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1
00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:06,204
I will transfer you to the
Department of Answered Prayers.
2
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,740
Impossibles go all the way
to the top.
3
00:00:07,742 --> 00:00:10,074
And so, if anyone
can handle them, he can.
4
00:00:10,076 --> 00:00:12,877
I decided to blow up Earth.
I guess that's it.
5
00:00:12,879 --> 00:00:15,880
If I answer one of these
"Impossible" prayers,
6
00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,081
you spare Earth.
7
00:00:17,083 --> 00:00:18,483
It's a bet.
8
00:00:18,485 --> 00:00:20,218
I really like this girl.
9
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:22,887
Okay, love prayers never work.
10
00:00:22,889 --> 00:00:24,022
But related prayer.
11
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,191
I really like this guy.
12
00:00:26,961 --> 00:00:28,893
Okay. This could work.
13
00:00:39,173 --> 00:00:41,640
Rosie, if anyone comes
looking for me,
14
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,042
tell them I'm in a meeting.
15
00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,844
With God!
16
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:51,049
Religion...
Stupid, dangerous, pointless.
17
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,250
Just everything up.
18
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:53,718
Hey, I got all
your missed calls.
19
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,520
- What's the emergency?
- Love you, Bill!
20
00:00:55,522 --> 00:00:57,722
Have you heard
of this guy Bill Maher?
21
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,858
The talk-show guy? Yeah.
22
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,126
Do you think he's funny?
23
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,394
'Cause I've been watching
his stuff,
24
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:04,196
and I don't know
about these jokes.
25
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:06,198
You mean the jokes about you?
No.
26
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,000
- I don't care about that.
- I mean.
27
00:01:08,002 --> 00:01:11,269
No, I just... I just don't...
I don't think he's funny.
28
00:01:11,271 --> 00:01:13,005
So, what do you want to do?
29
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:16,541
Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking
about "doing" anything.
30
00:01:16,543 --> 00:01:19,277
I'm just... But now
that you bring it up,
31
00:01:19,279 --> 00:01:21,279
what's that thing
that where we can...
32
00:01:21,281 --> 00:01:23,148
you know... Kill him?
33
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:24,749
Whoa! Sanj!
34
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,419
Did you just drop the "K" bomb?
Wow!
35
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,288
Wouldn't want to get
on your bad side, Ice Man.
36
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:32,557
Ai-ai! Whoo!!
37
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:33,826
Ooh! Freezer burn.
38
00:01:35,295 --> 00:01:36,628
But, yeah, kill him.
39
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:38,697
Okay. Well, the good news is,
40
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,565
Bill Maher's
already scheduled to die
41
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:43,168
along with everyone else, when
the Earth explodes in 13 days.
42
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,103
You know what's funny, is that,
43
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:49,241
you know how sometimes, like,
a day can feel so long?
44
00:01:49,243 --> 00:01:50,909
Okay, I'll go find a way
to kill him.
45
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:53,111
Ice Man.
46
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,779
I love you, buddy.
47
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:56,114
Okay.
48
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:29,548
Okay.
49
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:31,149
If we're gonna get
these humans kissing,
50
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,551
we need to know more about them.
Right.
51
00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,887
First up, we have Laura.
24 years old.
52
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:38,957
Works at an escape room
called "Solitary Confunment."
53
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:41,293
Listen up, ya jailbirds.
54
00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:44,296
A couple of ground rules, see?
55
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,364
Don't touch the actors, see?
56
00:02:46,366 --> 00:02:49,902
And if you're looking for
some clues, just ask the...
57
00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:51,436
warden.
58
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:52,637
End clip.
59
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,506
What about Sam? What's his deal?
60
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,308
So, Sam is also 24 years old.
61
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,842
He was born with extra teeth,
62
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,912
and he seems to really love
his grandmother.
63
00:02:59,914 --> 00:03:01,646
Yahtzee!
64
00:03:03,984 --> 00:03:06,318
This might be harder
than we thought.
65
00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,921
Well, look, neither of them
are particularly socially adept.
66
00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:11,723
But I ran a compatibility check,
67
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:14,859
and they scored a 98%.
68
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,662
Whoa!
They have so much in common.
69
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:19,531
They both pretend to text
in elevators
70
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,199
in order to avoid
potential small talk.
71
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,734
They were both
accidentally omitted
72
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,136
from their high-school yearbook.
Dang.
73
00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:25,938
They laugh at the same
insurance commercial,
74
00:03:25,940 --> 00:03:27,740
they cry
at the same car commercial,
75
00:03:27,742 --> 00:03:31,276
and they sing along incorrectly
to the same dumb commercial.
76
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:36,214
Ooh, they both love gye-ros
with extra green onions.
77
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:37,816
I think it's pronounced
"jai-ros" but yes,
78
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,578
and they both have
matching pollen allergies.
79
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:42,287
No wonder they want
to be together.
80
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,356
Unfortunately,
they are both so shy
81
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,424
that they haven't
actually communicated
82
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:48,160
since the night they met.
83
00:03:48,162 --> 00:03:50,162
What are they waiting for?
84
00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:51,964
A sign.
85
00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,232
Cool. How does it work?
86
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:58,637
We send them subtle clues to
gently influence their actions.
87
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,639
Yeah!
88
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,240
Now, on the night they met,
they had
89
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,710
a fascinating conversation
about the game of badminton.
90
00:04:05,712 --> 00:04:07,312
Let's have a listen.
91
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,714
So, I hit the badminton thing
with the badminton racket,
92
00:04:09,716 --> 00:04:12,116
and I was like,
"Badminton's fun.
93
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,186
I think I like badminton."
94
00:04:14,188 --> 00:04:16,321
Wow. I-I've never played
badminton,
95
00:04:16,323 --> 00:04:17,389
but I really want to now.
96
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,124
- You should!
- End clip.
97
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:20,725
They spoke of badminton.
98
00:04:20,727 --> 00:04:23,395
Thus, if we remind them
of badminton,
99
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,397
they will see it as a sign...
100
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,466
A call to arms.
101
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,802
Each other's arms, as it were.
102
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,537
Yeah. I mean, I don't know.
103
00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:35,207
The game begins.
104
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:43,682
So, I found some build-up
in Bill Maher's left ventricle.
105
00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,150
Looks like all we have to do
is thicken it up,
106
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,619
and he'll have a massive
heart attack by end of day.
107
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,022
Wow, that's great, Sanjay!
108
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:52,157
So we could explode his heart...
109
00:04:52,159 --> 00:04:53,492
or his lungs...
110
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:55,027
or his penis.
111
00:04:55,029 --> 00:04:56,294
Explode his penis?
112
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,363
Whoa, Sanjay!
113
00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,698
Now, that's an idea!
114
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,433
No. I don't know if, that's...
Rosie!
115
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:03,168
Something that...
116
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,903
Wow, you're not
gonna believe this.
117
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:08,773
Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea
about Bill Maher.
118
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:11,776
About his penis.
119
00:05:11,778 --> 00:05:17,182
I guess... my idea...
120
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,718
is to explode his penis.
121
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,587
Wow. I know.
122
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:25,123
Ice Man is on the warpath.
123
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:27,359
Better go handle that.
124
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:32,531
So, I guess,
we should probably get started.
125
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,267
No. This is all you.
126
00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:37,602
This is insane!
127
00:05:37,604 --> 00:05:39,538
I'm an executive.
128
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,208
Have fun!
129
00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,277
Gust. Gust.
130
00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:48,480
Breeze. Zephyr.
131
00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:51,149
Quarter-breeze. Updraft.
132
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:53,017
Yes! Boo-yah!
133
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:55,554
In a mere six hours,
I've successfully blown
134
00:05:55,556 --> 00:05:57,822
a badminton birdie
from a rooftop court
135
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,425
all the way
to Laura's living room.
136
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,861
That is what I call a sign.
137
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,232
What is that?
138
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,434
It's a mustard packet.
It's a little treat.
139
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,570
You do something good,
you get a little reward.
140
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,572
Here. Have one.
141
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,640
Hello. Look. It's happening.
142
00:06:22,116 --> 00:06:24,983
Okay. Onto the next sign.
143
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:26,919
Craig, okay, I've been
doing research,
144
00:06:26,921 --> 00:06:29,721
and it seems like people
never pick up on signs.
145
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:32,324
Okay? No matter
how obvious they are. Look.
146
00:06:32,326 --> 00:06:33,792
Ooh!
147
00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:36,595
'Tis a crow-y day, indeed.
148
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:39,331
Well, time for the theater.
149
00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:40,865
This will be a normal night.
150
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,802
See? This badminton thing
is not gonna work.
151
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,738
We need to be bolder.
152
00:06:45,740 --> 00:06:47,005
What?
153
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,807
Eliza?
154
00:06:48,809 --> 00:06:50,943
Out of my way, black cat.
155
00:06:50,945 --> 00:06:53,679
I'm late for my fun play.
156
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,503
Hey, colleagues!
157
00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:21,106
I'm Sanjay from upstairs.
158
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,176
Love what you guys do down here.
Thanks.
159
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:26,378
Um, we... we hardly ever
get acknowledged, so...
160
00:07:26,380 --> 00:07:28,914
Listen, I'm gonna need you
to explode Bill Maher's penis.
161
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:31,049
What? It's important.
162
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:33,585
Um, sir, I-I think there's
been a misunderstanding
163
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,053
about what we do here
in Genitals.
164
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,588
Our powers are
extremely limited.
165
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,057
We mainly just try
to enforce puberty.
166
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,726
Well, I need this dick exploded.
167
00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:44,530
So I guess you better get to it?
168
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:47,533
Thaaaaanks, guys.
169
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,000
Okay.
170
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,836
Do you guys know how to...
171
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,272
Ha! I figured it out.
172
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:56,007
We can get Sam
and Laura together.
173
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:58,744
We just need to engineer...
a Chance Encounter.
174
00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,946
No. Those are very risky.
175
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,147
Check it out.
176
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,149
They both live near
the same hospital,
177
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,552
so all we need to do is get
them there at the same time.
178
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,353
Step one... injure Laura.
179
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:11,489
I found a melon near an open
window along her route to work.
180
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:13,691
We blow it off,
it clonks her on the head,
181
00:08:13,693 --> 00:08:15,293
and she goes straight to the ER.
182
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:18,830
With Sam, I figure we
just pop his appendix.
183
00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:20,165
They spot each other in the ER,
184
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:24,236
sparks fly, they kiss.
185
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:26,438
World saved.
186
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:28,774
Okay. It's very...
It's... I don't...
187
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,108
I don't know, though. Um...
188
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:31,777
Don't worry.
Appendixes are easy.
189
00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:33,579
Look, there's even a button
for it.
190
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:34,913
You've seen that.
191
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,582
Um... I know.
192
00:08:36,584 --> 00:08:39,117
This is not the kind of stuff
you usually do,
193
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:41,253
and it's a little, you know...
194
00:08:41,255 --> 00:08:43,054
It's outside
of your comfort zone,
195
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,790
and I get why you're scared.
196
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:46,724
No. No. I'm not scared.
197
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:47,993
You're not? No.
198
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:50,662
I'm a bold, intrepid man
with a strong mind.
199
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:51,663
I'm a risk taker.
200
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,600
I'm a big, bad boy.
201
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:57,403
So that's a yes to the plan?
202
00:08:57,405 --> 00:08:58,536
Yes.
203
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,537
Yes? Yes.
204
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,206
Yes! Yeah.
205
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,408
Yes. Okay.
206
00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:06,678
I hope these lovebirds
like hospital food.
207
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:11,883
Jean-Claude,
I'd be lost without you.
208
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,551
Don't neglect the heel cap.
209
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:14,953
You know what they say.
210
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,221
It's not the clothes
that make the man.
211
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:17,889
It's the man who makes the...
212
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:19,157
Aren't you meant to be off
dealing with that penis?
213
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,093
Yeah. I put someone on that.
214
00:09:21,095 --> 00:09:23,829
Part of being an executive
is knowing when to delegate.
215
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,897
Sanjay! Get in here!
216
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,066
You don't have to come.
217
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,702
Look at this! Bill Maher,
218
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,438
or should we say "Bill More,"
219
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,306
was feeling cocky as he dragged
220
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:37,242
more than one hot dog
down the street.
221
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,576
His dick grew!
222
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,778
We asked
the anti-religious provocateur
223
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,381
how he felt about his blessing,
and the funnyman quipped,
224
00:09:43,383 --> 00:09:46,184
"God is as fake
as my dick is huge."
225
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,186
Happy birthday to Bill Maher!
226
00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,788
Come on!
I don't know what happened!
227
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,123
I'll tell you what happened.
228
00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:52,658
You messed up, man!
229
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,126
I thought you could handle this.
230
00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:56,362
You're supposed to be
an executive.
231
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:03,135
Stick around for more girthy
gossip right after the break.
232
00:10:03,137 --> 00:10:04,470
All right.
233
00:10:04,472 --> 00:10:07,072
Melon is in position.
234
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,607
All we gotta do now
is hit this button,
235
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,076
and bonk! We're in business.
236
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:13,211
Laura approaching.
237
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,280
All right. Let's do this.
238
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:18,950
No! Wait!
239
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,153
Um, we...
We don't have enough power
240
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:23,155
to execute this sequence. What?
241
00:10:23,157 --> 00:10:26,758
We need to increase the voltage
to the valve coil,
242
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,360
which is sort of
down there a bit.
243
00:10:28,362 --> 00:10:29,227
Okay.
244
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,562
Yeah. Yeah. Okay, thank you.
245
00:10:30,564 --> 00:10:31,963
Dream team. Whoo-hoo, yes.
246
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:50,648
I couldn't find a breaker box
or anything resembling a...
247
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,318
What the.
248
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,987
What happened? No!
249
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,322
Did it fall early?!
250
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,791
What a disappointment
for both of us.
251
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,729
So, I had an idea for a sign
252
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,864
involving their matching
pollen allergies.
253
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,733
Did you do this?
254
00:11:09,603 --> 00:11:11,269
Yes! Yes, yes! Why?
255
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,738
Because I... If I can
be extremely blunt,
256
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:16,274
I just thought that your plan
was maybe possibly...
257
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:17,409
Stupid. My plan was stupid.
258
00:11:17,411 --> 00:11:18,544
No. Is that what you're saying?
259
00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,078
No, no, no, no, no.
260
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,679
It's... It's just that,
yesterday, you...
261
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,749
You did cause that typhoon,
262
00:11:23,751 --> 00:11:26,017
which unfortunately
killed many people, and then,
263
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,553
after that, you convinced God
to blow up the Earth,
264
00:11:27,555 --> 00:11:31,623
so I just think that a little
bit of caution is advisable.
265
00:11:31,625 --> 00:11:34,626
You're not cautious, Craig.
266
00:11:34,628 --> 00:11:35,894
You're a coward.
267
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,367
Shit. My melon.
268
00:11:41,369 --> 00:11:43,168
There goes our fruit salad.
269
00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,137
Barbara's gonna be furious.
270
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,548
Good. There you are.
271
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,083
Um...
272
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:01,019
can we go back downstairs
where it's not as dangerous
273
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:04,156
and there's not ledges
to stand near?
274
00:12:04,158 --> 00:12:05,957
Right you are.
275
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,964
I'm very sorry
that I broke the melon.
276
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,632
It's fine.
277
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:18,236
I was just trying to help,
but, as usual,
278
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:19,637
I made things worse.
279
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,574
Eliza, you're down
on yourself, and I get it.
280
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:24,710
If the world explodes,
then you will go down
281
00:12:24,712 --> 00:12:26,311
as history's greatest murderer.
282
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:28,113
Nobody wants that. From now on,
283
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:30,716
I am just going to stay
out of the way.
284
00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:31,850
No. Please no.
285
00:12:31,852 --> 00:12:34,652
I need you in the way. Why?
286
00:12:34,654 --> 00:12:36,321
Because you were right about me.
287
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,723
Right? I am not brave.
288
00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:40,058
Not even slightly. But you are.
289
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,193
And... And that... That's...
290
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,261
That's what Earth needs
right now.
291
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:46,031
And I certainly can't do this
without you.
292
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,602
Also, I've been thinking
about it, and you were right.
293
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:53,271
A Chance Encounter
really might work.
294
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,674
We just have to refine
the execution a bit.
295
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,009
How?
296
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,145
Well, I don't know yet,
but I was kind of hoping
297
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,947
we could figure that
out together.
298
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,820
Okay.
299
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,155
Okay. Downstairs?
300
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,423
Yes. Thank you,
301
00:13:11,425 --> 00:13:13,425
thank you.
302
00:13:19,033 --> 00:13:20,632
What the shit?!
303
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,434
I-I-I can explain.
304
00:13:22,436 --> 00:13:25,437
We pumped Bill Maher's glands
full of hormones in hopes
305
00:13:25,439 --> 00:13:28,640
that his penis would expand
and then pop like a balloon,
306
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,843
and everything was going
smoothly, but then...
307
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,511
What?!
308
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,914
As Bill's penis became larger,
309
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,716
it grew more... more beautiful.
310
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:41,186
At a certain point, we realized
it would be immoral for us
311
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,854
to destroy something so perfect.
312
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,189
I don't care.
313
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,657
This is coming from the top!
314
00:13:45,659 --> 00:13:48,326
Just blow it up!
315
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:51,729
With respect, we refuse.
316
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,799
This isn't
the Department of Anuses.
317
00:13:53,801 --> 00:13:55,467
We have integrity.
318
00:13:55,469 --> 00:13:56,735
Okay, fine!
319
00:13:56,737 --> 00:13:59,204
I'll do it myself!
320
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,340
Pump-O-Tron activated.
321
00:14:03,744 --> 00:14:05,543
Why isn't this working?
322
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,613
You have to put your eyes up
to the eye hole,
323
00:14:07,615 --> 00:14:10,749
and, stare at
the penis when you pump.
324
00:14:10,751 --> 00:14:12,684
Why?
325
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:14,453
I don't...
326
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:18,824
How many pumps
is this gonna take?
327
00:14:18,826 --> 00:14:20,426
50,000.
328
00:14:20,428 --> 00:14:23,495
50,000?
329
00:14:23,497 --> 00:14:26,031
Yeah. 50,000.
330
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,637
1.
331
00:14:31,639 --> 00:14:33,439
2.
332
00:14:33,441 --> 00:14:35,507
Okay, here's our target...
Bob's Hummus House.
333
00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:37,709
It's perfect...
Halfway between Sam
334
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:40,646
and Laura's apartments. And, most
importantly, it serves their favorite food.
335
00:14:40,648 --> 00:14:42,247
Gyros.
336
00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:43,649
Let's get them there.
337
00:14:43,651 --> 00:14:46,452
First step... cut off
their food supply.
338
00:14:46,454 --> 00:14:49,120
Dang.
339
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,188
Laura's a little trickier.
340
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:51,723
She never has any food
in the house.
341
00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,924
Always orders in.
342
00:14:52,926 --> 00:14:55,393
Lucky for us,
there's a simple fix.
343
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:58,263
We blow up the satellite
for her cellphone provider.
344
00:15:01,669 --> 00:15:03,001
Dang.
345
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:06,004
Nice work. Now to lure them in.
346
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,485
Gye-ro.
347
00:15:22,956 --> 00:15:24,390
Jai-ros.
348
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,828
30 seconds to contact.
349
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,229
Wait. Why is Sam stopping?
350
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,165
Ooh, pizza.
351
00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:34,366
No, no, no. What?
352
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:35,701
No, I've scanned the route
three times.
353
00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,635
Every place Sam likes
should be closed by now.
354
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,771
No, something's happening
at Pizza Bongiorno.
355
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:42,374
If you're just joining us,
comedian Bill Maher
356
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:45,511
is dead after a tragic
and confusing incident
357
00:15:45,513 --> 00:15:48,580
that has shaken the world
of comedy and medicine.
358
00:15:48,582 --> 00:15:50,382
We have to close that shop. Now.
359
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,584
Maher's family has announced
that the funeral
360
00:15:52,586 --> 00:15:54,786
will
"definitely be closed casket."
361
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,189
Aaaah!
362
00:15:59,193 --> 00:16:00,392
I did it.
363
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:03,795
It's done.
364
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,998
Look.
Look, he's turning back around.
365
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,200
Yes!
366
00:16:08,202 --> 00:16:10,001
Awesome work.
We're back on track.
367
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,136
Thank you,
and this pizza gentleman
368
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:12,337
is gonna live, right?
369
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,406
We are back on track.
370
00:16:20,948 --> 00:16:22,147
No! They're gonna miss
each other!
371
00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,215
What do we do now?
372
00:16:23,217 --> 00:16:25,184
I've got an idea.
373
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,024
Matching pollen allergies.
374
00:16:32,026 --> 00:16:33,559
You're good.
375
00:16:33,561 --> 00:16:35,561
Gesundheit.
376
00:16:35,563 --> 00:16:36,962
Sam?
377
00:16:36,964 --> 00:16:38,630
Laura?
378
00:16:38,632 --> 00:16:40,599
Wow.
379
00:16:42,169 --> 00:16:44,236
Now what?
380
00:16:44,238 --> 00:16:47,439
Now we just sit back
and watch the sparks fly.
381
00:16:55,249 --> 00:16:57,382
Remember the bathroom line
at the party?
382
00:16:57,384 --> 00:16:59,251
Yeah, yeah.
383
00:16:59,253 --> 00:17:01,186
It was long.
384
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,255
No.
385
00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:04,590
- Not like here.
- Nope.
386
00:17:04,592 --> 00:17:08,594
There's... There's
no bathroom line.
387
00:17:08,596 --> 00:17:10,262
Nope.
388
00:17:10,264 --> 00:17:12,598
I can't watch this.
It's really hard to watch.
389
00:17:17,605 --> 00:17:20,272
Can I maybe get your number? Do
you want to hang out sometime?
390
00:17:20,274 --> 00:17:21,673
Yes.
391
00:17:21,675 --> 00:17:22,474
What?! Yes!
392
00:17:22,476 --> 00:17:23,409
Yes! Go on!
393
00:17:23,411 --> 00:17:24,876
Yes! Never in doubt!
394
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,744
Yes! Yeah! Yes!
395
00:17:26,746 --> 00:17:28,346
Yes!
396
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:29,414
- Go!
- Yes!
397
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:31,617
Go, Sam and Laura.
398
00:17:31,619 --> 00:17:34,419
Thank you. Help yourself
to one of these. No.
399
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,621
I'm gonna put you in your phone.
400
00:17:35,623 --> 00:17:37,289
My... Your...
401
00:17:37,291 --> 00:17:39,325
I'm gonna put my name as "Sam." Sam.
Yeah.
402
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,299
All right, Sanjay!
403
00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,435
I hope you're proud.
You look proud.
404
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,637
Tell you what,
I'm proud of you. Wow.
405
00:17:52,639 --> 00:17:56,041
I mean, I know
how much you hated Bill Maher.
406
00:17:56,043 --> 00:17:57,976
How much he hurt you.
407
00:17:57,978 --> 00:17:59,978
And it would've been so easy
for you
408
00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:02,647
to just keep taking the hits,
night after night,
409
00:18:02,649 --> 00:18:04,249
special after special.
410
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:05,650
But you stuck to your guns,
411
00:18:05,652 --> 00:18:09,521
and that's why you are
one heck of an executive.
412
00:18:09,523 --> 00:18:12,391
Thanks, God.
413
00:18:12,393 --> 00:18:13,859
All right.
414
00:18:13,861 --> 00:18:16,327
I hope you're hungry
for some gumbo.
415
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:17,529
What?
416
00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:18,531
Aah!
417
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:20,732
For Lazy Susan's!
418
00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:22,534
I bet you thought I forget
about our restaurant.
419
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,870
Now, don't worry.
I am still all in,
420
00:18:24,872 --> 00:18:26,805
fully committed to our dream.
421
00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:30,942
Now, I need you to taste-test
all of these gumbos immediately.
422
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,945
They range from very thick
to almost solid.
423
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:37,082
Can Rosie taste some of the gumbos?
I'm allergic.
424
00:18:37,084 --> 00:18:39,751
Well, that's more for you.
425
00:18:39,753 --> 00:18:43,154
Love you, buddy. I love you.
426
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:47,158
And let me know
if you find my tweezers.
427
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,827
Okay.
428
00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:50,161
No, no, no, no.
429
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,697
Rosie, Rosie.
Rosie, this is ridiculous.
430
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:54,499
Okay, I'm not even hungry.
431
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:56,568
I ate a full lunch.
432
00:18:56,570 --> 00:18:57,836
My arms are in a sling.
433
00:18:57,838 --> 00:19:00,039
I've got to come
at this mouth-first?!
434
00:19:00,041 --> 00:19:01,506
This is crazy!
435
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:03,308
I'm an executive!
436
00:19:03,310 --> 00:19:06,778
Good morning, good morning.
How's it going?
437
00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:07,913
She's already texting him.
438
00:19:07,915 --> 00:19:09,448
Nice.
439
00:19:09,450 --> 00:19:10,749
Thanks.
440
00:19:18,459 --> 00:19:21,126
I am so sorry.
441
00:19:21,128 --> 00:19:23,462
No, don't...
442
00:19:25,466 --> 00:19:27,532
worry about it.
443
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:29,200
Who's this guy?
444
00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,535
I don't know.
445
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:33,072
You know, it's funny. I...
446
00:19:33,074 --> 00:19:35,006
I ran in here to get
out of the rain.
447
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:40,479
And once we started talking,
the rain stopped.
448
00:19:40,481 --> 00:19:43,414
Maybe it's a sign.
449
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,483
Maybe.
450
00:19:44,485 --> 00:19:46,485
Not a sign. Not a sign.
No. No. How?
451
00:19:46,487 --> 00:19:48,988
How would that be a sign?! No, it's not!
It's not a sign!
452
00:19:50,691 --> 00:19:52,824
Pizza-shop owner
and philanthropist
453
00:19:52,826 --> 00:19:55,294
Vincent Alfonsi is fighting
for his life tonight
454
00:19:55,296 --> 00:19:57,028
after his appendix ruptured,
455
00:19:57,030 --> 00:20:01,032
leaving him stranded for hours
inside his darkened pizzeria.
456
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,234
Alfonsi, known for
the Thanksgiving pies
457
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:06,305
that he distributes personally
to the city's neediest children,
458
00:20:06,307 --> 00:20:08,440
will never walk again.
459
00:20:08,442 --> 00:20:10,241
In my 20 years as a journalist,
460
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:13,312
I've never seen such a beloved
community fixture suffer
461
00:20:13,314 --> 00:20:15,514
so randomly and horribly.
462
00:20:15,516 --> 00:20:18,049
It makes one question
everything.
463
00:20:18,051 --> 00:20:19,250
Sports is next.
31907
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