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1
00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:03,171
Dads is recorded in front of
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:05,839
Edna...
3
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:07,675
do you know, uh,
where my receipts are?
4
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,243
¿Que?
Receipts.
5
00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:10,744
The little slips
of paper you get
6
00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:13,214
when you buy things
in a store?
7
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,583
¿Que?
8
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,917
Receipts.
9
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,719
You know, you need 'em
for when you file your taxes.
10
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:21,189
Taxes...
Yeah.
11
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:25,193
(laughing)
12
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,263
You funny, Mr. Eli.
13
00:00:29,297 --> 00:00:30,864
Taxes...
14
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:33,101
(toilet flushes)
15
00:00:36,070 --> 00:00:37,705
Dad, what were you
doing in there?
16
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:40,674
Short-track
speed-skating.
17
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,543
What do you think
I was doing?
18
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:43,777
Hey...
19
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:44,912
where did you
get that?
20
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:46,580
From one of those
boxes upstairs.
21
00:00:46,614 --> 00:00:47,948
Don't worry, you
got tons of these.
22
00:00:47,981 --> 00:00:49,183
No, no, no,
no, no, no.
23
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:51,219
This is Freedom League
number 21.
24
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:54,555
(mocking):
Ooh, it is?
25
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,956
Yes.
This is the first team-up
26
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,225
between the Golden Age
Freedom League
27
00:00:57,258 --> 00:00:59,227
and the Silver Age Freedom
Society of Earth Beta.
28
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,928
Do you have any idea
how much this is worth?
29
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,431
Four years of
high school virginity.
30
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:09,036
Dad, you cannot bring my comic
books into the bathroom, okay?
31
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,504
They mean a lot to me.
32
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,407
More than I mean to you?
33
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:19,046
Look, the point is,
if you're going to live here,
34
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,248
you have to
respect my things.
35
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:23,217
Well, you've got
to respect
my things, buddy.
36
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,252
Buddy?
37
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:27,087
I blanked on your name
for a minute.
38
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,492
Sorry, Chief.
39
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:37,965
* Daddy took me to the zoo
40
00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,000
* Na, na, na, na *
41
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:44,004
* Just to see
something brand-new *
42
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:46,006
* Na, na, na *
43
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:50,178
* So many stars up in the sky
44
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:54,782
* So many questions have I
45
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,850
* Na, na, na, na *
46
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:59,520
* Daddy took me for a ride.
47
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,024
Um, Warner,
I'm not sure about
48
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,159
some of these
write-offs.
49
00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,361
Uh, what's this receipt
for a $600 suit?
50
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:10,464
That was, uh, a business meeting
with a potential investor.
51
00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:11,465
Did he invest?
52
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,133
No, but he, uh...
53
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,503
he said "nice suit."
54
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:18,038
Well, why would a suit
for you cost that much?
55
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:21,442
You have the body of
a Price is Right microphone.
56
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,043
I'm not that skinny.
57
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,645
CRAWFORD:
Oh, come on, son.
58
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:25,979
You were so skinny
59
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:28,282
your mother didn't know
she was in labor.
60
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:31,151
She just got up off
the couch and there you were.
61
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:33,721
Thank God for
plastic slipcovers.
62
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,756
(chuckles)
63
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:39,059
Hey.
64
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,228
Sorry I'm late, guys.
65
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:41,995
I had to get all my comics
out of my apartment
66
00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,030
and put 'em in a storage unit.
67
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,131
Why would you do that?
68
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,165
I caught my dad
69
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,234
coming out of
the bathroom
70
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,502
reading Freedom League 21.
71
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,504
Wait, that's the first crossover
72
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:52,072
between the Silver Age
Freedom League
73
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,541
and the Golden Age
Freedom Society...
Golden Age
Freedom Society, yeah.
74
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,742
You had to get them
out of there.
Of course.
75
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,176
You know who'd love working here
76
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,246
is a schoolyard bully.
77
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,315
I love
those comics.
Yeah.
78
00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:02,850
What I would do
to that collection
79
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,084
if I got my hands on it...
80
00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:05,419
Hey, hey, easy.
81
00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,187
The first hour,
I'd spread it out
82
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:09,690
and just stare at it
like a psychopath.
83
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,191
And then I'd
84
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,561
slowly start reading it
and reading it,
85
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,095
and I'd read it harder...
86
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,064
front to back,
87
00:03:17,097 --> 00:03:19,567
back to front...
88
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,503
up against the wall.
89
00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,537
No way.
90
00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,005
You'd-you'd read it
in two minutes,
91
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,241
apologize, and
just fall asleep.
92
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,909
CRAWFORD:
You're right.
93
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,010
He used to fall asleep
94
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,211
on the couch with his comics
95
00:03:31,245 --> 00:03:32,713
while his mother and I
96
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,014
watched The Cosby Show.
97
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,383
(laughs)
98
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:37,885
You and your wife watch
a lot of TV together?
99
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,387
Yeah, she told me
she was leaving me
100
00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,721
while the Huxtables flushed
101
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,590
Rudy's goldfish down the toilet.
102
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:47,027
Hey, Warner,
103
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,396
you had a comic book
collection, too?
104
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:50,898
Yeah, I had...
I had quite the collection.
105
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:54,234
I had 3,752.
106
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,803
What happened to it?
107
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,438
My dad sold it.
CRAWFORD:
No.
108
00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:59,106
I swapped them.
109
00:03:59,139 --> 00:04:02,576
Remember, those Indians gave us
all those blankets?
110
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,278
We got so sick?
111
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,479
CRAWFORD:
I tried to go back
112
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:07,481
to the trading post
to reverse the deal,
113
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:09,417
and it was nothing but
an empty parking lot
114
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:12,219
and nobody had any idea
what I was talking about.
115
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,421
Of course, at that point,
116
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:17,157
I was living on Reggie bars
and angel dust.
117
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:24,498
The kids
are asleep.
118
00:04:24,532 --> 00:04:25,799
Oh, thanks, honey.
119
00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:26,800
(giggles)
120
00:04:26,834 --> 00:04:28,135
What are you wearing?
121
00:04:28,168 --> 00:04:30,270
Oh, I thought I'd just slip into
122
00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:32,940
something a little
more comfortable.
123
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:35,643
Those are my pants.
124
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,146
Read the label.
125
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,484
"Abigail Landress."
126
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,185
The zipper's on
the hip, there, buddy.
127
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,788
Just like 007.
128
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:48,989
Okay, well,
why don't you just
129
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,324
take your jeans out of
the laundry basket
130
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,659
and we'll never
speak of this again.
131
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:52,793
Yep.
132
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,462
Whoa.
133
00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,664
Camila, introduce me
to your friend.
134
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:02,102
Oh...
135
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,171
Hi, son.
I'm sorry.
136
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,774
I'm-I'm just a sucker
for a Landress backside.
137
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:07,875
(chuckles)
138
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:08,876
Here, these are for you.
139
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,511
What do you
got there?
140
00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:12,713
Well, take a look.
141
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,281
Oh, my God, Dad,
142
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,116
these are filled
with comics.
Mm-hmm.
143
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:17,551
Look at this.
144
00:05:17,585 --> 00:05:18,686
X-Men...
145
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:19,787
Yep.
146
00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:20,788
Superman...
147
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,356
The head cheese.
148
00:05:22,390 --> 00:05:23,991
Batman and Robin...
149
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:26,827
Top and bottom.
150
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:30,364
Okay, now you're starting
to suck all the fun out of it.
151
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:32,600
Oh, that's a job for Robin.
152
00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:40,741
Yeah, I just felt so bad
that I swapped your comics
153
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:44,512
with those people who
might be ghosts, and, uh...
154
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,747
I decided to get you
some new ones.
155
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:47,915
Dad...
156
00:05:47,948 --> 00:05:48,916
this is amazing!
Thank you.
157
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:49,917
Wh-Where did you
get these?
158
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,385
I computered 'em.
159
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:54,087
Turns out there is
this guy named Craig
160
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:56,023
who has this list of
all sorts of stuff
161
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:57,190
that he sells.
162
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,225
From comics to...
163
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,327
to old furniture, to cars...
Yeah.
164
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,532
And I think he may be
some kind of pimp.
165
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:10,538
$4,000 for a home
security system?
166
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,205
That's totally a write-off.
167
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:14,842
I have all kinds of valuable
company assets at home.
168
00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:15,709
Like what?
169
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,745
Like me.
170
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,180
Yeah, ever since he saw Taken,
171
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:21,281
he's been worried
someone's gonna
172
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:22,516
drag him out from under his bed
173
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,284
and sell him into
sexual slavery.
174
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,754
Ever since I saw Taken 2,
175
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,956
I've been worried that
it was gonna happen again.
176
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,460
So, are you loving your comics?
177
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:34,194
Oh, my God, they're so good.
178
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,563
Yeah.
179
00:06:35,596 --> 00:06:36,897
I mean,
I can't wait to show you.
180
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,365
I-I... they're as good as yours.
181
00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,968
(laughing):
Okay, come on.
182
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:42,235
I mean...
183
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,204
slow down there, Tex.
184
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:45,272
What?
185
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,740
Your dad buys
some cheapo collection
186
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,076
off the Internet
and it's as good as mine?
187
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,243
Come on.
188
00:06:50,277 --> 00:06:52,379
That is some pretty bold talk,
there, fella.
189
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,381
Oh, it's not just talk, partner.
190
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,083
Oh! Oh, is that right?
191
00:06:56,116 --> 00:06:57,217
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
192
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,318
Well, I'll tell you what...
193
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,454
you show me yours,
I'll show you mine.
194
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:03,957
Wow, this is what it
must've been like
195
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,494
in the Old Gay West.
196
00:07:08,295 --> 00:07:10,764
So we get all my
X-Men from the '70s,
197
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,432
and I'll get all
my Fantastic Fours...
198
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,934
Ugh, storage units
creep me out.
199
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:14,935
Why?
200
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:17,237
Our whole family lived in
one till I was four.
201
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,907
Well, as long as you were happy.
202
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,441
I wasn't.
203
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:24,812
Gosh, I'm so glad I don't
come from other places.
204
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:28,816
(grunting)
205
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:31,451
(screams)
206
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,321
My comics are gone!
207
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,456
Quiet down!
208
00:07:36,490 --> 00:07:38,358
Yeah!
People trying to sleep!
209
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:46,967
Now... (sighs)
210
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,268
...were you storing
anything else
211
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,170
besides your cartoons?
212
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,805
Uh, they're comic books.
213
00:07:51,839 --> 00:07:52,673
What did I say?
214
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,174
Oh, you called them cartoons.
215
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:55,475
God!
216
00:07:55,509 --> 00:07:57,978
I hope they don't take
my badge away for that.
217
00:07:58,011 --> 00:07:59,847
How about you, miss?
218
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:00,848
Are you his...
219
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:01,849
(laughs)
220
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,016
No.
221
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,654
Good for you.
222
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,722
Now, aside from
your cartoons,
223
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:11,324
you say you're missing
several Star Trek lasers?
224
00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:13,994
Uh... phasers.
225
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:15,162
What's the difference?
226
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:17,364
Well, a laser is
a focused beam of light,
227
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:20,701
whereas a phaser is
a directed-energy weapon.
228
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:21,802
Mm-hmm.
229
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,170
Well, are you gonna
230
00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:24,638
get a forensics team down here
231
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:26,974
and fingerprint everything
and then get some DNA samples?
232
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,175
Oh, sure.
233
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,744
The Bones lady is
on her way over.
234
00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:33,714
That sounds like
you're being sarcastic.
235
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:34,882
Not at all.
236
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,083
Well, great. Good.
237
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:38,518
How... so how long until you
track down these criminals?
238
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:41,689
Well, once we get
the Bat-Signal in the sky,
239
00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,925
things move along
pretty quickly.
240
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:46,359
See, that...
241
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,862
sounds like you're
being sarcastic again.
242
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,898
But it's not.
243
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:55,869
This is all
244
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:59,039
your fault!
245
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,241
Is it me or does he say that
246
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,711
every time he walks in here?
247
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,913
Don't talk to me
like we friends.
248
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,351
All of my comics are gone!
249
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:12,720
All of them
are gone!
250
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:15,422
Stolen from the storage unit
that I had to put them in
251
00:09:15,455 --> 00:09:17,024
to keep them from you!
252
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,726
Well, like
I always say,
253
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:22,630
never put anything
anywhere.
254
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,765
Dad, those comics were
255
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,234
the one happy memory
I had from childhood.
256
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,736
But you had to move in here
257
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,804
and make sure that
even that was ruined, too.
258
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:33,073
Ask Elizabeth Smart
about her childhood.
259
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:34,107
See what she says.
260
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:39,246
EDNA:
Mijo...
261
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,815
I bring for you...
262
00:09:41,849 --> 00:09:44,985
because you lose
your Mickey Mice books.
263
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:58,799
Is Xbox of Mexico.
264
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,437
So they were
just gone?
Mm-hmm.
265
00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:06,774
God, Eli must be crushed.
Yeah.
266
00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,308
He cried.
267
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,010
He did?
268
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:10,944
Yeah.
269
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,412
The first two minutes
were kind of cute,
270
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,882
Then he got that
snot bubble thing...
271
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,584
WARNER:
Oh, my God, Eli.
272
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,952
I-I can't believe it.
273
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:19,953
How are you dealing?
274
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,989
I'm day to day.
275
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:26,326
You know, I never really
cared about crime
276
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:28,628
until it happened to me.
277
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:33,300
Well, you-you know,
you're welcome to read my comics
278
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:34,802
until they find yours.
279
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,104
Really?
Yeah.
280
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:38,338
Yeah, come on.
Okay.
281
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,140
(grunts)
Wow, you got
a lot.
282
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,809
Yeah.
That's a big box.
283
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:42,810
(laughing)
284
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:44,177
Oh.
This is pretty good.
Yeah.
285
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,813
Oh, I had this one.
286
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:46,980
And this one.
287
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:48,381
And this one...
288
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,817
and this one...
289
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:50,984
and this one.
290
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,323
Warner...
291
00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:59,960
I think these might
be my comics.
292
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,696
(laughs)
293
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,465
Wait, wait.
294
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:07,567
You think my dad snuck
into your storage space
295
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,903
and stole your comics?
296
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:10,871
I don't...
297
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:13,073
He can't even get through
a revolving door
298
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:14,742
without help from somebody.
299
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,312
Dad...
Yeah?
300
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,848
...what was the name
of the guy
301
00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:22,049
you bought these
from online?
302
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:27,254
Oh, that was
SlobberSausageNine@
lipsmacking.gov
303
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,322
Yeah, he had those
in his trunk,
304
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:32,425
along with cartons
of cigarettes and sneakers.
305
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:35,562
In fact,
he sold me these.
306
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,696
Adidos.
307
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,435
Maybe they do belong to you.
308
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,704
Thank you.
309
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:45,638
Okay,
310
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:51,912
if you are 100% sure
that these are yours...
311
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,915
I-I can't take them.
I mean, they're...
312
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,884
Well, I mean, I'm not 100%.
313
00:11:56,917 --> 00:12:01,288
They're in a different box
and they're out of order, so...
314
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,556
Well, I can't take them
315
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,125
if you're pretty sure
they're yours, so...
316
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,126
Oh, well...
317
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:07,594
I'm not...
318
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,563
(laughs)
319
00:12:11,799 --> 00:12:13,100
No, no, no, you don't.
320
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,634
This is Jenna Lacy
all over again.
321
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:17,370
Jenna Lacy? What does she have
to do with this?
322
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,207
Oh, you don't remember?
Well, I wanted to ask her out,
323
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,708
but I thought that you might
like her,
324
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,243
and so I said,
"Hey, dude, are you
325
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,644
gonna ask her out?"
326
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:27,714
And you were like,
"No, I don't even like her."
327
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,082
And so I asked her out,
328
00:12:29,116 --> 00:12:30,884
and it turned out
you did like her,
329
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,253
and then you were all, like,
"Hey, I liked her.
330
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,388
Why you asking her out?"
331
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,925
Okay, I'm not gonna take 'em.
Just take 'em.
332
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,226
No, no, I'm not gonna take 'em.
333
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,427
No, I'm not gonna take 'em.
334
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:41,728
Look, Warner, we've been friends
for 25 years.
335
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,463
I want you to have them.
No, I can't do that.
336
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,065
I'm not gonna take 'em.
337
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,967
Yeah, oh, yeah.
No, don't. No.
338
00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,937
Take it. Take it.
339
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,539
Take these.
Take these.
340
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:58,278
I hope you didn't handle
Jenna Lacy's box that way.
341
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:01,448
I'll take 'em.
If it'll make you
happy, I'll take 'em.
342
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,953
I have those pants.
343
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,424
I can't believe
he took them.
344
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:14,761
Well, he did offer
them to you.
345
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,363
Like I always say,
346
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,398
always take everything.
347
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,501
Yeah, well, at least
348
00:13:21,534 --> 00:13:22,769
I didn't learn the difference
349
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,271
between right and wrong
from you.
350
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,974
Oh, yeah? Who'd you learn
it from, Superman?
351
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:31,011
Yes. And Batman.
352
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,112
And Wonder Woman.
353
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,847
And Aquaman taught me
how to swim,
354
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,815
which is why I cannot swim.
355
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,888
You can't swim?
356
00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:45,125
Boy, your mother really dropped
the ball on that one.
357
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:49,329
Well, she was busy working
because you weren't around!
358
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:53,200
God! At least my comic books
were there for me!
359
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,735
At least I could swim!
360
00:13:55,768 --> 00:13:57,770
(door shuts)
361
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:04,912
What?
362
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:10,350
Okay, I'm a bad father.
363
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:15,488
And so he had to fill the void
364
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:18,625
I left in his life
with comic books?
365
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,862
What am I supposed
to do about it?
366
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:29,469
Go to Warner's
and steal them back?
367
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:35,408
Well, if you'd shut up
for five seconds,
368
00:14:35,442 --> 00:14:37,710
we could get out of here.
369
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:51,858
Oh, boy,
370
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,361
Warner's got some
fancy security system.
371
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:58,398
It's okay, I have password.
372
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:08,641
Is a good night to die.
373
00:15:12,479 --> 00:15:15,082
Edna, we're just getting
the comic books.
374
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:16,950
We see how it goes.
375
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:32,765
Psst!
376
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:34,267
(hushed):
What are you doing?!
377
00:15:34,301 --> 00:15:36,669
Sorry. Habit!
378
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,939
Come on,
let's go upstairs.
379
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,246
All right, we got 'em.
Let's go.
380
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:47,614
He has more.
381
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,184
All right, all right.
382
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,062
Uh!
383
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:07,800
You do it wrong!
Estúpido, move!
384
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,980
Andale!
385
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:26,886
Mama...
386
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:31,558
(sings Spanish lullaby)
387
00:16:41,268 --> 00:16:42,702
Buenas noches, niño.
388
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,520
CAMILA:
Crawford?
389
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,861
Anyone down here?
390
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,036
(farts)
391
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,946
(sighs)
392
00:17:29,949 --> 00:17:32,051
Whew! Got it.
393
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,625
Okay, so walk me through
the sequence of events again.
394
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:42,729
Okay, I heard a noise,
395
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:45,965
I noticed my comics were gone,
I ran downstairs.
396
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:48,835
It smelled really bad
right here.
397
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,073
I ran outside and noticed
398
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:56,276
that the security
system's wires were cut.
399
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:57,277
(knocking)
400
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:58,378
Hey.
Hey.
401
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,579
I got your message.
Yeah.
402
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,481
Wait a minute. I know you.
403
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:04,217
I threw your file away
yesterday.
404
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:08,087
I can't believe somebody broke
in here and stole my comics.
405
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:12,792
Well, okay, I don't-I don't mean
to be awkward,
406
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,828
but-but you gave 'em to me.
They're-They're my comics.
407
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,765
Well, I mean,
you took them, yes,
408
00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,934
but I think we both know
that they are still mine.
409
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:25,071
Wait a minute.
410
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,839
I think I'm starting
to figure this out.
411
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:29,909
My comics were the only thing
that were missing, and you
412
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,679
are the only person
that knew they were here.
413
00:18:32,712 --> 00:18:35,982
You stole my comics.
You stole my comics!
414
00:18:36,015 --> 00:18:36,983
Thief!
415
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,718
Arrest him!
416
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:43,990
No, you are the one
that purchased stolen goods.
417
00:18:44,023 --> 00:18:45,292
So arrest him!
418
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,795
I don't know.
He asked first.
419
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:52,199
That's usually how
I decide who to arrest.
420
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:54,767
I bet if we go over
to your apartment right now,
421
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,269
you'll see the comics
right there.
422
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:56,969
Oh, you do?
Yeah.
423
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:58,271
How about that?
Yeah, yeah.
424
00:18:58,305 --> 00:18:59,506
Oh, that's great.
Be my guest.
425
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,773
Okay. Aah!
Here we go.
426
00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:02,041
Uh...!
427
00:19:02,074 --> 00:19:03,376
You know, uh...
428
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:06,646
that Morgan Freeman is really
terrific, isn't he?
429
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:20,993
I swear to God, I have no idea
how these got here.
430
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:25,965
Wait, wait, wait.
431
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:29,068
He-He-He didn't steal
this nonsense.
432
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:30,136
We did.
433
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,505
What?
434
00:19:32,539 --> 00:19:34,474
You two care to explain
yourselves?
435
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,843
She farted!
436
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,354
Honey, that-that was you
on the landing?
437
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:52,859
I, just, I never farted
in front of you before
438
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:57,697
because I just wanted you
to keep thinking I was perfect.
439
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:01,401
Well, that's over.
440
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,102
I'm sorry.
441
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:08,308
I, I never realized how much
you sacrifice for me.
442
00:20:10,810 --> 00:20:13,212
Don't squeeze her
too hard.
443
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:18,217
Now that the Farty Boys have
solved the case
444
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:19,586
of the mysterious smell,
445
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,521
can we get back
to the matter at hand?
446
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,856
Whose comics are these?
447
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:26,693
All right, they're his.
448
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,128
They're ours.
449
00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,229
Really?
450
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,198
Yeah. Yeah.
451
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:34,066
Officer, I'm not gonna press
charges.
452
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,803
That was never
an option for you.
453
00:20:43,009 --> 00:20:45,478
Dad, you stole these for me.
454
00:20:45,512 --> 00:20:47,079
I don't know what to say.
455
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:49,215
I do.
456
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,552
I didn't realize these
ridiculous men in tights
457
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,186
meant so much to you.
458
00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,958
I can see now
why you looked to them
459
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,393
for some kind
of support.
460
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:03,396
So now that I'm here,
maybe you'll think differently.
461
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,865
I'm sorry, son.
462
00:21:08,134 --> 00:21:10,236
Uh...
463
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:13,840
it's, like, the first time
I've heard you call me "son."
464
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:18,945
You blanked on my name again,
didn't you?
465
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,952
Come on. Let's get out of here.
466
00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:28,355
Ma'am, stop right there.
467
00:21:29,956 --> 00:21:31,858
I'm gonna walk ahead of you.
468
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:36,329
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