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1
00:00:02,036 --> 00:00:03,404
WOMAN:
Dads is recorded in front
of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,505
(indistinct chatter)
3
00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:05,539
Ooh, oh-ho-ho!
4
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:06,740
What are we celebrating?
5
00:00:06,774 --> 00:00:09,410
Well, Dan's stepdaughter
just made varsity golf.
6
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,812
Oh, my gosh, yay,
that's so great!
7
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:14,248
Who's Dan?
8
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,884
(whispering): I think
he's Hawaiian shirt guy.
9
00:00:16,917 --> 00:00:18,186
Oh, Hawaiian shirt.
10
00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:20,921
What a fresh take on fun.
Yeah.
11
00:00:20,954 --> 00:00:23,557
Hey, why is it every time we get
the smallest bit of good news,
12
00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:25,393
you insist on having a party?
13
00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,428
Well, here's a reason.
14
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,430
Uh, I never get to have
a birthday party.
15
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,365
Why not?
When's my birthday?
16
00:00:31,399 --> 00:00:34,802
September 11th... Oh!
17
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:41,609
Terrorists stole my special day.
18
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,911
Hey, Warner, these
are great cold cuts.
19
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:45,846
David, did I ever tell you
20
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:48,449
my idea for "warm cuts"?
21
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,684
Well, they're just
like cold cuts, except...
22
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:53,053
Warm.
See? You get it.
23
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,291
All right, guys,
to honor this occasion,
24
00:00:57,325 --> 00:00:59,893
I would like
to pleasure you orally.
25
00:01:03,464 --> 00:01:04,732
With a fine cigar.
26
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,234
Oh.
Mmm.
Oh!
27
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,302
Uh, do not light those.
28
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,303
Why not?
29
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,304
I don't like the smell.
30
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:11,372
Why, does it remind you
31
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,974
of the men
you used to dance for?
32
00:01:16,177 --> 00:01:18,312
You look like
a tough cartoon baby.
33
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:21,649
Besides, you shouldn't
be smoking today.
34
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:22,816
You two have your physicals
35
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,652
for the company insurance
policy tomorrow.
36
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:25,653
Oh, I don't want
37
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,722
to do the physicals, come on!
38
00:01:28,756 --> 00:01:30,391
I'm fine, he's fine.
39
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,992
We're fine, we're all fine.
40
00:01:32,025 --> 00:01:34,495
Yeah, we're all fine,
everybody's fine.
41
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,330
Will you just cover
for us for a little bit?
Where are you going?
42
00:01:36,364 --> 00:01:37,931
We're gonna go upstairs
and smoke these.
43
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:39,833
Well, you can't just leave.
It's the middle of a workday.
44
00:01:39,867 --> 00:01:43,404
Could we leave if there was
a death in the family?
45
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:44,838
Well, yeah.
46
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,207
All of our aunts just died.
47
00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:52,813
* Daddy took me to the zoo
48
00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:54,848
* Na, na, na, na *
49
00:01:54,882 --> 00:01:58,852
* Just to see
something brand-new *
50
00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:00,854
* Na, na, na *
51
00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:05,092
* So many stars up in the sky
52
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:09,530
* So many questions have I
53
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:11,665
* Na, na, na, na *
54
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:14,235
* Daddy took me for a ride.
55
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,407
(all coughing, hacking)
56
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:26,514
Now this is how
successful men celebrate.
57
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,318
What we celebrating?
58
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,154
Oh, our, uh-uh,
coworker's stepdaughter
59
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,889
made the varsity team today.
60
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,058
Well, my nephew
crawl to America
61
00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,561
in a sewer pipe today.
62
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,398
Welcome
to Estados Unidos, Miguel.
63
00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:46,434
ALL:
Miguel!
64
00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,239
You know, I used to smoke
65
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:54,575
five of these a day
down at the Pan Am board room.
66
00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,477
Then they realized
when the smoke cleared,
67
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,912
I didn't work there.
68
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,581
That sounds like
a lot of smoking.
69
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,882
When was your last physical?
70
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,417
Oh, let me see.
71
00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:06,854
Well, Warner, when was
that-that AIDS craze?
72
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,856
Dad, again,
73
00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:11,325
AIDS was not a "craze."
Okay.
74
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:13,160
All right, it was
no hula hoop,
75
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:16,163
but it got people talking.
76
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,232
Hey, maybe you guys should come
with us when we get physicals.
77
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,033
I don't need a doctor.
78
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,168
The leading cause of death
79
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:24,438
in our family is Nazis.
80
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,575
Yeah, we don't
need doctors, okay?
81
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:28,476
Everybody's fine.
82
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,846
Well, you're really scared
of the doctor, aren't you?
83
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,683
They have skeletons in the room.
84
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:37,451
Don't worry, Mr. Warner.
85
00:03:37,485 --> 00:03:41,489
Skeletons only come
alive at night.
86
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:43,957
ELI: Come on.
87
00:03:43,991 --> 00:03:45,693
Let's go get
our speed bags squeezed
88
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:48,128
by some old Jewish dude.
89
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:52,800
Your temperature is...
90
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,635
98.6.
98.6?
91
00:03:54,668 --> 00:03:55,936
Oh, my gosh, we're
already finishing
92
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,237
each others' sentences.
93
00:03:57,271 --> 00:03:59,440
I feel really good about
what's happening here.
94
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,477
Okay, I'm just gonna
put this in your mouth.
95
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:05,579
Now you're stealing my lines.
96
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:10,318
All right, Warner,
I'm gonna listen to your heart.
97
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,619
Okay, okay, I have to warn you,
98
00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:13,554
I'm-I'm-I'm pretty ticklish.
99
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,156
(laughing)
100
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,492
I'm sorry. Okay, okay...
101
00:04:18,526 --> 00:04:20,428
I can't listen when you laugh.
I know, I know, sorry.
102
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,995
Okay, you can do it.
Okay, I'm ready.
103
00:04:22,029 --> 00:04:23,931
I'm ready, okay, yeah, okay.
Ready? Okay?
104
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,834
(laughing)
105
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,636
Oh, my God! Okay.
106
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,304
I should just do it myself.
107
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:31,339
Yeah.
Okay.
108
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:32,806
Okay.
109
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:34,007
Okay, Warner, you can do this.
110
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,242
Don't laugh, don't laugh.
111
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,678
Dead kittens, dead kittens,
dead kittens.
112
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:40,013
Okay, I'm ready.
113
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:41,515
(laughing)
114
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:44,918
I'm sorry, I can't do it.
115
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,621
Actually I had one that lasted
more than four hours,
116
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,189
and I almost called you.
117
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:50,991
Hearing or vision loss?
118
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:53,994
No, sore wrist.
119
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:55,863
So, any questions?
120
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,599
Have you seen the movie,
Tin Cup?
121
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,600
No.
122
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,734
Then I have no questions.
123
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,373
I have your results, which I'd
like to read to all of you.
124
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,374
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
125
00:05:06,407 --> 00:05:10,644
What about doctor-patient
confidentiality?
126
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,880
Eh.
127
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,048
David and
Crawford,
128
00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:16,717
I have bad news.
129
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:20,888
I'm afraid your sons
are in terrible shape.
130
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:23,223
What?!
131
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:27,327
I hate it here.
132
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:30,197
Crawford and David, whatever
you're doing, keep doing it.
133
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,832
Hmm.
H-He eats food
134
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,567
off the ground
after parades.
135
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:37,571
People get excited.
They drop things.
136
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:40,073
You two need to take a page
from your fathers' books.
137
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,709
You have the same genetics.
138
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,177
Just do what they do
and come and see me in a week.
139
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,480
Oh, wait, sorry.
Next week?
140
00:05:46,514 --> 00:05:48,549
Isn't there a way
to just sign the insurance form
141
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:52,319
and then we can...
(mutters indistinctly)
142
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,587
I can't do that.
143
00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,423
It goes against
my professional integrity.
144
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:56,390
Ah, okay.
145
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,659
Doctor, can I take
these pills
146
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,161
I found here
in the cushions?
147
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,896
Sure.
148
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,966
But don't drink on those.
Wink, wink.
149
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:15,275
So, let me get this straight.
Your dads passed the physical
150
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:16,944
and you two did not?
151
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:21,849
Well, it's not like a course
that you can take pass-fail.
152
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:22,850
So then how'd you do?
153
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,051
We failed.
154
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,720
I-I don't get it.
155
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,556
All I do is work out,
drink water
156
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:31,625
and eat women's
energy bars.
157
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,794
Now I got to take health tips
from my dad.
158
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:36,630
I know. And all they do
is sleep, drink
and go to the bathroom.
159
00:06:36,664 --> 00:06:39,399
They're like drunk babies.
160
00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:40,801
Morning.
161
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,969
Dad, it's 4:00
in the afternoon.
162
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,638
Ah, well, then it's
time for a cocktail.
163
00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:47,808
Guys, we don't have alcohol
in the office.
164
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,577
Hmm. What do you
have at your house?
165
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,811
Beer. What do you got?
166
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,948
Gin, scotch, rye,
bourbon and tequila.
167
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:57,551
Can I go to Crawford's house?
168
00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:00,320
All right.
169
00:07:00,353 --> 00:07:02,355
Mwah!
(groans)
170
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,426
Wait a minute. You know what?
171
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,662
That's exactly
what we should be doing.
172
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,163
What do you mean?
Kissing each other on the mouth?
173
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:12,500
No.
174
00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,334
No. No, no. We should be doing
what they do.
175
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:17,004
The doctor said that
they're healthier than we are.
176
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,839
Oh. I know
that's what the doctor said,
177
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:21,174
but I don't want to take lessons
from my dad.
178
00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:22,776
Lesson one:
179
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:27,481
what you put in your body
in no way affects your health.
180
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:31,084
Dad, you are always complaining
about stomach pain.
181
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:36,590
Stomach pain is a way to tell
you that your body is working.
182
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,527
I stuff myself with
Chinese food, I feel terrible,
183
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:42,195
I know I'm healthy.
184
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,531
You eat this junk
185
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:46,299
all the time and then you're
in the bathroom all day.
186
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:49,436
How much time are you spending
on the can every day?
187
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,138
I don't know.
188
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:54,575
You don't know?
189
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,044
Dad, I have to work.
190
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,046
I can't spend all day
in the bathroom.
191
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,214
Yes, you can.
If people aren't enraged
192
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:02,783
with how long
you've been in there,
193
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:05,553
you weren't in there
long enough.
194
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,121
How do I know when's it okay
to come out?
195
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:11,124
When you leave that bathroom
shaking like a newborn deer,
196
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,726
you're done.
197
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,797
All right, Warner,
now that you've had
198
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,166
your first hammock
brandy, how do you feel?
199
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,034
I feel
like a dizzy millionaire.
200
00:08:21,068 --> 00:08:22,903
(chuckles)
Excellent.
201
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:24,638
Now we should put
something in our stomachs.
202
00:08:24,672 --> 00:08:27,240
And I want you to write
this next part down.
Okay.
203
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:28,709
Look at this,
204
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,679
wheat germ,
Greek yogurt,
205
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:33,547
skim milk.
206
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:38,919
These are the things that are
blocking my dessert wine.
207
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:40,320
Do you ever eat food?
208
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,421
Of course.
209
00:08:41,454 --> 00:08:43,423
My diet is 70% schnitzel,
210
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,859
20% food court teriyakis
211
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:49,697
and, at the top
of the pyramid, fudge.
212
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:51,398
How are you still alive?
213
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:53,934
Ah. The fudge attracts
the germs,
214
00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,403
the alcohol sterilizes them
215
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,906
and then the fat escorts them
out the back door
216
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,441
in a jellied mess.
217
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,076
You know what?
218
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,845
We're talking about this,
219
00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:09,282
and we're not even having
a conversation beer.
220
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,118
Okay, so you're just
always drunk.
221
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,552
Hey, remember,
222
00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:15,756
you're never drunk
if you're always drunk. Hmm?
223
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,761
Lesson two...
224
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:24,197
How is just sitting here,
watching TV good for you?
225
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,466
I'm not just watching TV.
226
00:09:26,499 --> 00:09:28,501
I scream at it.
227
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:33,206
That's my cardio.
228
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,408
Here. Turn
to any channel.
229
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,645
(clears throat)
230
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:41,815
I'm not buying insurance
from any reptile!
231
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,553
Get out of that hurricane,
Anderson Cooper,
232
00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:49,322
you fake hero!
233
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,459
Hey, Simon Cowell,
234
00:09:52,492 --> 00:09:54,361
get a bra!
235
00:09:56,296 --> 00:10:00,100
Okay. You try.
236
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:04,371
Uh, you should've not shaved
that mustache, Alex Trebek...
237
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,679
I thought you were serious
about this.
238
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,346
Come on, mean it.
Sorry.
239
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:16,717
Die, Oprah!
240
00:10:17,785 --> 00:10:20,854
Too far. Try again.
Too far.
241
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:23,791
(salsa music playing)
That's not dancing!
242
00:10:23,824 --> 00:10:25,893
Those aren't stars!
243
00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,130
There you go.
244
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,464
That does feel better.
245
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,800
Sure does.
246
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,702
And remember, with cardio,
247
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,603
anyone can be yelled at.
248
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,672
Hey, Edna!
Put that Chinese food
249
00:10:38,706 --> 00:10:43,276
in the freezer
before it gets rotten!
250
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,945
I'm not a slave!
251
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,446
You put in yourself,
252
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,517
you... (speaking Spanish)!
253
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:51,852
And she yells back,
254
00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:55,355
so we're both exercising.
255
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:58,658
She just burned off a churro.
256
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:02,963
Okay.
257
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,032
Good workout, Mr. David.
258
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,266
Ooh!
259
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:19,579
Um, where have you been?
260
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,081
Work started
two hours ago.
261
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,649
There was a free pancake
breakfast
262
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,552
at Saint Mary the Blessed Heart.
263
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:26,920
You're Jewish.
264
00:11:26,954 --> 00:11:29,556
Yeah, but who can tell?
265
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,759
Everyone.
266
00:11:31,792 --> 00:11:33,593
Here, take a look at these
landscapes
267
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,328
for Tropic of Murder.
268
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,264
Oh, those are terrible colors.
269
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,366
No, too many volcanoes.
270
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,801
Those trees are stupid.
271
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,740
Oh, my God, I think
I'm leaking syrup.
272
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:02,990
I really hope I'm leaking syrup.
273
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,560
So, everything good?
274
00:12:07,594 --> 00:12:08,728
Very good.
275
00:12:08,762 --> 00:12:10,798
You and Eli turned
this around in a week.
276
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:11,799
Great.
277
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:12,966
Speaking of
turning around...
278
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:13,967
Huh?
279
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:17,270
I need to do
a prostate exam.
280
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:30,984
Oh... yeah...
281
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:34,154
Yeah, I'm not good at that.
282
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,989
No, maybe I can e-mail you
a picture.
283
00:12:36,023 --> 00:12:37,557
(both speaking indistinctly)
284
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,993
Just relax,
come on.
No, I...
285
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,995
No, I don't want...
I don't want to.
Just relax, come on.
286
00:12:42,029 --> 00:12:44,664
Just relax, relax.
Okay.
287
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:48,001
Okay, okay, but, uh,
just be gentle, okay?
288
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:50,770
I-I've never had anything...
(gasps)
289
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,940
Oh, my God!
290
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,967
(exhales)
291
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,002
(breathing heavily)
292
00:14:03,576 --> 00:14:05,578
Almost done?
293
00:14:11,751 --> 00:14:15,522
Uh, Doctor, you're,
you're really thorough.
294
00:14:17,457 --> 00:14:19,459
Doc?
295
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:24,097
(screams)
296
00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:26,199
What happened?
297
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,368
Oh, my God, Doctor.
298
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,471
He's dead.
299
00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:53,293
Well, at least he died
in the line of duty.
300
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,328
(Warner gasping)
301
00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:04,804
What do you mean
he's dead?!
302
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,574
He was just
giving me an exam!
303
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:10,310
Yeah, he still is.
304
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:12,645
Well, g-get him out of there.
305
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,482
I can't.
306
00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:16,683
Eli, Eli, get in there.
307
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,322
Let go.
308
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,333
I can't.
309
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:37,070
He's right, it's an
involuntary reflex.
310
00:15:37,104 --> 00:15:39,172
It's called a
peristaltic contraction.
311
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:40,240
Is that normal?
312
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,209
Not at all.
313
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,245
Well, can't you
give him something?
314
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:46,679
Only the doctor
can do that.
315
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,549
Well, he's with a patient
right now.
316
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:51,918
I'll go get some help.
317
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:53,953
Okay.
318
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:08,935
Eli, are you
still here?
319
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,038
Yeah, still here, buddy.
320
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,373
How long is this gonna take?
321
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:14,707
Well, it took 'em
60 days
322
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:17,577
to get those coal miners
out in Peru.
323
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:22,715
We may need to drill
a second hole.
324
00:16:26,886 --> 00:16:28,888
Oh, boy.
325
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:35,795
Did, uh, did you guys
try pulling it out?
326
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,898
Uh, yeah,
we tried pulling it out.
327
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:42,035
That's the first thing we tried!
328
00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:45,138
Well, I can't do it.
329
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:49,076
The equipment for this kind
of thing is in New Orleans.
330
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:56,349
How do you not have this
equipment in San Francisco?
331
00:17:02,722 --> 00:17:05,692
(knocking)
332
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:09,396
Oh, my God, Warner,
baby, are you okay?
333
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:10,397
No.
334
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,598
EMT:
Wait a minute.
335
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:12,765
Warner?
336
00:17:12,799 --> 00:17:14,901
Warner Whittemore?
337
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,236
Yeah.
338
00:17:16,269 --> 00:17:20,273
Rob Davies, 11th grade, man,
Model U.N.
339
00:17:20,307 --> 00:17:21,674
Oh, what's up, Rob?
340
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,577
Man.
Yeah... yeah.
341
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:25,712
Wait a minute.
342
00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,180
Rob Davies?
343
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,581
Camila.
Yeah.
344
00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:30,583
Oh, my God.
345
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:31,584
(chuckles)
346
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,919
Ooh-- wait,
you guys are married?
347
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:34,921
Yeah, we got two kids now.
348
00:17:34,954 --> 00:17:35,922
Ooh.
I know.
349
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:38,024
Warner, you are
a lucky guy.
350
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,193
Great to see you.
351
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:41,961
Come here, girl.
352
00:17:41,994 --> 00:17:42,962
Oh, thank you.
353
00:17:42,995 --> 00:17:44,931
Oh, God, your hair
smells the same.
354
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,933
Oh, stop.
355
00:17:46,966 --> 00:17:48,935
(Warner murmurs)
356
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,538
Excuse me, I, I kind of have
a little situation over here.
357
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:53,573
(knocking)
358
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,945
Whoa.
359
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:01,013
Hands Across America.
360
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,418
You know what?
I've got an idea.
361
00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,986
You know
those Chinese finger traps
362
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,622
where you have to push in
to pull out?
363
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:12,058
Let me try something here, okay?
No, no, no, no, no.
364
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,994
(screams)
365
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,981
I no clean that.
366
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:45,425
In the name of the Father
and the Son and the Holy Ghost,
367
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,494
let us all say "Amen."
368
00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,796
ALL:
Amen.
369
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,267
You're going to be fine.
370
00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:57,537
We see a lot of this
at the church.
371
00:18:57,570 --> 00:19:01,341
Oh, my God, Howard!
372
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:04,711
(sobbing)
373
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:09,249
I begged him to retire,
but he was so into his work.
374
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,221
Did he suffer?
375
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:18,090
Did he suffer?
376
00:19:20,092 --> 00:19:24,597
May I just have a moment alone
with my husband?
377
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,668
Oh, ok-okay.
378
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,314
All right, Warner.
379
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:43,082
I'm going to give you
a mild sedative
380
00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:44,917
to relax your muscles.
381
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:47,153
You may feel a slight poke.
382
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,188
Oh, don't worry,
he can handle it.
383
00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:58,331
Doc, uh, how long does
it take for the...?
384
00:19:58,365 --> 00:19:59,999
Oh, there it is, okay.
385
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:03,403
(slurring):
You're all beautiful people.
386
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:07,740
Yeah.
(cheering)
387
00:20:09,776 --> 00:20:12,679
Oh, my God, I'm reading
the doctor's obituary,
388
00:20:12,712 --> 00:20:15,782
and ironically he went to Brown.
389
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:16,949
(laughs)
390
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,619
Hey.
391
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:22,855
Hi, Warner, I didn't
expect to see you in.
392
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:23,856
What do you mean?
393
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:24,957
Why, w-why
wouldn't I be in?
394
00:20:24,991 --> 00:20:26,459
Oh, you mean
because of yesterday?
395
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:27,460
(chuckles)
396
00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:30,463
No, I'm fine,
I'm fine.
397
00:20:30,497 --> 00:20:31,764
Well, it was worth it.
398
00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:33,566
The insurance was approved,
and you don't have
399
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,134
to have another physical
for two years.
400
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:38,170
Good, okay, yeah,
just remind me.
401
00:20:39,506 --> 00:20:42,775
Wait, so ha-have you gotten over
your fear of doctors?
402
00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:45,978
Oh, yeah, yeah, you know,
having a doctor die inside me
403
00:20:46,012 --> 00:20:47,980
made me realize
how silly I've been.
404
00:20:48,014 --> 00:20:50,983
(chuckles)
405
00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,151
Um,
406
00:20:52,184 --> 00:20:54,053
I got your e-mail; your
desk is all set up.
407
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:55,688
Oh, good, okay.
408
00:21:09,135 --> 00:21:12,305
Are you sure you want
your desk this way?
409
00:21:12,339 --> 00:21:14,206
Yep.
410
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,177
Well, your shoe's untied.
411
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,713
You want to bend over
and get it?
412
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:24,250
Nope.
413
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:27,687
Are you just going to stand like
this for the rest of your life?
414
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,357
Yeah.
415
00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:33,493
Well, buddy, you'll always be
number one to me.
416
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,995
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