All language subtitles for The Cool Kids s01e11 Charlies Angel.eng

Hey, Charlie, there you are.

You forgot your hat
in the dining room.

I don't think
I've ever seen you without it.

Thought maybe you had a Mohawk
under there. (chuckles)

No, I didn't forget it.

I'm courting a woman.

I never wear my hat
when I'm courting.

How do I look?

Cool?

So, tell me about this woman.

Well, her name is Kathleen.

She hosts a group here
three times a week.

And the moment I saw her,
I fell hard, man.

Wow, Charlie, I've never
heard you talk like this.

It's so sweet.

So, what are you doing?

You meeting up for lunch,
you going to a movie?

Oh, God, no.

We've never talked.

No, that happens in six
to eight weeks. I have a system.

Right now we're in phase two.

It's what the Mossad calls
"Intelligence Gathering."

Okay, see, the word "Mossad"

should never factor into
your dating game.

I got a crazy idea--
why don't you just talk to her?

-Talk to her?
-(laughs)

Margaret, can you be serious
for a second?

This is my life
we're talking about.

What is the issue?

Well, I haven't dated in
forever, and I got to go slow.

After six divorces,
you start to think

maybe you're bad with women.

-Thank you.
-Oh, there she is.

Wow, Charlie,

-she's beautiful.
-Mm-hmm.

You sure you don't want to set
your sights a little lower?

How about this cute gal in here
with the eye patch?

Uh, no, I don't like
her politics.

Kathleen's the one.

Well, then I got
a new system for you.

-Turn around.
-What?

-Get over there.
-Wh...

Oh! (chuckles)

Hello. Um, hi.

Are you here for the group?

Um, I'll answer that question
in six to eight weeks.

(quietly):
Oh, my God.

Oh.

Knew we should've started
with the eye patch gal.

*

Um, Allison?

I just wanted
to extend a thank-you

for asking me to be the anchor
of the Shady Meadows News.

Mm. I don't know
if I'd call it news.

It's just reading
the daily announcements.

So I assume that you realized
that the broadcast

needed a jolt of my gravitas?

No, I realized the guy
who used to do it died.

Go away, Allison.

Wow, the Shady Meadows News.

Hank, have you been practicing
your anchorman voice?

Check this out.

You've been watching
the Shady Meadows News

with Hank Henderson.
Good night.

And to my Spanish-speaking
viewers,

buenas... night.

You guys, Margaret made me
talk to a woman.

And get this,
I had just started phase two.

What? That is crazy.

Phase two usually lasts six
to eight weeks.

Wait a minute,
you guys know about all this

crazy phase stuff and you
haven't tried to help him?

Girl, we've been trying
to help him for years.

Yeah, I mean, if a couple of
primo studs like me and Sid

can't help him out, nobody can.

(laughs)
Primo studs?

You two?

We're just gonna let that go by?

(Margaret continues laughing)

Okay.

Maybe I'm just hopeless.

Oh, Charlie,
you're not hopeless.

You're just getting advice
from people who are hopeless.

And do you think you could
do better?

Like you're some
great wingwoman?

Hell yes, I am.

If Charlie takes my advice,

he'll be with Kathleen
by the end of the week.

Wow, 'cause I got a great
first date planned.

We're gonna
help my buddy Dave move.

End of the month.

Everyone, take a seat, please.

Oh, happy to see a couple
new faces here.

That's me.
She's talking about my face.

Yeah. You see?

-This is all courtesy of
your wingwoman. -Yeah.

So, let's just pretend like
we belong in her group,

and then when it's over,
we'll introduce ourselves

-and I'll talk you up.
-Okay.

What do you think this group
is about, anyway?

Oh, I hope it's not AA

'cause I still got
my lunch buzz going.

Well, fingers crossed
it's sex addicts.

(sighs)

Jesse, do you want to go first?

H-Hi. I-I'm Jesse.

-Yeah.
-It's been a tough couple of years.

I-I still miss my wife.

Perfect.
I think this is some kind of

a sad-sack singles group.

Aw... That's okay.

Everyone deals with the death
of a spouse differently.

They could still be sex addicts.

Thanks for letting me
tag along, buddy.

I've always had an interest
in show business.

It's gonna be fun to finally
get a peek behind the curtain.

Well, peek away, Sidney.
This is it!

The big time.

Oh, uh, Allison?

Just so I can get an idea
of our audience,

what sort of ratings
are you, uh,

looking for
in our key demographic?

Well, this is closed-circuit TV
in a retirement community.

There are baby monitors
reaching a bigger audience.

(chuckles) Look at this.

Oh, feels good.

Oh, yeah.

Well, let me just...
(clears throat)

...do my vocal-- (clears throat)
my vocal warm-ups.

Bi-bim-bap. (clears throat)

(lower):
Bi-bi-bim-bap.

I'll-I'll have the bi-bim-bap.
(sputters)

(yowls)

All good on this end.
Y'all ready to rock and roll?

Sure, Hank.

We go live in three,

two, one. Action.

(quietly):
Hank.

Read the script.

Read it out loud, Hank.

(whispering):
The, um, golf course is closed

due to the recent swan attacks.

Our thoughts are with Ronnie
Sinclair for a speedy recovery.

How is he so bad at this?

All he has to do
is read the menu,

the events,
and the death of the day.

I know.

It's like, "There's pot roast

"in the kitchen,
square dancing in the rec room,

and Marilyn Bartlett
is in the ground." Boom!

Yeah. Exactly like that.

HANK (whispering):
You guys, don't forget about,

uh, bingo Wednesday and...

(whispering indistinctly)

We still can't hear you, Hank.

(loudly):
Um, this week, we got...

We got Salisbury steak this week
in the kitchen.

-(microphone feedback squeals)
-I like Salisbury steak

'cause it's good.

Um...

This guy sucks!

(exhales)
We got to get out of here.

We do not have dead spouses.

I certainly wish my ex was dead,
but this is wrong.

No, no, no, no, no.

-This is amazing.
-(scoffs)

I mean, I'm-I'm sitting
next to Kathleen

and she smells like cinnamon
and dreams.

I mean, look at her, Margaret.

She's an angel.

My wife's an angel now, too.

This guy gets it.

Oh, do you want
to share with us?

He does not. He's good.

He's not a sharer. Uh, next.

This dude looks pretty sad.

It's okay, sweetie.

Remember, everyone,
this is a safe space.

A sacred space.

Do you hear that?
Sacred. We got to go.

No, she called me sweetie.

Don't you want
to speak your truth?

-So you can move forward?
-Mm.

Um, the truth is...

I got a dead wife.

I'm gonna get my groove back
on today's broadcast.

You know, I figured out
why I had my little, uh,

issue yesterday.
I wasn't properly hydrated.

Oh, Hank, you really think
it was a hydration issue

and not just stage fright?

Stage fright?
That's ridiculous.

(chuckles) I just got to get
my waters right.

Why did you tell her
you had a dead wife?

I panicked, okay? I blew it.

Or did I?
Hey, hear me out.

What if we killed
one of my ex-wives?

I'm thinking of Joyce.
She's the slowest.

Y'all talking about
killing wives?

Well, I guess that wingwoman
thing isn't going so well.

She did her best.

I mean, it's me
she's dealing with here,

not a couple of primo studs
like you two.

Okay, gonna have to flag the
"primo stud" thing right now.

Don't change the subject,
Margaret.

Admit it, you tried to be
Charlie's wingwoman

and you failed.

So say it:
"I'm a red-headed failure."

Say it!

I am not a red-headed failure.

This is "sparkling sherry."

We're gonna get Kathleen
for you,

and we're gonna shut up
these primo studs.

Primo studs? Us?

How sweet of you, Margaret.
Thank you.

(exhales):
Ah...

My levels are good.

The Hank tank is full.

Let's make some news!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's going on, Allison?

Why they got two chairs
at the desk?

And why does one of them
have three phone books on it?

They're for my bottom.

Surprise!
We're gonna be cohosts.

Wait, what?

Is this 'cause of
what happened yesterday?

I told you,
that was a hydration issue.

I solved it!

You hear all that sloshing?

Oh, I'm just here
for emotional support.

You're still the star, baby.

Yeah, well, why do I
only got one line?

"Hi, I'm Hank Henderson.

-Here's Sid."
-Ooh.

Did I not cut that line?

Maybe we could
give him one more line.

I don't want your pity lines!

This is an atrocity.

I gave birth to this baby,
and you're gonna let him

just steal it
and raise it himself?

You trying
to Rumpelstiltskin my ass!

And don't say,
"Oh, no, Hank, we not trying

to Rumpelstiltskin your ass,"
'cause that sounds just like

something Rumpelstiltskin
would say!

This is so predictable, Allison.

-That's why your show sucks.
-Hank,

-take a breath.
-Nah, I'm-a take a breath 'cause I want to take breath.

I ain't taking a breath just
'cause you told me to take

a breath. I feel like
taking a breath. (inhales)

I'm walking, you
Rumpelstiltskin-ass suckers!

Yikes.

That was devastating to watch.

I don't know

if I'll be even able to perform.

Three, two, one.

Good evening, Shady Meadows!

Elaine Jenkinson's
left her dentures

in the dining hall today.

When asked for a comment,
Elaine said,

(speaks gibberish, laughs)

"Where's my teeth?"

(laughter)

Coming to this group
is your only shot

at making a real connection
with Kathleen.

And in order to do that,
we have to make your lie

emotionally true.

I mean, this group
is about loss, Charlie.

You've experienced loss, right?

Well, I still can't find
the clicker for my Roku.

Dig even deeper.

I once had a dog.

And when that pooch died,
a part of me died, too.

That is great.

Okay. So, when you're talking
about your fake dead wife,

-Mm-hmm?
-be thinking about your real dead dog.

-Got it.
-Oh, and, uh, don't mention the Roku.

-Got it.
-Yeah.

Do or don't?

Don't.

Got it.

And just to be clear, um,
it's the Roku remote.

I have the Roku.
(chuckles)

That's the frustrating part
of this whole thing.

Well, shall we all get started?

Charlie, you were beginning
to share at the last session.

-Mm-hmm.
-Would you like to keep going?

Okay. But it's...

it's kind of hard because, um,

-she was my best friend.
-Oh.

-She had soulful eyes.
-Ah.

Oh, gee.

Great, big ears.

(chuckles):
Oh, dear.

And a tail
that just wouldn't quit.

(Kathleen chuckles)

Well, attraction is important.

We used to love to play Frisbee.

Oh.

She'd always fall asleep
right between my legs.

She chewed the hell
out of our couch. (chuckles)

Well, after a hard day
at the office,

who hasn't chewed
a couch? I mean,

I mean, that's just
called being human.

What was her name?

Please let it be a human name.

Her name was Buttons.

Oh! Oh.

It's okay. Let it out.

-(laughs)
-Yeah.

I still can't believe that
dog-wife story worked.

Especially after
you told everybody

how she used to rub her ass
on the carpet.

(laughs)

But, hey, it got you a date.

Yeah. I-Is it a date?

'Cause she said
it was follow-up therapy.

Mm, any one-on-one conversation
can become a date.

-Okay.
-You just got to steer it away

from the grief stuff.
Try and keep it light.

Okay. I could talk about lasers.

You know what, Charlie?

If you want to talk about
lasers, you talk about lasers.

All right? And, uh, just
remember, you're not a loser,

you're a catch.

And I got a backup plan

-if it starts to go south.
-Thank you.

Oh. Hi, Kathleen.

-Hi.
-Thank you for coming.

Of course.

You made a big breakthrough
in group this week,

and I'm-I'm proud of you.

-Oh.
-(chuckles)

Well, it's courtesy of the
hottest therapist I've ever met.

(chuckles)
Sit down.

Uh, okay.

Um, I brought some grief
pamphlets you might find useful.

Uh-huh. Well, good news.

-I don't need them.
-Oh!

-(chuckles)
-You're that good.

One of those pamphlets you just
tossed aside is about avoidance.

Are any of them
about how beautiful

you look in the afternoon sun?

I mean, not that I've been
watching you from afar.

-(laughs)
-I'm-- that-that's what the Mossad does,

but I would never...

Hey, Charlie!

And, uh, and Kathleen, is it?

Uh, yes.
You're in my grief group.

I, uh, I happen to have
this freshly-opened bottle

-of champagne.
-Why?

I was on my way to a boat
christening. (chuckles)

-In Arizona?
-Yeah, well,

they canceled it.

Anyway, so this, uh,
this hooch is up for grabs.

Would you like some?

-No, I think
we're-we're good here. -No, no, no, no.

Drink the champagne,
Charlie. Enjoy.

Oh, that's...

(laughs) Well, I-I don't
usually drink champagne

this early in the day.

Yeah. More of a whiskey
in the morning kind of gal?

(laughs)
Charlie. You're funny.

Really?

Well...

this is wildly inappropriate
for a therapy session,

but would you like to clink
with your shrink?

-(laughs)
-You like lasers?

-I do.
-(gasps)

(both laugh)

Sid, we need to talk.

I've been looking everywhere
for you.

Yeah, I've been trying
to keep a low profile.

My show kind of blew up.

Allison said
tens of people watched.

So you think you got fans now,
after one show?

Mr. Delacroix, will you sign
an autograph for my friend?

Sure. What's your friend's name,
Dudley?

Uh... uh, Dudley?

So I assume you're gonna
want my autograph, too?

This is awkward.

I can't believe you betrayed me
like that.

When I walked out of that door,

you should've been
right behind me.

Well, I would've,
but there's one problem, Hank.

I'm a friggin' newsman.

In three, two, one.

Hello, Shady Meadows!

(upbeat music playing)

You guys mind if I pop on
the old boob tube?

-I never miss Sid's show.
-MARGARET: No, wait, wait.

MARGARET:
Dudley. Dudley,

turn off the TV. Turn...

People are trying to fall
in love over here.

HANK:
We're not done, Sid.

Hank, we are on the air.

Yeah, well, the only reason
why you're on the air

is 'cause you stole my show.

I deserve that chair

and all of the respect
that comes with it.

You could've had
that respect, Hank.

All you had to do
was share it with me.

But no, you have to always
be the center of attention.

Here's a newsflash: you sucked.

You were a flipping disaster.

Oh, yeah? Well, Charlie
was a disaster, too,

but Margaret didn't give up
on him. You know why?

'Cause she's a good friend.

Oh, you really want to use
Margaret as an example?

She's having Charlie pretend
to have a dead wife

so he can bang
a grief counselor!

Sidney.

Hanklin.

About our fight yesterday...

I'm listening.

Although I hate to admit it,
perhaps I did have

the tiniest case
of stage fright.

But you were better
than me on camera.

Well, thank you.

That's very big of you to say.

I think I probably did so well

because I drank so much water.

I learned that from you.

You really mean that?

Yes, I-I do.

Charlie.

-You're wearing your hat.
-Yeah.

So, I guess you're not, uh,
courting Kathleen anymore?

Did Sid and I screw that up
for you?

Yeah. But I'm just
as much to blame.

Kathleen,
what are you doing here?

Well, I told her
this was all my idea,

and that you never would've lied
if it wasn't for me.

He's-he's a real sweetheart.

KATHLEEN:
I know he is.

I had a feeling you were talking
about your dog in group,

but I didn't want to say
anything in case you really did

have a dead wife named Buttons.

My daddy's name was Marmaduke.

Well, the truth is,
I really like you.

-(chuckles)
-And I'm sorry I lied,

and I'm just, I'm just not good
at this dating thing.

(laughs):
Oh, I'm terrible at it.

That's why I started this
grief group, hoping to meet...

single guys.

Wow! This is great.

You are both super weird.

(laughs) You're gonna have
a lot to talk about.

Maybe you should go for a walk?

That's a fantastic idea.

Okay. I just got
to grab my jacket.

No, no. I got you. Here you go.

Thanks.

Um, Margaret,
can you hang onto this for me?

Go get her, Charlie.

Thank you, Margaret.

Well, it looks like I did it,
boys. (clears throat)

And it, uh, it didn't
even take me a week.

This just in, breaking news,

turns out Margaret isn't a
crappy wingwoman after all.

Questions still remain

as to why she's not helping
these two primo studs

-get a little action.
-(laughs) You guys are too much.

We're serious, woman.
You got to get us laid.

-Today!
-Oh!

Get up! Get to pimping, girl.

That's pretty good.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

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