All language subtitles for The Cool Kids s01e13 Sids First Relationship.eng

There she is.

I can't believe
you still volunteering

at that airport
information desk.

I mean, what are
those things even for?

I'm gonna speak slowly
so that you can follow this.

Information desks
give people information.

Well, they should be called
"admit you're an idiot" desk.

I mean, it's a airport.
They got signs everywhere.

If you want to know
where Gate 5 is, guess what--

it's between Gate 4
and Gate 6, idiot.

You know what, Hank?

Some people enjoy
helping others.

I'm not surprised
you don't get it.

You're only out for yourself.

But I help people.
I help people all the time.

Well, just now I was helping you
realize your job was stupid.

I actually admire Hank.

-Thank you, Charlie.
-(laughs)

Yeah, most people
would feel guilty

about being so openly selfish.

But not this guy.

Actually, Hank, can you name

the last time
you really helped somebody?

Well, um,
I helped someone, uh...

Well, y-you remember
that time when-when-when...

Well, just the other day,
I, uh...

Hey, look, here comes Sid.

SID:
Wow.

I cannot remember

the last time
someone walked me to the door

-after a date.
-Really?

So you can't remember
our last date

and all the dates before that?

(alarm blaring)

The alarm goes off
if the door's propped open.

They're really strict
about the AC here.

Mm. Makes sense.
AC is... expensive.

Especially when it's so hot.

Call me later.

Maybe I will.
Maybe I won't.

Only time will tell.

Toodles.

CHARLIE:
Wow.

You are really into that guy.

Who, John?

(laughs):
Yes, John.

You're head over heels.

Which is a shorter distance
for you than for most,

but still, it's really sweet.
When do we get to meet him?

Well, I'm playing it cool.

(all laugh)

That's playing it cool?

There are cooler guys
in my model train club.

I don't know
what you guys are talking about.

We're keeping it casual.

Or I should say "caszh"

because "casual"
is not caszh enough.

J-Just calm down.
We're-we're just happy for you.

I mean, me and you
both in a relationship?

This is... this is huge.

(stammers)
Who said "relationship"?

Did you say that?
Don't say...

No-Nobody's saying that.
Don't say that!

(laughs) Sid, you're acting
like you've never been

in a relationship before.

(exhales)

You've never been
in a relationship before?

Sid is a confirmed bachelor,

just like my Uncle Ray
and his roommate...

Christopher.

I knew he wasn't sleeping
on that futon.

*

I can't believe you've never
been in a relationship, Sid.

Of course, I barely know you.

(laughs)
But still.

Well, I mean, not a real one.

Well, unless you count that
25-year marriage to a woman.

Which I don't,
because that was based on a lie.

Oh, dear.
What was the lie?

I'm gay, sweetie.
Catch up.

I'm just not good
at relationships.

Commitment scares me.

The other day, John asked me
about my weekend plans,

and I sent him a GIF
of a fat, clapping baby.

Can Kathleen and I give you some
advice from a perfect couple

that has stood the test of time?

Oh, lord. You've been dating
for three weeks.

I have milk older than that.

Kathleen and I
more than understand

the thrill of the chase,
the games.

But when you stop with the games

and you take the leap,
that's where the good stuff is.

KATHLEEN:
Now we're calling ourselves

-"Charleen."
-Yeah.

That's a combination
of Charlie and Kathleen.

You're just brilliant.
I'm wild about you.

Now, Sid, if you just want to
hit it and quit it, that's fine.

I've been known to, uh,
toot it and scoot it.

Tap it and scrap it.

Hump it and bump it.

But it seems like
you really like this John.

I really, really do.
But it's ju...

Can we just talk about
something more fun, like...

race relations?

Okay, Sid,
this is really simple.

When you're with John,
how does he make you feel?

He makes me feel...

like cake.

-And I love cake.
-Well, then,

you better tell John
exactly how you feel

before you lose that man cake.

Cake man?

And you are giving out
information at the airport.

(jet engine whirring)

(sighs):
I'm a hollow reed.

Trouble blows right through me.

Are you okay?

No, I'm fine.
I'm just meditating.

I was starting to think
you were scared of planes.

(laughs): Oh!
Why would you think that?

Well, every time
one flies overhead,

you do that "hollow reed" thing.

(chuckles)

Way off base there, Mitch.

Well, good news, Margaret.

You are gonna have some help
at the help desk.

We've got a new volunteer.

Oh, good.

Oh, crap.
What are you doing here?

When you said I don't help
people, you were right.

And I need you
to be wrong, so now...

I'm a servant
of the people, baby.

Step right up, stupid people

who need obvious information
about the airport.

-(jet engine whirring)
-I am a hollow reed.

Trouble blows right through me.
I am a hollow reed.

Oh, that sounded really big.
(whimpering)

Is this a menopause thing?

What? No.

I'm just... I'm a little...
I'm scared of planes.

Then why are you working
at the airport?

-This is where the planes live.
-(grunts)

My daughter's graduating
from beauty school

this weekend in Boston,

and I promised her
that I would be there,

so that's why I'm working here.

This is called
immersion therapy.

I just inch a little closer
to my fear every single day,

and then, eventually,
I will set f-foot on a...

-a plane.
-(jet engine whirring)

-(laughs)
-(Margaret sighs)

Oh, stop laughing.

This is why
I didn't tell anybody.

Listen, girl,
I'm gonna help you,

because that's what I do now.

Excuse me, where's Gate 5?

Probably between Gate 4
and Gate 6, genius!

-Another satisfied customer.
-(Margaret exhales)

Charlie, please help me.

How do I get

-what you and Kathleen have?
-(sighs, scoffs)

(laughs): Well, that's like
asking to have what Pac-Man

and Ms. Pac-Man have.

No, you-you got to start
by opening up, Sid.

Um, here, practice on me.

I'm... Pretend I'm John.

-Okay. John...
-Mm-hmm.

(groans)
I don't know, this is hard.

(laughs):
Well, if you can't say it to me,

you'll never be able
to say it to John.

You're right.
Okay, here goes.

-John...
-Mm-hmm.

-I like you.
-Mm-hmm.

I like you a lot.
And I want to be your boyfriend.

-Pass.
-What?

What? What?
No, why did you do that?

Well, what's the point
of practicing

if you can't do
worst-case scenario?

He could say no?

Uh, yeah.
That's the leap.

I mean, you're putting
your heart out there.

It could get kicked
in the balls.

(whimpers) I-I can't ask John
to be my boyfriend

if I don't know
he's gonna say yes.

-There has to be another way.
-Uh-huh, well, there isn't.

Unless we lure him into a bar
under false pretenses,

I strike up a conversation
with him

and ask him
if he's sweet on somebody.

Great.
Let's do something like that.

(chuckles) "Let's do
something like that."

I just offer you
a fully-formed, foolproof plan,

and it's "Let's do
something like that."

Wow.

(indistinct conversations)

-There he is.
-Yeah.

Look at him, standing there
so tall and strong.

-(chuckles)
-I want to climb that man

like a redwood.

Well, yeah, he does look nice.

He doesn't even look pissed
that you called him down here

-and canceled on him.
-Do you really think

you can find out
if John like-likes me?

Just relax, Sid. I worked
corporate espionage for years.

If I can get the dirt
on Sully Sullenberger,

I can get the dirt on this.

You know,
he aimed for those geese.

(Charlie clears throat)

Thank you.

So, which branch
of the military?

-Air Force.
-(chuckles)

What gave it away, the posture?

Yeah.
No, the pectorals.

I can always tell a military man
from the pectorals.

Ah.

Ah.

How do you know
when you like-like someone?

Are you still talking to me?

No, I'm talking
to these empty stools.

Yes, silly, I am talking to you.

I've got the hots for someone,

and I can't tell
if it's more than that.

So, what-what would you do
in that situation?

Could you just rattle off, say,
three things that you would do?

Is there someone
I could call for you?

Come on. If two strangers
can't talk about love,

the bad guys won.

Look, I'm flattered,
but I'm taken.

(sighs)

Did you hear that?
(laughs)

-He is taken.
-Mm-hmm.

-That means I took him.
-Yep.

He's like Liam Neeson,
or I'm like Liam Neeson.

I can never remember the plot
of that thing.

Oh, this is great.
This is great.

This means
that I can take the leap,

and John is gonna catch me.

-What's the matter?
-Oh, um...

Well, you know, I wasn't
hitting on him. (laughs)

But if I was...

I'm cute, right?

(Hank grunting)

All right,
we're through security.

-Just a half a block more.
-Ooh, ooh-ee. Okay.

Okay. I think
you've gotten me close enough

to the planes for one day.

I think
I'm breaking out in hives,

and I have a severe case
of under-boob sweat.

Uh, I-I think
I need to find a Purell station.

Aren't you supposed
to take me to my gate?

I'm gonna miss my flight.

Your gate's right there,
Brendan. Damn!

No wonder your parents are
sending you to math camp.

MARGARET:
Okay, I need a break.

We're getting too close
to the planes. They're so...

so big and slow on the ground
and so fa-fast,

so fast up in the air.

Now you talking crazy.

I'm gonna give you some
immersion therapy right now.

You gonna take this kid
to his gate.

Brendan, hold this woman's hand
for support.

-MARGARET: Oh.
-I'm eight!

It's not for you, Brendan!
Damn!

Now I'm gonna go charge my phone
and get a chair massage.

W-Well, Hank, you're supposed
to be helping me.

I am helping you.
Get your life together! Bye.

Oh, so close to plane.
(laughs)

So itchy.
(sighs)

Why are you so scared of planes
anyway?

You know you're more likely
to be in a car crash, right?

Oh, wow, Brendan.
I never heard of that.

You got any more
Snapple cap wisdom for me?

Let me ask you this.
Have you ever known anybody

that was in a car crash?

-Yeah.
-That's right,

because you can walk away
from them.

You can't survive a plane crash.

You have to stare death
in the face as you plummet

out of the sky and then you
smash into the ground.

Oh. I would be a pancake.

You would be a mist.

(Brendan whimpers)

(doorbell rings)

-Surprise!
-Ah.

I thought
before we went to dinner,

we could enjoy this cake.

Wow. I've never had cake
as an appetizer before.

Well, I made it for us

because I have something
I need to talk to you about.

Ooh, how do I do this?

Uh, oh, I'm...

I'm just gonna be direct.

John,
as you may or may not know,

many cultures celebrate
special moments with cake.

-S... Sid.
-I think it was the late, great Harriet Tubman

-who said cake is...
-Sid, I have to break things off.

What?

But aren't you... taken?

Look, when you, uh,
stood me up last night,

it just hit home for me
that I can never

get a read on you.

Every time I mention
the future, you...

send me a fat, clapping baby.

That's not true!

One time, the baby
was riding a Roomba.

Remember the Roomba one?
(laughs)

Yeah.
I do remember.

I had just asked you
if you wanted to meet my family.

Look, you obviously see us
as casual, which is fine,

and, um, a-a job
popped up for me,

and so I'm gonna go
to Atlanta for a few months.

I leave tonight on the red-eye.

Okay, uh...

I get it.

Got to chase that paper.

Hotlanta!

Same page.

Super casual.

Bye, Sid.

Later, skater!

I made that cake for myself!

(sobbing)

(knocking)

CHARLIE:
Oh, thank you for coming.

He has been like this for hours.

SID:
I keep thinking...

the pain will subside,

but it gets worse
because I deserve...

Oh, Sid.

Why don't you try
a less complicated sentence?

Okay. Why?

Oh...

This is your first
real breakup, too.

Isn't it just the worst?

Doesn't it feel like you're
dead, only you're still alive?

But 90-ten dead.

(crying):
Not helping, Charlie!

Just empathize!

I am! I mean,
John rejected me, too, you know.

(knocking)

Sid,

you've texted me
15 crying babies,

each one fatter than the last.
What is going on?

I didn't get your texts.
My phone was in airplane mode.

By the way, I'm working
at the airport now, y'all.

I ran John off with my games.

I never told him how I felt,

and now he's flying to Atlanta.

He's flying?

Oh, God, he's gonna
be dead soon anyway.

HANK:
Enough!

I have been silent long enough.

You had been silent
for 30 seconds, tops.

I know you don't think
that I am helpful or sensitive

or even nice
in any traditional way,

but y'all about to get a
face-full of old Hank right now.

Sid, you didn't even
try to tell John

how you really felt about him.

If that man makes you
feel like cake,

you got to let him know!

But, Hank, it's too late.
He's flying to Atlanta.

His plane leaves
in literally an hour.

You waited 65 years

to get into a relationship
with a man,

now you can't do
a little long-distance?

Wipe your face

and get your big little ass
up off that couch,

and go on and get your man!

You could've just said,
"Get yourself off that couch."

No need to talk about my ass.

But you're right.

Let's go to the airport.

Oh, I'll drive!
I like driving. (laughs)

Plus, you're the only one
that has a car.

Oh, right.

I just freaking love us.

Well, looks like you got this
all under control,

so I'll just stay here
and keep jamming on this cake.

Like hell you will.
If I'm helping y'all,

I'm doing it all at once
to get it over with.

-Come on.
-(stammers)

(admonishing yell)

This is John's gate.

But he's not here.

He must already be on the plane.

Oh, well, we're too late.
Sorry, Sid.

But love comes around
all the time.

Wait a minute.
You're not gonna get

out of this that easy,
you chicken.

The plane's still here.

And with our red vests,
we can walk right on.

Yoo-hoo!
Information man,

could you point me
towards baggage claim?

Can you point me toward the most
annoying woman in the world?

Oh, that's right.
I just found her!

Whoa. Did you just yell
at this woman?

Look, I've never had to fire

a volunteer worker before,
but um...

yeah, stop coming here for free.

And I'm gonna need that vest.

You can take this non-job,
and you can shove it.

Ma'am, baggage claim
is this way.

Thank you.

They're about to close
the doors.

Well, it's all up to you
now, Margaret.

You're the only one
that can get on that plane

and look for John.

(breathing deeply)

Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

-No!
-Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Margaret.

I need you.

I'm okay.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

(nervous laughing)
I'm... I'm okay.

You'll tell us if we're gonna
take off, right?

Okay...
(nervous chuckle)

Oh. Hey, John.
Cake man.

-(compartment closes loudly)
-Oh, God, did we just die?!

Oh. (chuckles)
Hi.

I'm a hollow reed.
Trouble blows right through me.

Is there someone
I could call for you?

Sid is here.

(door opens)

I did it.
I did it!

I got on a friggin' airplane!
(laughs)

Oh, and also, John is here.

Sid, what's going on?

I'm doing something I should
have done a long time ago.

-Really, dating back
to the '60s. -Sid.

They're holding the plane.

Uh, I-I was playing it cool.
And I'm sorry.

-The truth is...
-No, no, it-it...

I've never been
in a relationship before,

-and I was scared.
-Wait.

You've never been
in a relationship before?

John, they're holding the plane.

Maybe I was scared
my whole life,

or maybe I've just
never met someone...

like you before.

-Sir, the plane is leaving.
-Yeah.

I-I want to be with you.

I'll do long-distance.

Uh, whatever it takes.

I want to be with you, too.

Let's do long-distance.

(laughing)

I'll call you when we land.

And I'll-I'll put you in
my telephone as "boyfriend."

I'm in a relationship, y'all!

Oh. Congratulations, Sid.
Doesn't it feel good?

Yes, it...
(retches)

It's okay.
It's a happy puke.

So, this is gonna be
my first trip to Boston.

I'm really excited
to see my daughter,

but I want to take in
some of the sights, too.

I mean, it's Beantown, baby.

(exaggerated Boston accent):
Fenway Pahk.

Pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd.
(laughs)

(sighs) You know,
these seats feel really solid.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Flight crew,
prepare for takeoff.

(screaming)

Humans don't belong in the sky!

This is a mass grave,
make no mistake!

We all bought one-way tickets
to hell!

That's pretty good.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

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