All language subtitles for Dads.2013.S01E01.Pilot.REPACK.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-alfaHD_track4_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,202 --> 00:00:06,374 MAN: Who dares to challenge the Mage of Acknar? 2 00:00:06,407 --> 00:00:08,309 Okay, that was great. Uh, let's try it again, 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,245 maybe with a little more wizard-like quality. 4 00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:13,547 Well, what kind of wizard is he? 5 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:16,584 A... magic wizard? 6 00:00:17,418 --> 00:00:18,752 Ah. Okay. 7 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,321 I got it. 8 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,056 Hey. Sorry I'm late. Hey. 9 00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,725 Guess who was begging me to come to work again today. 10 00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,860 Oh, well, who would know more about video games 11 00:00:26,894 --> 00:00:29,430 than your 65-year-old dad? Yeah. 12 00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:30,864 He was actually waiting 13 00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:33,534 in the backseat of the car with his briefcase. 14 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:38,005 Oh, he thinks he's business people. 15 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,573 You know, 16 00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,875 we could always give your dad a pretend office here. 17 00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:45,446 Cute little nameplate, phone plugged into nothing. 18 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,248 Are you kidding me? I don't want him here. 19 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,016 It's bad enough he has to live with me. 20 00:00:49,049 --> 00:00:50,218 Well, you could've said no. 21 00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,719 I can't say no to him. 22 00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,621 What kind of person does that to their own father? 23 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,856 Me. I would have enjoyed it. 24 00:00:55,889 --> 00:00:59,427 In fact, I'm gonna randomly text my dad the word "no" right now. 25 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,230 No, don't do that. All caps, and send. 26 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:03,964 (chuckles) 27 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,369 * Daddy took me to the zoo 28 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,404 * Na, na, na, na * 29 00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:14,408 * Just to see something brand-new * 30 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:16,444 * Na, na, na * 31 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:20,614 * So many stars up in the sky 32 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:25,153 * So many questions have I 33 00:01:25,186 --> 00:01:27,255 * Na, na, na, na * 34 00:01:27,288 --> 00:01:29,957 * Daddy took me for a ride. 35 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,972 I saw you. 36 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,277 (laughing): I saw you, too! 37 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:50,811 Do you see this? 38 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,847 Your father made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 39 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,519 I already have two kids; I don't need a third. 40 00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,787 Honey, you have got to start 41 00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,355 talking to him about this stuff. 42 00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,657 No, I don't. See, my relationship with my dad 43 00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:05,793 is based on a mutual avoidance of conflict. 44 00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:08,829 You know, you could learn a lot from us, okay? 45 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:10,298 Okay. 46 00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,533 Warner? 47 00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:15,969 Warner? 48 00:02:16,003 --> 00:02:20,007 Ah. Warner, the last four of your social is 49 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,075 7-1-4-6, correct? 50 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:28,216 (nervous chuckle): Uh, y-yeah, but why are you using it? Well, 51 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:31,352 if I use mine, the IRS would be all over this place 52 00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,886 like flies on a ham. 53 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:34,222 (chuckles) 54 00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:35,689 I'll explain it all to you later 55 00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:38,091 when I'm off the phone with Burt Dillard. 56 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,395 Who's Burt Dillard? 57 00:02:41,429 --> 00:02:42,896 I-I don't know. 58 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,366 All my dad's associates have "businessman" names, 59 00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:47,401 like Burt Dillard... 60 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,703 Thatcher Wainwright... 61 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:53,040 Jock Upson. 62 00:02:54,942 --> 00:02:57,311 Well, Burt Dillard, done deal. 63 00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:58,512 Camila, would you mind 64 00:02:58,546 --> 00:03:00,514 pretending to be my secretary? 65 00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:04,585 I need to give a ring to Granger Watts. 66 00:03:06,053 --> 00:03:07,655 Gracias, muchacha. You're a peach. 67 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,156 (chuckles) Woop! 68 00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:10,591 (gasps) 69 00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,529 Well, now that you've... seen it, 70 00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:18,131 I won't be needing a towel from here on out. 71 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:32,179 (phone rings) 72 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,581 (whispers): Hi, Dad. 73 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:35,916 Hello? 74 00:03:35,949 --> 00:03:37,751 Eli? 75 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,587 Yes, Dad, I'm here. 76 00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,622 Uh, I can't hear you. Why are you whispering? 77 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,292 Why are you calling at 7:00 a.m.? 78 00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:47,928 Yeah, just making sure we're still on track for my visit. 79 00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:48,762 What visit? 80 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:50,398 For Warner's birthday party. 81 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,300 Dad, Warner's birthday's in eight months. 82 00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,201 Well, I just got an Evite 83 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,904 to a surprise party at Warner's this Friday. 84 00:03:56,937 --> 00:03:59,640 Dad, that's my birthday. 85 00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:03,110 Really? 86 00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:06,747 (laughs): Yes. You just ruined a surprise party in my honor 87 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,782 and forgot my birthday 88 00:04:08,816 --> 00:04:10,784 in one phone call. 89 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,620 Well, you still want me to come? 90 00:04:12,653 --> 00:04:15,122 I'm kind of stuck with this plane ticket. 91 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,324 (scoffs) 92 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:19,293 Fine. I'll see you when you get here. 93 00:04:19,327 --> 00:04:20,494 Okay. Good. 94 00:04:20,528 --> 00:04:21,729 By the way, 95 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,165 did you text me the word "no" the other... 96 00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,635 A surprise party? 97 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,002 I hate surprise parties. 98 00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:31,339 You're a terrible girlfriend. Oh, I thought you said 99 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,307 I wasn't your girlfriend. Well, whatever you are, 100 00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,309 you're terrible at it. 101 00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:37,578 WARNER: Yes. 102 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,347 Feel it. 103 00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,816 Feel the dad. 104 00:04:44,518 --> 00:04:46,487 How could you invite him? 105 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,688 Why would you do that? 106 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,156 I'll tell you why-- because 107 00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,491 two years ago, you blew 108 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,292 an Indian-food burp right in my face, 109 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,027 and it's payback time. 110 00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:58,999 30 seconds of burp smell does not equal multi-day Dad visit. 111 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,001 Hey, you send one of mine to the hospital, 112 00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:02,836 I send one of yours to the morgue. 113 00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,304 That's the Chicago way. 114 00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:08,008 Untouchables. That's right. Yeah. Untouchables. 115 00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,710 Besides, a couple days with your dad 116 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,612 is not gonna be the end of the world. 117 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,614 Are you kidding me? He's the worst. 118 00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,849 Oh, no, no, no. No, no. Don't do this. 119 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:18,218 No, you will lose the bad-dad showdown. 120 00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,854 Oh, we'll see. 121 00:05:20,888 --> 00:05:22,690 Okay, my dad quickly closes the laptop 122 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,525 every time I walk into the room. 123 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,727 I wonder why. 124 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,630 My dad can clear his throat for 50 minutes 125 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,231 of a 90-minute movie. 126 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:34,635 (clearing throat) 127 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:36,036 (groans) 128 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,205 My dad is in debt on three continents, 129 00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:39,640 including Antarctica. 130 00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,709 Who loans money there? 131 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,144 My dad's a light-kiss- on-the-lips dad. 132 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,013 Mwah! 133 00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,515 My dad squandered away the family fortune, 134 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:49,016 and now he has to live with me. 135 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,419 My dad divorced my mom and left the country when I was five. 136 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:56,990 (imitating gun firing) (imitating bullets ricocheting) 137 00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,325 Sorry. 138 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,327 Look, you're lucky your dads are American. 139 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,897 My dad beat me with a math book till I was 16. 140 00:06:03,931 --> 00:06:05,766 Well, see, there you go, th-that's exactly why 141 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,735 we need your help on Friday when we pitch 142 00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:10,738 to the Chinese investors. Because of my intimate knowledge of Chinese culture? 143 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,072 No. Because you're gonna dress up 144 00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:13,441 like a sexy Asian schoolgirl. 145 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,711 I can't do that. 146 00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:19,079 Oh, you can. Sure you can. 147 00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:21,248 Here, uh, practice with me. (clears throat, sniffs) 148 00:06:21,281 --> 00:06:23,451 (high-pitched giggling) 149 00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,439 This you? 150 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,408 What?! 151 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,943 No, that's not me! 152 00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,745 That's the kid from Mask, 153 00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:55,282 one of the ugliest people in human history. 154 00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,617 I don't know. 155 00:06:56,650 --> 00:07:00,488 He looks like you in the face parts. 156 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:04,592 There's my birthday boy. 157 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:05,726 WOMAN: Eli, 158 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,095 is okay I coming on 2:30 next week? 159 00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,297 Are you asking me or telling me? 160 00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,331 Okay, thank you. 161 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,638 Why does your bag say: 162 00:07:17,671 --> 00:07:19,973 "Say 'yes' to breast cancer"? 163 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,742 It was a misprint. 164 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:24,745 They were giving them away at a 5K. 165 00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,179 You did a 5K? 166 00:07:26,213 --> 00:07:28,849 There was free water every K. 167 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:32,853 I just got in my car and drove K to K. 168 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,088 So, you want to flip for the bed? 169 00:07:35,122 --> 00:07:36,957 Dad, there is no way you're sleeping 170 00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,759 in my... Heads, heads, heads, heads, heads! 171 00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:41,228 See you in the morning. (Eli groans) 172 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,766 Stay out of the bathroom between 3:00 and 4:00. 173 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,535 That's my go time. 174 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:55,042 All right, are you ready 175 00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,177 to dazzle those Chinese investors? 176 00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:58,445 What is this? 177 00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,548 It's your helmet. You're a rock-and-roll American 178 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,482 who rides a motorcycle. No. 179 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:03,517 Yes! No! 180 00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,653 No more characters. Come on, 181 00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:06,854 you come into that meeting late, 182 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,321 wearing this helmet-- it says to them: 183 00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:10,290 "I don't care if I die riding a motorcycle. 184 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,027 I just want to make great video games." 185 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,697 If I don't care if I die, 186 00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:19,900 why am I wearing a helmet? 187 00:08:25,706 --> 00:08:28,809 Well, hello, kitty. (chuckles) 188 00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:30,410 (continues chuckling) 189 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,245 It's-it's good. 190 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:34,347 Like, it's... it's pretty, and you, like... 191 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,717 like, it works, and I like it. It's... 192 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:40,187 Stop... filing this away. 193 00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,890 I can't. I'm sorry. 194 00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:45,192 I just promoted myself to VP of game development, 195 00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,060 and I'm taking next week off. 196 00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:49,196 We, uh... we really want to thank you 197 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,364 for your sacrifice and your teamwork-- 198 00:08:51,398 --> 00:08:53,934 okay, now I'm filing it away. (groans) 199 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,203 You know, 200 00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:58,839 there's another very big business meeting going on today. 201 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,074 Oh, that's right-- our dads are having lunch. 202 00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:03,276 Who do you think picks up that check? 203 00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:07,047 Oh, I say check placed on table followed by a long pause. 204 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,416 And then at least two fake bathroom trips. 205 00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:11,685 I've seen my dad physically nudge a check 206 00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,053 towards the other person. 207 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:15,055 Does one of them die there? 208 00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,590 (gasps) Do both of them die there? 209 00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:17,725 Oh. 210 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,096 So, you got your whole office in there? 211 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:24,932 Yeah, pretty nearly, yeah. 212 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,934 I just came from a very interesting... 213 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,736 very interesting, in fact, meeting 214 00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:32,272 with an outfit that owns the copyright to Black Santa Claus, 215 00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,473 of all things. 216 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,110 They're going to make a fortune for the right investor. 217 00:09:37,144 --> 00:09:39,246 Investing! Giving your money to someone. 218 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,048 Here you go, stranger with a tie. 219 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,884 I was hoping you could turn my money into more money, 220 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,620 but if you can't, I'll understand. 221 00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:47,788 Look at our sons. 222 00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,790 Their stock has never been higher, 223 00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:52,893 and with my help, they're gonna go global. 224 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:53,961 In fact, 225 00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:57,665 today they are meeting with some Orientals. 226 00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:15,282 So... what time is this birthday party tonight? 227 00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,018 Oh, I think it's at, uh, 7:00. 228 00:10:20,053 --> 00:10:22,656 I thought it was at 7:30. 229 00:10:22,690 --> 00:10:24,324 (coughs) 230 00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,493 (sputters) 231 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,298 (exhales): Ah... 232 00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,533 Let me check my day planner. 233 00:10:37,705 --> 00:10:39,172 Yes, I have 7:00. 234 00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:42,843 Well, 7:00, 7:30-- what does it matter? 235 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,544 (sneezes loudly) 236 00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:53,787 So, the one thing that we learned 237 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,323 from the success of-of Kill Hitler 238 00:10:56,356 --> 00:11:00,160 is that... people love killing Hitler. 239 00:11:01,561 --> 00:11:03,363 So, i-in Kill Hitler 2, 240 00:11:03,396 --> 00:11:07,334 there are 45 new ways that you can kill Hitler. 241 00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:10,738 Check it out. You can hang Hitler. 242 00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,541 You can electrocute Hitler. 243 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,543 (groaning) 244 00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:18,812 You can even impale Hitler with a menorah. 245 00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:21,749 What the heil? (groans) 246 00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:28,555 (giggles) 247 00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:30,758 (camera clicks) 248 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:38,866 (speaking Chinese) 249 00:11:38,899 --> 00:11:40,233 We like what we're hearing 250 00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:42,269 and want very much to work with you 251 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,437 and your rock-and-roll American rebel man. 252 00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:47,107 That's fantastic. Yeah, yeah. 253 00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,242 ELI: Thank you. Thank you so mu... so much. 254 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:50,577 Uh, lock the door. 255 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,279 Lock the door. 256 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,683 Warner! Open up. I'm here to help. 257 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,619 No, no, Dad, we just sealed a handshake agreement. 258 00:11:59,652 --> 00:12:01,922 (scoffs) Then you've got nothing. Okay. 259 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:03,023 Listen, 260 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,424 go to my office. There's a granola bar 261 00:12:04,457 --> 00:12:06,226 in the top drawer. No, no, no. No, Warner, 262 00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:08,228 the Chinese are-are a lovely and honorable people, 263 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,897 but you can't trust 'em. Dad, please. 264 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,264 Dad, please, 265 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:15,702 stop it! There's a reason Shanghai's a verb. 266 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,405 Daddy, no! 267 00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:24,778 CAMILA: I can't believe they didn't want to invest millions 268 00:12:24,812 --> 00:12:27,447 with a guy who says, "Daddy, no!" 269 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,788 Well, it was kind of my dad's fault 270 00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:37,657 for showing up in the first place, don't you think? 271 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:42,129 Okay, see, this is your fault because you never confront him. 272 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,563 I can't yell at him. It's like... 273 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:47,167 it's like yelling at a golden retriever with a briefcase. 274 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:50,838 Boy, that went south in a heartbeat today, didn't it? 275 00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,272 (laughs) 276 00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,141 Ah, but don't you worry. They'll be back. 277 00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:57,510 I have been in this position many, many times before. 278 00:12:57,544 --> 00:13:01,148 They-they told us never to call them again. (chuckles) 279 00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,852 Yeah. Don't you just love the dance? (chuckles) 280 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:08,521 So you don't think that was a total disaster today? 281 00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:12,525 Would I be celebrating with your last beer if I thought that? 282 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:15,362 Look, Dad, this is really difficult for me to say, 283 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,630 but I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it right now. 284 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,632 Camila thinks you, uh, ruined the deal today. 285 00:13:23,736 --> 00:13:25,338 (doorbell rings) 286 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,341 Surprise! 287 00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,343 (chuckles) Hi, guys. 288 00:13:30,377 --> 00:13:31,879 You must be Warner. 289 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:35,382 Yeah. Don't learn my name. It's easier that way. 290 00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:37,217 Mwah! 291 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,852 Hi, Warner. 292 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:45,358 Did you taste the tuna that he had for breakfast? 293 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,029 Mm-hmm. And it would have been a billion-dollar deal 294 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:50,363 if somebody had told me 295 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:55,335 the correct pronunciation is "Shiite Muslim." 296 00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:00,140 Well, Eli, I propose a toast. 297 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,342 Dad, no talking. Just enjoy the free food. 298 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,810 Uh, speech! 299 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:07,014 Speech! (chuckles) Thank you, Warner. 300 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,982 And thanks to your beautiful maid 301 00:14:09,016 --> 00:14:10,383 for making all this food. 302 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,886 I'm his wife. Well, 303 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,388 when Eli was born 304 00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:18,225 and came out with red hair, I couldn't believe he was mine, 305 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:21,594 so I had his mother take a paternity test. 306 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:23,030 Come on, Dad. 307 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:26,099 (chuckling): Paternity test? 308 00:14:26,133 --> 00:14:27,834 The test determined that I was the father, 309 00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:31,404 but with technology back then, who knows? 310 00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,240 He doesn't. (chuckles) 311 00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,242 Happy birthday, Eli. 312 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:38,078 Wow, awesome toast. There's a lot of love there. 313 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:41,014 And here's your gift. Oh. 314 00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:43,250 Well... (clears throat) 315 00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,485 (scoffs) 316 00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:51,424 My birthday gift is a framed photo of you? 317 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,760 You don't like it? 318 00:14:53,793 --> 00:14:56,896 Eh, you look like a disgraced science teacher. 319 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,399 Well, that's pretty ungrateful. 320 00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:01,401 What am I supposed to be grateful for? 321 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,603 The time you introduced me to a woman named Deb 322 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,774 as my new mom and then broke up with her 20 minutes later? 323 00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:10,810 We grew apart. 324 00:15:11,811 --> 00:15:15,415 Hey-o! (chuckles) 325 00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:18,251 What about when, uh, you shaved my head 326 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,652 before we went to Disneyland? 327 00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:22,755 We got a free lunch with Goofy, didn't we? 328 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:28,996 It's not funny, Dad. 329 00:15:29,029 --> 00:15:31,231 You can't just make a joke out of everything. 330 00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:33,800 Well, if I don't, who will? Not you. 331 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:36,103 You've got your mother's sense of humor, 332 00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,972 i.e. none. 333 00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:41,808 Well, here's something you might find funny: 334 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:45,812 I'm leaving my own birthday party because of you. 335 00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:47,347 Good night, everybody! 336 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,819 There was a sleeping child in the room I stormed into. 337 00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:53,820 BOY (crying): Daddy! 338 00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:56,256 I thought it was the bed with the coats on it, 339 00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,991 so I grabbed him really hard. 340 00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,930 BRITISH NARRATOR: And so this new wave of anti-Semitism led 341 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,798 to what became known as the Granada Massacre (door opens) 342 00:16:05,832 --> 00:16:09,369 of 1066. Some 1,500 343 00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:11,004 Jewish families were slaughtered and those 344 00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:14,474 left behind were forced to pay the newly imposed poll tax... 345 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,476 (David clears throat loudly) 346 00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:19,346 In many ways, the event was mirrored in 1840 347 00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:22,515 by what is commonly known as the Damascus Affair, 348 00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,517 in which Middle Eastern Jews were blamed 349 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:29,522 for the disappearance of a French monk and his scribe. 350 00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,158 Kristallnacht, also known as the Night 351 00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:34,727 of the Broken Glass, was a series of coordinated attacks 352 00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,197 against the Jews throughout Nazi Germany 353 00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,532 and parts of Austria in November 354 00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:43,370 of 1938... (clears throat) 355 00:16:43,403 --> 00:16:45,938 (program continues indistinctly) 356 00:16:57,950 --> 00:17:00,053 (bell dings) 357 00:17:00,087 --> 00:17:02,055 What you playing? 358 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,091 Punch the Puerto Rican? 359 00:17:06,793 --> 00:17:08,761 No, it's a boxing game we're developing. 360 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,563 It doesn't have a name yet. Uh-huh. 361 00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,332 Well, jot down "Punch the Puerto Rican." 362 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:15,868 Let the marketing people take it from there. 363 00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:19,106 Hey, Dad, you know we don't work together, right? 364 00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,874 Well, you and I have a very special relationship. 365 00:17:21,908 --> 00:17:24,444 You know, I see David and Eli going at it, 366 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:27,747 and I just think, "Wow, how lucky we are." 367 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,017 I mean, we just... get along. (chuckles) 368 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:35,855 Look, Dad, I-I know you think we get along, but... 369 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,957 Yes, son? 370 00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:52,439 (sighs) 371 00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,441 No, you're right. 372 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:56,676 We do get along. 373 00:17:57,477 --> 00:17:59,846 I love you, buddy. 374 00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:03,750 And I love you, too, son. 375 00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:06,753 Well, ups and downs, but we came out 376 00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,388 on the other side. Bye, Dad! 377 00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,691 I'll call you next week. Yeah. 378 00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,262 All right. 379 00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:16,296 Bye. 380 00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,597 Take those calcium pills. 381 00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,832 You have a good one, Dad! 382 00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:22,034 (whoops loudly) 383 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:27,807 Taxi! 384 00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:30,843 (knocking) 385 00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,415 Dad, what are you doing? 386 00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:36,749 How did you know I was here? 387 00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:38,951 Well, I hit a red light on the way out of the airport. 388 00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:41,521 * Yeah, yeah, yeah. (humming) 389 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,790 (humming) 390 00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:51,331 No. No! 391 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,466 What are you doing? 392 00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:56,002 Go back! 393 00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:57,304 Go back! 394 00:18:57,337 --> 00:19:00,207 We made a deal! 395 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:06,379 So what's going on, Dad? 396 00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:07,980 Why aren't you going back home? 397 00:19:08,014 --> 00:19:11,684 The truth is, there's no home to go back to. 398 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,521 I couldn't make the last few payments on the condo 399 00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:16,356 and the bank took it back. What? 400 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,891 Why didn't you come to me? I would've loaned you the money. 401 00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:21,694 Do you have any idea how humiliating that would be? 402 00:19:21,728 --> 00:19:24,831 Look, I guess I was just hoping that I could stay with you, 403 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,866 like Warner's dad stays with him. 404 00:19:26,899 --> 00:19:29,369 Then we started arguing, and I knew 405 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,038 it wasn't gonna happen, so here I am. 406 00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:35,375 Look, Dad, I'm sorry that we fight. It's just... 407 00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:37,244 (sighs) 408 00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:41,581 Sometimes... I feel like you're rooting for me to fail. 409 00:19:41,614 --> 00:19:44,484 And that's terrifying. 410 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,486 I'm the one who's failed. 411 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,255 Failed to keep my home, 412 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:52,359 failed to stay with your mom, failed to be a real dad to you. 413 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,826 Oh, come on. 414 00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,495 You're gonna deny those things? 415 00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,097 No, but I'm gonna say, "Oh, come on." 416 00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,437 (sighs) Look, Dad, 417 00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:07,740 it's not too late. I mean, we can try. 418 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,746 Come on. Get your stuff. Let's get out of this place. 419 00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,215 You can stay with me. 420 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,251 Really? 421 00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,353 Yeah. Thanks. 422 00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,221 I love you, Eli. 423 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,223 Oh. Yeah. Uh... (sputters) 424 00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,293 Big-time ditto. 425 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,630 (sighs) 426 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,000 Mwah! (groans) 427 00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:41,541 And this is their ethnically and sexually diverse workplace. 428 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,743 (chuckles) 429 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,312 Where's your gay guy? 430 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,814 Show him your gay guy. 431 00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:54,321 You know, we actually had to expand into this office 432 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,789 a couple months ago because the company's growing so fast. 433 00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,626 Yeah, things are going great now, but... Dad. 434 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:02,829 What? I was just gonna say someday they won't be. 435 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,799 Guys, I think I fixed your screwup. 436 00:21:06,833 --> 00:21:08,435 The deal with the Chinese is back on. 437 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,169 What? That's amazing. How? 438 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:12,138 Oh, that creepy translator texted me a picture 439 00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:15,241 of his tiny penis, so I threatened to put it online 440 00:21:15,274 --> 00:21:18,478 unless he convinced the investors to approve the deal. 441 00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:19,846 (chuckles) 442 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,148 Nice! All right. (Veronica chuckles) 443 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:23,316 All right, let's see it. 444 00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:26,653 (clears throat) 445 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:30,890 It looks like something you'd pick out of a salad. 446 00:21:32,024 --> 00:21:36,829 It looks like a cashew on a shag carpet. 447 00:21:36,863 --> 00:21:38,331 And this was the best photo he took. 448 00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:40,767 Can you imagine the other nine he deleted to get here? 449 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,034 (Veronica chuckles) 450 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:46,506 This is nice. 451 00:21:46,539 --> 00:21:50,042 This is really, really nice. 452 00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:56,716 Now, I see an inchworm and a little tiny fireman's hat. 453 00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:56,816 Oh, I see it. Oh, yeah, I see it, too. 32478

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.