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1
00:00:00,368 --> 00:00:01,902
Only on Fox.
2
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:06,441
*
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,979
(wailing)
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,250
Life's not fair.
5
00:00:15,283 --> 00:00:16,517
It's not fair!
6
00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:18,319
Hank, are you crying?
7
00:00:18,353 --> 00:00:21,155
I'm not crying. You're crying!
8
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,857
Margaret, what's wrong?
9
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,093
My friend Donna died, okay?
10
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,596
-MARGARET: Oh. Aw.
-Oh, that's too bad.
11
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,198
Worst part is my ex-wife's going
to that funeral, too.
12
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,368
I haven't seen that she-devil
since our divorce.
13
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,536
I can't even stand
to hear her name.
14
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:36,571
You mean Lorraine?
15
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,606
Damn it, Sid!
16
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:39,840
I assume she's gonna be there
17
00:00:39,874 --> 00:00:43,444
with her great big fiancé,
Reggie.
18
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:45,246
All right, that's it.
I'm not gonna go.
19
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:47,782
That's a good idea.
Seeing Lorraine and her new man
20
00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,417
is the last thing you need.
21
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,852
No, you absolutely have to go,
Hank.
22
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:55,222
Good point.
You've got to go.
23
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,425
The first time you see your ex
after you split
24
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,126
is the Super Bowl
for winning the divorce.
25
00:00:59,159 --> 00:01:00,027
Take it from me.
26
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,229
-Why? You won your divorce?
-(groans)
27
00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:04,198
No, I lost. Miserably.
28
00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:05,566
He was dropping our daughter off
29
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,868
just as I was coming out
to get the paper,
30
00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:10,538
in my robe,
fresh out of the shower.
31
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,607
Bent over to pick up the paper.
32
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,276
The wind blew my robe up.
(sighs)
33
00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:18,446
He's been calling me
Newspaper Butt ever since.
34
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:21,048
Damn, girl. That's rough.
35
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,617
-Tears.
-Yeah.
36
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,385
You think that's bad--
there was a busload
37
00:01:24,419 --> 00:01:25,920
of third graders
across the street.
38
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:29,957
Now I'm a registered
sex offender.
39
00:01:29,990 --> 00:01:31,959
Anyway, you absolutely have
to do this, Hank.
40
00:01:31,992 --> 00:01:34,128
-You got to win this.
-How?
41
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,631
Lorraine is engaged
to a former NFL player.
42
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,399
I'm a former meter man.
43
00:01:38,433 --> 00:01:39,667
I will go with you.
44
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,068
I will be your hype man.
45
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:42,837
It's all about convincing
Lorraine
46
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:44,405
that you are happier
without her.
47
00:01:44,439 --> 00:01:48,609
My job is to show her
how amazing your new life is.
48
00:01:48,643 --> 00:01:50,144
Well, how you gonna do that?
49
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,178
I'm gonna lie.
50
00:01:51,211 --> 00:01:53,448
I'm gonna lie
my Newspaper Butt off.
51
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,683
Ooh, can Charlie and me come?
We love funerals.
52
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:57,318
-We never miss one.
-(Margaret laughs)
53
00:01:57,352 --> 00:01:59,987
You're acting like funerals
are parties.
54
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:02,357
Uh, yeah!
55
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,925
Yeah, think about it.
Teens have proms,
56
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:08,329
young adults have weddings,
and we have funerals.
57
00:02:08,363 --> 00:02:10,798
It's the ultimate after-party.
58
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:13,501
I get to wear my fanciest suit,
there's an open bar,
59
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:17,204
and sometimes people hook up
right there in the funeral hall.
60
00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:20,274
Oh, come on.
Nobody gets freaky at funerals.
61
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,810
Yes, they do! You've heard
of the mile-high club?
62
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,679
There's also
a six-feet-under club.
63
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:25,880
CHARLIE:
Yep.
64
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:29,183
Get your computer and Bing it.
65
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,619
All right. We're trying
to make Hank look cool here.
66
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,688
You guys are not invited
to the funeral.
67
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:34,889
Got it.
68
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,891
See you at the reception.
69
00:02:39,694 --> 00:02:42,196
*
70
00:03:01,716 --> 00:03:03,484
All right.
Let's go over this again.
71
00:03:03,518 --> 00:03:05,252
You made some wise investments
72
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,821
that allow you
to travel the world.
73
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,723
You have multiple friends
with boats.
74
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,525
And you hung out
with Don Johnson once
75
00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,926
at a Phoenix Suns game.
76
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:13,528
Yeah, and he bought me
a hot dog,
77
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,596
'cause he doesn't let fame go
to his head.
78
00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:17,565
That's why we're friends.
79
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,099
'Sup, y'all?
80
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:20,768
What's the haps
and where's the apps?
81
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,038
-We're here to put the "fun"
in "funeral"! -Yeah.
82
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:26,040
What the hell
are you guys doing here?
83
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,575
We told you--
we're funeral crashing.
84
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:30,177
Just like they did in
that hit movie starring, um...
85
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,046
Oh, what are their names again?
86
00:03:32,079 --> 00:03:33,881
The, um... the, um...
87
00:03:33,914 --> 00:03:35,883
the-the tall guy
88
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,518
from the-the thing.
89
00:03:37,552 --> 00:03:40,387
(sighs)
Oh, who cares?
90
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,722
Ooh, crab cakes!
91
00:03:41,756 --> 00:03:43,290
I don't know
where Donna ended up,
92
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:47,728
but I have died
and gone to heaven.
93
00:03:47,762 --> 00:03:49,597
Margaret.
(panting)
94
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,031
He... she...
95
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,567
them.
(panting)
96
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,968
That's them?
97
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:55,570
That's Reggie?
98
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,905
Damn.
99
00:03:58,773 --> 00:04:00,274
Damn.
100
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:01,108
Margaret.
101
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,277
Well, I'm sorry, but just...
102
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,913
damn.
103
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,382
All right, uh,
if this lie is gonna work,
104
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:10,485
then you got to try to act cool,
okay?
105
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:12,587
Pull it together.
You're drooling a little bit.
106
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,054
Actually, so am I.
107
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,389
This woman does something to me.
108
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:18,593
She-she discombobulates
my-my-my-my...
109
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:19,627
my-my-my-my...
110
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:21,462
my-my head wires.
111
00:04:21,496 --> 00:04:23,731
Can you believe she threw
a perfectly good marriage,
112
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:27,067
40 years, down the toilet
for this dumb jock?
113
00:04:27,101 --> 00:04:31,005
With all of that,
he doesn't need to be smart.
114
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:33,808
All right, just c-calm down
and speak slowly.
115
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,409
Everything's gonna be fine.
116
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,111
Yeah, I mean, I got this.
I'm Hank.
117
00:04:37,144 --> 00:04:38,479
-Yeah.
-I'm Hank.
118
00:04:38,513 --> 00:04:39,514
I'm Hank!
119
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,649
I know who the hell you are,
Hank.
120
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,952
I was married to your old ass,
remember?
121
00:04:46,386 --> 00:04:49,490
Hi, Lorraine.
I'm-I'm-I'm-I'm handsome.
122
00:04:49,524 --> 00:04:53,494
Don Johnson has hot dog
and-and-and boats.
123
00:04:53,528 --> 00:04:55,930
(chuckles)
124
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,666
Killin' it.
125
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,877
Well, hello, everyone.
126
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,478
-I'm Margaret.
-Oh.
127
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,781
-(chuckles)
-Well, you're Hank's girlfriend?
128
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,784
Oh, well, let me just give you
a quick tip, baby girl.
129
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,018
Run!
130
00:05:18,052 --> 00:05:19,854
Run for your life!
131
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,622
Girlfriend?
No, no, no, no, no.
132
00:05:21,656 --> 00:05:24,224
I'm just his friend.
I'm one of his many friends.
133
00:05:24,258 --> 00:05:25,626
He is so popular.
134
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:27,995
Nice to meet you, Margaret.
I'm Reggie.
135
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:30,565
Yes, you are.
136
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:36,971
Hey, man. I...
137
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,639
Yeah, we met.
138
00:05:38,673 --> 00:05:41,676
You remember. When I walked in
on you sleeping with my wife
139
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,010
in my bedroom.
140
00:05:43,043 --> 00:05:44,344
You a...
141
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,848
whole lot taller standing up.
142
00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:49,183
So, you good?
143
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,985
Y'all good? Everything good?
144
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,186
Oh, lay off him.
145
00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:53,821
No, no, it's all right,
sweetheart.
146
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:57,024
Hank, I want you to know,
man to man, that I'm sorry.
147
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,893
I did what I did out of love.
148
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:00,360
This woman is my soul mate.
149
00:06:00,394 --> 00:06:02,196
(chuckles)
That's right, baby.
150
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:04,865
So, Hank, you're still bald.
That's going well?
151
00:06:04,899 --> 00:06:07,367
Well, actually,
152
00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:09,704
Hank is living pretty large
nowadays.
153
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:13,007
He's made
some really good investments.
154
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,911
Yeah, I got in early
on them, uh, dinosaur bones.
155
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,212
Eggs, too.
156
00:06:18,245 --> 00:06:20,114
Course,
that's where the big money is,
157
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:22,850
'cause you can, uh,
hatch more dinosaurs.
158
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,619
(Margaret laughs)
159
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:27,387
What a great joke.
(chuckles)
160
00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:30,190
Actually, he invested primarily
in cryptocurrencies,
161
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:31,692
and he sold them
before they crashed.
162
00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:33,894
The dinosaur thing
is just a joke.
163
00:06:33,928 --> 00:06:35,596
-Right, Hank?
-Yeah.
164
00:06:35,630 --> 00:06:38,132
Because we all know
that the, uh, dinosaur bones,
165
00:06:38,165 --> 00:06:41,335
that's not an actual investment?
166
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,241
So, uh, what about you, Reggie?
167
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:48,709
What you doing
in your retirement?
168
00:06:48,743 --> 00:06:50,711
Did you have to sell
all your trophies like that,
169
00:06:50,745 --> 00:06:52,212
uh, O.J. there?
170
00:06:52,246 --> 00:06:53,648
No, no.
171
00:06:53,681 --> 00:06:56,116
I spend most of my time
helping the community.
172
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,251
-Oh.
-Yeah.
173
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,452
I play football with kids
that have cancer.
174
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:01,288
Little Tyler got
his first touchdown this week.
175
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,157
(exhales)
176
00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:04,725
(grunts)
177
00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:06,226
Sorry.
178
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,763
They're just
such strong warriors, you know?
179
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:10,197
They inspire me.
180
00:07:11,966 --> 00:07:13,801
Well, I do all that, too.
181
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,804
Course, them little kids
never scored on me.
182
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:18,605
(clears throat)
Did I hear somewhere
183
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,508
that y'all two got engaged?
184
00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,277
I believe I heard the news.
185
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:25,012
I was on a friend
of mine's yacht
186
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,014
in "Ibitha" when I heard it.
187
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,515
Well, anyway, congratulations
188
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:30,317
for finally putting a ring
on it.
189
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,652
(chuckles)
And what a ring.
190
00:07:31,686 --> 00:07:35,189
(chuckles) Okay,
shield your eyes, everybody.
191
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:37,257
Pa-pow!
(chuckles)
192
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:39,794
Ooh, I kept telling Reggie
it's too big.
193
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:42,663
(chuckles): Especially compared
to my old one.
194
00:07:42,697 --> 00:07:44,198
Hank, where'd you get that from,
a vending machine?
195
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,632
A cereal box?
196
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:49,036
Honey, let's, uh, try
to keep this classy.
197
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:50,905
I'm having lots of sex!
198
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:53,207
With all kind of women.
199
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,875
Hot women, too.
200
00:07:54,909 --> 00:07:56,844
Laying that pipe.
201
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,446
MARGARET:
Yeah, it's true. (chuckles)
202
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:02,349
He's broken a lot of hearts
and a lot of bed frames.
203
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:05,652
It's not even gross
to think about.
204
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:08,355
Well, um...
(stammers)
205
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,357
R-Reggie just bought me a house.
Uh-huh.
206
00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:12,359
We do it in there.
(chuckles) Uh-huh.
207
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:14,128
All up in the house.
(chuckles)
208
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:15,462
I'm talking about sex. House.
209
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:16,797
-Sex!
-Lorraine.
210
00:08:16,831 --> 00:08:18,699
-(chuckles)
-Lorraine, this is not the time
211
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:20,567
nor the place to be so petty.
212
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,970
All right?
L-Let's go pay our respects.
213
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,671
Excuse us.
214
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,977
-You see how rattled she was?
-(chuckles)
215
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,579
Her left eye was twitching
all the way down.
216
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:34,581
You are one hell of a hype man.
217
00:08:34,614 --> 00:08:35,883
-Thank you, Margaret!
-Mm-hmm.
218
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:38,819
-Yep. You so won that.
-(laughing)
219
00:08:38,853 --> 00:08:42,022
By the way,
Reggie seems super nice.
220
00:08:42,056 --> 00:08:43,490
What a great guy.
221
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:46,226
What a great big beautiful guy.
222
00:08:46,260 --> 00:08:47,527
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
223
00:08:47,561 --> 00:08:51,165
But what a great day
to be alive!
224
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:52,532
I'm so sorry for your loss.
225
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,035
Very special lady.
226
00:08:55,069 --> 00:08:58,272
(both laughing)
227
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,074
(laughs):
Oh, Charlie.
228
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:03,277
This might be the best funeral
we ever crashed.
229
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,212
-Yeah.
-I know it would be tacky,
230
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:06,713
but do you think we should take
231
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:09,383
some of these lobster tails
to go?
232
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,617
Are you kidding?
233
00:09:10,650 --> 00:09:12,186
I have so much shrimp
in my pockets,
234
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,422
I smell like a chum bucket
at SeaWorld.
235
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:17,858
Is that you, Bull's-eye?
236
00:09:17,892 --> 00:09:19,860
I knew it.
(chuckles)
237
00:09:19,894 --> 00:09:23,397
You old son of a bitch!
(chuckles)
238
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:27,434
I can't believe you came!
239
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,770
Well, of course I came!
240
00:09:29,804 --> 00:09:30,971
(chuckles nervously)
241
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,907
(mouthing):
What's happening?
242
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,408
(chuckles)
243
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:35,910
I'll be damned.
I haven't seen you
244
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:37,611
since we left our post in 'Nam.
245
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:40,647
The best gunner
in the United States Air Force
246
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:41,882
came all this way?
247
00:09:41,916 --> 00:09:44,384
(chuckles)
I'm honored.
248
00:09:44,418 --> 00:09:45,585
Pow, pow, pow.
249
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:48,823
-And you must be Wilkins.
-What?
250
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,658
The two of you always were
inseparable. (chuckles)
251
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,794
We-we-we were?
252
00:09:53,828 --> 00:09:55,662
You know, there... I think
there's a tiny mix-up that...
253
00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,564
I can't tell you how...
254
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:01,335
how much it means to me you've
come to my wife's funeral.
255
00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:04,604
But I guess that's what you do
for your colonel.
256
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:08,575
It's just so good
to see your faces.
257
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,444
(stammering)
258
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,613
Wilkins and I wouldn't
have missed it for the world!
259
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,916
And I'm Bull's-eye!
260
00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:18,118
The other guys in our squadron
261
00:10:18,152 --> 00:10:21,856
are gonna crap twice and die
when they see you.
262
00:10:21,889 --> 00:10:24,324
-Come on.
-I'm crapping already.
263
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,194
Thanks for your help.
264
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,864
But you should've let me go on
about the dinosaur bones.
265
00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:32,432
Lorraine loves
those Jurassic Park movies.
266
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:35,302
Sometimes she likes me
to dress up as a dinosaur,
267
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,371
you know, for the lovemaking.
(chuckles)
268
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:38,873
Tyrannosaurus Sex!
269
00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:40,540
That's what she called it.
270
00:10:40,574 --> 00:10:42,009
I guess...
271
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,543
that's a story for another time.
272
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:47,181
Yeah. I think that might be
a story for a never time.
273
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:48,682
Oh! They're arguing.
274
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:50,384
She just tilted her head.
275
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,052
That means she is pissed.
276
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:54,288
And if she flips her hair,
look out.
277
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:57,224
Come on, girl, flip your hair.
Flip your hair, baby.
278
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,459
-She flipped her hair.
-What does that mean?
279
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,796
That means they're in a big ol'
fight and I won my divorce.
280
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:06,333
And Reggie's leaving.
(laughs)
281
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,568
Well, we may just have ruined
her whole life.
282
00:11:08,602 --> 00:11:09,870
Awesome.
283
00:11:09,904 --> 00:11:11,305
Yeah, now she's alone.
284
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:13,140
All alone.
285
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,642
Sexy and alone.
286
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:16,877
Wait, what?
287
00:11:16,911 --> 00:11:17,912
I'm gonna go get my wife back.
288
00:11:17,945 --> 00:11:19,313
You said you hate her.
289
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,680
Yeah. That's when
she wasn't available.
290
00:11:20,714 --> 00:11:21,882
Wish me luck.
291
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,750
Tyrannosaurus Sex
is heading in.
292
00:11:23,783 --> 00:11:26,053
(roaring)
293
00:11:32,626 --> 00:11:34,428
*
294
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:37,564
Hey, boys, look who I found.
295
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,200
Bull's-eye and Wilkins.
296
00:11:40,234 --> 00:11:42,702
You guys have a lot
to catch up on.
297
00:11:42,736 --> 00:11:45,405
Yeah, we certainly do.
298
00:11:45,439 --> 00:11:47,707
-Uh...
-Yeah.
299
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:49,576
Yep.
300
00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:51,411
You guys start.
301
00:11:51,445 --> 00:11:53,413
May I have your attention?
302
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:58,785
Uh, look, I just want to thank
you all for coming here today.
303
00:11:58,818 --> 00:12:02,856
To honor Donna's memory,
my squadron and I
304
00:12:02,889 --> 00:12:06,860
are gonna sing our old
Air Force fight song.
305
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:10,230
-You ready, boys?
-Um...
306
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:12,766
(humming)
307
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,568
-* Off we go
-* We go
308
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:16,903
-* Into the wild blue yonder
-* Going up there
309
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:18,605
* Climbing high
310
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,707
-* Into the sun
-* Into the sky
311
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:22,776
-* Here they come
-* Off we have
312
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:25,412
-* Zooming to meet our thunder
-* We are four men
313
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:27,982
* At 'em, boys,
give 'er the gun *
314
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,716
-* And keeping it dry
-* Pa-pa-pa-pow
315
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:32,486
* Down we dive,
spouting our flames from under *
316
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,554
CHARLIE:
* Spilling the vapors near you
317
00:12:34,588 --> 00:12:37,657
Oh, hey, Lorraine.
318
00:12:37,691 --> 00:12:39,493
You're sitting all alone.
319
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:41,728
Baby, you all right?
320
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,930
Shut up, Hank. I'm fine.
321
00:12:43,964 --> 00:12:46,133
Well, I saw you flip your hair,
girl.
322
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,601
(whoops)
323
00:12:47,634 --> 00:12:50,304
I see that you and Reggie
were fighting.
324
00:12:50,337 --> 00:12:52,506
Yeah, whatever.
325
00:12:52,539 --> 00:12:54,741
We're going through
a rough patch.
326
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:59,546
Thinking about you in Ibiza
with all your yacht hos...
327
00:13:01,215 --> 00:13:02,816
-Made me feel a little...
-Jealous?
328
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,351
-Yes.
-Envious?
329
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:07,687
Well, it means the same thing,
so yeah.
330
00:13:07,721 --> 00:13:09,656
Congratulations.
331
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,858
Your life is better than mine.
332
00:13:11,891 --> 00:13:13,627
Well, uh... (clears throat)
333
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,163
Here's the deal-- it's not.
334
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,797
Look, uh, me and Margaret
335
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:19,799
kind of stretched
the truth there a little bit.
336
00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:23,537
(clears throat) I've never been
to "Ibitha," and I'm not rich.
337
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,506
I just told you all that
to make you jealous and envious.
338
00:13:26,540 --> 00:13:29,209
Oh, that's messed up.
339
00:13:29,243 --> 00:13:31,211
(chuckles)
But to tell you the truth,
340
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:34,014
it's kind of refreshing.
341
00:13:34,048 --> 00:13:36,350
I mean, Reggie,
he's just too nice.
342
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,718
Even when we argue,
he's never mad.
343
00:13:38,752 --> 00:13:39,886
Well, that's too bad.
344
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,621
It sounds like
there's no fire.
345
00:13:41,655 --> 00:13:42,789
Now, me and you?
346
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,559
-We had fire.
-Ugh.
347
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:47,627
We were a fire hazard.
348
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,029
Mmm.
349
00:13:49,063 --> 00:13:52,299
The best part about fighting
was the making up afterwards.
350
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,734
(chuckles)
Shut up, Hank.
351
00:13:54,768 --> 00:13:56,336
(both laugh)
352
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,409
* Flying men
353
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,811
* Guarding our nation's border
354
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:08,882
* We'll be there,
followed by more *
355
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:11,318
* In echelon
356
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,353
* We carry on
357
00:14:13,387 --> 00:14:17,857
* Shout! Nothing can stop
the U.S. Air Force *
358
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:22,062
* Air Force.
359
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,932
(applause)
360
00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:28,068
-Oh, wow.
-Ah. Oh.
361
00:14:28,102 --> 00:14:30,937
-That was fun.
-Yeah.
362
00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,739
What the hell, you guys?
363
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:35,041
Why are you singing
with the Air Force?
364
00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:37,043
Well, isn't it obvious,
Margaret?
365
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:40,380
We have to pretend that we're
Bull's-eye and Wilkins
366
00:14:40,414 --> 00:14:43,083
so the colonel
doesn't get upset.
367
00:14:43,117 --> 00:14:45,185
(laughs) Yeah.
Catch up, Margaret.
368
00:14:45,219 --> 00:14:47,554
And where's Hank?
He missed our big number.
369
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,689
Oh, he ran off with Lorraine
a while ago.
370
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,858
I think he's trying
to have dinosaur sex
371
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:53,893
-with her or something.
-Oh, no.
372
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:56,363
He didn't do the arms, did he?
373
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,365
How did you let this happen?
374
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,200
He was almost over her.
375
00:15:00,234 --> 00:15:02,402
Lorraine is poison for him.
376
00:15:02,436 --> 00:15:04,538
Yeah, Margaret.
We ought to put you in the brig.
377
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:07,407
That's Air Force for jail.
378
00:15:07,441 --> 00:15:09,243
How is this my fault?
379
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,145
Hank is a mature man.
380
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,113
He can think for hims-s...
381
00:15:13,147 --> 00:15:15,149
Oh, this is all my fault.
382
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:16,783
We got to go stop them.
383
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,719
-Let's bring our boy back home.
-Yeah.
384
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,555
* Off we go
385
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,590
-* Into the wild blue yonder
-* Pa-pow!
386
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,325
* Pa-pa-pa-pow...
387
00:15:27,194 --> 00:15:29,596
Maybe they're in here?
388
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,965
Oh, no.
389
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:34,000
Definitely not in here.
390
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:37,604
(chuckles) A dark room
filled with velvet-lined beds?
391
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,339
Oh, yeah, they're in here.
392
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:43,009
Nobody has sex in a coffin.
393
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:45,011
Um, coffin salesmen?
394
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,314
Count Dracula?
395
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,650
That's two just off
the top of my head.
396
00:15:50,684 --> 00:15:53,019
(thudding)
397
00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,522
Ooh. Oh, boy.
398
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:58,124
We're about to see Hank naked.
399
00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,993
All right, well, if you have
have a weak stomach,
400
00:16:00,026 --> 00:16:01,195
you might want to turn away.
401
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,862
I will be turning away.
402
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:04,164
Go for it, Charlie.
403
00:16:04,198 --> 00:16:06,566
I'm on it.
404
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,303
(clears throat)
405
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,505
-Hi, Hank.
-Ooh.
406
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:14,874
What the hell?
407
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:19,246
You guys have weddings
and proms. This is our thing.
408
00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:22,682
I'm okay with letting them have
this one.
409
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:26,953
Hey, when you guys are done,
410
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,356
there's sandwiches
in the other room.
411
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,360
Ooh, ooh.
412
00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:35,962
We're about to do this, huh?
At the funeral?
413
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,364
You damn straight.
414
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,633
(roaring)
415
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,068
Ooh, I can't believe
I'm actually going
416
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:43,970
to join the six-feet-under club.
417
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,706
-That's a real thing?
-Oh, yeah.
418
00:16:46,740 --> 00:16:49,008
I'm just taking this
as your official apology
419
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:51,144
for cheating on me
and throwing 40 years
420
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,746
of marriage down the drain.
421
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:55,081
It's okay, I forgive you, baby.
422
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:57,917
Ow! What the hell?
423
00:16:57,951 --> 00:16:59,519
Me apologize to you?
424
00:16:59,553 --> 00:17:01,187
The divorce was your fault.
425
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,223
My fault? You cheated on me.
426
00:17:03,257 --> 00:17:04,691
Because you were
a terrible husband.
427
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,226
You always forgot
our anniversary.
428
00:17:06,260 --> 00:17:08,328
That's 'cause it was so close
to Christmas.
429
00:17:08,362 --> 00:17:10,129
It was in April, Hank.
430
00:17:11,565 --> 00:17:13,199
You never did a damn thing.
431
00:17:13,233 --> 00:17:15,034
Never, ever, ever, ever, ever!
432
00:17:15,068 --> 00:17:17,170
-You never did the laundry.
-You were better at it.
433
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,038
-You never cooked.
-You were better at it.
434
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:22,709
-You never listened to me.
-You were better at it!
435
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,744
Now, are we sexy fighting,
or are we real fighting?
436
00:17:24,778 --> 00:17:27,180
Okay, so we're real fighting
now.
437
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:31,184
I can't believe I almost made
this-this huge mistake.
438
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:33,387
You know what, Hank?
439
00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:36,089
You're not a Tyrannosaurus Sex.
440
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,691
You're a selfish pig.
441
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:41,027
Oink. Oink. Piggy. (laughs)
442
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,996
Piggy!
443
00:17:50,270 --> 00:17:52,138
(sighs) There you are.
444
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:54,774
Please tell us you didn't sleep
with Lorraine.
445
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:57,411
And if you did,
please tell us how it was.
446
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,879
No, I did not.
447
00:17:59,913 --> 00:18:02,148
You're not gonna believe
what this crazy lady said.
448
00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:03,483
Now, y'all ready to laugh?
449
00:18:03,517 --> 00:18:05,985
Yeah, we're at a funeral,
aren't we?
450
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:07,454
Well, get this.
451
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,423
She said the divorce
was all my fault
452
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:11,124
because I was a lousy husband,
453
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:13,293
I was selfish
and never listened to her.
454
00:18:13,327 --> 00:18:15,495
Well, is all of that true?
455
00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:17,230
Well, I don't know.
She cheated on me.
456
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,967
Did you ever stop to think why
she cheated on you?
457
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:26,873
I-I bet it's 'cause of all
that stuff he just said.
458
00:18:29,275 --> 00:18:32,278
What? Am I sucking too loud?
459
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,418
Hey.
460
00:18:38,452 --> 00:18:39,919
Leave me alone.
461
00:18:39,953 --> 00:18:41,988
-Listen, I want to...
-Oh, now you want me to listen?
462
00:18:42,021 --> 00:18:44,358
I listened for 40 years;
I'm done listening.
463
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:47,627
I only ever looked at our
divorce from my point of view.
464
00:18:47,661 --> 00:18:49,429
I'm listening.
465
00:18:49,463 --> 00:18:52,599
Well, it was easy for me
to blame you for the divorce
466
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,200
'cause you cheated on me,
467
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:57,671
but I realize now our marriage
was broken long before that.
468
00:18:57,704 --> 00:18:59,305
Well, thank you.
469
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,874
Thank you for saying that.
470
00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,609
Th-That means a lot.
471
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:04,210
Well, I'll take my 50%
of the blame.
472
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,612
I took you for granted.
473
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:09,215
Yes, you did, but I still
shouldn't have cheated on you.
474
00:19:09,248 --> 00:19:11,385
Well, that's your 50%.
475
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:14,488
And Reggie's a good guy.
476
00:19:14,521 --> 00:19:16,523
I see how he's taking care
of you,
477
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:20,293
and, well, maybe that's more
important than having fire.
478
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,961
Lorraine, I've been looking
all over for you.
479
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:23,463
-Oh.
-I'm sorry.
480
00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:24,898
-Mm.
-Yeah.
481
00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:28,468
I should actually get those back
to the altar.
482
00:19:28,502 --> 00:19:30,169
I felt weird taking them,
483
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:33,072
but I didn't want to show up
without a gift for you.
484
00:19:34,107 --> 00:19:35,842
I should have never
left you alone
485
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,343
at your friend's funeral, baby.
486
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,380
That was wrong of me,
and I take full responsibility.
487
00:19:40,414 --> 00:19:41,748
You forgive me?
488
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,517
(chuckles) See?
489
00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:45,985
That's how you do it.
490
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,021
I forgive you, baby.
491
00:19:48,054 --> 00:19:49,055
(coughing):
Wuss.
492
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:51,224
-Did you just call me a wuss?
-No, no.
493
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:53,192
I was calling myself
a wuss. Look at you.
494
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:55,395
You're tall
and-and-and strong. Bye.
495
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,437
So I called him a "wuss"
right to his face.
496
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,172
I was gonna knock him out,
but then he got on his knees
497
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,842
and begged forgiveness,
so I let it slide.
498
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,376
I wish you guys
could have seen it,
499
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:13,246
-'cause it definitely happened.
-Yeah.
500
00:20:15,549 --> 00:20:16,983
Sid.
501
00:20:19,486 --> 00:20:21,087
At ease, gentlemen.
502
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,223
I know you're not
Bull's-eye and Wilkins.
503
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,760
You do? How?
504
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:30,764
'Cause they're not real people.
I made them up.
505
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,100
I knew you were crashers
the minute I saw you,
506
00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,269
like, uh, Vince Vaughn
and Owen Wilson.
507
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:39,372
That's it.
508
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:43,276
So the boys and I had some fun
with you. (laughs)
509
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:46,646
Seeing you try to sing our song
was hilarious.
510
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,948
Hilarious
'cause we were so good?
511
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:50,383
* So good
512
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:53,787
(high-pitched):
* Good.
513
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:56,255
Uh, no.
514
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,493
But listen,
515
00:20:59,526 --> 00:21:02,496
it was nice having a laugh
on such a tough day.
516
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:05,431
So, uh, thanks, boys.
517
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:09,068
Madam, are you ready
for our date?
518
00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:12,138
Sir, yes, sir.
519
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:14,173
I'll, uh, see you out there.
520
00:21:14,207 --> 00:21:17,644
What? I like a man in uniform.
521
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:18,912
Oh, come on.
522
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,848
His wife is dead.
Leave me alone.
523
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,017
* Off I go
524
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:27,186
* Into the wild blue yonder
525
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:30,524
* Flying high into the sun,
pa-pa-pa-pow. *
526
00:21:32,526 --> 00:21:34,127
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
527
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:35,161
That's pretty good.
528
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:42,602
You've made the cut
with The Cool Kids.
529
00:21:42,652 --> 00:21:47,202
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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