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All language subtitles for Clerks (1994) BluRay 720p Ganool

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:02,202 --> 00:01:04,745 Hello. 2 00:01:05,028 --> 00:01:07,321 What ? 3 00:01:07,404 --> 00:01:10,739 No, l don't work today. 4 00:01:10,781 --> 00:01:12,990 I'm playing hockey at 2:00. 5 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:19,454 Why don't you call Randal ? 6 00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:22,038 'Cause I'm fuckin' tired ! 7 00:01:23,789 --> 00:01:26,998 I just closed last night. 8 00:01:27,082 --> 00:01:28,958 Jesus. 9 00:01:29,041 --> 00:01:32,251 What time do you think you're gonna come in, 12:00 ? 10 00:01:34,252 --> 00:01:37,087 Be there by 12:00 ? Where ? 11 00:01:37,170 --> 00:01:40,588 Swear you'll be there by 12:00 and I'll do it. 12 00:01:40,672 --> 00:01:43,133 12:00, or l walk. 13 00:01:51,470 --> 00:01:53,930 [ Slurping ] 14 00:02:20,777 --> 00:02:24,612 it's a meaningless end to the story 15 00:02:24,696 --> 00:02:28,864 Got no time for the forgotten glory 16 00:02:28,906 --> 00:02:32,825 And now just when l know what I'm after 17 00:02:32,866 --> 00:02:36,784 it just brings me to laughter 18 00:02:36,867 --> 00:02:40,663 - Just save up all your nickels and dimes - [ Engine Starts ] 19 00:02:40,746 --> 00:02:45,374 - Let's see what you find and you know - [ Tires Screeching ] 20 00:02:45,457 --> 00:02:49,625 I guess I'm livin' day to day 21 00:02:49,709 --> 00:02:54,253 Just in case you feel led astray, hell, yeah 22 00:02:54,295 --> 00:02:57,879 I guess I'm livin' day to day 23 00:02:57,963 --> 00:03:01,715 Hear what l say, yeah 24 00:03:01,798 --> 00:03:06,302 Just save up all your nickels and dimes 25 00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:09,886 Let's see what you find and you know 26 00:03:18,099 --> 00:03:21,517 I'd just die for a piece of that pie but 27 00:03:21,559 --> 00:03:26,227 I'll be glad to just feast on that pie crust 28 00:03:26,352 --> 00:03:30,021 And now just when l know what I'm after 29 00:03:30,062 --> 00:03:33,275 - it just brings me to laughter - Shit ! 30 00:03:33,358 --> 00:03:37,735 Just save up all your nickels and dimes 31 00:03:37,860 --> 00:03:42,737 Let's see what you find and you know 32 00:03:42,778 --> 00:03:46,697 I guess I'm livin' day to day 33 00:03:46,780 --> 00:03:52,241 Just so glad to be led astray Hell, yeah 34 00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:54,784 I guess I'm livin' day to day 35 00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:57,243 Hear what l say 36 00:03:57,368 --> 00:03:59,747 Well 37 00:04:30,596 --> 00:04:34,848 it's a meaningless end to the story 38 00:04:34,932 --> 00:04:39,184 Got no time for the forgotten glory 39 00:04:39,267 --> 00:04:43,477 And now just when l know what I'm after 40 00:04:43,518 --> 00:04:47,938 it just brings me to laughter 41 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:52,023 Just save up all your nickels and dimes 42 00:04:52,023 --> 00:04:56,527 Let's see what you find and you know 43 00:04:56,652 --> 00:05:00,487 I guess I'm livin' day to day 44 00:05:00,529 --> 00:05:03,321 Just hopin' to be led astray 45 00:05:03,363 --> 00:05:05,739 Hell, yeah 46 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:07,740 I guess I'm livin' day to day 47 00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:11,367 Hear what l say Oh, yeah 48 00:05:11,408 --> 00:05:14,451 - Ooh-hoo - Thanks. Have a good one. 49 00:05:14,535 --> 00:05:16,786 - Do you mind if l drink this here ? - Sure. Go ahead. 50 00:05:16,869 --> 00:05:18,745 - You open ? - Yeah. 51 00:05:20,246 --> 00:05:22,832 - Pack of cigarettes. - Are you sure ? 52 00:05:22,916 --> 00:05:25,084 - Am l sure about what ? - Are you sure ? 53 00:05:25,166 --> 00:05:28,418 - About what ? - Do you really wanna buy those cigarettes ? 54 00:05:28,544 --> 00:05:31,461 - Are you serious ? - How long you been smoking ? 55 00:05:31,545 --> 00:05:34,462 - What is this, a poll ? - How long you been a smoker ? 56 00:05:34,629 --> 00:05:37,256 I don't know. Since l was about 13. 57 00:05:37,297 --> 00:05:40,340 Thirteen. Let's see, you're about 19, 20 ? 58 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:43,758 - Am l right ? - What in the hell is that ? 59 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:48,221 That's your lung. By this time, your lung looks like this. 60 00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:51,430 - You've gotta be shitting me. - You think I'm shitting you ? 61 00:05:51,556 --> 00:05:53,974 - Here. - What's this ? 62 00:05:54,015 --> 00:05:55,474 A trach ring. 63 00:05:55,558 --> 00:05:58,684 It's what they install in your throat when cancer takes your voice box. 64 00:05:58,767 --> 00:06:02,143 -This one came out of a 60-year-old man. -Oh, God ! 65 00:06:02,227 --> 00:06:04,728 He smoked until the day he died. 66 00:06:04,770 --> 00:06:07,980 - Used to put the cigarette in this and smoke that way. - Excuse me, but-- 67 00:06:08,063 --> 00:06:09,981 This is where you're heading. 68 00:06:10,022 --> 00:06:12,274 Cruddy lung, smoking through a hole in your throat. 69 00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:15,068 - Do you really want that ? - lf it's already too late, l guess-- 70 00:06:15,152 --> 00:06:17,111 No, it's never too late. 71 00:06:17,153 --> 00:06:20,404 Put the cigarettes back, and try some gum instead. 72 00:06:20,487 --> 00:06:23,780 - Here. Chewlies gum. Try this. - it's not the same. 73 00:06:23,864 --> 00:06:27,283 It's cheaper than cigarettes, and it certainly beats this. 74 00:06:27,324 --> 00:06:30,951 -Oh, Jesus ! -it's a picture of a cancer-ridden lung. 75 00:06:31,034 --> 00:06:32,993 Keep it. 76 00:06:33,034 --> 00:06:35,870 - I'll just take the gum. - Fifty-five. 77 00:06:35,953 --> 00:06:38,996 You made a very wise choice. Keep up the good work. 78 00:06:41,497 --> 00:06:45,251 If you're gonna drink that coffee, I think you oughta take it outside, huh? 79 00:06:45,293 --> 00:06:47,877 I think I'll drink it in here. Thanks. 80 00:06:47,918 --> 00:06:51,795 If you're gonna drink it in here, I'd appreciate it if you don't bother the customers. 81 00:06:51,837 --> 00:06:55,213 Okay. I'm sorry about that. 82 00:06:56,423 --> 00:07:00,632 - Pack of cigarettes. What's that ? - This ? 83 00:07:00,716 --> 00:07:03,092 How long you been smoking ? 84 00:07:06,302 --> 00:07:10,181 Kill the drummer 85 00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:15,766 Kill the bass player Kill both bass players 86 00:07:15,808 --> 00:07:19,393 This song is the reason why I'm now going deaf 87 00:07:19,435 --> 00:07:23,353 Let's kick some ass ! Yeah ! 88 00:07:30,273 --> 00:07:33,233 I feel good today, Silent Bob. We're gonna make some money. 89 00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:36,151 And you know what we're gonna do ? We're gonna go to that party and get some pussy. 90 00:07:36,276 --> 00:07:38,821 I'm gonna fuck this bitch, I'm gonna fuck this bitch. 91 00:07:38,904 --> 00:07:42,448 I'll fuck anything that moves ! 92 00:07:42,531 --> 00:07:44,990 What the fuck you lookin' at ? I'll kick your fuckin' ass ! 93 00:07:45,115 --> 00:07:48,325 Shit, yeah. Don't that motherfucker owe me ten bucks ? 94 00:07:48,408 --> 00:07:52,744 You know, tonight we're going to rip off this fucker's head, take out his fuckin' soul. 95 00:07:52,786 --> 00:07:54,745 Remind me if he wants to buy something. 96 00:07:54,787 --> 00:07:56,704 I'm gonna shit in the motherfucker's bag. 97 00:07:56,746 --> 00:08:01,372 - [ Girl Laughing ] - What's up, baby ? What's up, sluts ? 98 00:08:01,456 --> 00:08:04,918 Yeah. So, Bob, you're a rude motherfucker, you know that ? 99 00:08:05,001 --> 00:08:08,419 You're cute as hell. I could go down on you, suck you, 100 00:08:08,461 --> 00:08:11,505 Line up three other guys, make like a circus seal. 101 00:08:11,588 --> 00:08:14,589 Hey, what're you, a fucking faggot ? I hate guys. 102 00:08:14,714 --> 00:08:17,007 I love women ! 103 00:08:17,049 --> 00:08:18,925 What you want, Grizzly Adams ? 104 00:08:19,050 --> 00:08:23,802 You're spending what, 20, maybe 30 dollars a week on your cigarettes ? 105 00:08:23,885 --> 00:08:25,928 - Yeah. - Forty. - Fifty-three. 106 00:08:26,011 --> 00:08:29,012 Fifty-three dollars a week on cigarettes ! Come on ! 107 00:08:29,096 --> 00:08:31,641 Would you give somebody that much money each week to kill you ? 108 00:08:31,724 --> 00:08:35,809 That's what you're doing now by paying for this so-called privilege to smoke ! 109 00:08:35,892 --> 00:08:37,851 We're gonna croak sometime. 110 00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:42,395 It's that mentality that allows the cancer-producing industry to thrive. 111 00:08:42,479 --> 00:08:46,523 Of course we're all gonna die someday ! Do we have to pay for it ? 112 00:08:46,606 --> 00:08:49,607 Do we have to actually throw hard-earned dollars down on the counter... 113 00:08:49,732 --> 00:08:52,900 and say, ""Please, Mr. Merchant of Death, sir, please, 114 00:08:52,983 --> 00:08:56,360 ""sell me something that will stink up my breath and clothes, 115 00:08:56,401 --> 00:08:59,447 - and fry my lungs !"" - [ Dante ] Now, wait a second. 116 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:03,407 Here comes the speech about how he's just doing his job by following orders. 117 00:09:03,490 --> 00:09:07,242 Let me tell you about another group of hate-mongers that were just following orders. 118 00:09:07,283 --> 00:09:09,618 - Who's that ? - They were called Nazis ! 119 00:09:09,743 --> 00:09:11,619 - Yeah, that's right. - Friggin' Nazi. 120 00:09:11,702 --> 00:09:14,079 They practically wiped an entire nation off the Earth, 121 00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,037 Like your cigarettes are doing now ! 122 00:09:16,121 --> 00:09:19,289 - [ Dante ] l think you'd oughta leave. - You want me to leave. Why ? 123 00:09:19,373 --> 00:09:23,749 'Cause somebody's telling it like it is, giving these fine people a wake-up call? 124 00:09:23,833 --> 00:09:27,086 - Yeah. - No, you're loitering and causing a disturbance. 125 00:09:27,169 --> 00:09:29,796 I'm a disturbance ? You're the disturbance, pal. 126 00:09:29,879 --> 00:09:34,132 Here, now l am a customer. I'm gonna buy some Chewlies gum. 127 00:09:34,257 --> 00:09:37,842 I'm a customer engaged in a discussion with the other customers. 128 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:40,926 - That's right. - Smoke my big fat cock ! 129 00:09:41,009 --> 00:09:44,970 He's scared now 'cause he sees the threat we present. 130 00:09:45,053 --> 00:09:48,012 He smells the change is coming ! 131 00:09:48,054 --> 00:09:51,639 You definitely are the source in this area, and we're gonna shut you down for good ! 132 00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:53,684 For good, cancer merchant ! 133 00:09:53,684 --> 00:09:56,435 [ Chanting ] Cancer merchant ! Cancer merchant ! 134 00:10:01,229 --> 00:10:03,355 Who's leading this mob ? 135 00:10:03,397 --> 00:10:06,481 [ Coughing ] That guy. 136 00:10:06,565 --> 00:10:08,816 - [ Coughing Continues ] - [ Woman ] Freeze ! 137 00:10:14,985 --> 00:10:18,319 Let's see some credentials. Slowly ! 138 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:24,283 - You're a Chewlies gum representative ? - [ Man ] Chewlies ? 139 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:28,952 You're stirring up anti-smoking sentiment to, what, sell more gum ? 140 00:10:29,036 --> 00:10:31,494 Get out of here ! 141 00:10:31,494 --> 00:10:36,621 And you people-- Don't you have jobs to go to ? Get out of here. Go commute. 142 00:10:36,663 --> 00:10:40,707 You oughta be ashamed of yourselves. A bunch of easily led automatons. 143 00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:44,751 Try thinking for yourselves before you pelt an innocent man with cigarettes ! 144 00:10:44,876 --> 00:10:49,546 [ Coughing, Clears Throat ] 145 00:10:49,629 --> 00:10:52,214 Uh, pack of cigarettes ? 146 00:11:00,801 --> 00:11:02,927 Don't you think you're taking this a bit too hard ? 147 00:11:03,011 --> 00:11:07,846 I have enough indignities in my life and people start throwing cigarettes at me. 148 00:11:07,971 --> 00:11:10,806 - At least they weren't lit. - Oh, l hate this fucking place. 149 00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,265 Then quit. You should be going to school anyway. 150 00:11:13,390 --> 00:11:15,602 Please, Veronica, at this point, the last thing l need is a lecture. 151 00:11:15,643 --> 00:11:18,645 All I'm saying is, if you're that unhappy, you should leave. 152 00:11:18,729 --> 00:11:21,813 -I'm not even supposed to be here today! -l know. 153 00:11:21,855 --> 00:11:25,190 I stopped by your house. Your mom told me you left, like, at 6:00 or something. 154 00:11:25,231 --> 00:11:28,149 The guy got sick. He couldn't come in. 155 00:11:28,232 --> 00:11:31,068 - Don't you have a hockey game at 2:00 ? - Yes. 156 00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:34,444 And I'm gonna play like shit because I didn't have a good night's sleep. 157 00:11:34,486 --> 00:11:36,904 - Why'd you agree to come in then ? - Hey, I'm only here until 12:00. 158 00:11:36,987 --> 00:11:39,154 After that, I'm gone. The boss comes in. 159 00:11:39,279 --> 00:11:43,158 - Why don't you open the shutters? Get some sunlight in here. - Someone jammed gum in the locks. 160 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:46,118 - You're kidding. - Bunch of savages in this town. 161 00:11:51,454 --> 00:11:54,914 - Thanks. - How much money did you leave up there? 162 00:11:54,955 --> 00:11:57,956 Like, three dollars in mixed change and a couple of singles. 163 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,833 This time in the morning, people just get a paper or coffee. 164 00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:03,459 - You're trusting. - Why do you say that ? 165 00:12:03,501 --> 00:12:07,503 How do you know they're taking the right amount of change or even paying for what they take ? 166 00:12:07,544 --> 00:12:10,339 Theoretically, people see money on the counter, no one around, 167 00:12:10,506 --> 00:12:12,507 they think they're being watched. 168 00:12:12,507 --> 00:12:14,800 Honesty through paranoia. 169 00:12:14,841 --> 00:12:17,051 Why do you smell like shoe polish ? 170 00:12:17,134 --> 00:12:19,677 I needed shoe polish to make that sign out there. 171 00:12:19,718 --> 00:12:22,887 - Smell won't come off. - [ Door Opens ] 172 00:12:22,969 --> 00:12:25,304 You think anybody can see us down here ? 173 00:12:25,304 --> 00:12:27,305 Why, you wanna have sex or something ? 174 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,431 - Can we ? - Really ? 175 00:12:29,473 --> 00:12:32,557 - l was kidding. - Like you can't get enough of me. 176 00:12:32,641 --> 00:12:35,936 - Typically male point of view. - How do you figure ? 177 00:12:35,978 --> 00:12:39,188 Show some bedroom proficiency, you think you're gods. 178 00:12:39,271 --> 00:12:41,522 What about what we do for you ? 179 00:12:41,563 --> 00:12:45,607 Women as lovers are basically the same; they just have to be there. 180 00:12:45,649 --> 00:12:48,526 - Be there ? - Making a male climax isn't at all challenging. 181 00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:52,402 Insert somewhere close, preferably moist, thrust, repeat. 182 00:12:52,485 --> 00:12:54,403 How flattering. 183 00:12:54,486 --> 00:12:57,446 Now, making a woman come, therein lies a challenge. 184 00:12:57,488 --> 00:12:59,072 You think so ? 185 00:12:59,114 --> 00:13:02,365 A woman makes a guy come, it's standard. 186 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:05,118 A guy makes a woman come, it's talent. 187 00:13:05,159 --> 00:13:08,036 - And l actually date you ? - Something wrong ? 188 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:12,663 I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan, it takes more than that to get a guy off. 189 00:13:12,746 --> 00:13:15,498 Just being there, as you put it, is not enough. 190 00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:17,416 Hmm, I've touched a nerve. 191 00:13:17,499 --> 00:13:19,958 I'm astonished to hear you you trivialize my role in our sex life. 192 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,501 It wasn't directed at you. I was making a broad generalization. 193 00:13:22,543 --> 00:13:24,919 You're making a generalization about broads. 194 00:13:25,044 --> 00:13:27,461 Those are my opinions based on the few women... 195 00:13:27,503 --> 00:13:29,379 who were goodly enough to sleep with me. 196 00:13:29,421 --> 00:13:31,507 - How many ? - How many what ? 197 00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:34,217 How many different girls have you slept with ? 198 00:13:34,301 --> 00:13:37,010 - Didn't we have this discussion once before ? - We might have. 199 00:13:37,093 --> 00:13:40,136 - l don't remember. How many ? - including you ? 200 00:13:40,219 --> 00:13:42,804 It better be up to and including me. 201 00:13:42,846 --> 00:13:46,264 - Twelve. - You slept with 12 different girls ? 202 00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,557 Including you ? Yes. 203 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,683 - Ow ! What'd you do that for ? - You're a pig ! 204 00:13:50,766 --> 00:13:53,809 - Why'd you hit me ? - Do you know how many different men I've had sex with ? 205 00:13:53,851 --> 00:13:55,893 Do l get to hit you after you tell me ? 206 00:13:55,977 --> 00:13:57,646 - Three. - Three ? 207 00:13:57,730 --> 00:14:00,731 - Three, including you. - You only slept with three different people ? 208 00:14:00,856 --> 00:14:02,815 - I'm not the pig you are. - Who ? 209 00:14:02,898 --> 00:14:05,691 - You ! - No, who are the three, besides me. 210 00:14:05,774 --> 00:14:09,027 - John Francin and Rob Stanslik. - Wow. 211 00:14:09,110 --> 00:14:12,194 That's why you should feel like a pig. You men make me feel sick. 212 00:14:12,236 --> 00:14:15,571 - You'll sleep with anything that says yes. - Animal, mineral or vegetable. 213 00:14:15,654 --> 00:14:17,071 Vegetable, meaning paraplegic. 214 00:14:17,238 --> 00:14:19,323 They put up the least amount of struggle. 215 00:14:19,489 --> 00:14:21,990 After dropping a bombshell like that, you owe me big. 216 00:14:22,073 --> 00:14:23,491 Name it. 217 00:14:23,533 --> 00:14:25,453 I want you to come with me on Monday. 218 00:14:25,494 --> 00:14:27,454 - Where ? - To school. 219 00:14:27,494 --> 00:14:30,121 There's a seminar about getting back into a scholastic program... 220 00:14:30,163 --> 00:14:32,080 after a lapse in enrollment. 221 00:14:32,164 --> 00:14:33,706 Can't we ever have a discussion without that coming up ? 222 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,749 It's important to me, Dante. 223 00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:38,917 You have so much potential that's going to waste in this pit. 224 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,376 - l wish you'd go back to school. - Stop. You're making my head hurt. 225 00:14:42,501 --> 00:14:45,462 -Shit ! Why're you getting up ? -Unlike you, l have class in 45 minutes. 226 00:14:47,795 --> 00:14:49,838 Willam ? 227 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,467 Hey, Ronni. How you been, man ? 228 00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:55,468 What, do you work here now ? 229 00:14:55,509 --> 00:14:58,719 No, l was visiting my man. 230 00:14:58,802 --> 00:15:02,304 Dante, this is Willam Black. This is Dante Hicks, my boyfriend. 231 00:15:02,387 --> 00:15:06,723 - How you doing ? Just the soda ? - No, and a pack of cigarettes. 232 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:10,808 So where you been, man ? Still going to Seton Hall ? 233 00:15:10,850 --> 00:15:15,102 No, l transferred into Monmouth this year. l was tired of missing him. 234 00:15:15,143 --> 00:15:18,395 That's beautiful, man. 235 00:15:18,437 --> 00:15:20,648 So, you still talk to Silvan ? 236 00:15:20,731 --> 00:15:23,816 I just talked to her on Monday. We still hang out on weekends. 237 00:15:23,858 --> 00:15:25,734 Oh, that's great. 238 00:15:25,817 --> 00:15:29,653 Well, you two lovebirds take it easy, okay ? 239 00:15:29,694 --> 00:15:32,820 Bye. Take it easy. 240 00:15:32,862 --> 00:15:36,739 - [ Ronni ] That was Snowball. - Why do you call him that ? 241 00:15:36,906 --> 00:15:40,658 Silvan made it up. It's a blow job thing. 242 00:15:40,741 --> 00:15:42,783 What do you mean ? 243 00:15:42,824 --> 00:15:46,453 After the blow job, he likes to have it spit back into his mouth while kissing. 244 00:15:46,495 --> 00:15:48,371 It's called snowballing. 245 00:15:48,496 --> 00:15:51,122 - He requests this ? - He gets off on it. 246 00:15:51,206 --> 00:15:54,415 - Silvan can be talked into anything. - Why do you say that ? 247 00:15:54,457 --> 00:15:56,917 Like you said, she snowballed him. 248 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:01,001 - Silvan ? No, l snowballed him. - Yeah, right. 249 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:03,127 I'm serious. 250 00:16:03,169 --> 00:16:06,712 - You sucked that guy's dick ? - Yeah. How do you think l knew-- 251 00:16:06,796 --> 00:16:10,464 You said you only had sex with three different guys ! You never mentioned him ! 252 00:16:10,548 --> 00:16:13,301 - Because l never had sex with him. - You sucked his dick ! 253 00:16:13,343 --> 00:16:16,177 We went out a few times. We never had sex, but we fooled around. 254 00:16:16,302 --> 00:16:19,428 Oh, my God. Why did you tell me you only had sex with three guys ? 255 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:22,055 Because l did only have sex with three guys. 256 00:16:22,138 --> 00:16:25,640 - it doesn't mean I didn't just go with people. - Oh, my God, l feel so nauseous ! 257 00:16:25,765 --> 00:16:27,766 I'm sorry, Dante. I thought you understood. 258 00:16:27,808 --> 00:16:29,350 I did understand ! 259 00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:32,518 I understood that you had sex with three guys and that's all you said ! 260 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:34,602 - Please calm down. - How many ? 261 00:16:34,644 --> 00:16:36,895 - Dante, let it go ! - How many dicks have you sucked ? 262 00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:39,521 Shut up a second and I'll tell you. Jesus ! 263 00:16:39,604 --> 00:16:42,233 I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked ! 264 00:16:42,316 --> 00:16:44,942 This is different. This is important. How many ? 265 00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,823 Well ? 266 00:16:58,532 --> 00:17:02,951 - Something like 36. - What ? Something like 36 ? 267 00:17:02,993 --> 00:17:05,702 - Lower your voice. - What is that-- ""Something like 36"" ? 268 00:17:05,785 --> 00:17:07,746 Does that include me ? 269 00:17:08,955 --> 00:17:11,623 - Uh... 37. - I'm 37 ? 270 00:17:11,707 --> 00:17:15,041 - I'm going to class. - Oh, my God. 271 00:17:15,125 --> 00:17:19,460 - 37 ! My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks! - in a row ? 272 00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:23,004 - Where you going ? - Hey, listen, jerk. Until today, you never even knew... 273 00:17:23,045 --> 00:17:25,921 how many guys l slept with because you never even bothered to ask. 274 00:17:26,005 --> 00:17:29,715 Then you act all nonchalant about fucking 12 girls. I never had sex with 12 guys ! 275 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:32,632 - No, but you sucked enough dick ! - Yeah, l went down on a few guys. 276 00:17:32,716 --> 00:17:35,219 - A few ? - One of those guys was you. The last one, l might add. 277 00:17:35,261 --> 00:17:39,263 Which, if you're too stupid to comprehend, means that I've been faithful to you since we met. 278 00:17:39,346 --> 00:17:43,056 All the other guys I went with before l met you. If you want to have a complex, go ahead. 279 00:17:43,140 --> 00:17:46,516 But don't look at me like I'm the town whore, because you were plenty busy before you met me. 280 00:17:46,558 --> 00:17:50,310 Why did you suck their dick ? Why couldn't you sleep with them Like any other decent person ? 281 00:17:50,351 --> 00:17:52,227 Because going down isn't a big deal. 282 00:17:52,352 --> 00:17:55,187 I used to like a guy, we'd make out, and sooner or later I'd go down on him. 283 00:17:55,228 --> 00:17:58,396 - But l only had sex with the guys l loved. - l feel sick. 284 00:17:58,438 --> 00:18:00,481 I love you ! Don't feel sick. 285 00:18:00,522 --> 00:18:02,817 Every time l kiss you, I'm gonna taste 36 other guys. 286 00:18:02,984 --> 00:18:06,319 - I'm going to school. Maybe later you'll be a bit more rational. - I'm 37 ! l just can't-- 287 00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:08,361 Good-bye, Dante ! 288 00:18:11,154 --> 00:18:15,031 Hey, try not to suck any dick on the way through the parking lot ! 289 00:18:15,156 --> 00:18:17,657 Hey ! Hey, you ! Get back here. 290 00:18:22,743 --> 00:18:27,412 I thought that place was supposed to be open at 11:00. it's 11:20. 291 00:18:27,536 --> 00:18:30,832 I've already called his house twice. He'll be here soon. 292 00:18:30,832 --> 00:18:34,334 Hey, it's not like it's a demanding job over there. 293 00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:37,001 I'd like to get paid to sit on my ass and watch TV. 294 00:18:37,084 --> 00:18:39,920 I walked in the other day, that son of a bitch was sleeping. 295 00:18:39,961 --> 00:18:42,712 - I'm sure he wasn't sleeping. - Are you calling me a liar ? 296 00:18:42,796 --> 00:18:46,589 - Are you calling me a liar ? - No ! He was probably just resting his eyes. 297 00:18:46,631 --> 00:18:49,049 What the hell is that, ""resting his eyes"" ? 298 00:18:49,090 --> 00:18:53,051 - Like he's some air traffic controller? - Actually, that's his night job. 299 00:18:53,134 --> 00:18:56,638 Wise ass too, huh ? Go ahead. Keep cracking wise. 300 00:18:56,679 --> 00:19:00,139 That's why you're jockeying a register in some fuckin' convenience store... 301 00:19:00,223 --> 00:19:02,598 instead of working at a steady job. 302 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:06,517 I've got no time to bullshit around, waiting for that son of a bitch. 303 00:19:06,558 --> 00:19:08,601 Make sure he gets that. 304 00:19:08,684 --> 00:19:12,645 The number's 812. My name's Wynarski. I wanted a movie tonight. 305 00:19:12,728 --> 00:19:15,771 If you tell me the title of the movie, he'll hold it for you. 306 00:19:15,771 --> 00:19:19,689 Don't hurt yourself, buddy. I'll go to Big Choice Video instead. 307 00:19:21,732 --> 00:19:24,777 [ Door Opens, Closes ] 308 00:19:24,860 --> 00:19:27,403 You forgot your keys. 309 00:19:38,575 --> 00:19:41,910 - Guy ain't here yet. - You're kidding ! it's almost 11:30. 310 00:19:41,993 --> 00:19:47,079 - I've been here since 11:00. - l hate it when l can't rent videos ! 311 00:19:47,121 --> 00:19:50,539 I would've went to Big Choice, but the tape l want is right there on that wall. 312 00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:52,667 - Which one ? - Dental School. 313 00:19:52,750 --> 00:19:55,210 You came for that too ? That's the movie l came for. 314 00:19:55,293 --> 00:19:57,335 - l have first dibs. - Says who ? 315 00:19:57,377 --> 00:20:00,671 Says me. I've been here half an hour. I'd call that first dibs. 316 00:20:00,754 --> 00:20:04,297 - Ain't gonna happen, my friend. I'm getting that movie. - Like hell you are. 317 00:20:04,297 --> 00:20:06,881 I'll bet you 20 bucks you don't get to rent that tape. 318 00:20:06,923 --> 00:20:08,882 - Twenty bucks ? - Twenty bucks. 319 00:20:08,924 --> 00:20:12,300 All right, asshole. You're on. 320 00:20:28,476 --> 00:20:30,436 You're late. 321 00:20:30,519 --> 00:20:33,855 - What the hell are you doing here ? - The boss called. Arthur fell ill. 322 00:20:33,938 --> 00:20:36,564 - Why are the shutters closed ? - Someone jammed gum in the locks. 323 00:20:36,647 --> 00:20:39,315 - Bunch of savages in this town. - That's what l said. 324 00:20:39,399 --> 00:20:42,608 If I'd known you were here, I'd have come even later. 325 00:20:42,692 --> 00:20:45,778 - What smells like shoe polish ? - Go open the store. 326 00:20:49,989 --> 00:20:53,949 -Hey, you see a set of keys around here? -No time for love, Dr. Jones. 327 00:20:55,616 --> 00:20:57,908 Fucking kids. 328 00:21:19,004 --> 00:21:22,046 Some guy just came in refusing to pay late fees. 329 00:21:22,088 --> 00:21:25,590 Said the store was closed for two hours yesterday. l tore up his membership. 330 00:21:25,631 --> 00:21:27,090 Shocking abuse of authority. 331 00:21:27,174 --> 00:21:29,592 I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class, 332 00:21:29,633 --> 00:21:31,551 especially since l rule. 333 00:21:31,676 --> 00:21:35,595 - [ Randal ] Want something to drink ? I'm buying. - [ Dante ] No, thanks. 334 00:21:35,636 --> 00:21:37,929 Who was on your phone this morning, like, 2:30 ? 335 00:21:38,013 --> 00:21:40,515 - l was trying to call for half an hour. - Why ? 336 00:21:40,557 --> 00:21:43,808 I wanted to use your car. Snack cake. 337 00:21:43,850 --> 00:21:45,893 You don't wanna know. 338 00:21:45,976 --> 00:21:47,894 - You call Caitlin again ? - She called me. 339 00:21:47,935 --> 00:21:51,479 - You tell Veronica ? - One fight a day with Veronica is all l can stomach, thanks. 340 00:21:51,562 --> 00:21:54,230 - What do you fight about ? - We don't fight about anything. 341 00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:57,231 She wants me to leave here and go back to school and get some direction. 342 00:21:57,315 --> 00:22:00,357 - l bet the most frequent topic of arguments is Caitlin Bree. - You win. 343 00:22:00,399 --> 00:22:03,234 I'm going to offer you some advice, my friend. Let the past be the past. 344 00:22:03,318 --> 00:22:05,943 Forget Caitlin Bree. You been with Veronica how long now ? 345 00:22:06,027 --> 00:22:08,238 - Seven months. - Chick's nuts about you. 346 00:22:08,322 --> 00:22:10,490 - How long you date Caitlin ? - Five years. 347 00:22:10,531 --> 00:22:12,990 Chick only made you nuts, man. She cheated on you how many times ? 348 00:22:13,074 --> 00:22:15,075 - Eight and a half. - Eight and a half ? 349 00:22:15,116 --> 00:22:18,451 Party at John Kay's, senior year; I get blitzed, pass out in his bedroom. 350 00:22:18,576 --> 00:22:21,370 -Caitlin comes in and jumps all over me. -So that's cheating ? 351 00:22:21,411 --> 00:22:24,913 - No. In the middle of it she called me Brad. - She called you Brad ? 352 00:22:24,996 --> 00:22:27,997 That's not cheating. People say crazy shit during sex. 353 00:22:28,039 --> 00:22:30,999 - One time, l called this girl ""mom."" - l hit the light, she freaks. 354 00:22:31,083 --> 00:22:33,835 - She thought l was Brad Michelson. - What do you mean ? 355 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,711 She was supposed to meet Brad in a dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one. 356 00:22:36,753 --> 00:22:38,837 - She didn't even know I was at the party. - Oh, my God. 357 00:22:38,921 --> 00:22:41,339 - Great story, huh ? - That girl was vile to you. 358 00:22:41,339 --> 00:22:44,590 Interesting postscript to that story. Do you know who wound up in that bedroom with Brad ? 359 00:22:44,632 --> 00:22:46,549 - Your mother ? - Alan Harris. 360 00:22:46,633 --> 00:22:49,134 - Chess team Alan Harris ? - The two moved to Idaho together. 361 00:22:49,218 --> 00:22:50,635 They raise sheep. 362 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,260 - That's frightening. - Takes different strokes to move the world. 363 00:22:53,386 --> 00:22:55,261 In light of this lurid tale, I don't see... 364 00:22:55,303 --> 00:22:57,179 how you could romanticize your relationship with Caitlin. 365 00:22:57,262 --> 00:23:00,306 She broke your heart and inadvertently drove men to deviant lifestyles. 366 00:23:00,348 --> 00:23:02,351 There was a lot of good in our relationship. 367 00:23:02,433 --> 00:23:04,267 Aside from the cheating, we were a great couple. 368 00:23:04,393 --> 00:23:08,103 That's what high school was about: algebra, bad lunch and infidelity. 369 00:23:08,186 --> 00:23:10,813 - You think things will be different this time ? - They are. 370 00:23:10,813 --> 00:23:14,231 When she calls me now, she's a different person. She's frightened, vulnerable. 371 00:23:14,272 --> 00:23:18,108 She's finishing college and about to enter the real world. That's scary for anyone. 372 00:23:18,149 --> 00:23:20,817 - Shit, l gotta place an order. - Talkin' to myself here. 373 00:23:20,858 --> 00:23:24,277 - I'm listening. She's leaving college and-- - And she's looking for support. 374 00:23:24,402 --> 00:23:27,696 - l think this is leading our relationship to a new level. - What about Veronica ? 375 00:23:27,821 --> 00:23:30,699 I think the arguments Veronica and l are having are some kind of manifestation... 376 00:23:30,782 --> 00:23:32,825 of a subconscious desire to break up with her, 377 00:23:32,908 --> 00:23:35,284 so l can pursue a more meaningful relationship with Caitlin. 378 00:23:35,367 --> 00:23:38,035 - Caitlin's on the same wavelength ? - it's safe to say yes. 379 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:41,120 - l think all four of you better sit down and talk it over. - All four ? 380 00:23:41,161 --> 00:23:45,414 You, Veronica, Caitlin and Caitlin's fianc�. 381 00:23:54,668 --> 00:23:58,463 - Do you sell video tapes ? - Yeah. What are you looking for ? 382 00:23:58,630 --> 00:24:01,715 - Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. - Uh, one second. 383 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,341 I'm on the phone with the distribution house. Let me make sure they got it. 384 00:24:05,383 --> 00:24:08,342 - What's it called again ? - Happy Scrappy Hero Pup. 385 00:24:08,384 --> 00:24:12,428 - [ Child ] Happy Scrappy-- - She loves it. - Obviously. 386 00:24:12,511 --> 00:24:16,555 This is RST Video calling. Customer number 4352. 387 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,931 I'd like to place an order. 388 00:24:18,973 --> 00:24:21,223 I need one each of the following tapes: 389 00:24:21,265 --> 00:24:23,268 Whispers in The Wind, To Each His Own, 390 00:24:23,351 --> 00:24:26,478 Put it Where it Doesn't Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, 391 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,688 All Tit Fucking, Volume Eight, I Need Your Cock, 392 00:24:29,813 --> 00:24:33,189 Ass Worshipping Rim Jobbers, My Cunt And Eight Shafts, 393 00:24:33,231 --> 00:24:37,442 Cum Clean, Cum Gargling Naked Sluts, Cum Buns III, 394 00:24:37,483 --> 00:24:40,401 Cumming in Socks, Cum On ilene, 395 00:24:40,443 --> 00:24:42,569 Huge Black Cocks With Pearly White Cum, 396 00:24:42,652 --> 00:24:45,528 Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls Who Crave Cunt, 397 00:24:45,611 --> 00:24:49,322 Men Alone II: The KY Connection, Pink Pussy Lips, 398 00:24:49,405 --> 00:24:52,533 oh, yeah, and, uh, All Holes Filled with Hard Cock. 399 00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:56,744 Yup. Oh, wait a minute. What was that called again ? 400 00:24:56,827 --> 00:24:58,369 I'm a needle, you know 401 00:24:58,411 --> 00:25:03,039 Never want to be a haystack 402 00:25:03,164 --> 00:25:06,415 Don't ever want to break your heart in two 403 00:25:06,498 --> 00:25:10,000 Know the crowd is gonna sell their soul 404 00:25:10,083 --> 00:25:13,168 Take it anywhere l know Well, l promise you 405 00:25:13,251 --> 00:25:15,336 it's making me sick 406 00:25:16,628 --> 00:25:20,048 Yes, I'd like to check on a misprint in today's edition. 407 00:25:20,131 --> 00:25:22,257 Today's edition. 408 00:25:22,382 --> 00:25:26,051 It says, ""Bree to wed Asian design major."" 409 00:25:26,176 --> 00:25:28,052 No, everything's spelled fine. 410 00:25:28,093 --> 00:25:31,345 I was just wondering if the article was a misprint. 411 00:25:31,428 --> 00:25:34,221 I don't know, Like a typographical error or something. 412 00:25:34,305 --> 00:25:39,057 Maybe it should say, ""Caitlin Bray"" or ""Caitlin Bre"" with one ""E."" 413 00:25:39,140 --> 00:25:44,100 I'm a curious party. A curious party. 414 00:25:44,186 --> 00:25:46,604 I'm an ex-boyfriend, and, well, 415 00:25:46,646 --> 00:25:49,521 I talk to her all the time and she never mentioned this engagement. 416 00:25:49,563 --> 00:25:52,649 That's why I'm thinking maybe it's a misprint. 417 00:25:54,274 --> 00:25:59,193 Are you sure ? Maybe there's a vindictive printer working for you. 418 00:25:59,276 --> 00:26:03,278 Meaning like, someone who asked her out once and got shot down, 419 00:26:03,362 --> 00:26:07,780 and this is his revenge by putting this bogus article in the paper when it went to press. 420 00:26:07,863 --> 00:26:10,239 Hello. Hello ? 421 00:26:16,827 --> 00:26:19,246 - [ Sniffing ] - [ Cat Meows ] 422 00:26:19,287 --> 00:26:23,164 I don't care if she's my cousin, I'm gonna knock those boots again tonight. 423 00:26:23,206 --> 00:26:26,999 - Look who it is. The fuckin' human vacuum. - Scumbag, what are you doing ? 424 00:26:27,041 --> 00:26:29,917 - Just hanging with Silent Bob and his cousin. - He's your cousin ? 425 00:26:29,959 --> 00:26:32,085 - He's from Russia too. - No way. 426 00:26:32,126 --> 00:26:36,087 - What part of Russia ? - l don't know. Do l look Like his fuckin' biographer ? 427 00:26:36,128 --> 00:26:40,507 -Olaf, what part of Russia are you from? -Moscow. 428 00:26:40,590 --> 00:26:44,550 -He only speaks Russian ? -He speaks some English, but he cannot speak it good like we do. 429 00:26:44,592 --> 00:26:47,678 - Is he staying here ? - Nah, he's moving to the big city this week. 430 00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,011 - He wants to be a metal singer. - [ Girl ] No way. 431 00:26:50,011 --> 00:26:52,596 I swear. Olaf, metal. 432 00:26:52,638 --> 00:26:56,390 That's his fucking metal face. Olaf, girl nice ? 433 00:26:56,431 --> 00:26:59,099 - [ Speaks Russian ] - That's fucked up, man. 434 00:26:59,140 --> 00:27:02,475 - What did he say ? - l don't know, man, but this guy's a character. 435 00:27:02,517 --> 00:27:05,602 - He really wants to play metal ? - Yeah, he's got his own band in Moscow. 436 00:27:05,644 --> 00:27:09,231 - it's called ""Fuck Your Yankee Blue Jeans"" or something. - That doesn't sound metal. 437 00:27:09,273 --> 00:27:12,566 You gotta hear him sing. Olaf, ""Berserker."" 438 00:27:12,649 --> 00:27:16,442 - Come on, man, ""Berserker"" ! - Does he sing in English or Russian ? 439 00:27:16,526 --> 00:27:19,610 In English. Come on, ""Berserker."" Girls think sexy. 440 00:27:21,027 --> 00:27:24,821 - Aah. Aah. - Watch, he's gonna sing it. It's too funny. 441 00:27:24,904 --> 00:27:29,532 My love for you is like a truck, berserker 442 00:27:29,615 --> 00:27:33,868 Would you like some making fuck, berserker 443 00:27:33,952 --> 00:27:37,121 - That's fuckin' funny, man. - Did he say, ""making fuck"" ? 444 00:27:37,203 --> 00:27:42,039 [ Science Fiction Movie Sounds, Man Screaming ] 445 00:27:42,081 --> 00:27:44,457 [ Sounds Stop ] 446 00:27:57,379 --> 00:28:01,967 My love for you is ticking clock, berserker 447 00:28:02,009 --> 00:28:07,052 Would you like to suck my cock, berserker 448 00:28:07,094 --> 00:28:10,429 That's beautiful, man. 449 00:28:13,847 --> 00:28:16,765 Hold on to the counter and I'll pull. 450 00:28:16,849 --> 00:28:19,975 Usually l just turn the can upside down. 451 00:28:20,017 --> 00:28:22,476 Maybe we oughta soap your hand up. 452 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,811 They oughta put a warning on these things, like they do with cigarettes. 453 00:28:25,895 --> 00:28:28,898 - l think it's coming ! - [ Falls On Floor ] 454 00:28:30,773 --> 00:28:34,108 Thanks. l thought l was going to have to go to the hospital. 455 00:28:34,233 --> 00:28:36,860 I'll throw this out as a precautionary measure. 456 00:28:36,943 --> 00:28:39,111 [ Chuckling ] Stings a little. 457 00:28:39,195 --> 00:28:43,321 A little word of advice: Sometimes you got to let those hard-to-reach chips go. 458 00:28:43,362 --> 00:28:45,363 - [ Door Opens ] - Thanks. 459 00:28:47,031 --> 00:28:50,200 You know, that article's accurate. Caitlin really is getting married. 460 00:28:50,241 --> 00:28:53,534 -You know what l just watched ? -Me pulling a can off some moron's fist? 461 00:28:53,618 --> 00:28:58,288 - Return Of The Jedi. - Didn't you hear me ? Caitlin is really getting married. 462 00:28:58,413 --> 00:29:02,290 What did you like better: Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back ? 463 00:29:02,332 --> 00:29:04,416 - Empire. - Blasphemy. 464 00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:06,542 Empire had the better ending. 465 00:29:06,626 --> 00:29:10,919 I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father. 466 00:29:11,044 --> 00:29:14,504 Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. it ends on such a down note. 467 00:29:14,545 --> 00:29:18,005 I mean, that's what life is: a series of down endings. 468 00:29:18,088 --> 00:29:20,715 All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets. 469 00:29:20,757 --> 00:29:23,968 There was something else going on in Jedi. I never noticed it 'til today. 470 00:29:24,052 --> 00:29:26,261 - They build another Death Star, right ? - Yeah. 471 00:29:26,303 --> 00:29:29,387 The first one was completed and fully operational before the rebels destroyed it. 472 00:29:29,471 --> 00:29:31,805 Luke blew it up. Give credit where credit's due. 473 00:29:31,889 --> 00:29:35,349 - The second one was still being built when they blew it up. - Compliments of Lando Calrissian. 474 00:29:35,390 --> 00:29:38,183 Something just never sat right with me that second time around. 475 00:29:38,225 --> 00:29:41,018 I could never put my finger on it, but something just wasn't right. 476 00:29:41,101 --> 00:29:44,978 - And you figured it out. - The first Death Star was manned by the lmperial Army. 477 00:29:45,020 --> 00:29:48,605 The only people on board were Storm Troopers, dignitaries, lmperialists. 478 00:29:48,688 --> 00:29:52,526 - Basically. - So when they blew it up, no problem. Evil's punished. 479 00:29:52,651 --> 00:29:56,402 - And the second time around ? - it wasn't even done being built yet. 480 00:29:56,444 --> 00:29:58,694 - it was still under construction. - So ? 481 00:29:58,778 --> 00:30:01,154 A construction job of that magnitude would require... 482 00:30:01,196 --> 00:30:04,322 a lot more manpower than the lmperial Army had to offer. 483 00:30:04,364 --> 00:30:07,157 I'll bet they brought independent contractors in on that thing. 484 00:30:07,241 --> 00:30:09,991 - Plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers-- - Not just lmperialists. 485 00:30:10,033 --> 00:30:12,451 - Is that what you're getting at ? - Exactly. 486 00:30:12,535 --> 00:30:15,202 To get it built quickly and quietly, they'd hire anybody that could do the job. 487 00:30:15,285 --> 00:30:17,872 You think the average Storm Trooper knows how to install a toilet main ? 488 00:30:17,956 --> 00:30:22,457 - All they know is killing. - So they bring in independent contractors. 489 00:30:22,499 --> 00:30:27,377 - Why are you so upset ? - Those innocent contractors brought in are killed, 490 00:30:27,418 --> 00:30:30,294 casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. 491 00:30:30,336 --> 00:30:34,505 Look, you're a roofer. Some juicy government contract comes your way. 492 00:30:34,630 --> 00:30:37,464 You got a wife and kids, the two-story in suburbia. 493 00:30:37,548 --> 00:30:40,632 This is a government contract which means all sorts of benefits. 494 00:30:40,715 --> 00:30:42,842 Along come these left-wing militants who blast everything... 495 00:30:42,883 --> 00:30:44,970 within a three-mile radius with their lasers. 496 00:30:45,053 --> 00:30:47,596 You didn't ask for that; you had no personal politics. 497 00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:50,722 - You're just trying to scrape out a living. - l don't mean to interrupt, 498 00:30:50,806 --> 00:30:53,807 - but what are you talking about ? - The ending of Return Of The Jedi. 499 00:30:53,849 --> 00:30:58,601 My friend is trying to convince me that independent contractors working on the Death Star... 500 00:30:58,643 --> 00:31:01,269 were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the rebels. 501 00:31:01,352 --> 00:31:03,979 I'm a contractor myself. I'm a roofer. 502 00:31:04,062 --> 00:31:05,938 ""Done And Ready Home improvements."" 503 00:31:05,980 --> 00:31:09,189 Speaking as a roofer, l can tell you a roofer's personal politics... 504 00:31:09,273 --> 00:31:12,359 - comes into play heavily when choosing jobs. - Like when ? 505 00:31:12,359 --> 00:31:15,735 Three weeks ago, l was offered a job up in the hills. Beautiful house. 506 00:31:15,861 --> 00:31:18,779 Tons of property. A simple re-shingling job. 507 00:31:18,821 --> 00:31:22,572 They told me if l could finish it in one day, l would double my price. 508 00:31:22,613 --> 00:31:25,240 - Then l realized whose house it was. - [ Dante ] Whose house was it ? 509 00:31:25,282 --> 00:31:29,367 - Dominic Bambino's. - Baby Face Bambino ? The gangster ? 510 00:31:29,409 --> 00:31:33,369 The same ! The money was right, but the risk was too high. 511 00:31:33,453 --> 00:31:37,537 I knew who he was, and based on that, I turned the job over to a friend. 512 00:31:37,622 --> 00:31:40,207 - Based on personal politics. - Right ! 513 00:31:40,291 --> 00:31:44,584 The next week, the Foresie family put a hit on Baby Face's house. 514 00:31:44,625 --> 00:31:49,336 - My friend was shot and killed. Didn't even finish re-shingling. - No way. 515 00:31:49,378 --> 00:31:53,380 I'm alive because l knew the risk involved in that particular client. 516 00:31:53,505 --> 00:31:55,381 My friend wasn't so lucky. 517 00:31:55,465 --> 00:31:59,424 Any contractor working on that Death Star knew the risk involved. 518 00:31:59,507 --> 00:32:02,050 If they got killed, it's their own fault. 519 00:32:02,092 --> 00:32:05,095 A roofer listens to this, not his wallet. 520 00:32:15,392 --> 00:32:19,685 They say so much, but they never tell you if it's any good. 521 00:32:22,729 --> 00:32:26,105 Are either one of these any good ? 522 00:32:26,105 --> 00:32:28,065 - Sir ? - What ? 523 00:32:28,106 --> 00:32:31,941 - Are either one of these any good ? - l don't watch movies. 524 00:32:31,985 --> 00:32:35,361 [ Sighs ] Well, have you heard anything about either one of them ? 525 00:32:35,445 --> 00:32:38,738 I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs. 526 00:32:38,905 --> 00:32:42,740 You mean you haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these ? 527 00:32:42,823 --> 00:32:44,741 Nope. 528 00:32:44,824 --> 00:32:46,742 [ Sighs ] 529 00:32:48,867 --> 00:32:52,161 - Well, what about these two ? - They suck. 530 00:32:52,203 --> 00:32:55,537 [ Sighs ] These are the same two movies. 531 00:32:55,662 --> 00:32:59,122 - You weren't paying any attention. - No, l wasn't. 532 00:32:59,208 --> 00:33:01,750 I don't think your manager would appreciate it-- 533 00:33:01,792 --> 00:33:04,794 - l don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am. - l beg your pardon ? 534 00:33:04,835 --> 00:33:08,504 Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me. 535 00:33:08,545 --> 00:33:12,880 I was only pointing out that you weren't paying any attention to what l was saying. 536 00:33:12,922 --> 00:33:14,798 And l hope it feels good. 537 00:33:14,923 --> 00:33:18,424 - You hope what feels good ? - l hope it feels so good to be right. 538 00:33:18,424 --> 00:33:20,384 There's nothing more exhilarating... 539 00:33:20,467 --> 00:33:22,551 than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there ? 540 00:33:22,635 --> 00:33:25,886 [ Heavy Sigh ] Well, this is the last time l rent here ! 541 00:33:25,969 --> 00:33:29,264 - You will be missed. - Screw you ! 542 00:33:31,474 --> 00:33:35,893 - Hey, you're not allowed to rent here anymore ! - [ Jay ] Yeah ! 543 00:33:35,976 --> 00:33:37,852 Screw me ? 544 00:33:50,608 --> 00:33:53,611 - You'll never believe what this unruly customer just said. - Wait. 545 00:33:53,653 --> 00:33:57,029 - She in here ? - This guy's going through all the eggs. 546 00:33:57,113 --> 00:33:59,656 This has been going on for 20 minutes now. 547 00:33:59,739 --> 00:34:02,365 - What's he looking for ? - Said he has to find the perfect dozen. 548 00:34:02,490 --> 00:34:05,325 - Perfect dozen ? - Each egg has to be perfect. 549 00:34:05,409 --> 00:34:07,617 - The quest isn't going well ? - Obviously not. 550 00:34:07,701 --> 00:34:11,078 - Look at all the cartons that didn't make the grade. - Why doesn't he mix and match ? 551 00:34:11,202 --> 00:34:13,704 - l told him that, and he yelled at me. - What'd he say ? 552 00:34:13,787 --> 00:34:17,080 He said it was important to have standards. He says no one has any pride anymore. 553 00:34:17,163 --> 00:34:19,415 It's not like you laid the eggs yourself. 554 00:34:19,415 --> 00:34:22,459 I give him five more minutes. After that, I'm calling the cops. 555 00:34:22,543 --> 00:34:25,503 I don't need this. I'm not even supposed to be here today. 556 00:34:26,837 --> 00:34:28,713 Two packs of cigarettes. 557 00:34:31,422 --> 00:34:34,882 - I'm as puzzled as you. - I've actually seen it before. 558 00:34:34,965 --> 00:34:38,050 - You know him ? - No, but l know the behavior. 559 00:34:38,134 --> 00:34:41,176 - Let me guess. He's looking for the perfect carton of eggs ? - [ Randal ] How'd you know ? 560 00:34:41,260 --> 00:34:45,095 - I'll bet you a million dollars he's a guidance counselor. - [ Dante ] Why do you say that ? 561 00:34:45,178 --> 00:34:49,182 I saw it happen in Food City, Like, last year. Different guy, though. 562 00:34:49,307 --> 00:34:52,267 Stock boy said he'd been looking through cartons of eggs for half an hour, 563 00:34:52,350 --> 00:34:54,852 doing all sorts of endurance tests and stuff. 564 00:34:54,935 --> 00:34:57,310 I asked him why nobody ever called the manager, and he said it happens... 565 00:34:57,352 --> 00:34:59,645 two, three times a week, sometimes more. 566 00:34:59,729 --> 00:35:01,938 - Get out of here. - No, l kid you not. 567 00:35:02,022 --> 00:35:05,440 They call it shell shock. Seems to only happen with guidance counselors. 568 00:35:05,523 --> 00:35:08,315 They used to make a big deal of it, but they just let it go now... 569 00:35:08,357 --> 00:35:11,568 because they always pay for whatever they break, and they never bother anybody. 570 00:35:11,650 --> 00:35:13,568 Why guidance counselors ? 571 00:35:13,651 --> 00:35:16,530 If your job was as meaningless as theirs, wouldn't you go crazy too ? 572 00:35:16,613 --> 00:35:20,073 - Come to think of it, my guidance counselor was kinda worthless. - See ? 573 00:35:20,157 --> 00:35:22,533 It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. 574 00:35:22,615 --> 00:35:27,744 That's why l manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination. 575 00:35:30,286 --> 00:35:33,288 Go your own way 576 00:35:33,330 --> 00:35:38,498 You can call it another lonely day 577 00:36:02,428 --> 00:36:06,221 Did you ever notice that all the prices end in ""9"" ? 578 00:36:06,263 --> 00:36:08,222 Damn, that's eerie. 579 00:36:08,264 --> 00:36:12,142 - Do you know how much the average jiz-mopper makes per hour ? - What's a jiz-mopper ? 580 00:36:12,184 --> 00:36:15,436 The guy that cleans up the nudie booths after each guy jerks off. 581 00:36:15,478 --> 00:36:17,562 - ""Nudie booth"" ? - Yeah, nudie booth. 582 00:36:17,603 --> 00:36:20,188 - You ever been in a nudie booth ? - Guess not. 583 00:36:20,271 --> 00:36:22,230 Oh, man, it's great. 584 00:36:22,314 --> 00:36:24,732 You go into this booth, and there's this glass between you and these chicks. 585 00:36:24,732 --> 00:36:28,108 - And they put on a show for you for, like, ten bucks. - What kind of a show ? 586 00:36:28,150 --> 00:36:31,318 Think of the weirdest, craziest shit you'd like to see chicks do. 587 00:36:31,360 --> 00:36:35,111 These chicks do it all. They insert things into any opening on their body. 588 00:36:35,153 --> 00:36:37,531 - Any opening. - Can we not talk about this now ? 589 00:36:37,657 --> 00:36:40,741 The jiz-mopper's job is to clean it up after each guy shoots a load. 590 00:36:40,866 --> 00:36:43,117 Practically everybody does it right on the window. 591 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:46,285 I don't know if you know this, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away. 592 00:36:46,327 --> 00:36:49,411 - l will never come to this place again. - Excuse me ? 593 00:36:49,453 --> 00:36:53,288 Using filthy language in front of the customers. You both should be fired. 594 00:36:53,372 --> 00:36:56,915 Oh, l-I'm sorry. I guess we kinda got carried away. 595 00:36:56,998 --> 00:36:59,999 I don't know if sorry can make up for it. 596 00:37:00,083 --> 00:37:02,793 You've highly offended me. 597 00:37:02,876 --> 00:37:05,837 Well, if you think that's offensive, check this out. 598 00:37:05,921 --> 00:37:07,797 Oh ! [ Screaming ] 599 00:37:07,838 --> 00:37:10,632 - l think you can see her kidneys. - Why do you do things like that ? 600 00:37:10,674 --> 00:37:13,508 - You know he's only going to come back and tell the boss. - Who cares ? 601 00:37:13,633 --> 00:37:16,550 That guy's an asshole. Everybody that comes in here is way too uptight. 602 00:37:16,592 --> 00:37:19,594 This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers. 603 00:37:19,678 --> 00:37:22,929 - Jesus ! I'm gonna hear from the boss tomorrow. - Would you loosen up ? 604 00:37:22,971 --> 00:37:26,097 You'd feel a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer. 605 00:37:26,222 --> 00:37:29,139 Why ? l-l don't bother them and they don't bother me. 606 00:37:29,181 --> 00:37:33,936 Liar ! Tell me there aren't customers that annoy the piss out of you on a daily basis. 607 00:37:33,978 --> 00:37:36,645 - There aren't ! - How can you lie like that ? 608 00:37:36,687 --> 00:37:42,273 Why don't you vent ? Vent your frustrations. Who pisses you off ? 609 00:37:42,439 --> 00:37:45,774 Well, l guess it isn't customers in particular. 610 00:37:45,899 --> 00:37:48,651 Maybe just a group of customers. 611 00:37:48,693 --> 00:37:52,986 - Well, let's hear it. - Well, the Milk Maids. 612 00:37:53,027 --> 00:37:54,945 The Milk Maids ? 613 00:37:54,987 --> 00:37:58,991 The women that go through every gallon of milk, looking for that later date, 614 00:37:59,074 --> 00:38:02,033 as if somewhere beyond all the other gallons is a container of milk... 615 00:38:02,117 --> 00:38:04,827 that won't go bad for like a decade. 616 00:38:04,868 --> 00:38:09,079 You know who l can do without ? The people in the video store. 617 00:38:09,162 --> 00:38:11,288 - Which ones ? - All of 'em. 618 00:38:11,371 --> 00:38:15,039 What would you get for a six-year-old boy who chronically wets his bed ? 619 00:38:15,081 --> 00:38:17,874 So, do you have any new movies in ? 620 00:38:18,041 --> 00:38:22,710 Do you have that one with that guy who was in that movie that was out last year ? 621 00:38:22,793 --> 00:38:24,669 They never rent quality flicks. 622 00:38:24,752 --> 00:38:27,964 They always pick the most intellectually devoid movie on the racks. 623 00:38:28,047 --> 00:38:30,549 Oooh ! Navy SEALS ! 624 00:38:30,591 --> 00:38:34,175 It's like in order to join they have to have an I.Q. less than their shoe size. 625 00:38:34,217 --> 00:38:38,261 You think you get stupid questions ? You should hear the barrage that l get. 626 00:38:38,303 --> 00:38:40,803 What do you mean there's no ice ? I've got to drink this coffee hot ? 627 00:38:40,887 --> 00:38:44,221 So, how much is this thing anyway ? 628 00:38:46,389 --> 00:38:49,099 Do you sell hubcaps for a '72 Pinto hatchback ? 629 00:38:49,224 --> 00:38:51,100 Ooh ! Mini-Trucker magazine. 630 00:38:51,142 --> 00:38:54,186 -See? You vented. Don't you feel better? -No. 631 00:38:54,270 --> 00:38:57,354 - Why not ? - Because my ex-girlfriend is getting married. 632 00:38:57,396 --> 00:39:00,814 Jesus, you got a one-track mind. It's always Caitlin, Caitlin, Caitlin. 633 00:39:00,939 --> 00:39:02,815 Veronica ! 634 00:39:04,774 --> 00:39:08,067 - What happened to home by 12:00 ? - Boss hasn't shown up yet. 635 00:39:08,151 --> 00:39:10,611 - How come you're not in class ? - Lit. 101 got cancelled. 636 00:39:10,652 --> 00:39:14,070 - So l stopped home and l brought you some lunch. - What is it ? 637 00:39:14,154 --> 00:39:17,238 Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off. What do you think it is ? 638 00:39:17,322 --> 00:39:20,117 - it's lasagna. - Really ? 639 00:39:20,201 --> 00:39:22,659 Oh, you're the queen. 640 00:39:22,701 --> 00:39:25,661 I'm glad you calmed down a bit. Hi, Randal. 641 00:39:25,745 --> 00:39:28,662 - Thirty-seven ? - Shut up ! 642 00:39:28,704 --> 00:39:32,164 Yes, I've calmed down. I'm not happy, but I'll be able to deal. 643 00:39:32,206 --> 00:39:36,291 - [ Sucking Sound ] - Why don't you go back to the video store ? 644 00:39:40,710 --> 00:39:44,420 - You had to tell him ? - l had to tell someone. He put it into perspective. 645 00:39:44,462 --> 00:39:47,298 - What did he say ? - He said at least he wasn't 36. 646 00:39:47,381 --> 00:39:49,341 And that made you feel better ? 647 00:39:49,424 --> 00:39:52,842 And he said most of them were college guys l never even seen or met before. 648 00:39:52,926 --> 00:39:56,010 - The ostrich syndrome: If you don't see it-- - it isn't there. Yes. 649 00:39:56,093 --> 00:39:59,386 - Thank you for being rational. - Thank you for the lasagna. 650 00:39:59,470 --> 00:40:01,513 - Couldn't get the shutters open ? - No. 651 00:40:01,596 --> 00:40:04,556 I called the locksmith. He said the earliest he could be here is tomorrow morning. 652 00:40:04,681 --> 00:40:07,349 Bummer. Well, l gotta head back for the 1:30 class. 653 00:40:07,516 --> 00:40:11,518 - What time you get finished ? - 8:00, but l have a sorority meeting 'til 9:00. 654 00:40:11,601 --> 00:40:14,312 So, I'll see you when you close then. Can we go out for coffee ? 655 00:40:14,354 --> 00:40:16,188 - Sure. - Good. 656 00:40:16,396 --> 00:40:18,648 See you when you close. Enjoy the lasagna. 657 00:40:18,689 --> 00:40:22,107 [ Door Opens, Closes ] 658 00:40:26,610 --> 00:40:29,736 [ Sucking Sound ] 659 00:40:36,030 --> 00:40:38,031 Vermont ? 660 00:40:38,073 --> 00:40:41,325 No, that can't be. I just talked to him this morning. 661 00:40:41,325 --> 00:40:44,078 He left at what time ? 662 00:40:44,161 --> 00:40:48,413 He really went to Vermont ? When the hell was someone going to tell me? 663 00:40:48,497 --> 00:40:51,248 He promised me he'd be here by noon ! 664 00:40:51,373 --> 00:40:55,625 Jesus, when does he get back ? Tuesday ? You've gotta be fucking kidding me ! 665 00:40:55,667 --> 00:40:58,125 I've got a hockey game at 2:00, and the steel shutters are jammed closed. 666 00:40:58,167 --> 00:41:02,002 And he's in Vermont ? I'm not even supposed to be here today ! 667 00:41:02,044 --> 00:41:04,462 [ Sighing ] 668 00:41:05,546 --> 00:41:07,922 So I'm stuck here until closing ? 669 00:41:07,964 --> 00:41:12,009 Oh, this is just great. I can't fucking believe this. 670 00:41:12,093 --> 00:41:13,969 Th-- 671 00:41:14,010 --> 00:41:18,554 No. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. 672 00:41:18,637 --> 00:41:21,138 Yeah, l know. 673 00:41:21,180 --> 00:41:24,807 No, l-I'll be all right. 674 00:41:24,849 --> 00:41:27,599 Well, that's all l can do, right ? Yeah. 675 00:41:27,641 --> 00:41:30,810 - All right, thanks. Bye. - Vermont ? 676 00:41:30,852 --> 00:41:33,686 - Can you fucking believe this ? - He didn't mention that to you this morning ? 677 00:41:33,853 --> 00:41:36,522 Not a word ! Not a fucking word, that slippery shit. 678 00:41:36,605 --> 00:41:38,857 - So, what ? You're stuck here all day ? - Fuck ! 679 00:41:38,898 --> 00:41:40,858 - Why'd you apologize ? - What ? 680 00:41:40,941 --> 00:41:43,775 I heard you apologize. Why ? You had every reason in the world to be mad. 681 00:41:43,817 --> 00:41:46,861 - l know ! - Jesus ! That seems to be the leitmotif in your life. 682 00:41:46,986 --> 00:41:49,070 - Ever backing down. - l don't back down ! 683 00:41:49,195 --> 00:41:51,737 You always back down. You assume blame that's not yours. 684 00:41:51,863 --> 00:41:54,573 You come in on your day off; you buckle like a belt. 685 00:41:54,698 --> 00:41:57,615 - You know what really pisses me off ? - That I'm right about your buckling ? 686 00:41:57,657 --> 00:42:00,283 - I'm going to miss the fucking game ! - Because you buckled. 687 00:42:00,408 --> 00:42:03,662 - Shut up with that shit. It ain't helping ! - Don't yell at me, pal. 688 00:42:03,704 --> 00:42:05,912 - I'm sorry. - See ? There you go again. 689 00:42:05,996 --> 00:42:09,873 - l can't believe I'm going to miss the fucking game. - At least we're stuck here together. 690 00:42:09,873 --> 00:42:12,249 You got a customer. 691 00:42:12,249 --> 00:42:14,916 What ? What do you want ? 692 00:42:18,793 --> 00:42:21,879 I can't fucking believe this. 693 00:42:21,962 --> 00:42:25,088 Yeah, hello, Sanford. Dante. 694 00:42:25,130 --> 00:42:29,132 I can't play today. I'm stuck at work. 695 00:42:29,215 --> 00:42:33,094 Yeah, l know I'm not scheduled today-- Forget it. 696 00:42:33,136 --> 00:42:37,888 Point is, l can't play today. Neither can Randal. He's working too. 697 00:42:39,263 --> 00:42:43,098 Wait a second. Do we have to play at the park ? 698 00:42:43,182 --> 00:42:45,892 Hold on. You feeling limber ? 699 00:42:56,313 --> 00:42:59,232 - Pull my laces tighter, man. - I've got to tell you, my friend, 700 00:42:59,316 --> 00:43:01,692 this is one of the most ballsiest moves I've ever been privy to. 701 00:43:01,734 --> 00:43:04,693 I never thought you capable of such a blatant disregard of store policy. 702 00:43:04,777 --> 00:43:07,737 - l told him l had a game today. It's his own fault. - No arguments here. 703 00:43:07,820 --> 00:43:10,863 - insubordination rules. - l just want to play hockey Like l was scheduled to. 704 00:43:10,988 --> 00:43:14,448 - I'm gonna grab a Gatorade. - lf you grab a Gatorade, then everybody's gonna grab one. 705 00:43:14,448 --> 00:43:16,783 - So ? - Who's gonna pay for these Gatorades ? 706 00:43:16,866 --> 00:43:19,658 - What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling motherfucker ? - l have a responsibility here. 707 00:43:19,825 --> 00:43:22,743 - l can't have everybody grabbing free drinks. - What responsibility ? 708 00:43:22,826 --> 00:43:25,747 - You're closing the store to play hockey. - He's blunt, but he's got a point. 709 00:43:25,830 --> 00:43:28,414 Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control ? 710 00:43:28,498 --> 00:43:30,999 No, I'm sayin' if you're gonna be insubordinate, might as well go the full nine, 711 00:43:31,041 --> 00:43:32,917 not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink. 712 00:43:32,958 --> 00:43:35,876 - He's right. As if we're going to have a run on Gatorade. - Fuckin' A. 713 00:43:36,001 --> 00:43:37,877 All right ! Jesus, you fuckers are pushy ! 714 00:43:38,002 --> 00:43:41,212 - l hear Caitlin's marrying an Asian drum major. - Design major. 715 00:43:41,295 --> 00:43:43,421 - Can we not talk about this ? - Fine by me. 716 00:43:43,463 --> 00:43:46,173 But you're living in denial and suppressing rage, motherfucker. 717 00:43:46,256 --> 00:43:49,007 - You going to lock the store ? - l don't know. You're going to lock the video store ? 718 00:43:49,091 --> 00:43:51,509 Look who you're asking here. How're we gonna block the street ? 719 00:43:51,592 --> 00:43:55,845 - We're not playing in the street. - Then where are we gonna play ? 720 00:44:01,973 --> 00:44:04,183 Hit 'em, hit 'em, hit 'em ! 721 00:44:16,605 --> 00:44:20,067 [ Yelling ] 722 00:44:29,738 --> 00:44:32,739 I got it ! l got it ! It's mine, it's mine ! 723 00:44:41,952 --> 00:44:43,911 Yeah ! 724 00:44:44,954 --> 00:44:47,415 [ Yelling Continues ] 725 00:44:52,418 --> 00:44:54,418 Hit 'em ! 726 00:44:56,419 --> 00:44:58,545 All right, here we go. I got it. 727 00:44:58,670 --> 00:45:00,838 - When is this period over ? - Eight more minutes. 728 00:45:00,963 --> 00:45:03,672 What, are you shitting me ? I wanna get cigarettes. 729 00:45:03,797 --> 00:45:07,257 - Just wait a few minutes. - I'm gonna break my crazy neck on this ladder. 730 00:45:07,298 --> 00:45:10,551 Now, lose the skates, Dorothy Hamill, and open the fucking store ! 731 00:45:10,592 --> 00:45:13,051 - Dante, where are you ? - He's busy ! - in a second ! 732 00:45:13,135 --> 00:45:16,888 Fuck ""in a second"" ! Oh, look at you. You can't even pass. 733 00:45:16,972 --> 00:45:20,056 - [ Dante ] l can pass ! - How about covering the point ? Man, you suck ! 734 00:45:20,140 --> 00:45:23,559 - Who are you to make assessments ? - I'll assess all l want, pal ! 735 00:45:23,599 --> 00:45:27,393 - Dante, you in or out ? - Don't pass to this guy. He sucks. You suck ! 736 00:45:27,435 --> 00:45:30,019 - Like you're any better ? - l can whip your ass any day, pal. 737 00:45:30,103 --> 00:45:33,062 - Easy to say over there. - Give me a stick, pretty boy ! 738 00:45:33,146 --> 00:45:36,273 I'll knock your fucking teeth out and pass all over your ass ! 739 00:45:36,356 --> 00:45:38,314 - You open ? - Yeah, you open ? 740 00:45:38,398 --> 00:45:41,652 [ Together ] No ! 741 00:45:41,736 --> 00:45:44,153 All right, there's a stick over there. You're shooting up against this goal. 742 00:45:44,194 --> 00:45:46,654 Hey, Redding ! Come on. Get this fucker ! 743 00:45:59,326 --> 00:46:00,910 Oh, man ! Hey ! 744 00:46:00,952 --> 00:46:03,953 Come on. Let's go, let's go ! Come on, come on. Get him ! 745 00:46:04,037 --> 00:46:06,038 Come on. Get him, get him ! 746 00:46:18,754 --> 00:46:23,048 - Give me another ball. - There are no more. 747 00:46:23,131 --> 00:46:25,758 What the fuck you talking about ? How many balls you bring ? 748 00:46:25,799 --> 00:46:29,343 I brought the orange one and... the orange one. 749 00:46:29,426 --> 00:46:31,760 Hey, any balls down there ? 750 00:46:31,843 --> 00:46:35,847 [ Jay ] About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry. 751 00:46:35,889 --> 00:46:39,098 - You only brought one ball ? - l thought Redding brought all the balls. 752 00:46:39,140 --> 00:46:42,017 - [ Redding ] Dante had the balls. - Nobody has another ball ? 753 00:46:42,059 --> 00:46:43,976 Shit ! 754 00:46:44,060 --> 00:46:48,311 We got what, 12 minutes of a game and it's over ? Fuck ! 755 00:46:48,394 --> 00:46:52,146 Fuck, fuck, fuck ! I'm not even supposed to be here today. 756 00:46:54,064 --> 00:46:56,940 I still get free Gatorade, right ? 757 00:47:07,739 --> 00:47:10,782 - Be careful. - I'm trying. 758 00:47:10,948 --> 00:47:14,867 You know, the insides of those has got stuff that can give you cancer. 759 00:47:14,909 --> 00:47:17,326 - So I'm told. - Yeah. 760 00:47:17,409 --> 00:47:21,203 I had a friend that chewed glass for a living. in the circus. 761 00:47:21,286 --> 00:47:24,704 - And he got cancer from chewing fluorescent bulb glass ? - Nah. 762 00:47:24,704 --> 00:47:28,498 - Got hit by a bus. - Oh. Can l help you ? 763 00:47:30,584 --> 00:47:35,295 Well, uh, that depends. You got maybe a toilet in here ? 764 00:47:35,379 --> 00:47:38,421 - Yeah, but it's for employees only. - l understand. 765 00:47:38,546 --> 00:47:42,006 But l, uh, thought maybe you'd let me use it anyway. 766 00:47:42,006 --> 00:47:46,342 I'm not so young anymore and I'm, how do you say, a little incontinent. 767 00:47:46,384 --> 00:47:50,426 - Sure. in the back, through the cooler. - Thank you, sonny boy. 768 00:48:00,517 --> 00:48:04,477 Say, uh, what kind of toilet paper you got back there ? 769 00:48:04,560 --> 00:48:07,687 - The white kind. - l didn't ask about the color. 770 00:48:07,770 --> 00:48:11,355 I mean, is it rough or is it cottony ? 771 00:48:11,397 --> 00:48:14,231 - Actually, it's kinda rough. - Oh, boy ! 772 00:48:14,314 --> 00:48:17,650 It's gonna knock the hell out of my hemorrhoids. 773 00:48:17,732 --> 00:48:21,026 I thought maybe you could Let me have a roll of the soft stuff. 774 00:48:21,068 --> 00:48:23,652 I see you sell the soft stuff back there. 775 00:48:23,737 --> 00:48:26,489 - Yeah, but-- - Come on, boitshik ! What's the difference ? 776 00:48:26,572 --> 00:48:29,949 You said yourself you have the rough stuff in the back. 777 00:48:30,032 --> 00:48:32,616 - Yeah, sure. Go ahead. - Thank you, sonny boy. 778 00:48:32,741 --> 00:48:34,659 You're a lifesaver. 779 00:48:43,329 --> 00:48:45,914 Say, young fella, I hate to bother you again, 780 00:48:45,998 --> 00:48:49,666 but, uh, maybe l could have something in the back there to read ? 781 00:48:49,708 --> 00:48:51,669 A paper or something ? 782 00:48:51,752 --> 00:48:54,045 Sometimes it takes me a while, 783 00:48:54,045 --> 00:48:56,838 and l like to have something to read while it's going on. 784 00:48:56,879 --> 00:48:58,880 [ Dante ] Yeah, sure, go ahead. 785 00:48:58,922 --> 00:49:02,173 One of the magazines you got in the back behind the counter. 786 00:49:02,215 --> 00:49:05,466 - The porno mags ? - Yeah ! 787 00:49:05,508 --> 00:49:07,926 I like the cartoons. They make me laugh. 788 00:49:08,010 --> 00:49:11,553 They draw some of the biggest titties you ever saw. 789 00:49:11,553 --> 00:49:14,470 Not this one. Maybe the one you got underneath this one. 790 00:49:14,596 --> 00:49:17,014 - They got bigger titties in there. - Here. 791 00:49:17,055 --> 00:49:19,809 - Now leave me alone. - Oh, thank you, sonny boy. 792 00:49:19,892 --> 00:49:21,809 I appreciate it. 793 00:49:25,477 --> 00:49:27,395 Hell of a game. 794 00:49:27,478 --> 00:49:31,147 One ball ? l close the store, they come all the way here, for one ball ? 795 00:49:31,188 --> 00:49:33,356 Hockey is hockey. At least we got to play. 796 00:49:33,607 --> 00:49:36,441 Twelve minutes is not a game. Jesus, it's hardly even a warm-up. 797 00:49:36,441 --> 00:49:41,152 - Bitch, bitch, bitch. You want something to drink ? - Yeah, a Gatorade. 798 00:49:41,235 --> 00:49:46,197 -Hey, what happened to all the Gatorade? -Exactly. They drank it all. 799 00:49:46,281 --> 00:49:49,532 - Know what Sanford told me ? - l can't believe Caitlin's getting married. 800 00:49:49,616 --> 00:49:51,533 - Julie Doyer died. - Yeah, right. 801 00:49:51,658 --> 00:49:54,201 - No, I'm serious. - Oh, my God ! 802 00:49:54,243 --> 00:49:56,785 Sanford's brother dates her cousin. He found out this morning. 803 00:49:56,869 --> 00:49:59,495 - How ? When ? - Embolism in her brain. Yesterday. 804 00:49:59,537 --> 00:50:02,455 - Jesus ! - She was swimming in the pool in the YMCA when it happened. 805 00:50:02,538 --> 00:50:06,498 -She died mid-backstroke. -l haven't seen her in, like, two years. 806 00:50:06,540 --> 00:50:09,458 Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't she one of the illustrious 12 ? 807 00:50:09,499 --> 00:50:13,253 - Yeah, number six. - You've had sex with a dead person. 808 00:50:13,378 --> 00:50:16,088 - I'm gonna go to her wake. - No, you're not. it's today. 809 00:50:16,130 --> 00:50:19,298 - What ? - Posten's Funeral Parlor. Next show's at 4:00. 810 00:50:19,381 --> 00:50:22,424 - Shit ! What about tomorrow ? - One night only. She's buried in the morning. 811 00:50:22,549 --> 00:50:24,926 - You gotta watch the store. I gotta go to this. - Wait, wait, wait, wait. 812 00:50:25,009 --> 00:50:28,427 - Has it occurred to you that l might be bereaved as well ? - You hardly knew her. 813 00:50:28,469 --> 00:50:31,511 True. But do you know how many people are gonna be there ? 814 00:50:31,595 --> 00:50:34,055 - All her old classmates, to say the least. - This is beneath even you. 815 00:50:34,138 --> 00:50:37,181 I'm not gonna miss what's probably gonna be the social event of the season. 816 00:50:37,223 --> 00:50:40,518 -You hate people ! -But l love gatherings. isn't it ironic? 817 00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,353 Stop being an asshole. Someone's gotta watch the store. 818 00:50:43,436 --> 00:50:45,479 - lf you go, l go. - She meant nothing to you ! 819 00:50:45,604 --> 00:50:48,188 She meant nothing to you neither 'til l told you she died. 820 00:50:48,230 --> 00:50:50,189 - I'm not taking you to this funeral. - I'm going with you. 821 00:50:50,272 --> 00:50:53,815 - l can't close the store. - You just closed the store to play hockey on the roof. 822 00:50:53,899 --> 00:50:57,859 Exactly ! Which means I can't close it for another hour just so we can both go to a wake. 823 00:50:57,943 --> 00:50:59,902 You were saying ? 824 00:50:59,985 --> 00:51:03,779 Thanks for putting me in such a tough spot. You're a good friend. 825 00:51:05,571 --> 00:51:08,824 - She was pretty young, huh ? - Twenty-two. Just like us. 826 00:51:08,866 --> 00:51:12,660 - Embolism in a pool. - What an embarrassing way to die. 827 00:51:12,701 --> 00:51:16,245 - That's nothing compared to how my cousin Walter died. - How did he die ? 828 00:51:16,370 --> 00:51:19,496 - He broke his neck. - That's embarrassing ? 829 00:51:19,579 --> 00:51:22,373 He broke his neck trying to suck his own dick. 830 00:51:22,498 --> 00:51:24,541 - Shut the hell up. - l swear. 831 00:51:24,623 --> 00:51:26,582 - Stop it. - Bible truth. 832 00:51:26,666 --> 00:51:30,918 - Oh, my God ! - Come on. Haven't you ever tried to suck your own dick ? 833 00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:33,794 - No. - Yeah, right. You're so repressed. 834 00:51:33,835 --> 00:51:37,506 - Because l never tried to suck my own dick ? - No, because you won't admit to it. 835 00:51:37,589 --> 00:51:40,758 As if a guy's a fucking pervert 'cause he tries to go down on himself. 836 00:51:40,883 --> 00:51:43,634 You're as curious as the rest of us, pal. You've tried it. 837 00:51:43,676 --> 00:51:46,635 - Who found him ? - My cousin ? Mom found him. 838 00:51:46,718 --> 00:51:50,428 It was a mess. He was on his bed, his legs doubled over himself. 839 00:51:50,554 --> 00:51:52,471 Mom freaked out. 840 00:51:52,513 --> 00:51:55,181 You know that you are a shooting star 841 00:51:55,223 --> 00:51:58,766 - Made it, huh ? Dick in his mouth ? - Yeah. 842 00:51:58,850 --> 00:52:01,602 Balls resting on his lips. 843 00:52:01,727 --> 00:52:05,271 - Wow. He really made it. - Yeah, but at what a price. 844 00:52:07,856 --> 00:52:10,857 - l can never reach. - Reach what ? 845 00:52:10,940 --> 00:52:13,400 - You know. - What, your dick ? 846 00:52:13,441 --> 00:52:17,527 Yeah. Like you said, l guess everybody gets curious and tries it sometime. 847 00:52:17,610 --> 00:52:19,569 I never tried it. 848 00:52:21,820 --> 00:52:23,696 Fucking pervert. 849 00:52:25,697 --> 00:52:30,201 Suddenly everyone loved to hear him play his songs 850 00:52:30,243 --> 00:52:35,495 Watch the world go by Surprising it goes so fast 851 00:52:35,537 --> 00:52:40,497 Johnny looked around him and said hey, I've made the big time at last 852 00:52:42,498 --> 00:52:46,000 - l knew this was a bad idea to close the store. - Listen to you. 853 00:52:46,041 --> 00:52:49,960 I can't help it. At least on the roof, I could see if anybody wanted to go in. 854 00:52:50,002 --> 00:52:52,253 Nobody's there. It's 4:00 on a Saturday. 855 00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:54,920 How many people ever come to the store at 4:00 on a Saturday ? 856 00:52:56,798 --> 00:52:58,757 Let me in ! 857 00:53:16,057 --> 00:53:18,142 [ Crashing Sound, Woman Screaming ] 858 00:53:24,563 --> 00:53:28,106 Do you know your place 859 00:53:28,231 --> 00:53:31,107 In the big charade 860 00:53:31,191 --> 00:53:35,693 Are you more than dead 861 00:53:35,860 --> 00:53:39,653 Leaders and followers Leaders and followers 862 00:53:39,695 --> 00:53:42,070 - [ Door Closes ] - l can't fucking believe you. 863 00:53:42,154 --> 00:53:44,113 I'm telling you, it wasn't my fault. 864 00:53:44,155 --> 00:53:47,240 - You knocked the casket over, for Christ's sake ! - l was just leanin' on it. 865 00:53:47,282 --> 00:53:50,285 - it was an accident. - Like someone knocks a casket over on purpose ! 866 00:53:50,327 --> 00:53:53,661 - So the casket fell over. Big deal. - Her fucking body fell out ! 867 00:53:53,745 --> 00:53:57,079 I put her back in it. it's not like it matters if she breaks something. 868 00:53:57,121 --> 00:54:00,498 - Just go open the video store. - [ Jay ] Open the video store ! 869 00:54:00,581 --> 00:54:02,999 Shut the fuck up, junkie. 870 00:54:05,083 --> 00:54:09,002 -Would you just go open the video store? -Yeah, you cock-smokin' clerk. 871 00:54:09,085 --> 00:54:11,836 How many times have l told you not to be dealing in front of the store ? 872 00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:13,837 I'm not dealing. What're you talking about ? 873 00:54:13,879 --> 00:54:16,172 - Have you got anything, man ? - What you want ? 874 00:54:18,925 --> 00:54:21,760 - Let me borrow your car. - l don't want to talk to you. 875 00:54:21,843 --> 00:54:25,261 - Fine. Just let me borrow your car. - Why should l loan you my car ? 876 00:54:25,303 --> 00:54:27,596 - l want to rent a movie. - You want to rent a movie. 877 00:54:27,721 --> 00:54:30,305 - [ Sighs ] - What's that for ? 878 00:54:30,388 --> 00:54:33,973 - You work in a video store ! - l work in a shitty video store. 879 00:54:34,015 --> 00:54:38,309 I want to go to a good video store so l can get a good movie. 880 00:54:39,476 --> 00:54:41,602 And a pack of cigarettes. 881 00:54:41,727 --> 00:54:44,688 - Cute cat. What's its name ? - Annoying customer. 882 00:54:44,772 --> 00:54:46,773 Fucking dickhead. 883 00:54:49,191 --> 00:54:52,192 Can you imagine being halfway decent to the customers sometimes ? 884 00:54:52,234 --> 00:54:54,652 - Let me borrow your car. - May l be blunt with you ? 885 00:54:54,693 --> 00:54:56,611 If you must. 886 00:54:56,736 --> 00:54:59,612 We are employees of Quick Stop Convenience and RST Video, respectively. 887 00:54:59,695 --> 00:55:03,072 As such, we have certain obligations that, although they may seem cruel and unusual, 888 00:55:03,114 --> 00:55:05,949 - does mean manning the store until closing. - l see. 889 00:55:05,990 --> 00:55:09,575 So playing hockey and attending wakes are standard operating procedures ? 890 00:55:09,700 --> 00:55:14,079 There's a difference. Those are obligations that couldn't have been met at any other date. 891 00:55:14,162 --> 00:55:16,455 Now, renting videos, that's gratuitous, not to mention illogical, 892 00:55:16,497 --> 00:55:18,915 being that you work at a video store. 893 00:55:18,998 --> 00:55:20,957 - Are you open ? - Yes. 894 00:55:21,040 --> 00:55:25,584 - l don't care for your rationale. - it's gonna have to do, being it's my car up for request. 895 00:55:25,668 --> 00:55:27,877 - Can l help you ? - A pack of cigarettes. 896 00:55:27,919 --> 00:55:31,629 - What's your point ? - My point is, you're a clerk, paid to do a job. 897 00:55:31,712 --> 00:55:35,256 You can't just do anything you want while you're working. 898 00:55:35,339 --> 00:55:39,384 ""Space alien revealed as head of Time-Warner. 899 00:55:39,426 --> 00:55:42,428 Report stock increase."" 900 00:55:42,511 --> 00:55:45,303 They print any kind of shit in this paper. 901 00:55:45,345 --> 00:55:47,179 They certainly do. Three dollars. 902 00:55:47,388 --> 00:55:49,931 - Your argument is that title dictates behavior. - What ? 903 00:55:50,014 --> 00:55:53,182 The reason you won't Let me use your car is because I have a title and job description, 904 00:55:53,224 --> 00:55:55,600 - and I'm supposed to follow it, right ? - Exactly. 905 00:55:55,642 --> 00:55:59,018 I saw one one time that said, 906 00:55:59,102 --> 00:56:01,728 ""The next week, the world is ending."" 907 00:56:01,811 --> 00:56:04,229 In the next week's paper, they said, 908 00:56:04,312 --> 00:56:07,065 ""We were miraculously saved at the zero hour... 909 00:56:07,065 --> 00:56:10,567 by a koala-fish mutant bird."" 910 00:56:10,692 --> 00:56:12,484 [ Laughing ] Crazy shit. 911 00:56:12,568 --> 00:56:16,611 So I'm no more responsible for my decisions here than, say, a death squad soldier in Bosnia ? 912 00:56:16,653 --> 00:56:19,779 That's stretching it. You're not being asked to slay children or anything. 913 00:56:19,821 --> 00:56:22,448 - Yeah, not yet. - And l remember one time-- 914 00:56:24,574 --> 00:56:27,491 I'm gonna break your fucking head, you fucking jerk ! 915 00:56:27,533 --> 00:56:30,201 - I'm sorry. He meant to hit me. - Yeah ? Well, he missed. 916 00:56:30,243 --> 00:56:33,163 Here, let me refund your money and we'll call if even, all right ? 917 00:56:33,246 --> 00:56:35,247 I'll never come in here again. 918 00:56:35,330 --> 00:56:40,458 And if l see you again, I'm gonna break your fucking head open ! 919 00:56:43,126 --> 00:56:45,376 - What the fuck did you do that for ? - Two reasons. 920 00:56:45,460 --> 00:56:49,336 One, l hate it when people can't shut up about the stupid tabloid headlines. 921 00:56:49,378 --> 00:56:52,880 - Oh, Jesus. - And two, to prove a point. Title does not dictate behavior. 922 00:56:52,963 --> 00:56:56,423 - What ? - lf title dictated my behavior as a clerk serving the public, 923 00:56:56,465 --> 00:56:59,425 I wouldn't be allowed to spit water at that guy, but l did. 924 00:56:59,425 --> 00:57:02,011 My point is that people dictate their own behavior. 925 00:57:02,053 --> 00:57:05,471 Even though l work in a video store, I choose to rent movies at Big Choice. 926 00:57:05,596 --> 00:57:08,931 - Agreed ? - You are a danger to both the dead and the living. 927 00:57:08,973 --> 00:57:11,474 I like to think I'm a master of my own destiny. 928 00:57:11,515 --> 00:57:14,516 - Please get the hell outta here. - You know I'm your hero. 929 00:57:20,394 --> 00:57:23,021 Sounds to me like somebody needs to hit the gym. 930 00:57:23,063 --> 00:57:25,855 - Excuse me ? - l heard you strain when you picked up that milk. 931 00:57:25,980 --> 00:57:28,984 - it only weighs seven pounds. - l didn't strain. l sighed. 932 00:57:29,068 --> 00:57:31,360 I don't think so. That was a grunt. 933 00:57:31,401 --> 00:57:34,903 A deep inhalation of oxygen to aid in the stretching of muscles. 934 00:57:34,986 --> 00:57:39,113 I'm a trainer. l know what that sound signifies. You're out of shape. 935 00:57:39,197 --> 00:57:42,365 - What ? There's no fat on my body. - No fat ! 936 00:57:42,490 --> 00:57:44,866 No tone either. You don't get enough exercise. 937 00:57:44,908 --> 00:57:46,909 - You open ? - Yes. 938 00:57:46,992 --> 00:57:49,701 - Just the paper. - Thirty-five. 939 00:57:49,785 --> 00:57:53,411 Hey, uh, let me ask you a question. Think this guy's out of shape ? 940 00:57:53,536 --> 00:57:55,414 I don't know. Can't really tell from here. 941 00:57:55,539 --> 00:57:58,333 - l am-- l am not ! - He is. 942 00:57:58,375 --> 00:58:00,333 How much can you bench ? 943 00:58:00,375 --> 00:58:03,460 - l don't know. - I'd say about 60, 70, tops. 944 00:58:03,502 --> 00:58:05,419 I know l can bench more than that. 945 00:58:05,461 --> 00:58:08,295 - Three-fifty, four. - No way ! 946 00:58:08,337 --> 00:58:10,338 Feel that. 947 00:58:10,380 --> 00:58:13,214 Hey, that's tight. Solid. 948 00:58:13,339 --> 00:58:15,548 Yeah. Now feel this. Roll up your sleeve, chief. 949 00:58:15,548 --> 00:58:18,092 - Oh, for God's sakes ! - See, you're ashamed. 950 00:58:18,175 --> 00:58:20,176 You know you're out of shape. 951 00:58:20,218 --> 00:58:22,137 Here. Take my card. 952 00:58:22,262 --> 00:58:24,137 I can get you on an aerobics/free weights program. 953 00:58:24,179 --> 00:58:27,139 - Are you open ? - [ Dante ] Yes. I'm not out of shape. 954 00:58:27,223 --> 00:58:29,182 Excuse me. Have you been here all day ? 955 00:58:29,224 --> 00:58:32,350 - Yeah, since 6:00 this morning. - He's got those love handles. 956 00:58:32,433 --> 00:58:34,434 I don't have love handles ! 957 00:58:34,476 --> 00:58:36,602 - Were you working here about 4:00 ? - Yes. 958 00:58:36,686 --> 00:58:39,603 - it's probably from being around all this food every day. - Oh, l know. 959 00:58:39,645 --> 00:58:43,271 If l had to work here all day, I'd be bloated and out of shape too. 960 00:58:43,313 --> 00:58:46,065 - I'm not out of shape. - Can l have your name, please ? 961 00:58:46,147 --> 00:58:48,482 Dante Hicks. Why ? What's this all about ? 962 00:58:48,565 --> 00:58:52,736 You're Dante Hicks ? Oh, my God. I didn't even recognize you. 963 00:58:52,820 --> 00:58:55,404 - Because he's out of shape ! - Do l know you ? 964 00:58:55,445 --> 00:58:58,030 Yeah. Do you remember Alyssa Jones ? She used to hang out-- 965 00:58:58,072 --> 00:58:59,906 - With Caitlin Bree ! - I'm her sister. 966 00:58:59,948 --> 00:59:01,865 You're Alyssa's sister Heather ? 967 00:59:01,991 --> 00:59:04,075 - Yeah. - You, uh, say Caitlin Bree ? 968 00:59:04,200 --> 00:59:06,159 - Yeah. - Pretty girl ? 969 00:59:06,243 --> 00:59:08,785 A little taller than her ? Gorgeous body ? 970 00:59:08,827 --> 00:59:10,869 - Yeah. - And you're Dante Hicks. 971 00:59:10,953 --> 00:59:12,996 You went to the same school. You played hockey. 972 00:59:13,079 --> 00:59:15,705 - Yeah. How did you know that ? - You still goin' out with her ? 973 00:59:15,746 --> 00:59:17,874 - No, she's getting married. - To you ? 974 00:59:17,958 --> 00:59:19,959 No. To an Asian design major. 975 00:59:20,042 --> 00:59:22,002 Aw, shit ! 976 00:59:22,043 --> 00:59:25,336 Don't take this the wrong way, but, uh, l used to fuck her. 977 00:59:25,378 --> 00:59:27,838 - What ? - Yeah, about two, three years ago. 978 00:59:27,921 --> 00:59:30,672 While you two were dating. I drove a black Trans Am. 979 00:59:30,797 --> 00:59:32,715 - You're Rick Daress ? - Yeah. 980 00:59:32,840 --> 00:59:34,757 - You know him ? - Yeah. 981 00:59:34,841 --> 00:59:37,342 - Caitlin used to talk about him all the time. - Really ? 982 00:59:37,425 --> 00:59:41,510 Wait a second. You used to fuck Caitlin Bree while l was dating her ? 983 00:59:41,552 --> 00:59:44,389 Nah, man, don't let it bother you. That was a long time ago. 984 00:59:44,472 --> 00:59:46,806 I'm surprised you didn't know about it, Dante. 985 00:59:46,889 --> 00:59:49,599 Everybody in school knew about it. Even in my class. 986 00:59:49,641 --> 00:59:51,642 Jesus Christ ! What next ? 987 00:59:51,767 --> 00:59:53,601 - Here you go. - What's this ? 988 00:59:53,685 --> 00:59:55,436 - A fine for $500. - What ? 989 00:59:55,519 --> 00:59:57,520 Five hundred bucks ? For what ? 990 00:59:57,562 --> 01:00:02,105 For violation of New Jersey Statute, Section 2A, Number 170/51. 991 01:00:02,188 --> 01:00:04,732 Any person who sells or makes available tobacco, 992 01:00:04,815 --> 01:00:07,774 or tobacco-related products, to persons under the age of 18, 993 01:00:07,816 --> 01:00:09,775 is regarded as disorderly. 994 01:00:09,817 --> 01:00:14,154 - What are you talkin' about ? - An angry mother called the state division of taxation... 995 01:00:14,195 --> 01:00:16,196 and claimed that a Quick Stop employee... 996 01:00:16,238 --> 01:00:19,365 sold her four-year-old daughter a pack of cigarettes at 4:00 today. 997 01:00:19,407 --> 01:00:22,241 The New Jersey Division of Taxation called the Board of Health... 998 01:00:22,325 --> 01:00:24,284 and sent me down to issue a fine. 999 01:00:24,326 --> 01:00:27,827 You claimed you were working here all day. Hence, the fine is yours. 1000 01:00:27,869 --> 01:00:30,537 The fine is doubled due to the incredibly young age of the child. 1001 01:00:30,661 --> 01:00:32,537 But l didn't sell any cigarettes to any kids ! 1002 01:00:32,621 --> 01:00:35,706 You sold cigarettes to a four-year-old ? What a scumbag ! 1003 01:00:35,789 --> 01:00:37,876 That's sick, Dante. 1004 01:00:37,958 --> 01:00:40,126 I didn't sell cigarettes to any kids ! I swear ! 1005 01:00:40,251 --> 01:00:45,212 The due date is on the bottom. This summons cannot be contested in any court of law. 1006 01:00:45,253 --> 01:00:47,338 Failure to remit before the due date... 1007 01:00:47,421 --> 01:00:49,339 will result in a charge of criminal negligence, 1008 01:00:49,380 --> 01:00:51,256 and a warrant will be issued for your arrest. 1009 01:00:51,340 --> 01:00:54,175 - Have a nice day. - But l didn't sell any cigarettes to any kids. 1010 01:00:54,258 --> 01:00:57,301 Hey, wait a minute ! 1011 01:00:57,343 --> 01:01:01,844 Forget it. l don't wanna deal with a guy that sells cigarettes to four-year-olds. 1012 01:01:01,928 --> 01:01:04,220 Can l, uh, give you a lift somewhere ? 1013 01:01:04,262 --> 01:01:07,183 Sure. How 'bout the beach ? 1014 01:01:07,265 --> 01:01:09,224 I like the way you think. 1015 01:01:13,977 --> 01:01:15,937 Jesus ! What next ? 1016 01:01:16,020 --> 01:01:19,521 - [ Woman ] Dante ? - What ? Caitlin ! 1017 01:01:19,605 --> 01:01:23,898 [ Muzak ] 1018 01:01:42,158 --> 01:01:44,159 - When did you get home ? - Just now. 1019 01:01:44,201 --> 01:01:47,036 I can't believe it. I haven't seen you in so long. 1020 01:01:49,204 --> 01:01:51,204 Dante, you have a customer. 1021 01:01:54,831 --> 01:01:57,165 I just saw Alyssa's Little sister outside. 1022 01:01:57,207 --> 01:02:00,169 - She was with Rick Daress. - Let's not talk about her. 1023 01:02:00,253 --> 01:02:03,212 - How'd you get home ? - Train. it took eight hours. 1024 01:02:03,212 --> 01:02:05,338 - l can't believe you're here. - Excuse me. Do you have-- 1025 01:02:05,421 --> 01:02:07,589 Uh, yeah. Back behind the oil. How long you staying ? 1026 01:02:07,672 --> 01:02:10,632 Until Monday. Then l have to take the train back. 1027 01:02:10,715 --> 01:02:12,841 Pack of cigarettes. Hey, congratulations. 1028 01:02:12,925 --> 01:02:14,884 I saw the announcement in today's paper. 1029 01:02:14,968 --> 01:02:16,884 You know, she's marrying an Asian design major. 1030 01:02:16,926 --> 01:02:18,885 So I'm told. 1031 01:02:24,846 --> 01:02:29,684 [ Hip-Hop ] 1032 01:02:47,734 --> 01:02:50,026 You're just gonna close the store like that ? 1033 01:02:50,110 --> 01:02:52,570 I wanna talk to you about something, and l don't wanna be disturbed. 1034 01:02:52,611 --> 01:02:54,698 Something l read in the tabloids. 1035 01:02:54,739 --> 01:02:56,740 - You saw it. - Very dramatic, l thought. 1036 01:02:56,866 --> 01:02:58,908 - it is not what you think. - Oh, it's not what l think. 1037 01:02:59,074 --> 01:03:01,909 What is it, worse ? You're pregnant with the Asian design major's child ? 1038 01:03:01,951 --> 01:03:04,035 - What's goin' on here ? - l am not pregnant. 1039 01:03:04,119 --> 01:03:06,744 Were you gonna tell me, or were you gonna send me an invitation ? 1040 01:03:06,828 --> 01:03:10,037 I was gonna tell you, but we were getting along so well, I didn't wanna mess it up. 1041 01:03:10,079 --> 01:03:12,163 You could've broken it to me gently. 1042 01:03:12,205 --> 01:03:15,082 You could've started by telling me you had a boyfriend. I told you l had a girlfriend. 1043 01:03:15,124 --> 01:03:19,166 I know. I'm sorry, but when we started talking, it was like l forgot l had a boyfriend. 1044 01:03:19,250 --> 01:03:21,670 - And then he proposed last month. - And you said yes. 1045 01:03:21,753 --> 01:03:23,629 Well, kind of. Sort of. 1046 01:03:23,713 --> 01:03:26,505 Is that what they teach you in that school of yours ? ""Kind of,"" ""sort of"" ? 1047 01:03:26,505 --> 01:03:29,299 Everybody knows about this except me ! Do you know how humiliating that is ? 1048 01:03:29,382 --> 01:03:32,258 I would've told you, and you would've stopped calling me, like a baby. 1049 01:03:32,341 --> 01:03:34,342 - How do you know that ? - Because l know you. 1050 01:03:34,384 --> 01:03:36,969 You prefer drastic measures to rational ones. 1051 01:03:37,094 --> 01:03:39,386 - So you're really getting married ? - No. 1052 01:03:39,428 --> 01:03:41,762 - You're not really getting married ? - [ Scoffs ] 1053 01:03:41,846 --> 01:03:46,140 The story goes like this: He proposed, I told him l had to think about it, 1054 01:03:46,182 --> 01:03:48,268 and he insisted that l wear the ring anyway. 1055 01:03:48,351 --> 01:03:50,810 Then my mother told the paper we were engaged. 1056 01:03:50,894 --> 01:03:53,395 - Oh, how like her. - Then my mother called this morning... 1057 01:03:53,478 --> 01:03:55,896 to let me know that the announcement was in the paper. 1058 01:03:56,021 --> 01:03:59,148 That's when l hopped a train to come back here, because l knew you'd be a wreck. 1059 01:03:59,190 --> 01:04:01,815 - Thanks for the vote of confidence. - Was l right ? 1060 01:04:01,982 --> 01:04:03,900 ""Wreck"" is a harsh term. 1061 01:04:03,983 --> 01:04:05,984 ""Disturbed"" is more like it. ""Mildly disturbed,"" even. 1062 01:04:06,151 --> 01:04:09,652 Oh, l love a macho facade. It is such a turn-on. 1063 01:04:09,736 --> 01:04:13,613 - What smells like shoe polish ? - So you came here to what ? To comfort me ? 1064 01:04:13,696 --> 01:04:16,657 The last thing l needed was for you to think l was hiding something from you. 1065 01:04:16,782 --> 01:04:19,075 - But you were ! - No, l wasn't ! Not really. 1066 01:04:19,117 --> 01:04:21,035 I told you I'd been seeing other people. 1067 01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:24,036 Yeah, but not seriously. Christ, you're ready to walk down the aisle. 1068 01:04:24,077 --> 01:04:26,120 I think that constitutes something more than just seeing somebody. 1069 01:04:26,204 --> 01:04:29,330 - What's going on ? - I'm giving him his ring back. 1070 01:04:29,455 --> 01:04:31,873 - What ? - [ Sighs ] l don't want to marry him. 1071 01:04:31,915 --> 01:04:34,874 I don't want to get married now. I'm on the verge of graduation. 1072 01:04:34,957 --> 01:04:38,417 I want to go to grad school after this, and then l want to start a career. 1073 01:04:38,459 --> 01:04:41,044 I don't want to be a wife first and then have to worry about... 1074 01:04:41,127 --> 01:04:43,088 when I'm gonna fit in the other stuff. 1075 01:04:43,130 --> 01:04:45,672 I have come way too far and studied too damn hard... 1076 01:04:45,714 --> 01:04:48,508 to let my education go to waste as a housewife. 1077 01:04:48,591 --> 01:04:50,550 And l know that's what I'd become. 1078 01:04:50,634 --> 01:04:54,260 Sang's just signed with a major firm, and he's gonna be pulling in a huge salary, 1079 01:04:54,344 --> 01:04:56,552 which would give me no reason to work. 1080 01:04:56,636 --> 01:04:58,637 - He's very traditional. - Wait a minute. 1081 01:04:58,720 --> 01:05:02,055 - His name is ""Sang"" ? Past tense ? - Stop it. He's a nice guy. 1082 01:05:02,096 --> 01:05:04,681 Well, if he's so nice, why aren't you marrying him ? 1083 01:05:04,723 --> 01:05:07,849 - l just told you. - There's more to this, isn't there ? 1084 01:05:07,974 --> 01:05:10,686 Oh ! Why, Mr. Hicks, whatever do you mean ? 1085 01:05:10,770 --> 01:05:13,979 - Tell me l don't have something to do with it. - You have nothing to do with it. 1086 01:05:14,063 --> 01:05:16,105 - Oh, you lie ! - Look how full of yourself you are ! 1087 01:05:16,231 --> 01:05:18,190 I just believe in giving credit where credit's due, 1088 01:05:18,314 --> 01:05:20,649 and l believe I'm the impetus behind your refusal to wed. 1089 01:05:20,690 --> 01:05:24,776 If I'm so nuts about you, then why am l having sex with an Asian design major ? 1090 01:05:24,859 --> 01:05:27,027 Oh, Jesus. You're so caustic. 1091 01:05:27,110 --> 01:05:29,736 I had to knock you down from that cloud you were floating on. 1092 01:05:29,736 --> 01:05:32,238 When l say l don't want to get married, I mean just that. 1093 01:05:32,321 --> 01:05:35,322 I don't want to marry anybody. Not for years. 1094 01:05:35,405 --> 01:05:37,617 Who's asking ? I don't want to marry you. 1095 01:05:37,659 --> 01:05:40,243 Well, good. Keep in that frame of mind. 1096 01:05:40,284 --> 01:05:43,829 - Well, let's date. - Oh, l think Sang and... Veronica, 1097 01:05:43,911 --> 01:05:45,912 they'd love that. 1098 01:05:45,995 --> 01:05:47,913 We can introduce the two of them. They may hit it off. 1099 01:05:47,996 --> 01:05:50,123 You're serious ? You wanna date again ? 1100 01:05:50,248 --> 01:05:52,082 I wanna be your boyfriend, yes. 1101 01:05:52,249 --> 01:05:54,708 It's just the shock of seeing me after three years. 1102 01:05:54,792 --> 01:05:57,709 - Believe me, you'll get over it. - Give me a bit more credit. 1103 01:05:57,751 --> 01:05:59,627 I think it's time we got back together. 1104 01:05:59,752 --> 01:06:02,753 I'm more mature, you're more mature. You're finishing college. 1105 01:06:02,837 --> 01:06:05,590 - I'm already in the job market. - You work in a market, all right. 1106 01:06:05,632 --> 01:06:07,799 Cute. Tell me you wouldn't wanna go out with me again... 1107 01:06:07,882 --> 01:06:09,883 after all the talking we've been doing. 1108 01:06:09,883 --> 01:06:11,843 The key word here is ""talk,"" Dante. 1109 01:06:12,009 --> 01:06:13,969 I think the idea, or the conception of us dating, 1110 01:06:14,052 --> 01:06:16,928 is a lot more idyllic than what actually happens when we date. 1111 01:06:17,011 --> 01:06:19,972 What are we supposed to do ? Pretend over the phone we're dating ? 1112 01:06:20,055 --> 01:06:22,514 I don't know. Maybe we should just see what happens. 1113 01:06:22,556 --> 01:06:24,807 - Let me take you out tonight. - On a date ? 1114 01:06:24,890 --> 01:06:27,434 Yeah, a real date. Dinner and a movie. 1115 01:06:27,559 --> 01:06:29,934 Oh, the ""Dante Hicks Dinner and Movie"" date. 1116 01:06:30,059 --> 01:06:34,188 - l think I've been on that one before. - Do you have a better suggestion ? 1117 01:06:34,272 --> 01:06:36,273 Well, how 'bout the ""Caitlin Bree... 1118 01:06:36,314 --> 01:06:40,150 Walk On The Boardwalk, Then Get Naked Somewhere"" kind of private date ? 1119 01:06:40,233 --> 01:06:42,650 - l hear that's kind of a popular date. - Jerk ! 1120 01:06:42,775 --> 01:06:46,111 God, here l am, throwing myself at you, succumbing to your wily charms, 1121 01:06:46,193 --> 01:06:48,611 and you're calling me a slut in so many words. 1122 01:06:48,653 --> 01:06:50,946 - What about Sing ? - Sang ! 1123 01:06:50,988 --> 01:06:53,572 - He's not invited. - He's your fianc�. 1124 01:06:53,613 --> 01:06:56,741 I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics. 1125 01:06:56,824 --> 01:07:00,494 He's just a boyfriend, Dante, and in case you haven't gotten the drift... 1126 01:07:00,494 --> 01:07:03,203 of why l came all the way here from Ohio-- 1127 01:07:03,287 --> 01:07:05,872 Duh ! I'm about to become single again. 1128 01:07:05,955 --> 01:07:08,956 And, yes, allow me to placate your ego. 1129 01:07:09,081 --> 01:07:12,082 You are the inspiration for this bold and momentous decision... 1130 01:07:12,166 --> 01:07:15,334 that will probably get me ostracized from both school and home. 1131 01:07:15,376 --> 01:07:17,793 You ask me who l choose. 1132 01:07:17,835 --> 01:07:20,295 I choose you. 1133 01:07:20,420 --> 01:07:22,962 - So, what are you saying ? - You are such an asshole. 1134 01:07:23,087 --> 01:07:26,758 - I'm just kidding ! - l can already see this is not gonna work out. 1135 01:07:26,758 --> 01:07:29,843 - I'll ask Randal to close up when he gets back. - Where is he, anyway ? 1136 01:07:29,885 --> 01:07:32,010 I thought he'd be at your side Like an obedient lapdog. 1137 01:07:32,135 --> 01:07:34,303 He went to go rent a movie. He isn't back yet. 1138 01:07:34,386 --> 01:07:36,471 Ah, screw it. I'll close up and leave him a note. 1139 01:07:36,554 --> 01:07:40,097 You are too responsible. But no, l have to go home first. 1140 01:07:40,139 --> 01:07:42,390 They don't even know I've left school yet. 1141 01:07:42,474 --> 01:07:45,016 And l should break the disengagement news to my mother, 1142 01:07:45,099 --> 01:07:48,143 which is gonna cause quite a row considering she loves Sang. 1143 01:07:48,268 --> 01:07:51,811 - Who doesn't ? - Well, me, l guess. 1144 01:07:51,853 --> 01:07:54,814 [ Sighs ] So l shall take my leave of you, 1145 01:07:54,856 --> 01:07:56,857 but l will return in a little while, 1146 01:07:56,857 --> 01:07:59,983 at which time, yes, l would love to go for dinner and a movie with you. 1147 01:08:00,025 --> 01:08:01,984 What happened to the walk and the nakedness ? 1148 01:08:02,109 --> 01:08:04,569 I'm easy, but I'm not that easy. 1149 01:08:04,652 --> 01:08:06,570 See you later, handsome. 1150 01:08:12,156 --> 01:08:13,615 Yes ! 1151 01:08:13,782 --> 01:08:18,575 [ Hip-Hop ] 1152 01:08:31,792 --> 01:08:34,001 - Get to work. - Hey, what'd you rent ? 1153 01:08:35,585 --> 01:08:37,503 Best of Both Worlds ? 1154 01:08:37,586 --> 01:08:40,045 Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. 1155 01:08:40,170 --> 01:08:43,172 You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame. 1156 01:08:43,214 --> 01:08:45,798 - And you rented this ? - Hey, l like to expand my horizons. 1157 01:08:45,923 --> 01:08:48,676 - l got fined for selling cigarettes to a minor. - No way. 1158 01:08:48,760 --> 01:08:50,802 - Five hundred dollars. - You're bullshittin'. 1159 01:08:50,843 --> 01:08:52,844 No, I'm not. 1160 01:08:54,970 --> 01:08:57,472 Holy shit ! l didn't even think they enforced this. 1161 01:08:57,514 --> 01:08:59,972 - Living proof. - l thought you never sold cigarettes to kids. 1162 01:09:00,014 --> 01:09:02,182 - l didn't. You did. - Really ? 1163 01:09:02,349 --> 01:09:04,475 Yep. A little girl, maybe four years old. 1164 01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:07,685 - Holy shit ! That girl ? - Yeah, as opposed to hundreds of other children... 1165 01:09:07,726 --> 01:09:09,644 you've sold cigarettes while working here. 1166 01:09:09,769 --> 01:09:11,937 - Then how come you got the fine ? - 'Cause I'm here. 1167 01:09:12,020 --> 01:09:13,938 - You're lyin'. - No, I'm not. 1168 01:09:14,063 --> 01:09:16,191 - Why aren't you screaming at me now ? - 'Cause I'm happy. 1169 01:09:16,233 --> 01:09:18,400 - I'm happy. - You're happy to get a fine ? 1170 01:09:18,483 --> 01:09:21,485 - No, because Caitlin came to see me. - Now l know you're lyin'. 1171 01:09:21,568 --> 01:09:23,736 - I'm not. She just left. - What'd she say ? 1172 01:09:23,777 --> 01:09:25,986 She's not marrying that guy. She went home to tell her mom. 1173 01:09:26,070 --> 01:09:28,029 - You're kiddin'. - I'm not. 1174 01:09:28,113 --> 01:09:30,322 Well, you've had quite an evening. 1175 01:09:30,406 --> 01:09:32,782 She went home and she's getting ready and we're going out. 1176 01:09:32,824 --> 01:09:35,241 I feel so ineffectual. Is there anything l can do for you ? 1177 01:09:35,282 --> 01:09:37,158 Watch the store while l go home and change ? 1178 01:09:37,283 --> 01:09:39,201 What happened to ""Title dictates behavior"" ? 1179 01:09:39,326 --> 01:09:41,830 Well, this is my way of spitting water at life. 1180 01:09:41,913 --> 01:09:44,914 All right. You want me to bring the VCR over so we can watch this ? 1181 01:09:44,956 --> 01:09:46,915 No, l might be leaving early to go out with Caitlin, 1182 01:09:46,999 --> 01:09:49,041 in which case, you're gonna lock up the store tonight. 1183 01:09:49,125 --> 01:09:51,250 All right, but you're missin' out. Chicks with dicks. 1184 01:09:51,333 --> 01:09:56,253 [ ""Berserker"" On Tape Deck ] 1185 01:10:14,054 --> 01:10:18,973 [ Laughing ] 1186 01:10:19,098 --> 01:10:23,475 - [ Man Moaning ] - [ Woman ] Uh, no. Oh. 1187 01:10:23,475 --> 01:10:25,685 Well, Randal Graves, 1188 01:10:25,810 --> 01:10:27,769 scourge of the video renter. 1189 01:10:27,853 --> 01:10:32,146 Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Asian Design Major herself, Caitlin Bree. 1190 01:10:32,187 --> 01:10:35,814 You saw that article ? God, isn't it awful ? My mother sent that in. 1191 01:10:35,897 --> 01:10:39,735 - l take it she likes the guy. - You'd think she's marrying him. 1192 01:10:39,818 --> 01:10:42,736 - What are you watching ? - Children's programming. 1193 01:10:42,819 --> 01:10:45,446 What'd your mom say when you told her you weren't engaged anymore ? 1194 01:10:45,487 --> 01:10:48,280 She said not to come home until after graduation. 1195 01:10:48,280 --> 01:10:50,448 Wow ! You got thrown out for Dante ? 1196 01:10:50,489 --> 01:10:53,158 What can l say ? He does weird things to me. 1197 01:10:53,199 --> 01:10:55,200 - Ooh, can l watch ? - You can hold me down. 1198 01:10:55,242 --> 01:10:57,909 - Can l join in ? - You might be let down. 1199 01:10:57,951 --> 01:11:00,578 - I'm not a hermaphrodite. - Hey, few are. 1200 01:11:00,745 --> 01:11:04,498 What makes you think you can maintain a relationship with him this time around ? 1201 01:11:04,581 --> 01:11:06,540 A woman's intuition. 1202 01:11:06,582 --> 01:11:09,500 Something inside of me says it's time to give the old boy a serious try. 1203 01:11:09,584 --> 01:11:12,877 Wow ! Hey, you know, you and l have something in common. 1204 01:11:12,960 --> 01:11:15,295 - We both eat Chinese. - [ Scoffs ] Dick. 1205 01:11:15,420 --> 01:11:17,712 - Exactly. - So where is he ? 1206 01:11:17,754 --> 01:11:19,796 He went home to change for the big date. 1207 01:11:19,838 --> 01:11:23,048 - God, isn't he great ? - No. This is great. 1208 01:11:23,089 --> 01:11:25,716 Oh, lord. Can l use your bathroom ? 1209 01:11:25,799 --> 01:11:28,467 - There's no lights back there. - Why aren't there any lights ? 1210 01:11:28,550 --> 01:11:31,804 There are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. 1211 01:11:31,888 --> 01:11:34,013 - You're kidding. - Nobody can figure it out. 1212 01:11:34,180 --> 01:11:36,222 The boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it... 1213 01:11:36,264 --> 01:11:38,599 'cause the electrician owes money to the video store. 1214 01:11:38,682 --> 01:11:41,892 - Such a sordid state of affairs. - And I'm caught in the middle, 1215 01:11:41,975 --> 01:11:45,936 torn between my loyalty for the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on. 1216 01:11:45,977 --> 01:11:48,312 Well, I'll try to manage. 1217 01:11:48,354 --> 01:11:50,188 Oh, hey, Caitlin ? 1218 01:11:50,313 --> 01:11:52,396 Break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. 1219 01:11:52,480 --> 01:11:54,397 Nothing personal. 1220 01:11:54,481 --> 01:11:57,358 You are very protective of him, Randal. You always have been. 1221 01:11:57,483 --> 01:12:00,069 Territoriality. He was mine first. 1222 01:12:00,152 --> 01:12:02,236 Oh, that was so cute. 1223 01:12:03,487 --> 01:12:05,446 [ Sighs ] 1224 01:12:09,031 --> 01:12:11,366 [ Clock Ticking ] 1225 01:12:11,449 --> 01:12:14,533 [ Bed Squeaking, People Moaning On Video ] 1226 01:12:14,575 --> 01:12:16,493 Who eats cock ? 1227 01:12:16,534 --> 01:12:18,702 Bunch of savages in this town. 1228 01:12:18,744 --> 01:12:20,703 Hey, Caitlin's in the back. You might want to check on her. 1229 01:12:20,828 --> 01:12:23,704 - She's been back there a long time. - There are no lights back there. 1230 01:12:23,746 --> 01:12:26,541 I told her that. She said she didn't need any. 1231 01:12:26,625 --> 01:12:29,626 Why don't you go join her ? Make a little bathroom bam-bam. 1232 01:12:29,709 --> 01:12:31,961 Oh, l love your sexy talk. It's so kindergarten. 1233 01:12:32,002 --> 01:12:34,128 - ""Poo-poo,"" ""wee-wee."" - Fuck you. 1234 01:12:34,170 --> 01:12:36,170 [ Door Opening ] 1235 01:12:36,212 --> 01:12:38,755 [ Woman Moaning On Video ] 1236 01:12:38,838 --> 01:12:40,756 [ Man On Video ] I said stop. 1237 01:12:40,798 --> 01:12:45,259 - [ Woman ] Oh, God. - [ Man ] it's all about pain, you bastard ! 1238 01:12:45,341 --> 01:12:47,801 [ Woman Moaning On Video ] 1239 01:12:47,926 --> 01:12:49,843 How did you get here so fast ? 1240 01:12:49,885 --> 01:12:52,097 I left like an hour ago. 1241 01:12:52,180 --> 01:12:55,932 Do you always talk this weird after you violate a woman ? 1242 01:12:56,015 --> 01:12:58,349 Maybe the Asian design major slipped her some opium. 1243 01:12:58,391 --> 01:13:01,809 - Could be. - it has never been like that before. 1244 01:13:01,850 --> 01:13:04,560 Like what ? 1245 01:13:04,602 --> 01:13:08,062 When you just lay perfectly still and let me do everything. 1246 01:13:08,104 --> 01:13:10,063 Am l missing something here ? 1247 01:13:10,105 --> 01:13:11,689 Okay. 1248 01:13:11,772 --> 01:13:14,524 I went back there and Dante was already waiting for me. 1249 01:13:14,566 --> 01:13:17,400 - He was ? - it was so cool. 1250 01:13:17,483 --> 01:13:19,903 He didn't say a word. He didn't have to. 1251 01:13:19,987 --> 01:13:23,655 [ Sighs ] He was just... ready. 1252 01:13:23,738 --> 01:13:26,864 You know. And, like, we didn't kiss or talk or anything. 1253 01:13:26,948 --> 01:13:29,365 He just sat there and let me do all the work. 1254 01:13:29,448 --> 01:13:31,825 You dog ! I didn't even see you go back there. 1255 01:13:31,866 --> 01:13:35,159 The fact that there weren't any lights on made it so-- 1256 01:13:35,243 --> 01:13:37,119 God, that was so great ! 1257 01:13:37,160 --> 01:13:39,328 My legs are still shaking. 1258 01:13:41,121 --> 01:13:43,455 - it wasn't me. - [ Scoffs ] 1259 01:13:43,497 --> 01:13:45,914 Yeah, right. Who was it, then ? Randal ? 1260 01:13:45,998 --> 01:13:48,251 - Was it you ? - l was up here the whole time. 1261 01:13:48,293 --> 01:13:51,502 - You two better quit it. - I'm serious. 1262 01:13:51,544 --> 01:13:54,045 Oh, so we didn't just have sex in the bathroom ? 1263 01:13:54,087 --> 01:13:56,130 No. 1264 01:13:59,256 --> 01:14:01,173 Stop it. This isn't funny. 1265 01:14:01,257 --> 01:14:04,300 I'm not fooling around. I just came in from outside. 1266 01:14:04,341 --> 01:14:06,801 - This isn't fucking funny, Dante. - I'm not kidding. 1267 01:14:06,885 --> 01:14:09,136 - Who went back there ? - Nobody. l swear. 1268 01:14:09,177 --> 01:14:11,678 - l feel nauseous. - Are you sure there was someone back there ? 1269 01:14:11,761 --> 01:14:14,181 Well, l didn't just fuck myself ! Jesus Christ ! 1270 01:14:14,265 --> 01:14:16,766 - God, I'm gonna be sick ! - You just fucked a total stranger ? 1271 01:14:16,850 --> 01:14:18,726 - Shut the fuck up ! - l can't believe this. 1272 01:14:18,766 --> 01:14:20,642 - Call the police. - Why ? - No, don't ! 1273 01:14:20,726 --> 01:14:22,643 There's a stranger in our bathroom ! He just raped Caitlin ! 1274 01:14:22,727 --> 01:14:25,228 - She said she did all the work. - Will you shut the fuck up ? 1275 01:14:25,312 --> 01:14:27,229 Who the fuck's in our bathroom ? 1276 01:14:28,396 --> 01:14:30,522 [ Woman ] Who is he ? 1277 01:14:30,606 --> 01:14:33,732 [ Dante ] l don't know. He just came in and asked to use the bathroom. 1278 01:14:33,773 --> 01:14:35,733 - What time was this ? - l don't know. 1279 01:14:35,774 --> 01:14:37,817 What time did hockey end ? 1280 01:14:37,859 --> 01:14:39,818 Um, like 3:00, 3:30. 1281 01:14:39,860 --> 01:14:42,613 -What time we get back from the funeral? -4:00, l think. 1282 01:14:42,654 --> 01:14:45,239 - Wait. Who was working here ? - Just me. 1283 01:14:45,364 --> 01:14:48,199 I thought you just said you went to play hockey and then went to a funeral. 1284 01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:50,783 - Yeah, we did. - Then who was operating the store ? 1285 01:14:50,867 --> 01:14:53,743 - Nobody. it was closed. - With this guy locked in here ? 1286 01:14:53,826 --> 01:14:57,162 Well, everything happened so quickly, I guess l forgot he was back there. 1287 01:14:57,286 --> 01:14:59,704 - [ Man ] Can we take it now ? - Go ahead. 1288 01:15:05,373 --> 01:15:07,583 Was he alive when Caitlin-- 1289 01:15:07,708 --> 01:15:10,211 No. l place the time of death about 3:20. 1290 01:15:10,294 --> 01:15:12,837 Then how could she-- You know. 1291 01:15:12,921 --> 01:15:16,339 [ Coroner ] The body can maintain an erection after expiration, sometimes for hours. 1292 01:15:16,464 --> 01:15:18,381 Did he have the adult magazine when he came in ? 1293 01:15:18,465 --> 01:15:20,382 Uh, no. l gave it to him. 1294 01:15:21,508 --> 01:15:23,467 He asked me for it. 1295 01:15:23,550 --> 01:15:26,427 I can't say for certain until we get him back to the lab, but my guess is... 1296 01:15:26,551 --> 01:15:28,761 he was masturbating, his heart seized and he died. 1297 01:15:28,844 --> 01:15:30,845 That's when the girl found him. [ Sniffing ] 1298 01:15:30,887 --> 01:15:32,971 Uh, something smells Like shoe polish. 1299 01:15:33,055 --> 01:15:35,642 This has got to be the weirdest thing you've ever been called in on. 1300 01:15:35,683 --> 01:15:40,519 Actually, l once had to tag a kid that broke his neck trying to put his mouth on his penis. 1301 01:15:40,602 --> 01:15:42,520 What about Caitlin ? 1302 01:15:42,645 --> 01:15:45,812 [ Coroner ] Shock trauma. She's gonna need years of therapy after this. 1303 01:15:45,812 --> 01:15:49,189 My question is: How did she come to have sex with a dead man ? 1304 01:15:49,314 --> 01:15:51,857 She thought it was me. 1305 01:15:51,941 --> 01:15:55,067 What kind of convenience store do you run here ? 1306 01:16:03,114 --> 01:16:07,908 [ Siren Blaring ] 1307 01:16:13,953 --> 01:16:18,830 [ Humming ""Theme from Jaws"" ] 1308 01:16:21,747 --> 01:16:23,373 Salsa shark. 1309 01:16:23,498 --> 01:16:25,332 ""We're gonna need a bigger boat."" 1310 01:16:27,834 --> 01:16:31,170 Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa. 1311 01:16:31,379 --> 01:16:33,755 Shark's in the salsa. Our shark. 1312 01:16:35,131 --> 01:16:37,132 Oh, what ? What's with you, man ? 1313 01:16:37,173 --> 01:16:40,133 You haven't said anything for, like, 20 minutes. What the hell's your problem ? 1314 01:16:40,174 --> 01:16:42,634 - [ Sighs ] This life. - ""This life"" ? 1315 01:16:42,717 --> 01:16:44,635 Why do l have this life ? 1316 01:16:44,677 --> 01:16:46,636 Have some chips. You'll feel better. 1317 01:16:46,719 --> 01:16:50,429 I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, 1318 01:16:50,513 --> 01:16:52,472 working on my day off. 1319 01:16:52,597 --> 01:16:54,597 The goddamn steel shutters are closed. 1320 01:16:54,722 --> 01:16:57,518 I deal with every backward-assed fuck on the planet. 1321 01:16:57,560 --> 01:16:59,519 I smell like shoe polish. 1322 01:16:59,602 --> 01:17:02,478 My ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy, 1323 01:17:02,562 --> 01:17:05,397 and my present girlfriend has sucked 36 dicks. 1324 01:17:05,480 --> 01:17:07,981 - Thirty-seven. - My life's in the shitter right now, 1325 01:17:08,064 --> 01:17:10,482 and if you don't mind, I'd like to stew a bit. 1326 01:17:10,566 --> 01:17:12,441 - [ Man ] You open ? - Yeah. 1327 01:17:14,526 --> 01:17:16,444 [ Randal ] Aw, that's all bullshit, man. 1328 01:17:16,526 --> 01:17:19,194 - You know what the real problem here is ? - l was born ? 1329 01:17:19,278 --> 01:17:22,362 - You should shit or get off the pot. - l should shit or get off the pot. 1330 01:17:22,446 --> 01:17:24,866 - Yeah, shit or get off the pot. - What are you talking about ? 1331 01:17:24,907 --> 01:17:28,492 I'm talking about this thing you have, this inability to improve your station in life. 1332 01:17:28,534 --> 01:17:30,618 - Fuck you ! - it's true, man. 1333 01:17:30,660 --> 01:17:32,994 You sit there and blame life for dealin' you a cruddy hand, 1334 01:17:33,077 --> 01:17:35,871 never once accepting responsibility for the way your situation is. 1335 01:17:35,912 --> 01:17:39,330 - What responsibility ? - All right, if you hate this job and the people... 1336 01:17:39,372 --> 01:17:42,748 and the fact that you have to come in on your day off, why don't you quit ? 1337 01:17:42,790 --> 01:17:45,375 - Like it's that easy. - it is. You just up and quit. 1338 01:17:45,459 --> 01:17:47,834 There's other jobs. They pay better money. 1339 01:17:47,917 --> 01:17:51,088 You're bound to be qualified for at least one of 'em. So what's stoppin' you ? 1340 01:17:51,130 --> 01:17:53,338 - Leave me alone. - Oh, you're comfortable, right ? 1341 01:17:53,422 --> 01:17:56,424 This is a life of convenience for you, and any attempt to change it... 1342 01:17:56,549 --> 01:17:59,091 would shatter the pathetic microcosm you've fashioned for yourself. 1343 01:17:59,133 --> 01:18:01,134 Oh ! Like your life's any better. 1344 01:18:01,176 --> 01:18:04,302 I'm satisfied with my situation for now. You don't hear me complaining. 1345 01:18:04,385 --> 01:18:06,511 You, on the other hand, have been bitching all day. 1346 01:18:06,595 --> 01:18:08,804 Thank you. Why don't you go back to the video store ? 1347 01:18:08,888 --> 01:18:10,972 - it's the same thing with Veronica. - Leave her out of this ! 1348 01:18:11,097 --> 01:18:14,098 You date Veronica because it's convenient and she's low maintenance. 1349 01:18:14,182 --> 01:18:16,600 But meanwhile, all you ever do is talk about Caitlin. 1350 01:18:16,683 --> 01:18:18,852 You carry a torch for a girl you dated in high school. 1351 01:18:18,894 --> 01:18:22,313 - in high school, for God's sakes. You're 22. - Leave me alone ! 1352 01:18:22,354 --> 01:18:25,773 If you want Caitlin, then talk to Veronica and be with Caitlin. 1353 01:18:25,856 --> 01:18:27,857 If you want Veronica, then be with Veronica. 1354 01:18:27,940 --> 01:18:30,232 But don't pine for one and fuck the other. 1355 01:18:30,274 --> 01:18:32,275 Man, if you weren't such a fucking coward-- 1356 01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:34,234 If l wasn't such a fucking coward. 1357 01:18:34,276 --> 01:18:37,486 It must be great to have this ability to simplify things the way you do. 1358 01:18:37,569 --> 01:18:39,528 - Am l right or what ? - You're wrong ! 1359 01:18:39,570 --> 01:18:43,030 Things happened today. Things that probably ruined my chances with Caitlin. 1360 01:18:43,113 --> 01:18:46,159 Oh, what, the dead guy ? She'll get over fuckin' a dead guy. 1361 01:18:46,242 --> 01:18:50,160 Shit, my mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. l call him ""Dad."" 1362 01:18:50,243 --> 01:18:52,828 Caitlin and l can't be together. It's impossible. 1363 01:18:52,912 --> 01:18:56,080 Melodrama comin' from you seems about as natural as an oral bowel movement. 1364 01:18:56,163 --> 01:18:59,539 What do you want me to say ? ""Yes, some of the things you're saying are true"" ? 1365 01:18:59,623 --> 01:19:01,791 That's the way things are. They're not gonna change. 1366 01:19:01,832 --> 01:19:04,375 - Make 'em change. - l can't, all right ? 1367 01:19:04,501 --> 01:19:06,459 Jesus, will you leave me alone ? 1368 01:19:06,542 --> 01:19:09,503 I can't make changes in my life Like that. lf l could, l would. 1369 01:19:09,586 --> 01:19:12,128 But l don't have the ability to risk the comfortable situations... 1370 01:19:12,170 --> 01:19:14,298 on the big money and the fabulous prizes ! 1371 01:19:14,381 --> 01:19:17,800 - Who are you kidding ? You can so. - Jesus H. Christ ! l can't ! 1372 01:19:17,883 --> 01:19:22,761 So you're gonna be miserable 'cause you don't have the guts to face change ? 1373 01:19:22,803 --> 01:19:25,845 My mother told me once that when l was three years old, 1374 01:19:25,887 --> 01:19:27,930 my potty lid was closed, 1375 01:19:28,013 --> 01:19:30,889 and instead of me lifting it, I shit my pants. 1376 01:19:30,972 --> 01:19:32,848 Lovely story. 1377 01:19:32,932 --> 01:19:35,183 The point is, I'm not the type of person... 1378 01:19:35,266 --> 01:19:38,309 who'll disrupt things just so l can shit comfortably. 1379 01:19:51,984 --> 01:19:55,403 - [ Door Opening ] - Noise, noise, noise Smokin' weed, smokin' weed 1380 01:19:55,486 --> 01:19:59,405 Doin' coke, drinkin' beers Pack o' ""rass,"" my good man. 1381 01:19:59,446 --> 01:20:02,280 Time to kick back, drink some beers and smoke some weed ! 1382 01:20:02,322 --> 01:20:04,365 Done poisoning the youth for today, huh ? 1383 01:20:04,448 --> 01:20:06,408 Hell, yes, whatever that means. 1384 01:20:06,449 --> 01:20:08,993 Now it's time to head over to Atlantic, drink some beers, 1385 01:20:09,035 --> 01:20:10,953 get ripped and, hopefully, get laid. 1386 01:20:10,953 --> 01:20:13,413 - [ Dante ] One seventy-nine. - Pay the good man. 1387 01:20:14,663 --> 01:20:17,248 - Yeah, you close soon ? - in half an hour. 1388 01:20:17,331 --> 01:20:19,207 Yeah, we get off the same time every day. 1389 01:20:19,332 --> 01:20:21,791 - We should hang out. You get high ? - l should start. 1390 01:20:21,833 --> 01:20:24,418 Wanna come to this party tonight ? There's gonna be some pussy there. 1391 01:20:24,543 --> 01:20:26,419 With you ? l don't think so. 1392 01:20:26,460 --> 01:20:28,753 Oh, look at you. ""l don't hang out with drug dealers."" 1393 01:20:28,795 --> 01:20:32,046 - Nothing personal. - What happened with that old guy ? 1394 01:20:32,130 --> 01:20:35,049 - He died in the bathroom. - l heard he was jerkin' off or something. 1395 01:20:35,133 --> 01:20:37,259 I don't know. I wasn't watching. 1396 01:20:37,300 --> 01:20:40,760 He probably saw that Caitlin chick. I know l felt like beatin' it when l saw her. 1397 01:20:40,844 --> 01:20:42,928 Oh, come here, bitch. You like this ? Huh ? 1398 01:20:43,012 --> 01:20:46,304 - This what you want ? - Knock it off. That used to be my girlfriend, all right ? 1399 01:20:46,388 --> 01:20:48,264 Oh, you used to go out with her ? 1400 01:20:48,347 --> 01:20:50,598 Yeah, well, l thought we might be starting again. 1401 01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:54,183 - Don't you already have a girlfriend ? - [ Dante ] Yeah, Veronica. 1402 01:20:54,225 --> 01:20:57,601 - And what, you're gonna dump her for that Caitlin chick ? - Maybe. 1403 01:20:57,643 --> 01:21:00,644 I don't know, dude. That Caitlin chick's nice, but l see that Veronica girl... 1404 01:21:00,644 --> 01:21:02,647 doin' shit for you all the time. 1405 01:21:02,731 --> 01:21:05,690 I saw her rubbin' your back, fuckin' comes and brings your food. 1406 01:21:05,732 --> 01:21:08,567 -Didn't l see her change your tire once? -Hey, l jacked up the car. 1407 01:21:08,608 --> 01:21:11,109 All she did was unloosen the nuts and put the tire on. 1408 01:21:11,192 --> 01:21:14,736 - Well, l know she does a lot for you. - She's my girlfriend. 1409 01:21:14,777 --> 01:21:19,030 I had some girlfriends too, but all they wanted from me was weed and shit. 1410 01:21:19,071 --> 01:21:20,989 Shit, my grandmother used to say, ""What's better ? 1411 01:21:21,114 --> 01:21:24,073 Fuckin' a good plate with nothin' on it ?"" 1412 01:21:24,115 --> 01:21:26,658 No, wait. l fucked up. ""What's a good plate with nothin' on it ?"" 1413 01:21:26,742 --> 01:21:28,703 Meaning ? 1414 01:21:28,745 --> 01:21:32,663 I don't know. She was senile. She used to fuckin' piss herself all the time... 1415 01:21:32,788 --> 01:21:34,706 and shit herself. 1416 01:21:34,748 --> 01:21:37,874 Come on, Silent Bob. Let's get the fuck outta this fuckin' gyp joint... 1417 01:21:37,957 --> 01:21:40,167 with this fuckin' faggot Dante. 1418 01:21:40,292 --> 01:21:42,542 You cock smoker. 1419 01:21:42,625 --> 01:21:45,627 You know, there's a million fine-lookin' women in the world, dude, 1420 01:21:45,753 --> 01:21:47,711 but they don't all bring ya Lasagna at work. 1421 01:21:47,753 --> 01:21:49,712 Most of 'em just cheat on ya. 1422 01:21:49,837 --> 01:21:52,255 [ Jay ] Come on, limp dick ! 1423 01:21:52,297 --> 01:21:54,798 [ Silent Bob ] Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1424 01:21:56,259 --> 01:21:58,218 He's right. 1425 01:21:58,302 --> 01:22:00,927 I love her. 1426 01:22:00,969 --> 01:22:04,638 So that's it. He doesn't love you anymore. He loves Caitlin. 1427 01:22:04,721 --> 01:22:06,805 And he told you all of this ? 1428 01:22:06,847 --> 01:22:11,183 Pretty much. All except the latent homosexuality part. That's just my theory. 1429 01:22:11,224 --> 01:22:13,558 Uh-- l don't know what to say. 1430 01:22:13,642 --> 01:22:17,518 Don't hold it against him. He just never got Caitlin out of his system. 1431 01:22:17,602 --> 01:22:20,645 It's not your fault. it's Dante. 1432 01:22:20,728 --> 01:22:23,607 I-Look. l don't know thing one about chicks. 1433 01:22:23,774 --> 01:22:26,733 So if you gotta cry or something, I can get outta here. 1434 01:22:26,775 --> 01:22:29,151 - I'm not sad. - You're not ? 1435 01:22:29,193 --> 01:22:31,235 Ow ! What'd you do that for ? 1436 01:22:31,277 --> 01:22:34,236 If you didn't wanna go out with me anymore, why didn't you say so ? 1437 01:22:34,236 --> 01:22:36,738 Instead you pussyfoot around and see that slut behind my back ! 1438 01:22:36,821 --> 01:22:39,781 - What are you talking about ? - You've been talking to her on the phone for weeks ! 1439 01:22:39,822 --> 01:22:42,282 - it was only a few times. - Then you pull that shit this morning, 1440 01:22:42,324 --> 01:22:44,325 freaking out because I've gone down a couple of guys. 1441 01:22:44,408 --> 01:22:47,409 - Oh, a couple ? - I'm not the one trying to patch things up with my ex, 1442 01:22:47,493 --> 01:22:49,369 sneaking around behind your back ! 1443 01:22:49,494 --> 01:22:52,413 If you think 37 dicks are a lot, just wait and see, mister. 1444 01:22:52,455 --> 01:22:55,332 I'm going to put the hookers in Times Square to shame with all the guys l go down on now ! 1445 01:22:55,415 --> 01:22:57,374 - Will you let me explain ? - Explain what ? 1446 01:22:57,457 --> 01:23:00,376 How you've been waiting until the time was right, and then you were going to dump me for her ? 1447 01:23:00,501 --> 01:23:02,502 - it isn't like that ! - Damn right it isn't like that ! 1448 01:23:02,627 --> 01:23:06,212 Because l won't let it be like that. You want your slut ? Fine, the slut is yours. 1449 01:23:06,337 --> 01:23:08,879 - l don't want Caitlin. - You don't know what you want ! 1450 01:23:08,963 --> 01:23:12,005 But I'm not going to sit here holding your hand anymore until you figure it out ! 1451 01:23:12,130 --> 01:23:14,173 I've tried with you, Dante. 1452 01:23:14,256 --> 01:23:17,300 I've encouraged you to get out of this fucking dump and go back to school, 1453 01:23:17,386 --> 01:23:19,552 to take charge of your life and find direction. 1454 01:23:19,594 --> 01:23:21,720 I even transferred so maybe you'd be more inclined... 1455 01:23:21,762 --> 01:23:23,805 to go back to college if l was with you. 1456 01:23:23,888 --> 01:23:26,139 Everyone said it was a stupid move, but l didn't care... 1457 01:23:26,223 --> 01:23:28,099 because l loved you and wanted to see you... 1458 01:23:28,224 --> 01:23:30,641 pull yourself out of this senseless funk that you've been in... 1459 01:23:30,683 --> 01:23:32,517 since that whore dumped you oh, so many years ago. 1460 01:23:32,642 --> 01:23:35,352 Now you wanna go back to her so she can fuck you over some more ! 1461 01:23:35,394 --> 01:23:37,978 - l don't wanna go back-- - Of course not ! Not now ! 1462 01:23:38,144 --> 01:23:40,980 You're caught, and now you're trying to snake out of doing what you wanted to do ! 1463 01:23:41,021 --> 01:23:42,855 Well, l won't let you. 1464 01:23:42,897 --> 01:23:45,984 I want you to follow through on this so you can find out what a fucking idiot you are ! 1465 01:23:46,025 --> 01:23:48,943 And when she dumps you again-- and l promise you, she will-- 1466 01:23:48,985 --> 01:23:51,403 I want to laugh in your face so you realize that... 1467 01:23:51,486 --> 01:23:53,320 that was what you gave up our relationship for ! 1468 01:23:53,362 --> 01:23:56,071 I'm just glad that Randal had the balls to tell me since you couldn't ! 1469 01:23:56,113 --> 01:23:59,073 - Randal ? - And having him tell me, that was just the weakest move ever. 1470 01:23:59,115 --> 01:24:01,241 - You're spineless ! - Veronica, l love you ! 1471 01:24:01,283 --> 01:24:03,075 Fuck you ! 1472 01:24:03,200 --> 01:24:06,034 [ Gong Ringing ] 1473 01:24:18,584 --> 01:24:20,626 Dante ? 1474 01:24:22,711 --> 01:24:26,296 Our problems seem a world away 1475 01:24:27,504 --> 01:24:29,589 Close your eyes 1476 01:24:29,672 --> 01:24:32,549 And they'll all go away 1477 01:24:32,549 --> 01:24:37,175 Close the night and listen 1478 01:24:37,301 --> 01:24:41,388 Close your eyes to me 1479 01:24:41,471 --> 01:24:43,888 And sell the lie 1480 01:24:43,930 --> 01:24:46,640 My face 1481 01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:49,308 Shall live 1482 01:24:49,349 --> 01:24:52,143 You'll all be replaced 1483 01:24:52,143 --> 01:24:54,560 How's your eye ? 1484 01:24:54,643 --> 01:24:57,854 The swelling's not that bad, but the F.D.S. stings. 1485 01:24:59,313 --> 01:25:02,397 - How's your neck ? - it's kinda hard to swallow. 1486 01:25:04,023 --> 01:25:05,982 You didn't have to choke me, you know. 1487 01:25:06,065 --> 01:25:09,402 Why did you tell Veronica that l was gonna dump her to go back with Caitlin ? 1488 01:25:09,444 --> 01:25:12,571 - l thought l was doing you a favor. - Oh, Jesus. 1489 01:25:12,613 --> 01:25:14,697 You're always saying how you can't initiate change yourself. 1490 01:25:14,779 --> 01:25:16,572 I thought I'd give you a hand. 1491 01:25:16,655 --> 01:25:18,781 Thanks. 1492 01:25:18,948 --> 01:25:20,741 You still didn't have to choke me. 1493 01:25:20,782 --> 01:25:23,784 Oh, please. I'm surprised l didn't kill you. 1494 01:25:23,826 --> 01:25:25,951 - Why do you say that ? - Why do l say that ? 1495 01:25:25,993 --> 01:25:27,994 Randal-- [ Sighs ] Forget it. 1496 01:25:28,036 --> 01:25:31,121 - No, really. What did l do that was so wrong ? - What don't you do ? 1497 01:25:31,204 --> 01:25:34,416 Sometimes l think the only reason you come to work is to make my life miserable. 1498 01:25:34,416 --> 01:25:36,791 - How do you figure ? - What time did you get to work today ? 1499 01:25:36,833 --> 01:25:39,251 Like 10:00, or ten after. 1500 01:25:39,335 --> 01:25:42,419 You were over a half an hour late. And then all you do is come in here. 1501 01:25:42,461 --> 01:25:46,213 - Yeah, to talk to you. - Which means the video store is ostensibly closed ! 1502 01:25:46,338 --> 01:25:48,339 Oh, it's not like I'm miles away. 1503 01:25:48,339 --> 01:25:50,381 Unless you're out renting video at other video stores. 1504 01:25:50,465 --> 01:25:54,634 - Hermaphrodites. l rented it so we could watch it together. - You get me slapped with a fine. 1505 01:25:54,717 --> 01:25:57,676 You argue with the customers, and l have to patch everything up. 1506 01:25:57,718 --> 01:26:00,053 You get us thrown out of a funeral by violating the corpse. 1507 01:26:00,094 --> 01:26:03,932 Then to top it all off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what's your encore ? 1508 01:26:04,057 --> 01:26:07,767 Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank ? 1509 01:26:10,267 --> 01:26:13,560 You know what the real tragedy about all of this is ? 1510 01:26:13,602 --> 01:26:15,686 I'm not even supposed to be here today ! 1511 01:26:15,770 --> 01:26:19,146 Oh, fuck you ! Fuck you, pal ! 1512 01:26:19,230 --> 01:26:21,397 Jesus, there you go, trying to pass the buck. 1513 01:26:21,439 --> 01:26:23,357 I'm the source of all your misery. 1514 01:26:23,440 --> 01:26:27,108 Who closed the store to play hockey ? Who closed the store to go to a wake ? 1515 01:26:27,150 --> 01:26:29,237 Who tried to win back his ex-girlfriend... 1516 01:26:29,320 --> 01:26:32,279 without even discussing how he felt with his present one ? 1517 01:26:32,363 --> 01:26:34,989 You wanna blame somebody ? Blame yourself. 1518 01:26:35,073 --> 01:26:36,949 ""I'm not even supposed to be here today."" 1519 01:26:36,990 --> 01:26:38,824 You sound like an asshole ! 1520 01:26:38,908 --> 01:26:40,908 Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. 1521 01:26:40,991 --> 01:26:43,117 You're here of your own volition. 1522 01:26:43,159 --> 01:26:46,119 You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder, 1523 01:26:46,161 --> 01:26:49,037 Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. 1524 01:26:49,162 --> 01:26:51,955 Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. 1525 01:26:52,038 --> 01:26:57,001 You push fuckin' buttons. Anybody could waltz in here and do our jobs. 1526 01:26:57,043 --> 01:27:00,336 You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, 1527 01:27:00,336 --> 01:27:02,754 so much more important than it really is. 1528 01:27:02,837 --> 01:27:07,422 Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante, and badly, l might add ! 1529 01:27:07,548 --> 01:27:10,465 I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. 1530 01:27:10,590 --> 01:27:14,467 You know, that guy Jay's got it right. He has no delusions about what he does. 1531 01:27:14,509 --> 01:27:17,344 Us, we like to make ourselves seem so much more important... 1532 01:27:17,468 --> 01:27:20,804 than the people that come in here to buy a paper or, God forbid, cigarettes. 1533 01:27:20,887 --> 01:27:23,139 We look down on them as if we're so advanced. 1534 01:27:23,265 --> 01:27:25,140 Well, if we're so fuckin' advanced, 1535 01:27:25,266 --> 01:27:27,642 what are we doin' workin' here ? 1536 01:27:45,900 --> 01:27:49,362 Hey, the floor looks pretty clean. I put the cat next door. 1537 01:27:49,445 --> 01:27:52,905 - Need a ride home ? - No, l got one. Just pulled up. 1538 01:27:52,905 --> 01:27:54,865 You workin' tomorrow ? 1539 01:27:54,948 --> 01:27:56,866 Same time. What about you ? 1540 01:27:56,907 --> 01:28:00,367 I'm callin' out. Goin' to the hospital and visit Caitlin. 1541 01:28:00,450 --> 01:28:02,869 And then I'm gonna try to talk to Veronica. 1542 01:28:02,952 --> 01:28:04,911 You wanna grab a bite to eat or something... 1543 01:28:04,953 --> 01:28:07,120 when you're done with that and l get off work ? 1544 01:28:07,162 --> 01:28:10,122 - I'll give you a call, let you know. - All right. 1545 01:28:10,164 --> 01:28:12,123 Hey, good luck with Veronica. 1546 01:28:12,165 --> 01:28:15,166 - lf you want, l can talk to her, try and straighten this-- - No, thanks. 1547 01:28:15,207 --> 01:28:17,043 I think l can handle it. 1548 01:28:17,085 --> 01:28:19,836 We have a lot of shit to talk about. 1549 01:28:19,919 --> 01:28:22,921 - Hell of a day. - To say the least. 1550 01:28:23,005 --> 01:28:25,964 Want me to do anything before l get out of here, man ? 1551 01:28:26,006 --> 01:28:27,965 Why don't you wrangle for me ? 1552 01:28:28,048 --> 01:28:30,341 - [ Scoffs ] No. - Come on. Just wrangle out the door. 1553 01:28:30,383 --> 01:28:33,009 - No. No, no, no. - Come on. 1554 01:28:33,134 --> 01:28:35,093 Here comes Randal 1555 01:28:35,093 --> 01:28:37,511 He's a Berserker 1556 01:28:37,553 --> 01:28:42,555 [ Humming ] [ Laughing ] 1557 01:28:45,017 --> 01:28:46,851 You're closed. 1558 01:28:54,604 --> 01:28:59,565 I may never get what l want 1559 01:28:59,607 --> 01:29:03,941 But I'm happy just to die tryin' 1560 01:29:04,025 --> 01:29:09,028 And l hope l ain't done nobody wrong 1561 01:29:09,153 --> 01:29:13,990 But l miss you smilin' 1562 01:29:14,073 --> 01:29:19,785 And I'm lookin' for a cure 'cause I'm bored to tears 1563 01:29:19,868 --> 01:29:21,744 And I'm stuck in here 1564 01:29:21,827 --> 01:29:26,245 Stuck out here, stuck in here 1565 01:29:26,245 --> 01:29:29,331 We lived through another day 1566 01:29:29,455 --> 01:29:32,707 it's a good excuse to celebrate 1567 01:29:32,749 --> 01:29:35,374 Take a number, knock on wood 1568 01:29:35,500 --> 01:29:38,836 We'll find a reason to feel good 1569 01:29:38,920 --> 01:29:41,129 I know you know l want to know 1570 01:29:41,213 --> 01:29:43,506 How l feel 1571 01:29:43,547 --> 01:29:46,548 I can't even tell 1572 01:29:46,632 --> 01:29:49,716 I can't even tell 1573 01:29:49,800 --> 01:29:52,301 I can't even tell 1574 01:29:54,511 --> 01:29:58,845 No one knows nothin' about me 1575 01:29:58,887 --> 01:30:01,806 I'm guessin' I'll just keep on guessin' 1576 01:30:03,681 --> 01:30:08,477 No one sees what l see 1577 01:30:08,519 --> 01:30:12,312 This is my blessin' 1578 01:30:12,395 --> 01:30:18,065 And I'm lookin' for a way to get outta here 1579 01:30:18,148 --> 01:30:20,108 Get me outta here 1580 01:30:20,191 --> 01:30:24,692 Outta here, outta here 1581 01:30:24,776 --> 01:30:27,653 We lived through another day 1582 01:30:27,694 --> 01:30:31,154 it's a good excuse to celebrate 1583 01:30:31,238 --> 01:30:33,865 Take a number, knock on wood 1584 01:30:33,907 --> 01:30:37,242 Find a reason to feel good 1585 01:30:37,367 --> 01:30:39,535 I know you know Just want to know 1586 01:30:39,618 --> 01:30:41,828 How l feel 1587 01:30:41,911 --> 01:30:44,787 I can't even tell 1588 01:30:44,912 --> 01:30:47,831 I can't even tell 1589 01:30:47,956 --> 01:30:50,456 I can't even tell 1590 01:31:15,595 --> 01:31:17,679 I'm outta here 1591 01:31:17,762 --> 01:31:22,515 Outta here Outta here 1592 01:31:22,598 --> 01:31:24,890 I know you know l want to know 1593 01:31:24,974 --> 01:31:27,227 How l feel 1594 01:31:27,310 --> 01:31:30,062 I can't tell 1595 01:31:30,146 --> 01:31:32,563 I know you know I'll tell ya 1596 01:31:32,604 --> 01:31:34,731 If it's real 1597 01:31:34,814 --> 01:31:37,690 it's not our last affair 1598 01:31:37,732 --> 01:31:40,316 - I can't even tell - [ Jay ] Smokin' weed, smokin' weed 1599 01:31:40,400 --> 01:31:43,901 Noise, noise, noise Smokin' weed, smokin' weed 146180