey, don't get mad at him.
326
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,100
This is your fault.
327
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,634
Yeah, thank you.
328
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,969
What?!
329
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,137
All right, shut up.
330
00:15:37,170 --> 00:15:38,405
Does anyone have a phone?
331
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,773
I do, but I can't get it.
It's in my pocket.
332
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:43,276
Veronica, you're gonna have
to dig it out for me.
333
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,644
I'd rather die in here.
334
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,146
I'll get it. I'll get it.
335
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,347
Really?
Yeah.
336
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:49,482
Oh. Almost.
337
00:15:49,516 --> 00:15:51,651
You almost got it.
338
00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,953
It's almost there.
339
00:15:53,987 --> 00:15:57,490
Merry Christmas, buddy.
340
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:59,492
Merry Christmas, buddy.
341
00:15:59,526 --> 00:16:01,494
Merry Christmas, Dad.
342
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,530
He's asleep.
343
00:16:10,403 --> 00:16:13,373
Of course, Santa loves
all his reindeer.
344
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,343
Rudolph, Johnny,
345
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:19,679
Dave,
346
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,681
Antler-head,
347
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,683
Pellet Poops...
348
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,285
(laughing,
phone rings)
349
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,320
Hold that thought.
350
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,159
Eli?
351
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,194
You what?!
352
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:40,867
Hi, Mr. Eli, Mr. Warner,
353
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:44,971
Mr. Crawford,
Miss China Lady.
354
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,707
Hi.
Hi.
355
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:49,476
Hola.
356
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,979
Okay, how do you want me to
help you to get out of there?
357
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,214
What are you talking about?
358
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:56,049
You knew we were stuck
in a chimney,
359
00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,250
and you didn't bring rope?
360
00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:59,586
What are you thinking?!
361
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:05,058
Oh, you're stuck in a
chimney, and I'm the idiot!
362
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:09,662
Yeah, well, he's kind
of got us there.
363
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,598
Hang on.
364
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:19,072
Okay, I'm lowering this cheap,
plastic belt down to you,
365
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,574
so don't pull too... hard!
366
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,951
Dad, why are you
in a Santa outfit?
367
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,087
It was supposed
to be a surprise,
368
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:37,257
but I got a job
to buy you a gift.
369
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,192
Happy Hanukkah, Eli.
370
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:41,961
Hmm. I... I can't believe it.
371
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:44,131
Thank you, Dad.
372
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,702
What is it?
373
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:52,472
Well... it was a goldfish.
374
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,043
(coughing)
375
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,212
Now it feels
like Christmas.
376
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:01,148
Ugh.
377
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:06,219
It's also for your birthday.
378
00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:08,255
Are we gonna die in here?
379
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:11,358
I hope so. I'm done.
380
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,162
No one is going to die tonight!
381
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:18,765
Jimmy Smits, make me slippery.
382
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:42,189
(loud coughing)
383
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,602
Somebody say
something.
384
00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:59,071
I've got, like,
nine billion more
houses to hit tonight.
385
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:07,847
We... we are...
we are so sorry.
386
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:12,619
The-the game that you received
is-is not the final version.
387
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,687
So the game
I was supposed to receive
388
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,723
doesn't say
the most offensive word
389
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:20,393
in the English language
5,000 times?
390
00:19:20,427 --> 00:19:23,730
Ah, you already played it.
391
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:24,997
Yeah.
392
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:27,734
If we could just
take our game...
393
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,736
and wish you a merry Chri...
394
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,571
a happy holidays,
395
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,740
and then go?
396
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:36,709
You've got some scary-looking
masks on your wall.
397
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,149
You know, I've hated every game
you guys have done,
398
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,653
but this time...
this time, I actually liked it.
399
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,755
You did?
400
00:19:48,788 --> 00:19:50,523
Yeah. I mean,
the story was great,
401
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:52,259
the game-play was smooth.
402
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,327
The word didn't ruin it for you?
I mean...
403
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,329
I mean, I was shocked
and upset at first,
404
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,930
especially when Rudolph said it.
405
00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:00,032
Ugh.
406
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:04,771
Yeah.
Yeah.
407
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:07,240
But then I figured, you know,
it probably was put in there
408
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,376
by some angry programmer,
you know, some guy you fired.
409
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,543
A crotch-starer.
410
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,844
Ah.
411
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:13,179
A racist crotch-starer.
412
00:20:13,212 --> 00:20:14,947
See, I knew it was something
like that.
Yeah.
413
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,215
Oh, yeah.
Well, the point is,
414
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:17,617
I'm okay with your product.
415
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,519
Wow. I...
416
00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,920
I have to tell you--
your opinion--
417
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,255
it-it actually means
a lot to us.
418
00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:23,623
Yeah?
WARNER:
Yeah, it does.
419
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:24,757
Yeah.
Well,
420
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:25,925
it's my wife
421
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,427
who wants to kill you both.
422
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,061
Your wife?
Yeah.
423
00:20:29,095 --> 00:20:30,297
WARNER: Hey.
ELI: Hey.
424
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:31,464
WARNER:
Hey.
425
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:33,199
Are these the racist
sons of bitches
426
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:35,134
who ruined our Christmas?!
427
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,470
You know,
your husband--
428
00:20:37,504 --> 00:20:39,806
he black.
429
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,317
You know, you racist fools
need to learn a few...
430
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,884
Honey?
No, don't honey me!
431
00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:54,053
Why would you let these
people into my house?!
432
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:56,055
These people?
433
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:57,957
Wow.
434
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,462
Ma'am, we're really
sorry if we have...
435
00:21:02,495 --> 00:21:04,597
if-if we've... if we've
offended your peop...
436
00:21:04,631 --> 00:21:05,965
our people.
Yeah.
437
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:07,567
Every people.
438
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,168
All people.
All the people.
439
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:10,337
Oh.
WARNER:
Yeah. All...
440
00:21:10,370 --> 00:21:11,504
'Cause that
word is hurtful.
441
00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:12,405
Yeah.
Yes.
Sí.
442
00:21:12,439 --> 00:21:13,239
Hateful.
443
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:13,940
(all voice assent)
444
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:15,141
And it's our word.
445
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:16,343
ALL:
Well...
446
00:21:16,376 --> 00:21:17,344
What?!
447
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:18,811
Yes.
Yes.
Sí.
448
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:20,580
Yeah.
Yes.
Sí.
449
00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,949
Now, you all get out of
my house before I show you
450
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:24,717
how a girl from Greenwich,
Connecticut likes to party.
451
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:28,821
Ooh. (laughs)
452
00:21:28,855 --> 00:21:31,958
Boy. White women. Am I right?
453
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:34,394
I'm so sorry.
30865
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